Champion For Good

Happy Zombie Day!!!

2011-10-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

That's right folks. There really is a National Zombie Day. I'm sorry to say that I know a little more about this day than I want to. The only reason I know about this at all is because it was started a few years ago by a guy that hosts a weird show on a local tv station in Pittsburgh. I don't remember what the dude's name is and I can think of about 16 million things i'd rather do...so i'm not going to look it up. Go find it yourself if you're interested...and I hope you're not.

In other Zombie news - The Wall Street protesters have spread to a dozen or so cities in the US. These protests are getting much deserved political attention, the protesters carry signs of conviction and shout their righteous message through the streets like Christina Aguilera at the Grammys. HA. Just kidding. These are some mild mannered wimps that are just kind of standing around on the sidewalk.....like zombies. a fitting sight for the day. They are expecting over 100 protesters today in Charlotte. The plan is to gather at the City Hall Building and "march" to Bank of America's corporate headquarters (2 blocks away) like the Thriller video minus the "thrill" and leaving behind arms and legs, pride and hope. I can't blame these people for wanting to protest. life really isn't fair and I wish that protesting would make a difference...but they should know better. No one cares. That's why huge corporations hire huge law firms, huge public relation firms. When a BoA corporate executive gets laid off they usually get like a $500K to $20 million severance. They're not starving (thanks Chris Rock), not going to have to file for unemployment, food stamps, medicare...etc. (They might have to fire their chauffeur who would have to file for unemployment...and join the protest....the irony's abound.) So life is sucking pretty bad for the middle and lower class in this country. What better way to show our displeasure than to march on Bank of American's corporate home? They're going to see the 100 people in the street and say, "oh gosh, what do we do now? There's like 100 people downstairs! I'm going to my room."

I truly believe that we will push our way out of this mess as soon as Kulifay runs for public office. He will show us strength and compassion and health in humanity. He will return America to the top of the world economy and make this the greatest nation in the history of mankind. And if you don't believe me, vote for him and see for yourself. Time to shine buddy. Let's see that big brain go to work.

Anyway, thanks to the protesters who aren't doing anything except giving me something to blog about. And thanks to any of my readers for switching to my new blog site. Hope you like the semi-new look. And Happy Zombie Day!!!

Lost in Transition

2011-10-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

Ok. so I left my last blog title and advanced to something that has nothing to do with Kulifay. Sorry Fay, it's not you, it's me. I'm sure I'll still mention you from time to time and possibly drive by your blog and think about knocking on the door, but wimping out before I stop the car, or maybe call blog and hang up before your blog has the chance to say "who is this? I"m calling the police!"

Ok. All that being said, I will break right into some political banter. I have to get a few things off my chest: Obama has been traveling around the country selling the "pass this bill" idea to the 25 Americans that still support him. His approval rating on average over the past 2 weeks is at 41% (according to Gallup). That means that 59% of Americans do not support the president. Remember when the Presidency was filled with bad-asses who couldn't give a crap about polling numbers? I admire this President for heading out into the country and selling a bill that he says will put the country back to work. I also think he's a fool for thinking that making speeches about the Jobs Bill to crowds of people who already agree with him is going to make a difference. On the other side of the isle, the republicans have been busy. They have all but killed the Jobs Bill. It's awesome when they can meet half way. They're convincing Americans that the Jobs Bill will not put Americans back to work and President Obama has no idea what will stimulate the economy, is a poor leader and needs to be ejected from the White House. So who's right? Will the Jobs Bill create jobs, or will it be a waste of time? Here's the sad part: we're not going to know until it gets passed. If it doesn't get passed, we'll never know...and that's what the republicans are hoping for. The White House is whimpering back to their corner and the House Republicans are doing their "OH YEAH BROTHER! WE WON AGAIN." (say that like Macho Man Randy Savage...it's way funnier that way.) Rumor is that the supercommittee will begin working on something similar to the Jobs Bill, but it will not have the same specifics...more to come on that later.

You may have noticed that I have disdain for both parties of the American political ring. I don't consider myself a member of any political party because I think they're all full of crap. I can't wait to see how the presidency will change in 2012/2013. Will the country have more jobs? Less jobs? more unemployed? more homeless? a Jobs Bill? maybe an American Infrastructure Bill? or will this entire argument get lost in transition?

AdSense shut me down

2011-09-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

Well Google apparently isn't very fond of paying the advertisers that posted adds on this blog. The way the advertising program worked is that I set up an account with Google AdSense, they take key words from my blog and post adds on my site based on those key words and I get paid a small amount of money per click on the ad. I guess I was in violation of some policy because Google forced me to stop running ads and closed my AdSense account. When I started monetizing this site, my goal was to make enough money to go to the Steelers Christmas Eve game in Pittsburgh. After earning almost enough money to get there, my account was closed and the money was refunded to the advertisers. I am not aware that I was in violation of any policy. I will be appealing Google's decision, but I'm not optimistic. Anyway, you won't be seeing ads on this blog anymore. You won't see this blog at all anymore. I'm going to close it and start a new one. More details to follow tomorrow. Thanks to all my readers.

Soaked in Bleach

2011-09-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 20th year since Nirvana's Nevermind album hit the shelves. This affords me the opportunity to put the political banter aside and write about my favorite time in this generation. I still remember watching the Smells Like Teen Spirit video for the first time. My mom screaming over Kurt's voice to turn down the volume. I was a huge Nirvana fan. Had all the albums, tee shirts, ripped jeans, Converse All-Stars, long hair.....that album was probably the reason that I learned how to play the guitar years later. I also remember that April morning when a utility worker found a body, minus the head, of a 27 year old rock star in the garage behind a suburban Seattle house. A rock 'n roll icon was dead.....again. (why can't we keep those guys around for more than 27 years?) When I got home from school that day, I sat in my parents basement with the lights off and listened to the Nirvana Unplugged album. I remember feeling sick to my stomach. I remember feeling like Kurt was in the room with me. I remember thinking that I wouldn't ever feel like this again. That moment will stick with me forever. Now that it's 20 years later and I look back, I think of what it would have been like without Nirvana, without the mosh pits, Converse, flannels. I think I would have learned the guitar eventually anyway, I think if it wasn't that teenage angst music, it would have been something else. I think that if Nirvana didn't rock the mainstream, someone else would have. But I'm not sure any of the other grunge rock bands of the time had the conviction to break out and put Seattle on the map the way Nirvana did. The truth is that Nirvana wasn't the first grunge rocking band. There was an entire scene of grunge rock that had been around for a decade before Nirvana had the cover of Rolling Stone. So what was it that made Nirvana so unique, so fascinating, so cool. I'll tell you, and if you're a fan you might want to stop reading. It's because they were cute. Nirvana had the Beatles edge. They were goofy, fun to watch, socially unpredictable. They shocked our hearts and minds with Christ Novecelic's tremendous bass toss on the VMA's (which lead to 6 stitches), the french kiss on SNL, the guitar beatings, drum temper tantrums and eventually of course Courtney Love. Obviously the music rocked like crazy, but without the social impact, Nevermind may have never changed the face of music. (and it helped having the best drummer of this or any other generation....and the only cool person that ever came out of ohio.)

The Nevermind album's influence was so powerful that it still has an impact on what we call "rock 'n roll" today. Bands like Nickleback, Stained, All That Remains, Seether, Blue October....all have a Nirvana undertone to them. They all follow Nirvana's melodic instrumentals and loud, sometimes incoherent, lyrics.

I could go on to discuss Nirvana's influence after the Nevermind album, but that's a whole other blog.

So today I solute the Nevermind album and hope that the next generation of rock 'n roll can match up to the standard set by the album that changed the world.

Bottles and Cans, just clap your hands

2011-09-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not I'm going to link American politics, music, film and professional wrestling together in this post. My idea is to show you the canned ideas that America has produced in the past 1/2 century and how these pigeon holes have decreased our inspiration and creativity.

In the 1960's America exploded with idealism and creativity. We were involved in a political revolution. We learned how to protest, expand voter registration, really get the core ideas of the country in place with the masses. Remember that our country was founded on the idea that the citizens make the decisions. Sure it's a republic more than a democracy, but the "idea" was to make sure that the plight of the masses was heard and adhered to. We also embraced change more than in any other time in American history. Seeing as how I wasn't alive yet and the 60's weren't taught in public school, I base my knowledge of this important time on the things I've learned through music, movies, books and wikipedia. All in all, the country rallied around a few ideas that were the keystone in creating this more perfect union. And while no one in Washington cared about the protests, it had a significant impact on our future. Some of you may have noticed that I have referenced the JFK assassination a few times already in my blogging. I mention it again because I feel that that was a turning point in our country. It was very personal, very tragic and very indicative of the times. JFK was a terrible politician. He did what he thought was right. Didn't care about what his advisers told him about the Cuban Missile Crisis, apologized to the citizens of the country after the Bay of Pigs fiasco, wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of the Vietnam, really wanted to change things for the better using core values of creativity and leadership. He was killed for some reason. By someone. But I can sure as hell tell you that it wasn't Lee Harvey Oswald. But after Kennedy was killed, Marin Luther King was killed, RFK dead (again allegedly by someone with no ties to anyone or anything). These are people with creative and innovative minds. Strong minds that could have changed things for the better. Music was essential in the 60's. Hendrix, Joplin, The Dead, The Beatles...the list could go on forever. These are people that created what they thought was cool and the masses rallied around them. What happened to that? Did the creative spirit in Americans disappear? Let's look into the timeline.

Over the next few decades we saw Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush. We also saw the cold war, Watergate, the introduction of cocaine, heroin and crack to popular American culture, we were introduced to North Korea, the middle east, sitcoms and professional wrestling. All of these situations were conceived through creativity and innovation. Popular or not, positive or not, these became the foundations of what to do and what not to do. In some cases we were forced into a situation that required immediate and positive heroics. And some of those immediate responses are the ones we cringe at today. But they had to be done and they were done. More and more I see less and less of these heroics. When people say "it took an act of congress to get that done...." they're not speaking metaphorically. What happened to genuine leadership. Doing stuff even if it meant we may be doing it wrong. I'm going to back track a bit here. When FDR came into office the campaigned with a positive attitude that he would cut spending and bring the country back to glory. When he was in office, through trial and error, he discovered that actually increasing spending was better for long term growth. He actually spent more than we knew could be spent. We reelected him like 15 times. What they don't teach you in public school is that he screwed up way more than he got it right. He put into place a bunch (nice specificity I know) of policies that he didn't know if they were going to work or not, but he knew something needed to be done. Now I turn to my philosophy on life: If you do something, something gets done. If you do nothing, nothing gets done. In that statement I mean that even if what you do is wrong or unpopular or you get hurt, at least something came from it. Whether the idea was successful or not, you've learned. You either know it will work and do the same thing again, or you know it doesn't work and you can try something new. I don't see this philosophy anywhere anymore. We've become so interested in planning that we've taken away the spirit of doing. Anyone who has worked in a compliance department in a major corporate company will tell you that this is called "paralysis by analysis."

So, back to the point. After we tried a number of things in popular culture and politics, we learned what works and what doesn't work. Since we've learned what works, we're sticking to it. How many TV shows are based off of shows that became popular? How many survivor like shows are out there? How many Two and a Half Men type sitcoms do we need, how many NCIS? How many Simpsons episodes did it take to create Family Guy, American Dad, South Park? When the Backstreet Boys entered the mainstream, how long did it take for Nsync and 98 Degrees to break the charts? When Nirvana broke into the mainstream how long did it take for Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains to follow? That's what we've done. We've created cookie cutter houses, communities, politicians, music, movies, TV shows even football teams. Everyone knows that there is no negative publicity. That's why every rap star gets in trouble with the law as soon as he releases his first single. That's why Paris, Brittany, Lindsey, Christina all have mug shots and pics of their bare coochies getting out of limos. You think those pics are accidents? No. That was discovered as an excellent way to gain publicity for free and sell more stuff. Sure it's to the chagrin of American teenagers who idolize these music stars, but someone (after trying things that didn't work) discovered that this was a great way to increase business, profits, market share. We even apply to colleges, get scholarships, jobs, promotions the same way. We follow the success and failures of past creators to depend on how we succeed ourselves. So, that's the idea. Someone else has already created a formula for success. There's no need to try anything new, risky or innovative. The money points to one idea, one way of doing things and one ideal ending.

My point is this: no one in politics shows creativity anymore. There is a script that democrats and republicans follow to get elected. They need to appeal to the movers and the shakers; i.e. people with money. Republicans have to speak about family values, national defense, lower taxes. Democrats have to speak on healthcare, education, higher taxes for the uber wealthy. It doesn't matter what else is mentioned. Speaking on those issues for those respective parties is what wins. Throw the idealism, creative thinking and innovation in the gutter. Follow the formula.

If you want to get elected, write a popular show, create a hit album, direct a movie or become a professional wrestler follow the formula. Someone else has already done it wrong for you.

oh snap

2011-09-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

In lieu of current events, I feel that I have to say something about the Jobs Bill. First of all I think it's awesome that the President has noticed that 1 in 6 Americans are living below the poverty line. First, I think we all need to understand what "living below the poverty line" really means. If a family of 4 makes less than $22,350 in joint yearly income, then they are considered impoverished. Ok, If you make $23,000 and are trying to raise a family of 4, according to our government (that ALL Americans pay for) you're doing just fine. This as in all things context is key. So let's take a look at how many tax paying Americans are included in the poverty stricken population. About 15% of Americans are living below the poverty line. Doesn't sound like much, right? How about this: 45 Million people. Think about how many people do you know? Chances are that 15% of them are flat broke. And I'm not talking about flat broke like, "do you have any beer on special?" flat broke. I'm talking about flat broke like, "should I buy this medicine, or this milk" broke. Call me an idealist, but I can't imagine that there are kids out there who's dream it is to be on welfare when they get older. I can see second grade career day now: "What do you want to be when you grow up Dennis?" "I want to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Sox." "What do you want to be when you grow up little Billy?" "I want to be on the welfare!"

It's in our spirit to do something positive with our lives. When do we abandon that spirit? Give up? Start becoming "takers" instead of "givers?" At some point in our lives I think we begin to feel that we have been defeated. For some it comes earlier than others, but it happens to the best of us. What matters at that point is how we deal with it, regroup, replan, continue on in a global economy. This failed spirit is what has happened to the American dream; and never has it been more prevalent than today. The recession continues, however it seems that politicians are having no problem filling their campaign war chests. The poverty percentage grows, however high priced retail stores are having trouble keeping shoes and clothes in stock. The American dream flutters in the wind, public schools crumble, 1 in 6 children are born into poverty, Americans' stomach's ache with the pain of a country that has turned a blind eye; yet we continue on. Through the valley, through the darkness, through the storm. Who is speaking for the weakest among us. I know I don't. But then again I'm just a blogger with no importance whatsoever. (Kulifay has wider circulation than me...so sad). I think we're still waiting for a progressive candidate to speak of the people, by the people and for the people. Oh wait, we have one? He's in the White House? The President who has pledged to protect our national interest? Ok. So, he's going to save the day. The Jobs Bill. I can only speak for myself (and for the record I don't live below the poverty level), but I really think that the Jobs Bill isn't going to do a damn thing for me.

Of all this "jobs" talk has once again taken us away from what really happened to get us here. The bottom fell out of the market a few years ago, everyone laid off workers so the fat cats could still get their Christmas bonuses and take their families to Switzerland for skiing lessons. Then they realized that they didn't need all the workers they had before. Now that they've laid off so many workers and Americans are begging for jobs, they can pay one person to do the work of two people for half as much. Fat Cats are happy (10% of Americans) and the regular Joe's (the remaining 90%) work crap jobs for sh*t pay....and blog about it. So now that jobs are going to save our national interest and restore our faith in government (just kidding), what will we do to prevent giant American corporations from making efficiency a key component to success? It wasn't that long ago Saturday Night Live did a sketch about a guy with an office job who did nothing but stand by the coffee machine all day and bug his caffeine crazed coworkers. Should we have been working to save that guy's job?

I guess my point to all this is that we don't need to create mindless jobs to get American's back to work. We need to create industry. Give American's actual work to do. Build. Create. Accomplish. You can't blame American corporate executives and owners for wanting to create efficiency and take advantage of the high unemployment rate. that's what they do...the same way you can't blame a dog eating the garbage that you left out. he's just being a dog.

So the conclusion: corporations are dogs. politicians are pussies. oh snap.

Top 5's

2011-09-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Haven't smoked at work in 14 days! I've had a few smokes in the evenings when I have a few drinks. The cravings are still apparent, but the gum is helping.

In other personal life news; Evelyn has had some sporadic sleeping patterns lately. I'll walk around with her in my arms, bouncing and singing to her and she falls asleep; as soon as I put her down, she's awake. She smiles at me as if to say, "gottcha again sucka!" While I've been walking around and bouncing, I've had plenty of time to think by myself. One thing I've been doing to stay awake on my feet is to make a top 5 list of things that I would want if I were on a desert island; movies, books, music, meals, etc. Also, random lists of best categories in film. Yes, I stole this idea from "High Fidelity," but I'm pretty sure people were making top 5 lists before that film was released. Anyway, what I've found is that most of my favorite things have been so played out that it wouldn't do me any good to have them on a desert island. For example, I've known all the words to the Nirvana Nevermind album since I was 12 years old. what the hell good is it going to do me to listen to it again and again forever? With that in mind I've here are some lists of interest (in no particular order):

cds:
1. Metalica with the San Francisco Symphony. - super hard rock with an orchestra. awesome combination.
2. The Eminem LP. - one of the most fun albums ever made
3. Beatles' White Album - just shear genius
4. Alice in Chains Unplugged - I love the soft grunge (probably a contradiction in terms like real artificial butter, or military intelligence)
5. Nirvana In Utero (I had to throw one Nirvana album in there)

movies:
1. Goodfellas - Scorsese is great and I think this is his best work.
2. Boondock Saints - some of the best characters in cinematic history
3. Super Troopers - best slap stick comedy of our generation
4. Citizen Cane - just an awesome story and told with an artful hand
5. Major League - the comedy in this film is organic.

fight scenes (one on one):
1. Rocky 1 (Rocky vs. Apollo) - I'm not defending myself for putting 4 Rocky movies in here. Deal with it.
2. Rocky 2 (Rocky vs. Apollo)
3. Rocky 3 (Rocky vs. Mr. T)
4. Rocky 4 (Rocky vs. Ivan Drago)
5. Family Guy (Peter Griffin vs. The Chicken) it's not a movie, but I could watch that battle forever.

Comedians:
1. Dane Cook (just kidding Fay)
1. Eddie Murphy
2. George Carlin
3. Denis Leary
4. Lewis Black
5. Lewis C.K.

Presidents:
1. Abraham Lincoln
2. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
3. Theodore Roosevelt
4. Harold Truman
5. John Fitzgerald Kennedy
(should probably throw John Tyler in there....although I don't know of one legislative or military accomplishment that he achieved in his 4 year term, it would be cool to sit down and talk to the man.)

Best Battle Scenes:
1. Gladiator
2. Beauty and the Beast
3. Braveheart
4. Saving Private Ryan
5. Star Wars Episode 4

Best One-Liners:
1. "nice catch Hayes. Don't ever f*ckin' do it again." - coach Lou Brown
2. "What's with today, today?" - Lucas
3. "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Mr. Ferris Bueller
4. "Get busy livin, or get busy dyin." - Red
5. "Some mother f*ckers always trying to ice skate up hill." (Jared added, "some aint.") - Blade

While Evelyn continues to try my patience, I'll continue to update my lists. I'd love to have any thoughts you may have. Also, any suggestions for further lists.

aaaahhhhhhgggggggghhhhhaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-09-08T04:17:00.000-07:00

ok. so I down played the intensity of this struggle just a bit. It's now been 9 days since I've started the journey towards a non-smoking lifestyle. There have been some ups and downs over the past few days. A couple really cool things happened over the weekend. First, I was out of work for 2 days in a row and I didn't need to sneak away from the family periodically to suck down a cigarette. Second, I was able to take the money I saved from not smoking and spend it on Gracyn at the Matthews' City annual fair. I bought her a train ride, a pony ride and a few trips around a bounce house, along with ice cream and funnel cake. So that was pretty sweet. As we walked around the festival atmosphere I found myself smelling smokers all around. And in some cases looking down my nose at them. I would think things like, "get that nasty smoke out of here. this is a family event." then I would almost immediately think, "your such an asshole. a few days ago you'd be standing right next to that dude." So, all in all it was a great weekend. I had a bunch of cravings, but nothing I couldn't handle....and the girls kept me busy enough. My cravings are exponentially multiplied by boredom. Say what you will about being a father, but boring it is not.

Tuesday rolled around and the first morning back to work was tough. A cup of coffee, piece of gum. Good to go. But around noon, my boss got all pissy with me about something inconsequential. It shouldn't have bothered me, and probably wouldn't have if I were able to walk outside and take a break with my dirty little buddy. But alas, I sat at my desk, bit my lip and went about my day. I chewed the crap out of a few pieces of gum, so much so that I thought I was going to get sick on account of excess nicotine. But I got through it. Kept my head down for the rest of the day and made it through with no smoking. whew, that was close. Wednesday was a better day at work, super busy. Still had some cravings, still wanted nothing more than to walk outside for a break, still fighting my natural instinct to inhale fire. Made it through.

A few things I've noticed so far: Obviously I'm breathing better. No more wheezing, labored breathing, easier to fall asleep. I've also started coughing up some funky colors. I guess it's some of the tar and other crap that I've been inhaling for so long. It's weird to stop smoking and then start coughing. Hopefully my lungs will clean themselves out and the coughing won't last too long.

I'm fighting a craving right now. I'm sitting here at 6am and kind of forcing out this blog. Ordinarily I would take a break, walk outside, have a smoke and think about what to write next. But here I am; just fighting through it to the chagrin of my creative writing style. I find that in situations like this, it's better to stop writing, step back, take a break, stop thinking about it for a few minutes, let your mind take you some place else. then come back when you're ready and dig in. But this time I'm going to force through it.

While I'm fighting, did anyone see the republican debate/rally last night? The republican field is ridiculous. There's only one guy that could have a chance in hell against this incumbent democratic presidency (any incumbent democratic presidency). Mitt Romney. He is a solid candidate, but it baffles me that the Rhinos can't find a single warm bodied representative that matches up better than the former Massachusetts Governor. His most challenging opponent is Rick Perry; a guy who makes the Marlboro man look like a pussy. Perry seems like the kind of guy to take snake bite shots, start a bar fight and then get out of the there before everyone else gets arrested. A fun guy to hang with, but not exactly Presidential material. He actually seems like every democrat's dream opponent. A charismatic debater like Obama (since he's starting to show some new-found candor) would wipe the floor with a guy like Rick Perry. The rest of the field used their air time to tell us once again that no matter who wins the republican nomination they must get Obama out of office. There's a new concept. Come on folks. Tell us something new. Everyone says "I'm going to create jobs. I'm going to save the economy. America is about freedom." blah blah blah blah. How can you create jobs, support the troops, save the national economy and cut taxes all at the same time? here's the short answer: you can't. Something's got to give ya'll. Instead of hearing what the candidates are going to create to save the country, I want to hear what the candidates are planning to get rid of in order to cut the national deficit, save social security, bring the troops home and put Americans back to work. These people have simply got to be more smarter than what i am. So where's the plan? Come up with something. I'll be waiting with ballot in hand. Once again I say that I'm writing my own name in on my ballot. And once again, I suggest that you do the same.

Craving has passed. Now to the rest of the day. Wish me luck!

not too bad

2011-09-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

so far so good. actually, quitting smoking hasn't been as hard as i thought it would be. I'm only on day 4 and I've cheated a couple times due to alcohol induced peer pressure. but I've gone 3 full days at work with no smoking and I woke up this morning without a craving at all. However after cooking breakfast, cleaning the kitchen, changing 3 diapers, feeding a crying baby and making a grocery list, I need to chew a piece nicotine gum. It doesn't sound so impressive "3 full days at work with no smoking." but it's a milestone for me. I have used smoking as an excuse to take minor breaks from work ever since I have been in the workforce. I've never known another way to work. My days have been based around 2 hour intervals. I make plans for the next two hours or the next few tasks that need done. Then I say to myself, "ok, after I get this done, I'll smoke a cig, and decide what need to be done next." In the past 3 days I've had to change the mind set instilled in me over the past 18 years. Not exactly an easy transition. So what have I done to accomplish the first 3 days? I've kept busy. I started assigning myself smaller, less complicated tasks. I do one thing at a time and then move on to the next. It actually makes the day go by a little faster. I also stopped reading/watching/listening to the news. Granted I have no idea what's going on in the world, but maintaining my encyclopedic knowledge of the world's happenings became very stressful. I'm sure that the republicans are still trying to figure out which tax-cutting, moose-killing confederate will be accepting their nomination. And I'm sure the democrats in the White House are still trying to figure out what the hell their doing there in the first place. Still wars in the middle east, booming economic times in China, Greece falling apart, Gadhafi missing, Lindsay Lohan on trial, Christina Aguilera naked, Transformers 3 at the top of the movie charts and Lil Wayne pissing Kulifay off. If I'm wrong about any of that, you can just take it as proof that I haven't looked at a news feed in 4 days, if I'm right, you can take it as my genius foreseeing the future with clarity and focus. So I haven't watched the news, I'm staying busy, what else? I'm eating less. Yeah, you heard me. I find that whenever I eat, I want to smoke immediately after. So, if I don't eat....or eat smaller meals, I don't feel the need to let the nicotine settle my stomach. My girls have been very patient with me. I can tell that Jackie is biting her lip sometimes because she knows I'm already hanging on by a thin thread. But that's it for now. I'm sure it's going to get more complicated with my fantasy football draft on monday and the nfl regular season starting next weekend....especially the steelers vs. ravens game next sunday. but I'm just going to keep taking it a day at a time.

So I feel good today. We'll see where it goes from here.

a better day

2011-09-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

no tobacco products of any kind yesterday!

tonight is going to be a challenge. I'm going out with a couple of buddies to watch the Steelers vs. Panthers game. we will be drinking. I'm sure they will be smoking. I'm planning on taking a cigar with me to smoke at the tail gate in the hopes that the cigar will keep me from smoking cigarettes....we'll see how that turns out. As you read this, you're probably thinking, "there's no way. he'll never do it." well I'm going to give it a shot and damn it I want to prove you wrong (I know it's you Kulifay....you broke my heart....you broke my heart.)

I was thinking about this blog yesterday and wondering if it will get any readership from the American tobacco companies. I also thought about the fact that there has never been a television show (that i know of anyway) that has tackled this particular addiction. That seems weird to me. There are shows about every other type of addiction. Heroin, alcohol, crack, meth, rock eating, sex, I saw one where a lady was addicted to eating dryer sheets. What the hell? But no shows about nicotine addiction. I recall the movie "The Insider" (Al Piccino/Russel Crow - based on the true story of a tobacco industry whistle blower). In this movie the whistle blower takes the science of nicotine addiction and brings it to the public eye. but not before facing a series of indictments, testimonies, changes of venue, lawsuits, counter-suits and threats to both himself and his family. It was a touching story about how one man can stand toe to toe against a billion dollar industry. The tobacco companies employ more lawyers and private-i detectives than the entire US Congressional delegation. (i'm not sure if that's true, but it sounds good). This is probably the reason that there has never been a single conviction against big tobacco. Think about that for a minute. Even with hundreds of thousands of people dying every year from illness related to their product, they have never had to pay a single dollar. This seems like an open and shut case to me: If they do not know that their product is causing death and disease, they are criminally negligent; if they do know, they're simply criminals. And yet never one win against the tobacco companies. Can you explain that?

a new journey (should 'a been gone!!!)

2011-08-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

yesterday at 6:30pm I decided to embark on a journey that may or may not be my undoing. After 18 years as a loyal contributor to the great American tobacco companies, I have decided to give up my habit in an effort to delay my death for as long as possible. Jackie and I talked last night. She was concerned because 2 nights ago I was wheezing in my sleep. I've often had a hard time breathing at night. To tell you the truth, I noticed that my breathing was more labored than normal when I was a kid. The first time I ran a mile competitively, I realized that even though I won the race, my breathing was more labored than that of my competitors. So, maybe my lungs weren't in the best condition before I started smoking. Now they are almost certainly filled with high doses contaminants. I had my first cigarette when I was 10 years old. I was smoking regularly at 14. By the time I was a senior in high school I was smoking a few packs per week. College turned into more than a pack a day. When I got out of college it just got worse. I have tried to quit a few times in the past and on one occasion I made it almost 2 months without a cigarette. But as anyone who has fought this habit will tell you, as soon as you have one, you want another. and another after that. before you know it, you're a smoker again. Regardless of what the tobacco companies have told the public over the past 100 years, nicotine is a drug. It triggers the addictive censors in your brain and makes you crave for it. It literally will call to me when I try to fall asleep. It is also a habit. I am a creature of habit and have a generally addictive personality. This is going to be very hard. It's only been 20 hours since my last smoke and I've been thinking about having one since Gracyn woke me up at 6:30 this morning. I'm having a hard time concentrating on work; really focusing on any one thing for more than a few minutes. The mood swings haven't started yet, but I'm sure that will come soon enough. I just hope Jackie has as much patience with me as I know she can. I'm lucky to have a solid support team. Jackie, Gracyn, Evelyn; my girls will try as hard as they can to keep me smoke free, but they can only take me so far. The rest is up to me. Even as I sit here I'm dying for a smoke. I know I can walk across the street and pay the clerk $4.63 and she'll happily hand me a pack those beautiful white cylinders I've loved for so many years. I just can't do it. I owe it to my family. They're going to need me around when I'm 60 or 70 or hopefully 80 years old some day. I want to see my girls graduate from high school, college, grad school, have children of their own, play ball with my grand kids and die a very old man still passionately in love with the woman of my dreams (that's you Jackie). (Also, I'd like to be around to see the Kennedy files come out of the vault and enter the national archives.)

My plan is to keep updating this blog in the hopes that writing about it will keep me focused. I will be honest. If I smoke, I'll tell you. If I have a chew, a cigar, whatever. I'll tell you. I'm currently chewing the most foul gum you can imagine. It's really only one step above chewing a sweaty monkey testicle. (I don't know that from my own experience, but Kulifay told me about it once....nooch)

So, here I go. Shakes? Cravings? Inability to concentrate? Possible mental collapse? Bring it on.

democracy demolition coming to an arena near you

2011-08-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

At this point I think we can all agree that the great nation that America once was is on the slope towards internal demolition. Think about this for a moment: the the falling of every industry begins with the law. When the law is allowed to make the rules and regulations and when lawyers are in charge of who does what and how they do it, then the advancement of industry takes a back seat to compliance. How is it possible for a business to thrive when business owners are constantly looking over their shoulder; looking out for the law to bite them in the ass. Looking out not for the best interest of growth and expansion, but rather peaking through a hole behind a bullet proof wall waiting for a ticking legal time bomb.

Before he said, "I am not a crook." Richard Nixon said, "a nation like a person has to have a certain inner drive in order to succeed." Inner drive is a phrase that I think has become more difficult to realize; and less likely to inspire. The more hoops the law creates, the less strength an inspired person can give towards his own inner drive.

America's inner drive used to be provided by the blood, sweat and tears of the inspired. People like Fiorello La Guardia, Henry Ford, Andrew Carnegie, Art Rooney, Steve Jobs, Lindsay Lohan, Lil' Wayne, Dane Cook. All these inspired people saw an opening in a market and filled that void with their own inspiration. Their own ideas. Prospering from their own inner drive. All of these people also had spectacular legal defense teams in their corner. Is this the same inner drive that Nixon was talking about when he made that speech? Is the inner drive of an individual represented in the nation? Not anymore. Again I say it's all about who gets what. The builders of this country in the beginning of the 20th century were determined to watch industrial times prosper; to see the nation grow for the better. If not for the inspiration of the builders of places like the Empire State Building, the Sears Tower, Heinz Feild, the nation would be worse off, but the inspiration would still live in the soles of all Americans. Today it takes an act of Congress (figuratively speaking) to get anything done. Inspiration gets sacked by legalization. Industry takes a 2x4 across the nose. Innovation gets tarred and feathered by pencil pushers. In the 1920's during prohibition, do you know who were the biggest violators of the Volstead Act? It wasn't the mob in Chicago, it wasn't the rum runners in the Carolinas, it was the very people who voted for it's placement in the legal system. Congressman and Senators of both parties were running booze through their districts by the barrel. They did this in the open air. Why? They could. How? The law can be manipulated to protect those who it serves best. The folks like my great grandfather, making gin in their basement tubs were constantly harassed by law enforcement. Did the law protect his best interests? The best interest of his family? No. Why not? Because he was an immigrant, probably didn't vote, definitely didn't give endorsements to political figures. He did what he had to do to keep food on the table. To support his family. And constantly looked over his shoulder for it.

The law has become our new industry. We don't build, create, inspire through blood, sweat and tears. We tweak, we bend, we manipulate in order to smooth the rough edges of past creations. But then again, I could be full of crap. You decide.

where in the world is moammar gadhafi?

2011-08-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

Let's hear it for those Lybian rebels! Trinidad - the rebels have taken over the Gadhafi compound and have declared victory over the dictator's regime. As the sound of gunfire and RPG explosions echoed in the morning air, the rebels sang songs of triumph and danced in the streets. Good job fellas. We'll forget right now how idiotic it is to fire a weapon (much less an RPG) in the air. We'll just focus on how these rebels were able to get organized enough to overrun the Lybian army in the capital city of Trinidad. Let's ponder this for just a moment. Organization of the masses. Sounds simple enough in a world of constant contact through blackberries, iPads, XBox Connect, Workbooks, Notebooks, YouTube, Facebook, Lindsay Lohan, Lil Wayne. Do you think the average textile worker in Lybia has an laptop, the average fisherman a blackberry, policeman an iPhone? How many people in this country actually have access to the magical internet that we all take for granted? When you add the possibility of using only cellular technology and word of mouth, it makes this rebel force much more impressive. These guys are about 5 minutes away from destroying the death star with MaCgyver like engineering and Davie Crockett hunting rifles. So good job guys. Now what do you do? Well you're going to have to start governing at some point. Figure out a chain of command, put someone in charge and start a democratic society from scratch. Oh, you did that before? What was it, like 42 years ago and the guy you put in charge was who? Oh, the guy that you have been rebelling against for the better part 2 decades....and are now in the process of overruling. Ok, so back to the drawing board. I restate my earlier question. What do we do now? Well no doubt the US intelligence agency(s) had something to do with this. We have oil interests in Lybia, it would be a perfect place to set up a satellite jump off point to the middle east and it's right across the Mediterranean from the place Christina Aguilera vacations. Of course we had something to do with this. You don't have to be an intelligence guru to figure that one out. (you don't even have to know how to spell intelligence guru to figure it out). So I figure since we probably helped organize and arm the rebels, (the same way we probably helped the Afghanis fight the soviet army in the 70's) we should probably stick around and help the Lybians create a government that will work for them. There are constitutional experts on our payroll. Let's let the Lybians borrow some of these guys for a few months and have them write a Lybian constitution. A living document that can be manipulated through an act of congress. It will work for the Lybians until they get internet and cable tv in every house. Then they'll have to deal with the politics in the media, their government will forget the middle class, they'll eat too much McDonald's and blog about their political impotency. Sound familiar? So maybe someone else should help them write their constitution.

Back to the Moammar. Gadhafi has disapeared. no trace of him. where could he have gone? why would he leave? well he could have gone to any of the square mileage of the Texas sized country of which Trinidad is only one medium sized city. If the doesn't want to be found, he's gone forever. He's probably at the Baldwin estate already. he left because he is, as it turns out, just as blind to the plight of his people as every dictator. Here's what I don't get. How did he not see this coming? he's been in power for 42 years, you would think his experience would afford him some vision of the future and an ability to predict an outrage that included more than a million of his citizens. When they find him in a few months, it'll be a much smaller story.

in domestic news - Christina Aguilera (native of my home town) has leaked some new almost nude photos on the internet. For the 6 of you who haven't seen her naked yet, here's your chance.

The earthquake that originated in Virginia was felt as far away as Canada (that's the country just to the north of us, I forgot about them after South Park The Movie too).

Steve Jobs steps down as CEO of Apple. What an amazing dude. Nothing funny about the legacy he's leaving....or pancreatic cancer. Just think about the impact he's had on the world and what civilization would be like without his vision and innovation. No ipod, ipad, iphone, pixar movies, angry birds......the list goes on.

"ugly people" photos go untaken

2011-08-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

I came across a story on the Time NewsFeed this morning. It hit home for me because the story highlights a small business owner from my home town of Pittsburgh, PA. Jennifer McKendrick is a photographer that makes the bulk of her paycheck this time of year from shooting senior photos for the surrounding high school students. Jennifer has refused to take pictures of teenagers who had posted "ugly" comments on facebook about other students. She says that these comments went past typical teenage picking and went on to say the comments were of a sexual nature. While I was unable to find these comments on the alleged "ugly messengers," I wholeheartedly agree with this small business owner. I give her a lot of credit for standing on principle; letting her paycheck diminish while increasing her moral leadership in her community. The parents of the students say that they had no idea that their kids were writing unsightly posts about others. This brings me to a few points:

1. This is exactly how business owner should operate. how wonderful would it be if the leaders of the large corporations behaved like this? We all know that's not how a corporate company works. All corporations are based on monetary growth. That's the way it works. They make a lot of money and to hell with everything else. Not Jennifer McKendrick. She stands on her own principles. And due to her conviction, her business has taken a short term hit, but has received national recognition which I'm sure will boost her future sales. And all she did was the right thing.

2. Where were the parents? They disappeared like Moammar Gadhafi from the rebels. Facebook is a cool addition to our communities. It allows us to connect with each other, reach people who have similar hobbies and experiences (regardless of geographic location); however, it also affords an opportunity for persons with less than productive intentions to conglomerate and multiply a more negative message. So how old were these facebookers? Well they are in high school, so I'm betting they live at home and were still under the legal supervision of their parents. Should the parents have been monitoring their facebook posts? Probably. Should they have been censoring them? Probably. We've all done stupid things as kids, but the current generation has had access to leave a permanent hand print in cyberspace. It's tough for a 17 year old to grasp the concept that something like this will really hurt someone's feelings on a long timeline. But the parents should know better. I guess it's easy enough for the "ugly messengers" to delete the negative posts and move on. It won't hurt them in the long run. They won't be hindered by this; their job prospects won't be hurt, their credit, college applications, public office ambitions. But what happens to the ridiculed students? The brain pain lasts forever. And posting on the internet takes an inside joke like, "Mason wears women's underwear...hahahaha." to a grand scale where now everyone with a computer joins in. what was a joke between 5 people becomes the curiosity of 500 people. Now everyone wants to know about Mason's bedside manor. It's a powerful tool but with great power comes great responsibility. Who is responsible? the kids, the parents, the school, Lindsay Lohan, Lil Wayne? When I was a kid I was on both ends of this spectrum at one time or another. As an adult, I've felt bad about being a jerk in the past and often wonder if my meanness has made any impact on the ambitions of the attacked. I also still carry a sense of aggression towards those who trespassed against me. I have to say that I have not forgiven and probably never will. But there's a point when you say, "who really cares? it was high school. I'm all grown up and have a family of my own now. piss on my aggressors of the past." but if someone picks on my kids, will my aggression towards the guy who gave me a wedggy in 9th grade come out? only time will tell. Will the kids who were picked on generate anger and aggression not just towards the trespassers, but towards the masses? It's spooky to think about the potential impact of this situation. Where do the dominoes stop?

3. Should the school intervene? That's a fair question I think. It's not exactly a problem for the school, but for the community. But isn't the school the center point of the community? I don't know how I would react if I were the superintendent. I guess I would attempt to create a town-hall like setting and bring leaders of the community (teachers, coaches, press, local politicians, police department) and anyone else that wanted to come into a room and discuss how to handle situations like this in the future...because i'm sure this won't be the last time this happens.

Just think about the impact that Jennifer McKendrick is having on her community now. All she did was the right thing. What will happen the next time you do the right thing? Who will it impact? How will it make things better.

Hats off to you Jennifer. Keep up the good work.

(www.jenmckenphoto.com)

royal pains

2011-08-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

After reaching the age of 32 last week, I've noticed some changes in my mind and body. I think that last Saturday jarred something loose in my psyche. I know that all aches and pains in the body are centralized through the brain...but i think my brain has been aching and paining recently too. I don't know if everyone goes through this, but my knees are aching, my back is a constant struggle and my right shoulder hurts if i move it the wrong way. As a former athlete (a very former athlete), I expect that the tramendous amount of stress I put my body through with baseball, wrestling, soccer, biking, skating, snow boarding...ect causing pain later in life is expected. obviously i didn't think I'd live this long or I wouldn't have done anything to endanger my body as an adolescent (yeah right). But the pain that my body is going through isn't close to the agony in my mind. When you're young, life is a blank page. no one ever knows how this page will be filled in the future, we just do what we do and the words appear. When you get older and start reading the pages of your life, you get wrapped up in the how's and why's and the "that was a crazy night" moments of your past. My brain aches for those times of the past and for the thoughts of the future. As the pages in your youth were blank, the pages in the future seem to fill before you notice....all on their own. the possibilities seem limited, where the possibilities in youth were limitless. I like my life right now. I've never been happier. I wouldn't give it up for anything. But it's a constant struggle to fill the pages of the future before they have the opportunity to fill themselves. Time to carpe that diem.

back, and to the left

2011-08-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) - the guys from the pentagon who created gps, missile detection capabilities, the stealth fighter and the internet - are being investigated for giving what could be the largest military contract to a civilian company ever. The contract was given to a Maryland based company called RedXDefence. Who is the former CEO of this civilian company? None other than Regina Dugan. Yep, the current director of DARPA. Yeah, someone might want to look into this. So let's look into Regina a little shall we? What did she do before becoming the director of DARPA? Other than co-founding RedXDefence with her father, she was a senior official at DARPA. How many people does it take to realize that there's something screwy happening here. This stuff happens all the time with small businesses. Someone works at a job, they learn the terrain, they think of different, more efficient, more profitable ways to do what they do and go out on their own. Why do people do this? Ambition and money. So how is this different? no no. I'll answer for you. This is YOUR gosh darn money that the defense department is messing around with. I love DARPA. I'm a big proponent of what they do and I'm glad that the guys that work there are on our side. These are the idea people that have probably come up with better ways of doing almost everything that we do. bless them. But the director is messing it all up. Dugan is brilliant and qualified, but as is in so many corporate situations, the director directs. she doesn't develop, decide or decipher anything that happens under her (get your head out of the gutter. i'm serious here). her job is to look pretty and make sure the overspending doesn't exceed 100% of the budgeted expenses. Ok, so now she's the director and she has decided that the company that she founded is the best outsource for this new contract. Of course she does. Do you think Dugan has any say in whether or not we continue fighting these wars? that is the real question here....and one that will fester, (unless of course you work in Langley, VA). What if we get into another conflict? it's not exactly out of the question for the US to intervene in a conflict that we have no interest in. So it comes back to who gets what. Let's just say that Regina is found guilty of messing around with defense department spending and she's fired. now we have to go looking for a new civilian company to outsource this contract? is the contract that was signed by the US DoD and RedX binding. Can this contract be broken for any reason? I don't know any of that. I'm just bringing this to your attention because I found it interesting. It also stirred up other thoughts of conspiracy: the CIA murder of John Lennon? Who was the second (or third or fourth) gunman on the grassy knoll? Is the FDA putting stuff in our food that they know to be toxic? the RFK assassination, area 51, the link between oil and politics, Lindsay Lohan, Lil Wayne? We have so much to fear besides fear itself Mr. Roosevelt. We have the American conspiracy theorists to fear, the mainstream media and the Mayan calendar. I'm afraid right now as i sit in my air conditioned house wearing my Vector jammies.

Back to the point. War is this countries biggest industry. We've spent something like 4 trillion dollars in the middle east in the past couple of decades. Of your 4 trillion dollars, how much of it went to civilian contractors building stuff for our military operations? I'm betting it was a lot. There is one particular conspiracy theory that links the JFK assassination with the Vietnam conflict (which soon after his death became the Vietnam war). I can't help but think that the country needed a war in the 60's. WWII was over in '45, nothing of military historical significance happened in the 50's and it was time for something new. the defense budget was far overdue for some spending. and civilian military contractors were sitting on their heals for the better part of a decade. it was time for those folks to get back to work and make some money. and that's what it all comes down to folks. money. we have to keep the money flowing even if it means our soldiers and sailors have to meet the business end of a soviet made assault rifle. it's just become so sad that we're in this situation and there's nothing to do except blog about it.

The classified files regarding the JFK assassination come out of the vault in 2029 (or 2017 depending on which internet source you want to look up). will those files shed any light on anything? will it give us some indication whether or not he was killed so we could solidify our relationship with our own civilian defense contractors? and most importantly will it assure us that we will be protected if it comes to that again? will we learn anything? I'm betting that before the files are released someone will have lost the keys to the vault....never to be found again. the conspiracy continues...

(right before i was going to publish this, my computer shut down by itself. it had plenty of battery life and no viruses that i know of. good thing blogspot automatically saves stuff. did someone from the CIA hack into my computer before I had a chance to post this? as with most things, we'll never know.....spooky)

put me in coach

2011-08-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

yes it's that time again. we get to hear all about eating made from scratch jellies, fried butter, heaping amounts of corn smut then take a bath in ethanol. it's going to be a fun couple of days. someone decided that Iowa was going to be a good state to begin the campaign process. I can think of other states that would have been worse choices...Hawaii, Alaska, that's it. Can't think of anything else that would trump Iowa as an idiotic state to start. What were those silly founders thinking? How did they decide to make this the kick off point? As with most things, I have a theory: darts.

Here's how the mainstream media gets the American people to dig the Iowa caucuses: We need to raise the level of debate. We need to get Americans talking about this. And what better way then to put some politicians in the middle of the country where there is nothing else around, and make them create tents with petting zoos, pie eating contests and cornhole tournaments. May the best tent win?

Here's what I don't get (only one thing right?) how am I supposed to be involved with this public debate? I guess when I hear Governor Rick Perry of Texas standing on a 10 foot tower of hay and posing like the Brawny guy saying Barrack Obama doesn't love America as much as he does could do the trick. If nothing else, this leaves me with an opportunity to create some really bad jokes. Loving America sounds like a good enough reason to vote for him. Doesn't it? Oh it doesn't? Oh, we all love America? Ok, so what does that mean for the Governor of Texas? He loves America so much that he's willing to get the country drunk on Yeagermister and make love to America and ask for the phone number later. Sure he says that he loves America, let's see what happens when he leaves the room service bill on the nightstand and goes over to China's house for a quickie the next day. Rick Perry loves America so much that he's willing to sacrifice livestock (or the middle class) in it's name. If America was a $50 hooker, Rick Perry would climb a fire escape to the top floor apartment and hand America a bouquet of Vietnamese grown flowers and a box of German chocolates. Rick Perry loves America so much that his campaign slogan is "sodomizing America today, for tomorrow."

Never mind the economic crises, the political rhetoric, never mind we're fighting two seemingly endless and overwhelmingly expensive wars. Let's not talk about all the decisions that Obama hasn't made, all the campaign promises broken and how wimpy wimpy wimpy he has become on account of Republicans, Tea Partiers and Blue Dogs. Let us all join hands and unite around the idea that we love America more than the President. Good campaign message. Forget everything else, it's all about love people.

Aside from the lashings that Rush Limbaugh has been giving Obama over the past few years, the news organizations are now jumping on the Rush wagon and questioning whether or not the President of the United Sates loves the country that he leads (or at least he makes a effort to). Seriously, this is what we're talking about. So, where does that put us? Does it mean that other leaders of the world are saying, "holy cow, he doesn't even like America. Let's get him! He won't even care. He'll probably lace up his boots help us out." NO. Of course not. So now what do we think? Do we think that because he doesn't love America he will pile drive us from the top rope and eat our children? NO. Of course not. He is the President of the United Sates, and as much as we may not like it, he lives in the big white house on Pennsylvania Avenue. Why can't we unite behind this president? is he a bad guy? if so, why did we vote for him? why all of the sudden are we questioning his patriotism? I'll tell you why, because the Governor of Texas opened his mouth for 5 minutes. I can't wait to see how (or if) he responds to the Governor's declaration of love.

The solution: put me in coach! I for one will be writing my name in on the ballot in 2012...I suggest you all do the same (write your name in, not mine....sorry for the dangling modifier). How cool would it be if there were 300 million different people who all got one vote. mhuhaha. take that democracy! we're going to stone cold stun the free speech right out of you.

more food jokes

2011-08-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

I watch the food network probably more than a heterosexual male should. I'm just baffled by how cool we can make food. and it helps when Giada wears a low cut shirt (manhood restored). Here's what makes me a little crazy: I can follow a recipe about 7/8 of the way through. I think, "I could do that, it'd be fun, not too tough, tasty. Yeah, I'll do that tomorrow." then the Barefoot Contessa hits me with the deal breaker and my culinary dreams are frapped like the egg wash for the battered and fried sea bass. They walk through it so casually. "And to put this all together what you really need is the spit from a Galapagos turtle. There's really no way in getting around it. But if you have a decent grocery store around you, they should have it." yeah right lady! First of all I have a Food Lion and a Walmart close to me and second if the planets aligned and volcanoes erupted the seas stood still and Jesus returned, I still wouldn't eat your ridiculous turtle spit. Then without taking a breath, the food is on the plate and thne cut to a group of people enjoying fried sea bass with turtle spit in a garden setting with a lake in the background. Laughing and carrying on and not knowing that I'm on the other side of the camera with teary eyes and a shattered heart just knowing that I'll never master the art of getting people to eat turtle spit and smile about it. I think I'll stick to stuff that comes from a Kraft box, no spit required. Zero to a full tummy in less than 10 minutes. Beat that Rachel Ray.

Fay Jokes

2011-08-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

I read recently that the term “comfort food” is being passed around the culinary community a lot. Food preparation engineers have been working for decades to make food for people who can afford to have food cooked for them not look and taste like the food that they can make at home themselves. Now we’re entering a world of exterior dinning where you literally pay someone to make mac n cheese the same way we made it for ourselves when we were 12 (it probably comes from the same box). But now they’ll put it in fancy looking writing on a fancy looking menu and snobby jackasses will buy it. "oh, this tastes just like my mother's. how do they do this? it's delicious!" It comes from a box asshole. The people at Kraft haven't changed anything in 50 fricken years. Not only is this a slap in the consumer’s face, but it’s a slap in food’s face. Food can be made so good by people who know how to do it, but food is getting its butt kicked by a cracked out version of powdered cheeses and better-than-average marketing tactics. Have fun eating out folks! I’ll be at home eating the same thing you are, but I’ll be $50 richer....and naked.

defeated

2011-08-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

after watching the President speak last night and witnessing the stock market finish over 600 points down, it underlines my opinion that the future of this nation if gloomy at best. Downgrading our credit rating to AA+ from AAA doesn't really mean anything to me. I'm invested in the sense that I have a 401K that isn't doing as well as I would like, but that's not my biggest beef. The biggest bummer is that the leadership in this country has been defeated by committee and political process. President Obama sounded off-kilter last night. What was oratorical inspiration during his campaign and the first 18 months or so of his presidency has fallen to a less charismatic and borderline comatose effort to rally the nation. He looked utterly defeated yesterday. He looked as if he has had enough and he might not even bother running for reelection. It was just sad. If FDR tanked speeches like Obama did, we might still be in depression. if Truman wasn't able to unite congressional leaders, we might still be at war with half the world. If Reagan didn't fire all the airline workers, we may still be held hostage by unions. What has inspired Americans to create greatness and wealth in the past has become a downtrodden effort to not piss anyone off. I know the argument that "we can't govern if we don't get elected." But what about making the efforts to create inspiration through leadership? I heard someone say once that Lincoln did what he thought was right even though it meant losing half the country. I think politicians today don't do what they know to be right if it means losing swing states' electoral votes. But this is the nation that we have created. America spent the better part of the 20th century atop the global economy. Maybe it's time we spend some time supplicating ourselves and realizing our own mortality. We're fragile. Not all of us though. This is a quote from Joe Scarborough in Politico this morning:

"I spent this past weekend driving through neighborhoods much like the type my parents took me though on Sunday mornings so long ago. But the large homes with driveways filled with Mercedes and BMWs seems like relics from a different age - much like the $1,500 shoes that The New York Times recently reported were flying off the shelves of certain Manhattan boutiques. The images of these massive homes and $100,000 cars seemed to clash with the morning headlines announcing a downgrade of the United States' credit rating and the death of 30 U.S. troops in an endless, expensive war. And while America stumbles toward default, millions of Americans are unemployed and the middle class keeps getting squeezed."

While I don't particularly like Joe, and rarely agree with him, he's got a point here. The rich are staying rich, the poor are remaining poor and the middle class (80% of Americans) are getting bent over the rail. It's not fair, but it never is. Rich people vote; the contribute money; they are the movers and the shakers in Washington. Like it or not, they are our representatives. Not our congressmen. How can we expect a congressman to respect my opinion when his war chest is filled with money from people who represent the exact opposite of my beliefs? This is the world we have created. We let the people who have money get what they want. When was the last time you heard of a billionaire who didn't get what he/she wanted? They get what they want because they can pay for it. Who the hell wouldn't want to live like that? I understand that everything is relative and that billionaires have problems and depression and heartache just like the rest of us, but I can only speak for myslef when I say that all of my problems are financial. I'm pretty sure that if I had a billion dollars, my problems would be over. And that I would hold my congressman hostage every time he/she did something I didn't like. I would be able to say things like, "I'll contribute money to your campaign if..." (fill in the blank).

What Joe doesn't mention in his column is a way to make things better for the middle class. How do we do that? Are we going to bank on the rhetoric of the mainstream media? That is where this Washington bureaucratic battle is being waged right now.

Here's my solution. Instituting the Me Party is step one. Ending the wars is step two. After that, we're on the right track for greatness again. It's just going to take a generation or so to get this done. Maybe Gracyn and Evelyn will help move this idea along.

midnight madness

2011-08-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

recent events in the Davis household have brought to my attention some generally inconsistent emotions. Jackie has been sick. one of her milk ducts in her left boob became infected and developed into something called mastitis. Thank goodness Aunt Niesy was visiting this week or we would have been really screwed. Also, Kingsley (one of the dogs) has been having seizures. So what does it mean to this poor blogger. Not as much as you would think. I've been working 6 days/week and not as involved with the goings on of the household as I would like to be. I don't get home until after 7:00pm, so by the time I get home and eat dinner there's a little time to play with Gracyn, hold Evelyn and then it's bath time, then bed time, then time to feed Evelyn again and go to bed. Jackie's mastitis has kept her from waking up with Evelyn for the middle of the night feedings. So, I'm happy because work is going well, upset that I don't see my girls as much as I want, thankful that Neisy is here, distressed because Jackie is sick, exhausted on account of midnight feedings and ecstatic because I just found out that I have a ticket to the Steelers vs. Rams game on Dec. 24th (thanks Mason). So two nights ago I had to wake up with Evelyn every 3 hours to change and feed her. Not so bad. Just tiresome after a while. Night before last this is what happened. After falling asleep around 1:00am, Evelyn woke up at 2 to eat. I rolled out of bed and picked up the crying infant. I talked to her for a bit and calmed her down. Proceeded to the next room to change her. No poop. "Where's the poop?" I asked her. Stupid question, right? So I get a new diaper on. screaming. walk downstairs and start to warm up a bottle. As I'm holding the distressed child I begin to hear a shakey whimpering sound from the living room. Kingsley's having a seizure. Great. So I put Evelyn in the pack-n-play, grab a towel from the laundry room and hold it over Kingsley's pee hole. (he pees when he has seizures). I caught almost all the pee before it had a chance to get soak into the carpet. Evelyn still crying, I remember that I had her bottle in the bottle warmer. Crap. Overheated. So I throw the bottle into the freezer and get back to Kingsley. Done with seizing, he was laying on the floor in recovery. I pick up Evelyn, go to the freezer to get the bottle. A little too cool now, but I give it to her anyway, she's still screaming for crying out loud. I put he bottle in her little mouth and walk back to the living room. Standing over Kingsley, I hear (and feel) what cannot be mistaken as a very loud, very explosive crap. I look at Evelyn, "oh, there's the poop." Kingsley seems stable, so I get back to the changing table. Now I'm standing there wondering if I should interrupt the feeding to change the diaper. There's just something about eating while sitting in her own feces that makes me cringe. Reluctantly I take the bottle, set it on the dining room table and commence the changing process. Take her out of the blanket, unbutton onsie, lift legs, unfasten diaper, take a look at the damage. Oh man, what the hell. it's fricken everywhere. her onsie, the blanket, half way up her back. damn it. So unavoidably she starts crying again. I lift her legs, slide each arm out, then over her head. onsie off. stage one complete. I open the blanket to make a little receiving area for the rest of the dirty, discarded garments. we use a changing pad thing so we don't get the changing table messy; well that has poop on it now too. I take that off and lay her directly on the changing table. Ok. All of the poopy things are away from my work station. I clean her up with baby wipes (probably used 50 or so), lift her up, wipe the changing table off (another 50 wipes). New diaper on, clean onsie, new blanket. Done. I put off dealing with the pile of poopy stuff so I can feed her the rest of the bottle. Put the bottle in her mouth. Stopped crying. All is well, right? Wrong. Kingsley seizes again. Son of a bitch! At this point I couldn't take the bottle from Evelyn again. So I make sure Kingsley isn't going to hit his head on anything, push the towel close to his belly and let the seizure pass. Ok. It looks like Evelyn is almost done with the bottle, she's relaxed and calm and her eyes are closing ever so slightly. She's content. I take her back upstairs and lay her down. Get back downstairs, help Kingsley up, get him some medicine, clean the pee spots on the carpet, throw all baby poop and dog pee stuff in the washer and go back to bed. You're not going to believe this, but 2 hours later the almost exact same events occurred in almost the exact same order. Welcome to fatherhood. Anyway, Jackie is feeling better today, Kingsley seems to be over his bout of seizures and Evelyn will continue to cry, poop, eat and sleep until she passes the infancy stage. Let's hope that's the end of midnight feeding catastrophes.

first haiku

2011-08-04T14:27:00.000-07:00

political crap
congressional budget cuts
move to canada

beavis and butthead
a generation speaks out
live love scooby snacks

there's probably an art to this but i'll never understand it. i'm too wrapped up in children, cornhole and lindsay lohan to worry about obscure poetry.

The Me Party

2011-08-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

In lieu of the debt ceiling "crisis" I'm proposing a resolution to appoint a congressional representative in the House from the Me Party. This party serves my self interest. I figure I'm a pretty regular guy and my family lives a pretty regular life. If I have a representative in Washington that sticks up for what I believe and votes how I want him/her to vote, then I figure other people who may consider themselves regular will be represented as well. Here's what I think is phenomenal about this idea: not once will this representative speak to anyone who is not directly represented by him/her. no press. no other party people. no celebrity golfing. no communication of any kind. facebook. twitter. blogging. nothing. What will this accomplish? It will guarantee that no influence except the people of whom are represented will be expressed by the Me Party representative. So many of our political battles are played, won and lost in the political arena of lobbyists, martini lunches and media savvy, money hungry msnbc, fox news and cnn journalists. I literally heard at least 5 reputable journalists say this morning that the debt ceiling crisis was not that big of a deal. These are the same fat ass fear mongers that suckered me into watching their news programs every day for the past 5 weeks by saying that this vote is one of the most important votes in recent political history.

So what happens now? maybe I'll be able to answer that tomorrow....but I doubt it. I'm getting kind of sick of writing about this stuff. I think I'll try some jokes, personal stories, limericks, maybe haiku. I'll just throw some stuff out there and see what sticks to the wall. how's that sound?

bunch of band-aid wielding neophytes

2011-08-01T15:42:00.000-07:00

well I broke my promise to my ailing heart and watched the news this morning and I've been listening to talk radio all day. here's what I've come up with: the President woosed out, the Speaker of the House didn't really get what he wanted (exactly), the Tea Party-ers got exactly what they wanted and the Deficit Reduction Committee has total and complete control of how our taxes and spending changes will be regulated in the future. Does anyone know who is on the Deficit Reduction Committee? I think it should be Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Bevis, Butthead, Rambo and Mr. T. Who's with me? The House was scheduled to vote last night, then this morning, then this afternoon and here it is 6:30pm and they still have't voted. The political ramifications behind this saga in Washington is this: the story can be spun however you feel like interpreting it. If you're a Republican, you can see it as a victory for your guys. You can say "WOO HOO we beat the stupid wimpy President again!" but then you'll take a closer look at the bill, then you'll look at each other, then look at the bill, then look at fox news, then look at the ground, then look at a big statue of a guy sitting on a horse and starring at the White House with a shameful look, then pass out with your face in a victory cake. If you're a Democrat you can see it as a victory for your President. You can say that he is capable and competent and he may have just got the crap kicked out of him, but he's still a good leader. He, and the Democratic congressional delegation, will walk back to the swing set with their heads down, but will begin a plot for revenge. That meeting will go something like this, they'll look at each other, look at the ground, look at each other, read the bill, watch msnbc, look at the big statue of a guy with a beard, pass out with a cake knife in their hand.

So remember people, there is no such thing as a victory or a defeat in Washington. As long as people are talking, we can spin the story however we feel like it. Damn I love this country.....and cake.

thanks

2011-07-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

Due to my news-induced rising blood pressure, I've sworn off watching tv until Tuesday. This has given me some time to think about my personal life and my wonderful family. Over the past 17 months my family has gone through some difficult times. I got a promotion, lost my job, moved twice and had a baby. Any one of those things happening to a family is cause for increased stress levels, but all in less than a year and a half would cause some to just lay down and cry. I feel it's not out of line to thank a few people whom have been particularly wonderful to us during our times of turmoil and triumph. First of all, thank you to my wonderful wife for all the love and support. I really couldn't be who I am without you baby. I love you so much. Cort, Dave, Fia, Roman. You guys have been so helpful and supportive. Thank you for opening you home to us and treating us well. You're all ok in my book. Mom, Dad, Justin, we couldn't have sustained life without your support. Thank you so much for everything. I can't wait to bend a few elbows with you on my birthday. Mammy and Grandpa, you've shown me nothing but warmth and compassion during a time when I'm sure you just wanted to strangle me with your bare hands. Thank you for not widowing my wife. Grandmom and Popops, you guys are undeniably the most wonderful people I've ever met. Nicey, Micky, Adam and Jenny, I know you've gone through some changes in your families too. I love all of you and I'm so happy to be part of your family. UB, you're more awesome than you probably know. Aunt Trudy and her wonderful family, I hope we can all reconnect soon. Bobbi Jo, I know you didn't have to do some of the things you did. You are kind and wonderful and I'm so glad to have you as a friend. Thanks to everyone who gave me a positive recommendation so I could land a new job. For the record, I applied to just over 600 jobs in just under 60 days. It's hard out there. I apologize in advance if I missed anyone. Thanks again....until next time.