Celebrity Disaster

Sacha Baron Cohen Cries and Gets His Way

2012-02-25T13:07:00.001+01:00

Hollywood loves a shill, and that's all Sacha Baron Cohen aspires to be.
He has to shill his new movie on the red carpet and try to drum up as much interest as possible. If it flops like Bruno, he knows he won't get to make too many more of these films and he'll be relegated to playing "the foreign weirdo" for the next thirty years.

The Nasty Business of Lawyers

2012-02-22T13:10:00.001+01:00

That's actually a great way to deflect blame. When Sugarland's lawyer says "voluntarily assumed risk," that's exactly how they're going to get away with turning back all of the lawsuits that have been filed.

It all comes down to planning. Who planned out the construction of the stage and the lighting equipment? Who specified that the overhanging stage portion would have lights and would thus be "appropriate" for the venue, the artist, and for the shows that were planned?

Given that this was probably going to be a shared stage with numerous acts, someone had to have produced a document or a plan that specified that the artists would be presented on a stage with x number of lights, y number of overhead sound speakers, and z number of scaffolding pieces upon which to either attach or secure that equipment. There are also considerations for video equipment and how many operators would be utilized in that overhang as part of each show. Each band would either provide overhead lighting technicians or would use the venue's technicians for the duration of the various shows that were scheduled to take place and so there had to be a schedule or an agreement as to how all of that would be organized and run. Finally, the panels that screened or covered up that equipment as it faced the audience no doubt carried corporate logos or advertising, perhaps even video screens.

Whoever ordered the lights, speakers, video equipment, corporate logos and flat-front panels is liable. Whoever specified how that equipment would be used and for there to be roadies in that collapsed overhang is to blame. And this is for the entire duration of the production, since it could have been equipment installed by another act that actually made the overhang heavy and/or susceptible to collapse.

But people tend to go after whoever has deep pockets and hope for a settlement. This was a planning and safety failure. It should never have happened, but there it is.

So much for all of that sympathy and for all of those prayers. Lawyers don't much care if you prayed for the injured and the dead. They want their money and they're going to find a way to get their money.

Who's That Crazy Man Being Attacked by Birds?

2012-02-21T15:28:00.000+01:00

When Chris Brown isn't beating women, or telling women that he wants to date that he will not beat them, he is being attacked by birds. Who lives their life like this?

The Pathetic Debacle Surrounding Whitney Houston's Funeral

2012-02-20T13:16:00.000+01:00

It would seem that a larger-than-life drama is going to surround Whitney Houston's demise for some time now. I don't think any of this stuff will disappear. What was supposed to be a celebration of the someone's life turned into a pissing match between Bobby Brown and the Houston family.

I deliberately shut down and avoided this nonsense over the weekend. Who, in their right mind, would want to try and make sense of how Brown would throw a fit at his ex-wife's funeral and storm out? Who would want to sit and read the "insider" speculation from the well-paid hacks within the family's circle who are leaking every detail to the press? It all seems so pathetic and sad.

Now the drama will center around three issues. First, what will become of the only daughter, Bobbi Kristina? Second, when will Bobby Brown himself overdose on drugs and end up on a slab? Third, what will happen to all of the money that Clive Davis and LA Reid didn't already steal?

You can expect years of this nonsense to continue. The leaks out of this family will never stop, either. If you follow the link above and go to the The Daily Beast, you can see the "insider" stuff practically oozing off the screen. Some nobody bent the ear of a hack, and that's what it reads like to me. Of course, you can fully expect Brown to try to cash in on what happened and try to make money for himself. Which is fine, because he needs it now that his cash cow of an ex-wife is gone and her money will probably be handled by lawyers and the Houston family like a bottomless pot of gold.

Oh, and you can expect the record label now holding onto her recordings to continue fleecing consumers and you can expect that this tragedy will be milked for every penny it has left in it. Everyone will get their cut in the end and nobody will take the high road.

Nancy Grace Can't Help Herself

2012-02-15T00:46:00.000+01:00

From now on, anytime anyone dies, Nancy Grace is going to speculate in an irresponsible way and claim it was murder so that she can maintain some semblance of being relevant. This allows her to possibility of being right at least once over the next twenty years.

Just get used to it.

Jimmy Kimmel is the Real Deal

2012-02-14T22:55:00.002+01:00

The more I see of Jimmy Kimmel, the more I am convinced that he is the real heir apparent to Johnny Carson.

Whitney Houston 1963-2012

2012-02-12T06:42:00.002+01:00

Robert Dewey Hoskins is On the Lam

2012-02-10T17:12:00.000+01:00

Robert Dewey Hoskins is a piece of work. He has made terroristic threats and he has crossed the line from stalker into a very strange territory where his actions led him to being incarcerated. And now he has escaped.

I don't know if Madonna is still terrified of him, but Halle Berry is and she wants to move to France in order to get away from him. And who could blame her? The guy is batshit crazy.

UPDATE:

Batshit crazy has been captured.

Anything For Happiness

2012-02-08T22:32:00.000+01:00

I know it may sound shocking, but some people do go after happiness, despite the fact that, in so doing, they may not be making celebrity blog writers happy or giving their career in showbiz a much-needed lift.

Where Sports and Celebrity Shouldn't Really Mix

2012-02-06T21:11:00.001+01:00

This is where being a celebrity married to someone who plays professional sports goes off the rails. She is entitled to her opinion, but that doesn't mean anyone who understands football is going to really pay attention to her or blame Tom Brady for what she said. The game is a little more complicated than that.

Roland Martin's Stupid Tweet

2012-02-06T15:39:00.001+01:00

Roland Martin wrote something stupid on Twitter yesterday, and, yes, he will probably be fired if not suspended for how stupid it was.

This was the sort of thing someone writes when they want people to laugh at how funny they are. Martin didn't engage his brain before writing it, however. He should have made it about how his wife left and bought him the underwear Beckham was wearing or something like that. He should have made it about anything other than hitting a man who might be attracted to another man.

Media personalities are no smarter than anyone else. And people with large followings on Twitter aren't going to survive for very long if they make their feed "interesting." As soon as you start trying to make people laugh in the United States of America, circa 2012, you're going to offend someone and lose your job.

UPDATE:

CNN has basically cut Martin loose. Oh well. So much for mea culpa, mea culpa.

Madonna is Promising Not to Suddenly Appear to Be Nude

2012-02-02T23:19:00.001+01:00

Aside from Justin Timberlake making Janet Jackson not actually nude by accident (and then acting like he was, whoa, you know, not responsible, nope), there are no memorable halftime musical performances at the Super Bowl.

Whoever thought putting Madonna up there would be a "great move" or a culturally relevant event is kidding themselves. Madonna looks great for 53, but her her impact on today's culture is over. She is doing this because people now care a heck of a lot more about Lady Gaga, Adele, Rhianna, Taylor Swift, and Katy Perry. And, you'll note, she's going to surround herself with a lot of people who are younger. In some small way, this is pathetic, but only just.

In fact, pick any of those five singers that I just mentioned and you've got more interest in the half time show than you do it Madonna shows up. I'm not exactly a hater, but, damn. Only Elton John is more over than Madonna.

Snap!

Rachel Weisz Can't Catch a Break

2012-02-01T22:10:00.000+01:00

This incident has led the aggregation sites (like Buzzfeed) to seize upon the fact that there's something wrong with Rachel Weisz; the problem here is that the "post-production" techniques were a little too over the top. As in, they Photoshopped the hell out of the image they were using of her and tried to make their product look better than it really was.

So, who do you blame here? Well, if you're a smartassed headline writer, you blame Weisz for not being "luminous" or "beautiful" or "attractive" and that's patently unfair. The real blame rests with the people who decided to use her image and then doctor it to the point where the industry watchdog in Britain had to step in and say something.

There's no need to be catty. Weisz wasn't leaning over the shoulder of the Photoshop user, demanding more of that smoothing effect.

The End is Near for 30 Rock

2012-01-31T10:56:00.002+01:00

Alec Baldwin loves to create controversy, and that's all this is, I believe.

There are indications that NBC is going to get rid of shows that haven't been bringing in viewers. I think that what they are doing is going to be a new flavor of awful, and people should never get attached to anything that isn't already out on DVD. When NBC got rid of Chuck, it was a warning to all the shows that weren't doing as well, and, if you believe the numbers, 30 Rock wasn't doing as well as Chuck, which is now the modern Mendoza Line for sitcoms.

Shows today have more value than mere viewers. If the network has any kind of stake in their success, there are crossover deals that help keep the show around. DVD sales for shows are going to shoot up, and soon, given what the government has started doing to sites like Megaupload. Now is when you'd better be downloading all of those stolen episodes, dude.

The Biggest Music Group of the 1990s Gets Back Together

2012-01-30T00:00:00.001+01:00

The Spice Girls were the biggest band of the 1990s, and that's not my opinion at all. This is an argument that it isn't even worth having.

They have sold 75 million records, making them the number one girl group of all time. Their live comeback was "better" than the one mounted by Led Zeppelin and The Sex Pistols. They do have some credits to back them up.

I am only marginally interested in the Spice Girls. Never bought the music, never paid attention to what they did, but I will acknowledge them as a cultural movement. They are largely forgotten now in the United States, but, in Britain, these ladies were all the rage on the front pages of the newspapers and in the celebrity gossip machine personified by Rupert Murdoch's papers and all of his competitors. Their lives were pulled apart and examined and it is still, to this day, impossible to understand how Victoria Beckham keeps it all together. What woman on Earth has been hounded more than Beckham? Well, Melanie Brown and Geri Halliwell might want to get in there for a word. Emma Bunton and Melanie Chisholm didn't exactly get a free ride from the press in the native country, either.

In any event, they are playing for the Queen. This means something in Britain. I don't think it will merit more than a yawn in the States. Perhaps there are legions of hardcore Spice Girls fans in the Midwest. Who knows?

Running on Whippits and Red Bull

2012-01-27T23:19:00.001+01:00

In case you haven't been inundated with this already, Demi Moore ended up having a bad week. And, it just sort of hit me when I was trying to ignore this story and not blog about it. We have been treated to an alternative version of Demi Moore for the last decade or so that has been a complete and utter fraud.

Well, maybe not a decade, but the thing with Moore has always centered around the fact that she has stayed extremely attractive for her age and that she has maintained a very attractive figure well into her 40s. Weren't there TwitPics and people making a big deal out of her looks? Weren't there accolades and film roles based on the fact that she had a great body?

It was all based on her being addicted to Red Bull.

There are stories coming out now that she has been living off of Red Bull for ten years. How is that possible? How is it possible that she was able to do that? (Then there's the girl who lived on chicken nuggets--how awful if, in fact, it's even true).

In her attempt to maintain a career and a public image, Demi Moore has probably ruined her health. Was it worth it? Of course not.

The Case Against Andy Dick Has No Merit

2012-01-24T22:21:00.000+01:00

When you go to an Andy Dick show, I think you can expect to be shocked, surprised, and maybe even a little entertained. My question is, did these two young men pay money to see Andy Dick without knowing anything about him? Were they expecting Larry the Cable Guy?

The case was filed in order to beat the statute of limitations. This means that the gentlemen in question are expecting some sort of settlement in order to make the case go away. There's a good shot at a settlement, but I think there's an ever better shot that Dick doesn't pay anyone for being in the audience at his show, especially if he can convince a judge that that's what he does.

I used to not be sympathetic, but I am fully sympathetic to Andy Dick these days and I think he's getting piled on here. He does what he does. And my opinion about him changed because of Marc Maron's WTF Podcast with him back in April of last year. If you haven't already done so, sign up and give this a listen and decide for yourself. There are few things on the Internet worth paying for, but WTF is worth it and I can say that because I'm not getting a dime for saying so.

Megan Fox Island

2012-01-24T07:11:00.002+01:00

This is not awful.

So Much for Grantland

2012-01-20T08:56:00.001+01:00

I think there were a number of people who had high hopes for Grantland. I think many of those hopes are now probably dashed, if they haven't been dashed already.

When it first came out, Grantland was supposed to give us something different about the popular culture. Bill Simmons promised something that would take his enthusiasm for sports writing and bring the pop culture sensibility that he had into a new mix and offer up something of quality. Or maybe he just wanted to write about things that interested him but couldn't because he was being paid to write about sports for ESPN.

This "rate the Stank" sort of thing is not what I expected to see on Grantland. I have been very impressed with the quality of the site until exactly now. I would have thought that someone could have taken this exact subject provided a different take on it. Rating divas one through ten and snarking about it doesn't exactly qualify. And picking Adele as number one is ludicrous--her voice could be gone. Dismissing Lady Gaga with a pithy one liner? How does that chase after something of a higher quality?

This is pretty much what you see on trashy celeb websites and Grantland has decided to stumble with them into the basement and giggle about nonsense. Compare how this sits next to Chuck Klosterman's take on Van Halen. A gushing barrage of pure, unadulterated enthusiasm for something as opposed to a piss-take on the obvious.

Talk about dashed hopes.

Zooey Deschanel Turns Her Back on Gawker

2012-01-19T08:18:00.000+01:00

People get tired of being mocked. People also get tired of celebrities who complain about websites that mock them. The best thing to do is to stop worrying about which site does what and do whatever it is you do and get on with it.

Zooey Deschanel has been hitting the interview circuit pretty hard lately, and that's fine with me. This backlash against her indicates that something she's doing must be working. The only reason why anyone would call you a labradoodle is if you were making your mark.

David Letterman Still Has a Problem With Women

2012-01-19T07:55:00.000+01:00

My guess is that Letterman simply doesn't care. He's going to ride out the last few years of his career and retain that nasty veneer that others seem to gloss over.

In American pop culture, you can be an iconic talk show host and no one will call you out for having serious issues with women and no one will take notice of the demise of what you do. There isn't any reason to pay attention to what Letterman does anymore. They will make a big deal out of his retirement and then he and his show will simply vanish.

Will there ever be the kind of nostalgia for Letterman that exists with Johnny Carson? I highly doubt it. People will look back at the Letterman show and conclude that he was simply too mean and cranky to remember fondly. He's the younger version of Andy Rooney, and no one misses him, either.

We Can Only Hope For More Shows Like Downton Abbey

2012-01-18T22:15:00.000+01:00

Contrary to popular belief, television shows don't have to be historically accurate, especially when they admit, right up front, that they're not being historically accurate.

Poor Simon Schama just wants some attention. Downton Abbey is fantastic, by the way. I have seen the entire first season and it really is as good as advertised. It is an adult drama told in a masterful way. Each episode unfolds at a pace that is sorely missed in television right now. I mean, the way these stories and plots and subplots unfurl themselves is really well done.

My pet theory--reject it if you wish--is that Downton Abbey is doing so well right now because of the massive hole dug into popular television by Reality programming. With fewer and fewer scripted drama shows out there in the "hour long" format, there is a real hunger for anything that is of a certain quality that tells an actual story. I mean, a burning hole in the gut kind of hunger.

Downton Abbey should be studied and, if not copied, then certainly adapted to other eras and with other characters and archetypes. As always, if it tells a story, it will probably work on television.

Gene Hackman is Alright

2012-01-14T00:21:00.000+01:00

Gene Hackman may be retired, but, at age 81, he's still riding a bike?

Anyway, I am glad he's fine.

When Did Beyonce's Security Detail Become a Private Militia?

2012-01-11T12:29:00.001+01:00

It sounds like the people who have been hired to protect Beyonce have formed their own private militia; they can do whatever they want and no one can touch them. The hospital in question is apparently willing to be bought off as well. You suckers with no money can hoof it down to the next hospital if you don't like what's going on.

Of course, there is no reason to involve law enforcement. Their concern is for things like Occupy Wall Street, which is where you have unarmed people protesting in public. Is there anyone who doubts that Beyonce's security detail is armed and willing to use weapons? Is there any chance that this will get on the radar of anyone who should maybe look into whether or not these security personnel are entitled to push people around?

No, I didn't think so. Money buys a lot of things nowadays, and one of those things is your own private security force. The law need not bother with them because they have purchased a place well above the law.

UPDATE

Apparently, Lenox Hill Hospital is doubling down and trying to protect the Carter family from being criticized. However, if you read to the bottom of the article, no one can really explain why the security cameras in the neonatal unit were taped over.

Now, I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. Neonatal units are, because of their nature, highly sensitive areas. They should be under video surveillance at all times, and whether there was a security guard in the area is simply not relevant here. For the safety and protection of everyone who uses the facility, the cameras should be recording the comings and goings of any and all people who visit that area.

Charlie Sheen Was Never Crazy

2012-01-09T23:43:00.001+01:00

Now, I'm not saying that Charlie Sheen didn't do a lot of blow and act like an idiot for a while. But he was never crazy. Crazy people generally don't make millions of dollars sitting around and doing nothing. And Sheen would be the highest-earning crazy person ever, unless you count Howard Hughes.

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