Chad Finn's Touching All The Bases

Looking for me?

2008-06-12T15:23:00.000-04:00

I'm over here.

You find out who your friends are

2008-04-18T21:03:00.014-04:00

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Wonder if Pistons fans are aware that Kevin Garnett's good buddy Chauncey Billups advised him, when KG was uncertain if Boston was the right fit, that accepting a deal here would be a wise career move, in part because it would be "easier to win." You have to give Billups credit for being a loyal friend, though should the Celtics bounce the Pistons from the postseason, I wouldn't blame Detroit fans for questioning his loyalty to them.

2. Sure, I admit it. I've hopped aboard the Bruins' playoff bandwagon much in the same way noted college hoops aficionado Bill Simmons suddenly thinks he's some sage combination of Jay Bilas and Pat Forde every March. So take my opinion on this with a whole shaker of salt, but from my mildly informed perspective, it seems like Claude Julien has handled his team brilliantly in this series. Consider: After a gruesome Game 1, he decides his team's only chance of making this a series is to emphasize smart aggression and discipline, so he sits talented softie Phil Kessel. That strategy works for the most part and the Bruins scrap to make it a series, yet they struggle to put the puck in the net, so Julien brings back a clearly motivated Kessel for Game 5. Not only does Kessel (who looks like a young Gary Busey) score a goal, but he tries to do all the little things that he usually avoids. Pretty astute coaching and knowledge of your personnel, I'd say.

3. One more Bruins item: Got a kick out of watching the Montreal "faithful" stream out of Le Ribbit Centre Thursday night after the Bruins took a two-goal lead with about 10 minutes remaining. Who knew those little towels they like to wave were actually white flags? In that sense, the Canadiens fans reminded me quite a bit of Yankees fans, except with a much better command of English.

4. Just can't imagine the Falcons will spend that No. 3 overall pick on BC quarterback Matt Ryan. They've already had Joey Harrington once.

5. Manny's turning Mike Mussina into his personal batting-practice pitcher while crushing the ball like he's 28 again. Papi's hitting like he's possessed by the ghost of Calvin Pickering (until last night, thank goodness). And strangely enough, both developments have left me with the same thought: Man, we've been so lucky to watch these two phenomenal hitters do their thing all these years. Savor it while it lasts, because, damn, is it ever going to be a bummer when it ends.

6. Having seen him quite a few times for the Sea Dogs last season, I can say with confidence that defensively, Jed Lowrie will never be an everyday major league shortstop. His range is Jeterian, and his arm isn't all that accurate. But the kid's going to be a good hitter for a middle infielder - it wouldn't shock me if he duplicated Mark Loretta's career - and it is barely an exaggeration to say he's helped the Sox more in his first week here than shortstop incumbent Julio Lugo has in a year-plus.

7. Though you, me, Todd McShay, and especially Mel Kiper have no idea what they are going to do, the hunch here is that the Patriots will spend the No. 7 pick on one of the recent graduates of Jacked And Pumped University - linebacker Keith Rivers or defensive lineman Sedrick Ellis. I just can't see them taking a cornerback in that spot. (And with that said, watch, they'll take a cornerback in that spot.)

8. Of all the wonderful developments with the Celtics this season, one of the most satisfying is the emergence of Leon Powe as a tough, reliable, and remarkably efficient force off the bench. My only question is this: What took so long, Doc? I never understood why Powe couldn't get significant minutes on last season's flame-engulfed zeppelin of a basketball team.

9. I don't think I laughed more than once or twice during the first 20 minutes of "The Office" Thursday, and I have to admit, I caught myself wondering whether this uneven fourth season is a sign that the show has lost its way, that it would never be as hilarious and heartwarming as it was in its outstanding second and third seasons. But damned if the writers didn't redeem themselves entirely in the final 10 minutes. Not only was the Jim/Pam twist brilliant in that it restored the pleasant tension that has been missing since they got together, but it was also nice to see Kevin step out of his usual role as a caricature. Consider my faith restored that this show will find greatness again by season's end.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

This is easily my favorite Onion item since . . . well, since the last column by Jim Anchower, probably. The strange thing is, Williams actually looked like he was encased in cement his last few seasons in center field.

* * *

Just a quick note to let you know I'll be loading all the Random Baseball Cards and other silly trinkets into the U-Haul and heading over to Boston.com for good this Tuesday. Yep, the move is officially official, officially. I'll post a link here that will point you toward TATB's new home, and of course I hope all of you will check out the new neighborhood. - CF

TATB Live: Sox-Yankees

2008-04-13T19:44:00.044-04:00

Yup, I'm here. Joining me are the Baseball Prospectus, the Baseball America Prospect handbook, the Bill James handbook, a matching pair of Shipyard IPAs, and my already bored wife, who between sighs mentions she would much rather be watching something called "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" on, I'm assuming, Lifetime. Fortunately, I have removed the batteries from the remote. I predict she'll catch on to my scam sometime around the fifth inning. (Oh, okay, she's actually being sweet enough to DVR the ridiculous thing. The best marriages are based on compromise, my children. Sincerely, Dr. Phil.)

Anyway, baseball. The big news of the night so far: No Papi. Tito Francona wisely gave his frustrated, .070-hitting designated hitter a much-needed night off, and that tells you all you need to know about the value of Sox-Yankees games in April. I have a feeling both Papi and Derek Jeter (who has not played in this series due to a dislocated girdle . . . er, strained quad) would be in the lineup tonight if this were August.

One other pregame observation: As a reader pointed out in the comments on the last post, this is huge one for Dice-K, at least as far as April ballgames go. He's had two terrific starts in a row, aggressively challenging hitters and pitching with what seems to be increased confidence - Gammons just mentioned that he looks "comfortable in his second act," an articulate way of putting it - but we all know this Yankees' lineup is traditionally relentless and disciplined. And Matsuzaka certainly had his troubles with them last year, posting a 6.12 ERA in four starts while walking 13 batters in 25 innings. Is he up for the task? I'm hopeful considering how he pitched in his last start against Detroit, but we'll know for sure in about three hours. Maybe four. Hell, with these teams, probably six.

All right, the game's underway, and I'm already falling behind here. Hopefully we won't say the same thing about Dice-K too often tonight.

FIRST INNING
Two walks (Damon, Abreu) in the first three batters. Not what we had in mind there, Mr. Matsuzaka. Didn't you read the intro? Fortunately, A-Rod is already in his mid-autumn form, and obligingly rolls Dice-K's first pitch to Kevin Youkilis, who starts the 5-4-3 double play. It's amazing how A-Rod can justifiably be considered the best player in the game, and yet fans of the Yankees' opponent don't mind seeing him at the plate in big situations. I mean, he hit 54 homers last year. More than a few of them must have been meaningful, right?

Jon Miller tells us that Yankees starter Phil Hughes (who I am convinced will be a legitimate No. 1 starter, someone who will still be winning in the majors when Joba Chamberlain has a scar on his elbow and Chris Farley's midsection) grew up a Red Sox fan. I knew there was a reason I kind of like the kid.

Jacoby Ellsbury works a walk, bolts for second, and zips over to third when Jose Molina's throw sails wide into center field. There's no doubt he's an absolutely electric athlete who makes things happen on the bases. I'm just not convinced - yet - that he's a disciplined enough hitter to make it to first base with any consistency. I'll admit it: I still think Coco Crisp is a better option in center field for this season. I imagine all of my Pink Hatted readers will cancel their subscriptions now.

Hughes whiffs Dustin Pedroia on a 3-2 count, then walks J.D. Drew, batting in the No. 3 spot while Papi takes his mental health break. Hughes is doing what we worried Dice-K would, struggling with his command and racking up a high pitch count in the early going. For all of Hughes's talent, it's easy to forget he's only 21, three years younger than Clay Buchholz.

Heeeere's Manny with runners at the corners. Care to walk him now, Girardi? (Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Nope. And Manny makes the Yankees pay yet again, roping one over Robinson Cano's head to score Ellbury, and it's 1-0, Sox. Jon Miller tells us that's Manny's 154th career RBI against the Yankees. Someone needs to get that statistic to that washed-out clown Mike Adams immediately.

Make that 2-0, thanks to a Youkilis sacrifice fly. Just another little thing he does well. He had five sac flies last year and 11 in '06.

Sean Casey rockets a ground-rule double into the rightfield seats (Miller calls it an "automatic double"), and I'm officially convinced that Casey (a.k.a. The Nicest Guy In Baseball!) is not the second coming of J.T. Snow. He's been absolutely terrific filling in since Mike Lowell got hurt.

Hughes crosses up Molina, the baseball ends up at the backstop, and Manny saunters home for a 3-0 Sox lead. Miller reminds us that Hughes is the youngest Yankee pitcher to start a game at Fenway since this guy:

Hughes finally escapes the inning, but not after throwing 39 pitches. According to my abacus, he's on pace for a 351-pitch, complete-game, 27-0 loss. Hope it happens for him.

SECOND INNING
Dice-K walks Hideki Matsui to lead off the inning. Exactly what you're supposed to do with a 3-0 lead. Geez.

After falling behind 3-1 to Jorge Posada, Dice-K battles back and gets him to foul out to Jason Varitek. Encouraging. By the way, Posada is DHing again tonight because of a "dead" throwing arm. As far as I'm concerned, the thing could be severed, and he'd still scare the hell out of me with runners on base.

My apologies for the sarcasm after the Matsui walk; it's an easy, breezy inning for Dice-K, who gets Giambi to pop to Ellsbury in left, the retires the next batter on a fielder's choice.

Crisp leads off by dropping a bunt down the third base line. A-Rod, who is distracted while applying his rouge, recovers to field the ball, but Crisp beats his throw by the edge of a cleat. To be honest, I thought he was out.

One out later, and Crisp on third, Ellsbury hits a little popup to shallow left. Temporary Yankees shortstop Alberto Gonzalez races back and makes a running catch. Jeter immediately bursts into tears. "But that's my signature play!," wails the captain. Just wait 'til Gonzalez breaks out the fist pump. There will be blood.

Joe Morgan, who isn't annoying me as much as usual tonight, probably because I'm distracted by this thing, says that Ellsbury has trouble with the inside fastball. The cold truth hits me hard: Oh, my God. I agree with Joe Morgan. Please, don't let Ken Tremendous know about this.

THIRD INNING
After retiring Gonzalez on a smooth defensive play by Julio Lugo, Dice-K walks Damon for the second time tonight. That's his fourth walk in 2.3 innings. Miller notes he's not pitching to contact. Sigh.

After Damon swipes second, Dice-K battles back from yet another 3-1 count to get the dangerous Robinson Cano to popup. The radar gun readings on his fastball tonight aren't great - 90, 91, 92 - but Cano was late on three straight heaters. The point here is twofold: 1) Dice-K seems to have better late movement on his fastball this season than he did at any point a year ago. 2) He needs to throw the damn thing earlier in the count rather than messing around with the soft stuff all the time.

Well, the Yankees get one back, thanks to an Abreu wall scraper that plates Damon, making it 3-1, Sox. Fortunately, A-Rod is next, and he graciously pops to Casey in foul ground to stall the threat.

By the way, I can't tell if Casey is a good defensive first baseman or not. I know he used to be, but he's had some awkward moments with the glove so far.

Gammons pops in with a rehash of the teams' offseason flirtation with Johan Santana. I always thought he'd end up in the Bronx, so I considered it a Sox victory when he was swapped to the other New York ballclub instead. And for the record, I'm still not convinced he's the pitcher he was two years ago; he gave up a home run to Gabe Kapler yesterday, for heaven's sake.

Drew leads off the Sox half with a walk. Someone mentioned in the comments on the last post that he's my "whipping boy." Not true. Lugo's my whipping boy. Drew's my scourge. Get it straight. Actually, to be completely honest, I've really enjoyed watching Drew hit this season - he makes it look so easy when he's locked in, something we didn't get to see last season right up until he dug in for his fateful at-bat against Fausto Carmona. I believe he's capable of a big year, and that he has the talent to justify the contract the Red Sox gave him. I still don't get what they ever saw in Lugo, however, and that's the difference.

Just saw a couple of Sox fans wearing t-shirts that said, "L.M.B. Yankees." I'm not sure if I should be proud or not when I say I broke the code in about .00094 seconds.

Manny singles, Youkilis singles to score Drew, and Mighty Casey singles to score Manny as Damon's "throw" trickles without purpose through the infield. (C'mon, I know I'm not the only one who snickered.) It's 5-1, Sox, and Hughes's night is done. For the record, 19-year-old Jose Rijo's first start at Fenway didn't go much better, and he turned out to be an outstanding pitcher.

Ross Ohlendorf in for Hughes. This kid has a good arm, but after he retires Crisp on a grounder Giambi (whose range has improved since he got the giant hypodermic needle surgically removed from his $*$), he bounced one past Molina as Youkilis cruises home. Make it 6-1, and I'm beginning to think this game will end about this time tomorrow night.

RBI single for Ellsbury. 7-1, Sox. Hughes's final line: 2 innings, 6 hits, 7 runs, 6 earned, 3 walks, 3 Ks. His ERA this season: A nice, even 9.00. Gruesome. Still think he's better long-term than Joba the Midge Whisperer, though.

Morgan seems annoyed that Papi isn't in the lineup. You know this never would have happened on the World Champion 1975 Cincinnati Reds. "Let me tell you, Jon, Tony Perez never missed an inning, even after he lost an arm to gangrene and was stricken with polio! Did I mention we won the World Series that year? They called us the Big Red Machine, Jon. I was the MVP . . . "

FOURTH INNING
Crisp misjudges a fly ball by Matsui. I haven't seen him do that since '06, when his GPS was occasionally faulty. I still don't understand how he improved by so much defensively in just one season. I imagine it must be credited to his work ethic or his improved familiarity with Fenway.

Dice-K doesn't seem particularly interested in making this easy. Sure, Crisp cost him one out, but a walk to Giambi and a Molina RBI double make it 7-2, and Gonzalez follows with a nine-pitch at-bat that culminates with an RBI single to center. It's 7-3 and on the verge of being a ballgame again, and Dice-K is back to nibbling against mediocre hitters. Maddening.

Gonzalez has played well in this serious - that was a classic Jeter at-bat he just put together - but the kid is not, as Morgan suggests, a very good hitter. Nor will he be a star, as Morgan says Jason Giambi predicted. Here is Baseball Prospectus's take on him:

His glove will inspire someone to give him a shot at some point. His bat is off of the Rey Sanchez shelf - better than Tony Pena Jr.'s, but that's all.

I'm willing to bet a Tony Pena Sr. rookie card (book value: 75 cents) that BP is a better predictor of Gonzalez's future than noted superscout Giambi is.

Dice-K gets out of it, but not before allowing another run on a Damon sac fly, scoring Molina, who makes it home safely despite running like he's carrying his brothers on his back. It's 7-4, good guys, and it should not be this close.

Drew just shook his head in disagreement after being called out on strikes. That might be the most infuriated I've ever seen him. Look out, water cooler! (Seriously, for the most part I prefer that approach to the faux rage that the previous No. 7 for the Sox would exhibit whenever the man was keeping him down.)

Just when I was about to praise the relentlessness of the Sox offense, Varitek kills a bases-loaded, no-out situation with a dinky 4-6-3 double play. But man, does he ever hustle back to the dugout to put his gear on! (Sorry. The booze makes me extra snarky.)

FIFTH INNING
Dice-K gets Abreu looking. I'm a believer in making the pitchers work and the value of a high OBP, but sometimes Abreu looks like he's not particularly interested in swinging. There's a point where patience becomes passivity.

Morgan thinks they'll leave Dice-K in for five innings so he can get the win. That's the first truly ridiculous thing I've heard him say tonight, but he still hasn't matched the idiocy of McCarver yesterday, who claimed that Varitek getting thrown out at second by 10 yards was a good baserunning play. I think my brain is hemorraging from trying to solve that one.

Dice-K's at 112 pitches through 4 2/3ds. God, he's excruciating. He teases us by breezing through Abreu and A-Rod for the first two outs, but then walks Matsui (his sixth of the night), and Posada ropes a single to left. Here's Giambi as the tying run . . .

. . . and Crisp hauls in his laser. Exhale. I think I'm sweating as profusely as Giambi right now. He must go through a dozen shirts a day.

So, think Dice-K (116 pitches) has another inning left in him? With Papelbon unavailable and Okajima also due for a day of rest, they might need to try to push him through another inning or two. At least you know that he'd just as soon stay out there for 150 pitches.

Just peeked over for the Bruins score. Glad to see they got one. I'm obviously no Gallery God - I think the last time I mentioned them on this blog was when Joe Thornton was traded - but I do follow them and I've been impressed by how they get they most out of very limited talent this season. Julien seems to know what he's doing.

Okay, back to the regularly scheduled programming, the Sox go 1-2-3 in their half, and frankly, at this point, I'm fine with that.

SIXTH INNING
David Aardsma in for Dice-K. I'm encouraged by him, though I have a general distrust for unproven power arms with mediocre command. (I'm talking about you, Blaine Neal.)

Jon Miller mentions that Aardsma replaced Hank Aaron as the first name in the Baseball Encylopedia. C'mon, you knew he couldn't resist.

Aardsma gets Molina to ground out, but walks Gonzalez and Damon back to back. Ugh. Just throw strikes, Meat. That's now a Mantei-like six in six innings for Aardsma this season, and the Yankees have eight walks tonight. Their patience - or the Sox pitchers' lack of command - is keeping them in this game.

Abreu. Can of corn to left. Only the Pink Hats thought it was gone. Of course, I'm now biting my nails and perspiring like the entire Giambi family, including the legendarily super-sweaty Momma G. (Okay, I made that up. But it could be true. Jason got his glandular woes from someone.)

Pedroia hits a rope off the wall, but hesitates slightly around first, and Matsui's crappy throw is just good enough to get him at second. Somewhere, Tim McCarver nods in approval and says to his male nurse, "Now that's great baserunning, son. Can I have my Ovaltine now?"

Gammons tells us Pedroia's hands are the same size as his. I'm not sure what that means, but I fear it's teetering on Too Much Information.

Drew and Manny go quietly against LaTroy Hawkins, and A-Rod is due to leadoff the seventh for New York. This is the perfect time for him to hit a home run - down three with no one on base.

SEVENTH INNING
I'll admit it - I loved the story of the buried Ortiz jersey in the foundation of the new Yankees stadium. You know Hank Steinbrenner would have done everything but fire nuclear missiles at the site if his minions couldn't find the damn thing. If Dr. Steinberg still worked his schmaltz for the Sox, the construction worker who buried the shirt would have thrown out the first pitch tonight.

Aardsma gets A-Rod to fly to right. Huh. I thought this was his moment. Matsui and Posada also go feebly, with a smooth scoop by Casey ending the inning, and that's just what the doctor ordered. Damn, these Sox-Yankees games are a grind. Where's Greg Maddux when you need him?

Sox go in order. Cool with me. Let's get this win in the books and get out of here.

EIGHTH INNING
Oh, Lord, no . . . a Timlin sighting. Shouldn't have counted my victories before they've hatched.

And wouldn't you know it, Giambi takes him deep for the second time in three days, and it's 7-5, Sox. I probably should have learned my lesson about writing off Timlin last year . . . but the guy is 42 years old, and I think John Farrell has better stuff at this point. Are we sure Okajima can't get a couple outs?

Molina, who has been a complete pain-in-the-Steinbrenner in this series, singles, and pinch hitter Melky Cabrera follows with another hit. Get Timlin out of there, Tito. He's fooling no one but you.

Javier Lopez, in to face Damon. Just when I was about to look up his numbers against lefties last year - I don't recall them being good - he breaks Damon's bat and Pedroia makes a savvy tag-and-throw double play to lower our blood pressure a bit. A job well done on all counts.

For what it's worth, lefties hit .293 with an .810 OPS against Lopez last season. Righties? .176/.565. He is not a lefty specialist, despite the funky motion and repertoire of slop.

And whaddaya know: Lopez gets Cano to ground out to Pedroia, thus holding lefties to a .000 average and .000 OPS in this particular game. That's why Tito makes the big bucks while I sit on a couch typing 5,000 words of nonsense for four hours. I'm humbled, not that I had far to go.

Just saw the commercial for the "Walk Hard" DVD. Yup, this should get me through the rest of the night.

Crisp greets Kyle Farnsworth with a scorched single to center. Hmmm. The book said Crisp could crush anyone's fastball during his two productive offensive seasons in Cleveland, but we really have seen him do it since he broke his finger early in the '06 season. Is this, a hard single off one of the hardest throwers in the league, a cause for optimism, a sign that he's going to be a productive hitter again? Here's hoping.

I'm not fond of the term "manufactured run," but that's exactly what Crisp just did with this sequence: Single, steal, advance to third on a fly to right by Lugo, score on a sacrifice fly by Ellsbury. Very impressive, and with the heart of the Yankees order coming up in the ninth, it's a crucial run to make it 8-5.

Man, Posada can't throw - literally. Pedroia just swiped second without drawing anything but a hangdog look. Girardi might be a better option to catch at this point, but I give Posada credit for going in there after Molina came out of the game last inning. It's a selfless thing to do for sure.

Drew flies to left, and thank God, we go to the . . .

NINTH INNING
Lopez departs after getting Abreu thanks to a nice backhand play on a short hop by Lugo, and let the record show he retired all three lefties he faced. Of course, Miller raves about how effective Lopez has been against lefties through many years, which makes me wonder if he's ever even heard of baseball-reference.com. That's the kind of nonsense I expect out of Morgan.

Delcarmen smokes A-Rod, and then you remember why Varitek says he has the second-best stuff on the staff after Beckett, the usual closer included.

Delcarmen wraps up his second big-league save, getting Matsui to ground to Tiny Hands Pedroia to end it. Papelbon couldn't have done it any better.

The final word: Sure, Dice-K pitched like he did last postseason, earning the win while inspiring little faith, but any time you can get a win over the Yankees without using Papi or Papelbon, it has to be considered a successful night. And extra kudos to Aardsma, Lopez (one of the all-time great lefty specialists, in my humble opinion), and Delcarmen, who performed ably while allowing Papelbon and Okajima to get a little relief themselves.

Just one thing left to do:

"G'night, Joe."

"I played for the Big Red Machine! My armpits are very warm!"

Sox-Yanks live blog tonight????

2008-04-13T13:05:00.003-04:00

Possibly. Check back in later if you're one of the seven readers interested in such a thing . . .

Update, 3:52: I'm in. See you around 8 for four hours of Joe Morgan's unique brand of stupidity.

Paps, Papi, and the rest

2008-04-13T00:47:00.004-04:00

A few scattered notes on Saturday's Sox-Yanks rain dance . . .

I'm officially worried about .070-hitting David Ortiz. Not so much about his slump, which seems to grow deeper and more hideous by the day, but about what might be causing it. I cringe when I read he's hobbling around the postgame locker room with a Pedroia-sized icepack on his surgically repaired knee, and it's as logical as it is terrifying to wonder if he's hurt. While I don't put much stock in the theory that aching knees are preventing him from going into his familiar crouch at the plate - even in good times, Papi fiddles with his stance - it's obvious that something is preventing him from getting comfortable at the plate, and it's damn disconcerting to watch him struggle this way. I just hope it's something one well-timed 450-foot home run can cure, and not something that requires a prolonged visit to the disabled list . . . I'm sure I wasn't the only one who fretted about the burden on Jonathan Papelbon's right shoulder while watching him warm up three times before he even threw a pitch today. But while the circumstances weren't exactly ideal, the result - a three-pitch strikeout of Alex Rodriguez with two outs and the tying run on second in the eighth inning - couldn't have been more impressive. Usually you don't see A-Rod look that overmatched until October . . . It's a good thing Lucchino had the Coke bottles taken to the redemption center, because Manny's home run might have shattered them. He really does look like his old self, doesn't he? (Somewhere, Mike Mussina takes a swig of his Zima and nods in agreement) . . . Though the scouting reports tell us he's a Rey Sanchez-type - slick glove, salami bat - Yankees temporary shortstop Alberto Gonzalez has been better than adequate at the plate in this series, and from what I have seen of him defensively, his reputation is justified. Which, by my accounting, makes Captain Jetes the third-best defensive shortstop on the Yankees' roster . . . Two very encouraging pitching developments: Josh Beckett, who had a lost spring due to back and hip injuries, looked like his ace self, allowing just one questionable infield hit through the first five innings. He ran out of gas a little bit in the seventh, but that brings us to the other good sign: an effective, overpowering, one-batter performance from Manny Delcarmen, who relieved Beckett with two outs in the inning and blew away Jose Molina. The more I see of this Sox bullpen, the more convinced I become that Delcarmen is the key to, well, everything . . . This was the kind of game the Sox used to lose to the Yankees. The Yankees would scratch and claw for a few runs against Boston's ace (Pedro in those days), the Sox would make some noisy outs with little to show for it against one of the Yankees' lesser starters (and make no mistake, that's what Mussina is these days - he has nothing), and then New York would steal the win with some timely hitting and/or a fortuitous break in the late innings. I don't know about you, but I like the endings much better these days . . . It's kind of weird without Joe Torre, isn't it? Though I have to admit, it was nice to be able to watch a ballgame without the usual shots of him mining his nostrils for treasure . . . I'm thinking Girardi walks Manny the next time, though pitching to him with first base open is exactly the kind of move you'd expect from a manager who has drawn comparisons to Buck Showalter for all the wrong reasons.

* * *

As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Framingham Lou has quickly become the best thing about the Big Show. I know, that sounds like it should be filed under "Damning With Faint Praise," but in his new co-host role the former Sox utilityman and Nomar concierge is funny, frank, willing to share an inside-baseball anecdote or two, and clearly has a future in the media game if he wants one.

Nine innings: 04.08.08

2008-04-06T23:51:00.012-04:00

Playing nine innings while hoping Terry Cashman is banned from the premises today . . .

1. Might as well get used to it: Until the Red Sox, 3-4 and slumbering at the bottom of the AL East, start playing up to their capabilities and string a few wins together, we're going to continue hearing about the effects of the trip to Japan. I'm not saying that's how it should be: Really, it's impossible to tell whether their uninspired performance in Toronto this weekend was due to the lingering hangover from all the travel, or the fact that they ran into a pretty damn good opponent, one that has had their number lately. But I will be disappointed if the excuses and gripes come from within the Red Sox clubhouse; the last thing we want is for someone on this accountable team to pull a Mussina and use the whole thing as a chronic excuse for lousy play. While we've heard a couple of mild complaints from Papi, Mike Lowell, and Jonathan Papelbon, I hope the rest of the team leaves the why-me melodrama to the WEEI banshees and mimics Dustin Pedroia's typically blunt take on the whole thing: "Yeah, we had to go to Japan and yeah, we had a 19-day road trip, but that’s the schedule, we have to accept it, no excuses. We played like (expletive) for three games and got our (butt) kicked, how’s that?” Yes, the trip was an ill-conceived money grab. Yes, the abbreviated spring training put their starting pitchers at a disadvantage. Yes, the schedule is hellacious. They have plenty of excuses within their grasp. But this team is rich with talent and has a roster full of experienced professionals, and they have too much going for them to ever have to reach for them.

2. I'm not one of those contrarian dopes who picked the Blue Jays to win the AL East; I still think that when all the innings are accounted for come October, Toronto will end up in its usual spot in third place behind the two superpowers in the division. But after watching them rake the field with the Sox in a three-game sweep over the weekend, I have to admit that the Jays have the potential to be a summer-long aggravation, and if everything falls right, a legitimate contender for a playoff spot. They probably have more "ifs" than the Sox and Yankees do - if A.J. Burnett pitches up to his talent level, if Vernon Wells bounces back, if B.J. Ryan's elbow is sound, if Scott Rolen can stay off the operating table - but it's apparent to me now that J.P. (Sure, I'll Give You A Quote) Ricciardi has put together a pretty damn good baseball team north of the border.

3. Judging by a couple of threads on SoSH (this is the milder one), it appears I was the last remaining human being in New England who had any use for Kyle Snyder. Honestly, I don't get the venom. He was fine for what he was - an 11th or 12th man who knew his role, handled it at least adequately (3.81 ERA, 124 ERA+ a season ago), and had an odd knack for the Three True Outcomes (32 walks, 41 strikeouts, and 7 home runs in 54.3 innings last season). I'm not convinced Julian Tavarez is a better or more useful pitcher, and while David Aardsma and Bryan Corey may prove to be upgrades, there's also a reasonable chance that they will be worse. Snyder will get a big league job, and he deserves one.

4. I'm trying to give Julio Lugo the benefit of the doubt in his sophomore season with the Red Sox. Really, I am. But then he spends the first seven games of the season strangling the bat into sawdust, then makes three careless errors in a Sunday's ugly loss to the Blue Jays, and again I catch myself wondering just what it was that made the front office so fascinated with this guy. Oh, well. At least J.D. Drew looks his second season in Boston will be a major improvement over his first. It appears to me he's swinging the bat better now that he did at any point last season prior to his fateful at-bat against Fausto Carmona.

5. Jacoby Ellsbury is playing center field exactly the way Coco Crisp did during his first season in Boston: Erratically, particularly when in comes to the routes he takes in pursuit of the ball, yet with such incredible speed that he can often outrun his mistakes. One of the pleasant surprises of last season was Crisp's staggering improvement defensively. Hopefully, Ellsbury can make similar leap over the course of this season, because right now he is an undeniable downgrade over his predecessor/temporary platoon partner.

6. Quick non-baseball thoughts: Dick Vitale is in the Basketball Hall of Fame, but Dennis Johnson isn't? I guess we're not supposed to take the thing seriously . . . We finally saw Friday why NBA scouts have mixed feelings about UCLA freshman Kevin Love. Yes, he has a creative offensive game, and maybe he really does throw the best outlet pass since Bill Walton. But he struggled mightily against that blockhead Joey Dorsey and Memphis's rubber-armed defense, both in getting open and getting his shot off, and unless he gets serious about his physical conditioning, the scouts who are skeptical of him might be proven right . . . The Pat Riley who Bob Ryan knew way back when seems much more appealing that the slicked-back egomaniac who has a knack for distancing himself from his basketball team whenever things start to go wrong . . . Love the Pats' signing of Victor Hobson. There's plenty of room for a young, experienced linebacker who is familiar with the system . . . There are no real sleepers in fantasy baseball anymore, but one player I really like who isn't getting much notice is Cleveland's Franklin Gutierrez. He's off to a slow start, but he had 13 homers in 271 at-bats a season ago, and without a mummified Trot Nixon around to take away playing time, he'll get more of an opportunity this season . . . Yeah, I'm psyched about the Office's return Thursday, though after watching a couple of last week's Season 4 repeats, I'm still concerned that the new Jim/Pam dynamic has irreparably changed the show. Their longing for each other gave the show a heart in the midst of the Michael/Dwight silliness, and while I have faith in the writers, I just don't know how they can fill that void.

7. Today's gem from the Sports Illustrated vault: Steve Wulf's enjoyable (if slightly patronizing) feature on my beloved Maine Guides during 1984, their hugely successful first season of existence. Hard to believe they were gone to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre just five years later. I'm still bitter.

8. Quick programming note: Looks like TATB's official move to Boston.com, originally scheduled for today, is on hold for another week. The new template isn't quite good to go - for one thing, I still need my wife to photoshop a picture for my mugshot, and as you might expect that's a hell of a challenging and time-consuming task - so you'll still find me in the blogspot neighborhood for a few more days. Anyway, I suppose it's appropriate that I should hit the 500-post milestone (this sucker is No. 498) here before we board this place up. I'll keep you posted. And again, the invitation remains open to stop by and say hi to TATB on Facebook. It's always cool to see who's actually reading this thing.

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Larry Wolfe? He was no Butch Hobson. Hell, he wasn't even Jack Brohamer.

(Wolfe brought to you per reader request. Even I'd forgotten about him.)

Prospecting

2008-04-05T00:55:00.020-04:00

Well, at least they got the cover right.

That was my reaction after taking an impromptu spin through the 2002 Baseball America Prospect Handbook the other night while avoiding any real work in my home office. The cover boy, as you might have noticed, happens to be the Red Sox' starting pitcher this afternoon. Josh Beckett* not only was rated the top prospect in the Marlins' system, but he was also the No. 1 prospect in all of baseball.

* - Stealing a Pozterisk yet again, here are two snippets from Beckett's writeup that jumped out at me:

1. "[Beckett] had a serious scare with two tours on the disabled list with shoulder tendinitis in 2000. Offseason tests diagnosed two tears in his labrum, fraying in his rotator cuff, biceps tendinitis, and an impingement. Dr. James Andrews advised against surgery. Beckett worked hard to rehabilitate his shoulder in the winter, and came out firing." I think we now know why the Sox were terrified of his MRI before trading for him.

2. "He has a maturity beyond his years, easily trading barbs with older players, writers, and club officials and always looking people in the eye. He's good, knows he's good, and never would think of shrinking from his apparent destiny." Sure sounds like Beckett to me.

Anyway, back on point . . . you don't need a copy of Beckett's baseball resume to know he has justified every word of hype that preceded him to the majors. But check out these names that were ranked in the top 25 of one writer's top 100 prospects list:

Joe Borchard. Ryan Anderson. Nick Neugebauer. Corwin Malone. Dennis Tankersley. Ty Howington. Wilson Betemit.

Betemit, a former hotshot Braves farmhand, is the most successful big leaguer from that crew of who's-hes? and never-weres. He currently serves as A-Rod's rarely utilized stunt double in the Bronx.

Now, I don't mean to bust on Baseball America. I've been a faithful reader of their magazine since I was in college, I own every Prospect Handbook since 2002, and I genuinely respect the work they do and the insight they impart. It's because of their hard work that we fans (and nitwit bloggers) can be informed of the perceived strengths and weaknesses of the likes of Clay Buchholz and Jacoby Ellsbury (and Jed Lowrie and Justin Masterson and . . . ) before they ever set cleat in Fenway.

It's just that I have this theory about evaluating and ranking baseball prospects, and while it is rather rudimentary and probably even obvious, I do believe it's the whole truth:

I think it's fairly easy to spot the superstars-to-be, the Becketts, Miguel Cabreras, and Joe Mauers, but forecasting the future for anyone other than the truly elite is a feat not even the most sharp-eyed scout, adept numbers-cruncher, or clued-in Baseball America columnist can accomplish with any consistency. And that's before you factor in injuries, which seem to derail a couple of top pitching prospects for every one that makes it. In other words: There's just no foolproof way of knowing how good a 20-year-old kid will be at baseball when he's 25. It's a virtually impossible pursuit.

All of that considered, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at some of individual teams' Top 30 prospect lists from that 2002 Handbook. After all, six years later, we should have a pretty accurate picture of how things panned out . . . or, in most cases, didn't pan out. In parentheses is the player's rating within his own organization. I'll probably add a few more teams in the coming days - it's not like we can pass up the chance to remind Yankees fans that 3B/QB Drew Henson was once their Next Big Thing. (Snicker.)

As for today's offerings . . . enjoy, my fellow nerds:

ANAHEIM ANGELS
Phenoms: RHP Bobby Jenks (2), RHP John Lackey (3), RHP Francisco Rodriguez (6), RHP Johan Santana (9)

Flops: LHP Joe Torres (5), 3B Dallas McPherson (12)

. . . and those lingering somewhere in between: 1B Casey Kotchman (1), RHP Chris Bootcheck (4), OF Nathan Haynes (8), C Jeff Mathis (10), Derrick Turnbow (13), RHP Scot Shields (22)

Six years later: Yes, "Johan" Santana is actually Ervin Santana (explanation here). The Angels' version is obviously the lesser of the two Santanas, but despite a maddening inconsistency that often forces manager Mike Scioscia to take solace in the comforting embrace of the buffet table, he does possess the ability to be a top-of-the-rotation starter . . . Pretty impressive collection of arms, though Jenks and Turnbow had to go elsewhere to find success . . . I didn't categorize Kotchman as a bust since injuries and illness have prevented him from living up to his talent. He's been effecctive when healthy and could still have Sean Casey's career with any luck.

BOSTON RED SOX
Phenoms: Kevin Youkilis (29)

Flops: RHP Seung Song (1), 3B Tony Blanco (2), RHP Rene Miniel (3), Juan Diaz (12), Steve Lomasney (16), Dernell Stenson (19), Sunny Kim (22)

. . . and those lingering somewhere in between: Manny Delcarmen (4), Freddy Sanchez (6), Frank Francisco (10), Kelly Shoppach (20), Juan Pena (21)

Six years later: They've come a long way, baby . . . This was the season before Theo Epstein took over as GM, and the organization was pretty damn far from being "a player development machine" . . . How about that big three? Song never threw a pitch in the majors (though he did bring Cliff Floyd in trade), Blanco, who had a cannon arm and not much else in the way of tools, had a cup of coffee with the Nationals, and Miniel washed out in Double A . . . It's easy to forget Delcarmen has been in the system so long. I still think of him as a developing player . . . This is about the time Youkilis first caught Billy Beane's eye, posting a .512 on-base percentage in the NY-Penn League. The guy is almost entirely a self-made player . . . Too bad the Sox had to give up Shoppach in the Crisp/Marte deal. He'd be the perfect backup catcher for this team . . . The one that got away: Sanchez has a .311 career average. He's the player people such as Remy think David Eckstein is . . . Rest in peace, Dernell. I think you would have made it.

CHICAGO CUBS
Phenoms: RHP Mark Prior (1), RHP Carlos Zambrano (6), LHP Dontrelle Willis (21)

Flops: 1B Hee Seop Choi (3), 3B David Kelton (4), 2B Bobby Hill (5), RHP Ben Christenson (8), SS Luis Montanez (10)

. . . and those lingering somewhere in between: RHP Juan Cruz (2), SS Ronny Cedeno (17), RHP Todd Wellemeyer (18), SS Ryan Theriot (24)

Six years later: Prior is little more than a cautionary tale now, another arm chewed up and spit out by Dusty Baker, so it's easy to forget he had established himself as legitimate ace by the time he was 22. Check out his '03 numbers: 18-6, 2.43 ERA (the league average was 4.33), and 178 ERA+ . . . Willis never pitched in the bigs for the Cubs: He was dealt to the Marlins in March, 2002, along with everyone's favorite lunatic Julian Tavarez for Matt Clement and Antonio Alfonseca . . . By the way, Willis's most similar pitcher through age 25: Steve Avery. Does. Not. Bode. Well. . . . The fascinating kid is Kelton, who looked every part the phenom and who the Prospect Guide notes "was on pace to bat .300-30-100 in Double A at age 21 when he (hurt his hand)." It must have been some injury, because he never saw a day in the majors and was out of baseball at 26.

CLEVELAND INDIANS
Phenoms: C Victor Martinez (6)

Flops: 3B Corey Smith (1), OF Alex Escobar (2), RHP Dan Denham (4), RHP Tim Drew (12)

. . . and those lingering somewhere in between: RHP David Riske (7), LHP Brian Tallet (8), LHP Billy Traber (9), OF Willy Taveras (11), SS John McDonald (14), OF Ryan Church (15), SS John Peralta (19), C Josh Bard (21), SS Maicer Izturis (22).

Six years later: Smith's actually the player who piqued my curiosity in the first place. The Prospect Handbook said of the Indians' 2001 first round pick, "Smith gets rave reviews for his makeup and work ethic. He is, plain and simple, a baseball player." Yet the stats suggest he had at least one glaring flaw: He whiffed 149 times in Single A. As it turns out, it was a flaw he couldn't overcome. He played just five games above Double A and spent last season with the Newark Bears of the Atlantic League . . . I believe you now know John Peralta as Jhonny . . . Escobar was the centerpiece of the Mets' trade for Roberto Alomar, but a severe knee injury, among other ailments, prevented him from living up to his talent . . . Martinez is the best-hitting catcher in the game and someone I never expect the Red Sox to get out . . . Tim Drew was drafted with the 28th pick in the '97 draft - 26 picks after the Phillies chose his brother, J.D.

COLORADO ROCKIES
Phenoms: 3B Garrett Atkins (3), OF Matt Holliday (11), OF Brad Hawpe (27)

Flops: RHP Chin-Hui Tsao (1), RHP Ryan Kibler (4), RHP Jason Young (5), OF Rene Reyes (7), RHP Ching-Lung Lo (9)

. . . and those lingering somewhere in between: RHP Aaron Cook (2), DH Jack Cust (6), RHP Jason Jennings (8), 2B Jason Nix (10), LHP Brian Fuentes (18)

Six years later: More proof that rating prospects can be an embarrasing endeavor: Holliday and Hawpe, who combined for 65 homers for the NL champs last season, were ranked below fellow outfielder Reyes, and Choo Freeman rated higher than Hawpe . . . In his eighth season of pro ball, Nix is finally breaking through this season, succeeding Kaz Matsui as the Rockies' second baseman . . . Not surprisingly, there's high rate of washouts among their top pitching prospects. Only the sinkerballer Cook and Jennings have had any success in the majors. Coors Field devours its young . . . Tsao, the top prospect, had Tommy John surgery and a torn labrum in his shoulder, but he's still kicking around and is currently in the Royals' system . . . Cust could have put up some sick offensive numbers in Colorado, but he's a DH in the same sense that Sam Horn was. He shouldn't even bother owning a glove.

FLORIDA MARLINS
Phenoms: Beckett (1), 3B Miguel Cabrera (2), 1B Adrian Gonzalez (4)

Flops: RHP Allen Baxter (5), OF Abraham Nunez (6), RHP Blaine Neal (8), 1B Jason Stokes (11), OF Chip Ambres (13)

. . . and those lingering somewhere in between: RHP Denny Bautista (3), RHP Claudio Vargas (7), SS Josh Wilson (9), 2B Pablo Ozuna (12), RHP Jason Grilli (25)

Six years later: One of the two or three best pitchers in the game and one of the top two or three hitters? Now that's a rich farm system . . . Sheesh, Gonzalez, a former No. 1 overall selection who has turned out to be a truly outstanding hitter, would have been the top prospect in most systems . . . Bautista, who was mentored by his cousin Pedro Martinez, hasn't put it all together in trials with Baltimore, Kansas City and Colorado, but he made the Tigers out of camp this season and at age 27, there's still hope . . . Baxter had a series of arm problems and hasn't made it above Double A, but he's still pitching in the Florida system . . . Neal might be one of my most despised Red Sox of the past 10 years . . . Stokes was the Marlins' hitter last spring who claimed Daisuke Matsuzaka struck him out with a gyroball . . . Ambres, a toolsy sort who never quite mastered the subtleties of baseball, was the player the Sox dealt to Kansas City for Tony Graffanino in '05.

NEW YORK METS
Phenoms: SS Jose Reyes (2), 3B David Wright (5)

Flops: RHP Pat Strange (3), RHP Jae Weong Seo (4), RHP Satoru Komiyama (6), RHP Grant Roberts (7)

. . . and those lingering somewhere in between: RHP Aaron Heilman (1), RHP Tyler Yates (8), C Jason Phillips (17), LHP Lenny DiNardo (20), OF Angel Pagan (23)

Six years later: Reyes? Wright? Whatever happened to those guys? . . . Actually, it's a tribute to BA that they were both ranked in the top five since they had just 193 games of pro experience between them at the time . . . Hard to believe Heilman was ranked so high. He's always had good breaking stuff and command, but has never had a blazing fastball that's usually a prerequisite for a premier pitching prospect . . . Strange got into 11 games with the Mets over parts of two seasons, but has seen the big leagues since '03 . . . Roberts was once the Mets' top prospect but, um, burned out.

And that seems like an appropriate place to sign off . . .

A brief tribute to Matt Stairs

2008-04-03T23:23:00.010-04:00

My perception of Matt Stairs through the years? A fat guy who could hit a little. A better version of Morgan Burkhart. I doubt he'd take either of those comments as compliments.

But as I was poking around baseball-reference.com for some Blue Jays info a day or so ago, I happened upon his page and quickly came to this somewhat surprising realization: Stairs has had a remarkable and distinctive big league career. Judging my the numbers, he's much more accomplished than you - or at least I - ever realized.

Now, I suppose he's easily underestimated by dopes like me in part because he's ringer for the guy who took your recyclables this morning. He's built like a Heineken Keg Can and is probably familiar with the concept. He looks exactly like what you'd think a high school hockey coach in Bangor, Maine, would look like - which, coincidentally, is precisely what he happens to be in the offseason.

But he's much more impressive on the back of his baseball card than on the front. He's hit at least 10 homers every year since '96, and at least 16 nine times. He's tied with Jesse Barfield, Rick Monday, Alfonso Soriano, and Cecil Cooper for 200th place on the all-time home run list with 241. His lifetime OPS+ is 120, four points lower than Jeff Kent's and two lower than Derek Jeter's.

He's had a hell of a career by most any measure, and you have to wonder how much more impressive it would be if he'd caught a break sooner. Stairs debuted with 30 at-bats for the Expos in '92, bounced back and forth a few times, was a transient member of the Duquette Taxi Squad for the '95 Red Sox (he hit .261 in 88 at-bats), and has played for 10 teams along the way, even spending a game at second base for the '01 Cubs. I'm assuming he made Jeter look rangy.

His breakthrough came at age 29 when he hit 27 homers for the '97 A's. Two years later, he bashed 38 homers for that wild '99 Oakland club, and I'm guessing not even Billy Beane figured he'd outlast a certain 23-year-old teammate with a No. 1-pick pedigree who whacked 27 homers of his own that season. Where have you gone, Ben Grieve?

Stairs turned 40 in February, and he's signed through next season with the Jays, which means he has a great shot at spending at least a part of 17 seasons in the big leagues. Given that he hit 21 homers with a 138 OPS+ last season, hell, he may not be on his last contract.

I hope he lasts another five years, and I'll be following him with interest now that I recognize the truth: Still and always, late start and all, Matt Stairs is a supremely capable big league hitter. Even if some of us didn't always notice.

TATB elsewhere

2008-04-03T17:43:00.002-04:00

Just a quick link to a recent informal chat about the AL East with my much smarter friends at baseballanalysts.com. And for the record, I still think Justin Verlander, not Josh Beckett, is the favorite for the AL Cy Young. Beckett's the most likely candidate from the division (though Toronto's Dustin McGowan is a hell of a compelling sleeper) but in the Analysts piece I make it sound like I think he's the frontrunner to win the thing. Not so; it's Verlander, as I wrote here the other day. Hey, I never said I had a way with words . . .

Season's greetings

2008-04-01T20:10:00.022-04:00

A few thoughts on the new season while kind of missing the late, not particularly great Fox column . . .

Player you'll regret not taking with your first-round pick in fantasy: Hanley Ramirez, who is no longer that skinny kid who tailed Manny, Papi, and Edgar Renteria like a puppy in spring training three years ago. At age 24, he's now built like an NFL safety, and I wouldn't be stunned if his stats this season actually surpass those of last season's monstrous breakthrough (.332 average, 212 hits, 29 homers, 125 runs, 51 steals, 145 OPS+). He's that good.

Most likely to pay a career-altering visit to Dr. James Andrews: Albert Pujols, whose damaged elbow is apparently a porcelain remnant from the Scott Williamson Collection. It's noble of him to try to play through the injury, but the hunch here is that he'll shut it down sometime around July once the punchless Cardinals are hopelessly out of it. Honorable mention: The Rays' Scott Kazmir. Maybe the Rays are just being cautious, but this "elbow strain" sure seems to be taking a long time to heal.

One reason Joe Posnanski will enjoy writing about this baseball season even more than usual: The Royals are going to be better than most so-called experts think, and may even finish ahead of the Twins in the AL Central. Joakim Soria will emerge as a bona fide relief ace, Zack Greinke, finally at peace with the great expectations, will blossom, Billy Butler will stake his claim as one of the best young hitters in the AL, and Alex Gordon will justify last year's hype. Dayton Moore, formerly John Schuerholz's personal Smithers in Atlanta, is building this franchise on the Braves' model . . . and with little fanfare he's doing a swell job.

Two baseball writers (other than Poz) who have become must-reads: Jonah Keri, who writes with an easy affection for baseball and is doing his damndest to keep the spirit of the Expos alive at ESPN.com; and Keith Law, a former member of the Toronto Blue Jays front office who is still pissed J.P. Ricciardi took someone named Ricky Romero over Troy Tulowitzki in the '05 draft.

Most likely to be found dead in a hotel room with a needle stuck in his dumb #*^: Best-selling author Jose Canseco. And the suspects will be aplenty. (Man, I can't stop re-reading that Pat Jordan masterpiece/evisceration on Deadspin.)

Roy Halladay, No. 2 starter: Because Dustin McGowan, who had a 3.67 ERA in the second half last season, will take over the ace role from the former Cy Young winner, whose K-rate these days is less than impressive (partially by design, but still) and who hasn't won more than 16 games since '03.

And the awards go to . . .: AL MVP: All logic says to go with A-Rod, who will be aiming to win the prize for the third time in five season in pinstripes. If there's any justice, however, Papi, with his five top-five finishes in five seasons, will get his due one of these years. AL Cy Young: Justin Verlander, who takes no-hit stuff to the mound every fifth day and who should lead the league in run support for the second year in a row. NL MVP: Mark Teixeira, who will parlay a monster year with the Braves into huge pile of Old Man Steinbrenner's loot. NL Cy Young: The great Mr. Santana, which means WEEI listeners will be forced to spend the summer listening the banshees yowl "Why can't we get guys like that?" God help us, it's already starting.

The standings: AL East champion: It's my new tradition to pick the Yankees solely for reverse jinx purposes, but let's just say I like this Sox team a lot, provided, of course, that Josh Beckett makes approximately 30 starts. The trendy Jays? Third place, at least until Ricciardi starts returning my calls. And the Rays are intriguing, but they're a year away from being a legitimate contender. James Shields (184 Ks, 36 walks in '07) is a budding ace, and you can tell how good Evan Longoria is by how pissed his teammates were when he was sent to Triple A. AL Central champion: Cleveland. Detroit should thump out around 1,000 runs, but the Indians' pitching is vastly superior. AL West champion: Seattle. This is the year King Felix lives up to the nickname, and Eric Bedard makes a hell of a No. 2. AL wild card: Boston. You know my game. NL East champion: New York. Philly doesn't have the pitching. NL Central champion: Chicago. Here's hoping Kerry Wood, recast as a closer, survives the season with a healthy right arm. One of the game's most talented pitchers is long deserving of some good luck. NL West champion: Colorado. Am I the only one who doesn't think it was a fluke? NL wild card: Los Angeles. Hat tip to Joe Torre for playing the kids. He's making Grady Little look like a fool again.

Best player on a hideous team: I suppose it could be Hanley, though I don't think Marlins are that bad - not Baltimore bad, anyway. So let's go with the Orioles' Nick Markakis, who hit .325 with 14 homers and 61 RBIs in the second half and appears poised to become one of the elite offensive players in the AL, despite the sludge that surrounds him in the lineup.

Most in need of a B-12 shot: Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada, who looks like he's been on the Pudge Rodriguez diet and has the defensive range of a cement-encased Jeter.

Sox pitcher most likely to cause the few remaining brown hairs on my head to turn gray: Jon Lester, who could be Chuck Finley reincarnated (minus the loony ex-wife) if only he would trust his repertoire. (Ed. Note: Dice-K's candidacy for this "honor" took a major hit with last night's masterpiece.)

The best young pitcher in the AL this season won't be Clay Buchholz or Bugs Chamberlain: It will be the Yankees' Philip Hughes, who will win well into double digits while emerging as the No. 2 starter the Bombers desperately need behind Chien-Ming Wang. The Twins are going to long regret not getting this polished 21-year-old righthander in a deal for Santana when they apparently had the chance.

The 1962 Mets, reincarnated? The San Francisco Giants, who have Bengie Molina (103 homers in 3,418 career at-bats) batting cleanup and who had 36-year-olds Rich Aurilia, Ray Durham, and Dave Roberts in their Opening Day lineup, along with Randy Winn (34) and Molina (33). If you're going to be brutal, shouldn't you at least be young? Two other questions: Will Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain combine to go 8-33 with a 2.95 ERA? And how does Brian Sabean keep his job?

The J.D. Drew suck-it-up-and-play-you-wimp award: To J.D. Drew. Suck it up and play. You wimp.

Written proof that the Legend of Bo isn't some myth embellished through the years by 30-something pre-geezers like me: In this week's gem from the Sports Illustrated vault, here is a fun piece some guy named Gammons wrote in 1989 about the genuine awe Bo inspired in other big leaguers. My favorite part:

Jackson's one-on-one confrontations with pitchers are already legend. On May 11, Jackson struck out four times against the Rangers' Nolan Ryan. "It was really fun," said Ryan afterward. "By the last couple of times up, he was on almost every pitch, so with a lead in the ninth, I just reared back and threw as hard as I could, and he swung as hard as he could. I wonder what would have happened if he'd made contact." Ryan found out 12 days later. Jackson struck out in his first two at bats. Third time up, Ryan brushed Bo back, then sent him reeling on the next pitch with a 95-mph zinger over Jackson's head. Bo, popping his bubble gum all the while, wandered out of the box and stared at Ryan, then finally stepped back in. Ryan came in with a fastball. Jackson fouled it off. Ryan challenged him again. The ball landed high in the centerfield bleachers, 461 feet away, the longest at Arlington Stadium since they started measuring there. "They'd better get a new tape measure," said Bo.

They'd better get a new tape measure. What a great line. I've said it before and I'll say it again: If you didn't see Bo in his two-sport heyday, you missed one of the most enjoyable shows in sports history. Too bad it had such a short run, though I suppose that enhances the legend in the end.

* * *

As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

As a 27-year-old rookie for the 1978 Red Sox, Wright went 8-4 with a 3.57 ERA in 116 innings. The next year he had 5.09 ERA in 23 innings, and after June 6, 1979, he never threw a pitch in the majors again. Any of you semi-old timers know what happened? An arm injury? Or was he a junkballing fluke? I ask only because until recently I forgot about Wright's surprising, relevant role with the doomed '78 club, and remembering him while poking around baseball-reference piqued my curiosity about what became of him.

Jose Canseco: Dumber and meaner than your average idiot

2008-03-28T23:58:00.009-04:00

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. I think we all knew Jose Canseco was a blinking moron, but his public image - or at least the way I perceived him - was that of an amiable caricature, a mostly harmless if egomaniacal doofus, the kind of guy who, I don't know, might get busted racing his Ferrari at 120 mph or let a fly ball doink off his thick coconut for a home run. Man, have I been set straight. In this this probably NSFW piece, written for Deadspin by the brilliant Pat Jordan*, Canseco is exposed beyond a doubt as an incurable scumbag, a stupid and pathetic shell of a man who seems on the fast track for an early demise. A snippet:

Jose spends his days at his house in Sherman Oaks, California, off the Ventura Freeway near the San Fernando Valley, home of the porn industry, waiting for producers to call to inform him that the time is ripe, America is now hungry for a Kung Fu movie starring a steroid-inflated, Cuban, ex-baseball player in his forties. In anticipation of that call, Jose showed off his martial arts moves to the man who choreographed "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." The man watched Jose's 250-pound body spin and kick and leap into the air for a few minutes and then he told Jose that his moves "were stiff, not very fluid, and you don't kick very well." Jose told Rob, "That guy doesn't know what the ---- he's talking about."

While there's much more tragedy in Canseco's life than comedy, I have to admit the visual of that oblivious meathead breaking out the ninja moves made me laugh out loud.

* - Jordan, a famed and prolific freelancer, authored two of my most beloved books, "A False Spring," about washing out as a Braves' bonus baby in the '50s, and "A Nice Tuesday," a sort of follow-up memoir about returning to the pitching mound at age 56. Read them if you haven't. I promise you'll be glad you did. Jordan also had a memorable take on Roger Clemens in the immediate aftermath of the release of the Mitchell Report. Check it out here. And finally, yes, I stole the asterisk concept from Posnanski**. I only wish I could steal his talent. Or Jordan's.

** - Who admits he stole the concept from David Foster Wallace. So there.

2. Chris Webber limped into retirement this week, the health of his knees and the last remnants of his vertical leap sacrificed to the Hardwood Gods long ago, and I guess that makes him something of a sympathetic figure. But there will be no sentimental farewell coming from this corner for Webber, a charming, charismatic chameleon who coasted by on his natural talents and who must be remembered as one of the least clutch players in the history of the sport. He departs with some fine numbers and countless Stu Scott-voiced highlights, but I'll remember C-Webb as one of is game's great underachievers given the gifts he possessed. Or maybe I'm just bitter, since his retirement left me with the realization that the Fab Five - Michigan's high-flying, trend-setting freshman class of Webber, Jalen Rose, Juwon Howard, Jimmy King and Ray Jackson - burst onto the scene 17 years ago. God, I'm ancient. Maybe I ought to retire.

3. And while we're here, might as well also add this to the list of things that make my pre-geezer self consider swigging a Metamucil-and-Drano cocktail: I remember watching Davidson phenom Stephen Curry's dad play . . . when he was in college at Virginia Tech, before he embarked on a 16-year NBA career. And the son definitely got his father Dell's dead-eye jumpshooter gene - his release is blink-and-you'll-miss-it quick and his form, save for a slightly low release point, is nearly as picture-perfect as his old man's. While I'm tempted to equate Stephen Curry's NBA chances with those of someone like Salim Stoudamire, the wish here is that all of his hoop dreams come true, because it has been an absolute treat to watch him work his long-range magic during Davidson's improbable, delightful run.

4. Enough with the contrived arguments that make the Patriots sound like the New England Home For Wayward Young Men And Talented Football Players. Yes, Randy Moss and Corey Dillon both have pockmarked histories, and we know they both redeemed themselves to varying degrees when given a chance by saintly Father Belichick. But Pacman Jones, for all of his talent - and he was the best player on the field when the Pats played the Titans in '06 - is an entirely more menacing case, and he doesn't exactly seem eager to reform himself. Let's put it bluntly: He's more likely to be on the giving or receiving end of a gun than current any athlete I can think of; I don't want the guy in New England, never mind playing for New England, and I'm glad the Patriots apparently feel the same way.

5. Southern Cal's Keith Rivers was my sleeper pick for the Patriots with the No. 7 overall selection, and it seems as though they do have some interest since the versatile linebacker was scheduled for a visit this week. But if reports that he scored mediocre 16 on the Wonderlic are true, I have to imagine that would send him slip-sliding down their draft board. The Belichick Pats have little use for linebackers who are in danger of redefining the term "tackling dummy."

6. One game I'm dying to see on ESPN Classic: Eddie House's 61-point performance in Arizona State's 111-108 double overtime victory over Cal in January, 2000. Sadly, the network's decision to switch to all Stump The Schwab all the time means I'll probably get to see it only if it somehow materializes on YouTube. No luck so far.

7. Yeah, Jason Varitek looked calcified during his 0-for-Tokyo performance, and I did chuckle when a Whiner Line wise guy wondered if he was somehow paying homage to the departed Doug Mirabelli by whiffing six times in eight at-bats in the series. But does this mean we should worry that Varitek, who turns 36 two weeks from now, is cooked as a hitter? Nah . . . c'mon, it's too soon for that stuff; hell, let them play a game on this continent first before making any rash judgments. Varitek's bat looks slow even when he is hitting, and I tend to think Bill James's 2008 projection for him (.253-17-70) is right about where he will end up.

8. This week's selection (yes, a new recurring feature!) from the addictive, potentially life-altering SI Vault: Jack McCallum's June 26, 1995, cover story on Chicago prep star Kevin Garnett's decision to skip college and head straight to the NBA. I thought this take on what Garnett might become as a player was fascinating and quite accurate, though I don't think anyone has compared him to Reggie Miller lately:

The buzz about this year's draft is that, yes, it's good and deep, but it's also short on future superstars. Jerry Stackhouse might be one, and Garnett might be one. That's it. Garnett's leaping ability is off the charts, he runs the floor like a sprinter, he shoots 20-foot jumpers with ease and perfect rotation, and he's the best-passing big man in the draft. Most teams believe he'll eventually be a do-everything small forward, but for now let's give him a new handle. Call him a faceup 4, a power forward who can hurt you from anywhere, a cross between Reggie Miller and a kinder, gentler version of Alonzo Mourning.

Notably, McCallum wrote this in his mock draft in which he predicted Garnett would go to Washington Bullets with the No. 4 pick:

We've long thought Washington 's youthful star, Chris Webber, has the savvy to be a stabilizing influence on other young players. Chris, you're Kevin's favorite player. Here's your chance.

There's some irony there, no?

9. Couple of quick housekeeping items: For the few of you who asked, it looks like the big move to Boston.com will be happening right around April 8, which, not coincidentally, is the date of the home opener. I've seen a mock of what the blog will look like, and I really like it. Also, keep the Facebook friend requests coming. It's nice to see you suckers as names and faces rather than IP addresses.

10. As for today's Completely Random Basketball Card:

Of all the talented and intelligent players from the Lakers/Celtics rivalry in the '80s, who would have thought that the most enduring and/or successful coach from either roster would be Scott, with Rick Carlisle a competitive second? I think my money at the time would have been on D.J., though Larry was much better on the bench than he's been in the Indy front office.

One down

2008-03-26T00:07:00.008-04:00

Jumping to a couple of super-quick conclusions after 1 of 162 . . .

* * *
I'll refrain from becoming the 490th person you've heard today mention that Manny Ramirez is on pace for 648 RBIs - whoops, maybe I won't - but it is worth mentioning that Manny had just two four-RBI games during his subpar '07 season. (July 22 against the White Sox and July 26 against Cleveland.) So, yes, I'd say we're justified in at least hoping his dazzling season debut - which included his patented "Oh, $*%*, I'd better stop admiring my handiwork and start running" move - is harbinger of a huge comeback season to come. Do I think Manny is capable of accomplishing the improbable and rediscovering his Monster-mashing mojo in a season during which he'll turn 36? Let's put it this way: My fantasy baseball draft is Saturday, and Manny rose more than a couple of spots on my draft board at around 10 a.m. Monday morning. Hell, I was a believer before today, but it was nonetheless reassuring to see him actually deliver.

* * *

I like Dice-K, and admire him for ease in which he became one of the guys in the Sox clubhouse despite some obvious barriers. I'm glad he pitches for this team, and I believe he'll have the kind of season you'd expect from the No. 2 starter on a legitimate championship contender. Anyone who considers his first season in the majors a disappointment falls somewhere between unrealistic and irrational; not even Pedro in his prime could have lived up to that amount of hype. Now, sincere disclaimers aside, here's my one recurring frustration with him: It's maddening to watch him nibble and refuse to challenge the mediocre likes of Jack Hannahan and Emil Brown. He'll get the count in his favor, say 1-2, then throw the next three pitches just off the plate, which is how he ends up walking hitters who have no business reaching base against him. It severely detracts from the experience of watching him pitch, and I was hoping John Farrell or someone in the organization had convinced him to trust his stuff a little bit more now that he has a year of big league success documented on the back of his baseball card. But based on what we saw today - five walks in five innings - he's still intent on trying to throw the perfect pitch, even when the moment doesn't call for it.

* * *

Finally, the most interesting baseball story I read today comes from SI.com stellar (if Yankee-centric) Tom Verducci, who looks back on the 2005 amateur draft and how it provided a turning point in terms of philosophy as well as an infusion of young talent for both the Red Sox and the Yankees. I thought the following extended segment was the most interesting part in a genuinely insightful piece:

Epstein had his doubts [about Buchholz, who was caught stealing laptops from a middle school while in college]. Scouting director Jason McLeod thought that Boston should take Buchholz with an early pick, but Epstein, worried about the baggage, would roll his eyes every time McLeod mentioned him. Finally, Epstein told McLeod, "Listen, if you feel that strongly, the only way I'm going to feel comfortable picking him early is if I can meet him. Let's bring him to Fenway, have him throw and then grill him. Let's find out if this is a bad guy who got caught or a good guy who made a bad mistake."

One week before the draft, Buchholz threw in the Fenway Park bullpen for Epstein and McLeod while the Red Sox took batting practice. Says Epstein, "His stuff was ridiculous." Then the three of them left the bullpen and stood in Fenway's centerfield, while David Ortiz whacked balls off the Green Monster, over their heads and at their feet.

Asked about the theft, Buchholz told Epstein that he had been just a lookout and it was a dumb decision he regretted. "Look," Epstein told him, "we're thinking about taking you. But if we do, we're putting our reputations on the line. If you screw up, it'll be on us. We'll have a zero-tolerance policy with you. So tell us right now why we should believe in you."

Replied Buchholz, "Because all I've ever wanted to be is a big league pitcher. This is too important to me."

Funny how it's all played out. I wonder how many fans realize the Sox ended up with Jacoby Ellsbury and Buchholz as the compensation picks for letting Orlando Cabrera and Pedro Martinez depart. (They also picked Craig Hansen as compensation for losing Derek Lowe, and their own first-rounder, No. 28 overall, went to the Cardinals when they signed Edgar Renteria. St. Louis chose phenom Colby Rasmus. So not everything worked out perfectly.)

* * *

As for Today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Because sometimes it really is random.

2008 Red Sox preview capsule

2008-03-24T16:01:00.017-04:00

Foul tips and other observations: I suppose there will be some lingering effects from the Japan trip, whether it's an extended case of jet lag for a few players or, less likely, a team-wide outbreak of the dreaded Giambi Parasites. And given their hellacious early schedule - they have five games with the Yankees, three with the Angels, three with Detroit, and two with Cleveland in a stretch from April 8-27 during which they have exactly zero days off - they'll be fortunate to escape the season's first full month with a .500 record . . . And you know what happens then: the WEEI banshees and "Francoma"-bashing morons will be screeching in all their miserable glory . . . But to anyone with a shred of patience and a dollop of common sense, it should be apparent that this is a very good baseball team - hell, it's basically the same team to a man that rejoiced in Colorado last October - and the chances of back-to-back championships (and three in five years, as you might have heard) are at the least realistic, even with a slow start . . . The key to it all? Mr. Beckett, of course . . . The new Mr. October may not have been the best pitcher in the majors last season, but he was in the argument, and there's no one else you'd want on the mound in a big moment . . . Beckett's career postseason numbers would make Bob Gibson tip his cap in tribute: 9 starts, 6 wins, 2 losses, 1.73 ERA, 72.2 innings. 40 hits (yes, 40), 14 walks, 82 strikeouts, and two World Series rings . . . But if this back injury lingers, well, let's not think about that right now . . . In some respects, Daisuke Matsuzaka remains as much of a mystery now as he was before he ever threw a big league pitch . . . The consensus seems to be that he will be better in Year 2, but it's mildly alarming that Hideo Nomo wasn't the only Japanese pitcher to peak in his first big league season . . . The expectation here is pretty much more of the same: 15-16 wins, an ERA in the high 3s, 200 or so Ks, and a maddening habit of nibbling against subpar hitters . . . I would not be shocked if Jon Lester surpassed Dice-K as the second starter. John Farrell is adamant that the admirable 24-year-old lefty can win at least 15 games this season, and I've learned it's wise to listen to John Farrell . . . A subtly crucial development that helped the Sox lock down the AL East last season: Tim Wakefield winning 17 games. I wouldn't put it past ol' Knucksie again, though he is on the wrong side of 40 and has broken down at the end of each of the past two seasons . . . Bartolo Colon should be able to collect the 8-10 wins they were counting on from Curt Schilling, though there surely is no comparison between the two when it comes to October. . . I've been watching "Bull Durham" as I write this, and the truth dawned on me: Jonathan Papelbon is Nuke LaLoosh, albeit with a more compact (okay, masculine) delivery . . . It's funny, this is the beginning of Papelbon's third full season with the Sox, yet he's such a staple now, one of the franchise's icons, that it feels like he's been around so much longer. Hard to believe he was in Single A during the '04 season. I tend to think of him as a member of that championship team . . . Count me among those who think Manny Delcarmen will emerge as one of the better righthanded setup men in the AL. The stuff is there, and his confidence should finally be as well. He's been around long enough now to know he can do this . . . It's unlikely that Hideki Okajima will duplicate his staggering brilliance of last season, especially now that the league is familiar with his quirks, but the "Hero in the Dark" will still be plenty good enough. What a find he was . . . I'm starting to think Mike Timlin will be pitching for this team when Manny and Papi's sons are anchoring the lineup. If there were a wing at the Hall of Fame for middle relievers, he'd be a lock for a plaque . . . As for the bats . . . The Sox scored 867 runs last year. Betcha they break 900 this season . . . Why? For starters, probable improvement from J.D. Drew and Julio Lugo, both of whom simply must be better in their sophomore seasons in Boston . . . Also, dynamic Jacoby Ellsbury is almost certain to be a significant offensive upgrade over Coco Crisp once the center field job officially belongs to him . . . But the biggest reason we're expecting a few more crooked numbers for the home team on the Fenway scoreboard this season? A return to form by the one and only Manuel Aristides (Onelcida) Ramirez . . . Yes, I realize he'll turn 36 in May, and baseball logic says there's a reasonable chance his .296-20-88 numbers from a season ago signify the beginning of the decline phase for one of the game's all-time great hitters . . . But Manny sure seems determined not to lose his mojo quite yet . . . He reported to camp in peak shape, and everyone who has seen him, from Peter Gammons (who picks him as the AL MVP) to Curt Schilling, says he will have a monster comeback season . . . Jason Varitek quietly had a quality offensive season - his .788 OPS ranked fourth among everyday catchers in the AL - and his importance to the team can be summed up in these four words: Kevin Cash, starting catcher (shudder) . . . A sophomore slump for Dustin Pedroia? Not according to Bill James, who projects .300-9-57 numbers for the real-life Tanner Boyle . . . How far as Kevin Youkilis come? In the 2002 Baseball America Prospect Handbook, he was ranked the 29th-best prospect in a thin Red Sox farm system, behind the likes of Seung Song (No. 1), Tony Blanco (2), and Rene Miniel (3). Gotta respect a self-made player, especially one who has become close to invaluable . . . In two seasons, Mike Lowell has gone from a salary dump in the Beckett/Hanley deal to an integral part of the ball club, on the field and off. Even if his numbers this season are closer to his '06 stats (.284-20-80) than his fat '07 numbers (.324-21-120), he'll be a bargain at his new price tag . . . For the first time since 1999, David Ortiz didn't improve upon his home run output of the previous season, dropping from 54 homers in '06 to 35 last year . . . Yet in many ways, it was his finest offensive season . . . His OPS+ of 171 was the highest of his career . . . He also set career highs in batting (.332), hits (182), walks (111), doubles (52), on-base percentage (.445), and OPS (1.066) . . . And continues to do it all with a smile . . . Please, please, please remind me never to take Big Papi - or this wonderful time in Red Sox history - for granted.

Breakthrough player: Lester. It just seems like everything is coming together. He's healthy, he's put on 15 pounds of muscle (which should increase his durability), he must be confident after coming through in the World Series clincher, and the opportunity is there to be seized. This is his time.

Honorable mention: Ellsbury. This is where I'd usually mention Brett Butler, but I'm starting to think the prince of Pink Hat Nation's uncommon work ethic is going to lead to him hitting with more power than his minor league numbers would indicate . . .Clay Buchholz. Yes, the No-Hit Kid has a had a fairly rough spring, but he's so supremely gifted and his secondary pitches are so polished that he'll be a consistent and often dazzling contributor before the calendar turns to July . . . Drew. Because he's too damn talented to be so mediocre again.

Breakdown player: Retroactively, we'll cop-out and go with Schilling, who apparently blew his shoulder out signing his new contract.

Dishonorable mention: Lowell. I couldn't have been more wrong about him last year. Might as well make a jackass of myself again, though you do have to wonder how much of his personally unprecedented success in the second half was due to a contract drive . . . Varitek. Well, he is 36.

Completely Random Bill James stat: Varitek was fifth in the AL in batting in close and late situations (.351).

Bonus stat: Ortiz led the league with .700 slugging percentage and a .470 OBP against righthanded pitchers, and his 1.153 OPS in the second half was also an AL best. (Okay, so that's three stats. Just emphasizing what a great year he really had.)

Bonus bonus stat: Dice-K led the AL in pitches per start (108.8) and tied A.J. Burnett for the most pitches in one game (130).

Triple bonus stat: Papelbon held opposing batters to a .146 average, tops among pitchers with 50 or more innings of work.

And what the hell, one more: Wakefield threw 2,194 pitches below 80 mph, far and away the most in the AL. Next on the list was Gagne bait Kason Gabbard, with 908.

. . . and finally, the prediction: 94 wins, 68 losses, 2d in AL East, AL wild card winner, and another suspenseful and very possibly joyous autumn. (Note from TATB management: For, oh, 10 years running, I picked the Sox to win the East. They didn't. Not once. I picked them second last year. You know how the story played out. I'm sticking to the formula that gets me what I want, people.)

* * *

As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

As as I wrap this up, it's t-minus 4 hours and 17 minutes until game time. So tell me again: How do you say "Play ball!" in Japanese?

2008 Red

2008-03-24T16:01:00.006-04:00

Hello

(Update, 5:23 p.m.: Uh, yeah, hello. The actual post, with words and everything, that belongs here will be up at some point late tonight. Contrary to current perception, it will not be about one of Lionel Richie's many catchy hit singles, but a capsule look at your 2008 Boston Red Sox. In the meantime, while I'm retaking Blogger 101, you may converse amongst yourselves regarding my bleepin' stupidity. Thank you. -- TATB Dept. of Incompetent Blogging.)

(P.S. - I could blame this on my hellacious cold, but that would be just so Simmons of me. Also, my back hurts.)

Cornering the market

2008-03-21T01:20:00.008-04:00

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Loved the Pats' signing of Fernando Bryant today, not only because he's a smart, proven veteran cornerback who's an upgrade on Randall Gay at the least, but also because he indirectly inspired probably the most heartfelt column I wrote in my time at the Monitor. He struck me as a great guy then, and I was glad to learn today that my initial perception was correct. And one more thing: This transaction convinced me beyond a doubt that the Patriots will not use the No. 7 pick to reach for one of the cornerbacks (McKelvin, Talib, Rogers-Cromartie) who are more qualified to go at the back end of the first round. You, me, and Mel Kiper's hairdresser really have no idea what they will do, but I suspect their priorities looks something like this: 1) Trade out of the spot, preferably for Dallas's two No. 1s. 2) Grab Vernon Gholston if he gets past the Jets at No. 6. 3) Take someone they like who no one is considering right now. (Well, except for Mike Reiss, who might be on to something with his educated speculation that they might covet Florida's Derrick Harvey.)

2. Either Glen Taylor doesn't know the definition of the word "tanked," or he's intent on battling James Dolan for the top spot in the NBA version of the Idiot Owner Power Rankings. And given that he oversees a franchise that lost five - 5! - first-round picks for trying to circumvent the salary cap in a shady free agent deal with Joe Smith, I'd say the latter is more likely. It's a damn disgrace that he'd ever question anything Kevin Garnett did for that mismanaged, undermanned franchise.

3. Three semi-sleepers I really like in fantasy baseball this season: 1) Phil Hughes, Yankees: He has to prove he can stay healthy, but every time I have seen him from Double A on up, he's looked like a future No. 1 starter, and that future is near. 2) Jeremy Hermida, Marlins: One of the best prospects in baseball two years ago, he lived up to his talent in the second half last season, hitting .340 with a .956 OPS. 3) Dustin McGowan, Blue Jays: Seven wins and a 3.67 ERA in the second half, he's a much smarter bet than A.J. Burnett to be the Jays' No. 2 starter.

4. In case you missed it, Joe Posnanski had a Q-and-A with Bill James recently on his blog, and it was just as entertaining and informative regarding baseball matters as you might expect. But my favorite part? This:

Q: In The Office*, were you happy or ultimately disappointed that Pam and Jim got together?

Bill: Relieved. They couldn’t have kept that going any longer; it would have fallen flat. If they hadn’t gotten together it would have ruined the show because it would have turned into a cliché.

*It just so happens that The Office is both of our favorite TV show. I was skeptical about The Office because Margo and I loved the original British Office so much. More than skeptical. The first year of The Office — which was a virtual frame by frame copy — was, I thought, awful because it was so derivative. But then the American Office found its voice and took off in my mind, because of the writing, because Steve Carrell’s so great, because of the secondary characters and because I believe it is humanly impossible not to fall in love with Pam.

I tend to agree with that last sentiment, as you probably suspected. And who would have thought Bill James liked "The Office"? I love it when my little obsessions collide like that.

5. Well, looks like we can pinpoint the first time Peter King verbally fondled Brett Favre. Seriously, the Sports Illustrated archives are going to be irresistible - I can see myself losing a couple hours there in the same way that I do on baseballreference.com - and I'm kind of amazed that they are making such a cool and valuable resource available for free.

6. Gotta figure if Sports Guy's wife ever reads one of the columns that he writes in her voice, she's going to be seriously annoyed at how vapid he makes her seem. (C'mon, the tone, the structure, the pop culture references . . . it's gotta be him, right?)

7. I'm as glad as anyone that Doug Mirabelli is gone - he's the .202-hitting personification of the arrogant jock stereotype, one of the few true jerks on the Sox - but I hope fans realize he's Johnny Bench at the plate compared to the salami bat who is replacing him. Kevin Cash is a fine defensive catcher, but he's not only a inept hitter, he's historically inept. In 359 career at-bats, he has a .167 batting average (45 points higher than the average of the pitcher he'll be catching) and a .488 OPS. Watching him attempt to hit every fifth day is going to get old fast.

8. I'm not a Bobby Knight fan - he was a brilliant coach, sure, but he's also nearly as accomplished as a bully and a hypocrite - but I have to admit, watching him break down the tournament with his no-nonsense style on ESPN has been compelling TV, and I give him bonus points for picking fourth-seeded Pitt to win it all when, from what I saw, the likes of Digger Phelps and Jay Bilas took the easy way out and sucked up to the top seeds and usual suspects. (Which reminds me . . . god, I wish Duke lost to Belmont.)

9. I had the sound on the TV down for much of the Celtics game tonight, so I have to ask: Did Reggie Miller mention anything in regard to how close he came to taking up Danny Ainge on his preseason offer join the green? While the everyone obviously has to be content with the way things worked out - especially since Eddie House has mostly been outstanding as the designated bomber -I am curious if he has any regrets now that the Celtics are exceeding even the wildest expectations.

10. As for today's Completely Random Basketball Card:

Didn't realize the former Celtic - and one of few players Red Auerbach misjudged - was one of Avery Johnson's henchmen until I noticed him on the Dallas bench tonight.

* * *

Couple of quick programming notes: 1) The long-promised Celts column should be posted sometime early next week. I'm absolutely giddy at how legitimately great this team is - after sweeping the "Texas Triangle," as Sean Grande calls it, no one can deny that they are THE favorite to win it all. And they're as fun and likable as they are good. I'm at the point where I'm bummed when they have a day off. I wish they played every day.

I'm also planning on writing division-by-division baseball preview caps in the same format as a last year, though those probably won't all be completed until the season is underway. I'll aim to crank out the Sox capsule Monday.

Finally, if you didn't notice the link on the righthand column, we're now on Facebook, so stop by and say hi. TATB could always use a few friends.

Until later . . . sayonara from TATB's favorite goodwill ambassador:

Shining moments

2008-03-15T21:12:00.008-04:00

As we begin our annual descent into Madness, we give you a completely self-indulgent look at TATB's all-time favorite college hoops players . . .

Benny Anders, Houston: One of the most mysterious characters in recent college basketball history, his legend grows by the year. Anders (No. 32 in the picture) played with Akeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler on the skywalking 1983 University of Houston Phi Slamma Jamma team that beat Louisville in a dunkfest in the Final Four before falling to N.C. State in the final, and by all accounts he more than held his own with his future superstar teammates. Said former Houston guard Reid Gettys: "Clyde will concede Benny tore him up in one-on-ones. Now, Clyde won't concede Michael Jordan tore him up, but he concedes Benny would get him." While Drexler went on to become one of the NBA Top 50 players of all time, Anders's talent went unfulfilled, by all accounts due to a lack of self-discipline. He didn't last at Houston, never played in the NBA, and, sadly, hasn't been heard from in years. But no one forgets him.

Kenny Anderson, Georgia Tech: It's hard to believe the lethargic, seen-it-all NBA veteran who passed his time front-rimming 15-foot jumpers for the Celtics a few seasons ago was the same dynamic player who in 1990 earned justified comparisons to Tiny Archibald while leading Georgia Tech to the Final Four. But Anderson really was something to behold in his youth, a super-quick lefty slasher with rare creativity as a passer and finisher. Though he averaged over 25 ppg as a sophomore and played 15 years in the NBA, it's not unfair to say he peaked as player as a freshman, when he joined long-range gunner Dennis Scott and versatile Brian Oliver to form "Lethal Weapon 3," one of the most fun and memorable trios in college hoops history. If you saw him in college, you can't help but wonder what happened along the way to sap his joy for the game.

Danny Manning, Kansas: Manning carried the Jayhawks to the '88 title, and "carried" is the appropriate word there - his most notable teammates were Milt Newton, Kevin Pritchard, and Scooter Barry, whose claim to fame is being the least gifted of Rick Barry's hoop-playing spawn. In the title game against Oklahoma, Manning posted this hop-on-my-back-fellas stat line: 31 points, 18 rebounds, 5 steals, and 2 blocked shots. For a player of such immense talents - he scored over 2,500 points in his four seasons - he also had unusual amounts of intelligence and savvy to his game, little baby hooks and touch passes and clever moves in the post. I'm not convinced he would have been a bona fide superstar in the NBA had he not blown his knee out 26 games into his rookie season with the Clippers - he was never that quick in the first place - but he would have been a hell of a second banana on an outstanding team.

Carmelo Anthony, Syracuse: Even in his one year of college ball, his game was a polished blend of Hip-Hop and Old School (I'm a sucker for that midrange rainbow jumper), and his easy charisma has always been off the charts. Solely because of him, I picked Syracuse to win it all in '03 - the only time I've had the last team standing as far as I can remember. If that's not a good reason to include him here, I don't know what is.

Chris Jackson, LSU: One of my laments as a sports fan is that I was born too late to see Pistol Pete Maravich play at LSU. For someone of my generation, watching Jackson, who averaged 30.2 ppg his freshman year (1988-89) for the Tigers, was as close as we'll come. He had seemingly limitless range, only a hint of a conscience, a dancer's balance (he always seemed to shoot on the move), and a handle that would wow even the AND1 crowd. If ESPN Classic hadn't tragically and inexplicably been converted to the Bowling/Poker Who-Gives-A-Bleep Channel in recent years, I'd like to think random games from Jackson's freshman year is the kind of stuff they'd be showing.

HONORABLE MENTION
Chris Mullin, St. John's: Remember when St. John's-Georgetown was an Event, Capital E? No? Well, I bet Walter Berry does.

Wally Szczerbiak, Miami (Ohio): Loved his 43-point performance against Washington during the RedHawks' run to the Sweet 16 in the '99 tourney. Couldn't stand him as a limping chucker for the Celtics.

David Robinson, Navy: Couldn't help but laugh at Red Auerbach's quote in this clip: "He's got a lot to learn . . . but not that much." In other words: The kid's unreal, but I don't want anyone knowing I think that. Classic Red.

Bo Kimble, Loyola-Marymount The lefthanded free throw still gets me.

Glen Rice, Michigan: His range extended to Kalamazoo.

John "Hot Plate" Williams, LSU: One of the great obese players of all time. How's that for a backhanded compliment?

Toby Bailey, UCLA: Ah, hell, I'll admit it: I bought the Next Big Thing hype. Should have known better than to fall for a 6-foot-3-inch guard who couldn't shoot.

(I'll add more as I think of them today. Feel free to add yours in the comments . . . )

Changes in latitudes

2008-03-14T01:27:00.012-04:00

Just a quick note to tell confirm something you might already know, and possibly may even give a damn about (or not):

By Opening Day, TATB will be moving over to Boston.com permanently, and the Blogspot version you see here will exist only as an archive. Yup, the little website is going all corporate on you. I'm fairly sure I even get to hire a cute secretary and a couple of Smithers-like yes-men. Remind me to get my agent to look into that.

(I'll pause a moment here to let my Original 6 readers howl "Sellout!" in unison.)

(Pause.)

(Is that good? You guys done? You too, mom? Okay, good. Let's move on.)

Yeah, so . . . Boston.com it is. We agreed to a formal deal a few weeks ago, and as you might expect, I'm psyched. The increased readership and an actual paycheck for pecking out this nonsense are the obvious benefits. And I'm absolutely thrilled to have a chance to be a semi-prominent voice on what amounts to the electronic wing of the Globe. In terms of prestige, I realize of course that this puny blog is not even in the same ballpark as, say, being a featured writer in the actual printed sports section. But this is as close as I'll ever come to fulfilling that boyhood dream, and you can be damn sure I'm going to make the most of the opportunity.

It's funny, when I started this thing in December, 2004, I never would have considered this as a real possibility; I had no conscious aspirations to turn this into something bigger or profitable, none at all. I just wanted to write, man. I love my desk job at the Globe, I truly do, but as I've said here many times before, after so many years of cranking out columns about the Sox when I was in New Hampshire, it crushed me not to have a venue and a voice when the they finally won the World Series. Three-and-a-half years, roughly 1.3 million visitors, and another World Series title later, and that's still my mentality. I just want to write, man.

I am glad to report that not much is changing in the transition. I mean, yeah, it will look different - it'll be on the Boston.com template and will be cleaner and better organized and such - but the tone and content will remain the same. I'll still feature the Completely Random Baseball card and the Nine Innings column, live blogs and all the other staples you've come to, uh, tolerate. (Thought "love" was too strong of a word there, yes?) Even Rodney Craig, Ombudsman, is coming along. I'll still apologize for Manny, unabashedly admire KG, aim every cheap shot my tiny brain can conceive at Slappy McBluelips and Capt. Derek J. Intangibles, and pine for Jenna Fischer in an awkward and possibly law-violating way. I'll still be me, suckers. For some inexplicable reason they seem to want that. I'm as stumped as you are.

I suppose there's one thing that might change, but I desperately hope it doesn't - that's the quality of the commenters. One of the surprising joys for me is popping into the comments the morning after I post something and reading what you guys have to say. Sometimes your response is positive, and sometimes you tell me in so many words to go do something that from what I can tell is anatomically impossible. But your take is almost always well-articulated and reasonable, and often makes more sense than what I wrote. (Frankly, it pisses me off when that happens. Knock it off, smart guys.)

Seriously, what I'm saying, in my usual roundabout way, is that I hope all of you - and you know who you are - will follow me to the new address. As happy as I am to be doing this, it would not be as rewarding without you.

So that's that. I'm signing off for the night now. I look forward to seeing you in the comments in the morning. But I hope you already knew that.

Chad

Get back

2008-03-12T00:49:00.008-04:00

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Worried about Josh Beckett? Eh, I'd call it mild concern at this point; I'd be more bothered if he had a blister. While back problems for a pitcher obviously can cause bigger problems down the road if it affects his mechanics, it sounds like this strain or pull or whatever it is will cease to be an issue with proper rest and treatment. The Sox, unsurprisingly, are being appropriately cautious with their ace. It's a long season, and they can survive without him in the short term. Maybe it's even a blessing that he misses the ridiculous trip to Japan; we wouldn't want him suffering a debilitating season-long case of Mike Mussina Jet Lag, now would we?

2. Thrilled to read that "Friday Night Lights" has, against long odds, been renewed for a third season. I've been banging through the DVD of the first season, and it has to be among the best written and acted dramas on TV. I appreciate that the writers rarely cop out with a neat, tidy, ending to an episode; even the most likable characters are complex and flawed, and the result is a rare authenticity. It's criminal that Kyle Chandler, who is spot-on as gruff, good-hearted Coach Taylor, hasn't even been nominated for an Emmy, let alone won one. And Tim Riggins is fast becoming one of my favorite TV characters of recent memory. He's hilarious, in a brooding, greasy-haired sort of way. It's not quite at the level of "The Office," in my personal TV ratings, but it's getting close.

3. All right, what the hell, might as well say it: I honestly believe the Celtics will - will - win No. 17 this season. I promise to write a longer column on this when time permits, but I just wanted to get it out there now, because I am completely convinced that they are the best team - and that's the key word, team - in the league this season. They are an absolute joy to watch at both ends of the floor, there seems to be uncommon camaraderie among the players, they just added one of the finest big-game players of his generation as a willing role player, and the kids seem to improve on a nightly basis. Detroit can't keep up with them, and I don't think the survivor of the West bloodbath will, either. It might be the most fun I've had watching this team in, oh, 22 years. Can we just skip ahead to the playoffs already?

4. My hypothetical NBA MVP ballot: 1) LeBron James (I am scared to death of the Celtics having to deal with him in the playoffs, though I remind myself that two of his key teammates are the fossilized Wally Szczerbiak and Delonte West . . . which makes all that he has accomplished all the more impressive. 2) KG (The national media seems to be overlooking him now, probably because the Celtics continued to win when he was hurt. But his importance, especially defensively and emotionally, cannot be overstated. Knew that, didn't you? 3) Kobe. (If the Celts don't make the finals, I'd love to see Cavs-Lakers, just to watch him and LeBron try to one-up each other.)

5. Gerald Green, upon being traded by the Timberwolves to his hometown Houston Rockets Feb. 21:

“It’s like a dream come true. Never in my life did I think this would happen. I am on cloud nine."

The Rockets cut him barely two weeks later. Maybe that will be the dose of reality Green needs, though I doubt it. While he has oodles of physical talent - players with his ups and photogenic jump shot are scarce - he hasn't improved at all in his three years in the league, which tells you that he either has no work ethic, or that his IQ, on the court and off, is in the sub-Tony Allen category. At this point, he might as well call himself a Dunk Contest Specialist. It's funny, I've been poring through my archives the past few days, and I was shocked by how often I praised Green's "potential" last season; I think most of us knew all along that the kid was too much of a knucklehead to make it, but we were so desparate for anything to root for that we convinced ourselves that his 10.4 ppg average for a truly atrocious basketball team constituted progress. Man, I'd really love to hear Doc Rivers's or Paul Pierce's candid assessment of the kid. I bet they have some stories, and I can't imagine they're surprised he now finds himself trolling for employment with the likes of the Yakima Sun Kings.

6. I'll admit I'm no expert like Mike Mayock, Mel Kiper Jr., or Larry Johnson, but the more I look at the way the upcoming NFL Draft appears to be falling, the more I hope the Patriots find some sucker to trade a handful of picks for that No. 7 spot. There are no cornerbacks or linebackers as far as I can tell that would justify being selected in that slot, assuming workout warrior Vernon Gholston goes to the Jets at No. 6. If all the stars are aligned, maybe Jerry Jones will trade his two No. 1s - the 22d and 28th picks - along with, say, a fifth-rounder, and the Pats can get a couple of pieces they need (Keith Rivers? Dominique Rogers-Cromartie?) at good value.

7. What does Matt Walsh have in his video collection? Well, like most guys in his early 30s, he probably has "GoodFellas," "Dazed and Confused," definitely owns the "Best of Jenna Jame". . . oh, you meant his other video collection? Right. Well, here's my best - and probably wishful - guess: a couple of tapes of opposing coaches' signals from the 2000-02 seasons. And that's it. If you consider the timeline here, Walsh first mentioned possessing material that would "embarrass" the Patriots after they got busted in the Jets game, but - and this is the key - before it was revealed that there were other tapes. The suspicion here is that Walsh knew there were other tapes, had a few of them as keepsakes, and was bummed when he realized he didn't have the bombshell he thought he did once the Patriots apparently came clean with Sheriff Goodell.

8. This sure seems like the season Manny Delcarmen makes the leap and becomes a dependable and perhaps even elite eighth-inning setup guy; he's in excellent shape and certainly has the stuff to succeed in a crucial role. But first I need to be sure that he's eliminated the Schiraldi-esque "holy crap, this is a huge moment" look from his repertoire before I'm officially convinced. He wasn't trustworthy in big spots in the postseason last year, and he still needs to prove he can handle the pressure that comes with a late-inning role.

9. Let's see . . . 11 of you, my dearest readers, sent me this link today (plus one posted in the comments), and while I suppose I'm flattered that you immediately think of me when a story's subjects include Jenna Fischer, a casting couch, and, um, a synonym for pee, I'm also somewhat concerned about my public perception. But not enough to prevent me from clicking the link all 11 times you sent it. Thanks, freaks.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Because sometimes, it really is random.

Three-point stance

2008-03-04T23:39:00.015-05:00

A couple of quicky thoughts in between naps . . .

For the first time since Eli Manning got the ball back with 83 yards to go and 2:42 on the damn clock, I'm feeling good about the Patriots. Randy Moss returning obviously has a little something to do with that, and while I was bordering on full-scale panic as he hit the free-agent market, in retrospect you have to give kudos to both the Patriots' front office and Moss for how they handled the situation. The Patriots were careful not to offend the, um, "quirky" receiver, negotiating a long-term deal in good faith rather than franchising him. And Moss deserves praise for realizing he has a good thing going in New England and signing for less than he likely would have received on the open market. While Moss's return is of course the biggest and best news, we should also be encouraged by the small but potentially significant gains the Pats have made in free agency. Tank Williams is a particularly intriguing addition; he was a helmet-cracking demon for those perennially tough defenses Jeff Fisher puts together in Tennessee, but a fractured knee cap halted his ascension to stardom. He's only 27, he's smart (he's a Stanford grad), he played well in a reserve role in Minnesota last season, and the hunch here is that he'll be regarded as a steal next season. Jason Webster and Lewis Sanders are depth signings, positioned to replace the departed Randall Gay, whom you might remember as this year's recipient of the Tebucky Jones Award, given every few seasons to the so-so Patriots defensive back who is comically overpaid by the Saints. Should the Belichick/Pioli braintrust bring in a useful linebacker or two - Adam Seward? Takeo Spikes, perhaps? - you have to feel very good about the state of this team heading into the draft . . . where, by the way, we're hoping they take, oh, a trio of defensive backs and another four linebackers, just to be safe.

* * *

And somewhere (in Afghanistan, apparently), Peter King rips his Brett Favre Fathead off his bedroom wall and collapses into sobs. Seriously, we all knew the media fawning when the beloved Gritty Ol' Gunslinger Who Just Loves To Play He's Like A Kid Out There finally hung 'em up would fall somewhere between saccharine and insufferable. But that doesn't make the over-the-top coverage from the past few days any easier to endure. And I like Favre. He was fun as hell to watch, seems like a genuinely decent guy (though there surely is some calculation behind the lucrative aw-shucks persona), and the NFL is a little less interesting without him. But c'mon now . . . he was not a "national treasure," as one heartbroken ESPN hairdo called him this morning, to solemn nods from his mourning nitwit peers. What was he? In truth, this: An extremely gifted passer who often took his physical talents for granted, played recklessly right down to the bitter-cold end against the Giants, yet rarely got called out on his flaws because A) his ability and charisma were often enough to win the day, and B) he was accommodating and savvy enough to return the right phone calls and fill the right notebooks. Oh, and mark these words: He may not play another down in the NFL, but I guarantee there will be well-placed rumors next season that he would at least consider coming out of retirement in "the right situation." I once wrote these words about Roger Clemens: "If anyone has an ill-fated comeback in him, it's Rocket, the Human Ego Trip." That was, I believe, three retirements and one Congressional hearing ago for the future Leavenworth ace. The same goes for Favre, just you wait and see. He'll realize that bucolic Kiln, Miss., (cue the banjo) isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially when Peter King and the rest aren't quite ready to quit you . . . and vice versa.

* * *

My favorite moment of the Celtics' season so far, and probably their defining moment as well: Rajon Rondo's fearless posterization of Jason Maxiell Wednesday night. I'm not a big YouTube guy - I tend to skip over clips when I see them posted other blogs - but I want to put this here just so I can watch it whenever I feel like it. (Watching him blow past Richard "Phantom of the Opera" Hamilton is almost as cool as the dunk itself.) Rondo blossoming into a tough, increasingly reliable and breathtakingly athletic point guard has been one of the many great joys of watching this team.

* * *

As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

I imagine all the "he really should work for the Yankees" jokes are taken by now, right? Then I've got nothin'.

Me, myself, and I

2008-03-02T02:56:00.023-05:00

Inspired by my wife's friend Heather's list (and with an assist from my own massive ego) here are 50 Things About Me . . .

1. Butch Hobson, who never saw a bat rack he couldn't crash into, was my favorite Sox player as a kid. My favorite player today is Manny Ramirez, who's the anti-Butch in terms of how he plays the game.

2. Eighteen years after we met at Gannett Hall at dear old UMaine, I still don't understand how I duped my wife into going out with me, let alone marrying me. And the Jenna Fischer comparison a mysterious commenter made a few posts ago? Well, hey, no argument here.

3. My two biggest fears are something happening to my wife and kids, and me failing them.

4. I used to think that had I been blessed with foresight and a trust fund I could have had the career of Bill Simmons. But I've come to realize that he deserves more credit for his talent and remarkable success than he often gets from us bitter Internet hacks. I'd destroy him on the basketball court, however, and I'd enjoy doing it.

5. I ran a 5:20 mile in high school. Nowadays it would take me twice that long . . . on a bike.

6. Five years ago, I could bench-press over 300 pounds. Nowadays I heave up 135 and can't lift my arms above my head for a week.

7. If I could have my kids' picture taken with anyone on the planet, I'd choose David Ortiz.

8. My cat, named after Otis Nixon, is 15. When he goes to the Great Kitty Carrier in the Sky, I'll be sadder than my children will.

9. I haven't played an organized baseball game in 21 years. I still miss it dearly.

10. I once hit 3-pointers on five consecutive possessions in a men's league basketball game to turn a nine-point deficit into a six-point lead (or vice versa), scored 38 points in another game, hit nine 3-pointers in another.

11. Yet my greatest basketball accomplishment is pouring in roughly 2.7 points per game for the 1987-88 Class A state champion Morse Shipbuilders. Just win, baby.

12. Twenty years ago, I played hoops against Celtic-to-be Sam Cassell. He was just as handsome then.

13. I get offended when old friends don't make as much of an effort to keep in touch as I do.

14. I wish I was sipping a coconut-flavored beverage at the Frangipani in Bequia right now.

15. I've been around athletes my whole life. But the toughest, most resilient person I've ever known is my mom.

16. The first record album I ever bought was Michael Jackson's "Off the Wall" when I was in fifth grade. The first 45 (I refuse to explain what that is, children) was John Lennon's "Just Like Starting Over." I'll argue that both were fine choices given the era.

17. When people first meet me they tend to think I'm quiet and shy; it's later on that they realize I'm primarily a vulgar smart-ass.

18. My best friend from my freshman year of college died of a brain aneurysm 12 years ago while jogging. He encouraged me to pursue sports writing when I wasn't sure I had the talent or the dedication. I keep his picture in the top drawer of the desk in my home office, and I still think about him often.

19. I refuse to read newspaper stories about people being cruel and abusive to children. I can't comprehend it, and it breaks my heart to hear about it.

20. In the past few years, to my surprise, country has become my favorite musical genre. I think it's because it's gradually losing the hillbilly twang and moving toward the mainstream. Or maybe just because in my old age I'm getting sentimental, and country is nothing if not that.

21. While I find the whole bleepfaced Parrothead thing a little much in an amusing sort of way, I'm a loyal Jimmy Buffett fan and will never grow tired of "A Pirate Looks at 40" or "Trying to Reason With Hurricane Season," among about 40-50 other songs. Got a beach bum's soul, I guess.

22. I can't help but like Kenny Chesney, too, even though he's blatantly dipping his toes in Buffett's Caribbean surf and looks like a hairless cat.

23. When I talk to my dad, the conversation always turns toward baseball, just as it did when I was 8. There's something reassuring in that.

24. The summer before seventh grade, I nearly drowned in the Kennebec River. Also that summer, I fell off my bike pedaling at full speed, tore up my forehead, elbow, and shoulder, and had to go to hospital for iodine treatments every other day. And I got chicken pox. Nope, not the best summer I ever had.

25. When I was in fourth grade, I got busted sneaking off school grounds at lunch to go to Lincoln Street Market and buy a hot dog and a couple of packs of baseball cards. (Why? Because hot lunch in 1980 sucked, that's why. A kid could only take so much Shepherd's Pie and tinfoil-wrapped pizza.) Instead of confessing, I went with the "it must have been another kid that looks like me" defense, and when that Rusty Hardin-caliber argument naturally failed, I lied and said I had the okay from my parents to do it. My masterstroke: A forged permission slip in broken cursive saying something like, "My sun Chad has permishun to by hot dogs at lunch so you can leave him alone now so he can go by hotdogs at lunch. And baseball cards also. Thanks, Mrs. Finn." Needless to say, my scam soon ended with a tearful confession in the principal's office.

26. I'd rather sing like Sinatra than play left field for the Red Sox. Maybe.

27. I love living in Maine, yet absolutely despise the winter. I'd just as soon stay on the couch until the thermometer tells me it's 75 degrees outside.

28. I haven't been to church in 20 or so years, yet I say a prayer of thanks every night.

29. In college, I saw Jerry Seinfeld and Adam Sandler do standup, before they were both superfamous and filthy rich. Seinfeld was more polished (he rattled off about 10 one-liners when a bat suddenly flew on the stage), but Sandler was more fun.

30. My happiest moment as a Boston sports fan: the immediate aftermath of Ruben Sierra grounding out to Pokey Reese. The World Series was the icing.

31. Saddest: Finding out about Len Bias's death on the last day of school in 1986.

32. A couple of times per summer, I drive over to the dilapidated old Maine Guides ballpark, just to remember when.

33. I'm useless when it comes to working with tools. Come to think of it, my wife probably would say I am a useless tool.

34. I have no discernible talents other than throwing a nasty Wiffle Ball screwball, yet when I was young I always figured I'd someday be famous for something. Doesn't everyone?

35. I have a ridiculously accurate memory for names, faces, and details, but can't remember where I put my car keys and wallet.

36. Regrets, I have very few. One: I wished I'd lived in California for a year or two like my younger sister did. I've never lived outside of New England.

37. My hair started going gray in my mid-20s, and I'm well-acquainted with Just For Men. The damn stuff is like Ash Brown battery acid.

38. Concord, N.H. seemed like the drowsiest place on earth in the nine years I lived there - I think last call was at 8:30 p.m. - but it feels like home when I go back, more so than my real hometown, Bath, Maine.

39. I haven't eaten a hot dog in at least 20 years, and I haven't eaten at McDonald's in at least 15.

40. Being a dad is more exhausting and fulfilling than I ever imagined. What they say is true: You cannot possibly understand it until you experience it.

41. My real name is Charles, and a lot of my buddies call me Charlie, which is my old man's name. I don't mind.

42. My entrance music would be "You Could Be Mine" by Guns 'n' Roses.

43. My first semester of college, I pulled a 0.9375 GPA. That did not make the Dean's List.

44. The one CD that has never grown even temporarily tiresome: "White Ladder," David Gray. It's the unofficial soundtrack for the last 10 years of my life.

45. I know it's a cliche for a dude my age, but I can't deny it: my all-time favorite movie is "Swingers." "Boogie Nights," "Office Space," and "Almost Famous" are among my other personal Best Picture nominees.

46. During a summer when I was around 15 or 16, I had a staph infection that caused a couple of layers of skin on my face to blister and peel off. Despite my frequent public cries that I was not an animal but a human being, people still looked at me like I was the Elephant Man.

47. First concert I ever saw: Billy Joel, January 1984, Cumberland County Civic Center. Second concert: Duran Duran, a few months later. I'm fairly certain me and my buddy who roped me into going were the only guys there, including the members of the band.

48. When I was in sixth grade, my doctor told me I was going to grow to be 6-foot-6, minimum. I'm 6-3 and still waiting for that last growth spurt the stupid quack promised me.

49. I often say the most fun I had in my life was my sophomore year of college . . . which kind of annoys my wife, since we met my junior year.

50. I consider starting this blog one of the smartest things I've ever done, though I'm starting to think this post might be one of the dumbest.

Sam I am

2008-02-28T00:05:00.012-05:00

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Two quick thoughts about the Celtics while I worry that someone (Denver? Dallas>) will ruin the master plan by snatching up Sam Cassell on waivers:

• Call it the luck of the Irish, I suppose, but how fortunate are the Celtics that the two pieces they most need to pursue a championship - a veteran big man who can rebound and play D, and a veteran guard to run the offense and knock down a big jumper or two - are both available as free agents with 25 or so games remaining in the season?

• I'm actually more excited about getting Brown than Cassell, if only because Kendrick Perkins has been extra sluggish lately (one rebound against Cleveland the other night). If Perk isn't rebounding and hustling on defense, there's really no reason for him to be on the floor. Truth be told, I'd rather see undersized but remarkably efficient Leon Powe out there over him in most situations.

2. By the way, remind me to cross Marty Burns of CNNsi.com off my reading list. Here's what he wrote recently about the possibility of Antoine Walker getting bought out by the Timberwolves:

If Minnesota did buy out Walker, and he cleared waivers, he would be free to sign with any team (he must be waived by March 1 to be eligible to play for another team in the postseason). The Celtics, Rockets, Warriors and Nuggets are among the clubs that might be interested in his services.

Now, I'm not questioning Mr. Burns's credentials or credibility, and he did couch his suggestion with the word "might," but let's put it this way: There's a better chance Danny Ainge names himself and Doc Rivers the starting backcourt than there is of him even considering adding Hurricane 'Toine to this team.

3. Sure, you mock Tony La Russa and his mighty big brain right now after hearing about his latest look-how-smart-I-am scheme, but let's hear what you have to say when Matt Clement and Joel Pineiro combine to bat .320 with 102 RBIs from the No. 8 hole this season.

4. Can't help but have kind of a what-might-have-been vibe to Rosevelt Colvin's departure from the Pats. He ended up being a steady and dependable player during his five seasons here - don't tell me you haven't wondered if he might have made a difference against the Giants - but it's fair to say he was never again the dynamic speed rusher he was in Chicago after suffering that devastating hip injury in Week 2 of the '03 season. It's to his credit that he somewhat reinvented himself after that injury, becoming a better all-around defender. He was a fine player and seemed like a class act, and I wish him well.

5. Really curious what motivated Jose Canseco, baseball's Typhoid Mary of steroids, to testify under oath that Roger Clemens wasn't at his infamous pool party. It's possible that Canseco's chicken nugget of a brain doesn't have enough storage space left to retain 10-year-old memories. But given that Canseco reportedly is hard up for cash (ask Magglio Ordonez), one can't help but wonder if there's some sort of devious deal at play here. I wouldn't put such a thing past either one of them.

6. I get the sense Joe Maddon wants the Rays to take a chance on Barry Bonds, and why not? Provided he's still taking the right mix of vitamins, the swollen tick of a slugger still has enough left to anchor a Tampa Bay lineup that has a chance to be one of the best in the AL. Besides, after dealing with the clinically insane Elijah Dukes and raging jerk Delmon Young last season, Maddon is well-equipped to deal with Bonds's unique brand of narcissism.

7. Maybe Eagles superfan Arlen Spector can explain it to me, but I don't quite understand why Philadelphia thinks Asante Samuel is a huge upgrade over Lito Sheppard, especially when you factor in the ridiculously fat contract Samuel is going to command. I like Samuel a lot and appreciate that he's been a key to the Patriots defense the past few seasons, but he's not a quote-unquote "shutdown corner." He's smart, reads quarterbacks well, gambles a lot, has excellent hands (with one $(%*#$ exception), and makes more big plays than he allows. But all things considered, he's not that much better than Sheppard, a two-time Pro Bowler, and if the Patriots somehow end up with him as Samuel's replacement, I'll consider it a very shrewd tradeoff by Patriots management.

8. It always make me feel a little older when a player I've enjoyed and appreciated for so many years calls it a career, so in that sense I'm glad Tedy Bruschi is returning to the Patriots; it really wouldn't be quite the same without ol' No. 54 around. That said, here's hoping his role is reduced next season - greatly. Bruschi has obviously lost a step or two the past few seasons - to be honest, it looked to me like Junior Seau has more gas left in the tank - and it is imperative that some how, some way, the Patriots get younger at linebacker next season. I'm glad Bruschi is still here. I just hope they're not heavily relying on him.

9. We know all about Manny's eight-digit salary, but who knew he has a pair of six-digit feet?

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Nope, no relation to Manny.

Center of attention

2008-02-26T07:58:00.007-05:00

Catching up on the news from Camp Tranquility (better known to much of the media as Camp Ohhowwewishformelodrama) . . .

Coco Crisp says he'd rather start elsewhere than be a backup in Boston: Can't say I blame him, can you? He's in the heart of what should be his prime at 28, he's coming off the best defensive season a Red Sox center fielder has had in who knows how long, and has proven he can be a valuable contributor to a winning ball club even when he struggles at the plate. He is completely justified in wanting to play, and the suspicion is that he will be accommodated before the Sox head north . . . er, make that to the Far East. And I think that is a mistake. Crisp will not be divisive force here (let's stop the comparison to the reprehensible Jay Payton now), he's one injury to Manny or J.D. Drew from playing just about every day, and the argument can be made that he's still the best center field option on the roster, at least at the moment.

In praising Crisp, the intent is not to make a case against Ellsbury, to suggest he's some combination of Ted Cox and Dave Stapleton, a rookie tease destined to fail. The job will be his soon enough, and it may still be his a decade from now. I happen to believe Ellsbury will become a borderline star, play in an All-Star game or two, ultimately enjoy a Brett Butler-type career. But his star turn in October has already made him an idol here, particularly among the Pink Hats and Men's Vogue readers, and while the Bill James Handbook (somewhat more credible on baseball matters than Vogue) projects him to hit .320 with an .810 OPS and 42 steals, I'm not quite convinced he's ready for center stage. His minor league slugging percentage (.425) is only slightly higher than Crisp's as a big leaguer (.409), and it appeared to these untrained eyes that the book was out on Ellsbury last September: get two strikes on him and he'll hack at anything. The Rockies evidently didn't have a copy of said book, but it's cause for at least mild concern. The kid still has some adjustments to make.

Again, my point here is that it's not necessary for this to be an either/or deal. I like both players a lot, and the Sox are a better team with both players. And until Ellsbury proves beyond a doubt that he can lay off a low, inside breaking ball and make the center field job his own - or at least until the Sox get a more than fair offer for Crisp - the status quo is the way to go.

Terry Francona signs a three-year contract extension with club options through the 2013 season: I think we've made it clear how we here at TATB feel about Tito: He's far and away the best manager the Red Sox have had in the 30 years we've been watching, and there's no current manager we'd rather have running this team. He's the right man at the right moment with the right team, and we were incredibly . . . well, relieved to realize that the Red Sox front office appreciates him as much as we do. Francona is the rare manager who is adept at both game management and people management. Part of what makes him so effective in relating to the personalities in his remarkably diverse clubhouse is that he has seen baseball from so many perspectives: he's been a phenom (he and some Ripken kid were the hot shot rookies of '82), a journeyman (after injuries sapped his talent), a minor-league manager, a big-league coach, and front office assistant (for Mark Shapiro in Cleveland). It's almost as if everything in his career - including his failed managerial stint in Philadelphia - was preparation for his present job, and he makes the absolute most out of all the knowledge he has gathered along the way. The Red Sox are fortunate to have him.

Former AL Cy Young Award winner Bartolo Colon agrees to a minor-league contract: As long as they're not paying him in Ring Dings and (delicious) Yodels, I can't see a downside to this. Colon, who at age 34 (he turns 35 in May) is just three years removed from a 21-8, 3.48 season, is exactly the kind of low-risk, high-reward chance the Red Sox can - and should - take. Sure, he's got a lot of miles on his surgically repaired right shoulder, and there's a chance he arrives at camp looking like he swallowed Curt Schilling in two bites. But there's also a decent chance he gives the Sox the 120-150 innings they were expecting Schilling to eat (ahem) at the back of the rotation. Better yet, his arrival means he's reunited with two of his best buddies from his baseball youth in Cleveland, Manny Ramirez and Julian Tavarez, and the potential for comedy there is endless. Come to think of it, NESN really ought to give those three goofy amigos their own show.

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As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Mike Greenwell, Mo Vaughn, and Bill Lee in the same year? The Red Sox Hall of Fame banquet just got a whole lot more fun . . . and the after-party should really be something.

And don't forget George Foster

2008-02-20T01:09:00.010-05:00

Back by, well, almost no demand, it's Random Lists of Five . . .

Five alleged contenders that won't win the NBA title this season:
1. Dallas. Kidd has slipped, especially defensively. They'll regret giving up Devin Harris for him in the long run.
2. Phoenix. I hope the Shaq gamble works, and he looks like he's in decent shape, but I just don't believe he can make a difference as a rebounder and defender after so many years of indifference.
3. San Antonio. They remind me of the Patriots team that lost to Indy a year ago. Still smart and proud, but just not quick enough anymore.
4. Cleveland. Though I do not want the Celtics to have to face Team LeBron.
5. Detroit. The Flip Saunders factor.

Five name players I wouldn't touch In fantasy baseball this season with Bea Arthur's ----:
1. Albert Pujols. Tough to hit with one decent elbow. Anyone who takes him in the first round will have a season's worth of regret.
2. Andy Pettitte. If his elbow acts up again, it's fair to assume the elixir this time won't be HGH.
3. Derek Jeter. He'll be 34 in June. Our long national nightmare is almost over.
4. Scott Rolen. He's as physically cooked as Trot Nixon.
5. Miguel Tejada. Think the dolts in the Astros' front office have heard about the Mitchell Report yet?

Five recent players you forgot played for the Celtics:
1. Jamel Thomas. Sebastin Telfair's half-brother, played three games for the '99-'00 squad.
2. Bruno Sundov. A poor man's Stojko Vrankovic.
3. Bryant Stith. A smaller version of Ryan Gomes, I always liked him, though the end was near by the time he arrived in Boston.
4. Chris Carr.
5. Ruben Wolkowyski. Yeah, I have no recollection, either.

Five receivers who caught a pass for the Super Bowl XXXVI champs (and we don't mean the Rams, William Gary, whoever the hell you are):
1. Charles Johnson
2. Fast Freddie Coleman, scourge of the Jets.
3. Torrance Small
4. Bert Emanuel
5. Curtis Jackson. (Not to be confused with him.)

Five primary personnel needs for the Patriots this offseason:
1. One or two young inside linebackers. I suppose 34-year-old Zach Thomas qualifies by current standards
2. One or two cornerbacks, minimum, depending upon whether they resign Asante Samuel or Randall Gay. Count me in for a Ty Law sequel.
3. A quality backup QB, just in case the unthinkable happens. They've pushed their luck with Matt Cassel long enough.
4. Defensive speed, anywhere. Perhaps another young safety to go with Stonehands Meriweather.
5. Some kicking competition for Gostkowski. Belichick seems to have lost faith in him.

Five 1985 New York Mets:
1. Billy Beane
2. Calvin Schiraldi
3. Clint Hurdle
4. Joe Sambito
5. Larry Bowa

Last five songs to pop up on the iPod as I write this:
1. Elevation, U2. Nothing wrong there.
2. Sick of Myself, Matthew Sweet. Underrated '90s alt rocker.
3. Come Monday, Jimmy Buffett. Even those who loathe Parrotheads have to respect this song, Buffett's first hit.
4. Mama Said Knock You Out, L.L. Cool J. And to think I snickered at Simmons for his ridiculous Mt. Rapmore earlier this week. Of course, the Choate Sports Guy pontificating on hip-hop makes about as much sense as Tupac returning from the dead to tell us about his favorite elitist New England prep schools.
5. High Enough, Damn Yankees. Well, almost made it through without humiliating myself.

Five baseball players I wish I'd seen play:
1a. Jackie Robinson
1b. Roberto Clemente
3. Ted Williams
4. Satchel Paige
5. Lyman Bostock

And five for football:
1. Gale Sayers. The NFL Films footage of his best kick returns is mesmerizing.
2. Jim Brown. I'm not sure if his friendship with Belichick is a good thing or a bad thing in terms of the coach's image.
3. Dick Butkus. Rumor is the Pats are bringing him in for a look-see early next week.
4. Lance Alworth. Can you imagine any football player tolerating a nickname like Bambi today?
5. Darryl Stingley. His tragic injury happened in the preseason the year I became a fan.

Five hottest women on television according to a semi-neutered, couch-bound, 38-year-old father of two: (Subtitle: Yep, another weak excuse to run a picture of the Official Muse of TATB, Non-Wife Division):
1. Sweet Jenna. I miss The Office almost as much as I wish Peter King would stop mentioning The Office.
2. Connie Britton, Tammy on "Friday Night Lights," the best show on television no one's watching.
3. The babe in the Mercury commercials.
4. Tyra on "Friday Night Lights" (Though the consensus seems to be that the brunette is hotter.)
5. Cheryl Ladd. I'm talking "Charlie's Angels" reruns, not the insipid "Las Vegas," though she still looks great.

Five sports media-types I hope get hit with a meteor:
1. Merril Hoge. A moron's moron.
2. Peter King-Favre. Keeps saying we need to know the truth about SpyGate, but won't get off his creme horn-filled --- to search it out himself.
3. Gregg Easterbrook. Despises the Pats with an odd irrationality. Doesn't even try to hide it anymore.
4. The WEEI morning show. A 3-for-1 deal. And send a few extra asteroids Meterparel's way.
5. Merril Hoge again, just in case the first meteor gave him only a concussion.

Nine innings: 02.18.08

2008-02-14T17:46:00.016-05:00

Playing nine innings while waiting for Derek Jeter to have his Gold Gloves revoked . . .

1. I believed this before reading Gordon Edes's outstanding front-page feature the other day, but now I'm convinced more than ever: Jon Lester is going to make a significant breakthrough this season. I'm thinking 15 wins and an ERA right around 4.00, and I'm trying to be cautious. It's not easy, though. John Farrell adores him, which counts for a lot in my eyes, and the most recent picture I have of Lester in my mind was his spot-on imitation of a vintage Bruce Hurst in the World Series clincher. I honestly don't think I'm going overboard here when I say he day will come - and soon - when we're glad the Sox refused to part with him for Johan Santana.

2. Jorge Posada's defense of Roger Clemens, at the expense of a current teammate's testimony and in the face of all common sense, automatically makes me suspicious of just what methods the Yankees catcher used to post a career-best OPS+ of 154 last season in contract year at age 36. It's probably not fair and even a little irresponsible, I know, but I just can't comprehend why he'd take Clemens's worthless word over Pettitte's unless perhaps his misplaced sympathy was born from having something to hide himself.

3. Trivia question I plucked out of an AP story at work last night: In the last six seasons, Roy Oswalt leads the majors with 98 wins, and Roy Halladay is second with 93. Who's third, with 92? Hint: You've booed him, cheered him, and maybe even had a beer with him. Also, his name is not Roy. Click the link for his ID.

4. I applaud the Red Sox' caution with Clay Buchholz, especially considering that the No-Hit Kid's 2007 season was abbreviated in part due to a tired shoulder. But they're taking it too far if they send him down to Pawtucket while a proven mediocrity such as Julian Tavarez or Kyle Snyder occupies the fifth spot in the rotation. Buchholz has a chance to be an impact pitcher immediately - with his uncommon command of his excellent secondary pitches, I would not be completely shocked if he was the Sox' No. 2 starter by the end of the summer. I don't fault them for babying their prized prospect, and limiting the skinny righty to 180 innings or so this season makes perfect sense. What doesn't make sense: having him pitch anywhere but where he belongs.

5. I wasn't sure whether to pity Debbie Clemens for being another victim of her lying oaf of a husband's runaway ego, or to dismiss her as a vapid, delusional enabler, a Stepford baseball wife. I'm leaning toward the latter, however, after hearing the story about her and Mrs. Canseco comparing, um, assets at the now-infamous barbecue. Turns out Roger wasn't the only boob to make an appearance that day.

6. The Sox really have no choice but to sign Jason Varitek to a contract extension, and I don't mean to suggest that's a bad thing. Compared to other catchers, the 36-year-old captain was very productive last season, batting .255 with 17 homers and 103 OPS+, and we're all aware of his value when it comes to leadership, preparation, and all the small but significant things. (Yes, I refused to use the word "intangibles" there. Jeter owns the copyright, I believe.) It's just that, at his age, durability has to become an increasing concern, and the safest bet for the Sox would be to sign him to something like a two-year, $24 million extension. But with Posada, a superior hitter but inferior to Varitek at just about everything else, signing a four-year, $56.2 million deal in the offseason that will keep him in pinstripes through his 40th birthday, you have to figure Varitek and his agent, Scott Boras, will be looking for something in that pricey neighborhood. And the Sox, with no legitimate catching prospects on the immediate horizon (sorry, Dusty Brown), might just have to pay it.

7. Three quick Pats thoughts, because dammit, I just can't quit them: 1) I'm glad Belichick and Pioli are finally counter-punching regarding Spygate. It ought to prevent other Patriot haters from jumping on the pile after the likes of William Gary, Arlen Spector, and Matt Walsh. But I have to admit, my first impression as I read Mike Reiss's story Sunday night was that the Patriots' portrayal of Walsh as some sort of serial taper sure would be a very convenient way to distance themselves from him if he does happen to possess any damning video. And my hunch - and that's all it is - is that they are fairly certain he does, which would mean, unfortunately, that this ridiculously overblown story is not going away any day soon. 2) I like Zach Thomas as a player, at least until those little birdies started circling his head, but I'm just not sure where he'd fit with the Pats. Hasn't he spent his whole career in a 4-3, hiding behind fat defensive tackles and running to the ball? Doesn't seem like his style and the Pats' defense are compatible. Of course, I said the same thing about Junior Seau two years ago, and now I'm crossing my fingers that he puts off graduation for another year. 3) Ty Law, coming back home? Yes, please, though you have to figure the 33-year-old corner (doesn't it seem like he should be older?) will again choose cold, hard cash over sentiment.

8. I guarantee you the following is the best ending to a column you'll ever see on this blog:

I can't believe he won't come walking out of a clearing, bent over and holding his back and complaining that the swim was bad for his sciatica. If you see someone answering that description, throw him a bad pitch down around the ankles outside and, if he hits it screaming down the right-field line, it can only be Clemente, and you'll know reports of his condition have been grossly exaggerated once again.

I suppose I'm doing the writer a disservice here by repeating his column's masterful ending without fully explaining the circumstances, but I'm going to assume you quickly solved the topic and the circumstances. It's the conclusion to a column written by the legendary Jim Murray that appeared in the L.A. Times on January 3, 1973, three days after a plane carrying Pittsburgh Pirates superstar Roberto Clemente crashed off the coast of Puerto Rico while attempting to deliver relief supplies to earthquake victims in Nicaragua. The body of Clemente, who Murray lovingly eulogizes in the piece as an endearing grump and somewhat of a hypochondriac, was never found, of course, which makes the piece all the more poignant.

I've long been fascinated by Clemente - he and Jackie Robinson are the two players before my time who I wish I'd seen in person - but I'd never read Murray's column about his disappearance until I recently picked up an old anthology of his best work, appropriately titled "The Great Ones." Let's just say I now consider it the best $1.99 I've ever spent.

If you're familiar with Murray's work - and perhaps you are, since he was syndicated for decades (I read him in the Portland Press Herald as a kid) and is widely considered the finest sports columnist ever - it won't be a revelation when I say his columns are elegantly simple, expertly crafted, and unfailingly hilarious. Among current sportswriters, only Joe Posnanski owns the same attributes, and reading both of them often leaves me both inspired and disheartened. It sucks to know that my best column will never be in the same ballpark as Murray's or Posnanski's worst, yet reading them enhances my desire to write, because they remind me just how fulfilling and great something as silly as sportswriting can be. I think that's the best compliment I can pay.

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Josh Booty was once the highest-rated prep quarterback in Louisiana, ahead of a certain future ubiquitous pitchman. And I'll tell anyone who will listen that, having seen him often during his two seasons with the Portland Sea Dogs, he unequivocally has the best throwing arm I have ever seen in person, and that's no exaggeration. For all of his athletic potential, however, he's now apparently just a severely tasered version of Drew Henson, a ballyhooed prep star who wasn't quite good enough at two sports.

Questions we'd have asked the Texas Con Man while he was under oath

2008-02-13T14:32:00.008-05:00

Do you realize that everyone with a shred of common sense in these chambers realizes you are completely full of b.s., to the point that even the comatose rodent nesting atop Rusty Hardin's head is rolling its eyes?

Is "K" the only letter in the alphabet you can identify?

Whenever you joined a team as a free agent, it was never because "the guys" begged you relentlessly, or because you respected Mr. Torre, or because you didn't want to disappoint Mr. Steinbrenner, or because you desired to win a championship, or because you had a fondness for a particular city, or because you wanted to be closer to your family, but because that particular team happened to be the one throwing the biggest stinkin' piles of loot your way, was it not?

You really did think Toronto borders Texas, didn't ya, you big dummy?

Back when you were Best Friends Forever, did you or Mr. Pettitte ever utter the phrase, "Why can't I quit you?"

Do you have to suppress a guffaw when you hear the phrase "injected Debbie in the buttocks in the bedroom"?

Do you like gladiator movies?

C'mon, even you must admit the "I thought it was the ball," excuse after raging at Piazza was lame, even for a dim-witted hillbilly like you . . . agreed?

Does Debbie cry herself to sleep at night listening to "Stand By Your Man"?

Do you realize that if Debbie really did load up on HGH, there's a decent chance she is seriously going to kick your bloated #*# when you get home?

So, whatcha getting Debbie for Valentine's Day? Perhaps Whitman's offers an injectable sampler?

Do you realize this man will probably be whupping you at shuffleboard when you're both 80 years old?

At what point will you plan on breaking out your tried-and-true escape plan from pressure situations and attempt to limp of here with a "tweaked" hamstring?

Are you terrified that your future fellow prisoners will someday chant, "Where is ROG-AH?! In the SHOW-AH!!"?

Has it dawned on you how much Dan Duquette must be enjoying this?

Who wrote your opening statement, Miss Teen South Carolina? (Hat tip: The Big Lead. Dammit, they beat me to it.)

Do you think the Post will go with the "Oaf Under Oath!" headline tomorrow, or will it be the Daily News?

Does it make you feel better that prisons and your beloved University of Texas essentially have the same uniform colors?

Do you consider Suzyn Waldman another satisfied customer?

Do you really expect us to believe Mr. Pettitte, Mr. McNamee, Mr. Knoblauch, and indirectly, the honorable former senator Mitchell, are being dishonest here, while you, a man with a long history of being a compulsive and transparent liar, is telling the truth?

Do you really believe all these geezers in Congress were born yesterday?

And just one more, Mr. Clemens. While we're here, why not come clean on your longest-running lie: You asked out, didn't you?

* * *

As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

I don't know about you, but Pettitte gets a standing ovation from me the next time he pitches at Fenway. He's my new favorite Yankee.