CATpitalism!

Moving Right Along

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:56:00 +0000

So I've decided, after not posting since God knows when, to start a new blog over here. It's not goofy-ass money stuff or anything like that, just a collection of stuff I like in an easily linkable form.

Check it out, not that I ever had any readers!

The Cat Came Back...

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:35:00 +0000

...the very next few months later!

I'm back. Three weeks ago, my portfolio was PHAT. Now it's... not.

BUT-- I have a ton of new stuff to post about, not least of which is my starting a side business! All legit, legal and everything. I'm like dang! So I'll be posting step-by-steps here on the way for my new Limited Liability Corporation.

In the meantime, I just want to commend Capital One, 5/3, HSBC, and every other freaking bank out there trying to get me to sign up for your freaking credit cards. They're all business cards, and they showed up at my doorstep-- I kid you not-- like THREE DAYS after I filed the LLC papers! I was truly impressed. And annoyed. But at the very least, I had something to take my mind off this financial stalking.

I'm in love. Ah...

Staggering, but...

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 00:17:00 +0000

...I'm glad they're getting this done before the markets open. And I think it's good news. Yahoo reports that:

JP Morgan to buy Bear at $2 a share

Talk about a bargain. It was trading around $30, and its all-time peak was over $150.

Still, this will do a lot to prop up the financial system worldwide. I expect a rough week in the market, but not as rough as it could have been. Still, I'm kind of amazed SO many people didn't see this coming. I didn't, but I don't work in finance for major investment banks, making the decisions that got us all in this mess in the first place.

Thanks, idiots. Next time, major in phys. ed., not finance. Then your gambling only wipes you out in the NCAA tournament pool.

Flat Tire Stocks

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:46:00 +0000

I met some friends last night for dinner, to welcome them back to town. Somehow-- I swear I didn't start it-- we got to talking about investing.

I know I'm no guru-- I've read a few books and hold a few positions-- but they're completely innocent. They had an account with one of the big brokerages but canceled it when their broker did nothing with it (um... I'm pretty sure you need to TELL the broker what to do!). They also have a lot of stock with the company he works for. But they don't know if they're long or short (i.e., if it's stock or options), and have no idea how to judge stock, determine whether it's under- or overpriced, or even the tax structures for buying & selling stock.

Anyway, I had a tipple and they got a two-hour lecture. Wonder if I'll be invited out again anytime soon!

Karmic retribution: One the way home I had a flat tire. Dangit! Mr MacMuffin must have snuck over late at night and clawed it up to punish me for the negative online attention. We, Mr MacMuffin, here is MORE negative attention: you suck!

BUT-- as I was changing the tire, thinking of the hassle of buying a new one, and hoping the donut would hold for the miles I had to go-- I couldn't help but feel good. The markets were up yesterday, and so were my stocks (one jumped 11 bucks a share). The Fed did some good in the world, promising to take on $200 billion of bad mortgage debt. Single largest point climb since 2002. Today we've opened mixed, but we'll see how it turns around later. I'm optimistic.

Now, the one thing I've learned about markets so far is that investors are like preteens. THEY'RE IDIOTS. They run around like chickens with their heads cut off at the slightest titter, and they invest in things based on rumor, speculation, and the dream they had last night after the mutton plate. So ANYTHING-- anything that makes you just a little more level-headed and objective, especially if you can weather out the storm, gives you an advantage. Like not being in New York, not competing with the Jonses, and having to change your own flat tire.

Scam Me, Baby!

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:57:00 +0000

5 inches in North Mississippi? Are you serious?

Late winter snows = huddled inside with the Internet.

And all Internet searches end up with someone trying to sell you something. My favorite: direct-response scam sites!

I won't name names (libel & all). But you know them. They look like:
BEGIN SCAM:

Are you tired of your cat always seeming like a
LOSER?
Do other cats make fun, spit hairballs, and hiss at your cat?
Does your cat make less than $20,000 a year?

STOP LIVING IN THE GUTTER

CLIMB UP THE TREE AND SMELL THE CAT-NIP

With my PATENTED system, you too can discover what tens of thousands of cats all over the country have discovered-- that

YOUR CAT CAN MAKE SOME SERIOUS BANK

YOUR CAT CAN GET THE OLD SELF-ESTEEM OUT OF THE LITTERBOX

YOUR CAT CAN LIVE THE DREAM YOU'VE HAD OF
BEING YOUR OWN BOSS
SHOWING YOUR EXES THEY MISSED OUT
SIPPING SWEET MILK BY THE SEA-SHORE

BUT DON'T take MY word for it. Ask our SATISFIED customers:

(all testimonials real and unsolicited; any resemblance
between testimonializers purely coincidental)

Act now! Limited time offer! If you buy now, you'll receive:

Our THREE COMPACT DISK audiobook describing our PATENTED system
FREE 24 hour phone support with our TRAINED professionals
an extra CD with example forms & paperwork for your OWN business
express-mailed tickets for our weekend seminar in scenic LAS VEGAS worth at least $1995.99!!!

AND THAT'S NOT ALL! ACT NOW!

/SCAM

I love the way they all use the same web design. It's like there's a template out there someone's selling... admittedly, at least one of the books I've read recently claims that the direct response format is the most effective for getting people to buy stuff. I have a hard time believing that, but then again, so far my experiments in CATpitalism have yielded me about two dollars online. Maybe direct response has its virtues, icky though it feel...

New business idea? Hmm...

Gardening? Gardening!

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 19:56:00 +0000

Trent at The Simple Dollar has a post up about gardening as a way to save gobs of cash. I agree wholeheartedly, coming from a family of inveterate gardeners. My grandmother once had every square inch of her property planted, even the old wrecked tractor. I try to carry on the tradition, but with less work involved. Besides, it's a way for the Cat & I to spend some time together out in the sun.

Trent's on about tomatoes-- and I would recommend:

--Companion Planting--

This is not about taking a pot of fennel to the Singles Bar to find a mate. Rather, certain plants work well together. Others don't. And planting certain plants in groups-- the kinds of groups you might find out in nature-- they become more resistant to pests & disease. I even think they taste better.

A standard companion planting, or "guild:"

Tomatoes mmm
Asparagus mmmm
Basil mmmmmmm

Keep them away from potatoes & cabbage. They don't get along. Turf wars!

Maybe the most famous "guild" is the Three Sisters, which the Native Americans knew & loved:

Corn (which is tall)
Beans (which climb the corn & fix nitrogen)
Squash (which hangs out down below, filling in the space left over)

The main idea, then, is to fill in all the available spaces in your garden. Nature does this of her own accord when left alone, and it makes for a healthier system; humankind tends to put things in neat rows, which requires more land & labor, as it frees up space for weeds to come in, breaks up & leaches healthy soil, and allows weaker plants to thrive, thus inviting pests & disease.

There are a lot of great books on the topic, like and . But most importantly, try things out and watch your space. Then, as you learn what does and doesn't work in your soil, your climate, and your available light, you can make small changes to improve the system. Books are a good (nowadays, even necessary) place to start, but nothing-- absolutely nothing-- beats experience for gardening & farming.

And remember to design your pets into the system. Zooey has a nice sideline as a night watchcat, keeping the local squirrel population out of the proverbial larder.

(I also like to prep my plantings with some super-nutritious worm castings, but maybe I'm getting ahead of myself... And disclosure: I have a very modest sideline as a permaculture designer, though I prefer the science of it to the hippie stuff it's picked up in America. I'm too much of a redneck to do my sun salutations.)

Index Funds Put the Fun in Fundamental Stock Investing

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:18:00 +0000

Next to Cat Fancy, I think The Economist is the best magazine on the stands. (Or "newspaper," as "Sir" would have it-- read the letters page sometime!) It's better-researched than anything, well-written, and even funny. And I think my mail carrier is reading my copy!

Usually I get it on Saturday, but this week's didn't arrive until Monday. The carrier had a mischievious grin on, too. I think he must have been jonesing on the Special Report all about asset management in this week's issue. It describes the radical changes in the mutual fund industry, explains hedge funds, demystifies some of the arcane jargon ("alpha" versus "beta"). Smart, smart, smart.

It also confirms what Bogleheads, those oddly-named devotees of John Bogle & Vanguard's indexing options, already know. Mutual funds are a loser's game, because you're paying for a fund manager who gets paid based on last year's performance, which may not be replicable. Even if the manager does well, taxes & fees will each up your profits. It's kind of scam, really.

Index funds just try to replicate the market. I have a core of my investments in Vanguard index funds, and then a (smaller) discretionary fund which I use for individual investing. Not at all sexy-- not at all something to boast about down at the club (if I were in the club!). But long term, it works.

And I feel smarter having read The Economist. Seriously, a couple of hours with this magazine is better than a week's worth of people yelling at you on CNBC.

How Your Business Can Help You Grow Your Cat

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:05:00 +0000

This article got me thinking. Hmmm. Does the door swing both ways? How to Grow Your Cat:

Providing delicious vittles for her gaping maw.
Reducing the need to keep in trim by outsourcing those laborious tasks.
Changing the lifestyle to one more sedentary, in keeping with those issues of girth & mirth so bothering our nation's health policy-makers

Oh no! I suppose there's a reason the phrase "Fat Cat" has always been associated with business. Let's unpack it:

Given feline druthers, eating and sleeping top the to-do list. But when necessary, cats can be ruthless businessanimals, using high mark-ups and keeping margins down.
So on any given plot of land, a cat can quickly rise to the top of the local economy. After a low-key IPO (Initial Public [H]owling-- a UK term) all the forest creatures know who's the brand new boss in town. But once the competition's downed, it's easy to get lazy...
Worst of all, having a successful model has the danger of not developing further (notice I didn't say "growing"). Zooey might stop learning new skills and seeking new challenges-- at that point, as is sadly too often the case, feline diabetes can set in and wreck the health. And business health-- you cease to like your job, people work less hard, profits slowly decline. Then some Silicon Valley punk shows up with a new model and rips you to shred (it's happening in the newspaper business as we speak).

***

Meanwhile, the door seems to be swinging the wrong way in the economy. Ugh! Warren Buffet's one of the fattest of cats, portfolio-wise, so when he speaks we should all listen. I have been optimistic about the market, but perhaps I've been wrong (hard to admit, I'll admit).

Still, my hope is to stay the course somewhat. Half my portfolio's in index funds, so I have little to concern me there. They're long-term investments that seek to replicate the market; I just hope the market doesn't seek to replicate a busted toilet.

The other half, though, is individual stock investing. I have just a handful of positions-- less than ten-- and only one of my stocks got absolutely killed. But I believe in the company and their model, and want to hold on to it long-term. I'm waiting for even more of a pullback, in fact, before I act, though. We could have even more shrinkage...

Most importantly, on economic days like today, sit on the back porch and drink a mimosa. Really-- it's why we invest & save, right?

How You Cat Can Help Grow Your Business

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 15:12:00 +0000

Leap Year! Leapt!

Here's an interesting cat-business article:

How Your Cat Can Help You Grow Your Business by Cary Bayer

Mind, it's for a massage therapy business. I don't think #3 will help my business much ("let others touch you"). But, it got me thinking: how has Zooey taught me to grow our business? After all, she's a singular cat, not like the others.

Hmmmm.

Eat Those Smaller Than You. Zooey's an outdoor cat, and spends much of her time in that primordial cat-space unbeknown to sweater-wearing, Juicy Vittles-eating Mr MacMuffin next door. She lives in a Darwinian world, and would read Sun Tzu's Art of War were she so inclined. Many businessmen have benefited from its ruthless take on the business world, I must say. Were my cat a Fortune 500, M&As would rule the day.
Always Be Clean, Fresh, and Ready to Go. Though an outdoor cat, Zooey spends a lot of time tongue-primping. She's always fresh and shiny, with a well-groomed coat. I try to do the same: presentation matters, and first impressions last a lifetime for those of us who don't suffer concussions right after the first impression.
Keep on that Poker Face. Zooey loves me. How do I know? Good question. Best evidence so far is that she hangs around, eats the food I offer, and lives in the house I provided for her. Other than that, she's pretty standoffish. I get a "meow" now & then, but that's about it. In business, too, it's best not to be too forthcoming. Don't be a cold fish, but remember that a business relationship, however warm, is not a friendship. If you don't, you may wind up feeling betrayed down the line.

Or eaten. Yikes!

Secret Investment Opportunities...

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:22:00 +0000

...I have an old free junk email account I use for my personal messages, like sending pictures of my cat, rather than pictures of my monetized cat, which are reserved for this blog:

It always has these ads at the top, right? They crack me up. 25% back accounts, the lost investment opportunities of Alaska's unknown wilderness, the royal Saudi mythic money machine, blah blah blah. Today's was a corker. My interpretation:

Now, this could be real. I doubt it, but it could be. I haven't clicked on it to find out because I don't want cookies and spyware infesting my machine. Certainly, the outlandish claim and the graphic design (faux-sophisticated) lead me to think otherwise. Yes, Virginia, sometimes slick marketing can make you seem like a con artist.

But most of all, it promises a secret no one's talking about. Except in BANNER ADS ON THE TOP OF FREE EMAIL ACCOUNTS EVERYONE USES!!! For pity's sake!

The only secrets I want to know are:

Whether or not this girl is telling the truth when she says she's into me
Whether or not the butler did it
What my boss thinks of Maury

And usually, the best way to find out is just to ask.

When it rains...

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 17:21:00 +0000

...my body falls apart. That is to say:

I put a quick fix in the leaking roof, then we get hit with a wall of tornadoes.
I step outside to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather, and we get hit with freezing temperatures and snow.
I get sick, this flu that's going around. BOY do I get sick, sweating through clothes and everything.
Markets have been sick anyway. I try not to look.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Which is to say: I was feeling better, but in reality the virus was just relocating to a different part of my body. You know? First headaches, then sinus, then fever & chills, then queasy intestinal horrors.

So I will (tenatively) be back to blogging here soon... I just haven't had the gumption...

Monetize? Monet-ize!

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 20:37:00 +0000

We're not just about the big bucks here. Below, an artistical impression:

Inclement Markets

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:57:00 +0000

Winter storms and housing crises. Looking for a safe place for your earnings is a lot like trying to find the stray cat you've adopted during a rampaging snowstorm.

Zooey usually hangs out around her house, my one extravagance (fortunately not foreclosed). In storms like today, though, she's not in her reliable places. Today I went all through the woods and down by the stream to see if I could find her. Nothing. Just some deer tracks & scat, and some beautiful steam rising off the stream as it cut through the snow.

Meanwhile, inside my nest egg has been taking a hit. I don't have a whole lot-- some index funds, a few stocks I bought on a hunch, an IRA. The housing crisis caught me off-guard, before I could move anything out into bonds, my MMA, or even hide it under the mattress. (I understand better now why my great-grandfather, he of the Depression, didn't trust banks.)

But then I saw some nice clues:

Namely, the Fed's recent aggressive cuts, their plans to forestall foreclosures, and Congress' thankfully fast action on this anti-recession drug. I was never convinced that the housing crisis was going to be that cataclysmic, anyway. We're a lot more intertwined with the rest of the world now than we were in 2001, even, so the way our economy goes does not necessarily mean gloom for the earth. Also, markets usually do better in election years. I'm trying to wait this one out, and hoping to find a few bargains out in the financial woods.

But I am no economist. I am but a humble cat owner, thankful to have a roof over his cat in her timeshare.

Keeping It Real (and Legal)

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:06:00 +0000

Having read-- and argued with-- and learned from-- Tim Ferris' Four Hour work Week, I now have a much better sense of what the possibilities are with monetizing my cat.

And as I learned from the Cash Machine anti-PF book, I think must set up a structure. We often overlook this in thinking of entrepreneurship. We think, "it's not about paperwork, but hard work; not LLCs, but sweat and sore knees."

But I want to be a more thoughtful CATpitalist. One who knows from the start that he can grow. After all, you can't lay a foundation for a ranch house and put a skyscraper on it. And I want CATpitalism to stretch to the skies.

So I am investigating various legal structures-- before I talk to a lawyer at $800 a minute! These NOLO legal books-- written by lawyers, and intended as legal advice (though more limited than an in-person lawyer)-- have helped me think about this a LOT. My basic options:

Sole Proprietorship. Which is what it is now, just money added to my taxes. If I want to sell the business, I can't. And all the profits go straight to my personal taxes.
Partnership. My cat and I share! Moving along...
Limited Liability Corporation. Your personal assets don't get nailed should your business go bankrupt. Whew! Profits still passed on to your personal taxes. Owned by its members.
Corporation. Both types are owned by their shareholders-- with a board of directors making decision. Shareholders have no personal liability.

C-Corporation. The standard, with profits able to be held at the corporate level to reduce overall taxes. Also, it has arcane "capital incentives..." Ooo, impressive...

S-Corporation. This is a mutt: half-LLC (for taxes), half C-Corp (for structure). Has no more than 100 shareholders. Too much passive income, like rent money coming in, can get you in hot water with the tax-dogs.

And remember: I am not legal advice! I'm learning this stuff as I go along. And I may hold serve as a Sole-P for a while yet. Need to read the tea leaves...

Bad Blog Behavior

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 16:52:00 +0000

Have you ever...

Checked the same blog twice in one day?
Scrolled up a blog post after scrolling down? As though you're hitting the ground with a stick?
Gotten halfway through a blog post before you realize you've read it before?
Started typing in random *.blogspot.com addresses just to see what's there?

If so, you are DEFINITELY suffering from a bout of bad blog behavior. Your cache is full; you are infosated. The key to a refreshed, renewed relationship with the world of blogs is not a splurge through Stumbleupon.

Go outside, find your cat (inner or outer), and run around in the woods for a while. Nekkid or not. I like to rearrange fallen trees and branches so they catch & conserve water & leave browse from erosion. Then you'll feel like you've actually DONE something, rather than feeling

(For this same reason, I deleted all the games from my computer. ALL of them. Even Solitaire and Chess.)

TORNADOES ARE SCARY

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 21:00:00 +0000

I went from a leak in the attic to hiding in the basement.

How to Fix a Leak in a Storm

I woke up yesterday when water splashed on my face. Going up the ladder into my rickety attic-- barely more than a crawl space, you can't even stand in the middle-- I saw a long leak coming in between two boards, collecting on a joist and coming down into the (wet) insulation over my head. I spread out the insulation to dry, put down a bucket on a cross-board, and went to work.

I knew the roof needed real work, but I can't fix it in a storm. So, to control the leak, I put two small screws in both sides of the joist above the bucket. Then I tied tight some old twine in place and strung it down into the bucket. A quick fix, but at least the water now all goes into the bucket until I can do some real roofwork.

I'm going to have to go up, tear off some shingles, lay down new tar paper and some new shingles. I want an adonized tin roof that collects water runoff, but that'll have to wait until I can afford the materials.

How to Cower Like a Little Baby During a Tornado

My house is on the edge of a forest, at the foot of a hill behind. We get a lot of wind, but mostly it blasts through our empty front yard. We have had tornadoes before, but this is an old house and still standing. Still, it sounds like all Tennessee got hit yesterday, and neighboring states besides, so I ended up in the basement-- the walls leak, I need to seal it-- with a flashlight, a weather radio, and a prayer.

The Red Cross has a great blog up about their relief efforts. Fortunately, all my damage is a couple of downed trees (soon to be lumber) and even less hair on my head. Also:

Info on How to Prepare a Home Tornado Plan and Disaster Kit (also in Spanish)
as a PDF (also in Spanish)
And Insurance, too. I need to check out my plan and make sure I'm not sawing logs for a lean-to if it all gets blown away.

The tornadoes didn't pass until late. And I didn't sleep well. But I'm thankful we're all okay, and my prayers go out to those of us who were hit hard.

How My Cat Weathers the Storm

Honestly, I don't know. She's an outside cat. Animals are smarter than us about disaster, I think-- they can tell it's coming and take measures besides. She was meowing on the porch early today, glad to see we're both safe.

(We Interrupt This Blog...)

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:13:00 +0000

AUGH! The roof's leaking!

PF tip: money spent on maintenance is the best investment!

Now where's the ladder?

Get POOR Fast

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 20:09:00 +0000

How NOT to Monetize Your Cat: a Case Study.

Down the street lives Purrty Petey. He has a human named Anton he keeps with him, who's jumps from job to job, scheme to scheme.

The human tries to make money every which way. Rather than get DVDs from the library, he buys them, burns them for his collection, and then resells them used on eBay. Rather than invest in bonds or an index fund, he speculates on collectibles and eBay. (Mouldering Beanie Babies infest his rented storage unit.)

Worst of all, rather than invest in learning new skills for higher pay, he spends tons of time and money on Get Rich Quick schemes. You know them-- promising huge returns on real estate, Forex trading, options, or some "foolproof" product, they have infomercials and hotel conferences. Anton's been to a dozen of these things. He goes for the ~~$1995!~~ ~~$995!~~ ~~$500!~~ "free" seminar, but then they upsell books, CDs, home training courses and networking.

Dozens of these courses litter his apartment. Purry Petey uses them for litter. He has to. Anton's too busy chasing some other fake dream.

Worst of all, Purry Petey tries to tell him. He tears up the couch, he pukes in the undies drawer. (Once he was asleep in it, and Anton closed it on him. For a week after, he was a guilty "commando.") Anton won't sit down with himself long enough to see how he's wasting his time-- his life-- on some other empty promise. He could be monetizing his cat, building side streams of income, taking small steps to financial & feline freedom, but he doesn't read this blog.

Alas!

REVIEW: 4 Hour Work Week

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:07:00 +0000

So this guy says you only have to work FOUR HOURS a week.

Yeah, RIGHT! Good luck hopping off to Bora Bora when you've got a CAT to take care of! For God's sake, who changes the litter? Well, Zooey's an outdoor cat, so I guess there is no litter. What will the cat eat, Tim Ferris? Huh? Dirt? Floorboards? MICE? Or do you just outsource it to your neighbors? But then you have to draw up a 1099 for them, and they're just your freaking NEIGHBORS! And what if they're from some third-world country where they EAT cats? Did your "Muse" design ever think of THAT? New clause in muse design: "in case of the "help" eating Zooey, FREAK THE LIVING CRAP OUT AND THROW Mr. TIM FERRIS'S BOOK IN THE REACTOR CORE."

Oh, who am I kidding, I'll never have "help." Or even help.

The "Muse," by the way, is the online business Mr. Tim Ferris has designed so he doesn't have to work. The book has a lot of random stuff about not reading email and speaking Indonesian, but really it's about how he made an e-business selling herbal jujuberries to men who punch each other in the face for money. He had also punched men in the face as a hobby, so he had an "in."

It lets him disappear into the Third World for months at a time and still make money while having other people do all the work. I think he's NUTS. I think he got his ideas at the CIRCUS. I think his name is Mr. TIM FERRIS WHEEL. HA! How you like THOSE jujuberries? I guess this is the part of the review where I should attack his character just because he has a life I'd like to have. Well, Mr. WHEEL, I am not the first person to say that taking other people's work for money is evil. I think Karl Marx said it somewhere down the line!

Okay, to his credit, he makes his money selling "nutraceuticals," not investment systems or speeches about how great money is. So his recent turn as a entrepreneur selling entrepreneurship is not as foul as most of the other money/finance/work gurus out there. Even better, he puts it all in the book, not a three-day, ~~$1995~~ ~~$995~~ $495! limited time offer! workshop. And he seems smart, and earnest, though perhaps a little too pleased with himself.

And he has some good notions about designing the business, even if they're a little light on particulars. (While reading, I was like, "I can do this!" Afterwards, I'm not too sure.) And his language-learning pronouncements seem on the level. (I personally became fluent in Tabby only after creating an immersion environment, looping tapes of Zooey meowing until I was dreaming in Standard Cat first, then Tabby and Siamese.)

Meanwhile, I think Zooey has like a four-minute work week. She meows at the door when she wants feeding, but the rest of the time she's out doing her thing. I mean, it's not like Haggis, my friend Chevron's cat, who actually has to produce love and affection every now and then. Zooey never sleeps coiled up at my feet. Well, she was a stray. She had a hard life before we met. I guess I should just be happy she's willing to help out around the house: catching mice, being monetized, etc.

I wonder if Mr. Wheel has any pets. Does he hire people to love them? Do they hire other pets-- you know, scraggly pets nobody wants, like fat chihuahuas and echidnas and billygoats, to love the hired people back? What happens then, does everyone just sit around while all the love takes place everywhere else? What happens if we run out of pets who are less loved than the "New Rich" pets who don't feel any fear and so don't work for love?

Is love a renewable resource? I need to research this.

How This Book Made Me Feel Stupid and Lame, Which Seems to be Part of the Author's Purpose in Talking All the Time about How Great He Is and All the Cool Stuff He Did by the Age of 15 When I Still Had a Mullet:

The Author left his six-figure job, which I never had in the first place, so now he can look down on me twice
I'm not so convinced of my own abilities that I didn't write a book about The Four-Cat Work Week first
I didn't get a BA from Princeton, or even Squireton. Can I still achieve something in the world, or should I just quit now?
I didn't go to Stanford either. Neither did the author, but he has spoken there, and, being in Palo Alto, is kind of at the center of this "New Rich" world of venture capital and internet gazillionaires. I think part of the point of said institution is just looking down on people because your mascot is a tree named after a bird, and you can thereby spend the rest of your life in a state of reassuringly smug condescension when everyone in the sane world mistakes the word "Cardinal" for a cardinal. Also, you know you'll never really go deep in the NCAA's.

How This Book Made Me Feel Like Zooey When She Huffs a Bunch of Catnip:

A lot of the eMarketing stuff seemed familiar, so I guess I'm doing something right
I don't like to travel, so I don't mind spending EVERY WAKING MINUTE making CATpitalism! your one-spot stop for cat-related monetization
I love my cat too much to outsource her

(Disclosure: Author owns Chevron [CVX] stock, but not very much.)

HSBC Online Is Going Modern Catty

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 03:53:00 +0000

After setting up my account with HSBC Online, I mailed in a check. Just over a week later, I received the password in the mail. They're obsessed with security, see-- what with the advent of keylogging malware and whatnot, it makes the most sense to stay secure.

So, in my email, my login ID. In my snail mail, my password. Both huge strings of numbers. Makes sense. Perhaps in response to old news about security threats, they also have a unique "security key" that you type in on a Flash keyboard with your mouse, which is used at every login. So I'm satisfied. Now I have a VERY secure account I can link to brick-&-mortar accounts, a (relatively) high interest rate, and a place to funnel Adsense/Affiliate/Other money. Perfect!

And my own online security ritual? I have two browsers installed. One I use for browsing, personal emailing, etc etc. The other I use only for business and personal finance. It is set up to remember NONE of my passwords, and to completely wipe its history, cookies, and pretty much everything every time I quit. That way Zooey can't realign my 401(k), and Mr. MacMuffin can't spam his relatives with ads for Cutco knives.

I also run virus scans regularly, using Leopard Cache Cleaner. I work on a Mac, which has no real viruses, but I don't want to infect friends. Besides, nobody likes the smug, especially that guy in those Mac commercials. Probably he never fixes his permissions or runs his maintenance scripts, and then his kernel pops and he has to spend three unpleasant hours getting poked at by a Mac Genius before meeting his boorish but lovable PC pal for an evening of girl drinks and sniping.

(P.S. My passwords are NOT cat-related. Suprised?)

Find of the day: Modern Cat. I'm a little too rustic & bumpkiny for this stuff, and Zooey's a little too outdoorsy, but perhaps those of us with the chic flair thing going on will find cat-products of value and interest.

This Long Tail is NOT hideous!

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 14:29:00 +0000

Fig. 4. The Long Tail by Chris Anderson,

interpretation Zooey.

So. I am now looking for a business design that will work for Zooey's freakishly long tail. Hopefully there are enough people out there who need to get all their business/economics/pet food information from the same source. Otherwise we may need a trip to the plastic veterinarisurgeon.

I'm not reading the book-- because the idea has transcended the book-- but Chris Anderson basically writes that, since the Internet offers unlimited "shelf" space, you can make a profit on ultra-niche products which would get crowded out by the "gigantic, bloated head" products, like non-cat-related business & finance books.

Apparently it works quite well for ultra-niche businesses, like role-playing game books and classical music. (Keep in mind that CATpitalism is no ultra-niche! It just hasn't taken off yet.)

The idea has been kind of epoch-making in e-business, and Zooey and I are going to see if we can get in on the action. It's been kind of slow here in the rolling hills of Tennessee. But, based on this Tail thing and the Cash Machine book reviewed yesterday, I think it's actually possible we could make some scratch from this kind of stuff. And, as always, we will do it out here in public, and let you know how it goes...

REVIEW: Cash Machine for Life

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 15:27:00 +0000

Loral Langemeier flips the proverbial bird at the average personal finance blogger. She writes,

If you want to sit around counting pennies and live a smaller, have-to life, then focus on your debt. In fact, I promise you that if you spend the next year focused on getting your debt down to nothing, you will have exactly that at the end of the year-- nothing. Focusing on debt is like dieting without exercise. It's an endless cycle of starvation and deprivation with no lasting results. (pg. 3)

And, since I'm one of the rare few who made it a point never to carry either school or credit card debt, I can kind of see where she's coming from. She continues:

A colleague of mine drinks three iced quad venti nonfat no-whip mochas a day. His monthly coffee habit is some people's car payment.

She neglects to mention his heart exploded from caffeine overload, and even the EMS crew left the scene buzzing, only to get run over by the Maserati-driving barrista who profited from his loss.

Anyway, Langemeier has written three (3) books with "Millionaire" in the title. How's that working for you, Loral? The latest one is about creating a "Cash Machine for Life." She outlines this with her proprietary (her word) Wealth Cycle (string of trademarks here), which is our first warning sign. Always beware authors , talking about money, who have clearly made that money by talking about making money (I include my cat in that group), or worse yet, selling a proprietary system that makes you money.

Langemeier does, as seminars and exclusive networking opportunities. They look better than those "Millionaire Cat" seminars, where you point at your cat and yell, "I HAVE A MILLIONAIRE CAT!" But they still leave me a little wary.

Fortunately, her book is useful, mainly for how it defines "Cash Machine." It is NOT a pie-in-the-sky great idea, like franchising MMA CATpitalism interactive scratching post sellers all through the world. It IS, however, a laundromat. Or a car wash. It has to make money NOW. And it should be related to what you already know, not what you want to know. So for me, it's not DOGpitalism-- no, I know cats, so I should focus my energies there. For instance, start a consulting business where I explain to cat owners how to realign their portfolios into cat-friendly equities.

To build a Cash Machine, she emphasizes the fast & the practical. Two ideas stand out: "Seven Weeks to Sales" and the necessity of NOT being a "Lone Ranger." I never watched Westerns, so I'm glad she explained that she meant to find a mentor, a model, and to get other people to cover your weaknesses. I, for instance, am bad with setting things on fire, so I would outsource that to a contractor. If my Cash Machine for Life involved setting things on fire. Which it doesn't.

The "Seven Weeks to Sales" walks through a process not just of coming up with a business, a plan, and a team, but a structure. You have to make it a legal entity. For her model, it's non-negotiable. That way, you can expand it, hire others to do the work, and-- most importantly-- sell it later.

She gives some web extras that deserve mention. One, a PDF of Cash Machine ideas, lists 25 pages' worth of every job known to humankind. A sample:

Pick-up kids from school
Tutoring
Pet Psychic
Advertising Coach
Personal Assistant Service
Mobile Coffee Truck
House Sitting
Pet Sitting
Flower Shop

It is so encyclopedic as to be quite useless, and kind of thoughtless. I can't imagine she expects anyone will read it.

So, fair enough. Some other books cover similar ground, but not with her emphasis on the nuts-and-bolts. Business organization and legal structure are perhaps the most important part, but books like The Four Hour Work Week flit right past them. She gives them due attention. You'll still have to hire an accountant or a lawyer, but at least you'll know what to ask.

IN SUM:

How This Book Gave Me the Gout, a Misunderstood Disease Not Just for the Old Rich:

The "proprietary" nonsense. It's a sound set of principles, but a "process" only so she can sell it-- so it's jargon-heavy. I can't stand jargon, and having not yet read her other two books, much of this book is rougher going than it has to be.
The organization. She relies a lot on stuff from her Cash Machines Seminars, so the book can be needlessly hard to follow. In other words, should I just take the seminar? Well, I'm not interested in furthering your Cash Machine, because those kinds of things are always fluff. It's a good time management principle: AVOID MEETINGS. In my book, Seminar = Meeting.
Learn to write better or spend more for your ghostwriter, whichever it is. If this book is a bestseller, it's because people want money, not because you can write your way out of a wet paper bag.

How This Book Fed My Cat Delicious Tunafish:

Has a sense of the legal ramifications of business-- what other money-machine book talks about due diligence?
She's right about getting rich. So many people have long-term plans to retire rich, but in the meantimes they bend over backwards to pinch pennies. Rather, building more income streams-- especially passive ones-- makes more sense.

Cat Skills Assessment

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:00:00 +0000

As many of you know, my cat Zooey has decided to help out monetarily. But she's become discouraged after her initial enthusiasm. It is hard to find work in this world, especially when you're a cat.

Yesterday she threw up all over the deck. I was worried-- stress is pretty bad, and now the deck is too. I could hear her up late last night. When I woke up I found this on the computer screen:

What an amazing cat! As an outdoor cat, she must have had a copy of the housekey made when I wasn't looking.

She had gone through my self-help books, and opened up Loral Langemeier's Millionaire Maker's Guide to Creating a Cash Machine for Lifeto a self-help skills assessment early in the book. So we sat down this morning and worked through it to give her some direction. This is a short version of it, so you can have an idea of what it's like:

1. List your job responsibilities:

eating
coyness
sleeping
stalking through lawn & forest as mistress of all i survey

2. List the tasks associated with these responsibilities:

monitoring small animals
climbing trees
somber frolic

3. List the industries and markets you have experience in:

pets
hunting
food service

4. List the tasks you do at home:

tongue-bathing
resting

5. List the activities you find you do in spare time

rubbing face against lawn furniture
marking territory
leering at Mr MacMuffin through his living room window, especially at night when the terror sets in

6. List the tasks others ask you to help them w/

pest control
relationship problems
money problems
emotional problems
family problems

7. List the tasks you're good at & may take for granted

sharpening claws
furniture control
consulting.

That's her list. Honestly, I'm a little surprised at some of her answers, but she is an outdoor cat, after all. And the Cash Machine book is interesting-- I'll have my full review up tomorrow!

Moving Along with the Plans...

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:00:00 +0000

Looking back to our CATpitalism Plan Part I, we've achieved most of our objectives.

The blog's up and running, and we have increased our traffic. To our new readers, welcome! And the SEO is buzzing along. In fact, doing a Google search for "Catpitalism" yields us as the #1 hit! Just like Cat Stevens. Well, #4, but the #1 is our Blogcatalog page. Close enough.

Look at the competition we've beaten out:

The good folk of Lawrence, Kansas discussing how our very own blog destroyed Chinese Communism
A Senior Member(!) of a prominent Catholic discussion forum says, " I'm convinced that Catpitalism is the best economic system." Me too!
And one "Tweaker" intones this simple fact: "Catpitalism works." Like a charm!

Since these are all discussions, just do a search for "Catpitalism" and you can see the quotes. And I must say Zooey & I are flattered and humbled by the attention our unique cat-centric brand of e-commerce has received.

But we still had two leftovers from that first plan.

#4 was to open an online bank account, either with ING or HSBC. Which I have done! In an 11th-hour reversal, I chose HSBC for their higher rate. The sign-up was painless-- a few forms filled out online, and a quick credit check and I was good to go. I had read about much more complex application process at other blogs online, but all that remained was to send in a check. I'm still waiting for the check to go through their system, but soon I will earning a big 4.25% interest! Well, probably lower, since the Fed cut rates. At least that'll keep my portfolio from tanking. I hope. Please.

#5 is a Cat Skills Assessment. Which will come, after we have reviewed another book. Next week we'll be getting into some business design & entrepreneurship books. We can't wait!

Meanwhile, have a great weekend-- I think Zooey and I will try to spend more time outside together.

Seth Godin's Cat Builds No Wealth

noreply@blogger.com (Cat-Daddy) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:30:00 +0000

Kind of cloudy and overcast today, so I was snooping around in Seth Godin's blog. (I reviewed his book Meatball Sundae yesterday.) I found this post, which has some cobwebs on it, but raised some issues pertinent to my CATpitalsm plan.

Briefly-- read the post, though, it has some good points. In sum, Godin destroys my hopes, my dreams, Zooey's plans for gold-dust litter and braised rat pate. He refuses to monetize his blog.

He outlines good reasons for not doing so. Among them, the fact that one of his favorite blogs changed from being a nice place to hang out and read good ideas, into the e-version of the Vegas Strip. Ads, blaring out, carnival barkers touting the dude's new book, his bloated resume (this is the blog Godin describes, not Godin himself-- his blog is elegant and clean, and ad-free), so forth, dogs & cats living together. Just awful.

So yeah, I can see his point. But-- he's also a bestselling author with fourteen-odd books out. (I don't mean his books are odd! It's just English, for pity's sake!) So he doesn't seem to need to monetize his blog-- it's a loss leader, serving as an ad for his books, his speaking, his consulting.

Zooey & I don't yet have a catsulting service together. Or a speaking/meowing tour. Perhaps we will, after doing Zooey's skills assessment. But until that day, we'll have some ads. Maybe when we're raking in more money than Mr MacMuffin ever DREAMED of we'll demonetize the blog. And the cat. But until then...

And I want to reassure you (and myself, shamefaced after reading the post) we never changed! We were all about the boodle from Day 1! Cat-Daddy, Zooey-Monetization, so never mind that we have ads! Don't forgive us, enjoy our catpitalist path! Imitate it! Golden Land of Opportunity! My cat makes money! Your cat can too!