Chaos Maniac

What's in a name?

2010-12-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

- Willu Tauji aka William Shakespeare .

Shakespeare, in a fit of venereal rage dropped the appellative bomb. Little did he know that years after his death, an epithet could turn into social epitaph. Denominative misadventures could lead to character assassination.

Wondering why the fuss about the name? In a country like India, the name is more than word that people use to call you. Name speaks about the person's cultural identity. Name works like a GPS co-ordinate pointing the geographical entity where one hails from. Name tells you which demographic subset you belong to. The magnitude of the impact that a name has is often underestimated by many. I, for one, have a misleading name, which unfortunately is the antithesis of the real me.

Some names are so long that Obi-Wan Kenobi could travel from Coruscant to Tatooine, back and forth, before you finish spelling these name. Whats the big deal with lengthy name, you might ask. Russian women's tennis players have long names, don't they? Well, they are Russians and the tennis players are hot. Ever heard of a Russian called Phil Mayer or Maggie Cole? No? Neither did I. It is natural in Russia to have a name more potent than Absolut vodka.

If you think its uber cool to have 20 lettered name containing 14 syllables... Ah, well, you are a dumb ass! Do you think a Rangarajan Ramasamy or Chandramohan Suryanarayanan would stand a chance against Raj Malhotra or Aman Sharma in the brutally Darwinian social arena? Do you think a Muthulaxmi could compete with Nehas and Ritus. I don't think the people who appreciate such cruel naming conventions are capable of understanding the equations at work behind the modern societal framework. The old guard often cling to the past. To them, the world hasn't changed after Indian independence.

A name has to be presentable. The Chinese have discovered this long back. Mr.Yang Zhiyuan would rechristen himself as Jerry Yang once he lands on the west coast of USA. How long will it take for the Indians back at home to realize that you go extinct unless you adapt and evolve? Its more than just a name. Its about how the kids are brought up. We need to raise our children so their personality blends well with the world and not disjoint from it.

Let me walk you through the time line:

Year 1985

Meet Sundareshwaran Vaikuntanathan Thangasamy. (that's one name) Sundara for his parents, conveniently called SVS by his peers. Yes, SVS sounds like the name of a transport company. Our beloved Sundara has no option, but to suffer in silence. Sundara earned his bachelors from an IIT and masters from Stanford. He works for a MNC in Mumbai which pays him handsomely. In-spite of Sundara's success, the much coveted "In a relationship" status on Facebook has evaded him. Enter some random dude called Arjun Khurana, a new intern in the PR department. Arjun can't figure out the cube root of 8 even with the help of a scientific calculator but he still manages to walk away with all the pretty females.

Year 2010

Our Sundareshwaran and Arjun are married and have kids. Sundareshwaran's daughter Shashirekha thumps her thighs singing the Carnatic ragas. She has enrolled for the Bharathnatyam classes too. Sundareshwaran's son Shashikumaran is preparing for JEE. Meanwhile Arjun's daughter Anya is back from the beauty parlor. She is learning jive and listens to Lady Gaga(who does not have affiliation to any raga). His elder son Arnav has never managed to get an 'A' in acads, but he's taking his 'n'th girlfriend to a rave party nonetheless.

And the cycle continues.....

As I wait for the dawn of Rohan Namboothiripads and Neetu Iyengars, the senior Padmanabhans and the Chandramoulis are probably angry and cursing me for writing this. Demeaning writeup they'd say this is. Totally obnoxious! Well, sir, I didn't mean to offend you. Good for you and your kids if you are happy with their names. What I intend to convey is that names are no good if they serve as social contraceptives. Are you willing to sacrifice your stubbornness so that your children and their children don't end up being social misfits?

*Peace*

P.S. Don't even think of going anal over this post unless you are Pubus Dicksworth from Crotchington.

Ghanta Inception!

2010-07-18T04:00:00.000-07:00

Christopher "Memento" Nolan is back. Well, he is back with a bang. With blessings (read $100 million for advertising) from Warner Brothers, he presents his latest offering, Inception. With all the hype and hoopla surrounding the movie, I was quite upbeat. Batman Begins was nothing less than an Easter for the Batman franchise. Now with Batman resurrected, Mr.Nolan gave us Dark Night, which was superlative, thanks to Heath Ledger's legendary performance. Inception was not neither hair-rising nor did it make me think. To sum it up, I did not get a kick out of the movie. Was I was expecting too much out of the movie? Maybe.

Inception to me was fairly decent movie. I'd say mediocre among the good. It had time tested actors. It had a director who delivered 2008's highest grossing movie. But it was nowhere close to the "Baap" of mind bedding movies: The Matrix. The 1999 offspring would beat the crap out of Deception, oh sorry, Inception. In a war between Wachowski Brothers and Warner Brothers, Wachowskis would win hands down.

The psycho-triller started with a nascent plot revolving around Reality vs Dreams. Then came the brave hero who was hired to perfect "impossible" crime. A few motivational talks which probably were picked from Dr.Freud's dairy or Jung's notes and BAM! U have the 8/10 rated Inception. Oh, I forgot... there were dreams, more dreams, and dreams within dreams, and dreams within dreams within dreams. Like program to print the pyramid made out of asterisk with 3 levels of for-loop. (No, not the right angled pyramid)

I'd prefer Scorsese's Shutter Island anytime. It was neat, provoking, mind penetrating and above all, the anti-climax scared the shit out of me. The whole movie was unraveled like a twisted puzzle, which was put together piece by piece. Truly a treat for anyone who has affinity towards psychology.

The movie was about planting an idea in the human brain and the director, and the Hollywood studio succeeded. They planted an idea, a resilient parasite as they call it the movie... and that idea spread like an endemic. They convinced people that this is great movie, the would-be-legendary-cult-following silver screen epic. USP: "Its a movie for the intellectuals". Wow! The general crowd whose allegiance lies with the mindless chick flicks thronged the theaters simply because they could feel intelligent after watching it. This was like a short cut, so that one would be counted among the elite intelligentsia. Redemption through Inception. All u need to do is watch the movie, praise it and spread the word. (Extra points if you paste an Inception quote on Facebook) Bravo Mortals! Post movie, I am pretty sure a very large chunk of the people will be incapable of explaining the "fundas" of Inception. I pity the people... victims of the very concept they liked/want to like/pretended to like.

Movies remind me of my good friend Comet. This is what he had to say after watching Requiem for a Dream: "Oh man ..watched requim for a dream yesterday....abso-fuckin-lutely awwsome ....!!! but the sad part is i watched it with a bunch of ignorants... you know the 'jab we met' ..'love stories are so cool' types... while one guy just dozed off...another 2 kept asking me what the 'concept' was ? who is she man ? is she high ? on what ??.. horrible experience i say... i am never watching movies with friends again... and this one guy asked me if Jennifer Conelly was a guy or a girl .... which completely wrecked the 'ass-to-ass' scene for me ! had to use all the self control i had to not to punch him in the nose... bye man .. will watch it again."

The Firelord Ozais of the Hollywood-land who attack the world with their cunning strategies and marketing blitz better know this; TheChaosMonger, The Last Mindbender is still here. (Yay me!) Better luck next time Mr.Nolan. Muhuhahahahahaaaaaa!

The Lament of Chaosmonger - 3

2010-05-31T07:40:00.000-07:00

The jinxed 90's generation of India. Ahh! Intellectually deprived and so full of shit. Visit your nearest mall if you have not seen a specimen of this species I am taklin about. I recently noticed that a good friend on mine had joined a community on FB, "I was BORN between 1980 and 1989!!! The last SANE generation!!"... sounds so true to me.

16 years of age and you already have a boy/girl friend... I know its the age where the raging hormones are hard to suppress and the biological process of having babies would generate more interest than anything else, but c'mon! Earn a living first. You are practically living off your parents. Jesus!

I was told recently that the car is not a luxury anymore. It is a necessity now. You can pity my general awareness, which you might think is squalid at best. Teens detest they very thought of using the public transport. To them, buses are the means of transport which is reserved for 2nd grade citizens. The next best thing they can think of after a car and bike is an auto. Oh yes, the auto. When a spoilt bitch waves her delicate manicured hands and yells, "Auto!" and all she intends to do is travel to a place which is less than 500 meters away, we then know that something is wrong with them for sure. Whom am I kidding now? I can't point my fingers at the FB generation alone. Clearly, the parents will have to share the blame. A 14 year old urban upstart gal owns more number of sandals than the number of hair you can find on the scrotum of a 14 year old chap from the 3rd world.

Wait, there is more. I've noticed this strange way of wearing T-shirts among the teens. They fold the sleeves up to shoulder level. What so cool about folded sleeves? First I thought it was a just a vulgar display of non-existent biceps. I later realized that it was a "style" that was spreading like an epidemic. Look people, it is absolutely normal to wear a T-shirt the conventional way. If you want to display the recent butterfly tattoo that you got on your shoulder or you want to show off you protein-shake biceps, then please go buy yourselves a sleeveless top.

For the benefit of mentally impoverished, I've prepared an illustration.

The Lament of Chaosmonger - 2

2010-04-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

And Incessant whining continues....

Warning: Digressive post.

"We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people."

- Arthur Schopenhauer.

Well, if I already know that change is inevitable and stopping it is impossible, why then do I write this post? Heck. I don't know. We all get pissed off when things around us change. Especially when we have already adapted to our surroundings. Nobody likes to get out of their comfort zones. Not all changes are for the good. Again, "good" is subjective... (Am I getting eccentric or what?)

Most Indians are chauvinistic idiots who still dwell in the past and like to feel proud about themselves by constantly reminding everyone about how great their tradition, culture and values are. Dumb witted morons have not achieved anything significant ever since the invention of zero and in spite of all the obvious and visible failures we don't give up chest beating. Exploited and used in the past, present and the future.

I dare not say that we are intellectually incapacitated race. I am not getting into this "Nature Vs Nurture" debate but I can predict with certainty that nature does matter. I know a Honda City cant do a 0-60 in 3 seconds. What surprises me is that we lost the race when we had plenty of Veyrons, Zondas and McLarens among us(Heck! even the cars are not Desi). I am just making a modest attempt at trying and understanding the reason for our collective failure. The first answer that my brain threw at me was "our great tradition, culture and values ". People still think non-compliance with religious rules/guidelines is unhealthy for the society and can lead to the individual's banishment to the fiery Hell. So you can either get fried in hell or score virgins in heaven (or whatever fantasy you chose to believe).

Stagnation is bad but change sometimes can be worse . Evolution is the key to survival and success but carving out a whole new sub species within a matter of 6-7 years is bad. The Yahoo-Google generation is gone. It is now the dawn of the Facebook-Twitter generation who know the meaning of "F" word right when they are in 4th grade. The mindset of urban India is comparable to any western society. As Santana says, "See as the rich is getting richer, The poor is getting poorer". The upma and batata poha have now been replaced with pancakes and orange juice. Its Mediterranean cuisine for the Sunday brunch and Italian for the dinner.

You know what haunts me more? Its the growing indifference in me. I don't like to do anything these days. I don't get "me time". No, its not "my time". Its "me time". Its the time where I can read, learn, imitate, improvise... play mind games n wrestle with my own brain. My learning curve has taken a plunge and is about to hit the x-axis. I never wanted to be this guy. Probably you'd be wondering whats keeping me so busy that I don't get time for myself. I know I am not a investment banker who has to slog 100+ hours every week. I somehow feel that my brain is becoming sterile now.

Is this is best what India's sunshine sector can offer? I feel they are creating brain-dead zombies out perfectly healthy and intelligent people. Putting a vacuum pump into peoples' head and sucking their brains out. Lobotomizing the youth and teaching them how to wear a tie in return. (yea, like we already didn't know) Its so bad that I've started to suck at the most trivial tasks. Sometimes I cant face myself. I don't want to be one of those intellectually handicapped teenager who is fooled into believes he is doing white collared work. It suffocating sometimes. The private sector, IT especially, once applauded for its governance have now wholeheartedly accepted the inherent corporate red tape and the cheap politics.

Remembered a joke, indulge me if you can.

Phases of a project:

1 -- Exultation
2 -- Disenchantment
3 -- Search for the Guilty
4 -- Punishment of the Innocent
5 -- Praise for the Uninvolved

(Yes, you can LOL.....and mock)

Mixed feelings people, mixed feelings. Jinxed! I feel the whole nation needs psychotherapy. Any volunteers who can help these fools unlearn the bullshit taught over 2 millennia?

Misadventures at the Deccan Rock Fest

2009-12-25T02:13:00.000-08:00

Hola Phantom-Readers,

Had been to Bangalore/luru 2 weeks back to watch the Vikings play at Palace Grounds.... so here goes the story.

I'd decided that I'll be going to watch Amon Amarth when the rumors were making rounds that they'd coming to India. My friend Mastermind Maddy was an accomplice in this act. The show was organized by some an event management company which I believe is quite new to the gig scene. Now these organizers are not good at what they do. Why? Coz when I reached the venue at 3:30 there was no place where drinking water was available. Sitting in an open ground with scorching sun over my head, there was little what I could do. Friends to the rescue... :)

Things started moving on the stage but the sound checks and the arrangement/re-arrangement plagued the concert. Just to put a disclaimer, I am not a big fan of Death Metal/Black Metal and their sister concerns. No offence to the fans, but to me its just a bunch people gargling on the stage with their constipated voices. You might be wondering WTF was I doin there, right? Its the melody that draws me... and some of the bands played amazing numbers that made my trip worthwhile.

Eccentric Pendulum, winners of the deccan rock competition, started the concert. Honestly, they were good. I couldn't connect with Undying Inc and Bhayanak Maut. Yeah, they fell into the constipated sounding bands category. I loved Inner Sanctum. Kryptos was amazing. Although there were booed by the crowd (and me) for carrying the Liverpool scarf, they dint dissapoint. Demonic Resurrection was superb. Their funeral groove left me banging my head like crazy.

I was separated from the pack when a mosh pit went really wild... I got pushed a few feet back.

(Enter a cute girl with her videshi friend.....)

I was busy headbanging. Yeah, this time it was the windmill style.... And this girl comes to me and asks my name, phone number and email id...

(Voice in my head: Is this happening for real? I know I am not drunk.... guess my bad days are over)

Then she hands me a pamphlet which read "Save the climate, Act now! Greenpeace".... I was supposed to write my name, phone number and email id on the pamphlet. Such a let down! Damn!

After making an ass out of myself, got back to the business... It was the turn of Textures to take the stage. I dont want to make a judgement call about the band... maybe some people do like them, but I did not. Its plain monotonic sound with little variation did not leave me impressed.

It was time for the Nordic Gods to take the stage. I was gasping for breath by then... the dance of death I'd performed for Demonic Resurrection's numbers drained my energy. Johan comes and surprises me with his voice... Man! Is he a human or what? One hellova growl! The Vikings played Free Will Sacrifice, Death In Fire, Asator (which drove me nuts), Live for the Kill, Guardians of Asgard n others... Amazing show. It was 10:30 pm and the police made sure that the organizers wrapped up. The metalheads however were starving for more... Wish the Vikings had played some of their signature numbers. It was a good show nonetheless.

We knew that the transport system turns ugly after 10:30... I along with 2 other friends had to rush to Murugeshpalya to avoid getting fleeced by auto drivers. We managed to get a bus. My chuddy-buddy Sandy and other kindred spirits generously offered me VIP suite at their place. May Thee be touched by His Noodly Appendage! Y'all rock!

Algorithms and Data Structures

2009-10-31T23:38:00.000-07:00

The ultimate sophistication, they say, is the virtue of simplicity. After the Calculus and Convolution theories I give you a great resource on Algorithms and Data Structures. A very simple yet appealing approach. Make the best use of it.

Link : Data Structures and Algoritms

[ Due credits inside the pdf ]

Stephen "Sandaime" Vadakkan (simply Sandaime to me) has always been a mentor to many. A new path he has decided to take. A new road to tread. I'd tell my usual line "May the Force be with you" to convey my wishes but in his case I'll have to crank it. Sensei, "You are the Force". Continue to ignite the souls and enlighten the minds.

A line dedicated to you:

"Whenever someone thinks of you, that's where home is"

- Jiraiya, The Gallant.

Quote of the Month

2009-09-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

"Some people lose their faith because heaven shows them too little, but how many people lose their faith because heaven shows them too much?"

- Thomas.

Line is from the movie Prophecy(1995). Christopher Walken as archangel Gabriel delivers one of his best performances.

P.S. I don't and I never will believe in heaven, hell, leprechauns or god/gods. :)

The Lament of Chaosmonger

2009-09-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

Konichiwa readers,

Long time no see,eh? Yeah! This blog has become impotent. The content is occasionally updated and an overwhelming majority of the traffic coming in consists of people who were looking for porn. Statistics speak quite loud: 12 out of the last 20 hits had searched for words like "porn" and its cousins.

You see, I am totally lost. I have no "purpose". I'd mentioned in past post about my gray matter decaying. My response time is now on an all time low. My memory is failing me. The crazy sarcastic whiner in me is dead. I have lost the force to oppose inertia, to reason to ask questions and the balls to fight the inertness. Life suddenly is not a bitch anymore....

Have I become a defeatist? I don't know. What I know is that this state of despondent fatalism is brain's way of committing euthanasia. Its desperate attempt to save itself from disintegration. This morose state is here to stay until I find some sunshine.

FAQ's

Q. Whats your problem?
A. I don't have time or the energy to explain this.

Q. Is crying over the corpse going to help?
A. No, it wont. But talking to you will not help me either.

Q. There are so many people who's lives are worse. Why do you get discouraged?
A. Are you ready to skip your lunch and dinner because 1 billion people are starving and still feel good about yourself?

Q. God has plans for you. Why worry?
A. (start counting from 100 to 0).

(This one is the worst of the lot)
Q. Hows Life?
A. **Silence**

The melancholiness gets compounded when people surrounding me act in ways that cannot be explained. People I once thought were friends act like foes now... their attitude repulsive. Acknowledging each others presence is a big shit of a deal for many. Deceit and hatred dictate the order of the day. Every person in workplace and outside is jealous, greedy and constantly scheming and plotting against someone. Each one is building a bridge of corpses to reach the top. It really doesn't matter whose corpse it is.

Was the Nefarious Sentient Being right when he said that heavens can only be reached by climbing the tower of cadaver? Was I stupid in believing "evil is evil"? Are conscience and compassion the enemies of perpetuance? Was Spinoza right when he said "humility is the hypocrisy of a schemer or timidity of a slave" ? Reminds me of this line by Uchiha Itachi, "You are weak. Why are you weak? Because you lack ... hatred."

Where is peace? Where is serenity? Where is the atonement? Live yet another day expecting the dawn to bring deliverance.... and continue to dream of sitting in Dogen's temple sipping tea with the monks. Amor fati people, amor fati.

Chao.

Apologies

2009-07-27T08:41:00.000-07:00

The previous post had to be deleted. Apologies for that. Regular Blogging will resume asap.

Fact of the Month

2009-06-30T11:25:00.000-07:00

The Mayans believed eating earwax would bring fertility.

One of the grossest facts I've come across... yuck!

Things that I learnt...

2009-06-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

Hell! You should've seen posts with "Things that I learnt blah blah" title in a zillion blogs. This one is slightly different.

Lemme get started.

Murphy's law is the most fundamental law in the universe. (To hell with what physicists say)
Brutal self delusional optimism is not good. You only end up creating a fool out of yourself.
Don't try to fall in love. Trying and pretending to fall in love when you don't know what love is will only make it worse.
Don't be an outspoken atheist. Keep your enlightenment up to yourselves. People are fools and will continue to be so.
People will not love you for what you are. Give them what they want and everyone will be happy.
Approachable + Open + Sweet = Vulnerable asshole.
Aggressive + Plangent + Rich = Greek God. (looks don't matter)
Think before you say "Yes".
People will be nice to you. Don't fall for it. There is a greedy wolf in everyman and a selfish bitch in every woman.
99% perspiration + 1% inspiration = 100% Bullshit. If you believe that hard work will lead to success then explain how unworthy jerks succeed.
Don't feel pity for others. They don't deserve it.

The last one was told by a consultant in one of the programs which I'd attended. Here it goes:

Don't Take Shit from People.

P.S. The above words were just a small subset of the boundless wisdom of the TCM.

Steamless Post

2009-06-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

An nyoung Readers,

My life has been full of shit. Nothing bad has happened but then its not what it used to be before. I've lost the interest to write. Blogging is spontaneous... it just happens. Its the interest that I don't have. Now I know why people begin cribbing once they start working. I feel my gray matter is decaying. I am slow. The processing speed has become worse than a Celeron machine. I cant crack the "connect quizzes" like I used to. Weekends go wasted. Sleep and sleep more. My successive posts are becoming progressively bad. Worse, they are becoming mediocre.

Happiness is not something that persists for long. Universe just fucks the happiness out of my life. I don't know where I am heading. I feel like a formula-1 driver driving blindfolded.

The song "Space-Dye Vest" by Dream Theater captures this moment just right. Do listen to it. Trust me, its hard for any human being to dislike it. Don't blame me if this song starts haunting you.

Last few lines go like this:

"There's no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
There's nothing to keep me sane
and it's all the same to you
There's nowhere to set my aim
so I'm everywhere
Never come near me again
do you really think I need you
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
And I'll smile and I'll learn to pretend
And I'll never be open again
And I'll have no more dreams to defend
And I'll never be open again"

http://www.last.fm/music/Dream+Theater/_/Space+Dye+Vest

My guitarist friend Syd deserves a special mention here for telling me about this song. A million Thanks buddy. I love the way the whole band kicks in at the end. Bless Kevin Moore. Portnoy's drums are flawless as usual. Cant even think of playing this song... I fuck things up badly when I play 16th notes.

Hope the much needed "come back" will happen soon. Bye till then.

Fact of the Month

2009-05-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

If all the empty space were removed from all the atoms in the universe, the resulting matter would only be about the size of a grapefruit.

It sounds creepy to me....

Quote of the Month

2009-05-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Nin Hao People,
Quote of the Month is back.... and I plan to take this blog a little more seriously. Trust me, junta was deprived of sooo many posts coz i did not have a machine during my 'Eureka' moments. Anyway, this month's quote is about a little God bashing.

"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."
- Scott Adams.

Songs of The GODS

2009-04-03T12:01:00.000-07:00

Feb 15th, 3 p.m. and I am all set wearing my Best of the Beast T-shirt… geared up for the Iron Maiden Concert. I had come to Bangalore to see the GODS perform. Man! What a feeling it was. I came alone to the concert. Yes, all ****ing alone. Not one dog to accompany me….. Eddie will come in your dreams and scare you to death and you will end up wetting your bed. Bloody bollywood bitten jerks… These are the retards who watch gay movies from Chopra and Johar stable. Some people wanted to come but couldn’t make it…… I respect that. Some just dint want to come. Hope they get rabies and syphilis.

I was at the gates of palace grounds and what a scene it was. Almost every person was wearing the black Iron Maiden T-shirt (some assholes were wearing Metallica and Slayer Ts ….. This is Blasphemy). There were kids, uncles n aunties, grandpas and grannies…. I even saw a person with crutches. Watching all of ‘em I realized that “Eddie Effect” was far more intense than what I presumed it would be in India.

It took me some time to get settled. I decided to have Pav Bhaji and a soft drink for which I stood in the long queue waiting for my turn. I finished filling my stomach. I was back, standing closer to the smaller stage, head banging. Things started to move in the center stage. It was time for Parikrama’s gig. People started moving closer. I had occupied a strategic location, quite close to the stage and surrounded by hot chicks with ‘goth’ look. Suddenly I started to feel pressure in my bladder. I did not want to test my bladder’s endurance so I decided to take a pee. Before I knew someone else occupied my "strategic location". My bladder let me down.

I go to the toilet only to find ceramic sinks fitted to a plywood structure. I pull my zipper down and do my work. But the universe would not let me piss in peace. A drunken guy kicked the structure and the entire thing fell down. Police ran in and there was lathi charge. I was in a helpless position with my pee-pee in hand. I shouted for mercy. The constable must have felt pity on me…. I was spared.

I was standing pretty far from the center stage. I missed my old place. Parikrama was there but the crowd wouldn’t stop the relentless chant “Maiden”. I must confess that I am not much of a Parikrama fan and I’ve not heard most of their numbers either…. But their performance that day truly deserved applause. They played a song with Hebrew name(I forgot the name, sorry), “Am I dreaming” and “Tears of the wizard”. The last two were inspired by Lord of the Rings (hehe haha). Lotr Rules! Heard of any bands getting inspiration from Harry Butthole ***** Potter, eh? I will soon write a poem n dedicate it to Harry’s infinite gayness.

Ok, back to the show. Parikrama was done and it was time for the GODS to descend and enthrall all the metalheads gathered there. The stage blacked out. Everyone was waiting in anticipation for pioneers of British heavy metal. They came with a bang…. “Children of the Damned”. Music that would blow your brains away. The crowd was totally turned on by numbers like Aces high, Hallowed by thy name, Run to the hills, Number of the beast, Wasted years and Iron Maiden. When they played Trooper and Fear the of the Dark everyone had musical orgasm. It dint matter whether you knew the person standing next to you. You sing together, you bang your heads together, you talk like you knew each other for years. There were Indians, Caucasians, Africans and Chings ….. Color did not matter. Only thing that mattered was that everyone worshipped Maiden.

The concert ended but the crowd just had one resounding demand, “We want more!”. I took a bow to the Gods. I started walking to a place where traffic would be less punishing. I was exhausted and found a decent place to sit. Every bike or car carrying Maiden fans would see me sitting ( me = Yet another metalhead wearing Maiden Tshirt) and raise their fist and shout “Ye!”. I was more than happy to reciprocate. Some even offered a lift. I finally called my brother-in-law and he came to pick me up. Thanks to him and my cousin for being lovely hosts….moreover, I got to eat “Ghar ka Khana”.

Hope the GODS will be back next year, every year. Blissssss….

Conversation with a Neferious Sentient Beast

2009-01-24T07:02:00.000-08:00

Me: "I know you've had enough of this grumpy bastard whining but I don't get why am I the victim every time? Why am I being hunted? I just can't explain why things happen the way they happen. Its like this fucking universe is conspiring against me. If you think I've lost my mind then you can take my word, I've not. Things have become so predictable that I really don't have to wait for 'events' to occur. I already know my odds of ending up on the losing side."

It: "Think of the people who are not as privileged as you are."

Me: " Yeah right. You expect me to starve because some kid in sub-Saharan region dint have food. I know the universe is never fair to anyone but why screw me like this?"

It: "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good, is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.All this wont stop until your back is broken."

Me: "Wtf ?"

It: "Yes..... Would you agree that there is 'something' that is still keeping you afloat?"

Me: "Maybe."

It:"You are like that Neo trapped inside the Matrix. Your only hope is to connect to the Nebuchadnezzar."

Me:"This metaphysical mumbo jumbo will not do any good."

It: "Try completing this: If you can't beat them......??!"

Me: ".....join them?"

It: "Untrue.....If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. The best way to predict the future is to create it. Compassion and mercy for people will not do much. People won't reciprocate. Use them. I think you are smart enough to realize that things like friendship and love are just nature's way of deceiving and deluding us. To quote your own words 'There is a backstabber in every human being'. There is always a choice, always. Make sure you ensure your survival. "

Me: "You want me to add 'Darth' as prefix to my name now, eh?"

It: "Conquer your mind first."

Me: "I am not convinced."

It: "A few lines by The Great One:
'You are your only master.
Who else?
Subdue yourself,
And discover your master.'
You have access to something which others don't....that makes you different. I'll leave you to discover things by yourself. Always remember, to a mind that is still, the universe surrenders."

P.S: No queries will be answered with reference to this post. This post was neither fiction nor non-fiction. Typos were accidental.

An Obituary to my Cell Phone

2008-11-30T08:59:00.000-08:00

E51 died (stolen) on 30-11-2008 at a bus stand in Mysore(India).

He was bought somewhere in January by his owner, The ChaosMonger. He served as a therapist (awesome metal collection), a guide(wifi enabled, which allowed me to suck the free bandwidth out of college WLAN), a friend(who never complanied, other than battery charging ofcourse) and above all a wonderful phone.

He survived 4 crashes and yet worked well. He was a companion in my supposedly "patentable " Acedamic Project. He worked as hard as me and my project associates..... staying awake with me till 3 a.m while I run trials after modifing the code(no compiler available, PyS60)). He even served as a running platform for another project group(my friends' J2ME project). I, His sole relative and his dad pray to the almighty F.S.M that he gets treated well by his future dad(who that cocksucker is). He will remain loyal to me even after parting (phone gets locked if you remove the SIM).... but the someone will find a way around and erase all my memories from his 128 MB RAM.

He will soon be replaced by a very cheap replacement. If mobile phones have a heart/soul/watever then I want my baby phone to know that I may adopt a new phone but his place in my heart will never be replaced by any other phone(no, not even a Vertu). Hope the guy who stole you from me dies of cancer (I am an unforgiving animal). I have cursed him with every curse that I knew. Although I always wanted to write a program to reveal your connected IP address (if using the internet), I could not find a way to automate it.

Your accomplishments will never be forgotten by me and my friends who have come to know you. Hope you forgive me (crap! I am almost in tears now.... ). Will miss you buddy... farewell... Godspeed.

REST IN PEACE

E51

Jan 2008-Now 2008.

The Prof.Sandaime I know

2008-11-28T08:49:00.000-08:00

Naruto freak that I am, I just cant help compare the characters that appear in the manga(Japanese Comics) with the real people that I come across. One such person is Prof. Stephen Vadakan. He always reminds me of Sandaime Hokage of Konoha, the god of all ninja's. Coincidently Sandaime's nickname in the manga is Professor. I've learnt a lot from Prof. Vadakan... definately not the bookish knowledge. I just love the way he looks at things, his approach to problems. Sadly I came to know him during the last semester of my undergraduation. I'll always miss his guidance.... I still remember the words that he spoke to me when I was all low : "Never have that feeling of inadequecy.Never, Never. It is an insult to yourself...and it is an insult to me as your teacher."

I've heared rumors that he is leaving the college.... If this is true then all I can say is that it is not his loss, it is a loss for the institute where he taught and a loss for the students who will be deprived of his guidance. I finally get to publish this long pending post which was saved as a "Draft" from the past 3 months.

Final words of Sandaime in the manga: "When the tree leaves dance, one shall find flames. The fire's shadow will illuminate the village, and once again, tree leaves shall bud anew."

Fact of the month

2008-11-15T09:30:00.000-08:00

This just showed up on my google homepage:

Although it is never mentioned in the Bible, archeologists and religious scholars believe that Jesus was vegetarian.

Pretty cool, eh? I don't eat "food with a face" [Phoebe rocks!]....feels good.

Are Human beings born stupid? Well, some are...

2008-11-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

Well I'll try to cram up max stuff within the minimun time that I have.... dont mind people, this is the best I can do. Lets dive into the theme.....

Are some people born stupid? Do they like to be stupid? Pretending to be stupid maybe.... This is what one guy working in the same company as I do had to say. I demand someone gas this scumbag (mustard, nerve...anything as long as he dies). Even a chimpanzee is smarter than this guy.

"General Question/doubt ..
What is the cost for sending one e-mail from our mailbox and who pays and who actually gets paid for it.
I’m asking this question because of the chain mails we get which say “Every time you forward this it will add 5 cents per email ID to AOL and they will deposit it into my bank account. This will help *********** ”
Just wanted to know how this works?? "

Stupidity is your birth right, go grab it son! I have serious doubts on the success of Homo sapiens as a species. How long will I have I have to wait for artificial intelligence? Damn!

I take this opportunity to announce that Season -2 will start soon [rejoice mortals]....as long as there are stupid assholes in this world I'll never run out of topics to blog about. Sayonara.

Quote of the month

2008-11-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

"Isn't it sad how some poeple's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional truth."

- Calvin, One of the most amazing charecters every created.

Post of 'n'th order - Part 3

2008-10-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

It really hurts when the converted Christians support the inquisition (like it was some kind of salvation for them). Pope dint waste much time to criticize the violence in Orrisa....no, I don't support the violence. I'd call for castrating the animals in public who burnt the orphanage. Don't the people of Goa deserve an apology from the Pope? (not that I care) It took the Vatican 400 years to give an apology for the treatment meted out to Galileo Galilee. So i don't expect any apology anytime time soon(unless a miracle happens).

"The word 'Christianity' is already a misunderstanding - in reality there has been only one Christian, and he died on the Cross."
- Friedrich Nietzsche.

Ok, enough of Christian bashing.

Let me do surgery on modern Hinduism. Its was beautiful religion but a failed religion nonetheless. Still plagued by Caste system and senseless rituals. A woman from a lower caste was killed a few months back in Uttar Pradesh because her shadow fell on a person of higher caste. I myself have been ill treated sometimes. Wondering how did that happen? Saraswats had started to eat fish which other Brahmins (people from the highest caste) believe is against the brahminical code. Sometimes survival demands certains adaptations and compromises to be made. I personally wouldn't hesitate to kill a human and eat him/her if that is what it takes to survive.

"Man is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion –- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven."
- Mark Twain.

Moral of the Story?
God if any is a jerk. The almighty God who likes to be praised all time. The religions inhibit free thinking. Lets see wat God has to say about this.

"Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day."

- luv, God.

Atheism is Salvation. No gods, no religious obligations and no crap. Atheists are not god haters....you can hate something that does exist. How can you hate a non-existent God,huh? :-D We are not devil worshippers either...coz we dont believe in the devil.

There is no hell or heaven. We have got one chance to do something good on this earth. Lets all spend our days in peace.

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

-Buddha

***************************************************************
So, here we come.....to the end.(I wish I could indulge in more religion bashing...I've to leave. Its time for the bus)

What did I get out of this blog? Nothing, only crap [Oh! I forgot the chappals that a female threw @ me]. But I must admit that I've had a sense of satisfaction telling about stuff that I'd never do in real life.

Do feel free to comment on any of the previous posts. Here we come, to the end of Season 1. I honestly have not thought about a Season 2....Mother Google will be unhappy about this.

Parting Quote:
Uich gwennen na 'wanath ah na dhín. An uich gwennen na ringyrn ambar hen. Boe naid bain gwannathar, Boe cuil ban firitha. Boe naer gwannathach.

Translation: You are not bound to loss and silence. For you are not bound to the circles of this world. All things must pass away, All life is doomed to fade… Sorrowing you must go.

(source: Breath Of Life from Lord of The Rings, the most beautiful fantasy movie)

Starting a new journey I am...wish me luck you should. Godspeed readers... May the Force be with us.

Yours Watever,
TheChaosMonger.

Calculus made easy and Convolution

2008-10-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

If anyone is interested in learning the much hated Calculus the easy way then you can refer to this book by Prof. Stephen Vadakkan(one of the very few people whom I respect unconditionally). This ebook is provided free of cost.
Link: Calculus made easy for beginners - Link to Learning resources

For Convolution and LTI systems you can refer this book.
Link: Convolution & LTI Systems

Post of 'n'th order - Part 2

2008-10-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

[ contd from Part -1.... The story of Aryans settlers]

The river Sarasvati vanishes under mysterious circumstances. "The Holiest River" had now dried up. Now eat this: Guess how many times does the river Ganga's name pop up in Rig veda? Only once. If you thought Ganga/Ganges was the holiest then think again. Ganges rose to the top spot to take Sarasvati's place.

The Sarasvati settlers, The Saraswats, now under the threat of extinction, had to relocate. A few travelled north to become the modern day Kashmiri Pandits. The rest moved towards east and south-east to Kingdom of Videha (Modern Bengal/Bihar/Nepal). Some followed the course of river which emptied into the Arabian sea and settled in the region of Kutch (Gujarat).

Probably a millenia later they moved south to Gomantak (Modern Goa) along with their Gods/Godesses. They finally had a place that they could call home. All went well until ships from western Europe started to sail in. Portuguese had arrived and they came with an intention to do a lot more than trade. One by one provinces in Goa started to fall. Every temple was razed to the ground and churches built on them. Christianity was the only way to go. Non compliance would lead to arrest.

I will now elaborate a little on the tortures inflicted on the victims....(This is my fav part)
1] Victims would be tied with a rope, both hand and legs. They would be pulled up and dropped down. This would go on till the victim's joints get dislocated.
2] Victims were tied to an iron rod and immersed into water. You either break your back trying to free yourself or drown.
3] People were hung over fire.Occasionally they would also burn people alive in public. etc etc.

Priests stood and watched this holy ceremony of cleansing the pagans. A friend of mine also mentions that they would use needles to pierce the penis of victims. Some storied also tell about the bodies of children being dismembered in front of their parents. 1560 A.D., The Goan Inquisition had began. Sephardic Jews in Goa were also persecuted. It took the blood of innocents to establish the divinity of Christ in Goa (love thy neighbor).

"Goa is sadly famous for its inquisition, which is contrary to humanity as much as to commerce. The Portuguese monks deluded us into believing that the Indian populace was worshiping The Devil, while it is they who served him."
-Voltaire.

Saraswats had to flee. They moved further south along the coast and settled on the west coast of India in places like Karwar, Mangalore/Udupi and also Cochin. This was a brief history of Saraswats. As a remnant of this clan I thought I should pay my tribute to my history.

I dislike the religions of the desert, all 3 of them. This does not mean that I am deeply in love with Hinduism. At least I know it was not meant to be what it is right now. But for the current state of Hinduism, I despise it.

Christians have problem believing in the imaginary Hindu gods flying around in the sky but they have no problems with virgin birth. Christians have a problem with the caste system and horny Hindu gods like Indra who comes to earth with an intention of having sex with beautiful women (remember Ahalya?). But they have got absolutely no issues with Lot having incestuous relationship with his daughters. If my memory serves me right then Lot did offer his daughters to be gang raped by the people of Sodom (source: Genesis from the Holy Bible). Liberal Christians believe that Lot's act of offering his daughters was more of a "mythical story". They'd rather look at the positive side....emphasizing the fact that Lot treated strangers with kindness( heights of "athithi devo bhava"). Moses was a mass murderer. Abraham's character is seriously flawed. What standards do you expect a person to set who had sex with a slave and then lets the Pharaoh have sex with his wife?(he pretended that his wife was his sister). If Old Testament was not a religious book then it would have been a best selling horror book. Its a book full of sex, murder and violence (this holds good for all the holy books).

[contd.....]

Post of 'n'th order - Part 1

2008-10-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

Jagshemash Readers,

Its 14 months since Jul 17th 2007 when I decided to start a blog, apparently for no reason. Then I had all those rosy dreams about earning $dollars$ and bling bling. A guy started a tech blog with me... now he has moved to an independent domain, his blog recognized by Lifehacker, Downloadsquad, Laughingsquid [Neva heard of these sites? Well, you qualify to be called a noob] ...whats more? He has steady revenue now, 350,000 page views per month....he even threw prizes worth $3500 on his blog's first birthday. What did readers of this blog get? Curses, insults and uncivilized rants. Congratulations readers. Now don't ask me for his blog address coz I ain't doing free advertisement.

I missed out on a lot of things to blog about.... let me start with some that I can recall. Churches getting vandalized by right wing Hindu organizations. Reason? The Hindus did not like the "alleged" conversion activities of the church. I don't remember meeting any ex-Hindu who has converted into Christianity in the recent times..... I am not a fan of Christianity but the Konkani speaking Christians here are among the most civilized people. Most of them are well educated and earn their bread by relatively fair means.At least they don't treat you like a outsider when you are invited into their homes. My mom during her childhood lived for a few years in an area where majority of the people where Catholics. Never, not even once does she remember any event of friction between the people following 2 different faiths.

I recall going with my mom to the house of a Catholic woman(ex-neighbor) to collect a herb called 'Thaikilo'(konkani delicacy) that grows during rainy season. I don't recall much of the conversation but it was all related to my mum's childhood. After all the chit chat it was time to leave n the woman smiles n says "dev barey karo" (may god bless you). It was not said for the heck of it... I mean you know when a person means what he/she says.

Catholic institutions have been providing quality education to all the sections of the society. If I ever were to do some charity then I'll be more than happy to give the money to one of these institutions. I am not telling that the people who run such institutions are saints...everyone has motive and so do they. If there were no restrictions against forced conversions then I am pretty sure that these people would have done a Spanish Inquisition - Part 2. [ Some blessed atheist said, "The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative"..... lol]

Lemme tell you a story now:

Around 1500-2000 BC, a bunch of people, Aryans to be precise, flourished in fertile plains of northern India. A section of these people settled on the banks of River Sarasvati which is non existent now [ I wont get into the details of what happened to the river and the stories and theories revolving around it. Do some googling for more info ]. Then came the first book of Sanatana Dharma (Translation:eternal religion, another name for Hinduism), Rig Veda. Take my word, this is perhaps the most beautiful books ever written. Sad part however is that the current sad state of Hinduism is a direct result of gross misinterpretations of the same book that laid the foundation of the religion.

Rig Veda is the epitome of philosophy and metaphysics...and this was 4000 god damned years back. Plato's and Aristotle's ancestors were probably busy having bunny sex on the shores of Aegean with nymphs and minotaurs back then.

Check the sample: The following are the first and the last verses of Nasadiya sukta (translation Nasadiya: Not the non existent) from the 10th mandala of Rig Veda. Source: Wikisource.

" Nasadasinno sadasit tadaneem nasaidrajo no vyomaparoyat | Kimavarivah kuha kasya sharmannambah kimaasith ghahanam ghabhiram || "

Translation:
THEN was not non-existent nor existent: there was no realm of air, no sky beyond it.
What covered in, and where? and what gave shelter? Was water there, unfathomed depth of water?

" Eyam visrushtyartha abhoova yadhi va dadhey yadhi va naa | Yo asya adhyakshaha paramey vyomanthsyonga vadey yadi ya na vadey || "

Translation:
He, the first origin of this creation, whether he formed it all or did not form it,
Whose eye controls this world in highest heaven, he verily knows it, or perhaps he knows not. ( Did you notice what I noticed? This hymn is questioning the authority and the existence of the "alleged" God. Amazing! Height of awesomeness. )

There were never meant to be any Gods. I mean people were not crazy to invent 330 million Gods. The God of the elders was the God of Gaps.... Someone who would complete the incompleteness of the human mind. Like a variable that would balance the equation. God was, is and always will continue to remain a psychological need rather than an entity that transcends physical realm.

The word Veda comes from Sanskrit word 'vid' which means knowledge. It was a work of infinite beauty. More importantly it was an intellectual pursuit and a puzzle for the future generations to crack. Look what we have done to it now.... we have twisted the meanings to suit our needs and build an organized religion out of it,Hinduism.... selling it successfully to around 800 million people around the globe.

[to be contd in part 2.....]