Cassie's Inspiristone Journey Spring/Summer 2010

The Story Continues...

2010-10-29T22:32:00.002-04:00

here: http://cassieinspiristone2.blogspot.com/

Turn! Turn! Turn! (to Everything There Is A Season)

2010-10-24T21:47:00.001-04:00

9-22-10

2010-10-24T21:47:00.000-04:00

9-22-10

So what have you grown in your life this summer? We are now moving into the Autumn Equinox and it's time to harvest what we planted in the spring and cultivated over the summer in preparation for the winter. You can check out the Planetary Cycles and Influences blog here:
www.thespiritinthestone.com/index.php?op...10&limitstart=10

As Kachina says it's time to further develop what we have created in this time or weed out that which is not coming to fruition and the card today was Truth & Integrity which really matches this sentiment. Be true to yourself and,"Let go of anything inauthentic, and all activities that do not mirror your highest intentions for yourself."

Our lives are like gardens and many of you are familiar with the bible quote that says "You reap what you sow" But what many of us don't understand is that sometimes it turns out we sowed our seeds in the wrong soil, or we didn't tend to it properly or maybe we planted what we thought was one thing and it turned out to be another. Our relationships with others, how we live our lives, and also the projects that we take on can be compared to this. As I sit here and contemplate this I really do see so many ways to compare it in parable form so let me try to explain a few of them, I so wish I had more time to write better but let me do what I can....

For one, I have a friend who kinda reminds me of a potato. Last winter he was a good staple to have around and provided my life with much nourishment. But as spring came along the relationship began to rot a bit, other relationships were coming along that were fresher, more satisfying, and this one besides rotting was starting to grow all kinds of ugly appendages similar to the way a potato grows sprouts out of its eyes. Well I knew that those show promise of life so I did what we did back home, cut the potato up so that each section had a sprout and planted them in the ground to grow and left them alone for the summer. This friend now, well he has grown, and we are talking again and making plans for things we want to work on together. I think when I dig up that field I will find lots of fresh whole potatoes to keep me fed over the winter...

Then I thought of Randy, and how I spent my time tending that tree this summer that was being neglected, so I thought, and hoping it would bring me some fruit to keep me this winter. But alas someone else came along and said Oh No! You put this tree in your garden 4 years ago but after just one season you abandoned it and we have laid claim to it and it's fruit, it belongs to us! Mary got concerned when I told her he wasn't going to make this happen as she had seen so she talked to him and she tells me after the fact, and basically he told her that no he does not want to leave the life he has, he may not like it but it's stable, they never leave him and he's become comfortable with it. Sure he loves me and I make him happy but he doesn’t trust me to not pick up and leave him again, that seems to be the pattern of my life he told her and because I have been hurt or angry at the situation this summer so much he feels I am just one text message away from dumping him so yeah he'd rather let them have the fruit from his tree because they stay and wait for it and maybe they break his branches climbing up to take the fruit but at least his tree has life in it. He can't see that I am hurt and angry because I am hungry and he won’t give me his fruit he gives it to them, who wouldn’t be hurt and angry, but he feels I don't deserve it....oh well perhaps I don't deserve his but I deserve someone’s!

So it's time for me to face that the only thing I am going to get from his tree is a little shade now and again, in the winter a place for this bird to sit in the branches a little companionship once in a while but no fruit, no ring, no living together that belongs to them so I can spend a little time there but I must spend much or I will remain alone and I don’t want that I was a tree of my own not one who’s fruit all is taken by others. When I first got this tree it wasn’t mature and the fruit was small, not so sweet, since he never made a commitment to me I didn't think I would ever get any lasting satisfaction there, the roots I didn't think were going to stay and I didn't wait around long enough to find out, I had options he wasn’t my last hope and he didn’t love me enough or he would make some real promises I thought. But some relationships take extra time just like some crops so, you can't harvest the first year or so, they take more work.... Then again there are some trees that no matter how much work you put in will never bear fruit, I didn't know which one he was, and dire predictions abounded from friends and family of his so I moved on and put my energy in other places. I kept checking the tree but someone else kept it picked clean. I see now that his roots in my life are deep though, I can sit under this tree and find some contentment and I shall do that. But his fruit is no longer mine and I can't spend all my time sitting here despite how content it makes me feel or I will starve. I must search new trees and put in work in other areas for something that will sustain me. When I need a rest my tree is there and I can be happy that the tree is happy to give his fruit to them. I am glad for him, I want him to be happy and secure.

But not to worry about me, I have so many many different crops in the garden of my life that I am going to have a wonderful winter! I can preserve some of these that turned out the best and they will sustain me for years to come. The ones that spoiled or were no good can be put in the compost bin, one bad apple really can spoil the whole bunch so don't hang onto the bad ones! Or the bad friends! You really do become what you hang around with... Don't keep working on projects that aren't producing or you will end up starving. Don’t keep planting seeds in soil that has become barren, most farmers know to rotate crops to different fields or they wear out the soil, and in forests it's smart to cut down the huge old trees so that new ones can grow, If you don't everything starves or a forest fire comes and wipes it out for new life to sprout. And if you think you can be lazy and not do the work try playing all summer and failing to pull the weeds, you may get a crop but it will be a weak one.

Now my home I live in is like a plot of land, one that I bought at a big risk and tended and worked and toiled. But it has brought me many rich harvests over the years, my son's had a lovely place to grow up, I had many many parties here and many friends came here and also enjoyed this piece of land, many a holiday was celebrated here. But the soil is weak and used up, the fence is falling down and the gate fell off the hinges, I need a smaller field now, with fresh soil, new fencing to protect it, and so it’s time to pull up my roots and transplant them into a new field. I found a house yesterday that I am going to go look at on Friday. It's a rent to own kind of situation but it's more expensive than what I can afford right now. If I want this to work I am going to have to get roommates in 2 of the three bedrooms, and I am going to have to get that promotion I am hoping for, or start earning money with Inspiristones or something. But it's EXACTLY what I want, it's in the area my heart is calling me to, it’s a ranch style, all new and fresh I won't have to work hard to fix it up and from the back deck I can see the bay, the boats and NYC skyline! I never would have even clicked on the ad for it but I answered a CL ad for an apartment and asked also for a small rent to own home.

I talked to a few friends about this and many cautioned me, oh you better just get a small apartment, are you sure you want to go there, this is not a safe investment they say. But then I am reminded of the dream that I had and this looks like it just may be what I envisioned, and heck when I got divorced even my divorce lawyer told me it was foolish but I wanted to try and keep my house, I didn’t want to put my sons in a crappy tiny apartment and I don’t really want to put myself into one now, Smaller easier yes but cramped and ugly no. I am going to go look at it, and if its Gods will he will show me how to make it happen....God provided for me in miraculous ways before when I could barely make it, if he wants this for me now he will provide again. I was thinking of this on my way to an event last night and looked up at the temporary plate on the car in front of me it said 10-10--10! That's the date that I had wanted to get married, not going to happen, its the date I then hoped Randy would ask me to marry him, that’s probably not going to happen either........BUT this is MY life and I can use the energy of 10-10-10 for ME for what I want to do for what new plot of land I want to care for and what seeds I want to plant........I can love me and my life no matter who is in it or what harvest they are all bringing to my table. I also planted seeds for this business in the spring, spending money I could not afford and working hard on putting together kits....now this fall we can try to sell them and see if we planted good seeds or not, if we put them on good soild or rocky ground.....but hey there is no greater faith than to buy a field, plant a seed, give it some water and some love and see what you get......what's that quote? There is not one single blade of grass that does not have an angel leaning over it saying "grow grow!" Do you think we each are any less than a blade of grass?

Today take a look at what you are harvesting in your life, did you plant the right seeds? Take good care of your plants? Plant on fertile ground? Have your cleared the weeds and the rotten fruit? Maybe you want to move to a new field for next year or maybe you want to re-design the way you are going to plant for next time. Don’t forget to cover the roots well of those perennial favorites either…..to everything there is a season……enjoy your harvest moon!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Turn Turn Turn

People come into your life for
a Reason
a Season
or a Lifetime.

When you know which one it is,
you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then,
without any wrongdoing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order
to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person
and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.

9-19-10

2010-10-24T21:42:00.002-04:00

9-19-10

What a lovely weekend I have had I truly do have a wonderful life! It started off on thursday when I went to go see Beth for a Reiki treatment. I was really in need of an energy burst and a healing after the pain of Randy, I am tired of sneaking about and living this way and I am tired of living with secrets and lies even if he's the one who's telling them I can't tell my friends about who I am with and that's so against who I am. I don't lie and I am not going to now, I have always been one to advise my meetup friends that if you date there's no reason to tell everyone in the first few months, but after that if one wants to keep it secret then they don't care enough about you and you aren't vauling yourself if you allow it.

But anyway back to my treatement. Beth told me it was time for me to open the gate and start using my powers. I told her I didn't really want to because it really is true, with great power comes great responsibility. But I am not ready to do this yet, not untill I have a man in my life who can ground me I told her. She said she gets that but still its time to open it up, so standing outside saying good bye I said ok I will, and we talked of how she knew she was called to live where she is to bring healing and I said yep that's why I am called to Keyport...she said you know it really could be two more years before you have your mate. So not fair I tell her, but he would just distract you from your work she told me...you need to make some more female friends she reminded me, oh you know i have few of them, so many are so catty ya know...not all she said give it some thought....

That night sitting at the computer I smeelled cigarettes smoke in my face, I knew it was Gus, my ex-husband. The reason I knew this was because he came around when I was dating Randy and that's how he got my attention. So I said outloud, what do you want why are you here after I sent you away? In my head I hear: I have something to tell you. Oh all right what I said...but there was nothing else. Mary said he used to tell her that he liked Randy for me, said he was comfortable for me, then again he's a young soul and not prone to looking at the big picture yet...

Friday was the big day! My friends came and picked me up for our big camping trip to Cape May. I tell you I was in heaven all weekend! First off I did NOT have to drive! And Sacey and Lucy were so sweet and so kind, we all thought of each other and got along well and helped one another. Heck I turned my back and my bags were loaded and unloaded! The cabin stayed clean and I didnt have to pick up after anyone else! A start contrast to the overflowing garbage and the sink full of dishes I came home to!

This whole trip was full of caring loving working together people. Everyone brough food, cooked, cleaned contributed, worked together. No one came and sat on thier behinds with an empty plate held out. Not that they too would not have been fed, I think I was in heaven! I just had to sit down at the big community dining table (we had at least 50 campers in our group) and food was put in front of me! Most of this group the people are from eastern PA and they remind me so of going back home to Ohio, where people actually still cook meals and you sit down and food is placed before you, tons and tons and tons of really good food too. I kept going over and hugging Eric the leader thanking him.

There was plenty of entertainment too, one night we went for a dolphin watching cruise that was amazing. I tossed a couple Inspiristones in the water and I swear they jumped a bit more. LOL We also had campfires to sit around, card games to play, one guy brought a karaoke set up complete with disco lights so we could sing and dance in the woods! Hey you didn't think I went wildnerness camping did ya? No our cute little cabin had beds, a fridge, AC and even a TV! The only bad thing was getting up and walking down to the restroom in the night. I don't know which trip was worse, the middle of the night one where I woke up with a leg cramp or the post-dawn one where I'd have to go past the row of cabins and many friends were up saying good morning Cassie and I didn't want to wake up yet. LOL Not all had cabins though some had campers and some had tents. I sure miss my camping days....my next husband I truly hope loves camping. I even had a wisper in my ear of someone I bet ya was his grandma again saying: tell him to buy a campground, run it and snowmobile in winter when closed--i texted him that and got an Oh and a feeling he didn't want me planning his life..

Saturday we went to wildwood board walk and I got a palm reading, she told me pretty much the same as all the others, that Randy loves me and we will grow old together but it will be two more years at least that untill we are together, but she did tell me to trust him. I did text him that later and said wish I understood why-- he said maybe sooner........well your maybe always seem to be no's now days I told him. I went to go sing karaoke and the next song was "Lucille", and I knew that he was staying cuz he thinks they need him to support them. I thought well maybe she is mentallty or physcically handicapped in some way and needs him to support her and her kids....but later walking back to sleep someone whispered in my ear (probably his grandma) Tell him to stop working two jobs and paying all the bills and she'll leave fast. I thought about sending him that message and then recalled how I felt he didnt want me telling him what to do and I said to the spirit or who ever YOU go tell HIM, he can hear you the same as I can I got my own life to worry about! And I do too! And work to help others too, people who need help not people who are cabable of doing for themselves and are just lazy.

I did a lot of angel card readings sat night too, and at the end of each reading I charged an Inspiristone with a special intention. It was very very rewarding and funny how basically we all have the same questions, job, kids, love......and basically the same or similar answers. For jobs it was set an intention and follow signs, for kids it was to let them go (most of us are 40s/50's) and trust we raised em right, for love it was to forgive the past and our ex'es..... I did have one challenge though, one lady watched the readings and paid very close attention and finally asked I am an Athiest is it possible to read me she said? Well I thought and she could tell I was looking for a sincere and thoughtful reply for her and I said well I personally believe in God and the Angels and when I get my messages for you I feel they come from there, but I read for all faiths and I tell them to feel the answers come from whatever higher power you belive in, so what do you belive in, where do you think all this (motioning around the woods and trees and stars and people) where do you think this came from? She said she belives in science, and she thinks the big bang created all of this. Ok well if you want a reading I am more than happy to read you and when I say the angles you stick in whatever you want ok? She was happy with that and also her reading and I think she beamed as much as anyone when I gave her stone to her aftwards.

This morning getting ready to come home and saying our good byes I thought wow this is community, loving caring people all working together to help each other. I so wish it was this way now in real life, instead of everyone having a hand out wanting to take and not thinking enough of what they can give. I see too that I do have to find my King, the one who is going to work side by side with me to help many instead of just a few..... But for now I must keep going on alone.... I came home to a pile of dirty dishes, garbage overflowing and the furnitue not brought in from the rain I had asked of my son. I called Verizon and had his phone turned off till he does his fair share around here. Its gonna be lonely with out my kid but its time to cut the strings and let him grow up and be more resposivble.

I did get a text from Randy, and we texted back and forth some, saying how lonely he was at sandy hook , go home to your "wife" I told him summers over......You dumping me he asked? Let me know when you are free from her I said right now I don't know what I am doing I texted..........and I don't but I do know I am going to be real, I am not going to lie and I am not going to sneak around with a man who's got a wife and hungy kids who need him, and I am going to grow and I am going to be a helper to the one's who deserve it and leave the selfish ones behind, brushing the dust of them off my feet and going onward on my path.....

Today take a look around your life and see who needs a helping hand, a little time a little attention. Also take a look and see who's taking and not giving anything back even if they are able bodied. Are they using the tools god gave them or are they sitting there next to a pile of lumber, a box of nails and hammer and wondering when someones going to take them in and provide for them? Rough times are coming, we must all work together and we must get on those who have lazed around too long.......everyone needs to help one another and everyone needs to do thier fair share...

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Lucille
PS almost forgot
made many close girlfriends this weekend, and got even closer to some I already had
and the lady who read my palms turns out she know all abouyt the stones and liked my business.. i gave her a card and offered her some free blog space to give online readings and also teach you all about the stones....its all about community--when you give you recive, when you take you loose...

this is me with my cabin mates

and my wild gal pals

Lucille

2010-10-24T21:42:00.001-04:00

More My Perfect Mate

2010-10-24T21:38:00.000-04:00

I was remembering a section Fearless Loving (please see my blog list for bookss we've read or are reading) and recalled how that book starts out with make a list of 101 thng you want in your perfect for you mate....so I am going to keep adding more...I hope you are doing the same!

We will communicate well with one another, listening in a loving way and working out solutions to our problems with mutual and fair compromises when necessary to resolve any conflicts

We will like the same foods, the same home decor, the same room temperature

He will like going to the movies and drive in with me and I will enjoy some of his favorite hobbies also

He is a generally happy person and we make each other laugh often and mcuh

we will give each other good back rubs when we need it, care for one anotehrw hen we are ill

I like a guy a bit younger..... and in good health

I want us to visit all the national parks together, and then start on europe!

He will not leave the toilet seat up or dirty dishes all over the hosue and wll take out the gargabe with out being asked

We will buy each other little thoughtful gifts, like new underware or just one flower or his favorite ice cream or my favorite lemonaide, and maybe a nice card for no reason just to say I love you or leave a nice note---show love by giving

Our life will always be full of friends and family and fun but alsoso lots of ffun times just us alone together too

He will like to do the driving, be able to fix things around the hosue, take good care of the things we own and i will keep our things clean and orderly

we will put each others wants and needs before our own

he will call me and text me often when we are apart, not in a clingy way buut just to stay connected

we will stay fit and active into our old age so we can play with our grandchildern

ok thats enough for here-------but I will continually add to my soulmate photo album, even after i get him to attact things for US-----please feel free to take and use any pictures that I find and you like--- i love to share!

s27.photobucket.com/albums/c166/brneydgrl6078/soulmate/

Job Interview - You passed the test!

2010-10-24T21:33:00.001-04:00

card today is Freedom! express your true feelings with love

and try to not make dating like a job interview or test the person too much....i know i made that mistake the first time around with Randy, probably part of the reason he doesn't trust me this time *sigh* i think the only thing harder than changing is convincing someone else that you have....you really only do have one chance to make a good first impression....then again true love is like a river, when it reaches an obstacle it just carves a new path and never dries up..

Job Interview - You passed the test!

My Perfect Mate

2010-10-24T21:32:00.000-04:00

My Perfect Mate

He will love me to the very depths of his soul and I will him

We will have a wonderful and romantic sex life with lots of passion

He will embrace and share my spirituality

Our union will be a blessing and a service to others

We will have a peaceful union and never raise our voices or speak meanly to one another

We will share a peaceful and well kept home with a cat or two
and all the kids and grandkids over for vacations and holidays and family dinnerss

Our lives will be a perfect balance of work/rest/play/friends/alone time

He will help me to grow my business

We design and build a life together that we never could have built alone, we inspire and encourge and bring out the best in each other.

No smoking, drugs or alcohol, eat healthy, exerscise we will help each other take better care of our bodies in a loving non-judgemental way

We will have spaces in our togetherness for other friends and hobbies without pain or jelossy

Anything I forgot that God knows I want or need for both of our highest goods and the good of the collective

The purpose of marriage is, what is not my grace, she should bring it to me. What is not her grace, I should bring it to her. Yogi Bhajan

“And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment.”–Plato 2,500 years ago.

He will wear a silly couples costume with me for Halloween

9-16-10

2010-10-24T21:23:00.002-04:00

9-16-10

Ok next step in finding your mate that I want to share with you is what I learned at an attracting your soul mate workshop I took. It's funny but just before my MM came back into my life I and my friends Shani and Victor were hanging out at my house one night after a full moon ceremony. We somehow got on the topic of finding our mates and she reminded me of this workshop she and I attended together, and she said and it worked for Cassie. Vic being ever the skeptic said oh yeah sure it looks like it worked why is she still alone now? I told him that yes I had attracted the perfect man within a week of taking this workshop buut sadly I had left a really important thing out and they had warned about that in the workshop, if you don't ask for it you won't get it she cautioned. What I left out it never even occurred to me to put down, it was a given in my book. The big thing that I left out was: I want a man to sleep with me at night.

Now my MM, the one I been talking about all along is the guy the workshop brought me, and oddly enough its the very place that I met Mary, my spiritual advisor. I have decided that the things that I forgot to ask for and didn't get weren't really that important anyway so this is why I was back on this path offering him myself again. But this time I saw that he just doesn’t want me badly enough. I guess he needs to make his own list on what he wants for his life, and if that includes a real wife instead of pretend one--who knows it's all up to him in the meantime I need to get my new list ready. So let me tell you about the workshop....

She had us take a poster board and magazines and start putting on pictures and phrases of our perfect for us mate. You can do this with any medium you choose, me new one I have done with photos and graphics off the internet and photo shopped sayings onto them and I am hoping to one day put them all in a power point with music.....so busy I am though.....for now I will just share my photo bucket link in progress: s27.photobucket.com/albums/c166/brneydgrl6078/soulmate

Anyway she said put pictures of how you want him or her to look, what you want to do together, all sorts of stuff and a list. I put some great poems on mine too. My friends teased me cuz I had it on the back of my bedroom door and they said what if you get lucky and bring a man to your room. Well if he gets this far I want to keep him I told them and he won’t laugh at this! Now granted I had already met my MM online, three months prior, and he had called me and wrote to me and pursued me for awhile but I told him no because I thought I was not what he wanted. I tried to help him to find someone else to date while I pursued this other guy. But one day I had my MM come take me hiking, to make the other guy jealous. Yes yes I know I know...but this was 4 years ago! Before Inspiristones before I evolved very far..... My guy he loved me so he came and he gave me the hugest hug when we met and I well I just felt safe with him, like family, like home....we had a lovely day hiking and cuddling on my couch afterwards. He told me of how he kept getting signs that pointed him to me, and visions of us together and that's why he didn’t give up on me.....

But anyway back to the workshop. The other things you also have to do are clean out and clear out your life and your home, mentally AND physically. Get rid of what you don’t need, what’s not working, what doesn’t fit. Clear it out and make room for the new. Also you have to love yourself, treat yourself well, take yourself to dinner, and write positive affirmations to yourself. At the same time you can take a look and fix yourself up some, and your home too, a new blouse or haircut or a new paint job or carpet shampoo will do much to change the vibration of your soul.

Lastly ask yourself, are you really ready? I mean really? I am convinced that 85% or even more who are out there on the dating sites don't really want to find anyone, not yet anyway. They have other things that are more important to do first, they are afraid of picking one, they want more money they want the kids to grow up first, they want to take that trip first, they want more ME time before they are ready to share themselves. Or sometimes they just aren’t sure yet what exactly they want and they are hoping they will know it when they see it. Well that can happen but the odds are greater against it. I tell all my single friends first figure out what you want to do with your life, then you figure out who would fit in that life and then you will find it.

Well I have done all my work. I defined me and I defined who I want and what kind of life I want. Now to just wait for the Ying to my Yang! My other half, my soul mate and partner. I still think Randy is my twin flame but he has chosen to stay with her and her kids so he can play and enjoy and have the freedom he thinks I will take from him. I won’t I have plenty of stuff to do too but truly he's not ready, I am so we will just have to pass this lifetime over and meet again on some other distant shore. My readings all told me that if I don't end up with him the possibilities for me really are without limitations. And funny enough I am going camping this weekend with a group of over 100 meetup people, and if that’s not enough my friend is at a fireman's convention down there and promised to introduce me around! OMG! It's going to be raining men for me to choose from, like my friend Deborah says go PICKY you a new one!!

So are you ready for love????????? If so do these steps and watch the universe rain possibilities on you!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Raining Men

PS I am gone for the weekend starting at noon tomorrow, won’t be doing angel cards or blogs…enjoy the weekend, get out and Play! (angle card today) winters coming soon…..play now and do this work so you have someone to keep you warm when the snow comes….

Check out my blogs for twin flames/soul mates for other helpful info for u to find one
I add stuff here often......love love love we all need our loves! Twin Flames/Soul Mates

Weather Girls - Its Raining Men

2010-10-24T21:23:00.001-04:00

Jeremy and the mud bog

2010-10-24T21:17:00.003-04:00

Jeremy and the mud bog

Dustin Andrews AFB 2

2010-10-24T21:16:00.002-04:00

And I talked to my older boy Dustin last night, I called him because I saw on FB that he’s getting move to a new job and felt to myself that he needed some advice from Mom. He was respectful and listed, that’s all I asked of him to just listen and consider what I thought. He’s 25 and too old to be told and I am glad for that. I also told him I am moving and leaving his brother behind, good he said he’s 20 and time to grow up, I worry about his though I said. Well he plays that depression thing too much Mom, give him a chance to be a man like I did and I knew he was right……..so I am giving up the little boys who needed me to take care of them and fix everything. Sure they still need advice, I will be there for them, holidays we will spend together, in between Jeremy and I can have dinners and talk but yeah my days of being a full time mom are done and that’s as it should be……off for my fun and adventure while I am still young! Grandkids to play with will come soon enough…
In the meantime I know my boys were given the tools to succeed on their own, I taught them that. Dustin he got through Air Force boot camp and even studied and became a non-commissioned officer once in (see video below). Jeremy he always loved the quads, and he can take a riding lawnmower that sat in the river for 2 yrs (don’t ask), drag it out, take it apart, put it back together and make it run again! He doesn’t give up on his machinery, he doesn’t give up getting out of the mud (see video below) he won’t give up on his life either, Mom just needs to let go…what he needs is a male figure to push him not a mom to baby him and he will be just fine…..

Dustin graduation from Officer Training School

outlaw poet.....goodbye my summer love..

2010-10-24T21:13:00.000-04:00

Timothy Johnson its past midnight~its a cold southern sky~the blankets are piled high~theres logs burning in the fire~but the sun is shinning bright~my worlds never been so right~i see me in her eyes~her love warms me from inside~her heart keeps shinning light~yes peace and love is in sight~shes my outlaw princess my wife~~~the outlaw...

Vivian Johnson Timothy..honey.. whatcha doin for the next hundred million years..?! )) xoxoxo

Timothy Johnson our love will age like the best of time~stronger and deeper with the passing time~from holding your hand in a movie theater~to our hearts making love forever~and ill always be right there beside you~to my lady ill always be true~ill sing ill dance ill give my love to you~sweet lady ill spend my life with you~~~the outlaw poet~~~vivian johnson take my hand

Timothy Johnson vivian johnson my outlaw princess~~we are two souls walking the same path~~and no matter the miles~there is no distance between us~~you are the love of my life~~your outlaw poet

aahh i got my answer on the MM---- maybe someday---we had a good and bad evening as always and well this just isnt fun anymore---he told me of a story of a work buddy and how his wife won't let him play, he also told me that I am his girlfriend----is said you may love me but I can't call you or be seen with you-----and I realized then that it really isnt her I am competing with, Mary's right she isn't in his heart as much as I am........what's in his heart is what's always come first in his life before every girlfriend he ever had and that is playing, riding, biking, snowmobiling --its the life he's chosen always, the life he thinks cant include a real wife----no he's living the life now that he REALLY wants, he wants that more and isn't capable of learning to balance the two

and it seems the outlaw poet is abandonding me too

Timothy Johnson ‎~im going to be taking a sabbitical and leave from fb~be blessed talk to you later~~~your friend the outlaw poet

yep winters not far off---and then snowmobile season---he won't remember I even exist waiting home by the fire untill he gets hurt the snowmobile breaks or the snow melts------he may be all the things on my list now but one. I want a man who loves me the most and for my MM, the playing will always be his first love.....it's what he knows, it's what he trusts, it's all he ever had as a kid and he's not ready for an upgrade that equally share himself with me.. *sigh*

I did give him one more Inspiristone last night, he didn't really want it, said I got these all over, please take it I said it will make things better for you.....and I hope it does I really do want him to be happy.....but like I said I need to put my happiness first and for that to happen I want a life partner, a husband a love to share but doesn't confine me , one that I can be me and he can be he and there's plenty of fun and play both together and apart for a happily ever after

Maybe someday? forget that! TODAY IS THE ONLY DAY THAT COUNTS!

good bye my summer love.........

9-15-10

2010-10-24T21:10:00.002-04:00

9-15-10
Well today my lessons seem to be all about valuing myself, and the angel card was self acceptance! So I guess that’s the current theme, and quite honestly I think if I can learn this lesson then I can teach it to my son as that is the crux of his problems too. How can I teach him this if I haven't learned it myself? I think Dustin could use some of this too, now if I could only get him to call me again.....

First thing that happened was I got approved for a re-finance with my current lender, who appraised my home about 80% higher than the guy who did it for the re-finance I am hoping goes through. So I wrote to Matt and gave him this information and also told him that they needed to decide now or I would be 30 days past due and not qualify. My house does have more value and I can't wait much longer for your descion, oh and my credit score is still above 700 thank you very much!

Next thing -- I applied for yet another job with my current company just at another division. I discussed this with my co-worker because the job requires a degree and I don't have one, however I have 12 years experience and all my bosses love me. She said I need to know someone to put in a good word for me and I said oh you know I do! A head guy in marketing whom I always helped out recently moved to that division I was applying for so I sent him a note....

Hey Anthony,
I applied for this job, if you get an opportunity to put a good word in for me it would be much appreciated….. I have closed as many as 375 XXX complaints a month which as you know is a drug and a device. I also have excellent rapport with legal, the call center, marketing, tech ops and manufacturing sites and am a great asset to any team..
Thanks and hope you are well… Cassie
Cassie,
When you uncover who the hiring manager is, please let me know.
Best of luck to you, Anthony

Notice that I am bold and state my strengths without modesty that is what you have to do when you are in the work force. Say what is true but don’t hold back and don't apologize. I didn’t say hey I need your help because I don’t have this or I don’t have that I just said this is what I want can you help me get it. I may or may get this but I guarantee you, I want more money I deserve more money and I will get more money either at my current job or in a new one. And generally speaking you are not valued enough where you and do have to be bold enough to move to get a promotion, I didn't build my career from floor mopper to QA analyst in 10 years with no degree by sitting down on the job. And Anthony didn't say IF he said when, he knows I will at least get an interview, he knows me.....

Lastly it is time to speak up for what I want with my MM. I met with Mary last night and she told me pretty much what my card reading said, that if I wanted this to happen that I need to take control, that he wants it to happen but he is at a crossroads and is hoping for something to make up his mind for him. Mary said tell him to make a descion and put a time frame and for me to start vauleing myself more and take back my power and quit being such a victim and if I had to help him quit being a victim there’s nothing wrong in that, he's been beat down and needs a hand and I love him. He would give me a hand if I needed it. But the card reading said this was NOT going to happen soon, he and I maybe next year.........

So I called up AnnMarie who is a very strong, very practical, no nonsense kinda woman. I truly love and respect her so much. She like me is not popular in some crowds but we don’t mind, it’s better to stand up for yourself and tick a few people off then play nice and compromise yourself too much. Nope she values herself and I am proud of her. So she said ok if you love him and he loves you why are you moving into a tiny apartment and she gets to live in his house? That's not good business sense she tells me! So I composed a letter laying it out first emotionally and then practically and when I see him tonight I am going to tell him, and I am not going to give him an ultimatum rather let him sit with it and think it over and decide. I am not going to say what will happen IF he says no, I am just going to say what can be..........I am giving him till 10-10 to decide because after that I need to get an apartment. So what if the cards say not now I am in control here of MY life and I am asking for a re-shuffle-------I hope he wants what I want....I wrote the letter and printed it and then read the planetary influences for today and Into the Mystic says this is a good time for this: if YOU want something enough..and ANOTHER wants something enough..then this sextile might just bring the two of you together and you're both going to be creating something pretty darn quickly.

Into-The-Mystic

Let's see if he wants what I want and values himself enough to go for it.........I am brave enough to ask the question now I have seen my value and I have my own power and I am going to use my power for the greatest good of those I love ....and one of those people I love is me. I hope my MM can love himself enough too.It’s funny too as I was waiting for Mary last night for dinner I heard ALL Star playing and I was told to ask her does she recognize her value, her reply was not enough Cassie will you pray for me and help me, sure I said we will pray and help each other. I hope my MM will do the same with me too….

Today ask yourself what is your value? Do you see it? Do you ask for things for yourself based on that value? I do not mean expecting or demanding, not manipulating or conniving but calmly asking for what you want and need and believing you are worthy enough to receive it.. Don’t be a victim in your life be a winner! God doesn’t make losers the only way we loose is when we don’t ask .........only shooting stars break the mold.....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie
All Star

PS, I was just talking to a gal pal who is having her 50th BD soon, asking about the plans we are working on she confided that some of her friends wanted her to post it as and event but she didn't want to make it all about ME she said,,,,,,,,why not I told her, I made last weekends meetup about ME. (remmber i walked around all day with a pink happy birthdy tiar in front of like 20,000 people) and she said Haha! You're right GF ! I'm throwing a party for ME! )

ahh another one led into the light! good thing I gave her that Inspiritstone a few weeks ago.......my MM I have given 3 to so far! better bring him another tonight.......I love him so (but not more than i love me)

Smash Mouth - All Star

2010-10-24T21:10:00.001-04:00

9-14-10

2010-10-23T22:29:00.003-04:00

9-14-10

Today is my youngest son's Birthday, a special day indeed for both he and I as today he is 20 and no longer a teen. I feel more a man than ever......yet still not a man in the he still needs help with choices and descions. These growing up years are the hardest of all I think, from age 16 to 21, the years where Mom and Dad no nothing, they are breaking away and establishing their independence, putting in roots of their own. It's been hard on me more so that the traditional nuclear family too, I have had to play both Mom and Dad to my sons, my ex-husband Gus passed in 2001, we had divorced in 1997, and even when married he wasn't present due to drug and alcohol addictions. I know too that I wasn't the most present parent due to my emotional issues related to the abuse I got from a husband like that.

When I divorced Jeremy my youngest kept begging me to find him a new daddy, he was only 6 when my husband was taken to jail in 97 and had slept through most of the horrors that his older brother who was 11 that year went through. All he knew was the man who played with him after work, took him riding on the quad, and cooked him dinner was gone. He didn't remember that he started drinking 30 min after getting home, had driven drunk with him on the road on that quad and crashed into a sticker bush later when he was only 2 (no wonder this one is such a daredevil, or that far too frequently he left a lasagna to burn in the oven and slapped me around when I yelled at him for him because I was afraid the house would burn down with us in it. No he didn't remember that, he does remember being taken by his Aunt Danielle to see Dad in the criminal psychiatric hospital that one Easter, it was to be his last time ever seeing him too. I so didn’t want to let him go for his supervised visit but my divorce lawyer feared them threatening for custody if I didn’t allow the visits. They only bothered to take him once anyway so perhaps she made a good call on that.

At any rate he came home from work today as I was heading out to work (he works as a stock clerk nights at WaWa) so I told him Happy Birthday and that I would be coming home later with a cake and was going to cook on the grill for his dinner and he should invite a few of his friends. Over the years I have become "Mom" to quite a few of the boys in town, I was the type who would rather have my boys home that out which is why I fought so hard to keep this old house on the river with the 5 acres of land, and bought them dirt bikes and scooter and quads and even got gifted and old VW bus one year complete with 60's psychedelic paint job! My older boy was more into the trampoline, and also built a wrestling ring and did backyard events and kids came from all over NJ to compete and film it. But anyway he tells me for the hundredth time he is depressed and I tell him for the hundredth time that my answers are the same, lets go to the doctor, or how about Reiki that’s what cured me, and do you want to go back to therapy. He never wants to do any of these things and I as usual get frustrated and tell him I don't know what to tell him.
I don't know either and honestly I was looking forward to escaping down near the bay to my own one bedroom apartment and leaving him here to rent from Todd. Let him grow up and be a man like his brother did! He never got along with any of my boyfriends, not that many made it to the stage of being in my home and meeting my sons. The only one really who knew them was my MM and my son just adores him! I recall him saying to a friend that it's like mom dated him just for me he bragged. But too many times of getting promised to be taken snowmobiling, and only one trip out quad ding together left him hurt and feeling rejected by him, he took this out by starting fights with me to get his attention which just made things worse. He loved my boyfriend, now MMY so much though and wanted him to like him the first time Jeremy got arrested was for riding the quad on the road and receiving stolen goods, he bought a stolen remote car for my MM for Christmas and had it wrapped and under the tree (I still regret making him confess but I thought it was the right thing to do) My response was to take his quad and give it to my MM for safekeeping. Yeah he never wanted my son around, never having been a father he didn't know how to handle the situation just backed off and told me he never wanted us both to move in with him for fear he'd punch a wall or break something in his house. Funny though now he tells me how his current "kids" let water soak into his house and ceiling and not tell him about it, my son never would have caused that kind of damage he would have fixed the leak himself.........guess he’s learned a few things about father hood now….

But anyway I am called now to work more on my mother son relationship, I am praying hard for God to show me more patience with him, balanced with the right amount of do this for yourself attitude--and what a tight rope that is! He's my son and I can't abandon him, my MM keeps his "family" I must keep mine. So I posted a picture of Jeremy and a nice BD wish for him on my facebook page, I know all my friends will reply to him and I can print it out and show him, he always was such a helper at my BBQs over the years. These people from cassiescalendar are an extended family to us and very loving and kind, we never go with out a few thanksgiving and Christmas dinner invitations, (even though lately I have my son and several of his friends over and cook a meal) It's good to be mom, and someday its going to be even better to be grandma! I already drool over my college friends grandkid pics! LOL And after posting the BD greeting for Jeremy his older brother Dustin posted and then deleted a hurt oh see you like him best comment! Oy Vey! I really regret not speaking to him when he called me Sunday for my birthday and I asked him to call back as I was out to dinner with my MM-----I, like every parent have a chalkboard full of mistakes that were put on with paint instead of chalk.....

So it looks like I have some family issues to set right before I can move onto my happily even after peaceful days with whomever is going to be there to spend my older years with. I want to have a houseful every holiday that I do know. I guess my MM is right to stay with his "family too" at least till they can support themselves. I am still moving out and getting an apartment, and if Jeremy stays in Flemington I will go see him at least once a week for dinner. I told both my boys they always have a home with me, and if they want it it will be there whoever I am with will have to accept them as I would his. Beth tells me the energies coming in are all about family so it seems I am right on track.......tomorrow I am going to see her for a reiki treatment, tonight I am celebrating my son's birth with him and I bet ya 10 of his friends---

Today stop and think about your family, especially your kids if you have any. What can you do to improve the relationships you have with them? If you are short on answers then PRAY, give it to god and see what he can do........all that is needed is a willing heart.........as long as you got each other.......

With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Growing Pains

I've got my work cut out for me.....

Growing Pains-Growing Up

2010-10-23T22:29:00.001-04:00

outlaw poet.....

2010-10-23T22:27:00.001-04:00

Timothy Johnson you dance with angel wings~spreading romance everywhere~yes i felt jesus smile~when you kissed my heart~that was heavens high~even old outlaws need our angels~its old outlaws that angels need~for outlaws love the deepest~outlaws love angels~~~the outlaw poet~~~my love is with you vivian

i have suffered much thats why i too can love deepest....

Vivian Johnson Twirling by the hands of time..the other life..it did confine.. a love so rare it lived before.. I know because I want it more.. pressing itself against the line.. always know that you are mine. ~Outlaw Princess~

VIVIAN JOHNSON~~rest your head~gently on my chest~feel my heart beat~feel two hearts beating as one~~feel our bodies~entertwined with warmth~feel our rhythem of love~two together becoming one~~celebrate our love~slow dancing in our soul~hearts kissing with passion~feel soulmates who forever are one~~~TIMOTHY JOHNSON

Vivian Johnson Lemonade and popsicles..long walks in the woods. Lilac scented water .. n ribbons in the air.. Angels looking down will say...'what a magical pair'!! *~xoxox~*

Timothy Johnson raindrops~from the floors of heaven~felt gently on my skin~yes jesus let it fall~ just to give me hope again~~your outlaw poet~~~you outlaw princess are beautiful beyond words~~love this poem you wrote just love it

Timothy Johnson White Dove~~~come fly with me~~~lets cast our fortunes to the wind~~~on the wings of a dove lets fly free~~~lets ride lets begin~~~ i love you~~~your not so secret admirer

Vivian Johnson You are my private poet...my weaver of dreams..my Love of all time. ~;~

*sigh* at least they got it right

Timothy Johnson i would change the color of the sky~patch your wings so you could fly~this old dog would learn new tricks~sing some songs to make you rich~you are worth all that to me~for you to be happy~id even set you free~thats the way love should be~~~~the outlaw poet

Vivian Johnson This is so beautiful....yet I also feel the anguish. My amazing Man.. the place from whence this was written speaks volumes..to me. What brought us here proves the Devotion to our true shared paths...the path of Twin Flames. I have loved... you Forever...and will continue to.. it's Infinite. ..baby I'm amazed at the way you move me..... xo *~>;<~* ox

Timothy Johnson outlaw princess~ i will love you forever~we will grow young together

Single Girl's Prayer

2010-10-23T22:21:00.001-04:00

Single Girl's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep, I wish I had a man for keeps. If there's a man beneath my bed I hope he heard each word I said

When I decided it was time to pass my statue on I contacted a friend and asked her are to meet me for dinner some night soon. Her reply was that every other sunday she was available when her son was coming home from his fathers. I can't do sundays I replied that's the day I see my guy, and even if I change that I dont have a free sunday for 6 weeks. She was not interested in any other nights......nope not for her I thought.
The next frend was a guy who called me to tell me about his date the night before and his fears that he screwed it up in the end. I comforted and advised him and told him the great story of the statue, but when he heard it came from a gal he had dated briefly a year ago he firmly declared he wanted nothing she had touched! Besides I don't need a statue to bring me love, true I told him it is just a symbol...
Next a gal pal came to go to music fest with me, I asked her are you ready for THE one, the love of your life........yes and no she said........ok never mind I told her you aren't sure and that's ok something else will come along if you change your mind.
Later that day at the festival I was thinking and thinking whom next to ask, tired of this quest , wondering if anyone else was ready or really wanted true love to come to them....I still had a few fears myself about weather I still needed this for myself, had my prayers been answered? But then a lovely gal pal arrived, one whom I had been working with and giving stones to and I asked her Are you ready to find THE one? Your love your partner, I knew her sad story and the length of her singledom since the divorce and braced myself for her reply. Yes yes yes she said firmly I am so very very sure that I am finally ready!
Joyfully I handed over the statue to her, told her my story and how our mutual friend had given it to me, and that she had given me the angel one on friday and how it showed me a sign that my prayers were soon to be answered. We both cried and hugged and then the gal who gave the staues to me came over unexpectedly at that time and I knew I had choosen the right person to pass it on to!
I cant wait to see it work for my friend, she so deserves her happy ever after and I know the mate that comes to he will also help her, she too is an event organizer and a person who brings lonely souls together.........yes we all have much work to do! Its time for the twin flames to be re-united and help the others........

I promise to do my next blog soon on attracting your soul mate---i started it but been so busy

Train: Calling All Angels: Union County Musicfest 9/11/10

2010-10-23T22:19:00.001-04:00

9-13-10

2010-10-23T22:19:00.000-04:00

Happy End of mercury retro-grade! Things should really start happening now!

9-13-10

Friday night I went to the Clairvoyance workshop that Wendy did for me as a request and got tossed together at the last minute before she headed back to Washington. It was a lovely experience. I did keep visualizing myself as a helium balloon during the grounding exercises though LOL guess we still know what area I need the most work in (I never did want to be here) hahaha. I was also very very excited that my friend Maria who I see so little of these days was able to come. In the spring she had given me a little statue, the single girls prayer...she explained that it had been given to her from a gal pal who go it from someone else and basically I was to take the statue home, say the prayer every night and then it would bring me my love, my man ---(i recall now that right after I got this is when I and my MM started talking again) She also instructed me that when I got my mad that I was to pass it to another single girl friend. Well since Monday when I made up my mind I wanted to spend my life with my MM I was wondering if I should pass it on or not, I didn't have a ring, I was not nor would I be living with him soon, nothing was set in stone. Well she showed up and brought me a gift for my birthday---it was a statue 3 times bigger than that one, it was a male angel carrying a woman in his arms and they were floating up towards heaven! I started to cry! This is my answer, recalling the words to the song Halo that I had posted Monday--he IS my angel come to save me from the pain of my life, and all he needs to do to save me is love me no matter what and he does and he will I know. I knew then that I could pass on the single girls prayer and let it work its magic for the next gal...

Saturday I went to Music Fest, that’s the tradition for me for my Birthday, something we do anyway, I dont need a special party just for me and besides its kind of fun walking about with the paper tiara and having everyone wish me Happy Birthday! My spirit just soaks in all that great energy and its buoys me up from when I have to face any bad times. My friend whom I had the religious fall out with handed me a gift that I could tell was a book, opening it I thought oh I bet it’s on Catholicism trying to get back on the straight and narrow and was surprised to see it was a book on shamanism, he said from his personal library and integrated shamanism with Catholicism. How kewl is that? Then several friends gave me birthday card with gift cards in them, I generally end up giving them to other friends for gifts. LOL I love that they think of me but money's tight and I can't afford to keep buying for all the people I love. Vic came and gave me a book, a charm and a mix CD of some of our favorite songs. I had hoped he was giving me a CD of the concert we went to and the party he threw for me, and being the brat that I am I asked why not. He said he kept crashing his computer so I have him my flash drive to upload stuff. We ended the night the whole gang watching fireworks together, I guess my friends can be my fireworks too not just my mystery man. Oh and I passed the single girls prayer statue on to someone......

Sunday I spent reading all my texts, birthday cards, face book postings etc. Dang do I have a lot of friends! I must be doing something right to be loved this much.......I really do have everything I need excpet a boyfriend and mate, sometimes I wonder if I would be better off being the type of woman who works for what she wants instead of for everyone else but then I would miss the rewards of the way it lights up my heart when I see how people look when I give to them in love, no I think I end up with a lot more this way and someday I am going to be with a man who wants to do this work with me, an angel who will help me save many as I was called to do......as I was telling the medium who came to see my house the painting I saw at the louve, the coronation of the Virgin by Valasquez and god told me do all I ask of you and your crown in heaven will have many jewels (people whom I was able to save) No I am going to be a queen and I need a king, someone who wants to help many not just a few.

But anyway the people who are doing the pilot show for Home Garden TV on "my house won't sell because its haunted" came and were very impressed indeed with all the findings and we have set up a date of 10-2 for them to come and do the investigation along with the recordings for voice and photo. I showed them the stuff from David Roundtree and their eyes popped open, never they said had they saw such a form! I told them it was Anna, that my friend Mary had contacted her and that she really worked hard to lower her vibration enough to show her presence. (see pic in blog on 9/1 ) They told me that they will research the house, and also any names of people there whom they can look up. And best of all I can sit in on the circle and watch all the investigations! I have been told by many that I am meant to work on sending lost souls home; I know I have the power but I can't see them so have no idea how to do this without that power. Before they left I offered them to choose from the tub of Inspiristones TM that I have here, they both took in a breath when I presented it to them as they could feel the power in them. The lead lady said that one was calling to her, she too is a Reiki master, so I guess I am not the only ones who can hear the stones talk to them! Their first show is to air sometime the end of October and if the pilot is a success then they will do more shows and one of my house! I will let you all know when that is to be. In the meantime you can check out their website: gs-paranormal.com/

Later on I headed down to meet my mystery man for my Birthday dinner. I did not feel well and he had to work till 7pm that night too, some friends and family event they don't usually have, and he said he couldn’t stay long either, but I wanted to see him so badly on my BD that I went, even an hour of his time was worth the drive to me, as I said a thousand friends are not enough if you aren't with the one you love. He greeted me with a HUGE hug and Happy Birthday wish, I greeted him with the glasses I got him at the dollar store. He was like a kid all excited with his inexpensive little gifts and ran to get a map to see if he could read it! He kept them on at dinner too and kept looking closely at me, I said oh geezee now can check and see if I have wrinkles! None yet he said, my mind was on the fact that at 50 that was not likely to be the case much longer! We ordered our food and as usual the same, the waitress even commented on it saying wow great minds think alike! We just smiled....

While we at he talked of how hard it now is to work 7 days a week, and I told him it was time to upgrade his request, that he asked to not work that UPS 3am shift but he forgot to ask for the sears job to get altered. He said he was afraid to mess with things again as he can see it does work I said yeah just add "and whatever I forgot". He then talked of getting a franchise ways to make more money and I told him of the idea of going to people’s homes and sending the spirits onward, how some stores pay my friends $500 and up for this. He said he didn’t see how and I explained that we would have to do it as a team, I have the contacts and the ability but he's the one who can see them and communicate, each of us needed the other to do this job. He then said something about feeling like half a circle and the other half missing. It was a nice time but he kept checking his phone nervously and I told him he should go if he's afraid. No no lets go sit and have a drink...

But soon after we ordered the texting started. I told him again go home and he didn’t want to. Then he said she says she's packing, oh boy I said, good he says. Then he told me that he felt like he'd like to tell her that we are engaged -- i then told him of my day dream of us sneaking off and getting married....... Then we switched gears and talked about the apartment I will get and the house by the bay I will buy once Todd can buy mine. I told him rent to them and move in with me, she can't afford it he said. Well then let’s hope someone else wants her and she moves in with them...no one else will take her he said sadly. Well I am not going to tell you what to do I said, I want a boyfriend of my own not borrow someone else’s on my BD like some looser. I have decided I want to spend my life with you , that you are my twin flame, but you have chosen her and if you can’t get out of it then we will just have to meet again in the next lifetime. That’s it I am calling her he said and called her with me sitting there, but the music was loud so I told him to go in the other room. My plan was to make a quick escape but I went to the ladies room first, he was paying the bill when I came out and walked me out and hugged me, she says she’s calling a moving truck I hope she does he says. I didn’t come here to cause pain for anyone I said and started crying as he held me, I know I know it’s a special day I am glad I got to be with you, you and me are friends. I cried harder, don’t be sad he said. I just got in my car and said don't worry I have plenty of friends and sped off.......

I called Mary and told her if I told this story to anyone else they'd send me to a shrink! Yes yes I know she says. He didn’t even get me a card I said, probably afraid of the girlfriend she said, he got his ex one when I was living with him! Yes but you are a reasonable and understanding person she said, and he had to rush home because that one threatens to trash his stuff and his house, why I say? Because she fears losing her money ticket, she is keeping him with fear and threats. Oh well I say I deserve more than this I tell her...... I got all the way to the stop light where his turn is, going fast the whole time so he wouldn’t catch up..but there he did catch up and motioned for me to roll down my window-------happy birthday he said I will call you tomorrow......the light changed and people started blowing the horn at us........this morning I found yet another happy birthday text from him. I just replied yeah really happy right? I need a boyfriend not a friend and I am going to keep praying for one (even though I have deleted all my personal ads)........God only knows who it’s going to be, actually God only knows who he wants it to be, the choices are all ours, I want him, he wants me but he is afraid to choose me now it seems.......me I got work to do and I need to call all the angels in to help me on this one........yesterdays card was Intention, this morning’s was Answered Prayer....

Today say a prayer and believe in the angles to come to your aid. And then while you are waiting see who you can be an angel to, see clearly who is a worthy soul too. You can tell yourself you are doing good works by helping one or two here or there but I tell you do not cast your pearls before swine, they will just gobble it up and grunt for more. Instead reach out and help another angel, one who will raise up and pass on the good that you gave them, multiplying it and sharing it with others.........that is Love and that's what we are called to now........I am calling all angels......

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Calling all Angels

Train: If It's Love: Union County Musicfest 9/11/10

2010-10-23T22:15:00.001-04:00

but missed my MM who had to work

Train - Hey, Soul Sister @ Union County Music Fest 9/11/10

2010-10-23T22:13:00.002-04:00

Today is my 50th Birthday! loads of fun yesterday--look how silly they dressed me up at music fest! lol

tonight dinner with my mystery man....

saw Train last night with all my friends!

outlaw poet and his princess...

2010-10-23T22:11:00.000-04:00

Timothy Johnson theyll be no broadway lights~shinning my name tonight~no pretty girls shouting my name~for my moments of fame~its just me and a few old dogs~watching a turtle out on a log~~its just me~a man that will never tell lies to you~or go so far as to being untrue~its just me~~~the outlaw poet

Vivian Johnson ‎..through the eyes of my love I see the place I have been meant to be.. ~;~

Timothy Johnson she takes small steps~in the rain~its where i saw her~ the sun shining through~as if her skys were blue~~~she parts the hair clinging~to her face~so she could see me~her eyes said it all~only love i now recall~~~tears washed away in the rain~even angels have their pain~~~the outlaw poet~~~ITS A RAINY NIGHT IN GEORGIA

it's raining today and i am missing you so much and how we played in the sunshine...

Timothy Johnson take my heart~its been looking for you~the doors now open wide~its time for us to ride~under those uncloudy skies~its our place of love and peace~wont ya come be with me~~~the serenity of the sea~where all thats good is free~lady lay with me in lifes sands~with the music of jesus outlaw band~~~~your outlaw poet

Vivian Johnson Over the framework of normalcy she crawls.. scaling the inner frequency she knows if she falls.. the bottom not afforded the luxury of today.. will drop and she'll continue to pay.. the price for what you cannot say is.. Love.

Timothy Johnson girl you keep pulling me~to the center of my soul~i can hardly speak~for i have no reasons to think~now youre the center of my world~you know youre pulling me in girl~free and not wanting to run~yes keep on pulling me~till im with you and free~~~your outlaw poet

Timothy Johnson my love of my life~ no matter the season of our lives~love will still be blooming in the cold of winter~i love you outlaw princess

Timothy Johnson take my hand~we will walk together there~for i know of a place~with the music of the waves~uncloudy skies all of the days~yes the sounds of our love songs~all ya gotta do is come along~~~the magic of swaying trees~where all thats good is free~vivian lay with me in lifes sands~with music from jesus outlaw band~~~~your outlaw poet

Vivian Johnson Through poetry you searched for Her..it took you far and wide.. A promised note from the hand of a Saint stayed your dream inside. To me your Love was always there waiting for the time.. it took for you to get through.. with your Soul searching rhyme. So never fear my One true love.. for even Chief Grey Eagle knew.. ...that as *162* .. I am Her.. yours forever.. little White Dove.
~;~ Outlaw Princess

Timothy Johnson sweet lady by the bay~my outlaw princess~you are so beautiful to me~i just want to love you~like no ladies been loved before~in forever and you i believe~thank heaven we are ment to be~sweet lady by the bay~my outlaw princess~be the love of mine today~~the outlaw poet~~ I LOVE YOU

change is painful, like the catepillar into a butterfly, but its the only way anyone can be free...

9-10-10

2010-10-23T22:09:00.000-04:00

9-10-10

Divine guidance was the card of the day today, and boy after the week I had I sure needed some. Last night I ended up crying over some silly thing I saw in a TV show and realized just how hard I had been holding back the stress this week. And not all of my week was bad either, in fact there's a lot of hope and possibilities in it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn't stressful too. Change is always stressful even when it's things that you are wanting. Keep this in mind so you remember to take care of yourself in all times, especially during times of changes.

Monday I had made the choice that I do want to spend the rest of my days with my mystery man, I may not have everything exactly how I want it to be, he's not riding up on a horse (steel or otherwise) and getting down on one knee with a ring in his hand asking me to marry him and ride off into the sunset BUT we had agreed on the design and laid the foundation for the future that we want. Yep truly if I can keep the faith and not give up really the only thing now that stands between me and him and our happy ever after is time....

So I get to work Tuesday after my 4 day weekend and it just seemed like doors were opening up for me all over, once I had chose which path possibilities opened up. I mentioned this to someone in my spiritual community and they agreed. First thing: I got a notification in my work mail for a senior level position that I qualify for. I had taken this level 1 job a few years ago, just about the time my MM moved his "family" in, with the hopes of moving up quickly and turned down a level 2 position further away in PA....so far that's not happened but I did get moved to a different, even more preferable location. Anyway this job location is not where I want to be but I can't ignore the potential for more money. I did let my boss know, as is customary here at J&J that I applied. I have built my career over the past 10 yrs since my divorce and with no degree from floor mopping to QA analyst by one working really hard and doing my job and the person above me's job, two asking for promotions/raises, and three applying for other jobs when I didnt get number two! LOL I find the best way to get what I want is to start applying elsewhere and letting my boss know, 9 times out of 10 he gets it so he keeps me. Never underestimate your value in the workplace if you do a good job! Watch I will be making more money sometime soon....

The next thing that happened on Tuesday was I contacted Todd to see if he still wanted to go through with the rent to own thing, he had not replied to me all weekend so I decided that if he was not going to do it the only way for me to survive was if he moved out of the smaller side, Jeremy and I moved back in and I rented out my large side. Instead he said yes let’s do this draft something up and I will have a lawyer go over it for us. So I did and then I went with my son that night to get the rest of the used bedroom furniture from CL. At $20 a piece I may as well take it all and then I can leave the whole old set my ex-husband owned with my son. It's good to let go of things with negative energy attached to it when moving on. My son got so mean with me though I texted my ex and asked him to get me the phone# off the billboard down near him for that apartment, I gotta get away from this mean kid I said! Poor honey he texted back and sent me the # later that night.

Wednesday a friend I hadn't heard from in awhile posted happy birthday on my FB wall and I found out he owns an ophthalmology practice here in NJ so I told my mystery man time to quit buying the cheapo reading glasses since he needs such high one's and go see him. I know he will work something out for him. I also had a brain storm of an idea on how Matt could possibly get my re-finance approved and he liked it and said he'd keep working on it. I didn’t want to pay off the car anyway, so leaving that off, adding the value of the land that the appraiser left off but still paying off credit cards would leave me in good shape and with still 50K for a down payment whenever Todd and I closed based on our pre-agreed to price.

Thursday I called about the apartment but was discouraged about it being a 1 year lease, what if Todd can buy in the spring as we hoped? I didn’t want to be stuck in an apartment too long. But voice inside kept saying no no call back call back, remember that billboard was located in the spot that your MM saw in his dream..... Ok let me think about it I thought, I can call Monday its still kinda soon anyway and I do want to wait for Mercury to go back out of retrograde first (happens Monday) When I got home and talked to Todd about it I felt better with the idea and recalled how I want to travel anyway. Then my son came out all upset, turns out since he didn’t open his mail he missed his court date and a warrant is out for him and the cops all know him and where he works and were waiting for him. UGH! I don’t know how to advise you on this I told him, Todd gave him some advice and I said I am so glad he's staying with you! Next week he's 20 its time he stop running to mommy and acting like such a big baby.

By that time I was losing it and made a call to Mary, pouring out all my problems to her and I was even getting upset and fearful because my MM hadn't asked to come see me, I had even thought of texting him that I was making spaghetti (one of his faves) and then decided not to, let’s see how long it takes him to miss me I thought! She gently reminded me though that I was stressed and he was after all a Libra, I was falling back to my old "he doesn't love me" fears and he was being the independent I know you are there let me go have some fun type and she is also a Libra and gets this about him. Cassie all that stands between you and what you want is time...hang in there. So I left him be but did send him an e-mail when I found out Darren planned and posted the Canada life coaching cruise. I had suggested that choice as I knew my MM wanted to see Canada and this way I could get there from a luxurious cruise ship complete with spa and all meals included instead of the back of his snowmobile! (he can do that with the guys while I wait by a fire and make a crock pot of soup!) Since it was under $500 I got bold and sent him a message that I'd pay for him if he'd go with me..... Sure I will spend much of my vacations in Vermont but once a year I do hope to go somewhere else...and I'd rather go with him than a friend (not that I don't have plenty who want to go with me for each place I want to go).

That evening a very spiritual friend IMed me and I talked of moving and my fear of not being able to decide where, stay near work, move halfway towards him, or move all the way down there where I love but is far from work... She didn’t even know my thoughts and said: move down near the shore the water is good for you soul and you for its soul. Wow thanks i said I am going to call that guy back Monday... Later talking to AnnMarie about my worries she said Cass don't worry you are going to find your happiness...it’s just a matter of time!

I went to bed, because I was worn out, allergy season kicking my butt all the stress etc. I started to recall a journey circle I had done with my shaman last summer--we were to go to a place of wisdom and we could ask ONE question. I asked tell me what I need to do to get done with this life asap. No we can't tell you they said, you must choose. But I don’t want to make a wrong choice I told them. There are no wrong choices only different outcomes, and showed me a maze and how only one way in and one way out. But still if you tell me where to turn....if i go one way something’s will happen if I go another way other will........Ahhh now you have it they told me! and disappeared into the mist........

I woke up this morning and my MM had replied to the e-mail........sure why not let’s go he said........he had sent it at 10:10.......... I was glad and had an idea.. me and him living together in my house down the shore and all of our boys renting out his from him once we get them on their right paths….humm an interesting possibility to consider… I then started getting ready fo work and in the bustle picked up a book I had in a pile to pack...Intuiton by Osho, Darren's brother Dino had remmomended it to me (he's the cuddly work-aholic I dated when I broke up with my MM) yup Intuiton I think I am developing this one more and more, and tonight am going to Wendy's class on clairvoyance....soon I will get better at this dance of life and take better steps all by myself....

Today don't be afraid of the choices in your life, know that each time you choose a path different options will be before you and also doors will open up for you. Don't be afraid to knock a few times on a closed one either but if its solidly locked don't force it open, it may open later or it may be sealed for a reason.......and if you are calm and listen you will get divine guidance on which ones to choose. There are many angels and guides watching over us, whispering in our ears and the ears of those meant to be with us and they cry over each bad choice and cheer over each good one we make always knowing though that our happy ending are always at journeys end.. Don't be afraid to walk your path, face you changes and don’t forget it really is all about the journey after all………..

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Changes

PS--gotta love this video, maybe you won't have all the dance steps right yet but you can still look cute doing them! LOL