CellStories

Crash Stories

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Being a bike messenger was like winding yourself up like a top."

Mr CIA

Mon, 15 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"It seemed implausible that the CIA would come in droves, over decades, to retire on one island."

Drug Series #11: Cocaine

Fri, 12 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We go into the living room to shoot action figures."

Evalutation

Thu, 11 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Frankly Dennis, you scare people."

Guns

Wed, 10 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The reason I want a gun is because I no longer want to be out of place."

Push Kick Coast

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The world was my oyster and the United Skates of America was my oyster bed."

It Seems Our Time Has Run Out, Dr. Jones

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Indiana Jones and I were not just some fling. We were the REAL DEAL."

You Give Love a Bad Name

Fri, 05 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Bon Jovi brought us together and Bon Jovi tore us apart."

On Tubes, by Ted Stevens

Thu, 04 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Sex is a series of tubes. One tube going into another, that’s all it is."

Kites

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The water was a gray green, like mold in the refrigerator."

Miner Dad

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“The good news is, I got a line on a lost gold mine.”

Pie

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"My hands cain’t talk, but they’ve made so many pies, I bet they could do it themselves."

The Crepe-Hanger

Fri, 29 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'Happy fucking Halloween,' Jack mumbled." A Halloween story from Derek McCormack.

The Masque of the Red Death

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

In honor of Halloween, a work of horror by Edgar Allan Poe.

An Open Letter to Fans of Southplains Football

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I’m told I threw my shoe. But by then all hell had broken loose."

Confession

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I lied in my first confession. For those of you that aren’t Catholic, you’re not supposed to."

Purloined

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I felt like I should be more nostalgic about my balls."

The Night Sam Cooke Saved My Relationship with Marina Ojeda

Fri, 22 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"In Tenderness, Sam Cooke is really singing some sense."

The Action Figures Strike Back

Thu, 21 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I’m single, my car and credit cards are paid off, and I usually only buy Star Wars stuff with cash"

Leisure

Wed, 20 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“Should we be fucking other people?”

De-Hyst

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"First exam with my brand new gynecologist, he asks, 'How long have you had that moustache?'"

Suburban Cannibals

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Around three in the morning the buffalo shuddered, coughed once and fell."

Vegetarian

Fri, 15 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I wasn’t sure what bad was, but I knew Lainy was a lot closer than I’d ever get."

Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk

Thu, 14 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"A rough charcoal sketch of my sweetheart's empty gin bottle I found under the couch."

Echoes

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"There are stories Deb could tell about those years before Judy stepped in and had Philip committed"

Brothers

Tue, 12 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"At the age of ten, I tasted beer for the first time, courtesy of Mitch."

Arcadia

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I write these words looking out across the Monterey Bay..."

From Klara

Fri, 08 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I hate to leave you when I’ve given you so little."

A Landscape Manifesto

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Shifts are taking place before our eyes."

After Fall

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"One evening, paratroopers landed and patrolled the cold neighborhood."

Crazy For You

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We met like that three or four times, always at the Burlington Coat Factory."

Sodium Vapor

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Wade adores the smell of gas, a hint of it in the air on a hot night."

Something Important and Delicate

Fri, 01 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Every year in the last week of summer, just before school started, the carnival came to town."

Runners

Thu, 30 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"There is something in the open road, in the abandonment of departing, that I can’t help but love."

So You Think You Have Nerves of Steel?

Wed, 29 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"So you think you have nerves of steel? Well do you?"

"This One's A Classic"

Tue, 28 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We were selling our only form of transportation for $150, and it was the best news of the day."

Penumbra

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"How large is this problem you want solved?"

Singing in the Dark

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Looking at the bed, he imagined the dozens of people who had already slept there."

And if I kiss you in the garden in the moonlight will you pardon me?

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I am so peripheral that I can’t even be said to irritate you."

Margaritas with Roger

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Years ago, Marlene and Roger had their last margaritas together in their old hangout."

She’ll Leave You All

Tue, 21 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"What would it take for you leave your whole life behind?"

Pirate Talk

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Whales cry about their future, like all creatures worth killing."

Extraction

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I was already late for a dental appointment when she told me my father liked to wear lingerie."

Tennis Balls

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I lost one ball in a movie theater."

So Long, Imaginary Friends!

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I wasn't sure, at age nine, what 'impotent' meant."

Faking It

Tue, 14 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"None of them, though, were as ridiculous as Me, the Club Kid."

The Adventures of Bad Badger

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“C’mon. You know. He’s a badger with a hat.”

Blood of a Mole

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I’ll give you blood of a mole!"

Picnic

Thu, 09 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Heimlich time?"

Some KISS

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"But why would they be making a baby before the concert?"

Never Always be Closing

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“Darling, today you are gonna buy some motherfucking furniture from me.”

To Tell About It

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'But wait,' I say, 'didn’t you die?'"

Disappearing Act

Fri, 03 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The first weird thing is that Caroline is slowly becoming invisible. No kidding."

Grandpa’s Brag Book

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“You really should lay off the drink. Particularly around him.”

Bradbury on Stories

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Ray Bradbury on stories: "God gave me the ability to react to the junk in my head."

Just Down Route 30

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I ended up, miserable and stewing, on a couch in a frat house with a bunch of dudes I didn't know."

Black Eagle

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"He kissed her and could taste the salt. She always tasted like the ocean."

Minnie Lee's Funeral

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"It wasn't that I didn't believe in death, just not in Minnie Lee's death."

Dionysus of the Rooftop

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"For all of its efficiency and necessity, a rooftop is a place to go when you feel the need to escape."

Oscar, Baby

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"You don’t appreciate how easily sperm travels through a vagina until you try to drive it across town in Los Angeles the week of the Oscars."

Daisy Lou at Yahoo

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"For the first ten minutes I knew Becky was cheating on me, she was sitting right next to me on our couch watching Grey’s Anatomy."

Free Spirit

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"It took three mugs of Ovaltine to calm my pounding heart."

Firstborn

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"My wife decides that, starting today, we need to carry around a bag of flour to prepare us for being parents."

Love is Stronger than Trust

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I armored myself up with pot, coke and alcohol along with a heart full of rage and a thin layer of sarcasm that passed for a sense of humor."

The Gulf of Aden

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The warhead careened towards the Silver Slipper and exploded in the observation lounge."

The Fate of My Enemy

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Eberhart Elementary found me on Facebook, and literally a month later I was on the Rock Island Metra headed to the southside for my seventeen-year elementary school reunion."

Behind the Wheel

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"That seems to be the easiest, and possibly healthiest reaction – what we do when we don’t really understand, whether we’re in Chicago or Kandahar: curse, shoot and drive aggressively."

The Blackjack Dealer

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'Are you ready to play?' I say, and 'Place your bets,' and I slide the cards out of the shoe."

Coffee With Satan

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“I am a fictional character created by man to keep other men from doing things they oughtn’t.”

Shooting Music

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"When I was fifteen, I was so good at hunting I paid off my family’s mortgage."

All So Goddamn Great

Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"It’s one of those nights, you know, when everything is JUST SO GREAT."

Notes on Nursing Homes

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"During my senior year of high school, I was employed at Scenic View, a nursing home for the mentally ill, unstable, and disabled."

The House Where the Grifters Squat

Fri, 06 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Inside, the house smells like greasy linens and green bell peppers laced with the smoke of a thousand packs of cigarettes."

Injuries

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"You have to be strong, is what his mom said to him."

Wasn’t One Ocean

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We were not raised, except by ourselves; not loved much, except by each other."

Snowball

Tue, 03 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I see myself as Mr. Righteous Neighborhood White Guy."

You Big Dummy

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“Do you want to be celibate the rest of your life?”

Little City

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"My body changed from weak and skinny to skinny and not so weak"

At the Movies

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"This was a non-movie; a movie that wasn’t going to be for real."

My Bodies, Myself

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I decided instantly that it was a human head."

A Whole Different Tune

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“I don’t do blind dates. The ones I can see are scary enough.”

Hospitable Madness

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“My work is not why people die.”

Sealed Containers

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Will maggots form?"

On the Train

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"She was never there when he and his backpack and his half-empty lunch pail got on his return train."

The Vespa Ride

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I was too young when he married me to have had many thoughts or any desires. And I didn't know much about him when we married."

Nick's Story

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“Hey birthmom, we’ve got money, a lot of it, and live in a really nice, but unidentified part of the city."

Dogs on a Plane

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Unbeknowst to the hive mind of the passenger list and crew on this domestic-service Boeing 707, the situation here was reaching its crisis point."

Purple Couches

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We couldn’t have sex in the dining room, either, or part of the kitchen, because the couch could still see us there."

The Sky Turned Black

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The papers are running with the story that it was an eclipse, but no eclipse I know of works that way."

The Calm Before

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"That the meth talking?"

New Year's Resolution

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Last New Year’s my husband, Brad, and I made a joint resolution: We would make it a priority to have more sex."

My Brother

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"My brother called collect and then sat around. He said, you know what I been thinking? I been thinking a lot about Jeopardy and driveways and sex."

Alphabet Cereal

Fri, 09 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I rubbed my eyes and looked at the spoon half-way to my mouth. ‘Danger,’ it said."

Maximus and Kimchi

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Her dog, her shit."

First Person Shooter

Wed, 07 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“Did you know that studies show that loneliness kills?”

Lady Sex

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Katherine and I, we kind of have these rules that go along with our relationship, one of them is no sleepovers."

The Three Stages of Boiling

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"One of the first requisites of a tea master is the knowledge of how to sweep, clean, and wash, for there is an art in cleaning and dusting"

Corner Theater

Fri, 02 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Down and down, one page to the next, arrows and arrows, this way, that way, A through Z, highest price to lowest, lowest price to highest ... nothing."

Local Phenomenon

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The first time Ollie LeBeau’s arm fell off caused quite a sensation."

Pardon Me, But is Your Rat Laughing?

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“Young rats have a marvelous sense of fun.”

The House Across the River

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Together we rocked out to the only two songs we both knew the words to: 'Born in the U.S.A.' and the theme from Ghostbusters."

Conversation at Four A.M.

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“'I had a terrible nightmare,' she says. 'What?'”

Legal High

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The audience hurled abuse, then drinks and bowls of peanuts at the beer-stained stage."

Street Life

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Jacques Ferland, a gnomelike figure in a baseball cap and mirror shades from the dollar store, bounded up our steep front steps several times a week for years."

M is for My Hair

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I had shorn my hair so close in some places that years later my mother conceded that nothing could have been done to fix it but to shave my head, which she couldn’t bring herself to do."

I Am a Liar

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"This living breathing Marlboro ad had me break in horses, change out old rusted barb wire fences, haul hay, clear brush--all in ninety five degree heat for no money--just for the privilege to date his lovely, wholesome daughter."

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The Windy City, I always forget, is immense on a mythological scale."

Bleedproof

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I tell her she is a beautiful mystery. She says: 'My life is Good Times without J.J.'"

An Insurrection

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The pickup’s back window is covered with a large red Dodge Ram decal. A black and white sticker on the left rear bumper states KEEP HONKING, I’M RELOADING. A red and yellow sticker on the right rear bumper proclaims HELLO, I’M YOUR NEW DICTATOR. GET USED TO IT."

How to Build a Schooner on a Saturday Morning with Your Son at Home Depot

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Your son is set on building a Schooner because he likes everything to be big and complex."

Mother Nature

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"When a tumor is sixteen weeks—and if, like mine, it has a tumor entourage—it expands an organ in your body that’s ordinarily the size of a pear into the size of a cantaloupe."

Drugs

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Ashland and Cortez. Take me there fast. There's cocaine there."

Peanuts and The Amazing Gro-Beast

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"When my beast arrived, it was three in the afternoon and I was sitting in my underwear, on the phone."

Storm Chasers

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The only way you'd ever know if someone really loved you is if they put their life on the line when it counts. Otherwise you gotta take their word for it."

The Crown

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The man takes off his crown and looks at it. It is quite silly, actually, he now sees — the yellow paint is garishly bright, and much of it is flaking away."

The Beautiful Ones

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"My blood went cold. I felt like Prince did, the night that he saw Appolonia out at First Avenue with Morris Day."

R-Dog

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Oh, your daughter made you a charm bracelet out of macramé? My daughter can spin straw into gold."

Fighting Words

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I could pass if I wanted to. Nobody follows me around in a store, and I’ve only been pulled over for speeding once."

Iron Horse

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The doctor was so nice, too. It would have been so much easier if he had been an asshole, or if he’d had bad breath."

The Coming Cunts

Wed, 02 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The first band I was ever in was called the Coming Cunts. Coming wasn’t spelled with a 'u' because we thought the phrase would come off too transgressive."

Gunslinger

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"In the dark, wicked, fantastic realm of heavy metal there exists no mightier weapon than a distorted guitar."

Deltoids

Mon, 31 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"All his life, Cyril’s been his mummy’s fair-haired boy his brother and sisters spent their childhoods languishing in his shade."

My Father's Camera

Fri, 28 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I thought, you've got to be creative with this type of camera. I thought, you've got to be more creative than just smile. Or cheese. Maybe architecture or nature. Possibly people, but no smiling."

Desert Women: Dr. Ruth Dennis | Wadi Araba Small Mammal Research Camp

Thu, 27 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"In the hours between dinner and sleep, alone in her tent with her lantern casting ghosty shadows, after her reports had been logged and filed, Dr. Dennis thought of stupid things, like: did they disapprove of her pants?"

The Day I Went Temporarily Blind

Wed, 26 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I thrashed around beneath the covers and yelled for my dad to get the hell in my room and give me my sight back."

It Is What It Is

Tue, 25 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I didn’t want to be who I was. That’s how this all started."

Player's Light

Mon, 24 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Janet won't kiss Gaston with her tongue. He chews spearmint-flavoured Trident and sucks on breath mints after each cigarette. His brand is Player's Light, the kind you can really taste."

The Slop, The Walk, and The Bop

Thu, 20 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I wanted to slink instantly back to my desk job denying travel visas to crying widows in Krakow. Anything was preferable to being trained by anymore fucking Russians."

SS Attacks!

Wed, 19 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"You’re in tenth grade and you do okay in classes and you’ve got plenty of friends for what its worth but it’s not worth much to you."

Through the Glass

Tue, 18 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'Fornicators!' Brother Dan squawked from next door."

An Eviction

Mon, 17 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"It took eight hours for six men to move everything out of the house. And the rain kept falling, and all of Michael Grant's possessions were scattered across the yard, as if the house threw up all its guts."

They Watch TV in Heaven

Fri, 14 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Toby Charleston woke up on his seventh birthday and knew exactly what he had to do to bring his mom back down from Heaven."

Three Holidays in a Cab

Thu, 13 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"No one threw up in the cab. In other words, the most fervent wish for the night had come true."

Hedges

Wed, 12 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"My wife and I retain an unshaken exterior in the face of this crisis. The hedges are still even, the rock garden hasn't gone to shit, and I signed my snow removal contract in September."

Kissing Jess

Tue, 11 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I jolted out of the make-out, stood up and forced out a sloppy, 'let’s get back to the party.'"

Lopping and Removal in Three Parts

Mon, 10 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"In the grip of a mid-life crisis, John throws in his accountancy career for a tree lopping and removals business."

101 Reasons Not to Have Children

Fri, 07 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Living in a border town, as I do, it is my contention that you should probably be in a gang."

Resting

Thu, 06 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"A neighbour leaves another filthy message complaining about the noise and she doesn’t know how to delete it from the machine."

Last Evenings On Earth

Wed, 05 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"All in all, it makes perfect sense that I fell in love with Chicago over a long period of time."

Fairies

Tue, 04 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I was ten years old when my mother revealed to me that there wasn’t a Santa Claus."

The Pain You Seem to be Experiencing

Mon, 03 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We can't seem to find a reason for the pain you seem to be experiencing, the doctor said."

Guerilla Warfare

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Bill was fired for killing too many flies in front of the customers."

February is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"At 2:30 AM on February 23rd, the night before the widely advertised, Amazing Life-Sized Walk-Through Colon was to open, Tom was weeping."

Evening Meal, Streambed, Bicycle

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"When he arrived at the world’s edge, he turned, pulled up the road, cracked it once like a whip, and folded it into his suitcase."

Rage Against the Machine

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I could try and be really cool about the tear gas, right? Be all like, 'OHHH tear gas?? Psssh. That shit is weak.' BUT OH MY GOD DID IT HURT."

Substitute

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Six months after I dropped out of medical school I took a job as a substitute biology teacher at the local high school."

Out of Order

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I apologize, Mr. Drake, but your request is not possible."

Fina’s Dream

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'I like to sit in the dark,' Fina says. 'Do you?'"

CEO

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I adopted a corporate CEO from the local shelter."

Crush and a Crash

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I once had such a mad crush on a woman that I followed her across the ocean from Chicago to Germany."

The Cleaner

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I'll pick an assassin's name, like Whip-it. Or, the Cleaner."

Attention

Thu, 15 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"A substitute walked into our 6th grade math class. He was thin and old and wearing a black suit."

Betty the Zombie

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"She called a number of therapists but could not find any that specialized in zombies."

The Regal

Tue, 13 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'My friend invited us out to this bar tonight,' my roommate had said. 'Someplace in Burbank where porn stars sing karaoke on Tuesdays.'"

This Night in October

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“I want you to know before I open the door that I’m not a Nazi.”

Unbearable Likeness

Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"He's up on his hind legs, and I'll be goddamned if he isn't 10 feet tall."

Desert Women: Noor | Sunset Camp, Wadi Rum

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Her name isn’t really Noor, but she’s trying to forget that. It helps that no one at Sunset Camp knows her other name, not even Brahim, the man who’s trying to convince her to marry him."

Bedtime Stories

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We found a park where we lay on a roundabout while the dark sky went round and round, faster and faster, until the tall buildings fell in on top of us."

My Dancing Feet

Tue, 06 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I hopped out of my seat at the kids’ table, I shimmied through the crowd of banquet seating, hand-clapped past the buffet spread, shook my shoulders onto the dance floor, popped and locked past the DJ booth where I spun around quickly, lost my balance and slammed head first into a wall."

The Crazies

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"He got in and said, 'You know where I'm going.' I didn't and told him so."

Drayman

Fri, 02 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Goddamn, I wish I was back on the open road. I made real money driving long haul."

A Little Grove of Trees

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Ashton has found a refrigerator and she wants to be shut inside it."

Arthur’s Theme (Best that You Can Do) Unabridged

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"If you get caught between the moon and Jersey City, New Jersey, the best that you can do is find a hostage from this crazy world and settle down."

Hero

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Among other things, Mayhem was wanted in connection to a series of attempted terrorist acts in Chicago including poisoning bulldozers, blacking out City Hall, a subway car derailment, an attack on a TV station and plugging up the plumbing of Buckingham Fountain."

The Summer of Krista Mendez

Thu, 25 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Kitty-corner to our house is Krista Mendez's house and Josh and I spend most of our time pretending to play one on one volleyball in the front yard so that we can watch her dark, satiny hair flip and flop around in a pony tail as she plants her hands in the fresh cut grass and gracefully lands handspring after handspring on uneven ground."

This is Only a Test

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Though it was never his intention, drugs had made him a wealthy man."

Carrie

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"It would not be an easy conversation. 'Hey Mom & Dad. I’m dating a stripper.'"

The Hugging Bandit has a Bad Day

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"He responded, stumbled into my arms, and made easy back-pocket pickings of his Velcro-close wallet. $72."

Baghdad. Finished.

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I have never loved a city the way I loved Baghdad."

A People's History of the Zombie Apocalypse

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The apocalypse took decades longer than it does in the movies: three weeks after Cavanagh's fall, only 23% of Chicago's population had joined the undead."

Rabbit

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"What she was sure of: That third glass of sake had been a mistake. A big, steaming, 40-proof mistake."

Hurricane Season

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Now it may seem like I was overreacting, but hurricane season had me in a meltdown ever since the guidance counselor brought in pictures of her house after hurricane Andrew.

My Revolutionary

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I was once in love with a revolutionary who, for the life of him, could not tell a joke."

Mixed Messages

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Should she write the stranger back? Ask who it was? Perhaps notify them it was in error?"

Digital Ash In A Digital Urn

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Remind me what I’m doing in your car?"

An Inquiry Into The Submission

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Five years. 230 rough drafts. Her first submission was, again, short on all things the group holds in high regard. I had her start again."

Paint It Black

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"By beer number six, I was drunk, but it wasn’t the mean and nasty intoxication I had expected, but rather the euphoric kind of drunk, the I-can’t-believe-I’m-enjoying-myself-here-but-also-I-can’t-stand-up-cuz-I’ll-fall-over-kind-of-drunk."

The Blotter

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I tightened up and wondered if a shot to my back would be painful or too loud to feel at first."

This Odd Present

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I wanted to deny his girth, apologize and say, really, you aren’t the biggest man I’ve ever seen and my Dad really isn’t the biggest asshole in the world."

Kindling

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"I don't understand how that works, really. How the Internet works. Fuck, I don't understand how my birth control works, when I think about it."

The Club

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Fooling people into thinking they were eating food when it was just plastic, terraforming an already terraformed planet, foisting hormone therapy on an unsuspecting population, those were all courageous and forward-thinking ideas."

The Bitter Reds

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'I understand the lust,' she says. 'I don't understand the love.'"

Eduardo

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"My body was paralyzed with anxiety as, even while he licked around my mouth, I was aware of the crowd around us."

These Are The Fables

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"'Here's the thing,' he said. 'Your mama's dead. And you're forty years old. And I have a warrant out for my arrest.'"

Cement

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Out the back where the poultry sheds used to be, the yard is made up entirely of dried-out chicken shit."

The Final Lyrics Sketched by a Nashville Song Writer Who Lost His Mind Constructing Songs From Clichés

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Cut-offs and porch swings."

July 4: Easter

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"She made a little cross on my forehead with ashes from one of the ashtrays she keeps hidden in the bathroom."

Buying Art on the Disney Cruise

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"For the record, I never wanted to go on the freakin’ Disney Cruise."

We Are Going To Be In Newspapers

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"We’re going to be in newspapers, you and I."

Monkfish

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Victor takes a photograph of himself naked every morning. He puts it into an album. He now has almost five thousand photos."

Living Color

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"She pointed a banana at Marilee like a finger, or a gun."

Gotta Be Another Way

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Lit Deathmatch Bracket Four, story two: "While at first blush this might seem a blemish on the vigour of the 800 strong members of the Integrated National Security Enforcement Team, let’s give credit where credit is due."

Skirt Event

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Lit Deathmatch Bracket Four, story one: "The old man takes pictures. He smiles. He has long yellow teeth like a wolf."

This is How You Will Die

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"In the morning, Karen found the note on the floor just outside the apartment door."

The Dictator

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"There was once a dictator who cringed every time he saw someone of his profession fire a gun up into the air."

The Dresden

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Four years ago, on the last Saturday night of my college career, I made a pact with Will and Dago, my best friends, never to tell this story."

A Day By The Lake

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Lit Deathmatch Bracket Three, story two: "Betsy and I stripped down to our undies and our bras, which at the time held nothing of any import, and went for a swim."

The Fishermen and the Goose

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Lit Deathmatch Bracket Three, story one: "I dare you goose, I dare you to get away."

Dancing Days

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"That’s right, I tell the crowd, For the price of a bullshit cup of coffee, you can have lovely Nico here gyrate up against your good parts."

Flight

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Backet two, story two of the Lit Deathmatch: “'I kind of thought we were all gonna fly,' I said to no one in particular."

Bloodsport

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Week two, bracket two of the Literary Death Match: "My mother’s knitting needles made the best track marks, or at least ones I assumed to be authentic."

Listen to the Street

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The corner boys are practicing footwork with invisible basketballs, pivoting around each other. One takes a jumpshot and his gaze follows it up to the shining moon."

Mirabella's Birds

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

“I want to show you something,” said Mirabella, “but first, can I have your bracelet?”

Kerry

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Kerry told them that HIS mom baby-sits you until YOUR mom gets off work.”

Cortez the Killer

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Literary Deathmatch bracket one, story two: “Your python’s in that cage?”

Three Dudes, Some Drugs, and a Bear

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Literary Death Match One: "Bear snarled and I noticed that all the people in the restaurant were pressed against the window, taking pictures with their phones and gasping."

Run

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Some nights, unable to sleep, Terry would go for a long drive and find himself, as if waking from a trance, parked in front of their house at dawn, staring at the massive, gray-stone façade, watching deer in the fields gliding through the mist like sharks."

The Apple on Your Head

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"She says she used to have guns when she was younger. That's how she ruined her ears."

The Bourguignon Prize

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Me write poems in hospital. Look like this."

Accidental Medicine

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"He was a skinny Latino boy--maybe 17 or 18--wearing only socks, a grimy pair of sweatpants, and that hospital gown, open in the front and flapping in the breeze."

Robert Casting’s 25 Random Things About Me

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"When I first see a stranger, I imagine what they’ll look like dead."

Laura

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Jenny held a slice of whole wheat under her mother’s nose. 'Eat,' she ordered. Laura took a tiny bite and blotches rose as if to silent command."

Dimitrius Jones

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Nobody protests nothin' in Bay City. We got parades. I wish somebody would protest. I don't even care what they protest, just so somethin' would happen 'round here."

Holding Our Breath

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"Once we were all present, there would be more than fifty of us stuffing the house- sitting on every available chair, sleeping in every available bed and converting the garage into the same makeshift dining hall it was turned into for every family gathering."

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century A.D.

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

"The future is a dense, wooded area, lovely, dark, and deep."

Shot to the Lungs and No Breath Left

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Ring in 2010 with one of our favorite stories of 2009: "In the Lower Forty-eight, kids are taught not to run into moving traffic. Never talk to strangers. Ask before you pet the dog. In Alaska, we’re taught to shoot for the lungs."

Chili

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

We celebrate the end of the year by republishing one of our favorite stories from this year: "For one night and one night only, Kenneth Jackson’s famous chili enabled some people in Taggert County to speak to the dead."

Night on the Town

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"He wasn’t looking for fares when the three girls disregarded his off-duty light and ran screaming up to his cab. Two of the girls carried a boy between them, his arms wrapped around their shoulders and his feet dangled towards the ground."

Tribes

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Jess had been afraid that her grandmother would say something ignorant, like asking me if I ate dogs. I would have cracked up if she had asked that. I would have said, 'Dogs? No. It’s best to get ‘em when they’re still puppies.'"

I Dunno

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Killer Joe was as nice a guy as you'd care to meet. He was the kind of guy who'd give you the shirt off his back on a really cold day, so long as you were out of the ring."

A Brief Moment of Terror at MLK Junior High School

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Every day, like her students, Miss Marble sits in the classroom completely mollified, hopelessly watching the clock, wondering why she is doing what she is now doing."

People Are Becoming Clouds

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Each time John goes to kiss his wife, Eleanor simply laughs politely into the palm of her hand and immediately turns into a puff of soft, white vapor."

Frances the Ghost

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Frances becomes a ghost whenever her mother does not know what else to do. Today was too much already so her mother decided, fine, fine, if she was going to behave like this, fine."

A Trip to Greek Mythology Camp

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"TITAN probably had been a great summer camp when it first opened in the fifties, but now it was as dingy and wrecked as a sunken ship."

Astronaut of the Year

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The Astronaut of the Year wakes up violently, shouting random, crazy things. He then yawns and rubs his eyes like a baby and says, 'If I am not sitting beside a young woman in ten seconds, I am going to murder you, you coward.'"

Eurail

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"It was still a long way to Istanbul, and the delay on the Turkish side was supposedly four hours. Now and then a German would have to open his bags, and sometimes a Canadian, but only after the Americans’ bags were checked, all of them."

The Bullets Were Losing

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"One hundred miles is a quick drive, but it’s about thirty high schools away – a universe when you don’t have your driver’s license."

Chocolate

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Get him to the car and let's take him home. Look at his feet. His claws are raw. He's lost and he's walked all this way. A hundred miles."

Birthday Suit

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"This may have been my first singing telegram, but I knew instinctually that this was not how they were meant to go down."

Prayer is Better Than Sleep

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The noise shoots from my ears so fast I have to wonder: was all that sound just in my head the whole time?"

Corporate Entity

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Evelyn comes in after us, and the trio of friends is complete. She says she heard the Boss is going to prison, but I’m skeptical. Evelyn also once said that if you mix Regular Cola with water, you get Diet."

That's It

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I knew though that if my dad had been there and not running around with whoever he was seeing at the moment he would have told me to suck it up, that fear was for pussies."

Musicians at a Funeral

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Seeing musicians cry is like seeing anybody else cry who you never thought you’d see cry because you were too busy having too much fun to consider you may one day see your friends in tears."

Ripples in Glass

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I should take a moment to mention my father’s brand of justice, a word I use loosely. 'Swift' and 'merciless' are the first two words that come to mind."

Instamatic

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Gregg pointed the camera at his brother, centering him in the rangefinder. Ronnie stuck out his tongue; Gregg stuck out his. Ronnie laughed, and Gregg snapped the shutter closed, picturing the final image settling into the layers of emulsion, his brother’s smile a blur of burnt-orange set against a mop of walnut-brown hair."

Mindgames

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Dozens of Rubik's cubes bounce around my feet. One of the pilots says through a megaphone: 'Don't be alarmed. We've solved them all for you!'"

The Mork Norton Foundation

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The day he arrived at The Catsqueally Primary School netball courts, spilling the entire contents of his official Smurf Collector’s case onto the bitchumin, I was suddenly deserted in the sandpit with a rusty old Dukes of Hazard car and a Transformer that didn’t quite fold into a Concorde."

Good Girl

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"You should have seen me after my biggest mistake. Which was more than just a mistake, it was bad. A true screw up. The kind that knocks you out of the running for the good girl hall of fame."

I ♥ Robots

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Somewhere along the way, robots moved away from the humanoid image and ventured into the more practical, more utilitarian, decidedly less captivating realm of the automata."

Beautiful Baby

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Her aunt calls it the Lord's gift, but if it is from the Lord, Cassie thinks it's awful mean of Him to saddle her with it."

The Family Snaps

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"'Ma, Ma, Ma,' says Colin. He cries and thrashes. He barely fits the seat, and the pushchair bounces with his movements. At the end of his fleshy legs, white trainers like unbaked bread loaves dangle."

A Letter From Your Dinosaur

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I’m sorry I insisted on not attending your wedding because of your wife’s whiteness (and because, I think you would agree, she’s also a bit overweight)."

Dear Diary

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"When my dad got high he’d get real paranoid that someone was going to take his kids, so he’d show up at sleepovers and at dances ready to drag us off and hide us away."

Mystery Shopped

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

In honor of Thanksgiving, a week of stories that remind us of one simple fact: Everyone's families are crazy. First up: "My parents had become even more zealous about their respective personal relationships with the lord, Jesus. They would drag me to the Transcona Revival Church every Sunday morning for the quakingest, shakingest, tongues-speakingest, church service in all of Winnipeg."

Iowa: A Love Story

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I’ll tell you one strange thing about Iowa, which is that none of the bars stock ginger ale."

we

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"father gave out long after the ground but long before we did. he said his heart was in this land and both had failed him."

Incomplete

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The men without faces came for his father just after dinnertime."

The Motel

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"When you're twenty-two years old you're supposed to be on the loose, having adventures, being corrupted by older married women... right?"

Notes on Los Cerritos

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"'Surfiar ha abierto una puerta para vivir,' he said. Surfing has opened the door to life."

Staggered Maturities

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"When Vivian and Roberto found themselves in a sushi restaurant in Little Tokyo, plucking pieces of sashimi they could not afford from little boats floating down a tiny channel, she saw the adventure as a celebration of their friendship and not their insanity."

Mr. Dictator

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Admittedly, the inaugural Mr. Dictator Pageant didn’t go quite as we had planned."

Drawn and Quartered

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"A metaphor would be superfluous here: there are razor-sharp metal hooks puncturing her skin, and she’s hanging from them."

Simon

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The unfolding and folding of the flag was captivating. The crisp movements, the rotation of the fabric, the three soldiers’ keen accuracy."

Out

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"If, for example, your crying, drunk mother wakes you up from a deep sleep at two in the morning and proceeds to talk at length about your father’s impotency, and hell she was a virgin when she met him and even though she has stuck by him through thick and thin, she still doesn't know what an orgasm is like, even if you are just 12 and painfully shy. If she then asks you what do two women (lesbians) do in bed, I think you owe her an answer."

The Tattoo

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"And so it was that one morning the young man—now not so young—stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror and saw the tattoo and felt, for the first time, a bolt of regret."

Oooohhhs and Aaaahhhhs

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Three-year-old in her back seat, three-year-old in my back seat, and they're both staring at me. Mine is looking at me like, "Mommy, fucking is a bad word, aren't you going to give her a time-out?" And hers is looking at me like she's seen this before and I'm about to get my ass kicked."

Leaving the Country

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"She bit the inside of her mouth, squeezed the wheel, flared her nostrils against the tears. Ardell had taught her how not to be bitter. How not to hate this place and everyone in it. But now the little bastard would leave her here."

Girl #3

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I know in my skin that all the wrong things that have happened in the five months from then until now, they all started with that stupid gorgeous Indian summer afternoon in October, when I took Ripley for a bike ride through my ravine."

Treasure Trail

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The Haunted Barn, The Haunted Mini-Golf Course, The Haunted Snack Shack. Lights were out at the boss’s house. A jack-'o-lantern asleep on the stoop."

Shadow: A Parable

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The year had been a year of terror, and of feelings more intense than terror, for which there is no name upon the earth."

Halloween Head

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I was alone on Halloween night. A month earlier I’d gone through this really messy break-up with my girlfriend of nearly four years--you guys know the kind of messy break up I’m talking about: the screaming, the crying, then afterwards the drinking, the more drinking."

Ordinary People

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The monster—oh hell, let’s just start calling him Pa—then rampaged through the campus till he was taken down in a hail of bullets after he stomped his way through a die-in of students protesting this current war."

The Spoils of the Fair

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Nearly at the end of my admittedly meager fifteen-year-old finances, fortune made peace with me at skee-ball."

Smooth

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The witches and psychics and their friend the fish taco bike delivery guy would all come over for cigarette breaks to my bar, and I spent weeks working up the nerve to eventually gesture toward something like flirting with her, which in the end just involved me telling her that, yes, I was on chemo, attempting a hard recovery."

The Other Internet

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Over on the Other Internet they’ve got a cure for sadness, available for download (zipped files). There’s a 30-day free trial; if you like it you can sign up for life."

All Other Ground is Sinking Sand

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"As Mr. Fairbank had never been in the Civil War, had never lived among circus performers, and had never lived outside the gentry, it can also be said that he had never before approached another man, shotgun in hand, evil in his heart."

Into the Cellar

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"For a moment I’m stung by something. The kind of shock that comes on in a flash and before you know it you’re already doing something stupid."

George and the Crocodile Loafers

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Slipping the shoes on for the first time, as he sat on his bed in his dark basement bedroom, felt like he all at once reached a hand out and touched the hand of God, became a man, and reconciled with his ancestors angry at him for losing his culture."

The Dog-Gone Dog Is Gone

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I kissed this girl so good this time, she lost her dog. Literally: lost."

Foreigner in a Straight Land

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Anyway, for me--before that fashion hit the streets--I’d spent most of my twenty years trying damned hard to stay in the closet."

The Tragical History of Dr. Kimbell

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"At nights while his father composed off-color verse, Dr. Kimbell toiled in the old barn of the old man's now subdivided sheep-farm to see if he could bring back to life stray cats and dogs he killed by various means."

Walking Bird

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The little girl said that maybe the birds flew out at night, through the holes in the net into the rest of the world."

A Country Fair

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"On such an occasion, by the blazing open fire, I was told the unofficial family history. I was told that my grandfather had the first motorcycle in Wales and was subsequently held responsible for a significant increase in illegitimate births in the surrounding countryside."

Where I Live

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Where I live, there are three creaky levels of strangely orchestrated floor plans, one-hundred year old crust, and floors made entirely of splinters."

Leadership

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The boy, however, has a gun. It's in a place his mother hasn't felt. So what if it's a toy."

Nice to Meet Jew

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"It was like Simchat Torah, Purim, and the Fourth of July all in one, and the German woman in pigtails exclaimed, 'I love you!' and he shouted back, 'I love you too!' and she said, 'What?' and he shouted again, 'I love you too!' and they kissed, even exchanged tongues, until David remembered he was gay."

My Life is Awesome! And Great!

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"You might be saying 'If I have a dream of being on reality TV will I be in danger of addiction like you?' And I would say 'Not necessarily!'"

Chicken Coop

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I’m not sure it was within my purview to mediate the rights of chicken fryers, I just wanted to make sure everyone had the freedom to vote."

Last Day In Birmingham: A Twitter Itinerary

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"11:25: pack last glass. Tape box shut. Ponder missed opportunity. Vulcan moons. Barbecue forgone. The inability to explain finality to a child."

Skate Baghdad!

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Exploring the base on one of his first days there, Mason found an old warehouse near the motor pool where the brigade’s Stryker vehicles were kept. He then noticed piles of scrap wood laying around and put an idea that had been forming all year into motion: he was going to build a skatepark."

Common Enemy

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"On the corner of the coffee table he unwrapped a blue handkerchief. Tucked in a crease down the center lay three bones as delicate as the handle of a porcelain teacup--possibly a child's finger."

Darkness, then Light

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Now, I like Yoo-hoo. But it ain’t a substitute for baby formula."

But Who Will Slap Marguerite?

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"The second risk she took was having sex with a stranger after a brief conversation waiting for a traffic light to turn green."

Road Like Ribbon

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"I wish to fucking god Chandra would shut the fuck up—Oh. My. God. This is like, so awesome!—but if I stop to kick her out, she'll talk, and there's the drugs. And, in the trunk, the guns."

Nine Items From Your Disappearance

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"A box arrives on the doorstep addressed to you, return address from you. After considering the legal ramifications for some time, I finally open it, only to find it empty except for a barely legible note scrawled on a receipt."

Objects in Mirror Are Queerer Than They Appear

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"There is the one of my dad and my Uncle Rob, on either end of a broomstick loaded down with lake trout. I am crouching underneath the fish between the two men, blood spattered up to my elbows, proudly holding up a string of grayling."

Go Ahead

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"No, I’m not trying to sell you anything, I’m just an operator. This is a normal call--No--The person calling you just needs help--Ma’am, I’m an operator, speaking for someone who needs help communicating over the phone."

Late-Night Love

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"She apologized for the necking as we pulled away, to which I replied that as long as the backseat was left as they'd found it, there was no problem. First Date? Of course it was. They'd remember it too, as the day the sky fell to earth."

The Diagnosis of Sadness

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"There is no cure for Sadness. Treatment, while sometimes comforting to the victim's family, has generally merely proved annoying to the victim."

For W.W.

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"'You know they dug here once,' he said, very soothingly, his hand on my head. 'And below this bed they found another bed. And below that another bed. And below that another bed. It’s just beds straight down.'"

Sea World

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"What the Vice President of Entertainment at Sea World doesn’t tell you when you interview to be a trainer at the bird show is that 10% of the job is doing the show and the other 90% of the job is cutting up rat meat and cleaning up bird shit."

The Lame Shall Enter At Five Miles Per Hour

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

“You’re laughing because you think it’s over. So a car fell on your legs while you’re making nine bucks an hour to change oil. Big deal. Those crutches on you are better than a bank full of retirement bonds. Seriously, you get a little more gray I’ll introduce you to some guys I know who only cruise the Alzheimer fun run circuit for guilt-ridden daughters. So easy."

The Celebrity Orders Room Service

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"'So?' the celebrity says again. 'Are you going to fucking start asking questions or what?' She is tiny, wiry even, with a bad energy about her, like a short sailor a few hours into a bender."

Life on Mars

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

"Jones is a disgusting beast. First time I caught him, we had just left geosynchronous Earth orbit, I wake up and there he is, sitting across the galley, trying to catch droplets of his own cum with a rations container, ass-eating smile on his face."