Celebrity Disaster

Costco Doesn't Think Joan Rivers is Funny

2012-06-02T00:14:00.001+02:00

Joan Rivers is in a snit over having her book rejected by Costco. This is being done over the questionable material on the back cover. If you look at what they had a problem with, it's like we're living in the 1950s or something. But, being a retailer, they have to look at what they're carrying and make a business decision.

Those are throwaway jokes. If the material in her book isn't strong enough to survive having those lame one-liners removed, then what does that say about Joan Rivers? And why would Costco walk into a situation where someone could manufacture some phony outrage and give them a headache?

A work like this has to survive on the merits. I don't think anyone really believes that a Joan Rivers book is going to change their life or deliver something magical and special, but come on. If a retailer asks you to take out a fuck and a shit, maybe you should relegate that stuff to the inner flap or to a place in the book where the material is, ahem, a little thin.

I don't know. Is Costco really the place where you're going to sell that many damned books? Come on.

Sean Bean is Having a Rough Time

2012-06-01T11:46:00.000+02:00

Who doesn't look like this once in a while? Give the man a break.

Just because someone snapped an unflattering photo does not mean that the "journalists" in Great Britain can check his voice mails and see if he's receiving word on whether or not he can get into rehab next week. That would be preposterous.

But, having said that, you hope Mr. Bean is doing okay. How drunk can you get on a six pack? That does not mean, in and of itself, that he's going on bender.

Thailand Erupts in a Fury Over a Tweet

2012-05-30T16:08:00.000+02:00

Lady Gaga did not insult the culture, the heritage, the language, or the religions of Thailand. She didn't give someone a noogie. She merely stated that she tweeted that she may or may not have bought a fake Rolex watch in an area known for knockoffs?

If this is what enrages Thailand, then Thailand is a nation of easily enraged people. Perhaps they've had enough concerts and Western culture. Oh, and definitely don't explain Etsy to them, either. Their poor, never-to-be-touched heads might explode.

The Question Regis Probably Didn't Ask Dave

2012-05-30T09:33:00.000+02:00

I have scoured the text of the story, and I may be missing something important here. There were no questions about banging interns?

If you're going to sit down and talk to David Letterman, the first question needs to be about banging the interns and sleeping with the hired help. I don't know how you get through an interview without bringing that up.

Even Fake George Tierney is a Ridiculous Douchebag

2012-05-29T23:55:00.001+02:00

Yes, someone did try to set up a "fake" George Tierney page. Judging by their efforts, they have the mentality of a two year-old and failed to note that Tierney is a golf pro living in South Carolina and not a "gator hunting" yahoo from Flor-e-day.

What a sad commentary on the state of American humor and satire. Even George Tierney's fake Twitter page is a sad testament to the complete and utter failure of his existence on this Earth to inspire anyone to do anything more than whiff at the ball and fall on their ass.

You Are Just Now Figuring Out That John Edwards is a Horndog?

2012-05-29T23:49:00.001+02:00

The whole article is worth posting here, if not for the photo of the poor, homely girl who received some attention in a bar then for the over-the-top indignation shared with us by the writer.

First of all, John Edwards was and is a horndog. That is not even news anymore.

Second of all, Edwards had no ethics.

Third, it's kind of late for a hit piece on a guy who has no political future and who is waiting for the jury to let him go, isn't it?

Oh, and how did I end up blogging about Edwards on my politics blog and now on my celebrity bullcrap blog? When did that shift in the cultural zeitgeist happen? Was I sleeping through another long weekend?

Britney Spears is Still a Trainwreck

2012-05-27T22:59:00.001+02:00

There are two things that the people in the entertainment business are trying to make the rest of the world believe.

First, they want everyone to believe that Simon Cowell is relevant. He is no longer relevant in any way, shape or form. Whatever he brought to American television has now dissipated into nothing. His show is irrelevant. Nobody cares about "talent" anymore because the novelty has worn off, the songs and "talents" are atrocious, and everyone is fake on purpose. This is unwatchable.

Second, they want everyone to think that Britney Spears is normal now. She is not normal, and will never be normal. She is medicated and controlled, but she is not normal.

As for the X Factor, nobody should care about shows like this anymore. They love this stuff in Europe, but Americans are tired of phony and fake people who are really professionals masquerading as amateurs.

That's George Tierney Junior to You

2012-05-22T12:59:00.001+02:00

This is what happens when you don't understand social media.

George Tierney Jr. is a man who lives in Greenville, South Carolina, and he's having a public meltdown on Twitter right now, cursing out people for no apparent reason.

Until they shut him down, enjoy the screenshots.

Yes, he went there. When you're using the 'N' word to make a point, you've already said enough about your character.

Yes, leave the poor man's father alone. Unless he's cussing people out, too.

Ryan Reynolds Is Not a Movie Star

2012-05-20T21:02:00.002+02:00

Now that it is fairly well established that Ryan Reynolds is not a movie star, why would you reboot a franchise around him?

Reynolds should be looking for work with actors that can make him look better. He needs to do some smaller roles that will help keep him out in front of people. It is too soon after the Green Lantern debacle to start thinking about another franchise.

(Unless, of course, all they want to do is make a quick buck with a Highlander knockoff for a really low budget and the only actor they can get is Reynolds--then I could see this working, because, well, it just won't work.)

Dan Harmon Lost the Argument

2012-05-20T00:13:00.000+02:00

I think this is the most accurate of all the accounts of what happened when Sony decided to get rid of Dan Harmon as the showrunner for Community. What, are you going to trust Sony? Are you going to trust the bitchy insiders who want to claim that the guy couldn't run the show? Forget that.

Sony has decided to go forward with new showrunners so that they can keep Chevy Chase on the show. Why they would flush Harmon and go with Chase is impossible to conceive. Does someone at Sony think that Chase isn't going to pause during the next season of filming and have a tantrum and walk out?

This is why I don't follow shows much anymore. When a washed-up 70's star can, after decades of lazy work and indulgent walk-ons, get a guy fired, there isn't much hope for television.* NBC has, literally, no hits and no winners. They need Community so bad right now that it isn't funny, and it won't be funny at all when Chevy Chase flips out on whoever is asking him to stretch and grow and act like a professional next year. And their answer is to let Sony blow a proven winner out the door.

Dan Harmon joins a long list of people who can make and create things, just not for short-sighted conglomerates.

*that may be a stretch, but I think the Chevy Chase incident has a lot to do with why Harmon profusely apologized for playing a profane voice mail from Chase and I think it is a significant factor in keeping the cast of the show together. There is this mistaken belief that you can get rid of a showrunner in order to keep the cast of a show happy; if your cast isn't happy, get rid of the cast member, not your creative guiding force. That is my opinion, nothing more.

Just a Cash Flow Problem

2012-05-19T23:53:00.000+02:00

These things can usually end up getting sorted out before someone gets paid ten bucks and hour to sling Janice Dickinson's belongings onto the sidewalk.

I guess the lesson here is that reality television does not pay what it used to. What a shame.

Will Smith Will Slap You if You Try to Kiss Him

2012-05-18T23:37:00.004+02:00

To his credit, Will Smith did not hit the man with a closed fist or put him in the hospital. He angrily slapped a man who tried to kiss him on the lips. TMZ has run with a headline that claims that Smith attacked the man. Please. He defended himself.

I don't know what the freak out quotient is here, but this has nothing to do with being gay, or being for gay marriage. This is about trying to kiss someone else. I would expect a woman to react the way Smith reacted, and I wouldn't have a problem with it.

It reminds me of Gary Busey on the red carpet at the Oscars in 2008, and his kiss on the neck of Jennifer Garner.

Jimmy Slays the Beast

2012-05-18T11:45:00.000+02:00

It's about time someone started to kick Leno's ass.

What? Too shrill? Too bad. Good for Jimmy Kimmel.

The Wheels Are Coming Off the Van Halen Bus

2012-05-18T00:36:00.000+02:00

If you believe half of what Sammy Hagar wrote about the Van Halen brothers, this is nothing surprising. It's a wonder they made it half this far without imploding.

Hope you didn't buy tickets.

True story: the first thing I ever wrote that pissed people off was a mocking review of the solo David Lee Roth album from the mid-1980s. Still rings true today--with Roth, they are a clown show.

Yet Another Celebrity Disaster

2012-05-15T23:18:00.001+02:00

It dawned on me, while reading this article, that this is not the stuff of celebrity gossip; this is the story of a woman who needs medical help and professional mental health assistance. This does not need to be a story about a "housewife" dealing with the fame brought on by the show that she was on; it's a story about a person with severe problems.

All of this is being observed and reported, diligently, of course, and none of the details are left out. But what is missing is the humanity and the dignity of stopping this insanity and helping the person in pain. There isn't any money in that; there's not profit to be made for taking Miss Armstrong to a facility or in shutting off the cameras and telling the jackals to go away. Would these people stand there and watch a building full of orphans burn down and do nothing? Apparently.

And so, what you have is a meltdown, witnessed by many, stopped by no one. What a tragedy. What will happen when people realize that reality television destroys lives? What will happen when people figure out a way to successfully sue and fight back against what these shows have done to American culture and to the people who have participated in them?

They Were Never Going to Cancel Community

2012-05-11T21:30:00.002+02:00

I never thought they were actually going to cancel Community. NBC is so desperate for shows right now that it just did not make any sense to take a show with a solid following and cancel it, but that's pretty much the story of any show anyone ever really cared about. I did think that NBC was going to ruin the show through their incredible mismanagement.

Chevy Chase is clearly not suited to work anymore. He has, literally, become one of the most ridiculous, washed-up former has-beens to ever grace the screen. He should be glad they let him on the lot to tape the show.

Too Tan or Too European?

2012-05-11T21:24:00.000+02:00

I live in a part of Germany where these ads are everywhere right now; some of them are even less modest than the one depicted above and feature a model that is way, way more tan (or at least looks more tanned).

The H&M chain is very popular here and their ads run on a regular basis. But I don't think anyone here really registers the same level of outrage that is shared in the article. Europeans tan very deeply, and on purpose, and despite the warnings of skin cancer. As soon as the sun comes out, people take the time to get their tan going, and today was no exception. The people I saw today were heavily tanned, and that's because tanning booths or sonnen studios are very popular in the colder months of the year. It's like everything else. Here, they just say to hell with it.

Who Will Play the Lead in Fifty Shades of Grey?

2012-05-10T21:31:00.001+02:00

Fan fiction is getting to be a big deal now. You can, literally, hit paydirt with the right story and the right inspiration.

I will confess--I don't get the book or the phenomenon of Twilight, but I do understand the Hunger Games. More bow and arrow, less vampire crap, please.

Give Halle Berry a Break

2012-05-10T21:27:00.000+02:00

Halle Berry's anger is completely justified, and the douchebag tone of the blog reaction is priceless celebrity-hating. If you want a really, really good example of having no common sense, an unabashed jealousy for anyone successful or beautiful, and a willful ignorance of the culture, there you go.

Berry has a reasonable expectation of privacy, as does anyone who is in the public eye. She has a reasonable expectation that, when she goes to her daughter's school, the photographers will maybe take that afternoon off. I wish there was a concrete anti-paparazzi law in place because this is where the line gets crossed. You wanna take pictures of her when she's on the red carpet or out clubbing? Fine. But leave her family out of it.

As for the crummy comments above, well. Do you think you might want to be mindful of the fact that Halle Berry has been stalked? And that another, completely different stalker who has threatened to slit her throat escaped from the psychiatric hospital where he was being treated? And do you think that something that happened just this year might be weighing on her? I mean, really. Common sense is in that short of supply?

Television is a Better Place With Bill Lawrence Working In It

2012-05-10T21:17:00.000+02:00

I'm glad to see that Cougar Town has a future and a possible happy home with TBS. I would like to see a number of shows like this continue so that I can, greedily, of course, catch up with them when we no longer live overseas.

The ban on allowing those of us who live in Europe to watch shows like this has been tough. I don't have the Internet bandwidth to buy into a service that will mask my IP address and I have had to resort to waiting for the entire season to be released on DVD.

It need not be like this. Screw these restrictions on rights and whatnot. I am a viewer, and I want to view the program they are putting out; I'll gladly sit through your ads. Just let me watch your show.

Bill Lawrence said, on the Marc Maron podcast, that he has a finite amount of time left to be working in television. I am hoping that he will get a chance to continue with Cougar Town and get some more work out there. He is one of those rare producers of quality programming. If you appreciated Scrubs, and I know I did, I hope that Cougar Town does not fizzle out like Scrubs did.

Nobody Loves Teri Hatcher?

2012-05-10T00:22:00.000+02:00

Is it really as bad as this?

It all sounds so catty and backhanded. Wait, what's the show about?

Teri Hatcher's gift to the crew is showing up for work. Ignore the haters.

LOL is DOA

2012-05-08T15:53:00.001+02:00

That new Miley Cyrus film? The one that Demi Moore is in? The one you've heard so much about because both of these celebrities are constantly in the news? Yeah, it's called LOL and you'd better scramble because it was released over the weekend with absolutely no fanfare whatsoever.

There was a time in this country when Demi Moore could open a film. There was a time when Miley Cyrus was a billionaire teenybopper with an incredible following.

That was like, a year ago. Now look at what the world has become.

John Travolta is Innocent

2012-05-08T11:58:00.000+02:00

Whew! They almost got you that time, John.

Travolta's personal life and preferences are his business. There will never be a shortage of people who think they can make something up and sue a celebrity, and there will never be a day when crazy anti-semitic bullshit will get people to believe your story.

Overtaken by Events

2012-05-06T22:06:00.000+02:00

This is one of those things that happens in the intersection between commerce and reality. When you put together a film that is supposed to be funny and make it about a neighborhood watch, seeing a news story about a horrific killing by a neighborhood watch volunteer harshes the buzz. Couple that with the fact that George Zimmerman is a buffoonish character in and of himself and you're stuck with the task of changing the title. The real-life antics of George Zimmerman are so horrible as to make the subject almost unassailable. We're still waiting for that really great comedy about pretending to be a 9/11 victim in order to get the girl.

Calling it "The Watch" hurts the film. It detracts from the intended choice. It isn't specific enough about what kind of "watch" it's supposed to be about. This is unfortunate. I wonder if Stiller tried to fight it or if he gave in. It could have been that or seeing his film shelved for a year.

Adam Yauch 1964-2012

2012-05-04T20:11:00.000+02:00

The loss of Adam Yauch is a devastating one. No word yet on whether or not this was related to cancer, but I think that is probably the very sad case here.