I was speaking with Sharon, my wife, and a few friends,a few weeks ago, and we got around to talking about favourite colours, favourite flowers, favourite foods etc.  When one of my friends asked Sharon what was her favourite flower, Sharon replied ‘Well this week my favourite flower is the Orchid.’  When my friend questioned her use of the phrase ‘this week.’  Sharon replied that it changes all the time.  It is the same with her favourite colour, her favourite food and other favourites.  I think this is a great fluid way of thinking and it got me thinking about the phrases we use that keep us static in life.

If I ask you the question: Who are you? What would you say?

You will probably answer: I am (insert your name here)

Then if I ask you who is (your name)

You might answer with the roles you have in life, I am a construction worker, I am an admin assistant, I am a chef etc

Then you might go on to say I am a wife, a mother, a father, a son, a brother, a sister etc

You might then go on to speak about the you that identifies with your particular beliefs in life: I am a Catholic, I am a Muslim, I am a Christian, I am Buddhist etc

If I then ask you what attributes make up (your name)

You might go on to say I am kind, I am loving, I am a good listener, I am a good friend, I am a bad enemy, I am shy, and go on to list all your personable attributes relating to your personality, which is great.  We usually define the attributes of our personality in a positive light.

When I go on to the aspects that you don’t like about yourself you might say things like: I am no good at organising, I am lousy with technology,  I can’t cook, I can’t cope with change, I am no good at maths, I can’t write very well

What do you notice about all of the things above?

All the statements are static!

Identification

A fascinating part of our psychological makeup is that we identify with our roles in life, with our beliefs and with our values, and we can’t really tell the difference between our roles and ourselves.  It’s called ‘identification’

That’s all great, that we identify with these roles, beliefs and values in life, however they become static, and when something becomes static it is difficult to move.

Think of this statement below

I am an alcoholic

There are millions of people around the world who utter this statement every day, but when you look at the statement, it has nowhere to go, the person uttering this is stating a fact ‘I am an alcoholic’ – it’s like saying ‘I am human.’ That fact will never, ever change and that’s how your brain interprets statements that begin with ‘I am.’ – a fact that will not change.

So when the person saying ‘I am an alcoholic.’ They are really telling themselves that they will never not be an alcoholic.  This, I believe is a flaw in the AA, which is an amazing organisation.  The AA believes that once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, but that very label of being an alcoholic can hinder the recovery process of someone who currently drinks too much to cope with their issues in life, or who likes alcohol too much at that particular point in their life.

Just like any other ‘I Am’ statement, you are leaving yourself nowhere to go and change becomes almost impossible.  All the statements we utter that begin with ‘I am’ ‘I Can’t’ are all walls we build around ourselves, and the more we say these statements the thicker the walls become and the harder it is to tear them down

Tearing the walls down

To tear down the walls we have built around us it’s important to understand the concept of ‘Identification’ which you can check out at Wikipedia to give you a start.  Once you understand the concept you can then begin to break them down and realise the statements we tell ourselves day in day out stick, and are acted upon in our unconscious minds.

When you say a statement beginning with ‘I am’ or ‘I can’t’ your brain interprets this information as fact, and there is nothing that can be done about it, and it does not try to look for new, fluid, solutions

The kind of things we tell ourselves and those around us should be fluid.  We are evolving beings, forever changing, forever in motion and using static statements can keep us stuck in life.

Fluidity

If someone asks you a question which you would normally answer with ‘I Am’ or ‘I can’t’  you can replace this with:

I currently work as (your occupation)

I currently follow the beliefs of Catholicism but am looking at different belief systems

I have not really tried to learn the art of cooking but am willing to learn

Just now I have not taken the time to be good with computers but am open to the idea of learning more

Obviously there are some things that are facts such as I am a father, I am a son, I am a wife etc, but on the whole the statements we make about ourselves are static and should be fluid..

Have a think about this and let me know what you think.

Over the last 5 years of writing this blog there have been exactly 18,925 comments on 695 posts, an average of 27 comments per post. Whilst this is great and we get to see some readers who comment regularly, it occurred to me that I don’t really know the people who comment, except for a few of you.

So I wanted to get to know you better as a reader, a commenter, a friend, and as a product buyer.

In this post I would love it if you could leave a comment below telling me all about yourself. You can promote your products (as long as you’re not a spammer ), promote your blog, or just tell us more about you and what your hopes and aspirations are.

Why am I doing this?

You have been part of the CYT community either for a few days or a few years and I would love it if everybody who stops by here on a regular basis could just promote themselves for a change.  I have been talking through my posts, interacting through comments, and talking via email, but I’ve not had a real chance to listen to you talk about you.

• Introduce Yourself below (even if you are a regular here)
• Tell us about you, your work, your blog or product
• Tell us a little about your hopes and aspirations for yourself
• Promote the hell out of you

I had never been so afraid to leave the house before. Could I really step out the door like this?

Finally, I worked up the courage to turn the doorknob with the hand that was wearing a weight lifting glove, open the door, and step outside. This was it, no turning back now.

What was wrong with me? Why was I so afraid to go outside?

You see, I wasn’t always an agoraphobe. I was only terrified because of what I was wearing at the time.

I had on a stocking cap, a pair of coke bottle glasses I had from childhood, a red button-up collared shirt with a yellow T-shirt from a bachelor party on over it that proudly read, “Big Mistake” on it below a picture of two newlyweds. I wore a pair of grey shorts (it was winter at the time) held up by rainbow belt that somehow found its way into my wardrobe, one black dress shoe with a white sock, and one white tennis shoe with a black sock. And of course, the lone weight lifting glove on my right hand.

I was a fashion abomination.

What is it that drives an otherwise average guy to put on the most horribly mismatched clothes he could find in his closet and go for a walk on a cold winter evening?

Frankly, I was frustrated and fed up. I had always been shy and reserved. Everyone knew me as the quiet guy. I never spoke up at meetings at work, I had a hard time making friends, and I wasn’t exactly what you’d call a Don Juan with the ladies.

I was afraid of being the center of attention. It scared me to death. The thought that everyone;s eyes would be on me made my hands sweat and butterflies churn in my stomach.

And to be honest, this was the best idea I could think up. I figured if I could put myself in a situation where there was no way to back down and stay in my comfort zone, then surely I could overcome this fear.

As I walked down the street, I couldn’t help but feel very anxious. I saw a couple in front of me, headed my way. I fidgeted, trying to tuck my gloved hand into my pocket to hide it, only to realize that it revealed more of my bachelor party T-shirt. And, of course, there was no way to hide my mismatched shoes.

I braced myself and I walked past them, preparing for some kind of snide comment or snickering. But it didn’t come. They didn’t seem to pay any attention to me whatsoever.

I breathed a sigh of relief and marched on, turning to go up to a somewhat busy street filled with shops and bars.

Once I hit the main street, my anxiety was really screaming at me. “Go back home where it’s safe!” It told me. “Why are you doing this stupid thing? What if you run into someone you know?”

But I knew that if I was ever going to overcome my shyness and get used to stepping out of my comfort zone, I had to keep going.

I marched down the main street, walking by bars, restaurants, and coffee shops. I was worried that a passing stranger on the street, or a group of people having a smoke outside would see me as I walked by and say something. It was clear that I was drawing attention, but no one said anything.

It was at about this point, that a switch seemed to flip inside my mind. Suddenly, I wasn’t scared of this anymore. Instead, I felt… excited!

I actually wanted to get some kind of reaction of someone as I walked past them. I actually felt disappointed when I wouldn’t get any reaction at all. I purposefully crossed the street just to walk by more people at times, but still nothing. I couldn’t believe this, but I actually went from completely dreading being the center of attention to actually going out of my way to be it.

I finally returned home about an hour later after having a blast doing something that scared me to death not too long ago. Over the next few days, my fear was completely gone. I felt more compelled to speak up, push myself further, and pursue things that used to scare me.

That night, I realized that fear and excitement were actually the same feeling, we merely label one as a bad thing and the other as a good thing. You can easily transform fear by changing your perception of it (or apparently wearing a bunch of hideous clothes and going for a walk).

Have you ever done something crazy like this to break through a limiting belief (or am I just insane)?

Either way, if you ever see me walking down the street, I hope you stop and say “hi” no matter how strange my clothing might be.

How to Become Certain That You Will Reach Your Goals

Jonathan Talks about his story of quitting his corporate job to do something that he truly loves, which is helping others realise their potential.

However, when he realised there were hundreds of other people who were tired of their jobs and wanted to go it alone, and become an entrepreneur, he was suddenly in hot demand.  Ignoring the signs, at first, Jonathan eventually succumbed and started teaching others how they could go about making a living doing what they loved.

Check out the interview below

You can find out more information about Jonathan’s

TRAILBLAZER Movie here

and watch the great video we were talking about during the interview.

If you have any questions for Jonathan I am sure he would be happy to answer them here.  Just leave a comment below and tell us what you think of the interview.

Ever feel like your dreams are never going to become a reality?

It’s not like you’ve completely given up on your dreams. You occasionally think about how awesome it would be if you achieved them, but there are so many other things in the way.

Your job. Your boss. Your kids. Your parents. Your finances. Your mortgage.

All of these problems… I mean, responsibilities.

So you’re afraid of taking the leap of faith.

Afraid of what people will think if you quit your job.

Afraid of going bankrupt.

Afraid of falling behind in the rat race.

Afraid of not being able to provide for your family.

Afraid of not living up to the expectations of others.

Afraid of not living up to your own expectations.

Afraid of failing.

No one wants to be irresponsible, and everyone feels afraid sometimes. But does that mean it’s impossible to realize your dreams?

Of course not. The Michael Jordans, Steve Jobs’, Oprah Winfreys and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world show us that dreams can come true.

“But those people are so much more talented, so much more charismatic, so much luckier than me… I could never be like them,” you might be thinking.

It’s true—you might never be like them. Your dream might not be as big or impressive as theirs.

Your dream might just be to own a house. It might be to start a flower shop. It might be to write a novel. It might be to send your kids to college.

It’s not the size of your dream that matters. It’s the pursuit of your dream that turns your life into a thrilling adventure, an exhilarating story. That’s what really matters.

In this post, I’m not going to tell you about the huge changes you need to make in your life in order to achieve your dreams.

Instead, I’m going to share with you what you ought to stop doing. These are things we all do on occasion—things that quietly sabotage our dreams, sap our energy, and make us less alive.

Don’t do these things:

1. Say “I wish” or “I hope”: Whenever you do this, you put yourself in a mindset where the situation is beyond your control. What you can do as an alternative is turn your wishes and hopes into goals. For example, don’t say, “I wish my boss would give me flexible working hours.” Instead, set a goal that you’re going to have a conversation with your boss within the next three days about establishing flexible working hours. When you set goals, you choose to focus on what you can do to improve your circumstances, which is very empowering.
2. Complain: This is a favorite pastime for many people. There are always things to complain about: the weather, the economy, the healthcare system, the guy who sat next to you on the bus and hummed a really annoying song… but when you complain, you’re not making your circumstances any better. Instead of complaining, think about the many things you have to be grateful for. I recommend wearing a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever you’re about to complain, snap the rubber band as a reminder not to.
3. Blame others: If you want to achieve your dreams, you’re going to need to take full responsibility for your life. That means no blaming your parents, friends, relatives or bad luck for where you are in life. Recognize that some things are beyond your control, but take responsibility for the way every situation turns out.
4. Think of reasons why you shouldn’t take action: There will always be plenty of them. Think of all the positive things that might happen if you take action today.
5. Settle: Settling for second best is a sure way to prevent yourself from reaching your dreams. This applies to your relationships, finances, career and physical health. Decide that you’re going to create a masterpiece out of your life. Don’t give in to the allure of a comfortable but mediocre existence.
6. Procrastinate: You can probably think of at least one thing you can do immediately that will bring you closer to your dream. There’s never a perfect time to take action, so do what you can right now.
7. Hang out with toxic people: It’s been said that you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. Hang out with negative, critical and judgmental people, and you’ll become just like them in no time. Those aren’t traits you associate with people who make their dreams come true.
8. Say “I should”: When you say you “should” learn a new language, start writing a book, or go for a public speaking course, it’s unlikely that you’ll actually do it. Say, “I choose to” instead. This makes you realize that everything in life is a choice. You really do have the power to choose, and to turn your dreams into reality.
9. Compare yourself to others: There will always be people out there who are better looking, smarter and more capable than you. But you’re not trying to achieve their dreams; you’re trying to achieve yours. Think about the characteristics that make you special and unique, and about how you can use them to accomplish your dream.
10. Watch so much TV: The same applies for going on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. If you’re not careful, these can become major time sucks. Most surveys show that the average American watches more than four hours of TV a day. I hope that statistic scares you. Imagine how much you closer you could get toward achieving your dream if you spent those four hours every day doing something more fruitful. I’m not suggesting that you go cold turkey, but set a daily limit for yourself and use a timer to make sure you stick to that limit.
11. Say “I don’t have time”: Do you make time to watch your favorite TV show? Do you make time to update your Facebook status? Do you make time to eat? We all make time for the things that are important to us. If you find yourself saying you “don’t have time” to do something you know you ought to, you need to reorder your priorities.
12. Say “yes” to everyone: Many people find it impossible to say “no” to requests and opportunities, even ones that aren’t in line with their values and goals. If you say “yes” to everyone, you’re effectively settling for good, when what you really want is great. The path of greatness is the path of intentional abandonment of everything good, in pursuit of only the best. Think carefully before agreeing to any request.
13. Try to be perfect: I’m not perfect, and neither are you. Accept yourself fully—achievements, strengths, weaknesses, failures, flaws and all. You don’t have to be perfect to realize your dreams, but you do need to be committed to personal growth. You can only begin that journey when you accept yourself completely for who you are
14. Try to please everyone: Like the saying goes, “You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” Your dreams are personal. You’re not pursuing them to garner applause from the people around you or from society. Don’t make the mistake of trying to make everyone happy, because that’s impossible. So don’t even try.
15. Deprive yourself of sleep: When you don’t feel your best, you’re more likely to make impulsive decisions that aren’t in your long-term interests. If you want to achieve your dreams, you’ll definitely have to make short-term sacrifices for long-term gain. If you’re sleep-deprived, you probably won’t have the willpower to make the right decision.

I haven’t achieved all of my dreams. Far from it, in fact.

I do know, however, that pursuing your dreams isn’t easy. Somewhere along the way, you’ll want to quit. You’ll want to run away. You’ll want to go back to your comfortable, familiar, boring life.

But I beg you not to. The world needs adventurers who are fully alive. Most people are barely surviving, barely making it through each day. Don’t be one of them.

Dream big. Start small. Act now—right now.

Is there a price to your dream? How much will you sell your dream for? Are you willing to give up big money to live your dream?

When Sylvester Stallone was just starting out in life, it was a miserable life for him. Before his big breakthrough with ROCKY, he was a nobody. He lived life on the go, earning bare minimum from film roles no one wanted to take.

In his early acting career, he took part in some soft porn films. For him, it was a matter of survival. Once he recounted how he had to live at a New York City Port Authority bus station for three weeks while waiting for an assignment that eventually paid him $200.

Although he was a nobody to people, he was someone big to himself. All he ever wanted to do in his life was to become a writer/actor. He held on to this when the environment he was in and people around him beat him to the ground. He knew how to get up and continue living his dream. Hasn’t that become the trademark of all his ROCKY films?

His big break came after watching a boxing match involving the great Muhammad Ali and Chuck Wepner in March of 1975. Like Stallone, Wepner was a nobody against the greatest heavyweight champion of the world. Yet, he never knew how to quit. After that, Stallone was so inspired that he when home and wrote the original script of ROCKY in 20 straight hours.

Stallone did not just write the script, but he also knew that this was his own dream. He must be ROCKY no matter what.

When a film producer eventually decided to take his script and start the movie production, the company was willing to pay Stallone big bucks for it. There was only one problem – Stallone wanted to be ROCKY.

But the producers could never put an ugly guy that could not speak properly as the main character. So they began raising the offer to prevent Stallone from starring in his own movie. That price eventually came to $325,000.

That was a fortune in the 1970s. Still, Stallone turned it down. He was ready to walk out of the deal because he believed in his dream so strongly.

Finally, the producers relented and allowed Stallone to be ROCKY in their new movie, but they also reduced the amount paid to Stallone to $35,000. Stallone was ready to hold onto his dream no matter what.

Listen to Anthony Robbins recount this true story of Sly Stallone.

Until you are willing to let go of everything, you will never truly succeed and fly in life. In any fight, it is the man who is willing to risk everything that will find success.

ROCKY eventually won Best Picture, Best Directing and Best Film Editing at the Academy Awards. Since then, there were another five ROCKY films, each inspiring millions more to look at their lives and live their dreams no matter what.

What would have happened if Stallone sold his script for $325,000?

ROCKY is always about getting knocked down but never knocked out. It epitomized the true human spirit of going the distance no matter what. How have you been knocked down lately? How are you reacting to those knockdowns? Is life too hard sometimes?

Life is hard because it calls on us to do the impossible. Life believes in us! Do we believe in ourselves? I end with this famous quote from ROCKY BALBOA, the last of the ROCKY films:

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”

 - ROCKY BALBOA

I’m just getting ready to go out for our family meal and then off to the movies to see Sherlock Holmes. This is a Christmas Eve tradition our family have and I absolutely love it.

I just wanted to write to wish you all a fantastic Christmas, wherever you are in the world.

I also wanted to ask you one question:

What is the one big goal you hope to achieve in 2012?

Click On The Image Below to Visit the CYT Award Sponsors

Okay it’s finally time to reveal the Top 50 Personal Development Blogs of 2011.

This has been a mammoth task for me and has literally taken me over 30 solid hours to complete this one post, you’ll see why as you go through the list.

With over 200 nominations and nearly 700 comments on the original Nominations Post I’ve finally managed to whittle it down to 50 great personal development blogs.

Criteria

I have tried to be as objective as possible when picking the top 50 Blogs, and the following criteria helped me with this:

1. The blog has to have a post at least every 10 days

2. The blog has to be more than two months old

3. The blogger has to show good interaction with their readers via commenting

4. The blog has to have at least 2 comments on each of the 5 latest posts

The above criteria helped me whittle the original 207 blogs to around 120. After that it was purely down to my subjective view of the design, the content, and looking for something unique about the blogger or the blog itself.

The winners

Everyone in the top 50 has a badge they can display on their blog.  You can find these on the last page of this post.

Category winners have their own badge they can display on the blog, again you can find these on the last page of this post.

The overall winner has their own badges they can display, which can be found on the last page of this post.

Okay enough of me going on.  Click on Page 2 below to go to the winners list

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