Overcoming Life's Obstacles

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2010-09-10T10:28:00.008+12:00

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Talia and Nancy L

6 Steps to Feel Good About Your Body

2009-11-05T10:43:00.004+13:00

My friend Sarah Maria has just released her fabulous new book Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently. The book outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body and yourself. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual which she says is the key to true and lasting healing.

Here is an excerpt from her book, with 6 tips to feeling beautiful today! You'll notice that Sarah Maria's approach is very spiritually oriented, encouraging you to feel good about your body and befriend it.

P.S. if you purchase the book from Amazon, Sarah Maria has a special surprise for you including lots of free bonuses and the chance to go in a draw to win a magical meditation retreat with Deepak Chopra at the Chopra Center for Well-being. Scroll down to the end to find out how to claim your free gifts.

6 Tips to Feel Beautiful Today! By Sarah Maria

How many times have you waited for something to change so that you could finally start feeling beautiful?

If you are like most women, the answer is “all the time.”

Here is the problem: most of us tend to live with the delusional belief that we somehow need to change in order to be beautiful. It usually sounds something like:

When I lose this extra weight, then I will be attractive.
If I can just get my abs a little more toned, then I can wear that bikini I love.
I feel so much better after I put on my make-up in the morning.
I looked much sexier before I had these wrinkles.
My hair looks drab and lifeless until I get it colored.

Unfortunately, we think these stories, these lies, that we have been taught are true. We believe that we somehow need to change who we are, how we look, and what we do in order to finally be sexy, attractive, and drop-dead gorgeous.

This is a lie – an erroneous, ubiquitous, and often painful lie. The truth of the matter is that you are inherently, unconditionally, and absolutely beautiful and loveable right now, without changing a single thing.

Fortunately, very fortunately, you can expose these lies and choose to no longer live under their spell.

Ready to get started? Here are 6 simple and sure-fired ways to help you feel beautiful today:

1.Become aware of what you are thinking.

Simply become aware of the stories you are telling yourself so that you are no longer reacting on auto-pilot. Through awareness alone, you can begin to transmute your reality and transform lies into truth. Actively acknowledge that there is no inherent truth in the belief that you need to change something about yourself in order to be attractive. Consider that you can start feeling beautiful immediately, in this moment, without changing a single thing.

2. Set an Intention to See Beauty

Setting an intention is simple: intend to create a different reality for yourself. Here are some examples:
I intend to experience my inherent beauty. Or: I intend to see my beauty and perfection at all times. Or: I intend to know I am inherently beautiful, lovable, and worthwhile.

Do you ever see your reflection in the mirror and grimace at your wrinkles, vowing to purchase the latest anti-wrinkle cream?
Set an intention to find your beauty in your reflection.

Or when you undress, do you ever suck in your stomach, berating yourself for not yet losing those 5 extra pounds?
Set an intention to appreciate the body that you have right now.

Do you ever go shopping for clothes and wish you were a size (or more) smaller?
Set an intention to unconditionally accept your body.

Hopefully you get the idea; set an intention to see yourself through the eyes of beauty.

3. Take a “Meditation Moment”

Meditation is the mental equivalent of brushing your teeth. This means that it is an essential and indispensable daily activity designed to help rest and rejuvenate your body, cleanse your psyche, awaken your spirit, and help you live a life that you love.

Nourish yourself with instant meditation moments throughout the day.
Are you waiting at the bus stop on your way to work? Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to connect within.

Are you making dinner for the family? Take 30 seconds and focus on the sounds, smells, and sensations in your environment, letting them nourish your senses.

Are you in the shower, getting ready to start your day?

Turn your attention to the feeling of warm water cascading against you, gently caressing your body, and allow yourself to relax.

These meditation moments can happen anywhere, anytime – 30 to 60 seconds of closing your eyes and connecting within can make all the difference in the world.

4. Your Body is Your Best Friend

Your human body is your truest ally. Befriend it and it will serve you tirelessly.

Treat it as you would a dear friend:

Feed your body with healthy food, taking the time to give it proper nourishment.

Remember to exercise, and make it enjoyable. If the gym makes you cringe, opt for yoga, Pilates, dance, or good old walking. Anything to get your body moving will do wonders.

Relaxation is key. In our harried and hurried world, it is essential that you remember to relax and rejuvenate.

Instead of critiquing your body for not being enough of this and for being too much of that, offer it gratitude and appreciation for it unwavering support and devotion.

5. Create Meaningful Moments

Every day is filled with countless tasks and errands: going to work, talking with friends, picking up the kids, supporting your significant other, washing dishes, going to the gym, visiting the supermarket, shopping – on and one it goes. Remember that you can imbue each moment with meaning. It can be as simple as smiling at everyone you meet, reacting with compassion and love instead of anger, or making sure to tell your friends and loved ones how much you care about them.

6. You’re Smoking Hot, Inside Out

Remember, you were born beautiful. Believing that you are unattractive is a learned habit. You can unlearn it and discover the Joy, Peace, and Love that are your natural sate and birthright!

So that is it – 6 Simple Steps. 6 simple steps to start feeling beautiful, right now, in this moment. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything to experience the Beauty that you already are. In fact, there is nothing you can do, say, or buy that will make you any more perfect, any more beautiful, or any more desirable than you are in this very moment. Simply know this, and you will revel in your true beauty.

SPECIAL OFFER
If you want to grab your own copy of Sarah Maria’s book Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently head on over to Amazon. Click here to purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. If you buy in the next couple of days you will also get dozens of free bonuses including:

Escape The Diet Trap ( 70 minute audio to help you quit dieting)

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Plus dozens of other free reports, meditations, audio downloads and other self-help goodies.

You’ll also be in the draw to win an incredible week at Seduction of Silence, the Chopra Center’s renowned week-long meditation retreat valued at $2,775. How cool is that?

After you purchase from Amazon, go to Sarah Maria’s website, type in your order number and you’ll get instant access to an amazing list of free bonuses.

Love Your Body Quiz

2009-10-21T09:13:00.004+13:00

Do you constantly find fault with your body? If you do, then you're one of the 80% of women, and a growing proportion of men who are unhappy with their body.

Today is Love Your Body Day. The National Organization for Women (NOW) Foundation educates women about the dangers of fad diets, poor body image and inappropriate media images.

NOW is also concerned about the growth in cosmetic surgery to enhance appearance. Did you know that the 'toe tuck' is the latest must have surgery, for women who believe they have "ugly" toes or are unable to fit into their Jimmy Choo shoes? NOW encourages women to love their bodies, as they are and embrace their uniqueness.

You can get the facts here or click the heart shaped icon to do a short quiz on body image. Entering an email is optional.

You can also get a free e-book from body image expert, Sarah Maria. Her e-book Overcoming the Lies: Secrets to Creating a Body and a Life that You Love (valued at $37) is designed to help you "break free from the myths that are keeping you trapped
and discover your inherent beauty, brilliance, and strength".

"Guest" Biz Blog Post

2009-09-01T08:43:00.003+12:00

I just discovered a terrific business blog, Jobacle.com. In fact, I liked it so much that I applied for a blogger position! Check it out, I think you'll find lots of useful info.

Please read my "guest" spot, too.

4 Life/Work Balance Lessons We Can Learn from TV

As always, thanks for reading,

Nancy L.

Importance of Downtime for Teens this Summer

2009-06-26T11:11:00.002+12:00

You can read Nancy's latest post on helping teens with overload and get tips to recognize and prevent your kid’s stress overload and to promote a healthy balance...

Related articles:
Overbooked kids

Clothing Size Maketh The Woman

2008-08-09T12:00:00.006+12:00

What’s more important to you - buying clothes that fit you well, or, the label size of those clothes?

You may be surprised to find that in a recent survey by a clothing alteration firm that Australasian customers, and in particular women, would opt not to purchase clothes that fit them well, if the label says it is in a larger size than their usual size. When you consider that most clothes don’t have the size label on the outside, why are we so worried about this invisible measure?

The answer lies in a common body image issue. For many of us our self-esteem is dependent on how our body looks, and how we perceive that our body looks to others. Buying a larger size can lead people to feel dissatisfied with their body, which in turn can lead to emotional eating, yoyo dieting and despondency.

I’m sure a lot of readers can relate to the thrill of finding that they can fit into a smaller size of jeans, and the disappointment when their usual size doesn’t fit. Some people use it as a form of motivation – they intentionally purchase clothing that is too small for them in the hope that this will inspire them to lose weight, but others do it because they can’t bear the thought of purchasing a larger label size.

Canny manufacturers recognising the psychology of clothing sizes often opt for roomy clothes and increasing the measurements to allow people the comfort of purchasing clothes in a smaller label size. This is on top of adjustments that have been made to accommodate the growing girth of the population.

Experts estimate that today’s size clothing in New Zealand is approximately 5cm (2 inches) larger than the same label size 20 years ago.

Two-thirds of customers surveyed by clothing alterations chain LookSmart said they owned clothing in different sizes, and half said sizing variations made them feel frustrated, depressed - or fat.

Mr Hatoum said inconsistent sizing was demoralising to shoppers, many of whom were unwilling to change sizes for emotional reasons.

Hatoum sums it up neatly when he says,

"A size tag is more than a number - it relates to how people see themselves."

So what is the solution? Some in the industry want to see standardised sizing across all apparel manufacturers, but I think the real answer lies in not becoming overly attached to the clothing size label. Scales and clothing sizes are useful measures to help you track your progress toward your goals, but when you get on the rollercoaster of feeling good or bad about yourself depending on the result of those measures, they become self-esteem killers.

If you can learn to be confident and happy with your body and opt to purchase clothes that are comfortable and fit well it will be one less trigger to emotional eating, which can stop people from losing weight and keeping it off.

Skinny Songs Review

2008-04-04T12:30:00.002+13:00

I love the idea of combining upbeat music with motivational lyrics to help people make lifestyle changes.

Skinny Songs aims to do just that with a collection of songs that Heidi Roizen put together, writing her own lyrics and collaborating with professional musicians and producers. Describing the songs as empowering, tracks include Objects in the Mirror Will Get Thinner Than They Now Appear, The Incredible Shrinking Women, You da’ Boss, I’m a Hottie Now, You Can’t Buy Thin and Skinny Jeans.

Unfortunately, the songs - which she describes as celebrating commitment, strength, and sex appeal - reinforce all the stereotypes that see people’s self-worth dependent on their jean size or their image in the mirror. I’m realistic enough to know that a lot of people feel better when they lose weight, and I applaud anyone who can come up with new tools to help people break old habits and motivate them to make lasting changes.

However, these lyrics just seemed plain silly. I’m sure they reflect the fears and fantasies of many women and more than a few men, but I’d rather not perpetuate them. Some of the songs are positive, but many have negative messages about being unattractive until you lose weight, and the importance of fitting into “skinny jeans”. I’m not convinced that everyone can realistically aim to be thin or skinny (or even desires to be skinny) nor do I think it's within everyone's means to wander into Saks to grab Gucci and Versace clothes.

At the end of the day, it’s about what works for you. Heidi swears this music helped improve her bottom line to the tune of 30 pounds (13.6 kg).

Here is a selection of lyrics. You can check out all the lyrics and listen to samples of the music at Skinny Songs and make your own decision.

I’m a Hottie Now

I spent years in misery
‘Cause everyone who looked at me
Was thinking evil thoughts about my thighs get back, into you somehow

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

You see I'm a superhero, with powers of epic might
I use wills of steel, at every meal, to control my every bite
And with my xray vision I can see without a doubt
There's a skinny girl inside me, I’ve just got to let her out

She’s the Incredible Shrinking Woman! Incredible Shrinking Woman!
Incredible Shrinking Woman! Incredible Shrinking Woman!

Light Therapy Pros and Cons

2008-01-16T12:03:00.001+13:00

The Mayo Clinic has an excellent article on the use of light therapy for treatment of Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder and some sleep disorders. The article includes the benefits and side-effects of using light boxes as well as instructions on using a light box.

The Mayo Clinic makes the point that the effectiveness of using light boxes vary, from being as good or better than medications for some people, while others get little or no benefit. This is possibly due to the large range of light boxes available and the different theories on the appropriate spectrum of light to use and the duration of treatment.

Light boxes can be expensive to purchase, however it is also possible to rent them on a trial basis to see whether they are effective for you. The Apollo GoLite box is a popular model that a lot of people have recommended (I've never used one as I find the winters here are quite mild and I can usually get enough natural light to keep depression at bay). In addition to using the light boxes there are also special light bulbs and desk lamps you can purchase.

Once you have purchased the light box, most models will last a few years, but it pays to check out the replacement at the end of this time. Some will allow you to replace the bulb, other models require you to replace the entire box which can be costly. However, if you don't have insurance the light box can still be cheaper than medications without the stigma or side-effects of anti-depressants.

This doesn't mean that light boxes don't have side-effects, however most people find them tolerable. Some people with bipolar disorder may experience manic episodes, while others may find that the light box affects their skin, or induces headaches or eyestrain but the majority of people that I've spoken to have nothing but praise for their light box.

Overbooked Kids

2007-12-14T06:03:00.001+13:00

My therapy practice includes quite a few adolescents, mainly high school students. Lately, I've been amazed at how packed their schedules are. They practically have to pull out a PDA to make an appointment! When I asked one yesterday if things were winding down before the holidayr break, she looked at me like I had two heads. Evidently, the teachers are piling it on.

Of course, I can't be entirely objective about this topic. I'm a mental health professional and the kids I see are usually being treated for anxiety, depression, substance abuse, etc. So I'm looking for any causes for the pathology I'm seeing.

In an article in Psychology Today, The Overbooked Child, psychologist David Elkins talks about the stress and depression he sees in his young patients. After interviewing his patient Kevin (not his real name) and his mother, the mother dismissed the idea that her son was stressed. She maintained that he enjoyed all the activities in which he was scheduled.

"But Kevin wasn't having a good childhood. He was overscheduled and on the brink of clinical depression. When I talked to him on his own, he confided that he missed playing with his friends in the neighborhood. They used to ride bikes, have water-balloon fights and build forts out of cardboard boxes. Now there wasn't time for those activities. 'I really like being in sports and everything,' he said. 'But not all that much.' "

In the book, The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap, authors Alvin Rosenfield, M.D. and Nicole Wise discuss this issue. Rosenfield believes it's the parents who are driving this, "it's how we parent today."

"Parents feel remiss that they're not being good parents if their kids aren't in all kinds of activities. Children are under pressure to achieve, to be competitive. I know sixth-graders who are already working on their resumes so they'll have an edge when they apply for college."

But what continues to surprise me about this phenomenon is that the kids are doing much of this over-scheduling themselves. They are enrolled in AP (Advanced Placement) courses to get a leg up on college, they have a certain number of hours of community service to fulfill for National Honor Society and to look good on college applications. Then there are the extracurricular things like sports, drama, music-related activities, etc. This is all on top of regular school hours and homework. This schedule leaves very little free time or family and friend time.

When I've asked them about their schedules and whether their parents are pushing it, I often here that most of the activities, including enrolling in AP courses, are their choice.

On the Web site FamilyEducation.com, they suggest ways to help your kids work towards a balance in their activities:

Help Your Kids Strike a Balance

Help your child set priorities.

Help your child develop a realistic schedule to accommodate family, school, sports, and everything else.

Find out at the beginning of the season what the coach's expectations are for the team.

Let the coach know about your child's other commitments.

Encourage your child to get homework done early in the day.

Set aside a certain period every day for quiet study.

Watch for signs of burnout, i.e., falling grades, diminished interest in other activities, and fatigue.

Work with coaches and school officials to minimize sports interference with academics.

Be a good role model: set priorities for yourself and stick to them. Point out athletes who maintain good grades.

This last point is critical. If you, as a parent, are so overscheduled yourself that you can't make time to discuss a healthy balance with your kid, that's an indicator of a problem. I'm amazed when I ask parents to schedule an appointment with me to discuss their child. I will often hear an incredulous, "Both of us?!" That always tells me very important information about the family's priorities. And yes, I insist that they both make time to come in.

Nancy L., LISW, LICDC

Coming to the End of "Guest Hosting"

2007-12-07T09:50:00.000+13:00

I wanted to mention that today's post is the last in my "guest hosting" stint. I have enjoyed filling in the past month for Talia while she tackles other projects.

Thanks to all of you who have read my posts and especially to those who have taken the time to comment.

I look forward to dropping in occasionally to post on topics of interest to me.

Have a safe, sane and enjoyable holiday season!

Nancy L., LISW, LICDC

Colleges to Notify Parents When Students Violate Alcohol/Drug Rules

2007-12-07T07:04:00.001+13:00

Right to privacy vs. duty to inform is a sticky, complicated issue. By law, I must maintain my patients' confidentiality unless they sign a release form indicating I can share information. But what about underage drinking on college campuses? Does the college have a duty to inform parents when a student violates alcohol or drug use policies? Until recently, most universities cited privacy laws - they did not inform parents.

An article in the Wall Street Journal, Colleges Move Boldly on Student Drinking examines a "loop hole" in federal privacy law that is allowing colleges to inform parents when a student violates a campus drinking or drug use policy. The law, Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (Ferpa), was enacted to protect the privacy of student education records. Under the law, students and/or parents must give written permission before their information can be released. The law was enacted in 1974, but according to the WSJ article,

"The college parental-notification policies for alcohol and drug violations utilize an exception added in 1998 to Ferpa that allows schools to call parents if a student gets an alcohol or drug violation and is under 21 years of age. After the law was changed, some colleges created parental-notification policies, while others insisted that contacting parents would go against their goal of nurturing independence in their students."

College drinking and drug-related incidents are staggering. According to the National Insitute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA),

1700 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol-related unintentional injuries, including motor vehicle crashes.
More than 696,000 students between 18 and 24 are assaulted by another student who has been drinking.
More than 97,000 students between 18 and 24 are victims of alcohol-related sexual assaults or date rape.

The Virginia Tech shootings and other recent campus tragedies have made college administrators less sure of their historic stance of protecting students' privacy. But some parents argue that being notified of alcohol/drug violations inhibits their child from learning to make good choices.

As a substance abuse counselor and mental health therapist, I can certainly see both sides of this issue. But I do know that involving family when a student has an alcohol or drug problem can have a very positive effect.

What do you think? Violation of privacy or safety issue that overrides it?

Nancy L

10 Tips to Kick Holiday Stress-Management into High Gear

2007-12-06T05:52:00.000+13:00

Yesterday, as I polished off the remaining 1/4 bag of Maui Onion Kettle Chips (yes, they are as good as they sound!) and became very cranky, I realized I haven't been following my own holiday stress-reduction tips.

Hanukkah began yesterday at sundown. Christmas, Kwanzaa and Boxing Day are three weeks away. The holiday crunch is on us: time for a refresher in slowing it down, regaining our focus and getting re-grounded.

Quit trying to find the "perfect" gift. The teenagers in my life are all getting gift cards from a retail store. Teens like those almost as much as money. Your picky mother-in-law won't appreciate the time you took to select her gift - and she still won't like it. So don't stress about it.

Avoid high-traffic times if possible. Drivers are terribly distracted this time of year. Add that to inclement weather and you have an accident waiting to happen. Stay out of stores at peak times. I call it "shopping psychosis," that look that comes over people as they block store-aisle traffic with their carts. Stay home and order holiday items and gifts online; you still have time.

You do not have to entertain this season. Give yourself permission to NOT have people over for parties, etc. Unless you can afford to cater the event, have a cleaning service and/or it's already in the works - just don't do it. And not worrying about the mess can be very healthy.

Watch your breathing. Most of us don't breathe enough normally; we take shallow breaths and deprive ourselves of oxygen. Add stress to that and we can even become light-headed. Sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. Inhale slowly and exhale more slowly. You'll be amazed at how relaxed you will feel!

Get enough rest. I have patients tell me that they only sleep 4-5 hours a night. Most research would say they are sleep-deprived. Cut out some TV or computer time at night and get some sleep. And naps are not just for cats. Try one or two...

Make sure you have some quiet, alone time scheduled. The social demands of holiday seasons are high. We are required to interact more with family, co-workers, etc. That can be very tiring, especially if socializing causes you anxiety. Factor in some down-time.

Watch alcohol and food intake. I am not setting a good example by sharing my potato-chip mini-binge above. Spiked eggnog, wine, drinks and high-fat, high-caloric food abound this time of year. Denying yourself any treats this season isn't necessary. But try to eat healthy foods, too.

Plan one fun event just for you. You probably spend much time and effort insuring others are taken care of and entertained this season. Remember to treat yourself - get a manicure, go to a heated driving range, babysit a friend's new puppy or read that new best-seller you've been hoarding.

Watch a favorite holiday movie or show. In an earlier post, I mentioned the film Home for the Holidays. It's great if you want to laugh at family dysfunction. But I'm talking about a sentimental favorite. It's corny and dated, but I love Holiday Inn. Bing Crosby singing "White Christmas" does it for me.

Get some exercise. Most usual exercise routines get abandoned this time of year. We are full of excuses. But exercise is a terrific stress-buster. Take a walk in the snow with your kids or dogs.

Nancy L., LISW, LICDC

Related posts:
Holiday Stress-Reduction Tips - Listen to the Real Experts
Set Realistic Expectations for the Holidays
Strategies for Surviving the Holidays - H.A.L.T.

New Study Shows Anorexics Have Different Brain Patterns

2007-12-04T09:31:00.001+13:00

An article in U.S News & World Report, Brain Activity Points to Origins of Anorexia, cites a study about differences in brain activity between anorexic patients and those who do not have the eating disorder. The study at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine did MRI scans of the brains of 13 "normal" women and 13 recovered anorexic patients while they played a computer game.

The brains of the healthy women showed heightened responses to winning and
losing, while the women with a history of anorexia showed little difference
between winning or losing. Dr. Angela Wagner said of the results, "For
anorexics, then, perhaps it is difficult to appreciate immediate pleasure if it
does not feel much different from a negative experience."

The results of this study, published in the December issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry, suggest that the women with a history of anorexia were more focused on the consequences of their choices during the guessing game.

In another report about the study, the BBC News suggests that this may give us more insight in how anorexics are able to deny themselves the reward of food.

Anorexia has always been associated with a distorted body image - anorexics usually see themselves as fat, even when they are grossly underweight. Research such as this study could be very helpful in determining if there are specific causes and in finding successful treatment protocols.

Teens Open Up to Peer about Drinking

2007-12-03T09:56:00.000+13:00

Awhile ago, I worked as the substance abuse counselor for a small school district. There were many challenging aspects to the job, but the biggest hurdle I encountered was the level of denial from parents, school personnel and the community. "It's not that bad," I would hear repeatedly. Surprisingly, the students were more open with me about the level of drinking and drug use. But as an adult in a position of authority, I could never get the honesty that peers share. So I was excited to learn that recently my 16 year old nephew, Evan Trout, wrote an article about teen drinking. Published in the high school's newspaper, The Lion's Roar, he spoke to his peers about their drinking.

Evan's school is in Gahanna, a predominantly middle-class town in central Ohio. His class is 530 students, which is about 2 1/2 times the size of the classes in the school where I worked. Although the settings are much different, Evan's article demonstrates that both communities have a serious problem with teen drinking. His article, which I've edited for length, is below:

A teenager goes to a party at friend’s house after a football game on a Friday. There’s alcohol at the party, and although he’s never gotten drunk before, he decides he’d rather be cool and just go with the flow.

This is a common occurrence among teens these days. Teen drinking these days is a serious problem and often goes to an extent of which most teachers and adults are unaware.

According to the Primary Prevention Awareness, Attitude and Use Survey (PPAUS), an anonymous questionnaire given to high school age students, approximately 33 percent of students between ninth and 12th grade in Gahanna Lincoln High School drink alcohol at least once a month. This is a problem that stretches much further than the big cities. It has become a serious problem in Gahanna, as some students at Lincoln consume alcohol.

Drinking can be evident in settings throughout Gahanna. According to rumors throughout Lincoln, prior to its football game against Upper Arlington, a number of students were found under the influence of alcohol and some were able to get into the game without the knowledge of security.

Sandy Pershing, an administrator at GLHS, said such actions could have serious consequences. Any student caught drinking at a football game, “would probably get suspended from school."

Mary Anne Albanese, the GLHS Safe and Drug-Free Schools Counselor, said alcohol is the most serious threat to high school students “because of the availability, and sometimes they just don’t take the risk seriously. Also, it is so accepted with friends and family. The top three causes of death among teens are alcohol related."

A major problem that leads to alcohol use is the availability. “I drank anything I could get my hands on: beer, tequila, vodka, 151; scotch was easy to get because my dad has some around a lot,” an unnamed male sophomore said. One drink he recalls was “tequila with Bacardi 151 and coke. It tasted like crap, but an hour later when I got home it hit me like ‘whoa’.” He is now, however, proud to say that he has been alcohol free since middle school and plans on staying sober.

"It made me feel worse the day after, not because of hangovers, but because I knew the next day the choices I was making were really bad and it was just taking a toll on me and my grades suffered. I had a realization,” he said.

Most students do not drink very frequently, but when they do drink, it can lead to problems. One female junior said she drinks “just like once every couple months.” She said she most often drinks vodka and mixed drinks, as well as tequila and Jack Daniels. She does not tell many of her friends about her alcohol use, though. “Probably about like ten people know, so it’s not a well-known thing."

Although she chooses not to share her drinking with others, she does not consider it much of a problem. “I think I’m okay with it, because it’s never really been a problem. It’s not like I have to drink to have fun, so no, it’s not to that point yet,” she said.

Another female junior, however, said she has had bad experiences with alcohol use. At times when she has chosen to drink, it has led to some serious consequences. “I was at a friend’s house and their parents were gone and we started playing pong with vodka and lemonade. I got real drunk and started flirting heavily with some guy, so then we went up to a room and all I remember is I woke up the next morning next to him. It was the first time it ever got out of control.” This was not the only time things have ever gotten out of control for her.

“I went to a party once and there was punch and there was a mix and I didn’t know what was in it. I knew I shouldn’t drink it but I did anyway and got real drunk.” When asked about her preferences, she said she normally would have vodka or tequila when she drank and that beer and wine coolers are “for losers.”

Like the other interviewed girl, not many of her friends were ever aware of what she did.“Not many [know] because I don’t tell my friends because they wouldn’t approve. Just my friends I go to parties with. They’re all older, because I need a ride and a way to get home.”

Besides keeping their habits from friends, these students all had other things in common. They all started drinking at an early age, for one. “I had my first sip at nine,” said the sophomore. The first junior girl also started in sixth grade. Another thing in common is the influence of older friends. Both girls started drinking because older friends encouraged it. All of the teen drinkers tended to avoid beer and use harder drinks, such as vodka and tequila, especially. Some adults have such drinks on occasion, but they may not be keeping them from their children well enough, as is evident in the case of the sophomore boy.

Also, most teen drinkers never saw drinking as much of a problem.

When asked about whether she thought her drinking was a problem, the second
junior girl replied, “No, because I can control myself. I only do because I
enjoy it every once in a while, it’s not like an everyday thing.”

With teen drinking as big of a problem as it is, Albanese said that teachers and parents need to intensify alcohol prevention measures. It needs to start at home. “Parents are very important; they impact teen drinking the most. We need to keep telling them, because they don’t realize it,” Albanese said. She then said that the majority of alcohol use among teens could be prevented by parents.There is room for optimism, Albanese said, as alcohol abuse is decreasing both locally and nationally.

Aside from being very proud of my nephew for having his first article published, I was impressed with his ability to get his peers to open up about their drinking. Several things in the article are particularly alarming to me as an addiction specialist; the age of first use, the easy availability of the alcohol and the parents' lack of awareness. The article underscores that parents, teachers, school administrators and other concerned adults need to be much more aware of the seriousness of this problem.

Nancy L., LISW, LICDC

Give a Caregiver a Break

2007-11-30T09:46:00.002+13:00

A recent local news broadcast featured a local man who is a full-time caregiver for his wife, who is in the advanced stages of a chronic illness. Each year, he attends an Ohio State football game (a huge deal in this area) with his adult son. A volunteer from an association that supports the illness (in this case, multiple sclerosis) stays with the man's wife to facilitate his attendance at the football game.

I liked that the news covered such an event: it spotlighted an important issue that most people don't think much about. People who care for ill partners, parents, other family members or friends desperately need a break. Studies have shown that the stress level for these folks, both emotional and physical, is off the charts. In a research article from The Ohio State University, Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a nationally-known authority on caregiver stress, says that caregiver's life spans are actually shortened by the stress they experience.

“Caregivers showed the same kind of patterns present in the study of mothers of
chronically ill kids,” Glaser said, adding that the changes the team saw
amounted to a shortened lifespan of four to eight years. "We
believe that the changes in these immune cells represent the whole cell
population in the body, suggesting that all the body's cells have aged that same
amount.”

How can caregivers take care of themselves? In an AARP article, Managing the Stress of Caregiving, the following tips are offered:

"Take Care of Your Health

Eat nutritious meals. Don't give in to stress-driven urges for sweets or drink too much alcohol.
Get enough sleep. If you are kept up at night, try a nap during the day to make up some sleep.
Exercise regularly, even if it means finding someone else to provide care while you walk or go to exercise class.
Get regular medical checkups. If you have any symptoms of depression (extreme sadness, trouble concentrating, apathy, hopelessness, thoughts about death), see a doctor right away. Depression is an illness that can, and should, be treated.

Involve Others

Make a list of jobs you need help with. They could include household chores, home repair or maintenance, driving, paying bills, finding information on services you need. Maybe it's simply giving you a break by staying with Mom while you get away for awhile. Ask friends, neighbors and other family members if they could give some time to helping out.

Maintain Social Contacts

Isolation increases stress. Having fun, laughing, and focusing on something besides your problems helps you keep your emotional balance."

What about taking a much-needed break? There are services that provide respite for caregivers. Adult day-care centers can provide care during the week for patients. Volunteers at church organizations will offer to visit and give the caregiver a break. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, More Resources Help Caregivers Help Themselves, an estimated 45 million people care for a loved one. The article states that new evidence is showing that caregivers can better manage if they are given access to resources, such as "counseling sessions, in-home skills training, support groups and assistance juggling care responsibilities."

It makes sense that the strain of caregiving is especially difficult during the holidays. With everyone busy and celebrating, the usual resources may be unavailable. The WSJ article offers a list of Web sites for organizations that can help:

National Family Caregivers Association

National Alliance for Caregiving

Family Caregiver Alliance

AARP

What can you do to help out a caregiver? Offer to give them a break by arranging someone to stay with the patient while you take them to lunch or out shopping for holiday gifts. Or stay with the patient yourself to allow the cargegiver a well-deserved day off. It's important to ask specifically what you can do. A vague offer "to help" isn't really helpful. There is probably a long list of things you can do.

So extend an offer to a caregiver. Your assistance will be invaluable.

Nancy L

Relapse Prevention - Not Just for Alcoholics

2007-11-28T07:01:00.001+13:00

Relapse prevention is one of the most important aspects of addiction treatment. Most newly-recovering patients are so confident that they will never use again that they don't always take it seriously. It's often not until after they relapse that they see the signs in retrospect.

Terence T. Gorski is a leading addictions expert. On his Web site, he lists a comprehensive, 9-step relapse prevention program. One of the key elements is "warning sign management," which is a list a patient makes of his/her particular warning signs and a strategy to address them.

I don't believe we should limit relapse prevention to addiction. I work with all kinds of patients, especially this time of year, on how to manage their symptoms so they don't relapse. For instance, with a hectic schedule, some depressed patients forget to take their medication. Couples who are trying out new, healthier behaviors often "throw out the rule book" while focusing on their holiday plans. People who have problematic eating issues are often tempted to forgo their treatment plans when presented with so many unhealthy food options.

Earlier this month, I posted an old AA-based, relapse tool, HALT. It's a reminder not to get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired over the holidays. The following is kind of an addendum to HALT.

1. Identify your "triggers." Are yours crowds or unfamiliar social situations? Being in places with your credit cards where you will overspend? Watching your baby sister play out her princess role yet again?

2. Write down your triggers and how you will address them. Having a very specific plan for each of your triggers will re-direct you to the thinking/logical response instead of the emotional/reactive response.

3. If at all possible, Avoid. Try to avoid the triggers on your list if possible.

4. Use your support systems. Wrestling with your "demons" alone is tough. Make a list of people who you can call or visit when you feel "unsafe" and tempted to ignore your relapse prevention plan.

Now, go work on your own plan.

Nancy L

Is "Cyber Monday" Fueling Your Shopping Addiction?

2007-11-27T08:23:00.001+13:00

In the U.S., "Black Friday" has traditionally been the shopping day after Thanksgiving on which retailers have their highest sales."Cyber Monday," a recent name given to the Monday after Thanksgiving, is a high-traffic day for online shopping. I admit when I started writing this post, I had to pop onto Amazon.com to see if there were any irresistible deals!

Most people joke about the "shop 'til you drop" mentality or "retail therapy" and we're all familiar with the stereotypical woman shopper who cruises the malls, her fist crammed with credit cards. But compulsive shopping behaviors do exist and can be very damaging.

Not Every Behavior is an Addiction

As an substance abuse/dependence specialist, I tire of anything and everything being labeled an "addiction." I would prefer to discuss some of these compulsive behaviors as problematic by degrees. Most of us experience a "high" when we buy something new for ourselves or find the perfect gift. There are definite addictive qualities to serious compulsive shopping. But is it accurate to compare a moderate shopping habit to a heroin addiction? What do other experts have to say?

WebMd.com addresses the difference between a harmless pastime and problem behavior in the article, "Shopping Spree or Addiction?" "Compulsive shopping and spending are defined as inappropriate, excessive, and out of control," says Donald Black, M.D., professor of psychiatry at University of Iowa College of Medicine.

According to Addictions.org, the compulsive spending cycle mimics that of other addictive cycles,

"Because they lose their ability to buy within their means they are constantly in financial trouble and often dogged by collection agencies. When the "high" of shopping dissipates they are left with the guilt and shame so characteristic of the addiction cycle. The guilt and shame may contain the urge
for a short while but ultimately it leads to the need to alleviate the bad feelings through another bout of spending."

Take the Self-Test

If you have concerns that your shopping behavior is becoming problematic, take the following Self-Test at Addicted.com.

My own professional criteria for any compulsive behavior becoming unhealthy is a simple question, "Is the behavior causing problems for you or anyone else?" If you answer "yes," then you might want to consider getting some help.

Getting Help

Start by looking in your local phone book under "Addiction" " to find treatment centers that can help answer your specific questions. 12-Step or Alcoholics Anonymous groups have resources for most addictive behaviors. Do a Web search on "addiction" or "compulsive behaviors."

But keep in mind, the majority of people who enjoy shopping at this time of year do not have addictive, potentially problematic behaviors.

Nancy L

Holiday Stress-Reduction Tips - Listen to the Real Experts

2007-11-26T06:25:00.001+13:00

With Thanksgiving behind us, now we are in the sprint towards Hanukkah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, New Year's, etc. Take a deeeep breath.

I spent Thanksgiving at a neighbor's where I was able to eat other people's favorite foods and watch family dynamics with an objective eye. It was very enjoyable. But I noticed the conversation inevitably turned to a panicked, "I have so much to do before _____!"

A recent article in the Baltimore Sun, Taking a holiday from the Holiday Stresses, takes a bit of a different approach to the topic. Reporter Meredith Cohn cautions us to be aware of where the stress-reduction tips are coming from and be discriminating when reading advice from so-called "experts." She quotes Thomas J. Capo, a psychology lecturer at the University of Maryland,

"I'd say the No. 1 concern is that you want to be able to discriminate good
advice from the rest of it, most of which tends to be bogus. In order to qualify
as 'good advice,' it needs to be backed by good science, rather than
'testimonials' or so-called 'common sense."

Cohn also spoke with Mark Gorkin, the StressDoc, who points out (somewhat tongue-in-cheek), "Holiday blues is that feeling of loss or sadness that you have over the holiday when, for whatever reason, you can't be with those people who have been or are special and significant. And holiday stress is...when you have to be with some of those people!"

Gorkin, a licensed clinical social worker, author of "Practice Safe Stress" and motivational speaker (The Stress Doc) - who is an expert, elaborates further on holiday stress in his classic holiday article "Four F's of Holiday Friction."

"Here are 'The Four 'F's of Holiday Friction: Fantasies, Family, Food and Finances.'

1. Fantasies. First, the idyllic image of the holidays portrayed by the media seems so out of touch with reality, it's enough to make you overload on eggnog (with or without the alcohol).Another pressure is the internalized memories we carry around. I recall my friend Linda, a single parent at the time, berating herself because she couldn't keep up with the holidays - the cooking, the shopping, the house decorations, etc. - the way her mother had. Of course, Linda's mom did not work outside the home. I also recall Linda observing that, as a successful professional, she now has the money but lacks the time for the season. Previously, when she wasn't working, she had plenty of time and no money: The "Holiday Catch-22."And, finally, this season turns most of us into sentimental jelly fish, just waiting to get entangled in the arms of that "true love." Hey, I'm not saying that Mr. or Ms. Holiday Hopeful is as possible or as real as Santa Claus. (My motto: "I no longer count on nor discount any possibility.") Just don't let childhood longings and memories and voices transform you into a frantic, salivating, love-crazed inner child.The key to managing this friction: gently embrace, don't cling, to magical memories. Discover a blend of magical realism that helps you balance love, work and play in the present.

2. Family. There are so many permutations in families these days, it's got to get a bit confusing. For separated families, a poignant question: which parent (or grandparents) will we be with for Thanksgiving, for Christmas, for New Years? I vividly remember an eight year old's lament: "Why can't we just be one family again?"Another common family issue is when a holiday gathering turns into a competitive arena for sibling rivalry, along with a desire for long-standing recognition and approval. And if you find in these family therapy sessions, I mean holiday reunions, that you can't resist trying to change the attitude and behavior of the parent (sibling or child) that "makes you crazy," patterns which have resisted influence attempts for decades...maybe there's only one solution. Have you thought about getting far out of town for the holidays?

3. Food. The holidays turn most of us into bingeaholics. Running helter skelter, not stopping for lunch, overdosing on the cookies and chocolate that a colleague has brought to work. And discipline at a party is a contradiction in terms. This caloric chaos is not surprising considering the biggest role model of the holidays looks like he hasn't met a single gram of fat in two hundred years that he doesn't love. Hey, Santa Claus hasn't been doing his aerobic workouts either. But wait...Appoint a designated nagger, who will gently remind you when you are overdoing it. Don't chat hovering around the buffet table. Take reasonable portions and move away. Now replace food with some food for thought. And face it, no matter what you do, or don't do, you are likely to add some pounds on the holidays. So go to the malls and walk briskly for thirty minutes before you start the shopping splurge. You'll spend less and, probably, will eat less as well.

4. Finances. The holidays heighten our monetary consciousness -- from the end of the year financial and psychological accounting (did we meet our financial/family security and career goals?) to the never-ending list of holiday gifts. And as the great Russian novelist, Dostoevsky, noted: "Consciousness is depression!" For the first issue, seek a budget counselor, a CPA, a career counselor or even a mental health specialist. For the last, "just say no" to your child's "toy lust." Give your child choices; explain why there are limits. Try this holiday mantra: "Presence not just presents." This season, invest time, not just money. For big families, be creative. Divide up the gift list with other relatives. You shouldn't have to buy something for everyone. Making a gift definitely adds a personal touch. And, finally, don't overlook a very important person. Get a special gift for yourself.So the holidays may be a stressful time; a time of feelings of loss and sadness. But with a little higher power humor it also, can be a source of creative expression and sharing."

So when everyone from your neighbor, the TV news anchor and your mother offers tips on reducing holiday stress, be selective and seek out the experts.

Nancy L

2007-11-22T06:11:00.001+13:00

Have a safe, sane and restful Thanksgiving!

TXT HELTH NFO 2 U?

2007-11-22T05:17:00.000+13:00

What if your doctor or dentist sent you a text message on your mobile phone to remind you of your appointment? Sent you test results? What if the health department sent you a message warning of STDs and reminding you to wear a condom? Sound far fetched? It's happening now.

A Wall Street Journal article, don't 4get ur pills: Text Messaging for Health, discusses the new practice of text messaging health information to patients via cellphones. It is argued that it is a better means to deliver information to patients than leaving messages on their voice mail and unlike email, doesn't need an email device.

"In England, women have received text reminders to take their birth-control
pills. In Australia, texting helped AIDS patients adhere to complicated drug
regimens."

According to the WSJ article, most programs that deliver text messages don't cost anything other than what phone plans are already charging for texting.

The Web site, Technology, Health and Development has pulled together some really interesting research on many of the available phone messaging programs now available world-wide.

As a mental health clinician, I have mixed feelings about such readily accessible health information for patients. On the one hand, I applaud the ease and efficiency of it. But I have serious reservations about patient privacy.

What do you think? Does the benefit outweigh privacy concerns? Let me know.

Myth of Holiday Suicides Perpetuated By the Media

2007-11-21T06:41:00.000+13:00

Most of us have a common belief that people with depression have a difficult time during the holidays. I can only speak to what I've seen in my therapy practice - patients with a depressive disorder often struggle more with symptoms during the holidays, but it isn't always the case. What about suicide? We often read in the news that the number of suicides increases during the holiday season. But not only have studies proved that to be an inaccuracy, the media is now acknowledging that they have been in error.

I first saw this reported in the Wall Street Journal Health Blog. Shirley S. Wang reports,

"Between late ‘99 and early ‘06 more than 40% of newspaper stories that reported on suicide during the holidays perpetuated the myth that the holiday season led to a rise in the suicide rate, according to an analysis released yesterday by the Annenberg Public Policy Center of the University of Pennsylvania."

According to a NYU Medical Center article, True or False: Depression and Suicide Rates Rise During the Holiday Season, the opposite is true: Suicide rates actually drop in the winter months and rise in the spring.

Another organization, Suicide and Mental Health Association International (SMHAI) has an in-depth report on the press's reporting inaccuracies.

It is heartening, however, that the press is acknowledging it's role in perpetuating this myth. In a particularly astute opinion piece from 2005, USA Today's DeWayne Wickman chides his colleagues for linking the suicide of a famous football coach's son to the Christmas holiday.

This does not mean that we all shouldn't be more watchful of those we care about who display depression symptoms this time of year. It is simply a reminder that when it comes to mental health, the media often gets it wrong and that we should do more of our own research when we see these headlines.

Choose Not to Star in Your Dysfunctional Family's Holiday Drama

2007-11-20T10:06:00.000+13:00

"Family relationships" is always a loaded topic. But during the holidays, it's foremost in our minds. We all play a role in our family. What is your role? And can you choose not to play it this year?

Family Systems

Many theoretical concepts are used in the practice of family therapy. One of the most common is family systems therapy. This is based on the theory that the family is the identified patient and examines the relationships and communication patterns within the family. A comprehensive look at this theory can be read at Serendip.com.

Family Roles

Out of family systems theory, grew an examination of the roles within families with addiction issues. In such dysfunctional families, children often take on a role, such as "scapegoat," "hero child," or "lost child." Scapegoat is fairly self-explanatory. The family, due to denial, is unable to address the real problem - the alcoholic or addict's use, so they blame another family member. This is usually the child who gets into trouble at school or with the law. The hero child is the one getting good grades, never in trouble, etc. The family can point to this child and say, "there's nothing wrong with THIS family!" The lost child is often the quiet one who sits in the corner playing with toys. Without help for the family, all these children are at risk for health and mental health issues.

Claudia Black, PhD, MSW, a pioneer author and lecturer on recovery and family addiction is an excellent resource. I highly recommend her workbook, "Repeat After Me," which has exercises to break dysfunctional family roles.

In a less clinical examination, most of us have a role in our family. Sometimes it's the older brother who always takes charge, the care-taking sister who "knows what's best" for everyone or the "baby," who just by virtue of being the youngest, gets all the attention. What about "slacker brother who can't keep a job" or "thrice-divorced sister who can't keep a man?" The latter is extreme, but the general idea is universal.

Choose to Step Out of Your Role

It might not be fair to label each other this way, but sometimes it's more comfortable for our family members to see us in these familiar roles. But that doesn't mean you have to assume or play that role forever. Your family may have an adjustment period, but they will have to adapt to your new role.

Healthy families can joke about their family roles. Being open and direct about your role and expressing your feelings can help your family have a better understanding of how dysfunctional it can be. One of my favorite movies is a comedic examination of family roles - "Home for the Holidays" Rent or borrow it this season.

Set Realistic Expectations for the Holidays

2007-11-19T11:23:00.000+13:00

Last week I posted the first in a series about surviving the holidays. We are almost on the eve of Thanksgiving in the U.S., so let's talk about keeping our expectations for the holidays on a realistic level.

We are all victims of every media-driven image of Happy Holidays - from cherished old movies, holiday music CDs that every artist seems to release, holiday-themed magazine articles to our own family and friend's ideas of the perfect gathering.

Although it may sound like the "glass is half empty" mentality, I try to keep my expectations for the holidays quite low. I hope to see people I care about, have some extra time with my spouse, pick out some fun gifts and enjoy seasonal foods. Beyond that, I don't expect much. If some special things happen, I'm pleasantly surprised.

The following is a handout I usually give to patients this time of year. Years ago, I started passing them out to newly-recovering patients in drug and alcohol treatment. As the holidays are key times for relapse, it serves as a reminder about "acceptance." Acceptance of our family relationships and ourselves as less than perfect beings. The author is anonymous.

Holidays

Holiday time is here: so is the challenge to treat one another with grace and to remember the importance of the connections between us.

It isn't easy, so here are a few rules:

Take very good care of yourself so you aren't stressed out or crabby.

Don't expect or attempt perfection; settle for anything short of a disaster.

Don't ask if the pies are homemade.

Don't correct or criticize anyone.

Choose to be happy, not right.

Don't care who gets the credit for whatever.

Avoid competition and comparison; don't keep score.

Give up playing martyr or victim.

When in doubt, keep quiet.

Remember, very few things are important.

Then thank everyone for staying alive so you can love or hate them for another year. Your family may not be perfect, but they're yours!

Strategies for Surviving the Holidays - H.A.L.T.

2007-11-15T08:52:00.000+13:00

As we head into the holiday season, I'm going to post a series of "survival" tips. You are probably very familiar with the stress-reduction suggestions that usually appear everywhere this time of year. But hopefully, these will serve as a reminder.

So what is H.A.L.T.?

HALT is an acronym that serves as a relapse-prevention tool people in early recovery from alcohol and drug addiction have in their repertoire. It's a handy reminder of behaviors/states of minds/situations that are triggers to relapse. But it doesn't just apply to addiction, it can work for all of us.

H - Don't Get Too Hungry

Hunger can be a trigger to drink or use. But how many of us starve ourselves in anticipation of a holiday event and then binge when we get there?

A - Don't Get Angry

When we aren't in control of our emotions, it can lead to unhealthy and/or nonproductive behaviors.

L - Be Careful of Being Lonely

Isolation and social withdrawal is often a precursor to relapse. It is also a symptom of depression and some types of anxiety. Spend time with people who support you.

T - Don't Be Too Tired

Be careful of wearing yourself out. Most of us can make bad decisions when we are overly tired.

HALT is a simple tool, but an easy way to remember some very effective means of self-care during the holidays.

Using Your Personal Power - You Can Learn to Be Assertive

2007-11-14T08:24:00.000+13:00

Saying "no" and setting limits doesn't come easily to most people. It becomes especially difficult during the holiday season as we try to make everyone around us happy, often at the expense of our own well-being. How can we take better care of ourselves? Women, in particular, have a very hard time being assertive. We are socialized at a young age to defer to others. For years in my therapy and substance abuse counseling practice, I've led women's groups. A topic I always cover is assertiveness and I believe it's a skill we can all learn.

What is the definition of "assertive?" It comes from the root asserio, which means "to step forward." Most dictionary resources I looked at included the word aggressive. But I feel that "aggressive" is a totally different concept. The definition that seems most appropriate is, "describes someone who behaves confidently and is not frightened to say what they want or believe." Assertiveness is a way to express your personal power. A handout I give members of my women's groups is:

Personal Power

is your ability

to get what you want

in ways that maintain

respect and dignity

for yourself

and others

What's the difference between Assertive and Aggressive?

Unfortunately, the two words are often interchangeable in our society. Aggression also means that you express yourself and ask for what you want, but it often violates the rights of others. Picture someone getting in your face to make their point in an argument. More extreme forms of aggression include physical threats and harm.

What about Passive?
Merriam-Webster defines passive as, "acted upon by an external agency" and "receptive to outside impressions or influences." In the slang vernacular, you might be referred to as a "doormat." Deferring to others or compromising are often necessary in relationships. But if you are passive to the point that none of your needs are met, then it isn't healthy.

Take an Assertiveness Quiz
I really like this quiz at the Leadersdirect Web site. This site is obviously addressing this issue in the work environment. Human resource departments often have assertiveness training workshops for their employees. But the training and principles can apply to personal interactions, too.

Learning to be more assertive
Becoming more assertive takes practice. I have patients do role plays with me or each other in group in order to apply assertiveness to situations they encounter. One I use often is the following:

Role-play a family member asking you to come to a family function:

Family member: "We're having a birthday party for
Susie Friday night and we hope you'll be there."
You: Well, it's nice of you to include us, but we
have a dinner planned with Barb's boss."
Family member: "You can't miss this party! She
only turns 35 once!"
You: "Mom, there will be other big events that we
will plan on celebrating with the family. But with our schedules, we need to
plan ahead. Sorry, but we have this commitment."
Family member: "I understand and we'll miss you
and will be thinking about you."

I like this example because it is a situation we all find ourselves in. Pressure from family is hard to take because it plays on our guilt and all those childhood tapes playing in our heads about obligation and being "good."

More ways to practice assertiveness
At Coping.org, there is a very thorough listing of assertive "rights" and many exercises for Improving Assertive Behavior. Take some time to check out how you can begin to take better care of yourself by becoming more assertive.