Caseus Velox

Charlie Bartlett, Smart People, & Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

2009-11-10T21:59:00.001-05:00

Charlie Bartlett is directed by a guy who has an impressively bad collection of editing credits (note that I'm not including Cabin Boy as a bad movie in it, just pretty much every other editing job and honestly, the editing in Cabin Boy wasn't all that hot either), but it also has Robert Downey Jr. as an alcoholic principal. Basically that's his role now, isn't it? He just tries to find people with addictions and just be extremely awesome in those roles? Anton Yelchin and Kat Dennings (I'm not sure what to say about this head/chest shot) are charming enough, but pretty much everything that wasn't completely related to those three characters and their interpersonal relationships just didn't work well. The writer also wrote Youth in Revolt, which is coming out soon with Michael Cera being a badass. Or something to that effect.

Smart People got no reason, smart people got no reason, smart people got no reason to exist. And this film really, really makes that argument. I like Ellen Page, Thomas Haden Church, and Dennis Quaid, who've all done some good work occasionally, but Sarah Jessica Parker really is terrible. It's not particularly good, it's not horrible enough to laugh at, so it's just there. I guess having Ellen Page be an overachieving Young Republican is an interest choice, but that's about it. If I'm going to see one film about a misanthropic writer learning life lessons in Pennsylvania, I'm certainly just going to rewatch Wonder Boys.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay starts with a fantasy sequence that is interrupted by a real-life White House staffer leaving a disgustingly loud poop. Which should give you an idea of the humor level of the movie. Disgustingly huge pubic hair on a dude? Yep (although that was in the middle of a many merkined bottomless party). Disgustingly stereotyped everyone in the movie? Yep. Disgustingly homophobic prison scenes? Yep. Disgustingly huge tits (on Tits Hemingway, who also likes the only Hemingway book that I think is remotely worth reading, A Moveable Feast)? Yep. All that said, I liked it, but it wasn't nearly as good as the first, since that one seemed to just be crazy pot humor, as opposed to some awkward political satire on top of pot humor. Neil Patrick Harris is great, in everything he does, and I now fully get the NPH on a unicorn in front of a rainbow reference I've seen online for the last couple years. Yay? It was fitfully funny, frequently stupid, and extremely disrespectful to Republicans and their ilk. One last thing, has anyone ever heard of anyone actually interrupting a wedding and having it end happily for anyone? It happens all the time in pop culture, but I have never once heard of it even happening in real life, let alone with a happy ending?

Hana, Maiko Haaaan!!!, The Eagle Shooting Heroes, & Ashes of Time Redux

2009-11-10T21:58:00.000-05:00

Hana is a samurai film from Hirokazu Koreeda, who also made the amazingly good Afterlife. This one wasn't all that, but an interesting tale of a young man plotting revenge against his father's murderer. He falls for a woman with a young son and starts to teach writing and math to the local kids. And he has to decide what's more important to himself, revenge or living his own life. Of course, it's a subtle attack on the desire for revenge above all, and one of the things that I like: pointing out ridiculousness in history that generally gets ignored by most period movies. I liked it, but it's definitely not Koreeda's best, and not as good as Mabrosi, either.

Maiko Haaaan!!! is a slapstick comedy about a noodle bowl company worker who is obsessed with Geisha, to the point of ignoring his girlfriend and taking a job in Kyoto so he can meet Geisha. And then the girlfriend starts to become one, and he starts fighting in real life with someone flaming his Geisha website. And... well, it just gets far too ridiculous and stupid. The lead was distractingly over the top in a film with almost entirely real-seaming characters (some of the things they are able to do are silly, but they undeniably live in a real world, while the lead just doesn't exist in any reality remotely near ours), there are musical numbers, and the entire movie revolves around strip baseball, which I am pretty sure is just an extremely bad translation. There were no strip grand slams that I could figure out. Boo.

The Eagle Shooting Heroes is a slapstick wuxia film made at the same time as Ashes of Time (which, although I definitely watched when I had a blog, I never actually wrote up when I saw it in November of 2002, and was, in fact, my first ever movie from Netflix). This is horrible Hong Kong slapstick, full of mistaken identities, cross dressing, gay "humor", ridiculous wirework, fake sets, and just general crappiness. It's strange to see so many extremely talented actors (really, it's almost every famous Hong Kong star of the 90s except for Chow Yun-Fat) just horribly waste their talent in service of this crap. This was a perfect excuse to watch my Ashes of Time Redux DVD, though. As it has been about 7 years since I saw the original version of the movie, and it was a particularly crappy DVD, I can't quite say how much better this version was than the original. But I almost was able to follow the plot this time. Just kidding.

Outrage, Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, & Monty Python Almost the Truth

2009-11-10T21:57:00.000-05:00

Outrage is all about Gay Republicans being outed. As such, there wasn't all that much I didn't know about. Although I was heartened to see just how much there was about Charlie Crist being a big homo. Because he is. Seriously. He did have the best dirty trick against himself though: he leaked that he had an illegitimate child. Brilliant. No gay person could have ever had a child with his beard. Kirby Dick actually made a much less sensationalistic film than I was expecting, dialing back on the worst part of This Film Is Not Yet Rated (the PIs tracking the MPAA ratings board members). I also got to see one of the few local politicians I have ever voted for to win (didn't happen a lot in Cincinnati) in David Catania. That was nice. Basically everyone interviewed in it, short of Andrew Sullivan and Barney Frank came off as supportive of the outing, and it's more that Barney was a little ambivalent. After the Maine election being supported strongly by the Catholic church, however, he seems to have changed his tune.

Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl is not as good a collection of Python bits as And Now for Something Completely Different, and the shots of the crowd just reminded me of how much drugs were probably being consumed and were going through the bloodstreams of the audience. At only 77 minutes long, it also strangely felt padded with unfunny songs from the post-show career that just aren't nearly as good as anything done on the show. So pretty much frustrating, but full of funny bits. Just stick with watching the TV show.

Monty Python: Almost the Truth is the six part documentary about the history of the Monty Python troupe. It's funny, full of clips, interviews (can someone please tell me how Russell Brand is liked by anyone?), and behind the scenes tidbits. If you like Python, it's pretty interesting.

The Spirit of the Beehive, City of Men, & The Counterfeiters

2009-11-10T21:56:00.000-05:00

The Spirit of the Beehive is the film that Pan's Labyrinth was clearly very influenced by. Except this one has a lot less Pan or Labyrinth, and much more Spanish Civil War is bad. I actually watched this... back last semester with Sally Albright, for her Spanish class. I seem to have not written up a review myself though. Because I own the DVD and didn't remember to list it when I was writing up stuff. Let's see... the main character is obsessed after watching the original Frankenstein, and seems to think that a deserter is actually Frankenstein's monster. Is this really all it's about? It's a metaphor for what happened in Spain during and after the Spanish Civil War, and yet it was still made under Franco's rule, it's a beautiful film about death, and most importantly, it's a masterful film. Even if it weren't amazing, that it inspired Guillermo del Toro to make Pan's Labyrinth, it would deserve a place in film history.

City of Men is the movie finale (maybe?) to the stories started in the absolutely brilliant City of God, and slightly less good City of Men tv show. This follows that trajectory. I'm not sure that we needed to spend more time with them, although the ending was quite a bit more Hollywood than I was expecting. It's weird to have seen this so soon after watching Rio be awarded the Olympic games and the high-profile anti-gang violence in the favelas that followed. Definitely seems like Rio and Brazil may have a struggle to stop things like this movie happening and possibly involving some Olympic athletes.

The Counterfeiters won the Oscar for best foreign language film. Up against a bunch of other films I haven't seen, I can't judge whether it deserved the award, but it covered a part of the Holocaust (and WWII) that I didn't know about: the German attempt to destabilize the English Pound and American Dollar by producing huge amounts of counterfeit money and dropping them over enemy lines. You'd think that with all of my knowledge of Jews and the Holocaust, I would have seen something about this, but nope. I am a sucker for a good Holocaust film, though, and this was really good, with a great performance from Karl Markovics as the slimy titular counterfeiter.

The Inglorious Bastards, Kiss of the Spider Woman, & Cars

2009-11-10T21:55:00.000-05:00

The Inglorious Bastards is the correctly spelled original, not the Tarantino reusing of the title. Still haven't seen that. This is... a mess, has the least realistic five guys go around and kill everyone with just a few shots, never reload and never get hit gunfights outside of a John Woo film. But at least there, they're filmed well. It's a late 70s war film with stupid characters, unlikely plot twists, a love story that's completely unnecessary, Fred Williamson there almost entirely so that the Nazis would never believe them as Germans, people throwing themselves off a train, and just general silliness. It's racist, misogynistic, and all the things you'd expect from a cheesy 70s film. It reminded me of the movies I used to watch back when I would watch anything about war. And it reminded me of that one scene in Commando where they burst into the next room in the motel just so you can see some tits. But this time it's naked women firing machine guns, sure to get any red-blooded American male hard.

Kiss of the Spider Woman is really good, and it led to thic conversation:
me: watching kiss of the spider woman
Sally Albright: that sounds terrible.
me: imdb it
me: it's really good
Sally Albright: not what I was expecting from the title
Basically, William Hurt puts forward one of the most impressive roles of the 80s, as an imprisoned gay man, sharing a cell with a political prisoner played by Raul Julia (shortly after his triumphant role in Overdrawn at the Memory Bank), and their brief time sharing a cell. It's a very simple plot, except that there's many layers, with Hurt telling the story of a half-remembered Nazi movie that touchingly reflects upon the action of the film. Definitely see this film.

Cars is... amazingly bad for a Pixar film. I have loved every Pixar film I have seen (although when A Bug's Life and Antz came out, I preferred Antz, but now see one as a somewhat enjoyable film and another as great), and their non-Cars films have been better and better going through WALL-E, but this was just offensive. And not funny or good in any way. There's the hippy who sells organic fuel, the sassy black woman, the Italian who sells tires and is obsessed with Ferraris, the Hispanic who has a low-rider and a bodypainting place, Larry the Cable Guy is in it... I mean, how much more offensive do you need to go? But really, the worst thing is that it is a completely non-funny spin of Doc Hollywood (still one of my favorite PG-13 topless scenes, everyone!). And I made it about two minutes before I tried to figure out how the world worked, and realized that there were no humans at all, but somehow they're able to use phones with dialpads, cars have headsets, cars have tongues, and the thing that bothers me is that helicopters don't have pilots. Basically the movie was one long "Make CV really annoyed". I made it through about an hour of it before others were not interested in going on, and I realized I was only watching it to see if it could possibly either be much worse or somehow get better. But it didn't seem like it was going to change, and watching extremely disappointing films is nowhere near as fun as watching films I know are going to be remotely good. And... um... I couldn't stop wondering how more cars are made? Is there car sex in this reality?

Caseus Archivelox: Firelight, The Best Man, Exodus, Harvard Man, & Time of Favor

2009-11-10T21:46:00.003-05:00

2002-11-02 - 12:05 a.m.
The first one was Firelight. A sort of Romance novel filmed. With a crappy female fantasy of finding a rich man who is willing to pay for her and then kill his wife for her. Yeah. Really predictable, and any skill shown by Sophie Marceau or the director is wasted in a completely by the book movie. Except for the nudity. There was no time at which I didn't know what was going to happen really. I sort of expected a slightly happier ending, but eh, sadder ending was not any better. Title (Won't bend down. Wig'll fall off.) is something their butler said a couple times, which, while funny, was certainly not something you'd expect from a traditional film, showing a little too much self-reflexive humor for the movie.

2002-11-03 - 12:27 a.m.
The Best Man, an Italian movie from 1998. It was boring as f---. That's really boring. I didn't like any of the characters, it was slow, the dialogue was bland, and it was probably the worst Italian film I have ever seen. That I can remember. And I've seen Italian lesbian vampire films. So you know it's gotta suck. Maybe the last film will be better. I'll let you know when I see it. Oh, and this one has the stupidest opening scrawl and it has the stupidest last line. I think it was the title. I honestly was bored out of my mind for most of the movie, so I can't really remember if it was it or not. But it was set on New Years Eve, 1900. It just sucked.

2002-11-03 - 10:36 p.m.
The movie was Exodus, a special 40th Anniversary remastered version. And for a remastered version of a film, it was in the worst shape I've ever seen. There were lots of scratches, bad sound (sometimes even unsynchronized with the video), and there were scenes edited out. And the film didn't end, it broke. Can't anyone get a good print of a movie? The movie was still pretty good, if long, and a little too 60s for a movie set in the 40s. The movie was at the local big nice theater, and it was full of Jews. At least they had an intermission. They did give out a nice ticket and booklet full of stories from the production of the movie. It was nice.

2002-11-06 - 10:31 p.m.
I watched Harvard Man this evening. One quick thing to mention, would someone explain to me why it says that Ray Allen died in 2000 on the IMDB? I want to point that out before I tell them it's wrong. But it does say that he died on September 15, 2000 in Milwaukee. What's up with that? (EDITOR'S NOTE: This has since been changed.) It was good, nothing too special, except for the absolutely hilarious cameo in the middle of the film. Honestly, it's funnier if you don't expect it, so if you don't want to be spoiled, don't read anymore of this paragraph. I mean it. It won't be as funny if you know. Ok, so Alan took lots of LSD and was running around campus, and he runs into Al Franken and his erstwhile Duke student daughter, Thomasin. It was funny because he really wanted her to go to Harvard, but she mentioned Duke. Which is funny because she went to Duke for a year and then transferred to Harvard. And I saw a naked picture of her. Which is what, I'm convinced, caused her to want to leave Duke. In the movie, he said that she gets too easily embarrassed.

2002-11-13 - 10:41 p.m.
I went to see Time of Favor tonight. It was probably the best Israeli film I've seen. I really highly recommend it. I didn't know enough Hebrew to pick up a lot of the lines, but there were subtitles, even if they were plain white ones, the movie was generally dark enough that I only didn't see one word, and then the camera angle changed, so it was all good. The actors in it were all really good as well, even if the main guy looked like Liev Schreiber, the main girl looked like Amber Benson, the other guy looked like Alan Cumming. And that wasn't all, but I'll let you try to figure them out. Well, except for one, Mookie looked like 1955 Biff from Back to the Future. That should be fun. I can just picture you seeing it now thinking: What is Tara doing going for Cotton Weary? She should be going for Willow. And isn't Alan Cumming gay?

Caseus Archivelox: Insomnia & Last Orders

2009-11-10T21:43:00.002-05:00

2002-10-31 - 11:23 p.m.
I just realized that I had forgotten to mention what I did Sunday night to require the taping of Alias. I watched the remake of Insomnia. Now, it's too easy to say that the remake is weaker than the original, but it really was. The acting wasn't noticeably better, and the script left a lot less to the imagination. One of the strong points of the original film was that it was difficult to tell why and whether Dormer (or whatever his name was in the original) killed his partner. And the fact that it all occurs during the bright daytime makes the dark aspects work better. The remake explains too much and the lack of darkness isn't as important. Chris Nolan is an obviously talented director (see Memento), but, in this case, he is working from a lackluster script and he gets bogged down trying to do too much with his cast. And Pacino was coasting. He plays the tired cop too well. That's not to say it wasn't a good movie, but it definitely doesn't compare favorably with the original Norwegian film.

What reminded me of that was that we watched Last Orders tonight. That and Gosford Park basically had every single famous English actor currently working. This one had Michael Caine, Tom Courtenay, Bob Hoskins, David Hemmings, Ray Winstone, and Helen Mirren (also in Gosford Park, and Caligula, which I haven't seen, because I haven't found it in a video store in the uncut version). It was weird to see David Hemmings as a large man with huge eyebrows, one week after seeing him as the young, dashing Thomas in Blow-Up. I'd say it was weird to see Tom Courtenay again, but I'd only seen two movies he was in: Doctor Zhivago (which was so long I can't remember his character) and Leonard Part 6, of which I thankfully can't remember any. Bob Hoskins, Michael Caine, and Ray Winstone all made movies more recently, and the only major problem I had with Helen Mirren was that she didn't look 70 (the age of her character). That's obviously a backhanded compliment, because she looked her age, which was 55 or 56 when it was made. She was good, just I think it was weird that she had a 50 year old daughter in the film, because it didn't seem physically possible. The movie was excellent, and it makes me want to read Graham Swift's novel. I loved Waterland very much when I read it in 12th grade, and it made me want to go see the fens of England. Here's a hint: think of the flattest land you've ever seen, and then picture it ten times flatter, and you'd get some idea of the fens. There was also a terrible traffic jam when my mom and bro and I were there. We did stop off and see Ely (pronounced EE-lee) Cathedral, which stuck out like a sore thumb. Cambridge is also near there, but there was literally no hills, no nothing for miles around. I have a picture of myself on the side of the road, and I gave it to my English teacher to show her what the fens were like, and she put it up on the wall in the classroom. I doubt it's still up there, but that area was totally flat. Back to the movie: the skipping back and forth in time would be Tarantinoesque if it hadn't been done before, or if it weren't how Swift writes. Another little problem with the film was that they were speaking in heavy working class accents, which made it hard to understand, so we turned on the subtitles. Score another point for DVDs.

The stuff about Last Orders was already posted here, but I figured I'd just repost everything.

Caseus Archivelox: The Piano Teacher, Blow-Up, The Magnificent Ambersons, Happy Together, Fallen Angels, Kissing Jessica Stein, & Tape

2009-11-10T21:30:00.001-05:00

2002-10-27 - 10:11 p.m.
I then went off to Griffith to watch The Piano Teacher. What the f--- is it with the French and pretentiousness films about sex? Baise Moi, Romance, Fat Girl, and The Piano Teacher. I've only seen Romance and The Piano Teacher, and neither were worth my time. Although now I can say that I've seen an Italian porn star's penis. That's not really something that I am proud of though. I just don't see the point in a movie about a sado-masochistic pianist who lives with her mother. And it didn't have an ending that made much sense. I don't see why the French make pretentious sex movies. And then they get praise or notoriety because of said stuff. I guess we Americans aren't completely immune, as we make a hell of a lot of porn each year and percentages say that some has to be pretentious. Hell, some softcore porn I've seen would fit into that category. As in, it tries to have some deep meaning, but it's really just an excuse to see silicone on screen. But at least most wasn't being raised to some lofty height and being suggested that it said something deep about the human condition. The movie was about Schubert and S&M, nothing more.

I went with Blow-Up and The Magnificent Ambersons. Both excellent movies. Blow-Up would've been better had Antonioni used the Velvet Underground as originally planned, because all I could think of when I saw the Yardbirds was how much cooler it would have been with the VU. Mime tennis is also bizarre. Magnificent Ambersons had my new reply when someone asks me what I want to do with my life: a yachtsman. That sounds like a fun job. Neither movie was particularly happy (I choose to ignore the ending added without Welles's blessing).

I checked the online catalog and went with two Wong Kar-Wai films: Happy Together and Fallen Angels. I started with Happy Together, and it's a very gay movie. Lots of shots of the two main characters in tighty whiteys. It is full of wonderfully Wong Kar-Wai touches: fast-mo, slo-mo, freeze frames in the middle of shots, changing grains, going from black and white to color (much better than in the early version of 13 Days I saw), handheld shots, shakycam, very good use of music, lots of overexposure and very bright shots. I was just thinking that the major problem I had with The Piano Teacher was the masochism. I'm not a masochist, at least not a physical one, and I don't like pain, so I just felt incredibly uncomfortable, and I didn't like when she couldn't suppress her gag reflex. I do, however, seem to pick women who are likely to cause me pain. That's not really relevant to anything though. It was just a great movie. Wong Kar-Wai really knows what he's doing, and Chris Doyle is a perfect complement to his skills. I just checked and he also cinematographer for Liberty Heights (a beautiful movie) and for the as-yet unreleased The Quiet American. I really want to see that.

After that, I watched Fallen Angels, originally to be the 3rd part of Chungking Express. The DVD video quality was much worse than for Happy Together, with lots of obvious grain. The gunfights are staged to be as outlandishly over-the-top as John Woo's, but the plot is much more affecting. And the scene where He falls in love with Charlie is one very cool scene. And it hurts all the more afterwards. I mean, it was such a sad and beautiful movie. So if you're wondering what makes me cry: Fallen Angels. That is just a great movie.

I then went to see Kissing Jessica Stein at Griffith. I guess it was good but my friends and I all saw parts of our families on screen, but we also say almost every plot twist telegraphed. One reason is that we've seen too many movies, but more likely it's that the movie (with the exception of the lesbian angle and the occasionally unnecessary jump cuts and other weird editing and handheld camera choices) was a fairly run of the mill romantic comedy: two neurotic New Yorkers meet, have some immediate attraction, and then have a series of humorous misunderstandings leading to eventual relationship difficulties and an eventual happy ending for all concerned. The only reason this got so much press (mostly good) was that the two stars wrote it and instead of a male and female lead, it was two women, showing that lesbian chic (postmodernly referenced in the movie by the two boorish men before finally driving Jessica into Helena's arms showing beyond a reasonable doubt (as in beyond the clichéd bad date montage) that men are pigs and that's why many women are driven to lesbianism) is still popular. I'll check and see whether I've put my lesbian vs. gay theory here, but I haven't, so here's the short version: anal sex=dirty, oral sex=clean. Thus, gay men are dirty and lesbians are clean. That and the whole having sex with two women at once thing, but if it doesn't concern the man as a threat to his masculinity and male dominance to have a woman probably pleasuring the other woman more than he can, than they are either supremely gifted or supremely deluded. Anyway, that's part of my rant about gays and lesbians. Also, what was with the hardcore rap song when Jessica and Helena were going at it? That attempt to be edgy worked as well as the bickering gay couple (BGC). Although for different reasons: rap didn't fit the film at all, and the BGC is so clichéd that it has its own sitcom.

I saw he had Tape and wanted to see that more, so we watched the little DV film Linklater did while waiting on the long postproduction for Waking Life. Ethan Hawke was excellent, Robert Sean Leonard (whom I saw on Broadway with Billy Crudup in Arcadia, one of the best performances of a play I've ever seen) was also good, while Uma Thurman was the weak link, if mainly for the fact that her character is strangely distant. There were also a lot of shots of the soles of their shoes. It's not a good idea to drink, smoke pot, and snort cocaine, because it really messes with your judgment. And the DV looked very impressive, with only some problems tracking quick movements betraying the DV rather than film.

Caseus Archivelox: The Lion in Winter

2009-10-20T22:33:00.001-04:00

2002-09-30 - 10:07 p.m.
I also watched The Lion in Winter this evening. It has so many, many, many good lines. And such a treat to watch it in letterboxed format. Sweet.

Henry II, King of England: The day those stout hearts band together is the day that pigs get wings.
Eleanor of Aquitaine: There'll be pork in the treetops come morning.

Prince John: Poor John. Who says poor John? Don't everybody sob at once! My God, if I went up in flames there's not a living soul who'd pee on me to put the fire out!
Prince Richard: Let's strike a flint and see.

Let's see Akiva "I hate to disappoint you but my rubber lips are immune to your charms" Goldsman write lines like that.

Caseus Archivelox: Pride and Prejudice

2009-10-20T22:31:00.001-04:00

2002-09-29 - 10:51 p.m.
I watched Pride and Prejudice (Editor's note: 1940 version) this afternoon, and was surprised with how much I liked it, especially considering how much I generally despise movies that try to condense books into two hour long movies. However, this was great, although not as good as the 90s miniseries with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth (quite simply one of my favorite actors currently working), it was very good, not the least because of the acting of one of the greatest actors of all time, Laurence Olivier. Weird bit of trivia about the movie: screenplay partially by Aldous Huxley. And one line in the movie references the battle of Waterloo, which didn't take place until two years after the book was written. That is, not one, but two weird.

Caseus Archivelox: Anatomy & Maybe Baby

2009-10-20T22:30:00.001-04:00

2002-09-21 - 11:44 p.m.
I also watched Anatomy this morning, and have I told anyone that Franka Potente is my favorite German actress since Marlene Dietrich? Well, she is. The movie was really disturbing, because of the large amount of partially dissected bodies on display. Then again, it was a sort of by-the-book slasher film. Still, it was a good by-the-book slasher film, so I recommend it to anyone who likes reading, slasher films, or anatomy.

This evening, we watched Maybe Baby. And I have to say that I fully disagree with what most people on the IMDB say, as it was a very funny movie about a completely inappropriate topic. Not a movie about an inappropriate topic. Rowan Atkinson was hilarious, but when he started to brandish the gynecological instruments, all I could think of was Jeremy Irons doing the same thing in Dead Ringers. Which is sooooo not what you want to think of in a comedy. But it was funny, and I recommend it to anyone who can handle a British comedy about a couple who can't conceive a baby.

Caseus Archivelox: About Adam

2009-10-20T22:29:00.000-04:00

2002-09-20 - 10:44 p.m.
I watched About Adam tonight. Kate Hudson wasn't too good. Frances O'Connor was the girl I would have gone for. Stu Townsend not only can't spell Townshend, he picked Kate Hudson over Frances O'Connor. Which is bad. Who wouldn't go after some grad student who's writing a dissertation that probably has very little interest? The movie itself wasn't too bad, nothing too good, but enjoyable, I guess. Movie Addition was About Adam = Belle Epoque + Pulp Fiction, set in The Snapper's Dublin. Which proves that a movie can be much less than the sum of its parts. There was a somewhat short riff on Victorianism and Vampirism, something I touched on somewhat in my Lesbian Vampire paper. I appreciated that.

Cashback, The Last Winter, Winter Soldier, No End in Sight, Night and Fog, Tokyo-Ga, & Paper Dolls

2009-10-20T22:07:00.001-04:00

Cashback is the extended feature length version of the short I saw a couple years ago. Now, I don't normally see the short film that longer films are based on first, but I have to say that the film works quite well as an extended version of the short, with added bits not detracting all that much. I thought some of them worked quite well, but really, it's just your typical boy loses girl, boy can't sleep, boy stops time, boy gets job at a supermarket on the night shift, boy falls for checkout girl, boy loses a soccer game 26-0, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy stops time, boy gets girl with creepy stalkery art exhibit, boy stops time with girl. You know, old school romance. But I still liked it. Of course, some of the more explicit shots of female genitalia are darkened in the feature length version, but if you want to see vaginas, the short is also on the DVD, but more importantly, there's this little thing called the internet. Which, as far as I can tell, is for porn.

The Last Winter moves toward the documentary theme that the rest of the movies I've seen in the last couple weeks fit in. It's not a documentary, but it's an environmental horror film, starring Ron Perlman. There are other people in the movie, but who really cares? Global warming has been thawing out permafrost releasing something that starts driving people crazy. Problem is that it takes forever to actually go anywhere. It's just not a particularly effective thriller or anything. Ron Perlman can't save it.

Winter Soldier just makes me more and more annoyed about Vietnam. Seriously, people, if we didn't have Vietnam, this country would be even more messed up, but that doesn't excuse, I don't know, cutting women open for no reason, skinning people, shooting people for no reason, and more atrocities. John Kerry was right, Republicans were wrong, blah blah blah. Look, Americans aren't perfect, hell, for many years, we've been horribly wrong on a lot of things, so stop acting like we're better than everyone else (except maybe at Football). Vietnam was a mess, but we learned valuable lessons that some people in the Bush administration didn't bother to remember when it came to Iraq.

No End in Sight, is of course, one of the best examples of how we didn't learn anything. Not listening to reasonable people, allowing for decisions to be made without any experience on the ground, supporting corrupt people... hmmm, sounds just like Vietnam, eh? It's frustrating to watch people be completely oblivious (or plain lying) about their decisions and how they have led to the current mess in Iraq (and Afghanistan, for that matter). It's even more frustrating to have been right about it ahead of time. As a civilian, I certainly was right about going into Iraq being a terrible thing (you're lucky I'm only reposting my movie reviews from my last blog, because I was full of great vengeance and furious anger throughout most of 2002 and 2003 and 2004 about Bush), but it must feel even worse to have been a member of the administration and not been able to tell your superiors that they're fraking stupid without them just ignoring you.

Night and Fog is a 30-minute-long look at Auschwitz (and other concentration camps) during the war and in 1955. As it's only 30 minutes long, it glosses over things, makes generalizations and the like, but it does have extremely powerful footage and narration about the actual structure of the death camps, and who was responsible. I had no idea it was that short (even after looking at the Netflix envelope), and was extremely confused when it just seemed to end. The lack of in-depth... anything, really, means that it would work perfectly for classroom viewing, but there have to be better ways to cover the Holocaust. Although the enormous amount of documentaries and movies may put the lie to that.

Tokyo-Ga is Wim Wenders (doing his best Werner Herzog impression (and they do sound exactly the same)) going to Tokyo to try to figure out what made Yasujiro Ozu tick but mainly just pointing out how odd Japan was in the 80s. Driving ranges, pachinko parlors, and Japanese people with feathered hair mix with Chishu Ryu talking about his experience with Ozu, Wenders filming kids playing baseball in a cemetary, and, in the strangest scene, a rockabily dance off on the streets. There's also bits where he meets Chris Marker (of La Jetee and Sans Soleil fame) and visits a wax food factory (which was wild). But ultimately, as with most Herzog documentaries, this is less about the ostensible subjects of the film and more about Wenders. I can't recommend it to anyone who isn't a fan of Wenders, Ozu, AND Japan in the 80s, so that really limits people's interest in this film.

Paper Dolls is about a group of people I never knew existed: transsexual Filipino(a?)s who came to Israel to fill jobs that Palestinians used to do before the Intifada caused Israel to close the borders. And they're as mistreated as guest workers in any other country are: if there are any problems or the patient that they're working as nurses dies, they get deported. It's sick. These transsexuals also spend time dancing and lip synching (horribly) in clubs, and part of the plot is that they're trying to put together a show. It would make a much more Hollywood movie if they were great and took the world by storm, but they kinda sucked. And this caused some problems for them, because it just made some of them depressed.

Caseus Archivelox: CQ

2009-10-08T23:03:00.001-04:00

2002-09-15 - 5:26 p.m.
I watched CQ this morning, and I really liked it. Made me want to see Danger: Diabolik. However, since I had seen Barbarella, I was fine on the references to that. Jason Schwartzmann was hilarious, Élodie Bouchez was hot, Angela Lindvall was perfectly cast, and the movie-within-the-movie hit the right notes. And it had Billy f---in Zane. I've expressed my admiration for him before, but he was perfect in this. Billy Zane is the ultimate in self-mocking movie stars. I can't remember the last serious movie I saw him in. I guess it would be Titanic, but he was so over-the-top evil that I consider that another comedic role. Titanic sucked. Jeremy Davies wasn't too bad, but his original last name is Boring. He should have kept it. It would add a whole new level to the reviews of his movies: "Twister boring, not Boring". All in all, a fun light film, with a bunch of neat in-jokes. I do recommend watching Barbarella first though. As it makes Codename: Dragonfly more funny than it would be otherwise. Also a good selection of lesser known French New-Wave films would also probably help. Then the other film becomes more funny.

Caseus Archivelox: 24 Hour Party People & Romance

2009-10-08T23:01:00.001-04:00

2002-09-14 - 10:20 p.m.
Last night I went to see 24 Hour Party People with two friends. I was really looking forward to it, because it was partially about the greatest and second best band to come out of Manchester (that would be Joy Division and New Order (different enough that they aren't the same band), not Herman's Hermits and the Happy Mondays).

I thought that the credits and style of movie weren't entirely what I wanted. The jumpy handheld and almost illegible credits and captions really kept me from enjoying it as much as I would have. The part about Joy Division was completely brilliant though. Great music, and the entire movie had a wicked sense of humor. The interspersed bits of Steve Coogan (I seriously need to spend some time trying to find I'm Alan Partridge) as Tony Wilson doing various silly TV bits for Granada TV is inspired. Any movie is better if you include a decapitation, a monkey, and/or a midget. Well, this one doesn't have a decapitation or a monkey (although some of the characters are very simian), but it has a midget washing an elephant. The problem occurs in that around halfway through the movie the main reason to watch the movie commits suicide (not a spoiler). When Ian Curtis hangs himself before going to America after watching a movie about a musician who goes to America and hangs himself, the movie loses a lot. The parts about the Happy Mondays, while still wickedly funny, seem almost pointless. I hated them, and there was a great band from the period to focus on, but New Order got a few mentions, and a brief cameo with the actors portraying Peter Hook, Bernard Sumner, and Stephen Morris (who was playing the keyboards, rather than Gillian Gilbert, for some strange reason, although it wasn't completely clear that I am correct in that, as there certainly didn't seem to be a drummer in the recording) performing a rough version of Blue Monday (which apparently lost 5 pence on every copy of the biggest selling 12" of all time). Weak. The best parts of the Happy Mondays sections were the part where they poison pigeons on the roof. That was really funny. Also, when they first showed New Order, it was from the back of a huge stadium playing World in Motion. That's funny to those in the know. New Order rarely if ever showed their faces, and World in Motion is one of the least loved New Order songs. Mainly because it was for the 1990 England World Cup team. Which placed fourth, with an excellent team. Gary Lineker's name may not mean much to you, but he is one of the, if not the, best players in England's history. The song went to #1, but is just not even close to being as good as so much of the stuff they released before or after.

The problem with the movie was the complete lack of interest in any characters introduced in the Happy Mondays section. The Joy Division part was great though, and it was funny all the way through, so I'll give it an 8, because it had parts of the Atmosphere video, and it also had this crazy guy who kept singing Louie, Louie. And when Martin Hannett died of a heart attack at a very large weight, and his coffin couldn't fit in the grave, Tony said: "Martin Hannett, too big for death." Funny. What wasn't funny was the guy who sat in the back and laughed loudly at everything. Hey, that guy's getting a blowjob. Guffaw. That guy committed suicide. Guffaw. That guy just got left by his wife. Guffaw. That guy does a line of blow. Guffaw. That guy just lost all his money. Guffaw. I just wanted to go beat the s--- out of him. The movie was funny, but it wasn't constantly funny. That guy needed to get a sense of humor. Stat.

I just watched Romance. Yes, that 1999 French basically porno. I'd say it was trying to say something, except that I couldn't get past the fact that it was a typical pretentious French film that is trying to say something really important. But it's not like that hasn't been done better in a better movie: In the Realm of the Senses. Or Last Tango in Paris. And I don't even like Last Tango in Paris that much. Romance was just way too long. And it wasn't even that good. The funny thing about it is that my dad rented it and then my mom, halfway through watching it, realized that they had already watched the edited version of it. Also, apparently there was some Italian porno star in it. Well, I think he's Italian, but Rocco Siffredi certainly is a porno star. Let's just say that he has a very large cock and leave it at that. Too bad the movie wasn't as impressive as the size of his penis. Did I just go too far? Probably, but that's never stopped me before.

Caseus Archivelox: Lady in the Lake

2009-10-08T23:00:00.002-04:00

2002-09-08 - 11:28 p.m.
Then I watched Lady in the Lake. The first movie done almost entirely in first person. Sort of good, but mainly good dialogue, but the first person thing was sort of crappy. It's neat to see though, because it makes me not want to do that if I ever make a movie. Too disconcerting, and the mirror tricks and "hidden" cuts were sort of disconcerting. From the comment on the front of the IMDB page on the movie: "The lessons I learned from this movie were 1) Only men can handle guns. 2) Having four thumbs is bad. 3) Never, ever tell anyone the time. 4) If you try hard enough, you can drink whiskey through your eyes." Good to know that someone else has a good sense of humor. Montgomery also does a fairly bad Bogart impression throughout the movie, but that's sort of to be expected since it was made so close to The Big Sleep.

Caseus Archivelox: The Blue Dahlia

2009-10-08T23:00:00.001-04:00

2002-09-03 - 9:03 p.m.
I taped The Blue Dahlia this afternoon, and I have to say that while I generally prefer darker hair, I'm certainly willing to make an exception for someone who looks like Veronica Lake. Or Grace Kelly. The Blue Dahlia is a Raymond Chandler penned film. So you know it's a twisty story. Too bad it's under the Hays Code. I want my twisty with a touch of trash. However, the dialogue is top-notch.
Alan Ladd: You oughta have more sense than to take chances with strangers like this.
Veronica Lake: It's funny, but practically all the people I know were strangers when I met them.
Really, the ability to write good hard-boiled dialogue and snappy witticisms has gone way downhill since the 40s.

The Bank Job, Never Forever, The Savages, Joy Division, Honeydripper, & The Fall of Fujimori

2009-10-08T22:46:00.000-04:00

The Bank Job basically exists for one scene and one scene only: near the end, Jason Statham kicks ass. Sure, the parts before it are a pretty good based on a true story heist film. It's really not clear how much of it is remotely true, and my suspicion is that vast majorities are not remotely true. It's a slick film from a lot of people who have been in the industry for years, plus, huge amounts of gratuitous nudity. Yay?

Never Forever is a film about an American housewife who is married to a bigshot Korean lawyer, but they can't have kids, so she starts having sex with a Korean immigrant so they can have a kid. Of course, they fall in love and complications ensue. Also, Koreans+religion=crazy religious. Weirdly, abortion is portrayed as an acceptable alternative for the baby. Vera Farmiga is weirdly attractive and is topless in many scenes. Other than that, there's really very little to recommend the film to anyone. It's not a bad film, but it wasn't really worth my time. Should've just looked for the naked video clips online and watched Hiroshima Mon Amour. Which is the top of the five movies tagged with Asian Man White Woman Relationship on IMDB. I've seen three of the other four, but there have to be other movies that need this tag.

The Savages is a depressing film about a teacher and his writer sister whose father is suffering from dementia. Acting is good from everyone and really it's just a little too depressing to enjoy at all.

Joy Division is the documentary counterpart of Control. As such, I really knew so much of what was going to happen, recognized video, and few things were remotely new. Still, it's good to finally get the versions of the stories from the people who lived them. I don't think that I need to explain how much I love Joy Division. I'm happy that I don't have to wallow for another 90 minutes in depression for a little while though.

Honeydripper is John Sayles's latest film. Somehow he's gone two years without releasing a new film. Of course, Silver City wasn't all that good. This one wasn't all that good either, although the soundtrack was full of blues and early rock 'n' roll. It's disappointing to think of how he's such a great director, and to see him just make a not worth much film is worse than if it hadn't been a Sayles film.

The Fall of Fujimori is about the former president of Peru, an agrarian engineer son of Japanese immigrants who ended up serving as president for about ten years until he stepped down due to being horribly corrupt. Well, his family disagrees, but he did some good, taking down the Shining Path. He comes across as a guy who is completely disconnected from the reality of what he has done, using a loophole in Japanese law to hide there until after the release of the documentary. Of course, he's since been arrested in Chile and extradited to Peru where he's serving maybe 40ish years? He's had at least four trials, so I think that's right. He's also had to deal with running against his ex-wife in the 1995 presidential election, and his daughter is currently in congress, with his ex-wife a former member of congress (after she lost her title of First Lady (given by Fujimori to his daughter)). Seriously, just a weird story.

Joe Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten, Rebels of the Neon God, I Don't Want to Sleep Alone, The Killing of a Chinese Bookie, & Homicide

2009-09-30T23:06:00.001-04:00

Joe Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten is a great documentary about him. Starting with his early life, through the 101'ers, the Clash, on to the Mescaleros. Amazing soundtrack (beyond the Clash, there's the Ramones, MC5, Bob Dylan, and more, and I will never tire of hearing Johnny Appleseed), fascinating interviews with famous people (and... Flea... who blames the Clash for creating Red Hot Chili Peppers), and bits of history I never knew (he was dating the drummer from the Slits?), making for a really interesting film, the interviews filmed in front of a campfire, leading to beautifully shot scenes of people talking about how amazing Joe Strummer is. Which, really, if you've ever heard his music, you'd already know.

Rebels of the Neon God and I Don't Want to Sleep Alone are both Ming-liang Tsai films in two different stages in his career. Rebels is his first film, rougher than his much later I Don't Want to Sleep Alone, but honestly, the roughness made me actually enjoy the film much more. Too much of his later films are static shots where nothing much happens. IDWTSA was way too slow, full of shots of people washing dudes who are unable to wash themselves. Rebels, felt fresh, the story of two men rivals for a woman, with a good song played pretty often. It may not be as accomplished a film, but I certainly enjoyed it on a non-intellectual level more than most of his other films.

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie is probably Cassavetes trying to be somewhat conventional. He fails miserably. It's an odd film, far more concerned with scenes of Ben Gazzara being an awesome strip club owner. Seriously, the film is worth watching if only for the ridiculousness that is the strip club. The rest of it, the gangsters, the gambling, his "black lover", all combine to be a character study of a desperate man driven to extremes, with extra violence. I didn't see the cut version, just watching the original one, but Criterion has both versions in one set.

Homicide is another Criterion DVD, recently released. It's Mamet's third directorial effort, filled with his favorite people, Joe Mantegna, William H. Macy, Ricky Jay, J.J. Johnston, Jack Wallace, and Rebecca Pidgeon (in her first appearance in a Mamet film), along with Ving Rhames in a small role. Mantegna is an assimilated Jewish cop, in the midst of trying to capture a dangerous drug dealer and murderer, stumbles into a murder of an old Jewish woman who used to run guns in Israel during the War of Independence. He gets dragged into a secret Jewish underground which distracts from his job as a cop. As it's a David Mamet film, it's twisty and awesome. Really, everything he touches is either amazing or far better than it should be. This one suffers a bit (just a tiny bit) from me not knowing what the point of the Jewish underground was with Mantegna. But why complain when you have Mamet speak and Ricky Jay speaking Hebrew? Worth waiting for the Criterion DVD. Definitely see this film.

Star Wars and Census Geekery

2009-09-24T21:11:00.001-04:00

Assume [sic] all over this post.

Ms. Albright: http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/weird/Jedi-Claims-Discrimination-at-Grocery-Store-60020902.html
Ms. Albright: I love our ridiculous world.
me: i believe jedi is an accepted religion in england (Editor's note: There are no accepted religions in England, but it does have a census code.)
Ms. Albright: apparently, the 4th largest. (Editor's note: This is worth it for this press release alone.)
me: more reasonable than catholicism
me: well... neither of them supports pre-marital sex (jedi's don't support any sex, but that isn't something that jedi's would probably acknowledge)
Ms. Albright: no sex? That's terrible.
me: you didn't see the prequels... which is a good thing, but apparently jedi shouldn't form romantic attachments, which is a serious issue since the force is supposedly passed down genetically
me: this all presupposes that the prequels are canon, which I argue is not true
Ms. Albright: Seems pretty ridiculous.
me: describes the prequels perfectly

A few more things

2009-09-23T07:23:00.003-04:00

Glee is an odd show. I'm enjoying the trashy high school melodrama bits, but the singing is so earnest that I cringe whenever they start. There's added pain due to the songs... I never needed to hear most of them ever again.

Community is promising, and I have high hopes that it fits in well with The Office and 30 Rock on Thursday nights.

True Blood looks like it's going to a darker place next year (plus, no more Eggs!) with Jessica. Which probably means more Hoyt. Yay!

Also, this is something I should have linked to in my Breakin' review: I am not sorry if you are going to end up singing "My name is Jean-Claude Van Damme. I will dance for you" for the rest of time.

Obsessed, Son of Rambow, Reign of Fire, & TV stuff

2009-09-22T23:11:00.001-04:00

Obsessed is a horrendously badtacular movie. Redeeming value? Absolutely none. Cliches abound, bad acting is featured prominently in everyone (even Idris Elba isn't immune), the dialogue is predictable, the final fight scene is telegraphed (wait, what's more obvious than telegraphing... diagrammed) in the first scene. There's one interesting thing in it, Ali Larter roofies Idris, but this never comes up again, even though it would make total sense if she used this to try to prover her insane story. But that would have actually been a good plan, and clearly would have been out of place in this cinematic abortion.

Son of Rambow is about a couple of young kids who try to remake Rambo. There's a weird French exchange student. There's random Brethren action. Jessica Hynes shows up as the main character's mom. It's kinda sweet, but it's not all that good.

Reign of Fire is pretty trashy. It doesn't actually make any sense. Christian Bale is ok, but Matthew McConaughey's beard is terrifying. I like dragons. I don't like this.

The last two podcasts I listened to, This American Life and The Moth, actually have tie-ins to new pop culture events: TAL replayed their story which inspired The Informant! which I really need to see. The Moth played a story from Jonathan Ames, who created Bored To Death which just started on HBO after Curb Your Enthusiasm (which is still funny, but it always takes a bit to get into a new season), and was an odd combination of pot humor and film noir, and just odd enough to keep me interested. Plus, it ended with Halfway Home playing, so good taste.

Batman: Gotham Knight, The Machine Girl, & Rampo Noir

2009-09-22T23:05:00.002-04:00

Batman: Gotham Knight is basically a series of short stories about Batman done in an anime style. The first one, Have I Got a Story for You, is a fine story, messing with the Batman mythos, but the animation style is just a very small step above Aeon Flux, distracting me and bugging me until it was over. Crossfire was creepy, and extremely effective. Much better visually, but still not very clear when it comes to plot. This trend is positive, and I liked the rest of them. They're not all particularly good, but they're an interesting twist. I think I'm going to stick with the Paul Dini series when it comes to my animated Batman. I like that this exists.

Rampo Noir is a series of four short films based on stories by Edogawa Rampo, who wrote the stories that Horrors of Malformed Men. These... are pretty much trash. The first one is complete trash, the second less so, the third less so, and the fourth less, but still, why the hell did I sit through the first one? The first story is all silent and has naked wrestling. Completely ridiculous. The second has naked bondage and melty wax sex. Ugh. The third one is about a woman who amputates her husbands arms and legs, puts them in jars, and then has sex with him. Ostensibly this is to keep him out of having to fight in a war. The entire thing somehow was stretched out to 134 minutes. Man, did I regret watching this.

The Machine Girl is a movie with special effects by the guy who did them on Tokyo Gore Police, Suicide Club, Noriko's Dinner Table, and Exte: Hair Extensions. That gives you an idea of how crazy this film is. It's just about halfway between the absolute insanity that is Tokyo Gore Police and Noriko's Dinner Table. Lots of spurting blood, cartoony villains (the main bad guy's wife is comically evil), a tempura arm, drill bra, decapitations, blood soup, a chainsaw foot, many gratuitous panty shots, and the titular Machine Girl who has an arm cut off and replaced with a machine gun. There's a sequel. I need to see it. Along with their new film, RoboGeisha.

Caseus Archivelox: Monster's Ball

2009-09-15T23:00:00.003-04:00

2002-08-26 - 9:07 p.m.
I saw a movie that wasn't particularly good tonight. In fact, you might say that it sucked monster's balls. Well, I certainly would. Long, boring, with no characters I cared for. And the sex scene was typical overcutting, out-of or soft-focus crap. If you want an impressive sex scene, watch Bound, the Wachowski brothers' first directorial effort, with an incredible one-shot scene. Anyone can have too much cutting, it takes talent to do an impressive single take. But Billy Bob still sucks, Puff Daddy (oh no, he's going to come and find me and kill me because I used Puff Daddy) can act like I can hammer a six-inch spike through a board with my penis. Not right now, and it's not looking like it's going to happen anytime soon.

Caseus Archivelox: The Road Home

2009-09-15T23:00:00.001-04:00

2002-08-11 - 12:00 a.m.
This evening I watched The Road Home directed by Zhang Yimou and starring Zhang Ziyi. Absolutely stunning. And the movie wasn't half bad either. Not a 10 because of having a very thinly stretched plot. At under 90 minutes it shouldn't feel like over two hours, but it did. There was very little action, and there are only so many times I can see Zhang Ziyi run through fields in pig tails. I can't believe I just typed that sentence. I mean, Zhang Ziyi. Pigtails. What the hell was I thinking? Oh well... Maybe it's just bitterness that I've never been the reason for anyone to almost kill themselves trying to see me because I've been taken away for some "political" reason. Maybe.