Carnival of the Elitist Bastards

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XXI: Underway at Last!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 23:48:00 +0000

COTEB XXI has left the docks over at Slobber and Spittle. Do enjoy!

Time to Be Fillin' the Hold

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 10:59:00 +0000

Captain Cujo be worried, me hearties: the hold be nearly empty, and the crew be nowhere in sight. We have an unhappy captain:

At the risk of being a martinet, I'm not satisfied. We sail this weekend regardless, because I doubt I'll be able to do much next weekend, and if we keep pushing cruises back we'll eventually be so far back in time that we meet ourselves, or something like that.

We can't be havin' wi' this. So allow myself to repeat myself:

Captain Cujo be lookin' for ye!

Once again, I'll be donning the funny hat and and as many pistols as I can carry as I host a cruise of the carnival. I'd love to see submissions from folks who haven't participated before, particularly if they're regular readers. If you submit your entry before January 29, that would be even better. I'll have more time to work on that narrative thing I heard about in composition class. January 29 is the deadline, however.

If you're still not sure what sort of article works as a COTEB article, click on the COTEB keyword and check out some past carnivals.

So, as Admiral Hunter says, send us your treasures, and we'll see you in a few days.

BTW, if you don't have a website, but you have an article that you've written, send it to me and I'll put it up here as a guest post.

We be expectin' a big crew this time, especially in light o' the fact so many o' us missed the boat after the holidays. So get yer submissions in by January 29th.

Or suffer the shame o' missin' the boat.

It Be That Time Again

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 07:37:00 +0000

Ahoy, ye Elitist Bastards! Captain Cujo be lookin' for ye!

Once again, I'll be donning the funny hat and and as many pistols as I can carry as I host a cruise of the carnival. I'd love to see submissions from folks who haven't participated before, particularly if they're regular readers. If you submit your entry before January 29, that would be even better. I'll have more time to work on that narrative thing I heard about in composition class. January 29 is the deadline, however.

If you're still not sure what sort of article works as a COTEB article, click on the COTEB keyword and check out some past carnivals.

So, as Admiral Hunter says, send us your treasures, and we'll see you in a few days.

BTW, if you don't have a website, but you have an article that you've written, send it to me and I'll put it up here as a guest post.

We be expectin' a big crew this time, especially in light o' the fact so many o' us missed the boat after the holidays. So get yer submissions in by January 29th.

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XX: The HMS Elitist Bastard Sails Again

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 08:17:00 +0000

Time an' tide may wait for no man, but it be forced to wait for holidays, relatives, an' other impediments to smooth sailing. But Captain Last Hussar has brought the ship safely out o' harbor despite all odds! An' a rousing trip it be.

An' this time, we're legal, as well as fashionably late.

Enjoy yer trip, me hearties, and then be ye ready for yer voyage wi' Captain Cujo. We sail again in three weeks!

To Yer Posts, Sailors!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 10:46:00 +0000

It be that time again! Time for ye to pick yer best elitist bastardry and get aboard! We be sailin' Christmas weekend, if time an' tides be on our sides. Get yer links in to me no later than end o' day December 26th. We be sailin' out from Last Hussar's Barracks, and ye don't want to be late when ye're dealin' wi' a captain named Last Hussar, now, do ye?

If ye've never sailed before, here's how it be done:

1. Pick a blog post o' yours that hits the stupid where it hurts.

2. Send us the link at elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com.

That be it. Simple enough, innit?

And if ye see a bit o' elitist bastardry while ye be out and about on the intertoobz, be sure to send us the link. A crew's just not complete without a few press-ganged folk.

See ye aboard!

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XIX: Here Be Monsters

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:12:00 +0000

The ship has sailed, me hearties! Captain Stephanie has delivered an epic tale in which buckles be swashed an' monsters be slain. Raise yer tankard in one hand, yer cutlass in t' other, and charge!

Captain on Deck - Muster Up, Me Hearties!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 05:37:00 +0000

Aye, our communication failures be fixed, and Captain Stephanie be ready to take the helm. But she be in need o' a crew. So rouse yerselves from yer turkey comas, muster yer best elitist bastardry, and get on deck by end o' day Friday.

If ye've never sailed before, here's how ye join the crew:

1. Pick a blog post o' yours that hits the stupid where it hurts.

2. Send us the link at elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com.

That be it. What could be more easy? Ye can write about anything ye like - we take all manner o' intelligent and interesting discourse.

See ye aboard!

Our Captain Be Missing in Action

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:34:00 +0000

As ye know, our Captain Stephanie just went through surgery. I haven't heard if she be up for helmin' the ship, so we be awaiting word. Raise a tankard to her health, me hearties!

We'll stay in port an extra week, and if Captain Stephanie be ready t' take the helm then, it be hers. If not, yer admiral will step up t' the wheel. We be castin' off on the weekend o' December 5th. Get yer submissions in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com no later than Friday the 4th.

Ye've got extra time, so I expect yer very best elitist bastardry!

Sailing into November with a kick-ass crew

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:26:00 +0000

Did ye think we'd never get away from the dock? Hah! The Elitist Bastard is cutting water and breaking ice. And woe betide any con ships that cross her path this month! Get the top-secret skinny on her mission at Decrepit Old Fool: Carnival Of The Elitist Bastards, the "it's for research" edition.

It's readily apparent I'm no sea-dog, but luckily the crew is fully seasoned!

Ye Have Until Midnight, Mateys

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 07:01:00 +0000

Captain George be keepin' the gangplank down 'till Midnight tonight. Ye still have time to get aboard wi' yer treasures! And there be plenty o' berths left, so finish yer drink, grab yer loot, and board ship! Send yer best elitist bastardry to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com or ye'll be wishin' ye had!

Finish Yer Drink and Load the Ship!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:31:00 +0000

It be that time again, me hearties. Captain George be lookin' fer yer bounty. Grab yer best elitist bastardry and get yerselves aboard. We leave port on Halloween - ye don't want to be left behind!

For those o' ye who haven't sailed afore, it be this easy:

1. Pick a blog post o' yours that hits the stupid where it hurts.

2. Send us the link at elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com.

That be it.

And if ye should stumble across any prime Elitist Bastardry that tisn't yers but ye'd still like to see aboard, send me a link to that, too. We're pirates, after all - and what good are pirates who can't find a little plunder?

See ye aboard!

Capitanos

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:38:00 +0000

Aye, our officer corps be fillin' quickly. Here be yer captains for t' next several months:

October - George W at Decrepit Old Fool
November - Stephanie at Almost Diamonds
December - Last Hussar at Last Hussar's Barracks
January - Cujo at Slobber and Spittle
February - Chris at Lud in the Mist

There still be room for captains, if ye've got the hankering. Email me at elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com if ye decide ye want yer chance at the helm!

Even if ye don't plan to command the ship just yet, ye're wanted on the crew. Ye can send us yer submissions any time. Remember - we sail in in two short weeks!

Have Ye Got a Little Captain In Ye?

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 11:17:00 +0000

Ye know ye have. And ye know ye want t' take the helm o' the HMS Elitist Bastard. We've plenty o' commands open, so pick yer month (and an alternate in case another captain gets there first) and email me yer choices at elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com.

Here's what we've available:

October 31st - November 1st

December 26th - 27th

January 30th - 31st

February 27th - 28th

March 27th - 28th

Helmin' the ship be simple. I send ye the links, ye post the links on yer blog, and perhaps spin us a wee tale to boot. Have ye got it in ye?

O' course ye do! So sign on, take the helm, and show the world what Elitist Bastard Captains be made of!

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XVII: Off to the Academic Archipelago

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 01:12:00 +0000

We be off to the Academic Archipelago, sailing from home port at the cantina - but not before a nice sing-song! Enjoy the voyage, me hearties.

Out o' the Taverns and Git on the Ship, Ye Scurvy Dogs!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:22:00 +0000

Ye've got until Saturday night t' git yer links in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com. I be expecting a full crew. Don't ye make me come in there an' drag ye out!

Besides, the grog on the HMS Elitist Bastard be better than anything the landlubbers be pourin', and ye know it.

See ye aboard, my beautiful bastards.

Git Yer Booty on the Boat!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:15:00 +0000

Shore leave be over, me hearties! Time to git yer best Elitist Bastardry on board and set out in search o' stupidity to sink. Show off all the knowledge ye've plundered from the land lubbers. There be rum, romance, and rewards awaitin' ye!

Yer very own Admiral shall be takin' the helm, and we be sailin' right from the cantina here on September 27th. Ye've got until the evenin' o' the 26th to send me yer link. For those o' ye who haven't yet sailed with the Elitist Bastards, but believe yer Elitist Bastard enough t' join the crew, the requirements be simple:

1. Pick a blog post o' yours that hits the stupid where it hurts.

2. Send us the link at elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com.

That be it.

And if ye should stumble across any prime Elitist Bastardry that tisn't yers but ye'd still like to see aboard, send me a link to that, too. We're pirates, after all - and what good are pirates who can't find a little plunder?

See ye aboard!

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XVI: Embarrassment of Booty

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:08:00 +0000

COTEB XVI be up at Quiche Moraine. 'Twas a good voyage. Everybody died!

Ye'll have t' read t' whole story to find out what happened next...

One More Day to Get Aboard!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 13:42:00 +0000

We be sailin' this weekend, me hearties, and most o' ye still seem to be in the taverns. Rouse yerselves and man yer posts! Submissions need to be in by end o' day Friday, or ye won't be part o' this next epic journey o' the HMS Elitist Bastard.

So pick yer best Elitist Bastardly post (or two, or e'en three if ye're Bastard enough) and send it in to http://www.blogger.com/elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com.

Ye've Ten Days t' Get Aboard!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:20:00 +0000

Aye, it be that time again! Extract yerselves from the dens o' iniquity (where ye've been discussing philosophy o'er the finest wine, right? Right?). Send me a link to yer finest Elitist Bastardry no later than Friday, August 28th. We be sailin' wi' Captain Stephanie from Quiche Moraine, and she be intendin' to sail wi' a full crew.

For those o' ye who've watched the Bastards sail and think ye might be o' proper caliber for such an illustrious crew, here be the requirements:

1. Pick a blog post o' yours that hits the stupid where it hurts.

2. Send us the link.

That be it.

See ye aboard!

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XV: Storm the Beaches!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 10:18:00 +0000

COTEB XV be up at the Coffee-Stained Writer. Captain NP threw us a beach party worthy o' the name o' Elitist Bastard!

So rather than hopping from port to port, we'll be hopping from lounger to lounger, towel to towel, taking in the relaxed, rum-drunk rhetoric of our crew, giving them a bit of a break before they take back to the choppy waters that will be sure to meet them next month.

Aye, I feel refreshed already! Grab yer cocktail and join us on the beach for a bit o' well-deserved R&R. Huzzah!

Last Chance to Get Yer Treasure Aboard

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 11:35:00 +0000

NP be takin' all the Elitist Bastards she can muster aboard. Ye don't want to miss a nice trip to the beach, now, do ye? Get yer best elitist bastardry submitted to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com by end o' day Friday so ye're assured plenty o' sand, sun and rum.

Besides, ye don't want to miss yer chance to sunbathe with a celebrity, do ye? That's right - we have a new sailor this time out, and he be famous among skeptics. Ye'll be tellin' yer grandchildren about the time ye sailed alongside o' the illustrious Pirate X - but only if ye get aboard the ship on time.

Git Yer Bums on t' Beach!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:31:00 +0000

NP be docking the HMS Elitist Bastard and takin' the crew out for a little R n R on the beach. Ye know ye'll want t' be a part o' that! All ye have to do in order to enjoy a wee bit o' sun and fun is get yer submission in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com by the end o' day Friday, July 24th.

For those o' ye who've never yet sailed wi' us, 'tis simplicity itself. Here be the simple requirements:

1. Pick a blog post o' yours that hits the stupid where it hurts.

2. Send us the link.

That be it.

For some Elitist Bastard inspiration, ye can peruse Roger Ebert's fine demonstration here. He be one o' us, as Captain Blake mentioned to me.

Which brings me to our next subject: if ye're raidin' the blogosphere and come across a fine bit o' elitist bastardry, ye can send us the link for press gangin' purposes. As long as it's in by Monday, I can wrestle the unsuspecting soul aboard.

We also be runnin' low on Captains, so if ye want to helm the ship, send me word.

That be it. I expect an inbox flooded with Elitist Bastardry come the deadline. Don't miss the beach party the way ye missed Captain John's birthday party.

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XIV: ARRRGGGG!

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:56:00 +0000

COTEB XIV be up at Captain John's place, and now I be understandin' why so many o' ye missed the boat. 'Tis better if ye drink yer grog in pints, not barrels, me hearties.

Still an' all, we ended up with a robust (if groaning) crew, and Captain John's birthday sailing proved a rousing success.

Special thanks this voyage to George at Decrepit Old Fool, Steve at Science-Based Medicine, Barbara at ICBS Everywhere, Z from It's the Thought that Counts, Heather from Steingruebl World Enterprises, and Cujo359 from Slobber and Spittle. Ye did yer ship proud, sailors!

I hope those o' ye we press-ganged be flattered. Ye wouldn't have wanted to miss the party, now, would ye?

Let's have a rousing cheer for Captain John, who helmed the ship on his birthday, and ensured smooth sailing - always important for those wi' a bit o' a hangover!

HUZZAH!

I Am A Disappointed Admiral - and Somewhere, a Pirate Lawyer is Crying

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 22:46:00 +0000

Look what you've done to poor Captain John:

Yes, you. You know how many Elitist Bastards answered this months' call?

4.

People. Not only is there an infinity of stupidity needing bashing out there, you've all let John down on his birthday.

I'm so disappointed I can't even talk pirate right now. And Captain John - well, here's a reconstruction of his current state:

This situation must be rectified. If you merely forgot to submit, get your submission in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com immediately. If you didn't think you had anything worth submitting, find something anyway - you're Elitist Bastards, your every word drips with immeasurable intellect. If you're new and have no idea what's going on, here are the requirements:

1. Pick one (or more) of your blog posts that blasts ignorance or celebrates some aspect of wisdom, or if you're really ambitious, does both.

2. Send us the link.

Is that hard? Not at all. Do you have any excuse not to submit a post? None.

I want the COTEB inbox full to the bursting. You have until Sunday morning to wriggle back into John's and my good graces. Otherwise, you will have to live with the fact that you've made John sad on his birthday.

Yer Captain's Got a Motivational Speech for Ye

noreply@blogger.com (Dana Hunter) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 09:26:00 +0000

I'll take it as a personal affront if there is not a plethora of material. You don't want a lawyer with delusions of being a pirate to be pissed at you.

Besides, it's my birthday and, if it isn't a good Carnival, I might cry. If there's anything that you don't want to see more than a pissed lawyer with delusions of being a pirate, its a lawyer with delusions of being a pirate crying.

He be right about that, me hearties. I think ye'd better get yer Elitist Bastardly links in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com as soon as possible. If ye're any later than Friday night, a fate worse than drowning in an ocean o' stupidity may befall us.