Casey's Movie Crew

Opening Friday July 22, 2011

2011-07-22T00:43:00.000-07:00

Captain America: The First Avenger

Chris Evans sells his soul to Marvel for Six Films starting with this first foray into complete comic dominance of the cineplex for the next 10 years.

Casey's Take: Y'know in 1942 "Super Serum" was basically steroids right? If I invent a time machine I'll just send Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Lance Armstrong (yea I said it) to 1942, . . . . war will be over in a month . . .

Friends with Benefits

Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis bangs Mila Kunis/Justin Timberlake for 60 minutes and legitimately doesn't care cause he/she's Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis.

Casey's Take: This movie will be like every "Friends with Benefits" situation . . .good for the first 45 minutes (month 1) and then waaaaaay too much talking for 90 minutes (2 months), 10 minutes of hope and 20 minutes of shame and despair (1 week).

Final Take: You should probably just go see Harry Potter one more time . . .

Fast Five

2011-05-03T23:00:00.000-07:00

Summer has Started with Ridiculousness!

FAST FIVE BABY! $83.6mil! A critic called it "ABSURDLY ENTERTAINING"

Fast Five: Beautiful People, Beautiful Cars, Side Butt and all the "Arm Butter" one could ask for . . .

Casey's Take: One day you're gonna end up at a movie where you'd rather be behind bars or in a ditch . . . . but NOT TODAY . . . .(if that day is the day you see Fast Five) . . .(and no other movies) . . .

The Rest of the Mess . . Opening February 4, 2011

2011-02-05T10:30:00.000-08:00

Phew! Just finished watching Machete this lovely Saturday morning. Definitely more entertaining than this heart tugging drivel that'll be sure to make your S.O. weep, and especially your wallet. Um . . .I normally say enjoy but already so late in the movie watching weekend, all I can say is proceed with caution. . . .

The Other Woman

Natalie Portman is the other woman who falls in love with a married man, and deals with challenges that life inevitably brings.

Casey's Take: Natalie Portman also takes home the prize for most stress inducing actress of 2010. She's beautiful and talented but jeez if I dated her I think I would go crazy. So much stress . . .

Cold Weather

A man who lives in a boring town who works at an Ice Factory takes his goofy looking friend on a mystery . . .

Casey's Take: To quote a YouTube commenter . . how can something look interesting and boring at the same time?

guennbrot . . Well Guenbrot didn't you just answer your own question?

Frankie and Alice . . . oh sorry frankie & alice.

A true story about a woman with some serious issues partying a LOT.

Casey's Take: Damn if Halle Berry doesn't make crazy look so effen hot.

Opening Friday February 4, 2010

2011-02-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

What's up Movie Crew! Sorry for the Winter Hiatus. There really haven't been any great movies so let the crap continue. This weekend has some glorious time wasters coming out that'll be sure to bore you to tears. Between really big caves, really crazy roommates, and Halle Berry in yet another nominated turn as a disturbed woman from the past, this weekend will make you stay home and boot up that Expendables Blu-Ray that's still in the wrapper.

Enjoy! . . . Or Don't really, all these movies seem relatively bad.

The Roommate

A hot girl goes to college and lands a roommate with . . . issues. Basically Single White Female for the 'tween set.

Casey's Take: I had a roommate that I thought was crazy once . . .and I married her . . .zing!

Sanctum

A group of spelunkers parachute into the world's largest caves and can't get out . . . in 3D!

Casey's Take: So James Cameron decided that if people aren't impressed with 3D jumping out of the screen he'll just video people jumping into holes . . .on the screen. . .in 3D . . .I'm confused.

What Women Want

A Chinese remake of the popular(?) Mel Gibson Helen Hunt film of the late 90s

Casey's Take: I know what women DON'T want. . . .This . . .

Midway to Heaven

A college age girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her widower father and hijinks ensue. . . .not really.

Casey's Take: Outside of the beautiful shots of Colorado, or whereever they are, that was the most uninteresting trailer I've ever posted on this site.

Waiting For Forever

Rachel Bilson and an actor whose career ends with this movie star in a film about two kids who grow up and realize that they may not feel the same about each other as the did at 10 years old.

Casey's Take: Yet another hipster expects a girl way out of his league to pay attention to him because he's "quirky". Note to Hollywood . . . . quit raising expectations and get with the program. Ladies like manly shit.

Note to Movie Crewers . . . this doesn't even come close to covering all the crap hitting the cineplex this weekend. Expect a Saturday update tomorrow morning. . . . .

Enjoy the Friday Funday!

Opening Friday January 28, 2010

2011-02-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

The Mechanic - The Transporter gets a new job fixing things instead of driving them, in this action thriller staring Jason Statham and Ben Foster.

Casey's Take: The more Jason Statham takes blue-collar jobs and somehow turns it into a murder fest is beyond me but damn if it isn't entertaining

The Rite

"Inspired" by true events, a new priest meets a old priest who convinces the young pries that the devil exists by getting possessed by the devil.

Casey's Take: Anthony Hopkins continues to ruin his career by giving in to the Catholic Church's desperate attempt to make religion relevant. Pop Quiz Hotshot, why do only Catholics get possessed? Why can't Baptists or Methodists get some of that demon love? Anyways . . . .

Opening December 17, 2010

2010-12-17T01:33:00.000-08:00

Tron: Legacy

Disney finally catches up with Nintendo and releases the Tron Version of Super Mario Bros. 2

Casey's Take: All the teenagers making out in the theater when you watch this film are on Ecstasy and thought they were going to a 3D Daft Punk concert . . . laugh at them . . .

Yogi Bear

Yogi and Boo-Boo embark on an adventure of epic proportions, which apparently means stealing a campsite and polluting a river.

Casey's Take: Let the awful 3D Hanna Barbera remakes commence now that Jack Hanna and Joseph Barbera are dead. Next up. Snagglepuss 3D: A Night on Fire Island

How Do You Know

A group of white people deal with their problems.

Casey's Take: All the old people making out in the theater during this movie are on Ecstasy and think their kids are gonna be at a . . whatchamacallit "Deaf Funk" concert until midnight so there is plenty of time left on the 36 hour Cialis countdown.

Go See SKYLINE - Opening 11.12.10

2010-11-11T23:22:00.000-08:00

Skyline

A movie written by Casey's good friend Joshua Cordes . . . .so you better go see it!

Casey's Take; Probably the best thing to ever happen to you . . .ever. Go See SKYLINE!

Opening October 22, 2010

2010-10-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

Paranormal Activity 2

Some well to do yuppies with a baby and a couple of dogs (no less!) are terrorized by an invisible force . . . at night.

Casey's Take: I'm gonna make a movie. It's going to be call Weird Noises Downstairs . . . It's going to be about a couple who watched Paranormal Activity too many times, and didn't realize that instead of ghosts and demons running around, they were just being robbed.

Hereafter

A surprisingly PhotoShopped Matt Damon is a psychic who struggles with being able to communicate with the dead. Since it's soooo tough knowing what everyone in the world wants to know.

Casey's Take: So this is what happens to you after the thing in Paranormal Activity finally gets you . . you get to kick it with Matt Damon for eternity.

Opening October 15, 2010

2010-10-15T01:13:00.000-07:00

JackAss - 3D

Casey's Take: Probably gonna be some 3D penis in this movie . . . .

NoWhere Boy

Casey's Take: Your girl will go with you to JackAss if you pay for this movie first.

RED

Casey's Take: Capable Older people are always cute and hilarious.

Opening Friday September 24, 2010

2010-09-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Gordon Gekko returns from years of exile to take back the streets of New York . . . . Gekko style.

Casey's Take: Just like the Fast and the Furious, to men who obviously love each other, release sexual tension through silly games involving money, fast vehicles, and power while the supposed objects of their affections (who are only in the movie to assert their heterosexuality), watch helplessly as their men circle jerk themselves to failure.

Est. Projection - $30 million

The Virginity Hit

A Nerd documents his Nerd friend attempt to lose his virginity.

Casey's Take: Now that the American Pie Generation is old, the YouTube generation gives a crack at defining how tough it is for kids to "do it" . . . and no one still cares.

Est. Projection $11 million

Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga Roole

Owls do some shit with magic and armor and talk . . .

Casey's Take: Oh, the team from "Happy Feet" made this movie? That's like saying the team from Cleveland made a movie. No one cares. However the movie does look amazing.

Est. Projection $45 million

You may have noticed I put projections after Casey's Take. This is my prediction of how much a movie will make it's first weekend. Feel free to make your own predictions in the comments.

Opening Friday Sept. 17, 2010

2010-09-17T00:50:00.000-07:00

Devil

A group of random strangers are targeted by the Devil since everything happens for a reason . . ..

Casey's Take: Since this is from the mind of M Night "Holy Shit is he worse than everyone thought" Shamayalan (sp?) it's probably terrible, but you never know, it looks intriguing. My money is on the black guy. Also, did you know that weird looking Indian Guy is married to Christina Hendricks?!?

I'd guess I'd agree to be in a M Night production if I was distracted by these every morning.

He's probably the dumbest man alive . . . . I wouldn't get anything done around those . . . I hope they have a maid. . .

Opening September 10, 2010

2010-09-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D

Milla Jovovich returns as Alice (a character NOT in the games), to kill the zombie horde once and for all . . . .

Casey's Take: If there is one thing that will make Milla Jovovich an actress who is taken seriously besides zombies, monsters, kung-fu, guns, bullets, swords, cool computers, boobies, matrix-style flips, many other bad actors, Chris Tucker, and her husband Luc Besson, is a third dimension . . . . .of terror.

Opened Wednesday September 1, 2010

2010-09-08T02:09:00.000-07:00

The American

An American assassin retreats to rural Italy for one last job . . . .

Casey's Take: Taking any excuse to stay in Italy and chase babes half his age, Clooney hooks up with an acclaimed director to appear as if he just doesn't dial it in anymore.

Opening August 27, 2010

2010-09-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

Hey Casey's Movie Crew members . . . quite a bit of crap comin in hot to end the summer movie season. Um . . .I guess enjoy it? I would take the next couple of weeks to catch up on stuff you missed.

Anyways. . . here's the crap before the Fall Movie Season Starts next week with George Clooney in "The American"

The Last Exorcism

A fake priest encounters a real life demon while performing an exorcism in this thrilling mockumentary.

Casey's Take: Hopefully this IS the last exorcism movie to come out for awhile . . .jeez. I want to see a 45-year old black man get exorcised at least once, cause outside of that, if you're not a 13-19 year old Catholic white female . . . this shit won't scare you.

Aashayein

A Bollywood flick about this guy named Aashayein who apparently is AMAZING.

Casey's Take: So Aashayein is Indiana Jones, Powder, Smallville and Vicki Cristina Barcelona all in one mess of a musical movie. Fantastic! To prove my point here are some of the other posters for this film

I rest my case.

Centurion

A roman legion is captured and the survivors are pursued on the way back to Rome.

Casey's Take: Gladiator (2000) + Financial Meltdown (2008) = Centurion (2010)

Takers

A group of felons get together for one last job . . . . blah blah blah, . . .guns . . . blah, boobies. . . .blah drugs . . .blah . . rap music . . .blah blah . . .Paul Walker looking confused . . .blah twist . ..blah end.

Casey's Take: Here are the real life felonies for the cast -

T.I. - Weapons Dealing and Drug Possession

Hayden Christensen - Star Wars Episodes I, II, and III

Matt Dillon - Being "That Racist White Guy" in "Black" movies (see Armored, Crash, etc.)

Idris Elba - Not being Stringer Bell 100% of the time . . and cheating on Beyonce (Obsessed)

Zoe Saldana - Being waay to hot and talented to be in soo many terrible movies (Losers, Takers, etc.)

Steve Harris - Being the successful, semi-abusive, non-Jesus lovin husband in ALL Tyler Perry movies.

Paul Walker - Having a lead foot (Fast and Furious) and a lead brain to match

Chris Brown - Using Rhianna as a punching bag, and not making better music to make up for it.

Shameless Plug of the Week

2010-08-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hey Movie Crew,

Before the weekly update goes out later tonight. (With reviews of Salt and The Other Guys, to follow this weekend).

I wanted to alert you to a GREAT deal going on the internet right now. A company/website called Weekly Cinema is offering fantastic deals on Movie Tickets.

For 15.99/month they email you vouchers for movie tickets up to $14 in value. I signed up (since I care about the Crew Members so, so, much) risking identity theft and embarrasment for the sake of cheap movie tickets.

To my surprise and delight this darn thing works! I have attached a video below that explains the process

I was able to take my lady to go see "The Other Guys" for only $13.00, and if I paid full price my tickets would have been $31. That's a savings of $18!!!

If you see at least one movie a month with a friend or SO, this deal is WORTH it. It's basically Netflix, but for people who actually like going to the theater.

Check it out! Plus you get a free hi-res trailer for "The American" coming out tomorrow!

https://secure.weeklycinema.com/index.php?theme=60

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Opening Friday August 20th, 2010

2010-08-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

Alright so I'm in flight so I have like 4 minutes to post this. Anyways here is what you should be watching this weekend.

Piranha 3D

Casey's Quick Take: Fish, Babes, Bikini's and Ving Rames. It's like Pulp Fiction with Bite! Or not. This is possibly the worst take ever.

Plus I watching Jersey Shore on Virgin America's TV service so I'm a bit distracted by Awesome.

Opened Friday August 13, 2010

2010-08-16T00:08:00.000-07:00

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Charming and affable Scott Pilgrim falls for Ramona and has to fight her seven evil ex-boyfriends.

Casey's Take: A Hipster's Wet Dream

The Expendables

The beefiest action stars from the Regan era team up (finally?) to wreak havoc against some poor 3rd world nation.

Casey's Take:

Eat, Pray, Love

A pre-menopausal woman takes a vacation and has gelato with a european man . . . . .and sometimes they dance.

Casey's Take: Your Mom's wet dre . . . .er . . . your Mom's 401(k) plans. . . .

Opened August 6, 2010

2010-08-08T02:45:00.000-07:00

The Other Guys

Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are the cops you don't see in the movies . . they're the "Other Guys"

Casey's Take: Here's the first draft of the script of this movie.

ENT. Police Station

Mark Walhberg

"Hey, how's you mother doing?"

Will Ferrell

"AAAAAAAArrrrrrrrgggghhhh"

[Explosions and falling down]

END

Brotherhood

Two men thrust *wink* together in Neo-Nazi training camp overcome hostility and deepen their mutual admiration for each other until it leads to passion, threatening both of their lives.

Casey's Take #1: Neo-Nazis and Gays . . .together at last.

Casey's Take #2: It's like Brokeback Mountain, but y'know with more Nazi's. Guaranteed to win 40 Oscars.

Cairo Time

A woman waits for her detained Husband in Cairo and slips into an affair with a handsome local . . .

Casey's Take: Don't worry white women, if a Black Guy doesn't fall for you in your 20s, a middle-aged foreigner will in your 40s.

The Oxford Murders

Frodo applies to Havard and with his strong grasp of logic teams with his professor to solve increasingly complex murders.

Casey's Take: The DaVinci Code without the whole "religion" thing as a plot device . . . so it's probably good.

Lebanon

A depiction of the 1982 war between Israel and Lebanon as told from the perspective of an Israeli Tank Gunner.

Casey's Take: You will probably be as tense watching this movie as the first time your parents had family movie night watching Dick Tracy and that Madonna scene where she comes out all naked happens. I still cringe thinking about how Angry my Mom and Dad were at Warren Beatty.

The Concert

A Janitor who is a former Conductor engages on a madcap mission to put his old Orchestra back together to hijack a concert.

Casey's Take: Don't let the synopsis throw you off, your Mom will LOVE this movie.

The Disappearance of Alice Creed

A woman is kidnapped and held for Ransom until something unexpected happens . . .

Casey's Take: Grippingly Twisty Thriller could also be an allegory for masturbating at your in-laws house over Xmas break.

Also, you might remember Gemma Atherton for her prescient scene in "Quantum of Solace" as the perfect allegory for BP raping the Gulf of Mexico.

If you're confused, she's the Gulf of Mexico, the Bed and floor are the coastline, and the hotel room was paid for by *mostly* Republicans.

Twelve

Rich Boarding School kids from New York get pulled into the world of fake hard drugs and power.

Casey's Take: "Kids" with 50 Cent and a plot.

Step Up 3D

Just like Step Up 1 and 2 with no Channing Tatum and more "In Your Face" dancing.

Casey's Take: Probably the best movie ever made. . .

Opened July 30, 2010

2010-08-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

Err . . . the poster should be enough to describe this one.

Casey's Take: Even your kids will demand your money back after this one.

Charlie St. Cloud

Zac Efron uses his dead brother as a device to practice monologues on picking up girls.

Casey's Take: Zac Efron did the Taylor Lautner Plan and got buff for a terrible movie

Dinner for Schmucks

Paul Rudd buddies up with Steve Carell to have awkward dinners are fancy people's houses

Casey's Take: Just like Dinner at Mel Gibson's House . . . . Zing!

Opened July 23, 2010

2010-07-31T18:05:00.000-07:00

Salt

Evelyn Salt, a top CIA operative, is accused of being a Russian Spy planted in the U.S.

Casey's Take: This film has about as much depth as its title.

Valhalla Rising

A warrior with supernatural strength sails to an unknown land with Vikings.

Casey's Take: Seems like a blood n guts Viking movie, but it is a Nicolas Refn film so expect a lot of hard hitting cultural commentary to go with the gore. A good film for the "thinking" action buff.

Ramona and Beezus

A movie based on the "Ramona" series written by Beverley Cleary

Casey's Take: I literally almost fell asleep during the trailer. "Dear Hollywood, Please leave my childhood alone, unless Michael Bay decides to blow it up. Thanks!"

Thor trailer leaked

2010-07-29T15:30:00.001-07:00

It looks pretty awesome! See it here -- Thor Trailer

Sharktopus Trailer

2010-07-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

Sharktopus

Robert Evans (who else really?) is a Navy operative who creates a weapon with the head of a shark and the body of an Octopus to defend America . . . .until something goes wrong

Casey's Take: I guess if I had a Sharktopus the first thing I would do is let it kill as many cute, bikinied babes as possible, and then when I got tired of that I would send the aging Stunt Doubles from Miami Vice to kill it, and when they eventually failed I would hire the cast from the video game Maximum Force to finish the job.

Todd I can't believe you found this . . . .

Review - Inception (2010)

2010-07-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Inception: Review

I struggled mightily with this review. Not in a conceptual sense of what I wanted to say, but whether or not I wanted to say anything at all before anyone has seen the movie. If you need a review that details the plot so that you feel confident in sacrificing $10 and 2 hours of your life please read Roger Ebert’s tome on his response to Inception. If you, like me, enjoy being surprised and whisked away on mind-bending journeys through thought, while appreciating minute stylistic touches that give you a tingly feeling in your gut, then please continue.

Inception, Christopher Nolan’s original film after wrapping up ‘The Dark Knight’, is like test driving a brand new luxury sports car. There is a general idea of how it is going to handle, how long you’re going to be driving, and the overall ‘feel’ of the ride. However once you get behind the wheel and hear the engine come to life, you forget what you were doing and enjoy the hell out of it. Along the way you notice the feel of the leather on your finger tips, the shine of the chrome on the control knobs, and the tingly feeling in the back of your chest as you push the car as far as you feel comfortable slicing through the air at 90mph.

The film literally starts with a roar and doesn’t let go. To describe the plot loosely, Leonardo DiCaprio is Dom Cobb, an Extractor (one of the best), who with his partner Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), manipulates dreams in order to “extract” corporate secrets from his targets. As one could imagine, this job has it’s difficulties within the dream world and without, as Dom’s clients are usually very powerful and very dangerous. The plot takes a quick turn to a very basic yet paradoxical idea, “If you can steal an idea from a dream, why can’t you infiltrate the mind and leave an idea there?”

Similar to a Car Salesman using his magic to help you take out a 2nd mortgage so you can purchase your dream car, the movie quickly plants the idea, creates a structure, explains the rules, and from that point forward lets you go. There is quite a bit of hand-holding with the audience to implant some of the heady ideas that are the focus of the film. An Ariadne (Ellen Page), a talented young architect that is recruited to help the extractors with their task, is just enough of a familiar yet fresh-faced presence to ask the right questions from the right people for the audience to not feel lost. Literally the second she asks the final question to close the loop on any doubts about the structure of the world we’re in, we’re pulled onto an empty highway and told to hit the gas as hard as we can.

As the film deftly progresses headlong at 100 mph to the finale, it’s the little touches that stood out to me the most. The fantastic costume design throughout (everyone’s in a $10,000+ suit), the near constant smolder from Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), Robert’s (Cillian Murphy) insanely large clear blue eyes that convey both a sense of wonder and curiosity driving him forward, and the ability of the cast and crew to effectively introduce set pieces that illustrate heady metaphysical concepts while making your heart burst out your chest and dig your fingernails into hard rubber of the cinema seat. The film rachets up the intensity and emotion for the second half to such a degree that by the time the credits roll you forget that you’ve been clenching like a fighter pilot in a barrel roll, or a car buyer finishing a test drive, so that when the soreness in your legs has subsided a few hours later, after mulling over the minute touches on top everything else you’ve been asked to ingest, the only thing you can think is, “When can we go again?”

Inception is a film experience like no other this summer and Christopher Nolan is quickly placing himself in that rare canon of directors who have the Midas Touch when it comes to casting, directing, and his personal strong suit, pacing. His fist-to-fist action is still a touch messy, and the first half of the film might not take hold for some (very, very, few) but outside of those minor complaints (similar to complaining about the height of the rearview mirror, or the locations of the volume knob, to beat this ridiculous car analogy to death), this is the movie to see this summer.

Casey’s Final Take: Inception = (Michael Clayton + The Matrix) (Ocean’s 11)

D-Box Motion Cinemas

2010-07-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

Honestly, there's no other way to put this, but D-Box is a childhood dream come true. If you're lucky enough to have one in your area, try it out and let me know!

http://www.d-box.com/en/movie-theatre/

Opening Friday July 16, 2010

2010-07-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

Inception

Leonardo freaks out Ellen Page for 145 minutes straight as a corporate thief who steals ideas by infiltrating dreams.

Casey's Take: I'm soo excited for this movie I'm going to post several takes. Here they are . . .

Casey's Take #1 - What happens when you take every decent brunette actor/actress in Hollywood, throw in some Michael Caine as the elderly "guide" character, and have Christopher Nolan ejaculate awesome all over everything? Inception

Casey's Take #2 - ((Matrix + James Bond) (The Prestige)) - Dumb = Inception

Casey's Take #3 - Urban Dictionary Word of the Day - Inception
Inception (n.) - Sex with a drunk or passed out significant other, usually resulting in them waking up halfway through and generally be ok with the whole thing to finish the job and get back to sleep.
Ex. I had too many glasses of wine at dinner and next thing I know Billy's all over me during Inception. It was his Birthday and I didn't have to be at work till 10 so it all worked out for the best.

Have better definitions for Inception? Leave 'em in the comments!