This is the first in a two part series looking at how to write for your blog and share what I have learned over the last 3 years.

Writing is either something you love doing or hate doing. I think I fall into the latter category, I hate it but I love the creative process of writing and I love it when the words just quickly spill out onto the page.

Sometimes it’s like I’ve connected my mind Via USB cable to the computer and my thoughts just write themselves. Other times the USB has definitely been disconnected and there is an error in the system and it takes me a while to reconnect.

This post will show how I cope with the ups and downs of writing articles for blogs and hopefully give you some advice of how you can cope with writing and become better at it.

Know The Demographics

This may sound a little strange but you have to know the audience you are writing for. You wouldn’t get the comedian Billy Connelly playing to an audience of the women’s guild club. So it is with your blog, you have to know the people you are writing for.

The best way to do this, for me, is to think of a man and the woman who is going to read your blog. Now, describe them and ask the following questions:

What age are they?

What type of job do they have?

What is their income?

Do they have children?

What type of house do they have?

The reason why we do this is to get a picture in our head of the type of articles we should be writing, and we should always keep this in mind with every article we write. I wouldn’t write an article ‘Wordpress For The Advanced User’ if the demographics of my audience were aged 85, retired,and have little or no computer knowledge.

Similarly I wouldn’t write an article ‘Wordpress for beginners’ to an audience of computer geeks.

The reason I imagine a man and a woman, rather than just one person, is that men and women obviously think differently particularly with styles of humour. It is predominantly men who find jokes about farting funny whereas women, generally, don’t. So, we have to look at two sides when we are writing.

This might sound like hard work but believe me when you are practiced you will do these things automatically and it will become second nature to you.

Don’t Be Afraid To Drop Some Readers

You cannot please every reader who comes to your blog so there’s no point in trying. If you want to be contrarian and go against the crowd then do it. You might lose a few readers on the way however the people that do follow you will be loyal.

I made this mistake early on and am only now beginning to write the articles I really want to write and am prepared to lose a few readers who don’t like what I have to say. However, If I had started out this way I believe I would have built a better blog in a lot quicker time and honed the writing to a smaller smaller group of people who were more loyal.

I love reading Naomi Dunford’s Ittybiz because she writes the way she speaks. She curses and swears but does not care, her motto is if you don’t like it don’t read it. She has a great following who are very loyal and she has a great blog and business because of this.

This is true of life. We cannot please everybody, it’s absolutely impossible, so why bother trying. Develop the role of the type of person you want to be and be comfortable in that role. If you are not comfortable then change it. Who says our personalities have to be sticky, they don’t. If you don’t like something about yourself then change it and adapt to your new role.

Write Authentically

Writing authentically should always be your main goal when trying to connect with your readers. If you are not authentic it will definitely show in your writing. This Cannot really be said if you write articles for magazines as there is a certain style you have tow write in, however, if it’s your own blog you want your personality to shine through in your writing.

Using some slang is also not a bad thing to get your point across, but using it all the time would put a lot of readers off unless all your audience is from the same area as yourself and using local slang is permissible. Generally if you are trying to build a large audience you will have a lot of readers from outside your local area.

Be Different

Your posts are not going to stand out if you write another ‘Here is my cute little dog’ post, although that type of post gets a lot of hits for some reason

Being different doesn’t mean to say you have to be totally original, if that were the case there would only be a handful of blogs on the internet.

Blog posts will generally fall into 5 categories:

5 Common Types of Blog Post

Since the Ask The Coach Series is fast running out of questions I have a guided meditation for you to listen to, either on your PC or you can download it for free. This is called Forest walk.

Forest Walk Guided Meditation

It would be great to let me know what you think of it and give any feedback.

It would also be good if you have any requests for guided meditations

You can download the Forest Walk Guided Meditaiton here Just right click the link and save as a file on your desktop.

Here’s a thought that might spin your head.

Personal development is not personal! It’s not about you.

It IS personal in that what you ‘personally develop’ is particular to your beliefs, your skills, and your situation – but it’s not about the you who is unconditionally valuable and beyond judgement.

I said it would spin your head. But stick with me, there is good news to come.

Some words in the English language are what is called in linguistic studies – multi-ordinal. This means, in brief, that the same word means different things in different contexts. This is obvious if you consider that saying: ‘I love you’ to your fluffy cute dog or cat is not the same as saying it to your husband or wife in bed. It’s the same word, different context and hence different meanings.

So why is this good news for you and your personal development?

It’s good news if you are someone who personalises comments, who feels that you’re being talked about, that you have to have your radar always on in case someone says something bad about you.

Secondly, if you are someone who says “‘I’ failed” and feels bad about yourself (rather than just not getting the result you want), it could be because you are confusing the levels of ‘you’ involved in what actually happened.

It’s good news because you are not what you do. It’s not about you.

Despite what the people around you say.

This might help: NLP pioneer Robert Dilts created a model called the Neuro-logical levels which suggested that change could be made at the following levels:

· Mission
· Identity
· Values
· Beliefs
· Capabilities
· Behaviour
· Environment

You will notice that Identity (who you ARE) is at a different level to Capabilities and Behaviour – what you do.

As a Meta-Coach I find that the act of linking judgements of performance with personal worth often stops people from taking actions and risks they need in order to progress. They feel that the essential core of who they are is being threatened.

The you that knows itself as ‘I’ doesn’t want to change.

But who or what is ‘I’?

Try this: say to yourself: “I have feelings but I am not my feelings…my feelings change but I remain (pause)…I have beliefs but I am not my beliefs…my beliefs change but I remain (pause)…I have a body but I am not my body…my body changes but I remain.

Emphasise the ‘I’. It has a strange effect, doesn’t it?

So if ‘I’ am not any of these things…then what am I?

Many say “I think, therefore I am”.

Up front I’ll state my perspective.

I’m a Christian and I believe that God created me and put His life in me. That life is unconditionally valuable and cannot be devalued. That is what constitutes ‘I’ for me.

I also believe that He gave me the kind of consciousness that enables me to think about myself and all aspects of myself.

Thus, – you might want to read this twice – the thinker (which is me/I) is not the same as what is thought about – my thoughts.

So for me ‘I’ is a spiritual issue, and I (and its/my value) is separate from what I think. “I am – therefore I think”.

I know others will have different ideas and we each have to choose what we base our understanding of ourselves on.

What I have done, however, is develop a concept of ‘I’ that is not affected by the judgements that are made about what I do.

How would this idea work if you did it?

For one, this makes it much easier to pick up the phone and have my ideas rejected rather than my ‘self’ rejected.

And concerning ‘failure’ (which is another one of those ‘multi-ordinal words.) if you fail, what exactly failed?

Was it YOU – the entire mind body system that supposedly constitutes who you are?

Did you mind shut down?
Did your blood stop pumping?
Did your immune system shut down?
Did your muscles atrophy?
Did your throat muscles die?

Did those things ‘fail’? Because that is what you are saying if ‘I’ am my thoughts-body etc

Was it the YOU that remains even if your beliefs and values change? (I stopped believing in Santa at least two years ago…)

Or is it just that your mental blueprint for doing something was incomplete or inaccurate?

You had a missing piece of knowledge.

Something you knew was out-of-date.

Would that be so bad? After all, databases need updating, don’t they? We’ve all had letters for previous tenants or with the name misspelled.

I like to think of my thoughts as tools. Along with my understanding and application of my faith, I want my mind and body to serve me.

Distinguishing ‘I’ as director and overseer from the ‘I’ who thinks and acts may seem a little schizophrenic to some.

But if you consider that since the ‘recession’ started there have been several high profile suicides of very rich people who lost a lot of money – and who may have connected some important aspect of self with the amount of money they had – maybe separating worth and doing, worth and possessions is not such a bad idea after all.

Jesus said: “A man’s life does not consist of his possessions.”

So – do you still think that if I get something wrong the failure is about my worth?
Is personal development still personal?

Look me in the ‘I’ and say that.

This weeks Sunday Siesta is all about bloggers who have managed to quit their day job to become professional bloggers. I have been reading a lot about this lately since I will be doing it soon. I thought it might be interesting to look at a few bloggers who have turned pro and link to their stories of how they managed to quit their day jobs.

9 10 Bloggers Who Have Quit Their Day Job and Turned Pro

Jonathan Mead

IlluminatedMind.net – So I Quit My Day Job, Dear Boss: You’re Fired – I like Jonathan’s story of how he managed to go from working as a file clerk to managing an employee recognition program to finally giving up his day job, ’stop renting out his mind’ and go solo. You can download his free ebook ‘The Zero Hour Work Week’

Leo Babuata

ZenHabits.net - So I Quit My Day Job – Holy Cow! I Took the Plunge – I love Leo’s story and it really couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. He quit his day job with U.S. military veterans for the Guam Legislature in January 2008 after a meteoric rise with his blog, which has around 130,000 subscribers. He is now a published author: ‘The Power of Less’, has written a best selling ebook: ‘Zen To Done’ and has done so much more since he started blogging in 2007. His story is a fantastic one and is well worth a read.

Caroline Middlebrook

CarolineMiddlebrook.com – About Caroline Middlebrook – I remember Caroline at the very beginning of her blog and I even remember writing a piece on her called ‘The woman who quit her day job’ Caroline did it the hard way and quit her job as a software developer and started the blog from scratch. She now has over 11,000 subscribers, has written several eBooks and has become very successful in the blogging world.

Tina Su

ThinkSimpleNow.com – Dream to Reality: How I Quit My Day Job – One of my favourite personal development bloggers. Tina Su really is an inspiration to many and she has done so much in such a short space of time. She has a loyal following and is well thought of in the blogging community.

Daniel Scocco

DailyBlogTips.com – Make Money Blogging – Daniel is another blogging hero of mine. Not because he has quit his day job, but simply because he has great advice on his blog about blogging. he gave up his job at the age of 22 and has never looked back since. He is now a successful consultant and professional blogger.

Yaro Starak

Entrepreneurs-Journey.com – One Day In A Life – One of the best business bloggers on the net and one of the first blogs I sat up and paid attention to and thinking blogging was possible as a career. I love Yaro’s podcasts as they are always insightful.

J.D. Roth

GetRichSlowly.com – Quitting the Day Job: Finding the Guts to Pursue Your Dreams – I haven’t read much of the blog from JD but have read his story and read a few interviews from him. His blog is all about fiance and is geared toward the american market however there are great articles about attitude to money. JD is another inspiration to me and when you read the story you will understand why.

Steve Pavlina

StevePavlina.com – Blogging for Money – Steve’s blog was the blog that started it all for me back in August 2006. I soaked up his writing and listened to the podcasts and thought WOW! this is what I want to do. I am not so keen on Steve’s stuff now but his older material is still amazing and I often listen to his podcasts.

Darren Rowse

Problogger.net – Becoming A ProBlogger – Save the best for last Darren is perhaps one of the best known bloggers out there. The former Minister turned pro in 2005. Read his story it’s brilliant.

Celestine Chua

CelestineChua.com – Celestine Chua’s Story – I totally forgot about Celestine and she has been in my circle for some time now.  Celestine left a fortune 100 company to start a coaching business and start her blog and she has been very successful starting her School of Personal Excellence

I know I have missed a few famous bloggers out but hopefully if you are looking to becoming a blogging professional it will give you some inspiration as it has me and countless others.

I have been into personal development for over 15 years and sometimes there are moments that just hit you square in the face and scream ‘Pay attention to me’. No doubt you have gone through life and you get these moments, they’re called ‘A-ha moments’, when you just get it, whatever you’ve been trying to figure out.

There have been quite a few of these moments in my life but none more profound than than the one I’m about to share with you now.

The Key To Success Is Making

Others A Success

Now, you’d think that would be well known and everybody would say ‘Duh, I knew that already!’ but so few people know of this key or really grasp it’s importance.

In any field you happen to be in, if you go out of your way to help people better themselves you will become known as the person to go to.

Be the person to go to

At work I am known as the ‘Computer Man’, no matter what the problem is; Word documents, excel spreadsheets, trying to find a lost image file, undoing things etc. That’s because I love the computers and even though I don’t know most of the things on the computer I use the little tab that says ‘help’ and figure it out within a few minutes. Why do most people ignore this little ‘help’ button; probably because in every workplace there is always someone like me.

If you make yourself the person to go to at work you can make yourself the person to go to outside work and start a business or a part time venture whereby you become the person to go to in a small niche. You do this by giving away free information, give great advice and generally being a nice person. When you become quite well known for the person to go to, then that’s when your business really starts.

My friend, Dragos Roua, has become the guy to go to about blogging, within his circle of friends. And due to this he is now starting to do blogging seminars, why? because he’s helped people for free in the past, built up his knowledge while showing others what to do and generally being a nice guy. Now he has another income stream, all because he become the person to go to.

Helping others

When you help others become a success you undoubtedly will become a success yourself, however, you still need the business savvy and the business guts to put yourself out there.

Never call yourself an expert, let others call you the expert, but put it out there that you know what you’re talking about and help others achieve what they want to achieve.

I realised this a while ago but am only now beginning to put into motion the second stage of this and that is having the business guts to get out there.

What’s your story?

Have you realised this key already, if so what’s your story and how did it help yourself and others?

I have finished the first draft of ‘The Best of CYT 2009′ and would like to make it available to readers of Change Your Thoughts.

You can sign up to the newsletter to get the ebook which features 96 pages of great self help work from myself and several other great writers such as Ayo Olaniyan, Mr Self Development, Celestine Chua, Francesca Kotomski, Armen Shirvanian, and Douglas Cartwright.

I know you might have signed up already, if you have please sign up again and it will give you a message to advise you have already signed up.  I will send out the second volume to exisiting subscribers.

It would be good to hear your thoughts on the book.

Exciting new project

I believe I have a project which will create a lot of buzz at the beginning of next year and will see me giving up my day job around February/March time and see a lot of publicity for those who help out. I have 100 spots available for this project which will hopefully create a lot of net publicity for the 100 people involved so it will be a definite win/win situation.  More details to come soon.

To a certain extent, I believe we have all been unfairly judged before, and because it is not something we can avoid, it pays to learn the steps necessary to beat prejudice. Even more so when the antagonist is our new boss or mother in law. While I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s easy, choices are, at times, not a luxury we own. In any case, here’s how it could be done.

1.Be tolerant

First of all, he or she does not hate you. Having prejudice towards another is not a choice made by the other person. It is mostly a subconscious act that is based on false ideology and interpretation that were cultivated since young based on personal experience, influence of the media and hearsay. If there’s anyone who is at fault, it is we who are too easy to generalize people in terms of race, gender, ethnicity and sexual orientation. So, instead of playing the blame game which only make matters worse, try and be tolerant.

2. Focus

It’s all too easy to let your emotions get carried away. After all, it’s certainly not fair for us to be judged on things we hardly have any control over.  Make sure to always keep in mind what you want, and ignore any emotions that may hinder such progress.

3. Be nice to them

What I often do is keep smiling and be nice to the person. This often works like a charm. Sure, we don’t owe them anything. But if you want their acknowledgment, this is the only road to take.

4. Understand what is expected of you

Now you may wonder, if it’s not hate, then what is it? He sure did make life harder for you, but that’s something we all have to deal with at some point in life. To get past the bias, try to look at it as someone who expects more from you than what he does of others, which is true. Don’t pay any attention to the little things. To find acceptance, you must first focus on what needs to be done, and that is; understanding what is expected of you and constantly perform beyond his expectations.

5. Don’t be desperate

There is no one, I dare say, that does not want to be acknowledged. Even so, when the person involved plays an important role in our life. But, no matter how important he may be, you should never be desperate for acknowledgment. Think of it as being in a romantic relationship. It is never advisable to be needy, right? The same goes for getting past the discrimination.

6. Avoid mistakes

If there’s anything you should avoid, it is making mistakes. It will only worsen their judgment on us as it confirms what they have in mind toward us, which is not something we want to be associated with. If you do, however, make mistakes, apologize immediately. Try not to give excuses for your mistakes as it does not help and can make things worse.

7. Surpass their expectations

This is where it matters most. You need to work harder so that you can constantly surpass their expectations. Always remember, the first one is a fluke. And so is the second one. The third is where things really start to count. And after some time, usually, the prejudice will slowly fade.

8. Be persistent

Don’t get disheartened when things persist. The key is to be patient. Unless he hates you, sooner or later he will realize that his judgment and bias is incorrect . But until that day comes, be persistent.

9. Kindly tell them if it persists

I would only recommend this as a last resort. No one likes to be called a racist or sexist, directly or indirectly. We all feel the need to be seen as someone who is fair. Especially so when the relationship is a professional one. But if you must, do so in a kind manner or things will only get uglier.

Wrap up

Instead of hanging on to the cliche that life is not fair, I always try to look at it as a trial or challenge. This works well to keep myself in a positive attitude. Since there’s no changing how hard life can sometimes get, it is better to change our perspective on things.

I wanted to mix it up a little this week and have another theme. This weeks theme is going to be about blogging, whether you are a beginner or a seasoned pro it’s always useful to read about other successful bloggers and hear some of their advice. Here are a handful of great blog posts from last week that you might find interesting.

12 Fantastic Posts about Blogging from 18th – 24th October

5 Plugins To Make Your Wordpress Blog Blazing Fast- ProBlogger.net - This is a great post from Darren Rowse giving a rundown of 5 plugins to make your blog a lot faster. I have not heard of 3 of them so it was a very useful article.

Steal This Trick: The #1
Secret of Confident Bloggers – Sonia Simone @ CopyBlogger.com – This is an article for bloggers who are still trying to figure out what niche to get into and how to stand out from the crowd and there is still some useful stuff in there for seasoned bloggers.

How To Keep Your Blog Running Smoothly When Traffic Spikes- BloggerDesign.com – This is another post talking about plugins, the Wp-Super Cache Plugin to be exact.

Should My Blog Go In the Root of My Company Website? DailyBlogTips- One of my favorite blogger blogs. Daniel Scocco answers an often asked question by bloggers.

The Truth About SEO- TopRankBlog.com – This is a fantastic post by Lee Odden about the importance of SEO, which has been minimized over the last few tears. Some great statistics in here.

5 Out-of-the-Box Keyword List Strategies That Work – QuickOnlineTips.com – I use keyword strategies when constructing my headlines so this article caught my eye and is pretty useful for bloggers and marketers alike.

The Tarot as a Tool for Writing Your Novel Guest post by Marelisa Fábrega on Write To Done – Not really about blogging but it caught my eye as I used to love doing the tarot, had the Norse Tarot deck. Marelisa speaks about NaNoWriMo and gives a novel idea on constructing a novel.

3 Marketing Strategies For Bloggers With Limited Time – Performancing.com – This is a useful guide for beginners in the blogging world.

How 1 Year of Blogging Change My Life – Wordful.com – A great post for any bloggers out there thinking it is easy. Charles Bohannan sums up his year in blogging and gives a useful guide for nebbish coming into the field.

How better writing boosts your blog’s image (5 writing tips) – Guest post by Laura Helen walsh on BlogForProfit.com - Some great tips by Laura on how to write for your blog.

Words For Sale – Blogging Without A Blog – BarbaraSwafford asks the question how much is your blog worth and what knowledge have we gained that we could monetize. My blog is worth $114,000, not bad

The Power of Giving – David Risley – A very quick 2 minute video on the power of giving. This is a great reminder of why we are in the business we are in.

This is the ninth session of Ask The Coach. The main aim of this weekly session is to ask you, the reader, to ask a question to the coach by posting a comment on this post and each week myself and Ayo Olaniyan will attempt to help you by answering your question.

Question from Archana answered by Ayo.

Archanas question in full:

I live by myself and end up watching TV every time I eat. I am okay with watching TV for an hour and it ads up to about 2 and a half hours a day (1/2 breakfast +1 lunch+1 dinner). All the time is wasted watching random stuff as I try to stay as far away from news as possible (I am graduating in April and all the negative talk about recession gets to me). I have replaced the half hour in the morning with watching something inspirational on you tube, tech news, weather, etc. I would still like to do something more productive with the rest of it. I am out of ideas. Any suggestions?

50 Ways To Spend Your Time Productively

Hello Archana,

Thanks for your question on Ask The Coach. I hope this post will provide suitable ways to spend your time productively.

In no particular order here are ‘50 Ways To Spend Your Time Productively’.

Keep discovering who you are: Get engaged in self discovery by knowing your passion, temperaments, skills, abilities, finding out your purpose………

Observe Some Me Time: Give yourself some me time. It must be all about you for a little period. Create time for yourself. It’s not being selfish.  Do things to make you happy.

Avoid Making Comparisons: Avoid making too many comparisons with other people (friends, family etc).Remember we are individuals with different backgrounds, upbringing and each one of us is unique in our own way.

Face Your Fears: Face your fears knowing, it only becomes a problem, when you can’t stand up to the pressures that come your way.

Think: Stop for a moment to think. Think before carrying out any actions. Think before you speak. Think about yourself, friends, family, work….. As Christopher Robin (Winnie The Pooh) would say ‘Think Think Think’.

Develop your skills: Don’t be satisfied with the level of skills, talents and abilities you possess. There is always room for improvement and personal development.

Plan: Give your life some order and structure by planning. It helps to have a routine in certain areas of your life. Plan for your present  and the future.

Implementing Your Plans: It’s not just thinking or planning alone.  You also need to implement your strategies. Take positive actions that would have an impact on your life/future.

Doing something new: This is slightly different from the tip above. This involves you taking risks, being open to challenges, trying out new ideas, stepping carefully away from your comfort zone….

Sharpen Your Brain: Solve some mathematics, crossword puzzles, brain training games etc.

Set Targets: Set realistic targets for your life and strive to attain them.

Pursue Knowledge: You can gain constructive knowledge through several avenues such as the media (newspapers, television, radios…), blogs, books, schools, friends, colleagues etc.

Work on your vices: Work hard in replacing your bad habits, character flaws, negative thoughts, low self esteem etc. with positive ideals.

Stop Talking: At times you need to keep quiet and listen to your thoughts. Try as much as possible to think before talking. Be careful of the things you say, when you say it and how you say it. I am not sure it’s cool being a TALKATIVE.

Start Listening: Spend some time listening to people, understanding how they feel. You can also listen to various inspirational speakers to motivate you for the day.

Use Your Imagination: Have a creative imagination. Imagine a bright and positive future ahead of you.

Energy drainers: Weed off people, activities that drain your energy levels.

Improve your physical appearance: Go for a new look. Get a new hairstyle. Look beautiful or well groomed.

Keep A Diary/Journal: Your dairy could serve as a journal of your thoughts. Cultivate the habit of scribbling your thoughts on paper.

Show Love: Spend time showing love to people. You could be nice, care for them, help the needy, buy gifts/presents………..

Ideas: Come up with useful ideas for yourself, family, blog or business etc.

Difficult Tasks: Develop an interest in resolving difficult tasks.

Domestic chores: Enjoy spring cleaning and doing your own laundry. It could be fun at times.

Start a business: You could start up a small business to gain your independence, fulfil your ambitions, and create an additional source of income.

Get A Job: Go out and search for jobs. Don’t sit at home idle. If you are not happy with your current job, start looking for another.

Work: Work Work Work !!!! There are little/no more opportunities for lazy people. Work at home, on your blog, profession, job etc. Display a high level of excellence in what you do.

Lunch Break: The tip above said work,work, work!!But don’t neglect having a lunch break at work.

Delegate or Outsource. Learn to delegate or outsource certain jobs/ responsibilities. It will allow you focus on other important things and save you so much time.

Avoid Gossip: Being involved or listening to gossip is a big time waster. There are so many other productive things you can do with your time.

Budget Your Finances: Spend some time planning your finances, repaying your loans, credit cards and working towards living a debt free life. It’s essential you have a monthly budget, allocating funds to things that are of high importance.

Go shopping: I am sure the ladies will love this one lol!!! (My wife does). There is always a burst of excitement, pride, happiness, an increasing level of confidence, fulfilment associated with shopping and from experience it could raise one’s energy levels because we feel good about it.(Warning: Good practice is spending within your means, buying what is necessary and what you can afford.)

Spend time with your children: Children need to understand family values, build good character, know that their parents will always love, support and care for them.

Spend time with your spouse: Our spouses need time & attention too. Go for dinner, sight seeing etc. Do things together. This promotes better communication, understanding and builds healthier relationships.

Meditate: Take time to meditate. It refreshes you spiritually and mentally.

Sleep: Sleeping replenishes your strength after various activities in the day. It puts you in the right frame of mind and recharges your batteries.

Relax: Go for a holiday, participate in several leisure activities. Take time out to rest/relax your body, mind, muscles etc. Go for a massage, spa treatment, aromatherapy………..

Exercise: It is important you stay in good shape by exercising as often as you can. Apart from the healthy benefits, you would feel attractive, secure, confident and in shape.

Walk: Take long walks. Spend time alone walking and reflecting your activities.

Medical Check up: Go for regular medical check ups with your doctor.

Eat Healthily: It is important you eat healthily and have balanced meals each day. Don’t forget your fruits!!!! Eat with moderation and watch what you eat.

Study(Read): Spend time studying, reading and carrying out researches on various subjects. For you to become an authority in any subject, you’ve got to study hard.

Hobby: Start a hobby. It could range from supporting your local football, basketball or baseball team to having pen pals, building….

Get An Academic Qualification: I think it’s important you place a certain value or importance on boosting academic knowledge by going to schools, colleges or the university.

Contribute to the community/society: Serve your community or borough. Volunteer your spare time to do something positive for the community or society. Sponsor various charity organizations.

Cook: Spend time cooking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It’s very exciting if you cook with your spouse and before the men start acting too macho for their boots, remember there good male cooks such as Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay and my humble self laugh!!!.

Spend Time with Friends: Have fun with your friends. You need friends for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual support. Friends are there to encourage you, make you laugh, challenge you and admonish you when necessary.

Date: If you are ’single and searching’ go out on a date. Stop staying at home alone and go out on a date!!

Networking: Establish positive networks with people of various fields, backgrounds, professions etc. Carefully join constructive groups on facebook and twitter.

Go On  A Facebook/Twitter Strike: It wouldn’t cause any harm abandoning facebook/twitter in a day. Curb your addiction to social media. I am not jealous of those who have large followers on twitter or friends on facebook (I joined 2months ago lol!!!) but it’s important to exercise moderation in what you do. 

Switch off the television/computer/mobile phone: Yes switch them off!!!(When necessary)  We are so engrossed in them. Switch off (silent) your phones, in order to get goodnights sleep, shut down your computer, and turn off the television because they could be a source of distraction.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

When you read the heading, how did it make you feel? did it make you feel anything? did you get angry? upset?

Believe it or not that’s how a lot of people feel, no matter what they achieve in life, they feel as if it’s never enough. They feel everything they have done ends in failure; their relationships, academia, work, fatherhood, motherhood etc they take it all and see it as a failure. I have dealt with clients so many times who have been able to rhyme off all their failures, and it seems to give them a sense of satisfaction at being able to list so many, that’s because they have gone over it so much in their heads.

I can empathize with the person who is suffering this, I have been there, we’ve all been there at some point, it might not have been as prolonged but we’ve still been there. The problem is when the person puts the blame on someone else, usually a failed marriage, a bad childhood, events that have happened in the past etc.

If you are one of these people, I really do know where you are coming from, but:

Now Is The Time To Take Responsibility

The time to start is now. It’s time to say, yes shitty things have happened to me, yes I had a shit childhood, yes I was bullied as a child. It’s great to own that, and say it happened to you, but it’s also time to let go.

Give yourself a break from analyzing the past, stop living there. Come back to the present and show everybody who you are today, not who you were yesterday. You are so much more than what happened to you. The very fact that you are with us today and reading this, whether you feel angry or not, makes your life a success. You’ve managed to come through the pain barrier, you’ve managed to stick two fingers up to the people who hurt you and say I’m still here, I’m still fighting on and you know what! I’m a success.

You’ve cried enough tears, you’ve felt the anger, the pain, the heart tugging so many times and you’ve almost given up on a few occasions, but you didn’t, you’re here, and here is a good place if you want it to be.

You might be mad with me just now for saying all this, and tell me I don’t understand what you’ve been through, believe me I do, but what I will never understand is how you feel about it, that’s a personal thing and I don’t want to feel your pain, that’s yours to own and believe it or not is a gift which will help you in the future. I would love for you to say ‘I have felt real pain, real anger, real emotions and real moments when my life was almost over, but I am still here’

Choose to feel different

Maybe it’s not quite the right time, but you have the choice to feel different about life. Take responsibility and know that you own your feelings, nobody else.

• When you know this, you will stop blaming others for feeling lousy.
• When you know this you can change the way you think.
• When you know this you can change your life.

Start the journey

How do you feel now? Angry? Mad? A sense of relief? Good, that’s what living in the now feels like, welcome back, it’s good to have you here.