catharsis without sacrifice

Leo & Joy

2010-08-17T15:46:00.006-05:00

I have a student I tutor twice and week and he recently got a puppy...this is a bad thing because his family has a hard time making ends meet as it is. It seems a bit much for them to decide to take care of another 'child' in their tiny apartment. It's a bit much for me. Well, the puppy keeps growing and it pains me to see it cramped up in his original tiny puppy kennel.

I have another student in the exact same situation who also got a puppy! Apparently the puppy got sick and the vet bill came out to be $600. I know they can't afford that. These boys are great kids, but I just don't see them caring for the dogs as intimately as I'd imagine a girl would. Or maybe they can.

I think what's happened is that these hard-working parents realized they aren't spending enough time with their only child and got them puppies in hopes to appease their boredom/loneliness. But the summer is over now...who will take care of these puppies? I hope they find them good homes. They are not incompetent people by any means; some people are just not cut out to own pets.

Back

2010-08-16T08:42:00.006-05:00

I hurt my back trying to pick Danish up this weekend. Not sure what compelled me to do so, I think I was just being silly. You're not even trying, he said. I think I made the classic mistake of locking my knees and jerking my back. Needless to say, his 195lb frame did not budge while I keeled over in shock and pain.

I was told I can't just 'create' food and that the whole family would benefit from my following a recipe. The glutinous entity in the crock pot is my rendition of a rice casserole. It's really not that bad...add a little sriracha sauce, the chicken is quite flavorful, not bad at all. It's just that I made so much of it. I'm looking at the receipt from last night's grocery store trip: sandwich things, hot dogs, alfredo sauce, nectarines, frozen chicken, frozen pizzas, and tampons. Luckily my sister often picks things up from the store and also makes dinners a few times a week.

Back to studying and work!

Prayer

2010-08-03T23:25:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I've been awakened to the profound meaning of prayer - praying, knowing God listens. I admit to praying while simultaneously doubting whether my words ever reach God, or if they are merely bouncing off the ceiling and walls. Not only so, but having prayers answered immediately seems so unlikely that I could see how one could believe it is but coincidence when circumstances change for the better. I hope you can agree with me that it would be ridiculous for man to serve a god who is much like a gumball machine, where you drop in a coin and get a gumball. Furthermore, how are we certain that we always know what is best for us? The last time I acted on what I thought was best for me, I landed in the slammer. With that being said, there is not one prayer God leaves unaddressed - the only thing is they are answered at the proper time.

Because I have no intentions of producing offspring just yet, I have no idea how disheartening it would be to be barren. A character in the Bible named Elizabeth was barren. In those days, a woman's value was largely measured by her ability to bear children; therefore, to be aging and without children often led to personal hardship and public shame. Nevertheless, even during this time, she and her husband Zechariah remained faithful and blameless (blameless does not mean sinless, but that they were free from willful sins - intentional sins). Zechariah, being a prist, was often experiencing God in ways that perhaps Elizabeth could not, possibly leaving her very lonely. One day, an angel appeared to Zechariah telling him Elizabeth will bear a child in her old age and they were to name the baby John, who will eventually become the messenger for Jesus. When Zechariah expressed disbelief, the angel responded with, "...it will come true at their proper time" (Luke 1:20). Sure enough, John came into the picture and paved the way for Jesus' arrival.

I relate to the heavy feeling of frustration and diappointment when things that seem to come easily to others doesn't come easily to me. For example, it seems unfair when a coke addict becomes pregnant then abandons her baby in an elevator, while a loving, nurturing woman finds herself barren. Or when a person who has been praying for very a long time to meet the right person sees their friend, who prayed all but 30 minutes, walk down the aisle. In my case, I struggle with the fact that I am still without a job. This is petty, but truth be told I've Facebook blocked everyone I've gone to nursing school with because I don't particularly want to see their status updates about their new jobs. I'm happy for them, but at the same time I get a sick feeling in my stomach.

However, the story of Elizabeth and Zechariah encourages me to remain faithful in prayer during this waiting period. I love that prayer is what characterizes my relationship with God. What separates us from God is but this natural world, a thin veil that will be lifted in the end. God answers in the proper time...when I get a job, it will be because He willed for it to occur at the exact time that will fulfill my purpose. And God never receives more glory than when we can say beyond question, "The Lord has done this for me."

Garlic

2010-07-30T09:25:00.014-05:00

Isn't garlic good for your heart? I'm having a bowl of crock pot chicken stew at the moment, and somewhat procrastinating on the call-backs I have to make for all the voice mails I've reached this week. Drag!

I went to happy hour last night with the girls to celebrate Meagan's homecoming from the Phillipines. I'm impressed at the way she has changed - her perspective of Southeast Asia. She originally had her reservations in taking the position at her job because she knew she would be leaving behind all the luxuries and conveniences of the good ol' US. One thing I was pleased to hear was of her getting used to eating healthier there and having difficulty adjusting to the processed foods here; she had a few negative things to say about the quality of food in the Phillipines, and rightly so because the sanitation is atrocious. I'm happy that she has gained some cultural awareness and is enjoying her time there. Apparently next year she may be traveling to Australia and London, which she excitedly talked about last night.

Speaking of Southeast Asia, my parents are wrapping up their first week of training in Richmond, Virginia. They are one of about 5 other couples who have grown children as opposed to little ones, and my mom wrote and said there were as many as 20 kiddos running around over there! So far I'm very excited for them and I haven't begun to miss them too much. I know they are in God's hands - the best hands you can be in! I can't wait to be able to send them care packages when they are in Indonesia. I remember so vividly when we were younger and would squeal with delight as we opened up the care packages sent to us by the thoughtful people at IMB - American candy, hot chocolate mixes, movies, and a card that said we were in their prayers...so sweet!

Tonight, Danish and I are Fort Worth bound. Hank very kindly paid for a hotel room for us to be there for the rehearsal dinner tonight and groom's brunch tomorrow! How awesome is that? It's coming to look like their wedding is definitely costing them a pretty penny! I'm sure it will be beautiful! Here is a picture of Danish and Hank, who was a groomsman at our wedding:

I'll post just a couple of pictures of our newly arranged house, too. I wish we had remembered to take 'before' pictures to compare how much space we've created. Just imagine things looking 10 times more cluttered than this:

Master bedroomSister's bedroomHallway from the entranceDad's "cave", now a second living roomLiving room
I need to get back to work if I'm going to have any time to head over to the apartment to clean before turning in the key. I think the chicken stew may have had one too many cloves of garlic...

Thursday

2010-07-29T12:53:00.000-05:00

I wish I had more of a personality.

Highrise

2010-07-23T13:21:00.004-05:00

So this call job is a little difficult because of the fact that people do not like to give out company information, even if it's for research. It's understandable; I act the same way to telemarketers. Also, it doesn't feel very pleasant being hung up on mid-sentence. At any rate, I'm grateful for the opportunity to work part-time as I await contact from the hospitals I've applied to. My odds of working as a nurse at the moment are slim to none, but there is a possibility I may be able to work as a tech until my ATT arrives.

In other news, we are moving this weekend into my parent's house. They leave for Richmond, Virginia early Tuesday morning. Unbelievable.

Morning

2010-07-13T08:24:00.001-05:00

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:22-26

Broken

2010-07-12T22:08:00.001-05:00

I am constantly reminded that I am nothing but a sinner...saved by grace. If it were not for Jesus Christ, I am truly nothing! My words mean nothing, my actions are nothing, my passions are meaningless. I find my worth in the love of God...I believe C.S. Lewis said, "Christ died not for men but for each man. If each had been the only man made, He would have done no less." How beautiful is that? When it comes to my existence, truthfully, I don't care about all the intelligence in the world to 'prove' God; I am unabashedly content in knowing that I was created to be loved by my Creator! This phase in my life is seriously nothing to boast about: I am still unemployed, my career is set on hold as I await a decision from the Board of Nursing, I am consumed with heartache as my parents' departure approaches, my marriage is light years away from perfect, and (as with anyone) I am uncertain about my future. Yet, I know that God loves me! His plans for me are GOOD. Tonight may have been a more difficult night than any, but I am relying on that undescribable peace...God's provisions are always sufficient!

A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place

2010-07-09T13:50:00.006-05:00

This is the book we are using for Bible study. I am learning SO much! I hope to share with you some amazing insights whenever I get a chance.

My heart feels like it will explode with love

2010-07-01T11:38:00.006-05:00

To make myself useful (and more importantly not a worthless dirtbag), I've picked up a part-time job helping out my friend Meredith. She works for a CPA company and my job will be to make a round of calls to various companies to ask what accounting software they use. It's a research call not a sales call, to my relief. I find this opportunity to be a God-send because apparently I've missed my jumping off point for my career as a nurse; the next graduate nurse internships won't be available until the fall. Not to worry, the Lord said to me. I am greatly enjoying this time off and Danish is more than capable of supporting the both of us while we wait for me to find a job. Even that I'm not worried about. I received this degree for a purpose, I'm certain it will be utilized...confidently for God's glory. It will be a gratifying moment when my ambition is realized.

In other news, Danish's co-worker gave birth to a little girl who is 6 weeks early. Hopefully her stay in the NICU will be short and sweet. This Saturday is Nicole and Jake's wedding, I'm so excited for them. And finally, Sunday is the last 4th of July we'll spend as a family before my parents take off for the mission field!

A great quote I found which may or may not relate to this post: Life isn't about being a "productive member of society" – it's about love, relationships, and community. I couldn't agree more.

Señor Feo

2010-06-24T09:09:00.009-05:00

Lately, I've been having so much time on my hands. Yet, it still hasn't prompted me to write more, oh well. I finally finished writing my resume (all one page of it) and am having a few folks proof-read it for me. Next up, cover letter then applying for a job. I have to admit I'm terrified as I've never had a real job before. I mean tutoring is a job, but it hasn't always felt legit or anything.

Today is my mom's birthday! I'm taking the family out to an early dinner at Brio, which has a food happy hour between 4-7pm and the food is sooo good and only $2.95 per plate. We're also combining her birthday with the celebration of Father's Day, which I spent with the in-laws. This will be yet another great opportunity to spend time with my parents before they leave and I'm very much looking forward to it. Next shindig, 4th of July cookout!

Danish has been bombarded with tragic events at work involving the residents at the homeless shelter, and it's taken more of a toll on him than usual. He would try to tell me what it's been like recently, but I can sense how difficult it is for him to relay his emotions as he had experienced them when the events occurred. I feel horrible for the people who are less fortunate than we are - we don't have much, but it's so much compared to them and I am compelled to be utterly thankful to God everyday. This also brings me to acknowledge the hard work Danish puts forth everyday to help others as well as support us. I think I need to try harder to remember that even when it's gets lonely and I feel neglected. I couldn't do his job nor meet the expectations of a man; girls have it easier in life, I think...at least I do compared to others. Most of my problems are a result of my own actions/inactions and originate from my head rather than outside circumstances.

Speaking of heads, I finally got a haircut! It's been 6 months. My new hair dresser isn't as talented as Rachel, but I can't complain too much since it only costed me $25. However, I did do something stupid once I came home. I looked in the mirror and thought my bangs looked uneven, so I CUT it! They weren't uneven. "It'll grow!" my sister consoled. Yes, it'll grow...unevenly.

Neighbor

2010-06-17T09:10:00.009-05:00

I have an upstairs neighbor who is very loud and obnoxious. He yells at people on the phone, yells at people in his apartment, and yells at his pit bull puppy. I was strangely more concerned about the dog issue than anything else because I thought perhaps he abused it. Well, all my terrible assumptions were wrong; he loves his dog and does not treat it poorly at all. Her name is Bailey, I asked. Right now, I can hear her causing a ruckus upstairs as she bounds around and barks at maybe a toy - sounds of a playful dog, not of a beaten dog. I guess some people are just yellers. This realization has brought quite a relief.

I know you can speak. So say it, say you love me.

2010-06-07T20:38:00.006-05:00

A quick update: I am drinking Southern Comfort and pomegranate juice, boiling chicken because I have no time to thaw it before 'attempting' to cook penne rigate with chicken, and waiting for Danish to come home so we can eat and watch Mystic River on DVD.

I had a productive day, I think, and today was my first official day as a 25-year-old. How does it feel? you ask. Well, I'm still unemployed, in bad need of a haircut, and very much in love with life - so...pretty good, I should say!

---This just in, I'm making quite a mess in the kitchen...there's pasta sauce everywhere!

Diphenhydramine

2010-05-30T12:10:00.013-05:00

Yesterday, Danish and I went on a bike ride on Greenbelt Trail in Denton with two of our friends, Colin and Brittany. Our destination was Lake Ray Roberts, where there is a cliff you can jump off of into the water. The ride went fairly okay until about mile 10 when my good humor began to leave me. It was around 98 degrees out and to my horror, we had to climb up the side of a dam and ride across the blistering hot asphalt (about a mile distance) to get to where we wanted to go. The cliff was no longer our destination; we needed AC, drinks, and possibly food. After what seemed like hell, we finally reached The Dam Store, a convenience store that sells bait and other random things. At this point, I was pretty mad at Danish because that's just what I do - have really bad attitude during times when I should be a good sport. At any rate, we sat down in the cool store, ordered some Dam hamburgers, and sipped on our refreshing fountain drinks while Danish called up Hank to pick us up because no one was up for riding back to our cars. By the way, Hank is Colin's twin brother. Hank was working so he sent his fiance, Amber, to pick us up. The boys left with her to get their cars while Brittany and I finished our burgers and chit-chatted about random things (she's a nice girl). Of course I was no longer upset with Danish, and the fact that he got a pretty rough sunburn steered me away from exacerbating the situation.

We came home and took a long snooze. My friend Jennifer was in town and we had made plans to hang out at King Sauna & Spa, a Korean-owned 'bath house' of some sorts - but nothing dirty like you are thinking (no 'happy-endings' or anything like that). Here is an article from The Dallas Morning News. Basically you go in, put on the cotton shorts and t-shirt they provide, and sit in the different temperature saunas to sweat out 'toxins'. There is also a food court, movie room, and karaoke room - it's so much fun! On the weekends, they are open 24-hours so we could have spent the night if we wanted, but since we had church the next day we left around 2 a.m. and passed out from a long day's worth of activities.

Today, Danish is sick with allergies, a sore throat, and a crabby mood. He is recording with his band later today while I go hang out with my family, then we have a birthday to go to at The Old Monk. It should be a great time! Tomorrow, we are grilling out at my parent's house...and we have so much planned for the rest of this week as Danish has taken off an entire week from work!

Weekend

2010-05-24T09:30:00.011-05:00

This past weekend was quite eventful. Friday, we went over to Nate and Meg's house for dinner and met one of Nate's friends and his girlfriend. The conversations were funny, the food was delicious (BBQ and veggies), and the night ended fairly late - which is always a good thing. I think I may have mentioned before about Nate and Meg moving far away for a job he was going to take, but they ended up not going. I'm sad but happy because I really cherish our friendship with them. Like us, they are also a newly married couple with a heart for God and I get along with both of them so well! It's always nice to be able to have running inside jokes and to have the openness to share prayer requests with one another.

Saturday, Danish's parents moved into their new house off Midway so they needed our help in moving some things from the old house to the new house. We first met with them at Little Gus Cafe for brunch. I had the Eggs Benedict and Danish had his usual French toast. The house is HUGE...and beautiful. I'm so happy for them as they have been waiting to close for so long but their old house had been on the market for about 4 months. After two car trips of bringing things over, we called it a day and Mom opened up a bottle of Port and we chatted about the 'grandchildren' coming over and spending the night.

That evening, we went over to Jake and Nicole's place for game night. We had BBQ and veggies again - so good. Danish and I made a beer run and also grabbed a bottle of spiced rum for Jake. I also gave away my half bottle of Parrot Bay coconut rum which I hate, and it felt good to get rid of it. Brian, Danish's brother, also came. Kevin and Christen, another couple from church, were there and also one of Nicole's friends, Tatiyana. Tatiyana is Russian and I was pleased to find out she lived in South Korea for a few years and we had conversation about growing up as an International kid. Later, Judy came over distressed from having a fight with her boyfriend. I could tell she just wanted to get her mind off of the situation but couldn't bring herself to enjoy the company or get into the games (we were playing Charades by the time she came). It saddens and angers me when my friends are struggling in their relationships - especially when I see them being treated so unfairly. And to top it off, this guy claims to be a Christian but clearly acts like a hypocrite. I think it definitely puts a blunder on her relationship with God and that sucks.

Sunday, we had a great Bible study lesson led by Kyle as Brad was out of pocket, having gone to his son's wedding the night before. From the sounds of it, the wedding was a success which is a true blessing since the bride was seriously ill and had been released from the hospital only a few days before the wedding. The Bible study was great because Kyle, who was just wrapping up with the Crown Financial Ministries studies, was generous enough to share with our group some of the things he had learned. The topic we chose as a group was 'work' and what the Bible says about it. Apparently God intended for man to work, and work was not a punishment for sin! Work was intended to be purposeful and satisfying, but sin caused man to toil and labor arduously for food. I found it interesting that God grants skills, abilities, and expertise as opposed to us acquiring it through many years of experience, and He also determines who will prosper and who will not so we cannot boast of our successes. The final lesson that came in on a tangent was the matter of efficiency; God expects us to work hard, but if there is an easier way to get things done, we ought to learn of those ways so we are free to use our time in other ways to bring glory to God. Kyle used the example of a nail gun vs. a hammer. The lesson was refreshing as I am in the midst of looking for a job...while dreading the prospect of working. I've never had a real job before and my work ethic is pathetic. However, I was reminded through the lesson that we are to work for the Lord, not for men. That surprisingly takes away the burden and apprehension of work...but it won't stop me from fervently praying that God does bless me with a job in which I do feel joy and satisfaction, not torture and despair. Work...oh, work...

Labor detail

2010-05-21T18:54:00.006-05:00

So you ask, "Grace, how are you? What have you been up to?" and I will proceed to answer with much gusto. Firstly, I graduated from nursing school! Glorious! I never thought I would see the day when I would become a college graduate. Secondly, Danish has also completed his first semester of grad school...with all A's! I'm so proud of him. Thirdly, my parents are leaving as missionaries to Indonesia in September! Now that both my sister and I have graduated college, God has opened the door for them to return to their beloved Indonesia where I spent 10 years of my life growing up. They are incredibly happy and excited and are in the process of getting their affairs in order before leaving. Finally, Danish and I have completed our Sacred Marriage counseling session. We have learned so much from our group and I am so thankful to the Lord for such an opportunity.

Since school has been out, I have been trying to knock out my 'labor detail' days before Danish takes off work for vacation. I think I may have mentioned here and there, in minute detail, of getting into trouble with the law. As punishment, I am required to work 10 days for the city of Fort Worth. Jobs I've accomplished: cleaning a mean toilet, waiting patiently for time to pass, avoiding eye contact with creepy men, washing squad cars, and following orders promptly even when I don't understand exactly what the correction officer said. I have three more days left and some meaningful things I have gained from this experience include really learning my lesson, and becoming more aware of how so many people are in need of God's love. I feel guilty saying this, but the folks who come to labor detail look as if they have come straight out the woods. Most of them are older, working-class men and women, some with missing teeth, weathered skin, and horrible smoking habits. I am the only one with a college degree out of the people I have met so far. People lead such hard lives...some people don't even realize how hard they make it on themselves. Success carries a different meaning to them: being a crane operator means you have a good job; having a man to whom you're not married to but who will take care of your kids from a previous relationship means security; partying until you drop means you're leading the good life. I guess what I'm trying to say about God's love is that it really is for everyone - I mean, I'm there. It just made me sad to hear each person's story, especially the ones who boasted about why they were there and clearly did not learn their lesson. But I understand the necessity to be around these folks because it is a reminder of what I am - a sinner in need of grace. I am not better than they are for having a college degree, etc. nor am I worthier to get into heaven. It's funny how God turns even our mistakes into revelations. Nevertheless, I'm excited to finish next week and move on with my life! Of course I'd be wise to learn my lessons quickly instead of learning the hard way.

Finally

2010-05-17T08:52:00.001-05:00

I love truth

2010-04-14T19:08:00.012-05:00

How does one die to oneself? It's a mechanical phrase to say as a Christian, but I don't think I comprehend the meaning of it. Cindy, who leads our Sacred Marriage group with her husband Ron, read to us a quote on love:

Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interest regardless of the cost.

It's a real shame not to be able to put into action something that sounds as lovely and poignant as this. Jesus commands us to love one another and to be humble, gentle, and patient. I am thinking I just don't see the opportunity even when it arises.

Stop, think, act.

I keep hoping to feel utter remorse for this incapability of dying to myself as I write this, but I think it's gotten pass the point of sappy emotions. This knowledge demands a change in thought and attitude. Feelings are fleeting; I have to act on determination. My actions have been a result of whatever overwhelming commotion courses through my veins; it's caused nothing but trouble! It certainly would be amazing if I could channel that sort of passion into loving my fellow men, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Le sigh. Strong mind.

About last night

2010-04-14T18:48:00.005-05:00

"We judge oftentimes according to our own heart and our own affections and not according to the truth, for we lose the true judgment through our private love...Many persons, through a secret love that they have for themselves, work indiscreetly according to their own will and not according to the will of God, and yet they know it not. They seem to stand in great inward peace when things follow according to their own mind, but if it follow otherwise than they would, quickly they are moved with impatience and are very heavy and pensive."

- On the Love of God

Peace and tacos

2010-04-13T18:11:00.000-05:00

I am still studying! That is all.

Trees will turn to soil

2010-04-05T22:31:00.001-05:00

Camera

2010-04-05T11:56:00.002-05:00

I'm sad my camera broke. But Danish promised to buy me a new one when I pass the HESI. I think I'll stick with Canon and get the PowerShot SD1200 IS, which is an upgrade from the one I had before. Also, I am giving up drinking and socializing for the next three weeks.

Easter Sunday

2010-04-04T12:34:00.008-05:00

This just in, after finishing my tuna sandwich for lunch I was excited about the Cap'n Crunch cereal box I saw in the pantry. Cereal is a such a delicious treat in the middle of the day. I was crestfallen when I saw that it was Peanut Butter Crunch, not original. Peanut butter sucks! It didn't help that Danish laughed at my misery.

Today, we went to two services, one at our church with my family and one at Christ United Methodist Church with Danish's family. His brother is finally home after having some issues with Bianca. I haven't said much about that situation, but just know that it's ridiculous and I'm very much opposed to it. I'm relieved he's home and we're having dinner over there tonight. It should be a good time.

Yesterday, we drove to Fort Worth and had lunch at Fuzzy's. Originally, we planned on going to the Botanical Garden, but my camera broke. What's the point of going to the gardens if the camera doesn't work? So instead we decided to go to the zoo - sweet idea! My favorite part was the wallabies! They were all curled up into balls and sleeping against the fence, apart from the kangaroos. I think I just like the word 'wallaby' I mean they were sleeping the whole time, as were a lot of the animals. Danish and I still enjoyed ourselves and the weather was so nice.

Afterward, we went to his uncle's house to look at some of the furniture he was giving away since he will be moving to a lakehouse off Joe Poole Lake. We're picking up the furniture in a U-Haul next Saturday and taking it to my parents' house. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but they're leaving the country on mission, and Danish and I will be occupying the house for a while to save money and eventually buy a house of our own. I feel honored that they're leaving the house for us to take care of and I'm happy to do it. More importantly, I'm glad Danish is excited to live in it and is showing every intention of taking care of and making it 'home.'

Be joyful always

2010-04-02T19:01:00.004-05:00

Regardless of Monday's disappointments, I had a very good week. Tuesday, Julie and I met up with Nate and Megan T. for lunch at Cafe Malaga, a Spanish/Mediterranean restaurant which made my heart melt with it's mouth-watering menu. I had the Spanish Azul Burger and a couple bites of the Bravas Chicken Sandwich. Ridiculous. After filling our little bellies and listening to Nate's hilarious stories, we went and watched Alice in Wonderland. I enjoyed it, but I enjoyed the company and the relaxed mood I was in even more. Afterward, I proceeded to take Julie back home. However, we got stuck in the HOV lane which had the upright poles. I was too chicken to drive over them, knowing it would probably damage my car, so we were forced to drive all the way to Dallas. Since we were already there, I thought we might as well do a little shopping. It was so much fun! Julie and I ate again at McCormick and Schmick's which had a happy hour we couldn't pass up. The day's events were a much needed stress-reliever, and even my losing another tutoring client later that day didn't bother me too much. I sense I'm being protected by these friends and family members in my life that I feel confident that the consistent failures I make don't mark my worth. As long as I don't grow careless or apathetic and continue to put forth my greatest effort, I will be okay! I am beginning to understand the concept of choosing to be joyful...

I received congratulatory flowers from my in-laws for passing the HESI exam. Sadly it was a false alarm and it was embarrassing for me to break the news to them. I find it interesting that I am appreciating them more and more as time passes. I call them 'Mom' and 'Dad' and we say I love you to each other...it's weird, but I like it.

Danish had the day off today which pleased me greatly. Knowing he is getting a little break makes me feel better. He works so hard! We had a yummy lunch, went to guitar center, and rode our bikes to the dog park with Tank. Tonight, we're meeting some friends at McKinney square. Then it's another whole day with him tomorrow! If the weather permits, we may go to the Botanical Garden in Fort Worth.

Bee's knees

2010-03-30T09:36:00.004-05:00

The much anticipated HESI exam is finally over! Unfortunately, I did not pass. To make it worse, I almost passed. To make it even worse, apparently I have hidden anxieties which interfere with my test taking... and life. To top it off, I walked back to my car with my head down, playing the Charlie Brown tune in my head only to find a parking ticket wedged under the windshield wiper. I had put enough change in the meter for 3 hours, but the test took me 5. Anyway, I'm scheduled to take the second exam April 23, about three weeks from now. Fortunately I've completed all my clinical hours so that gives me ample time and energy to dominate this test. Danielle said some people just have good luck. That may be true, but I won't let luck determine whether I pass or not...I will pass! That's the right attitude, right?

In other news, I have the most supportive family and friends. I am SO blessed to have them in my life! They are a safe haven.