Do you find yourself living more inside of your refrigerator than out? That is, has your pursuit of weight loss via chronic dieting led you to an ever heavier weight, while at the same time shrinking your life to a shadow of its former size? This year, you can embark on yet another diet, or you can make a resolution to get back to living your real life. It is a simple, but profound choice. Stay confined by dieting and live another year trapped inside of your refrigerator, or really live.

When Food And Dieting Steals Your Happiness

Dieting, and the repeat dieting that follows after the first diet fails, encourages an obsession with food that truly eats lives up whole. With each diet, food becomes an increasingly powerful force, eventually morphing into an all-consuming preoccupation that rules our routines, moods, and eventually our lives. Yet, it is only natural: the more you focus on something, the bigger it gets…

Until one day you notice that everywhere you look food is lurking, and begin to feel overwhelmingly cramped and claustrophobic in your own life. Feelings of desperation are now commonplace, and you often feel oddly numb when eating (which you seem to be doing all of the time). If you will take a moment to look around and truly orient yourself to your surroundings, you will clearly recognize that you have taken up residence in your own refrigerator.

Five Steps To Escaping The Refrigerator (How To Stop Overeating)

Though few people might admit it, thanks to dieting, there are and have been millions of us living in our own refrigerators at any one time. Yet, few are honest enough to speak about it, so there is little information available on how to escape the cold, cold confines of the fridge, the dieting, and cycle of overeating that trap us there to begin with. Here’s a five-step plan that works:

1.Quit dieting. Period. No more books on food plans. No more magazines bought based on the cover story of losing 155 pounds in a week. Cold turkey. Give up reading any and all information regarding dieting and food restriction. Even in the grocery store line.

2. Accept what you eat. Aim to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. However, accept what you eat when you choose otherwise. This may at first appear counter-intuitive if you want to lose weight, however the struggle and the shame that is involved when we fight against what we have eaten only encourages additional (guilt fueled) eating. Accepting what you eat will actually help you to break the cycle of overeating, and lose the weight that comes with it.

3. Accept yourself when you cannot accept what you have eaten. Know that you will be able to accept all that you eat in time, but for now it is enough to accept that you cannot accept yourself.

4. Remember that food is always a choice. Though it often does not feel like it, the cookie really did not choose you. You can choose to eat the cookie (or anything else) or not. It matters more that you feel in control of your decision and feel empowered in your choice.

5. Focus your time and energy on the creation of a meaningful life instead of the details of food and diet. When you are living a balanced and engaged life, food and your weight will take care of themselves. Really. Consider the results of your attempts to micromanage the food and weight, and decide to put your attention back onto your life.

May this be the year that you decide to leave the refrigerator and move back into your real life. Just push the door open, leave dieting behind, and watch what happens.

[Photo by catsper]

I can’t go very far without overhearing a woman complaining about her weight, body, or the food that she just ate (which “she shouldn’t have”). It is, unfortunately, what women seem to bond over most. The glue that binds, or more aptly put, the glue that renders us stuck and miserable.

Women’s Dressing Room Nightmares (Trying On Swimsuits And Beyond)

The never ending conversation about weight litters any place women frequent, be it public bathrooms, restaurants, coffee shops, bookstores, or grocery store aisles. Yet dressing rooms take the cake, where women absolutely tear themselves to shreds in the company of their female friends and family. The conversations are often so hostile, it’s almost surprising that anyone walks out standing.

As an experiment, I would encourage you to sit in a busy women’s dressing room for just fifteen minutes, and just listen what women do to themselves. Observe how their friends, mothers, or sisters go along for the ride down to depths of self-loathing. Perhaps offering occasional encouragement, but doing little to truly dissuade or stop the other from the barrage of self-recrimination. Often, they throw in negative comments about their own bodies in order to prove we (women, that is) are all in the same boat.

If that is true, I’ve decided to jump ship.

Do You Have To Hate Yourself To Lose Weight?

Now, I want to be honest in confessing that I have been one of the worst offenders of these crimes, so I do not hold myself blameless. I have just realized the futility of hating myself into losing weight or making other changes. Hate seems to be the very basis of modern motivation for losing weight. Egged on by society and modern media, women are encouraged to love ourselves once we are thin, and not one day before.

So it makes sense that we are all sitting in dressing rooms tearing ourselves apart, doesn’t it? We are, in some way, trying to encourage ourselves to make that desired change. We don’t know another way to go about losing weight except to hate ourselves there.

Why Not Love Yourself Thin?

I am offering the possibility that you do not have to hate yourself in order to lose weight. You do not have to tear yourself down in order to build yourself up. There are easier ways to go about it. Instead of fighting against yourself, why not join forces with yourself and encourage other females around you to do the same?

Perhaps we could then band together, take a dressing room hostage, and have a self-love party. We could try on fabulous clothes that fit and flatter the body we have today. We could each discuss what we like about ourselves inside and out, and have our friends and family members point out what they love about us. They we’d do them the same favor. We would all feel so good about ourselves that we would clearly see to how achieve any goal (including weight loss).

Just say the word, I’ll bring the champagne.

[Photo by rick]

Working in a Coffee Shop is an Easier Way to Get Things Done

Inside of a coffee shop, I can do most anything. I am transformed into a superhero of sorts.

From the most mundane to the exciting, I am somehow able to do my work without the struggle that can sometimes occur at home.

In an environment where I am not concerned about the piling up of dishes, I find myself able to relax enough to get down to business and do what matters.

Emails that would take me ages to get back to are expediently sent out, bills paid, and, of course, sketches are drawn and stories written.

And while it is not always necessary for me to leave the house to do my work, sometimes, it is a way that involves the least kicking and screaming. Going to a coffee shop is akin to me getting out of my head, and escaping the voices if you will.

In the mix of the music, talking, coffee grinding and clinking of cups on saucers, I am somehow able to tune into the most important voice. The voice that calls me forward to do what I most want or need to do.

Exploring Local Coffee Houses to Find a Perfect Fit

If you have the time or the inkling, I’d urge you to try out the local gems and find that one special coffee shop that was made for you. Within the local shops there is such a variety of environments that you are sure to find a perfect fit, making it completely worth the effort. As for me, I prefer coffeehouses on the quieter end of the spectrum, adult libraries of sorts where people come to work and speak softly. I have found a couple in Portland that completely cater to this need, and butter my nerdy biscuits regularly.

Changing Your Environment is Key to Getting Unstuck

And, though you may not be a writer, I have a suspicion that you may have a list of things you want to do, yet haven’t managed to accomplish within the confines of your own home. So, consider this your official invitation to explore how a little caffeine and change in environment could be just the ticket to beginning to cross off your to do’s with greater efficiency and ease. Just don’t forget to bring your headphones.

Illustration courtesy of the (multi-talented) Colleen Overman.

She Wrote This Amazing Article

Why would I purposefully begin talking about myself in the third person? It’s oddly empowering. It gives me enough distance to choose how I would like to handle or think about a situation. Instead of worrying, I can take a step back, and like a narrator in a movie, see myself as a character I have some control over.

Be the Director of Your Life

The truth is, we are the characters in our own movies, following scripts and plot lines we’ve developed over the years. Yet unlike The Truman Show, our life is not a ruse, we are both director and lead actor. The man behind the curtain is you.

Talking to myself in the third person reminds me of that truth. It helps me to understand that I can choose how to handle each scene in my life. I can actually direct myself to the desired outcome. Using this technique assists me in actually seeing all the possible outcomes, and acting upon the one that is most desirable.

How to Take Control of Your Thoughts

So instead of thinking on automatic pilot, where your thoughts zip by so quickly you rarely hear them, you actually take the time to create your thoughts. It gives the necessary space, to actually consider what you want to happen and narrate it as such. Thus, you actually can then act in the way you would most want to act, instead of just acting out of habituated patterns.

I have to admit, it feels silly at first, but it quickly becomes pretty fun. Then quite addictive. You’ll find life becomes a bit less serious, and a little more like a movie that you actually want to see.

Finding a Diet That Works

With all the information, things quickly become confusing. How can each diet be right for me? If there’s more than one that could work, then the question becomes which one will actually work the fastest? And, most importantly, if you’ve been on seemingly hundreds of diets, which one will actually work in the long run? Which one will help you to regain your sanity and lose the weight in a way that is lasting?

Did I Make the Right Diet Choice

So even as you start making changes (based on your own ideas, a book, an article, etc.) you continue to question your decision as soon as someone tells you about a different diet or book in which they wholeheartedly believe. It doesn’t take long before you start feeling less sure about your choices. Am I making the right decisions? Would I lose weight more easily if I were on a different diet? Maybe this won’t really work. And so on. One minute you are feeling positive about everything and the next totally deflated and confused (AGAIN).

Don’t Take Advice From Someone Skinner Than You

It’s easy to do, especially if you have a history of being a chronic dieter and are (frantically) searching for long-term success and peace with food and weight. Even easier if the person who is giving advice about the latest diet happens to be thinner than you. And speaking for myself, at one point in time, everyone around me seemed to be thinner, so I was listening to a lot of people. Which resulted in a lot of (additional) confusion.

Making Peace With Food

The truth is there is NO one right answer. If your choices are working for you, then they ARE WORKING for you. It is less about finding THE WAY than finding YOUR WAY with food. Not your sister’s way, not your best friend’s way, nor even a skinny bitch’s way with food, but YOUR WAY. An individual approach that allows you to make peace with food and finally enjoy the journey toward a lesser weight.

This journey is less complicated than we all make it out to be. It just gets confusing when we try to walk another’s path instead of our own. Peace will not be found more quickly via someone else’s route. Only you can know what will work out best for you. Though it may be very similar to someone else’s path, it must feel right to you to actually work.

Know that if you need to make adaptations you will easily make those changes along the way. It doesn’t have to be an ongoing search or struggle. You are your own wisest counsel on what is right and what will work. You truly are the expert you’ve been looking for.

Photo by Migraine Chick.

So I believe in the Law Of Attraction, which for me boils down to what you water grows. Whatever you devote your time and attention to, be it flowers or be it weeds, will grow when watered and tended to. It is a law that states you have ultimate responsibility in your life because you are creating everything, or attracting everything via your thoughts and feelings.

Extremely empowering on the one hand, yet when things come up that you feel displeased with there is no one to blame but yourself. No one. So when, as happened to me a few weeks ago, the seam of your skirt (near my butt, though I was thankfully wearing black tights) starts coming open during a FASHION STYLING presentation, it should make a girl stop and think.

Thoughts Gone Wild

What the hell had I been thinking about? Why would I have created that embarrassing scenario? Though it may not have been quite as bad as it sounds, because the woman who hired me reported that she had not noticed (I promptly emailed her after arriving home and noticing the aptly titled black hole). Then again, it might have been, and she may have been just trying to spare my feelings despite the fact she’d been staring at my butt along.

How To Find Your Own Evidence For The Law Of Attraction

If you have any faith in the Law Of Attraction or even if you are just curious, it seems wise to evaluate both the good and the not so good manifestations for evidence of this powerful law at work. Take a minute to think about your life in the last few weeks, months, or years. Write down some of the significant occurrences, then write down your general thoughts or emotional state around at the time.

Write down your thoughts and feelings about the situation or just in general before it manifested. Are they a match? Not in exact content (I had not been fearfully worrying about a wardrobe malfunction before my presentation), but in overall feeling, see if the situations and manifestations line up with your overall state of mind at the time. Look at more than one manifestation and watch the evidence start piling up. If you test the validity of the law, I dare say you will find it true.

Learn From My Mistake And Focus On What You Want To Create

So back to my self-created peephole, I of course felt terribly unprofessional since it was in fact a fashion styling presentation. How had I been feeling before the presentation? A little ill prepared because they wanted me to present in part on dressing for the corporate environment, which is not my shtick in the least. Yet I agreed, though felt resistant to the corporate part of the presentation. What could be any more apropos than a hole appearing in my dress at a fashion styling presentation I felt ill prepared and resistant towards? The proof is in the peephole.

Lessons Of The Law

So what is the lesson to be learned from such a debacle? First off, use every opportunity to acknowledge your power even (and perhaps especially) if it is not your finest moment. It is all learning, and serves a greater purpose. Whether the manifestation is pleasant, unpleasant or downright hilarious, you are the creator, and can begin to water more wisely. Focus on the flowers, and avoid the weeds. Especially if you have an upcoming presentation.

Photo by dracychan.

Discovering My Secret Power

So, he ended up saying yes, and the dance went horribly, and we barely spoke; yet I consider it a victory because I asked. It really doesn’t matter that I was reading from a cue card, it actually makes it all the sweeter. I have been looking back as of late and realizing despite all of my shyness, there has always been a quiet boldness about me. A little voice that sits in the background and eggs me on to be a lot more daring than is comfortable.

Be Bold

It is perhaps the quiet boldness that encourages a deep (and admittedly somewhat odd) fascination with being a mascot. To be disguised in full costume, and allowed, even encouraged to do whatever the hell you want is an intoxicating idea. I am enamored with the endless possibilities that await me within one of these sweaty costumes. I intend to live out this fantasy via a rented costume one fine Halloween in the not too distant future.

How to be Daring Without a Costume

The voice that lies within me is not an anomaly. I imagine your voice sounds different than mine, and may not go by the name quiet boldness, but is calling you forward all the same. I hope you are listening and answering its call, and if you have not yet begun, I recommend starting. The best moments in life occur when you are doing exactly what you want despite the possible consequences. When you quit caring about fear and failure for just long enough to allow yourself to really live.

Now, that means different things to everyone to say the least. As for me, I have abbreviated and emboldened my routine when I talk to attractive men. I no longer write speeches; instead I brazenly choose to hold a quick stage rehearsal in my head before proceeding. Sometimes it involves a dance routine, other times it does not. And while my boldness may be like standing in a dark closet to those who are more outgoing by nature, to me it is like jumping out of a plane.

If you had a magic wand, and could create any relationship with food you wanted, what relationship would you choose to create?

I desire to be a person who has ease about her relationship with food; eating lots of natural, fresh and simple foods, as well as sweets and other treats when desired. A person who chooses pleasure over guilt, and truly enjoys eating. A person who doesn’t diet. A person who doesn’t feel she needs to diet. A person who is at peace with food.

Dieting Madness

It is important to really look at what you want to create. Dieting to the point of madness and obsession is not what most would choose, if the choice was presented in those stark terms. Yet I did it for years. So many of us continue on this path, focusing on the number on the scale, completely losing touch with what we really want.

Ask yourself, do you want to be a person who obsesses over every bite? A person who can’t eat birthday cake because it is not a part of the plan? A diehard dieter who allows something as simple as a cookie to ruin a perfectly good day?

What Do You Want?

It’s different for everyone. Write it down. Clarify your vision. Decide what it is you want your relationship to look like, and then consider if your current relationship with food reflects that desire. If it doesn’t, don’t worry, just realize that what you really want and your habits aren’t an exact match at this time.

Clarity Counts

Begin making choices from a deeper place, a place beyond just a number on the scale. Start making choices based on what you REALLY WANT for yourself. The truth will reveal itself to demonstrate it actually is the easier way to lose weight. No magic wand required.

Recommended and Related

Enlightened Eating: Understanding and Changing Your Relationship With Food, by Rebecca Ruggles Radcliffe.

Photo by Or Hiltch.

Those are just a few of the reasons why I wrote The Acceptance Diet, a book about giving up dieting, and finding your own peaceful way with food. In fact, the whole reason I was reading Skinny Bitch was to research what else was out there addressing diet and weight loss in order to finish up my book proposal. I picked it up on a whim, thinking I had read it all. I hadn’t.

The message, in addition to veganism, is one that wholeheartedly endorses body hate if you are not thin. Though it is meant to be dramatic, its overall message, inspiring self-loathing complete with the names to call yourself was over the top.

My mouth hung open during much of it. As if I was trapped (once again) in the tormented mind I once possessed when dieting turned eating disordered.

Sadly, toward the end of the book, it became evident that despite the author’s self-proclaimed statuses as being skinny bitches, they (at least in part) still hate their bodies. In Chapter 12, they report, “Also, we have some fat, gross body parts, too. We’re women.” Wow. I don’t want to even begin to touch that statement. Moving on.

The Creation Of A New Culture Of Body Acceptance

Now I am not against veganism or weight loss. However, I am against the encouragement of body hate.
And I am for the creation of a new culture where women are encouraged to feel good as they are, and to view themselves though eyes of acceptance. I cannot wait until society realizes you do not have to hate yourself into losing weight. In some ways, I believe we are getting closer. Clearly, in some ways we are getting further away with books like Skinny Bitch.

Though I was horrified by the message of body hate within the pages of Skinny Bitch, I ultimately find the contrast in body image books inspiring. But, lets face it, the world needs more people who are willing to stand up and say that there is another, more positive, way in weight loss (and in life).

Finding Your Way

So I am here, clearly saying to any of you who are searching for your way in all of this, help is on the way:

Make peace with food, quit dieting, and enjoy the journey in losing weight. It is indeed about the journey. Make a decision that your life is worth enjoying and that you are worthy of enjoying it, as you are. Then start upon your journey of creating a new, more peaceful way with food and life.

Possibly not Recommended, but Certainly Related

Skinny Bitch in a Box, by Rory Freedman

Photo by psd.

I am a dreamer at heart. There is nothing that gets me more excited that when I start moving towards a dream. On the same note, watching others live their dreams is addictive. It is my drug of choice. Consider me your pusher and watch all your dreams come true.

Believe Your Dream Is Possible

How do you convince yourself? Look around at the world and know that every physical thing around you (including the clothes on your back) was once nothing but a dream. Absolutely everything. Let that inspire you.

Remind yourself that those who pursue their dreams do not know all, or sometimes any, of the hows. Don’t let that stop you. Be confident that you will find your way and, people or information that will be helpful in your dream will become available to you. An attitude that things will work out in the end is magnetic. It is the attitude of belief and knowing. It will help you greatly in your journey.

Visualize it Happening Regularly

See the endpoint and revel in it. Swim in it. Visualize so strongly that you get tingly inside. Bring yourself to tears with the joy of it actually materializing. Make a vision board (collage) to make the details of your dream real. Use the vision board to help you really flesh out what you really want to happen within your dream. Look at it often in belief.

Shift Gears If You Are Feeling Resistant or Fearful

Again, it is OK to feel doubtful or not know HOW your dream will come to pass. But, sometimes the how really gets in the way and the dream begins to feel impossible. It is precisely at those times that you need to shift gears and either focus positively on what you do know how to do OR distract yourself.

When operating in fear or doubt, our higher wisdom can never be accessed. It is not the time to make decisions to change our minds about the validity of a dream. If you are not able to focus on what you are able to do, take the time to shift gears entirely and go see an inspiring movie, talking to an uplifting friend, or go sit quietly in nature. The dreamer in you will reemerge quickly if you are willing to pay attention to how you are feeling instead of muscling through.

Tell Few (if Any) About Your Dream in the Beginning Stages

When you dream is new and the energy is not yet a strong force often it is better to keep it quiet. In that sense, you are given the time and the space to really figure out what you want. The glorious details will develop as you consider and reconsider your dream. Let it be just your dream for a while, devoid of the opinions and ideas of others while it grows in strength and energy.

Take Joy in the Process

Make a decision that you are going to enjoy the journey towards your dream. Your dream or goal is actually happening long before it manifests. If you don’t enjoy the process, you are missing out on your dream.

On your journey, look out for signs of progress and celebrate every little victory. It is all a part of your larger dream. Celebrate the big and small and know that you are on your way.