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6 Keys to Unlock the Healing of Transgenerational Trauma

2025-11-04T14:03:00.000-08:00

Traditions, beliefs, and customs are passed down from one generation to the next. So too are fears, anxieties, and limiting beliefs. These inherited patterns can take the form of mindsets and behaviours that are evident from one lineage to the next. This is what we call transgenerational trauma. For example, during a medical intake, you’re often asked about your family’s history of chronic illnesses and diseases. This acknowledges that physical conditions can be inherited. But, how often do we consider that emotional challenges, destructive patterns, or persistent fears have been passed down the family line?

Many of us never recognise how our upbringing shapes our choices, motives, relationships, and even our deepest fears. Childhood experiences often echo deeply into adulthood in ways we don’t always notice. And it’s only after intentional reflection that we can begin to ask ourselves the necessary and uncomfortable questions. While these questions are always deeply personal, one that eventually finds its way to all of us is: Where do I go from here?

Thinking of overcoming transgenerational trauma can be overwhelming because undoing five to ten generations of challenges is almost impossible. Yet, there is hope.

In today’s post, I’ve outlined six keys to help unlock your healing from transgenerational trauma.

Key 1: Awareness

Conduct a mental review of your family history, experiences, and events. Then take inventory of your fears and any experiences that have caused wounds in your life.

Can you identify specific fears that you may have inherited? If your answer is yes, let’s move to Key 2.

Key 2: Interrogate these fears

Experiencing fear is healthy, especially when the brain is functioning in a manner to protect you. However, when fear begins to shape your identity and decisions, that is when we need to hit the pause button. At this moment, it becomes crucial to activate curiosity and ask yourself questions such as:

Where did this fear come from?

Are these fears based on real threats, or are they rooted in past experiences?

Have these fears been projected onto me by someone else, perhaps from my family or environment?

Key 3: Look into a new perspective

Imagine what your life could look like if you were free from this fear. While it may feel difficult at first, envisioning a new reality is a powerful step toward change.

Remember, just because something is considered “normal,” it does not have to define your future.

Allow yourself to break away from old limitations. And ask, What could my life look like without this fear?

Key 4: Uproot and Replace

By intentionally setting up new systems through thoughts, habits, and routines, you can open the door to transformation. Thoughtfully audit and “spring clean” any beliefs and mechanisms of your life that no longer serve you.

As you clear out old fears, make room for new hopes and possibilities.

Each small, hopeful laying of new bricks is the creation of a new way of living.

Key 5: Exercise Bounce-backtivity

Don’t become discouraged when you slip into old patterns; rather, brush off and keep going. Remember that you are not defined by your past or the trauma.

Each time you choose to keep walking in this new way of living, you strengthen your resilience and move closer to creating a new legacy for yourself.

Key 6: Pray for New Foundations

Praying is an effective and powerful way to initiate change, transformation, and renewal. Invite God into your journey of healing, and through sincere prayers, let Him bring revelations that will set you free from everything that has hindered you.

Jabez called out to God to bless him and make his life anew, and the LORD heard him. Your story of renewal can begin with a simple, heartfelt prayer.

Take a moment to pray boldly for new foundations and trust that transformation is possible.

What would your life look like if you allowed new hope to guide your next steps? Let’s chat in the comments.

The Bright Side of Unemployment: Finding Strength in the Struggle

2025-10-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

Being unemployed is a season few are adequately prepared for, yet many will find themselves navigating this pathway at some point in their lives. My journey through unemployment has been a test of patience and mental fortitude. Although I’ve been deeply tested, the experience has taught me important lessons that I now carry with me into new opportunities.

It is possible to thrive during this season, and I’m here to share a few pointers to help guide you through the stage ahead.

1. Decenter Your Worth from Your Job Title

The phrase 'I am' is one of the most powerful phrases that we use. 'I am a teacher.' 'I am an accountant.' 'I am a real estate agent.' But have you ever asked yourself, Who am I outside of what I do? It almost becomes a default for us to equate our worthiness based on our job titles. When I had no job title, I questioned who I was without one. I recall wrestling with moments of doubt and fear of the future. But I eventually had to reconcile that my value wasn’t tied to my profession. Your value is far greater than what you do or where you work.

This time is the most important phase of your life to reconnect with your passions, clarify or confirm the direction you are pursuing, and dig deep into what makes you unique.

2. Embrace the Pause

Isn’t it crazy how we tend to believe that busyness and productivity are one in the same?

In a world where we are obsessed with being on the go at all times, experiencing unemployment can feel like a maze that you cannot find your way out of. But, it might just be a well-needed pause.

Consider this a chance to reflect, recharge, and reset. And here is where you will need to allow yourself to rest without guilt and retrain your nervous system. Eat well, reconnect with the outdoors, and pick up a hobby. Now is the best time to prioritise mental wellness and care.

3. Structure Your Days for Job Hunting

Hunting for a job can be destabilising. Establish a simple routine of blocking out time for job searching, researching companies, and updating your resume. Structure brings a sense of order and direction to what you are navigating.

4. Invest in Yourself

Just as you have blocked time for job hunting, apply the same principle to upskilling. Explore online courses, attend webinars, listen to podcasts, and read books related to your field. Investing in your growth will boost your confidence and build your resume.

5. Be Open to Change

Being unemployed can shift your perspective on what you want from your career and life. Be open to new roles and industries. Oftentimes, the best opportunities are the ones you never saw coming.

Emerging from unemployment victoriously is not simply about finding a job. It’s about emerging from the season having rediscovered your direction and value. The struggles are real, but so is the evidence of your growth. If you’re in this chapter, stay resilient, and let this season refine you, not define you.

Let’s chat in the comments. Have you ever navigated a season of unemployment? What did you learn during this time?

5 Lessons I Learned from Marriage

2025-06-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

As a teenager, I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to get married. Love looked like a fairytale, especially after experiencing my parents' divorce. However, over the years, I began to perceive beauty in relationships, even if I didn’t yearn for one myself. At some random point in my life, I decided that if I were to get married, it would be by age 27. I imagined that by then, I’d have my life in order- a fulfilling job, financial stability, and a checklist of societal expectations ticked off.

When my husband and I got engaged, I took it upon myself to interview couples from various walks of life. Some had been married for 20, 15, 35, and even 50 years. I sought wisdom, hoping their insights could guide me. Ironically, I was the very person who had once sworn off marriage, and now I was preparing to step into that world. I heard advice like, “The first 7 years are the hardest,” or “It’s going to be rough.”

But once married, I discovered that no amount of external wisdom could fully equip me for the journey ahead. While the advice of others was invaluable, every couple’s experience is unique, and we must not idolize their paths. We should take what resonates and leave behind what doesn’t- much like eating fish: "eat the flesh and leave the bones.”

I’ve learned some significant lessons throughout this journey that I want to share.

Lesson 1: It's Okay to Be Different

As newlyweds, our differences often felt like weaknesses rather than strengths. I initially viewed our contrasting methods as signs of failure. Yet, over time, I realised that it was our unique perspectives that enriched our relationship. Changing our outlook was what was necessary for us to celebrate our differences instead of fearing them.

Lesson 2: Every Marriage Faces Challenges

It’s easy to assume that other couples have flawless relationships. But, honesty reveals the truth. Everyone faces difficulties. Social media's portrayal of “couple goals” can create a false sense of perfection. Acknowledging that challenges are universal helps ease the isolation when things get tough.

Lesson 3: Don’t Leave God at the Altar

Amid the excitement of new beginnings, it’s easy to overlook the importance of faith. God is the cornerstone that helps to sustain a marriage. Now is the time to deepen your prayer life and seek divine guidance, asking for wisdom on how to nurture your relationship.

Lesson 4: Discern Good Advice from Bad

Even well-meaning advice can sometimes be misguided. Not all words of wisdom are beneficial for your situation. It’s essential to recognise when fear is being projected onto you, disguised as caution. Appreciate the intent behind the advice, but also be confident in acknowledging that it may not apply to your story.

Lesson 5: Maintain Individuality While Merging Lives

After marriage, you may find yourself identified solely as “Mrs.” It can be easy to lose sight of yourself in this new phase. While building a home together, remember to nurture your hobbies and interests. Striking the balance between being a supportive partner and retaining your individuality is possible with flexibility and firmness.

As cliche as it sounds, marriage is a beautiful journey. Marriage is almost like enrolling in a new course at school. You learn a lot, get frustrated, and want to drop out of the course from time to time. Embrace your unique path, lean on your faith, and remember that growth often happens through challenges. Each step in this journey helps to shape not only your marriage but also who you are as an individual.

What lessons have shaped your own journey? Let's chat in the comments.

Photo by: Dwayne K Smith Photography

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Lighting the Way for Generational Courage

2025-05-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

When I reflect on my younger days, I never considered myself to be courageous. I recall being referred to as brave at significant stages of my life, but to be honest, I often felt otherwise. There were some things that I didn't even consider to be courageous at all. Yet, others thought so. There were days when I trembled in my sneakers while taking a few steps of courage, and then panic would sink in, and I'd run away. I lived in that cycle for quite a while. Deep down, I knew I could be courageous, but the resolve to do so wasn't always steady.

I grew. My mind grew. And so did my fears. There were times when my Goliath seemed too big to look at. It looked too scary to face. And quietly, I would surrender and allow it to conquer me. Looking back, I feel a profound gratitude for the challenges I faced. They became invaluable opportunities for refinement. I learned over time that using my voice was an act of courage. Whether that was standing up for myself or advocating for others. Courage became an act of moving forward, doing the right thing and standing firm despite fear or opposition.

Embracing courage can indeed be daunting. It compels us to step away from the comfort of what our mind and body may be telling us and instead take bold steps forward.

Lighting the way for generational courage means living in a way that creates a pathway of strength for those who will follow in our footsteps. It begins with healing ourselves, confronting our fears, breaking old patterns, and fostering new ones. We must first cultivate safety within ourselves to truly offer it to the next generation. When we cling to the hope that upcoming generations will thrive without our active participation, we deceive ourselves and become the very fools we see in the mirror, longing for change while remaining passive spectators in the game of life.

Courage can be quiet, but it is never passive. It is a deliberate choice to be an active participant in our journeys and the legacy we leave behind.

Thank you for joining me on this four-week blog series. Let’s continue to inspire and support one another as we strive to embrace and embody courage in our lives.

The Power of Stillness: A Quiet Journey to Healing

2025-05-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

As a young girl, my imagination was always in motion, driven by a constant desire to draw, create, write, or build something new. Even in those early years, I sensed a building spirit within me, though I lacked the vocabulary to articulate it. I instinctively understood that I had a mindset focused on improvement and innovation. Growing up, I became resourceful, quickly learning to repair broken items and make the most of what I had on hand. In my household, it was quite normal to know how to do a little bit of everything. Some would word it as being self-sufficient, resourceful, versatile, multi-faceted or multi-potential. It was a thing and a thing to be proud of.

Over time, resourcefulness turned into a firm arm of self-dependence. I looked at it. I could fix it. Just give me a moment, and I'd have it. Maybe there's a video for that... let me look. It got to the point where, when others needed assistance, their first impulse was to leave their 'broken pieces' for me to examine. It was a proud and lonely place to be because, while sometimes I expected to be helped with the heavy, shattered parts I had, I was disappointed to learn that I had to work it out on my own. I knew I could work things out, but I was becoming exhausted.

In 2021, I hit a metaphorical wall. My mind was fatigued from constantly figuring things out and entered halt mode. God started showing me a statement, "Be still." Be still? What does that even mean? I later figured out it was a scripture. Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Learning that it was a scripture didn't make things clearer; instead, it raised new questions. What is this? What does it mean for me? What are you trying to say to me? God, I don't get it. God took me into training for two whole years to learn about stillness and bringing down my pillars of self-dependence. I was a mini-genius because I had cultivated many skills, but my true genius didn't come from my efforts, but from God.

I realised this phase of not being able to figure everything out was intentional. It wasn't to hurt me but to heal me. It was a necessary halt to rest, unravel and be renewed. It was an opportunity for the wind to blow in and sweep out old thoughts, old strategies and old ways of looking at things. When I stopped striving to figure it out, the flow from a gentle pace brought greater clarity. The flow from a gentle pace brought peace. Something I didn't realise I had been yearning for. The revelation of the power of stillness became strikingly mind-blowing.

Not knowing how to figure out what I was holding was daunting. But I didn't have to figure it out on my own. I had the assistance of a Father, who wanted to help me. And when I didn't want to figure it out, being able to push things over on His table and off of mine was comforting. Sighs in relief.

If you are in front of a puzzle that you can't find the right pieces for, it's ok. The anxiety is real. The chaos is real. But so is the truth that a loving God is there who genuinely wants to help you. Embrace the stillness, and you may find the clarity and peace you've been longing for.

Check out Nerline's blog to read about her journey of Embracing Stillness: A Quiet Journey Through Womanhood

Redefining Courage: How Motherhood Revealed the Courage within Me

2025-05-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Week 2 of the #SheChoseCourage Blog Series! In today's post, we feature a special guest, Natasha Smith-Chambers, who shares her insights on courage in motherhood.

Before I became a mother, I thought courage meant standing in front of a crowd, taking risks in my career, or speaking boldly about what I believed. And yes, that is courage. But motherhood introduced me to another kind that requires waiting, trusting, and surrendering control.

Personally, courage looked like waiting on God’s perfect timing. Although my pregnancy was planned, there were specific challenges I faced that tested my resilience. I even had moments where I questioned whether I could conceive at all. My studies had been delayed, and I was trying to conceive, but it wasn’t happening.

It wasn’t until I was well into my pregnancy and nearing graduation that I remembered a distinct prayer I had made years before. I had asked God to allow me to graduate while carrying my baby. And that’s exactly what He did. I realised then that what had felt like a delay was actually divine alignment. Courage began to look like trusting God even when the path wasn’t what I had imagined, because He was honouring a prayer I had long forgotten. Motherhood didn’t just teach me courage; it revealed it in me.

Motherhood taught me to trust God in deeper, more intimate ways. From pregnancy to the unpredictability of newborn days, I found myself clinging to scriptures like Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” I quickly learned that my instincts are a gift, and advocating for my child, whether in a doctor’s office or through parenting decisions, became a vital part of my divine assignment.

Gone were the days of chasing perfection. I released the pressure to be a flawless mom and embraced the grace of simply being present. Walking away from a traditional career to raise my child and create content that uplifts others required a type of courage I didn’t know I had. I had to redefine what success looked like, shifting my goals and finding fulfilment in the life I am creating.

Perhaps most beautifully, I’ve learned to prioritise legacy over approval. Every lullaby, every prayer, every hug is part of the legacy I’m building for my child. I reflect often on the sacrifices I’ve made, leaving behind a traditional career, and I appreciate both the challenges and unexpected rewards that have come with it. In all these small, sacred acts, I find myself becoming a woman of quiet, consistent courage.

Courage in motherhood isn’t always loud. Sometimes it whispers, “You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.” If you’re a mother reading this, I want you to know: every time you get back up, try again, or whisper a prayer over your child, you’re walking in courage. Keep going. You were made for this.

Visit Simply Candi Nicole and Nerline Germain's blogs to read their perspectives on this series.

Simply Candi Nicole: 10 Ways Motherhood Made Me Courageous.

Nerline Germain: Redefining Courage: How Motherhood Became My Greatest Teacher

Embracing the Courage to Live Again

2025-05-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt the weight of unspoken expectations pressing down on you, causing you to forget who you are?

Life has a way of piling on burdens that can obscure our dreams and dull our passions. Yet, there comes a moment when we must summon the courage to reclaim our dreams, shed unnecessary pressures, and prioritise our well-being. It is about embracing the courage to live fully- a kind gesture towards ourselves that holds the power to transform our lives. When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream without constraints?

Many of us silence our desires out of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Or the weight of practicality. However, dreaming is essential for our emotional and psychological health. It fuels our passions, ignites our creativity, and allows us to envision a life filled with possibilities.

Reflecting on my journey, I recognised that the first step toward living courageously again was acknowledging my desire to dream. As a young girl, I had grand visions of greatness- dreams untainted by the harsh voice of practicality. Over time, those dreams were overshadowed by limiting beliefs and whispers telling me what I wanted was unrealistic. It’s a strange sensation, realising that your dreams have been cast aside, akin to an empty bottle adrift near the seashore- devoid of purpose.

For too long, my mind functioned like an abandoned storage room, cluttered with negative thoughts, fear, and insecurities. Embracing the courage to live again is not a straight path; it is a journey that requires releasing unnecessary pressure and cultivating a sense of wonder. It involves reconnecting with my true essence and remembering who I am. It is remembering who God says I am, even when self-doubt creeps in. It is remembering that I deserve to live a life rich with joy, passion, and authenticity.

Taking a leap of faith means challenging myself to dream and letting go of whatever hinders my momentum. It’s about holding space for my desires and imaginative spirit. With God by my side, I realise I have the power to construct a life full of stories of possibilities and miracles.

How can you begin to embrace your own journey? Here are a few steps you might consider:

1. Reflect: Take time to journal about your dreams. What truly excites you? Write down any aspirations that come to mind—no matter how impractical they seem.

2. Challenge Doubts: Identify the limiting beliefs that have held you back. Write a counter-argument to each doubt, reminding yourself of the strength and capabilities you possess.

3. Set Small Goals: Break down your dreams into achievable steps. Start small. Take one action towards your dreams this week, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

4. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Engage with people who uplift and inspire you. Seek out content, communities or influences that encourage dreaming and creativity.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Recognise that it’s okay to stumble; what matters is that you keep moving forward toward your dreams.

May is the month to be courageous, and most importantly, to embrace the freedom to live again. Welcome to my blog series, #SheChoseCourage. I'm thrilled to be joined by the inspiring Nerline Germain on this series. Don't miss her powerful take on choosing courage. Embracing the Courage to Live Again: My Hysterectomy, COVID Battle, and New Purpose

Starting today, allow yourself to dream without constraints, and watch your world open up with possibilities. It’s time to ignite that courage within you.

Mastering Social Events: 8 Empowering Tips for Introverts

2025-04-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

In my earlier years, attending social events always felt like a daunting challenge. I often found myself overwhelmed by the noise and interactions. While in university, I decided to coach myself to navigate events with confidence and intentionality. I realised that while being introverted meant my thoughts and feelings often focused internally, I could still thrive in social settings.

Grab these eight practical tips that you can use to conquer and enjoy events such as expos, workshops, hair shows, and makeup conventions.

Tip 1. Breathe

When you arrive at the event, seek out a quiet corner. A restroom, a secluded area, or even under a tree will do. Take a moment to be present and breathe deeply. This simple technique works wonders for anxiety and can serve as a grounding strategy throughout the day.

Tip 2. Challenge Yourself

Feel the fear and proceed anyway. Setting small, achievable goals can transform your experience at social events. Here are a few goals I’ve set for myself in the past:

- Visit every booth.

- Meet seven new people.

- Approach a specific person. For example, find Coleen Dryer's booth and take a photo with her.

- Initiate conversations with x, y and z exhibitors.

These mini-goals can make socialising more intentional and manageable.

Tip 3. Smile

A smile is a powerful tool. Smiling encourages people to interact with you, and maintaining a friendly demeanour can positively influence your nervous system to rest in a balanced and regulated state.

Tip 4. Take a Break

Recognising when you need a moment is a sign of strength. If you feel overwhelmed, do not hesitate to retreat to the quiet corner you identified earlier. Take a few minutes to regroup before diving back into socialising.

Tip 5. Ask Questions

Introverts excel at being great listeners- why not use this to your advantage? Prepare thoughtful questions to ask at events.

- What inspired you to create this business?

- What was your experience like when you first started?

- What motivates you to keep going?

These questions spark conversation and also show your genuine interest in their stories.

Tip 6. Embrace Your Authentic Self

Being an introvert does not mean you cannot shine. Embrace your qualities. Own your personality and let that enhance your confidence.

Tip 7. Find a Friend

A simple “Hi” could open the door to a new friendship. If you can find someone who feels similarly, you can support each other throughout the event.

Tip 8. Reward Yourself

After you accomplish your small goals, take a moment to celebrate. Pick up your favourite snack, put on your favourite music and have a little celebration just for yourself. You deserve it.

With the right mindset and strategies, attending social events can be a rewarding experience.

What tips do you have for surviving at social events?

Share your thoughts and strategies below. Let’s support each other on our unique journeys!

Other resources:
Top 10 Survival Tips for Introverts
Advice for Introverts

10 Superpowers of Introvert Leaders

2025-04-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

In a world that often celebrates extroversion, we encourage our introverted friends to break out of their shells or mould our children into outgoing socialites. Yet, many successful individuals, from Michael Jordan to Albert Einstein, have been introverts. This article explores ten superpowers that give introverts a distinct edge in leadership and collaboration.

1. Great Listening Skills

Introverts are natural listeners. They take the time to understand and consider the opinions of their team members. This careful attention cultivates a highly successful and proactive work environment, ensuring everyone feels heard and valued.

2. Thoughtful Decision-Makers

Often, the most powerful voice in the room is the one that speaks the least. Introverted leaders think before they act, carefully weighing their options and making informed decisions that benefit the entire team.

3. Strong Writing Skills

Many introverts prefer communicating through writing, which gives them an advantage in today’s digital landscape. Whether crafting compelling messages on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Instagram, their eloquence translates well online.

4. Servant Leadership

Introverted leaders embody the principles of servant leadership. The successful development of their team members is a priority.

5. Calm Demeanour

An introvert's temperament often creates a safe environment that fosters trust and respect. This calm atmosphere is conducive to effective business operations, allowing creativity and collaboration to thrive.

6. Depth Over Breadth

Introverts excel at cultivating meaningful connections. They delve deep into issues, offering insights and engaging discussions that lead to innovative solutions.

7. Collaborative Spirit

Introverts have a unique ability to sense potential in others. They excel at identifying the right resources or collaborators to bring projects to success, often leading to remarkable outcomes.

8. Innovative Thinkers

A hallmark of introversion is the power of solitude. Introverted leaders recharge during their alone time, where innovative ideas and strategies often emerge.

9. Experts in Preparation

Introverts value thoroughness and dedicate time to prepare for any situation. This intrinsic quality allows them to navigate challenges effectively and lead with confidence.

10. Continuous Improvement

The introverted mind is always in motion- consistently seeking improvement. Introverts naturally challenge themselves and inspire their colleagues to strive for excellence, creating a culture of growth and development.

Introverts rule, and their quiet resilience can lead to extraordinary success. By embracing the strengths of introverted leaders, we can pave the way for a more inclusive and effective workplace.

Are you an introvert? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

What strengths do you bring to your personal or professional life because of your introverted nature?

Share your superpower in the comments.

3 Lessons I learned from the Finalists of Digicel Rising Stars 2024

2024-10-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

From the auditions to the end of the 20th season of Digicel Rising Stars, I was curious, reflective, excited, and inspired. I stood firmly on Ashanique Watson's bus and was convinced the showdown would have been between her and Akeen Fennel. This season was amazing.

But, the last three shows taught me three valuable lessons and I want to put them in your mind as you read this.

I will use the three finalists to represent lessons that I believe all of us need to grasp and run off with into the wind.

Ashanique Watson

It intrigued me when she shared that each year she would say, 'This is the year I am going to enter the competition.' But, she never did. It wasn't until this year that a friend picked her up and said, 'You are going to the auditions.' I was blown away by her voice. Amazing!

Sometimes, you may lack the confidence to step out and do what you truly desire. Your mind fights the belief that you are capable of diving in and taking the risk. Ashanique's friend pushed her because she had the confidence that her friend was more than capable. Throughout the competition, she grew in her performance and her delivery. But, it wasn't until she returned to the competition after being sent home that I saw the fire and true confidence blaze out of her. She pushed and made it to the top three. And it's so important we take a moment to cross our legs and sit on this. The woman we saw at the auditions, was not the same at the show for the top three finalists. She grew. She may have been riding on the confidence of her support system in the initial stages but something happened for her when she walked away with third place.

Renecia Bernard

One thing about us Jamaicans, we are going to give you a nickname. Renecia aka the 'Pink Princess', 'Pinky' or 'Voting Machine' is proof that the steadiness of one's belief is deeper and more tangible than the opinions of others. She had the self-belief that she deserved to be in that competition.

Akeen Fennell

Akeen had a sense of likeability throughout the whole competition. But, I decided to highlight his resilience. Something was throwing him off close to the end of the competition. We can only assume what it was. But, when he was knocked off his game: he sprung back excellently. He took the feedback, made the adjustments, refreshed himself, and went at it again.

These three stars represent three stars that we should keep in our pockets regularly. The confidence to do, the self-belief to be able, and the resilience to refresh and go again.

9 Powerful Actions that helped me to Overcome Depression

2024-05-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I wanted to add my voice to the conversation by sharing my story. I've talked more about my experience with depression in the post, Changing Careers and Battling Depression.

This week, I want to share with you the 9 things that helped me to overcome depression.

I would be lying if I said this happened overnight. This process took place over two to three years and is ongoing maintenance.

Let's walk through this list of habits and practices that helped to pull my mind and body out of depression.

1. A 30-day Self Challenge

The beginning of my new journey to get out of depression started with me creating a list of where I wanted to go. Each day I had one thing that I needed to do to help my mental health. My list included finishing incomplete projects and making amends with individuals as necessary.

I didn't want to do life the way I was doing it and this was my opportunity to invite change into my life. This was a game but the only player was myself. Many of my to-do's did cause a bit of anxiety but I knew that taking action was a good start to get my mind working again.

2. Grieved, fully

I allowed myself to grieve the loss of loved ones and lost aspirations. I realized that I hadn't fully grieved when one of my family members passed away and that pain needed to be released from my heart. This transitioned into grieving disappointments and ideas about who I wanted to be.

The process was painful but necessary.

3. Developed a Growth Mindset

After I completed the 30-day challenge, I created a list of things I wanted to achieve. One major point on this list was to develop a growth mindset. I began listening to podcasts and other resources to learn what a growth mindset looked like. One of my favourite podcasts is by Chrystal Evans Hurst - The Sister Circle Podcast

4. Renewed my mind

Initially, it began with me seeking to understand who God is on my own. You know, "Amma See for Myself." by Ariel Fitz. Yes, that was me. I wanted to learn if God was real and what He had to say about me. I took a deep dive into reading scriptures and what they really meant. When I read Isaiah 43:18-19, I realized that God didn't want us to live stagnated by the past. And it began the process of renewing my mind.

Isaiah 43:18-19 KJV

"Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Much unlearning and relearning happened in my heart about who God is and who I wanted to be. The renewing of my mind started with my faith and what it meant to be a Christian. And it transitioned into how I viewed the world, failure, disappointments, and goals/achievements.

5. Detached myself from old memories.

I kept telling myself that it was time to start afresh. While I renewed my mind, I worked on changing my environment. I gave away items I no longer needed to the Salvation Army and other communities. Throughout this process, I never told myself I was becoming a minimalist. This moment was a letting go of the old to me.

6. Started living backwards

I looked at the end of my life and thought of who I wanted to be remembered as. My thoughts and decisions slowly circled, "I'm living from the end to the beginning."

7. Learned the true meaning of peace

I always thought peace meant everything was calm and things were going well. I learned that true peace is internal calmness when the world falls apart. Peace is knowing that bad days happen and each day is an opportunity to start fresh.

8. Took my nutrition more seriously

I changed my eating habits and added smoothies to my morning routine. A healthy smoothie in the morning boosted my mood and gave me mental clarity.

9. Worked on my sleep hygiene

This was the hardest of all the things on this list. I chose a time to go to bed and would turn the Wi-Fi off on my phone at night to signal to myself that it was time to go to sleep. When I couldn't fall asleep I'd make myself a cup of tea. Shutting off my mind was the biggest challenge but things changed gradually.

Consider this as a guide and not the blueprint for overcoming depression. These helped me; if they help you, that's amazing. But, the possibility is there that it may not. Don't be afraid to seek help.

Let's chat in the comments.

Is Omega-3 the Answer for Hair Growth and Thickness?

2024-02-26T15:45:00.000-08:00

For this week's blog post, we will be talking about omega-3s and its benefits.

Omega-3s are polyunsaturated fatty acids that are found in certain types of fish, vegetables, and other plant sources. The body does not produce these fatty acids naturally but they are necessary for our bodies to function.

There are three (3) types of Omega-3s.

1. ALA: alpha-linolenic acid (found in plants)

2. DHA: docosahexaenoic acid (found in animal foods and algae)

3. EPA: eicosapentaenoic acid (found in animal foods and algae)

Examples of food sources rich in Omega 3.

Adding foods rich in omega-3 to your diet may help with heart health. You can get these nutrients from your food or supplements. The nutrients from omega-3s have been found to improve the conditions of the skin and the quality of hair. It protects the hair against sun damage, decreases hair loss, balances the hair's cycle, and improves the quality and density.

An excerpt from the article, Are Fish Oil Capsules Good for Skin & Hair? stated:

"The omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil capsules can also benefit your hair, making it shinier and stronger. Omega-3s are a healthy fat, helping to reduce skin dryness that can lead to dandruff or an itchy scalp. The natural oils that lubricate the scalp, hair, and skin tend to lessen as we age. The omega-3s in fish oil capsules will help alleviate this dryness that leads to brittle hair and wrinkles. A study published in "Dermatologic Clinics" in 2013 reported that hair follicles can be impaired by a lack of essential fatty acids."

Key functions of Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids:

1. Support cell growth
2. Boost blood circulation

3. Anti-inflammatory properties

For 9 months (April-December 2015), I conducted an experiment on myself. The experiment included a regimen of taking fish oil supplements and observing the results on my hair. In 2014, I added the supplement to my routine; however, I did not take them for my hair. I started taking them for health benefits. But, soon noticed that my hair was also being impacted after someone commented on the thickness of my hair one day.

I never thought the change was a result of the supplement. I stopped taking the supplement and some time later another person asked why it didn't look as thick. It was then that I began to reflect.

I re-tracked and the only difference was not taking the fish oil. A light bulb went off and I decided to take the fish oil on a schedule and record the results.

I took 1-2 capsules each day consistently from April to August 2015. Took a break in September and commenced the routine again in October to the end of the year.

I ended the experiment in December 2015 and did another course in February 2016.

(2015) Twist out after trims mentioned above.

(June 3, 2015) I began taking the supplements in April. This is two months into the experiment. My hair was stretched using the Ponytail Method

December 2015 End of the experiment

March 14, 2016, You can see a difference in the thickness here. Part of my hair is pulled back and it isn't fully separated. But, there is a slight decrease in the thickness.

April 7, 2016, Braid Out on Blow-dried hair. Two months after the experiment.

From the results, I concluded that omega-3s really do help with the overall health of the hair. I noticed it impacted the thickness; however, in conjunction with having a hair care routine. When I took breaks, I did notice a slight increase in shedding. But! Not like "Oh My Goodness! I'm going bald." No. The thickness goes down a bit but it's not an extreme shift.

Factors such as how much you fluff or separate a style play a part in how big the hair looks but ceasing the supplements does impact the density a bit.

'The omega-3s in fish oil capsules will help alleviate dryness that leads to brittle hair' I believe that this is accurate. There was an obvious difference in the texture and quality of my hair. Notably, there was a decrease in the thickness, but the quality didn't change. The hair remained very lush even without the supplements.

From my experience, I agree that omega 3s do help with the thickness of hair but more importantly the overall health.

I'd continue to incorporate this into my regimen for overall health benefits with the perks of great hair too!

What are your thoughts? What has been your experience taking supplements for your hair?

Let's connect in the comments

Note: I am a researcher and these results are a record of my own experience.

Resources:
Fish oil for Hair and Skin
How to use Fish Oil for Hair (Liquid)

Benefits of Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids

5 New Hair Resolutions for 2024

2024-01-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

The start of a new year is a great opportunity to imagine and plan with purpose. Resolutions that are simple and attainable are often the most effective. This year, adding healthy habits to your routine is the best way to accomplish your new hair resolutions.

Get inspired by these 5 new hair resolutions for healthy tresses.

Improve your Diet for Healthy Hair

Healthy hair grows from the scalp and is always an inside job, first. Eating healthy, staying hydrated and working on any vitamin deficiencies you may have will tremendously improve your overall health.

Check out this article to learn more about vitamins and minerals that you can incorporate to promote hair health and growth.

Create a hair care routine and stick to it.

Sticking to a hair care routine that isn't overwhelming and doesn't have a million steps is easier. Decide on how often you'll do it and be consistent. Will it be weekly, bi-weekly or tri-weekly?

Cleanse- clean your scalp and hair
Condition- hydrate, nourish and strengthen hair
Moisturize- scalp care (oiling) and hydrating hair strands
Style- wear styles that you love and help to maintain the health of your ends

Make Deep Conditioning a Priority

Whether you decide to deep condition each time you wash your hair or once a month- don't skip it. Deep conditioning is the step in your wash routine where you hydrate and nourish your hair. Less breakage and damage equal length retention.

Decide that Hair Care is your Self-Care

When life gets busy, it's easy to neglect taking care of ourselves. Make a decision to take care of your whole self body, mind and hair. Consider the time and care you invest as a form of love for yourself and appreciation for the body God has given.

Work with your Hair, not against it

Instead of fighting your hair texture, learn to love it the way it is. Choose styles that suit your face and work with your hair. YouTube University and Pinterest are great places to look for styles.

Cheers to a new year and new hair goals!

5 Tips for Regrowth after Hair Loss

2023-08-14T11:00:00.002-07:00

Experiencing hair loss can be heartbreaking. Knowing that it is a phase that will not last forever is important.

Hair loss can occur due to hormone imbalances, genetic contributions, stress, nutritional deficiencies, health complications, fungus on the scalp, or poor hair styling practices.

Today's blog post will feature five (5) tips that are helpful when recovering from hair loss. Once there is no permanent scarring, the hair can grow and flourish again.

Tip 1

Tackle the root cause

Identifying the root cause will help to resolve the hair loss issue.

What is the cause of the hair loss? Was it stress? Poor nutrition? A medication you've been taking? It may be a good idea to consult your doctor for a proper evaluation. Arming yourself with your health information is needed to address the issue. Topical treatments are helpful; however, growing healthy hair starts from the inside.

Tip 2

Up your nutrition game

A lack of vital nutrients can contribute to hair loss. Our hair follicles are the last to receive nutrients from the food we eat. When there is a lack of those necessary nutrients the hair may take a big hit. Upp-ing your iron, omega 3s, and essential vitamins will correct the deficiency and encourage hair growth.

Tip 3

Treat your hair with care

Grieving the hair you once had can be emotionally challenging. But, creating a routine to allow you and your hair to recover can be a lifesaver. Think of wash days as self-care days and create an experience that caters to your hair needs and makes you feel good.

Tip 4

Scalp massages

Scalp massage improves blood flow which is essential for scalp health. When massaging your scalp, gently press with your fingers (not your fingernails) and move in circular motions.

A combination of oils and consistency can improve hair health and growth. Evidence suggests using essential oils such as lavender and rosemary can help with regrowth after hair loss. Also, ayurvedic herbs like Fenugreek, and Amla, can improve scalp health and hair growth.

I've tried castor oil, coconut oil, and a few tablespoons of fenugreek to stimulate hair growth and I saw improvements in my hair while I used it. With every DIY, always do a patch test to check for allergic reactions to the ingredients.

Tip 5

Say goodbye to damaging styles

The new goal will be to regrow the hair. It is time to say goodbye to styles that won't help to achieve this goal.

Instead, try styles that will help you look and feel good but also be good for your hair. Pinterest is one of my favourite places to look for hairstyles.

Click here to look through some styles on my natural hair board.

I am practicing these tips and I want to visit a trichologist in the near future to take a look at my bald spot.

Have you experienced a setback in your hair journey? Hair loss? Serious damage? How did you deal with it?

Let's chat in the comments.

Check out these videos for more information on hair loss

Hair Loss: Facts and Tips

How to Grow Your Edges

The Pros and Cons of Transitioning to Natural Hair

2023-07-22T09:30:00.026-07:00

Are you thinking about giving up your relaxer? Can't decide if you should transition or big chop?

The perfect post to learn about the pros and cons of transitioning to natural hair is at your fingertips.

Transitioning vs Big Chop

Transitioning refers to growing out your natural hair while maintaining the relaxed ends. This journey requires patience and consistency. But, it is possible to transition to natural hair without doing the big chop.

The big chop is taking the plunge and cutting or shaving off all the relaxed hair.

The decision to transition or do the big chop is a big one. In this post, I have prepared a list of the pros and cons of transitioning to natural hair.

Pros

1. You will slowly adjust to liking your natural texture

Transitioning will allow you to embrace your natural texture. You will get familiar with the look and feel of your hair.

2. Transitioning allows you to accept your new look

When transitioning, I had difficulty embracing how I looked with my natural hair. Watching women on Youtube with similar hair texture helped me to appreciate my hair.

3. The awkward growth phase is avoided

Many individuals who have done the big chop talk about the in-between/awkward phase (moving from TWA onward). You can grow your natural hair to your desired length before cutting off the relaxed ends.

4. Transitioning provides the opportunity to find styles that suit you

After the transition chop, there is little fuss in finding a style that falters you. It is a great time to try different techniques and hairstyles.

5. You control how long your transitioning process will be

There's no rule as to how long you should grow out your natural hair before getting rid of the relaxed ends. You get to choose. I chose to transition because I wanted to have some length before I cut my hair. I transitioned for approximately three (3) years.

Cons

1. Detangling while transitioning can be difficult because of the two textures.

2. Breakage is a part of the process, especially at the line of demarcation (where the natural and relaxed hair meet).

3. Stringy and fragile ends.

4. It can be frustrating to maintain both textures. Having a hair care regimen with moisture-protein balance helps.

5. Patience is a requirement for this process to reduce breakage while detangling or styling.

Did you transition or do a big chop?

Let's chat in the comments!

Let's connect on Instagram

I said Yes to God, No and Yes, Again

2023-06-05T21:30:00.004-07:00

During my morning commute, I sorted through the to-do's for the day in my mind while I watched the passing cars.

Something on the back of a car caught my attention and triggered a memory. A few months prior, God had told me to do something. But, I thought no way. Maybe, it's just in my head.

On this commute, God started to speak to me about something else He wanted me to do. I questioned if I was losing my sanity. I wrestled it. I wrestled with myself.

"God, a lot is going on right now..."

"What You're saying makes no sense. I can't even do that where I am now. I'd have to leave my job to do that. This is my dream job."

For days, I wrestled a lot more. I prayed about it. Eventually, I decided the way to grow my faith was to exercise in the gym called obedience.

I handed in my resignation letter, terrified but sure.

The Turn of Events

I agreed in my heart that I would do it. All I needed was two weeks to prepare. Yes, I'm going to do it!

Two weeks later, I never did it.

Rationality turned my yes into fear.

I gained three nuggets from this and want to share them with you.

Having doubt or fear about what God says is normal.

In our frailty, we can't fully understand God. He has a satellite view of our lives while our eyes can see only so far.

Agreeing to do something you don't truly understand is scary.

God wants us to bring our doubts and concerns to Him. He wants you to understand. He says, 'Come, let us reason together.'

He may only show you a step; however, He isn't angry because of your questions.

In your disobedience, He will not reject you.

He genuinely extends compassion because He knows your heart. He sees your heart's willingness. He also sees your challenges, fears and doubts.

And He calls you to come to Him: not to run away.

God empowers you to say yes, again

It is better to move and do what you are to do. It's also true that God's lovingness and tenderness will help you to obey Him.

In time, I became more concerned with what God would think of me compared to what everyone else would say.

Yes, it would look peculiar.

I committed to doing it. So, I did.

---

You shouldn't spend your life being disobedient because God understands. This story highlights that He can reveal Himself even through disobedience.

I have learned more about Him and his character from this experience.

Has God ever called you to do something that would look crazy to others? How did you handle it?

Let's chat in the comments.

8 Tips for Retaining Length on Your Natural Hair

2023-05-22T17:53:00.033-07:00

Genetics does play a role in how fast and long our hair grows. But, some practices can help with hair growth and retention. Our hair grows every day: retaining the length is the issue. Today, I will share eight (8) length retention tips that have helped me throughout my journey. And I believe they will be beneficial to you too.

1. Wear Low Maintenance or Protective Styles

Styles that keep the ends tucked away and protected can help length retention. Keeping the hair moisturized in these styles is very important because dry hair breaks. The goal is to retain length. Examples of low-maintenance styles are twists, twist-outs and loose buns. Protective styles are braids, sew-ins and mini twists.

2. Deep conditioning

Oh, how I love deep conditioning my hair! Deep conditioning ensures your hair gets adequate moisture and strength to protect it from damage. The elements (sun, wind) and manipulation by styling add to the wear and tear of the hair.

3. Dusting/Trimming

It might seem counter-productive, right?

Dusting or trimming your ends removes split ends and knots. Less damage increases the possibility of retaining length.

4. Low heat styling

Excessive use of heat dries out the strands and causes breakage and split ends. It makes the hair dry, limp and weak. I am not telling you not to use heat; however, use it in moderation. You can also consider heatless options like a ponytail roller set.

5. Moisturizing in between washes

Keeping your ends moisturized lessens damage. Moisturized ends = less breakage = better length retention.

6. Protect your hair at night

Satin or silk scarves are much more gentle on the hair. Cotton causes friction and moisture loss.

7. Be gentle when detangling

Don't rip through your hair when you are detangling. Work in sections, starting from the ends to the roots.

8. Improve your nutrition

Your hair needs nutrients to grow. Incorporating essential minerals/vitamins can change the health of your hair. You can take hair vitamins or get the nutrients from your food. Always consult your doctor about specific products/vitamins.

What tips have helped you to retain length? Let's talk about them in the comments.

8 Healthy Hair Habits for Stronger and Healthier Hair

2023-05-08T10:00:00.296-07:00

Establishing a foundation of healthy habits is key to achieving and maintaining healthy hair. And it can be a bit overwhelming deciding where to start with all the information on the internet.

Here, I've put together 8 habits that you can start today to help your hair become stronger and healthier.

Focus on your hair's need when deep conditioning

Deep conditioning treatments help to revitalize the hair. Whether you choose to use your favourite store-bought conditioner or do your own treatment, deep conditioning is so important and I don't recommend skipping this step on wash days.

When preparing to wash your hair consider feeling your hair to decide what it needs. Is it extremely dry? Breaking easily? This is a habit that I practice to decide if I'll focus on adding more moisture or a balance of protein and moisture.

Give your scalp TLC

Scalp health and hair growth go together like two peas in a pod. Keeping the scalp clean and using nourishing oils are good habits for healthy growth.

Develop a hair nourishing diet

Healthy hair starts from the inside and incorporating staple vitamins and minerals in your diet can help you to achieve stronger and healthier hair. Antioxidants, Vitamins A,C,D and Omega-3 are great for promoting hair growth and health.

Use low heat

Heat styling doesn't have to be damaging. As with other things in life, use heat in moderation.

Maintain the health of your ends

Split ends, thinning and knots contribute to breakage and poor hair health. Scheduling trims or dusting is an essential practice for healthy ends. You can decide how you'll do your trims and how often.

I do my trims whenever I blow-dry my hair which is typically once a month or bi-monthly. I'll snip away (dust) knots or rough ends that I find when I'm wearing my hair regularly.

Incorporate low maintenance styles

Low maintenance styles are those that you can wear for a few days before re-styling your hair. Examples: twists, twist-outs, braid-outs, flat twisted styles, low-tension buns

These styles help has they reduce over-manipulation of the hair which can cause breakage. A reduction in breakage will help with length retention.

Create a simple haircare routine

It's easier to maintain a good haircare regimen when it is simplified.

Here's a basic haircare routine for healthier hair: Cleanse, Condition and Nourish, Moisturize and Style

Cater to your mental health and wellbeing

Stress can greatly impact the health of your hair and while it isn't avoidable, there are strategies that you can use to manage it. Poor mental health can impact your hair, so focus on your health and the length will come.

What healthy hair habits do you practice? Share them in the comments so that we can help each other.

References:

Benefits of Antioxidants for Hair Growth

Vitamin D for Hair

The Role of Vitamins and Minerals in Hair Loss

9 Tips to Manage your Season of Post-Graduate Depression

2023-04-24T13:00:00.007-07:00

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Looking for a job, is a job." And rejection after rejection will have you wondering if there is something wrong with you. Transitioning from university to the world of work can be tough and many people experience post-graduate depression.

Is there something wrong with my resume? Or the way I wrote my application letter? Do you think the time that I sent it is a factor?

Truth is the outside world is parallel to the university world. And that can be disappointing. You would think that you'd be prepared, right?

But, with every season of your life, experiences will teach you.

The racing thoughts of the loans to repay and the ambitions you ever so burn to see come to pass, is normal.

And though it may be a difficult season: it is possible to steward it well.

Let's start by acknowledging that you might feel like you are sinking into a hole and you are struggling to find your way out.

Allow your feelings to surface when you think of not liking the current circumstance. But, this is where you are.

Now, accept that you are at point A with the expectancy to get to point B.

Examples of point A could be feeling demotivated, not having a job, struggling with your mental health.

Point B regaining motivation, getting a job, implementing strategies to improve your mental health.

Related: Post-Graduate Depression

Tips to Manage your Season of Post-Graduate Depression

1. Give yourself grace

Reflect on your accomplishment. You actually finished school and have a whole degree!

It's so easy to start ruminating about what's next for you and the frustrations of not being able to land a job. But, you've done so well. Give yourself some love.

2. Identify your value

I could say, "Don't compare yourself to your peers." Reality is without thinking we compare ourselves to others.

Here's a trick that I think might help. Create a listing of the value that you hold. It could be your skills (include your soft skills), experiences, characteristics, accomplishments, accolades. You just need to be able to see something on paper.

When you're going through a season of post-graduate depression, it's easy to think that you aren't valuable. Because, you're flooded with emotions, questions and frustration.

Your list is a visual reminder of the value that you hold.

And if you're of the Christian faith, there are many directional arrows (scriptures) in the Bible that reinforce your value. Choose one that you can hold on to.

3. Schedule your job hunting sessions

Create a time-table for the days and time that you'll dedicate to looking for jobs to apply for.

Example

To do:

Mondays to Wednesday

10:00 am to 12:00 pm search for job vacancies

1:00 pm to 2:30 pm tailor resume to job requirements

4. Work on your interview skills

Steward this season by improving your interview skills. This channel on Youtube has been quite helpful- The Companies Expert

5. Take advantage of online courses

It's always good to show on your resume that you are actively working to improve your skillsets.

6. Start or restart a hobby

Refresh your mind by doing something that you enjoy.

For a season, I revisited my love for baking and that was my mental refresh. I saved a banana bread recipe in my phone and I made that. The frozen bananas in the freezer were put to good use.

7. Learn about Resume Writing

Tailoring your resume for a job vacancy is a skill that you can learn.

8. Talk to someone

Going to therapy may not be something you can afford at this time but consider reaching out to a friend or someone you trust to talk about what you're going through.

9. Stay in expectancy mode

Though it tarries; it will come.

Stay encouraged and trust everything will work out for your good.

Image credits: Pexels

Changing Careers and Battling Depression

2023-04-14T14:22:00.002-07:00

When I learned the word Psychology and what it meant- I decided that's exactly what I want to do. I don't remember the age that I made this decision but I do know it was while I was in high school. I participated in forums and Yahoo Answers which helps to educate me about this field that I wanted to be a part of.

I'd say I prepared myself with as much of the information that I thought I needed to know. When I got to university, I was excited but nervous about what the experience was really going to be like. The first semester was amazing. The second semester, I learned the bomber that we need to go further in our studies if we wanted to be Psychologists. In my second year, after taking some advice I decided to change the course of study to Teacher Education and minored in Counselling. The short story is I didn't do well at all. My grades were horrible. At the time, the Counselling courses were the only classes that I was actually passing and my GPA seriously took a whooping.

After speaking with my family, I decided to return to Psychology and minored in Secondary Education. I second-guessed this decision due to the constant queries of the 'lack of jobs' for persons in my field. I questioned it everyday if I had made the right decision to go back to my first major but it felt right. Even though I mentally struggled with it and the opinions of everyone else didn't make it easier. But, it just felt right. When I got to my final year, I was pleased with myself that I followed through and finished my programme.

Approaching graduation, I started to get the questions about when I'd do my Masters, what would I specialize in, where would you do it... At my graduation, I had no idea where I wanted to go next but I was very hopeful for the future.

After graduation, I struggled to get a job and did a temporary post for over a year before I got into a Guidance Counselling role. I decided to go this route to expose myself to the school environment as I had two options in mind of where I'd do my Masters- Counselling Psychology working with children or teens or Marriage and Family.

I went on so many interviews for a Guidance Counsellor position but many of them were simply potholes in the road. I even heard disheartening comments about whether I'd get such a role with my degree (I've said it nicely). I finally got a contract role at a primary school and I was amped and ready to do well. A few months into the role, I sat looking at the paperwork on my desk and I said in my heart, "This isn't it. But, why isn't this is? I tried so hard to get here. I love the students, I love the projects I get to do with them but something is missing." It wasn't the best work environment but the thorn in my flesh became how do I answer this question. Why isn't this it?

I kept applying for GC roles when my contract ended. Potholes now turned into dead-ends and I was left to wrestle internally with what next. And wrestle fiercely as we experienced Corona, lockdowns and the new anxiety of the life before us. Approaching the end of 2020, I concluded that I was going to do a career change. Where was I going? I didn't know but I was definitely going somewhere.

On top of this feeling that I had, I started to realize that there were some relationships in my life where people expected me to show up as a role and not a person. I wasn't a Guidance Counsellor 24/7. That was my job but I didn't want to be that in my personal life as well. And as weird as it might seem to you reading this, it was another thing that made me decide that it was time to change course.

One day, a friend of mine sent me a text message about a job vacancy for a Guidance Counsellor role and I said, "I've decided to change careers and I will be moving into another field."

I suffered so much as I wondered. Am I making the right decision?

But, all I knew was there was something more that I wanted to do though I wasn't 100% clear on it.

Although, I struggled with being unemployed and the pandemic did not make job hunting easier. Expanding my scope was actually really good for me.

I had the opportunity to enroll in a Digital Marketing course the following year and then started a role in Content Marketing.

And it was at this point that it finally hit me. This whole time, my identity was wrapped in which career path I chose. So, when I hit a wall I believed it meant that I failed greatly. Ultimately, making me a failure. And that was the mindset I had for a very long time.

As I reflected, I remembered in my first year of university, one of my lecturers shared his story of how he changed his major five times before he settled. The whole class laughed about it then. But, with my feet pressed to the ground and a mind looking in hindsight, I realized that life has never been linear. It's ebbs and flows. Decisions. Consequences. Errors and lessons. And I was really too hard on myself.

I've had many examples of those who chose a way and stuck to it to the end. And I wanted that. I did have to realize that I had a journey of my own. And only I could take it.

I've had the opportunity to learn about myself, work on my mindset and boundaries. And a major takeaway from this journey is: 'my career is what I do, who I am is completely different.'

Looking back, I could have benefitted from Career Counselling or therapy while I was at university to navigate the decision and feelings that I struggled with. I also accept that no experience is wasted.

This year will mark three years since I've been out of the classroom. I was invited to facilitate a class last month and my method of teaching hasn't changed drastically. I sat down and wrote up my lesson plan and all. I'm side eyeing myself but it had to be done. But, the way that I delivered the content was very different.

I've had many battles with myself, my decisions and the opinions of everyone around me. Now, I've stepped into a season of becoming who I am called to be. And some days this looks like walking with my eyes closed, holding God's hand and asking, "Are we there yet?".

Have you ever faced a challenge that had you caught between two opinions? I'd love to hear about it in the comments.

The BEST Guide for Blow-Outs on Natural Hair

2023-04-02T13:55:00.002-07:00

Natural hair is possibly one of the most versatile textures. Twists, braids, coils or a blow-out are just a few of the styling options for natural hair.

Heat can be a conflicting topic for many naturals; as many opt out of using heat. But, for those who do, using heat doesn't have to threaten the health of your hair. There are many variations of the blow-out. It could be a perfecting round afro or silky smooth.

Typically, blow-outs take the natural texture to a stretched state using heat. To achieve your desired blow-out, you could use a blow-dryer with a comb attachment, focus nozzle, paddle brush or round brush. Or other options like the Rev-Air or all-in-one blow-dryer.

There are heat-free options if you want to stretch the hair. However, for this post, we will look at using a blow-dryer with a comb attachment.

Prepping Your Hair for a Blow-Out

1. The first step for the best blow-out is to start with clean and moisturized hair. And this will start during your wash routine.

2. Part the hair into four (4) equal sections.

3. Apply your favourite leave-in, cream and/or heat protectant.

4. Detangle the sections and start blow-drying.

Best Technique for a Blow-Out using a Comb Attachment

What You'll Need

- Blow-dryer

- Comb attachment/s

- Detangling comb or brush

- Scrunchies/ Pins (something to hold your hair in the sections)

1. Begin blow-drying one section at a time.

2. Working from the ends of the hair to the roots- start with cool air to make the hair less damp.

3. Once the hair feels less damp, switch to warm air and move the heat through the hair to stretch the section.

4. Switch back to cool air to seal and smooth the hair shaft.

5. Repeat the process until all sections are complete.

In the last two years, I have had success blow-drying my hair using this technique. Currently, I use the RED by Kiss Tourmaline Ceramic 2200 Pro Blow-Dryer. The kit comes with two detangling attachments- a regular detangling comb and a straightening detangling comb. I use both when doing my blow-outs. After I detangle the section, I start with the regular detangling comb, working the blow-dryer through my hair with cool air. I switch to warm air when the section is less damp and allow the tension from the comb and the heat to stretch my natural texture. I then switch the comb attachment to the straightening comb and work it through still using warm air. Then back to cool air to smooth the hair. I put away the section and continuing the same process until complete.

What's your routine when blow-drying your hair? I'd love to chat in the comments.

How Mental Health impacted My Hair Journey

2022-06-29T11:12:00.007-07:00

Mental Health. Self-care. Love thy self.

In the last year, these phrases have almost become a trend. We've started to have more open conversations about how we feel and how we process our feelings. And, I am here for it.

It's always important to remember, that self-care and healing aren't your typical straight lines and aesthetically pleasing pictures. It's also messy. Healing hurts just as greatly as the thing you're trying to heal from.

Think about your body and how all the parts work together to help you survive. When we are sick, the body utilizes all the nutrients we provide it with to keep us up and running. Right?

Sometimes, our hair gets the remainder of those nutrients. In Jamaican terms, we'd say, "di wat lef."

So, how does this connect to hair and your state of mind?

Let's talk about it.

Depression, anxiety and/or other issues of mental unwellness can impact your mind and body. Culturally, we've neglected the importance of addressing these needs out of ignorance and stigma. But, we do see a change lately with more awareness about mental health.

We do need to empathize more whenever someone expresses that they are feeling mentally or emotionally unwell. It isn't an excuse.

Sometimes, there are these factors such as biological, environmental, societal, and even trauma that play a role in that imbalance. Though each of these (depression, anxiety) is specific- I'm going to focus on how stress impacts our hair. Whether it's any of these, it does put some strain on the body's functioning and so we've going to refer to it as, stress.

If you've been on your hair journey long enough, you've heard that your hair is always growing. And it's pretty much true. The hair follicles are continuously going through a cycle of growing (Anagen) and resting (Telogen). Stress-induced hair loss is real and it causes the follicles to move into the resting phase which causes shedding. A stressful day at work or home may not lead to severe hair loss, but a prolonged period of stress can. Especially, if the stress is unmanaged.

I experienced a bit of thinning, shedding and breakage during my period of stress. And I can also say, I and others around me could definitely see and feel that my hair was different. Truthfully, my hair isn't very shiny even with product/s but it was looking very dull and dry. This was one of the reasons that I did an impromptu haircut. My hair just didn't feel or look the same.

We can't totally avoid stress. But, it is our responsibility to do our best to choose good habits that will help to reduce stress and keep us mentally well. Being mindful that you should treat yourself with loving care is also so important.

After my haircut, the change in my hair wasn't overnight. I did notice when I was consistent with deep conditioning I really started to feel a difference in my hair. And I went ahead and created a super simple hair care routine that I'd have the bandwidth to manage. Because, when I was depressed I could barely do much of anything.

I felt a shift when I started to come out of my depressive state but it wasn't automatic or easy. I did start trying to create new habits that would be beneficial for me. Making myself a smoothie each morning before breakfast and just being outside in nature was helpful. I started gardening and dove into learning how to grow food. Which was exciting.

Now, almost a year later (August 21, 2021, will be 1 year since my haircut), I'm happy with how my hair is doing. I'm focusing on balancing self-care and hair-care- a major goal now on my hair journey is to have healthy hair.

Have you had any experience with having difficult seasons in your life? Did it impact your mental health or your hair?

I'd love to hear about it in the comments.

Check out my previous post about my depression and how it impacted my blogging life.

Let's connect on instagram

Resources that you can check out:

Mental Health Disorders & Your Hair

Depression and My Natural Hair Journey

Why I can't take care of my hair?

How Stress Causes Hair Loss

Review: Shevielle Fenugreek & Oats Moisturizing Hair Cream

2022-06-06T12:36:00.005-07:00

Product Claims: Helps to moisturise, soften and detangle hair

Ingredients:

Water, Shea Butter, Olive Oil, Coconut Oil, Jamaican Black Castor Oil, cetyl Alcohol, Emulsifying Wax NF, Glycerin, Fenugreek Powder, Oats Extract, Vitamin E Oil, Grapefruit Essential Oil, Tangerine Essential Oil, Euxyl k 900 (Preservative)

How to use:

Apply moisturizer to damp hair, using hands to work the moisturizer through, covering the entire hair shaft from root to end. You may also apply Shevielle's Castor Neem Butter or Herbal Butter for a more lasting moisturizing effect.

Review:

Packaging: I love that this product came in a glass jar. I found it to be a neat touch and you can easily reuse the jar. So, two thumbs up to Shevielle for that. The labelling/branding is simple but fun. It definitely gives off the spring vibes as promoted in their earlier 'Springing Back to Life' campaign.

Texture/Consistency: The cream is very smooth and lightweight. Even being heavy-handed with this product, it didn't have a weighed down or greasy feel. It really feels like the product absorbs into the hair. But, you can definitely feel that it is there.

Smell: I am not a fan of the scent. It does have that faint grapefruit scent but the earthy smell is a bit more sharp/noticeable. I actually don't mind the smell of unscented shea butter but there's something a bit different with this scent that I can't fully describe. I feel like a light, calming floral or another fruity scent would do quite well for this.

Performance: To really test the moisturizing properties, I've used this product on two low maintenance styles (twist out, braid out), a protective style (high bun) and a heat style (blowout).

For all three styling sessions, the product was applied to damp hair as it says on the jar.

On its own, I'd give it a 5 out of 10 for moisturizing. For my twist out, I only used this product to moisturize and style. I wore the twists for two days before unravelling. The label does say to follow up with one of their other butters for lasting moisturization. My hair was soft to the touch but it didn't feel as moisturized as I expected. I did get nice definition from the twist out.

The product definitely does a great job of softening the hair. When I used it to do a braid out, I used it on damp hair and followed with my DIY Shea Butter mix. And I found my hair was soft and felt a lot more moisturized. I transitioned to a bun and it did a good job to make detangling my hair easier. I misted my hair with water and applied the product and took my time to detangle it.

Now, let me tell you about when I used the product to do a blowout.

As a blowout cream- this is the bomb. I tried it twice and both times the blowout was smooth. I do have a blowdryer that gives great blowouts. But, I do think these blowouts were smoother in comparison to those without the product. And, I believe the Oat Extract may have something to do with that. Here's a comparison of two blowouts. The first clip is without this product and then with.

Usage: This product was $1800.00 JMD and it's a 9oz jar. I got 4-5 uses out of this and I believe that I should have enough to get two more uses. I do have thick hair so I think someone with less dense hair would get more use.

Final thoughts:

By itself, it isn't super moisturizing. I think it could be more moisturizing so that you wouldn't need to follow up with another shea butter/oil-based product.
Not a fan of the smell.
Chef kiss as a blowout cream. Just from the results of the blowout, I'd keep using it for this purpose.
It softens and helps to make detangling easier.

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This review is not sponsored.

Life Update | Why I Stopped Blogging

2022-05-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin?

Hello there.

Happy (inserts all the holidays we've missed sharing together) to you!

It has been a while since I have talked to you all. I thought I was coming back full speed ahead when I made my last blog post in 2019. But, I'm accepting that things do not always go the way I intend them to.

Truth is... this journey of life for me has been challenging.

It's been a whirlwind of loss, pain and everything in between. For a great portion of the last year, I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore because I got lost in all of life's hardships. And I just stopped doing many of the things I loved.

Sidenote* Now, the aim of this post isn't to make this a sappy sad story.

Absolutely not!

However, I do think it is fair to share an update with you as I hope to get back into blogging.

The Beginning

I got married and then started a new career in January 2020- I was excited and nervous about all that was to come. I soon quickly realized that I was completely clueless about what to expect with anything in life.

I lost my aunt in February 2020 and then came our country's first covid case the following month. My contract at work ended a few months later and it was then back to job hunting. I caught covid in September of the same year and the entire time I was quarantined at home I thought heavily about not allowing myself to be irresponsible that someone would catch it from me.

The following year (2021), picture a hurricane uprooting a tree. Do you see it?

That was my year and I was not well emotionally or mentally. There are some things that are too personal to share. And others, yo girl is still going through it. But, I am in a much better space emotionally and mentally. I do still have my down days but I don't feel like I am buried in a hole and can't find my way out.

The Middle -August 2021

I cut my hair off

I didn't plan to but it turned out to be an amazing idea. My hair was feeling so unhealthy and it was understandable since I wasn't ok. But, it really was the beginning of something beautiful because it was the spark for relearning myself and my hair.

At the Beginning again- December 2021

The last few months of that year were the toughest. I believe it was the ending of this year and the beginning of 2022 that two of what I considered my most valuable friendships, ended.

In all of life's beauty: there is also sorrow. But, I didn't want to be sorrowful anymore. I wanted to bloom.

And so I did. I tried to start the new year with a new perspective and challenge myself not just to be full of potential and in my head. Rather being and creating. And doing what I could to reignite the fire within.

I am excited to start creating and sharing content again.

See you soon.

Selflessly: Post Graduate Depression

2019-07-16T12:18:00.004-07:00

Post Graduate Depression- it's been sitting in my head for months. I know I should write about it but I just haven't had the energy to. I kept saying, tomorrow, tomorrow I'll do it. Then tomorrow never came. So, I'm making tomorrow, today.

According to We need to talk about Post Graduate Depression, " organizations identified that almost half of recent graduates believed their mental wellbeing had declined following university."

Post Graduate Depression is depression triggered by one's matriculation after post-secondary education. Like depression which is marked by intense sadness, lack of energy and interest; PGD takes the same form.

It all started off so wonderful. I was done with school, finally. I was relieved to be out. Freedom had come my way and I was ready for a break. Applying for jobs didn't seem so hard until the cards of rejection started to fill my pocket. Then it started. Extra mental exhaustion. I was merely pressing on because that's what I do best. Press. Surely, other things started to creep up on me- fatigue, anxiety, discouragement, indecisiveness, and fear.

What if questions plagued my mind and the way I had imagined life to be was not budding nor blooming. This was not what I had envisioned life after university to be.

And that was a bitter pill to swallow.

I fell into not wanting to do anything because I didn't have the energy to. Feelings of frustration with my hair and being lazy with it. One point I stopped sending out applications too.

What was this feeling of fatigue that I couldn't shake?

This breaking down in tears for no apparent reason?

This being heartbroken when anyone asked if I had heard anything yet?

The, I feel stuck and I can't make my next move?

What is my next move?

Where was that grit I once had? To keep going when things didn't go right the first or second time.

I had sunken and planted myself home in a world of fear and Indecisiveness. And made it welcome in all facets of my living space.

But, do I live here or do I go?