My Life...Live

10 Things I Think I Love About Running

2012-01-20T20:44:00.003-05:00

While checking out one of my favorite iPad apps; ZITE tonight I found a terrific blog post at www.irunnerblog.com. He is a marathon runner and has a terrific blog that I now follow. He was posting his top 10 list about his love of running to keep himself inspired.

Last week Lennie and I started a new 10k running clinic with the Running Room. Lennie has never run before but he thought as a Christmas gift it would be great to do one together. Turns out that he is fantastic at running, unfortunately has a bad knee, and didn't realize how hard it was to run. As a great, frequent hockey player, he thought that his physical strength from hockey would carry over into running. After he ran his first 6k he said, "I respect you even more now for running 42 of those." It was hilarious to see him struggle to get up the stairs for the first couple of days. He then commented "I have never relied on handrails so much in my life." Too funny to hear him moaning and groaning about sore muscles.

www.irunnerblog.com asked his Twitter followers to help him stay motivated and he got a response from @TriMeOn who suggested that he "list ten things you love about running……..”. I decided that to keep myself moving forward and excited about running that I would do the same thing.

We all know that I do not love running but am trying it for a couple of years to see if it is something I can see myself doing for many more years to come. Being "big" and the thyroid thing do not help provide success in this sport. Runners are fit, lean, fast and a tad crazy and I am only a few of those things :) Making this list helps me realize that running is great and I love the people and success of it but not necessarily the work involved.

10 Things I Think I Love About Running...

...being able to drink lots of chocolate milk
...talking about running with Lish and Lindsay
...being in Springbank Park for hours on end
...tracking my mileage on www.dailymile.com
...pushing myself during tempo runs
...wearing capri tights
...finish line photos
...the Port Stanley Sunday summer runs
...the look on people's faces when they find out I am a marathoner
...my Garmin watch

I could go on and on and will continue to focus on how fun races are, the wonderful friends I have made, and that it has added years to my life.

What would be on your love of running list?

Was it a Good Year?

2012-01-02T11:25:00.001-05:00

Every year Lennie and send a funny picture with our Christmas card that also contains a year at a glance letter.

This is the first year I did not include one. When I started to write the month by month reflection, every month ended up sounding crappy so we just didn't send it.

We have received numerous complaints that no letter was in the card to read and I have explained to everyone that the year kind of blew and it would have been depressing to read. Lennie thinks I should write one and let everyone else be the judge if this was a good year or not.

I live with the 50/50 rule. Half the days will be great, the others not. Half the weeks will be good, the others not. And, half the months will be positive and the others not so much. Here is the break down of 2011.

January
The year started strong with me joining a Biggest Loser competition at Olympic Fitness and moving to my new job at the board office. Lennie coached girls basketball again and I had neck surgery to remove 1/2 my thyroid.

February
I was enjoying my new job while Lennie continued to play hockey numerous times a week. Pathology back from surgery indicated thyroid cancer and another surgery is scheduled.

March
We had to say good bye to our fur baby of 18 years, Tigger. Great trip with Megan to Florida to see mom and dad while Lennie had a terrific time in Vegas with Jamie M. I had my second neck surgery to remove the rest of my thyroid.

April
Stayed at home resting and enjoyed walking every day to get my strength back while Lennie stayed off his injured knee.

May
Ran my first race since October and sucked with a 1:17 10k. Lennie earned a well deserved Award of Distinction nomination. Ran my 2nd 10k race and pulled out a respectable 1:13.

June
Lennie celebrated his 43rd birthday and wrapped up a long school year. We celebrated our 18 year wedding anniversary and opened the pool for summer swimming. I started my 19 week training program for the Chicago marathon in October and got 26.2 tattooed on my foot. I got to see the Backstreet Boys in Toronto with Lish and Lindsay.

July
Lennie and his golfing buddies had their annual trip to Lakewood Shores. I completed a 180km bike tour and raised more $1000 for the MS Society then suffered through a long week of Thyrogen shots to see how my body is dealing with cell production. My hair finally decided it had enough so I had it cut off and I looked like a doofus all summer.

August
The Chicago Rutherfords poppped in for a fun filled vacation in Canada. I completed my first 30km race in Toronto on a very humid night finishing in a dismal 4:22. Kara P, the maid of honor from our wedding, who I had not seen in years, paid us a surprise visit and it was nice to catch up. The annual Grieve pool party was held on a glorious day with all the family in attendance. I got to meet the BackStreet Boys at their VIP event during their concert in London and it was crossed off my bucket list.

September
Back to school we went after a short summer and I ran the Springbank 1/2 marathon in a yucky time but it was just to practice some race strategies.

October
I turned 43 on a weekend with Lennie and my brother in Chicago while completing my 2nd marathon 11+ minutes faster than last year. The Grieve family Christmas was excellent with homemade gifts from everyone and I had the chance to be a keynote at an OPC event.

November
I got promoted to Principal after a grueling promotional process and carried the Rick Hansen medal on it's cross Canada adventure. Lennie took a trip home to see our Quebec family and friends while I travelled to Pittsburg for the annual UCEA convention.

December
A well earned 2 week vacation in Florida rounded off the year for us.

Ok, looking back now, it really wasn't too bad (except for the cancer and Tigger dying). We are really looking forward to 2012, one more year until our sabbatical, and a healthy happy year.

Lessons learned - I am stronger than I thought I was, I have a lot of caring people in my life, I can say no when I need to, and if I do not rest my days are difficult.

Resolutions- start a book club, run another marathon, and strive for this work/life/balance that I hear so much about :) oh, and be nicer to Lennie.

Hugs to all.

I'm So Random

2011-12-18T14:30:00.008-05:00

Hello friends,

I have been spending a great of time thinking about 2011 and looking forward to 2012. I want to make sure that I am making myself a better, smarter, and stronger person. I have been talking with others, reading, thinking, and trying to plan my next steps in life.

Remember when I reflected on how my life has been brought to you by the letter C? http://catherinegoestofitnessridge.blogspot.com/2011/02/carpe-diem.html

Well, now I just realize that it is so random. Based on @steveinaSpeedo 's website and blog, here are the 100 randomnesses (I know that is not a word) of my life.

1. I can not play any musical instruments - totally tone deaf

2. If I owned a wiener dog, I would name him Relish

3. I was born at 10am

4. I was sent home from elementary school early once for starting a riot on the snow hill

5. I wear glasses and hate it, but do not qualify for laser eye surgery

6. I look and feel better with a tan

7. I am not a morning or night person, I am a 12:35pm person

8. I wish the world wasn't "scent free" because I would be covered in CoCo Chanel

9. I loved the show Beverley Hills 90201 for years and still do "knuckles" with Lennie when we hear the theme song.

10. Lennie will be upset with me for telling people that he watched 90210 and still does the knuckles thing

11. I am addicted to coffee

12. I love the color yellow

13. I love to get mail of any kind

14. I love the smell of Old Spice cologne

15. If I lived in the US I would totally be one of those extreme couponers

16. I am a momma and daddy's girl

17. Knitting is one of my favorite things to do

18. People do not believe that I can knit - see #17

19. I had the best grandmothers ever and a sweet grandpa

20. I take a bath everyday

21. I had skin cancer on my leg and now bathe in suntan lotion

22. I collect seltzer bottles, hat pins, perfume bottles and letter "Z"s

23. I love the smell of bonfires

24. I was suppose to be called Zoe or Lorna

25. I'm cheap

26. Video games bother me

27. I once ate (OK more than once) an XL pizza myself while watching the Biggest Loser

28. I hate everything having to do with snow

29. I get seasonal effectiveness disorder so I lay in the sun on the carpet in our family room Sunday afternoons in February

30. My mom got my ears pieced when I was 6 so that people would stop thinking I was a boy

31. I sucked at school because I am sure I had ADD

32. My dad spell checked my thesis for my M.Ed and it turned into a total rewrite. He says he really enjoyed helping me, I say, never give a grammar expert your thesis the week before it is due.

33. I spend a lot of time and money on my skin so that I will not look my age as I get older

34. I once won a chili cooking contest by using canned chili and adding a couple more veggies and spices

35. I always get my suitcase out 1 week ahead of a trip and start the packing process

36. I give everyone a nickname

37. Plane turbulence scares the crap out of me

38. Lake Louise is the beautiful site I have ever seen in person, I am hoping that Kenya 2014 beats it

39. Skiing sucks

40. I only have 9 toenails - lost one permanently after an accident at the mall where my foot got run over by a wheelchair

41. I having hearing and a sense of smell like the bionic woman

42. Motorcycles scare me as I saw too many accident photos when I was an insurance claims adjuster

43. I don't trust horses

44. ...or lazy people

45. ...or door to door sales people

46. Cancer has changed me

47. ...so has marriage

48. ...and becoming a teacher

49. People tell me they like my laugh

50. ...and that I sound exactly like my mom

51. ..but look exactly like my dad

52. I married a person who LOVES talking on the phone

53. I hate talking on the phone

54. I once found a $100 poker chip on a casino floor and spent it

55. People say that I am bold

56. ...because my fundamental purpose in life is to tell the truth

57. ...so, if you do not want to know, do not ask me

58. I am afraid to swim in the ocean

59. I went to school in Paris and never went up the Eiffel Tower

60. Every December I pay the bill of every person behind me at every drive thru

61. I suck at grocery shopping because I just buy whatever

62. When I am scared or upset I imagine myself sitting on the beach in Cuba when we visited there during spring break.

63. I get a lot of things done while brushing my teeth - big time multitasker

64. Speeding tickets - 2, traffic violations - 1, parking tickets - lots

65. Flannelet pajamas rule

66. I can't leave my house unless my kitchen is clean

67. I golfed 9 holes the morning of my wedding because my mom and I set a goal to be so organized that we could

68. Easter is my favourite holiday because of it being spring, having chocolate, and a 4 day weekend.

69. I have very little body hair - helped when the thyroid meds made the rest of it fall out.

70. I screw up every day

71. Being a baker would be my dream job

72. Slippers are my favourite footwear.

73. Swimming in Potash Lake, Ontario with my family are some of my favourite memories growing up

74. The smell of diesel fuel makes me sick and that is why I always feel nauseous on plane trips

75. I have never been to New York City

76. ...or California

77. ...or the Grand Canyon and I really want to!

78. My dad wrote me a letter every week that I lived in France and I still have them

79. I have never beaten Lennie at Checkers

80. ...or a thumb war but there is still time

81. Losing my thyroid has really sucked because of the side effects

82. Ricardo's Pizza in downtown London was the greatest pizza ever

83. If I am ever mad at you, take me out for dinner and you are forgiven

84. I need validation

85. Someone once said I was tenacious and I didn't know what it meant but I knew I liked being called it

86. I love the idea of social media - perfect for someone who wants to remain close with people without ever having to leave her house

87. I will run a 5:?? marathon

88. I have accomplished 1/2 the things on my bucket list

89. I never thought that I would be happily married

90. ...because I know I am "difficult"

91. ...not high maintenance, but complicated

92. I have never finished a Rubik's Cube

93. I will win a reality show one day

94. It takes me 37 minutes to get ready in the morning and it shows

95. Being a leader is hard work

96. ...and so is being a wife

97. ...and friend, but they are the greatest gifts I have been given

98. Our home gets a ton of magazine subscriptions

99. I hate surprises

100. I can't wait to see what the rest of my life brings

Making a Difference

2011-12-18T14:05:00.001-05:00

On Friday, November 25, 2011 I had the privilege of participating as a medal bearer for the http://www.rickhansenrelay.com/en/ along with some amazing employees of the Thames Valley District School board.

25 years ago Rick Hansen wanted to make the world more accessible and inclusive and to find a cure for spinal cord injury. Inspired by a deep-seated belief that anything is possible, Rick's dream took shape in the form of the Man In Motion World Tour. For 26 months he and his team wheeled over 40,000 kilometres through 34 countries, raising awareness of the potential of people with disabilities. The completion of this epic Tour was a testament to willpower, physical prowess and the ability to lead a seemingly impossible campaign. It was the beginning of a lifelong and selfless journey to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

Through the Foundation that bears his name, more than $250 million has been raised to accelerate progress towards a cure for SCI, and a more accessible and inclusive world.

Twenty-five years to the date of his Man In Motion World Tour commencing its historic cross-Canada journey back to British Columbia, Canadian hero Rick Hansen wanted to continue his journey of making the world more accessible and inclusive with the announcement of the Rick Hansen 25th Anniversary Relay.

Beginning on August 24, 2011 in Cape Spear, Newfoundland and Labrador - the easternmost point in North America and approximately 15 kilometres south-east of St. John's - the 25th Anniversary Relay retraces the Canadian segment of the original Tour, but this time one man in motion is represented and celebrated by many in motion; engaging 7,000 participants from across Canada who have made their own difference in the lives of others.

In every province, Relay Medal-Bearers pass along the Rick Hansen Medal - produced by the Royal Canadian Mint,

Focusing on engaging Canadians to take up the challenge and become catalysts for positive change, the Relay features Medal-Bearers who run, walk, wheel or bike and complete their segments through a variety of forms of movement for all abilities.

I had the honour of receiving the medal here in London at the Children's hospital and carried my segment until Wellington Road. Lennie, Lindsay, Jamie, Andrea and Carrie all walked with me during my time with the medal. I was very choked up the entire time because I got passed the medal in the very hospital that told me I had cancer 10 month earlier. What a feeling to be well and able to participate as a "difference maker"

My participation has me continually asking "if I am making a difference" I sure hope so. In my role as teacher, friend, administrator and colleague, my hope is that by my actions of positivity, focus and hard work, that I am modelling for everyone that you can make a difference.

Funny how the quote under my signature at work for 10 years was, "to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" - amazing how stuff eventually makes sense to you.

The Value of Paper?

2011-12-02T15:49:00.040-05:00

In this world of recycling, reusing, and reducing, I have been reflecting on the value paper. In particular, the value of a single piece of paper.

What is it's value? Ask a mom that just received her new baby's birth certificate. Ask a new Canadian that just received their citizenship documents. Ask a teenager as they cash their first job's cheque. Ask a fire survivor as they hold their only remaining family photo.

Paper is only paper until you add value to it. Whether that value is the pleasure associated with a new family member, the safety of coming to a new country, the pride in completing a day's work or the emotions associated with photography.

Paper is just a piece of paper right? Paper is kind of like people. Thick or thin, tall or short, rough, smooth or colorful, it is the imprint that they have left in our memories that makes them so valuable.

When I spoke at Ashley Oak PS' graduation a couple of years ago I advised the grads that the 8 1/2 x 11, vanilla in color, sheet with just a little writing on it should have immense value. It means pride in their achievements, survival of grade 8, learning hurdles overcome and many wonderful memories.

Lots of pieces of paper have been in my hands over the years. I remember receiving the tiny orange paper card of my Bronze Cross from the Life guarding Association of Canada along with it's patch. It meant that I passed my certification and could get my first real job - life guarding at Kipps Lane pool.

I remember my driver's license being handed to me by the MOT. It meant freedom and trust.

I remember signing my marriage licence & what it means to me, Len and my family.

Last week, I received another invaluable piece of paper. One that I really never dreamed of receiving. It was just an email, but my name was on it. It was an email that was able to tell everyone that I have worked hard, learned, grew, and completed a process. The piece of paper helped define me, my role, and my abilities. A piece of paper that I could celebrate my accomplishments with my colleagues, team and family.

It was my confirmation of being promoted to Principal for the Thames Valley District School Board.

This is one sheet that will not be recycled, reduced but reused for a long time. I will pull it out and look at it when I am feeling overwhelmed, unhappy, or stressed. It will remind me of my work and why I do what I do and the people that have supported me along the way.

Am I a Fun"gi"?

2011-11-11T08:52:00.003-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, while having dinner with some administrator colleagues, I was ask a very profound question that puzzled me then and continues to haunt me still. The question was...

"What do you do for fun?"

I know, a really simple question right? But, I didn't have a response. I couldn't answer it. I said, "I run" but really it is not for fun.

I thought and thought and didn't have an answer. I had to turn and ask my friend Scotty what I do for fun. How sad is that, that I have to ask SOMEONE else what they think I do for fun. Scotty's only answer was that I go to the slots but I have rarely been doing that this year. Then, I asked my friend Sheila what I do for fun and she said I go shopping - no I do not - I hate shopping. She then said I scrapbook - no I do not - I stopped doing that a couple of years ago. Then she said, I work out - no I do not - I haven't done' anything for 4 weeks and it is NOT fun.

The answer turned out to be.... I really do not do anything for fun. I work and I rest.

I can't believe it but I do not do anything fun. I don't think that I am a stick in the mud or serious type, and I am married to Mr. Fun. The guy that can turn grocery shopping into a hilarious adventure of dancing fruit and vegetables or a Sunday drive into recreating the scene from Gladiator where Russel Crowe walks through the wheat field (long story that I will retell someday) but you get the idea.

Our winning Halloween outfits 2009

Mr. Fun can turn even the most mundane tasks into a riot. I can not. I see everything as a task that needs to get done and being silly wastes time - maybe I AM a stick in the mud. When did this happen? When did I stop being fun? When did I stop seeing the enjoyment in everything? When did I just work and rest with nothing in between!!!!?? When did I start taking myself WAY to seriously.

I do love fun people and people that are funny - especially those that are clever - probably because I am not "quick" and think it is an awesome trait in others. I know that I have never really been a lover of jokes. I am terrible at telling them and I really don't "get" most jokes. I don't like puns and I really hate cartoons (again, I do not "get" them.) (oh, except for Dilbert who is hilarious as he makes fun of corporations.)

Do you know where I love having fun the most? At work, I love laughing and having fun at work. I love to hear funny stories about schools and teaching. I love people who share their quips about screw ups and bad choices - I love being able to laugh after the fact at things that at the time might have been difficult. I love it when our department is killing ourselves laughing over something and someone walks in - even funnier then. I think, because I work long hours, that I have built in having fun at work to make up for the fun I may be lacking in my personal life. I also like being able to help others have fun and laugh at work to reduce stress, tension and hopefully make their days goes faster.

I think what has happened is that I spend a lot of energy at work and then I am too tired when I am home to have fun in my personal life. I do not call people to go out (except for Megan to go to the movies). I do not go to bars (seriously a chubby, married, 43 year old at a bar please!). During my free time, I do not want to get dressed up, do my hair/makeup or chat. I really do not like crowds, concerts (except for BSB) or loud noises.

Blueberry cooking day 2010

We have many beautiful iris
in our garden.

Truth is that during "my time" I love being at home. I love being in my PJs. I love cooking and cleaning my house. I love things that don't require me to think, talk, or "act" a certain way.

For as long as I can remember, I love being a homebody. I love gardening but that is just with me and Mr. Fun. I love to read and watch TV, but by myself. I love to sit by the pool and watch the Purvis kids swim but just with Megan. I love talking one-on-one with people and I do love chatting using Twitter and Facebook (but in my PJs at home)

Does all of this make me snobby?

Man oh man, I need to find some fun balance. I need to step out more. I have loved going to charitable events with Lindsay and Lish. I have loved playing cards with my husbands poker league. I love going to "Trivia Night" with my Ashley Oaks crew. I really enjoyed the cycle team events this past summer.

I do like to have fun, just not all the time. I have learned throughout this difficult year that I MUST build in time for me and time for rest. I have made a real effort to recognize that I can not please others all the time by participating in parties, events and things others perceive as fun. It's not that I don't want to go...it is because I know that if I go, I will have to build in time to recover and that sucks.

BUT, now that I am feeling 99% healthy, having "thinking" tune ups a couple times a month, and recognize the importance of modeling work/life/balance to my friends and team.... I must go out at least every once in and while and have fun so....what should I do for fun today (but only if I can do it in my PJs :)

OPC speech

2011-11-04T13:20:00.003-04:00

Wednesday, October 26, 2011 I had the extreme privilege of delivering an address to my colleagues at our Ontario Principal Council chapter dinner. They wanted a 30 minute presentation on their theme Personal Wellness, Who is Looking After You? I decided that I would share the last 12 months of my life as an example of my personal journey searching for better life/work/balance. Below is my speech.

"Good evening and thank you. My journey to personal wellness is a simple one...in one year, big girl runs marathon, girl gets job of her dreams, girl gets cancer. Believe it or not, these three intersecting aspects of my life are the greatest things that have ever happened to me. I wanted to share with you some of the choices and struggles from the last couple of years that I have had and some of the not so great choices I have made so that maybe some of my learnings might help you at some moment in your life.

So, I did not want to become a teacher. I wanted to be a radiologist. I even spent time at UWO in their MRI unit and job shadowed a radiologist. My parents, my whole life, told me to become a teacher but I fought them for as long as I could until we all realized that my math skills were not even near the level they needed to be to be a successful radiologist so, off I went to teachers college. They were right and loved it, and graduated in May of 1993.
     I could not get on the supply teacher list so I got a job at an insurance company. I worked in London and Toronto for many years as a claims adjuster, subrogation officer, and eventually moved into the Human Resource Department as a Training and Development Consultant - little did I know that all those skills I learned in insurance translated really well into teaching - customer service, organization, planning etc.
     In 2000, I recognized that I needed to move home to stop the traveling and be closer to my family . Everything had changed in the 8 years I was gone from education and now there was an OCT and ATTN so it took some months to get all my paperwork organized but eventually I applied for a job at TVDSB and luckily had my French qualifications to get a job at Sir John A Macdonald teaching Jr French Prep.
     I show up on the first day in my Jones New York suit excepting everything to be perfect and the students to listen to me as I just finished this big corporate gig. But, to my surprise on the 2nd day and after being told to F off for the 3rd time - I marched into the Principal's office and said I quit. She sent me home and with the help of my husband and friend Scott P, they sent me back the next day after a pep talk. Kind of like a boxer in the ring during rounds - "you go back there" and "you can do it", "don’t let them see you upset", "you set the tone". I of course got over the tough first years and love teaching.
     I had many wonderful opportunities that brought me to Sherwood Fox PS in the fall of 2006 when I took up running. I know, I don’t look like a runner but my best friend and I decided to do something fun from the Spectrum magazine and learning to run 5km looked easy. We went every Tuesday to a class to have information about shoes, training and nutrition and we learned the 1:1 method of running - you run for 1 minute walk for 1 minute.
     It was during this time that I started to make some bad choices when it came to my own personal wellness. During that fall I was teaching AQ courses at UWO, finishing my masters degree, running a school show, owned a scrap booking business, and teaching grade 7 full time. You can imagine what happened. I totally burned out and started to feel terrible.
     When I was in my 20s I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis - a disease of the colon and I really felt that it has come back. I visited my doctor and for months tried to push through going to work everyday, running the school show, teaching and eventually my doctor said that if some of the meds that he gave me didn’t work by Christmas that I needed to check myself into the hospital to get my colon under control.
     Alas, January 7th 2007 I had my husband drive me to Victoria hospital at recess, they checked me over and said, yep something is wrong and they kept me over night. In the morning, after many tests, it is discovered that I didn’t have ulcerative colitis but I in fact have Crohn’s disease, a much more serious condition of the GI track and I of course had let it go on too long and had completed trashed my colon. They started to fill me full of steroids but nothing was working. Luckily a doctor suggested a new drug that had just come on the main market called Remicade. It was very expensive and at the time scary as it was an infusion drug. They hook you up like chemotherapy and it drips into you. I was lucky that I was a candidate and got the drug and 3 years later I am in remission and feeling fantastic.

     January 2009 before I knew it, I am tipping the scales at 300 pounds because of all the medication and the "relaxing" I was doing.  I am now the VP at Ashley Oaks PS and working hard but not eating lunch, drinking a ton of coffee, not working out, and getting pretty stressed. I decided to get a personal trainer and lose some weight - turned out to be terrific, I lost some weight and felt strong.
     That summer a friend recommended a place in Utah called Fitness Ridge - based on the Biggest Loser TV show you can go to this gentle boot camp for a week and work out and get your butt kicked into shape. It is really expensive and I would have had to go by myself as my husband had no interest in going so I signed up for 2 weeks.
     What an adventure. You wake up at 5:30am for a 2 hour hike through the mountains of Utah. Come back and have breakfast made for you. Then you have yoga classes, aquatics classes and cooking classes. Lunch is made for you and then 4 more hours of exercises classes before a dinner and then you go to bed because you are so tired. In 2 weeks I lost another 14 pounds but more importantly, I returned to being a VP with lots of energy and feeling great about my job.

     The fall of 2009 I bumped into my friend Lindsay at a hockey game who asked about Fitness Ridge and if I was interested in joining a 10km running clinic - I wasn’t a runner and never did finish my 5k clinic back in 2006 because I was so sick. But, for some reason I was feeling strong so I went home and signed up. December 2009 I ran a 10km race in London. My friends who I met through the running clinic told me that since I had run a 10km race that I should try a ½ marathon. I thought they were nuts but joined the clinic January 2010.
     ½ way through the clinic I got strep throat and visited a walk-in clinic for some antibiotics. While getting my prescription, the doctor felt me throat and pointed out that I had a lump on my thyroid. I didn’t even know what my thyroid was so he told me to call my family doctor for an ultrasound. I did and it revealed this mass that you could actually see on my neck. My doctor referred me to a head neck surgeon but the wait would be a while.
     I continued training and in April 2010 ran my first ½ marathon. I finished last but broke 3 hours. The cool thing about being last in a race is that all the medical personal are following you so if anything happens they are there to help plus, everyone else is finished so you get the most people cheering for you.
     That June, I finally got to see a surgeon and had a biopsy of my neck revealing something called a Hurtle cell lesion - nothing serious - only 20% cancer but you have to have it out - they remove ½ your thyroid which is great because you can still function normally with the other half. Problem is - long wait times so they will call me when I have a surgery date.

     So my running friends said to me - you know, if you have run a ½ marathon, you can run a full marathon. I thought they were nuts but thought I would try it - signed up again for a running clinic and through very hard work, (and a 2nd trip to Fitness Ridge in Utah) I ran the Chicago marathon last October - well run, that is a little loose - jog/walked the 42.2 km route. In Chicago if you run the race in less than 6 hours and 30 minutes you get your name in the paper - they publish all the finishers and I finished in 6:28:42. My name was in the paper. I got the marathon bug and knew that I can run a heck of a lot faster and set out to run another marathon in the spring of 2011.

January 2011, I was thrilled to become the Learning Supervisor for System Staff Development at TVDSB. A job I wanted for a long time and directly related to my work from my insurance world so got to mesh my love of teaching, administration and facilitation. 14 days into my new job while sitting in this very room at District Review training I received a phone call. Surprise, the head and neck surgeon called and I have a date for a surgery - I actually had forgotten all about the lump on my neck except I could see it now sticking out. They had me booked for January 20th - what!! I had to go back to work and tell my supervisor that I had to have surgery. He was awesome and told me to do what I needed to do.
    The next Thursday I had my neck surgery and it was rough. It hurt like heck and turns out I was allergic to morphine and was so sick but, took the weekend to recover and came back to work on the Monday - yep 4 days later - stupid. But that’s what we do, we don’t take the time we need!!!
    So, I plugged through and eventually felt better knowing the lump was out. I started to really love my job, get to know people, understand the cadence of the board office and was thrilled to be helping people in my new role.
     February 15th, I returned to the surgeon’s office for a post op and get the all clear. Well, I knew something wasn’t right when he came in the room alone and my file was pretty thick. Dr. Nicols said to me that he was so sorry but the lump was in fact cancer; papillary carcinoma. I do not remember anything after that - papers being signed, pamphlets being handed out and people talking to me about another surgery. I got into the car to return to work because I was to facilitate that afternoon and called my husband who was a tad concerned and I immediately called Scotty P so he could help my husband deal with this. Little did I know but I would eventually be the one that was going to be needing some support grasping all this.
     This time I immediately met with our disability management team and said “I will do whatever you say” You see they were very upset with me that I did not tell them about the first surgery or seek their help. So they told me that I could not come back to work for 4 weeks until the surgeon said I was clear. 4 weeks are you kidding me - my boss is going to freak - he didn’t, in fact he was fantastic and so supportive.
     March 31st I had to go and have the other half of my thyroid removed and began taking a daily dose of thyroid hormone to replace what my body does not make naturally. Surgery went really well now that I knew what to expect and stayed at home to rest and recover. I was doing what all the doctors and disability management told me to do. I returned to work in May and finished the school year off feeling well, rested and awaiting the next steps of the cancer treatments.
But, I still had another marathon to train for so, in June I started my 19 week training plan for Chicago 2011. The doctors told me that I needed to be careful running another marathon as without a thyroid it could be difficult. You will have an evaluated heart rate, body temperature and no metabolism - not what I wanted to hear. I decided that I really did not care what others thought and spent the summer running and training.

I worked throughout the summer as my new role called for some summer projects so needless to say, when the school year rolled around I was already tired. I was concerned that school hadn't even begun yet and I was already panicked. My calendar was full, I was swamped, I was already getting that overwhelmed feeling. What is this that I am feeling? This is not me. I am normally really positive, I normally have lots of energy, I am an enthusiastic person, but not this year. Something was weighing me down.
     I didn’t know what to do so I thought about all the advice I had given many staff and friends over the years to call our EAP (Employee Assistance Plan). I wanted some tools to deal with what I was thinking and to be reassured that what I was feeling was normal.
     I decided I would call EAP. I called and spoke to their intake worker who asked me a series of questions to assess the situation and find a good counselor match. They asked me if I was hurting myself I said I had ate 12 donuts that morning and if that counted - silence on the other end of the phone. I kept telling her that I was normal but I needed some tools to deal with this feelings of being overwhelmed.

I received a call from a social worker who had an opening that afternoon and I had the chance to go and talk to someone. Someone not in education, someone who was unbiased and someone with lots of thinking tools. Turns out, I am normal, complicated but normal. What a relief. She didn’t make me look at ink blots (my biggest fear as they all look like butterflies to me). I didn’t need medication. I needed to allow myself to feel frustrated with work sometimes, angry at the cancer and that I had lots of abilities to move forward. Finally a good decision regarding my personal wellness. The sessions made a huge difference. My weekly running times started to improve and by the time October 9th rolled around, I ran the Chicago marathon again and this time - almost 12 minutes off my time from last year. And, more importantly, I felt positive again.

So now what? I will be running another marathon next year as I know I can run even faster. I am going to continue to go to EAP every month for a “thinking tune up”, and I will continue to trust the TVDSB, the people and the process.
     I wish you all the best of luck with your journeys, careers, wellness, and I hope that some piece of my story will help you in your time of need. Thank you"

Can I Call Myself a Marathoner Yet?

2011-10-14T17:12:00.000-04:00

It's taken me a long time to be able to post this blog. I am home from my birthday / marathon weekend in Chicago where I think I have dropped the chip on my shoulder. What chip you ask? Well. the "6-hour" marathoner chip. It has been pretty heavy. I never felt that running 1 marathon made me a marathoner and I wanted to run at least 1 more in order to have earned the title of MARATHON RUNNER.

But, does running 2 of them at over 6 hours each still count? I wish that I could have been faster.

Ryan even signed my bib

The weekend began with a road trip to Kalamazoo, Michigan with Lish and Lindsay so we could hit the expo early Friday morning in Chicago. I woke up on my 43rd birthday doing exactly what I wanted to do...be in Chicago with the girls to meet Ryan Hall (American marathon record holder) and get our race gear. (wish Megan was with us though).

The expo was pretty good and we spent several hours wandering, shopping and looking at all the gear. The girls bought a lot of stuff and I just got a funny t-shirt - tough to get gear for "big girls" at a major event when really nobody "big" does this kind of crazy thing let alone twice :). We had a nice dinner and I caught the train to Wilmette to meet Lennie and my brother at the Rutherford's. The day ended with several poker tourneys and me even winning one.

Buca di Beppo - yummy

Saturday, the boys hit the lake for a sail to Wisconsin while the Rutherford girls and I relaxed and went antique shopping. I drove back into Chicago to meet Lish and Lindsay for dinner and then home to relax my feet which were still tired from walking the expo Friday.

Woke up Sunday morning and just like last year, Lennie drove me to Chicago to pick up Lish and Lindsay at their hotel so we could get to the start line. I was not nervous, teary, or panicked in anyway. I actually felt really calm. I could see and hear all the other first timer's strategies and talking themselves up. I just was relaxed.

It was packed this year. It seemed like so many more people. I checked a bag this year so that I could put my shoes on at the last minute. I didn't even make it into the corrals as it was so busy so I had to wait on the side of the road to get to the start line.

5:45 pace tattoo

I decide that in order to be more successful, I needed to run with a pace bunny and wear a pace band. At the expo I signed up for the 5:45 team to see what that is like and if that would help me finish stronger. I found the 5:45 pace bunny Amy and we were off. About 15 people were running with Amy who was running continuously - the other 5:45 pace bunnies were running 1:2 or 1:5. I wanted to run non stop so stayed with Amy. What a good time. Everyone cheered the 5:45 group as we travelled the streets and it was amazing to finally have people to run with. (its been a very lonely 19 weeks of running alone) I was able to stay with the group until the 13 mile marker when they ran quickly through a water stop and I needed more Gatorade and just couldn't catch them again. I was feeling amazing as the first 1/2 sailed by - probably because I was focused on staying with the group.

I did everything I said I would do this time - no high fiving (except Lennie and the kids), ran in the middle of the road, no name on my shirt, took Cold FX, wore my orthotics, no 10:1s, carried more gels, and this was my 5th race of the year (10k, 10k, 1/2, 30k and now a full).

Mile 25 with the gang

The temp climbed again this year and by the 1/2 way mark it was near 75 degrees. I was a tad lonely when all of a sudden "Kansas" came up from behind. She was in the 5:45 pack I met at the start line and we had chatted for a while during the first 1/2. I thought she was with the group ahead but she had stopped for a potty break and came upon me. Thank goodness as we cruised the rest of the way together and she pushed me to continue hard.

Just like last year, Lennie, the Rutherford kids and my brother all ran with me the final miles while Sue snapped some great photos of us all together.

Me, Lish and Lindsay

Me and my brother Jeff

When I crossed the finish line this time, unlike last year, I was 100%. I walked to the bag check, put on my flip flops and walked to the 27 mile party where Lish and Lindsay were relaxing. I was so pleased to see them so we could snap some photos and celebrate. They of course set course PBs and Lindsay broke 5hrs. All our friends had great races and everyone came home safe.

Lennie drove us back to Wilmette where we all napped and then enjoyed another wonderful dinner of Chicago pizza, Sue's amazing salad and some drinks to celebrate.

Monday morning I woke up to try and find my name in the paper (they publish the names of all finishers under 6:30) and the paper did not have the marathon insert in it like it did last year. I know it is silly but I was really disappointed to not have that souvenir from the race. Also, unfortunately, the paper shared that a man died 500 yards from the finish.

On our drive back to London from Chicago we stopped for gas in a very rural stop in Michigan and low and behold I found a Chicago Sun Times paper and guess what - it had the marathon insert - random or what. I immediately opened the paper to find my name, stats and was able to show my brother.

I am sort of pleased with the results since I ran faster and comparing the 2 years side by side reveals some interesting findings. I knew that lots of people were cheering for me back home and I ran the WHOLE time. I really did run the whole time and can not believe that it still took me over 6 hours again. I was almost identical times through the 1/2 and made up the time in the 2nd part of the race.

2011 Last year - 2010

5K 0:39:37 5K 0:39:12 (same)

10K 1:20:20 10K 1:20:34 (same)

15K 2:02:22 15K 2:02:45 (same)

20K 2:45:33 20K 2:47:22 (down 2 minutes)

Half 2:55:51 Half 2:57:41 (down 2 minutes)

25K 3:33:36 25K 3:35:38 (down 2 minutes)

30K 4:20:43 30K 4:24:30 (down 4 minutes)

35K 5:08:22 35K 5:13:54 (down 5 minutes)

40K 5:57:28 40K 6:07:59 (down 10 minutes)

Finish 6:17:13 Finish 6:28:41 (down 11 minutes)

34036th out of 35628 34895th out of 36159

It is now obvious to me what I need to do to improve. Not until September did I see the connection between strong focused tempo runs, interval training and hills to my success. I also have the entire year tracked on http://www.dailymile.com/ so I can compare all the runs next year. I will definitely go back to Chicago to run this race as I love the city, course and lots of spectators for 6 hours - no other city can say that they support every last runner the whole race. It is perfect for us slowees.

I also vow to not get cancer news next year and have to endure 3 surgeries in 3 months along with a week of Thyrogen. Imagine how much better I will do now that it is all behind me.

Hopefully by October 7, 2012 (next year's race is on my 44th birthday) I will have dropped the "6 hour marathoner" chip. It is really weighing me down.

It's All Good

2011-10-02T21:12:00.000-04:00

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I just finished completing an EQi and EQ360 for my application for Principalship at work and I had to really take a look at my leadership and how others perceive my strengths. The results were bang on...I am way to hard on myself and need to be happier in the moment.

What a tough 9 months I have had. But, all of the ups and downs have led me to this marathon and I am hoping to draw strength from all my 2011 running and fitness experiences to help me reach my goal of 5:59 on Sunday in Chicago.

Back in January after I started my new job, my friend Rene and I joined a Biggest Loser competition at Olympic Fitness. We worked our tails off until January 19th when I had my first surgery to remove 1/2 my thyroid. Heading back to work a couple of days later was the dumbest thing I could have done, but who knew what would happen the next month.

I loved the Biggest Loser competition and through it all I lost some pounds and met some terrific people.

After a difficult meeting with my surgeon on February 15th in which they informed me that the tumor they removed was cancerous, I returned to St. Joseph's hospital March 30th for a second throat surgery.

I recovered really well this time as we discovered that I am allergic to morphine and therefore didn't have it and felt so much better - i.e. didn't puke a million times in recovery or in the car on the way home. This time, I stayed at home and followed doctor orders to rest for 4 weeks.

My running friends did their best to cheer me up by staging a rally outside my house one afternoon. What a sight and feeling to have people supporting you even when they are not around. True friends appear when you least expect it.

I decided to make sure I kept active while I was off and walked almost everyday.

The Olympic Fitness crew decided to run a 10km race to celebrate all their achievements on May 1st and I met them on race day. Not a great idea as I was still not 100% and had not run for a long time. I had been walking daily but that did not prepare me for this race and I sucked with a 1:17.

May 30th my friend Glen talked me into running another 10k race and this time, I felt amazing and set a PB of 1:13 and I wasn't last. Felt great to set a goal and hit it.

Part of our marathon training called for several 30km runs so Lish and Lindsay told me of a race in Toronto at night called the Midsummer's Night Run. I ran the race but it was really hot and scary running at night, alone, through Toronto parks that I didn't know. Was almost last with a time of 4:22 but had lots of energy at the end to pass several people. Great weekend away with the girls too.

Mid September and my buddy Glen told me of a 1/2 marathon he was running in London and I decided to join him and make the race one of my long slow Sunday runs. Not my best race as it was hot and the out and back route makes it tough as you know you are last. Passed a few people and finished strong but didn't try to kill myself as this was a practice slow run. Highlights did include Glen having a terrific race and my dad coming to watch me run for the first time.

No matter what happens next weekend I know that I am stronger and made some great life choices this year. I try to live by the motto, "It's all good" and even have a "Life is Good" sticker on my car.

If life isn't good then what is it?

Memories Treasured

2011-09-18T14:46:00.004-04:00

I treasure a few things...family, health, and friends. I treasure things that are important to me and provide for a better life for those around me.

Not being a really sentimental person, I treasure very few materialist things. If you have been to my home you know that I don't have a lot of stuff. Not too many "trinkets" or shelves of stuff I just don't keep it around.

While cleaning today I was reminded of some things that I treasure not because of their value but because they helped shaped who I am and appreciate what I have. I smile every time I pass my spare room and see my Great Aunt Eileen's mystery jar, the photo of me and Grandpa Rudy dancing at my wedding, and a Raphael bracelet the great Canadian author Nora Keeling gave to me.

In every girl's life comes "that boy". The boy that makes you feel like you are actually a girl, could possible have a boyfriend, and that you are not just the tough tomboy you have portrayed to the world for 16 years. "That boy" for me was a friend of my brothers who I met on my front lawn, March 1986. I just thought he was the greatest thing ever. After a fun March Break together the boy left London to go back to school in Lakefield, Ontario. He wrote me a letter everyday and I cherished all his witty words and reflections on private school life. (I still have all the letters) When he returned to London in May after his school year was complete, we resumed hanging out together. One fun filled afternoon he took me to meet his mom, Nora Keeling who was eccentric, worldly, and so interesting to talk to. She had lived in France, was a teacher, loved cats and smoked like a chimney. She was a published writer of short stories and articles and I ate up every word she spoke.

At the end of our afternoon she handed me two gifts. One was a signed manuscript of a short story she had written and the other was a small box with a bracelet in it. She informed me that it was made by a Canadian artist in Toronto named Raphael and I wore it with pride. It had the most interesting blue stone surrounded by a brass frame and clasp. I had never been given any sort of gift such as this and long after "that boy" was out of my life I realized the value of the bracelet. It represented that time in my life when I started to become confident, make better choices, and realize anything was possible for me.

I left for Paris, France that summer and before I left I called Nora to share in my excitement. She asked me to her house and gave me some books, letters and even some French Francs to take with me. She asked that I visit some of her friends and drop letters off for her. I remember how proud I was in Paris calling her friends and having tea with them to hear their stories of writing, Nora and life in France. Nora died in 2008 and I never had the chance to reconnect with her and tell her that I now have a big collection of Raphael jewelry that I have enjoyed collecting since that lunch in 1986. I wish I could share with her how much I appreciate that bracelet, how it made me feel, and what that thoughtful gesture did for this tomboy.

I love photos. I was a Creative Memory consultant for many years and enjoy making scrapbooks and preserving photos. We have a lot of photos in our house and many scrapbooks of events, people and trips. The one photo on my shelf that I adore is one of me and my grandpa dancing at my wedding in 1993.

The picture reminds me of where our family has come from. It represents the guts it took my grandpa to get to Canada from Germany, the struggle he and my grandma had raising a family through the depression, and the years of joy they provided to all their grandchildren at their amazing property in Whitby, Ontario.

He was so handsome that day in his grey suit and I giggle knowing that my grandma Hetty would have made him make sure his tie was straight and hankie was folded just right. I am so happy that I have a video from our wedding so that I can hear all my grandparent's voices long after they have passed on and re watch me and my grandpa dancing a waltz.

My last treasure is a bit of a mystery. It sat on a kitchen shelf in Tilden Lake, Ontario for many years at my Aunt Eileen's cabin. My Aunt Eileen was my Grandpa Elliot's sister and to me, lived a fascinating life. She worked for CP rail and had this property north of North Bay, Ontario where she built a humble cabin. Four walls, a roof, and it was the greatest place on earth. It did not have a road to it so you had to boat into the property. You can imagine as the kid how cool that was. We travelled to the cottage each summer and spent many long weekends there with my Aunt and her friends. Eventually, my mom and her sisters got ownership of the cottage and built a road.

The cottage had 2 bedrooms, a washroom (no running water), a kitchen (with running water that you had to hook up each year) and a family room. No phone, 1 channel on the TV and the main mode of communication was the radio. It is the place where my cousins and I all learned to play Euchre, Scrabble, cribbage and do crossword puzzles. It was the place where you went annually with your friends to chill out, where I got engaged, knee boarded for the first time and saw my first bear.

The place was full of souvenirs from my aunt's travels and work adventures. It was adorned with wool blankets, CP train lights, a hat from Greece and on one shelf in the kitchen was this brown jar with the words PARIS FRANCE on it. You would have no idea what it was until you touched it as it just looked like a souvenir. Once you popped the top up, you noticed several small pipes to hold something. Every time I arrived at the cottage, I would take the jar off the shelf and pull the top up and down to see if it still worked and I always hoped to find something in it, I never did. I often fantasized over it's origin. Who gave it to my aunt? Did she travel to Paris and bring it back? Was it for cigarettes?

When my family eventually had to sell the cabin (It needed to be rebuilt and get a septic system) my mom asked if there was anything I wish to have and I told her about the brown jar. She wasn't even sure she knew what I was talking about but when they returned from clearing the cottage out, she had it for me wrapped in paper towel and ready to resume it's mysterious life at my house.

I would not run back into a burning house to retrieve these items because I am already grateful for their memories that I treasure.

What do you treasure?

Oh Happy Day

2011-09-13T20:37:00.000-04:00

I am not going to lie but it has been hard to be happy recently. I look happy, I act happy, I tell people I am happy but really I am not happy...until today that is. Why you ask? Because I got to teach today.

A year ago I was asked to present to a group of coordinators/coaches/TOSAs for our school board and I was honoured to do it. When I got my new job in January I was approached again by this group to return and do a part 2. Today was that day. I got to facilitate some of our board's most creative, funny, hard working and dynamic literacy, numeracy and ESL teacher leaders. We worked on problem solving protocols, conflict resolution, success criteria for successful coaching and knowing our knowledge, skills and attitudes of situational leadership. By the end of our full day everyone's brains were fried (I was thrilled as Harry Wong would be so proud) as I skipped all the way to my car full of energy while I knew "my students" were pooped.

I was teaching again. I was leading learning again. I was able to provide success for students again. What a rush that I have not had in a long time. Thank you teacher leaders for the opportunity to share in your success today and I know that I learned more from you and "took" away more from you than you will ever know. My light has been turned back on.

But...my teaching day did not stop there.

I was asked for the 3rd time to come and speak at the North London New Balance store by my running friends Mark and Tracy (they were my running coaches for my first 1/2 marathon). They have running groups on Tuesday night and asked me to come and share my running / health stories with their group.

Tonight was a big group of "learn to run" runners all the way to a 1/2 marathon group. So many smiling, friendly faces and a ton of people I knew included a wonderful teacher friend Vicky, former student's dad, and an insurance mate Mike. I got to talk and reflect on my health situation and running accomplishments. After I shared my running journey I gave them a top 12 list.

Catherine's Top 12 list to help with your running journey

1. Get a subscription to a running magazine

2. Join http://www.dailymile.com/. It helps track your totals, progress and pace improvements

3. Practice your finish line photo at the end of every run - arms straight and fingers spread and hold. Don't look at your watch.

4. Acknowledge other runners when you pass with a hello

5. Practice the 3 Cs ; commit communicate create

6. Use social media; Twitter and/or Facebook to connect with other runners

7. Sign up for future races

8. Start a champions wall with all your bibs and medals on it.

9. Read Born to Run by Christopher McDougall http://www.chrismcdougall.com/blog/

10. Put a schedule, race flyer, photo on the fridge for you and others to see

11. Drink chocolate milk. Just like the commercial years ago with the boy who lost the hockey game, it makes everything better

12. Remember there is only 1st and 2nd place in every race. The winner, and everyone else, so you always get at a silver medal

Thanks everyone for helping me find my happy place today.

Running has made me a math maniac

2011-09-11T15:37:00.002-04:00

I have some real signature flaws; driving, sleeping (never never never do I sleep ((except in a movie theatre)), getting birthday cards out to people on time (but I am getting better), forgetting to change out of my PJs on the weekends, swearing, and anything related to....math.

I remember failing grade 7 and 8 math at Northridge PS and not really caring. I had tough teachers and never made a connection and therefore didn't "get math" till Mrs. Cartwright in grade 11 at Lucas SS who really seemed to care if I finally "got it". But, my formative math skills such as being able to make calculations fast in my head suck and it drives my math wizard of a husband nuts.

So, this past weekend I drove him up the wall as I decided to spend some time analysing last year's marathon stats and to do some 2011 marathon calculations. I spent over 2 hours looking at my time stats from last year and punching number after number into my calculator all with the same answer - I AM A SLOW RUNNER!

Here are my stats and break down from last year.

5k -      00:39:12  - 39 minutes
10k -    01:20:34 - 41 minutes
15k -    02:02:45 - 42 minutes
20k -    02:47:22 - 45 minutes
Half -    02:57:41
25k -    03:35:38 - 48 minutes
30k -    04:24:30 - 49 minutes
35k -    05:13:54 - 49 minutes
40k -    06:07:59 - 54 minutes
Finish - 06:28:41 - 21 minutes

I didn't even have a chance. I got slower and slower with every 5km while it got hotter and hotter out. I also got so disappointed at the 10km and 1/2 splits because I knew I was not going to break 6 hours. Imagine knowing you are not going to make your goal within the first hour of the race and then "carrying it" the rest of the way. What a load!

My overall pace was 9:12/km. Are you kidding me, that is embarrassing even being near the 9 minute per km zone.

After I calculated all my splits for each of the 5km chunks I spent an hour trying to figure out where I can make up time from last year. I was counting and talking to myself and punching more numbers. My husband was in the dinning room working and was trying to listen to my go over and over again my thoughts, calculations and predictions.

For the 100th time I was sharing all the excuses about why I was so slow last year and how I am going to be better this year. All of sudden he appeared in the family room to share his thoughts about why I took so long to finish in 2010...his conclusion..."because you ran too slowly".

Really, that is all? In your humble opinion I just need to run faster??!!

Bite me!

I am going to focus on improving my 5km times and see if that helps with my overall times.

Oh, and use a calculator more often.

What was I thinking?

2011-08-30T06:51:00.000-04:00

I, unfortunately, do not have the greatest memory when it comes to conversations. I can remember the gist of what was said but not word for word like so many people. I would suck as a witness for a crime or being on a jury as my mind wanders off. I am terrible in arguments because I can never recall what was said and I never have a comeback. I always wanted to be able to say, "Oh yeah, well, do you remember when you said..." but I never remember what was said so I just give in most of the time.

I can however, remember the most profound things ever said to me and rely on them constantly as positives memories during low times and those periods of sadness or inspiration in times of reflection.

I remember the first time Lennie said to me, "I love you." It was in my parents sun room in 1989 and it was wonderful. I knew that I loved him the minute I met him but it took him a little longer - anyone who knows me knows that I take a little getting use to and a while to figure out. I grew on him :)
I remember Bill Parteger, a basketball coach told me, "You have potential". I was in grade 7, really awkward and looking for my place in the world. I got invited to this cool basketball camp at St. Lawrence PS and met Bill. I didn't even know what potential meant and my dad had to explain it to me but I remember thinking that someone finally thinks I have a talent. Bill coached me into high school and to this day regard him as the kindest, most generous teacher I ever had.
I remember a student telling me, "I hate you." and another who said, "I would rather die than be in your class." during very difficult times in their lives and their words taught me that kindness and patience with my students is my only job 100% of the time.
I remember my friend Brewer's words to me last summer, "The opposite of shame is forgiveness." I often recall these words when I am feeling so low or guilt ridden as they have brought me much clarity in my life.
I remember Dr. Graham from Althouse college calling me in 2006 to say, "You have been awarded the Associate Teacher award of Excellence." I remember thinking that I had finally brought pride to my family as a teacher.
I recall Dr. Nicols' words on February 15, 2011 when he shared, "Your tumor was a cancerous one." Best thing that ever happened to me. So happy it happened to me and not Lennie, my family or friends as I am a better patient than supporter. I also needed the wind knocked out of my sails for a while to really remember what is important in life.

So here is the big problem.

Dr. Rachinski, my endocrinologist, back in May, when asked if I will be able to run a marathon again told me, "Sure you can run one but you will not be able to perform like before." What? Perform like before? I sucked before and I am going to be worst!!!!!! Arggggg I can't be any slower. I decided in June that I would "show her" and worked really hard the past 12 weeks.

This past weekend was really important as we had a 32km run on our schedule. We decide to participate in the Runner's Choice group run in which you run from Lambeth to Port Stanley. Last year, we completed this run and I wrote a blog reflecting on my success. I remember feeling so strong (having just returned from 3 weeks at Fitness Ridge probably helped too) http://catherinegoestofitnessridge.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-can-actually-run.html

Well, it sucked and it took me 4:55 to complete the same distance that I covered in 4:24 last year. Holy smokes, at this rate I will never finish Chicago in 6:30 nor hit my goal of 5:59 or my project 43 plan (take 43 minutes off my time from last year). Last weekend's 30km race didn't help either since it took me longer to complete that race than my 30km Chicago time.

The whole run as I started to really feel tired (and mostly hungry) I could hear Dr. Rachinski's words in my head, "you won't be able to perform as before, you won't be able to perform as before." Shut up!!! But I couldn't crack the words. They wouldn't leave my mind.

I know what you are going to say..it's only a Sunday run, you were hungry, you still have 5 weeks to go... blah blah blah. To me, the words are stuck.

So tough that running is 90% mental. Even having 3 surgeries this year, I have run over 1000km and my mind has tested me for every single one of them. What was I thinking!!?!

Midsummer Night's Run recap

2011-08-21T17:07:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I completed a 30km race in Toronto. Lish, Lindsay, Angela, Gillian, Scott, Camille, Madeline, Erin, Kelli, Meagan all participated too for a total of 834 runners coming to Toronto at 5:30pm to compete in this interesting run. There was also a 15km run that started at 6:45pm.

Many people were dressed in fairy costumes, wings, halos of thorns or just plain weird Shakespearean inspired outfits.

This was the longest run for me since October and our training for this week called for a 30km run so it worked perfectly into our plans. I have not being running well on my long Sunday runs and was a tad worried about being pulled off the course. They had a strict 3 hour 22.5km limit and then a 3:15 limit for 24.5km. I knew my training did not have me being able to meet those goals so I worried for the past 5 weeks about getting embarrassed as some police officer drove me to the finish line without being able to finish.

Lish and Lindsay completed this race last year and they loved it. They also love the 30km distance so I knew that I would like it to. I worked hard the past couple of weeks to get all my training runs in and to hit some time goals. Lennie even came with me on a tempo run to help me go faster. I have never competed in a 30km race before so I didn't have a time to beat but my marathon 30km time was 4:24 so I knew that I needed to better than. Unfortunately, last weekend's 28km was about that same time so I really was worried about being in the 4:30 time zone and last (compared to last year's finishing times.)

We drove together to Toronto (after a great carb loading the night before at Spaghetti Eddies with the hubbies) and arrived at Lish's brother's house. It was perfect as we were able to relax and get ready. We drove to the shuttle parking lot and caught a shuttle to the park and picked up our bids and gift bags. We walked to see the few vendors and then relaxed in the park as we caught up with our other running friends.

I really wanted to focus on being comfortable, try out my new shoes and compression socks and see how I am progressing with 7 weeks until Chicago. I was going to focus, hit the route hard, stay a consistent pace and finish strong.

30km route map for Midsummer Night's Run 2011

The start line was not too crowded and at 5:30pm the gun went off. My goal was to beat 4:30 but I really wanted to hit 4:15 but secretly wanted 4:00 which meant a 8:00/km pace. It was hot! Humid! And fast!

I was surprised how fast everyone was and when we hit the first out and back I could see that I was already at the very end with only about 20 runners behind me. After the first 3km I was 10th from the end. Geez! another race where I am at the back. I hit the first 8km in 1:03 and thought, this is my 8:00km pace and not going to worry about the fact that there are not other turtles doing this race. I wanted to finish and feel good.

I hit the 10km at 1:20 and then all of a sudden got caught by 1000 runners speeding passed me because the 15km race had started and were on a similar route to us. Well, at least I have someone to run with now. As we entered and exited the first big park we saw everyone coming and going and made the race fun to watch who was doing well and who was walking (I wasn't). But, the road turned to sand around a lighthouse corner and then gravel road for a km. Tough stuff. I hit 20km in another 1:30 - cool still on MY pace.

It started to get dark and I hit the 21km timer chip thingy and it was 3:00 hours. Was I going to get pulled off the course? Hope not as I am feeling good and sticking to MY plan. The 15km race people did a sharp turn to the left to get to the finish line and I entered another park for the final 8km. As I entered the park I saw a group of volunteers coming to towards me and I thought "Shit, they are telling me I am done." Instead one of the them offered me water (the station before had run out) and said to me to get going as I only had 7.5km to go - SWEET. I saw my friend Amanda in the park cheering everyone on then Angela coming back along with Scott and Camille in the home stretch. As I approached the 23km marker a girl said "hey, I follow your blog" and realized it was Cynthia - she was on her way back and doing great. It was now pitch black and I was entering one scary park. I had a flashing light that I wore and was happy that I did as it made it easier for the volunteers to see me and show me where to go.

The park kind of sucked as it was so dark that you could not see where you were going and for 2km you had to run on a boardwalk (wooden planks). I was totally worried that I would fall. It was over before I knew it and I was heading back at the 27km marker. That is where it happen. Something I have never done before...I passed 2 people. Seriously, I passed people. I didn't look at my watch but I could see people entering the park and thought for sure I was not going to be last.

I hit the 28km marker then the 29km marker and passed 2 more people. I could hear Lish ahead yelling my name and knew she said she would come back and get me at the finish. I gave her my water belt and cranked out the last km at lightning speed (my lightning speed), passed a couple more people and crossed the line. I felt great. No pain, no worries, not last. So, I clicked my watch to see what my time was and I saw 4:22 - what??? that is crappy!!! Seriously, 4:22!!!! only 2 minutes faster than Chicago. That is a 8:44 pace and I could have gone so much faster if...if...if... if it wasn't dark, lonely, scary and inconsistent terrain. If, if, if, if.

Lish and Lindsay got me some water, picked up my bag, took some photos and we hit the shuttle back to the car. Lindsay drove us back to Lish's brothers, we ordered a pizza, showered and chatted till midnight when we all went to bed. We checked out the race results and commented on everyone's performance (I finished 811/834). Lish killed it with a 2:55 and Lindsay with her 3:06.

Then the bad news. The girls shared (and many people on Twitter/Daily Mile) that the course was 600m SHORT. Short, are you kidding me? That means I would have been slower than Chicago. Again, I am not happy.

Anyways, the medal is gorgeous and hanging with my others proud and tall. My bib is on the wall of accomplishments in the laundry room. I feel perfect today with no pain and very little tightness. I think the compression socks really helped along with the shoes and orthotics. This may mean that the last 12km in 7 weeks should be better than last year and may lead to a better time. 5:59 is what I want and am going to make happen!

Fingers crossed.

The Bucket List #42 stroked!

2011-08-16T14:14:00.001-04:00

Many years ago my husband discovered this awesome group of guys from Victoria, Canada that had a website http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Buried_Life. They were really funny guys who created a list of 100 things they wanted to do before they died.

Lennie and I both sat down and started to create our own "bucket lists" and as I was creating mine, I started to feel depressed. Holy smokes did I have a lot of dreams, stuff to do and felt that overwhelming doom feeling. So, I decided to make a 2 column chart. One column of all the stuff I wanted to do before I died and a second column of all the cool stuff I had already accomplished. I promised myself that for every thing I added to column A, I needed to balance out the other side. And so the list was created. I make sure I revisit my list from time to time to update, change and check it out.

My favourite entry was the "run a marathon" one because after I completed the Chicago marathon last October I opened up my list to add it to the completed side not even realizing that I actually had set it as a goal in Column A. I thought at the time of the list creation that I would NEVER be able to accomplish something like that and there it was, in column A - now in column B :)

Last weekend, after 18 years of listening to their music and following their careers, I got to stroke #42 off my list - "Meet the Backstreet Boys". I had seen them in concert many times and but my real love of them started Christmas 2001 when my husband bought me their CD and had taped tickets to their Toronto concert to the back of the package. I screamed like a 12 year old girl, called my teaching friend Sue (another 30 year old lover of BSB) and told her Lennie got me 2 tickets and I wanted to take her. We went and ever since then, I have loved loved love them and followed their every move.

In order to get my bucket list item to come true I needed to somehow get up close and personal with them. This summer they were on tour with New Kids on the Block and were touring all over North America. The closest city to us was Toronto so Lindsay, Lish and I got tickets to see them in June and we had a great night. But, Lindsay texted me to say they added some dates and London was on the list as their last concert date. Man, seeing them twice in one year sweet but it was sold out and I missed the ticket sales - Lindsay's dad surprised her and her sister with a pair so I needed Lennie to once again come through and he did. He called some of his buds and got me a GREAT ticket. I was so excited.

Then, Lindsay shared with me that they have this cool thing called VIP passes where you get to go behind the scenes, have a sound check party and get a picture with the band. Fantastic!!!! BUT!!! It is really expensive and there was no way I could spend that amount of money to meet BSB, I would be the laughing stock of everyone.

I thought and thought about it and a couple of days before the show in London, I decided that since we didn't do any big trips this summer that this would be my treat to myself . Lindsay and I purchased tickets to the VIP event they were holding here in London before their final concert of the NKOTBSB tour.

For years, I had worshipped these guys and had survived years of mocking from my friends and colleagues (I have their poster up in my office at work and past concert tickets, pins and articles). There was no way I was going to miss out to meet them and get a picture taken. Even though I had crappy hair right now and am looking a tad run down from some of the summer's treatment stuff, I bit the bullet and went to the event.

What a riot! It was a dream come true. I had no idea what to expect from this kind of thing and Lindsay and I seemed to be the only ones who had never attended this kind of event before. I thought I was a mega fan but these other 75 people were crazy!

As we entered the JLC they had 5 rows of chair set up and Lindsay and I with our gold VIP passes were placed in the 3rd row with the mic stands right in front of us - could it be that they would be 6 feet in front of us? Lindsay and I had attended their last tour in London too with 10th row tickets but this was SO close.

All of a sudden the Backstreet Boys came out one a time and I seriously was freaked out. They were right there and were normal. They sang, talked to us, laughed, told us about the final show and answered questions from the crowd. Then, we lined up and had the opportunity to meet them, shake their hands and get a photo. Again, they were so normal. It is weird to meet people you have only seen from afar or through your TV for years and realize they are just people, with families and working like us. I got a great photo and Lindsay and I were one cloud nine for the rest of the night.

I came home from the concert and VIP day and immediately stroked this item off my bucket list. Of all the stuff I have done, including the marathon, this was really the funnest one. Thrilled to have done it with a mega fan like Lindsay and to have the photo posted up at work to really be mocked now makes me VERY VERY proud to be a lifelong BSB fan. (it is also now my computer screen saver at work and home :)

I am just thrilled to be able to say to my former students who I told I would meet the Backstreet Boys one day that I did and if they work hard enough and dream big enough that they too will have their bucket list items stroked off. But, it starts with making one. What is on your list?

Eating my own words

2011-07-28T20:42:00.000-04:00

Not going to lie - Thyrogen makes you feel yucky. I know I know I know, not as yucky as it would have been to go off all the meds and do the no iodine diet but I feel lousy.

I know I am the luckiest girl in Canada this week to have gotten my Thyrogen prescription filled. Thanks to the quick work of my pharmacist Betty who (after I had a complete meltdown at Pharma Plus when she told me that there would be no Thyrogen until 2012) called the company personally that manufactures it to ask what the hell was going on.

Betty found out that they were only able to produce a limited amount of it and in 1 hour of notifying pharmacies across Canada, they were out.

But, Betty found out form the company that a pharmacist in Guelph had 6 extra prescriptions because they read his order wrong. They thought he wrote 7 orders on his fax but they miss read it when it had only been 1 that he wanted.

So, Betty called Guelph and got me one of his extra orders but I had to drive there to pick it up. No problem I said, I would drive anywhere to get this stuff to get the process moving along. So, Meg and I drove to Guelph and met this great guy with the extra Thyrogen and we drove home so happy.

Monday I had to go to my family doctor's office who needed to inject me with 1 of the doses and then I went back Tuesday for the 2nd dose. It makes you feel really spacey and nauseous. I tried to push through this week by staying busy but it really puts your body into a tail spin. Friday I get the blood tests and scans to reveal what is left in my body for the ROI treatments next. Imagine if I didn't get the Thyrogen until next year! I would be thinking about the cells in my body and it would drive me even more nuts.

So, there I am 3 days in and haven't worked out yet this week because I am feeling so bad but by today, I was feeling the worst but now I missed another run.

Then I saw it, Runners World July 2011 issue on my coffee table. The issue where I'M quoted for thousands to read that people can still train while having cancer treatments. In fact, I am quoted as saying that people can still walk, set goals and achieve them. So, I got dressed tonight and decided that I would walk 5km just to get out of the house. As I got going, I felt pretty good so started jogging which turned out to be great and eventually I ran 8km just as the training schedule says. I did throw up at the end near the gas bar up the road and 2 people asked if I was OK but I just started laughing.

As I hit 5k with 3k to go I thought about this October and kilometer #39 in which there will be 3km to go in the marathon. I thought about how lousy I feel now and that if I can push through tonight, I can push through on that day.

I think this is what is meant by "a taste of your own medicine".

"One Revolution"

2011-07-25T12:56:00.003-04:00

My life has always had great timing and this weekend was no exception.

Friday night while packing for the MS Rona bike ride on the weekend, the ABC TV show 20/20 came on. Lennie, Megan, Scotty and I decided we would watch it as I saw a blurb for a cool part of it on Twitter. Summer Sanders tweeted that a friend of hers from UTAH was going to be spotlighted in a segment. It was about a guy who climbed Mount Kilimanjaro as a paraplegic. Since Lennie and I are climbing Kili February 2013 I wanted to see some footage. Of course, lessons are always learned when you are not excepting them and this TV program would be a great lesson for me with the bike weekend to come.

The segment came on entitled; Super Humans: Arms of Steel and a guy named Chris Waddell who cranked his way up Mt. Kilimanjaro on a hand cycle to inspire the disabled. http://abcnews.go.com/2020/

Chris was injured in a ski accident but that didn't slow him down and he set his sights on Kilimanjaro and a documentary crew followed him every step of the way. He was able to make the 6-day climb in this amazing wheel chair bike that was engineered for him. But, with just a short distance to go, he couldn't go any further because of the very difficult terrain. He decided that he would just crank the wheel "one revolution" at a time and that would get him to the top. 20/20 has terrific footage of him turning the wheel one revolution and then Chris resting. I had of course had an epiphany and said that is how I will get through my 165km ride weekend - one revolution at a time. If Chris Waddell can summit Kilimanjaro with just the use of his arms, I can ride to and from Grand Bend Ontario with my 4 limbs. Check out his documentary and web page at http://www.one-revolution.com/

So, I woke up Saturday morning, Lennie got me to the start line with my On Your Left Team and we took off for an 88km ride to London. It was not easy.

Our team had done some short Tuesday and Saturday training rides but the furthest I rode in 1 day was about 80km from Ottawa, Ontario to Calumet, Quebec in 1991. I didn't have a car and wanted to see Lennie so the only way to get to see him was to ride from my house to Quebec on highway 148. I made it until the town right before Calumet. Lennie drove in his truck from the opposite direction till he found me and everyone thought I was nuts to attempt that ride on a 2 lane highway, by myself on a 6 speed bike.

This ride was no different. Day 1 - Saturday morning was a gorgeous morning when the siren went off for our wave of riders at about 8:15am. Lennie had dropped me off but took a map and waited till we passed at one of the cross roads. He snapped some action shots.

I loved our team jerseys. Everyone commented on how fun they were because as they passed you they have to yell out "on your left", once they saw the jersey, they would say 'on your left, On Your Left" and then say - great team name.

It was hot out and my shoulder cramped up for most of the 2nd half of the ride. The traffic did freak me out and I was a tad lonely as I rode most the race by myself. (once again slow poke) but at the last rest station I caught up to 2 riders from our team; John and Jerry and they said they would ride with me to the finish line. That was great as we counted down the kms to London. I crossed the line 88km line in 4:40 and kept to my 3:15/km pace. Pretty damn slow as it turns out as most the team was already there but the best was my parents drove over to the finish line and were cheering with the team.

I was so proud to be a team of 31 people (about 21 made the ride) for such a great cause. I had raised $1001 and was so proud to be participating with Lindsay, Lish, Conor, and the whole team of wonderful people. 1850 other riders took part and I was thrilled just to be well enough to ride.

Saturday night we all stayed in residence at UWO and what a throw back in time. That is where I met my husband in 1988 and I got to reminisce about all the fun we had during university days. The MS society provided a dinner, beer garden and speeches for Saturday night but we all packed it in pretty early knowing we still had to ride back on Sunday. Lindsay and I roomed together and giggled about being back at Fitness Ridge last summer together - those rooms were a tad nicer as the beds in residence were so hard.

Day 2 began a little earlier - 7:00am and I was able to wear my new jersey I received for being a member of the $1000 club. They provide you with a special jersey for hitting that pledge mark and I wore it with pride on Sunday. As people saw or passed you, they would congratulate you on your fundraising accomplishment. That was really cool.

I felt amazing on Sunday and rode my butt off. I didn't even stop at the first rest station and got into a groove for the whole ride. I tried to stay under 3 minutes a km and was able to stay at 2:50 the whole time. No pain except my knees with about 15 km to go and I did need a little more 'anti chaffing' cream but I survived and crossed the 76 km route in 3:35 minutes. Pretty good being the second day, 220 pounds, and on a mountain bike - imagine how fast I will be next year with a new bike, this experience and a little lighter! Lish and Lindsay were sitting at the finish to see me cross, What was great was seeing the rest of our team finish together and so many people accomplish is awesome feat. 165kms Grand Bend to London and back again!!!

The whole ride I didn't even think about much other than the countryside sites, triathlons, and how I could go faster. I knew that 90km was the bike distance for a 1/2 Ironman so I focused on the feeling of having just swam and then running after this distance - I think I could do it - with a much better bike that it. The mountain bike didn't make it easy because it was so hot the wider tires made it grip more and a little harder to move plus the handle bars made you stay in one position, often I wished I could lean forward to cut the wind or stretch my back.

Lennie made it back on Sunday to see me finish and snapped some more photos. I wanted to stay and hang out with the team for the BBQ and fun but I was feeling good and didn't want to push it knowing this week would be interesting with my Thyrogen injections and tests for radiation treatment.

Thank you so much to all my donors for your contributions and I look forward to celebrating again with my team.

We got home and I rested till Scott and Meg came over for dinner and we all laughed about me riding and doing these crazy things. My dad popped over for a swim and I told him that I am going to do a 1/2 Ironman in Indiana next summer and he just shook his head. I told him 'One Revolution" at a time dad but he didn't get it. I did and that's all that matters.

"Hair" today, gone tomorrow

2011-07-08T21:09:00.000-04:00

Let's be honest, I'm a solid 7.

On a good day, a 7 1/2, at a few weddings an 8 and on my wedding day I think I hit my high at 8 1/2.

I am not glamorous, gorgeous, hot, pretty, cute or any of those things. I think people would describe me as nice. Nothing too outlandish or memorable just nice.

Growing up, because I was so active, my mom always made me have a short hair cut so that my hair would not get in my eyes when I was swimming or dancing. I hated it because I was always called a boy. But, it was very thin and fine textured so growing it long was not an option.

As I got older, I grew my hair out thicker and eventually it could wear a ponytail like everyone else and even used hot rollers to curl it all the time. I trimmed it often but pretty much had hair down past my shoulders, all one length and straight as an arrow.

It seemed to be pretty good in the 90s and I even had a short stint as a hair model.

I wore it the same way every single day for the past million years. I actually wore up it up in a bun or pony tail every day. Once in a while I would wear it half up/half down or with a hair comb and people would always comment on it being nice. But, it would drive me nuts and be so hot when I had it down so even on those days when I wore it down, by the end of the day, it was up in a bun.

So, when it started to really fall out recently due to all the meds I am taking, I do not know why I started to get upset. I had to grease it to my head on the left side to cover the hole that was starting to appear and my forehead was turning into a five head with the hair line moving so far back. I first noticed the hair loss in my eye lashes, then my eye brows, and then my legs. No shaving or waxing needed here.

I really just wanted it to last through to last Saturday for my cousin Sharon's wedding. It did and today I needed to go get it cut off. It actually was driving me nuts. Not only was there hair everywhere in our house but it was so heavy and would drive me nuts when running.

So, here is the adventure at the hair salon today.

You can imagine the look on my stylist's face when I walked in and told her to cut it all off. She actually said I "need to take a minute". I brought some pictures in that my friend Jamie had found and a magazine that my co-worker Laurie had brought in with all kinds of short hair styles in it. Sara, the stylist looked at the pictures and asked me if I was sure and then she saw the hole on the left side, the thinning, and when she went to comb it, she saw what I was talking about when I said it was falling out.

So, she put my hair in a braid and cut away. The whole place was watching and I even saw a woman go get another women and heard them talking about "the girl who was going to cut all her hair off".

I was thrilled when Sara told me that I would be able to donate it - I thought you could not donate coloured hair (I had a few highlights in there) but she assured me that the people that pick it up for wigs said they will take coloured hair. Cool, I get to help someone with hair stuff too. My braid was 11 inches long - I measured it as Sara was checking out the pictures that I brought it. Wow was it heavy too. Even though it was thinning, I can't believe how heavy it really was. When I would run, it would be so heavy because it would be wet - I wonder if I will be faster now?

I teared up a tad when she actually cut the hair off but not because I was sad over the hair being gone but because I was so happy to have it gone. A weight was lifted. Some weird feeling came over me and it was a sense of freedom or lightness that I really can't describe.

I think I actually have been using my hair to hide behind all these years. That is why I wear glasses too. You can feel that you are hiding behind your glasses and hair and that people do not have to see the real you. Growing up I used to wear big baggy clothes so that people could not really see what I looked like. You can imagine how difficult it was for a tomboy growing up when Spandex came into fashion - kill me!

But, this is one of those great things that cancer has helped me to realize, I do not need to hide anymore. Even if the rest of it falls out, I feel great and realize that it comes down to the old saying...it is what is on the inside that matters most.

So, here I am with new short, short, short hair, no glasses or makeup.

A solid 7 1/2 :)

Reality Check

2011-07-01T19:49:00.001-04:00

Just saw my blog's running countdown meter and noticed that today is 100 days until my next marathon.

Chicago 2011 is going to be amazing. Lennie is coming with me again and my big brother Jeff says he is coming to see what all this marathon stuff is all about. I think this will blow his mind when he sees 45,000 people pass him while Lennie drags him around the city to see me pass by.

Ran 22km this morning as part of our running plan. Feeling great and strong.

The only yucky thing right now is that my hair is falling out because of my meds so it am going to cut it all off on July 8th. Should be interesting to not have long hair that I have had to deal with for so long. Maybe it will make me faster :) I do know that it gets really heavy from sweating so much. I know I will be looking like a boy for a while but the holes on my head right now are getting hard to cover. I am just going to cut it short and live with it for a while until the radiation and cancer stuff is over.

Hugs to all.

My word journey

2011-06-29T16:38:00.000-04:00

JOURNEY

1: an act or instance of traveling from one place to another
2: a trip, especially a fairly long one
3: travel or passage from one place to another

I am not sure if I have ever shared the story of my "life word", it's discovery and what has happened since.

The Julia Roberts movie from last summer Eat Pray Love and best selling book had a interesting part that I related to last summer while in Utah. Julia, as the main character spent the entire movie trying to discover her "life word" to describe herself. I was fascinated by this and while I was at Fitness Ridge last summer I was very quickly able to identify my life word as SHAME.

I realized very quickly that it sucked. What a crappy word that you feel is your life word is. After the movie was over, I shared my word with my friend Brewer, who I had seen the movie with. We talked about why I felt that was my word and very quickly they were able to make me see something I had never realized in 23+ years.

Brewer asked me if I knew what the opposite of shame was and I said no. Brewer said, "the opposite of shame is...forgiveness." I had the most unbelievable feeling when they said that. Oh, my goodness, of course that is the opposite and until I realized that I must move to a place of forgiveness, I would never move forward in my life.

So, I spent 8 months really focusing on my new word of forgiveness. I would chant it to myself when I was running. I would remind myself that I needed to focus on forgiveness or that I would be staying in a place of darkness. And, I really came to a great place in which I stopped looking backwards.

Then my word changed. I do not remember why it changed, just that all of sudden I started talking about the word journey. For example; on March Break Megan found us those awesome bracelets with the word journey on them.

When I returned to work in May from my cancer surgeries, my staff gave me the most amazing gift...a Journey Jar. It is full of quotes, comments and notes from the department to me for inspiration. Some people were so creative and the comments were extremely heart warming, charming and made me so happy.

In June, I got the word journey tattooed on my back with the cancer ribbon as the letter "e" and a butterfly to represent my thyroid - it is the symbol because your thyroid is shaped like a butterfly.

Then, last week I returned to my office to see the most beautiful lettering hung on my wall. My co-worker and special friend Rene had snuck into my office and hang the letters J O U R N E Y on my wall with ribbons. She and her kids sanded and painted the letters and then hung them in this big open space I had on my wall that I was struggling to fill with something special. Man, is this special.

I love the fact that my life word keeps popping up everywhere I go and that it is such a positive word. Man, I needed to have come a long way and have.

"Heyyyyy Mr. Postman la la la"

2011-06-12T18:45:00.000-04:00

I love snail mail, yep I said it, I love snail mail. In this world of instant, immediate and right freaking now...I love getting stuff in my "normal house mailbox". My favourite letters are Christmas cards. As most know, Lennie and I send almost 100 cards a year including a photo and letter and we love to let everyone share in our year and hear our goals for the next. I love getting Christmas cards that have photos of people's kids in them as Lennie and I are always amazed at how much they grow over the year and how much they look like their parents. Lennie and I often race to the mailbox to be the first to see what we received. Recently, there has been very little except ads or flyers as it is just not the way that people communicate anymore. A couple of thank you cards and wedding invitations have graced our box but that is about it. Until now...

In Canada right now there is a huge postal strike with rotating strikes throughout the provinces so I was little bummed that not much mail would come in this week. I have been waiting for a letter from the endocrinologist to confirm my radiation stuff and a letter from Airmiles for a hotel stay we have booked, but nothing.

Until now....surprise, it was just like Christmas around here. 3 days, 3 awesome things.

Firstly, was the July issue of Runner's World magazine. An entire issue dedicated to cancer and I am so proud to be seen on page 87 under the Comeback article. Huge highlight for me and my family in this somewhat dark period. Back in April, I received an e-mail request to speak to their senior editor Christine about an article for the issue on tips for cancer patients who are still training while going through treatment. We spoke on the phone and I submitted photos for the article and I was a tad disappointed that no photo made it but a quote is just too cool for words. I continue to love Runner's World for their classy mag and amazing story writing. I will get a photo in there some day but for now...thrilled with a quote.

Second to arrive was the official 2010 Chicago Marathon finisher's guide and I too am found in the pages. So pleased to have run, finished and qualified for the guide (if you finish under 6:30 you make it)((let's just say that I was a tad too close for comfort)). I am already planning on moving up the ranks in the 2011 finishers guide as I was on the last page of this one. 5:45 is totally possible and I can already picture myself crossing the line in October.

Lastly, a package from my brother and sister-in-law in Victoria arrived. They send us great stuff monthly including photos, cards and always cute drawings made by our niece Felicity. This month was a tad different as their package contained a beautiful doll cut out made by Fel and gifts for my husband as it was his birthday. The highlight was a shirt that they found and sent and I freaking LOVE IT and will wear it everywhere. I am wearing it to the movies this afternoon and I am sure no one will tell me I curse too much when I am wearing this.

Thanks Mr. or Mrs. Postman for making it to my door this week.

Next week, could you please bring me my test results from the endocrinologist and then everything will be perfect.

"Road to Chicago"

2011-06-06T11:43:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was the start of week 1 of 19 weeks to the Chicago marathon. I could not be any happier with my thoughts surrounding my journey to another marathon.

Thursday I got a tattoo I have wanted to get for a long time and will add red hearts every time I do a marathon so that it links up with my ankle one.

Saturday I got all my clothes, water belts, gel stock, hair bands, watch and music ready to go. I love preparing all my stuff and laying it out in the spare room. You never realize how much stuff you need in order to be successful and I am a bit of a freak when it comes to being organized.

Lish, Lindsay and the rest of the BA crew have chatted about our schedule so I made up the 19 week training plan and put it on the fridge. It is based on the Running Room schedule with some modifications. First of all, we are starting out doing 14k and add 1k each week instead of the suggested 10 10 13 13 16 16. We knew we could start out longer but move up more slowly. We have also built in a race in August - Midsummer's Nights race http://www.amidsummernightsrun.ca/. It is a 30km in Toronto and fits perfectly into our schedule. The other ladies ran it last year and loved it so I am looking forward to it helping with our preparation. Also, we are all on the MS Rona bike team with a 2 day bike race in July. The cross training on Thursdays and Saturdays will be a huge benefit too.

Remember my blog post setting my goals for the 2011 marathon?

Below is the list I made so I could take 43 minutes off my time in order to run a 5:45 marathon (I am going to be 43 years old too on race day). I am happy to say that many are underway to being accomplished or done already including buying a new Garmin (I lost my first one in July on a plane to Seattle :( expensive lesson learned)

don't freak out about the hot weather - "suck it up sweetheart"
drop 14 pounds - don't know what I weigh but it is less than last year
see a podiatrist about my foot pain - done and have the orthotics
learn to run faster - done already have taken 7 minutes off my 10ks and my average pace is way faster
don't high-five so many people - race day plan
run in the middle of the road - race day plan - worked well in last races
run more to practice no more 10:1s - done only 10:1ing on Sundays during long runs
only walk the water stations - race day plan
less sightseeing - race day plan
take Cold FX so I don't get sick the week of the race - race week plan
carry 2 more gels for energy - race day plan

Having the Garmin, more race experience and a positive attitude is really going to give me more success.

What I also am so happy about is my goal race pace. I ran a 7:22 at the last race and my Sunday long runs are about 8:15, I was faster than that yesterday for our 14k. Running long distance is so mental and knowing that having great friends, experience and a solid training regime will get me my goal time.

Screw the cancer!!!!!

National Running Day

2011-06-01T11:39:00.000-04:00

Happy National Running Day to all my running friends, future running friends and anyone who thinks about running.

Running has literally saved my life...here are some of my favourite running quotes.

Hugs to all

Most people run a race to see who is fastest. I run a race to see who has the most guts.

~Steve Prefontaine

Runners just do it - they run for the finish line even if someone else has reached it first. ~Author Unknown

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.

~Newt Gingrich

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

~Albert Einstein

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream.

~Author Unknown

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

~Author Unknown

Patience is a virtue...

2011-05-31T18:33:00.002-04:00

Experience has taught me this, that we undo ourselves by impatience.

Misfortunes have their life and their limits, their sickness and their health.

~Michel de Montaigne

I consider myself a rather patient person. I have been known to wait in extremely long lines for sale items at Canadian Tire. I waited a long time for a job I wanted. I am very patient with my hubby (ok ok ok not really but pretty good). Traffic jams do not bother me and I don't even really mind people being late. But, when it comes to this cancer thing being over...I am done!!!

Yesterday was my 2nd appointment with an endocrinologist. I needed a 2nd appointment because the first doctor said I fell into the "grey" category and she recommended I see the top doc. My situation was described as "grey" because of my age, size of tumor and health history. These endocrinologists are the nicest and smartest people I have met and they definitely have the patience of Job...but not me. They have outlined for me the next steps with my cancer treatment and quite frankly I am having a hard time with it because it is going to take a long time until it is a thing of the past.

It is really 3 processes that I am involved in that are bugging me.

Firstly, is the regulation of my daily medication. I take .175mg of Levothyroxine each morning and I require blood tests to determine if the hormone levels are normal or not. I had the blood work done yesterday but will not know if my levels are "normal" until I receive a letter next week telling me the results and if I need to adjust my medication. Everyone is telling me that it may take years to get my levels normal - argggggg!

I want to know now if they are normal as I am feeling weird. So many side effects from this drug that is keeping me functioning. The yuckiest things have been happening to me; heart palpitations, being nauseous, muscle cramps, being anxious, confused and, my husband would point out my agitation and lack of ability to sleep even though I am wiped out. So, I am not being patient about what the letter will say next week and want to know now if this is "normal". The doctor said yesterday "the fact that I am feeling so abnormal is normal". Oh goodness.

Secondly, I have to have 2 tests to determine if I have any more thyroid cells in my body; a neck ultrasound and "special blood test". I have the ultrasound scheduled for June 30th but that is not the problem. In order to have the "special blood test" you have to stop taking your daily drug and endure 3 weeks of the consequences of an under active thyroid which may include fatigue, muscle cramps, puffiness and constipation. Great, try preparing for a marathon in that state!

So, there is another option now. There is a a drug called Thyrogen which you can have while continuing to take your daily medication. You take the Thyrogen in a needle form on a Monday and Tuesday and have your blood test on a Friday to read your levels. Great right? No need to be a slug, you can function almost normally and it takes a lot less time. Here is the big problem....there is no Thyrogen available!!!!!! I spoke to my pharmacist and she stated it is back ordered until at least July 7th and even then, they are not sure if a Canadian shipment will arrive. The endocrinologist says that they can not do the test unless I have the Thyrogen because it is hard to bounce back from being off your daily meds for 3 weeks.

Lastly, once I get my neck ultrasound, finally get the Thyrogen, do the 2 doses, wait a week to get my blood work, the they will schedule the radioactive iodine treatment.

Don't get me started on this thing!

For this treatment, I have to be hospitalized and placed in isolation for about 3 days after taking a pill of radioactive iodine in order to minimize the risk of radiation exposure to others. Since the RAI is passed out of the body through all bodily fluids such as stool, urine, saliva and sweat are potential forms of contamination. You must be hospitalized in a special isolation room so that all of your bodily fluids may be disposed of properly. You will be served your meals on paper plates with disposable utensils. Your urine and stool will be collected and disposed of in proper radioactive waste containers. Your bed sheets will be specially laundered. Personal items such as pillows, stuffed animals, or needlepoint should not be brought into the isolation room since these items will become contaminated with radioactivity. Newspapers, magazines and paperback books are allowed because these can be thrown away. In addition, all nurses, doctors and housekeeping personnel who enter your hospital room must wear a special badge to monitor the amount of radiation that they are exposed to. Only brief visits are permitted.

On the third day you will be scanned for residual disease and then discharged, after the hospital's radiation safety officers have determined that the level of radiation is low enough for discharge.

So, I will try to practice some patience and I will try to be as normal in this abnormal state but if you see me and I am a tad anxious, nauseous, confused and tired, you will understand why.

Finally a Break...through

2011-05-29T19:02:00.003-04:00

"In running it is man against himself, the cruelest of opponents. The other runners are not the real enemies. His adversary lies within him, in his ability with brain and heart to master himself and his emotions."

I have been thinking about this quote a lot recently and today was the day to prove it.

I participated in a 10k called Run for the House for the Ronald McDonald charity. My friend Tracy told me to run it and I was excited because I signed up 6 weeks ago even before the Forest City Races. I knew that in order to start running faster, I needed to train faster and compete in short races to practice my pacing. So, do you remember back on May 1st when I ran a 1:17 but only after 2 weeks of training and 4 weeks post op? Well, today is 8 weeks post op and I have been training well including a lot of cross training with the On Your Left cycling team.

I must admit that prepping for today was not perfect. The training went well but the last couple of nights have been busy. Went out Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday and had a couple of cocktails ta boot. I did eat some pasta last night and watched my water yesterday and made sure I ate something this morning when I got up.

I had Lennie drop me off so I didn't need to carry keys. As soon as I got there I saw my buds Sheila, Lisa, Andrea, Leanne, Rene and of course my running motivator Glen. Glen and I have been chatting about races for many months and I was excited for him to run too with his son Tyler. Glen is really fast and I have been following him on Daily Mile so it is great to remain motivated when the site holds you accountable to all those that follow you. Check it out at http://www.dailymile.com/.

They called the racers to the start line and we were off very quickly. There were only about 60 runners so I knew that I would be in last place for most of the race and that I had to remain focused and not discouraged. (the 5k started after us so I had to be prepared to be passed by them too :( Wasn't sure of the route as there was no map - I hate that because I am such a visual person but I just trusted the race.

I have run in the park system a million times so I knew the path and they had big kilometers signs up. I made sure that I clicked my watch at every kilo marker so that I could only watch my pace. It was all about 7:30 today because my goal was 1:15. I needed to remain under or near 7:30/kilometer in order to hit my goal.

The first km sucked and I was not breathing well and already had my stupid heart rate and temperature go way up (something I will be discussing tomorrow with my endocrinologist.). Once I hit the first kilo marker I looked down to see 6:33, holy smokes, I am OK and doing well. The rest of the kilometers flew by 7:00, 7:09, 7:24, 7:23 holy @#$% I was at 5k and still way ahead of plan.

7:32, 7:44 and then I saw my friend Rene's husband and kids who cheered for me so I told the kids to pull me along (Rene's 7 year old son said no because I would be too heavy) it was so cute. They kept running and cheering all the way to the 8k marker 7:48. I passed the start/finish line and started to see people heading back - nice change as I was not alone anymore. I hit Saturn park and all of a sudden a teaching friend Alicia came out of no where from another charity event. She said hey and ran with me all the way to the 9k marker chatting and encouraging me, 7:46. I was now 1k from the finish, and feeling amazing. I rounded the final corner and could hear Rene and Glen yelling "go Zed go" Glen ran beside me saying, "look at the clock it is only 1:13 and you are killing your goal". I crossed the line and hit my watch - it said 1:13:41. SWEET!!! (official clock race time says 1:13:46)

I did it. I finally set a running goal, stuck to a plan and did a PB. I realize this is no big deal to anyone else and real runners are thinking "what a slow poke" but really I do not care as it was about sticking to a plan and executing it. December 2009 I ran a 1:21, May 2011 1:17 and today 1:13 - progress!

I also practiced several skills that I have read about and been working on. One was pacing up a hill and then really "giving it" for the top 1/3 and the other was every once in a while sprinting in order to engage your fast twitch muscles.

I could not be happier or prouder of finally having a break through with my running.

Chicago training starts next Sunday and I bought myself a brand new Garmin in order to pace and distance really well. 5:45 on Sunday, October 9 2011 is totally possible now!