Carrie and Danielle » Daily

Kids are people, too. – PITCH TO SIMPLE MOM

Danielle LaPorte — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:23:44 +0000

When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments; tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become.
- Louis Pasteur

How would you feel if, when you first met someone new, they said to you, “Are you going to play shy?” or “Looks like someone’s in a bad mood.” What would you think if, when you needed a good boo-hoo, your friend said, “You’re fine. Don’t cry.” And if someone had an issue with you and they let you know about it in front of everyone in the room, how would that go down with you?

Grown ups say the darnedest things to kids – things we’d never dare say to a fellow adult. And in the process it can create tremendous confusion between a little person’s genuine feelings and what they’re being told to feel. It’s a discombobulation that many of us carry far into adulthood as we fumble to “get in touch with our feelings.”

THIS WEEK: Be conscious of your power with kids. Whether you’re a Mama Bear or a distant big cousin, this basic approach is divine: Don’t say anything to a child that you wouldn’t say to a grown up you adored. When you were a kid, how sparkling and “in”, and loved did you feel when a big person talked to you as though your feelings and opinions truly mattered?

Whether sad, mad, silly, or giggly, having your feelings respected fuels your shine – at every age.

Love those butterflies.

Danielle LaPorte — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:23:22 +0000

I remember being nervous and terrified and stricken and energized, and it was the first time I realized that, okay, I had to find a way to take this adrenaline and this fear and these butterflies and turn them into a performance. It was a feeling that stuck with me for life, because if I don’t have some of those feelings before a show, the juice is not flowing.
- Anthony Kiedis, lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers

Whether it’s hosting a party, presenting at a meeting, or speaking to thousands, anxiety may be par for the course. Embrace the jitters. Butterflies are a sign that you’re alive and expanding. If you’re not feeling the flutters it’s just not that important to you.

Every time you feel the adrenaline whirl, imagine that you have wings and breathe that rush into your spreading wingspan. Think of it this way: your nerves are reminding you that you have what it takes.

Carrie’s pre-gig ritual: I always go for a run (moving my body stills my mind). Whether it’s a race, a talk, or a difficult conversation that I have to ready myself for, I meditate and visualize the experience I want to have in my mind. I randomly choose a page to read from any Eckhart Tolle book. Shower. Shave legs. Do whatever it takes to look great.

Danielle’s pre-gig ritual: 63 sit ups (3 rounds of 21, for no particular reason; I just like the number 21), some good ol’ fire breathing and kundalini yoga (“A flexible spine is a flexible mind!”) The Kundalini Yoga with Gurmukh DVD is a jewel. Really hot bath with lavender oil. A spray of Rescue Remedy. Don’t leave the house without a great bra and a bit of bronzer.

Before every single stage talk, interview, or fancy meeting, we say a prayer together. We’ve prayed in taxi cabs and ladies rooms—we never miss the chance to anchor in and give thanks. And it usually goes something like this… Dear God, Thank you so much for this amazing opportunity to do what we love. Help us shine so that we will inspire others to shine in their own lives. Thank you, thank you. May we rock.

Every butterfly wants to be important.

Simple rituals.

Carrie McCarthy — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:21:40 +0000

Ritual is the way you carry the presence of the sacred.
- Christina Baldwin

Rituals ensure that we pay close attention to what’s happening. As Joseph Campbell put it, rites and commemorations “link us to the larger structure”—life beyond what we see. Between gift registries, cocktails, and daily calendars, a small ritual anchors us to the bigness of our lives unfolding.

IDEAS for SIMPLE RITUALS and CELEBRATION-MARKERS:
For Grown-ups:

For a friend’s birthday: Write a letter to your friend’s child… about your friend (and let your friend read it, of course). “Dear Junior, I’ve known your mom forever and let me tell why she’s so amazing…”
Daily love notes: Keep a spiral notebook and pen in the bathroom or kitchen to communicate back ‘n’ forth with your partner. For everything from “Babe, I’ll return the rented DVD,” and “Thanks for the hot night,” to “What I love most about you today is…,” this is an easy way to regularly acknowledge each other.
Wish beads: For a baby shower, have each guest bring two beads or charms to string into a strand of wishes. As the beads are strung on, a wish is recited (and recorded, if you want) for the baby and the mama. (This can also be done for couples getting married. One wish bead for the bride and one for the groom. Feel free to mix this wish bead ritual with stagette cocktails.)

For Kids & Babies:

Time-lapse photography: Take a picture of your kid in the same place (like on the porch or by the fireplace) every year on their birthday or on the first day of school.
On The Day: When a baby is born, buy the daily papers and magazines at the newsstand on their birthday. Seal them in a big plastic folder or gift box for safe keeping.

Whether you’re blowing out birthday candles or chanting scripture, a little ritual done with joy imprints your cells with the loveliness of the moment. So when the moment passes, you can still feel how very big life is.

100 friends.

Danielle LaPorte — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:21:13 +0000

Here’s an obvious and potentially overwhelming fact: There is an incredible amount of needless suffering and pain in the world. And much of the human atrocity and tragedy that grips our collective heart is happening in countries that most of us have never been to, in cultures we may scarcely understand, and in contrast to our relatively cushy lives. And even though many of us, in our own ways, are involved in making the world a better place, it’s hard not to feel helpless in the face of such distance, bureaucracy, and anguish. Overwhelm tends to stifle positive action.

A few years ago, one of my favorite friends, Yasmina Zaidman, asked a simple, potentially revolutionary question: What can 100 friends do? Luckily for me, I was one of those friends. And in our small way, we have provided some relief to Rwandan orphans, Pakistani students, and earthquake survivors—to name a few. The momentum of this collective keeps me inspired, informed, and feeling useful and responsive in a more global way. What’s more, it’s been so incredibly easy to participate! Which reminds me, I need to propose a cause for our next bi-annual 100Friends project: Every minute, one woman in the Congo is raped as a tactic of war. I am thousands of miles away and my life is very full. But I have 99 friends (most of whom I’ve never actually met) who can help me make a difference that is felt. So do you.
- Danielle

THIS WEEK’S IDEA:

Create your own 100Friends network Or 50… 20… 10 Friends. Just start. It’s easy. Here’s Yasmina and Marlowe’s How To List:

Twice each year, email 100 friends and ask them to cast their vote for one of three causes that are about an urgent crisis or unacceptable living condition, and that are already aligned with a non-profit organization that can channel donations.
The greatest number of votes locks in the cause that will receive the Friends’ donation.
Each friend sends a cheque to the Friends organizer, made out to the non-profit, for at least $100—or whatever they can give. Set a deadline for when cheques need to be in. Move forward even if not everyone can contribute financially.
Bundle the cheques and send them to the non-profit with a letter explaining who you are and what you’re doing. Make sure to forward to all Friends any response you receive from the recipient (which is often heartbreakingly grateful).

When you’re in it together, you can make all the difference in the world.

Bring it on.

Danielle LaPorte — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:20:45 +0000

Rewind to May of ’95: Two business deals that I’d worked on for months collapsed and for the first time, I called my dad for rent and grocery money. I had just wrenched myself out of one of those hurt-so-good romances that left us both raw and resentful. My ’69 Fiat Spider croaked on my 40 mile daily drive to the office. A friend in-need had set up camp in my small living room, so if I needed a good cry I had to do it in the shower. I took a lot of showers.

I was moaning to a friend (she paid for lunch), “I can’t take any more.” Sniffles. Silence.
“That’s a thought form. You’re bigger than that,” she replied. I was shocked.
“My life is falling apart and you think I need to toughen up?” I said.
“You’re tough already. You need to expand.”

That advice cracked me open like an egg. Of course I could take it; it was life… my life. Bring it on, I began thinking. And as I stretched to appreciate the darkness, there was room for the light to come in.
- Danielle

THIS WEEK’S POETRY FOR EXPANDING:

Sometimes everything has to be inscribed across the heavens so you can find the one line already written inside you.
- David Whyte

In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
- Albert Camus

She dances in a ring of fire and throws off the challenge with a shrug.
- Jim Morrison

The gift of experience.

Carrie McCarthy — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:20:08 +0000

The season of gifting is upon us. Before you head to the mall, think about this:

Landfill or Love?

Here are our favorite gifts to give that are not only low-impact on the environment, but are original, entertaining, comforting, and illuminating:

Event tickets: From Eric Clapton to the Nutcracker, the NHL, or The Doodle Bops, check out www.ticketmaster.com or www.inticketing.com (one tree planted per ticket sold) for events in cities across North America. Wrap it up with the CD or DVD related to the event. This works for international gift-giving, too. Check out the internet for events, restaurants, and attractions in the country where the gift recipient lives. Pay online and there’s no international shipping involved. Many such sites have an English option, if needed.

Subscriptions: Ensure that you’ll be remembered fondly at least once a month for a year by giving a magazine subscription. Our favorites: Utne Reader, O: The Oprah Magazine, Dwell, Fast Company, Real Simple, Wired, and Bust. Present the gift with a rolled up issue of the mag. Can’t pick a favorite? Give a gift card for an online magazine subscription service like Magazines.com. Other types of subscriptions include healthy home food delivery for the foodie in your life, or a newspaper subscription from a faraway land for a homesick friend.

Membership: Give a membership to an art gallery, fitness club, or community center. Especially good for families with kids are memberships to the local aquarium, zoo, science center, or skating rink.

Education! Adventure! Yoga classes, art classes, scuba, cooking, or horseback riding lessons may be the perfect gift. Horseback riding lessons blow the budget? Then give a one-time horseback riding session.

Good tidings and light: Spread relief and joy by giving one-time or regular house cleaning or landscaping services, a day at the spa – or a just a manicure, a lesson with a make-up artist, a Feng Shui consultation, or an astrology reading.

Landfill or Love? Go for the Love!

Breathe easy.

Carrie McCarthy — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:19:40 +0000

I am open to receive with every breath I breathe.
- Michael Sun

Your breath is keeping you alive right now. It is essential to life, and yet so easy to take for granted. Shamans use their breath to transport themselves to other dimensions. Yogis see breath as a fundamental force of the universe, the pranayama (prana “vital energy” + yama “self-control”). When we are mindful of our breath we speak and move more gracefully, we are less ignited by life’s struggles, we are more present to what is really going on in ourselves and around us.

THIS WEEK: Create three deep-breath habits. Because it’s so easy to tune out our breathing, it’s really useful to create breathing triggers that can become behaviors. So choose three moments or situations this week that will be your deep-breath moments. The moment before you answer the phone, the moment you open the door to leave, before you take a sip of water, whenever you press send on an email… take one deep breath.

Before you click to close this email message… breathe in and out to let go, breathe in and out to feel what remains, and breathe in and out to flow forward.

One deep breath can soothe pain, annoyances, and hot tempers.
One deep breath can bring a flash of genius or the answer you’ve been searching for.
One deep breath can change your course completely and rightly.

P.S.
A few noteworthy breath-work guides from some of our favorite teachers:

Breathing: The Master Key to Self Healing, by Andrew Weil
Meditation for Optimum Health: How to Use Mindfulness and Breathing to Heal Your Body and Refresh Your Mind, by Andrew Weil and Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Breathing Box: 4 Weeks to Healthy Breathing, by Gay Hendricks, with cards, supplement, CD (audio), and DVD

4 most frequently recommended books.

Danielle LaPorte — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:19:11 +0000

Carrie & Danielle’s 4 Most Frequently Recommended Books:
We’ve referred them to hundreds of clients and made countless gifts of these books.

WEALTH + SERVICE
Good To Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap… And Others Don’t
By Jim Collins

Do you know your “Hedgehog Concept?” We do – and it’s the foundation of all of our business development. It is a deceptively simple and powerful guide for navigating, based on three questions:
1) What can you be the best in the world at?,
2) What drives your economic engine?, and
3) What are you deeply passionate about?

We think this can be applied to individuals and entrepreneurs as well as groups and big businesses.

If an idea or strategy is in line with our Carrie & Danielle Inc. Hedgehog, we do it. If it isn’t, we leave it. It’s that simple. Not necessarily painless, but simple (so many great ideas…such a clear focus).

Collins’ site has some fantastic, free resources.

SPIRIT + LEARNING
Ask & It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires
By Esther & Jerry Hicks

Before there was The Secret, there was Ask & It Is Given. Out of all the classically new age stuff we’ve read (and we’ve read plenty of it), this is the most precise and simplified text on the laws of manifestation. It’s channeled material, but never mind that because this is good information about creating the life you deserve. We regularly receive thank you emails from clients for referring them to this book.

RELATIONSHIPS + COMMUNICATION
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: a Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
By John M. Gottman

You don’t need to be married or to be in a rocky relationship to greatly benefit from this book. This is scientific evidence and common sense about what brings people closer together and what comes between them and good love. It has enriched our lives tremendously.

John and Julie’s site also has some wonderful resources.

CREATIVITY + CELEBRATION
The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
By Julia Cameron

Redefine what creativity and self-expression means to you. This book is a journey for everyone in every stage of life.

Get inspired:
“After hearing Carrie and Danielle speak, the ladies at our event felt motivated to live their lives more authentically…and with their own style. Carrie and Danielle’s story of how they are creating and living their own dream inspired everyone.”
- Beth Schoenfeldt, Co-founder of Ladies Who Launch, New York

“You two really speak from the heart. You gave our group the shot in the arm that they needed. Every woman in the room heard a piece of themselves in your stories – very inspiring.
- Melody Biringer, Founder of The Crave Party, Seattle

Beginner’s mind

Danielle LaPorte — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:15:56 +0000

Back in my Santa Fe days I did a fire walking workshop. After an evening of psyching ourselves up, a few dozen of us strolled across about four meters of white hot fiery coals in our bare feet. One of the young kids cart wheeled over. Some people picked up the coals and crushed them in their hands. I opted for the basic “I’m just gonna get across without toasting my toes” style of walk. And I did. And it was a euphoric thrill.

When we wrapped up I heard that a few people had received some minor burns, which was curious because each of them had done a number of fire walks before without the slightest blister, just like the rest of us first-timers had done that night. “What’s up?” I asked them. And in a matter of words, they each said that they’d gotten too cocky, slightly over-sure of themselves. And it occurred to me that it really paid to be a beginner. Beginners try harder. The beginner’s mind makes room for both fear and certainty. The beginner knows that there is always more to know and looks in every corner to find it.

- Danielle

IDEA: Get new with the old. Pick three things this week that are regular, normal, done-it-a hundred-times events for you. Running a meeting. Calling your mother. Kissing. Walking your dog. Checking your email. Start fresh. Think to yourself, “This is the first time I’ve ever done this.” And technically, it is. Every moment is new.

Then, pay attention to what you see and feel. Like a silly reason or a better reason for doing something. Or a sensation of resentment, or pleasure, or arrogance, or anticipation, in the habitualness of your doing. Or a quality in someone that you never noticed before.

When you first begin anything, you tend to pay very close attention. And with your eyes wide open there’s so much more to see and feel.

Creatively devoted.

Danielle LaPorte — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:14:33 +0000

On some days there are eight of us in our studio. We shimmy between desks and recycling bins. There is a cacophony of iPods and You Tubing, fantastic swearing, laughing, and the frequent “Woohoo!” There is no peace. There is little order. It’s Chaos Lite.

We’re in the wisdom business. And wisdom adores peace and quiet. Fat chance. We like clean surfaces, fresh air, and honey beeswax candles burning. Not going to happen.

Creativity must prevail. Creativity is our core devotion.
And true devotion refuses to be impeded by preferences.

If you need to get the dishes done, tidy up, or have tranquility before your ideas can flow, your creative genius may be a bit insulted. (And insulted guests are reluctant to keep coming ’round.)

Devotion, be it to a person, a business plan, or your life’s calling, is a mighty force. It’s bigger than foibles, chaos, and complaints. So be ruthlessly devoted. Hunker down. Give what’s really important your ultimate reverence. The messiness won’t disappear, but it will matter less as you get where you want to go.

MORE INSPIRATION:

The way is light and fluid for the man with no preferences.
- Lao Tzu

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.
- Erich Fromm