CatholicLove.com: Blog

Fireproof-A movie about the Best and the Worst of Marriage

2009-10-20T23:25:00.001-06:00

One morning, my husband and I were getting ready to go about our daily routine. I decided to have a shower before the kids woke up. Unbeknownst to me, John was having a shower in the other bathroom at the same time. Now our house has a limited capacity for hot water, so you can guess the rest. Both of us got a dose of cold water that morning. What a way to start a morning! But, fortunately we got a good chuckle out of it.

This is simply a small example of what the lack of communication can do in a marriage. If one goes one way and the other goes the other without communicating with each other, we get hit with a cold shower almost every time no matter what form that takes in daily life.

The movie "Fireproof" portrays a marriage in desperate need of repair with the divorce papers in the works where the lack of communication is but one of the troubles taking the marriage to ruins. But amid the destructive fire within the marriage a flicker of hope remains. One partner decides to go against his will and begin the process to try to re-ignite their love again. It started with advice from his father to do one unexpected act of kindness every day over 40 days for his wife. The story builds on that principle from there with all of its struggles, pain, and healing.

The sacrament of marriage cannot take place unless the couple goes through the marriage consent (Catechism of the catholic church, 1625-1632). One form of the dialogue that happens is as follows:

"(Name) and (name), have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"

"Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"

"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

Priest (or deacon): Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church.

Groom: I, (name), take you, (name), for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Bride: I, (name), take you, (name), for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Groom (placing the wedding ring on his wife's ring finger): (Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Bride (placing the wedding ring on her husband's ring finger): (Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. http://www.catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/catholic-wedding-vows.htm

When one gets married, the love feels strong. That is why we get married right? We almost wear rose colored glasses in what is called the "romantic phase" (the first stage of marriage). I remember one of the best pieces of advice a newly ordained priest gave us when we were newly married that was, "Never forget the feelings you have now and keep them in your heart." At the time the comment was a little foreign of course, because how could this feeling disappear? I took the advice and remembered his statement. Now, after almost 7 years of marriage, I have never understood more the importance of these wise words.

Many know the saying that love is a choice and not always a feeling. When good times are replaced by tougher times, our love for each other is tested. Love is like a child. The child will test you and test you until you are black and blue in the face. The child wants to know how serious you are, as if saying, do you truly mean what you are saying? Love says, are you truly committed to the love you professed many years ago? The answer should consistently say, YES! I AM! I pledge my love for you for better OR for worse, till death do us part.

I recently listened to a CD recording of speakers Dr. Michael and Catherine Pakaluk. They spoke of an amazing testimony about how they came to where they were now with Catherine being Michael's 2^nd wife. His first wife died of cancer at the tender age of 41 leaving him with 6 children. Dr. Michael Pakaluk mentioned how he was standing next to his wife's grave at the end of the funeral, saying, "It is finished".

It was very touching to hear, not only because it paralleled what Jesus said before he died on the cross fulfilling His promise, but because his marriage WAS finished. His vocation of marriage to Ruth, his first wife had been fulfilled and it was good. The promise fulfilled is the epitome of what love truly is.

I believe that the vows we take within marriage should be kept in a special place so we can meditate on them especially when times are bad. When one gets married we have a pretty clear image of what the "better" part of our vows were. But, it's the "worse" part where things get a little grey. We see the "better" because our marriage commitment when first married is so new.

Let's face it, the longer we are married the "more intense" the temptations can be. We can choose to let the temptations go or succumb to them and sin. If we choose to act on the temptation, we will suffer the consequences. Sin can become a cancer unless we cooperate with grace to stop it from growing by saying, "NO" to sin.

When temptations come, the following are four ways we can choose to deal with them:

Meditate on the wedding vows, especially the "for worse" part.
Meditate on the scripture passage, "What God has brought together, let no man put asunder" (Mark 10:2-16).
Meditate while looking at a physical picture or a mental picture of our family as opposed to dwelling on our selfish needs. Our family is a gift to treasure: My husband who is not perfect, our kids and the joy, innocence, and energy that they exude are truly gifts.
- Do we really want to destroy what God has given or do we want to build our marriage and make it better and brighter no matter what the cost? We need to remind ourselves that what we have in front of us is beautiful and believe it.
Last, but not least, we need to put out the flames of conflict with forgiveness and frequently receiving the sacrament of reconciliation. Forgiveness, acts of kindness (in the movie, "Fireproof", they called the acts of kindness the 40 Day Love Dare), and a serious commitment to change will be the water the marriage needs to put out the flaming fires before they become out of control to the point of destroying the marriage.

Take time to watch the movie "Fireproof" and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. Whether your marriage is heading for divorce or not, you will reap benefits. Listen to the theme song, "Waiting". Let the song pour into your being and let it speak to your heart. This song brought goose bumps to my skin for the longest time while hearing it. This song is truly a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

* For more information re: the four stages of marriage visit www.HelpOurMarriage.com

Glimpses of Glory in Her

2009-10-06T21:23:00.001-06:00

When the heart is tender and open, or even when it is not so open, there are times where the Holy Spirit will open the eyes of our heart to see the whole beauty of our wife.

In that moment she will be almost radiant.

When we experience this Glimpse of Glory for the first and subsequent times we are beginning to discover the inner beauty that drew us to fall in love with our wife in the first place.

It is important to note that her inner beauty is founded both in Jesus Christ and the blessing of the Holy Sacrament of Marriage.

With that in mind and heart we can work even harder to pray for our heart to open up and discover even more in our wife.

Our Lady Queen of Chastity
Blessed Marie Rose Durocher, pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for us.

John Everett

Feast of Blessed Marie Rose Durocher

The Husband's Eyes of Love and Purity

2009-09-10T20:05:00.001-06:00

They are the Eyes that won over the heart of Mary Magdalene.

What was it that Mary saw in the Lord's eyes when He first looked at her?

In our heart of hearts, the answer to that question is the Man that looked at her in purity and spoke to her as a person of dignity. She was not an object to be used by Him.

In the Purgative journey of the eyes, also mentioned yesterday in the post on A Husband's Contemplative Chastity of the Eyes, we as husbands, as well as prospective husbands, need to discover how it was the Lord looked upon every woman.

When we stop to think, pray, and contemplate how the look of the Lord was towards women we can discover in ourselves the source of that look: The Lord Jesus Christ resident within us through the power of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19).

When we discover that Source within, we can tap into Him and His gift of grace to let go of anything that we train our eyes on that is not of God. We can even begin to discover the motivation for looking at something or someone too.

Whether married or not, we can then begin to discover our sisters in the Lord in a chaste way . . . a way critical to maintaining fidelity in our marriage or fidelity to our Lord in the single life.

St. Joseph, true man of chastity and purity, pray for us.
St. Augustine, chaste lover of the Lord, pray for us.

John Everett

Feast of Blessed Joseph of Saint Hyacinth

A Husband's Contemplative Chastity of the Eyes

2009-09-08T21:31:00.001-06:00

The Master tells us that early in our Purgative State that we must purge those things that we invite into our beings via our eyes that are not conducive to contemplating Him.

Our eyes must be fixed upon the Cross and on Him that won for us the reward of Eternal Life.

The eyes are the windows to the soul so goes the clich�. In our case, as Catholic Husbands, there is a very deep and humbling truth to this old clich�.

The eyes are truly the windows into the heart, mind, and spirit of our wife.

The same is true for her looking into our eyes. In our eyes, she can see into the depths of our being . . . if we let her.

The truth . . . or not . . . lies in what we do with our eyes when we are in the presence of our wife and family but also not in their presence.

If we truly believe that our marriage is Sacramental, that is a visible sign of an invisible grace given (New Advent definition), then we need to stop, think, and meditate on who our wife is for us.

What are those invisible graces (CCC 1641 and 1642 specifically) given to us men through our wife? And, what are the invisible graces she receives through us?

Well, if our eyes, and thus our hearts are concentrating on other things, places, and/or women we may never really get to know what those graces are.

If we take the time to stop and contemplate the gift of grace that flows both through the Sacrament of Marriage and thus our wife, then perhaps we can discover how it is that Jesus Christ is present in her and in our marriage.

As we begin to let go of those things and people that distract our eyes and embrace the yearning the Holy Spirit places on our heart to contemplate the woman we have married, we begin to discover things about her that we would otherwise have missed.

Her physical beauty and her attributes.
The beauty of her heart and He Who rests therein.
Her graceful spirit and all of its radiant beauty.

The labour of love was never meant to be easy. Walking and working in His Love, and allowing that Love to become a part of who we are and what we do in our marriage is an ongoing job that we must never stop doing as husbands and fathers.

John Everett

Feast of Our Lady of Charity of el Cobre

Feasts of September 8

Men, Given This A Listen

2009-09-04T14:14:00.001-06:00

I reviewed the movie Fireproof (previous blog post) a while back.

It is a really good movie for husband and wife to watch together in a state of prayerful awareness.

One of the pieces of music associated with the movie is a song by John Waller called While I'm Waiting. The song is pretty awesome and when tied to our struggles and suffering has a deep meaning.

John has the Fireproof mix of the song on his Web site:

John Waller: While I'm Waiting (Fireproof Remix)

Note that the song will kick in as soon as you hit the site.

Take a deep breath and listen with your heart, mind, and spirit.

Let the Lord speak to you through the words of the song and the characters in the movie.

He certainly has to me. Some of the words that He has spoken:

Humility

Kneel before her (Lucille) and express my awe of her and my love for her.

Forgiveness

Beg her forgiveness for my shortcomings and failings.

Fidelity

Be True to her in our Marriage Covenant.

Chastity

Be True to her in my body, mind, eyes, and heart.

John Everett

Feast of Pope Saint Boniface I

The Marriage Journey: Purgative, Illuminative, and Unitive

2009-09-03T10:35:00.001-06:00

From the Catholic Online article citing St. Thomas Aquinas:

The first duty which is incumbent on man is to give up sin and resist concupiscence, which are opposed tocharity(sic) ; this belongs to beginners, in whose hearts charity is to be nursed and cherished lest it be corrupted. The second duty ofman(sic) is to apply his energies chiefly to advance in virtue ; this belongs to those who are making progress and who are principally concerned that charity may be increased and strengthened in them. The third endeavor and pursuit of man should be to rest in God and enjoy Him; and this belongs to the perfect who desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ.

The Purgative, Illuminative, and Unitive ways have traditionally applied to our spiritual life. That is, our journey in relationship with God.

Now, let us have a look at our own marriage and how that journey can be seen through the same set of lenses.

Purgative

The first state is that of the beginner. By purgative, I am called to purge all that is within me that holds me back from giving myself completely and totally to Lucille.

I am called to learn how to lay my life down completely for Lucille and when the time came our children. Just as Jesus did and does for His Church.

That means purging my attachment to things, to places I visit in person and virtually that take me away from Lucille, and to any outside spiritual influence that is not of God.

This is a tough one. It is really difficult to let go of the toys, of my wants and desires, and in some cases my dreams that I am discovering may never be fulfilled.

Where my treasure is, so is my heart (Matt. 6:21). I want my treasure to be my wife and my family founded in Jesus Christ and His Sacrament of Marriage.

Illuminative

After a number of years into our relationship, I have discovered in myself a good view of my weaknesses and propensity to commit sin that impacts my marriage.

But, in the process of discovering and purging the things that were holding me back in my relationship with Lucille, I have begun to discover things in her I could not see before because of those things that held me back!

Forgiveness plays a huge part in the discovery, or Illumination of our marriage's gifts and glories. As we develop a communication method that incorporates the ability to express ourselves without fearing a destructive criticism death spiral, forgiveness enables us to look past it all and begin to discover those gifts and glories.

The Illumination of Lucille's heart, and my ability to "see" into it is also a beautiful benefit of letting go. The more that I let go, the more beautiful she becomes. The more that I let go, the more I can embrace Lucille in all aspects of our marriage and being.

The other side of that coin, and one that is critical for the deepening of our marital relationship, is the opening of my heart to Lucille.

The Illuminative process is a two way street of the heart. One outbound to Lucile's heart and one road inbound for her to take up residence in mine.

Unitive

This state is a bit tougher to address at this point for me.

Why?

Because our marriage is only 7 years young.

We have been blessed though to catch glimpses here and there into the truly amazing gift that God gives us in our Marital Unitive state.

One that we both have experienced is the union of our two hearts founded in His Blood. There is very neat Joy that begins to find residence in both of us as we become more and more open of heart to each other.

That Joy is somehow founded in the realization that Lucille loves and accepts me as I am and that if things go sideways on us we have an established mechanism to work on forgiveness and penance.

Some further reading:

John Everett

Feast of Pope Saint Gregory the Great

TV Series Review: Defying Gravity

2009-08-26T14:26:00.001-06:00

From St. Paul:

"for we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Eph 6:11-12)

There is nothing sometimes more surprising than being blindsided by something or someone we have taken an interest in.

In this case, I have caught the last few episodes of a new TV series called Defying Gravity.

The show is well done with there being key emotional hooks to grab our attention such as the adventure dynamic, technology displayed, special effects, and sexual interest/tensions between the characters on the space ship and on the ground supporting them.

So, not having caught the first couple of episodes, there are a few elements missing in my understanding of the show. Keep this in mind when it comes to my opinion on it.

So, what do I mean about being blindsided?

Given what I have seen so far, my expectations as far as the characters and their development were fairly on the level. There were some pretty straight forward interactions between the characters on the space ship that would seem to be pretty typical for a group of folks living in what is essentially a small container for a long period of time.

Last night, in the episode named Rubicon which means the point of no return, the characters were called to let go of something from their past. They had to pick something they brought with them and put it in a "time capsule" container that was to be left in space at the Rubicon point to be picked up on the way back.

As we were shown the various things the characters were looking to choose, we were given flash backs to the point in time where the objects acquired their value . in most cases.

In those flash backs and some of the current time interactions between the characters we discovered:

Casual sex is seemingly okay (not unusual for any media).

NSA - No Strings Attached is one theme between Maddux and Nadia Schilling.
No consequences to the heart or spirit.
Shifting between different partners has no consequence or impact on future relationships or self.

Religious objects are "crap" not needed for faith.

Discussion between Morales and Wassenfelder when she was deliberating between a Miraculous Medal necklace or a dog collar from a pet of hers for the time capsule. Her expression after that conversation made it pretty clear that she had to struggle between them.

Tarot Cards hold the "truth".

Zoe's mom "reads" people using the cards. Her "reads" are seemingly accurate.

A vasectomy is okay.

A flash back for Maddux Donner to him discussing his vasectomy with a doctor . which was apparently not there.

Abortion is okay.

Zoe Barns got pregnant sometime during the early phase of the training and weeding session all of the candidates were going through. I think I caught that one of the other characters, Maddux Donner, was the father.
Zoe has to decide between continuing the pregnancy and losing the chance to get into space or having an abortion which is quite "illegal" according to the abortion doctor she talks to.
Needless to say the decision was made by her to lose the child and not her chance at space.

It's only a TV show and the characters are only human right?

If we stop, and take seriously what St. Paul is telling us at the beginning of this post then the answer is clearly a resounding NO.

Recognizing that there are spiritual influences, sometimes very subtle until they really show themselves as they did in this particular episode of Defying Gravity, takes a lot of prayer and discernment.

We are what we eat.

If we take to the Sacraments of Eucharist and Confession on a regular basis, then this statement certainly holds true.

If we feed ourselves on media and other content that is very subtle about its message and who is delivering that message, then where does that lead us to? What, or whom, do we become, and what do we believe if we continue to watch? How many justifications and excuses will it take to continue down that path?

As a husband and father, it is ultimately up to me to be the spiritual bastion upon which this type of content must bound off of. Thus, I need to know if the content of the show is leading me, and thus my family, closer to Jesus or if it is taking us away from Him.

I take that responsibility very seriously as I am a weak and sinful man. That means many confessions, receiving Our Lord in the Eucharist as often as I can, and begging for His Mercy and my family's forgiveness for my failings regularly.

Some external links:

Defying Gravity (Wikipedia)
Opus Angelorum: St. Paul 6: Discernment

While specific to the need for a priest to discern, this article is an excellent read to discover the various resources needed to learn how to discern.

Previous Blog post: Discernment of Spirits Our Lady's Way.

We pray:

Our Lady Queen of Chastity, pray for us.
Our Lady Queen of Fidelity, pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
St. Augustine, pray for us.
+ In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

John Everett

Feast of Saint Teresa de Gesu, Jornet y Ibars

Deep Healing Requires A Commitment to Honesty

2009-08-24T10:29:00.001-06:00

There are many journeys we take in this life that require us to "walk in the footsteps of our Master" (1 John 2:6).

Jesus' footsteps walked His Passion, Death, and Resurrection among the many others including His miracles of healing and raising the dead.

As with anything in this world, our lives have cycles. The principle cycle of the Christian's life is that of sharing in His Passion, struggling to let go in the Death of dying to self and others, and finally embracing the gift of freedom in Resurrection.

The perspective that we can gain when we participate in the life of the Church, especially in receiving Jesus in the Eucharist and His tender mercy in the Sacrament of Confession/Reconciliation, is one where our lives take on a whole new value.

As we gain an understanding of just how much value we have, Jesus did Suffer, Die, and Rise for us after all, we begin to realize that we have one very serious choice to make.

That choice is between being brutally honest with ourselves and our God . or not.

For those of us that have had a direct participation in the Passion of Christ via the hands of others, in extremely abusive relationships for example, this choice is even more critical as we have learned to lie to ourselves in the midst of the abuse.

We believe the lies we were told by our abusers.

We want to stay in our comfort zone, which is knowing our environment, even in the midst of the abuse, as the unknown is just too terrifying to even contemplate.

So, when we hear the call of Jesus to begin letting go of our abusive relationship cycles, of our patterns of dysfunctional behaviour, and embrace the healing journey, we may say "Yes" but actually we may mean "No".

There will be areas of our past that are no-go zones with our therapists for example. Or, we may harbour all of the anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness since it is all that we seemingly have.

At some point, we will hopefully begin to realize that Jesus is quite persistent in His efforts to bring healing to our heart, mind, psyche, and body.

As terrified as we are, as much as we do not want to face those horrible past events, as much as we don't want to forgive those that have hurt us, He will call us to let go and to forgive.

He will continue to call us to say and mean "Yes".

Don't get me wrong, it is not an easy "Yes" to make. It is an ongoing process of letting go, of remaining committed to being brutally honest with ourselves, others, and especially with God.

We will come to know the darkest moments on the Cross when Jesus cried out about His seeming abandonment in our healing journey. We will come to know most intimately the wounds on His Person.

The Hope that we must secure is in the reality that our suffering can be, and is, redemptive and that ultimately we will walk with the Lord in the Final Resurrection!

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us (x3).
Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us.
Saint Bartholomew, pray for us.

John Everett

Feast of Saint Bartholomew the Apostle

From the Mouths Of Babes - Wisdom

2009-08-16T22:06:00.001-06:00

Depending on the situation we are in or a decision we are discerning, we have taken to asking our oldest, Anne-Marie who is now 5, to pray with us and help us to decide or discern.

Raymond, at three, will also be included in the request to pray and contribute depending on the situation at hand.

The one thing that we have realized as parents is that we need to value whatever contribution Anne-Marie, or Raymond, make to the discernment process.

Even if their contribution seems to be completely out of bounds or even a total tangent to where Lucille and I may be at in the discernment process.

One thing we are discovering in this process is if Anne-Marie responds to our, "Why did you say that" with something like, "Because Jesus told me", we listen attentively to what she has to say.

Ultimately, as parents it is our responsibility to make the decisions.

But, a part of that responsibility is to make an act of humility before our children that recognizes their contribution as being a valuable part of our discernment process for decisions that directly impact our children and the family as a whole.

That value is one of the core foundations of their personhood that they will carry with them their entire lives.

The core foundations are the tools we teach our children to use to always keep their face towards the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ on Calvary.

Always.

John Everett

Feast of St. Stephen of Hungary

Movie: Fireproof - Never Leave Your Partner Behind

2009-08-15T12:27:00.001-06:00

Lucille and I watched the movie Fireproof not too long ago.

Fireproof - Never Leave Your Partner Behind (movie site)

Caleb and Catherine Hold are on the verge of divorce. There is no longer much of a connection between them with very little in the way of constructive communication happening either.

In what would seem a final and desperate move, Caleb reaches out to his father for some advice.

His dad asks him to hold off on getting into the divorce proceedings until Caleb receives a mail package from him.

When the package arrives, he finds a journal style book in it. Opening it, he finds the title of the book is The Love Dare.

In it is a call to a 40 day journey to work on turning around his marriage.

Needless to say, his journey is extremely painful and there are many struggles to overcome including his feelings of hopelessness for his marriage.

This is a good movie for husband and wife to sit down together and watch after the kids have gone to bed. That is, this is a movie for adults, or perhaps young adults mature enough to understand the dynamics of a relationship breakdown.

Take the time to listen with the heart, mind, and spirit to the message the Holy Spirit wants to share while watching the movie. Pray together before the movie starts. If nothing comes to mind or heart, pray a decade of the Rosary, or even an Our Father together to start off in the right space.

When the movie has finished, don't talk. Let the Holy Spirit's message sink in and then turn to each other and pray at least the Our Father together before starting a conversation.

Take the time to talk. If the conversation is fruitful, then keep it going. The grace will be there to deal with what tomorrow has to bring when tomorrow comes.

The duty of the moment is to discover what the Holy Spirit has placed on both hearts and pray and talk about it together.

If there is indeed conflict within the marriage, then this is an opportune time to humble ourselves before our husband or wife, take responsibility for our contributions to the conflict, and ask for forgiveness.

Marriage is a journey of love and sacrifice that is truly rewarding. We need to take the time to actually recognize the rewards!

Pax!

John Everett

Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Virtue of Perfection

2009-08-06T23:17:00.001-06:00

When I woke up this morning, I needed to get this off my heart.

"She is the perfect wife," John says one day in front of my family as we were visiting this summer. Instantly, I say, "I am not perfect."

My husband has said this at other times in one on one conversations and it baffled me every time. Why is he saying this? I am not perfect. I am a flawed human being. I am sinful. Slowly, I began to realize that what he really meant is that we are perfect for each other but we in ourselves are not perfect.

On our little summer vacation, I learned that perfection is also a virtue. I learned this from a neat book called "A year with the Saints" by the Sisters of Mercy. This book also states a quote by St. Frances de Sales:

"Hate your imperfections, then, because they are imperfections, but love them because they make you know your nothingness and give to you an opportunity to exercise yourself in virtue, and to God to show His mercy towards you" (p. 163).

The book also talks about St. Vincent de Paul who "never felt anger and bitterness against himself on account of his defects" but "the pain felt for a defect will have something in it sweet and tranquil" (p. 162).

After I said I was not perfect, my sister-in-law responded by saying, "I know some people who think they are perfect". The response back was silence. The more I thought about this, the more I wondered what exactly does it mean to be perfect. I guess being perfect can be subject to interpretation.

Most importantly though, what does it mean to be perfect in God's eyes? There are several interpretations of perfection according to the Saints. For the sake of simplicity, I will mention 3 quotes from famous Saints.

The first:

Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do? Here is the true token of a soul absolutely perfect: when one has succeeded in leaving behind his own will to such a degree as no longer to seek, to aim, or to desire to do what he would will, but only what God wills (St. Bernard). (A year with the saints, Sisters of Mercy, p. 17).

The second:

To be perfect in one's vocation is nothing else than to perform the duties and offices to which one is obliged, solely for the honor and love of God, referring all to His glory. Whoever works in this manner may be called perfect in his state, a man according to the heart and will of God (St. Francis de Sales). (A year with the Saints, Sisters of Mercy, p. 8).

And, the third:

All the science of the Saints is included in these two things: To do, and to suffer. And whoever has done these two things best, has made himself most saintly (St. Francis de Sales). (A year with the Saints, Sisters of Mercy, p.11).

When we visit with family, it can be difficult at times because of all the hurts from the past that may come up. But, in our case towards the end of our trip we began to see the hidden graces of our journey together.

St. Gregory, St. Bernard, and St. Charles stated "that we must act in this like travelers who do not regard the road they have gone over, but, rather, what remains for them to traverse - and this they keep always before their eyes, even to their journey's end" (p. 2).

Lucille Everett

Feast of the Transfiguration

Our Children Teach - God the Father and His Children

2009-08-04T21:56:00.001-06:00

The Lord calls us to become like little children:

"At this time the disciples came to Jesus and said, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven?' So he called a little child to him whom he set among them. Then he said, 'In truth I tell you, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. And so, the one who makes himself as little as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven."
Matthew 18:1-4

As Catholic Fathers and Catholic Mothers, we can begin to discover the yearning, or a burden, that is placed upon our heart to meditate and eventually contemplate our relationships with our own children.

Lately, this prayerful meditation and contemplation has yielded some fruit.

That is, in contemplating my fatherly love for our children along with the almost infinite number of times we need to correct and discipline them, I am discovering how it is that God the Father looks at us in His love.

No matter how many times we need to get down on our knees before Jesus Christ present in the priest to confess our sins, God the Father still loves us.

His look of love towards us His children is much deeper than our own look of love for our own children. In His love, he has given us His Son, Jesus Christ, in the Most Blessed Sacrament to feed us, heal us, and sustain us (John 6:25-71).

With this realization has come the slow but oncoming dawn of realization: God the Father truly loves us as His children!

He accepts us as we are in all of our woundedness and brokenness. And, just as we are with our own children, He does not excuse us from responsibility for our behaviour!

The key for us is to learn about our relationship with God the Father via our relationship with our children. As Catholic Fathers and Catholic Mothers, our family relationships are one of the key paths we can walk to grow our relationship with Him Who Loves us.

John Everett

Feast of John Marie Vianney

What we hear says a lot about them ...

2007-11-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

As Catholics, we are approaching the Liturgical Season of Advent ... that is, the season where we prepare for the Birth of Jesus Christ at Christmas.

There is a Child coming home soon, so we must prepare. We must clean out the places the child will rest and eventually toddle around and get into mischief in.

For the first born, there are things like the room or space for the child, the crib, clothes, and perhaps some study with close friends who already have children to prepare.

The season of Advent truly follows a close parallel to the beginning of the human cycle of life for both the parents and the child.

For first time parents, the season of Advent takes on a whole new meaning when we take the time to meditate on the mysteries presented to us during the first part of the Advent season.

It becomes very easy to "connect the dots".

As Catholics, we should be very mindful of that parallel, as there are many distractions now coming out in our midst that try to get us to focus on the actual Birth and the "gift giving" aspects. Lost are the patient working at preparation and waiting for the child.

It becomes imperative that we make an act of the will to deny those distractions, and plead with the Holy Spirit to help us maintain a spirit of preparation. For example, it may mean tuning out some of the Christian radio or Internet streaming stations that are now starting to play Christmas Carols.

In discernment, the distractions must go. And, we must prepare an explanation for our children. Why are we not allowing Christmas related music and articles into the house until Christmas Day or just before that?

For parents who encouraged the second child and subsequent children to be involved in the pregnancy of their younger siblings, it will not be too hard for the children to make the connection.

Remember, December 26th will see all of those "distractions" disappear ... and so too the Christmas music, so the effort will then need to be in celebrating the Octave and further, the 12 Days of Christmas. It will be up to us to carry Him into the world after His birth, to share Him with the world.

Have a Happy and Holy Advent!

Pax vobis (Peace be with you),

John Everett

From the Mouth of Babes: Jesus and Toast

2007-10-19T14:15:00.000-06:00

Jesus Likes Toast

Jesus paid our 3.5 year old Anne-Marie a visit in her room.

So, she "sat" him down and they broke bread together.

You shall know Him in the breaking of the bread. Luke 24:35

Pax vobis (Peace be with you),

John Everett

On the breast of Christ

2007-10-15T20:36:00.000-06:00

How many of us truly believe that we are loved?

How many of us, especially those of us who have been abused in so many ways, can truly see and know that we can rest our head on the breast of Christ as the disciple John did?

It is truly a sign of healing, and the Touch of Christ, when we can allow ourselves to shed tears and slowly allow our head to be held to His breast.

The healing has reached even deeper when we can "feel" His hands and arms wrapping themselves around us so that we can truly rest in His Love for us.

And, with the tenth leper we pray, "Thank You my most gracious healer. Thank you for loving me whole again."

Praised be Jesus Christ, the Lord and Giver of our lives! :D

Pax vobis (Peace be with you),

John Everett

The Silence is Deafening and Deadly

2007-06-24T22:10:00.001-06:00

Sometimes Love needs to be tough. This is one of them...

A number of decades ago one could hear a rally cry, "I am woman, hear me roar!"

It was the cry of Western Feminism. Indeed, we heard that cry from all corners of Western society. How vocal they were!

Women worked hard to establish themselves as equals within their respective society.

Today, Western Feminism is still around, but strangely silent in the face of our sisters who are being persecuted in the Middle East and other areas of the world.

Daily, many women in Middle Eastern countries face persecution. From genital mutilation, to being held culpable for a man's lust by being forced to cover her entire self as if she were something evil. Just let her try and raise her voice in some form of protest to protect herself and see what kind of reprisals, possibly even death, she would have to endure.

Lately, the persecution has turned deadly. Key women in Afghanistan who have been advocating for women's education, equality, and freedom from violence have been murdered. They faced down their oppressors by continuing on with their advocacy for equality every day. It cost them their lives.

Again, our Western feminists are quiet in the face of all this.

Where is Western Feminism's rallying cry for their sisters in the Middle East now?

That silence has turned deadly.

But then, it has been deadly since Roe hasn't it?

Ah!

Perhaps we have stumbled upon Western Feminism's Sacred Cow. Our sisters in the Middle East cherish all life within the womb don't they?

Tough questions coming back to the Western Feminist from her sister in the Middle East no?

God have mercy on us for our complicity in the deaths of our sisters we do not support and in the deaths of the innocent within the womb. Their blood screams to Heaven for justice!

Western Feminism, where is thy equality now?

Oh how thou must bow before thy Sacred Cow!

Pax vobis (Peace be with you),

John E.

When Life meets Death

2007-06-24T22:09:00.000-06:00

I just recently caught a glimpse of an article in a Catholic newspaper that indicated a Western Canadian Bishop by the name of Bishop Fred Henry had withdrawn his support for the Calgary based Canadian Centre for Bioethical Reform.

The reason he had withdrawn his support? Because of a campaign the organization was waging that had huge pictures of aborted fetuses.

The campaign is called the Genocide Awareness Project (GAP). And, it equates abortion with genocide.

His premise was based on the dignity of the human person. The images violate their human dignity. They deny the respect due them he said.

Why would we show images of dismembered and destroyed children to bring a "Pro-Life" point across? How are images of "death" "Pro-Life"?

The GAP campaign really is no different than the daily news, or the steady stream of violence in the media. Our children, even more so than us, are being conditioned to see this kind of violence via many different types of video/arcade/computer games, extremely violent and gory movies and more. This type of campaign will not phase them or most of us for that matter.

It is time to take a deep breath, and offer a prayer of supplication to Our Lady for guidance in the Pro-Life cause.

Who better to turn to than the Lady who carried Our Lord for nine months to discover where we truly need to focus our energies: The beauty of motherhood and pregnancy.

It will be our attitude as Catholic and Christian men towards motherhood and pregnancy that will be an instrument of conversion.

Our attitude towards our wives when they are pregnant is a very important witness to the love we have for them and Our Lady. It clearly demonstrates our awe and respect for the Gift of New Life.

Our attitude towards the women around us who are pregnant directly reflects our love for Our Lady. Any pregnant woman will know right away that our smile and offer of assistance was totally genuine and out of respect for them and for the Gift of New Life within.

Our attitude towards any woman must reflect our love for Our Lady. It must be chaste!

We Christian men must counter the culture that nurtures the attitude that life is disposable.

We must counter the culture that teaches that a woman's body is an object. The attitude of the "person as object" and the lack of personal dignity makes the decision to end a pregnancy with a "procedure" easy with little or no thought to the consequences.

Our attitude, as men of God, towards women will impact the Pro-Life cause.

The Catholic Register article: Pro-life group loses Calgary bishop's support.

Pax vobis (peace be with you),

John Everett.

Blog Update

2007-06-07T23:22:00.000-06:00

We have pretty much finished the migration over to the new Blogger.

We will be retiring the old subject specific blogs.

Hope it wasn't too annoying having most of our posts come up in your reader again! We cleaned up the old references, and set tags to everything.

Hopefully we will be blessed with some time to actually start posting on a somewhat regular basis!

Pax vobis (peace be with you)

John E.

A simple night time prayer before bed for children

2007-06-06T20:19:00.000-06:00

We have a simple prayer that we pray with our children just before we say our final, "Good night".

It is offered in the form of cant/response. Lucille and/or I say it first, then Anne-Marie repeats it. Raymond is still too young yet, but he does become quiet and quite rapt during the prayer.

It goes like this:

Sign of the Cross +
Thank You Jesus
I love You Jesus
Thank You God the Father
I love You God the Father
Thank You Holy Spirit
I love you Holy Spirit
Thank you Mary
I love you Mary
Thank you St. Joseph
I love you St. Joseph
Thank you Holy Angels
I love you Holy Angels
Thank you Holy Saints
I love you Holy Saints
Thank You Jesus for Momma and Papa
Thank You Jesus for Raymond (siblings)
Thank You Jesus for today
Thank You Jesus for ...(anything to be thankful for)
Thank You Jesus
I love You Jesus
Sign of the Cross +

A hug and a kiss and, "Good night".

Pax vobis (peace be with you),

John Everett.

Blog upgrade to the new Blogger

2007-05-02T10:30:00.000-06:00

Hi,

After all of this time, we have upgraded the blog to the new Blogger interface.

It will probably mean some work to restructure everything as we can now use the Tags feature instead of the complexity of multiple blogs for each category.

We haven't quite decided yet.

We are still around. Please pray for us as life has thrown quite a number of curve balls at us, along with being all around hectic!

Pax vobis (peace be with you),

John Everett.

Marriage, Wounds, and the Healing of the Paralytic in Luke 5:17-26

2006-12-18T22:50:00.000-07:00

The following is the Gospel reading from the First Monday in Advent, Luke 5:17-26:

"...some men appeared, bringing on a bed a paralyzed man whom they were trying to bring in and lay down in front of him [Jesus]. But as they could find no way of getting the man through the crowd, they went up onto the top of the house and lowered him and his stretcher down through the tiles into the middle of the gathering, in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith he said, 'My friend, your sins are forgiven you.' ... he [Jesus] said to the paralyzed man-'I order you: get up, and pick up your stretcher and go home.' And immediately before their very eyes he got up, picked up what he had been liking on and went home praising God."

There are many aspects of this Gospel reading that relate directly to our marital relationship in the face of our deep seated wounds.

The Decision

There are two ways we can deal with our spouse's wounds and their flare ups:

We can react out of our own wounds. More than likely, depending on the power of our reaction, there will be even more hurt and pain. This can lead to a cycle that can be very deadly to the marriage relationship.
We can respond out of love and understanding, swallow our pride, and accept our spouse in their woundedness. This is not accepting the wounds, this is realizing that what we are experiencing is someone operating out of theirs, and that it is the person that we love. They are in need!

In the first case, it is virtually impossible to reach the same decision the four men did for the paralytic, to reach down and pick our spouse up, and work our rear ends off to bring them before Jesus for healing.

In the second case, our response not only holds the promise of healing for our spouse, we are responding to the powerful Sacramental Grace blessed upon us by Jesus in Marriage: We are truly being the presence of Christ for them.

The Responsibility

As our relationship develops and grows, we get to know the deep seated wounds in our spouse. We get to know what triggers their pain and just how powerful they hurt in those wounds.

This is a huge responsibility! With knowledge comes power. We can use this knowledge for the good of our spouse, that is, working and praying for their healing. Or, we can use that knowledge for an evil purpose: Pushing their buttons, deliberately saying or doing things that trigger those wounds to inflict as much damage in them as we can.

The paralytic was completely vulnerable and at the mercy of passersby. There was no way to avoid the cruel boots of individuals who lashed out at them. There was no way to earn a living so as to meet the basic needs of life without the few coins that would be tossed their way.

When we are immersed in our wounds, in the deepest hurts of our lives, we too are vulnerable. What do we do with this vulnerability? Both our own and our spouse's?

The Effort

There is a lot that goes unsaid in this story. There are four, FOUR, men who went out of their way to befriend a helpless individual. There is an understated relationship, a deep friendship, that these five share.

There are four men who carried this paralyzed man to the place where Jesus was with full knowledge that Jesus would heal him.

It was this knowledge, this faith, that gave them the strength to carry him all the way to the place Jesus was, but not only that, to then move around to where they could climb with him onto the roof of the houses, walk precariously across the roofing tiles (not too stable), and then work at lifting the tiles off of the roof to make a hole big enough to lower the paralytic down.

This is the kind of effort that it sometimes can take for us to carry our spouse in their woundedness. The deeper the wounds, the more patient, gentle, kind, loving, and strong we need to be for them. The deeper the wounds, the greater the effort we need to put into bringing them before Jesus.

The deeper the wounds, the more we will need to endure the behaviours they trigger over time. It may have been a great distance that the four men had to carry the paralytic man, but they did it. We have committed ourselves to our spouse for life. There is no greater distance than this, no greater commitment to another than this. We must endure, we must pray for the grace to endure, and for the hope that we need to overcome.

The Faith

"Seeing their faith he said, 'My friend, your sins are forgiven you.'" v.20

It was their faith that lead to this man's healing!!!

So too is the Sacramental Grace that we carry in us for our spouse. We may not physically carry our spouse to Mass, or to the Adoration Chapel with our Lord in the Tabernacle, or to Jesus Exposed on the Alter, but the effort to carry them in our heart to these places where Jesus waits for us is just as intense, if not more so!

It is our faith in the healing power of Jesus Christ that will be instrumental in our spouse's journey to healing. The carrying of the paralytic to Jesus was a team effort, and so too is our Marital Relationship.

Our encouraging words, our patient endurance, our ongoing prayer to draw them deeper into the Healing Heart of Christ, our silence in the face of adversity, will make clear the faith that is the foundation of our marriage and relationship with each other.

The Christ

When it is me operating out of my wounds, I must make every effort to be open to the healing graces offered by Christ to me through my spouse.

That grace is available to me.

When operating out of my wounds, in the aftermath of my vocal outbursts, the fresh wounds on their heart, the Heart of Christ, are there. When my thoughts were motivated by pain and hurt and I lash out within, there lies the Crown of Thorns on their head, the head of Christ. When my actions, with my hands and instruments within them, lash out and strike my spouse and wounds their body, it is the Body of Christ.

The Embrace

The paralytic responded to the four men. Despite his wounds, his helplessness, and his being completely impoverished he allowed them into his life and heart. He embraced their friendship and their acceptance of him.

Likewise, the four men looked beyond the physical deformities to the person within. They embraced him in all of his woundedness. And, when the opportunity arose for them to serve him by bringing him before Jesus, they literally jumped at the chance.

When we made our vows to each other before God and our community, we were serious about it. There were no doubts that we were called to be together for the rest of our lives. We embraced both the good and the bad in each other.

The Beautiful Healing Grace in Marriage

There is a special grace given to us in the Sacrament of Marriage: It is to see the truly beautiful person deep within our spouse. When we embrace this beautiful person within, we become instrumental in bringing that person out to the surface.

When we work as hard as the four men did for the paralytic to give our spouse the love and attention that they need, to carry them when they are down, the grace will be there for us to bring our spouse before Jesus repeatedly in a prayer for the Grace of Healing. We will have the fortitude needed to endure the trials and tribulations that are bound to happen due to inner hurts and wounds in the both of us.

"And immediately before their very eyes he got up, picked up what he had been
lying on and went home praising God." v.25

When we do experience the healing touch of Jesus, we must turn to our spouse and thank them for their prayer and support. We must thank Jesus for the gift of this awesome person who carries us when we are down and out, who bears our wrongs patiently, and who encourages us to embrace the healing being offered to us through them by Jesus.

We must turn to the Lord and thank Him for bringing this great gift of our spouse into our lives.

We must also thank the Lord for the Gift of His Suffering, Death, and Resurrection. For it is ultimately in Him and His life, that we discover how to be whole and holy.

It is Jesus Who heals us.

The Prayer

Thank You Jesus, for the gift of our spouse.

Thank You Jesus, for the gift of the Sacrament of Marriage and the great number of Graces you have lavished upon us through it.

Thank You Jesus, for Your healing Love.

Bless us Lord with the healing we need. Help us to grow in wholeness and holiness. Help us to found our marital relationship totally on You.

Be with us Lord in our struggles and wounds. Teach us to embrace the Cross and struggle our way to Calvary with You.

Thank You Jesus, for hearing our cries and our pleas!

Pax vobis (Peace be with you),

John E.

Justice ... Some Food for Thought

2006-12-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

A letter written to the Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace:

Hello,

I offer this letter to you as some food for thought.

I am a convert to the Catholic Faith. My conversion was in the summer of 1988 and I was welcomed to the Catholic Family at the Easter Vigil of 1989.

I come from a background of no faith, and many forms of being abused by my biological parents as well as many others.

Jesus has taught me the meaning of Justice and fairness. He has brought priests and lay people into my life that helped to develop my sense of Justice.

I see that our Church is very much on the forefront of Justice for the Poor, the helpless, the Unborn, and others.

However, there is currently a situation of injustice at the hands of one bishop towards his priests in a diocese here in Canada. One of the priests affected by this is someone very instrumental in bringing me closer to Christ, and is the key to the healing of my person.

I trust him implicitly and explicitly with myself, and with my young family.

He is not capable of doing what he has been accused of. His bishop has not given him any form of due process canonically or civilly. I ask you, is this Just?

I do not believe so, and it is a cause of great scandal to me to see the pain and anguish an innocent priest is being put through by his Bishop.

I realize that you may not have anything to do with this process, as I believe it is the C.D.F. that takes care of these things.

However, I still need you to understand that there is something happening right now in our own Church, the false accusation of priests, their faculties removed, and then their being laicized without due process that is a cause of great scandal to those of us who know these priests.

It breaks my heart.

Peace to you in Jesus and Mary,

J.

We speak metaphorically about pendulums when we look at many things. It swings one way, then back the other way, eventually settling down in the centre. When it comes to justice for our priests, the pendulum has swung very far in the other direction.

The current "justice" system's application when a priest is "accused" by certain members of the episcopate is cruel and unjust. Period. Having to minister in an environment where one false whisper can trap a priest in this situation is unjust. Imagine living with that kind of pressure in your day job. How many of us would keep it?

I do hope and pray that we are better able to deal justly with those accused, and with those who level the accusations. I do hope that we can better facilitate the healing and forgiveness that is needed to mend this terrible wound on the Heart of our Mother the Church, Her priests.

Pax vobis (Peace be with you)

J.E.

The Sacrament of Marriage - Graces to be had in Illness and Suffering

2006-09-02T10:49:00.000-06:00

This week has been an amazing challenge for the Everett family. Other than Raymond Kolbe who is breastfeeding, Lucille, Anne-Marie, and myself were hit with a really bad stomach bug.

Anne-Marie was fortunate in that her case was mild. This is good, due to Lucille's concerns with a little one's hydration levels.

Lucille and I on the other hand were not. Sparing the grueling details, we were emptied completely on Wednesday. Myself over the afternoon and evening, and Lucille over the late evening and all night.

When we encounter this type of illness, extremely intense, but temporary, we have a very serious set of decisions to make.

Is this suffering going to be redemptive? That is, do I make an act of my will to give my suffering as a small offering to Jesus on the Cross?
Am I conscious of the Sacramental grace that I have as husband, wife, or child - yes, children have a special kind of sharing in the Sacramental graces of Marriage - to accept the "Duty of the Moment" which is to suffer and offer sacrifice for my family?
Do I accept the suffering with gentleness and humility or do I get cranky and frustrated?
When both husband and wife are down with the illness, do I focus in on myself and refuse to go beyond my own pains and take that extra step to help out when asked?
Do I go beyond my own pain and offer to help when I see a need?
And finally, if I fail and cause even more hurt, do I reach out in humility and plead for forgiveness from my wife, husband, and/or children?

When both husband and wife are down, it can be extremely difficult to run the household.

On the one hand, we have a two and a half year old that needs to be constantly cuddled because she is both sick herself and has never seen both her parents in this state at the same time. And on the other, a five month old who is breastfeeding, teething, and has his ongoing needs to have something to keep him occupied, position changes, etc.

This certainly can be a recipe for disaster if our focus was inwards, that is on ourselves only.

We have the graces to conquer these trials in our Sacrament of Marriage. These graces are lavished upon us by God the Father through the Sacrament to help us deal with extremely difficult trials.

He gives us the grace to:

Make that act of the will to make this suffering redemptive.
Get beyond my own suffering and reach out to my wife/husband and children in their need.
Have the energy from virtually nowhere to accomplish the most important tasks to keep us functioning like heating up the chicken soup!
Reach out to those around us to help out with things like bringing in groceries specific to our illness needs.
Remember that even our recovery time is redemptive.

There are so many more graces to discover in our Sacrament.

During the most violent part of the illness, I made a point of making sure that Lucille knew that I was offering all of my suffering for her by telling her outright. I wanted her to know, that even in the midst of my most weakest and helpless state, that I was focused on offering this suffering for her. I wanted her to see in my eyes that this was, for me, an offering of one of the deepest forms of love and grace that I could offer for her: My suffering.

The offering of my suffering for her went a long way in helping me to eventually accept gracefully the suffering that came my way. I started off a bit on the cranky side. :D

The offering of our suffering for our family can help us to focus in on the graces that the Father has waiting for us through our Marital Sacrament. We can learn a number of lessons in humility and explore some of our human limitations.

Prayer: Father, thank you for the gift of suffering. Thank you for the gift of graces that you give us in the Sacrament of marriage. Thank you for drawing us closer to Jesus Your Son in our suffering. Father, help us to give glory to your name in the midst of our suffering just as Jesus did. Help us to embrace our Cross, to carry it with dignity, and to allow ourselves to be nailed to it when you deem it our time.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, envelop us in your Wound.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, keep us warm in the Fire of Your Love.

Thank You Jesus, praise You Jesus, glory to You Jesus!

Pax vobis (Peace be with you),

J.E.

When is too busy too busy?

2006-06-01T21:28:00.000-06:00

When our business/work takes over our lives.

When we don't see our spouse and children for days on end.

When we don't take the time to centre on Jesus and on His Word in our lives.

When we loose our spiritual perspective on our life due to the lack of prayer.

When we give in to those little temptations that we no longer have the spiritual strength to ignore.

Those are some aspects of just how crazy things have been for me lately.

Please pray for us, that I can slow down to spend time with my family and not loose my relationships with them due to my absence.

Where is Jesus Christ in all of this? Standing right beside me waiting for me to turn to Him for help.

Pax vobis (peace be with you),

J.E.

Surfacing for air...

2006-05-22T09:35:00.000-06:00

Not long after our last post in April, the lady that we are renting our space from for our business announced that she would be moving her business within the next couple of months.

Needless to say we have been extremely busy.

On a trip to pay a bill I ended up in front of a location for our business that was way out of the way from my original destination.

Lucille and I are both convinced that the Lord wanted us there.

Please pray for us!

Moving the business while trying to maintain our level of client service is very difficult. It is also extremely expensive for a small company like ours.

Once the dust settles, we will get back to posting!

Meanwhile, here is a shot of Raymond Kolbe:

He is truly a neat little guy! Lucille and he are doing really well. He has gone through at least 4 growth spurts aready!

Pax vobis (Peace be with you),

J.E.