Regardless, I’m starting to think that whenever I see a film dubbed “the thinking person’s horror film”, I should run the other way. Let’s face it – horror fans don’t want to think. I really don’t consider myself a fan of blood and gore, but I also don’t want a complete snore-fest either, and that’s really what I found here, along with most of the other movies from the 2006 After Dark Horrorfest.

While I have no problem thinking here and there, I try and keep it to a minimum while I’m watching movies – that is, after all, why I watch movies. They are escapes from reality. I don’t mind a stray thought now and again, but I don’t want to have to keep up with every moment or to have to follow every minute nuance that goes by. It’s too much work.

Here, we get to see a family of orphaned vampires – at least I think that is what we were watching – try and live out a normal life. The problem is that they can’t. I mean seriously, with all the reports you can find online about child predators and crim reports and whatnot, how long do you think a family of vampires is going to last in your neighborhood? Only so many people can go into that house and never come out.

A movie like this belongs on Lifetime. Throw in some sex with the neighbors and take away the vampires, and that’s where it would be.

Rated R for strong violence, language and some sexual content.

Most of us were used to having our martinis served a particular way. Maybe you had seen Pierce Brosnan as Bond, or maybe you caught him in The Thomas Crown Affair before that – but it’s still the old-school spy. No longer. Spies have grown up. Or maybe they haven’t. Instead of being sauve and debonair, they are now rough and tumble, in step with what the younger movie-going crowd wants.

Jason Bourne is probably more like Tom Anderson from the Matrix than anything we’ve seen in the James Bond movies. Dumped off a freighter and left for dead after he was supposed to kill a head of state, he now has amnesia, and is fighting for his life trying to figure out who he is and what his purpose is in this life. Along the way, he discovers that he does know one thing – how to survive.

While he is trying to figure out who put him into this precarious position, and how to get back to wherever he was before, Bourne manages to fight his way through most of the world, and seemingly take on much of the elite fighting forces that our government can throw against him. That’s another aspect of this character that makes it so much fun. No arch-enemies or super villains here, just good old conspiracies that may turn out to be true. And the skills to take them down. Most of us can get into a story like that.

There isn’t much acting to worry about along the way – just on the part of Matt Damon, and he does a decent enough job as Jason Bourne. There are a few people who pop up here and there as the handlers who are trying to keep him down, but most of the others we see are only in passing as Bourne takes them out. You read that right – there’s plenty of action in this story. Not like good old 007, who sits on a table and smokes a cigarette while he learns the plan of the bad guy.

Rated PG-13 for violence and some language.

So one day on their ride they decide that they are ready to take a real ride. A cross-country ride. And what a ride it will be, with the wind in their hair (or what hair they have left, at any rate) and a real chance at freedom. Or at least as close as they are probably going to get at any point in the near future.

What follows is something like a cross between RV and National Lampoon’s Vacation. With a bunch of middle-aged guys on motorcycles.

Along the way, they have the requisite encounter with their masculinity (including the police officer who wants to join in their romp and the family they scare away), they run across a “real” biker gang and manage to burn down their hang out and run out of gas – which means those real bikers get a chance to catch up to them before they can get away.

Naturally things all work out in the end (and make sure that you stick around for the Extreme Makeover bit during the final credits, it is perhaps the best part of the movie), but along the way, it’s a pretty decent ride.

As with most movies of this sort, it’s never going to win many fans of real cinema, and that’s okay. It’s not meant for those people. But it’s certainly a good movie to sit down and watch with the family – or even if you want to just catch a piece of bubblegum fluff one lazy weekend afternoon.

Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content, and some violence.

Whatever the case, I think the movies in the series are starting to fall into a bit of a rut. Either that, or I am. I can certainly admit to enjoying the first, second, and probably even the third in the series. But by the time the four came along, it was getting to be a bit much. I think it had to do with the size of the stories. The Sorcerer’s Stone was three-hundred something pages. The Order of the Phoenix was nearly 900! At some point, it’s just too much for my brain to handle.

On to the movie itself: The visuals are stunning, as usual, and the effects are as impressive, if not more so, than ever. I will say that for the first few minutes, as Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) and Dudley (Harry Melling) were being attacked by Dementors, it made me think of a well-done zombie movie, and I do like zombies.

After that, however, it went downhill rather quickly. There was just a bit too much going on for too long in order to make it really enjoyable. I’ve seen people who noted that the movie was merely a list of items to check off, and I completely agree – it was just one thing after another, and on and on, for well more than two hours. No excuse at all for that sort of work. It’s a huge book, and a lot to do, but either the books need to get shorter or the movies need to handle it better. Since the books are written, the movies need to be done better – perhaps multiple movies per book. Or drop a few scenes. Something.

The acting is certainly passable, but they can only do what they are given to work with, and here it isn’t much. I’d imagine that it’s the work of the person writing the screenplay, but I really can’t say for sure.

Rated PG-13 for sequences of fantasy violence and frightening images.

It definitely starts off a bit slowly – in the not-to-distant future, Noah (Chris O’Neil) and his sister Emma (Rhiannon Leigh Wryn) going through some toys such as stuffed animals, trying to find something to do with them. It’s really a scene that most parents today might see at any point in any life. But then something a bit unusual happens.

As Noah and Emma spend more time with these toys, they develop some special abilities – increased intelligence, psychic capabilities, telepathy, telekinesis, and even the ability to communicate with insects (at least spiders). It’s probably making a statement about kids today and how much time they spend in front of the television, and that they’d be better of playing with stuffed animals, but if you’ve been reading, then you know that I’m not really a big fan of symbolism. Let’s move along.

As it turns out, Emma is really attached to one of the toys in particular, named Mimzy, which is a stuffed bunny. This attachment borders on attachment, and before long affects not just the kids, but their family and in fact the entire region with a blackout, which is soon traced to the children.

When the FBI investigates, they seize upon Mimzy, and somehow figure out that it is an advanced form of artificial life, manufactured by Intel (product placement at its finest). The only reason that the kids are believed now is because the technology is so advanced that it’s not possible to build such a construct with the technology of the day.

Then the truth comes out, and Mimzy is the last of a mission to return some pure DNA from the past to the future, who can perhaps save the world from the destruction caused by humanity’s insistent drive to pollute without care (another message, anyone). While the original mission was to take some pure DNA back to the future, it turns out that just isn’t going to happen, since Mimzy bonded with Emma, and for some reason, her parents don’t want to let her go to the future. Luckily, she sheds a tear onto Mimzy just before the time machine fires up, and that saves the world.

I’ll be the first to say that the last part is a bit hokey. But when our kids (both boys) sat down and watched (and apparently enjoyed) the story, and my wife (who doesn’t much like science fiction) watched it too, they did something right.

Rated PG for some thematic elements, mild peril and language.

In this case, we see a few friends at a funeral, and after, they decide to drown their sorrows and make what – by most estimations – would probably be a bad decision. They dance on some graves to celebrate the fact that they are alive. Why would they do this? Because they were told to do so. Not directly, mind you, but because while they were mourning the death of their friend, they found an envelope at the grave, and upon opening it, they were told to “dance upon graves and celebrate life”. A poem of sorts. So they did. It wasn’t written to them – someone had just left it, they read it, and that’s what they did.

Over the next few days, their lives are haunted by the spirits of the graves that they danced upon. Of course, they don’t know this right away, but it becomes clear soon enough, and throughout the movie the remaining friends fight the spirits as they try and overcome them. Eventually it becomes clear that they have to re-bury the bodies, in order to calm them once more.

Unfortunately, some of the group dies in the interim, but then if they didn’t it wouldn’t be a very good attempt at a horror movie, would it? Still, some survive, as you would expect, and eventually things settle back down and the surviving members go back to what appears to be the same graveyard to mourn the newly-dead members of their group.

There, they see the caretaker, but dismiss him, since he is just doing his job. Too bad, because if they had paid attention, they would have seen him stoop over a grave and place a small envelope there, for some unknowing person to pick up and read. It’s actually not a bad ending. Somewhat fitting for The Twilight Zone, perhaps.

Rated R for strong horror violence/terror and some language.

This time around, Smith plays Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, matchmaker extraordinaire. He doesn’t advertise, and won’t even talk to you if your plan is just to get the girl for one night. For Hitch, it’s all about the long ball.

Enter Albert Brennaman (Kevin James). Albert is stuck in a mid-level, go-nowhere job, and he pines for one of his clients – the ultra-rich, and way-out-of-his-league Allegra Cole (played by the scarcely-seen Amber Valletta).

When he gets a hold of Hitch, he thinks that his problems are solved. Hitch thinks that his problems have just begun. Turning Albert into someone that Allegra Cole will fall for is no easy task, and before long, Albert turns up on the front page of the gossip rags, making his job even tougher. To make matters worse, the ever-cynical Hitch has started to fall for his own challenge – the charming and elusive Sara Melas. It looks like his moves, which work on everyone else, won’t work on Sara, and it could get ugly.

Before long, Allegra finds out that Hitch has been helping – or at least trying to help – Albert step up his game, and that means that Albert is sent packing. Luckily for him, his charming ineptitude gets him back in it. Hitch has to learn something from it to have a chance himself.

While this is another one of those movies that won’t win any awards, it’s a great date movie, and also a fun movie to watch, if for nothing else than the interaction between Smith and James. If there’s nothing else on the tube one weekend afternoon, don’t let it pass by. The actors are all well-cast in their roles, and the movie just flies by.

Rated PG-13 for language and some strong sexual references.

Nonetheless, this one focuses mostly on a generally reluctant hero – Theo Faron (the typically under-rated Clive Owen), thrust into the role of bringing the world back from the brink of destruction when he becomes the protector of a pregnant woman. This is significant because she is the first such instance in years, and while a single pregnancy may not save the world, it does offer some amount of hope.

Our hero Theo may not completely believe in the cause, but driven by a general sense of desire to do the right thing, he helps the young woman, and in the process, demonstrates the world around him and a peek into the society of the future (some would argue society of today).

I’m not sure that it’s worth sitting through the movie for all of that, and while the movie is apparently based on a book (which I haven’t read), I also typically like Clive Owen’s work, but overall, the movie is a bit of a bore. There are definitely some tense moments, and some comments on the world we live in if you take the time to look for them. But it is a bit much to muddle through to get there.

Rated R for strong violence, language, some drug use and brief nudity.

In the movie, we get to go back to the beginning – the very beginning – where Bond first earns his stripes (and his legendary “double o” status).  The movie is much grittier in style than the others in the series, to be sure – no sign of any of the previous Bonds to be found, and that’s not an entirely bad thing.

In this go-round, James travels to the Casino Royale of the title, in order to participate in a high-stakes poker game with Le Chiffre, who is hoping to recoup some of the losses from his “no-risk portfolio” – in which he short-sells companies and then plans terrorist attacks to sink their stock. It seems that Bond managed to foil one of these plans, and now Le Chiffre is in a bit too deep.

During the game, Bond and Le Chiffre go back-and-forth, and eventually the whole thing takes the life of Vesper Lynd, a treasury agent who was supposed to look after Bond’s investment. She was also a love interest of James.

Generally there isn’t much new ground here, other than the fact that it’s a whole new direction for the series. While Bond has changed (and even sports some spiffy blond locks), and the gadgets that we have all come to know and love have not really been invented yet, the movie doesn’t really suffer on either account. It has a much darker mood throughout, somewhat reminding me of what Batman Begins did for that series, and I have to say that I like it.

Reports were that Daniel Craig actually suffered a number of bangs and bruises during filming, and watching the movie leaves no doubt in my mind as to why that is the case. While it takes some getting used to seeing him in the role, he fills the shoes well.

The movie itself may not be a great piece of cinema, but let’s face it – we’re talking about a James Bond movie here, people. Did you expect an Academy-worthy performance?

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violent action, a scene of torture, sexual content and nudity.

As such, I’m generally on the periphery of most movies that have anything to do with comicdom.  I can typically keep up – while my wife would often run or walk the other way – and I can often enjoy them to at least some degree.  But in this case, I didn’t so much.  I liked the original Fantastic Four, and I’m aware enough of who the Silver Surfer was to be able to keep up, but I just didn’t really care for this sequel.

I don’t exactly know what it was, because most of the original players that made the first movie a decent one to watch were back.  It’s quite possible that too many writers came in and made it a mess, because the director (Tim Story) was the same and so was one of the writers.  But this time around, rather than two writers, there were four – two for the screenplay and two for the story.  I don’t know if that’s the issue, I just know that it wasn’t as much fun.

While Reed and Susan are trying to – finally – trying to get married, it seems that yet another problem is threatening the people of earth.  And specifically their wedding day.  So they have to postpone.  Again.  Blah blah blah.

I don’t have a thing to say against the story, and while I didn’t read much Fantastic Four, so I can’t say if it’s exactly true to the tale of the Silver Surfer (I don’t think it was exact), it was decent, and the special effects were cool, it just didn’t feel right.  Things jumped a bit too much for my taste.

The acting was decent, but I didn’t get that everyone was on the same page this time around.  It’s almost like the old Captain America movie from 1990 (that really seemed like it was a lot older), just with better special effects to make us try and forget the story.  In short, lots of better superhero stuff out there – even the first FF movie.

Rated PG for sequences of action violence, some mild language and innuendo.