Now that “The Avengers” has blasted it’s way into theaters (and made more money than everyone else), it’s time I make a guide that points out most of the in-movie references as well as plot points that may show up in the sequels for Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor.

Ready for a spoiler-filled journey? Click below if you dare (but remember, it’s on you if I spoiled it)!

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[UPDATE 05/06/12: I went to a second screening of "Avengers" and now I have more concise and clearer details of certain events and plotpoints that I missed the first time!]

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[Be aware that I may not be correct on some of the theories, but I will try to come close.]

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–IRON MAN 3 PLOTPOINTS?
For Tony Stark’s intro, he is seen underwater using his laserbeams to cut up a waterpipe. He later makes reference that he is trying to find ways to use “renewable energy” to power up the Stark Building. This may soon show up as a plot point in IM3.

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–IRON MAN & THE HULK AS BFF’S?
Through the second act of the movie, Stark and Dr. Bruce Banner are seen giving scientific exchanges and becoming good friends. After saving New York, Dr. Banner and Stark are seen driving away in his car (possibly to continue work on the Stark Building that was partially destroyed by the Tesseract).

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–THE MARK 7 ARMOR
Just before Stark meets with Loki for a chat, he makes reference to “Mark 7″. The Mark 7 is Stark’s latest version of his armor that comes in a flying rocket form (activated by energy wristbands), in comparison to “Iron Man 2″ where his Mark 3 armor was inside a small briefcase.

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–AGENT COULSON’S GIRLFRIEND?
A specific subplot that is briefly discussed (but never expanded upon) during Coulson’s meeting with Tony and Pepper is Coulson’s “girlfriend” in Portland. It’s only after Coulson dies that Tony reveals details to Steve Rogers about Coulson’s girlfriend being a “Cellist”.

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–WHERE’S NATALIE PORTMAN?
The only reason Thor isn’t also destroying the human race is because of his love for Jane (Natalie Portman) that was established in the “Thor” flick. For “Avengers”, a picture of Jane is only seen in a computer screen while Agent Coulson assures Thor that “she is safe”.

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–ARTIFACTS OF HYDRA
Under suspicion of Fury about “Phase 2″, Steve Rogers decides to explore the inner halls of the SHIELD helicarrier. Inside he finds that SHIELD has taken the weapons from Hydra used during WWII (as was seen in the “First Avenger” movie). Rogers exposes Fury and, from there, Fury explains why the Tesseract was needed in the first place.

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–THE FLYING MONKEYS JOKE
Nick Fury makes a reference to “flying monkeys” to the team during his monologue about Loki. While Thor is unaware of the reference, Steve chimes in with, “Flying monkeys! I got that reference!” This is a reference to the 1939 film “The Wizard Of Oz”, showing Steve as a man REALLY out of time.

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–THE DESTROYER FROM THOR
Towards the last act of “Thor”, Loki sent a giant metal assassin known as “The Destroyer” to Earth. Nick Fury reveals to the team that the reason for using the Tesseract was to create new weapons to prevent enemies like the Destroyer from attacking Earth again.

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–THE SUPER SOLDIER FORMULA
In the “Incredible Hulk” reboot (with Edward Norton), gamma radiation was used to try and recreate the Super Soldier serum. Agent Coulson briefs Steve Rogers claiming that the experiment to recreate Dr Erskine’s formula (from “First Avenger”) was unsuccessful resulting in Dr. Banner’s condition.

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–HOW DID THOR COME BACK TO EARTH?
At the end of “Thor”, Thor destroyed the rainbow bridge and the Bi-frost which disabled him from traveling to other worlds. While no direct explanation is made as to how Thor came back to Earth for “Avengers”, Loki makes a theory towards it claiming “How much black magic did Father use to get you back here?”. This means that Odin (Anthony Hopkins from “Thor”) probably sent him back.

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–HOW DID LOKI ESCAPE THE WORMHOLE?
At the end of “Thor”, Loki drops himself into the large wormhole. One theory as to how he escaped is that the Chitauri rescued him and, in return, made a deal with them to invade Earth. As seen at the end of “Avengers”, the Chitauri have a giant spaceship that floats through universes, hence Loki may have landed on it.

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–HOW DID THOR KNOW WHERE TO FIND LOKI ON EARTH?
While Loki is being transported to SHIELD in a small helicopter, Thor magically appears above and kidnaps Loki. One of the theories as to how Thor found them was through the magical eye of Heimdall. Heimdall is the watcher of the Bi-frost and can see everything happening in other worlds, hence he probably knew how and where to find Loki. The main reason Thor was looking for Loki was to bring him to “Asgardian justice”.

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–WHY DIDN’T LOKI ESCAPE?
During the forest battle with Thor and Iron Man, Loki is seen at the top of the mountain watching the battle below. Rather than escape, he just sits there the entire time and then is seen in cuffs inside the helicarrier a few scenes later. (Although it is later revealed that he intended to be captured.)

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–THOR’S CHANGE OF WARDROBE
When Thor first appears in “Avengers”, he is seen with no chainmail on his arms. This is the first time onscreen that Thor is seen wearing his “Marvel Ultimates” armor. It isn’t until the battle in New York that the chainmail armor reappears.

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–THOR’S HAMMER IS TOO HEAVY
As indicated in the “Thor” movie, only Thor can wield the Mjolnir hammer. Anybody else that tries to use it cannot lift it, hence the reason the Hulk could barely lift it during the battle with Thor in the helicarrier.

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–THE HULK RETURNS TO NYC
Dr. Banner makes a small crack at his Hulk persona by saying, “The last time I was in New York, I broke Harlem”. This is in reference to the battle at the end of “The Incredible Hulk” where the Hulk fought the Abomination.

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–THE HULK IS ALWAYS ANGRY
When Dr. Banner reunites with the Avengers, he tells Black Widow, “That’s my secret, I’m always angry”. This means that Banner can automatically turn into the Hulk at any time without the need to be provoked, unlike previous movies where something had to happen to him in order for him to transform.

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–WHAT DID THE HULK SAY?
When the Hulk confronts Loki, he slams Loki multiple times in a fit of Looney Tunes rage and mutters his only two words (that most audiences may not have heard due to uproarious laughter): “Puny god!”

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–THE REAL BOSS
In the first post-credit scene, the leader of the Chitauri is seen pleading towards an unseen figure claiming that the humans are too strong. The figure turns around and it is revealed to be none other than supervillain Thanos, wielder of the Infinity Gauntlet (who can also be seen briefly at the beginning of the film).

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–WHAT ARE THEY EATING?
In the second post-credits scene, the entire team is seen eating shawarma (as indicated by Tony a few scenes earlier) just after capturing Loki. And if you look closely, Hawkeye is seen with his leg on Black Widow’s chair indicating that their relationship may indeed be more than it seems (hey, you don’t see Thor putting his leg up on her, that’s for sure).

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–WHAT IS WRONG WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA?
During the same post-credits scene, you’ll notice that Cap never shows his face (he has his hand covering it as seen in the screencap above). According to EW.com, during reshoots of this scene, Chris Evans had grown facial hair and had to wear a prosthetic on his chin that was unconvincing, hence his hand covering his face the entire time.

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Maxim Magazine is dead to me. DEAD! I will have NO MORE of their lies! After so many years of shitty covergirl choices (90% of their choices are horrible), I’ve gone cold turkey from Maxim’s bullshit and have moved on to my new haven for hot ladies: health and fitness magazines for men! Turns out that some of the more hotter women in showbiz are doing sexier spreads for mags like Men’s Health and Men’s Fitness and it was right under our noses!

In this case, former PMOY and Attack Of The Show hostess Sara Underwood gives a hot and sweaty editorial for the June issue of Men’s Fitness where she talks about being “too hot and unapproachable” for other guys in the gym. [Oh, she is such a lying bitch!]

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It’s unfortunate that Victoria Justice wasn’t given the cover for the May 2012 issue of Nylon (the cover went to a trio of other actresses I could care less about) because she’s a super beautiful girl that reminds of my all-time favorite soap actress Vanessa Marcil.

Anyway, VJ is in a 6-page article for the May issue of Nylon where she dresses up in 1920′s-type clothing (hey, at least it ain’t like the bullshit “cowboy” clothes that Nina Dobrev wore in the February issue). Check it out!

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Back when Dakota was on the cover of Cosmo a few months earlier, everyone bitched that she was”too sexy” because she was still 17 years old. Well, fast-forward to April 2012 and now that Dakota’s finally reached the ripe young adult of 18 years, we can FINALLY say that she’s too sexy without incurring the wrath of these goddamned Liberals!

Dakota appears on the May issue of C-Style Magazine talking about some movie she did that doesn’t even come out until the Fall. Yeah, I don’t get it but at least her photos are nice (she even resembles Drew Barrymore in one of the pics)! Take a gander, it’s legal now.

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You wanna know something that is really FUCKED UP? The editors of Cosmo had two choices for the covergirl of the May issue: “Revenge” bad girl, Emily Van Camp or Reality-starlet-sister-to-a-whore Khloe Kardashian. And who did they choose? That’s right, the Yeti! In case you aren’t aware of it, Emily is on the hottest show on TV but, instead, got screwed over for Chewbacca. Once again, it’s an EPIC FUCKIN’ FAIL, COSMO!

Anyway, Emily makes an 8-page appearance in the May issue of Cosmo showing some sizzling skin (as well as some horrific Photoshopped cleavage). Scope out the goods!

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Sofia scores the cover for the April issue of InStyle and there are various parts of her interview that are quite funny. My particular favorite quote of hers from the article: “I always hated Math. The moment I run out of fingers, I can’t count anymore“. [Editors Note: That makes two of us, Sofia.]

Check it out!

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Kristen scores the dual-sided cover for the April 2012 issue of Women’s Health where she discusses about the 40 things important in her life. My only complaint is why the photographer felt the need to have a sunburst in all of the photos to the point where you can barely see Kristen’s face. It’s fuckin’ distracting!!!

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The big question the issue asks is if Megan Fox is “Naughty or Nice”? My answer? NEITHER. She’s a LAZY BUM! And, as usual, Cosmo Photoshopped her head to look smaller.

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[CREDIT: Megan-Fox.NET]

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Jennifer Lawrence. The Hunger Games. Big ol’ boobies. That pretty much explains this entire issue. Did I mention the boobies?

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I really don’t understand how two separate magazines in separate coasts could end up using the SAME Megan Fox photoshoot in the SAME month! Megan scores the cover for the March issue of Angeleno but ALSO scored the cover of Miami Magazine. Both issues use the same photos and I’m sure both issues feature the same boring-ass articles.

Whatever, just click and download this shit, will ya!


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BTW, look at the fifth photo and explain to me what the FUCK is going on with her hand holding the champagne glass!!!

[CREDIT: Megan-Fox.NET]

I haven’t seen an episode of Sarah’s new TV show “Ringer”, but it seems to be getting good ratings if not for the fact that it hasn’t been canceled. Then again, “Gossip Girl” is still on the air, so why not, right? Anyway, SMG makes a 6-page appearance in the Issue #6 of Bullett Magazine (with Daniel Radcliffe on the cover) doing her best impression of Patricia Arquette from “True Romance” and talking about her personal life.

Check it out!

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YES, that third picture of Sarah in the apartment room is 100% fake!

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For a sec, I had to pause and take a second look at the cover of this issue because I thought Nina Dobrev scored another cover for Nylon, but it turns it’s just “Mirror, Mirror” starlet Lily Collins. Eh, coulda been anyone’s mistake.

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It was only inevitable that by some absolute miracle of titty-fantastic favoritism that Kate Upton would score the cover of the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover on her sophomore year (beating other veteran models like Anne Vyalitsyna and Jessica Gomes).

With the help of a TON of super-duper Photoshopping, the SI team was able to make Kate look less chubby and her titties much smaller. Yeah, I don’t get it, either.

Other than Kate, 17 other supermodels appear in the issue to flaunt their wares (including one returning model). Click on the link below to see the full model list plus preview photos.

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All pics are from the 2012 edition. (And before you ask, YES, all the nipple shots have been blatantly removed by the SI people).

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+++ ADAORA (ROOKIE) +++

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+++ NINA AGDAL (ROOKIE) +++

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+++ CINTIA DICKER +++

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+++ JESSICA GOMES +++

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+++ IZABEL GOULART +++

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+++ KIRBY GRIFFIN (ROOKIE) +++

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+++ JULIE HENDERSON +++

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+++ ARIEL MEREDITH (ROOKIE) +++

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+++ ALYSSA MILLER +++

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+++ GENEVIEVE MORTON +++

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+++ JESSICA PEREZ (ROOKIE) +++

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+++ BAR REFAELI +++

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+++ CRYSTAL RENN (ROOKIE) +++

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+++ IRINA SHAYK +++

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+++ CHRISSY TEIGEN +++

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+++ MICHELLE VAWER (ROOKIE) +++

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+++ ANNE VYALITSYNA +++

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That’s the complete list! Now head on over to your local newsstand and buy yourself TWO issues.

I think I’m the only guy that can honestly say that Nina’s cover for the February issue of Nylon Magazine was absolutely dreadful. At least Entertainment Weekly had the right idea to forego the “hipster cowgirl” look and just let Nina wear next to nothing for their latest issue (on newsstands now) alongside her “Vampire Diaries” costars Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley. But to be honest, Nina ain’t got nothing on Ian Somerhalder. Now THAT is one hunk o’ man right there. And I say that as a straight man.

Check out the other two covers and additional scans below!

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The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue isn’t out for the next couple of days, but to those of you anticipating that Kate Upton might NOT get the cover over Anne Vyalitsyna, Fear not! Even if she doesn’t score the cover, she still gets to steal the cover away from “Mad Men” star Jon Hamm on the March issue of Esquire.

The issue features a fold-out of image of Jon Hamm that (when pulled open) reveals Kate Upton as the actual covergirl! Check it out.

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[Scans courtesy of VampireHorde @ Fashion Scans Remastered]

Yup, another month, another dose of Aniston. This time Aniston is on the March cover of Instyle USA where she answers “important reader questions” (AKA the non-offensive pre-selected unjuicy crap). Whatever.

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Amanda needs to do more sexy photoshoots. Enough of the artsy crap, it’s time for some skin! For the March issue of Glamour, Amanda does shed a teeny-bit of clothing and exposes some flesh for the cameras and lets loose with her sexiness. About damned time!

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Here we go again. Last month’s Cosmo issue with Dakota Fanning got into a bit of controversy about her looking “too sexy”. For the March cover, Cosmo does Selena Gomez a big disservice by Photoshopping both her head AND boobs to a larger size. The boobs I don’t mind, but her noggin is WAY larger than the rest of her body!

Sigh, when will it ever END?

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It’s been a while since Olivia’s been on the cover of a magazine, so it’s a welcome sight to see her back! This time, Olivia graces the cover for local LA magazine, Angeleno, and inside the issue she’s seen wearing a sexy sheer blouse with a bit of non-gratuitous sideboob.

So what does she talk about in the issue? I don’t know, I’m still staring at the sideboob.

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The last time Nina was featured in Nylon, they tried to convince us that her threads were “Grunge”. Now Nina appears in the February issue wearing what is called “Vegas cowgirl” threads. Sigh, what-ever.

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