[Madonna] is set to fly to Brazil to meet her 23-year-old boyfriend Jesus Luz’s mother and father, sparking rumours the celebrity couple are about to get engaged.

A friend of model Jesus said: “She is slightly on edge. But an engagement could be on the cards.”

Aw, this is sweet! It’ll probably go really well. They’ll have a lot to talk about. Mama Luz will be like, “Oh, Madonna! It is so good to meet you! I used to make up dance routines to ‘Hung Up” when I was in second grade!” And then Grandma Luz will come in and say, “Wow! It’s Madonna! “Live to Tell” was my prom song!” And then Great-Grandma Luz will say, “What an honor, Madonna! I dressed up like you for Halloween when I was six. Hey, can I borrow your Boniva?’

(The poster is just) a bit of fun. Paris has a proven ability to laugh at herself. We assume that the agency has taken care of the rights to the image of Paris, but we will ask the question. We’re not trying to offend anyone.

What’s next? A billboard with Jessica Simpson’s mug above the word available?

A giant Calvin Klein billboard starring a sweaty and nearly naked Eva Mendes is stopping traffic in New York City. In the ad, the ‘Hitch’ actress is wearing a sheer bra and tugging at an equally slippery male model’s briefs.

“As much as I love advertising, it’s gonna cause an accident. It’s just right over the top,” [said a resident].

Oh, right over the top, you say? Like, for example, a nipple over the top of one’s shirt? Such a thing is a joy. Such a thing is after the cut.

This happened last night in New York at a screening of Bad Lieutenant. So if an observer thinks a photograph of Eva in her underwear will cause an accident, entire civilizations probably collapsed after Eva’s nipple honked out of her top. Just look back at history. Pompeiians didn’t get killed because of a volcano. Some dame’s hooter flew out of her toga and they all drowned in their own goof juice and that is a fact.

Pro volleyball player Victoria Prince said she found out in mid-October that she’s expecting K-Fed’s fifth child, and friends fear the surprising baby news could send the emotionally fragile Britney back off the rails.

“Britney never wanted Kevin to have another child unless it was with her,” revealed a source. “She desperately wants to have a baby girl, and she had hoped Kevin would be the dad.”

Britney, meanwhile, appeared in Perth, Australia, donning a see-through T-shirt and no bra, her tits really getting into the spirit of being Down Under.

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I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm liked a baked good. I love the smell of Balmex. Love it.

Other smells SJP is fond of? Taco burps. Cod liver oil. Retirement homes. The Dumpster behind Joe’s Crab Shack. You know, normal stuff.

“I stayed. I even went back after he beat me, which was wrong … I’m a human being and people put me on a very unrealistic pedestal. I’m not perfect. It’s pretty natural for that to be the first reaction. It’s completely normal to go back and start lying to yourself. The minute the physical wounds go away, you want this thing to go away. This is a memory you don’t want to have again.”

And then she ran her fingers through her bleached flop, jumped on her Vision, and did some ollies while listening to Suicidal Tendencies’ “Join the Army” on tape.

Note: CelebNewsWire does not condone or make light of domestic violence but we do think Rihanna’s current hairdo is real funny.