Cat's Chat

Does He Still Feel the Nails?

2023-04-07T11:18:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am again. It has been many years since I have written in this Blog, but I woke up rather early this morning hearing "Write It", but as usual, I waited for the urge to pass. While making and drinking my coffee, I heard it again, "Write It". When the Spirit is telling me to do something, He is relentless and although I should know by now that ignoring Him won't make Him go away, I try to fight it until I give in. So, here I am back on Cat's Chat.

At my Tuesday night Ladies Bible Study, we were discussing where we still struggle in our walk with Jesus, most notably our Sin. I shared that while I have made incredible changes in who I am now from who I was "pre" Jesus, I still fall short, multiple times, daily. One thing I shared, was that I often wonder when I sin, Does He still feel the nails? And given today is Good Friday, I understand now why the Spirit kept nudging me.

Good Friday, marks the day that Jesus Christ went to the cross to reunite us with God through the ultimate sacrifice, His life. We could never live a life worthy of God on our own, so God sent Jesus to live a life without sin on our behalf. Then He suffered the painful death, our sins deserve. John 3:17 says, "God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him." Thinking on the fact that Jesus bore the weight of my sins on the cross, has me both euphoric and heartsick. The excitement of Easter and knowing that by His death on the cross and His resurrection, our sins are washed away, can in some ways, become an idea that is somewhat "fluff". We know it, we say it, but do we really get it? Do we ALWAYS remember what that entailed?

After His conviction, Jesus was flogged, beaten with whips that contained pieces of bone and metal, that tore His flesh with every lash. At any time, Jesus, could have called on a legion of angels to stop this madness, but He didn't. Then, after being tortured, spat upon and mocked, He was nailed to the cross. This is where it gets me...

I can hear the clanging of metal on metal, as the hammer struck the nails, and I hear the anguished cries of pain and I begin to think of my sin. With each strike, I envision, each one of my sins: greed, selfishness, anger, harsh words, apathy, the list goes on and on and I wonder, if today, every time I sin, Does Jesus still feel the nails? Does He feel His flesh tear and His bones break over and over again? What a heartbreaking and sobering thought! How dare I take such an amazing gift of love and sacrifice and continually abuse it! Yes, Jesus' grace and mercy abounds and He is loving and forgiving, but is MY continual sin a way of continual suffering for my Savior? Sadly, I think it is.

I wish I could say these sobering thoughts keep me from sinning, but I know that I will not be sinless until the day I meet Him face to face. What I can say, is that I no longer look at my sin through the "I'm forgiven by the blood of Jesus rose colored glasses" but instead I look at my sin as driving a fresh nail through the very hands that lift me up or a sword piercing the heart of the One who loves me the most. Yes, there is comfort in knowing I am saved by His blood, but there is a sobering determination to be better, and do better, when I think that my sin brings Him pain.

So ask yourself...Does He still feel the nails every time I sin?

Good Friday, brings the cost of our sin to light. The grace and mercy afforded to us through the death and resurrection is not earned and certainly not deserved, but was freely given out of God's abundant love for us. Romans 5:8 God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

If you have accepted this gift of salvation, never take it for granted. If you have not, Jesus waits for you, arms wide open so run into them.

Sunday's Coming!
God Bless!
Cat

What's in Your Wallet?

2015-06-02T16:54:00.000-04:00

When most hear the question "What's in your wallet?", their mind ultimately goes to the Capital One commercial, talking about how beneficial their credit card is to have. For me, it's the dust in my wallet or the lint in my pocket where money isn't. But this question came to my mind today for another reason. One, not necessarily related to money, but rather something intangible.

It's no secret that I have been a follower of Jesus Christ for many years; 18 to be exact. I like to believe that my faith is unshakable, that I am fully confident in God's abilities and that I fully trust Him, but the truth is all of these things are a daily struggle for me. Let me say unequivocally that this is not because God has failed me ever, It is because, I, in the face of trial, fail God. I revert to self-preservation and what I can do to fix my situation, even when it seems beyond anything I am capable of. Of course I will pray and ask God to help with whatever situation I am facing, but as quick as I say the word, Amen, I pick back up the fear, the anxiety, the pain, the disillusionment, the anger, the sorrow, or situation that I just offered to Him. Instead of trusting things in His capable hands, I pick them right back up, in my own weak and feeble hands. And guess what, it just leads to more anxiety, fear, pain, disillusionment, anger and sorrow.

When life is good and things are going well, complacency sets in and my prayer life, for myself, becomes non-existent. I will fervently pray for the needs of others and thank God when He has answered the prayers lifted for others, but when it comes to daily communion with God, to just acknowledge all He has given me, sadly, I fail at that. I'm ashamed to admit that I am guilty of putting God in my pocket, like a credit card, to be pulled out when I "need" Him.

I am not deflecting because I am guilty of everything below, but I think that a lot of people are guilty of this as well. When our marriages are happy and life is just rolling along, God is in our pockets. We aren't thanking Him for the blessing of our spouse or our children and we take the good times for granted. But when our marriages hit a rocky patch and anger, disillusionment, resentment and pain, bubble to the surface, we reach for our pocket and pull out the God card. Suddenly, we are on our knees praying for God to fix whatever the problems may be and we flood social media with references of God like He's our newest best friend.

When our finances are in ruins and the bills are beyond what is coming in, hopelessness sets in. There's fear of losing your home; you hide your vehicle to keep it from being repossessed and the only time your telephone rings is when a bill collector calls. It all becomes so overwhelming and frightening. You don't know where to turn, so you reach for your pocket and pull out the God card.

Feelings of failure and uselessness set in when we lose a job. Our self-esteem and self-worth go down the toilet because we feel we have no purpose. Everyday tasks become a chore because depression sets in and even getting out of bed becomes difficult. Not knowing where to turn, we reach for the God card in our pocket.

An unexpected diagnosis, chronic illness, depression, anxiety, and even death, all times when you feel you have no where else to turn, you reach for what's in your pocket, God.

Let me be very clear in this, God WANTS you to come to Him all your troubles. He wants you to trust Him with your every need. He wants you to express your anger, your sorrow, your disillusionment, and your pain. "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened. And I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 God desires to be your source and strength when you are in need. But what He desires above all is a relationship with you that is not one of convenience. God desires to hear our joys and our thankfulness. He desires to hear our worship and our praise. God wants to know that we love Him and more than anything He wants to know that we recognize how much He loves us.
Even in our unfaithfulness, He is faithful! "If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13

There is a huge difference between the cards we decide to pull out of our pockets. If I pull the credit card out when I need it, its satisfies the immediate need or want; the pair of shoes, the groceries, that slice of pizza. While some credit cards offer benefits for their use, the fact remains that it's going to cost me for quite some time. The God card is not a credit card. It is not intended to be used just when you need it. It's intended to be used at all times, without cost. There is no interest, no annual APR and no redeemable points, but this card never expires, has a limitless credit limit and isn't just for wants or needs. This card entitles you to a constant companion; a lifelong partner; someone who wants to share all aspects of your life,good and bad. And yes, its good for our needs as well. The cost to use this card is simple, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart,with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37.

When you apply for and accept the God card, the rewards are endless. Your problems won't necessary all disappear, but facing them will be much easier than without it. With every use, your faith will become stronger, loneliness will disappear, peace will be restored to your soul and joy will find you again.

So in closing, I'm asking, "What's is your wallet?" Do you need to pull that God card out and keep it in your hand? Has God been your go to person with everything that is going on in your life, good and bad or has He been your credit card? Credit cards can get you in trouble; God never will.

Until next time, I've got my God card out and I'm gonna use it until it smokes!
God Bless,
Cat

Not The Flesh But The Spirit

2015-04-28T13:58:00.001-04:00

I have sat down to write this blog several times over the past week, even started a few sentences only to have the words elude me. As I've told my readers, I write when the Spirit instructs me and when that happens the words fly from my fingertips. Obviously, what I was trying to write was not Spirit filled and when I look back at the feelings I was having, there is no doubt. See feelings of hatred are not from the Spirit. The Spirit is a source of Love, Peace, Compassion, and Hope. I can honestly say, I have not been Spirit filled these past few days.

On April 23, I was reminded that 37 years ago, my father, Sergeant Robert Barlow of the Baltimore City Police Department, died in the line of duty. He wasn't shot by a perpetrator, but died of a massive heart attack after saving the lives of four different people while on duty. With all of the hatred directed at the Baltimore City Police Department, I couldn't help but take it personally and this angered me. Not only did my father die, protecting and serving the city I grew up in, but I have many friends and family members that have sworn to do the same thing and are holding the thin blue line as we speak. I suppose it is the sinner in me that naturally wants to rant, place blame, and point fingers at the rioters and their senseless acts of violence. Naturally, I want to blame government officials for the way the did or didn't handle things. And I passed judgment on the parents of the ones involved. I wanted to and have responded with negative comments on social media all in the name of "getting my point" across. Definitely, not the act of the Spirit, but of my flesh.

As I sat glued to the television last night, watching the destruction unfold before my eyes and listening to the police scanner reporting violence in the very neighborhood I grew up in, it hit me. No amount of complaining on social media; no amount of finger pointing and no amount of name calling is going to make a difference. The only thing that can make a difference is God and His Holy Spirit. After Jesus was tried, convicted and put death, He rose again and appeared to His followers. He didn't return to name call, point fingers, or seek vengeance on those who wrongly accused Him; instead He returned and baptized His followers with the Holy Spirit, commissioning them to go into the world and spread the Gospel.

We are living in a lost society. A society where many feel hopeless, abandoned, lost, confused, angry and hurt. Those that do not know or have not witnessed the love of the Lord Jesus Christ, through His followers, have nothing to hang their hat on but their earthly ways. Their actions and reactions are based on these empty, fleshly emotions. I can understand that. When I lost my father, I was 12 years old. I was angry, really angry and that anger followed me and festered within me well into my early twenties. I acted and reacted in the most destructive ways, because I didn't know any other way. It wasn't until I was introduced to the grace, mercy and love of Jesus, that my soul was healed. That introduction came through people who didn't cram the Bible down my throat or drag me into a church service, rather they simply showed me through their actions, the same unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness they had through the Lord. Recognizing their peace, made me want what they had.

The solidarity of those preachers who marched through Baltimore City in front of the officers, yesterday was an example of the peace that is promoted by Jesus Christ. It was a living, breathing example of what we are told in the book of Romans. Chapter 12, verse 21 says, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Unfortunately, this one act is not going to be enough to change years of disillusionment. However, the good news is that our God is relentless in His pursuit of the lost and as His disciples, we should also be relentless. The time is now for the followers of God to actively pursue, with love and prayer, the lost.

James 1:27 says, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." The orphans and widows are our neighbors; these angry young people who know no other way to express themselves then through violence. It is time for us to unite and make it our mission to pray for, work with, mentor and educate our young generation. Not with brimstone and fire, but with love, understanding and compassion.

Every follower of God, is commissioned to do these things, though each in the way they are called. Some are called to march in peace; some are called to provide food and drinks for our law enforcement; some are called to join in mentoring programs; some are called to stand on corners; some are called to help in the clean up and some are called to pray in solitude. Romans 8:5, "Those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." But what we are all called to do is love one another. After all that is the great commandment. Matthew 22:37-39, And He said to them, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And you shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Today, I implore everyone to let the Spirit lead you, but I encourage everyone to share a smile and a kind word with a stranger. I encourage everyone to pray for redemption, healing, safety and resolution for the Gray family, the disillusioned rioters, our law enforcement and military, the City of Baltimore and State of Maryland and their leaders as well as our country as a whole. God is using these events as a teachable moment for everyone. Let's learn from it; grow from it and further the Kingdom because of it. God is and always will be in control and His Spirit will triumph in all of this.

For my part in the "hating", I ask for forgiveness. The Spirit has convicted me.

Until next time, I pray the Lord Jesus bless and protect everyone!
Cat

This Blood is For You

2015-03-30T18:39:00.000-04:00

The darkness of the room provided a certain security from the outside world. Although light does not illuminate the room she sits curled up in, the sun shines brightly on the other side of the tightly drawn drapes. Those drapes are representative of the charade she portrays to everyone around her; a barrier of sorts. To everyone who knows her, she's quirky and funny; strong in her faith in God and happy. On the inside, there is a cyclone of insecure and destructive thoughts, swirling within her soul.

Tears stream down her face and these thoughts cut deep. You are ugly! You are fat! You are weak! You have failed your family! Who could possibly want to be your friend? And your husband! Let's talk about your husband! He deserves so much more than you! You are reckless and your household finances are in shambles! You are worth more dead than you are alive! Just give up! Give it up already! The words are loud, furious, and cutting, but exactly how she is feeling.

The tears flow so freely, that she feels them drip onto her arms and her tightly clasped hands, but as she reaches to wipe them, she is horrified at what she sees. Blood! Droplets of blood freckle her arms and hands. Bewildered at the sight of blood, where she thought there were tears, she instinctively touches her face and her hands are now covered in blood. Horror, envelopes her and she runs to the bathroom to see from where this blood is coming. Flipping on the light switch, her eyes instantly meet the image in the mirror; her face, tear stained, but no blood. Fearing she has finally completely lost her mind, she crumples in a heap on the bathroom floor. Still staring at the speckles of blood on her arms and the smears on her palms, a whisper of a voice is heard above the pounding of her heart. "Sadie, this blood is for you."

The rain is falling on this cool spring day and huddled under a bridge of a neighborhood park, sits a lonely young man. Empty beer and soda cans, candy wrappers, paper bags, and dirty discarded needles are the carpet in his home. A shopping cart harbors every belonging he has left in his life and a green garbage bag is his shelter from the rain that falls through the cracks of the bridge above him. His body is trembling, not from the cold dampness of the rain, but because his body craves relief from withdrawal. His scrambled thoughts struggle to focus.

He never thought this would be his life. He hadn't aspired to be a homeless addict, who begged and stole to support this habit that has consumed him. On the contrary, he had always wanted a career in law enforcement; to follow in his father's footsteps. He had the perfect childhood. He grew up in a middle class neighborhood with both parents who loved him dearly. And then one day, everything changed. His father was gone; dead from a heart attack and he was the one who found him. That image was imprinted on his brain with indelible ink. He lashed out at everyone around him and began to binge drink and party. To his family and everyone who knew him, he was just a thug, a trouble maker, but on the inside, he was dying bit by bit. Sober thoughts only led back to that horrific day. But alcohol and drugs created a euphoria that no one could understand, emptiness, thoughtlessness and numbness. Even as he sits convulsing in pain from withdrawal the image of his father haunts his thoughts and the pain of that day is almost greater than the pain of withdrawal.

Just as that day has been imprinted in his mind, so are the disparaging remarks that those who claimed to love him made. You are worthless! You're a thug! You disgust me! You smell! You should be ashamed of yourself! Look what you're doing to your family! You are an embarrassment to your family! This young man sits under the bridge empty and alone.

Drip, drip, drip, is the sound of water hitting the garbage bag that protects his head, but now he feels the trickle of something down his right cheek and again on the left. He takes his dirty hand and wipes his face, sure that it is rain that has found a chink in his armor. Wiping his hand on his jeans, he notices the red color of blood. Another drip and then another and when he looks at his hand it is covered in blood. He staggers to his feet, barely able to support his own weight and rummages through the shopping cart for the broken mirror that is among his prized possessions. As he lifts it to his face, he expects that this is somehow the end for him; that his addiction has finally caused this random hemorrhaging. But as he peers at the image in the broken mirror, there is no blood, yet every drip he wipes away appears in red on his hand. From over his shoulder, whisper comes, "Andrew, this blood is for you."

Exhausted, she collapses onto the sofa. Toys litter the floor and dinner dishes are piled high in the sink. After a twelve hour shift, homework, dinner and baths, she has nothing left. In eight short hours it will start all over. On the day she said, "I do", she never envisioned herself alone and raising three small children. She had had it all; a husband, three beautiful children, a home in the suburbs, and a mini-van. She gave up her career the day she and her husband found out they were expecting their first child and had remained home from that point on. Her job was to raise their girls, keep the house tidy and have dinner ready when her husband returned home. It was the best career she could ask for.

After 10 years of marriage, slowly things began to change. Her husband began missing family dinners and children's parties. His hours became longer at work and what time he did spend at home was with their girls. She began to think that it was because of her. She hadn't lost all the baby weight and she didn't always look the best when her husband came home. So, she began to diet and workout. She made sure her hair was combed, makeup on, and she was out of sweats when and if her husband came home. But he still showed no interest and his time at home became less and less.

On a snowy, Monday morning as she made her way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, she found an envelope with her name on it, perched on the counter against the coffee machine. Her heart sank instantly as if it already knew what the letter would say. Her husband was gone and he wasn't coming back. He had met someone and had fallen out of love with her. Her heart could hardly believe what her eyes were reading. Her life had completely changed in a six line letter.

Now, working again as a nurses aide, just to pay rent on a two bedroom apartment and food the table, she wonders if she can continue to do it. Instead of sleep, she musters the strength to clean up the toys and wash the dishes, before she has to sit at the table to figure out what bill she can pay. Electric, water, cable, rent, food, or new shoes for the girls. As she separates the bills into piles and stares at the near empty bank account, she feels something hit her on top of the head and then again. She looks up expecting the ceiling to burst open but there is no sign of anything. "I'm really losing it," she thinks to herself and looks back to her bills. Splatter after splatter of blood cover the bills and her checkbook. Certain, she must be bleeding from somewhere, she grabs the closest thing she can, the toaster. As she scans her face and pushes her hair back from her forehead, she is startled at the whisper that comes from beside her, "Julie, this blood is for you."

Whose stories are these? They can or could be the story of any one of us. Somewhere right now, someone is lost in depression. Somewhere right now, an addict doesn't see any other way. Somewhere right now, a single Mom or Dad is struggling to just get by. Somewhere right now, someone received a cancer diagnosis. Somewhere right now, someone is saying a final goodbye to someone they love. Somewhere right now, someone is holding on to anger, unable to forgive. Somewhere right now, a young child is being lure into a gang or being assaulted by someone they trust. Somewhere right now, someone feels like they have nothing left to live for.
But there is that Whisper...if we just listen. This blood is for you.

The blood that Jesus Christ shed on the cross was not for the perfect person. IMPOSSIBLE! There are no perfect people. The blood that Jesus Christ shed on the cross was for the addict, the worn out parent, the homeless, the person beaten down by depression, the prostitute, the banker, the check out clerk, the pastor and the painter. Luke 19:10 tells us, "The Son of Man came to seek and save the lost." Let's face it, we are all lost, in one way or another. His blood is in discriminate. It was shed for any who believe in His death and resurrection for the forgiveness of our sins.

In a few days, Christians around the world will recognize with somber humility Good Friday, the day of His Crucifixion. As those spikes are driven into His hands and feet, with each drop of blood that hits the ground, I believe He is saying, "Cathy, this blood is for you," and "____________ this blood is for you." You fill it in, He already did the hard part.

Until next time, may the Whisper be ever present in your heart.
Have a Blessed Easter!
He Is Risen!

Cat

Cat's Chat: Those Without Sin, Feel Free to Throw Rice

2014-09-12T10:07:00.001-04:00

Cat's Chat: Those Without Sin, Feel Free to Throw Rice: It's been awhile since I have been inspired to write and I probably stand to get some negative feedback on this post, but I can no longe...

Those Without Sin, Feel Free to Throw Rice

2014-09-12T10:03:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I have been inspired to write and I probably stand to get some negative feedback on this post, but I can no longer sit quietly by. I've tried to remain silent, keeping my opinions to myself, but when every piece of news and my Facebook page is bombarded, everyday, by the Ray Rice scandal, now, I speak.

First and foremost, I am going on the record to say that I, in NO way, condone, accept or have any tolerance for domestic violence or any violence, period. I have been a witness to what domestic violence does to the victim and I have counseled ladies who are victims of domestic violence. I am the first to say, "If you are being abused, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, get out! Protect yourself!" I would say this to a woman or a man, because while it is not publicized frequently, we all know that abuse happens to men as well as women. These are situations where abuse is ongoing, frequent, and the abuser doesn't or won't recognize what he or she is doing. With that being said, I want to share my thoughts on the Ray Rice situation.

When the first video surfaced of Ray dragging his then fiancé out of the elevator and it was announced that charges were filed for assault, I knew there had to be more to the story than what the public was seeing and after the "timely" release of the second video, I was right. What, I or any of us are not aware of, is what transpired before the elevator incident. Both Ray and Janay have admitted that they were both intoxicated and it is obvious that there was "mutual combat" as was evident both inside and outside of the elevator, documented in the surveillance video. Again, it is NEVER right to put your hands on another person in anger and there is NEVER a "good" excuse. Ray openly admitted that what he did was wrong. Janay opening accepted responsibility for her part in the altercation and forgave her fiancé for his actions. Even the prosecution, didn't feel that this was an ongoing cycle of abuse warranting jail time, but agreed that Ray Rice should participate in pre-trial counseling; which he did. His now wife, Janay, gave an impassioned speech to the NFL stating that nothing like this had ever happened before or since that incident. Is that the truth? Only they know. What has been reported is that they both have been participating in counseling since. When the NFL, gave Ray a 2 game suspension for violating the code of conduct clause, I thought it was ridiculous. Again, there is no way to know what was going on the mind of Roger Goodell at that time. I believe that the NFL had received and viewed the video in full when they made that decision, but their hope was that it was never going to be released to the public. That is pure speculation on my part. But then, someone wanted the big payoff from TMZ for the video and voila the airways exploded as did the court of public opinion and with it went the lives of Ray, Janay and their daughter. Now, covering their butts, the NFL suspends Ray Rice indefinitely from the game, his job and the Ravens to "protect" their image, release him from the team.

So here we are, a scandalous investigation into who knew what and when; a man has been torn apart in the media and the court of public opinion; he has been stripped of his ability to do the job he had and provide for his family and it leaves me thinking about a lot of things. Who gets to decide that a one time incident of abuse deserves a harsher punishment than 2 rape charges or spending time in jail for dog fighting? Who is pulling the strings, the NFL or the public? But I guess the biggest thing I wonder about is when did it become okay as a society to publicly lynch someone for something they have done wrong and accepted responsibility for? I find this particularly difficult to swallow when it comes from those who wear the title of Christian.

I have been guilty of judging others and I have been the recipient of others judgment. I have focused on the wrong someone else has done without considering my own failures. Matthew 7:5 says, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." I have not always led a life where I considered the results of my actions. For a good part of ten years, I harbored an anger that manifested itself in very destructive ways. I used drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and with that I unleashed my anger on everyone around me; family, friends, and perfect strangers. I would open my mouth and vile, disgusting, hurtful words would flow like vomit. Really tick me off and I would throw punches like a man. I didn't have a problem hitting my little sister, my mother, my boyfriend or punching some guy in a parking lot because I didn't like the way he looked at me. There but by the grace of God go I, that I was never charged with assault. It took the love and patience of a good man and a Mom who never gave up me to bring about a change in me; a change that made me consider the needs of others rather than my own. For once I considered how my words would affect another. I learned that harsh words leave an indelible imprint on the heart of the person they are heaped on.

Some twenty years later, I am still reminded of my past and current failures. It can be someone reminding me that I was a horrible teenager that no one thought could ever be redeemed or someone saying, "you smell like smoke" reminding me that I still have a vice. What I am getting at is that I'm not perfect. You are not perfect. No one is perfect. We all have things we have done that we wish we could undo, but unfortunately we can't. I sometimes think that it's easier to look at and focus on the faults (speck in the eye) of another then to remember that we have a giant plank in our own eye. You may not have committed assault against someone, but you may be guilty of injuring someone's character, affected someone's marriage, stolen, lied, or any number of things we wouldn't want to be judged for. Imagine for one minute if one thing you regretted doing suddenly became public knowledge and was plastered all over the news and social media. Then people you have never met and even people who know you decided to ignore all the positive in you and judge you by that mistake. How would you feel? I know I would be devastated.

In the Book of John, Chapter 8, the teachers of the law and Pharisees, brought a woman into the temple courts where Jesus was teaching. She was accused of committing adultery, so they questioned Jesus what they should do with her, stating that the law of Moses required that they stone her. Jesus bent down and began to write in the sand and they continued to question Him. Jesus stood and said, "If any of you are without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." He bent down and began to write in the sand again. After hearing this the men began to leave one at a time, the older men first. A moment later Jesus stood and asked the woman, "Where have they gone? Has no one condemned you?" "No," she replied. "Neither do I," Jesus said. "Now go and leave your life of sin."
Bottom line, who are we to throw stones at anyone? We've all screwed up at some point and guaranteed, we will screw up again.

Acts 3:19 says, "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins can be wiped away, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord..." The key word here is Repent. We have to recognize when we have done wrong, admit it and change it; break the cycle. I have heard the press conferences and have read the statements of Ray and Janay. Do I believe he recognizes what he has done? Absolutely. Has he admitted his failure? Yes, he has. Will he change his behavior? I believe he is taking the steps needed to prevent this from happening to again.

Punishment comes along with sin and the punishment should fit the "crime". Ray has been punished, harshly, by the governing bodies at the NFL, so why do we continue to punish him on social media? Why do we take pleasure in posting parody photos of him? Should we really be taking pleasure in another man's pain? When we continuously bash someone with our words, it's abuse, we might as well be in that elevator throwing punches at both of them. The only difference, we are throwing jabs while hiding behind a computer screen.

So, let's throw down the stones people and let the "powers that be" handle this. In the famous words of a fluffy little bunny named, Thumper, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." One day you may find yourself on the receiving end of a social media firestorm, begging to be left alone.

Until next time, the only stones I'm throwing are in a pond!
God Bless,
Cat

Still Waiting

2014-04-04T16:45:00.001-04:00

Hello friends! It sure has been a while since I have written! It has not been for lack of trying, but as those who follow me know, I don't write with out the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Believe me when I tell you, there have been many times I have sat down and wanted to write about something but the words just wouldn't flow. I am certain this was an exercise by the Spirit that James talks about in Chapter 3 about taming the tongue. I also believe that I was so embroiled in the turmoil of my life, that if the Spirit was trying to speak to me, I wasn't listening. But, I am back and I am listening! So here goes...

The past 6 months have brought about many changes in my life. Many of which, I was not ready to accept. Change for me is hard! I don't like it and I will certainly fight it. Satan, knows this about me and he uses it to break me down and tear me apart and that is just what I allowed to happen. Instead of arming myself with the infallible promises of Jesus, I tried to reason, rectify, and rely only on my own understanding. Trust me when I say this NEVER works. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. (MSG)

For years, my life and my ministry seemed to be laid out nice and neat in front of me. I was comfortable and going with the flow so to speak when suddenly, everything I knew to be normal was turned upside down. The ministry I had been so comfortable in was now a source of pain; joy was replaced with dread; clarity of my mission was now clouded and I found myself feeling like I didn't belong in an area I had served in for the past five years. Despite all of this, I tried my very best to continue to function in the capacity I was so use to. But in spite of my best efforts, I just couldn't do it. This left me feeling like the Israelites, who left what was familiar to go to the foreign land where God was sending them, only to continuously fail to yield to God's leading. Thus, leaving them wandering in the desert for 40 years. I wasn't in a foreign land, yet I felt like a foreigner; I wasn't among strangers, yet I felt like an alien; I wasn't letting God lead me, so I was left feeling lost and confused. What now? Where am I suppose to be?

So many questions swirled in my head and with all that uncertainty, accusations from the great accuser himself, Satan, flooded my mind. "You are a failure!" "You are not worthy!" "You can't serve in ministry! You'll just screw it up!" "Look at you, you're pathetic and weak!" "Just quit already! Loser!" I spent many nights, staring at the ceiling, hearing these insults and starting to believe them. I questioned my Christianity and my effectiveness. I wondered what purpose I could possibly serve if I wasn't doing what I had been doing all these years. I pondered my abilities to serve anywhere and found myself becoming more and more afraid to even examine other opportunities; and when I did serve, I questioned my ability and therefore did so quite guarded.

I finally sat with a wonderful woman, who is a great spiritual mentor, and explained my dilemma. After listening to my concerns and fears, she remarked that there was one common phrase I had continued to use throughout my conversation, "I'm tired". I hadn't even realized how many times I had said those words until she brought them to my attention. She assured me that it was okay to be tired and although she assured me I didn't need permission, she gave me permission not to serve in any particular ministry. I must admit after hearing her say that, I felt a tremendous relief. I had been serving in some capacity at my church since I started there in 1997 and I was afraid not to be serving somewhere now.

After this mentoring session, I spent a lot of time in prayer, being very specific with God about my need for guidance and this time I listened for Him to speak. What I heard was not what I expected. What I thought I would hear is, "You need to serve here..." but what I heard instead was, "How can you effectively serve others, when you are not effectively serving yourself?" Sounds kind of selfish doesn't it but after I thought about it, it made perfect sense. I was such a mess emotionally and spiritually, that I hadn't taken time to really be in the Word. There was so much noise in my head that I couldn't have heard the voice of His leading, even if I wanted to. I should have trusted the words of James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault."

I have taken "time off" to work on myself and my spirituality. I understand that I cannot be effective in any area, unless I am effective in my own walk with God. In order for me to minister to others, I must minister to myself. Jesus explains true service like this: "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. for apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile and burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great joy to my Father." (NLT) If I am to bear fruit through ministry, I must draw on the nourishment that is the Word of God.

For now, I will be content in being still. I am filling up my spiritual cup and will lean on the guidance of the One who knows me. While I won't be serving in a specific ministry, I will however continue to serve whenever the need presents itself and The Spirit will make that clear. I trust God will lead me to a specific area of ministry when He feels my time has come and until then, I will trust in these words, "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.

Until next time, I'll be waiting,
Cat

Cat's Chat: A Letter to Heaven

2013-12-20T16:16:00.001-05:00

Cat's Chat: A Letter to Heaven: Dear Mommy, It's hard to believe that you have been in heaven for 17 years as of today! It seems like only yesterday that I was telling...

A Letter to Heaven

2013-12-20T16:15:00.000-05:00

Dear Mommy,
It's hard to believe that you have been in heaven for 17 years as of today! It seems like only yesterday that I was telling you for the last time how much I love you and what a wonderful mother and grandmother you were. The images and sounds of that day are so vivid in my memory that it's as if I am there in that moment. I cry a lot this time of year. It seems that everything to do with Christmas reminds me of you and even though there are times I smile, it's just not the same without you. I know my grief is selfish, for I know that you are happy, whole and reunited with the one true love of your life, Daddy. Besides, there can't be a more festive place this time of year then Heaven! You, lucky lady, are sharing in the live Nativity!

So, Mommy, I was sitting here at home this week, thinking about my memories of you and I wanted to know if you remember them too. So do you? Do you remember how you would chase me across the lawn yelling, "Catherine Marie don't go down that hill!" I do, and so do most of the other kids in the old neighborhood. Do you remember walking me to school with your hair rolled in pink curlers? I do, and hopefully no one else will. Do you remember the first time you held Mandy? I do, you supported me through my entire pregnancy and you got to hand her to me. Do you remember when Chuck ask for my hand in marriage? I do, you told me I could never ask for a better man to be my husband. You were right and we're still together 25 years later! Do you remember how you would take Mandy, RC and Aaron to Eastpoint Mall for lunch every payday? I do and they still talk about that. Do you remember how you use to ask say to me, "Cathy, where's your lipstick? You look dead!" I do, and now my best friend tells me that all the time! Do you remember how much you enjoyed Chuck's Christmas decorations? I do and he does them every year in your memory.

There is one memory, Mommy, that stands out the most and has had the biggest affect on my life. Do you remember, right before you died, you asked us to find a church for us to go to? I do and so does Chuck. We did that Mom and that was the best thing you ever asked of us. We are 16 year active members of Mountain Christian Church. Chuck and I have been a part of the church growth that we have seen go from 1 campus of 600 to 2 campus of 4,000 to now a church that meets in 3 separate locations. Mommy, the years of prayers for Chuck to believe have been answered and he and I are active in Bible study; we serve our community while riding our motorcycles with the Mountain Riders (yes, you read that right Mom, I said motorcycles!); and we have been instrumental in helping start up the newest church campus in the town you loved, Edgewood.

I'm not sure you knew what kind of impact your request would how on our lives. We didn't go looking for change, but to merely honor your wishes. Instead, God had something entirely different in mind for us. Mommy, you know that I was really angry with God when Daddy died, and I had turned my back on Him completely, but today I can say He is my Rock! While I use to deal with things on my own in my own way, today, I rely on Him. When times are hard, and I feel like I can't go on, He is my strength. When I feel alone, abandon, and scorned, He is my unfailing love. When I feel anxious and scared, He is my comfort and biggest cheerleader. And when I feel unworthy and burdened by sin, He is my Savior.

Mommy, it is because you initiated this relationship with God, that I can enjoy the idea of being reunited with you in Heaven. Your request gave us a gift that is eternal! While, I may cry selfish tears of sadness because I miss you, I can rejoice in knowing that being apart is only temporary; that when God says He is finished with me on this earth, we too will be reunited. All this because the love of a mother inspired her to make a request and all because the Father loved us so much to send His Son, born in a manger, only to live, suffer and die on the cross to guarantee those who love Him eternal peace in Heaven.

Until that time Mommy, I hope you enjoy Chuck's lights from heaven and I know that you are with me as every new memory is made. Hug Daddy for me and tell Jesus, I'm trying my best. He'll understand. And Thank You! Thank you for loving me with the unconditional love only the good Lord and a mother could have.
Merry Christmas, Mommy!
I love you!
Love,
Cat

The Christmas Season can be very difficult for anyone who has lost a loved one or has suffered any kind of loss. While everyone is focusing on gifts, decorations, and parties, those who are hurting are focusing on that. Their joy is lost beneath the sadness loss. Believe me, I have shed my fair share of tears these past days and that's okay, but I won't let my joy be taken. I wrote this letter to heaven because I wanted to honor the memory of my Mom and I wanted to publicly thank her for the amazing gift she gave us. Because of her, I can find my new found joy in the One who this season is truly about, Jesus.

God promises us that if we love Him we will share in eternal peace in Heaven. God promises that His Grace is greater than any sin we have. God promises that one day, every tear will be wiped away, there will be no more death, sorrow, or pain, the old will pass away. God also promises that all who believe in Him will be raised to a new life with Him in Heaven. I am holding on to those promises and believe that I will be with my loved ones again.

Whatever your struggle this Christmas Season, you can find your strength, your peace, your comfort, and your refuge, from the one who was born this Christmas Day, Jesus Christ. If you have not accepted Jesus, give yourself the greatest Christmas present there is and pray this prayer: Jesus, I am a sinner and I believe you came to this earth, that you suffered and died on the cross, rising again on the third day to save me from that sin. This day, I accept you as my Lord and my Savior. Amen.

Merry Christmas!!!

Knowledge is Power

2013-05-14T21:38:00.000-04:00

Her skin was dandelion yellow and her stomach is swollen giving the appearance of pregnancy. She breathes with the assistance of an oxygen mask, as machines beep behind the head of her hospital bed. The nurse injects her with sedation and she suddenly becomes still. I search her face, etching every crease and wrinkle in my memory. I want every second to last a minute; every minute to last an hour; and every hour to last a lifetime. I know that the sands of time are slipping away. This was the last vision I had of my Mother as she succumb to her battle with breast cancer.

Today's news that Angelina Jolie had decided to have double mastectomies after testing positive for the breast cancer gene, is the reason behind this blog. In 2001, I too made the decision to be tested for the breast cancer gene. In 1996, my first cousin, Cheryl, had pioneered the decision to pursue testing after being approached by her physician. Our family, has a very strong history of breast and ovarian cancer. Our maternal grandmother had breast cancer, Cheryl's Mom had breast cancer, our Aunt had ovarian cancer, and my Mother had breast cancer. In addition, there were several other family members who had other forms of cancer-melanoma, lymphoma, and cervical just to name a few. Her physician considered the prominence of this disease in our family good cause to seek testing. Cheryl, aware that this was at the beginning stages of this type of testing, began a four year process of researching the genetic screening. Through the advice of a genetic counselor and after reviewing numerous articles and literature on the testing, Cheryl had her blood drawn to determine if she had one of the two mutations associated with breast cancer. Regrettably, she was positive for the BRCA-2 mutation.

Let me try to explain what this means. In normal cells, BRCA1 and BRCA2 help ensure the stability of the cell's genetic material (DNA) and help prevent uncontrolled cell growth. A woman's lifetime risk of developing breast and/or ovarian cancer is greatly increased if she inherits a harmful mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2 and that risk is increased if that woman has multiple, close family members who have been diagnosed with these diseases. A mutation in the BRCA1 may also increase a woman's risk of developing cervical, uterine, pancreatic and colon cancer. Mutations in BRCA2 may additionally increase the risk of pancreatic, stomach, gallbladder and bile duct cancer and melanoma. While the risks are greatly increased there is still the possibility that a woman with either mutation will never develop one of these cancers.

After receiving her positive result, Cheryl shared the information with the rest of the family, offering them the opportunity to choose whether or not to be tested. For myself, I knew immediately that I wanted to be tested. I didn't care about the stigma that may be attached to a positive result, I simply wanted to know. Cheryl had eloquently said about her decision to be tested, that "knowledge is power" and that became our family motto. I, along with my husband and three children had watched my mother suffer through chemotherapy and then ultimately a horrific and painful death from breast cancer. If I could spare them that heartache again, I would do what I needed to do.

In April, 2001, my husband and I sat with a genetic counselor at the University of Maryland and discussed the testing process, the implications of a positive result, and our overall feelings regarding the potential of a positive or negative result. My blood was drawn and we began the six week wait for the results. In my heart of hearts, I was certain that I was positive and I had convinced myself that I would be okay with that. I couldn't have been more wrong. As I sat in front of the counselor, who by this point had become personally connected to our family, my heart raced as she opened the result envelope. Suddenly, I felt a kick in the gut as with tears in her eyes, she read "positive for BRCA2". I turned and looked at my husband, and all resolve dissipated as reality struck. My mother once described her cancer as being like the game pac-man. She said she would close her eyes and envision these pac-man characters just eating away at her. Suddenly I understood what she meant. While I hadn't been told I had cancer, I felt as though those pac-men were just waiting to starting feeding. The fear was very real.

The next several weeks were spent conferring with my physicians discussing what my options were. I could choose to be monitored closely with mammography and physical breast exams. I could opt for Chemoprevention therapy, taking a synthetic drug to reduce the risk of developing cancer or I could elect to have prophylactic (preventative) surgeries such as mastectomies and/or oophorectomy (removal of the ovaries). For me and my family, the only decision I could make was the prophylactic surgeries. So, in September of 2001, I had a double mastectomy and the reconstruction process was begun. Three months later, in December, I had my ovaries removed. The surgeries were painful and recovery was long, yet I was somewhat relieved to know that I had diminished my chances for developing breast and ovarian cancer greatly.

The reminder of this gene is visible everyday as I dress each morning. The scarring from the surgeries is extensive and the physical effects from having my ovaries removed are on going. The fear isn't completely gone because there is always the chance that I could develop one of the other forms of cancer associated with this gene, but knowledge is power and because of this knowledge I am screened earlier for the other possibilities.

I was prompted to post this blog after reading various comments posted to articles related to Angelina Jolie's decision. Many called her a coward saying that real heroics would be in facing down cancer. Others stated that genetic testing was fraudulent, a scare tactic to make money and some said that this was only available because of her status as a Hollywood actress and wealth. These comments both saddened me and infuriated me. After my decision to have the preventive surgeries, I had a very hard time accepting when people would say that it was very courageous of me to do this. I looked at it as being cowardly, then my husband reminded me that my willingness to suffer through the effects of the surgeries to "get cancer before cancer got me" and spare my family was not only courageous but selfless. He further reminded me that taking a proactive approach to this was no different than someone having yearly physicals to prevent future health issues or dental cleanings to prevent losing your teeth. It may seem rather elementary when put in those terms but is true non-the-less. I'm sure if given the opportunity to choose between facing down cancer or being proactive, my mother would've chosen to be proactive. As for the "status" remarks, I can only reply by saying, I am not a Hollywood actress and I am not wealthy. I am a middle class wife, mother and grandmother.

The decision to be tested or not is personal and an individual decision. We have had family members who have been tested and some who have opted not to. For the ones who tested positive, some have had surgery and some have chosen other proactive measures. Regardless of their decisions, they were personal and whole heartedly supported by everyone who loves them.

To those who may have opinions about the decision to be tested and be proactive, I ask, "Please don't judge this very personal decision. You don't know how you would react if you were in this situation." The availability of this testing is just one more step in the continuous battle to find a cure of this ravenous disease and I for one am thankful that I had this option. Regretfully, my Mom did not.

To all those, who are battling this disease, my prayers are with you as fight to defeat it. To those who are facing the decision to be tested or are awaiting results, be strong and know that there are many who support you. And finally to those who have tested positive and chosen the path taken by myself, my cousin and Angelina Jolie, remain confident in your decision, because it is yours and yours alone.

Until next time, I have the Knowledge and in that Knowledge is Power.
God Bless,
Cat

Change is a Coming!

2013-03-19T13:50:00.000-04:00

When I was eleven years old, my family visited Disney World. It was my parents, my five year old sister, my granny and myself. I was so excited to see the Magic Kingdom for the first time; to see the Disney characters; to ride the tea cups and most of all ride Space Mountain, a roller coaster in the dark! As we approached the line for Space Mountain, the warning sign spelled out who could not ride the coaster. That sign eliminated my Dad, my Mom, my Granny, and my sister in one swoop. I was devastated as suddenly my excitement was dashed. Fortunately, a man in line with his daughter, took pity on me and offered to let me go on with them and my parents relented. My excitement returned.

Unlike the roller coasters at Hershey Park or Kings Dominion, where you wind through what seems like an endless maze to get on, Space Mountain took you through various displays of what future earth may look like. It was a great way to keep you entertained as you waited your turn, but for me my excitement was slowly turning to uncertainty and fear of what was to come. When finally our turn came, fear quickly took over as I looked at the two car ride and realized that I would be sitting by myself. The man and his daughter climbed in the back car and terror hit as I climbed in the front seat. There was NO turning back now! The cart slowly traveled through various bright tunnels, but at the end of those tunnels, we plummetted into pure darkness. I don't remember if I screamed or even breathed through the ride but I do remember the exhiloration and fear as I wondered what was coming next as we sped through the darkness. When the ride stopped and we got off, my body was shaking with excitement! I had survived the unknown!!

I'm kind of feeling that same mix of emotion right now. Excitement of what is to come but some fear of the unknown. The difference is, this adventure is not about an amusement park ride, but is about bringing change to a community that is hurting. The control of this ride is not someone pushing buttons or flipping switches but is controlled by the Spirit of God flowing through the people who are called to go. This is a mission for God. Mark 16:15 Jesus tells us, "Go into the all the world and preach the good news to all creation." All the world, doesn't just mean missions to forgein countries but is as close as our own backyard. Edgewood, is my backyard and frontyard and this is where God is going to make tremendous change.

I had the pleasure of attending a meeting at my church home, Mountain Christian Church, where it was unveiled the plans for a new campus, right in the middle of Edgewood, opening in September of this year! I have lived in Edgewood, for almost 20 years. I've raised my family here and my grandchildren live here. Even prior to moving to Edgewood, I would visit family here every weekend and this is where I call home. That is why I am so excited about this campus. I've seen my community change over the years and in all honesty it hasn't been all good, but I believe that Edgewood is not the exception, but is meerly the community whose troubles are the focus of media and gossip. I will agree that the troubles that plague Edgewood are sometimes violent, but other areas of the county experience crime as well, they just don't make headlines. I look at this community like a child who has grown up never seeing the good in themselves. When all they hear is the bad, they figure, what's the point in trying anything different. It's time that the people of Edgewood, the children, the teens, the single parents, the struggling families, and the elderly, feel what real love is all about. That is what this new campus will bring to this community through the programs that will be offered and of course weekend worship.

This is not going to be an easy undertaking, yet nothing ever worth while is, but with the commitment of anyone who feels called to serve in Edgewood, tremendous leadership and the Spirit of God as the guide, I predict a new Edgewood. I must admit that my fear of this also has to do with some selfish hesitation. I have been a part of the Mountain Road campus since 1998. I have many, many dear friends that I consider family that I look forward to seeing every week at worship. Leaving to serve at the Edgewood campus, would mean leaving them behind. But I am reminded in Luke, what Jesus has to say about that. Luke 18:22, "Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Luke 18:29 "I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brother or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."

I have been praying over the past year for God to reveal to me what He wants me to do. He had appeared eerily quiet in answering that prayer, yet my heart kept turning to service in Edgewood but I didn't know how or when. Then, in His perfect timing, this campus was birthed; answer to my prayers. Some who read this may have been praying for the same kind of guidance or perhaps you haven't really thought about it until now, but what I encourage you to do is be specific in your prayer. Ask God if Edgewood is where you are needed; ask Him to reveal where you can serve and then ask Him to give you a willing heart to accept that calling. If this is not where you are called to go, then I ask that you continue to pray for this community and its people,for the leaders of the church and those who will be going; but mostly pray that God will be glorified in all of this.

I know this has been a long blog, but I couldn't contain my words and if you will indulge me for a few more moments, I would like to leave you with one more scripture that I believe is what we are called to do in Edgewood. Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on a stand and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven."

Until next time, I have my hands in the air with excitement and this glorious ride begins. I hope you'll get in line and enjoy the ride!
God Bless,
Cat

Her Final Request

2012-12-20T11:40:00.001-05:00

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse..." These are the very familiar first words of Twas the Night Before Christmas; a poem that is read in the homes of many this time of year. I can almost envision all the little children in their pajamas, holding their favorite stuffed animal, and sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. In a wing backed chair, their grandfather sits regally and clears his throat as he begins reading to the wide-eyed children. The rest of the family listens intently, sipping egg nog and remembering back to when they were kids. Beautiful Christmas memories.

I too have many wonderful Christmas memories from my childhood; my first kitchen set, three separate pieces made of aluminum not hard plastic; my "Chatty Cathy" doll, go figure; my first ten speed bike, a boy one because "Santa" didn't realize there was a difference and the excitement of checking to see if Santa ate the cookies I left and reading a note from him. Now that I've dated myself, I will tell you that after all these years, I can still hear my Mother singing Christmas Carole's in the kitchen as she cooked Christmas dinner and my Father played with my sister and I on the living room floor. In my head it is almost like I'm there.

Today, my Christmas memories include my grandchildren and the traditions we have started with them. But underneath the memories of smiling children, mounds of torn wrapping paper and cut out cookies, there lies a sadness that I have experienced for the past 16 years. In December, 1996, as we prepared for the Christmas season, buying gifts, planning our annual Christmas party, and decorating our home, my Mother became very ill. Six months earlier she had been told that her breast cancer had returned and this time it was in her bones. The first few weeks, were a series of roller coaster rides; one day she was good and the next, she was flat on her back for days on end. On December 18th, we took her to the doctors to be given the worst possible news, the cancer was now in her liver and her organs were shutting down. She now had to be hospitalized.

As we waited for her admission, her spirits were high, doing everything she could to soothe my broken heart and assuring me that she was not done fighting. We got her settled and we joked and laughed; she complained her room was too hot and she was determined to be at our family Christmas party just three days later. We kissed goodbye saying I love yous and went home to spend a sleepless night. The next day was like the slow creep up the first hill of a roller coaster. Mommy, was in and out of consciousness; her skin was dandelion yellow and hot to the touch. Her stomach was swollen giving the appearance of pregnancy and I knew by looking at her, it wasn't good. As we sat by her beside, the slow creep up the track seemed to be getting faster and faster. When visiting hours ended, I kissed her cheek and rubbed the short hair on her head. "I love you," I whispered in her ear and turned to leave. The night nurse assured me she would call if anything changed and we left for home and another sleepless night.

I called the hospital as soon as I got up and was told that my Mom had had a wonderful night. She had been up several times, talking and joking with the nurses and was sleeping comfortably at that moment. I hated it, but I had to go into work for a few hours that morning so, I left after my husband reassured me that he would call if anything changed. At 1:00, the descent down that sky high roller coaster slope, began. The call said, "Get to the hospital right away, it's not good." As I raced down the highway to the hospital, everything around me seemed to move in slow motion. I prayed over and over again, asking God to get there in time. I sprinted through hallways and pushed past people until I was met by her nurse at the door to her room. As I entered the room it appeared everyone had arrived before me; aunts, uncles, cousins, my sister and my husband. I rushed to her bedside and sat down on the edge of the bed. The movement didn't stir her; she lay motionless, oxygen mask on her face and machines beeping behind her bed.

I sat with my sister on the bed and we talked to her, telling her all the things we wanted her to hear, not sure she could. I thanked her for teaching me to be a mother, for loving me when I was unlovable, for helping me raise my children and for showing me what unconditional love was all about. I praised her for her courage and for the valiant way she fought this disease. I told her how very much I loved her...then on this very day 16 years ago, I gave my Mommy permission to die.

I know this all sounds very sad and depressing but some very remarkable things came out of letting her go. To that point in my life, I believed in God and I hoped there was a heaven, but at the moment of letting her go I was assured of it. As quickly as the words "It's okay to stop fighting. We will be okay." left my mouth, she opened her eyes and smiled and an amazing sense of peace washed over her. I knew at that moment she was looking in the face of Jesus and was being welcomed into heaven by my Dad and so many others we had lost. Of course there were tears from everyone in the room, but just as quickly it turned to laughter and joy as we remembered the amazing woman she was and how she would get to experience the live Nativity.

After burying my Mother just two days before Christmas, the Christmas of 1996 was hard but I had children and my Mom would have really been mad if we hadn't made it happy for them. So I swallowed my tears and painted on a smile and did just that. The Christmas' since have become easier, though I will always miss her, but the Christmas' since will never be the same, but not because she is missing.

One final request my Mom made in the days before she died was that my husband and I find a church to go to. So in the two years after her death we searched for a church for our family to attend. We tried several churches of various faiths, but we didn't feel we were "good enough" for any of them. Christmas 1998, brought us to Mountain Christian Church and we've been there every since. My Mom's final request brought us to a family that has embraced us and carried us through the rough times in our lives. We have found a peace that can only be found in Jesus Christ and we are better people for it.

Now, instead of missing my Mommy with sadness on Christmas, I miss her with joy. I thank her for her final request that brought my husband and myself to Salvation through Christ. I thank her for her final request that led me to a place that taught me that being a Christian doesn't mean perfection, it just means forgiven. I thank her for her final request that makes me want to be a better person, mother, wife, sister, and friend. I thank her for her final request that makes me look at the Nativity in a way a never did before.

At this time of year when so many are grieving the loss of loved ones, I say, I get it. But equally I say, don't let their death and ultimately their life, be marked by sadness. Find the one thing that gave you the most joy from that person and hold tight to it. Learn from it and grow from it. The best memorial you can give a loved is joy in your life and the joy you bring to others. Shed some tears if you must, but only for a little while and then remember to smile.

Christmas morning when it is still quiet, I will sit and think of my Mommy and my Daddy and my tears will flow, but then I will smile as I think that on that day, just as the wise men visited the stable in Bethlehem, my parents will be visiting the manager of the King in person. Their voices raised in glorious song to the Christ Child and my heart will burst with joy as I know I will be there with them one day. I pray that you find that joy too!

I pray that you have a joyous Christmas and a Blessed New Year!
Until next time, I thanking Willa Mae Barlow, my Mom for her final request!
God Bless,
Cat

A Time for Change

2012-12-14T23:39:00.000-05:00

I had all intentions of writing a jingle bells, Santa Claus is coming, deck the halls, Merry Christmas kind of blog before Christmas arrived, but circumstances have me being led by the Spirit to write about something else. For some, it sound repetitive of some of the other blogs I've written, but obviously, I need to say it again. Firstly, I have to clarify something. I registered to write this blog as a "Religious" blog; offering inspiration and hoping to encourage someone. After some of my postings I have received some negative comments that suggest this kind of writing does not belong on the Patch or anywhere else. While I appreciate everyone who reads my blog, I will tell you now that I am a Christian and my writings will reflect that; I hope you will continue to read but if you don't want to hear about God or the positive ways we can selflessly serve others, then I respectfully ask that you skip over my blog. I hope you will continue to read, because you never know when I might say something you like! For everyone else who follows me, keep on reading.

As, I am sure most of the rest of the world is, I am heartbroken over the tragic shooting in Connecticut today. The lives of innocent children and adults taken for no reason is completely unexplainable. I tried to make sense of it and I even questioned God as to why this had to happen, but I was at a loss. Listening to the children who were interviewed about what they witnessed, reminded me of a conversation my husband and I had with our two grandchildren just Wednesday evening. My granddaughter, who is 9 years old, told us she has been scared. "Of what?" we asked and she preceded to tell us that kids at school had been talking about the end of the world coming on December 21st. We explained to her that the only one who truly knows when the world will end is God and at that point our grandson who is 6, chimed in. "And Jesus is always with us so you don't have to be scared, and God is Jesus' son." A little mixed up but his point was right on.

I didn't think about that exchange again until today and my heart broke even more. What kind of world are we living in, when the youngest of children have to be afraid of life. Think about it; these children who were witnesses to the savage rampage that occurred at their school today will never go to school again without some kind of fear of that happening again. Most likely any child that hears this news will also be afraid. Gone are the days when the biggest fear of going to school was not being ready to take a test or not being asked to be on the team; now children will be suspicious of everyone and will jump at every noise. Parents will question the security of their child's school and for those who were personally involved, they will struggle with the very idea of letting them out of their sight.

Evil events such as today's, will forever change the way children and adults view the world; at least for a little while. As with any tragic event, 9/11, Columbine, Virginia Tech, and the Oregon mall shooting for example, the collective country and its leaders, boldly proclaim that we PRAY for all those involved and for our country. Prayer vigils are held around the country and families will hold on to and love each other a little stronger, for a little while. Then as quickly as horror struck our lives, we will go back to the way things were. Of course, we never totally forget such events, but inevitably we revert back to the old way of life. Instead of praying for our country and its leaders, we go back to bashing the leadership and their decisions; instead of hugging our children tightly, we become short with them when we are rushed; instead of praying for God's intervention in society, we just accept that evil exists.

We are given an opportunity to turn every tragedy into a victory. We can take moments like these to explain to our children that unfortunately bad things happen to good people but that God is supreme and if we center him in our lives he is our protector both here on earth and in heaven. Perhaps we can use moments like these to remind us of our responsibility to raise our children to respect life; teaching them that no life, no matter how small, is insignificant. Moments like these can be used to remind us to treat each other with love and respect, regardless of race or class, age or gender and we can fight to bring God back to a society that has turned to self-reliance and feel good tactics, turning its back on morality, self-control and self-respect.

I know many of you are probably thinking that I am living in this snow globe wonderland but I am a realist. I know that change doesn't happen over night. Our society didn't warp from the "Leave it to Beaver" days to "CSI" overnight. It has been years of moral erosion, selfishness, and quite frankly a lack of empathy for our neighbors. No doubt, a change for the better is going to take years, but it must start sometime and that time might as well be now; each person, myself included, doing self reflection of how we live our lives, how we treat others, raise our children and yes, where we put our faith.

I am speaking from experience. I haven't always been a follower of Christ. I was a believer, but in anger chose to turn my back on God and live life the way I wanted. I began drinking alcohol and using drugs at age 14. I had no moral compass at all; if it made me happy, I did it. I went about my life, trampling on anyone who got in my way and not caring who got hurt in the process. I had no time for other people, unless it was for my benefit. I was hateful towards the very people who loved me the most and I thought my life was great. I couldn't have been so wrong. No the change in me didn't come overnight. It took many years and the love of my family, despite myself, but when I finally realized that life my way wasn't working, I sought the One who wrote the instruction manual for life. The more I let God into my life and the more I trusted His Word, the better I became as a person and the more I started to care about others. I'm not perfect by any means but I'm a whole lot better than I was. My happiness is no longer the most important thing to me, yet focusing on the happiness of others has made me happier than I ever was. God did that for me and He can do that for you or anyone else who asks Him.

With Christmas just a little over a week away, we will celebrate the birth of the Savior. Jesus was born with one purpose, to die to save us from the destruction of sin. His life on this earth was not spent hanging out with the Godly, but dining and talking with the worst of the worst, loving them and making them want to change for the better, one person at a time. Luke 19:10 says, "For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost." If you haven't made the choice to let God direct your life, give yourself the best Christmas present ever and give God a try. It will change the way you live, the way you raise your children, the way you treat others, and you might just find your life happier than its ever been. Change happens one person at a time and now is that time.

As we weep for those lost today and for other senseless losses, I know the Savior weeps with us as He waits patiently for us to cry out to Him to save this rotting world. I will be praying without ceasing that one day this world will be peaceful and that all will come to know Him. I will be praying for the families who have been visited by evil such as this that they will come to know the peace of God. And I will be praying that the change that can only comes from personally knowing the Savior will take effect in all who are missing it.

I wish you all a very Blessed Christmas Season! Remember to hug your children a little tighter and a little longer; tell your family you love them; don't let the sun set on your anger; extend your hand to a neighbor and pray, not just for a little while, but always.

Until next time,
God Bless,
Cat

United We Stand...

2012-11-08T10:32:00.000-05:00

The election has ended and the votes have been counted. Love it or hate it, President Obama has been relected. And now, it is time to move on. Grumbling and growling about your choice not winning or as someone put it today, having a "nanny nanny boo boo" attitude because your choice won, only serves to further divide an already severely fractured country. "United we stand, divided we fall", isn't how the saying goes? So, while we may agree or disagree on the results of the election, we need to stand united, because I for one, don't want to fall.

The fact remains that there needs to be a change and I believe my friends, that change must start with we, the people. It the wake of the devastating destruction caused by Hurricane Sandy, many have stepped forward to donate and support the victims of this tragedy. Within the first day, musicians banded together to do a benefit concert. Churches have opened their doors for donations of food, clothing, water, and basic necessities, then caravaned deliveries to the hardest hit places in New York and New Jersey. Here in Maryland, the day after the storm left its footprint, our church put together a group willing to go out into the community and help with debris cleanup. This appears to be what we as Americans and Christians do in the wake of tragedy at home or abroad. These devastating incidents as well as others such as 9/11 have people reaching deep and wide to help the victims.

But why does it take a tragedy the magnitude of a hurricane, earthquake or terrorist plot to get people interested in helping? All one needs to do is look around their communities, on the street corners and in our schools to see tragedy. These terrible economic times have wreaked havoc on so many people. A vicious cycle ensues, losing a job equals inability to pay your bills, by grocercies, pay your rent or mortage and thus lands many into the world of the forgotten--the homeless.

My son, RC, met a man and his wife on the Wednesday after the storm while standing in a parking lot. He said as the couple approached they were smiling while pulling a fold up grocery cart behind them. Immediately, RC started patting his jeans for any cash or change he had, but he was empty. He looked at the couple, smiled and said, "How are you today?" The man stuck out his hand and shaking my sons, said, "We're fine. How are you?" Then the man asked, "How'd you make out in the hurricane?" My son explained that he had faired well with no power loss or damage and then almost embarrassed to ask, he asked the couple, "How bout you?" The man shook his head and still smiling said, "We survived in a tent. We're homeless so we didn't have much to lose but we did lose the tent." My son, not knowing exactly how to reply said, "I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you but I don't have any cash on me." The reply the man gave, brought tears to RC's eyes. "Don't be sorry. I'm not looking for pity; pity doesn't solve anything. We owned a home in Joppatowne; I lost my job and unemployment couldn't cut it. I've never had a drink of alcohol or used a drug in my life. The only thing I can say I am guilty of is wanting the American dream. All I can tell you, young man, is appreciate everything you have; never take it for granted because it can be here one day and gone the next." TRAGEDY...

RC relayed this story to me with tears still in his eyes. He said what the man said to him would impact him for the rest of his life. While he, RC, was feeling bad for not being able to help the couple with money, the man just wanted to inspire him. RC admitted that he prejudged the couple, automatically assuming they were panhandling and most likely homeless because of some addiction. He couldn't have been more wrong. Tragedy doesn't discriminate and it could hit anyone of us at anytime.

The politicians will take care of politics whether we agree with them or not, but as the people of the great country, we have a responsibility to each other. The president can't dictate who or how we love one another. So lets control the things we still have power over, our love and generosity.

Matthew 25:34-40 says, Then the King will say, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?"
The King will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

So how do we do this? The old saying goes, What's the best way to eat an Elephant? ONE BITE AT A TIME! So that's how we do it, one bite at a time. Every community has a food pantry and while there are drives to fill the pantries during Thanksgiving, people need to eat every day, not just on a holiday. Homeless shelters, need blankets, pillows, and funds to keep running. As you pass by a person standing on the corner with a sign, don't prejudge them, you don't know their story; buy them a meal or give them a donation. What they do with the money is on them, not you.

Put yourself in the shoes of someone who is hungry and not sure where their next meal will come from. Walk out into the cold wind without a coat and imagine living like that throughout the winter. And when you crawl into your nice warm bed, imagine your are lying on the cold hard ground. One bite at a time, is all it takes to eat the elephant of poverty in our community.

I've included some links to local outreach programs in our community. Please take the time to visit them and see how you can help. Remember...UNITED WE STAND...DIVIDED WE FALL.

Until next time, I'm standing!

God Bless,
Cat

http://www.extremefamilyoutreach.com/
http://www.catholiccharities-md.org/annas-house/
http://mountainchristian.org/tabithashouse
http://blessingsinabackpack.org/
http://mountainchristian.org/backpack
http://www.harfordfamilyhouse.org/

Check with your local churches as well! Let's get chewing!!

Things Are Getting Weird!

2012-09-28T22:27:00.000-04:00

Are you ready for some football?!!!! For many, myself included, we can't wait to hear those words, marking the beginning of football season! We break out the jerseys of our favorite players; plan the tailgate menu for our couches or trunks; schedule activities around game time and we power up the apps on our phones to tweet or facebook our comments on each play or bad call. Just another "normal" season, or is it? The fact is there is nothing "normal" about this season at all. You don't have to be a football fan to know that, you just need to turn on the news and here all the complaining about the replacement referees and what call they missed or messed up or how their mistake cost one team a win and assured another a victory. Fans are raging about the injustices that are occurring and they are taking to the airways and social networking forums to make their grievances heard. Because hey, this is football season and there is a Super Bowl on the line! That's important! Believe me, I get it. I do my fair share of moaning and groaning as I root my Ravens on and watch the ridiculously obvious missed calls. But the more I hear and the more I think about it, the more I have to wonder how misguided all our "righteous indignation" is.

These replacement refs won't be here forever, in fact, the "real" refs will probably be back by the time I finish and post this blog. The decisions they made or didn't make won't effect our lives in any other way than our bragging rights. As I read some of the social media posts and listened to the various announcers complaining about the incompetence of the refs, their anger was almost palatable. I had to wonder what if that anger was directed toward the things that affect our lives, others lives, and the world in general. I couldn't help but think that if I, we, took just a fraction of the energy we put into bashing the NFL and the refs, and put it towards fighting a social injustice or simply doing something worthwhile to better someone else's life, what kind of difference could be made.

Our church is currently doing a sermon series that is entitled "Cannonball Weird". It is a series that calls us to step out of the "norm" and become weird. We are encouraged not to conform to what the world considers normal and instead conform to weird ways of Jesus. Jesus did everything that was against the norm. He calls us to love our enemies; turn the other cheek; sell everything and follow him. Jesus didn't surround himself with the pure of heart and the noblest of men. He hung out with tax collectors, thieves, prostitutes, fishermen and widows. He looked beyond social status and didn't care what others thought about his choices in friends. He chose to love everyone, regardless of what was normal. Pretty weird huh?

Well, I thought I would challenge all my readers to get weird or in some cases, weirder! Today's society has dictated a pace that far too many of us find hard to keep up with. Family dinners are reduced to drive-thru meals on the way to sports functions; our hurried schedules have us walking with our eyes straight ahead ignoring those we pass; hectic work schedules have us spending less quality time with our children and loved ones and our desire to have more of everything has us forgetting to appreciate what we already have.

So...here are some ideas to inspire you to be weird:
1. Set aside some time this week to have a sit down at the kitchen table dinner with your family. Talk about anything; laugh about everything and remind each other how much you love them.

2. Make a point to smile and speak to everyone you pass. Offer words of encouragement to the girl at the checkout counter or say hello to the person standing behind in you line.

3. Say thank you to a police officer, fireman, or service man or woman for their dedication and service. Maybe buy them a coffee or bottle of water.

4. Carve out some time to volunteer at a Boys and Girls club helping children with homework or visit a senior center to chat with a someone who may be lonely.

5. Encourage your children to befriend someone who is sitting alone on the playground or in the cafeteria.

6. Think of something that you feel passionate about: homelessness, child abuse, bullying, or senseless violence, and discover how you can help and maybe even do it as a family. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or organize a food drive for a food pantry.

7. Take time for you. Get up a little early and enjoy the sunrise as you sip your coffee; take a walk in a park and breathe in the beauty that surrounds you; study a flower and wonder at its beauty.

8. Read a book to your child, play a game or watch a family movie together. Popcorn and all!

9. Do something nice to surprise someone and be completely anonymous.

10. Be patient when patience is thin; slow to anger; quick to love and kind with your words.

If we can expend such energy on negative things, we can afford to expend some energy on the positive. The old saying goes, What's the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Change won't happen overnight but if we take one bite at a time, a difference can and will be made. It is a know fact that it takes less energy to be happy than angry and less muscles to smile than frown. Give it a try! Get Weird!!!

I would love for you to share with me what you did to be weird and what kind of difference it made, either in the way you felt or someone else felt. Oh and by the way, I was right the real refs are back and football is back to "normal". Now let's get weirded out for a good reason!

Until next time, I working on becoming weirder!!
God Bless,
Cat

"No Greater Love..."

2012-09-22T01:34:00.002-04:00

As the sun sets on another week, a community mourns the loss of yet another Harford County officer. Two, devoted police officers, lost in the line of duty in the span of one week. Harford County Sheriff L. Jesse Bane made a poignant statement during Sgt. Loughran's funeral, "There are critics who believe that to be a hero there has to be drama; that one should die in a gun battle with an assailant or burn in a building trying to rescue a child." He further said, that while there was not this kind of drama in the sergeant's death, he was nevertheless a hero and his passing holds purpose. In my opinion, no truer statement has ever been spoken and this Sergeant's passing hit very close to home.

It was a warm spring day on April 23, 1978 when my young life would be changed forever. My father, Robert Barlow, was a Sergeant with the Baltimore City Police Department. He had devoted 19 years to the department, serving in the crime lab and the tactical unit. On this particular day, he had served his tour of duty at Memorial Stadium for the Orioles vs. Yankees game. It was unusually hot for April and during his assignment several people had suffered heat strokes and heat exhaustion. In the customary attitude of our public servants, he did just that, he served to help assist and carry these patients to first aide. At the end of his shift, while finalizing his paperwork for the squad, an officer under his command, poked his head into his office and asked, "Sarge, you okay?" My Dad looked up and said, "Yeah, I'm fine; just tired. I'm getting too old for this," and he chuckled.

When Daddy got home, he greeted me as I sat on the front porch steps. He rubbed my head and asked how his girl was then made his way into the house. By the time I entered the house, he had changed out of his uniform and sat on the living room sofa reading the newspaper. My Mom was in the kitchen warming his dinner and my friend and I stood and talked with her. During our conversation, my Dad called out my name, but instead of answering him, I continued my conversation with my Mom. Only a few moments later, I turned to go back outside and my life would never be the same. There on the sofa, slumped over and grasping his chest, was my Dad. I screamed, "Daddy!" and I heard the spoon hit the floor in the kitchen. My Mom rushed to Daddy's side and as she struggled to straighten her husband on the couch, in her calmest voice, she instructed me to get help.

From a neighbors house, I watched as rescue vehicles arrived; red and white lights flashing and engines roaring. Paramedics grabbed equipment and rushed through my front door. I stared out the window of the screen door, waiting for my Dad to come out on the porch and wave me home as the flashing lights burned my tear filled eyes. But he didn't. Instead, I watched as he was carried into the waiting ambulance and whisked away. I listened as the wail of the sirens were replaced by the pounding of my heart in my head.

Hours later, I learned that Daddy had suffered a massive heart attack and at age 42, had died. In a brief few hours, I went from being a carefree twelve year old girl, to a little girl trying to grasp the death of her Daddy and my Mom went from being a wife to a widow.

Watching the funerals of the two officers lost this past week, brought back the memories of my Dad's funeral. I remember seeing people lined up with hands over their hearts and firemen and police officers at every intersection. Through my grief, I remember thinking how proud I felt that they cared enough to honor him in that way. The flag that draped his casket, sits in its place of honor, thirty-four years later, atop my fireplace next to his picture.

Declaring his death as a line of duty incident in 1978 was not an easy task. There was a trial and my mother was forced to relive the events of that day. In that era, even the department had a hard time determining whether the events of the day contributed to the death of my father. Ultimately it was decided by the department that his death was considered line of duty. While the paperwork declared it so, the public didn't understand it. How could a heart attack that occurred after work be considered a line of duty incident?

My Dad didn't die as the result of a gun fight or a high speed chase. He wasn't ambushed by a drug dealer and he wasn't killed by an armed robber. Daddy died because the stresses of the day, the heat, the exertion of carrying ailing citizens to care and nineteen years of serving and protecting the city of Baltimore. Each and every police officer that takes to the streets at the start of their shift, does so without any idea of what those twelve hours will hold. They don't know who is hiding around the corner; what horrific sight they will encounter at a crime scene, or how they will find the words to tell a mother that her child is gone. They will close their eyes to sleep and see the anguished face of the child beaten by a parent; they will kiss their children good night and pray that they will not fall victim to the drug dealers littering the community; and they will kiss their loved ones good bye, unsure they will return home safely. Why? Well ,it certainly isn't for the salary nor the appreciation they receive from others. No, they do it because they chose the noble profession of serving and protecting.

Whether a soldier, a fireman, or a police officer, they don't have a red cape or a giant S on their chests; they don't have comic books about their adventures or lunch boxes with their faces on them and people certainly don't stand in line for hours to have their pictures taken with them or get their autographs. Quite frankly, unless you have needed their assistance, they are in a thankless profession.

I once met a tiny, young woman at a gathering who in conversation told me she was a police officer. I couldn't believe it, so I asked, "What made you want to be a cop?" Her response surprised me. She smiled, shrugged her shoulders and said, "Call me crazy, but I believe that one day the world will be a safer place and if I can play a small part in making that happen, then I will count myself a success." Her answer wasn't because she wanted the authority of a badge or the power of carrying a gun but instead was to make the world safer. A selfless attitude indeed.

Jesus, himself, had this similar attitude. No, He didn't wear a badge or carrying a gun and while His focus was not on putting the bad guys in jail, He walked this earth to teach and inspire people. His desire was for everyone to live in love and peace with each other and with God. Jesus started his shift knowing he would face hostility, the possibility of ambush, and the certainty of death but because of his love for people he was undeterred. Jesus took his final roll call on the cross. His death was in the line of duty while protecting and serving God's people.

Imagine for a moment if you will, what our community would be like if we all took these kind of attitudes: What if every person held themselves accountable for their actions? What if each person was in the habit of protecting and serving one another, instead of fighting and being self-centered? What if instead of bullying we befriended or instead of turning to drugs to cope we could rely on one another for support? What if instead of ignoring the down and out with extended a hand to help them up? What if there was no need for gangs because everyone felt important and empowered? What if all parents trained their children up with respect and love? What if our streets became a place for neighbors to talk and children to play instead of drug territories and gang turf? Sounds like a pretty lofty idea but wouldn't it be great?!

Jesus gave us the great command in John 15:12-13, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down ones life for another."

When our men and women in blue put on their badges, this is what they are doing. They are willing to sacrifice it all for the safety of another. Whether they die by gunfire or the stresses of the job weakens their hearts, they die a HERO and exemplify the great command. So, until we, the community, can fulfill all the "What ifs", take the time to thank our superheroes in blue, our soldiers in camo, and our firemen in gear. Respect their positions and be grateful for their service. Support their spouses and loved ones who sacrifice as much as they do and say a prayer for the safety of all.

Until next time, I will rest easier knowing that I am being guarded from the heavens by my Dad and the many who have died serving and protecting...

God Bless,
Cat

Cat's Chat: Got Answers?

2012-06-23T22:43:00.001-04:00

Cat's Chat: Got Answers?: Okay...well...Since my last post on why bad things happen to good people, I have been faced with that question head on and up close and pers...

Got Answers?

2012-06-23T22:39:00.000-04:00

Okay...well...Since my last post on why bad things happen to good people, I have been faced with that question head on and up close and personal! As I write this, I'm typing with one finger. Why? On June 10th, after enjoying a wonderful motorcycle ride with good friends, we returned to their house to cool off in the pool and have dinner. My cell phone rang and I got out of the pool to answer it only to find out that sister was being taken to the hospital. As I turned to tell my husband that we needed to leave, I lost my footing and fell off the deck, landing face first on the concrete patio. My feet never left the deck, so my upper body absorbed all of my weight as I slammed the concrete. I felt my face bounce off the patio and was immediately aware that things were broken in my body and I could not move, well at least I didn't want to.

As my friends and husband rushed to my side, I later learned that my husband expected to find my nose or jaw broken, with lots of blood. However, I have come to recognize that God must have put his hands around my face since I didn't have so much as a scratch. My arms didn't fare so well. My right arm was dislocated and broken in four places and the radial joint in the left arm was fractured in three places. After arriving by ambulance at Upper Chesapeake Hospital, numerous x-rays, and reduction of the dislocation, I was informed by the orthopedic surgeon that the injuries to my arms were too severe to handle there and that I would need to be treated by Shock Trauma surgeons. I left the hospital, both arms casted, and completely helpless.

Upon my return home, my husband and daughter in tow, I was surprised when one of my best friends arrived wearing pajamas and carrying an overnight bag. She was here to stay, and be my hands for the following day. This was the beginning of the many blessings that would be poured out on me and my family.

My initial reaction to my fall was, "Why me God?" But as quick as that thought entered my mind, I knew that God would teach me something through all of this. The first blessing I recognized was right after the fall. I'm sure that shock played a part, but I felt such a complete peace about what was happening. I knew whole heartedly that God was in control and would be in control through the whole situation!! I never shed a tear.

The next blessing I recognized was with my daughter, Amanda. She and I have always had a "good" relationship, but it has always been strained. She and I are so much alike that we tend to butt heads. From the moment she arrived at the hospital, she jumped in with both feet to help me and her Dad, handling all the medical arrangements and helping to dress, feed, bathe, and care for me. I witnessed a level of compassion radiate through her that made me realize her love for me. My sons in the same way have supported and helped without question or frustration in any way they can.

Another example of blessings I have witnessed have been through my friends and church family. My family has received meals prepared for everyday since this has occurred. My friends have put their lives on hold to come and stay with me and watch my grandchildren. Cards of get well blessings have flooded my mail box. They have truly been my hands and the hands and feet of Jesus!!

One of the greatest blessings has been my husband, Chuck. He has exemplified his marriage vows, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. He has been called upon to assist me in activities no man would find comfortable, yet he has done so without question or frustration. I have always known he loved me, but in all of this I have come to realize just how much.

These are the blessings that have come in this tragedy, but with all blessings there is a lesson to learn. I have been taught several lessons in this. Firstly, Humility. When you are rendered helpless, unable to do for yourself, pride needs to find a place on a shelf. God has taught me through this that it is okay to let others do for you the things you can't do for your self, no matter how embarrassing. Secondly, I've learned to be more patient with myself and with others. And thirdly, I have learned to allow others to serve me. As hard as it is to sit back and allow others to do things for me, I know that we are each called to be the hands and feet of Jesus and it would be selfish of me to prevent them from experiencing the joy of serving.

I've had surgery and my recovery will be long, but I am comforted knowing that I have so many friends and family selflessly giving all they have for me. Satan can try and tell me that I am undeserving of such love, but my God tells me different. So, instead of asking "why?" I'm choosing to look for the blessings and learn from the lessons. And maybe one day when i meet my Savior in Heaven, I'll ask him "Why?".

Until next time, I'm not asking "Why". GODS GOT IT!!!!
God Bless,
CAT

P.S. My sister had pneumonia and is doing much better! I think I win though, as two broken elbows trumps pneumonia!

Got Questions?

2012-06-08T13:37:00.001-04:00

After posting a comment on a recent article on the Belair Patch, regarding a serious car accident, I was asked the question that many who don't understand the power of God ask. Why do bad things happen to good people? It took me some time to respond to that question, because in all honesty, that has to be one of the hardest questions to answer; one of the hardest things to understand. After a quick thought, I responded with a simple "I don't know why bad things happen to good people but I know that God loves all." It was a honest answer, but after much reflection, I realized the answer I gave was one of those answers that are wrapped up nice and neat in a pretty little box. My answer was generic.

I have prayed about and pondered that question since that day, asking God to reveal the response I should have given. I've come to expect that the answers to my prayers are not always delivered by FedEx, nor are they always tied up in a neat little package like my answer was and the answer to this prayer was no different. In the days since I began meditating on this question, I have heard of so many tragic events, where terrible things have happened to good people. Young people taking their own lives, children being abused, babies being stricken by cancer, car and motorcycle accidents taking lives or changing lives drastically and people losing loved ones to drugs or illness. Everywhere I turned, tragedy after tragedy.

I started to reflect on my life and the lives of people that I am close to and the bad things that have happened in our lives. I thought back to the death of my father, just 42 years old; a police officer and an incredible husband, father and friend. The day of his death, he had worked to save the lives of several people stricken with heat exhaustion, only to die that very night of a massive heart attack. I thought of my mother and mother-in-law, both wonderful Christian women, mothers, grandmothers, and friends, who both lost terrible battles with cancer. Then there was our dear Christian brother, Ed Rogers, who was killed last July in a motorcycle accident. I've have friends who have dedicated their lives to Christ and still have been dealt the blows of drug addiction, job losses, serious illnesses and deaths of loved ones. Bad things happening to good people.

So after much reflection, meditation and prayer this is what I have come to realize. God, is eternal, infinite, omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent and why should I, a human being and not all these things, be able to fully understand God's ways? The book of Job in the Old Testament of the Bible is a great example of this. Job, was a devout, faithful, servant of God, and because of his faithfulness, God had blessed Job immeasurably. One day, Satan came to God and challenged Him, telling God that if all of his blessings, his health, his family, his home, and his livelihood were taken away, surely Job would curse God and turn away. God agreed to Satan's test and allowed him (Satan) to take away all of Job's blessings short of his life and with great joy Satan did. But instead of trying to understand why God allowed these things to happen to him, Job, knowing God is good, remained faithful to Him. In Job 1:21, Job says, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." In his suffering Job continued to hope in the Lord. Job 13:15 "Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him." Because of his faithfulness, (Job 42:10) God restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.

When I really thought about the question, Why do bad things happen to good people? I was struck by one thing in particular, "good people". The fact is that there are no "good" people on this earth. We are all tainted by sin. Even the most devout Christians, the nicest, kindest, most giving people you have ever known are tainted by sin. Everyday that we are alive on this earth is only by the grace and mercy of God. So I guess the real question should be, "Why do good things happen to bad people?"

The answer to this question is made clear in Romans 5: 8, "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." God loves us so much that He paid the penalty of our sin with His own death, assuring that those who have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior,will have eternal life in heaven. Not what we deserve by any means but what He gives to those who trust the Lord. Plain and simple, despite the evil, sinful nature of our human lives, God still loves us. John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

In a nut shell, none of us deserve the blessings we have and unfortunately bad things do happen to people who seem undeserving of them. But one thing is certain, God will use every situation for good. You may not see it in the moment, but one day it will be revealed to you. Jeremiah 29:11-12 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

Things are gonna happen to us that we don't understand, but we are secure in the promise of Jesus. In John 16:33, Jesus tells us this, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Jesus doesn't candy coat it, he says there will be trouble, but he gives us the assurance of victory in him!!

So...when life delivers that swift kick in the gut, don't double over in pain, but stand upright in the knowledge that God's got it!!

Until next time, I'm done asking why!
God Bless,
Cat

Where's Your Focus?

2012-05-16T17:38:00.000-04:00

I started a blog this morning on something that really had me irritated, something that I really felt a need to vent about. The words flew fast a furious from my fingertips and I felt like that blog was gonna turn some heads and I was going to feel so much better when I was done. In mid blog, I had to stop writing to run something to a friend, so I hit the save button and jumped in the car. On the ride there, words and phrases of what I wanted to add to my article swirled in my head and I couldn't wait to tell my friend what I was "chatting" about in the blog. A dear sister in Christ and one of my biggest supporters, I was sure that she would be excited about it.

After exchanging warm hugs, we sat to talk a bit and when she asked what I had on the agenda today, I started to tell her about the blog. I opened my mouth and as I started to tell her what I had written, I began to find it increasingly harder to get the words out of my mouth. I had forgotten the gist of my writing and some of the key points I had written about; my mind was blank. The more I "tried" to talk, the more tongue tied I got and the more ridiculous what had me irritated sounded. My sweet friend said to me, "Go home and re-read what you have written and see if you still want to post it." Huhhh. Not the encouraging words I was expecting but okay.

The thoughts that swirled around in my head on the ride home were far different from the hurricane of words I had before. Now, gentler, softer, thoughts floated in my brain and a silent reminder that I had not ask God to guide my thoughts the first time I started to write. The words that flew from my fingertips were not inspired by the Holy Spirit. They were inspired by the sin of anger; they were self-serving and not in the least encouraging. Not what I intended this blog to be.

So I opened my laptop and hit the delete button; closed my eyes and prayed for His guidance. What I heard was focus on the good. That's it! Focus on the GOOD! I had gotten so embroiled in the one incident that irritated me that I had completely lost track of the good. So here is the GOOD:

This past Saturday I participated in the Rally for RAACE, a motorcycle ride to support the RAACE Foundation, an organization that brings awareness to child abuse, both physical and sexual. RAACE stands for Race Against Abuse of Children Everywhere. Last year was the first year I participated in the Rally and despite a very cloudy, misty day I so enjoyed being a part of it and could not wait for this years event to come.

The first GOOD of that day, was that the event left from the parking lot of my church home. GOOD, one because that's my home, but Really GOOD because it brought potentially non-churched people to the campus to see that God loves bikers too!

The second GOOD was that despite the rainy and cold week preceding the Rally, Saturdays weather was glorious! God blessed this event with bright sunshine and warm temperatures! It's so much more fun to be on a motorcycle in the sun than in the rain!

The third GOOD of the day was that almost 200 motorcycles showed up to support RAACE and raise money for this organization. 200+ bikers united in the cause of protecting our children!

The fourth GOOD was that everyone who rode the 56 mile trek through Harford County made it to our final destination safely!! God had obviously sent an army of angels to protect 200 motorcycles through busy intersections and merging traffic.

The final GOOD and I would have to say this is more of a GREAT than GOOD, it that for the 7th year, despite obstacles, the Rally for RAACE was successful and has brought the message of the RAACE Foundation to the forefront- Protect Our Children!

See, the master of disaster, Satan, can and will wreak havoc wherever he can, to stop the progression of GOOD. The obstacles and distractions that arose were designed to take the focus of the Good and purpose for the rally but fortunately the GOOD that God had planned won out. This is no different for our thoughts. I was so guilty of that this morning. All I was focusing on was the irritants and the GOOD had become blurred. I almost allowed the deceiver to trick me into using my blog for the very opposite of what it was intended to be used for. If we choose to focus on the negative in any situation, negative is what we will get and we will be robbed of the joy that is intended! Focus on the GOOD and the bad don't seem so bad anymore! Change your focus....Focus on the GOOD!

Until next time...I my focus is clear,
God bless,
Cat

PS: Visit www.raace.org for more information on the RAACE Foundation.

All About "ME"

2012-04-24T12:22:00.000-04:00

I awoke this morning with this overwhelming feeling that I needed to write today. Funny, because I haven't had this strong of a feeling in awhile, so I asked the Lord, "Okay, so what do I write about?" Silence...."I'm waiting, Lord. I felt the nudge now give me the words." Still, silence. So, I sat and I waited and I waited some more. Finally, in a small, almost silent whisper I heard, "Me." I wanted to ignore that response but as is custom for the Holy Spirits urging, the response didn't change. I just kept hearing, "Me." So, here I go.

The "Me" I writing about is not "me"; it's the "Me" who is, who was and who is to come; it's the "Me" that whispered to my heart this morning, Jesus Christ. Now, the subject of Jesus Christ, is something that I could write pages about. I could talk about His love, His grace, His mercy, His compassion, His supremacy, His sacrifice, and His miracles, but for today I want to talk about His desire. The desire that He has for us.

Websters defines desire as to long for or hope for. Jesus longs for a relationship with us. For many the thought of relationship in and of itself is scary. But the relationship that Jesus desires to have with us is not meant to be scary. In fact, relationship with Him, is probably the easiest relationship anyone could have. Unlike our human relationships, where we sometimes feel the need to be someone we are not or we fear disappointing the other, a relationship with Jesus is a come as you are relationship. Jesus, doesn't care what we look like; He understands our mood swings and knows all of our failures; Jesus knows we're not perfect and we are sure to disappoint Him, but Jesus accepts us, just as we are, and loves us just the same. In relationship with Him, there is no scorecard of wrongs or reminders of your weaknesses, there is just pure, unadulterated love and acceptance.

Personally, I struggled with human relationships for years. I never felt that who I am was good enough for any human relationship. I pretended to be who I thought people wanted me to be- an actress on the stage of relationships. I was never, the real me, in front of anyone, because the real me, I was sure would bring disappointment. It wasn't until many years later, that I learned that Jesus Christ desired a relationship with the real me, not the actress, just me and it was the most liberating thing I have ever experienced. I didn't have to go through months of relationship therapy or work through a checklist of wrongs to right to have this relationship; I simply had to run into His waiting arms. I envision His tears of joy as I finally met His desire and He wraps me in His loving arms. There are no feelings of inadequacy or imperfection in this relationship, for in His eyes I am perfect. Through His sacrifice, I am forgiven, therefore I don't have to beg for His forgiveness, He just gives it. Relationship with Jesus is easy, it's free, it's safe, and it ours for the taking, all we have to do is accept and believe.

When you enter into this unconditional kind of relationship with Jesus Christ, the rest of life's relationships become easier. When you can accept that Jesus is accepting of you with all your faults and failures, you find it easier to accept others with all their faults and failures. When you can accept that Jesus forgives all your sins, you find it easier to forgive others. When you enter into a relationship with Jesus, you do away with the scorecards, you love more easily and you accept others more openly. Whew, what a liberating feeling!

If you don't have a relationship with Jesus, please know that the greatest desire of His heart is to know you and for you to know Him. Simply ask Him to come into your heart and accept His infinite love. If you have a relationship with Jesus, know that the greatest desire of His heart is to grow deeper in relationship with you. He wants you to rely on Him in ALL things, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Until next time...this actress has exited stage left!
God Bless,
Cat

What's the Secret?

2012-04-13T19:54:00.000-04:00

On April 9th, my amazing husband and I celebrated 24 years of marriage. It's hard to believe that it has been that long ~ it seems like just yesterday we were saying "I do". We received many congratulation messages and beautiful anniversary cards celebrating our marriage. I also had some ask what our secret is to lasting this many years. My oldest son even commented that many of his friends think its weird that his parents are still together. So I thought I might share some secrets that I've learned over the years.

In all honesty, there were times that I (we) thought we wouldn't make it passed the first, the second, the seventh, or the tenth year. The betting ones in my family, thought it would be really good odds that this marriage wouldn't last. And they were ALMOST right. With the exception of having our children, we did almost everything wrong for the first ELEVEN years of marriage. Sure, we shared a home, bills, child rearing, a bedroom, weekends at the local bar, and an occasional family vacation, but it didn't take long before our marriage became more of a routine than a marriage. Before long, he started doing his thing and I did my thing and we'd meet as we passed in the hallway or if we were lucky at the dinner table; roommates at best.

Those first eleven years threw alot of trouble at us as well. The first five years had us dealing with a sick child. Numerous surgeries and the uncertainty of our son's future, left us hurting and scared, but instead of clinging to one another for support, we dealt with it on our own driving our union further apart. There were financial issues and family illnesses and again, instead of clinging to each other, we allowed these troubles to fester inside. By the time we were eleven years into this "marriage" we were both ready to call it quits. Don't get me wrong, we loved each other, we had just allowed life to interfere for so long that we had forgotten why we got married in the first place.

I wish I could say that the transformation of our marriage and our relationship was quick and easy but it wasn't. Our first step was finding a church home; not an easy undertaking given the fact that my husband was an atheist. But we both realized that doing things our way wasn't working, so this was worth a try and it was there that our journey of reconciliation began. We attended every Bible study available regarding marriage and participated in an intense seminar called His Needs Her Needs where we dissected our marriage to the bone. It was then that we realized that we were missing out on so much more!

Firstly, and most importantly, we both developed a relationship with Jesus Christ. This became the foundation of our marriage and our lives, making everything else come easy. With this firm foundation in place, we began to work on us. One of the most important things we learned was that we are better together than apart. What I mean by that is that dealing with life is so much easier when you do it together and trust in the Lord. Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your paths."

Secondly, we re-examined why we fell in love in the first place. We began doing the little things that came so easily when we were dating. Sweet little love notes and walks in the park; alone time together without the kids and meaningless chats in the moonlight. Before long, we were feeling the kind of love we'd been missing.

Another really important thing we both were reminded of was that marriage is a give and take. We knew that each of us had different things we liked to do and different ways of recharging our batteries. It was okay that we did some things alone, but not everything. We needed to be willing to do some of the things the other liked and also find some things we both enjoyed together. So, I found myself in camouflage clothes, carrying a rifle, in the snow, in the mountains of West Virginia on a deer hunt with my husband. I froze my butt off but I learned to appreciate the peace he found in the silence of the woods and it made him happy. Likewise, he would find himself curled up on the sofa with me and bowl of popcorn watching a Lifetime movie, because that made me happy. Give and take.

When Chuck expressed interest in getting a motorcycle, I was not too thrilled, but we discussed it together and decided that he would get one. My first couple of months on the back of that bike were nerve racking to say the least, but I could see the joy riding the motorcycle brought him and as time went on I began to enjoy it more myself. Wouldn't you know it...I have my own bike now and we still smile at each other when we are side by side. The bikes have become a major part of our lives, not just as an activity to do together, but also as a vessel for spreading the gospel with our church motorcycle ministry, the Mountain Riders. Had I not been willing to try something he enjoyed, I would be missing out on so much. Give and take.

Thirteen years after we almost called it quits, we still leave little love notes; we still have meaningless chats in the moonlight; Chuck will watch a chick flick with me once in awhile; I'll put a worm on a hook with him and we ride side by side on our "steel horses" enjoying life and spreading the gospel.

Separate in some things, we are good. Together in all things, we are best!

Until next time, I'm having coffee with my man on the deck!
God bless,
Cat

G R A C E: Gift Received At Christ's Expense

2012-03-30T12:46:00.000-04:00

In just about one week, we will be celebrating Easter. For some this means fancy dresses and tailored suits, chocolate bunnies and Easter eggs, but for many it is a celebration to mark the resurrection of Jesus Christ and His victory over sin and death.

My Easter basket will not be filled with artificial grass, marshmallow peeps, or stuffed bunnies. My Easter basket will be over-flowing with GRACE. You may be wondering "What is grace?" Grace is favor or kindness shown without regard to the worth or merit of the one who receives it and in spite of what that same person deserves.

Looking at that definition, I can say with certainty that I don't deserve grace. I spent many years lost in the throes of drugs and alcohol; inflicting pain on loved ones out of pure selfishness and living life by my rules with no regard for others. Today, though I try to live a good life, I still struggle with things. I smoke cigarettes; I lose my temper; I sometimes speak without thinking; I can be judgemental and I can hold a grudge. All things that I'm not proud of and all things that some are quick to point out to me; reminding me of my flaws and failures. The fact is, that in this life, I will never be perfect, no one will ever be perfect. We are human, therefore we are an imperfect being.

The good news of the gift of grace, started in a manger and ended on a cross. When Jesus came to earth, He came to bridge the gap between our sinful selves and the Heavenly Father and He did that when He died on the cross and rose from the dead three days later. Why? It's simple...He loves us.

"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Grace is a gift that none of us deserve, yet God freely gives to those who have faith in Christ Jesus and believe that He suffered, died and rose again to save us from our sins. Grace erases the sins of our past and frees us from condemnation.

"God does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:10-12

While others may stand ready to cast a stone or guilt strikes your heart and you find yourself in a crumpled heap on the ground, ashamed and full of sadness, Jesus reaches His hand to you, lifts you from the ground and says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Grace is a Gift Received At Christ's Expense. He did the work, all we have to do is accept it. I can't think of anything more liberating than knowing that when God looks at me, He doesn't see the ugliness of my sin, but only sees the child He loves so much.

Wherever you are in your life and despite what you may of done in your past or may do in your future, God has an Easter basket overflowing with GRACE just for you. All you have to do is accept it and trust that His love for you is unconditional. Nothing can separate us from the love of God!

"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:39

So, I ask you...What are you anticipating in your Easter basket? The gift of God's grace or a chocolate bunny?
Until next time, I won't have death by chocolate Easter morning, but life in the Risen Lord, thanks to His gift of Grace!
God Bless,
Cat

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

2011-12-20T11:44:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I have blogged. Seems I've had a bit of "writers block" and quite frankly way too much white noise in my head to even think clearly, but today God has cleared my mind and put some things on my heart to share with you.

Today marks the 15th anniversary of the day that my Mom died from breast cancer. This will be the 15th Christmas with out her and the 33rd Christmas without my Dad. After all these years, I still find myself missing both of them like it just happened yesterday. As I pulled out the Christmas decorations and holiday recipes, my heart was flooded with memories of past Christmases. I remembered my Dad, hoisting me up to put the star on top of the tree and laying on the floor playing Tiddley Winks with me. I could smell the sugar cookies baking in the oven and hear my Mom's sweet voice singing Christmas carols as she rolled out the dough. I remembered the excitement I felt as I read the note that Santa left next to the cookies and milk we left him and I could see the smiles on my parent's faces as they opened the hand-made macaroni covered Christmas tree I made in school.

Ahhh yes, the memories and although there were tears, I found myself smiling. See, although their is sorrow in missing the ones we love, there is joy in the memories we hold dear in our hearts. These memories have the ability to turn tears to laughter and sorrow to happiness. For instance, my sister just called me to say she loved me, and we both started to cry as we talked about what today meant, but just a few minutes later we were laughing as we remembered the hand sewn, matching quilted skirts our Mom had made us one Christmas back in 1977. Awful, just awful, but the memory was beautiful!

I'm certain I am not the only one missing a loved one this Christmas. Whether you have lost a friend, a parent, a sibling or a child, the sorrow is there; and while there won't be a present to open from them under the tree, there is a gift in your heart to be opened. The package is beautifully wrapped in red foil paper, with a shiney, silver bow and the tag reads, "To: You With Love Our Memories". It's the gift that keeps on giving. So tear open that package with the excitement of a child and smile through tears of joy as we all remember with laughter the ones we love.

May your Christmas be full of joy and may the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ bless you and your families.
Until next time...(Mommy what were you thinking with those skirts! LOL)
God bless and Merry Christmas,
Cat

Get Out of the Boat

2011-10-13T12:47:00.000-04:00

For those who know me, they know that there are few things that scare me. Bridges scare me! Speaking in public scares me! But generally, I will try anything, with an open mind. This weekend I was called to attend a weekend of spiritual renewal at a camp with about 35 other women. On Thursday evening, I arrived and was the most frightened I have ever been. I was sobbing and shaking, similar to what happens to me when I cross the Bay Bridge and if it hadn't been so dark on that mountain, I probably would have grabbed my suitcase and hiked on out of there! I wasn't sure where that fear was coming from; perhaps it was the unknown; perhaps it was because I was with "strangers" or perhaps it was the fear of what I would learn this weekend, about myself and what God's plans for me are.

At this crossroad in my life, where I am transitioning from being a full time babysitter for grandkids, which I have done for the past eight years, to trying to figure out what is next for me, I pray often for God to direct me, to show me what I am to do next. The problem isn't that God hasn't been answering my prayers, the problem is that I have not been listening. He has been telling me all along, but in fear, I have chosen to answer Him with, "Really God? Do you know who you are talking to?" and I'd continue to pray, hoping to get a different answer. But God is persistant and unwavering. His plans for me have long been mapped out.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (NLT) I know I reference that scripture often in my blogs, but I am more and more learning to trust in those words as I see God's plans unfold.

Fear is a destructive and unproductive emotion. Fear will rob you of joy; it will keep you from receiving the blessings God has for you; and it will leave paralyzed. In the Gospel of Matthew chapter 14, Jesus was praying alone while the disciples waited on the boat. Winds had caused the boat to drift a considerable distance from the shore and Jesus went to them walking on the lake. The disciples where scared to death, thinking He was a ghost and they cried out in fear. Jesus told them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Peter, still unsure, questioned Jesus. "Lord, if this is you, tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," Jesus said and Peter stepped out of the boat, walked on the water and towards Jesus, but fear took over and he took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink. He cried out, "Lord save me!" Jesus took his hand and caught him saying, "You of little faith, why do you doubt?"

Fear, keeps us in the boat! Very often, God calls us to do things that we are afraid to do. But if we fix our eyes on Him and step out onto the water in faith, we will not sink. His mighty hand is there ready to catch us. I can't avoid bridges; they are everywhere. For now, I can safely hide behind the words of my blog, but if God calls me to speak, I will have to trust in Him to not let me sink. Jeremiah 17:7 "Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust IS the Lord."

Over and over again this past weekend, God gently (and sometimes not so gently) revealed to me what He wants me to do next and I am scared! But, I will cast my anxiety on Him, 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on Jesus because He cares for you." I've decided, I'm getting out of the boat, how about you?

Until next time, I got one leg over the side!
God Bless,
Cat