tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75528966448046926172025-11-30T03:50:55.656-05:00Thoughts, feelings, poetry, lyrics, life events, and all other things both celebratory and tragic.The Expression Boardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10846219831353595708noreply@blogger.comBlogger216125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-78516239154104167552023-05-17T09:01:00.001-04:002023-05-17T09:15:01.871-04:00Come one, come all<div>You're invited to the party</div><div>But please don't shove</div><div>Let everyone bare witness</div><div>The warrant's signed and the ending looms</div><div><br></div><div>Come one, come all</div><div>The spectacle's just starting</div><div>With zero shits given</div><div>I'm watching my own ending</div><div>It feels so freeing to watch it all crash and burn<br></div><div><br></div><div>Is it over yet?&nbsp;</div><div>Can I wake up yet?</div><div>I payed all my debts</div><div>Left with countless regrets&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>Come one, come all</div><div>Relish in all of my failures&nbsp;</div><div>The glowing girl you knew</div><div>Has broken down into nothing</div><div>As you are so was I--but that bridge has burned</div><div><br></div><div>Is it over yet?&nbsp;</div><div>Is this over yet?&nbsp;</div><div>There is nothing left</div><div>Except regrets</div><div><br></div><div>A happy girl once was here</div><div>I miss myself. I miss myself.</div><div>There was so much more to do</div><div>I miss myself. I miss myself.</div><div><br></div><div>Must it end this way?&nbsp;</div><div>I miss myself. I miss myself.</div><div>I was almost there</div><div>I miss myself. I miss myself!!</div>Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-11774106913137202002021-05-16T13:37:00.001-04:002021-05-16T13:37:04.058-04:00Hi, I'm the new Rachel. New and improved. I'll be taking over from here.Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-75413177492444685772021-04-27T11:58:00.001-04:002021-04-27T11:58:57.327-04:00I'm ready now. I want to be Rachel again.&nbsp;Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-53430557859334926332021-04-26T14:02:00.001-04:002021-04-26T14:02:46.370-04:00Wow, I fucked up already. How typical. Let's try again.&nbsp;Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-4648562931875988482021-04-17T02:32:00.001-04:002021-04-17T02:32:36.873-04:00Today I stop. Today a new chapter in Rachel's story begins. I will no longer do the bad thing. As of now, it is officially behind me. No excuses, no fall backs. It stops now--the goodness and the healing begins now.&nbsp;Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-80235196650191347462019-06-06T11:59:00.000-04:002019-06-06T12:36:05.138-04:00<div style="text-align: left;"> I've stopped breathing</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> My time is fleeting</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> I've grown so weak</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> I can barely speak</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> </div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /> I tried my best and I gave it all</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> But pride always goes first right first before the fall</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> So there's nothing more for me to believe</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> Torture inherently and deceitfully received</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> Time when pressed just causes distress</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> I'm turning off all the lights this time</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> </div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /> Fuckin' blank canvas wishing to become nothing</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> It pushes back with each brushstroke wanting bad for me to choke</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> No hope and I'm done</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> Nothing left for you to do but face toward the sun and run</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> </div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /> All I've done I've lived to regret</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> And this it</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> So how the fuck am I not dead yet?</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> Vomit-inducing as the sounds remind </div> <div style="text-align: left;"> I'm turning off all the fuckin' lights this time</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> No!</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> Nothing more for me--turn off the lights this time</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <div style="text-align: left;"> Nothing more for me--turn off the lights this time</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <div style="text-align: left;"> Nothing more for me--turn off the lights this time</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <div style="text-align: left;"> Nothing more for me--turn off the lights this time</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> </div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /> I've stopped breathing</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> My time is fleeting</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> I've grown so weak</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> I can barely speak</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> </div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /> I tried my best and I gave it all</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> But I can't do it no more</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> Because I have nothing in store</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> The hour is late when you hear all the screaming</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> A blessing of sepsis to remove the demeaning</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /> Why am I here?</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> It was never clear</div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> Bet your fuckin' ass I'm turning off the lights this time</div> </div> </div> </div> </div> Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-60535955450242379602019-05-31T13:21:00.003-04:002019-05-31T14:50:04.903-04:00Yes, I'm that cunt that whines and whines<br /> Bitches that she's fat before she even dines<br /> Grew up sheltered by garbled nerves<br /> <br /> Yes, I am prone to these fits of rage<br /> Cursed before I even knew my age<br /> Sleepless and clawing at the walls all night<br /> <br /> I no longer give a fuck<br /> I'm driving off the cliff<br /> And I have no desire to say goodbye so fuck it<br /> <br /> Yes, I'm that girl you avoid in school<br /> And I am the result of obeying rules<br /> And if I could do it over I'd just whine<br /> <br /> Yes, I know there's no hope for me<br /> And I don't care enough to beg or plead<br /> I have no fucks left to give away<br /> <br /> I no longer give a fuck<br /> I'm driving off the cliff<br /> And I have no desire to say goodbye so fuck it<br /> <br /> I no longer give a fuck<br /> I'm driving off the cliff<br /> And I have no desire to say goodbye so fuck it<br /> <br /> Fuckless<br /> <br /> I no longer give a fuck<br /> I'm driving off the cliff<br /> And I have no desire to say goodbye so fuck it<br /> <br /> I no longer give a fuck<br /> I'm driving off the cliff<br /> And I have no desire to say goodbye so fuck it<br /> <br /> Fuckless Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-47244990027361450962019-05-05T18:01:00.005-04:002019-05-06T17:40:36.413-04:00<div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;To all I've known</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I wish you well</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've let you down</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm off to hell</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;These unseemly thoughts</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> That fill my head</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Let's drown them out</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It'll stay this way</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's not a phase</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> These horrid visions</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> So palpable</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To all I've known</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I curse this spell</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Escape the truth..escape the noose</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> A tear within a box of dreams</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Leads to a life so beautiful</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've kept the hope and all it means</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To lead a life so wonderful</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> A founded wish to watch it bleed</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And wash away the terrible </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;It's over now</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> No cause to wait</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Everything is now disposable&nbsp;</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To this whole world</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I wish you well</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Can't change these facts</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Or un-ring this bell</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;These voices now</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> That fill my head</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Let's drown them out</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's the way it is</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Please not like this</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Just take me home</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I wanna go</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To this whole world</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's all dispelled</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm blaming you..blame all of you</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> A tear within a box of dreams</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Leads to a life so beautiful</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've kept the hope and all it means</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To lead a life so wonderful</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> A founded wish to watch it bleed</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And wash away the terrible </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;It's over now</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> No cause to wait</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Everything is now disposable</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <i>I wish you well..I curse this spell</i></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <i>I wish you well..it's all dispelled</i></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To all I've known</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I wish you well</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Please never show the cards you're dealt</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> This world so cruel and full of spite</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've drowned it out</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've begged for change</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> But it's too late</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've seen what's next</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> So palpable</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To this whole world</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Just go to hell</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm purged of you..of all of you</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> A tear within a box of dreams</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Leads to a life so beautiful</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've kept the hope and all it means</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To lead a life so wonderful</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> A founded wish to watch it bleed</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And wash away the terrible </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;It's over now</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> No cause to wait</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Everything is now disposable</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To all so cursed and disposable</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Please take your leave of me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To all so cursed and disposable</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Please take your leave of me<br /> <br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> To all so cursed and disposable</div> Please take your leave of me<br /> <br /> To all so cursed and disposable <br /> Know it's not you, it's me</div> Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-14597406460838972282019-04-30T22:22:00.000-04:002019-05-01T09:04:24.281-04:00Rising up<br /> Out from these ashes<br /> I've rid myself<br /> Of all that's worthless<br /> <br /> When I was there<br /> It felt like nothing<br /> Bring it all back<br /> I wanna feel something<br /> I don't even know<br /> Why I was ever hiding<br /> I no longer fear--I'll always remember<br /> <br /> In the clouds<br /> My head is swimming<br /> Hold me down<br /> I think I'm drifting<br /> <br /> Desolate, empty and I'll never know <br /> I never was nor will be shown<br /> Gone just like after the wind has blown<br /> You can't take away who I am now<br /> There's nothing you can do about<br /> Something for which I have no doubt<br /> <br /> It always hurt more<br /> Back when they deprived me<br /> I'm still fuckin' here<br /> You know you can't stop me<br /> I'm taking what's mine<br /> Whether or not you'll allow me<br /> I no longer fear--I'll always remember<br /> <br /> No need to ask<br /> I know what my name is<br /> No need to cry<br /> I know that you're shameless<br /> No need to act<br /> I know that you're spineless<br /> I no longer fear--I'll always remember<br /> <br /> This is the end<br /> This is the end<br /> This is the end<br /> The end of pretend..<br /> <br /> It always hurt more<br /> Back when they deprived me<br /> I'm still fuckin' here<br /> You know you can't stop me<br /> I'm taking what's mine<br /> Whether or not you'll allow me<br /> I no longer fear--I'll always remember<br /> <br /> No need to ask<br /> I know what my name is<br /> No need to cry<br /> I know that you're shameless<br /> No need to act<br /> I know that you're spineless<br /> I no longer fear--I'll always remember<br /> <br /> I no longer fear--I'll always remember.. Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-61378878575803599342019-03-11T13:59:00.000-04:002019-05-06T17:53:09.269-04:00Do you hate the way it tastes?<br /> Do you hate the way it feels?<br /> Brought upon myself this time<br /> Only the weakest minds resign<br /> <br /> Hard to believe that I once cared<br /> Barren of all but these lifeless stares<br /> Burnt down, ashed up and then blown all away<br /> <br /> I'd beg for mercy<br /> But there's no one to give it away<br /> I've squandered my time<br /> Just to wind up here<br /> <br /> Strayed<br /> There's no time<br /> There's nothing left<br /> I need more<br /> Time. Time. Time.<br /> <br /> Sold my soul to uncover the facts<br /> Regretted it quick and I begged for it back<br /> A fool I am and always was in so many ways <br /> <br /> This insidious spiral<br /> I threw my chance away<br /> It's spelt out right here<br /> I've walked the plank<br /> <br /> Strayed<br /> There's no time<br /> There's nothing left<br /> I need more<br /> Time. Time. Time.<br /> <br /> Strayed<br /> There's no time<br /> There's nothing left<br /> I need more<br /> Time. Time. Time. Time.<br /> <br /> I need more<br /> Time. Time. Time. <br /> <br /> <i>(I've fallen)</i><br /> <br /> Astray!<br /> I'm out of time<br /> They took what's left<br /> I need more<br /> Time. Time. Time. Time. Time<br /> <br /> Time. Time. Time. Time. Time<br /> <br /> Why?! Why?! Why?!Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-42962989479325170402018-12-20T13:57:00.001-05:002018-12-20T18:02:12.702-05:00How is it I ever gave a fuck?<br /> Burn it all down, burn it all down now<br /> How is it I ever opened this book?<br /> Fuck it all up, fuck it all up now<br /> Why would I even attempt this?<br /> Burnt to the ground, burnt to the ground now<br /> I can't change the ending<br /> So I'm walking away, walking away now!<br /> <br /> This is the track that runs out of road<br /> This is the path where you're always alone<br /> <br /> Spare me!<br /> I gave it my all and-- <br /> This dream!<br /> Is falling apart and-- <br /> My fears!<br /> Are coming to get me--<br /> I know!<br /> There's no happy ending!<br /> <br /> What the fuck was I thinking?<br /> Erase all I've done, erase all I've done now<br /> I know I'll never be happy<br /> Knocked on the ground, knocked on the ground now<br /> I live where it's always raining<br /> Drown in these thoughts, drown in these thoughts now<br /> There's no hope worth keeping<br /> Thrown in the trash, just let it rot now!<br /> <br /> This is the track that runs out of road<br /> This is the path where you're always alone<br /> <br /> Spare me!<br /> I gave it my all and-- <br /> This dream!<br /> Is falling apart and-- <br /> My fears!<br /> Are coming to get me--<br /> I know!<br /> There's no happy ending!<br /> <br /> Barren and devoid of life<br /> Bittersweet goodbyes<br /> God can't save me! <br /> <br /> In a world that's filled with hatred<br /> Inadvertently gaining momentum<br /> This demise so undesired<br /> Can't recall what I ever admired<br /> How dare I have aspirations<br /> Dare I ask to be considered<br /> This uncomfortably comfortable darkness<br /> Flowing tears lead me to jagged cliffs!<br /> <br /> Let me jump, let me jump<br /> Let me fall, let me fall<br /> Let me go right now! <br /> <br /> Spare me!<br /> I gave it my all and-- <br /> This dream!<br /> Is falling apart and-- <br /> My fears!<br /> Are coming to get me--<br /> I know!<br /> There's no happy ending!<br /> <br /> Spare me!<br /> I gave this my all and-- <br /> My dreams!<br /> Are falling apart and-- <br /> My worst fears!<br /> Are coming to get me--<br /> I know!<br /> There's no happy ending!<br /> <br />Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-54524560283682481142018-12-11T20:25:00.001-05:002018-12-17T11:39:33.363-05:00One more time I wither alone<br /> These solemn groans<br /> Of which no one knows<br /> My will to persist is running so thin<br /> Wave a flag, just fuckin' let me win<br /> <br /> These cards - that I hold<br /> Reappeared - ten fold<br /> The sky always looks so dark from here..no<br /> <br /> I can't go through this again<br /> Where is the way out?<br /> I have no will to pretend<br /> So where's the way out?<br /> <br /> To this day I'm still hearing those sounds<br /> They haunt my dreams<br /> Never let me sleep <i>(let me sleep, let me sleep)</i><br /> Feel destroyed - hopes continue to wither<br /> Wave the flag, just fuckin' wave the flag<br /> <br /> Forsake - such swine<br /> They knew - the whole time<br /> Why did I let them so close to me?<br /> I will not let them get close to me..<br /> <br /> I can't go through this again<br /> Where is the way out?<br /> I have no will to pretend<br /> So where's the way out?<br /> <br /> Where is the way out?<br /> Get me the fuck out!<br /> <br /> I can't go through this again<br /> Where is the way out?<br /> I have no will to pretend<br /> There is no way outRachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-30901323296784720222018-07-28T11:07:00.000-04:002020-07-09T17:22:09.771-04:00Again this morning, I felt alone<br> I look around to see a truth that follows<br> Silent rooms<br> <br> Again tonight, the tears just fall<br> This reticence speaks to me in volumes<br> Lovely gloom<br> <br> Oh, why? Why?<br> Why, oh why?<br> Why..why?<br> Can't this pain just die?<br> <br> And once again, I fight through the day<br> Never burning off this sorrow<br> And just one more time, I'm up very late<br> Longing for a quick and painless ending<br> And just one more time, I do try again<br> With more shit and piss piled upon my plate<br> And it won't ever change<br> Just another lonely day<br> <br> I see no reason to even move<br> So antagonistic is this sunrise<br> I don't care<br> <br> This reality into which I'm bound<br> Is so desolate and feels so hollow<br> No one's there<br> <br> Oh, why? Why?<br> Why, oh why?<br> Why..why?<br> Please just tell me why<br> <br> And once again, I fight through the day<br> Never burning off this sorrow<br> And just one more time, I'm up very late<br> Longing for a quick and painless ending<br> And just one more time, I do try again<br> With more shit and piss piled upon my plate<br> And it won't ever change<br> Just another lonely day<br> <br> Why, why?<br> Why, oh why?<br> Why..why?<br> It just never dies<br> <br> And once again, I fight through the day<br> Never burning off this sorrow<br> And just one more time, I'm up very late<br> Longing for a quick and painless ending<br> And just one more time, I do try again<br> With even more shit and piss piled upon my plate<br> And it won't ever change<br> It's just another lonely dayRachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-58319470131824705672018-07-21T19:54:00.002-04:002018-07-21T20:37:15.753-04:00<div style="text-align: center;"> Catastrophe - That's all I am</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm never free - I realized</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;Something I hoped for</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> In ashes on the floor</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's gone</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm done</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I dreamed of a world</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Where it's never raining</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I watched it die</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I saw open spaces</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Where there were no traces</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Of he who died</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Demon from above - He steals the light</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Lost of all resolve - I'm unwilling to fight</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <i>&nbsp;I cannot go on..I cannot go on..no longer go on</i></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> &nbsp;Something I hoped for</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> In ashes on the floor</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's gone</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm done</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I dreamed of a world</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Where it's never raining</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I watched it die</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I saw open spaces</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Where there were no traces</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Of he who died</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> Who died..who died</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> Who's he who died? </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Don't worry - He died</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> Who's he who died?</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> He was a lie!</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> It's gone - I'm done</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's gone - I'm done</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's gone - I'm done</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's gone</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Gone</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> I'm done</div> Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-51038789922226064402018-07-06T00:58:00.004-04:002018-12-08T13:59:55.022-05:00Placed, woke up in this space<br /> Dreaming of that face<br /> Running out of patience<br /> While weeping for those thoughts erased<br /> All emotions run, the worst has just begun<br /> Stuck in this dreary microcosm<br /> I feel my soul's on fire<br /> <br /> This is not the world I once knew<br /> I have never felt so unglued<br /> No one here believes<br /> All my trust is gone<br /> <br /> Why keep trying, I know I'll never fuckin' make it<br /> <br /> I am trapped in a world full of shit, I know this now!<br /> I am indeed in a world full of shit, I know!<br /> <br /> Blank, surrendered for my own sake<br /> Again in my master's wake<br /> Hold me back before I fuck it up<br /> Tell me now, am I too late?<br /> With such brittle knees<br /> The task sits incomplete<br /> "I never gave a fuck"<br /> Once said a brilliant liar<br /> <br /> My impression always meant shit<br /> I know I've always lacked good judgment<br /> Just ignore me, please<br /> That's all I ever will deserve<br /> <br /> I tried again and again I didn't fuckin' make it<br /> <br /> I am trapped in a world full of shit, I know this now!<br /> I am indeed in a world of shit, I know!<br /> <br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these feelings have left me<br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these feelings have left me<br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these feelings have left me<br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these endearing feelings have all died!<br /> <br /> Murky, bloody, muddied!<br /> These tepid waters stewing irrevocably with ambiguous rage which irks and must be known<br /> You can't heal this pain, you can't heal this pain<br /> God has again won, yet he won't get out of my way<br /> <br /> Tell me why<br /> Tell me why<br /> Tell me why<br /> Tell me why!!!<br /> <br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these feelings have left me<br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these feelings have left me<br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these feelings have left me<br /> I once cared, but as you can see, these endearing feelings have all died<br /> <br /> Have died..all died..Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-9027084996163534552018-06-26T20:35:00.000-04:002018-06-28T11:31:44.247-04:00<div style="text-align: center;"> Woeful thoughts, just fade away</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Creeping closer every day</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Line's been crossed, I'm now myself</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> These icy feelings long to melt</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Not a vestige left of him</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Speak in truth's, not meant to sin</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> What you see is the real me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Hold this knife and set me free</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Empty shells speak of what can be</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Ghosts of time still scream at me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> True soul inside cries, "let me feel"</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Let this life sentence be repealed</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> These tears that fall are all I see</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Invisible, I long to be</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I fear tomorrow, I fear this dream</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I fear this life and all it means&nbsp;</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> These dirty deeds are sure to be what consumes me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I did it all, guilty as sin inside</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Please part these clouds, lost alone in the darkness</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> If doomed to fail, please just let me close these eyes</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> One more time..</div> Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-31210142966322105782018-06-10T11:27:00.003-04:002018-06-10T11:27:35.886-04:00I am just a few days shy of 7 months on hormone replacement therapy. I've lost nearly 80 pounds now and I am feeling great about myself. Today I am feeling better than I have on any day since Mother's Day passed. I hope I continue to feel this good. Here are some pictures of my progress thus far.<br /> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV6toVveTjBurCAK_Zz7g8rRHKWd4BcLAQ8wPUCrwSEinMnVd59yfrBmDY3cUnNFMuF92INFST9xMGqd8zj80XE2hw6nR8f2td_ip2kFN_T3HzDbGqanolbfv9v5IZoit4hWI30zqFyaNZ/s1600/IMG_20180602_072707_367.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV6toVveTjBurCAK_Zz7g8rRHKWd4BcLAQ8wPUCrwSEinMnVd59yfrBmDY3cUnNFMuF92INFST9xMGqd8zj80XE2hw6nR8f2td_ip2kFN_T3HzDbGqanolbfv9v5IZoit4hWI30zqFyaNZ/s320/IMG_20180602_072707_367.jpg" width="256" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0gDXjb-8wGqTyw4WSf8_uQa8Hojif4tBCYMG3knQVNAGYM1vN_joQ7ROFRzU9AHyoC-vXNGgF-cFrlUJ4f6YLPJXSVcS9pILU31NYq8KgAsAP25OecSQ_po8v6mLbxBNuymMMhcd5TiYl/s1600/received_597135203987144.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="832" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0gDXjb-8wGqTyw4WSf8_uQa8Hojif4tBCYMG3knQVNAGYM1vN_joQ7ROFRzU9AHyoC-vXNGgF-cFrlUJ4f6YLPJXSVcS9pILU31NYq8KgAsAP25OecSQ_po8v6mLbxBNuymMMhcd5TiYl/s320/received_597135203987144.jpeg" width="166" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZnc7P0sXI92swTTkikUwE21zd00YgRImkVWHk2Rvhp7ERy1kFDtxkuRRgr5KLZDoJZAKMUVWWupDUqBa8_wsFy0o2njobPQp1CCwCWX5b8iXmlCRLH7P4MFIen3SZ-972JWbHp67eMH1/s1600/IMG_20180526_114919_237.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZnc7P0sXI92swTTkikUwE21zd00YgRImkVWHk2Rvhp7ERy1kFDtxkuRRgr5KLZDoJZAKMUVWWupDUqBa8_wsFy0o2njobPQp1CCwCWX5b8iXmlCRLH7P4MFIen3SZ-972JWbHp67eMH1/s320/IMG_20180526_114919_237.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-cNJhNJ_PaL9Ikc7_xdSSpRIBjS04ZLVMbtnuUEy-ECxVw_xVOLf9pnyiGpXi6N3GpbxadrKSoVZuPGiz2JHtWeY21nxOvnaoBKCBS_0f6Ro_GAM0b-yaUvzA6WAYA7bTzSPRq8pNe-8s/s1600/FB_IMG_1526427898377.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-cNJhNJ_PaL9Ikc7_xdSSpRIBjS04ZLVMbtnuUEy-ECxVw_xVOLf9pnyiGpXi6N3GpbxadrKSoVZuPGiz2JHtWeY21nxOvnaoBKCBS_0f6Ro_GAM0b-yaUvzA6WAYA7bTzSPRq8pNe-8s/s320/FB_IMG_1526427898377.jpg" width="240" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEnDg4My2JSF-VJQt4ZWOcLjBHtCKbQ5F77muod8rVh3ALPBzCEPr9M3-MnTtQ_yNyFU6X-clOu12C_nyDaFh1Gx-wH9v9jeC19Ixjt2QuvFBh1ROyZYR7INMTN-boDSkf5DLYPLhveNo_/s1600/received_591621611205170.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="832" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEnDg4My2JSF-VJQt4ZWOcLjBHtCKbQ5F77muod8rVh3ALPBzCEPr9M3-MnTtQ_yNyFU6X-clOu12C_nyDaFh1Gx-wH9v9jeC19Ixjt2QuvFBh1ROyZYR7INMTN-boDSkf5DLYPLhveNo_/s320/received_591621611205170.jpeg" width="166" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidSHl_nf1H9j1VWuoUHmfLSzKmGfEi97r_MRx3OlxTV1766jzbu6MEWDbv3B4sRcuDOi8B68H1eDmBZ6c07TwmaJ97SUQ7Zq1bFpKly_VlxPBFpETIbrjECXqtcsSrZc_xOmu649dfarhL/s1600/20180514_094126.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1364" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidSHl_nf1H9j1VWuoUHmfLSzKmGfEi97r_MRx3OlxTV1766jzbu6MEWDbv3B4sRcuDOi8B68H1eDmBZ6c07TwmaJ97SUQ7Zq1bFpKly_VlxPBFpETIbrjECXqtcsSrZc_xOmu649dfarhL/s320/20180514_094126.jpg" width="253" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqAK5NErg37X0ip-w1MJuRTAb46MlXYw0K6K1Q7G8GTAIFm89MwQSxh6m720rmFvpC1QmY-ALlwisczbxhQR5OqqT3lEwXaPivvPZTdo4CKwA7c_3gG5ZgqxKNAyHuHO2bKAJWSfWp2R1w/s1600/20180513_072350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="644" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqAK5NErg37X0ip-w1MJuRTAb46MlXYw0K6K1Q7G8GTAIFm89MwQSxh6m720rmFvpC1QmY-ALlwisczbxhQR5OqqT3lEwXaPivvPZTdo4CKwA7c_3gG5ZgqxKNAyHuHO2bKAJWSfWp2R1w/s320/20180513_072350.jpg" width="128" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieXL98zcAHzi0Qkoyphv-RmRFE_JRSZlXQ9G0NQsQgavj62X0cGqR_J1T2HH12O2Y1KIvSmfEfJg-xRBUSClKat2pbcr8m6ISrcROo9LlcXPtvBamnLEFM9xBDtPR57ZqHma0vcaMRmuC3/s1600/Car+Selfie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="622" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieXL98zcAHzi0Qkoyphv-RmRFE_JRSZlXQ9G0NQsQgavj62X0cGqR_J1T2HH12O2Y1KIvSmfEfJg-xRBUSClKat2pbcr8m6ISrcROo9LlcXPtvBamnLEFM9xBDtPR57ZqHma0vcaMRmuC3/s320/Car+Selfie.jpg" width="155" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjYGVtu_TxxJ2bouw6QYSYDFba9rOTF-I-SD3VJ6Qn6QMmklGY4kFK_-8leEkoSi8RFw6mSRu6_bs4wh1oG7DGp8x0RfCK9QdfIoNNm-AlDOnQ1S8HOUsGhIqMR5A9xhDMGRNTQP7-tDzs/s1600/20180505_084843.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="871" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjYGVtu_TxxJ2bouw6QYSYDFba9rOTF-I-SD3VJ6Qn6QMmklGY4kFK_-8leEkoSi8RFw6mSRu6_bs4wh1oG7DGp8x0RfCK9QdfIoNNm-AlDOnQ1S8HOUsGhIqMR5A9xhDMGRNTQP7-tDzs/s320/20180505_084843.jpg" width="174" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgckYw1Axt5VdzP7cEw8irtxhBlXKksf2HwLPxlCMWzNx9a0auoVXxkxXgybj7oOWzAPQF4GdH-brx4u8PusqsvjM5c5xYdxgxj8bGir17SKrfaRWMWtGcOUIMH-QLSYhLrKznVuIE-r2lZ/s1600/20180502_183325.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgckYw1Axt5VdzP7cEw8irtxhBlXKksf2HwLPxlCMWzNx9a0auoVXxkxXgybj7oOWzAPQF4GdH-brx4u8PusqsvjM5c5xYdxgxj8bGir17SKrfaRWMWtGcOUIMH-QLSYhLrKznVuIE-r2lZ/s320/20180502_183325.jpg" width="240" /></a></div> Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-60898683828330886922018-06-05T13:23:00.001-04:002018-06-05T18:21:34.882-04:00<div style="text-align: center;"> There's no one left in my life to send this to</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> There is no one left to call</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And what would I even say?</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> If I had a mother on this day</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I know I'm a stranger now&nbsp;</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> There is really no one left at all</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I know I'm a stranger now</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And if I wanted to forget you exist, I can't</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And if I wanted to fill this hole, I can't</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> There is really no one left to call</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> My mother on this day</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> It breaks my heart to close this book</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It breaks my heart and the life this took</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I love you even as I leave </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I know you won't believe</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-72668422560835953692018-04-28T11:02:00.003-04:002018-04-29T09:30:53.784-04:00Hey, misery--this light shines bright over you<br /> So slovenly this light burns out<br /> And there's the void..no <br /> <br /> Spared!<br /> Spared!<br /> <br /> I don't want it!<br /> Far from the finish, fighting like fuck and then snagged again on your hook<br /> Fucked!<br /> I just hate it!<br /> This God that you love just never stops fucking with me!<br /> <br /> I'm just a..<br /> I'm fucked - curSmudgeon<br /> <br /> A contrarian that hunts and seeks from the dark<br /> I fret to make a sound<br /> I know all mean me more than harm..no<br /> <br /> Spared!<br /> Spared!<br /> <br /> I don't want it!<br /> Far from the finish, fighting like fuck and then snagged again on your hook<br /> Fucked!<br /> I just hate it!<br /> This God that you love just never stops fucking with me!<br /> <br /> I'm just a..<br /> I'm fucked - curSmudgeon<br /> <br /> Spared!<br /> Spared!<br /> <br /> Or so I thought this time!<br /> Blinded by my own fucked up <span class="dbox-bold" data-syllable="na·ive·te">naivete!</span><br /> <span class="dbox-bold" data-syllable="na·ive·te">I hate it! I hate it all!</span><br /> <span class="dbox-bold" data-syllable="na·ive·te">I'm in this now, whether anyone else is or not!</span><br /> <span class="dbox-bold" data-syllable="na·ive·te">I don't! I don't want it!</span><br /> <span class="dbox-bold" data-syllable="na·ive·te">You never knew what the fuck it is I care about!<br />&nbsp;</span><br /> <span class="dbox-bold" data-syllable="na·ive·te">Fucked! Fucked! Fucked!!!!!</span>Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-42757178027419055062018-03-11T05:46:00.001-04:002018-03-11T18:14:54.085-04:00<div style="text-align: center;"> Hold me down</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Against the ground</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And squeeze these toxins from me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Hold me down</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Don't make a sound</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Let's set all these demons free</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've looked up to the sky</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I've asked why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've cried all alone at night</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And screamed why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm losing ground</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Yes, I know</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I still pretend not to know why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Pull me down</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Out from the clouds</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Again I have failed to see</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> All these fears</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Leave things unclear</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> To the point of catastrophe</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've taken a look at my life</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I've asked why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I decided that I'd try again</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And then asked why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm losing ground</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Yes, I know</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I still pretend that I do not know why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Hold me down..until I drown..</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> The future feels so bleak</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I can't pretend</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> That these wounds will mend</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I know there's no hope left for me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've looked up to the sky</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I've asked God why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I've cried all alone at night</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And screamed why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm losing ground</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Yes, I know..</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I reach up to the sky</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And scream why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I cry alone every night</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And scream why</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I'm losing ground</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Yes, I know</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And I still pretend that I do not know why..</div> Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-62504331766303660412018-01-22T09:37:00.000-05:002018-12-08T14:08:41.047-05:00Girly had a dream<br /> Girly had been dreaming<br /> Girly had a goal<br /> Girly saw it getting bigger<br /> Girly loved her life<br /> Girly loved her friends<br /> Girly loved her girl<br /> And girly's now a quitter<br /> <br /> This is what it has always lead to<br /> The world's just a shit-ridden sea<br /> This is the world that we've always lived in<br /> No peace when you're always besieged<br /> <br /> I'm so tired of society and what it means<br /> I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme<br /> <br /> Girly did her best<br /> And girly was a fighter<br /> Girly was a champion<br /> And girly was no quitter<br /> Girly had fallen down<br /> Girly got back up again<br /> Girly told them to eat their shit<br /> But girly's now a quitter<br /> <br /> I'm so tired of society and what it means<br /> I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme<br /> <br /> Dead-ends are what every path always leads to<br /> Lost again in this shit-ridden sea<br /> This is the world that we've always been privy to<br /> Besieged even when you're fast asleep<br /> <br /> Daddy-dearest was a quitter<br /> Was never, ever, ever afraid to lose <br /> And mommy-dearest was a cunt-rag<br /> Shitter shitter shitter shitter shitter shitter shitter!<br /> <br /> I'm so tired of society and what it means<br /> I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme<br /> <br /> I'm so tired of society and what it means<br /> I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme!Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-38784168590288650022017-12-16T07:53:00.001-05:002018-01-22T09:40:33.558-05:00There's too much of nothing<br /> So forlorn remains the space inside of my heart<br /> That I keep in hopes that this won't remain such a lonely place<br /> <br /> I can't stay<br /> I have no reason left to stay here<br /> There's no one left that sees any value left in me<br /> <br /> I wake up with this face<br /> And this mood can and will only make it harder<br /> To smile, to go on, be nice and bring people into my space<br /> <br /> I don't know<br /> Why it always has to be this way<br /> There's no hope left that things will ever, ever change<br /> <br /> Goodbye<br /> To the friends I will never make<br /> Goodbye<br /> To the loves that left me astray<br /> Goodbye<br /> To the friends who went away<br /> Goodbye<br /> To the loves I left in the rain<br /> <br /> The sky falls on this place<br /> As I stand alone in complete disgrace<br /> Wipe clean and pat dry--I wish I could get another try<br /> <br /> With this brain<br /> I can't see how the old me won't be mourned<br /> It seems now that place inside me will always be forlorn<br /> <br /> Goodbye<br /> To the friends I will never make<br /> Goodbye<br /> To the loves that left me astray<br /> Goodbye<br /> To the friends who went away<br /> Goodbye<br /> To the loves I left in the rainRachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-58317330246550265432017-12-07T20:20:00.002-05:002018-12-14T06:27:41.186-05:00I've been living so long with these feelings inside<br /> That I almost believe that they're me<br /> I've been drowning so long in these feelings I hold <br /> That they've carved the course and carried me--all along--wherever they go<br /> <br /> These feelings inside--subtly clenching at the reigns<br /> Again won't let the love or the joy get near<br /> I missed it when it wasn't here, it came, and now it is gone<br /> I am now staring at the darkest of my fears<br /> <br /> These feelings inside--they turn the day into night<br /> Things were brighter and were better once upon a time<br /> I can scream into the void and I can scream at the sky<br /> I have finally realized that the truth I knew was always a lie<br /> <br /> These feelings inside--stubborn as I mourn in the dark<br /> Crying for the death of this place<br /> Made of stone, but intricate and absent of thought<br /> I've always felt so lost in this cold<br /> <br /> These feelings inside--blocking old memories<br /> I call out for an angel, someone who knows the real me<br /> Dead for the last time--I condemn all these feelings inside<br /> I want the reigns, I want the right, to burn it all down<br /> <br /> These feelings inside.Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-89512579196236417582017-11-29T07:53:00.002-05:002017-11-29T07:53:45.094-05:00I am starting a new blog at: https://letmeberachel.blogspot.com/<br /> <br /> BUT... <br /> <br /> This blog will continue on and will be used and posted to just as often as it always has been, as it is now linked and administrated using my newer Google account. However I felt inclined to start a new blog that originated from my new Google account as well--one dedicated to the person I am becoming, and one that maybe down the line will become my sole blog when I am ready,Rachel's Writingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00833059616991538986noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7552896644804692617.post-11963523074903788152017-11-22T10:03:00.003-05:002019-03-11T15:39:27.862-04:00<div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Can you see me? You shouldn't see me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> It's so easy to believe in null</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I believe in null</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> All attention--misdirected</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Bled of value</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I just sit and rot</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And she loves me not</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Old wounds bleed on</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> As fools press on </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> The road is narrow--This time is borrowed</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I know the ending and there's no surprise</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> All that's living dies</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I cannot be saved--My soul is depraved</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Inside of this heart is a big black hole</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> And it swallows souls</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Old wounds bleed on</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> As fools press on</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> There's no light down this road</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> In the darkness we divide</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Peace has long been absent</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Bathe in these eyes--Can you see?</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <div style="text-align: center;"> Can you see me? You shouldn't see me</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Can you see me?</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> I believe in null</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> Old wounds bleed on</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> As fools press on</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /> Old wounds bleed on</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> No, I can't go on!</div> </div> </div> The Expression Boardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10846219831353595708noreply@blogger.com0