Caz's Chaos

Going To Quit Smoking

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 01:20:00 +0000

I am posting there here as I found it on a forum and I want to remind myself when needed. Credit goes to the original poster of this great message!

I know .. I know.. Everyone says.. “oh wait it will get easier”

What a crock!!!!

The truth of the matter in plain English,, and not sparing your feelings// It aint that hard to begin with…
It dose not matter if your on quit day number one or quit day number ten thousand,, it’s the same dam thing
Don’t Smoke!!
Don’t Put things In your Mouth and light then On Fire!!!
it cant get any simpler then that.
The only difference between day one and day one hundred and one
Is you have had one hundred days to learn its Not that hard to Do

I have said before ,, And I stick to it.. Smoking is harder then Not smoking..
The non smoker dose not have to stop each day on there way to work wait in line to give away his money… the non smoker can actually have money at the end of the week to do something relaxing.. where as the smoker is to buzy spending his cash on feeding an addiction.. and for the record. Feeding a baby maybe fun when you first get them home.. after two months and midnights,, it aint all that fun any more… but yet the smoker continues to feed there addiction day after day , year after year, ten . twenty ,, thirty years later
First thing in the morning.. after a meal.. pausing a movie.. take a break and go smoke.. one before bed,, one in the middle of the night if they happen to wake and countless others here and there.And for what?
Oh they say////” It realax’s me.. I enjoy it”.. Yea Right.. Its just balls of fun standing out side in the middle of winter in your freaking PJ’s to have a smoke.
I don’t regret smoking for god knows how long.. I regret being so stupid all thous years.. the thousands upon thousands of dollars blown away in smoke.. all over fear of the unknown,, fear of failure.. or fear of something far worst, Sucsesss . fear I would never get to smoke again.. god to think of this ,, now honestly just makes me sick!!
If I ever get a hankering for a cig.. I would be better off lighting a twenty dollar bill on fire.. and in fact I could light a hundred twenty’s on fire and still come out cheaper..

Its not difficult to quit smoking.. talk to some one dieing from smoking .. Im sure they could let you in on some Info on what is Hard.. think Chemo is a tea party. Oh,, Radiation ,, now that’s a fun word.. so much more cheery the “quitting”..

Quitting I would bet to say is the single greatest thing that involves doing nothing to get the greatest rewards.. seriously . all you have to do to successfully quit forever Is not ever smoke again//
Guess I am going to repeat my self once more

Quitting forever is Not difficult to do.. it only takes forever!!

You know what a hill of beans is worth.. about the same as saying to the doc.. “Cancer Really.. huh.. I quit smoking once for six weeks…. Are you sure thous results are correct.. you know it might have even been seven weeks ,, and once another time for a month.. but that was back in 09 .. so yea,, that one might not count”

Sure , sure.. were all going to die sometime of something..
The thing of it thou,, is quitting forever may have the rewards for some to beat any damage already done to there body. And result in a longer life.. But No matter the time left you have on this bloody planet,, to stop smoking and to stay stoped results in a better quality of life, no matter the time span of it.

I have no meter and could really care less how many days I have not smoked,, I care how many days I have left to not smoked and all the things I can fit into thous days. Some maybe like today just a lazy Sunday writing off into cyber space.. but some will be
Sking down the mountain sides, or climbing trails threw the Rockies..holding hands,wishing upon falling stars
Skipping stones on beach pond.. fighting fish that don’t want to come in.. hugging a child, finding a quarter behind there ear. sharing in there smile , reveling in there amazement.
waiting on my grand son to be born
Walking my daughter down the isle..

I use to exsit in this wide wide world a smoker getting by ..
And to the magic in quitting I have found this:.. Now I live it with no boundaries.. I may live on shoe strings and sweet dreams, but so be it, The world has no limits to tie me down No more is my existence based on or revolve around Ramen noodles and smoking in the freezing rain . cowering under awnings standing in the huddle sharing a suicide pack. all crying foul ,, blaming the world for a gray tomorrow

Quitting is not hard to do..
Living the life of an addict is hard to do
Dieing the smoker, a death full of regrets is hard to do

Freedom is not leaving the cigarettes unopened and un bought on the store shelf
Freedom is living with no restrictions.. un chained . unshackled
From dependence and addiction

Quitting is not hard to do
Living a life of dieing in a crush proof prison built by big tobacco
That’s hard to do .

What A Week!

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 22:54:00 +0000

So I am officially back at work. What the hell was I thinking? My back is so sore and I am so damn tired. I love being a nurse, not working as one. If that makes any sense!

My diet has been a yo-yo dilemma all week. I have managed to lose 1.5kg. YEAH! But it has been a hard slog. I was down 2.5kg but gained back a kilo due to poor eating. I have not exercised due to the rain and the fact that I get home and just want to curl up and cry. My body is not taking this too well. Heavy lifting and rolling is putting strain on my back and I am not sure how much longer it will be before it gives out totally. I would leave if I did not need to gain the experience so badly. Since graduating last year and moving interstate etc, I have not gained enough experience, so I need to hit the wards for at least 6 months. I am truly hating it.

I had a patient who was told that she had only a matter of days or weeks left to live. I sat and held her hand while she cried. She is only 65 years old and is worried she may not get to see her children once more before she goes. My own immortality came rushing home. All the "what ifs" streamed through my mind about how I treat my own body and how we never truly know our own due dates. I came home and drowned my sorrows in chocolate. Hugged my own children and feel a deep sense of loss for this woman.

My ward is mostly filled with people who cannot do their own daily living care. Almost all are incontinent of urine and faeces and my day is spent cleaning them, giving meds, changing sheets and lifting them to dress wounds and shower them.

My goal in nursing is to be an educator, something that I must do more study for and something that is out of my reach until I do my share of the hard work which means hitting the floor of the wards. Some days, like today, I continually doubt myself as to whether I am really cut out for this. Sad really, when I have spent many years trying to become a Nurse.

The staff on my floor are not to bad but I have been thrown in to either sink or swim. In my younger years I would have invited the challenge. Today, with so many law suits and risks of medication errors, I feel overwhelmed. I am back to smoking heavily, which brings about a new set of stresses, as I see patients with COPD and smoking related diseases dying in front of me and you would think that would be enough to make me quit. I am so stressed, I smoke, then stress that I am going to end up like them, then smoke, it is a vicious circle.

My hubby goes in for an operation in a couple of days and will be at home for 2 weeks to recover. I am working full time and split shift. My days will turn into a blur as I try to help my husband recover, look after kids, work, study and try to keep the household going.

I am usually a very optimistic person who can see the funny side of life even in its dark moments. But today, I just feel mentally and physically exhausted. I feel like I am on an out of control roller coaster and too afraid to jump off!!

I am back to logging my food intake, I will try and cut back on smoking too. I will incorporate more vitamins and eat healthy to give my body something to run on and I will try to exercise at least twice this week. Forward we go!

Underground Fitness

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 05:28:00 +0000

Came Across This Guy! Love Him!!!!!!! All his vids are educational!

Sweet Obscenities!!

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 05:20:00 +0000

Quote For The Day
"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit."

7am - I had a dream of eating a packet of chocolate tim tams and I could not remove the stains around my mouth from that sweet obscenity! I woke, looked in the mirror for any traces of the chocolate, praying I had not attacked and raided the fridge of these evil delights!

Lunch - I was doing really well! Fantabulous actually! Then I craved everything in sight! Nothing, NOTHING was going to stop me from getting my hands on every bit of food in this house! I ate, then ate some more, then just to be sure, ate into oblivion!

An Hour Later - Guilt ridden and feeling like someone had rolled me in flour and was ready to throw me into the frying fat, I crawled (an overdose of carbs kinda makes me feel drunk) to the lounge and decided to work off some of this guilt.

2.30pm - Cannot move from lounge floor, comatosed still I think.

3pm - Kids arrive home and want to call emergency! I reassure them I am just overdosed on carbs and to roll me back onto my tummy so I can get up.

3.15pm - All fired and set to go. I put on my shoes and walk out the door. The cold air hits me like a brick and I want to turn and run back inside. I fight with the MP3 player and headset and head off.

3.30pm - Too cold and my MP3 player is possessed, I give up and head home.

4pm - I bring out another 80's exercise tape. This one a little more sedate. I work through it slowly. I start to feel good. So good in fact I want to celebrate!!!! Someone give me a chocolate now! (I always treated myself with a chocolate) I raid through the fridge and see that glowing golden light right at the back. My Tim Tams! My hand is trembling and I begin to reach toward the back for my reward, that nightmarish image flashes of me not being able to remove the traces. I stop. I shut the door and back away from the fridge.

6pm - I am still full only eat a light meal.

8pm - I am exhausted and want to sleep. Hubby gives me a massage and tries to soothe my battered outlook of the day! Head to bed, tomorrow is another day!

So The Real Challenge Begins!

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Mon, 30 May 2011 07:31:00 +0000

I tried to keep the motivation at an all time high. Nothing worked. So I put on an exercise tape that I have not used since the 80's. What the (insert F word here) was I thinking? My body is screaming at me and my stomach is so sore. After 4 kids and collapsed stomach muscles, it is not feeling the best. Through the whole horrific ordeal I could hear noises. I stopped several times to try and hear closely to what appeared to be some kind of clapping noise. Each time I began to torture myself through jumping on the spot again, the noise returned. What the? It cannot be? But sure as shit it was my stomach slapping against my upper thighs. I stopped, I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I was in disbelief. Had I honestly believed that I had not let myself get this obese! Well I had and it was a wake up call.

My back is sore, my legs are sore and right at this moment I feel like vodooing Cher's arse! (the video was a Cher fitness tape)

Where have I gone? Where did all that fat come from? Did some alien land and pump someone elses liposuction remnants into my stomach, thighs and butt while I slept soundly? Well thank you!!!! You could have thrown some into the breast area too you know!

I have spent much of the day trying to find me. Avoiding mirrors from the waist down at any cost has obviously been my downfall.

So the mirror has revealed all. Not only have I aged 20 years but I have gained 30 kilos. What a challenge this will be.

I think I need to seek out similar people on this journey to get some tips and tricks, off to blogland we go!

Another Day

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Sat, 28 May 2011 04:36:00 +0000

Today… It’s a cold and miserable day! Rain, rain go away! How I miss the sunshine!

My thoughts… I am not feeling the motivation I did yesterday. Boredom has set in and I trying to keep myself busy. I am trying to get into a good mindset to remain positive and motivated. I am also trying new products for my face and skin. I have let myself go in so many ways. I am also missing my friends. Our move, due to my hubby's employment, has been hard on us all. My kids are still finding it hard to settle in here and I feel so bad for them. We all had to leave behind dear friends and we are all trying to make new friendships but it is so hard.

Today’s Quote…You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky

I Am Grateful For… My husband and family

My Diet… This morning I had eggs on toast, great for a cold day. Still trying to invent some interesting, low fat recipes to keep me motivated.

Highlights Of The Week… I had my son down for a visit. It had been a few months since I had last saw him. I miss him incredibly. He was home for 3 days which was fantastic.

Reading now… The lazy girls guide to weight loss and fitness! by AJ Rochester Fantastic book!

Listening To… Pink!

Things That Make Me Smile… Hearing the harley pull up in the drive! It means hubby is home!

This Week I Must…To stay motivated and try and get at least 6 hours of exercise in for the week

I Am

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Fri, 27 May 2011 11:53:00 +0000

(Being able to feel deeply, so intensly, is sometimes a curse. There are times it shatters me into thousands of tiny diamond formed pieces. )

I am...

...changing. Each moment is magnified and filling my inner being.

...moving on. Days of confusion, bad memories that stain my soul and age old walls slowly fade.

...dreaming. Of warm ocean breezes, white sandy beaches, a hot summer sky where shades of pink and deep purple embrace the sand. Where the aroma of frangipanis arouse the senses.

...learning. To stay afloat when the cold despair of fear once again begins to drown me into my own darkest depths. To succeed with knowledge and hope. To believe in tomorrow when today seems unreachable and yesterday seems unfair.

...beautiful. Sometimes foolish, a necessary evil, believe's in magic, always loses when holds back, never on time, an experience to the senses, a journey and a moment in time, no longer a reflection of life's regrets.

Here I Go Again

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Thu, 26 May 2011 05:25:00 +0000

So I am back again. I opened up blogger with a new zest, all prepared to write down what I have planned for myself to help me lose weight. It then dawned on me. I have spent almost all of my adult (and teen) life obsessed with my weight.

I have never been happy with how I look, even when I did look good. I know that almost all of my weight problems are born from my emotional and mental being. I have always been an emotional eater and as I have aged, I (mentally) believe there is no hope for me as I have damaged myself through yo-yo dieting.

I took a long hard look in the mirror today and feel blah! After 4 kids my body has become an indescribable shape, my skin is sagging (everywhere) and I have aged at least 20 years in the face. I had let myself go, so badly in fact that I do not recognise myself anymore. The zest that I once had has fizzled and the smile that reached from ear to ear is now down turned. I look old, I feel old.

Having said this, I do love who I am as a person. I have many fantastic qualities but my outer exterior is my biggest challenge, along with the emotional roller coaster that I continually throw myself on.

I am now challenging myself to work on my mind, body and spirit. To take better care of myself and regain back some of that amazing zest for life. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!

Attitude Is Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Wed, 12 May 2010 07:51:00 +0000

This just may be a story but I am using it as a guide to my attitude as I quit smoking.

If you think you are going to have a bad time with it, you will. If you choose to believe that it doesn't have to be nearly as difficult as we make it, then it won't . After all, attitude is EVERYTHING. Make a good choice today.

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good or bad mood. The bottom line : It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business.

We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.

The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

*** UPDATE!!***
After almost a year, I took back up smoking. I feel I let myself down. Bloody cancer sticks, quitting smoking and the weight loss, I failed both miserably.

It's Raining

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 00:16:00 +0000

It is raining here. I still cannot get past the fact that we are in the middle of summer and I am stuck inside! The rain depresses me. I feel like I am trapped!

J (hubby) feels sorry for me. He can see my frustration at not being able to get out and do anything. He has watched me over the past few days gorge the comfort foods and polish off a couple of bottles of wine.

"You will regret that next week" J calls across the kitchen as I open yet another packet of tim tams.
"Most likely" I scowl as I begin to savour that melt in the mouth taste.

I walk down the hallway after my fix to wash the traces of the melted obscenity on my fingers. I glance at myself in the mirror. My body has changed in so many ways. I twist and turn taking in the image before me, sighing as I see I still have such a long way to go. I play with my hair, pulling it into different styles, wishing I had kept my hair longer. I take a closer look at my face, it appears tired and aged.

The rain is slowly clearing. Tomorrow is a new day!

Argh Feck!

noreply@blogger.com (Caz) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:01:00 +0000

I was doing really well! Fantabulous actually! My period has hit and I craved everything in sight! Nothing, NOTHING was going to stop me from getting my hands on every bit of food in this house! I ate, then ate some more, then just to be sure, ate into oblivion!

Funk it!! I am now orbiting into a zit hell and I basically feel like crap. All that good food was actually working. I felt better, fitter and healthier. The last 2 days have reassured me that greasy laden fried food does nothing but make you feel like you need to crap semi truck from your bowel!!

I haven't felt like exercising with the flow of Mississippi between my thighs but I will force myself out later tonight. Hubby (Johno) has been a rain of support. What would I do without him? He is trying his hardest to understand and keep me motivated but he will just have to ride this one out, just as I do.

Tomorrow is another day. I am not even going to bother noting my daily intake of food. I will just put the last 2 days down to PMSing with a vengeance and I will continue on like nothing happened! Now to go and move that truck!
Peacesave