Cavalier C

A New Game

2012-02-14T12:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am happy to announce that I have finaly finished setting up my new website. It took me some time and alot of effort, but I'm finaly ready to go. The name of the site is Online Investor Education. Here is a link to the home page:

http://www.onlineinvestoreducation.com/

Moving On

2012-01-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

          I would like to thank all the people that have come to my blog to read about my wild stories. It's been a pleasure having you here. I guess I owe an excuse for the lack of stories lateley, well here's the deal. First off, I have pretty much run out of stories that are relevent to what I wanted to share with this blog. That's not to say I won't post anymore, it just won't be as frequient. Second, I am currently in the planning faze of launching a new online blog/website.
          The goal of this new blog will be to teach people how to think like an investor. I decided to make this move after having witnessed an almost overwhelming amount of friends and family struggle financialy. Some have come to me for advice knowing I am a part time investor and online entrepreneur, but there is only so much I can do to help them. I have decided to create another blog based around all the things that I know about the world of investing. My hope is that it will serve as a guide for many people.
          Please be patient with me. This new blog will be much bigger than this one is and will take longer for me to set up. I already have decided on a domain name for my new site and I know what hosting company I plan to use, what I'm working on right now is putting together enough content to put up there. I will be sure to keep you posted regarding how the proccess is progressing. Thanks again to all of you who have enjoyed reading my stories.

Pet Sitting

2012-01-19T16:23:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this month, but I have had a lot to take care. This includes the preparation for the launch of another blog. For the last week I have been pet sitting Dave's dad's dog, while he and his family were on vacation. I made a recording for them of how I spent my time with the dog and now have that video posted in the "videos" section of this blog. So go over to the "videos" page and check out the ones titled Pet Sitting.

Flying Pigs Part 2

2012-01-10T18:42:00.000-08:00

Dave starts dry-heaving as he realizes that he had been chewing on a toothpick that had been stuck in the inside of a pig. We thought for sure that he was going to throw up. Before Dave lost it, Tom spoke up. "I'm just kidding" he said "it wasn't one of the toothpicks being used on the pig". Dave regained his calm and sat down. Myself and everyone else were laughing hysterically.
Eventually, it came time for us to have our final experiment with the dead pigs. Our teacher wanted to focus on studying what happens to the body when it falls from a great height. She had us all take our pigs and walk down the hall with her. We stopped at the window at the end of the hall. She than said that she wanted us to drop the dead pigs out the window and see what happened.
We were on the third floor of our school building so it would be quiet a drop. Some of the other teachers saw what we were doing and were a bit disturbed. Myself and a few other lined up with their pig in front of the window. I don't remember if we dropped them one at a time or all at once, but regardless they all had a hard fall. I had never heard a body hit concrete after a long fall until I did this experiment. After we were done, our teacher had us walk outside the school to examine the bodies.
From what I remember, it wasn't nearly as violent as you might think. I expected the whole body to burst open after hitting the ground, but this isn't what happened. While a few pieces went here and there, the majority of it remained intact. After having a little discussion about what we thought, we got to work and started cleaning up our mess. I must say that certain members of the school were not too happy with what our teacher had us do.
I would like to restate that THE PIGS WERE ALREADY DEAD. NO ONE and NOTHING got hurt during this class assignment.

Flying Pigs Part 1

2012-01-06T21:33:00.000-08:00

WARNING: NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH! Before I start this story, I want it to be known that NO PIGS WERE HURT IN THIS STORY BECAUSE THEY WERE ALREADY DEAD TO BEGIN WITH. This story took place back during one of my years in high school. For this year we were given a choice of electives that we could take. One of the options we could take was a forensics science class. Given that the class was basically about solving crimes, myself and the rest of the guys took it.
At a certain point we were learning about how different injuries or wounds, impact the human body. In order for us to understand this, our teacher ordered a bunch of dead pigs that we would dissect. Apparently a pigs body is the closest thing to a humans. Our first assignment was to see how various cuts and stab wounds effected the body. For this part we used a scalpel to see how cuts would impact the body depending on how deep it went. We also tested out how stab wounds would affect the body using one of those metal rods you use for shish kabobs.
Out next task was to cut the pigs open and see how their organs were affected. After the skin was cut open, we had to use tooth picks to hold the flaps skin out of our way. We than started cutting out the individual organs and examined them. This included things such as the lungs, heart, and stomach. Basically the teacher wanted all of the insides taken out of the body so that just bones and skin were left on it.
At one point the funniest thing happened, though most people would find it disgusting. While we were working, my old friend Tom noticed Dave fiddling with a tooth pick in in his mouth. After a second of staring Tom piped up. "Uh Dave" Tom said "you know that tooth pick was just inside the pig right?" The most sickening and disgusted look came across Dave's face as he dropped the toothpick out of his mouth. This story will be continued in the next post.

Happy Birthday

2012-01-05T14:17:00.000-08:00

My friend Dave just had his birthday over a month ago. For his birthday card I decided to get a little creative with what I was going to right in it. He just turned 24 on his birthday so I decided to have my comment revolve around his age. I thought about what went through my head when I turned 25 and knew exactly what I was going to write. I gave him his card at his house and he started reading it out loud.
"Dear Dave" he read "I hope you have a great birthday. Just think, in one more year one third of your life will be over. Can you see the light? I did". Dave looked up from the card. "Why would you write something like that in my birthday?" he asked with a smile. "Cause that's what went through my head when I turned 25" I said "I thought to myself, oh my God I only have two thirds of my life left to live."
Later that day Dave's father and aunt came to the house. When the two of them were comfortable sitting down, Dave handed his dad the card I gave him. "Look what Chris wrote in my birthday card" he said. Dave's dad opened up the card and started reading. "Can you see the light? I did" Dave's dad read as he finished the last line.
A slight smile cracked on his face when he smiled at me. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked he laughing "How is that supposed to make feel?" Dave's dad than pointed at his older sister , Dave's aunt, and said "How do you think that makes her feel?" "Well it's true isn't it?" I said "75 years is the average lifespan right?" "Yea but you don't write that in somebody's card" he said while shaking his head. "What are we going to do with you Chris?" he laughed.

Moving In Part 2

2012-01-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

Slowly I made my way closer to the cat. All of a sudden I heard some commotion coming from the front door and I heard Dave yell "Who the hell are you?". I watched as the cat I was trying to catch ran off to get away from whatever was going on. I walked around the corner of the house to see what had happened. Apparently while Dave was busy holding the door open and calling the cat, some other cat had been lurking around in the darkness. It had made a run through the door that Dave was holding open and stopped itself in the kitchen.
I walked in the front door to see this black cat sitting on the floor staring up at us. We all started cracking up together. "Where on earth did he come from?" we thought. I walked over and picked the black cat up and placed him back outside. "Now you go home" I said as he walked off. After that we decided that we weren't going to be able to catch the cat that needed the shot. So Dave and I said our goodbyes and left. The good thing is that Dave's girlfriends mother was eventually able to get the cat inside the next day and give it it's medication. The funny thing is that same black cat managed to get back inside the house again as well.

Moving In Part 1

2011-12-31T08:57:00.000-08:00

This story took place a few days ago. My friend Dave and I were helping his girlfriend Meredith and her mother move into their new home. What was strange about this new house that they moved into was that the previous owners left everything they owned at the house. They even left their two cats, one of which has diabetes and needs to get a shot as treatment each day. Being the cat lover that I am, I wasn't to thrilled to see that they had abandoned their pets. I hope for their sake they never meet or speak to me because I will make them feel like the scum of the earth. There is no excuse for leaving their pets behind like that, especially when one has medical condition.
Anyway, after moving in as much stuff as we could, we had to find a way to get the one cat inside so that we could give it it's shot. Since I was the cat lover of the group I was the one to go out and try to get them. I had managed to make friends with the one cat, but the other cat that we needed was too skittish. I tried different ways to get him into the house, but nothing worked. We saw that the cat was standing at the corner of the house by the front door.
"That does it" I said "Dave you hold the front door open, I'm going around back and I'm going to shew him from behind and hopefully he'll run inside". Dave went to the front door and opened it up, while I went out the back door. I made my way around the house and saw the cat sitting there. The others were calling the cat at the front door. It was perfect, he had no idea I was there. But unbeknownst to us, an unwelcome guest was about to ruin everything. This story will be concluded in the next post.

Unarmed

2011-12-22T17:18:00.000-08:00

This story took place in Boston quite a few years back. My mom and I had been invited to a reunion at Boston's Children's Hospital due to my medical history there. So my mom, her friend, and I went up there to to see how everyone was doing. While we were there we talked with all the doctors and the occasional patient that we knew. The party happened to be outside and I was a little cold that day just wearing a T-shirt. To keep myself warm I stuck my arms on the inside of my shirt.
"Chris" my mom said "Take your arms out of your shirt, people are staring". "No, I'm cold" I said. I thought my mom wanted me to take my arms out cause I looked immature, I didn't realize until later what was so wrong with what I was doing. It turns out that because we were at a hospital reunion, I looked like some kind of patient that had lost both of his arms. Of course this thought never registered in my brain. I just sat there next to my mom with my arms wrapped around myself inside my shirt.
My mom's friend apparently didn't make the connection regarding my arms either. She sat next to us at our table after grabbing some food. After noticing me, she turned and jokingly said "Hey Chris, would you like me to feed you". She took something off her plate and moved it towards my mouth. Before I could bite down, she pulled it away. Again, she went to give the food to me, but than pulled away again. "Come on Chris" she laughed "You almost got it". The people around us stared mortified at what appeared to be some woman making fun of an armless kid. Even the people that my mom had been talking to were staring at us. Eventually, my moms friend let me eat whatever it was she was feeding me.
"You want another Chris" she said. We started the whole process of cat and mouse again and disturbed even more people. When my moms friend stopped feeding me, she had no clue what she had done. It wasn't until later on that my mom explained to us both what we had done wrong. My moms friend and I started cracking up together.

EARTHQUAKE! Part 2

2011-12-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

We all stayed outside a little longer just incase there were any aftershocks. Eventually we decided that someone had to go back inside. We decided that we would grab what we needed out of the house and just spend our time outside until we got further news about what was going on. Since I was the only male adult available, I chosen to go back inside to see if it was safe. "OK Chris" my mom said "go ahead". I didn't mind, in my haste I had accidently left two valuables of mine in the house and I was eager to get back in the house to retrieve them.
I slowly made my way up the stares. I have to be honest, the idea of dying from a house falling on me wasn't too appealing to me. "Chris" my mom said "If things start shaking, come running right back outside". "OK mom" I said. I stepped into the house and looked around. Once I felt ready I took off, I quickly made my way up the stairs to retrieve my two items. While I was busy at work upstairs, my mom and her friend had come into the house to collect their things.
As my mom made her way up the stairs, she saw me come flying back down. Under my one arm was my laptop and under the other was my Xbox 360, along with a trail of cords behind me. "You are sick" my mom laughed as I ran passed. "Hey" I said "these are my most valuable items, I am not going to let them be destroyed when this house comes down". After locking my laptop and Xbox safely in my car, I ran back in to grab my clothes and other accessories.
Once we got what we needed we all went back outside with our things. We tried making calls to other people people, but the phones were jammed. After we finally got some more information about what was going on, we decided that we would eat some lunch and than go home.
While eating lunch I gave my friend Dave a call. He told me that he had been eating lunch in his car when the ground started shaking. I told him how the first thing I grabbed upon getting into the house was my Xbox 360 and laptop. "YOU ARE PATHETIC!" he yelled "YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC!" I started cracking up. "SHUT UP CHRIS, IT'S NOT FUNNY" he continued "IT IS JUST SAD AND PATHETIC! HOW IS IT THE FIRST THING YOU GRAB IS YOUR XBOX AND LAPTOP! YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!". After he was done ranting, we talked a bit longer than hung up. In the end we all decided to leave the beach house and go home.

EARTHQUAKE! Part 1

2011-12-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

I'm going to share with you what happened with me when the earthquake that took place this summer hit NJ. I was at my parents beach house with my mom, her friend, her friends daughter, and her friends daughters friend. So I was on the top floor of the house eating my breakfast at the counter. I was talking to my mom's friend who was eating in the kitchen and my mom was in her room. Next thing I know, I feel the whole house swaying back and forth. I felt like I was in some kind of funhouse as we shook. When it stopped, I sat in my chair confused about what had happened.
My mom's friend looked at me with a worried face and said "Chris, has that happened before". "No" I said. "What the hell was that?" I thought to myself quietly "Must have been a strong wind. But there's no way wind could shake an entire house. Maybe the structure of the house is weak and that's why the wind was able to move it. What moron would build a house so unstable that it could be moved by a gust of wind". As I pondered what had happened my mom came out of her room. "Did you guys feel that?" she asked. "Yea" we said. "Has this happened before?" my moms friend asked my mom. "No, never" my mom said. My moms friend headed for the stairs. "We need to get out of this house right now, I think we just had an earthquake" she said. "What, no way" I thought "we don't get earthquakes in NJ". The thought of an earthquake had never even entered my brain earlier. Still, I decided to follow the rest of them outside.
When we got outside others were walking out of their house. "Hey" some guy that was across from us yelled "did your house just shake?" "Yea" we said. "Mine too" he responded. "Yea" my moms friend said "we just had an earthquake". "COOL!" I thought to myself "My first earthquake". This story will be concluded in the next post.

I Lost My Phone

2011-12-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

This story is a short one that took place while I was walking from some store to my car. I was on my cellphone talking to my friend Dave at the time. I approached my car, unlocked it and hopped on in. I continued talking with him as I started reaching into my pockets to take out everything that I needed. I had my keys and my wallet, but than I realized that something was missing. "Oh sh-t!" I said "Oh sh-t". Dave heard me over the phone. "What's wrong?" he asked. As I quickly started looking around my car I responded to him "My phone Dave, I lost my phone". "What?" he asked. "MY PHONE!" I yelled "Do you hear me, I lost my phone".
I double checked all the pockets in my jeans. "Dude" Dave said "You're talking on your phone right now". There was a bit of a pause until I responded "Oh yeah". Dave started cracking up. "No way did that just happen" he said "There is no f-cking way". He continued his laughing. "Well what do you want from me?" I asked said "I have a procedure when I get into my car. I take out my wallet, my keys, and my phone. But this time, the phone wasn't in my pocket." "But you were talking on it" he laughed "How could you possibly forget that". "Well I managed to" I said. We finished up our conversation and than hung up.

Failed Barefoot Water Skiing Attempt

2011-12-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

This story took place last summer when my family and I were down Long Beach Island. We were out on our wave runners and getting pulled from behind while using a knee board. The way this would work is a person would take the knee board and jump into the water behind the waver runner. Than while sitting on top of the board, they would be dragged through the water by holding onto a rope. Well after taking my turn on the board, I told them I wanted to try barefoot skiing.
"Chris" my brother said "This isn't going to work". "Sure it will" I said while swimming to the handle at he end of the rope. I grabbed the handle and faced forward. I got myself in a sitting position with my feet held out in front of me. "OK, here's the plan" I said "When I say go, I want you to hit the gas and I'll catch the water with my feet. Than I'll be able to rise my self up to the surface and hopefully be able to remain standing. "You're not going to be able to do it" my dad said. "Yes I will" I said "Now when I say go, you go OK". "OK" my dad said.
I braced myself by leaning back, gripping the handle tight, and keeping my feet up. "OK GO!" I yelled. My dad gunned the engine and I was pulled with so much force that I ended up in the exact opposite position from where I started. I was dragged head first under the water, while my legs were pulled from the front position of my body to the back. I felt like a torpedo that had been shot underwater. It was a cool sensation to be moving under the water so fast. I could feel myself cutting through the water and heard the roar of the waves passing by. I probably should have just let go of the rope, but I didn't. I must have been under the water for only six seconds, though it felt longer.
The rope had stopped pulling and a surfaced. I saw my brother and dad laughing. "What great idea that was" he said sarcastically. "OK" I said "We're going to try this again, but this time I want you to start slower". "Your crazy" my dad said "We're not doing it again, get on the wave runner". "Why not I?" I asked. "Cause you're not going to be able to do it, now hop on and let's go" he said. "Fine" I said and swam over. I hopped on the waive runner and we drove off.

Chinese Food

2011-12-07T15:56:00.000-08:00

This story took place at a little chinese restraint by my house a few years ago. Dave and I had gone inside to get ourselves some lunch. I had my usual chicken lo mein and he had chicken and broccoli. After we finished we walked up to the front to pay for our food. The cashier gave us the price and we each took out our wallets. As we looked through our cash we heard a sound that caught our attention. It was the sound of someone hacking something up in their throat. We looked up to see the cook spit directly into a pot of something cooking on the stove. Ignoring what we saw, Dave and I paid for our meal and walked out the door.
As we got into the car Dave said "That was disgusting, I've never scene anything like that before in my life". We than started questioning each other about how our food tasted. We wondered if the guy had spit into our food as well. We got out of the parking lot and started making our way towards home. As we talked I made the mistake of saying "It's no wonder my parents never take us there to eat". Dave hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the road. I looked around and asked "What's wrong?". "Get out of the car Chris" Dave said. "Why? What did I do?" I asked. "Why would you take us to a place you knew your parents don't like?" he asked. "To try something new" I said.
A smile came over my face when the realization of what he was asking hit me. "Wait a sec" I said "Are you suggesting that I took us there because I knew the guy would spit in our food". I started laughing at the idea. "No" he said "What I'm asking is why you would take us to a place that you knew may have something wrong with it." "Well" I said through laughter "How the hell was supposed to know that they were spitting in food". "Stop laughing and get out of my car" Dave said half jokingly. "No seriously" I said "I had no idea they were doing that. Believe me if I did I wouldn't have taken us there". Dave eventually became convinced and we drove home, but he was completely grossed out about the idea he could have eaten someone else's spit.

The Most Honest Answer Anyone Could Have Ever Given

2011-12-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

This story took place last summer during the big hurricane scare. I was on my most recent camping trip with Dave and his father. We also had our friend Bret and a newcomer named Lee. So we were on this trip up north, in the middle of nowhere, knowing full well that the hurricane could be tearing our homes apart.
Dave's dad wasn't too concerned, he felt that the media was just making a big deal out out of the whole thing. Dave was worried about the loss of his house since he lived by the beach. The other two were worried they were going to lose their cars because they had left them parked in Dave's driveway. I had decided to leave my car at Dave's dads house, which was on the mainland. So I figured the worst and best thing that could happen, would be if a tree fell on my car and I was be able to make an insurance claim.
Anyway, it's the day the hurricane is supposed to be destroying New Jersey and we're all out fishing on a lake. Dave's dad was fishing in a small motor boat, while we had a bigger one. We used a pair of walky talkies to stay in contact with each other. All of a sudden we hear the crackling of the walky talky turning on. "Hey, Chris" I heard Dave's dads say. I walked over and picked up the walky talky. "Yea?" I asked. "I've got a question for you" he said "have you called you're parents yet?". "No" I said. "Why not?" he asked. "Cause I don't want to" I said. "Aren't you curious to see how they're doing?" he asked. "No" I answered. "But what if they're dead?" he jokingly said. "If they're dead, I don't want to know about it" I said "I'm having a good time right now and I don't need the news of their demise ruining it. I'll be able to find out if they're alive when we get back home and deal with it than, but right now I'm enjoying myself". Everyone burst out laughing after hearing that. "That is the most honest answer anyone could have ever given" Dave said through his laughter. Just so you're not left wondering, I did call my parents that night and they were fine.

Rat Rabies Part 2

2011-12-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

While my mom was calling the police, she made me go into my aunt and uncles house to wash my hands off. While I was washing, some lady saw me as she was walking by. "Did you hear what happened?" she asked. "What?" I asked. "Some kid out there was bit by a rat" she said "they think he may have gotten rabies from it." I stood there for a second silent. "Yea" I said "that was me". "Oh" she said "well make sure that you wash your hands good, the police should be here soon". "Thanks" I said. When I was done washing I went back out to my mom.
Soon the police arrived in the driveway and asked to talk to me. While they were speaking to me they had someone go into the woods and bring back the rat so that it could be taken to a lab to see if it had rabies. We didn't need to leave the party, I just had to hang out with the officer in the driveway. He told me how if it turns out I do have rabies, I'm going to have to get five shots in the stomach. Now like most kids and some adults, I wasn't too thrilled about getting shots. So I hoped beyond hope that I wasn't infected.
Eventually, they called the officer and told him that the rat didn't have rabies. The officer assured me that I was very lucky to have not been infected. We thanked him for his work and went back to face the other members of the party. Naturally, my family was relieved to find out I didn't have rabies.

Rat Rabies Part 1

2011-11-28T11:58:00.000-08:00

Now this story took place when I was a young teen at my uncles pig roast party. It was this big family event we used to have, but I think it was stopped because it seemed like each year something would go horribly wrong. This year, I would be the cause of the problem again. My family lives in the country, so we were all out playing in the woods while the adults were in the back yard. I was roaming around on my own when a group of the younger kids came running up to me.
They told me that their was an animal that they thought was hurt and wanted me to look at it. The reason they grabbed me was because I was good with animals and at the time wanted to become a veterinarian. I had them lead me through the trees and bushes until they brought me to something lying on the ground. I leaned down and saw that it was a rat just sitting in the grass.
Thinking that it should have run away, I assumed that it was hurt. I could clearly see that it was breathing, but it wasn't moving. I reached my hand out and went to touch it. It didn't really react when I rubbed it's back, so I decided to go a step further. I went ahead and scooped him up in my hands. As I started to life him up, I felt a sharp pain in one of my fingers. Instinctively, I let go of him. But instead of falling to the ground, he was dangling in the air with his teeth sunk into my finger. I shook my hand until he eventually fell off. I than made my way for the house to see if somebody could help me out.
I didn't want my mom to know what had happened, so I decided the only person I could turn to was my older cousin Charles. After showing him the bite, he made sure to pour Hydrogen Pry-oxide on it to clean it up. Somehow my parents found out I had been bitten and called 911 for help. It was at this point that I learned what rabies was. This story will be concluded in the next post.

The One Ring

2011-11-24T17:49:00.000-08:00

This story occurred about three years ago in one of my classes at college. We were all in class when our teacher was telling us about a personal story. She explained how she had this guy friend who bought a very expensive ring that he was going to use when proposing to his girlfriend. After getting through their date, he went and proposed to her. Unfortunately, the girl didn't accept his proposal and they stopped seeing one another. "So now" my teacher said "he has this ring that he spent all this money on and doesn't know what to do with it."
Students started saying things like "what a waste of money" and "why would you pay so much for a ring". I looked around with confusion at everyone, I couldn't figure out what the big deal was with the ring. Eventually I decided to speak my mind. "So what?" I asked "Just save the ring for the next girl that comes along." Everyone in the room looked at me like I was a monster. I had no idea what I said to upset them.
"Chris" my teacher said "That is a terrible thing to say". "Why?" I asked "Just hold onto the ring and give it to the next girl that you want to propose to. What's the big deal?" "Chris" my friend Amanda said "He bought that ring out of his love for her". Without hesitation I said "And that love will still be there when he gives it to the next girl". "But Chris" another student said "That ring was meant to be for her and no one else". "Well" I said "What about grandmothers that let their grandsons propose with their ring". "Thats different" the kid said. "Not by much" I said "In fact that's even worse, because in the case of the grandmother the deal was sealed. Where as with the girl, the ring never really belonged to her in the first place". They didn't bother to argue the point much further. To this day I still don't see the problem with what I said. As far as I'm concerned, you're not hurting anybody by doing this and you're saving money. The way I see it, it's a win-win for everyone.

Bite Sized Debate Part 2

2011-11-21T17:18:00.000-08:00

Dave eventually lifted his head up from his hands. "There is no way" he started "There is no f-cken way two people can be this dumb". I sat laughing in the car as he continued, while pointing his finger at me. "You know what?" he said "I bet you're f-cking with me right now. No, I know you're f-cking with me, and it's p-ssing me off". "How am I f-cking with you?" I asked "He said I was right". "NO HE DIDN"T!" Dave nearly yelled "Nobody is stupid enough to believe that Jewish babies have their wieners bitten off by a rabbi!". "No! no!" I said "Not the wiener, the-" "I KNOW!" said Dave "The point is you're making this whole thing up". "Would you like me to call him back?" I asked "You can talk to him yourself". "No, I don't want to talk to him" Dave said "You're both morons and that's all there is to it." "You're just mad that you're now losing the argument" I laughed. "There is no argument" he said "You can't argue about something that doesn't happen. Further more, how am I now losing?" "Well" I said "As of right now, you, your dad, and Bret, don't think that this happens. Meanwhile, myself, my roommate, a radio host, and at least five different listeners say that it happens. So due to the fact that we outnumber you, you lose the argument". "Shut up"! Just shut up!" Dave said "I'm ending this whole debate right now. I can feel myself getting dumber by the second". "OK" I said "So you admit defeat?" "SHUT UP!" he yelled. I kept laughing until we made it back to his house.

Bite Sized Debate Part 1

2011-11-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Some people may find this post offensive, but it isn't meant to be

This story took place during a car ride with my friend Dave. We were having a conversation regarding a camping trip we had taken with Dave's father and another friend of ours. During this trip I had asked our friend Bret if there was any truth to a claim I had heard on the radio. I had heard that Jewish babies are circumcised by having the rabbi bite off their foreskin off. He than has to suck the blood off in order to get them cleaned up. Bret looked like a deer caught in the headlights and couldn't even answer my question. The rest of the night I was made fun of for believing something so dumb. Now Dave and I were in the car talking about that conversation.
Dave looked at me and said "I can't believe you asked Bret that question that night. How could you have believed something like that actually happens". Dave studied the look on my face. "Oh my God" he said "You still think it's true don't you?". "Well" I said "there were a few callers that said there was some truth to the claim". "Dude" Dave said "there is no way something like that would happen". "But some people did say that this actually occurs" I said. "Chris" Dave said "Bret is Jewish, I think he'd know if something like that actually happens". "Yea" I said "But maybe there are different practices of Jewish culture. Like Catholics and Protestants, both are considered to be Christian, yet they differ in beliefs." "Even if that were the case, something like that wouldn't even be legal" Dave argued. "Well it happens anyway" I said. "NO IT DOESN'T!" Dave said, now getting frustrated "No person in their right mind would believe that this is true". "Than I guess there are some screwed up people out there, cause they say it's true" I said. "That does it" said Dave "Get your phone out and call your roommate. I want you to ask him about it and see what he says. He is gonna laugh in your face". "OK I will" I said as I took out my phone and dialed. Dave waited eagerly to see me eat my words. "Hey man" I said as my friend picked up "I got a question for you. Isn't it true that Jewish babies are circumcised by having the rabbi bite off their foreskin? It is? I thoughts so. Thanks. Talk to you later". Dave's face had dropped into his hand, he hates losing arguments. I put my phone away and looked at Dave with a smile on my face. "Well" I said "What do you have to say now?" This story will be concluded in the next post.

I Thought I Told You Not To Kill Anybody? Part 2

2011-11-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

As a heads up, I am going to start this post off at the end of the story. Than I will bounce back to where I left off at the end of the last post. I think it will make the story funnier this way and add creativity to it. So at this point in the story I have just made it back to my apartment after doing the presentation. I walked into my apartment to find my roommate Brian and my friend Brittany hanging out on the couch watching TV. Brian knew about my presentation that day and the rule that my teacher had about killing characters. Seeing me laughing to myself as I walked in he asked "How many characters did you kill off?". With a smile I looked at him and said "ALL OF THEM". He started cracking up and we pounded fists together. As I took off my jacket I said "You know, I didn't even know it was possible to be sent to a teachers office in college". "Oh my God Chris" said Brittany "What did you do?".
Now I'm going to bounce back to where I left off so you can all know what I did. So as I said in the last post, I needed to explain some things to the class before giving away my plot. I explained that my main character was an individual that gained the ability to see ghosts after witnessing the death of his parents and sister. However, I made the argument that because their deaths didn't take place during the actual story line, I didn't kill any characters in the script. After explaining the rest of the plot, I told the class how the main character will fail to save his girl friend. First she is killed by the bad guys, than the man commits suicide to be with her. I made sure to point out that even though they died, I would allow them to live on as spirits. So this means I shouldn't be breaking the rules, since our teachers definition of death is when a character is wiped from the story.
After I was done talking, my friend Mike said "There is a loophole to every rule and Chris just found it". The class gave me their mixed responses as the teacher sat quietly staring at me. Finally, he said to me "Chris, come speak to me after class". "Wow" I thought "I haven't heard those words since high school". When the class was over, my teacher said that he wanted to speak to me in his office. His complaint was that not only did I kill off a character, I killed off every single one that I mentioned in the presentation. So we sat down and had a nice little chat about how I could change up the story so that nobody dies. I am currently working on this script for my final.

I Thought I Told You Not To Kill Anybody? Part 1

2011-11-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

This story took place just a couple weeks ago. So for this semester at college I have to take a script writing class. Now I've already done this at my last college, but I have to do it again because the credits didn't transfer. Anyway, in this course you have to come up with and create scripts for fictitious stories that you want to write about. Now at first glance, this class was going to be way too easy for me. I've been making up and writing stories as far back as I can remember. I mean we're talking back in kindergarden. But than our teacher gave us a rule that was like a punch in the gut for me.
He told us that at no point in our stories were we allowed to kill any of our characters. He thought it was a cheap way to get rid of them. Now of all the stories I've written in my life, 90 to 95% of them were horror stories. And when I write a story, somebody usually has to die. So it has been pretty hard for me to follow the rules. For our past two or three assignments, I've played ball. I've written scripts that, while outrages at times, did stick within the realm of what is possible and kept them away from the horror genre with no dead characters.
But when we were told that we had to write a thirty page script for our final, I decided that it was time for me to bend the rules a bit. Believe me when I tell you that the gloves were coming off for this script. Now they were going to see the kind of story that I usually write about. I already knew what I wanted my story to be about, the only trick was how I was going to stay within my teachers rules of killing off characters. We would also need to pitch our story to the class to see what they thought about it. After a lot of thinking and planning, I felt had come up with a reasonable way to get away with killing the characters in my story. All I needed to do was convince my teacher and classmates the day we had present our plan.
On the day of our presentation, all the kids were asked to put their desks in a circle. Than one by one, each student had their chance to present their idea to the class. Than the class was supposed to give them some feedback about their plan. Eventually, it was my turn to present. Having heard my other stories, most of the class knew I must of had something crazy planned. With a big smile on my face I started talking. "OK" I said "Before I even start telling you what my story is about, I think I should explain a few things first". At that my friend Mike started laughing "Oh no!". This story will be concluded in the next post.

TSA Scanner

2011-11-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

This story took place during a talk radio show I was on called The Brian Nole Show. For the topic of the show, we decided that we were going to talk about the TSA Scans going on at the airports. Being one of the three hosts, I took the liberty of inviting my friend Dave and his girlfriend to the studio to see what we do. Dave accepted my offer to join us on the mic and participate in our conversation. Unlike our main host Brian, Dave was a suporter of the TSA Scanning and I thought it would be good to have him on the show so we could have some conflict.
After introducing Dave to Brian, I got Dave set up with a mic in the interview room, which is seperate from the on-air studio. I made sure I was sitting at the mic next to him. Now Dave can be extremely shy, so he was a bit nervouse about going on the air. I assured him that everything would be fine and that he had nothing to worry about. Now the debate between Dave and Brian had been pre-planned for the show, so there was no backing out. The show got underway and we all started off by introducing ourselves and Dave.
Eventually it got to the point where Brian started introducing stories regarding the TSA, so Dave knew he would get his chance to speak soon. However, the evidence for Brians point of view was a little harder for Dave to counter than he thought. For example, Brian talked about how a girl had been reported chained to a chair and crying because she was uncomfortable with the procedure. She was also laughed at by the agents due to her behavior. In another example, Brian told how elderly people were humiliated by being asked to strip down so that they could be searched.
As Brian continued, Daves eye got bigger and bigger. I couldn't help but sit there laughing at the look on his face. When Dave heard enough he pushed the mic away from his face and whisperred to me "I can't do this". Because we were in a seperate room, Brian couldn't hear what we were saying. "Oh come on" I said "go for it". "He just said a girl was CHAINED to a chair CRYING" Dave continued "how am I supposed to fight that". When Dave started questioning me about Brian's point of view I said "Well, it's not so much that he's against the TSA, but more about how they abuse their authority." "What? I hate you" Dave said. "Why?" I asked still laughing. "You mislead me you -sshole" Dave responded. "No I didn't" I said "he is against the TSA's activities".
Dave sat there cursing me under his breath "You son of a b-tch I hate you". It got to the point where I thought he was going to walk out of the room, but I was able to convince him to stay. When Brian was done his little rant regarding the TSA, he turned to Dave and said "So Dave, what are your thoughts on this?". After a few seconds to think, he started talking.
Dave did pretty good considering Brian had pretty much made it seem like Dave was supporting the bad guys. His whole argument was that because what they were doing was for peoples safety, the TSA shouldn't be judged too harshly. As Dave's confidence built up, he was actually able to put Brian in a few awkward position using hard questions. So I felt the show was a success and I had gotten a big laugh out of it.
Here's a link to our Facebook Fan Page of The Brian Nole Show:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Brian-Nole-Show/143332742361283

Grand Theft Auto

2011-11-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a short story about a miss understanding that took place at my last college a couple years ago. I was hanging out in the student center doing my homework, when this guy I occasionally talked to saw me in there. He decided to sit down at a table that was across from me and started talking. Being obnoxiously loud, just about everyone in the room was able to hear him. We had been talking about the video game Grand Theft Auto earlier, which is why he didn't bother to mention that we were still talking about it.
"Hey Chris" he said "Have you ever killed a hooker?" That comment alone made a few people turn their heads to us. He continued talking after I didn't respond. "I killed a hooker the other day" he said "It was so much fun". Now even more people were staring at us. "After I was done paying her for sex, I got out of the car and shot her" he continued "Than I was able to get my money back and drive away in stolen car". Just about every person in the room was looking at us at this point.
As badly as I wanted to get out of there, I decided I needed to say something before somebody called the police. "He's talking about a video game" I said to everyone "None of this actually happened". Thankfully that explanation was able to relieve some of the tension in the room. As he continued to talk about the different acts of violence he committed in the game, I decided that I needed to leave. So I made up some excuse about why I needed to go and left him there. I wonder what happened after I was gone.

Big Brother To The Rescue Part 3

2011-11-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

I walked into the room and knelt down beside my sister. I than shook her by the shoulder to wake her up. Thankfully she opened her eyes and started talking to me. I than helped her get up and back into her bed. She than told me that she felt like she was going to be sick. I happened to have her boyfriend around and had him hold a bucket for her. I had to quickly go off and take care of something.
I came back and saw my sister with her head in the bucked and her boyfriend barely able to hold it still. For some reason he started tilting the bucket on an angle so that she could get her head in better. I had to stop the whole thing when I realized he was going to end up pouring her vomit back on her. As I tried to tuck her in again, some of her friends came up to see how she was doing. After making sure she was okay and complimenting me for being such a good brother, I had everyone leave the room and turned out the lights. I only checked on her a few more times afterward to make sure she was still OK.
Eventually, I had to go to sleep because I had a DJ-ing gig the next morning that was over an hour away. I just let the party continue and hoped that I would still have a house in the morning. At one point I woke up during the night and thought that the police had come to our house. But when I didn't see any in the driveway, I decided to just go back to sleep. The next morning I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. As expected, I picked it up to hear my mom on the other end.
I had been plotting out what I wanted to say to them while I had been falling asleep that night. I wanted to vent my frustration at being thrown into this whole situation."You listen, and you listen good" I started "First, you are both f-cking retarded if you think nothing bad happened here last night. Second, I don't want to ever have to hold my sisters lifeless body in my arms again". "What are you talking about?" my mom stammered "You said last night that everything was fine". "Well no sh-t" I responded "Like it would have done any good if I had told you Chelsea was unconscious". We talked a bit longer and than hung up the phone. I than got myself dressed for work and went downstairs.
I was greeted by a bunch of teens sleeping in various locations around my house with cans and bottles laying around. There was at least one location where someone had puked on the floor. "OH MY GOD" I thought "If dad saw this he would absolutely flip". I would have loved to of been there when my parents got home, but I had to be heading off.
After I was done DJ-ing, I came back home to find my parents hanging in the living room. I soon came to the realization that they weren't entirely aware of what had happened last night. It took me all of thirty seconds for me to decide if I wanted to tell them what had occurred with my sister. I could care less about ratting her out, she owed me big time for what I had to deal with that night.