Chaos Follows One Man

Cucumber Madness!

2011-05-01T18:14:00.000Z

I know what you were thinking when you saw the title of this post, you dirty dirty deviant, but alas, you were wrong. Of course my assumption of what you were thinking probably speaks more to my character than yours, but lets just roll with it regardless.

Anyhoo, to the topic at hand. The Royal Wedding. Now, let me preface this post by saying that I couldn't give two hoots about the wedding, and care even less now its all over. However, even my general distaste for the whole event couldn't have stretched as far as some conspiracy theorists' conclusions.

There's enough bad feeling about the logistics and spending involved with the wedding to stun a team of oxen in their tracks, but the best (and by far, the brightest) is a theory that it was all done to raise the profile and selling power of....wait for it.....cucumbers!!

Apparently, in preparation for the wedding day celebrations, the British public (or at least the "Monarchists" amongst us) rushed out to purchase bucket loads of those undeniably enjoyable green phallic vegies knowing full well that cucumber sandwiches are the snack of choice for the refined and wealthy.

The fact that sales of the 'umbers rose considerably in the lead up to the wedding is substantiated somewhat by a report from Waitrose showing a 50% increase in the number of 'umbers sold during the wedding period.

Even in the face of that, you have to ask yourself: What kind of pill popping, toilet-water-drinking loony takes that snippet of information and comes up with a conspiracy based on the assumed allegiance of the Royal Family to the agricultural industry, or just the 'umbers in general?!

I mean, if that's such a believable theory, then why not assume the wedding was all about the bread sales in an effort to assist the waning farming industry as well as retail.

Either way it seems to be out there. Whether it's popularity is growing or not, I have no idea. I simply marvel in the maniacs out there and rejoice in my opportunity to witness such overwhelming idiocy, if for no other reason than it gives me something to say.

Religious Shennanigans

2011-01-06T17:30:00.000Z

Well, I'll bring my blog to life once more with an act that most who know me will fully expect: a rant.

Having discovered Stumble some time ago, I was floundering through the world of the interwebs when I came across a site showing some beautiful pictures from space.

Whilst interesting to me, this in itself wouldn't be worthy of bloggage. However, the comments attached to the page do allow me to elevate this humble page to bloggage status.

As I started reading, and had I the presence of mind to film my reaction, you would see my expressions gradually (but dramatically) change from that of boyhood awe to that of impatience, frustration and finally outright irritation.

How is that, on the same canvas as these wonderful images; in the presence of something awe inspiring and tending to illicit the philosophical, that the comments could degree into such mind numbing idiocy.

Were the readers "wow-ed" by the incredible images of our Earth from a perspective we could only dream of experiencing? Were they dumbfounded by the beauty, grace and power of this Earth?

Well...no.

Somehow they managed to devolve into a debate (though not a particularly articulate one) on religion, creation and all things God.

Now, don't get me wrong, I can see the inevitable connection between the beauty and magnificence represented by these pictures, and His Holiness, but a religious debate? Really? Honestly people, surely you are now just spoiling for a fight anywhere you can get it.

Does a website so lovingly created to share wonder really need you bunch of numpties bringing it down in some kind of semi-orgasmic, deity inspired, brain fart. Couldn't you just appreciate the dignity and outright aesthetic value of the pictures showcased without having to demand that others acknowledge that this is a sight clearly created by God?

Apparently not.

It's probably worth me noting at this stage that I am, in fact, a religious person. I follow a path of worship, recognise the existence of a devine being(s) and fully respect others' rights to (though it should also be noted, for the record that I am not Christian). However, what I don't do, is take every opportunity to ram my own religion down other people's throats at every turn. What I don't do is find any excuse to connect something of beauty/value/morality/kindness or indeed any of the other examples popping into your head right now, with the existence of a God, the practice of my particular religion or the need to save ones soul.

I, a religious follower, am capable of appreciating beauty without referencing my faith, or more importantly, ramming my beliefs down someone's throat in a failing attempt to brow-beat them into accepting my point of view as fact.

Sadly, thats exactly what happened on this particular site, and it saddened me greatly. I was hugely appreciative of the effort taken to share these pictures with us, the denizens of the interwebz, but was ultimately turned off by the raging theological discussion that burst into life following them.

What a sad state of affairs. Sometimes, I understand why people are afraid to admit they have faith - none of us sane practitioners want to be labelled as one of "them".

He is Risen!

2009-07-30T14:15:00.003Z

No, no, I'm not dead...well not yet. I think my brain died, or my life did, because I just found myself with nothing to say. Let me mention now, that no one is more surprised and elated about that concept than I, but still, it's not condusive to good blog writing (or even mediocre writing like my own).

However, life has been more interesting of late, and my brain has been formulating ideas for posts more and more. This, to me, can only be a good thing.

So, I shall pledge to do a better job launching my inane ramblings onto this canvas. I can't promise they'll be of much quality though :-)

KG

Chrimbo time-acha

2008-12-24T11:23:00.000Z

Hey folks,

Just a quick message, firstly to apologise for the lack of activity for a while here. I've been having many crazy ideas about what to post here, and things I want to be doing, but have just failed to get round to them. My plate has been very full of late, so had very little time, or motivation to post regularly. Fear not however, I'll get to my list of things to post about soon, and then the fun can begin all over again! :)

However, I really just wanted to post to say that I hope all those I know who read this blog - be you friends of friends of friends, or my closest and dearest - have a fantastic festive season, and that you enjoy every moment. Christmas can be an exciting time for some, and a harrowing affair for others, so regardless of which pot you fall in to, I wish you all the best for the festive season, and hope you all enjoy yourselves immensely.

Don't be afraid to pop a wee hello comment on here over the festive period if you get bored/drunk/want to rub in your cool presents or in general are just making a nuisance of yourself :)

Enjoy folks, and see you soon.

B

Defence Against the Dark Lurgy Teacher : BMan

2008-12-14T17:27:00.003Z

Every year about this time, I get struck down with The Lurgy. I don't think there has been a year in the last 7 where I haven't suffered from a nasty cold over Christmas; Last year was the worst in recent memory where I spent near two weeks sleeping and generally living on the couch suffering from a raging flu.

Well I have that feeling again - I can feel a cold coming on, so rather than being stubborn and relying on my immune system to do the work, I'm taking a more proactive route. I'll be on the OJ, pills, mouthwash; whatever gets me through the Christmas period with suffering from flu once more.

It's gonna be a battle, but I'm damned if I am spending another year hauled up on the couch drinking lemsip and chicken noodle soup.

The battle is on!

Rich Shit

2008-08-17T11:43:00.005Z

We all know the word Bling right? For those less educated see this.

Well, I regularly read Born Rich (as you might have guessed) and in amongst the cool gadgets and ostantious gifts, there are some horrific examples of over indulgence which just dont make sense.

However, in amongst all that (spotting a theme here?) I stumbled across the worst example I've ever seen.

See this.

Oh....my....word.....

More Goldman than Leatherman...

2008-08-13T17:13:00.008Z

Whilst perusing Born Rich as I do frequently I stumbled across this.

I still say mines is better (comes complete with usage scratches and BMans blessing:

;-)

Nuke Dukem...yup that's right...

2008-08-13T13:54:00.003Z

Ok, I'm a little late on the bandwagon here but I've been meaning to post about this for a while.

For any of you that pay attention to anything that happens at E3 you're likely going to know that this years E3 was not exactly the most successful. According to what's been said, and what I've seen so far, if E3 had been in a race, it would have come 9th out of 10, only just beating the Arthitis-riddled, I.V. dragging pensioner in lane 1.

However, weeding out any of the interesting bits leaves you with a great number of appaulingly "yawnable" presentations and conferences based around existing technology and fixes for things that should have worked correctly first time (see: Nintendo's Wii sensor fix).

However, by and far the worst example of E3's outrageously mediocre line up was the Duke Nukem trailer! No, before I go any further, let me just say I am a huge fan of the games. I've more or less loved every incarnation (the latter version being the least in that chart rating). As a result, I was keen to see what we could expect from Duke Nukem trilogy.

This is what they delivered:

Oh dear succubi-on-high, what an immense pile of shit! If I had wanted to see a 5 minute rotation of 10 year old pixel banners and shoddy flash work, I would have made it myself (believe me, I'm qualified!). E3 is supposed to showcase those pioneering companies out there pushing the boundaries of gaming and all things hardware related. Instead, we were subjected to this feeble excuse for a trailer?

Get it together E3 peeps - what exactly were you thinking?!!

Does anyone else think....

2008-07-27T22:05:00.004Z

...it's worrying that one of the hits on my blog came from a google search which consisted soley of the words "humuliated boys"?

Additionally, should I be worried that this post was the one that came up from that search?!!

speedtest.net = Gurn's Nemesis

2008-07-26T10:45:00.004Z

I've ragged Gurn stupid over the last few years about my speed of net connection in comparison to his lowly 2mb virgin line.

Well recently, after a violent fall out with BT which resulted in my telling them to go and violate themselves on a fencepost, I signed up to Virgin XL. Man - what a connection.

I showed Gurn a wee speed test the other day there, just to rub it in, and thought I'd share it with ya :)

:-D - Yeah Baby!

dabman is back baby...dabman.net that is....

2008-07-26T10:45:00.001Z

I mentioned some time back that the reason my blog looked like the instead of a rats cage was because 123reg.co.uk had messed up and transferred my domain away so I didn't have control.

Well, no thanks to them, I've finally got it back, though I had to purchase it all over again, which stuck in my throat a bit.

I'll have to get my £10 transfer fee back (which they did nothing for) but aside from that, all is again correct in the land of dabman.net :)

Okay Okay, I know

2008-06-21T09:23:00.005Z

I know I'll likely get shit from some of you because I've gone and blurted out random posts this morning without even talking about my holiday away with TBarb and The Gurnster.

I will post on this, I promise, but for now, I need to compile photos etc so I'll get to it in time.

Additionally, you may not that CFOM is looking...well shit really. That's because there has been a major fuck-up at my domain provider and they have inexplicably transferred my domain away and I have now lost control of it. It's in recovery mode at the moment and I'm waiting until I can purchase again (28th June) and fix all the broken links.

It's irritating I know, but hey, it happens....

Can someone perhaps sub me £20,000?

2008-06-21T09:23:00.001Z

Pleeeeaaasssee....

See Here Funboy!

Holy Spunk Buckets!

2008-06-21T09:03:00.003Z

I love rollercoasters. Wait, I don't think I said that right - I luuurrvveeeeeee rollercoasters - there better.

Imagine my weakened bladder when I saw this then:

That looks bonkers! Even more so is the concept video, which, makes the ride look as stomach churning as I would expect.

Anyone for a trip to Pennsylvania?

Skin Blistering Speed!

2008-06-21T08:56:00.002Z

Take a look here.

Now that, my friends, is a graphics rig! I think I might have just wet myself.....

Now witness the power....

2008-06-21T08:31:00.001Z

...of this fully armed and operation battle station!!!!

Drool, I must have one because I am the geek I am.....

CLICK HERE

Dollhouse with a Fringe....yes please...

2008-06-21T08:03:00.002Z

I've been lacking something tv worthy to get my teeth into lately. My most recent obsession was Reaper, which TBarb and I watched religiously until the end of the season, but now I am somewhat lacking in shows that capture my interest. I've still to catch up on BSG (I'm working on that!), but that aside, nothing; nadda; a donut hole.

Perhaps until now (well in terms of looking forwards!)...

I've been checking up on some of the new shows looking to hit the street and something I've been interested in is Dollhouse. Naturally, my curiosity was peaked when I discovered it was a Joss Whedon project. Being a fan of Buffy, Angel and laterally Firefly/Serenity, I was immediately drawn in, and so far, it's looking interesting.

The show basically consists of a group of people who are regularly mind wiped, and then have their brains patched with a set of memories which allow them to carry out a certain task, for a fee. That task could be assassination, a date, espionage etc

In true Whedon style, we've got an Actor that we've seen in his works before in the form of Eliza Dushku. I wasn't a big fan of Tru Calling I have to admit, however I did like Dushku as Faith and I'm hoping she'll impress me as much as she did then.

Take a look at the trailer:

The other show that is peaking my interest is a new J.J. Abrams linked show named Fringe. It's a bit of an X-Files rip off with a twist, but then if you're going to model your show on a previous one, there are few better examples the the 'Files'.

I like the fact this show is headed by a virtual unknown (Abrams has a habit of picking good ones) and is supported by better known, cool actors like John Noble (Denethor - Lord of The Rings).

Take a look and see what you think for yourself. This one will make its Fox Premiere in December, and so far I haven't seen a confirmed date for Dollhouse.

Perhaps further weeks of my life in front of a tv screen? Time will tell......

Return of the Mac

2008-06-06T09:17:00.002Z

Hey hey!

Yes yes, I know, I've not blogged in a while - hey that's the way (uh huh uh huh) the cookie crumbles.

It's all been down to a new job really. Moving from the world of the great unwashed to a working, earning member of this cruddy civilisation had taken it's toll on me initially and I was spending most of my free time just trying to stay awake. Coupled with rekindled love of the gym (TBarb and I got memberships to Greens) and my intention to get out and about, and that left the old computer unused for a time.

I've adapted now however and I'm getting my life back a bit now :)

So what's been going on then?

Hmm, well as a wee celebration at my new job (and my first pay packet in some time - which was larger than expected) I took TBarb to Koi, which is a Tappanyaki restaurant new Edinburgh University.

The food was excellent even though I wasn't quite brave enough to go for the calamari. Instead I watched TBarb devour hers with an animal passion (that is she devoured with an animal passion, I didn't watch with same :)). Still I enjoyed a fantastic meal, and we fully intend to go back.

What else? Well, I've been applying for a few different jobs to compliment my studentness, but nothing as yet.

I bought me an xbox eventually! :-D

I've finally achieved what I had wanted to for so long. I've successfully bought myself a Wii (well split in part with TBarb), an Iphone and now my X-Box Elite. *rocks*

I've been absolutely glued to GTA4 and more so, Gears of War. I'm just about done with the latter though it makes a great co-op game so it'll be getting kept as opposed to being traded in. I'm also delighted because I can use it a stream all the tv series and movies on the PC to the TV, rather than moving the portable HDD about all the time. Needless to say, I was suitably smug once the 'leet was set up and running smoothly.

I've got plenty else to tell you, but since I'm at work just now, I'll leave it be for the moment.

I'll be back with more nonsense :)

Gay jokes abound....

2008-04-07T11:47:00.004Z

In much the same fashion Yahtzee experiences delays in release dates in Australia, you have to put up with the delay in my posting his witty excerpts. Why? Because you do bitch - now shut it!

Anyways, Yahtzee tackles an Army of Two this week....

Admiral Bitch Here....

2008-03-30T11:31:00.001Z

TB sent this to me on facebook and it gave me a right old chuckle. Being a fan of Star Wars, this appealed to me.

Enjoy!

Norwich? Swaffham I say!

2008-03-27T14:13:00.003Z

Disclaimer: It's a biggy! No! Not that (although....anyways) it's a long post :)

So recently TB and I took a trip down to Norwich, motherland of the barbie herself.

TB has family and friends down there and since it was high time she visited, yours truly was dragged along for the ride.

Now I had heard all sorts of wacky things about this country bumpkin city of Norwich so I was looking forward to exercising my piss-taking skills to the max.

Saturday morning came and off we went to pick up the hire car. I had fully invisaged problem upon problem (just because I was being pessimistic) but much to my surprise, 1 hour later we were on our way to Norwich (which I now pronounce Nor-witch). We were expecting an 8 hour trip all told so we prepared ourself for the long haul by stopping and picking up supplies at a local service station before hitting the motorway proper.

6 hours later and we were in Newark and making excellent time. We stopped at a service station to pick up some petrol and let me relieve my aching bladder, to find a great big "Out of Order" sign on the toilets.

Fuckbucket!

I spotted a cafe/shop/sheepmarket/childseller to the left and decided that they must have toilets.

I wasn't disappointed, but I have to admit, it was difficult to ignore the 250 signs on the approach to the bathroom letting "patrons" know that if you didn't buy anything in the shop, you would be charged 30p for use of the toilets.

30p!! £30p to piss?!! I think not!

With my eyes learning to swim, I skipped into the bathrooms, pissed and headed straight back out, waving to the woman behind the till on my way out.

30p! Jokers! And they say Scottish people are tight!

The 1 hour trip between Newark and Norwich was spent finding amusing alternative meanings for the ridiculous place names en route. My favourite was "Swaffham" which I pronounced with as strong a Scottish accent as I could muster pronouncing it Swaff-im and implying it was some action one would take in Glasgow when you wanted your mate to take someone else out with a bottle.

We got into Norwich with no issues and got ourselves in the hotel. Norwich was well prepared for my arrival and when looking out the hotel window I saw this:

Holy Shit (I proclaimed). We were in a hotel next to the Starship Voyager!!!

It turns out that it was actually the bus garage that they were building when TB last visited, but I called it Voyager from that moment on.

My interest peaked when I realised that Voyager was taking aboard a number of earthlings cleverly concealed within buses. The buses were clearly colour coded to seperate the strong from the weak and I was facinated, snapping pictures of every different coloured bus I could find.

There was a double decker blue bus (which clearly had the very important people in it), but the slippery little bastard kept avoiding my lens, first by hiding in Voyager and secondly by waiting till I was distracted momentarily before speeding away at top speed to escape. It even taunted me on the last day in the city centre and I wasn't ready for it.

I'll get you blue bus!!!

Anyywwaayyy.....

The rest of the trip was spent meeting TB's parents as well as most of her friends, and they were all really cool. Spent more time with Rick than anyone else, and I was pleased to find he's as bonkers as I am.

I mean really, you couldn't very well say that this man was sane, could you? :

The last bit of the trip was spent visiting what TB insisted was Norwich castle, but having driven passed it on the way into Norwich I assured her it must be a prison.

I mean come on!:

We were lucky to get the "pop in for a pound" deal because we were in the last hour of opening time, and boy was I glad. It wasn't a bad visit, but there's some odd shit happening in there!

For instance, I stumbled across a section of the prison which had some visual aids for visitors (of the non residential kind of course) but on closer inspection I realised I was looking at a video feed of the archway directly in front of the screen.

In the words of the french - "Ques que le fook?"

I did like some of the eerieness about the place though. This well placed knight in the window looked more than real from across the other side:

There was a section in the prison which detailed a nomadic people who's name now eludes me (I'll check with TB) and this just raised more questions.

I mean, take a look at this:

What's HE waiting for eh? The less said the better me thinks.

After getting lessons on how to be a Roman...

...I was introduced to Norwich's idea of Virtual Reality:

That was the last straw and I had to leave - quickly :)

So all in all, a fun trip, full of nonsense, oddities and good people. Just my kind of trip :)

Get fit you Wiiklings...

2008-03-27T13:56:00.007Z

TB dropped me a quick text today to ask

"have you heard about Wii Fit?"

Well, I have to admit the answer was no. I know, I know, please, stay calm. I am a hardcore gamer, but I can't possibly keep up with all the developments all the time. (Shouts of "why the hell not?!" will be punished)

After taking a wii look (see what I did there) I was suitably impressed. Sure, most things about the Wii are a bit gimicky, and some of them plainly dont work well, but this actually looks like a clever move on Ninty's part.

I can see me investing in one of these when they come out in the UK (25/04/08) but at £69.99 it's quite an expensive accessory for a console. I've not decided if I'll put some pennies aside and get one once they are released, or if I'll wait a while and see if they come down in price. I'll "hum" and "haw" over that one for a bit.

In the meantime, take a look!

Wet and Sticky!

2008-03-27T13:51:00.001Z

All those who saw the title and thought something untoward.....you can STAY. Everyone else - out! :)

It's time for another weekly dose of Yahtzee so here ya are - enjoy!

Knickers!

2008-03-25T12:11:00.006Z

Afternoon crunchy fuckers!

Well, it has been quiet here. Shut it, thats cos I have a life, now sod off and jump on a railroad spike you puke mongering arsehole.

Ahh, doesn't everyone feel better.

Now that I have wrestled the keyboard back from my retarded and rather evil alter ego, I'll get on with things shall I? Yes, lets.

Firstly, I have a list of posts I've been meaning to do, and have not yet written. This does not mean that I dont love you, no no, it simply means I've had way to much to occupy my time.

I'll get my report from Norwich to you as soon as I can!

However, firstly, it occured to me that I had not given you the latest version of Yahtzee's ramblings - so here ya are:

Extra points for folks who spot the appearance of another well known online personality :)

Shatterblasted!

2008-03-14T15:03:00.003Z

As always, Yahtzee's latest ramble is on the interweb and you've found it here fir...well one million, three hundred and seventy thousand, five hundred and thirty second to be precise, but ya know.......ahem.

Also, take a look at De-rez's latest video. Some parts are funnier than others, but the minute I seen the Max Payne parody it had to be posted :)