Catch A Keeper

Information Stages- What's Your Security Clearance?

2011-11-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

The main advice I would give you for your dating site profile is to ask yourself, "what does someone need to know about me immediately and what might be better saved for future emails or personal encounters? What best illustrates my positive traits and what might be easily misconstrued when someone doesn't know me and the context of the information?".

I feel like there is Stage One information and Stage Two information. Stage one is the kind of things that would help someone recognize you in a crowd and the kind of things that might spark shared enthusiasm like an unusual point of view or hobby. Stage Two reveals the kinds of things about you that are important considerations for a dating relationship. Things like a rough relationship history, bad credit, stds, employment struggles. Stage Two information doesn't need to be released all at once but it's the type of information that is better softened with a pre-existing connection and some personal investment in a relationship. Timing varies of course.

Dating Site Virgins

2011-09-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

This post is inspired by the number of first-time dating site users that I have encountered lately. There seems to be a lot of uncertainty and anxiety associated with mingling via the intersphere. Here is some of the general advice I have dispensed:

The people who write what others want to hear will simply fail to find someone who is looking for who they truly are.

It is up to you how much you share. This includes both factual information that could be used for stalking you later and the kind of information that gives insights into your personality and character.

You don't need to give out your number in order to meet someone for the first time. Set very specific plans for a public venue. Something like, "I'll see you at the Barnes & Noble on College Ave with a coffee in hand, standing by the magazines at 7pm". You can even go so far as to include what color you'll be wearing but it's not needed because it's pretty obvious when someone is looking for somebody.

You can share a lot about the type of work you do without stating a business name or employer. Think generalities like 'designing a brochure' over saying something like 'designing a brochure for the new Otterbox cover for ipads'.

Be PICKY!! Listen to your GUT! You don't need to be in a relationship after all so you might as well only accept the best applicants.

You can start slow. Just because you've created a profile and started looking around at other users doesn't mean you have to answer emails or meet with people right off the bat. If you're not comfortable, you won't be open to them anyway. Set your own pace.

There is little to no stigma attached to meeting someone online nowadays, at least in my opinion. I have two family members and one very dear friend who've all met their spouses on a dating site.

This is just casting a bigger net folks. You'll catch more of EVERY kind. Freaks, geeks, losers, and hopefully terrific people who bring something wonderful to your life.

Putting Your Best Face Forward

2011-08-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

Aka, Choosing Your Profile Pictures!

I know it can be challenging to capture your awesomeness in a handful of still shots but I'm here to help you choose dating profile pictures that are most likely to net you something you won't want to throw back!

Super Important Point #1
The first view of your main profile picture is often an itty bitty thumbnail- like one inch square! Smiling face shots are your best bet here. Try to have clear lighting and a relaxed expression. Save your full length or scenic shots for the extra pictures. There's nothing to lose with a tight close up.

Super Important Point #2
Try to have your first picture (and the majority of any additional pictures) show just you! The easier it is to identify the owner of the profile the more likely someone is to continue looking at it long enough to express interest. If you're posting pictures with someone of the opposite sex or children it's a smart idea to caption the picture. The first assumption is almost always that it's a significant other and your own children. Your ex's do not need to be in your dating site pictures. Children are great but make sure it's clear if they're yours or someone else's that you're just exploiting for cuteness ;)

(An example of how to use simple photo editing tools to make a group photo all about you!)

Pictures are a little window into your personality. Here's your opportunity to demonstrate who you are. Now remember, the key word is YOU! Pictures of sunsets are lovely but they don't help us get to know you better. You smiling, you with your dogs or kids, in uniform, cheffing it up in the kitchen or playing in the mud? That's the ticket! Bear in mind that if all of your pictures show you suited up for a day on the ski slopes, we're not going to know a darn thing about your facial expressions or body type and both are pieces of reassuring information. Truthfully, I think in this instance quality of picture counts for more than originality. The party poses with beer steins and the super outrageous pics that go over so well on your favorite social networking site may deserve second thoughts when it comes to representing yourself to your future dates.

No one likes to be surprised! If at all possible choose pictures that accurately represent what you look like. If you are a bit of a chameleon then show us your 'staying in' face and your 'party time' look. If you've lost weight or shaved your head recently then consider updating your profile pictures or at least changing the main picture. I wish it went without saying but don't use pictures of someone else or that are 10 years old and fail to capture the receding hair line, beer gut or muffin top you've acquired since high school. You want to be loved for who you are and nobody likes a liar. That's right, I'll come right out and say it! If you post pictures that seriously misrepresent your appearance that's as good as telling a great fat whopper!

And hey, if you've read this far and you're still not sure about your picture choices then post a link to your profile in the comments and ask for a critique :)

Introducing Your Host

2011-08-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

Hello friends and possible future adversaries! Welcome to Catch a Keeper and a heavy dose of my unique perspective and humor. It turns out online dating sites have been a source for endless stories, rants and question and answer sessions for my circle of friends and me. I'm here to share the horror and the heroics, critique personal profiles- hopefully gently but with great honesty and generally share my experiences of online dating in what I hope to be a helpful and humorous manner. Guest bloggers are likely to be a regular occurrence so if you wish to contribute, send me your story! Feel free to submit your profile for review and stay tuned for reader's polls.

In the spirit of sharing, I thought I'd start by putting some of my personal profile out there. It only seems fair that I step onto the firing range first ;)

About Me:
If you are comfortable in your own skin and enjoy the life you live, we might be on to something. It seems to be a fine line between being passionately in love with your partner and subsuming your life in someone else to a destructive level. I'm all about personal growth, intimacy and doing things better every time the wheel goes around. I am both romantic and practical. If the moment is intense, let it be so. If the moment is quiet and peaceful, then dwell there while it lasts.

I am a study in contrasts. Tender hearted and fiercely independent, playful and profound, stubborn and accommodating, creative and practical. I believe life should be a balance of play and perseverance. I love to take an hour's vacation here and there with the company of a good book and I have a book nerd's vocabulary because of it. I swear I'm not trying to be pretentious but I notice things like consistently poor spelling, and lack of sentence structure (you know, punctuation? Capitalization? Actual words occurring in the English dictionary?). If you have abandoned all of that I will likely be a bit distracted from the content of your message. I'm a perpetual crafter. I'm not talking Martha Stewart. I mean sewing costumes, inventing new silliness like covers for eReaders that look like toothy monsters and lots that involves glitter, sequins and rhinestones. Some days you'll see me in no makeup whatsoever and then it's dance performance time and I'm your original Glamour Girl. I can be girly and still like to play in the mud and collect power tools! I suppose it's good for you to know that I'm choosy. I know what I want and I have a pretty good idea of what I don't. If we're not on the same road I'll pay us both the respect of not wasting time on something that ultimately can't go anywhere.

As an aside, I have had the occasional person write to ask me with help on their profile. I've discovered that I really like providing an outside perspective and some gentle critique. If you'd like my personal opinion, I'll give it if you ask.

My First Date:
My time is precious and so is yours. Or at least it should be. A relaxed atmosphere and possibly the opportunity to stretch our legs with a walk would likely be my choice of venue for getting that all important first read. There is something to like about almost everyone. It's not about judgment, but I will know almost immediately if there is the kind of connection for something more than just like. If not, I would hope my actions made it clear that your time and our interaction was valued and that it's not about "good enough" but rather, "right enough".

Profile Breakdown! I'm a smart ass and I'm choosy. I don't want to downplay that too much and terrify a guy. Faint of heart need not apply sort of thing. But I also don't need to come across as a mean and nasty person which can happen all too easily in text! Any time you go to put words to page you run a serious risk of miscommunication without those handy helpers called tone of voice and body language. I highly recommend asking a friend or family member to read over your profile for perceived tone.