Celebrity Rant

Jennifer Love Hewitt is sticking to it...

2012-02-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

Jennifer Love Hewitt has been known for her bad fashion and she always seems to be stuck in a rut. For the longest time she wore Little House on the Prairie dresses and now she is down to one style, the infamous Kim Kardashian bandage dress, the only variation is color. Known to hide a multitude of sins, this tightly wrapped dress seems to be the right choice for Jennifer, she can wear about 3 pairs of Spanx underneath and no one is the wiser. If it can contain Kim's huge ass, J. Love should have no problem pulling it off and she does it rather well.

Not gonna mention the stupid blonde bangs.

Gerard Butler is having a Time Out...

2012-02-24T10:01:00.004-05:00

Gerard Butler has been a bad boy and has been sent to "time out" better known as rehab. The notorious womanizer has been locked up for three weeks and we are just now hearing about it. This could be because no one much gives a crap about Gerard or everyone is still grossed out about the time he fingered Jennifer Aniston's butthole for the cameras.

Anyway, by now his dry heaves and shakes have subsided, he has been chain smoking and eating from the breakfast buffet on the daily. In another week they'll toss him out and he'll be back to no good just in time for his next movie release.

Loose Lips Links

2012-02-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

A naked Sinead O'Connor? Ghastly! Evil Beet

Zac Efron comes prepared The Great Monkey Suit

Justin Timberlake put a ring on it INFdaily

Ryan Phillippe just screwed up Lainey Gossip

Adam Levine is a metro sexual...

2012-02-23T10:18:00.000-05:00

Adam Levine couldn't bother to shave his face for this photo but it looks like his nipples are sculpted and plucked. Maybe he does that so the electric nipple clamps he uses don't catch on fire. I cannot figure out if Adam is hot or not but you have to appreciate a dude that does the amount of manscaping that Adam seems to do. He should maybe grow in some hair to cover up that upside down bird that seems like it could be scouting for a worm that might be mistaken for his dick.

Jessica Simpson is in danger...

2012-02-23T10:12:00.000-05:00

Jessica Simpson looks like she is about to explode! This is getting ridiculous. Not only has she been pregnant for a year (it seems) her breasts also look like they are carrying babies of their own. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable Jess is right about now. Hell, I'm uncomfortable simply looking at her. Or maybe it's just that striped, shiny dress that is giving me the heaves. In any event, Jessica needs to get that baby out soon or she is going to have stretch marks that rival a road map of the Jersey Turnpike.

Victoria Beckham is miserable for no apparent reason...

2012-02-23T10:07:00.000-05:00

What in the hell is wrong with Victoria Beckham? She always looks miserable and pissed off. What is her problem? She takes herself way too seriously after all she is a freaking Spice Girl for cripes sake. She's married to David Beckham who is a big hanging man judging by his underwear photos and she has a bunch of adorable kids that resulted from gorgeous David thrusting his huge manhood inside her anorexic vagina. Maybe Victoria just has a bad case of the hongrays... in that case go eat a carrot stick and put a smile on your filthy rich face.

Karrueche Tran has poor judgement...

2012-02-23T09:35:00.000-05:00

So this is Chris Brown's girlfriend, Karrueche Tran. What in the GD hell kind of name is that? Supposedly they have an "open" relationship which allows Chris to put the beat down on multiple women namely Rihanna. A picture tell a story and what I get from these shots is that Chris Brown likes women who have phrases scribbled on their body in permanent ink and have poor fashion sense. I am in more fear of Karrueche falling off those shoes than getting slapped around by Brown.

Kourtney Kardashian get's everything...

2012-02-22T15:10:00.000-05:00

Kourtney Kardashian is carrying a baby girl fetus and I think that's awesome. Too bad she didn't have a girl first then a boy. Big brothers are notorious for teasing their baby sisters but I'm sure Mason will be super protective too. Coming from a close knit family like that he has no other choice. Say what you will about the Kardashians they have each others back.

Now days I am really liking Scott Disick. he went from being the biggest asshole in the universe to a completely different sort of asshole and I like it. His behavior in the past was at times utterly appalling but the dude has really changed into a fun, sort of likable guy. Maybe he's just starting to grow on me like a fungus or something but I watch the show for Scott these days. I think a lot of Scott's improvement has to do with Kourtney being such a hard ass, but she has hung in there and sometimes you have to give a guy like that a chance to grow up and out of things. I think Scott was totally worth the wait.

Calista Flockhart is married or what?

2012-02-22T15:02:00.000-05:00

The years have not been kind to Calsita Flockhart. She is looking haggard and gaunt, nothing that a jolt of caffeine and a cheeseburger wouldn't fix, though. I wish these ultra thin celebrities would get it through their lollipop heads that a few pounds will fill out their face nicely unlike artificial filler or nothing at all as it seems to be the case here for Calista. Eat! It's so easy, open, bite, chew, swallow. Repeat. Then keep it down. Works every time for me.

Anyway, I was checking out the photo and it looks like wedding rings on Calista's finger and not just an engagement ring. Did she and Harrison Ford get married? Did I miss that? It's possible although I thought he'd never get hitched again considering how he lost his ass in his last divorce.

Loose Lips Links Chris Brown Edition

2012-02-22T14:39:00.000-05:00

WWE is coming for you Chris Brown Evil Beet

Rihanna wants her Birthday Cake and beat it too Anything Hollywood

The Dirty Disher hands Chris Brown his nutsack on a platter.

Selena Gomez Upskirt Panties Photo...

2012-02-20T10:20:00.002-05:00

Selena Gomez was out on the beach playing with some of Justin Bieber's family members. I guess she tried to kill 2 birds with one stone by showing Justin what a good mommy she'll be one day and what a hot momma she is right now. Selena Gomez was bending way over in a short dress and gave us this blogger gold known as a Selena Gomez upskirt photo complete with bunched up pink panties. How adorable.

Isla Fisher is hiding something...

2012-02-20T10:19:00.001-05:00

Isla Fisher was caught on film leaving a doctor's office with a blue jean jacket over her head. I don't know what's worse, hiding your face or the denim jacket. In any event, Isla looks like she is hiding something and I'll bet she's had a nip or tuck here or there. Next time we see her actual face she will look years younger and oh, so refreshed with only a hint of embarrassment for her poor fashion choices.

Maria Menounous needs some floss...

2012-02-20T10:18:00.001-05:00

Maria Menounous was lucky enough to flash a huge smile and have her photo snapped with what looks like popcorn skin on her teeth. Awkward. C'mon. This is newsworthy. Actually it's not but it's Monday, it's slow and it's Presidents Day. I say Maria should give a big salute to George Washington who had the sexiest presidential wooden teeth of all time.

Kim Kardashian lives a life of luxury...

2012-02-20T10:17:00.001-05:00

Kim Kardashian is living large and I'm not just talking about her ass. Here she is out getting her weekly mani pedi. How boring it must be to live such a pampered life. I'll bet she really misses Kris Humphries farting in her face while she gave him a pedicure. He was such a gentleman. The most impressive thing about this photo is the jar of Barbicide on the table. Kim can afford to go to a nail salon nice enough that they actually sterilize their tools. Never seen that before.

Loose Lips Links

2012-02-20T10:16:00.003-05:00

Lindsay Lohan needs a bra and a job, in that order Evil Beet

The Bachelor's Courtney Robertson has an offer she can't refuse The Great Monkey Suit

Shit! Nick Cannon is gonna die INFdaily

Jessica Alba is never satisfied...

2012-02-17T10:04:00.000-05:00

Jessica Alba just cannot contain her bitchiness. Even when a nice, gentle aisian dude massages her shoulers she has to pull out the nasty face. Jessica needs to relax and go along with it. If she looks this angry getting a gentle rubdown, just imagine what her poor husband Cash Warren has to look at while they bump uglies.

See all of Jessica Alba's pampered sour puss face here at Popoholic

Seal is Mellow Yellow

2012-02-17T09:51:00.000-05:00

So, Seal finally decided to ditch his wedding ring from Heidi Klum. The marriage has imploded and they are headed for divorce court just like most of Hollywood. Seal has ran the talk show circuit hinting at a reconciliation with Heidi but this divorce is going to happen. I'm not the least bit surprised either. I remember a clip from a couple years ago that ran on TMZ, it showed Seal snapping at Heidi, basically telling her to shut up and get in the car. He practically shoved her! I thought it was harsh and surprising after all if he behaves that way on camera how does he act behind closed doors? Anyway, here is Seal with bright yellow fingernails so we will be sure to notice he is sans wedding ring. He looks mean to me. Run Heidi, RUN!

Jennifer Lopez is in lust...

2012-02-17T09:45:00.000-05:00

I really can't blame Jennifer Lopez for hopping all up on Casper Smart's dick. After all, she was married to Marc Anthony who is rather yucky. I hear women swoon all over the place for Marc but I just don't get it. He is so skinny and not very good looking while Casper is rather hot, has cool ink and the sexual stamina of a bull. Casper doesn't seem like one of the smartest dudes around and I'm sure J Lo foots the bill for the most part but he looks like fun if you know what I mean and that said, I'd hit it, too.

Miley Cyrus is too big for her britches...

2012-02-17T09:38:00.000-05:00

Miley Cyrus was snapped by photographers sporting a new haircut, a low cut top and her pants unbuttoned. I thought people only let loose of the button fly on Thanksgiving. I guess Miley either ate a huge lunch at Del Taco or she is attempting to start a new fashion trend.

Courtney Stodden has VD

2012-02-17T09:34:00.001-05:00

Remember back in the day when all those nasty, contagious infections of your private parts were called VD? Venereal disease. My how times have changed, these days we have the same old dick rotting diseases only we call them STD's. It's all the same. Just like Courtney Stodden and the holidays. You can predict that Courtney will be slutting it up, wearing a holiday theme inspired bikini and getting thrown out of pretty much everywhere for indecent-ness. Valentines Day was no different for Courtney this year, she managed to leave a slimy snail trail on a tiny little boat. I'm surprised her "Old" Man didn't flip her over and used her gnarly vagina as a vase for those roses. Or maybe that's what they did later in private because when you go all out like these two in public there isn't much left for behind closed doors.

Loose Lips Links

2012-02-17T09:26:00.000-05:00

Rihanna still likes it rough Evil Beet

Bobby Brown gets in where he can The Great Monkey Suit

Kim Kardashian should have to eat a mink burger INFdaily

Mariah Carey takes the stairs Lainey Gossip

Loose Lips Links

2012-02-15T11:14:00.000-05:00

Miranda Lambert ain't scared Evil Beet

Lindsay Lohan is so glamours The Great Monkey Suit

Ivana Trump is holding her own INFdaily

Kate Upton is nearly naked IDLYITW

Chris Brown is a potty mouth Bricks & Stones

Katy Perry & Rihanna let's be friends...

2012-02-14T09:20:00.000-05:00

Katy Perry and Rihanna are a ridiculous combination. Our heads should explode at the very sight of the two together. Katy has blueberry Kool Ade hair and is staring down at Riri's tiny boobs like they were the Messiah. Of course Rihanna is practically shoving them in her face. Personally I'd rather look at Rihanna's boobs over Russell Brand's wrinkly nutsack any day.

Katherine Heigl is gonna break a leg...

2012-02-14T09:15:00.000-05:00

Katherine Heigl was photographed out and about staggering around on a pair of stilts. Those shoes are insane! Very red and very high. She matched them to her hat. Shame on her fashion. Everyone knows the shoes are supposed to match the bag.

Miley Cyrus is a Olsen Twin

2012-02-14T09:12:00.000-05:00

Miley Cyrus posted a photo to her Twitter account showing off a new haircut. In reality, Miley simply removed her nappy ass extensions thus resulting in a shorter 'do. Miley is a cute girl but in this photo she looks like an Olsen twin, as in Mary Kate & Ashley.