Cassie's Path Fall/Winter 2011-12

And the Story Continues........

2012-03-20T07:15:00.001-07:00

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3-20 -12 Remembering the Past to Create the Future

2012-03-20T06:57:00.002-07:00

3-20-12 Remembering the Past to Create the Future

Friday night after work I went to the Zoso Concer. It was OK, I wish I had gone later as I really wasn't interested in the opening bands but I did like Zoso, the Led Zeppelin cover band and so did my friends, it made them remember days of old and going to concerts and such. I personally never got to go to very many myself so this is like getting to have parts of young adulthood that I missed out on. One of my gal pals had came and rode over with me and I introduced her to one of my guy friends whom I know has been looking for a woman for sometime now. He finds them but he never keeps them due to his long work hours running his own company. But this friend is a single mom and has a couple business she tries to run and is just as busy..maybe its a good match I thought...so I whispered to her that he was looking for a relationship, then I told her the best thing about him and the worst thing (why he loses women) and she was not deterred. Next I whispered to him and told him to talk to her, that she was a nice gal and single...Which is exactly what he did. Going home she said some positive and negative things but said she would go out with him.I love playing matchmaker. I sat watching the rest of the show and I watched the people there, many of them couples, the men getting drinks for their women and holding their hands in the crowd and some kissing and hugging as they enjoyed the concert and I felt a little sad to still be alone and I said in a low but audible voice: St Michael help me, I so want a partner to share my life with......

Saturday I woke up and my card of the day was New Love he had heard me! I felt it in my heart that he had heard me and was working on this for me. I happily headed out for my walking and talking event, we had a lot of fun as usual and I told them about the matchmaking I did the night before and that I needed to speak to him about the negatives, they all said how nice it was that I helped my friends this way and I told them I had been doing this for years and I had plenty of stories to tell, one friend kept saying I should write a book that I must have many interesting stories to tell, she said it several times and I finally said that I am writing a book sort of, that I am doing this blog and I am hoping to get Cassies Path part 1 finished editing by Memorial Day that is my goal I set for myself, sooner would be even better. Just as my walk ended Mary called me to see how I was she said I had been on her mind and I told her about my prayer and the card and she said well be open tonight at the party she said. I was but I really had no time to talk to any men, even though I had seen one who looked interesting and I had seen him dancing with someone who hadn't been any hotter or younger than me by my estimations....... It's just that I am so surrounded by the people who do know me I never have time for anyone new, I had agreed to meet someone new and walk in with her because she was shy, I got her introduced around and into the mix, then several people wanted concert tickets so I made those rounds, then I ran into one who's frantically searching for work so I comforted her some, then another who wanted Reiki blessings because she had to quit her new job and needed to get a new one, and the list goes on. But that's what I like to do...help people and comfort people and introduce them to new friends....

Sunday I had kite flying scheduled in the afternoon but I realized I was 300 miles past due to change my oil and I had a Sears coupon so I went there at 11am, walked in and as soon as I put my coupon on the counter the grumpy old man told me there were too busy and couldn't get to me for hours. I was pretty annoyed, especially since this same guy always tells me they don't have time for me but sometimes the other guys step up and say that they can get me in. So in my frustration I texted Randy, who did confirm that they were busy and he said come back later, which is what the guy had said. So I killed some time visiting a new place to go walking and took some photos and met everyone at 2pm. We had so much fun and I got my kite up very quickly and had only one mishap when mine and my friends kites crossed strings. The reason they crossed was we were too busy yapping LOL He runs a group with the gal that I wanted to run a group with, only we had a parting of ways because I wouldn't do everything her way. Now granted I know she is a success, and I know she wanted to help me but I just can't do EVERY thing the way someone wants me to do it. He told me that I should listen to her but then again he understood why I didn't, we both agreed that the dynamic was much better for him and her to work together. Besides they both had plenty of money and weren't trying to make any off events and I was back then, I have since given up on that idea....

After kite flying some of us went to the diner for dinner and talked. We got on the topic of Reiki and I was trying to explain it to them and I relayed the story of how when my friend Beth was working on me I felt something move in my heart, and she "saw" me as a little girl and how my mother yelled at me and she felt my pain and so did I and then I told them of how I talked to my Mom the next day and she had a dream and it was exactly what Beth had seen and my Mom and I got the chance to talk about that and she got to apologize to me for how she was when I was a little girl. One guy asked me, she died not long after that didn't she? And I said a few months later yes. I also told them about how my college friends made a Facebook group and we had spent a few weeks sharing photos and old stories and reminiscing. One friend posted several photos of my ex-husband (we had met in college) and we all talked about him some and it was nice to recall that there were some very very good things about him and to blow away some clouds of the dark moments that I mostly recall from our marriage.

Once we left the diner I went back to Sears, the turned me away again and told me to come back at 8, but I knew they closed at 8. I didn't even argue or complain I just walked out. Just as I got to my car another one pulled it right in front of me, it was Randy with a repair car he had been test driving. He asked me what was up and I told him, he said let me go in and talk to them. You can't do that I said they will know you know me, he waved a hand in dismissal of that comment and went and asked but he came back in out with bad news. Then he wanted to talk a bit, he looked so dirty and worn down and even old to me, I was grateful to not feel the stirrings of yearning for him. The readers were right, he'd stall so long that in the end I wouldn't want him any longer.. We only got to talk for a few minutes till they called him back in again to work but I was a glad. I left and stopped at Target to get a better kite, they had a dual control one that can do stunts so I got it to try it. As I was checking out I got a text from Randy saying it was good to see me...ugh he's just trying to sweet talk me so I give in for pokey again.... ya ya I replied I just wish I could have gotten my oil changed, he told me don't worry it will be OK....of course he did not offer to come over and change it for me.....

Monday I was so very tired all day at work, I did manage to get Jeremy's bus ticket paid for and printed. He is going to meet his brother in Ohio, go see their grandfather then go to a Nascar race together then come back here for Easter. I am so glad that his brother bought him a ticket and that he gets a chance to go do something fun, he's not had much chance for that yet in his life. I got the bus ticket for only $30, its a red eye and I never heard of the company but we think it will be OK. After work I got my oil changed at jiffy lube, they were fast and efficient but it cost me double what Sears coupon was for. I was so annoyed that I texted Randy. He called me later and talked to me while he was at work and we both complained about the grumpy guy at Sears. He told me that he makes him loose business, I got so annoyed again that I decided to e-mail Sears and complain about him. Randy wanted to talk more but I really didn't want to, I recalled all the painful moments over these past few years with him disappointing me and letting me down and not loving me the way that he should and I was glad very glad that my heart has lost its yearning for him and ny body has no desire to be touched by him any more either. We may or may not cross paths but it truly doesn't matter one way or the other. I have my own path to follow now............

Tuesday I woke up and Freedom was the card of the day and I know that I am totally free, I can choose my path and my fate in whatever I want it to be! At 1am the spring equinox had begun, the day that the days officially start to grow longer in terms of sunlight, the celebration of Ostara to the pagans, a new fresh beginning and a new moon to boot! Oh the world us full of hope and promise!

Today I want you to take a look back at your past, see what you have learned, what you have left behind and how you have grown. Do not be afraid to look at the GOOD memories in fondness and let them expand your heart and raise your vibration and gently lay down any bad memories and do not bring them with you. We are moving into a bold new future, stronger, more powerful than ever before and the thoughts we keep with us are the ones that will create our personal futures...........make them good ones!!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

3-16-12 Attracting Abundance

2012-03-16T11:20:00.001-07:00

3-16-12

Tuesday was not a remarkable day at work, my sinuses were better still, I think it really is the vinegar! It got me to thinking that I recall my grandma using it to clear clogged drains and god knew my drain in the rental house was small and clogged up often so I looked it up and low and behold I was right! The article said to put a cup of baking soda in the drain then a 1/2 cup of vinegar. Sure would be cheaper, not to mention better for the environment than that commercial chemical stuff, especially since I live so close to the bay.... When I got home from work one of my roommates had left a note instead of his rent and I was very upset, this was the second time he didn't have it and he'd only lived here two weeks! It was especially tight because my other roommate hadn't paid me on Saturday and was going to double up this coming Saturday but she hadn't warned me like she usually does so I had bought something Friday night at that party I went to to help my friend. And worst of all I was to go to dinner that night with some of my gal pals and had been looking forward to it for weeks! In the end I decided to go and I used my debit card to take some from my bank account, I had just gotten a work bonus and had a tax return coming so I told myself it was worth it.

While there I talked to one of my gal pals who is also strapped for money most of the time, I told her to try getting a roommate or two that it was nice to not have to live alone anyway. She said she was not able to do that because she gets alimony and it strictly spells out in her divorce that if anyone is living with her that it stops. I told her that it probably meant a boyfriend not a roommate, she said she realizes that but she is too afraid to take the chance as she needs that money too much. Her divorce was 15 years ago. In the parking lot as we were leaving I told her to not worry so much about money when she commented on how expensive dinner had been. I told her all we have to do is work hard, trust in God to provide and not be so fearful that we can't do something nice for ourselves once in awhile. I felt good to have been able to guide her some and at the same time to re-enforce this lesson to myself. When I got home that night there was an envelope of money passed under my bedroom door, the roommate who owes on Thursdays had paid me early! He left me a note apologizing for paying early as he wouldn't be back for a few days, I left him a note saying this was an answer to prayer. I knew it was a reminder for me to know I would always be provided for.

Wednesday I worked from home and then in the evening had my walking and talking event. I was surprised to have 5 of us but was very happy about it. The other groups do dinners and karaoke and all sorts of things on weeknights but that's just not what I want to do. I just want to be outdoors walking and taking in all the beautiful views that Monmouth county has to offer us. Only one went to dinner with me after and took advantage of the $10 special at Fridays. It was good though as we talked about things and her need to move from where she is and such, I so like to be able to talk to people and help them when they need it. That night I had a message on my Facebook from one of my spiritual groups, a positive affirmation to attract abundance:

“I am paid EXTREMELY WELL for work I love, that uses my natural talents and gifts.”

This is EXACTLY what I want for my life! I began to think about what I really LIKE to do....... I like to write this blog, especially when someone writes to me and thanks me and says it helped them, I like to charge my SpiritStones and give, sell or "seed" them in places that I think their energy will do some good. I also like to talk to people on Facebook or on the phone or via e-mail about their problems and give them some guidance. This is what I am good at, talking and listening and giving Reiki. Oh and helping people to connect I am also good at that! I have always been at "the hub" of things and in many groups of people...If only I could make money that way....

Thursday morning driving to work I was listening to Catie Couric's book on CD that I got from the library: Best-Advice-Ever-Got Now this is a good book I have gotten quite a few things from this that I hope to share in future blogs but big message that morning was this: What would you still do even if you didn't get paid to do it? I thought of CassiesCalendar and how I keep doing this 10 years later and I don't make money on it. I thought of my Reiki that I give and only a few have ever paid me and even this is like 1/2 the going rate, I thought of all the free angel card readings I have done, I don't recall anyone ever paying me for those. So I decied to change those statements to I do make money with and named each one and I printed out several copies of that affirmation to put up all around where I would see them often and could say them to myself. After work that night I met my hospice supervisor and she took me and introduced me to a new client. He was a very nice man and I was happy to be able to be seeing someone who actually could talk to me and wanted visitors! As I walked out I thanked God for the opportunity to GIVE, which is the 1st rule in attracting abundance. That night I had an urge to stop in the good will store and ended up getting two pair of pants that I needed and a candle all for only $10! I also got some good deals grocery shopping at Aldis.

Friday I worked from home and I cut out the affirmations I printed and I gave one to Jeremy. He said that he just asks his friends to agree with him that he will get whatever it is that he wants. I told him that was the same thing as asking them to pray with him, like the bible says when two or more agree.....or is that when two or more gather? Well something like that, but it was using the collective energy of a group, same thing as me asking my friends to pray for me. Yeah whatever he shrugged you know I can't ask them to pray cuz thats gay. I told him whatever he called it was fine, God doesn't care what you call him why would he care what you call asking him for help with stuff. I was also very happy this day because in the evening was the Zoso concert, a Led Zeppelin cover band. I had gotten the Starland Ballroom to give me tickets for the show and gave all 300 of them out to my friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends! Me I'd rather stay home with a pizza and a RedBox movie on a friday night but these FREE concerts make everyone so happy, this is a club that many of the people in my age group went to when they were younger and the bands songs are what they listed to back in the day...reminiscing is good for the soul it raises your vibration and I am happy to do anything I can to help that! The gratitude they all show and the smiles is the best payment I could ever get for doing these events!

Today I want you to look around in your life and see what you have to be thankful for and express gratitude to God/the Universe whoever your personal higher power is. I also want you to be generous to others and there are many ways to do that that do not necessarily involve money but sometimes it will, and I want you to remember to also be generous to yourself too! Not greedy but there is nothing wrong with a well earned and occasional treat. No matter what finacial storms or crisis you are going through trust and belive that God can shine down on you in any moment of need....You will never ever lack anythig that you truly need when your soul follows the path of its creator.....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

PS, Just saw this on my older son's facebook feed, he's getting out of the Air Force next week after serving for 9 years. He's busy cleaning and packing and getting ready to move to a room in a friends house and spend the next few years going to college. He posted:

Went to Walmart to pick up some cleaning supplies the Walmart greeter is one those power chairs that looked some what disabled chased me down to give me a Thank you Card and a scripture that said "No greater love is this that one would lay down there life for a friend" Was one the most touching moments I have had in my entire 9 yrs of service. Little reminders I suppose from God that someone does actually care about what I did and what I gave up for what I believed was the right thing to do.

Moral of the story, Never underestimate the power of a thank or pass up a chance to give one no matter how hard it may be for you to do.

Thank you my son Dustin for being a stand up guy and serving your country, I don't know if you will ever see these words I write here but I will tell you when you visit for easter this year just how very proud I am of you, I know that I haven't said so nearly enough or thank you for being the person that you are.

3-12 -12 The Alchemy of Change

2012-03-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

3-12 -12 The Alchemy of Change

Saturday I got up and as I was having my coffee I found an article in my news feed called longing-for-and-fear-of-intimacy It made me realize again that the real reason I don't have a new life partner is because of ME and my FEAR of love. I recognized myself in so many of these things listed and I recognize that I still have healing to do despite how far I have come so far. I also recognize the run away pattern in Gus my ex-husband (he escaped to alcohol) and Randy my ex-BF (he escaped into daredevil riding and hanging with the boys). I know countless others in my singles groups who year after year hang out looking for yet never finding love, or finding it but not keeping it for very long. Oh well, all need to heal! I had also read an article about Alchemy and Energy: Solar Consciousness it gave me hope for us all and talked of how the solar flare activity was actually going to work to raise the consciousness of the planet, an alchemy of healing and raising vibrations! I was so ready for it I wanted to bask in the sun as much as I could....thankfully I had one of my Walking and Talking events that day and thoroughly enjoyed it despite the brisk March winds.

After the walk I ran over to pick up concert tickets from Starland Ballroom, they were giving me them free for my group to hear The Marshall Tucker Band. I was so excited until I saw the concert was the day before Easter, when my oldest son Dustin would be visiting me from Colorado. I called him right then and there to see if he wanted to go with me, I knew he'd like the country/gospel music that they play. He said maybe but when I posted the link on his Facebook he had plenty 0f negative things to say, this lead to a debate which led him to say how much he resented me and my singles group friends, he felt that I didn't give him enough attention growing up because of them. I realized he was partially right and I apologized. I did use that as an escape from the harsh world that was my life after the divorce and its trauma. I was really upset and distracted though and I backed my car into the fence post when I was heading out later that night as I went to Ralph.s singles event. I knew I could not afford the $500 deductible and would not be able to get it repaired. I still had a good time though and was glad I went as I ran into a lot of friends. Ralph is nice and he lets me in for free because I advertise for him and I took the chance to pass out the rest of my Zoso tickets. I tell you though it was so great to be out and to be loved by so many and to meet new people who may need my help...One gal I talked to was stressing tons about sending out resumes for jobs, she said she did them all day and sometimes very late at night. I told her my strategy, get up early every weekday, apply for at least three jobs, then go play and enjoy being off work. I told her especially don't send out resumes in the middle of the night, they look for people who keep normal business hours. This made her feel better.

Sunday was Yoga, I was so stiff after all this laying around from being sick but I did the best that I can, I am sticking to my not giving up attitude. When I came home I talked to Jeremy about what Dustin said about giving too much attention to my singles groups and he said oh he shouldn't be such a whiner and I said yeah you always came to things with me or you came down and helped with the BBQs and hung out and invited your friends. You also helped me with the yard and went to dinner with me and Dustin was glued to the computer. So hey as always yes I could have done better with him but I didn't do as bad as he remembers it all. He needs to let go of those little boy hurts the same as I need to let go of mine from my parents. I rested the rest of the day and in the evening talked to Adele, a new friend I met in my Angels group who did a reading for me and we discussed all the solar flare activity. She told me how clumsy she's been (so that could be why I hit the fence post and dented my bumper). My reading went well though basically it was heal the inner child in me, get out and go play and have fun and heal me and love me, she even told me to go fly a kite and I told her I had that planned for next Sunday!. I told her I had tons of go out and play stuff planned for my groups: walking, biking, kite flying, volley ball, kick ball, concerts of our favorite old groups... She said the cards also say that I needed to stop worrying about the stress of my job and my lack of getting a raise or having enough money that they had something big planned for me coming around the corner so just forget that stress and worry that all would be well. She also nagged me again about the vinegar for cleansing and to try it in juice, so I put a capful in a small glass of orange juice and it was easier to tolerate..

We talked about Randy too and my need to cut the cords with him completely. I confessed to her about the texting him after my dream on Tuesday and then I also confessed that my cat had hidden in the basement for 2 days, having been spooked by the kids hollering at the video game, so I texted him asking him to "talk" to the cat and tell him to come up and eat. He did it and the cat came up in 10 minutes! I so wish I could develop that power and I told her its such a shame he has these powers and does nothing with them and does not understand them. She said let it go and I told her I was. I told he I can't even be his friend while he lives with her anymore and she asked what do I want and I told her I want to forget he even exists for as long as that woman lives with him, and in that time I want to find my own man, and later, when she leaves as I know she will and he needs a friend then I can be a friend to him. She told me that no matter what our future relationship is that the current cords all need to be cut because the energy is not good and I need to use my energy someplace else. She said to call on St Michael for help so as I went to bed that night I did just that.

Monday I woke up and pulled St Michael as the angel card of the day. I knew that meant he was working on what I asked and to confirm it I had an e-mail from Randy's sister asking me to remove her from CassiesCalendar facebook group. I knew he had done his work and I knew I needed to be free of that distraction in order to complete the work on myself, that it was far more important...... Kinda reminded me of a friend who told me that summer I started seeing Randy again that he was just a distraction from me doing the real work I needed to do on myself........

Today I want you to ask yourself this: Are you ready for change? It's not going to be easy, just as metal must enter the fire, the caterpillar must enter the cocoon, as Jesus wandered in the dessert for 40 days and 40 nights.....its going to be a intense but its the ONLY way to change, and change is the only way to go higher!!.......... Are You Ready?

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

There's courage involved if you want to become the truth.
There's a broken open place in a lover.
Where are those qualities of bravery and sharp compassion in this group?
... What's the use of old and frozen thought?
I want a howling hurt!
This is not a treasury where gold is stored.
This is for copper.
We alchemists look for what can heat up and change.
Luke warm won't do.
Half hearted holding back, well enough getting by. . .
Not here! ~Rumi~

3-10-12 Hopes and Dreams

2012-03-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Hope is the Dream of a Soul Awake ~French Proverb

3-11 -12 Hopes and Dreams

So Tuesday after work I decided to go check out a local park that a friend had told me would be a good place to walk. Nature had been my angel card of the day and after the traumatic money problems of the day my soul sure did need soothing. I asked Jeremy if he wanted to go and was surprised that he did. We had a nice time walking and talking about stuff and taking photos for landmarks for meeting spots. Then I wanted to drive past the house that I want, as we drove through town I went by the water as I always do and he showed me how he sees the water tower by our house and wishes each time he had a boat to get him across the bay inlet. Keep wishing I told him and you might get a boat, I told him of how I always drove past J&J wishing I worked there and I eventually ended up working there. We went past the house and he told me I should quit stalking it but I ignored him. I told him I quit driving down the street that goes by Randy's and now I go by my new friends house, this nice lady I met whom I hope to be better friends with. As a matter of fact the other day I had driven by there on my way to work and she had texted me later inviting me to a party there on Friday. I had really wanted to go but the games and such would have cost me more than I could afford.....

But anyway..... Jeremy and I discussed money problems. He told me he wants to invent something and I encouraged him on that as he does come up with good ideas all the time, then he swung to the worried side again and said if he didn't get a job soon he was going to start dealing again. NO I told him, you will never prosper breaking the law no matter how tempting it is. Then I told him about the first blog that I am working on the edits and trying to make a book. He said good but make it about something that will teach people something to help their life. I am I am I told him, then he said and let me read it first so I can help you edit it to sound like a guy would listen to because many times someone has told me something to help my life and then later I realize its something you told me all along. I told him it most likely had nothing to do with how I said it, rather how he heard it as nearly ALL kids have a parent filter and they wont listen to what a parent says till they hear it somewhere else. We had a good time though and drove past the house I want someday and discussed the pros and cons of a home with a bay view. Lastly we went to the park on Randy's side of town to take a photo and I told him of the night I passed "her" in there just as he texted me asking was I ready for him. Jeremy told me he picked her because I change my mind too much and I said I know, I just get scared when I get too close, but he's not really what I hoped for in a man and he's better off with her she don't care if he's never home and I missed him too much when he was playing. He also said that that they probably needed him more, those kids had no father figure and were about to be homeless, you didn't need him you always made ends meet and took good care of us. That I did I told him, then apologized though for never having found him a new dad as he had pleaded with me to do. That's OK Mom he said, I think it was meant to be too, I had many father figures and that made me better than just having one.

Wednesday I woke up with a dream on my mind, I was at a party and Randy was there dating one of my friends! I asked my friend how can you date him when he behaves so badly? Her reply to me was that he doesn't treat her that way. This bothered me, I didn't know if it was him messing with me, or the spirits trying to lead me back to him yet again or just my mind sorting things out. In the dream also someone handed me a BIG huge drink like 3 gallon bucket size, and while I had my head turned talking to the friend dating Randy and wondering if I had made big mistake I looked back and the huge drink was small. It bothered me all day till I finally texted him: You were in my dream last night. Was that you messing with me or the spirits?. He answered almost immediately and said Not me. Good was what I thought but I didn't send any reply. I am glad that he is drifting out now, I feel so much free-er not having to be involved in that drama and those lies and half truths. I am also glad that he is accepting the choice he has made for himself and respecting me and leaving me alone.

I had gone to Horsham that day for work so on the way home my friend Chris and Mary my spiritual advisor both met me for dinner. Chris was happy to get a chance to see Mary as she "can see dead people" and always like the chance to share and understand stories. I told Mary about the dream and she said that the drink meant my life and the fact that it was smaller meant I was choosing a smaller life. I recalled the drink from the dream and I did feel that the big one was too much but the smaller one dissapointed me. We also talked about my son and my finances. One friend suggested I see about getting Jeremy on permanent disabilty due to his reading problems but I told her I am not ready for that, and he can work and he can read just slowly. Then the other friend suggested I see if he can go on food stamps and also had some advice on how I can go bankrupt. I politely told them thanks for trying to help me but I am not ready for those measures yet, that's too small of thinking for me for now and I want to keep thinking big, I want to keep hoping that somethings going to happen for me to earn a lot more money. But thanks for the suggestions and I will keep them in mind if it comes to that.

Thursday was a basically un-remarkable day other than I got a check in the mail from the yoga teacher, it was for the exact amount of money that I needed to go to my friends party! I happily contacted her and went out to get something that night as the gift. Also a co-worker I had seen the day before wrote me for the angel card reading that I offered her. She wanted to know if a particular guy would come back to her life. I drew dreams-intention-abundance and gave her the meanings and told her i think it meant that her guides would give her signs in her dreams if she asked, that she needs to set her intention for what she really wants to create of her life and to see if that guy can fit in with the life she wants for herself and that she can have everything she wants if she just thinks and creats it first in her head. She was very pleased and said that helped her alot. I was glad. When I got home from work I cashed the check and went out and got a gift for friday nights party then went home and told Jeremy about a thought that spirit told me to tell him about his dreams. I told him they said to tell him that the only difference between those who get what they and those who do not are that they keep going. That every one is insecure, every one doupts them selves, every one fears they can't do it, even the winners feel that way....but they keep trying, that is why they win. I told him of the big banner hanging in my High school gym: Quitters never win, and winners never quit. Its true of all aspects of life....

Friday I woke up from a dream it was about my ex-husband, he was living with his family and I wnt to visit them all. I miss them so much, his family, but they are a proud Italian family, when you divorce the whole family shuns you! Anyway they were really trying to talk me into taking him back, his father even said that he'd pay me a lot of money if I did (they are wealthy). I went out to the garden to think about it and as I walked I noticed the flowers in the garden shrank, there were big huge plants and as I considered this they got so small, barely there anymore. I recalled how he had limited my life, not allowing me to go out and have friends or be gone from home for long or even have a job other than working for his mom as her housekeeper.... That night I went to the game thing at my friends house, as I drove past Randy's mom I thought again how I wish he'd let me be friends with her, it would do us both good. At my friends we played bingo and won prizes, then we got a chance to steal prizes from one another. I really wanted the lottery tickets but what I came home with was a bunch of candles and two votives, one said Hope and the other said Dream and I realized those had much more value than any possible lottery winnings.....

Today I want you to think about the hopes and dreams that you have for your life, and who you are bringing along with you on your path and the choices that you are making for yourself and the thoughts and beliefs that you are holding onto. Are those people and choices and thoughts you dwell on in harmony with what you really hope and dream for or are they in opposition? To reach your dreams you have to climb the ladder, you have to dream big and its going to be harder or you may not even get there if there are things that hold you back or slow you down.... Good choices get you there faster, good people encorage you and don't pull you down, positve thought keep you going...........Hope and Dream and you can get there!!!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

3- 6-12 Today is My Favorite Day

2012-03-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

“What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.”

3-6-12 Today is My Favorite Day

Saturday afternoon I took a nap and rested and in the evening I worked on editing CassiesPath1. Mary thinks I need to get it done and self published on Amazon, she said that she knows people who have self published and sold many books. I told her I had no idea if people would want to read the story of my path but I did know that some people who see my links on Craigslist write and thank me, and a few have contacted me to be on their local TV shows. Unfortunately no one local to ME or with a budget to fly me there! I also know that ever since college I have been told that I should write a book about my life by many different people and it's gotten way more interesting since then! And I have always wanted to be a writer, so I write just for the joy of writing. I spent the evening editing the posts from 2010, the summer of Randy, and marveled about how so many signs and omens were pointing us together. I also marveled about how each of us was still in such pain and stubbornness. But I know now that I want to heal and move past that pain and stubbornness and he does not. So how to heal? What else do I need to DO? As I pondered that I recalled the conversation earlier that day at the diner about my sinus problems and the one guy said I don't take ANYthing and I had said I did wonder if all the sudafed I was taking caused the mucus to get thick and not drain as it should. My son came up and was heading out and knowing that he also had all these sinus issues I asked him and he said I don't take anything. Wow I was onto something, that and the advice also of the gal pal who said just go back to the old methods, steam and a towel over your head and maybe a little vicks vaopor rub. I do know we have gotten too dependent on all these chemical remedies. This got me to thinking of my own personal healing of my heart, I knew that was the real reason I did not have a life partner because deep down I was too afraid to have one. I needed to heal and let go and forget and move on. My angel card had been focus, the messages in my feeds has all been on the same thing, and my spiritual adviser had also told me I need to think and create what I want that I had the power to do so. It dawned on me again that I had wasted far too much time pining over stuff, clinging to pain, not looking towards a healthy future in other ways. I made a vow to myself right then and there that I was going to have FUN and I was going to LIVE and I was going to PLAY and I wasn't going to give another thought to my past OR my future, I would let it take care of itself. All I had to do was wake up everyday and do what needed to be done and spend the rest of my time playing, enjoying the life that I had right now.

Sunday morning I had a lesson to learn, I had given my Spiritual in NJ meetup to someone who wasn't behaving in the best of ways with a business dealing, it bothered me that she was still using my group name and hadn't changed it as she was supposed to when she took the group over as promised. One of my spiritual friends had written me the previous week expressing her distress about it too, at that time my voice had said: leave it alone, she will tire of it and abandon it soon enough anyway. I was going to leave it alone but I got copied on some mails with someone we had worked with together that she refused to pay and this brought my anxiety up. So I went to my Spiritual in NJ facebook group to ask for prayer for the situation. By the time I got home that evening she had finally changed it, but not before writing me a couple nasty e-mails and posting in some negative stuff in the group with an alias ID. One of my spiritual friends had told me it was not right to pray for the influence of someones personal choice, as first i accepted but then I politely disagreed with him. I learned how to stand up for myself w/o defending myself and w/o undue anxiety, just a simple please change it and when that was ignored I prayed and when that wasn't enough I asked my friends to pray. And all was resolved...

During the day I went to an event for meetup, there were meeting in an Irish Pub and listening to Irish music. I arrived a little early so I ran across the street to the metaphysical shop and got a Blue Aventurine stone for my sinus problems and also some Eucalyptus oil which is also good for sinus issues. I saw a few friends at the evnent and its always nice to interact with them. I told the group leader about my kite event idea and she was really into that idea, gave me a spot to go to at Sandy Hook and asked to join her group and mine at the event. I was very happy about that and so was she because she said it's been so hard for her to get people to sign up and go to her events, the very very nice ones but sadly the costly ones that pre-registration is required. Other than the cost of a kite, this one is free! I swear I am going to find lots of free things to do that are fun and I am going to post them too. I am going to remind everyone how we used to have fun back in the old days. I went home that night and posted the event and got a bunch of people interested, one friend posted that he wished he didn't have to work because he keeps a kite in his trunk, I told him he wasn't the first person who told me that this weekend. LOL

Monday was a work day, I got an e-mail from the township attorney and have to provide more information for the bank to discuss them taking over the mortgage and getting my house. Then I had to make a dreadful call to one of my credit card companies to try and work out a payment plan. They agreed to 0% interest but only IF I paid a very high monthy amount, still it was less than what they wanted now, and my only other option was keeping it as it was so I told him lets do it. Since I couldn't pay that amount right then and there he told me to call back saturday. Unfortunatley that call didn't stop them from reporting me to the credit bureau and so on Tuesday I got a call from my credit card company, the only one that I had much credit left on, the one that I used for my car insurance, any repairs needed and my gym membership. They were drastically reducing my credit with them and I was in a panic, thats the card I also use if my car needs unexpect repairs! At the same time they were calling me I got a comment on one of my blogs from someone whom I had replied to a few days ago, he was saying he had no hope of earning more money and alcohol was all he had to ease his pains. I was in the process of writing him back and offering to send him a free SpiritStone when the call came. I hesitated for a minute or two wondering if I should be paying for postage and giving away stones I had hoped to sell but in the end decied that I should do it, today I had the money, today was the only day that mattered.

After I wrote him with my encouragement and my offer to send him a free stone one of my cups and saucers sold on E-bay only for 99cents but still it motivated me to see what I can do to sell more stones. Then I called the insurance company and arranged to have my car insurance billed directly to my bank account, that was scary but I am a little a head beause I got my bonus check for the year, I would be ok for now. After that I posted an article on how you can fight many diseases with honey and cinnamon on my forum for healthy-living/health-tip-of-the-day It made me happy to be able to share something that may help someone, especially since so many of my friends don't have health insurance now days. Lastly I prayed to St Michael to come to my aid to help me to earn some more money. Note I said earn, not rain from the sky, not win the lottery or get an inheritance but earn. At any rate though I knew I had enough for today.......

Today I want you to do what you have to do to take care of things in your life, and then I want you to put it out of your mind and do something fun or nice for yourself. Remember whatever bad choices you made in your past are done, and you never know whats coming along in your future so dreading it or banking on it neither have much value TODAY....so why not make today YOUR favorite day too!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

3-3-12 Time of Healing

2012-03-03T09:47:00.001-08:00

3-3-12 Time of Healing

Monday all day I was so sick, my ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton and I was not able to hear. I was miserable and all I wanted to do was get home to rest. My hospice supervisor called me and wanted me to meet her at a new assignment the next day, I could barely hear her on the phone so I just explained my illness and that she should call me the next day to see if I was well enough to meet her. I rushed home to get the futon in the basement ready to show and ended up renting it that evening to a young man who seemed happy to have a place to lay his head despite the lack of privacy there. I then spent the evening on my web-work, trying desperately to get CassiesCalendar newsletter to work again to no avail. I gave up and watched a pretty interesting video one of my friends had posted Psycics Predicitions for 2012 from 30 yrs ago I re-posted it knowing that if anyone dared to believe it, which most would not, that they may be scared. Still I felt compelled to share anyway in the hopes that if anyone wanted to take this as potentially true and work on straightening out thier lives it would be a good idea, actually its a good idea all the time but most people need motivation. Then I took a bunch of different things for my sinuses including some of the "fish pills" that Randy had brought me before. I put him and everything else out of my mind and went to bed.

Tuesday driving to work it was very difficult listening to my book on CD, The Alchemist , in the car. I had the volume up as high as it would possibly go! I still was trying to find things to help me get better and one pen pal from my angels group told me to try apple cider vinegar, two tablespoons mixed in water. Then I got to thinking about a friend I had not heard back from in quite sometime, I had no idea why but I decided to not push it, she would or would not answer my messages when she felt like it, still it troubled me and I wondered if she was mad at me for something I had no clue about. I had my pen pal get a "read" on it and she said she sensed that she has retreated to heal. So she was heavy on my mind as I drove to a Reiki healing circle share that evening when suddenly the idea came into my head that maybe a mutual friend who was angry with me and bashing me all over the place had said something to her, I heard he was saying all kinds of awful untruths about me trying to turn people against me, this friend knew me well and defended me but others do not know me as well as he does. The social circle crowd is full of hurt people who do not behave in the best of ways when they percive they are slighted in some way, its down right nasty actually and I can't tell you how many times people have been angry at me for something and I had no clue and in the end they found out they had mistakenly listened to false information. Its tough being a leader let me tell you, but over the years I have learned to not let it bother me, those who are meant to be in my life find thier way back in time and those who do not that also is fine.... I had no idea if I was right but I sent the angles to handle it and sent her love and light.

The Reiki healing sesssion was very nice, we took turns sharing and giving energy to each other and I was glad to use some of my rusty skills, primarily using my energy on my SpiritStones to give out is nice but its even more rewarding to feel the heat when I am transfering the energy directly to a person, and to hear them say how wonderful it makes them feel. After we did that we held hands in a circle and sent energy to the planet and to the people on it and were encoruaged to name names of people whom we wish to send healing energy to. The friend who hadn't answered my messages was the first name out of my mouth, then my sons and my father and others that I knew. I decided to also include Randy and then reluctantly the name of the man who is angry with me and bashing me to our mutual friends, I know deep down what a good guy he can be, I also know some of his story and thusly his pain. At then end of the evening the Reiki teacher had various types of card decks out and told us to ask a question and to draw one card, my card said YES, your intuition is right now go and do what is needed to remedy the situation. I knew it meant the friend, all I could think of doing was to continue to send out love and healing energy to her and thats what I started to do, regularly, each time she came to mind...

Wednesday was an un-remakable day, still sick but slightly better. I took Jeremy to buy his groceries and then out to dinner. He got a bit emotional because a court notice had come in the mail. He cried and said his life is still a mess, I tried to comfort him some and wish he could see what I see, its been over a year and no seizure, he drinks less, he smokes less, no drugs, he doesnt fight with me and he's restless to get back to work. Time has brought him healing to him and to our relationship as well I am glad he lives here with me now. In the evening my trainer at the gym called me and I told her I wanted to put the sessions on hold. She was trying to get me to come in, because she gets paid if I come in, but I told her it was senseless for me to use the sessions now when I am sick every other week, I told her I need time to heal before I can get back into working out 3 or 4 times a week again. Its a waste of time to use a trainer if I am not going regularly but I know I will feel more up to it soon and I am not going to feel bad about myself for not feeling like doing it now.

Thursday was the first day of March and I recalled how my grandmother alwasy used to say that if March came in like a lion it would go out like a lamb. It was a cold and drizzly day here and I hoped that counted. After work I went over to Walmart and on an impulse bought a kite, why not I thought? It may be a good way to get some fun exerscise for my new group, and also reliving childhood can often bring up old memories to heal as well. In the parking lot the sky was amazing, a big divide of clear sky vs cloudy, as if it was trying to decide if it wanted to be a lion or lamb. I got a shot of it with my cell phone, see below:

It seemed a fitting sight for the day and made me think of the earth and its cycles of wellness (sunny skies) and of healing (storms and clouds).

Friday I had to drive over to PA for a meeting for work, total waste of my time that was! But since I was over there I contacted Mary and had dinner with her. I had brought up to Mary about the one friend who wasn't answering my messages, she told me she sensed something had hurt her and she had retreated. Invite her to lunch she said, I decided not to do that but I did decided to keep messaging her now and again, she'll come around Mary said. We talked about Randy briefly, she said it was a shame he chose to not heal and grow, how he'd wasted this lifetime, but that it was right of me to stay away from him now and to not keep causing injury to myself because of him. I told her though that I no longer hurt over him, he may want to keep punishing me and being prideful by allowing that woman who does not love him stay there as a barrier to us but that's ok and I am greatful really that she is there otherwise I would have been in her shoes and I wasn't happy when I was there, he just lies wayyyyy too much and lies cause me such internal distress as I sense them but can't believe someone whom I love would be so dishonest with me. After that we headed out. She had a reading to go do and I was really sick by that time of day what with the long drive the long meeting not having acces to my meds and such. She told me that she could see my energy was a mess! So when I finally got home at 8pm I went straight to bed.

Saturday I had a walking event for my group http://www.meetup.com/FunandEasyFitness/ , it was a foggy and drizzly day and many backed out but one person posted and said he was coming so I went, we ened up with one more and the three of us walked for 30 minutes before the rain stopped us. We went out for a nice breakfast though and talked and ended up getting on the topic of pain and therapy and family problems, one really poured out a big problem and the other two of us gave some comfort and advice. We each had a little bit to share of our painful pasts we were healing from. I joked and said we should call this walking-talking and therapy! But see this is why I no longer like the big events with tons of people, these kind we get to know one another on a deeper level. Ah but to each thier own. I brought up the kite flying idea to them and the one guy told me he had several kites in his truck! I guess then you will be up to a kite flying event I asked and will you help me with locations and such and he was very interested. I really think doing some of the things we did as kids is going to be fun and theraputic!

So today I want you to be mindful of yourselvess and to take some time and slow down and see where you need to rest and heal. Also look at some of your relatioships and see if they perhaps need a little care and comfort. I told them today that all any of us really wants is to be loved, just the way we are and I know that each of us were let down in our lives by someome, be it a parent or a sibling or a mate or whoever. Take some time and heal those hurts the best you can......it will open up so many possiblities in your life!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

2-27-12 Heart of Truth

2012-02-27T11:21:00.004-08:00

“What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own.”

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~

2-27-12 Heart of Truth

So Friday after posting the learning to love myself blog and my work day was over I was exhausted so I took a nap after work hoping to have the energy to go to the Dinner Dance that I had been sent a free ticket to attend. It looked like fun and it was all inclusive so I wanted to go, but I was just way too tired to go. My sinus stuff is really kicking my behind big time, and nearly everyone I know has sinus issues. I personally think it has to do with chem-trails, I have know about them for years now, and finally its becoming main stream knowledge. Still wish I knew how to fight them.... but I digress. I happily spent the evening doing some of my online work. At one point I saw a posted video from True Path Readings, the guy in Indiana who reads my cards. It was a Katy Perry video The One That Got Away. I had heard the song many a time and it made me think of Randy every time but I never saw the video. It really surprised me to see that in the video her boyfriend died in a crash, of course this immediately made me think of Randy up there snowmobiling in Vermont, even he knew danger was lurking for him! So I commented to Ray that this was NOT helping me to forget my daredevil! and he replied Oh Cassie! But since my angel card of the day had been St Michael I decided to pray and ask him to go watch over him, I can't let my love for him hurt me anymore but it doesn't mean that I can't care. In another life we can be together but not this one...

Saturday I woke up early and headed out for my Walking and Talking event for my Fun and Easy Fitness Meetup group. I was blustery cold and I was surprised to see that 7 people came! We only walked for 20 minutes but it was fun and we all went to the diner after for some breakfast, the special with tax and tip was only $5, can't beat that! I went home and happily scheduled one for the following Saturday at a new location. In the evening there was a Board Game Meetup at my new friends house, the one who lives 2 blocks from Randy, I felt better when I saw his truck there and knew he was home safe and not up riding. I got a text from my spiritual adviser about an hour after I got there asking me why was she thinking of me at that time, dang spirits need to give this thing a rest! I replied to her and put it all out of my mind and enjoyed my time at the event. It was soooo much fun, we all had a grand time and she promised to host more, its so nice to have friends in my same town who want to hang out, in Flemington I had friends but everyone was so busy all the time. They are going to join me in my beach picnics this summer! I am so so very happy that I moved down this town even if I am not going to be with Randy, my heart is still much happier here.

When I got home I checked my e-mails really quick and saw that someone had replied to my blog post, she told me all about her life now and how rough it is and wound it up with:
i just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. It is going to help me figure out my messy life.
This blessed me so much and I wrote her back and wished her well, saying I would pray for her and send her Reiki and that she should be so very proud of all she has done so far in her life.I was very glad that these pourings out of my heart and the little lessons I include could help another, she wrote me the next day also and said she was going to start trying to write too. I was so glad.

Sunday I got up and decided to go take my Centery class at the gym. I was so tired and sore that I only did half of the class and then headed home. My sinus stuff was so bad that I was having trouble hearing. I did some online work and then napped. In the evening I was too tired to go out. I ended up calling my spiritual adviser and asked her why did she think Randy had lied to me? She said she wasn't sure that it's almost like lying has become a way of life for him, perhaps he wanted to see how I would react or where it would go. I told him this was bothering me why he lied was a puzzle that I wanted to solve. She said when I speak to him again I should call him on it and ask him. I told her I have no intention of ever contacting him again. You'll speak to him she told me, if you go long enough he will contact you and you will answer him. I told her she was probably right and that annoyed me, I am so disgusted with him for leading me to believe she left when she had not and he knew full well she had not and I am especially mad when we were returning home and he insulted me with the I wish you didn't live near me you are harder to hide comment. My heart and soul thrives on truth and is destroyed with lies and half truths. No wonder I had been weary the whole time I was with him and why I was so hungry too I was starving for truth. I had done my soul a great disservice by being with him these last two years, I have much Karama to pay for this and scars to heal inside my heart. I have always worked very hard to be an honest person, and I do not lie but I was living in that lie, and with that lie and I damaged my heart. That is probably why it's been aching so, it no longer was a heart of truth. It is time to heal that, I wouldn't want to go on and try to find someone new until I fix it and thus the vibration it gives out. I must first learn to be honest and true to myself.

Today I want you all to pray and seek guidance and "get to the heart of things" seek the truth in your lives.Hold things up to the light and look at them closely. It will take much courage and fortitude but its the only way to lead a truly healthy life. And only a heart that reveals itself in truth can keep another truly close without causing harm.........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne
Creator of The Secret

When we first learn The Secret it is a defining moment in our life. We realize that everything we have experienced in our life was an effect, and that we caused those experiences through our thoughts and feelings.
In one incredible moment we come face-to-face with the fact that we have been the cause of many good things in our life, but we have also unintentionally brought pain and suffering to ourselves. At the same time, we realize that the future is entirely in our hands, that every possibility can be realized, and that we can easily change anything and everything in our life - through our thoughts and feelings.

Rhonda Byrne
The Secret... bringing joy to billions

2-24-12 Learning to Love Myself- part 2

2012-02-24T09:54:00.000-08:00

Friday I woke up to this in my newsfeed, confirming my task at hand for myself:

Can you LOVE yourSelf?

It’s The ULTIMATE FORMULA For JOY!

It’s really simple.
...
Existence is conscious energy.
It creates and explores patterns within itself.
As it evolves form and intellligence these beings (you and I) can
create our own energetic patterns or ‘magnetic resonance’ through
our thoughts and expectations fueled by our emotions.

The easiest and simpliest way to create my perfect environment
is to love myself completely and emotionally all the time. This will
automatically synchronize my experience with all the elements to reinforce my self-love and joy.

- Lou Majors

So there I had it, that still was the problem facing me, the reason I was still fat despite my best efforts, the reason I was still alone with out a partner, the reason that was holding me back from all my highest goals. I recalled how two years ago my business partner Victor used to get on my case telling me I didn't love myself, and I swore that I did and he asked me what does it mean what does it feel like what does it look like? I couldn't really answer him, and he'd nag me so much on it. (yeah he was one of those soul mate teachers in my life) But I digress, I guess the real reason I don't know what this looks and feels like is because I never was taught it as a child. But hey its time to give that up and get going on this, but the first thing I am NOT going to do is beat myself up for the fact that I still haven't learned this lesson. I am just going to get right back on task.

So today I want you all to ask yourself Do you love yourself? And HOW do you love yourself and how does it feel? I'd love for you all to share here in the comments, we can make this a group project and learn together!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Whitney Houston - Greatest Love of All

2-24-12 Learning to Love Myself

2012-02-24T09:23:00.001-08:00

2-24-12 Learning to Love Myself

Tuesday morning I drove past Randy's house to see if her car was there, I had gone by the day before each time I ran out to run an errand and it wasn't there so I thought he had been lying about her coming back. This time it was there, so either she was back or he had only led me to believe she had left. Or who knows maybe in his mind he led me to think that so we'd have a better weekend? Or perhaps he was testing the waters with me to see if I really did want him? Who knows but one thing I knew for sure I wanted it all to stop. At this moment in time I don't even want to be his friend let alone think of more. He has always lied to me, or misled me or kept things from me and this is why there has always been turmoil. I prayed all the way to work and asked the angles to help me to forget he exists, move on and find someone new and to never look back again. My love for him is strong so I need strong help on this one. I wish I knew what it is in me that kept me believing and holding on, I have spent a great deal of my life waiting for someone to be with me, holding on to hope, not stepping into something real. I guess the real issue here is that I do not trust love so I settle for the possibility of love, that's so much safer to me. Sounds odd I know but I know many with this affliction, perhaps if I can beat it I can help others....... How does one set about learning to trust love, to grab it and live it instead of sit and wait and hope for it? Or worse yet semi-date someone who isn't truly available? That was the question spinning around and around in my brain as I went about my day. And just what was wrong with me that I had believed in him, wanted him, not wanted more for myself? Shortly after that this popped up in my news feed:

It confirmed to me that I wasn't crazy that he was a soul mate, this was a big point with me and why I kept going back. But instead of him being the soul mate for me to marry and spend the rest of my life with he was the soul mate to teach me some lessons. And I was pushed to the brink of nutcase on this one, wanting far too much to believe in what could be instead of just facing what is. I also learned that I still compromised and re-drew that line far too much, that I am not strong enough on who I really am when it comes to filling that aching gaping need inside me, that big burning desire to be LOVED. I am firmly convinced that no one really finds love until they do not NEED it anymore. And the only way to not need it is to love YOURSELF.

Another point this brings up with me is my weight issues, despite the fact that I have been going to the gym and being more active I haven't lost much weight. Main reason is I stress eat, and I sad eat, and I lonely eat, and I want a man eat. That is eat when I am upset or worried and eat when I really want love, that void in there is pretty big and it takes a lot to fill it. I have read some books and articles on the subject but I didn't really get it until today. All weekend long Randy had nagged me on my eating, and I did eat a good bit more than what is the norm for me, blaming it on my allergies and that my body must be craving energy to fight it off and I was so tired too but really I was eating to fulfill the unmet yearnings being with him leaves me, the yearning for true and deep affection and companionship. But this day, this day that I cut myself free of that thing with him that yearning for him and wanting love from him, this day my appetite was down, way down. No cookies for me, I had soup and salad for lunch and my energy was up, way up! I had flipped a switch by deciding that I did not NEED Randy to love me and want to be my mate. Now to remember where that switch is located in case I trip a circuit sometime!

Wednesday I stumbled across an article by Osho called Love or Mutual Masturbation, I love how blunt he is! It made me again see what I always knew but kept ignoring, that I had tried to build a relationship around good sex, when we had no hobbies in common, our sleeping and eating schedules did not match, nor how clean we like to keep our surroundings, his messiness is downright unhealthy!. I do not like riding things fast and he does not like going slow enough to see the scenery. And he was never content to go do the things I wanted to do like movies or karaoke or dinner out with friends, he is far too childish to have an adult conversation (and he wonders why people answer his Craigslist ads to go riding then blow him off once they meet him). But both of us out of our deep need to be loved tried to make that proverbial square peg fit in the round hole. I need to get back to the business of loving ME by going out and doing what I love to do, classes at the gym, walking, biking, sightseeing, spending time by the water....and its been so long since I went to a museum! That's what I need to do I told myself. With that in mind, and the unseasonably warm day, when I finished work I headed down to the beach to walk the shore and pick up shells. First I drove by the house on Sunset that I had wanted to buy just to see if they were still there, yep they were. The I drove around looking for other homes for sale with that same view, I am not giving up on that vision that I had of me sitting working from a deck with that view of the bay. Then I went to Cliffwood Beach and walked around and Oh how glorious it was , the sounds of the waves gently lapping were as soothing to my soul as if it were a baby being rocked and sang to in its mothers arms. I guess the earth is my mother though and that is why it soothes my soul so much. I love and nurture myself by spending time in nature. It was Ash Wednesday and the beginning of a new moon--40 days of Lent a time of deep reflection, a time to strip away whatever darkness, confusion, and old patterns cover the sun-the Light- in our hearts. Then, in the spring, we can be reborn into our true nature- our authentic self-on the first full moon in springtime. Yes yes that is what I am going to do. For Lent I give up the NEED to be loved and all the crazy things that need drove me to do.....

Thursday after work I went to see my hospice patient and then to a singles even my friend pulled together. It was the last thing I wanted to do I can't tell you enough how sick I am of the singles scene, especially being an overweight woman over 40. All the men always circle around the few yonger hotter women or the ones in short skirts and high heels. Ugh But then again they just go for that type because of thier own ego insecurities, they want eye candy to show off to thier friends so they look good. I can't tell you how many men I have been a friend and confidante to, who deeply loved me, yet would never date me because of my size. Ahh but does that really matter now? It shouldn't. At any rate I ened up being glad that I went as I talked to a few people who really needed a friend, and were probably feeling a bit insecure themselves. One in particular who really needs help as she is starting a new job, she asked if I had any SpiritStones with me but I did not. I really need to get brave and order some more of those to sell. But anyway I charged her ring for her with some energy and told her to contact me when she gets started as I may trade in my car if I can get a good deal.

Friday I woke up to this in my newsfeed, confirming my task at hand for myself:

contined: http://cassiespath4.blogspot.com/2012/02/2-24-12-learning-to-love-myself-part-2.html

2-21-12 Conditional Love

2012-02-20T18:09:00.000-08:00

Our job is unconditional love.

The job of everyone else in our life is to push our buttons.Byron Katie

2-21-12 Conditional Love

Friday bright and early at 5:50 am I got a text from Randy...I'll be there at 6 he said...I told you I need 20 minutes I sent back....OK....he arrived at 6:11am LOL The kid that he is was all excited to get up there. We hit the road and talked and talked and talked like we always do, me doing more listening than talking, but that's ok its always been my personality and I am quite content that way. He looked over at me and asked "do you like me?" and I said sure I like you, we are friends, to which he frowned. I told him now you know get along better that way, leave it be. Then I asked him what he did with the big box of chocolates I got him and he said they were sooo good, he has them next to his bed and eats some everynight. I asked didn't she ask where they came from, he said she hasn't been home. No ? No, not for 2 weeks he said sheepishly. Where did she go? I don't know she split took the dog and left the kids. He said there was something said about going up north to take care of grandma but I am not sure. I asked a series of questions and found out that not only was she and her dog gone but so was all her clothes, half the dishes, all the tolietries, pictures from the wall, and the attic was bare. But the kids were still there and they weren't talking about her at all. I think she left ya I told him.. Maybe he said.. More questions later and I got out of him that she left when he had his vacation scheduled, just a couple weeks after her youngest kid turned 18 and she had threated to do so countless times before. I was speachless. I then asked how are you going to afford to pay the utilites and the grocery bills for them? I am not he said, the pantry's about bare they will have to start buying food instead of spending money on cigarettes, video games and going out clubbing. I was still floored. I don't care if they are 18 and 21 what kind of mother dissapears on her kids I told him? And how can you afford that electric bill, wasn't it in her name? Has it been paid since she left? Nope, the older boy is gonna have to pay it he said. I also asked about Valentines day, saying that I had felt like my one rose had been pulled from a bigger bouqet. He said no I got her a dozen pink ones, they are still sitting on the table and the cats are eating them. I asked why he got them and he said in case she came home and was mad there was nothing. He then told me the older kid came and gave him an unsigned card and a box of candy and said it was from her. He said he didnt belive it was from her especially since she got him nothing for Christmas. I said I thought you told me she bought you running shoes for Christmas? No I nought them for me and she was supposed to wrap them and pay me back but she didn't. Wow I said...all she got me for my birthday was a box of ding dongs he said and she threw those at me. I had nothing to say about how sad and pathetic I thought it all was. But this is the life he chose over trying to grow and change and get me back. He told me he was glad she was gone though....

We arrived at the hotel shortly after 1 and I wanted to go get lunch, I get ill if I get too far off schedule. But after all the teasing we had done to each other all the way there he wanted some pokey. So we wound up going out for food at 4 and eating in the car as we drove up from St Johnsbury to Island Pond. He wanted to check out the snow conditions as there really wasn't much near the hotel. Before we left I got out a big white SpiritStone and we both held it as I charged it with the intention for snow for him to ride out of the hotel the next morning (I was hoping to be able to have the truck and not be stuck ALL day in the hotel). When we got to Island Pond it looked a bit mushy and not totally frozen so when he wanted me to go for a ride with him I opted to sit in the resteraunt and read my book. He rode for about an hour then came back and got me and rode me a short distance to the bon fire. That was fun we had brownies and tea and watched the snowmobiles come in. I got video video2 of that too. We hung out a bit and then went back to the hotel, ordered dinner and hung out in the hot tub some before going to bed. We had two beds but he came over and got in mine with me till I feel asleep. I hoped that I didn't snore and bother him in the night, that was a BIG issue with us when we dated and it drove us apart, he never ever stopped complaining about it instead of us working out solutions. He thinks its silly that I left him over that but he hurt my feelings over it so many times I couldn't stay... Right before bed I asked him, do you think she will come back? Probably he said....

Saturday I woke up before him and saw three snowmobilers heading out the trail behind the hotel and they had no problems, there had been some snow the night before! . I couldn't wait for him to wake up so I could tell him and I peeked over and noticed the ear plugs in his ears. *sigh* he said I didn't snore but I can't imagine him having those in unless I had. Oh well. When he got up we went down to breakfast together and he wound up talking to some other sledders and decided to drive back up to Island Pond to ride. That meant I was stuck all day at the hotel with no car. I didn't really mind though I spent the day online, reading, napping and watching TV, a much needed lazy day. He texted in the early evening Hot Tub at 9pm, I sent back and OK and ordered our dinner of spagetti and meatballs so it would arrive at 8, we could eat and go together. The place called about one and a half hours later to say they were out of pasta!! I called him all upset about 8:45 and he was just arriving back. In the end I had to call a new place then wait for the food while he went to the Hot Tub alone. He didn't stay long though as the place was full of noisy sledders drinking beer and throwing hamburgers around the place like foot balls. So we had a nice evening together but I told him I really do not ever want to move up here, I know we tossed that possiblity around at one point but no way can I deal with the lack of take out or even grocery stores. He said he was seriously re-thinking that himself.

Sunday he woke up and decided that he was going to leave from the hotel. He wanted me to ride with him but looking at that steep hill, and the tales he told of how bumpy the trail had been the day before caused me to chicken out. He was very dissapointed and I told him I was very sorry that I had intended to ride with him a bit on sunday when I told him I wanted to but now in the moment, I was too afraid. It remined me of the summer two years ago when I had come up there with him and chickend out on riding the motorcycle with him. I truly believe if I was meant to ride I would have foumd the courage, he does take awful risks, and rides really fast and he told me himself he is afraid to ride alone anymore, picturing himself injured along the trail and no one finding his body for days. But anyway we had decided to go home that day instead of stay till monday due to the lack of snow and I was glad. The plan was I was going to hang at the room till 1pm then pack the trucj and hang in the lobby by the fireplace with my book while he rode and then we'd head home about 4pm. I had saved half of my dinner from the night before to eat for lunch and was quite content with the plan. But he wasn't gone even a hour when the phone rang, his sled had broken down and I had to get the truck and go pick him up. He was very dissapointed about it breaking down yet again as he had put so much money into it. We drove around and saw some scenery in the truck and he told me he really thinks he's about done and tired of riding and he may give it up, or at least go back to just one sled and come less often and he's pretty darn sure he won't move up here now when he retires.

Later in the day we went to eat lunch before heading home, as we started to walk into the resteraunt he reached for my hand, I started to take it but he was walking too fast and I hadn't been feeling well the whole trip. I said no I do not want to hold your hand I don't want to start acting like that when so much is unsettled. What I was really thinking was when you haven't told me you want to find a way for us to live together now. He looked really sad about it but I just wasnt feeling like budging. So I started in on him about her and he better think about if he wants her back or not and if he does he needs to call and apologize and try to do better, that he could have fixed things with me if he had tried but he didn't. He again said that he just sits back and ends up with what comes to him he has no choices and I said no you DO have choices but you are stubborn and you let them pass you by. We started to head home and he kept talking about the snowmoblie should he fix it, ditch it replace it what, I talked about the kind of man I hoped to find and how I wanted to spend my life near the shore. I gave him the snow SpiritStone though and told him to keep it in his snowmobile jacket to always bring him snow and also to keep him save. We stopped at a Power sports store and he got his eye on a new snowmobile there and I knew what he was going to end up doing.... He then started to comment on how no one had texted or called him all weekend. He was kinda worried about that too so I told him why doesn't he check in? He said oh I bet when I get home she's there. I rolled my eyes. We spent a good deal of the ride home just poking each other's buttons, I honestly don't know why we keep doing this to one another, or should I say I don't know why I do this to him. I have spent all this time growing and evolving and changing and ask any of my really close friends they will say that I have, but when it comes to Randy I still act like a child, and insecure, messed up, totally guarded child. When he dropped me off I was so annoyed with him that when he said see you soon I said No you won't please leave. He did with out a word and the next day when I told him sorry that I had broken my promise to not get mad at him anymore he just said something snotty and I said something snottier back. Ugh I am so ashamed of my behavior. But here we are two people dangling our hearts on a string, keeping them from one another, wanting to be sure all conditions are correct for us to share them. Then again I think I have every right to dangle mine after the way he's treated me, but he thinks the same of me..... *sigh* I know there are lessons here yet for me to learn.......and I shall pray for guidance for that bigger issue. I know it will come... Mary says thought that I kept reacting so guardedly because he never was totally honest with me and he never behaved fully like a grown up relationship so that makes me feel better. But all I can do is try to find the lesson and keep moving onward with my life.

Today I want you to look at your life and your relationships and see where your are loving conditionally, or where you are pushing buttons of the ones that you really do love but just can't seem to show it or let go and feel it and go with the flow of love...... It's a tought thing to do, to just Love and be Loved, no strings attached.........but its by far the most important thing you ever do.....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

RIP Whitney Houston

I Will Always Love You Official Music Video
http://youtu.be/8QaI-M9sxW4

2-17-12 Melting A Cold Cold Heart

2012-02-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

The truth is that there is only one terminal dignity - love. And the story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.
Helen Hayes, 1900-1993

2-17-12 Melting A Cold Cold Heart

Monday after work I went to the Nursing home to see my hospice patient. She seemed a little agitated as always, worrying over things that she wasn't able to communicate and then crying some. She did get a big smile as I was saying goodbye to her when I told her to have a Happy Valentines Day the next day. I wished she'd let go so she could go home to her husband and spend the day with him, but she is not yet ready to let go, she has said that before, I am not ready to go yet is very clear in her mumblings. I had texted Randy before going in there that I had used all my fish pills and that I was 50% better, good he had replied I will bring you more. While driving home he called me and told me all about his snowmobiling trip and how much this guy had put him down but how in the end his expensive and new snowmobile had broken down and he had to give him a ride and look up how to fix it and repair it in the parking lot at the hotel. He was all proud of himself but he swore to never ride with that guy again. Looks like I am going to get to go to Vermont next weekend and he said yes he'd rather spend the weekend with me. He talked to me all the way home and while I was unpacking my mail, I told him oh goody your V-day gift arrived! He sounded displeased, and I knew him well enough to know why, because now he HAS to go out and get me something, not because he doesnt care but because he doesn't like to spend the money. I didn't say one way or the other just commented that it wasn't nice to act that way when I had just excitedly told him I got him a gift , he mumbled something about geezee it's tomorrow and geezzee I need to work on my sled but I just ignored it.

Meanwhile back at home and there was much hustle and bustle in my home and noise from the basement. turns out one of my roommates had turned my basement into a tattoo parlor and was giving someone a tattoo down there. I asked Jeremy about it and who did Ed think he was and Jeremy said he's not hurting anything and he's trying to make his rent money for ya before you go away....couldn't argue with that I guess. LOL I started wondering if I should get brave and get one.... In the evening I worked some on my blog edits but kept getting distracted by facebook, one of Jeremy's old friends from our old town, a cute boy who adopted me as his Mom had posted something and I replied to it teasing him about a new job, then he posted he liked boys and I knew someone was messing with his site so I texted him and said either you came out of the closet or someones on your account, he got upset called me and dealt with it then texted me later saying the other guy was acting like a dick, I said no he's acting like himself LOL This whole thing amused me to no end though and made me feel glad to have these boys, who seem like family, as a part of my life. Oh and also my older boy Dustin had written me that day as well asking for some guidance on if any of my friends could help him to invest this lump sum payment he was getting from the Air Force. See he knows who his mom is even if we don't see eye to eye on religion... I went to bed that night feeling pretty good, watched part of the move Valentines Day and drifted to sleep......and just after midnight my phone woke me going drrrroooooiiiiiddddd.....

When I woke up in the morning my first thought was now who the heck texted me after midnight? It had been Randy wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day! Now how do you respond to a just after midnight, just after you got into deep sleep Happy Valentine's Day text? Well with a soon as you wake up and read it just after 5am Happy Valentines day text of course! LOL I waited all day to hear from him.....finally when I got home at 5 I saw he had texted at 4:15 (on his way to work) . It said I love You, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. I was torn between feeling good about the I love you and annoyed that he had to wait till he was not with his family so he could then text me. I was slightly indignant and very sad about that for me AND for them, recalling how I felt when I was his girlfriend and he snuck and called his ex-GF when he was at work or late at night on holidays after I had gone to sleep. I didn't want to say I love you back, I didn't want to feel I love you back, loving him means pain to me because I am still at the point of loving someone means I want to BE with them, and no one can BE with Randy he's too free for that. I settled for You Do? Are you sure? LOL...his reply: Uh happy holiday C U tonite.....I couldn't resist one poke and replied what happened you sent the message to the wrong person? No duh he replied so I said OK c u 9:30....and my phone rang and it was Mary checking on me, she was really hoping that he would get me something for V-day and she was calling to see if he had. I told her maybe, that he was sneaking over after work, probably telling them he had extra deliveries for V-day. I told her he said he loved me and she said he does love you with Randy love, which always leaves you wanting. Yup I know I told her, not worries. TODAY he's what I have..in the future I hope God brings me more but I am going to be grateful today for what I do have. Besides I told her each sandpaper moment I get through with him smooths off a few of my rough edges, I am finally learning to just let things go and not start fights over it. Good she said very good. And I told her my philosophy on guys:

when a woman is in her teens or 20's the advice is Guys are like buses, there's always another one coming around soon. But when a woman is in her 50's like I am, men are more like an old car, sure its old and its rusty, it breaks down often and it doesn't get you as far as you want to go but if you get rid of it you won't have anything to get you anywhere! Better to keep it around till something better comes along.....ya ya sounds kinda sad, but it's practical and its living in the moment with gratitude for what you do have.... After that I went online to finish my Birthday posts, I go around to each profile my main one and my spiritual one and my cassies caldendar one and wished people Happy Birthday. One I noticed someone from my calender site, who wasn't as old as me it said she had passed on, that was surprising and I thought about how annoying she could be at events, it made me pause wish I had been nicer to her. I read a few more posts and then noticed people talking about the Google Doodle for V-day so I went to check it out, it really got to me I gotta say, I really could relate to the girl with the cold cold heart, but as you can see it wasn't gifts she wanted all she really wanted was for the boy to spend time and play with her.

I went to bed to wait for Randy and watched the movie Valentine's Day, course that just got me all stirred up on love and romance and the lack thereof in my life. The movie ended and he still wasn't there, I was just abu to text him that I was going to sleep when he showed up. He was 45 min late, but then again he was a UPS driver and it was Valentines Day. He came in with tales of late night floral deliveries, teddy bears and candies and bearing gifts.....

I noticed that the one rose was silk and one was real, it was already dead, probably hidden in his truck from her, and who knows maybe plucked from a larger buouquet that he got for her. I gave him his very large box of candy and he was really happy with it, I told him I guess we better dump them in a bag I don't know how you can hide this in your truck. He said he wasn't gonna he was going to take it in the house. I hadn't been in the mood for pokey but I did anyway, and he was especially attentive and stayed till past midnight. I did find out he had worked all day at Sears and that's the reason I didn't hear from him till after 4 so that made me feel better too. We also talked about Vermont, I asked were we going and he hemmed and stalled but I held my temper.... I reminded him he was supposed to give me a final answer yesterday. He went though all the reasons to go to Maine with the guys opposed to Vermont with me. In the end I told him he had 24 more hours and then I was making other plans.

The next day my buddy Mike called me, I had asked him to help my son make some investments plans and he said he was going to reply via e-mail soon. So I asked his advice on the Randy thing, and he reminded me that if i am in this I gotta take him as is, he said once he makes up his mind do not get mad if he don't want to take you but if he does, even if its at the last minute go, if you have no better plans.I really hate how you guys are I told him, yeah we suck don't we? Suck it up and deal or walk! he said. I spent spme time going over the meetup calender and found some things to do, I had a 4 day weekend and I was going to enjoy it somehow I thought. So after work when I ran some errands this was on my mind a good bit till finally I just said to the Universe I don't care, I just don't care whatever happens is fine. My phone went drrroooiiiiddd. It was Randy, the text said: would you like to go to Maine with me? I think my whole body smiled, he had thought of a compromise. Sure I said you're driving don't matter to me where ya take me (its all snow to me I thought) LOL. He texted the name of the place to reserch and I told him I would do it soon as I got home. He called later and we discussed it, then he went back the idea of Vermont, thinking of the 11 hr drive Maine would be. So I told him well if you go with that dude you can go with him, then he went on about how it was no fun to share a hotel room with him, he missed me and if we went to Vermont he could ride me around to see some scenery. Whatever you want to do I told him, but know I will not ride for long hours or very fast.. He then asked what did I want, I told him I had found some things to do here and whatever he decided was fine. His call waiting beeped and he said he'd let me know. I was telling Adele, my new Reiki pen pal and she said my goodness he's a mess isn't he? Yup I said, but I understood, to him riding as fast as he could for as long and he can in the frozen wilderness is his love, but that's because he too has a cold cold heart and that's how he deals..... It's so much easier to deal when you understand....

Thursday after work I was finishing up packing for Vermont and telling Jeremy I was pretty sure I was going in the morning. Pretty sure he asked raising an eyebrow at me. Yeah you know how Randy is, but last night he was pretty much deciding he'd go with me. It was just after that I got a text and he wanted to know if I could be ready to leave at 6am. I thought about it and said sure, just text me when you wake up. I doupted he'd get up that early and even if he did I'd throw on a sweatsuit and go, I could nap in the truck if I wanted to. He texted a bit and then ended up calling all excited about our trip and that he was bringing TWO snowmobiles so that I can also ride with him! I had plans for me, my Kindle and the fireplace at the hotel but I told him I would give it a try if a flat place and for a short while. He also said he wanted to go out to dinner at this restraunt and he wanted to go on the sleds, I said after dark I wasnt gonna drive but I would ride on the back. He's like a kid how excited he is, and he finally confessed that he's getting scared about riding the trails alone, he keeps having this vision of breaking down and being stranded. Propbably his guardian angels warning him to be careful! LOL I had drug out my last baggie of SpiritStones, I had the idea to seed the whole ride up there but this made me think of also "planting" some along the VAST trails too. Might be a good idea.... So there you have it, I am heading to Vermont tommorow, with my friend. Randy's real happy I don't fight with him anymore and he's behaving much better because of it. I told him now that I just expect him to be my friend and not my boyfriend I lost all the expectations I had of ya. Good he said.....we'll see how good it is when I start looking for a motorcycle guy this spring. LOL But hey thats not today, today I am just going to enjoy what is.......

So today I want you to think about what it takes to melt a cold cold heart.....just a little peaceful time together, side by side just playing and enjoying and no worries no expectations and just loving with ease. It's not about what you spend ON a person either but more about the quality time you spend WITH them.....how many hearts can you work on melting? And have you started on yours???

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

"Cold Cold Heart"

I've tried so hard my dear to show
That you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid each thing I do
Is just some evil scheme

A memory from your lonesome past
Keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart

Another love before my time
Made your heart sad an' blue
And so my heart is paying now
For things I didn't do

In anger unkind words are said
That make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart

There was a time when I believed
That you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled
To a memory

The more I learn to care for you
The more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart

2-13-12 Infinite Love

2012-02-13T10:41:00.000-08:00

Only the soul knows what Infinite LOVE is.
Rumi ♥

2-13-12 Infinite Love

So Friday late morning just after I got the last blog up my phone rang and it was Randy. He said can ya talk I got a story to tell ya, I said I can work and listen so he proceeded with his tale. He had decided to save the money and drive up to meet the guy for the trip up to Vermont this morning. When he arrived the guy criticized the age of his sled, the brokenness of his trailer, the messiness of his truck, the age of this truck, the old jacket he had and went on and on and said he can't make it on the Maine trip with old broken down stuff like that. Now I know what Randy has and I generally *think* the same thing but I don't say so, he's content with what he's got so be it. Randy said this guy is a real prick, a Virgo, I should have known. I reminded him that I am a Virgo and this is why he and I didn't get along.... Anyway long story short he got in his own truck and was driving up there alone and he said maybe he better just go to Vermont with me next weekend and not go to Maine with those guys. I felt bad that once again he found another friend who ended up not wanting to play with him due to the shabbiness of his clothes and toys, it was like re-living his painful childhood all over again. I wished that I had money to buy him all new stuff...... SMACK! stop it Cassie, it is NOT your job to mother the whole world I reminded myself. He called a second time in the afternoon wanting to ditch the guy all together and go to a different hotel and now answer his phone. I told him that would be mean, he says well the guy acts like he's 13! I had to stifle a giggle, and said well you act like you are 12 and you know it so you two boys need to stop picking at each other and get along. You tell me ALL the time how sad you are that you have no one to ride with, that you are all alone, well not being alone is about having a relationship and that means compromise.........try it...he grumbled but said ok.

I worked through the day and got a lot of work done, however I was still behind. So behind that I had bad dreams that night that my boss wished I was faster. I know he's happy with me, and I know that I give 200%, I gotta find a way to let go of this so it doesn't haunt me. It's just so hard though I am one of those people who has a deep sense of responsibility to get the job done at all costs. But I did turn my computer off at the end of the day and not work late, if I am still level 1 and can't get promoted I have to use the rest of my hours to earn extra money.. I planned to spend my evening working on my blog #1 edits so that I can self publish it but first I had a yearning for shrimp so I headed out to the store for some, my gut steered me right to a store that had my favorite on sale. I called Randy one more time to check on him since he had been so upset, he was at the hotel and he did end up sharing with that guy, he didn't want to talk long, said he'd call later and I said no need have fun....

Saturday I met my friend at the Garden State Home show, she wants to remodel her house and wanted some ideas and I was bored so I went to keep her company. LOL After we went for Pizza and to see a move and then for coffee and dessert! What a long day, I had also went to the gym earlier. It was good though we did a lot of talking about the men and relationships in our lives. She told me though that she thinks I am mean to Randy, she reads my blog and she said that when he came to bring me the fish pills it was nice of him and I had to go and say I wish I had a boyfriend, reminding him that it is NOT him. Course she said, I don't see how you put up with things the way they are and I told her he is a FRIEND now. She said I was only fooling myself on that point that I love him and he loves me. She said that I need to give him an ultimatum, I explained to her why that would never work with him. She said that I need to either walk away completely or I need to accept him exactly the way he is. She said this idea of your mate being your best friend and doing so many things together is nice, and it does exist, but its very rare and she said having separate hobbies is not the worst thing in the world. I told her all the things that Mary has told me about him and how our relationship would be if I choose him, how he would grow in time if I were by his side and she said that didn't sound too bad. I told her though most of all I want just two things from a man, all the rest I have myself. A good sex life and a house. LOL I came home and I texted him, are you still alive I asked, I had texted him about lunch time and he didn't reply which is typical when he's playing, yup was all he said. An hour later, nervous he was having fun and possibly going to blow me off for the following weekend I sent: you ignored my text earlier, i get a one word reply now is it safe to assume i am not going with you next weekend? I got a one word reply- not to which he got a one word reply - FINE..... then he sent- you be ready. I really should know better by now than communicate with him via text......

Sunday my angel card of the day was: Divine Timing and the quote that popped in my news feed was: You that turn stones to gold, change me. Rumi ♥ and then my friend posted this:

so the powers that be were working on me again, pointing me to him again and I knew it. It's true, I have the god given power to turn my SpiritStones to something wonderful, being with me, the example I set he would follow, its not like he's an uncaring jerk it's just he's never had a good example to follow. And it's true that the many reasons that I get upset with him is that he doesn't meet some perceived NEED that I have, some requirement, like the application to be my mate is like submitting a resume and unless you have the keywords you get tossed.Yes he's still in the friend zone but I really am going to work more on unconditional loving and accepting of him just the way he is. My needs are not his responsibility, nor anyone else's.........they are God's and he will meet them as he sees fit.....because he loves me and I must trust more in THAT Love.

Today, instead of running and searching to find that elusive perfect love, or whatever love you feel you lack that is possibly making you sad for Valentines Day tomorrow I want you to remember to love the people that you have in your life NOW. Let go of your ego's longings and love unconditionally, and that means yourself as well. Love yourself before you loose those extra pounds, or get that promotion or stop that nasty habit and love the people in your life even if they don't show up every time that you feel you need them there or if they snore or if they want pizza and you want hot dogs for dinner. Stop it already and just LOVE who and what shows up, just the way they show up. Then and only then will you have love the NEVER leaves, then you will know the real meaning of infinite love...........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

When ego disappears,
Unconditional Love appears.

2-10-12 Light for the Longings

2012-02-10T07:19:00.000-08:00

Full moon calls to the heart - Tell me what you ache for. And the heart whispers to the full moon- silver secrets and iridescent dreams. What are the dreams you left behind- the places you have not gone, the life you have not lived? Tell the moon. She will listen, and light your way. Bring out from the moon shadows what longs to be lived. Oriah Mountain Dreamer

2-10-12 Light for the Longings

Tuesday I went to the office and had a ton of stuff to do. My associates had done some stuff when I was out but not everything that I do. I also had a lot of requests for stuff to do and I pushed back on some of it. I have been driving myself too hard and making myself sick in the process and now that I know I am never going to get promoted I have no desire to go all the extra miles for this company. Even when I slow down I am still doing the work of 3 people for them, I do not feel guilty anymore for pushing back. Now the question remains, will they see the light and promote me or will I get traded to a new group? For now I am leaving this one to the Universe...

I was supposed to have a coffee date with a guy from Craigslist after work but I asked him if we could push it back to Friday, I needed to go to the gym and to the library. He didn't even reply to me at all. I really hate going through all the creeps and the jerks and the losers to find one descent guy to date from the online ads, yet still it seems to be the best place to find someone, all the guys who come to meetup there are 6 or 8 other women there before me per guy and most of them do not want a relationship that is why they are out at meetup every night. Also it's hard to wade through a cesspool of human sludge and not come out stinking yourself on the other side, which is what's wrong with most singles today, they are all jaded, and justifiably so. I like most everyone else on the dating scene these days expect the worst , and thats really no way to do it, because you do get what you expect. I am still working on the answer to that problem. ...

At lunchtime I went to my wallet to get money out and it seemed to me that $100 was missing. It haunted me all afternoon, I do keep my purse locked up at home now but there is one key hidden in the box where my angel cards are, I figured anyone who would look at those wouldn't steal from me. It bugged me and bugged me and I got to thinking how I kept smelling pot, not for real but as a warning, and then I recalled that Jeremy's friend who always drove him to the place to buy had been down last night... Yet I didn't want to believe my own son would take money from me now, when I am so desperate in need for it. I prayed dear angels, please show me who took my money.......and my phone rang.....it was jeremy and I felt that meant it was him. He seldom calls me during the day but he called to tell me he had made the call to unemployment. I of course confronted him and he of course denied it, but when I said I always keep my purse locked up but you must have found where I hid the spare key he went silent. I can't begin to tell you the sadness of this betrayal was. Not that he hasn't stolen from me before, but it was worse now, in Flemington he had been surrounded by rich kids who regularly took money from thier parents but now we lived in a new area and I had hoped the examples of the boys he hangs with now would teach him something...

I went home and changed and went right back out to the gym, not even waiting to talk to him. It bugged me and bugged me not knowing what was truth, I was too close to this problem to trust my hunches, so I texted Mary. I got a text back right away but it was not her it was Randy, he said he had some "fish pills" for me, he's worried about my heart and thinks they will help. We, being distrustful of doctors and not having extram money for co-pays and extra visits and sometimes not even having any insurance, have been using these for years when we think we have infections. He thinks its my overactive sinusus that are over taxing my heart and causing the squeezing, I am sure there is truth to that. Anyway.... he said he was bringing them over when he got off work and I said good. Between then and when he came Mary texted and said yes he did take my money but to go easy on him he's a good boy. When Randy came he said that he "didn't see it" and if he had taken that much he would have seen it and I know him well enough to know that he is right. The next day Mary said if he took any in his mine he was not stealing only borrowing and in the end I decided to let it go. Fear of lack has me off kilter in this area.

It was really nice to see Randy though, he came in and layed on my bed with me, he always looks so cute in his UPS uniform and I rolled over and hugged him and he smelled so good. I told him this is what I want a nice smelling boyfriend to come home to me at night. He said he could be that boyfriend and I said no you can't you live over there with THEM, and he said but I like coming home to you, they ignore me, playing video games or drinking with buddies, she don't even look at me or talk to me they are all just using me for a place to live. I cut him off and asked about snowmobiling--- that story led to something I don't like, this weekend he is going with his new friends to Vermont and next weekend he is supposed to got and take me, I have even already started packing! BUT....now he says they are going to Maine for those 4 days and he may want to go with them. I didn't get mad, I understood why he wanted to go when he explained it, its so rare for him to find people to ride with, and his vacation had been cut short... So I said well I guess I will start unpacking, and darn it I cancelled my workshop and offered my ticket I had already bought for Mardi Gras, I wonder if I can get that back?? But he said no no just wait I am not sure yet if I want to go with them, I have to see how this weekend goes

Wednesday I was working from home and the cat did his usual trick of sleeping on the rug NEXT to the bed that I bought for him see:

I do not understand why he does this! Its a nice soft warm bed! So I texted Randy and showed him the picture and I asked him to use his powers and tell the cat to get in his bed. I focused on my work and then 10 minutes later I looked and he was in his bed! see other picture:

I texted with Randy later and said did you do that? Yup was his reply. I thanked him and then he reminded me to take my "fish pills". After work I took Jeremy to buy his groceries for the week and he even bought us some Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner. Then later in the evening I sat there and got to thinking and feeling so sad and lonely and then I texted Randy whining and complaining about how lonely I was and how unfair it all is that she who does not appreciate him or treat him well gets to live with him and I am left alone, it got so bad that he called me and we talked awhile. I told him he needs to tell the universe that he does not want me so that I can be free. We talked a long time the details I won't get into but he thinks I am too picky and I want too much from a guy and I should just pick one already. He really had me bugging out for a bit but just before bed my reading from Adele came, you can read it below if you really want to know or if you want to learn how reading work. But all in all the answer is the same, the universe is working on it, so work on ME and do what I LOVE and find my own passion. Yes I would be unhappy if committed to a man who would leave me on Valentines weekend to go to Maine with the guys, and he would be unhappy with a woman who would want him to spend it with her instead of going with the guys.....

Thursday I ordered three big 28 ounce heart shaped boxes of chocolates, one for each of my son's and one for Randy, because friend or not I do love him. When I texted Dustin to verify his current address he spouted something about not sending him something that he hates this Hallmark , comercial holiday and he doesn't want anything and I should invest the money instead. I sent the gift before I read the second message and I told him too late and if he hated the gift that much he can take it to work and share with the guys in his shop. Oh his is too young to be so cranky that boy! He has spent way too much time with my cranky old Dad! LOL I do not get the whole hate Valentines Day thing at all! One of my friends posted in the Spiritual group some link about Occupy Valentines Day! My God what are they going to complain about, or tell us we are doing wrong next? This was my reply to that comment:

personally i really apreciate V-day- i hope to get a box of chocoltes or a dinner out

but i am sure to GIVE a box of chocolates to those that i love-- i was blessed with an ad purchase and the fact that walmart.com takes pay pal and got my sons and my favorite man friend a box each

and sure it should be everyday but i kinda like the idea that there is a day dedicated to showing love,

its sad but true that we get so busy with life that we foget the things we should do every day

but that to me is what holidays were made for- V-day, christmas, easter, 4th of july- the world gives us permisson to slow down and take a moment to give and to enjoy.............as we evolve we will learn to give this permision to ourselves on ANY day.....sadly the planet isnt there yet

I find it deeply saddening that some choose this day to feel sorry for themselves and look at what they lack or what they desire (and I too have cried a few tears on many a V-day so no judgement here)

But yes I am very very thankful for V-day and I wont get involved in anything that has Occupy in the title, I am not here to sit around and try to make anyone see my point of view on any matter, I am here to get up and live my life in the best way that i can so that others may want to get up and come join in the fun

and that's all I got to say about that....

Thursday night I was so bone tired weary from work, there is so much to do that my work flow gives me chest pains every time I look at it! I had to cancel my appointment with my trainer that night and stay home and lay on the couch, somethings gotta give I am not giving up my life and my health for that place! Randy also called to talk to me for a bit, Jeremy had called him during the day asking to borrow a caulking gun and he had said he had to look for it, it may be broken and besides he was leaving for Vermont. Jeremy had said ok just when you can get to it please do....so Randy fearing I would get mad (and thusly he wouldn't get laid) called me to explain how he was leaving and probably going up that night to Morristown to sleep in a hotel room as the guy he was going with wanted to leave at 8am the next day. I was incredulous that he had $60 to spend on a room so he could save an hours sleep but yet he never has money to take me out to dinner, and I will be shocked if he gets me anything or takes me out for V-day. Yes this is the reason he is a friend and not my mate, I do deserve better. I love him but again I must love me more and know that I deserve to be treated better than this. I begged off the phone call due to the noise in his truck and didn't feel at all sad about him, or about my single hood on yet another approaching V-day. I know the universe loves me and is working on this for me....

Friday my angel card of the day was Focus and that is just what I intend to do. Focus on the love that is in my life and focus on the love I wish to share and to attract. I know that it will come to me and I also know that I am pretty lucky right now too.

Today I want you to focus on the good things and the love that you DO have. Do not behave like little children sitting in your bed crying and afraid of the shadows in your room, you choices: Hide under the covers and hope things will change, call out for help so that someone comes and saves your from the shadows or turn on the light and see there really are no shadows and you are just fine! Only light will lead you to where you want to go.....step into it and get on your way!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Reading:
I'm doing your reading to answer your question if Randy is a friend or mate.

Here's what I get:
Archangel Chamuel - Beloved one
Archangel Michael - Remember Who You Are
Archangel Haniel - Passion

This is interesting considering the question is about Randy. My answer is going to be friend...Here's why:

The first card says "I am helping you with your spiritual soul mate relationship." What I feel from this is that you're in a discovery phase right now and aligning yourself with spiritual guidance as well as spiritual knowledge. I feel as though this "soul mate" is you, that Arch Chamuel is helping you find and love you. Call upon him for guidance and help because he can help you find your self love as well as the love that your heart desires.

What's interesting is this leans right into the 2nd card which is "You are powerful, loving and creative child of God. You are very loved." You're bright, beautiful and stronger than you think you are. You need to almost use this card's message as a daily affirmation. I also hear that you need to pause for a moment, quiet your mind and uncover what you feel about Randy. Are you in love with Randy or the idea of Randy. The reason that they are asking that is because you're losing sight of yourself... which plays back into the spiritual/the first card. It's important for us to be true to our real core selves FOR EVERYTHING - work, love, self love, spiritual, etc...

The third card really sums this up AND ties in the other reading I did for you. The card reads "Trust and follow your renewed passion in your love life and career." So if you follow this in steps like action items when you love you, you're going to discover your heart and soul's passion. You're partially there.. look at what you uncovered about work. You're not passionate about love right now. What I mean by passionate is what burns inside of you, what moves you what makes you tick, what makes you love... do you know? Stop at nothing... find YOUR passions. As yourself "what do I want?"

NOW.. with the reading I had yesterday. We are all coming into alignment with new energy this energy is a new learning process for us. This is a year of discovery of emotions, true self and getting rid of the things (energy, people, etc...) that are not good for you. Distance yourself from the people that consume your energy. Protect your energy, shield, cut cords and cleanse your energy daily. What I really think is interesting is though we're going through different things... my life is changing around me. I'm looking around and realizing that EVERYTHING I know is different than how it was 3 months ago! I've pushed/backed away from people that come to me for help but do not want to help themselves, people that do not respect me, and people that just simply take me for granted. I never would have imagined I'd be in this sort of "ok what do I have to do because change is coming and its right around the corner..." situation.

So with all that said... I think that you should just find some quiet time and as yourself: How do you feel about Randy? and What do you want? I think you'll be surprised what you find out....

HUGS and Love!
Adele

my reply:

I love Randy for many reasons, and he is spiritually gifted too which is a very rare find- when together both our our powers are even stronger and together its truly amazing

BUT

Randy is still a little childlike and selfish and doesn't want to move forward he thinks he's fine the way he is

so he comes to me we are both hugely happy then he disappoints me in some way--- his childlike personality delights me at other times -- but i guess the bottom line is he always puts himself first before me, then again he thinks i should do the same..

I love him and I want him to want to grow up a little and be more giving and committed IF he wants me

I hear you on the change, I have been going through quite a bit of change myself these past few years.....and I am almost there.... I guess I kinda know its not quite my time to have THE relationship of my dreams, not just yet.....but i did want to know if it was to be Randy or someone else...........I guess I need to think more on the question what do I want, what will keep my passion burning for the distance

Her last reply:

Well that does make more sense. Because I really kept hearing that she needs to be true to herself. Guys are so blind sometimes - they don't see the wonderful thing they have in front of them and when they finally do, it's always too late. Don't lose your boundary... that you want him to grow up and be more giving and committed. The best advice I've ever been given is don't put more into a relationship than what you are getting back. I'm not saying that you shouldn't reach out from time to time and stick your foot in the water to test the temperature... I did it with John. But, the more you give,... the less effort they have to put forth. You deserve to be committed to and you deserve endless and copious amounts of love... in every fathomable and mind blowing way ;).

Hugs, smiles and love!
Adele

2-6-12 Circling Round and Round

2012-02-06T18:07:00.000-08:00

"Everything the Power does, it does in a circle."
~Lakota Proverb ~

—

2-6-12 Circling Round and Round

Friday after work I took Jeremy to run some errands and get a few groceries. I had put a good deal of the rent money to a couple of bills and got money orders at the post office for them so I have very little for groceries. I tried to get Jeremy to buy some things for himself, point out good deals on things he liked but he declined, finally admitting he needed to keep what was left on his card for the days he would be away at his friends house. I realized he would need money for that, and he had bought milk and a few things at the dollar store so I eased up on him. Driving home though we talked about him getting a job now and he agreed that it wasnt wise to try to wait and go to school next fall. I went to bed that night doing my best to keep the money fears at bay,

Saturday I had my first event with the new fitness meetup, I have started a walking group, or rather re-started the one I tried to start last year this time. It was quite succesful, 9 people came and we had a lovely time and many high hopes for future walks. Three of us even went to eat breakfast at the diner after. They were so greatful for a group for people who can't keep up with the regular groups, and also allows dogs and kids. I saw a need and I filled it! That makes me so happy. I came home, ran Jeremy up to Bridgewater then came home and took a nap.

Randy came over at 6, we were supposed to go out and "get some food" together as he calls it but neither of us was hungy. So we sat and we talked and he told me all about his new buddy he may go snowmobiling with next weekend. A few things he said, and a gut hunch told me that guy may blow him off but I said nothing hoping that I was wrong. Since we didn't want to eat I said well I could ue a back rub, I am stressed and been having chest pains that scare me so we went in my room and he promised we would go out to eat later......... We had some fun and then we talked about many things, one thing being that I have been "smelling Pot" lately. Not that someone was smoking pot but the smell when there is a spirit around me trying to get my attention. My grandma used to always have me smell cookies baking, my ex husband would blow cigarette smoke in my face. So I asked him did he see anyone around me trying to get my attention and he timidly said yeah and described my Grandma perfectly even though he had never even seen a picture of her. I asked him if she was saying anything and he said he can't hear her. It ticks me off to no end how that family he lives with put him down and was freaked out by his gift and he has supressed it so much. I know in my heart he was meant to work with me and we could have done great things to help many.......but anyway.....my next statement was OMG my GRANDMA see us naked and in bed??

So that freaked me just a little but then I got over it. Then he was getting up so he could go to the restroom and we talked about maybe going out to eat then but when he got up I noticed he looked like he could use some more fun so I promised to take care of that when he got back...... But then he picked up his phone and he said they were texting him looking for him so I said fine- GO. MY happy mood and any shred of desire to be with him went out the window. As he was leaving I said well see I wasn't greey I saved some for "the wife", he didn't like that one bit, not one bit at all and said I was being mean, very mean. I hadn't said it mean or angry I just said it, he really does get his cake and eat it too with what he's got here I did tell him though again he is just my friend who comforts me, I am looking for a boyfriend still. We are going to Vermont together in a couple weeks, I so need to rest and relax and have a change of scenery. I will go and for those few days it will be just us, well just us and his snowmobile! LOL .....but for 4 days ONLY that's all I can steal of him, it will do...

Sunday I woke up inspired to give three free angel card readings to my Angel group in facebook. I had ment to do them monday when I was off but three people asked right away so I did them and they were very pleased with the readings. After that I went to the gym and ran some errands amd came home to shower. When I looked at myself in the mirror and sucked in my stomach I could see it move up! It IS getting smaller! I spent the afternoon doing computer work then in the evening I went to a big Super Bowl Party with one of my friends Meetup groups. It was fun but not hugely fun, when I went to the restroom after the halftime show I checked my phone, there was a text from Randy saying he was so bored and how to people stand to watch football. I laughed and said well did you at least like Madonna? He replied that was awesome. I told him I got free food buffet and a free t-shirt but none of the guys were looking at me they were all watching the game. He replied that if he were there he would be looking at me....ya ya ya sweet talker he is, I don't fall for that anymore, not since he told me he learned it as a technique to get women that we are seduced from our ears....

Monday I found one more person who wanted an angel reading for a new relationship she was in, she offered to read me in exchange so I did it for her. It's good to barter with people I am trying to teach everyone I know to do more of that. Anyway I told her I wanted to know if I should go to school and finish my degree like my boss said I would need to do to move up. I then went and mailed something that I had sold on E-bay and got some boxes to pack up a few other items that I plan to sell. I was having lunch with Mary that afternoon and in a quiet moment the angels told me to tell her that the only thing that is keeping her from having more money (she has had some money concerns for some time now) is Fear and that she needs to clear that out and she certainly knows someone who can barter services with her to take care of that. I told her this when I saw her and she said she knows that I am right. Then we talked about me, there was much to cover... First we talked about Randy and she said it was good that I am going to Vermont with him and that is why my grandma was there because she likes him, but she said when I get back to keep looking for another mate, because despite how much the whole universe wants he and I together he is still being stubborn and proably will never be the man I need him to be. Thats alot for her to say because she always rooted for he and I , she said she wanted to text him to tell him to get me something for Valentines day because we know he won't but she resisted. I said I don't care anymore I gave up thinking he would ever give me anything long ago and I told her I told him I am looking for a new guy. I just want a man to buy me a house and give me some stability and when she asked me could I live in his house if he fixes it up and I said I don't think that I could, not after they had been there and ruined it. But he could rent that one and buy a new one for us.....then I said STOP I am tired of trying to figure out things with him tired tired tired of it. SO then we talked about my descion to get my degree and the road blocks I am having and she said you don't really want to do this do you? And I said no I don't I really want to spend my life being a healer, but the corporate job gives me the stability that I need. So we went round and round till I came to this descion. I do not want to get my degree now anymore than I did when I was in college, or when my youngest started school and I was married or when I first got my J&J job and they offered tuition re-embursment. The answer I always go back to is NO I do not what a degree and I don't think I should have to have one when I work so hard and do so much and am smarter and better than the ones who's mommies and daddies paid for educations for them. So the descion was to do the job I am paid for, and no more, to keep looking in other groups in my same company where I can move up with out the degree because others have and I was told in my old group that I can, and I was going to put my energy into whatever it takes to be a healer. She said that I have even more power than the average Reiki master that I also have the power to heal the soul and the spirit of those who are drawn to me. I know that she is right and while we were talking she said a spirit was there and she said to tell me she used to call me Cassidy (instead of Cassie) that would be my Great Grandma I told Mary...and I told her the story of when I was 5 and she had a stroke and I stood by her bed with my ABC book and taught her how to talk again, for the rest of her life she said E was for ElephaNUT! LOL Mary cried she said see even when you were 5 you knew you were to be a healer, go back to that and that's where you belong.

I left there feeling very good and very hopeful and at peace about the degree thing. I was not going to feel jealous or restenful that I worked much harder and got paid much less that others in my group. Its not what I am meant to do and thats OK. I circled and cricled and I went back to where I began. I noted it was about time for Randy to head to work and wondered if I would see him, I decided to turn by the 7-11 instead of going further down (MaryK no scolding me! LOL) and there was his truck there, gettin his coffe and food for his night shift. The light was red and I debated and debated on if I wanted to go in there, finally deciding not to, I didn't need anything and he didn't need to think I was just there all the time anyway...as the light turned green he came out and I got a glimpse of him in his uniform, so cute he is..I drove down the street to pass the bay and head home when my phone beeped.... I C U at 7-11 it said......

So today don't worry so much if you seem to be going in circles trying to figure something out..........sometimes we need to circle around and around something untill it is healed and sometimes we circle back to where we started because that is the place where we belong............wait and see, and in the meantime enjoy the journey!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

PS: when I went to my spiritual facebook page to put up my blog link Adele from my Angels group had done my reading for me, this is what she said:

OK! HEre goes... I used my Archangel Oracle Deck by Doreen

I got Archangel Uriel Claircognizance, Archangel Ariel Prosperity and Archangel Raphael Breathe.

Well, lol, I'm not sure there is an interpretation that is needed just looking at the cards but.... here goes :)

I'm hearing that you really shouldn't have to even ask this question because you know the answer. The card says "Pay attention to your thoughts and ideas that come to you, as they are answered prayers." Which leans into the prosperity card. You're humble and happy you're not looking to be a millionaire but you're looking to live a full and prosperous life doing what you love... and guess what, your intuition is right. The second card says "Your material needs are provided as you follow your intuition and manifest your dreams into reality." The last one is interesting to me. It says "Take several deep breaths and exhale slowly to awaken your energy and to release old patterns." What I hear is that you are feeling the pressure that your bosses are offering you. It's a generous offer but you know in your heart that it's not what you want. Take a moment, find your center in your heart Chakra and breathe into it. You'll feel the darkness clear and you'll find out your answer all along is to go after what you love and what feeds your soul.

Hehe... that was fun!

2-3-12 Ground Hog Day

2012-02-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

2-3-12 Ground Hog Day

Monday morning the angel-card-of-the-day-2012 was Answered Prayer and I was excited to find out which of my prayers would be answered. When I got the office and settled in my boss called me as he was in my town that day and had my compensation stuff with him. I got excited hoping my promotion finally came but it did not. I got a small raise and a little bonus it will help a little but not nearly enough. So I asked my boss what can I put in my PDP that will get me to the next level, and for the first time he finally came right out and said that unless I finish my degree he can't do anything for me. I had been told since coming to J&J that I could move up the levels I wanted to with out it but the economy stinks now, I have Phds clamoring for my job. He told me that he would get it paid for up front, that I could major in ANYthing that I wanted to and I could have a day a week off work to go to school. He even said once enrolled and we knew I would be done in a year or two he would put me in for that promotion based on expected graduation. Can't ask for more than that can I? So I told him OK I would look into it and went back to my desk and spent the rest of the morning trying to figure out what to take. By lunchtime I had a good idea, my original major; Psychology. I simply adore the field and I always wanted to help people and it will go along with what I REALLY want to do and that is be an Reiki healer and an author. Not that the world doesn't have enough of those already but still this major will give credibility to the things that I already know and possibly give me some better answers when I do hit those brick walls like how to help people get rid of their deep deep pain. But then someone mentioned there are degrees in Holistic health........and I recalled one time at my Shamans being shown that I should study herbs and nutritional treatments for health.

So I thought about this very much on my drive home. As I got halfway home I thought of Randy and how I would no longer pass him on 35 near the drawbridge since he got additional time added to his schedule. All well and good I thought to myself - our of sight out of mind I really do need to be looking for another man to be my mate. I cut through the industrial center, something I have had to do for months now due to construction, and there on the road heading my way was his big black truck unmistakeable with his snowmobile loaded in the back. I shook my head and tooted and waved and when I got home (I seem to have made a new habit of leaving my cell phone at home) I texted him to say I saw him and tell him about my raise and my boss wanting to send me to finish my degree. That's awesome he said and responded to a few more texts of my excitement and choosing what I would do. He also said we should go celebrate and I hesitated for a bit and said OK, friends can celebrate successes right? I added that we should celebrate his increase also. Then he said I was gonna be rich. Then he said we ought to make a race to pay off our depts, his house me my credit cards so I said sure..he said he owed 15 K on his house. I said I over 30K on my credit cards, actually it's more like 45 K but I knew the 30 would shock him enough and I was right. To defend myself I added that I HAD over 200K equity in my home.... I did not remind him that had he grown up and moved me in and gotten along with my son then I could have taken the first offer I had on my house instead of passing it by staying longer and ending up never being able to sell it once the market tanked...*sigh* But then again IF it had been meant to be it would have happened. I am much better off having Randy as a friend than a boyfriend, no chance of disappointment in it this way.

Tuesday at work I talked to one college placement counselor and he told me of an online course I can do, it sounded very very good and we made an appointment to speak the following day once I looked over a few of the degree programs that they offered. I ruled out a few other places and well that was all the time I had to give to it because I had so much work flow to do and I was exhausted. Driving home I felt like I was going to fall asleep at the wheel, I had hoped to either go visit my hospice patient but skipped that, and my second choice was go to the gym but I was so sleepy at the wheel driving home I had to give up my idea of going to the gym as well. I had a little of that frustrated want to give up attitude but then I told myself that sometimes I just have to go with the flow of my body and rest when I need rest but not to let that make me give up. I drug myself out to take Jeremy to Home Depot to get stuff to fix the toilet and to eat and made it an early night.

Wednesday was a work from home day and I also heard back from the admissions counselor from one of the schools, it sounded doable, expensive but doable until he got to the part where he wanted my bank information. He said that they can give me deferred billing so that I can submit it to my company to pay but the bill has to come to me and they pay me and I pay them. He further explained that most companies pay 100% for an A, 80% for a B, etc etc. I can't pay ANY percent, and what if I would get sick or something and not pass? at 1,000 a pop for a course I would be screwed. This was again looking out of my grasp. I also looked at my raise again and it was not the dollar per week amount I thought it was but per month instead, that wouldn't even cover cost of living increases! I got so upset that I just wanted to run away and forget the whole world for a bit and rest and regain my strength, but where? and how when I was broke?..... I thought of Randy and I though of Vermont and I gave in and I wrote to him and told him I do want to go with him after all. I added a song he had played for me when we were dating and when he was down and broken with a bad back If I lay here It had always been one we listened to and the closest thing to having an "Our Song that we ever got. It's sad and comforting at the same time..

That evening I went to a charity event in Red Bank. I wanted to help the cause, Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America. I ate dinner at home and ordered one Martini while I was there. I met two new people, one a nice woman who was new and shy, she was glad to have someone to talk to and I was glad to wave at my friends then hide in the corner LOL Turns out she is a funeral director and I remembered that besides being Imbolic it was the 1 year anniversary of my Mom's death. I wondered if I was odd because that did not make me sad, I decided that I was OK with it because I knew she had "graduated" to the next plane. Next I met a nice guy one who had recently joined my singles meetup and I had greeted him because it said Yoga on his interests. He told me that he has recenly lost 75 lbs by going to Overeaters Annonymous and encouraged me to try it and even offered me his phone number in case I wanted to go with him, not to be fresh he said. So I declined his number but told him I will look into going, it sounded intriguing for sure, I do know I stress eat and my stress is high now because of money and heavy work load at the office. When I
got home I was going to go to bed but my voice said to check my mail first....Randy had replied and said sure I will take you with me, and yes he remembered that song it meant something to him everytime he hears it and he was sorry about my job. I felt better, he may not be the mate for me but he's a good comforting friend, and together we can just lay around a bit and forget the rest.... I need that

Thursday was Ground Hog Day and he did see his shadow and as per lore we will get 6 more weeks of winter, that's ok by me I can use 6 more weeks of rest.. I worked hard that day and then met my friend for dinner and a movie. She was all upset because she's been sick for weeks now with sinus problems. I told her though its normal to be sick and need more rest this time of year, there will be plenty of time to work hard and feel better when spring comes. She also insisted on paying me $20 for the over the phone Reiki I had given her the other day. Its hard for me to take money from friends but she said how do you expect to make this a business if you won't take money? I was greatful to her. The movie was awesome too, I can;t reccomend it enough: extremely loud and incredibly close Good lessons in that movie. When it was over and we were saying goodnight I told her you know I think I know why I am not getting promoted at J&J, beacause I am not meant to, I am not meant to become dependent on the corporate world because if so I will never leave it. I am meant to support myself by healing people, that is my talent, that is my gift, that is my pourpose. She agreed, she said once you get used to bring in a lot and living that life style its hard to go back and have less.

SO hey it's winter, I am moving slow and resting some and I got to do some thinking and planning to do but that's ok thats what this time of year is for. So today do not beat yourslef up if you don't get to the gym as much as you'd like to, or that life is passing you buy because you are sleeping a bit more, or that you don't have a really great plan of action just yet........ It's ground hog day, halfway through winter but not through there yet..........rest a little now, waste a little time, don't worry if you have all the answers just yet..... soon enough your spring will come and your life will be like a garden thats bursting into life!!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

1-30-12 The Pain

2012-01-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

The struggle of my life created empathy - I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me.

Oprah Winfrey

1-30-12 The Pain

Friday night as I was eating my dinner, finishing up my last blog, posting the indigo child link to my son's facebook wall when I got an e-mail from Randy with the subject line come to my world and look it was a video of a guy snowmobiling in Vermont saying this is what I see when I listen to my I-pod and ride. My reply to him was OMG I could only listen to it for a sec, why would they ruin that beautiful scenery with that disturbing sound track? I know this is the stuff he listens to also, bad ass hard rock full of pain and anger. *sigh* I went to get ready for the meetup dance that night, but after washing up, laying out my clothes on the bed I layed there for a minute and talked myself out of going out. It was hard, 96 had signed up, many of whom were my friends and some I hadn't seen in awhile but.... I checked my mail after putting on my PJs and Randy had replied saying if I was with him he'd listen to this song to which I replied sure its a quater after 1, your a little drunk and you need me now but...by a quarter after 2 the kids or the wife will be texting ya to come home.....

Saturday I got up did a few chores and met my reiki friend for a walk down by atlantic highlands along the water. She is my hero, she gives reiki treatments over the phone and makes great money doing it! That's what I want to do someday, someday soon! It was nice to walk and talk to her and I was suprised when she told me she and her husband are separated, especially since I had just met him at the New Years party. She said that was a "date". I listened to her and she basically just needs time to be just her and I kinda get that. I told her about my date on wednesday and she said oh no he's not right for you and she totally got my "hands thing" and said she looks at that too. After the walk we went to breakfast by the bay and talked and talked. Its so nice to have a spiritual friend who gets me on that level. She told me about how she works with the angels during her healing sessions and I told her that I have been being told to do that too, she said you totally should as you have angels around you all the time. I ran a few errands and came home ready for a nap but ran into Jeremy and one of my roomates walking to the store. It was good to see them making friends, I knew that he would and they are good respectable boys too and his age. They drink some but they both work and came from blue collar families down here. I was very happy about all that because its been hard to show him what life really is when his friends all come from rich families, they wreck their expensive cars and have new ones in 48 hrs... He and I are trying a new arrangement, instead of him paying me $50 a week (1/3 of his income) and eating twice that in food, now he is not going to pay me anything, he will do chores for his rent BUT he has to buy his own food and if he eats anything of mine he has to pay for it. I think it may be a better deal for me and teach him even more responsibility....

Anyway, I checked my e-mail before my nap and there was one from Randy asking me what I was up to. Yup family gone for the day, him on vacation, if he had asked me to do something, as in activity and not sex related only, I may have said yes.... So I told him about my day and that I was supposed to go to a party in Morristown but I was going to reply no and then I was taking a nap. I did just that and I had bad dreams again, the afternoon before I dreamed a voice saying don't you worry about stability living in that rental house, he could kick you out at any time....today's bad dreams were i got tested for cancer at my job and then i got laid off and for some reason it seemed that my job had given me cancer but laid me off before it could be discovered. I had gone to Mary for advice and she told me to get in her jeep and she would take me somewhere for help but for some reason I could not get into her vehicle. Wierd very wierd but my angel-card-of-the-day had been dreams so I paid some attention to it. Once I woke up I checked my mail and was trying to figure out what I was going to eat for dinner and how I was going to spend my evening. Randy had replied to my e-mail saying he had nothing to do, I was debating on if I wanted to hang with him, ask him to get food or go see a movie or come give me a back rub. I finally texted and asked when would the kids be home. 9pm he said...oh ok and I let it be. What I wanted to hear was something along the lines of it doesn't matter I got all the time you want. He did reply again saying he was thinking of going to the fishery so I said I am starving come get me and I will go with ya....Ok I will, be ready in 10 min I said. He got here in 5 and laid down on my bed exhausted looking and told me the stories of how sick he's been and how disappointing last weekends Vermont trip had been that he stayed home this weekend.

So we went to get food at the fishery and we sat in the truck parked by the bay and ate and we talked and we joked some and I said see isn't it nice now that we are friends? He said he missed pokey and I said that I just wasn't into him that way now it was a real turn off to think of him heading off to be with the kids all the time. He didn't get it but he doesn't have to get it he just has to accept it. I told him about my date and he said he too could see that he wasn't right for me. I told him I especially didn't like the way he didn't want to hear about my spiritual stuff. After we ate he said what ya wanna do and I said oh we can go for a ride if ya want to, so he pulled out of the parking lot and I said well if you need to get home before the kids do its OK to take me home, but he said they had gotten home just as he was leaving and he told them he was going for food. I told him to take me home but he said he had some time, in then end we ended up going to Home Depot, I needed a vanity light bulb and he wanted to look at floor tiles. I couldn't believe she wouldn't go pick out floor tiles with him. As we got out of the truck he had a spring in his step and said he felt much better, I think its cuz of my reiki energy but I said nothing. When he dropped me off I told him if he wanted to do breakfast at that diner to text me in the morning I might be able to squeeze that in before game day....

I went to bed that night and looked at my poster on the wall called Dreams, and it said to dream of the life you want and such so I thought oh good maybe that was what the card had meant and I did dream that night, I dreamed of getting stock from my company and it growing and growing to a large sum. This did happen to me once in my life when I was on the verge of losing my house and I prayed in desperation, its not likely to happen again but still the dream showed me that I was going to be OK, at least it made me feel OK about my finances and really that's all you have to do is feel OK, God takes care of the rest and guides us to where we need to go and what we need to do to make money. So I was totally enjoying this dream when my phone rang at 5am..........It was Jeremy. He and my basement roommates had gone to a party and were drinking. While there Ed started beating on his girlfriend, Jeremy got upset and got in the middle of it and got thrown out of the house, he was so upset that he called me while he was walking home and went on and on about all this past pain he has inside of him about my ex beating me, my ex raping his brother and he saying it was HIS fault because it was his Dad that did it. Oy Vey the pain. I tried to reason with him that he was only 6 yrs old how could he have done anything. Then he said he just wanted to help Ed and I told him he can't reason with a person when drunk and he probably has a lot of pain too. After I got Jeremy settled then Ed came home and he was packing up and was going to leave, I talked him into staying and sleeping and we'd talk about it in the morning. Oh but the pain and the drama that came from inside him!

Sunday I got up and was preparing to go to my Board Games event, I dashed off a quick e-mail to Randy offering him a massage if he would call Jeremy and spend just a bit of time with him. Part of what he was crying about was growing up without a father and never having a male role model etc etc. I prayed it would work, they both need each other and they have more in common than they realize, but in many ways that is what keeps the bristles up with those two I think... Anyway the games event was a huge success and we all had so much fun! I am going to do more of those for sure. When I got home Jeremy greeted me with: Did you ask Randy to call me and hang out with me? Umm well errr yes I did you were crying so much that you have no make in your life. Well he called, asked if I wanted to go to McDonalds, I asked did my mom put you up to this and he said yes so I told him no thanks. I saw the e-mail from Randy saying he was depressed, did not feel well and would take him another day and I replied Oh well. I also complained to Randy when he called later but his defense was that of course he'd get suspicious when he called him out of the blue like that he had to be honest. Randy listned to the story of the night before but concluded that he had no advice, that he too had it bad when he was a kid but he never behaved like my kid does. He did relate to the part about how Jeremy misses riding, that was how he gets out his pain, I knew already that is how they both deal with it.....

Oh the world is just so full of pain and hurt that we stuff down inside of is and it makes us all sick. I may not act out or drink or drug but I turn to food, cookies and such to feel better... I thought on that and decided to get busy and make the meetup group for fitness events for those of us who are in bad shape I slapped it together and I called Fun and Easy Fitness I went to bed that night with a bit of hope in my heart.........but I knew I still needed answers on how to help these people who have so much pain inside of them....

It really is sad how full of pain we all are, and how we stuff it deep inside and it makes us sick.........we do not acknowledge it we just get mad at the behaviors. But like I told Jeremy, we all were born sweet and innocent babies, its life and how we react to the troubles that come our way that make us who we are. It doesn't really matter though what vice we self medicate with: sex, drugs, food, extreme danger, acts of violence, refusing to grow up, gambling etc........its all the same. Pain pain pain......we need to release it and stop stuffing it inside..........we are all as pure as the angels we need to stop letting our pain keep us from being who we were really meant to be..........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

1-27-12 A Willing Spirit

2012-01-27T16:31:00.000-08:00

“If you want to change the world, love a woman all the way through until she believes you, until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion, her wildness have returned to her, until she is a force of love more powerful than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.” ~ Lisa Citore ♥

1-27-12 A Willing Spirit

Monday after work I headed out to the gym. I was still achey but I knew I needed to get back in the game. I ended up taking the kick box class and I really pushed myself more than ever. I am seeing slight improvement there in how much I can do. When I got home Clint called me to firm up our date plans for Wednesday. He has upgraded it from a just coffee to dinner too. I think he likes me, then again he hasn't seen how fat I am yet, the pic I sent I am the same size but it looks good, not from a side angel. Ya ya I know I know me and my fat issues. He talked a bit about his divorce settlement and how he is resentful about how his wife would never work even when the kids were all grown, his youngest is 21! She also got a lot of financial support in the divorce and the house and the rental house. I can't help but feel a little resentful when I hear of all these big settlements women get. Oh and he had to pay for BOTH lawyers and she left him for a 25 yr old because he was on the road working so much! It boggles my mind, it really does. After he hung up I got a call from another Mary friend of mine who just got diagnosed with breast cancer, she is a nurse and she heard about Reiki at the hospital so I am going to give her a treatment and see how it works for her. She is skeptical but she wants to try it. I am praying very hard to the angels to assist me with this she needs a healing for sure she is single and has kids who still depend on her a great deal.

Tuesday driving to work Randy was on my mind, I had gotten a text late the night before and thought it was him and was disappointed when it was not. I prayed dear angels to show him, to at least help him to understand WHY I left him in the past and now. I said I do not want him anymore but I wish he could see from my side, so he understands. It seemed the answer that came was he knows, he just hardened his heart and he chooses to not care. Ok then please help me to keep him from my mind I asked. When I got to work I made a quick phone call to my bank to verify that the township can take over the mortgage and I told them I received the insurance check also. I have to send it back to them, I can not cash it but I asked if I could have it back when the township assumes the mortgage. Its not much money but it would sure help, they were not sure.My friend never ended up coming for Reiki due to the traffic, which gave me plenty of time to get some chores done around the house and to think..........probably to think too much......

I kept thinking about Randy and it frustrated me on how he doesn't seem to understand why I am leaving him.. AGAIN.....it bugged me all evening and in the end I called Mary. I asked her do you think he really doesn't get it? She said that we have always known that he has the mind of a 12 yr old and he thinks that is a good way to live his life and that you should just accept that. But it's not fair to you to have to raise another child she said, nope nope I said I pretty much decided that I am better off alone than with him. She said its a sad thing because he and I are soul mates and we belong together but he is going to have to spend this life alone and come back and try and do it right in his next life, he just isn't willing to change and grow up and heal. I went to sleep feeling good about the decision I made and also deciding to not worry if he gets it or not, thats my Karma not his.

Wednesday I was encouraging my friend Wendy to do some of her classes on Skype and she told me that she truly wants to but finding the time is so very difficult. I told her that I often pray for time. I told her that when I pray for time it's almost like the clock stops ticking just for me. I truly have experienced this, i encourage anyone to try it. I too never used to be able to find the time to do the things I wanted to do but I do now. All we have to be is willing to change a little.......and then I made up the following quote:
When the Spirit is willing the flesh can be manipulated! ~cassie 2012~

Its true too! I made some changes to my abundance vision board, I added the weight loss, husband and money mantras and decided to take down the post-it for the Vermont cabin. I really only wanted a Vermont cabin for Randy anyway, and just for good measure I took down the stuffed moose I had gotten on one of my trips up there. Time to change my energies and my life!

After work I got ready and went to meet Clint for our date. He arrived right on time and greeted me with a big hug. I noticed he had his blue tooth on his ear and commented on it, he said oh I hope you don't mind I have to take a couple calls. I don't mind I told him. He was very nice and he paid for the meal, he wasn't really floating my boat but he wasn't unattractive either, he could grow on me I thought. I hoped.... I like most the eyes and the hands, well his eyes were un-remarkable, no depth there and his hands were chubby, like they belonged wrapped around the handle of a beer stein.........still he was such a nice guy and we matched on so many levels... He did end up turning the phone off too. But what bugged me was the date only lasted an hour and a half! I am used to first dates turning into long talking sessions when there is a spark, then again we really didn't have a spark he hadn't asked much about me and seemed disinterested about my Reiki and spiritual stuff like he didn't belive in it. He hugged me and kissed me good night on the cheek and told me he would call me and e-mail me and we could meet again........I wasn't sure I wanted to but I said ok sounds good. Since we met at 4:30 and the date was over by 6pm I went shopping before heading home. I kept telling myself that I need to try harder to like him, then just before the drawbridge a truck pulled in front of me.......a pick up truck with Vermont plates! Stop it I yelled to the universe.

Thursday I ended up telling Clint that I thought it was going to be very difficult for me to tolerate his busy work schedule even though I understood he had no control over it. I told him I would be willing to go out as friends, dutch treat of course. He said he isn't always this busy but ok as long as I could deal with it and perhaps he could meet one of my friends and it would work out. I told him sure come Sunday to game day or next week to the Super Bowl Party I think he was happier about not having to pay for my meals if we go out more than anything, I could be wrong but money seems to be a big focus with him, if he knew the size of my credit card dept he'd faint. LOL Around lunchtime I finally broke down and texted Randy to see how his trip was. Ya ya ya I can hear your collective groans out there, but I did promise to stay his friend. He texted back that the sled broke, cost $500 to fix and he got sick and came home Tuesday. Sorry to hear that I replied, maybe it will go better this weekend. I then asked him about where can I get wiper blades (mine was broken) and if he'd come over and put the new ones one. He told me two places, and said sure he'd come over. I stopped on the way to the gym and texted him right away, hoping he might even stop over that night, or the next day as I was working from home....he never replied.... That night I prayed to God to help me, help my sons and even Randy too.....

Friday morning bright and early Jeremy called me to ask was I working in the office that day. No it's friday I told him. He said he needed to get out of Flemington that there was some trouble up there. I told him I had to work and he needed to get a ride, in the end though I had to take a 1/2 day off work and drove halfway to get him at the mall up there. He's got a mind to make some changes though, said he needs to fix up his life, needs to see a doctor and take care of this anxiety once and for all, wants to start reading more, wants to get a job now instead of waiting for schooling. I felt hopeful that he was growing up some more. I also told him that he probably is an indigo child and that is why he's so troubled, that if he could get in touch with his god and remember why he was brought here he's be so much happier. He listened to me some....We went to the library and he got a book on inport/export for dummines, I got some more books on CD and while I was in the dollar store he put my new wiper blade on, 5 minutes later my phone went drrrooooidddd. It was Randy asking if I had gotten the wiper blades. Jeremy answered him and said yes, I texted you last night. I told Jeremy that I bet the universe blocked my text, it has a way of looking out for ya once you set your intention....Then when we got home I said I got them last night Jeremy came home today and he put them on for me. Ok that's great he said. Wierd that you never got my text I said, Yeah it sure is he said...well have a safe trip I sent and that was all...

Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, at those times all you have to do is pray to god and the angels and tell them you need some help, once you turn over that situation they WILL help you, even if you have some weak moments. All that is needed is a willing spirit. Randy he's not ready to love me because he's not willing to grow up, Clint he's not ready to love me because he's not willing to give up or slow down that pace to earn so much money, he lost his family over it why would he slow down for me? But that's ok, someone someday will come along and be willing to love me all the way through.......in the meantime I will continue to love me, and I will get by just fine...

What are you willing to do to make better changes in your life today????

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

1-23-12 Soul Direction

2012-01-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

What matters is how quickly
you do what your soul directs.
Rumi ♥

1-23-12 Soul Direction

Friday night after work I went to get my free intuitive healing session that I won the night I went to the Hypnotism fair. What a treat that was! 90 minutes of massage, energy healing, aromatherapy and crystal work! She told me that my angles had come and done nearly all the work on me and that I really should start working with them more. I told her that I do Angel Card Readings but she said I really need to do more work with them and let them help me with my Reiki services. At the end of the session I handed her my business card and she said oh my you are THAT Cassie! I have been on your calendar and I want to post my stuff there. I felt very good about the whole thing and that I had begun the link to my new spiritual community that my Shaman had promised me about this time last year. I stopped and got groceries on the way home and then once I was home eating my dinner I realized that Randy never came to get the solar cell phone charger so I texted him. He ended up calling and we talked for a long time. He asked if I wanted to go to Vermont with him and I said you were supposed to give me some notice and I barely have heard from you so I made other plans, life goes on...... He just said oh so I rambled on and told him about Clint.....and even bigger Oh. I assured him I would keep my promise and stay his friend but I just needed a man who wanted to be with me I told him. Oh was the most he could say, that and were ya happy that I fixed your air cleaner? He says he did it telepathically. I told him I did not belive him and if that were true to come give me a back rub as well because I pulled a muscle. LOL

Saturday I woke up and my cat was sleeping on the foot of my bed, made me wonder if Randy had anything to do with that. I had told him that I was dissapointed that my new cat was not being cuddly like I thought he was going to be. I refrained from texting to ask and tried to think more about Clint, who hadn't written me back since I spoke to Randy. Darn I hope I did not mess up my focus I thought to myself. There was a layer of snow all over and I was glad that I had backed out of the dance for this night but I still had to get out to the post office because I had sold two things on E-bay, the winter men's base layer that Columbia had given to me for advertising for them in my meetup. Two guys came and offered to do my drive and walk for $20 so I went for it, I could have gone out and got it done eventually myself but they looked like they could use the money. Then I got a call from my friend Ray from True Path Readings, I had scheduled a reading and I needed one to re-group for the new year. It really helped me a great deal, he said that I can and will have abundance finacially but I need to take small steps to get there, I need to show more gratitude for what I have in my life now and that also means by not worrying about the future. He said he saw no romance in the next few months but he saw a young man who would come for a short time to teach me some things and he saw an older female also coming in later on to teach me some things and to help me learn to earn money slowly. He cautined me very much also about focusing on ONE thing at a time and to be careful where I put my energy as I was very powerfu. I told him I sometimes feel like a bull in a china shop with my energy and I so easily make things go away and come back and stuff. I promised to work on it.
By evening I hadn't heard from Clint and I got a little worried that my talking and thinking about Randy had perhaps shifted him away, well I am the master of my fate I am going to fix that! So I wrote to him and we had a few exchanges and I was hoping he would call but he said he was sick so I told him to get some rest before his flight home the next day. I was feeling just a tiny bit lonely home alone on a saturday night and then my phone rang, it was Randy, he was driving all alone with his snowmobile up to Vermont. Why don't you head up here he said? No I told you no I told you I have an event and I told you I am working on dating someone new so going away with you isn't part of the plan anymore. We ended up talking for over 4 hours though, about stuff, about him being so lonely, and somehow we got back on the topic of our past relationship. I am not even going to re-iterate it all again, its so tiresome. He did tell me though that part of my problem was I wasn't greatful enough and I was too impaitent, that things would have grown over time, he said he thinks he is my soulmate too but I rushed things too much. I know that I did make quite a few mistakes with that relationship, I did want too much too quickly, but all I really wanted for was for him to grow up just a little bit to be more responsible and less selfish and not want to leae me alone so much while he went to play. But I was coming from a great place of such deep need back then. I did tell him that I had thought he was my soulmate because he has powers (he did tell my cat to get in my bed and cuddle with me) and because he and I dreams dreams together and I thought he was the one I was meant to marry because Mary kept telling me that but he chose them and so be it. He again said I forced that on him, the situation with them because I left such a hole in his life when I left that he filled it any way he could but I stopped him. I am not going to rehash the past anymore I am moving forward towards my future........ I thought he got the point......I think I was wrong.....

Sunday morning he texted me before heading out to show me the temperature up there, so I sent back a be safe and have fun, text me when u get in tonight so I know u r safe....ok honey he replied......UGH!.....and CALL "the wife" and be sure and bring he a present you have to make what you have work.....anything else dear? Now I was annoyed so I said yeah use your powers to help me with Clint, I need a partner too. Sure will sweetie he said..........Oy Vey! Ok Thanks my friend, be well I sent back. I thought he would be done then and going out to ride but no he sent I MISS YOU....well he had obviously ingnored my 20 mintue dissertaion last night on don't miss me I don't miss you anymore. I decided to just ignore him so he'd go away.....No he sent one more, Let's have phone sex tonight he sent. Now I was mad, not only would he NOT do that when we were dating he was totally ignoring what I had said........my reply: Nah that's no fun. That shut him up. I colored my hair after that, took a shower and called my friend who is sick to give her a distance Reiki session over the phone. I am going to practice doing that more, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, I am going to call in the angels and get them to assist me. I only had time for a quick 15 minute session but she said she felt good and I told her to sleep now for a bit. I hung up and headed out to my Karaoke event.

Karaoke was loads of fun again even though I did not sing. First one guy was sad and not feeling well so we talked, he has been having some problems on the dating sites and how people have been reacting badly to him. He's such a catch too, a doctor, a wonderful personality, lots of fun....it was hard to see him down. I listened to his stories from the dating site and told him it's not him it's them, he cheered up as he sang and the day went on. Several of my old friends from past karaoke events came too, it was sooooo good to see them. My friend Denise came with her husband, it was so inspiring to see them together he is so kind and loving to her and they both love Karaoke. I want to find a man who shares a hobby or two with me. It doesn't have to be all of the but something ya know? When I got home I had not heard from Clint all day and I worried that my talking to Randy had given the wrong message to the universe so I sent him a note to check on him, he was still sick he said so I told him I would say some prayers for him and to get some rest. That night I did not hear from Randy to know if he came home from sledding safe, I resisted texting to check too. He is not my concern or my responsibility I need to not check on him. I went to bed and felt ok with that choice. The next morning Clint e-mailed me bright and early saying thanks for the prayers and he was feeling much better. Yep time for me to put a little focus on this and see how it goes... I also heard from my bank saying they recieved notice to discuss my mortgage with the towships lawyer, apparently my saying prayers and focusing on the house a bit helped. Ray was right, one step at a time, focus focus focus.... I need to unload this house as my first step and my second step is to work on earning more money so that I can pay off these credit cards. I am going to put my focus on getting Reiki clients and the other stuff on the back burner for now..... I have some direction now I know where to head...

Today I want you to take some quie time and listen to your soul, in your heart you know where you should be heading. Why be stubborn and put it off? Or afraid to make a move? All that you need do in any given moment is take one baby step in the right direction.....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

1-20-12 Solar Flares

2012-01-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

1-20-12 Solar Flares

Monday after work I stopped to visit my Hospice client, she as usual was in-coherent, this assignment truly is a challenge, if it were someone I had known and could talk to it may be different but as it is I am just trying to communicate with someone whom communication is not possible any more. But I will keep going until I am re-assigned. I did give her a bit of Reiki while there. When I got home I talked to my new roommate for a bit then made some dinner and some cookies. I also had chat in the singles group, I find it rather boring but the people like it. I had also posted a CL ad and was answering the 100 e-mails I had gotten, if I came up with one good one out of all that it would be a miracle... I got my assortment of 70 yr olds pretending to be 50 something, my 20 yr olds trying to convince me how much they like older women, the downright scary looking, the really super foreign looking ones, the penis pictures, and the ones who refuse to send a picture before they see mine (this means they are married and afraid of getting caught) But I did find ONE that was worth continuing to write to, a transplant from Texas 6 months ago, divorced a year and a half from a 26 yrs long marriage....a real southern gentleman too! We e-mailed back and forth all day and into the evening...

Tuesday we contined to write to each other and towards the end of my work day he said that I could call him later if I wanted to or he'd call me, the guy is supposed to do the calling right he said? Wow I was impressed and sent him my number but cautioned that I would be at the gym part of the night and he had cautioned that he had to go out and check on the guys on his crew. He is away working in Chicago this week and supervisor of some contruction company. He said this is the reason for his divorce that his wife got lonely and found a boyfriend. He never ended up calling, the e-mail he sent me when he got in was pretty late but he asked me to meet him for coffee the following week when he is back in Jersey. We continued to e-mail all day wednesday as well and decided that we want to go to Work Out World together, and he said once we get to know each other better we can work out together after work and then I can go to his place and he will cook me dinner. Wow I thought and told him that was great because a man who can cook is in my top 10 list for sure! I told him that I do the dishes though. This was way better than Randy I thought, he never cooked except of the occasional breakfast which was frozen pancakes and sausages, most of the time I had to buy dinner for both of us and do all the dishes too! He'd leave dishes all over the house too when I was back at my house because he knew that I would pick them up.... but anyway.

I had asked Clint if he liked to bike ride and he said that he did not have a bike but he liked to golf.....my reply to that was ok then I will go bike riding when you are golfing with your buddies! He wrote back and said he was thinking about getting a bike this spring. LOL I like a guy who will fit in with my plans some but I hope he is not too accomodating for me, then again when it comes to men they only get worse so it's not such a bad thing to have one who tries to please you in the begining..that generally dies real quick once you settle in for the long haul. That evening I was supposed to either go meet Mary for dinner or go to a Reiki healing share. I didn't end up making it to either as I didn't feel well, nauseous and dizzy, wondering if it was something I ate? The food doesnt get eaten with Jeremy away...... He did stop over as his new bank card arrived. He had been out for the day with Alex and his family looking at Yaughts (must be nice to have money) but it was good to see him, he went and got me $100 of it since he hadn't paid me any thing in so long. I was happy to be able to pay the gas bill! He also apologized for getting Dustin stirred up over that time a couple summers ago when Jeremy stole my car. That holy roller bible thumping judgmental son of my mine has NO idea the life I have lead or what's in my heart or why I do the things I have done or how I have done all I can to help Jeremy. But oh well let him be mad and let him judge me, one day he will know who I really am and he will love and respect an honor me as a child should his parent. My only prayer is that I don't have to wait till my death bed to see that day......or worse that he doesn't see it till he goes to the other side and has that clarity that comes only when you have been removed of all the negative human being crap. All I can do is pray for him, I guess I should remember to pray for him more. I spend so much time praying for Jeremy because of his troubles, and Dustin well he never gave me any trouble. Always a good boy, never complained much, graduated and went right off to the Military. But I know that he is sad and he is lonely and deep deep down he just wants his mom to hug him. He had it the worst he did, I was only 23 when I had him and oh well here I am going off on a tangent again...... LOL You get the point. It's hard to loosen up and love sometimes.......

Thursday the e-mails with Clint kept going on we talked about what we wanted most in a person and we also talked about our pet peeves. It all was working out so great, we both said that we really hope the "chemistry" is there when we meet. Thursday after work I was supposed to have a meeting with my trainer but my back had been hurting for 24 hrs straight and I had gotten little sleep the night before so I called to postpone another week. This is what hurts me, I try so hard to get on an exerscise routine but then I get sick or hurt. But I will go back, I have to go back, I paid for this! When I got home my roomate in the basement had brought his brother in law over and he wanted to rent the futon out for the same price so I let him. I havent gotten enough people for any of my workshops to need to use the basement and I haven't had any Reiki clients either and I have bills to pay. Once I checked him in I went into my room to see if I could get my air cleaner to work. I had cleaned it the day before and it didn't work so I let it dry out some more, now not even the red light was coming on, NO lights were coming on! I debated with myself again on weather I was just going to put the darn thing away or if I was going to text Randy to come fix it. When I told Clint one thing I loved about a man is if he can fix things and he said he can fix anything except electrical stuff. And Randy had said he would come fix it if there were problems as he had gotten a re-furbished one off e-bay. I wanted to ask him but I didn't want to jix the chances I had with Clint by talking to Randy, what to do what to do I thought to myself. Right at that moment my phone whent drrrooooiiiiiiidddddd.....

Did you guess who it was? Yup Randy. It said Hi.....I replied: wow I was just thinking about you, my air cleaner stopped working....I can fix it he sent back.....good I said, then he asked me a few questions about it and he said yep that happened to mine I can fix it.....I am working from home tommorow if you can stop by that would be great as my nose is all stuffy again.......he replied: I gotta work on my sled, heading to VT , nobody wants to go with me. So that was it I thought, I had told him I would go with him, I told him I even had some vacation time to use and I told him I needed a little advance notice as well so that I can arrange things. But no he waited and asked everyone else hoping they'd go and only asked me when he found out none of the boys could go and play. I replied sorry I can't go with you I have an event scheduled, and it was the truth too, I had left this weekend open knowing it was the start of his vacation week untill sunday. But we had so much fun at Karaoke that I had scheduled another one, and by gosh I knew I would have more fun there than waiting in a hotel room for him. He had nothing left to say and neither did I.

Later that night Clint called me on the phone for the very first time, and it went quite well, we had much to talk about and thought alike on nearly everything, well except for his love not only of playing golf but watching it on TV! But that's kewl, it's good for men to have something to keep them busy when we women want to go shopping or something. LOL We also discovered not only does he live near me, that his office is even closer! Over near the area of The Starland Ballroom and when I asked him if he wanted to go to the concert he was very enthusiastic about it! We talked a very long time and firmed up a little our plan to meet for coffee when he gets back in town, we penciled in Wednesday.... I went to sleep that night feeling much better mentally (if not physically) and with the slightest bit of hope....

Friday morning there were posts on my facebook talking about how many of us are "feeling the shift" and have had flu like symptoms, body ahces and pains and the like. They said that over the weekend the flares would be at thier strongest, I was glad that I had that free energy healing session scheduled for Friday night, God had provided that for me at just the right time! Here is what they said:

"IMPORTANT ALERT: The sun has erupted with an M Class SOLAR FLARE that is Earth... Facing & due to impact this weekend. Now what was it I was saying yesterday about this weekend being a whole lot brighter! Scientists tell us that solar flares & CME's do NOT affect Humans & only impact on radio waves due to the solar radiation extra charging the Ionosphere which surrounds & protects Earth. But, from my personal experience, if you are a sensitive, in the days prior to, during & after a big flare we do get headachy, tired, run down, confused & all of those little hurts within us rise to the surface to be let go of." Elizabeth Peru © 2012 Please see COMMENTS for more on this topic.
New Beginnings was the angel-card-of-the-day-2012 something was indeed going on! Not only that but when I put my phone on the charger when I woke up at 6:30 am it had automatically called Clint! When I wote to apologize to him he said see your phone likes me maybe it's a sign..... I told him I do belive in signs and though nervously to myself I wonder how he's going to handle all this spriritual stuff about me..that was one of the big draws about Randy... what to do about him.... When I went in to make my bed later in the morning I tried the air cleaner again and it came on! Wow I thought! Now there also is a sign! I texted to tell him not to worry about coming over that it was working again, he replied that he had come and fixed it (meaning via astral travel) I know he can astral travel but I know nothing of if they can manipulate physical reality in that state, I am thinking no.....but just for good measure and because I do and will always care for him I told him to have a safe trip and I would watch over him. I then added do you want to borrow my solar cell phone charger, I always have visions of him being stranded on the trail (because he always talks about how that could happen). He said OK so I said come get it and be sure to keep it on your sled. What can I say I do and will always care about him......I am just hoping that I can love someone who is going to love me back and be in my day to day life in a way that Randy just doesn't want to be.....
There was also a video on my facebook page about The Shift and

Yes there are many changes going on in my life right now. Jeremy sorting his life out, my body and inner spirit changes. Also some changes in my social friends, my buddy Anthony left my meetup and joined a new one and now he and Victor my old business partner are planning an Improv workshop in a new meetup. I posted and I wished them well and encourged the others to go with the utmost sincerity. I had some fun doing that but its really not something I love to do. And while I care about both of these guys they just don't seem to belong in my life, not at this time anyway. That is ok.....I am content with my present and who and what is showing up here now today. I even let go, at least for a bit my money worries, and my annoyance at people using my hard work to promote thier events and make money and not share with me. God will suppy for me not them. I am ready of the solar flares the shift of what is coming and I am so excited!

Today prepare yourself for the changes that are coming and embrace them with peace and contentment.....all is as it should be.......and all will be well and in everyday and in every way you are getting better and better......

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "Hmmm..," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YAY!" she exclaimed. "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Author Unknown

RIP ETTA JONES http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbtWBZMtCDU

1-16-12 Dancing Through the Rain

2012-01-16T10:07:00.001-08:00

Don't run away from grief , o soul
Look for the remedy inside the pain.
because the rose came from the thorn
and the ruby came from a stone.
Rumi ♥

1-16-12 Dancing Through the Rain

Friday after work I went to the gym, I only stayed 40 minutes though and didn't push myself too hard because I still was having minor chest pains and when I started to work out I could feel my blood pressure rising and my ears thumping. I did a few things and not too hard and headed home. I had plenty of time though so I went and sat in my car down by the bulkhead and looked out at the water. On either side of me were guys in big trucks sitting there eating their dinners, all alone. One guy was older, perhaps a widower, the other guy was very large, like over 300 lbs large. And there I was sitting between them...it made me feel sad. Sad to be alone, sad to still be single, sad that the only real boyfriend I've had since my divorce 15 yrs ago was probably home drinking with 17 and 18 yr olds and that's where he preferred to be other than with me. Where are all the grown men at I wondered to the universe? The powers that be had no answers as I gazed across the bay to the NYC skyline.....the world is full of people, more people than ever, and yet most of us are more alone than any other time in history.....and more of us wear our loneliness like a thorn in our sides...

Saturday morning I got a call from my credit card company. That wasn't fun, I had to explain why I only sent them a fraction of the amount that they wanted me to send and that no I really couldn't send more this month and no not next month either and probably not for a long time. They transferred me over to someone else, to whom I had to once again explain my sorry tale about the contract to buy my house and it falling through etc etc etc. Turns out my credit rating is still too good for him to be able to help me, call back next month he said, maybe I can get your payments lowered then he told me. I headed out to the Alchemy of Attraction Seminar we were having and that got my mind off my dept. When I have problems I just go help others and soon enough my solution comes. It was a good event, only 5 people, and Joe couldn't make it but I think we did some good for those people. One woman though made me sad, she said she's been divorced since 92 (5 years longer than me) and she asked them how she could still have hope, she's tried everything, taken self help things, really worked on healing and growing. I felt the same way she did, and I had no good answer for her other than keep the faith. The seminar teachers just told her to keep loving and working on herself. I wish they had a better answer for her because I needed one myself. That and the statistic he quoted how women will date a man who's a bit overweight but most men will not, they take a very underweight woman first. I will never be that.....even just getting to a normal weight is going to take lots of time and lots of work...UGH
After the workshop I headed home, stopped for cat food and gas and tried to figure out what I wanted to do that night. I knew what I wanted to do, stay home and cuddle up with someone who loves me with a pizza and a good movie. I did not have that. I had posted to one meetup that I might pop in, and I do like those people, and one friend had also texted me saying he was throwing together a last minute thing. I decided to take a nap and see how I felt later. I sent out an SOS to my spiritual friends to send me some good energy as I was feeling so down.... When I woke I decided that I was just going to stay home and have singles chat, it was so very cold out and I knew there would be others home for various reasons and I was right. While chatting I read a reply from my new friend Lynn who is a wonderful Reiki master, this is what she had to say to me and it gave me comfort:
hey, just did a little work on you. Archangel Michael is w/you. help is there for the asking.
also ... rebirth can come with chaos and drama. stay connected to your inner truth. chaos can deliver degrading messages, thoughts and feelings that are not true. notice them, and also notice that they are not speaking on behalf of your truth or God's.
Like birth, rebirth is a crying screaming mess of a blessed event. you are worth it!

So that was it! I was re-birthing. This pain, this sadness, this depression, probably even my chest pains was just a result of me changing. When I decided that Randy was not the one for me I had made a very important step towards changing myself and my destiny (yes we write our destiny). I prayed to St Michael that night before going to sleep, just telling him my money and my loneliness concerns and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning not feeling much better, it was one of those Dear God why am I still here days....but I put my feet on the floor and got started with my day anyway. I had a Karaoke event that afternoon and was dismayed that my Cyntergy class at the gym got moved from 8:30am to 11:30am now. I decided to go anyway, so what if at Karaoke I was in my gym clothes and not so put together, who knew if anyone would even show anyway! So off to the gym and I stayed for the whole class (even if I can't do all the moves I go and do the best I can) then headed towards the diner. I noticed Randy's truck at Sears and wondered if he'd text to come see me later, I didn't feel that he would, I feel like he knows he's got to let me go now. I had an amazingly good time at Karaoke, and 4 people came. We had so much fun that I decided to schedule it again for the following Sunday. I sat there and I thought, this is one of the things that I like to do. It would be nice to find someone who shares this interest with me, and ahhh this is what they mean about learning to love and know myself first... I went home feeling darn good and posted the event for the following week. The I checked e-mails and responded to a question someone had asked in the Divorce Support Group, he liked my reply and said he was going to try it and that also made me feel really good, I feel I am really helping these people there in my small ways. I went to bed that night feeling better about me and my life, hopeful for the future, accepting of the present..

Monday this was a quote I found on my facebook:
“Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detachment involvement.”
Deepak Chopra~shared by Liora

Also someone posted a Joke my Mom used to tell me when I was a kid : I had a dream once. I dreamed that i ate a giant marshmallow. I woke to find my pillow was gone. I think I fell for it to the first time I heard it LOL It made me feel like that was her way of letting me know that she's up there working on the problem....I always knew she and I would be better friends once she got to heaven and stripped off all that judgmental bull crap her religion taught her....

Today I want you to not give up hope, to not curse the darkness, to keep on dancing through the rain and the pain and keep going. It's not easy sometimes that's for sure, and some of us have paths that are more difficult than others. Like I posted to my son today to give him some encouragement: Sure it's going to be a hard climb up to the top of that mountain, but the good part is that once you get there, you won't be knocked back down as fast and as easy as someone who got a helicopter ride to the top......... So don't run from your rain, dance in it!!!!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

I Made it Through the Rain

1-13-12 Like a Shepard

2012-01-13T11:50:00.000-08:00

Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder.
Help someone's soul heal.
Walk out of your house like a shepherd.
Rumi ♥

1-13-12 Like a Shepard

Monday after work I went to volunteer at hospice, I only stayed about a half hour because the patient said she had to go to the rest room and I am not allowed to take her. It's really hard for me to take my time and go when she pretty much is incoherent and can't communicate and I don't know if she knows I am even there, but I trust that the universe put me here with this patient for a reason. Sometimes volunteering isn't about the warm fuzzy feeling you get for doing good, sometimes its just about doing good. I did help the agency however as I noted that the volunteer before me wrote in the book that he had fed her dinner and we are not allowed to feed them either, its not safe for us to do so and we aren't liscenced. I texted my supervisor and let her know, she was very grateful. I headed towards home as I then a dinner meeting with Joe on how we can help people and make money doing it, but my roommate started texting me and arguing about leaving the key, got very belligerent with me, so I had to go home and deal with him. I then ended up cleaning the room and doing the laundry and was grateful that Joe got stuck in the city and we cancelled our meeting.

I sat down for a bit to check my e-mails and saw that someone wrote me and told me I had a typo in one of my posted events, instead of getting annoyed I just thanked her and said that I type so fast and sometimes so late in the night or early in the morning that I do make mistakes. The old me from a few years ago would have been annoyed but I wasn't. Ends up this woman was an English major preparing for a big exam on Saturday and she was nervous, she want's to become a teacher. So I thanked her and told her I would pray for her and that she was really good at her stuff! She was very grateful, I am glad that I reacted the way that I did.
I also noted a news story of a 10 year old boy who was playing with a gun and shot himself in my town, guess I don't live in Hunterdon county anymore!. All the more reason I need to be here so I can pray for these people and bring love and light here.

Wednesday after work I head to the Chiropractor then towards the gym, but the traffic was horrendous due to some utility work, plus I was having some chest pains, been having a little squeezing thing going on for a week or so now. I keep giving Reiki to my heart and shoving out my fears of heart attack, just because my mom had them does not mean I am going to have them. At any rate I decided to skip the gym, got my groceries and I headed home.When I arrived someone was at my front door, in the dark, and when I pulled in the drive he came over to me claiming to have a large sum of my money and he wanted a reward for it. I told him that I had not lost any money and he whips out the rent check I had mailed to my landlord. Again he demanded a reward and I said that I can just cancel it at my bank and he said that will cost me $25 wouldn't it be easier to give him a reward. I got him to give me the check and I went inside and told him to wait that I would bring a reward........and I called the cops on him. The officer said he was a local scam artist. I felt a little foolish calling the police over this but I wanted to send a loud and clear message to this guy so that he wouldn't do this to me again or anyone else. I texted Randy about it and he only sent me a couple of one word answers. Cest La vie, he's busy with his kids and I need to busy myself even more with my own life. There had been a quote on my page that day about once I knew who I was by beloved would come....

Thursday it was pouring rain all the way to work, it's days like this I am very discouraged to live so far from the office, it's days like this I want to look for something closer to home. But I love my supervisor so much he is the kindest and fairest boss I think I ever had. I went to an event that night on the way home and saw a friend of mine, we got to talking about divorce and the divorce group I am in now and I told him how I had not wanted to join, after having been divorced for 15 years I did not need any help but I said once I got there i realized that I could in fact help a lot of them! I had experiences to share, things to tell, stuff to talk about and encouragement to give. It dawned on me as I spoke to him the message that I had heard on the book on CD I am listening to currently The Seat of the Soul it was about finding a mate and sharing your life and it said that too many of us look for a partner who can give to us and we think little of what we can give to our partner. I realized that I had been focusing just a bit much on finding a man who can take care of me and will buy me a house. I will take care of him but still I need to not focus so strongly on what I need and more on what I wish to share. I reflected also on the altercation I had earlier in the week with one of my friends who I allow to post stuff and find people to come to his events, he posted something for someone else and wanted me to attend. I said I may if they can wave the $5 fee, he got indignant saying that I have a job and they do not have jobs and I should pay. I said that the free advertising I give them is worth hundreds of dollars. I left the event up but I declined to attend, not that I couldnt have givne the $5 and I may have once there but I truly do not want to associate with black holes anymore. I wish to give and to help others but I must also use wisdom. Its hard, daily prayer and guidance is necessary least you fall off the cliff yourself... But even a shephard while he looks over and cares for his sheep will keep the predators away...

Today I want you go not think of yourslef and go out and see what you can do and give and be for others......everyone needs something and no matter who you are or what you have you have something to give......someone to reach out to...someone to help........but beware of the predators too!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

1-9-12 Focus on Today

2012-01-09T09:52:00.000-08:00

The focus is only ever this moment, what is happening right now. Our bodies already know only this present time; they can’t know ‘yesterday’ or ‘tomorrow,’

1-9-12 Focus on Today

So Friday night I decided to blow off going out dancing and spending cover charge money I really couldn't afford and I went to the gym instead. They had a kick boxing class at 6 and then I shopped on the way home. I had planned to go to 5 below and get an air pump for my exercise ball and the gym was giving out free steps for exercising so I got one of those too, looks like I am slowly putting together my own home gym... I did the grocery shopping for my workshop the next day and then when I got home Randy came to fix the kitchen cabinet door for me on his way home from work, he also took a look at the leaking pipe in the basement and told me what I needed to get and said he'd come back for that. While he worked I listened to him talk, he loves when I listen to him talk. He did a lot of repeating of the stories of the fun he has playing with the kids and they were quite boring, I wondered how I had listened to him the first time? Then again I can listen to most any story when I am in that phase of post coital bliss. LOL I asked about what gifts he exchanged with the kids and the woman who lives there and asked him about when did they actually end up coming home on Christmas and how sad it was they left him alone and he said no he wasn't upset. I said you sure were when you called me Christmas eve, again he denied it so I let him believe whatever lie he had told himself. Sometimes we have to let people get by with that sort of thing...sometimes....this was one of those times.

Saturday was my Soulmate workshop day. I woke up early and had a long list of things to do, I got the really important ones done like getting ready for the day and posting two events up. I still did not get to the NYE videos or setting up my e-bay store. So much to do so little time! I prayed for more time, or rather to get more done it the time I have, I am convinced that proper time management is part of evolution since there is no time anywhere else but here on earth, our classroom. But anyway the workshop was wonderful, I only had two students, one my long term BFF as a part of her Christmas gift, and one paying student. So by the time I figured in the cost of my supplies and the snacks I brought I broke even. But I do believe that I helped my friends very much, one in particular seems so together but we did get to a deep hurt and I gave he instructions on how to heal it. Luckily the full moon was the very next day so she could spend the next 24 hrs writing down her homework and then offering it up all in one weekend! She said she was going to do exactly that. During the workshop when I was showing them my vision board and how to create one the little post it that said Always shows up when I need. Kept falling off and each time I stuck it back on visions of Randy fixing my cabinet door the night before so it wouldn't be hanging off its hinge for my workshop kept popping in my head. Stop it I muttered in my mind to whomever was still nagging me on him, I made up my mind I do not belong with him.

After the workshop my BFF Chris and I went to dinner, I asked where she wanted to go and she said pick a place that you have not gone but wanted to so we headed off to Nemo's, an Asian/Sushi place in town that has a lovely view of the bay. It was only 4:30 but I had skipped lunch. I ordered Lemon Grass Shrimp and was astounded by how good it was and so reasonably priced! I hope I get asked on a date sometime I thought, I will have him bring me here. We talked about our life our work our kids, he daughter just left and she is so very happy to have a lower grocery bill, and a cleaner more peaceful house but she misses her too. This empty nest thing is such a dichotomy... Then we went to have coffee at Espresso Joe's, another place I have been wanting to check out. She made us Mocha lattes to die for! Since she had such a long ride she headed home by 6 and I checked in home to collect the rent from my one roommate, left him a note and reminded him that he still has to look for a place and move out as soon as he can. Chris agreed that it was so wrong to expect Jeremy to have to share the basement with him and why would I even want to live with him anyway. You will find someone else or God will send you money another way she had told me and I know she is right.

I then prepared to head out for an event, the birthday celebration of one of the meetup organizers whom I like very much, she's such a sweet person. I got a text from Randy: Hi.....hey I sent back, whatcha doing he replied? Heading out to a party in Highlands I sent back. Ok that's nice he replied. I headed out and thought that was the end of it but I did to reply to him a few more times at red lights..... 50 people are going I sent back....wow he replied....then I sent: I hope you have a fun evening doing navy seal training with junior......he replied that no one was home. Ha I thought last night you blew me off servers you right....but instead I replied well then you have a chance for a nap, I am here now have a good evening.....U2 he sent back. I walked in the door and forgot that he existed..... It was nice to see the people I already knew and I met some new ones as well! I got talking to some people and was telling two women about my attract your soulmate workshop and they had some dating questions. I swear need to write a dating 101 class also! You can teach what you are still learning I am told this again and again! LOL We settled in and ordered drinks, I don't normally drink but I decided to splurge and get a glass of sangria, it was yummy. After a bit we got hungry and decided to split a pizza, I worried about the money but I was hungry. So we talked more and she ended up telling me that she can heal people, she said I have no idea why I just told you that but I felt that I could. So I told her that I was a Reiki master and I can heal people too and do much more and she must be awfully powerful if she can do this with NO training or understanding and I encouraged her to take the Reiki classes. Shortly after that a guy I know from the groups came in to greet me and joined in the three of us and asked for a slice of our pizza, we shared and he ended up paying for the whole pie AND ordered all three of us another drink and insisted on paying! I was impressed, I had been telling the girls that I need to attract a man who pays for me when we go out, and told them of how with Randy I had to pay for HIM. No more of that for me, God created men to take care of and provide for us, the same as he created us to nurture and care for them. Anyway before we left my new friend asked me if I would put the palm of my hand on hers, she said I don't know why but I feel compelled to ask you to do this. I said sure and told her that lightworkers often share energy with one another in this way. She was all excited about the tingle of energy we shared so I told her I am thinking of doing a Reiki share like once a month with the lightworkers I meet she loved that idea. Another thing to add to my ever growing to-do list!

Sunday was Yoga and then divorce support group dinner. We had 4 students for the Yoga and were glad, I talked to Nancy about continuing to charge only $10 and she agreed with me that while others charge more it's better to get it out to MORE people than it is to make a lot of money, we may have only gotten $20 each for our time and gas money but the opportunity to GIVE also had much value. I was reminded on the way over there of the ever present saying: Do what you love and the money will follow. It is so true. I had to remember this more than ever because I got a text message from Domenic that he was moving out the next day and wanted a re-fund of the days not used. Ugh! But my son's peace of mind in whom he had to share that space with is important, I must trust God to provide a better roomate, and to one day supply the income so that I do not need to rent out that space.

After the class I went to a diner to meet up some people from the divorce support group. Wow, just wow. Some of the people are so focused on their pain they can't think straight to navigate their way through this divorce process. This is the first time I did a small dinner with that group and the whole conversation was about the trials and tribulations of the divorce process. Since I have been divorced now for 15 years all of that is a distant memory, however I did have some things to contribute to the conversation. I was very very glad to have been able to say a thing or two that would help them. It got me to thinking that I really need to do more of those Heal Your Heart workshops. These people need this, they need so many things, I need to help them and share with them what I have learned and am still learning. I am going to stick to my keep it affordable for the masses plan too, for my soulmate work shop I charge half of what I had paid for to take the same class and I then in supplies and snacks too! But my primary focus was on helping those who came, in the moment that they came, and who came that day... I am learning, deal with who and what shows up..... There was an e-mail from Randy when I got home later that night, he said thanks for the info for something I had sent him and that he missed me. I couldn't in that particular moment say that I missed him, so I didn't. I just wrote and told him about my fun weekend and wished him well......

Monday my card of the day was Focus and I realize again how much I need to live in the moment, with the people who are in that moment and I also need to focus my thoughts and my energy very very wisely. My primary goal is to help others, my secondary goal is to earn a descent living. So in the car that morning driving to work as I said my mantras again, calling on the angels to assist me, I told them that dollar amount I put for how much I want to earn was a suggestion, that I trusted divine guidance to know how much I really need.... So my bank account is shrinking, but all the bills are paid that were due as of this date. I know how I want to serve, the angels can take care of the monetary details.........I've got more important things to think about!

Today what are you focusing on? How can you fine tune that?..........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

1-6-12 The Right Fit

2012-01-06T13:07:00.000-08:00

1-6-12 The Right Fit

Monday afternoon I waited for Randy while I did chores and got caught up on internet work I had to do. I thought of texting to see if he was coming but I didn't feel like doing so. I said a prayer to give that up to God and asked for some guidance, I said give me a date to read, meaning a date from an older blog to reflect on, it came to me to read March 21st the answer was clear, he doesn't want to play with me, he has his own pursuits as I do mine. This has always been the crux of our problems, I still on this day didn't know if I wanted to share my life with a man who shares none of my hobbies and I none of his, and man who wants to run off and play with the boys so very much. I decided to re-think my day and was folding the laundry convincing myself it was best to forget him, that he hadn't even texted me to wish me a happy new year yet when my phone when drrooooiddddd. It was him, he said happy new year, I miss you....I thought we had a date today I said, I got up, showered put on make up and been ready for you since 10m (it was nearly 2 then) he said I come over now....I decided to say OK even though by then my heart wasn't in it.

He came right over and I said are we going somewhere first or pokey first? He didn't say anything and so I said OK pokey first.... We were laying there after talking about a bunch of stuff and I asked about his new years and he went on about how much fun he had with the kids and their friends. I told him about my party and how I met a friends husband who can astral travel like he does and I asked him if he had any visions lately and he said yes yes as a matter of fact I did a week or two ago. He said he was standing in his house he has now, with his junior (the older kid that he likes) and it was all re-done inside, bigger rooms, wider hallways. hardwood floors he said it was just how he had said he hoped to make it look someday. I asked who lived there with him, was she there? No he said. Was the younger kid there? No he said. Just me and the junior and he kept asking me was I happy, is this what I wanted, is this how I wanted it to be. He noticed the change in me right away, the blow hit me hard.....and finally I said that must be your future, because you saw my future, you knew I was going to end up in this house here you saw it, me in this little house, temporarily....maybe he said. But I was not in it I told him. He said nooooooo noooooo that's not what it meant. Shortly after that his phone started buzzing, it was the junior looking for him. He had complained that he couldn't find anyone to go skiing with him and that he didn't have the money to spend on junior and his friends, because junior would not go with him unless he could bring a friend. I just rolled my eyes and told him he better get home. He looked real sheepish as he left, saying you look mad. No I am not mad I told him and I wasn't........just disappointed.....i oughtta be used to that by now....

After he left I tried to call Mary my spiritual adviser but got no answer so I called my gal pal that I have known for a very very long time. She has some psychic powers of her own so I asked her did she think it was the spirits trying to ask Randy to look and see if he was going to be happy in his future with just that kid? She said I don't know but I think it's totally time for you to quit hoping he's going to be the man you want him to be, he never was and he doesn't want to be, in fact he's getting worse she said! I knew she was right, I knew even if I got him back I probably would not be happy, when I had mentioned that I was sad he spent new years with the kids and not me he said when we spent new years together i was sad with him. I wasn't sad but I was bored I recalled, and so was he. Chris said I need a man that I have as much fun with as I used to have with Victor. I thought about that, what a true companionship he and I used to have..but he wasn't a tiny shred bit attracted to me, he does not like larger women and I never fauled him for that. I asked her did she think I could find a man with whom I could be as sexually compatible with as I was with Randy and have the companionship that I had with Victor? Absolutely she said! I texted Randy and said, I forgot to ask you, in that house with just junior in your future, were you happy? He didn't reply at first so I sent it again, finally he replied Yes. I replied that well at least now we know how it's going to go, I can give up on that dream that I had for us. His reply was oh ha ha yer funny. I had nothing else to say.... I had said I wanted to let go of the whole mate thing and let God do his work, I had to keep that promise I had made to myself.... Loving someone means allowing them to be exactly who they want to be.....and I woke up to this message Tuesday:

I am tired of the pain, I want to take off these Randy shoes! They just do not fit me!

I called my buddy Mike on Tuesday and asked his help on this one. He said that the only thing for me to do way to get myself out there and start dating seriously and stop thinking about Randy so much. He is right on that point. He also told me that I need to dress up more. I have to think about that one, I DO dress up put on make up and dress fashionably when I got out. I do not wear a lot of jewelry or heels or skirts however. I do know that the women who do get more attention though. He also mentioned a mutual female friend and how she just can't keep a man. She went on a big diet and she lost a lot of weight and she looks amazing....however she didn't work on the INSIDE of herself. Not that she isn't a pretty nice person, she's a bit brash and harsh and loud, then again there maybe men that like that, who are we to say? There is a glove for every hand so they say....
Wednesday I woke up from a very intense dream where I was married to an old co-worker friend. It was showing me how things were and sort of like asking me if I was happy that way. He was a nice friend, and he took care of me thats for sure, I liked that about him and I want that in a man. We had a good social life too in the dream but there wasn't any passion. In the dream I talked to him about that and he said that I needed to be more agressive to him and initiate sex. Thats about the time I woke up. I am still pondering this one, I have been told that I am too standoffish with guys, that I need to flirt a little more. I confess all the men I have dated are ones who came on strong to me with just a hint of encouragement. I like it like that. Then again, I have looked back years later on some and realized that some guys I knew really had been into me and I had been oblivious to it. Oh well. I am going to try and pay a bit more attention and be a bit more friendly when I go out to events, once I know a guy I can be as agressive as he is but no one knows that when they just meet me. Guess I got a bunch of dating to start doing, better polish up the ole personal ad! LOL Wednesday night I went to my friend Jame's World Hypnotism Day event. It was very very informitive! I want to be a hypnotist now! LOL I have been inspired to give myself the following two suggestions every night before I got to sleep:

I am getting thinner and stronger and healthier every day
I am married to my perfect mate our life is rich and filled with love.
I earn all the money I need with ease and I help others

Thursday at work we all went out to lunch and my one annoying co-worker while we were all walking to the cars he asked had I made a new years resolution to get him in trouble? I said no why and he said my boss had called him up and yelled at him to get something done. I had actaully asked my boss to get what I needed from him because we had all asked many times. This guy's been with the company for nearly 35 years, he's been shuffled from group to group to group when he doesn't get along with others. He never seems to fit for very long, only a few years. But thats the good thing about J&J, they are like the Catholic church, no one ever gets fired only re-assigned! LOL That night I came home and Jeremy was packing up and getting ready to leave and go to Flemington to stay at Alexe's for awhile, he was very very upset and told me that he would not be coming back untill I got rid of my roomate. The boys then went on to tell me stories of how much "activity" had gone on behind the curting where they were sitting and how sick and perverted and awful, not to mention the smell despite all the air fresheners and incence. I was talking to him and telling him I would handle it when the roomate came home. So I just told him while I had my courage up. He of course denied it, and I had told him before not to do that when my son was down there and to ask for some privacy. But it seems an hour isnt enough he does this for hours on end! I talked to Randy and he said it would be hard for me to get a new roomate and this dude was harmless but the more I thought about it I realize this is just NOT a good fit for him or for us. He needs a more private place to live, I can see why his parents kicked him out! He has a right to be whomever he wants to be but he needs to find a place where he fits, that place is not my home! (even though he did get up and washed himself good the next morning i had to clean my tub before i could take a shower!) ugh!

Friday was a work from home day, getting tons of stuff done, I did enjoy the peace with Jeremy gone and I cleaned up to prepare for my attract your soulmate workshop. I hope to help everyone learn how to attract thier soulmate, part of that is working on being the right person to attract the type of person that you want! I mean I may want a pair of strappy heels but if my feet are fat and bloated and I don't have a pedicure they aren't going to look very good on me are they?? Then again I do prefer my flip flops or my uggs, but I digress...

Today I want you to try a few new situations on for size. And maybe take a look at your relationships too, both friends and lovers. Do they "fit" right or are the too painful? Too tight? Too big? Do they leave callouses? Maybe its time to pack up a few things and take them to the good will store, or maybe just put them away in the back of the closet and only wear them on some occasions. But by all means don't think you have to stick around and keep a painful fitting ANYthing!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

saw this and wanted to share it with you all: its going to be an amazing year!!

WELCOME TO FLIGHT 2012!

As we prepare for take off please make sure that your vision is clear and that you are ready to live in an upright position.
...
All self-destructive behaviors should be surrendered at this time. Should we meet with any turbulence during the flight, stretch your hands above your head and pray. Your prayers will be automatically answered by the depth of your trust. Once you trust that you will be supported and protected, you can assist other passengers.

There is no excess baggage permitted on this flight. The tower has cleared us for take off and we anticipate moving at a very high altitude. Whether your destination is peace, joy, wealth, health, companionship or greater service in the world, if you do your part, we will do ours. Now, buckle up, sit back, relax and enjoy the good you will be creating as we soar toward our destination.

Your Captain ~Iyanla Vanzant~

1-2-12 Letting Go

2012-01-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

1-2-12 Letting Go

Friday morning I decided to start my list of New Years Resolutions, you can check it out below and be a witness to it and I can look at it next year and see how many I kept and how many need to be re-added! LOL In the afternoon I headed out to get a bin to put the outdoor Christmas lights in, listening to my borrowed book on CD and heard a great quote:
When the going gets tough the tough get going.....the enlightened surrender.― Martha N. Beck
I liked that and vowed to make that my biggest New Years Goal, surrendering everything to my higher power! I headed back home and I saw Randy pass me on 35, only when I am on vacation am I out in the daytime around here could this happen, so it was odd to see him. I didn't know if he saw me so I sped up on his right to wave.....but someone was with him so I ducked and turned. I felt a tinge of sadness but not much, it was one of the kids not HER at least. I went home and layed down to watch a movie and ignored my phone when it rang..... I checked it when I woke up and was pleased to see it was him so I called him back right away. He said I saw you today, and that he had taken junior to shop-rite to buy food for the New Years Party he was going to have with them. Then he talked about how he had to work 10-6 sat an 10-5 sunday so it wouldn't be a late party. I had given him the address of where I would be at midnight NYE just in case they ditched him though....

In the evening I went to the Comedy Show event with the divorce meetup. I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a long time. I also saw Tina and gave her some of the free Starland Ballroom tickets and I saw Joe and gave some to him as well. I had to give her a pep talk about keeping her group but told her also that if she got fed up she can always just use my groups. I got home just after midnight and was full of energy and ended up watching a TV movie, Big with Tom Hanks. Its was about a 13 yr old boy who gets big, goes to NYC gets a job and a girlfiriend and she is so happy with him and his innocent side (because inside he is still the 13 yr old) It reminded me a lot of Randy and when I saw how much fun the woman had with him I remembered how much fun he is and how he keeps me feeling young and having fun. In the movie the boy did mature and he did get very responsible but in the end he missed being a boy and he got changed back and went home. I wondered if there was any message in the movie for me, then again I am always looking for signs, probably too much. I let it be....

Saturday I woke up and the angel-card-of-the-day was New Love, again I wondered if it meant I was going to have a new man or that I was going to see a new man in Randy. I let it be..... and headed off to get my bloodwork done for the hospice place, finally my last thing to finish before I could start my volunteer work. I then went to the gym and got there just in time for the centergy class, (yoga to music), and was glad I made it. Afterwards I ran a ton of errands and got home arond noon and decied to make a late breakfast sine all I had was coffee so far. I made pancakes and veggie bacon that Shawn had left in my freezer. YUCK! I am NOT adding veggie bacon to my diet no way. I then cleaned two rooms and marveled how I had so much energy on only 5 hrs of sleep! I kept wondering if Randy would text to wish me a happy new year but he did not. I tried to rest but couldnt and then got ready and went to my party. I met a few nice new people, and saw a lot of old friends and passed out a lot of free tickets. I saw my new reiki friend and got to meet her husband, she told me that he can atral travel and I told her that Randy can too, it made me realize how important a spiritually connected mate is to someone like myself. It also made me feel a twinge of sadness to know he'd rather be with the boys than with me on NYE. I went outside to check out the fire and looked up and noticed that the resteraunt was right under that huge condo complex that Randy had wanted to go see the price for us to possibly live there someday. I couldn't resist anymore and I sent him the picture...really nice he replied.....I sent back I hope you are having a happy new year with the kids.....he did not reply.

I really enjoyed the party though, mixing and mingling with old and new friends. I saw my old business partner there, I had hoped he might have brought me back my flash drive that he promised to return but he wouldn't even look my way when I tried several times to catch his eye so that I could wish him a Happy New Year, oh well time to give up hope that we will be able to restore our friendship. Also there was a gal pal of mine who has been dating a guy friend of mine that I have known for a very long time so I decided to talk to him about her and the relatioship and see if I could encorage it some. He had a lot of valid points however, not to me deal breakers but bothersome enough. Relationships are that way, no two people are going to be a perfect fit the question remains how much you want to give in and compromise on to be together. So after talking to him I told her, you know you really are going to have to learn to go camping with him or move on and find someone who is NOT outdoorsy like you are not. The next day when I posted the below quote from Neal Donald Walsh's daily newsletter she replied ok out with the old in with the new I am ready to find my soulmate! Honestly it really is just a matter of letting it be, letting go and allowing rather than strugling.......

Sunday morning this was the message for new years day from my Converstaions With God daily message:

every day is a New Beginning.

A new cycle begins this day, yet a new cycle begins

every day. Indeed, every moment. So if you recognize

anything on this day, recognize what it symbolizes: The

miracle of the endlessly continuing Cycle of Life.

What a grand day! What a time for celebration! We

begin again today! We turn the page! And so, let go

of all that you do not wish to carry with you any further.

Any fear, any sadness, any anger, any resentment, any

disappointment, any lament...let it all go. And now,

using the specialness of this day as a springboard,

let's get on with Life!

I lazed around trying to get caught up with my e-mails and cassiescalendar work. I really need to let go some of the things that I do because it's taking up too much of my time and not making me much money. It's just a matter of figuring out what, but I will pray on it and ask the angels to guide me. My roomate cooked that free turkey I had gotten from Shop Rite and in the evening I had a movie meetup event to go to. We had a very nice time particularly talking afterwards at the diner. My one friend told me however that another ex friend of mine reads my blog and cuts snippets out of it and finds fault with me. She has always judged me, and everyone else, very harshly. Yet here she is 44 years old and never married or been able to keep a man for very long despite the fact that she is very pretty--- on the outside-- I wish she could let go of her past pain and hurt from her childhood that made her this way. I offered reiki to her many a time but she never got it. My other friend who came is friends with my ex business partner and he told me he thinks he too must read my blog because he knows so much about every little thing that's going on in my life and what I am up to and what he thinks of my website and how he'd make it better. Honestly he needs to let it go already too! I told my friend how I had such a crush on this guy a couple years ago and he was shocked, had no idea and asked me why. Because he gave me so much attention I said, its simple as that. To me time/attention is love I said.... Of course this got my other friend on the Randy topic, she says she knows I love him and he makes me happy but she says I see you just as exacerbated with him too most of the time. I know I told her, I know. My guy friend said to me that I must have some commitment issues, I told him no I have had choosing issues, but I am much better than I was, I am almost ready to choose..... My gal pal said I need to have courage to talk to him about it and I told her we already have and pretty much decided to be together but not yet, he wants to wait till his kids move out. But I know that IF I am going to be with him someday fully commited I have to learn to let go of being upset with him for liking to hang with the boys so much, it does make me nuts BUT on the other hand, with him I can be anyone that I want to be and have complete freedom and acceptance of me for who I am, that goes a very long way I said. Yes it really does she said to me. We sat there and discussed event ideas for the coming year and then said our good nights, all of us agreeing we are going to have a great year!

Monday I woke up and got to work on web stuff that needed to be done, and going through posts and making plans for my day. Last I had talked to Randy he was supposed to come see me for a "date" this day, I decided to wait and see if he rememebered me and not message him. This message popped up in my news feed:

I don't know what all my something better is going to be but I do know for a fact that everything in my life is going to be better, I know this because I am letting it all GO! Some things and some people will be gone for good, some will wander back into my life in new and better ways, thats yet to be seen and I am not going to look back OR too much forward I am going to look at the day at hand. I trust whatever it is that comes to me this year it will be good because I am going to think it so with positive thoughts and let go of negative ones.

Today take a look at your own life and see what you can let go............and bring in the new year, the new you!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

My New Year's Resolutions:

Go to the Gym at least 3 times a week--- letting go: Go to the gym regularly and work towards my goal of being leaner and stronger so that I can hike and bike to all the scenic vistas I want to see.
I am going to eat healthy food, cut out the junk--letting go : I am going to add more fresh fruits, veggies and healthier choices to my diet but not deny myself totally of a burger, or real bacon or a cookie sometimes too
Do not worry so much, focus on what I want not what I do not want.....letting go: I am going to dwel in possibilities and positivity!
Make or get lots of money and pay off all my depts-- letting go: always have the money for whatever I need and never lack, hoard or fear about my needs.
I want to read more--letting go: I am going to listen to books on CD in the car, and pray for more time to sit in parks and on beaches and read and relax
I am going to attract my perfect mate--letting go: I am going to be happy with who shows up in my life and trust that it will all just fall into place in the right way and the right time

Now what about yours????