Want an easy DIY craft perfect for you and your little girl? Make some easy patriotic flip flops just in time for Memorial Day and perfect to wear all summer.

I made some of these embellished flip flops last year for us. I saw a pair at a local kids boutique and thought they looked easy to make…and they were!!

First just find some inexpensive flip flops at local craft stores or Target/Walmart. Then either buy coordinating fabric or use scraps you might already have.

Wishing you and your family a beautiful and safe Memorial Day!

]]> http://centralvalleymoms.com/2013/05/24/make-some-easy-patriotic-flip-flops/feed/ 0 http://centralvalleymoms.com/2013/05/23/enter-to-win-two-tickets-to-see-michael-jackson-history-ii-show/ http://centralvalleymoms.com/2013/05/23/enter-to-win-two-tickets-to-see-michael-jackson-history-ii-show/#comments Thu, 23 May 2013 16:54:37 +0000 Central Valley Moms http://centralvalleymoms.com/?p=19228

Michael Jackson History II show, starring Kenny Wizz, the world’s No. 1 impersonator, is coming Friday, June 21 to Fresno Convention and Entertainment Center.

Leave a comment telling us what your favorite Michael Jackson song is and why. Winners will be selected and told Friday, June 14 by email. Please enter with a valid email address.

Good luck!

Mathable

Think Scrabble, but with numbers and mathematical equations instead of letters. Each player starts with seven tiles and plays as many as he or she can, combining them with the tiles that are already on the board to create number problems. Like Scrabble, there are blanks and double- and triple-value squares. A few interesting things are going on here. First, you’re using all four basic math functions: addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. For advanced players, there’s no reason why you can’t add square roots, trigonometry, or more. Second, because the equations on the board are go up, down, and even backwards, you’ll start thinking about numbers in a very different way. Third, while calculations are essential, if you want to win, you’ll also need to employ logic and strategy. Ages 9 and up. $17.95

Mathable Junior

This variation on the classic is aimed at kids 5 and up. The tiles are larger and colorful, which makes them easier to handle and more fun for little hands to play with. The board has two sides, one designed for those just getting used to using numbers, the other for those who’re pretty good but aren’t quite ready to move up to the big-kid/grown-up version. $18.95

Mathable Quattro

With a nod to the current Texas Hold ‘Em poker craze, Quattro uses a deck of 106 numbered cards instead of tiles. Players get dealt a hand and then four additional cards go face up in the middle. Players then create math equations by combining the numbers in their hand with those on the table. The one who uses the most cards wins. Again, the rules say only addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division, but it’s fine with us if you want to add more advanced skills. Ages 9 and up. $6.69

Mathable Domino

While the basic theme of creating equations is the same, this game adds a degree of difficulty by using domino-like tiles that have different numbers on each end. You score points by strategically placing your tiles on the board, building off of the ones that are already there. Ages 9 and up. $9.97

Mathable Booklet

Mathable games are great for road trips. But with so many small pieces, you’re bound to lose some. The Mathable booklet solves that problem by cleverly creating versions of Domino, Quattro, and several other games that you can do on paper. All you’ll need is a pencil. And a big eraser. Ages 9 and up. $5.95

Many of the Mathable games are also available as free phone- and tablet apps, which you can download at eitherwookyentertainment.com or mathablegame.com. PHOTOS (from MCT Photo Service, 202-383-6099): FAM-ATPLAY

By ARMIN BROTT, PAUL BANAS AND SAMANTHA FEUSS

Rodriguez’s mother, Balbina Espino, 93, said she remembers spending two weeks making her own quinceanera dress. She used a few yards of a crisp yellow taffeta that cost her 5 Cuban pesos back in Havana. When Rodriguez was a quinceanera, her family had to barter with friends to avoid party restrictions implemented by Fidel Castro’s government. And later in Miami, she worked two jobs, so that when her daughter, Maria Chouza, became a quinceanera, she would able to take her on a cruise.

To follow the family tradition, Chouza, 38, is spending about $15,000 on her daughter Samantha’s coming-of-age party, which can generally cost anywhere from $5,500 to $55,000.

“Times have changed,” Espino said in Spanish. Rodriguez agreed.

THE INVITATION

Most quinceaneras dream of being a princess for the night. Ana Calcedo’s invitations read: “Once upon a time, a little girl had a dream, to have a beautiful party, where she turned 15.” The card was about the size of a restaurant menu. It was padded to look like a thin ivory cushion covered in silk with a navy blue silk ribbon.

There was a choice of feathers, flowers or a sparkly broach for an accent, Calcedo, 16, said. She chose the “fake diamonds” broach, because she “wanted it to be something memorable, like storybook memorable.”

Her family paid about $40 per invitation. It was a luxury. The cards usually range from $4.50 to $7.

Ricardo Lowe, who co-owns Lilian Designs in Coral Gables, Fla., said this type of card is known as the “padded silk folio.” It is usually used for weddings and it requires a box.

Luiz Goncalves, co-owner of The Fine Paper Store in Miami Lakes said the quinceanera usually also needs place cards, direction cards and stationary.

“We have a lot of choices. Different types of paper, different calligraphy,” Goncalvez said. “The variety is important, because the invitation sets the tone for what is to come.”

LOCATION AND DECOR

Anthony “Tony” Elias said producing the fantasy is in his blood. He grew up watching his family put together special events at their Renaissance ballrooms in Miami, and said quince parties still make him cry.

“We develop connections with our clients,” Elias said. “We offer them packages that cover the planning process all the way down to execution. We work on the dinner, decorations, and an elaborate quince stage – the works – it’s very much like a theatric production.”

Renaissance’s capacity ranges from 60 to 550 people and can cost from $5,000 with a $1,000 deposit, and $40,000 with a $6,000 deposit.

Creativity is a must. Fantasy Designer’s co-owner Maria Molina said she can turn any place into a party, and there are no limits to what money can buy.

“If a millionaire comes and tells me he wants his daughter to descend from the moon; we will make it happen,” Molina said in Spanish. “We also work with our clients on how to stay on budget with tricks like using feathers instead of flowers in the center pieces.”

Molina’s services range from $800 to $10,000 depending on the size of the ballroom.

THE FOOD

The Cuban white sponge cake with vanilla custard and meringue is no longer the only option. Rodriguez remembers the “caja china” with the roasted pig, the rice and beans, the yucca and the fried plantains in her quinces.

Today’s quinceanera has a rainbow of options: Astoria red velvet cake, key lime or strawberry torte, chocolate coconut fudge, pistachio marble, white chocolate, French silk butter cream, dulce de leche, guava and rum cake.

Yvette Rodriguez, co-owner of Vicky Bakery, which has a dozen locations in South Florida, said the trend right now is to do cakes with the Tiffany & Co. theme. The brand is known for its diamond jewelry and its iconic aqua blue boxes with white ribbons.

“The girls do a lot of themes and it depends on their personal style,” Rodriguez said. “We also have a lot of Hollywood themes and like to use fondant because it creates an elegant surface.”

The price of a cake serving ranges from $1.75 to $10 per slice. They can be elaborate sculptures with up to six tiers or mini cup cake towers ranging from $1 to $2.60 a piece. French macaroon towers with 150 pieces are about $400.

At the Ritz Carlton, one of the most luxurious catering services in Miami, the cost for food and beverage ranges from $75 to $125 per plate for teens and $140 to $200 for adults. Monica Ciffoni, director of catering at the Coconut Grove location said the food for teenage parties is simple and desserts are usually the focus of attention.

“We always try to do chocolate dessert – hazelnut chocolate crunch tart, mango souffle, tropical fruits, passion fruit cheese cake, and then also the cookies and the macaroons,” Ciffoni said. “The macaroons are a huge trend right now.”

THE FASHION

Two seamstresses in a windowless workshop delicately handled fabric in the back of Jorka Atelier on Southwest Eighth Street near Versailles Restaurant in Little Havana. A hand-washed ruby red dress with flamenco dancer ruffles on the skirt and a silver sequin corset hung from the ceiling to air dry.

There was barely any room to walk. Dozens of romantic ball gowns in shimmering organza, matte satin, taffeta and metallic glittered tulle lined up on hangers. Some had faux pearls, small roses and lace. Others had embellished fluff, appliques and embroidery.

“We have been turning teenagers into princesses for about 40 years,” Ortencia Jordan said in Spanish. “Girls used to dress primarily in white. It was in the 1980s when they started to use color and now there are no limits. I have had girls wear black and red, canary yellow, silver and even apple green.”

At Jorka Atelier, a girl can rent a used dress for $60 to $80 or buy a custom-made dress for $350 to $600.

Prices at other South Florida boutiques are steeper.

At Alegria’s Brides in Coral Gables, the quince dresses could go for as high as $2,000. Ann Marie Griffin, who owns Ann Marie’s in Homestead, said this is because for many the quinceanera dress is as important as the wedding dress.

“It’s a personal expression of a young lady’s taste and style,” Griffin said. “For some of the quince cruises, the girls wear white, but we also do prints, pinks, blues, lavenders and yellow. There is a lot of variety and attention to detail.”

Swarovski crystals sometimes make it unto the dress and the crowns. And the choices are limitless when it comes to accessories. The tiara – a princess crown – has to be shiny. Also, every princess needs jewels. A MIKIMOTO pearl necklace at $3,500 and its matching $4,520 Akoya pearl bracelet are some of the examples.

“We have a pearl necklace that my great-grandmother inherited. My daughter is getting it next year,” Amanda Garcia said. “When my mother gave it to me, it was a symbol of the trust that comes with age and maturity. It was about her being able to trust me with adult things. It was about responsibility.”

THE DETAILS

To be able to afford the $15,000 expense, Chouza started planning about two years in advance. It is easy to run into trouble. The music can cost between $650 to $10,000; the transportation between $100 to $300 hourly; and the make-up and hair between $50 to $300. Then there are the manicures and pedicures, the photography and the video.

For the Calcedo family, dealing with the finances wasn’t so easy. Jose Calcedo said that when his wife wanted to go into her 401-K, he put up a stop sign.

“Having a ‘princesita’ is expensive,” Calcedo said. “Teaching them to be frugal is important, too. You can’t go overboard. It doesn’t send the right message. We don’t need any more debt. We know the wedding is next.”

By ANDREA TORRES

In your current May 2013 issue you can read about my coffee table makeover makeover using Chalk Paint®

decorative paint by Annie Sloan.

It’s the story of how I found this sad looking table outside Fifth Street Antiques in old town Clovis, CA and then used Chalk Paint from 3 Oaks Studio across the street to  give it a fresh look.

I knew it had great potential because of her unique shape and ornate details!

This table has two coats of Provence blue, a coat of Clear wax. then a coat of Dark Wax. To use the dark wax, paint some on and then wipe back with a cloth to get the effect you want. It’s kind of scary but it wipes back easily.

For complete instructions on how you can get the same look make sure to read my full article here.

.The Dark Wax is what makes the details of the wood stand out and makes it look aged.

I absolutely love how this piece turned out and now I have a unique, stylish, coffee table with a great story behind it!

She makes the room bright and happy! What do you think? Was this a good makeover?? Could you see the potential if you saw it in the before picture?

It’s completely possible to take something old, give it a new life and customize it for your home without spending a ton of money.

Among parents whose kids have not been prescribed ADHD medication, a University of Michigan study found, only 1 percent said they believed their child had used prescription stimulant medication – including Ritalin, Adderall and Vyvanse – as a study drug.

University of Michigan pediatrician Dr. Matthew Davis calls the gap between student behavior and parental suspicion a “big mismatch.” Parental concern about such drug abuse appears to run pretty high: 54 percent of white parents, 38 percent of African American parents and 37 percent of Latino parents said they were “very concerned” about illicit study drug use among adolescents in their communities. But only 27 percent said they had talked to their kids about study drugs.

It could be a dangerous mismatch as well, said Davis, director of the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital’s National Poll on Children’s Health: Use of stimulant medication by children without ADHD can lead to acute exhaustion, abnormal heart rhythms, and – if an adolescent becomes addicted and goes into withdrawal – to confusion and psychosis.

And, for the record, adds Davis, there is no evidence that for children without an ADHD diagnosis, taking a prescription stimulant medication improves academic performance. (Davis cites many studies, as well as his own clinical experience, that stimulant medication does improve academic performance in kids with an ADHD diagnosis. And many physicians acknowledge that stimulants may enhance stamina and focus in other kids. But “as you can imagine,” says Davis, “no one’s going to do a randomized control trial” to prove that.)

There’s been a lively ethical debate on the use of performance-enhancing drugs for the academically ambitious too. The bottom line: neurologists and bioethicists believe there’s good reason for kids to understand that they’re on shaking ethical ground, too, when they take such drugs.

Parents polled by C.S. Mott were keen on the idea that schools should talk to students about the dangers of using study drugs – 76 percent said school officials should address those dangers. And 79 percent said that kids with an ADHD diagnosis who take such medications should be required to keep their pills in a secure location such as a nurse’s office – a measure that might reduce their ready availability.

Davis says that surveys find that the use of stimulant medication as a study drug is concentrated heavily among white children, and is far less prevalent among Latino or African American kids. This, he acknowledges, may be a problem of affluent and academically ambitious communities, and parents may have many reasons for not recognizing the possibility that their kids might be using.

These parents, he says, “may see prescription drugs differently than illicit drugs that people buy on the street.” And that failure to see stimulant abuse for the illicit drug use that it is, he says, is dangerous.

“We know teens may be sharing drugs or spreading the word that these medications can give their grades a boost,” said Davis. But the bottom line, he says, is that “these prescription medications are drugs, and teens who use them without a prescription are taking a serious risk with their health.”

By MELISSA HEALY

“‘How much do you weigh?’ became the question of the month among fourth-grade girls,” Dreller said during a forum on childhood obesity. “My daughter has cried many nights worrying about her weight since this experience.”

As the nation’s schools take an expanding role in the fight against obesity, they are increasingly flagging at-risk children with the help of an imperfect weight measure called the Body Mass Index, a ratio of weight to height.

But a backlash is building across the nation, sparked by concerns that BMI screening, which can be misleading, has no place inside a school. Critics also argue that putting the sensitive information in the hands of self-conscious young students can cause bullying, trigger eating disorders and intensify the pressure to diet.

Nevertheless, BMI remains the primary tool for classifying people as normal weight, overweight and obese. The Institute of Medicine specifically recommends school-based BMI screenings, in part because studies have found many students don’t have access to a primary-care doctor.

“Schools have a changing role in wellness because that’s where kids spend most of their waking time,” said pediatrician Lynn Gettleman Chehab, who runs the school clinic obesity program at Evanston Township High School. “It’s a crucial time for prevention, but many kids aren’t going to the doctor unless they’re sick.”

The screenings are meant to cast a wide net, Gettleman Chehab added, acknowledging that BMI is flawed. “But if it’s done in the right way, where privacy is protected and the child is not subject to embarrassment, it’s useful information,” she said.

Experts say obesity must be tackled at a young age, given the potential long-term consequences. Obese children have a 70 percent chance of being obese as an adult, putting them at risk for heart disease, type 2 diabetes, stroke, several types of cancer and osteoarthritis. Childhood obesity rates nationwide more than doubled to 18 percent over the past three decades, federal data show.

Simple, cheap and non-invasive, BMI is a widely accepted surveillance tool used to track trends in a population. The formula indirectly measures excess body fat – the real culprit behind a variety of illnesses and medical conditions – and a high BMI level correlates with future health risks.

Yet it can be problematic as a screening tool for individuals. Age, sex, ethnicity and muscle mass can influence the relationship between BMI and body fat. BMI also can’t distinguish between excess fat, muscle or bone mass. As a result, athletes, muscular individuals and racial and ethnic minorities with different body compositions can have a high BMI.

About half of children whose BMI labels them as overweight (but not obese) are healthy and have no increased risk of diabetes or other conditions, said Kristine Madsen, an assistant professor at the University of California Berkeley School of Public Health and University of California-San Francisco Department of Pediatrics.

The Institute of Medicine recommended in 2005 that all schools annually assess their students’ weight, height and BMI and send the information to parents as part of a national strategy to address weight problems in childhood.

Today, at least 19 states require school-based BMI screening. Nine states recommend it alone or as part of a broader health-related fitness assessment such as FitnessGram, developed by the Cooper Institute and licensed to at least 65,000 schools nationwide.

In Illinois, BMI data is required on school entrance health exam forms, along with vaccinations and dental and eye exams. But there’s no statewide BMI surveillance system and obesity data are sparse, according to the public health department. At least 1,000 Illinois schools have incorporated the FitnessGram program, including Evanston.

Schools use and share the BMI data in different ways. Some notify parents of the results; others don’t. In 2011, parents complained when Hawthorne Elementary School in Elmhurst planned to include BMI results as part of a physical fitness grade. The school hastily dropped the idea; today the information is reported to the state but not given to individual students. The Chicago Public Schools also reports only aggregated information.

Ideally, the BMI scores are used to help correct any misperceptions about weight and to motivate parents to follow up with a doctor. Multiple studies have found that parents of overweight or obese children often fail to perceive that their kids have a problem.

It’s not clear, however, whether sending the information home does any good. In the largest study to look at the issue, Madsen and her team found no difference in pediatric obesity between kids in California whose parents who had received letters and those whose parents had not.

When the researchers dug deeper, they found the letters sent home were poorly designed, too complicated and lacked context, said Madsen. “I think that we just do not know what works,” she said.

Parents also need information on how to respond appropriately to the BMI scores.

“We want to correct parents’ perceptions, but what are parents going to do with that information?” said Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, a professor of epidemiology and community health at the University of Minnesota’s School of Public Health. “My fear is that their intentions will be good but they may inadvertently do something that will be harmful.”

Some groups that work to raise awareness about eating disorders oppose mandatory BMI reporting in the schools over concerns that it may trigger disordered eating in vulnerable kids. Experts, however, say that if one follows the other it is likely a coincidence of timing, as eating disorders typically develop during the pre-teen years or adolescence.

Moreover, obesity is the bigger problem, said Goutham Rao, clinical associate professor in the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine and chair of the American Heart Association’s Obesity Committee. “The proportion of children with eating disorders compared to those with overweight or obesity is very small,” he said.

Rao said he frequently works with adolescent girls who want to be thinner.

“You show them their BMI and it’s actually reassuring. They may be prone to a distorted body image and it shows, ‘No, you’re not overweight.’ That’s more common than pushing people in the other direction,” he said.

As more schools instituted the screenings, their role has grown more controversial. In Massachusetts, the parental notification letters have been dubbed “fat letters.” After the student-athlete son of a politician received a letter classifying him as “obese,” legislation was introduced to prohibit the public health department from collecting data on students’ height, weight and BMI. The bill has been referred to committee.

In Evanston, a small group of parents has voiced concerns over everything from how the BMI scores are sent home to whether pre-teens are emotionally equipped to handle the information. Next month, the District 65 school board plans to discuss whether to continue the BMI testing as part of FitnessGram, though parents have always been allowed to opt out of the program.

At participating schools, physical education teachers weigh students in the fall and spring. They aren’t shown or told the results, but “most want to know,” said physical education teacher Denise Rossa, the district’s middle school department chair.

Once the parent receives the BMI number along with other fitness scores – aerobic capacity, muscle strength, muscle endurance and flexibility – students can access the information via computer unless their parents opt out. In class, students discuss what BMI measures, why it’s done and the shortcomings, said Rossa.

“We want our students to understand that healthy comes in all shapes and sizes and that weight, alone, is just a number,” she said.

Michele Hays, who has a son at Chute Middle School, doesn’t see the value of BMI screening outside a medical environment, especially since nutrition and fitness information is covered in class. “The only function of showing kids their BMI scores is to personalize the information, which strikes me as being dangerously close to shaming,” she said.

Hays also has a problem with sending the scores home to parents “unless we are also providing adequate information on what to do with the result and how to access health care,” she said.

Other parents say the scores can motivate children and help them set goals. “My kids used the yearly FitnessGram results to push themselves to work harder and improve and/or beat their scores the next year,” said Jill Moore, whose son, Alex, attends Chute.

Moore, a nurse, agrees that students disclose numbers to one another, leaving some feeling bad. But she added, “I think this type of comparing is inevitable at the middle school level.”

At the school district’s recent community forum on obesity, Rao stressed that parents should send children the same consistent message: Develop healthy habits. “Never mention the word ‘obese’ or ‘overweight’ to your child,” he said. “Target the behavior and take the stigma of weight and body image completely out of the equation.”

Dreller, who attended the meeting hoping to learn more about BMI, remains unconvinced that the measure should be calculated at school. Her daughter, one of the tallest girls in the class, weighed more than most of the others. That’s something the 10-year-old hasn’t forgotten.

“Aren’t we trying to teach good body image and high self-esteem to our girls?” she asked. “Body image is so much a part of who a person is, that it seems like we’re regressing.”

By JULIE DEARDORFF

Parent advice (from our panel of staff contributors):

I’d tell her to use another word and shift the focus from her to the mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Some mistakes make us feel ashamed, embarrassed, stupid. But other mistakes can make us feel excited, creative, delighted, happy, amused. You know, turning down the wrong road on vacation and ending up at a secluded beach you never knew existed, mixing up movie times and seeing a charming French film instead of the usual Hollywood thriller, dropping chocolate into peanut butter. Mistakes teach us to learn, to be open, to expect the unexpected and, I think, to forgive – others and ourselves.

-Bill Daley

As much power as they wield over parents’ hearts, kids have a pretty small arsenal when it comes to dealing with their own frustrations and self-doubt. Once they learn it, the word “hate” can quickly become a perfect little knife for dispatching these feelings. In this case, I think the best response is to counter her frustration with a quick, “Well, I love you, mistakes and all,” to take the edge off. Help her correct the mistake and remind her that making mistakes is an important part of learning. Tell her that making a mistake doesn’t mean anything except that she’s trying, and that if she can keep that up, she’ll succeed.

-Michael Zajakowski

Expert advice:

As tempting as it is to talk her out of her statement, it’s better to hold your tongue, says Alan E. Kazdin, director of the Yale Parenting Center and author of “The Everyday Parenting Toolkit” (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt), scheduled to be released in June.

“You can’t reason her out of it,” Kazdin says. “We’re not guided by rationality. Knowledge and behavior are not highly related. Rationality and behavior are not highly related.

“‘You’re just as good as so-and-so’ is going to get you nowhere,” he says. “‘You know I still love you’ suggests ‘You’re a total failure, but I love you anyway.’”

Instead, he suggests, try to slowly, methodically brighten her overall outlook.

“Depression is a tendency to see negative things about yourself, negative things about the world and negative things about your future,” Kazdin says. “Help her to start seeing the positive things in her life.”

So instead of directing your attention to her negative feelings and statements, direct it to her positive statements. Engage her and praise her when she points out things she likes about herself and the world around her.

“When she says, ‘Look at that cute little plant,’ jump on it and say, ‘It’s so nice that you notice those things!’” he says.

And help her find activities in which she excels: playing a musical instrument, participating in dance, playing a sport. “Build some competencies,” Kazdin says.

Create a culture of seeking out the positive so your daughter gets plenty of practice and modeling.

“Play a game at night: ‘Everyone has to choose one nice thing they saw in the world today,’” Kazdin suggests. “Make it fun. ‘I bet no one can think of two.’ It’s good for family interaction and it focuses you on the positive.”

And next time the “hate” remark rears its head?

“Give her a little tap of sympathy and move on,” he says. “Don’t get into the discussion. Save the cuddling and the extra attention for the positive moments, not the negative moments.”

(Have a solution? Your son is a high school baseball bench-warmer. Should you let him quit? Find “The Parent ‘Hood” page on Facebook, where you can post your parenting questions and offer tips and solutions for others to try.)

By HEIDI STEVENS

In a petition posted on change.org, the group Unmarried Equality (unmarried.org) asked the pediatrics group to modify its statement to recognize that unmarried parents are just as capable of providing stable homes for their kids and that a marriage license does not a good parent make.

The academy’s policy statement does not suggest that married parents are better parents, but rather that marriage provides the optimal legal and social protections for raising kids, and that couples who wish to marry should be able to do so regardless of their sexual orientation.

But with 35 percent of children not being raised by married parents living together, the challenge raises the question: Does parental marital status matter to a child’s well-being?

Studies have produced consistent evidence that children reared by two biological married parents fare better than those raised in alternative arrangements, but the difference is small and explained mostly by differences in parenting style and availability of resources rather than some magic conferred by the marriage license itself, said Susan Brown, sociology professor and co-director of the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. Couples who don’t get married tend to be more economically disadvantaged. (These differences have not been found among gay parents because, for most, marriage has not been an option, Brown said.)

Still, even when studies adjust for finances and other factors, the children of married parents have been shown to have slightly better outcomes – as reflected in performance in school, delinquency, psychological distress, anxiety and physical health – than children raised by cohabiting unmarried parents, Brown said.

That may be because unmarried couples can be less stable, causing everyone stress, and they’re more likely to have shifting family arrangements. Again, that’s a function of the quality of the relationship rather than a marriage license, as married couples who always fight have also been shown to hurt a child’s well-being.

“There seems to be mounting evidence that family instability, as opposed to family structure itself, is particularly detrimental to children,” Brown said.

Dr. Benjamin Siegel, a pediatrician at Boston Medical Center and chair of the AAP Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, stressed that what’s important isn’t marriage per se, but a stable, good-quality, secure relationship with two adults, and often marriage is a good way to achieve that.

But the marriage license itself is also important: It confers financial and legal protections to the family, including spousal maintenance if the couple splits. It can be especially important for nonbiological parents, who in many states have no custody and visitation rights or child-support obligations if the relationship ends, said Siegel, co-author of the policy statement.

“Anyone who is (not married and) raising a child should develop a legal mechanism so that person has a legal relationship to the child, whether it’s adoption or guardianship,” Siegel said.

The system is set up to favor marriage, which automatically flows various legal protections through the family that benefit children, such as health care, inheritance, Social Security, medical decisions, and family and medical leave, said Alan Boudreau, vice chair of the alternative families committee for the American Bar Association’s Section of Family Law. Unmarried parents must go through additional processes, which take time and cost money, to secure the same benefits.

That system is what Unmarried Equality, in its petition, denounces as “rampant marital status discrimination.”

For better or worse, it is, for now, the reality.

“Families have become more complex, and the law is still catching up,” Boudreau said.

By ALEXIA ELEJALDE-RUIZ

My peony bushes came from my mother’s peony bushes, and her bushes came from her mother’s bushes. I remember when my mother dug up some of her peonies, wrapped them in newspaper, and helped cram them in our mini-van so we could drive them 500 miles to our home. It wasn’t, “Would you like some peony bushes?” It was, “Here are your peony bushes.”

In my mother’s eyes, a woman who lived in a house with a yard and didn’t have peony bushes was a mere girl pretending to be a woman. So we brought home the peony bushes and planted them. Now, every May, I engage in the time-honored tradition of monitoring them to see if they will be ready for Memorial Day, or Decoration Day as it was once called, just like my mother and grandmother used to do.

If the peonies didn’t look like they would be ready by Memorial Day, a fervor came over my mother. It was not unlike the fervor with which the troops took Normandy. If the peonies weren’t in bloom, she would cut them by the bushels, haul them into the basement, and place them in old coffee cans, buckets and tubs full of warm water, and order them to bloom.

While we often made the cemetery rounds to decorate the graves of loved ones, we never lost site of the fact that Memorial Day was really to honor fallen soldiers. The true observance of the day was never far from my father’s mind, as he lost one of his brothers during World War II.

I always flinched whenever my dad’s brother’s name was spoken. I flinched because I knew the loss caused my father and everyone in his family unspeakable pain.

I still flinch, not just at the memory of one fallen soldier, but at the many. I flinch because each and every day I enjoy a bounty of freedoms made possible by thousands upon thousands I will never know, and can never thank. They gave up the comforts I blithely presume upon: home and family, shelter and safety, and the expectation of more years to come. They lost their claim to such wonderful things when they laid it all down.

They may be gone, but they are not forgotten. They are the knot in the throat when the flag passes by. They are the invisible sentry protecting the media and the flow of information on the web. They stand behind every voting booth and political gathering.They are the gust of wind that helps open the door to every house of worship. They are on the horizon at every rendition of Taps and at every graveside presentation of a folded flag.

We can thank those who sacrificed by remembering. We can honor them by being vigilant to insure that the battles they waged to protect freedom and liberty are never lost.

(Lori Borgman’s tongue-in-cheek book, “The Death of Common Sense and Profile of Those Who Knew Him,” is available on-line. Contact the author at lori@loriborgman.com)

By LORI BORGMAN