It doesn’t matter how friendly or approachable you are. It doesn’t matter how reliable you are. Nor does it matter how skilled you are. If you are dishonest people will no longer respect you.

Us humans are fickle creatures and we gain comfort from knowing that we can rely on others to be honest. You must have at some time in your life experienced the pain of finding out that you had been lied to. It wasn’t very nice was it?

It’s not only other people you hurt when you lie, it is also yourself. Telling a lie can irreparably ruin your reputation because it betrays the trust placed in you. People will see you as being untrustworthy and will be wary in their dealings with you.

Long term friendships, relationships and even marriages have been destroyed by a nothing more than a few lies. Telling a lie may seem like it offers you a quick solution to a problem, but you will forever worry about the day your lie is exposed. The initial issue that you lied about may have been serious and had difficult consequences to deal with, but lying about it too will only make those consequences even worse.

Lying at work or in your CV (aka resume) can have long term implications on your life that will make you truly sorry for what you did.

If you lie at work you are are at least going to get an ear-bashing from your boss, worse still you could get overlooked for a promotion or even sacked. You will never be trusted to lead projects or take on responsibility and work friends may soon become work enemies. Lying on a CV is something we have been tempted to do at some point. Such lies are small and hyperbolic,  claiming more experience than you actually have being an example,  and many people will not see it as big issue. You may get away with for while, but you will eventually be found out as someone will check. Can you imagine being in an interview where you are called out over your little lie? It certainly wouldn’t be comfortable. Lying in your professional life will ‘get your cards marked’ so to speak. Avoid it at all costs since you will get found out, it’s inevitable.

How Good is Your Memory?

If you make a habit of lying you had been start some brain training because you will need it. As I said before lies come back to haunt you. You might tell someone you can play an instrument so as to impress them. A few years pass and you then tell that same person you have no musical ability whatsoever. That would be kind of embarrassing it, wouldn’t it? Having to exaplin away your earlier lie.

If you don’t rememebr all your own lies, you will one day accidentally reveal the truth about yourself.

The old saying is true, good liars do need good memories.

How to Be Honest

1. Understand the Roots of Dishonesty

Dishonesty is something we learn as children. We learn that saying certain things gets us praise or reward. We don’t care if the things we say are truthful or not, we are too young to understand such concepts, all we want is the reward so we say it.

This gets us in to the habit of lying, we learn that telling a lie offers a quick fix to problem or leads to a nice reward. Over time it becomes a sub-concious thing and we start lying without even realising what we are doing.

If you find yourself about to lie, stop and remind yourself that what you are doing is wrong and that it is better to deal with the problem or issue at hand rather than telling a lie to get rid of it.

2. Own Up to Past Lies

Owning up to past lies helps you focus on leading an honest lifestyle. Of course, owning up to these lies may be difficult and cause some conflict, but you will have cleared the air and taken a (metaphorical) weight off your shoulders.

Remember to be tactful and sincere when doing this and consider offering reparations of some kind to apologise fr your past lies.

3. Be Yourself

A lot of lies stem from fear. For example you may something about yourself that isn’t true because you are afraid of a negative response if you told the truth.

In such situations it’s probably for you to just be yourself and be honest. Tell the truth, if the other party doesn’t like it then tough luck to them, you can hold your head up high knowing you told the truth.

Don’t try to turn yourself in to something you aren’t, it will only lead to more lies.

4. Think Honestly

This may seem like an odd thing to say, but you should try to think honestly as well as act honestly. Think about the benefits of being honest and question the things you hear that might be lies, be sceptical and better able to spot the signs of a lie. The more you think about being honest, the more likely you are to be be honest.

5. Avoid Pressures to Lie

In a nutshell this means avoiding being around liars.

Lies breed lies. If you are with people who lie a lot, you are more likely to lie as well. So best to avoid being with liars.

6. Be Diplomatic

Being diplomatic can help you avoid telling many lies, particular little white ones when in personal situations.

Diplomacy is best achieved through emphasizing the positives over the negatives. For example “Your hair isn’t as flattering as when you wear it up, then it looks stunning”.

You can also choose the silent option for time when you are forced in to a corner with no escape. For example “Can we talk about this later when I’ve had a chance to think?” is good honest way to defer the problem and give you time to think about what to do next.

7. Be Aware of the Traps

There are some overlooked traps you might fall in to that could cause you to be dishonest without you realising it. For example it is possible to lie by omission, that is to withhold information to influence a situation.

Also, keeping secrets can cause you to lie as well. If you are told a secret about someone and you know that that person would be hurt if the secret got out, it is still a lie as if you act as if everything is OK. You are betraying their trust by making them think everything is OK when it isn’t.

Also don’t make promises or guarantee you know you cannot keep, for that would be a lie too.

Some Famous Quotes About Honesty

• “Never do something you will have to lie about later. If you have to lie about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.” Unknown
• “Son, always tell the truth. Then you’ll never have to remember what you said the last time.” Sam Rayburn
• “A half truth is a whole lie.” Yiddish Proverb

In Summary

Honest is a true gentlemanly virtue. It is often said that a gentlemans word is his bond. If the truthfulness of his word is doubtful, then so is his bond.

Practising honesty will make your life so much easier. Nothing can argue with the truth and you won’t have to remember all your lies.

Most of all people will respect you for being honest and you can rest easy that nothing you say will ever come back to bite you.

It may be a cheesy saying, but honesty really is the best policy.

Do yo have any stories or tales about honesty? If so please feel free to share them in the comments section.

It is wise for a gent to consider carrying with him certain items that will form part of a ‘Gentleman’s Toolkit’. Such a tool kit comprises of  a selection of useful items that will help you deal with unexpected situations or emergencies.

Pen Knife - A pen knife can be used for all sorts of things, from cutting and peeling fruit through to trimming loose threads from clothing. My own preference is to carry a Swiss Army type knife with not only a blade, but also a pair of screwdriver heads (oddly, I fix a lot of door handles with mine) and maybe a corkscrew, but a regular single bladed pen knife is just as handy. See my post about pen knives for further detail.

Handkerchief - Not be confused with the pocket square which is for decorative purposes only. Paper handkerchiefs just don’t cut it. They look cheap and get fluff all over your clothing. A proper cotton or linen handkerchief is much more practical. You probably know the reasons why you might use it (gooey ones, mainly), but you can (and should) offer to others if need they need to make use of it too - only so long as it is clean and unused! Offering your handkerchief to someone who needs it will be a highly appreciated gesture. Remember, a gentleman will never ask for his handkerchief to be returned after he has loaned it to someone.

Change - Specifically the cost of one bus/train journey home. This will allow you to get home should you lose your wallet.

Stamps - It’s always useful to have a book of stamps in your wallet, particularly if you are the type (like me) who writes a letter and never gets round to posting it. Having a supply of stamps on hand solves this problem.

Notebook - A small pocket sized notebook to take down notes, addresses and phone numbers is always useful. I have a preference for Moleskine notebooks. They come in a variety of sizes and are incredibly hard wearing. They may be more expensive than supermarket notebooks, but they are worth it and are quite stylish (as notebooks go).

Pen - A good pen, like a good watch can do wonders for your image and will make writing more pleasurable. A decent pen is not that expensive. For example, you can buy a quality Parker or Shaefer pen for as little as €20. You could spend more and get a fountain pen, but they require more maintenance and you run the risk of the ink leaking and damaging your clothing. A decent refillable roller ball pen is all you need.

Breath Fresheners - A small pocket sized pack of breath mints should be an essential part of every gents pocket tool kit. A hearty lunch could impart a nasty aroma to your breath, particularly if you’ve been eating garlic or onions. Having breath fresheners to hand will help alleviate such oral assaults.

Optional

Torch - You can buy tiny L.E.D. torches that fit on your key ring for a few Euros (see image above). Despite their small size they are surprisingly powerful. These torches are amazingly useful, they can be used to locate things in dark corners or provide illumination during an unexpected power cut.

Visiting Cards - Not to be confused with its more modern cousin the business card, the visiting card (a.k.a. the calling card) is simply a card with your name on it. In times gone by the visiting card would be used a tool of etiquette, something used by a servant to announce their masters arrival. As time progressed they became a way for gentlemen to exchange details. If you were to pass one to someone, at the very least they would like to know your name, it is up to you to volunteer further details. You could provide such details such as your address or phone number by writing on the reverse of the card. There is something so very old fashioned yet undeniable appealing about visiting cards. if you pass out visiting cards to new acquaintances you will certainly be remembered.

Visiting cards are surprisingly cheap to produce, most on-line printing services can produce a few hundred for around €20. To order some just ask for a business card, that has only your name on it. Harder to find are cases for you r visiting cards, business card cases are the same and will work, but they are hard to get. The best place to look for such and item is your local jeweller or maybe on eBay.

Of course, when choosing what to carry you can pick and choose those items which suit your circumstances the best. To carry all these items may upset the line of your suit, so try to anticipate that what you feel you may need and prepare accordingly.

Do you carry any items with you on a regular basis that help you solve unexpected problems? If so please leave a comment and share your experiences.

Have no fear, new content will be arriving soon.

Calling a mechanic out to fix your car isn’t cheap and the costs of roadside recovery can also quickly mount up. The well prepared gentleman is one who knows how deal with most common motoring emergencies and can get a car going again when something fairly simple goes wrong.

In this article I will write about five common motoring problems that can stop a car and how you can solve them by the side of the road.

First Things First

You should never assume a car is never going to break down, cars are complex pieces of machinery with lots of parts to go wrong. They will break down.

When you take delivery of a new car you really should read the owners manual cover to cover. It is a treasure trove of useful advice that when put in to practice will make your car more reliable and help you know what to do when it breaks down. Wouldn’t it be better to just know to extract the spare wheel on a dark night, rather than having to fumble through the manual when the time comes?

Next make sure your car is always fully kitted out for emergencies. At the very least you need the following:

• Spare tyre
• Lifting jack (scissors type)
• Tool kit with a decent tyre iron that fits your wheel nuts
• Warning triangle
• First aid kit
• Torch
• Protective gloves
• Hand cleaning rag/wipes
• Jump leads
• Tow rope
• Optionally: Can of tyre inflation foam
• Optionally: Key to unlock locking wheel nuts, if fitted
• Optionally: Jerry/petrol can.
• Optioanlly: Windscreen washer fluid, especially during insect season!

Although you can build your own tool kit from scratch most car manufacturers will supply one specifically for your model of car. It may be more expensive, but it will be guaranteed to have all the tools you need.

It is always a good idea to have your spre tyre checked when you have your car serviced, there is nothing so depressing as finding out your spare is flat when you are in the middle of nowhere.

Daily Check

Every day you should give your car a visual check. This will help you identify and prevent problems that may cause a breakdown.

Most of these checks are obvious such as petrol (gas) or oil levels. But you should also check tyres for wear and tear and make sure all your lights are working. It’s also another good idea to check the water level in your radiator and that your windscreen washer fluid reservoirs are topped up.

You should also get to know what your car should sound and feel like. Unusual sounds or vibrations can indicate an upcoming problem, so be on the lookout for such signs.

Now let’s look at how to deal with two of the most common problems you might encounter when driving.

Problem 1 - A flat tire

There are two ways to resolve this problem. One is to replace the flat tyre with the spare, the other is fill the flat tyre with emergency repair foam.

Replacing the tyre

Replacing a flat tyre at the side of a road is not as difficult as it looks. It is awkward and you will get messy, but it should not take longer than 15-30 mins to complete.

Firstly park up somewhere safe and flat where you can work at the tyre away from passing traffic. If you feel exposed to passing traffic use your hazards lights and position the warning triangle a good 30 yards behind the car to warn oncoming traffic to your presence. Whatever you do, don’t take risks.

Now get your jack, tyre iron, spare wheel and car owners manual. Note from the manual where to jack up the car, you have to do it in a specific place or you will damage the bodywork. Also check the wording on the tyre, it may be a compact spare tyre which has a lower speed limit than a regular tyre. Lift up the car using the jack and once the bottom of the wheel is an inch or two clear of the road start to remove the bolts slowly. When the bolts are off remove the flat wheel and place the spare on. The bolts should be tightened in a circular sequence, eg, tighten bolt one a little, then bolt two, then bolt three, then bolt four and then back to bolt one. Do not tighten one whole nut in one go, this will make the wheel go out of alignment slightly and may damage the hub.

The wheel nuts only need to be hand tight, if you can not tighten them any more with your hands they are tight enough. Attempting to tighten the nuts further, using a hammer for example, may only damage the nuts.

Once the wheel is on and the nuts are tightened you can go on your way again, but drive carefully! Drive at lower speed than you normally would and get the wheel checked out by a tyre specialist as soon as you can.

Using Emergency Foam

This method is a bit of a cheat, but it works and I can vouch for it. Instead of replacing a flat tyre, you fill it with expanding foam which not only seals the puncture but inflates it as well. It’s easy to do, just attach an aerosol to the tyre valve and press the button. Much better than replacing a tyre in the wind and rain. The downside is that you will be limited to 30MPH and you may also be limited in how far you can travel using this temporary fix.

Each brand of foam has slightly different instructions, so remember to read the can. You will also need to see a specialist as soon as you can to get your tyre fixed properly.

Patching a puncture by the side of the road?

Don’t even think about it. It’s too much trouble. You’ll probably break your fingers as pulling a car typre off a hub is not easy and you needs specialist equipment. Should you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having more than one flat, just call out a recovery van as there’s not much else you can do.

Problem 2 - A Flat Battery

Depending on the type of transmission your car has there are one of two possible ways to get a car going when it’s battery goes flap, jump start it or push start it.

Jump Start

This is where you use jumper cables to borrow power from another car.

First position the cars so that the batteries are close together and open the bonnets of both. Check the dead battery for damage, such as cracks, leaks or excessive corrosion. If the battery is cracked or is leaking, give up and replace it, otherwise carry on. Make sure the dead car is in neutral or park (depending on transmission type) and it’s handbrake is off. All electrical systems such as radios, lights, GPSs, heaters etc, should be switched off both to make sure the dead battery gets as much power as it can and also to prevent such devices from getting damaged when the power shoots through the jump leads.

You need to attach the jump leads in a specific sequence in order to prevent loose leads causing damage to you or the car.

1. Connect the positive (+  red) grip to the positive terminal of the dead battery.
2. Connect the positive (+  red) grip to the positive terminal of the good battery.
3. Connect the negative (- black) grip to the negative terminal of the dead battery.
4. Connect the negative (- black) grip to the negative terminal of the good battery.

If there terminals are corroded you can rub them shiny using a file of some sandpaper, this will aid the electrical flow.

Start to the donor car and let it run for a minute or two. Then attempt to start the dead car (remember to check the gearbox is in neutral or park). It should start, but if not let the donor car run for a few more minutes and repeat. If you find yourself constantly repeating this process you might need to give up and get a mechanic, but that will be rare.

When the car does start remove the jump leads in the reverse sequence to which you applied them and let the dead car run for a few minutes before driving off to ensure the battery gets some charge.

Push Start

This will only work with a manual gearbox.

This involves getting someone to give the car a good push or rolling it down a hill to get it going. Care should always be taken to ensure the car cannot veer off and hit someone or something and someone should always be ready to cover the brakes if need be.

To do a push start place the car in to second gear and remove the handbrake, either get someone to push the car or let it roll downhill. Once the car’s speed reaches 10MPH turn the key and attempt to start the engine. It should work as it is a very reliable method, if not repeat.

Be ready to take control of the vehicle once it starts at it may lurch forward.

I hope this article has proven useful, if you have any suggestions of you own to add please feel free to leave them in the comments.

The classy woman of today is sick of the “three-pints-let’s-shag” routine and wants a little bit more out of dating.  She still wants to be wooed and treated like a lady.  So what’s a guy of today got to do to get a reputation as a good date?

Well, first off, if you ask the lady out, you pay.  There’s nothing more off-putting then being invited out, going to a fancy restaurant and then being asked to go dutch.  No no, the rule is, the person who did the asking, does the paying.  But of course, you will always win points if she asks you out and you at least offer to pay.

Secondly, flowers.  Even if it’s a single rose, bring it on the first date.  And take care to dress nicely.  No ripped jeans or messy t-shirts.  Go ahead and shave to0 (by shave I do not mean take off a beard or other facial hair that you covet).  And consider a SMALL dab of a mild cologne.  These little things add up to a much more put together apperance and a sign to the lady saying that you care enough about her and the evening to put some effort in.

Next, make sure you do more than go to a pub.  That can be the end of an evening that’s going particularly well, but not the entire date!  I’d suggest avoiding a movie on a first date, as it does not allow for good conversation.  So choose an activity that either shows one of your interests, or involves one of her interests (which shows you’ve done your homework).

I think now is a good time to state the importance of not acting TOO eager when meeting a lady for the first date.  Now, I am in NO way telling you to play a game here, but, just so you know, woman can be intimidated by a man who is too eager too fast.  Flowers, chocolate, jewlery, etc on the first date can be scarey.  Just as men can get scared away by an eager lady, so can a woman to a too eager man.

So, if you do find yourself quite interested in a lady, and feel that the date went really well, do call her the next day.  There’s no shame in doing so and it’ll make the girl’s day if she felt the same way.  No more of this waiting 3 days to call her rigamorole!  Call her!  Or, if you really truly felt the date was great, set up a second date by the end of the first.  This is totally acceptable.  What I would suggest avoiding is going OVER the top on gifting here.

Basically, the long and short of it is to dress smart, go on a meaningful date, bring flowers, ask for a second date it you thought it went well and don’t be TOO eager.  And… don’t forget to be yourself!  If she agreed to go on the date, she obviously liked something she saw in the first place.

Happy dating!

His first few years in the navy were largely uneventful, rising through the ranks to become a Petty Officer, before being demoted to an Able Seaman for some unknown misdemeanor. In 1901 the ship he was on, the Ringarooma, was ordered to assist Captain Scott’s ship Discovery when it was docked in New Zealand on one of its last stops before embarking on the British National Antarctic Expedition to Antarctica. During this time one of Scott’s crew deserted after a punch-up with an officer and Crean was called in as a replacement.

Disccovery Expedition 1901-1904

During this, Scott’s first major Antarctic expedition, Cream developed a reutation for being a hard worker whose light-hearted and warm nature helped to keep spirits up on many a cold and lonely day.

Only 7 men of the 49 man party spent more time lugging a sled around in a harness than Crean did. In fact, he lugged a sled around for a total of 149 days during this expedition and despite all this his spirits always remained high. Albert Armitage, Scott’s second-in-command, wrote of Crean “Crean was an Irishman with a fund of wit and an even temper which nothing disturbed.”

On his return to civilization in 1904 Cream was promoted back to Petty Officer rank on Scott’s recommendation.

Terra Nova Expedition 1910–1913

After spending a few years in ‘regular’ naval service, usually serving under Captain Scott, Crean was to take part in Scott’s next polar expedition, the ill-fated Terra Nova Expedition.

One of Crean’s first tasks on this expedition was to help establish an inland base camp ‘One Ton Depot’ 130 miles inland from the coastal ‘Hut Point’ camp. On the way back from One Ton Depot, Crean and two other men, Apsley Cherry-Garrard and Lieutenant Henry Bowers, set up camp for the night. Unbeknown to them they were on unstable ice which broke up during the night and left them drifting on an ice-floe, separated from their sleds. To do nothing would have resulted in certain death, so Tom Crean jumped from floe to floe and was able to return to camp and summon help for the other two men. This was particularly brave as falling from a floe in to the icy waters of the Antarctic would have most likely proven fatal.

Later during the expedition Crean acted as a member of one of Scott’s support parties for his attempt to reach the South Pole. With less than 160 miles to go to the pole, Crean’s support party turned back to face a 750 mile journey back to base camp, whilst Scott continued on his fateful journey to the pole.

The journey back was difficult, the party lost their way many times and when running low on food they decided to slide down a glacier, risking death in the process. The slide gamble did pay off though, they completed a journey in seconds which might have taken three-days had they taken a detour.

The health of the party continued to suffer with one member, Edward Evans, being strapped to a sled as a result of severe scurvy. When they were 35 miles from Hut Point they realised they might not make it. They had food for 1-2 days, but the 35 mile sled journey would take 4-5 days. It was decided to let Cream race back on his own and summon assistance. So with only a few biscuits, a stick of chocolate, no tent or any specialist survival equipment Crean made the 35 mile journey on foot in just 18 hours. An amazing feat by any stretch of the imagination.

For his heroics in getting his party rescued Cream was awarded the Albert Medal.

Naturally Crean was very humble about all this, writing “So it fell to my lot to do the 30 miles for help, and only a couple of biscuits and a stick of chocolate to do it. Well, sir, I was very weak when I reached the hut.”

Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition (Endurance Expedition) 1914–1917

Ernest Shackleton was keen to have Crean on his team for his Trans-Antarctic expedition. He trusted Crean totally and knew him to be reliable.

Crean became something of a jack-of-all-trades on this expedition. He learned how breed and handle sled dogs after the person who was supposed to carry out this task failed to turn up.

When the expedition ship, the Endurance, got caught in pack ice and eventually sank, Crean was key to getting the men rescued.

Crean was one of five men who navigated a small lifeboat through gale force winds and swells to South Georgia island, the plan being to alert the whaling stations there and arrange a rescue for the men left behind on the ice. On arrival at the island they were faced with a 35 mile trek overland to actually get the the nearest station. Again Cream took this all in his stride and he, Shackleton and one other man completed the journey despite a lack of food, a tent or specialist equipment. They managed to alert a whaling station and eventually all the other men were rescued from the ice.

Later Career and Life

When he returned to civilization in 1916, Crean was promoted to Warrant Officer and he served out his naval career uneventfully until an accidental fall damaged his eyesight in 1920 which led to his retirement on health grounds.

After leaving the navy in 1920 he returned to his home town of Annascaul and opened a pub, the South Pole Inn, which is still there to this day. He married, started a family and didn’t talk about his adventures.

He was well known for hs humility. He didn’t talk about his adventures after he left the navy, some say that was becuase he lived in a very Irish Nationalist area and as his adventures were with the British navy the locals wouldn’t appreciate it. However, he didn’t discuss his adventures with some members of his family either. It would seem he did what he did and was happy with it and he needed no more praise.

Tom Crean died of a burst appendix in 1938, on his 61st birthday.

What We Can Learn from Tom Crean

Reading about Tom Crean you quickly realise that his most noticeable trait was his reliability. If there was work to be done he did it and he never complained no matter how difficult it was.  Nor did he seek praise for completing a challenging task, he did what he had to do and expected nothing in return. His loyalty was also legendary, stopping at nothing to help his friends when they needed it most and even if it put his own life at risk.

He was also cheery, no matter how bad things got he always had a smile on his face and was keen to keep his colleagues happy. Many of his colleagues and superiors commented on how his cheery disposition help keep spirits up during some very dark days.

A lesson we can take from Tom Crean is that no matter how much life gets us down, we should try to keep a smile on our face and battle on thorough because all problems, no matter how severe can be solved with a bit of effort.

Additional Reading:

Tom Crean Society

Wikipedia

What I’d like to talk about in this article is another characteristic of gentlemanly behaviour: reliability. Something I have been anything but in relation to this blog as of late.

When someone has to place some trust in someone, more often than not they will choose a person who has shown themselves to have a reliable track record of getting things done. We can predict how a person will behave in the future by how they have behaved in the past.

The most obvious example of such a scenario is job hunting. Your CV (or resume) is a document that not only lists how well qualified you are, but also how reliable you are. For many employers reliability is more important than qualifications. Someone who jumps from job to job frequently may be seen as unreliable and not a good candidate by an employer who is looking for someone to commit the the company.

We all know that being professionally reliable is very important, but we can sometimes forget that being personally reliable is equally as important.

In a relationship with a loved one, reliability is vital. If you commit to doing something you should always follow through and do it. Failing to do so can cause irreparable harm to a relationship. We may not realise it, but we are constantly trading favours with each other. These favours are signs of how much we love or appreciate each other. By doing something for someone and for no reward we are demonstrating how much we love them. By failing to follow through we may hurt the feelings of those we love by indicating that we don’t deem them special enough to actually keep our commitments to them.

It’s also not just romantic relationships that require reliability, you should also be reliable when dealing with regular friendships. It is great to be able to keep a friend for a long time and the best way of maintaining a long term friendship is to be reliable. Meet regularly and follow though on commitments and a lifelong friendship will be forged. Think back to your childhood days, was there ever a time when a friend promised to go out playing with you and then didn’t? Did that hurt your feelings? I bet it did. Although adults deal with such disappointments in a more mature way, we still feel hurt when a supposed friend lets us down.

Plus, hurting someone’s feelings may be the least of your worries if you develop a reputation for being unreliable. You run the risk of petty backstabbing and being the victim of gossip too.

Of course we can’t always honour our commitments to our friends and relatives. The fact is that life sometimes gets in the way. In these situations it is vital that you keep people informed, if you’ve promised to meet up with some friends for a drink and can’t make it due to unforeseen circumstances, then let them know. Don’t leave people wondering as to why you fail to honour your commitments, this impacts greatly on how people view you. Reliability and trust are closely linked, being unreliable may make people view you as untrustworthy and certainly not worthy of being called a gentleman.

Not only does reliability help build and strengthen relationships, it can also open doors for you. An obvious example of this would be in your work environment where being reliable will help you get noticed and maybe chosen for a promotion. But it also helps in your personal life. Reliable people tend to make more friends. Something that I suspect is due to our natural human desire to have friends who we can rely on.

So to sum up, reliability is a true gentlemanly characteristic. We should all ask ourselves do we make commitments that we fail to keep? Not just obvious things like agreeing to meet someone and not turning up, but little things like promising to pick something up from the shop and not doing so. Do we let people know when we can follow through on a commitment? Becoming more reliable is easy, all it takes is just an extra bit of though each day and people will appreciate you for it.

Back in October 2005 my mother suffered a nasty stroke. It left her mostly paralysed down the right hand side of her body. It also badly affected her speech and she now struggles to get her words out.

It was hard for me to see my mother go from being a bright, active and independent woman to a shadow of her former self literally overnight.

She needed full time care and being an only child I did what I felt necessary. I quit my high flying management job with Network Rail to return home and look after the person I hold most dear. You might think that it was hard for me to do that, but it wasn’t. I’m sure most people in a similar situation would have done the same.

I spent nearly two years being my mother’s full time carer. During this time I was lucky enough to meet my gorgeous wife to be, Jen. Meeting her allowed me to make a big U-turn in my career. I was educated as a software developer, but I somehow ended up working as a railway manager. Trains and computers? That makes me sound like some kind of ultra-geek. Anyway, meeting Jen allowed me to return to working in the field of software development when I moved to Dublin to be with her and after my mother was provided with home help care.

Upon moving to Dublin I made a big mistake - I took the first job tht was offered to me. To be fair I did see some of the warning signs early on, the interviewers wore t-shirts and were very evasive about what the company did. But my main concern was getting established in Dublin. So what if the company looked a bit dodgy and salary was low? I could move on once I had settled in to my new Dublin life.

It is always bad form to criticise your previous employers. Potential new employers really don’t like it. Unless you have won the lottery or perhaps a long lost rich uncle bequeaths you a fortune then it is always best to be nice about those who you have worked for in the past no matter how much it hurts you. That said, I still have to say that I hated that company. The first month was great, but it was all downhill after that. Software development can be stressful, but that is counteracted by the excitement and variety offered by working on the sort of stuff that geeks love. This company offered me nothing positive. I was demoralised by the lack of support, documentation, direction and a working computer! There came a point when I just had to leave. I had hoped to stay for a year, I lasted six months.

The day I handed in my resignation I felt great. It felt like a million pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that the overcast skies above me had cleared in an instant. I had no new job to go to and the economy was turning in the wrong direction, but I didn’t care. I felt that my health was suffering and I’d rather be happy and healthy than in a job I hated – regardless of the salary.

Quitting that job was fortuitous, A month after I quit I was visiting my mother and she had a seizure. I witnessed the whole thing and I have to be honest in saying it rather ‘freaked’ me out. I thought she was going to die in my arms. I was something of a gibbering wreck that night.

Now, as it turns out my mother had developed a type of epilepsy related to her original stroke. The seizure was serious, but not life threatening. Still, that was no comfort to me as she would have fallen had I not been present.

My mother’s second turn for the worse allowed me to take a few months out from my job hunt to look after her and make modifications to her home. Things are now looking up as she has home helps checking up on her several times a day and I can rest easy in Dublin.

My mother’s second turn did have a negative impact on my job hunting. When I explain the extended break in my career is down to a family emergency, a lot of employers ask me if I can be sure it won’t happen again. Obviously, they don’t understand that for some people family comes first. To be truthful I don’t think I will have any further problems, the NHS is looking after my mother and I can relax safe in that knowledge. But my decision to take time away from my job hunting in order to help did cause me a few problems. Luckily it wasn’t all that bad, I got a great job which I love a few weeks laster.

This post is all about why you shouldn’t harbour regrets. During the last few years I have made some mistakes and bad decisions, but I don’t care. For example, when my mother had her first stroke Network Rail offered to let me take a few months off, but I resigned instead. When I moved to Dublin I took a job I didn’t like and against my better judgement. Still, I have no regrets.

I look to the future, not the past. I don’t look upon my mistakes as things to regret, instead I see them as learning experiences. For example I will think twice before accepting a job offer in he future. And as for taking time off to help my mother. if a potential employer doesn’t like that I did that, then maybe that is the sort of company I really don’t want to work for. A gentleman should care for those in need, before worrying about career and generating wealth.

Don’t see your mistakes as something to regret, see them as lessons. Change how you do things in the future based on what you have learned in the past. That way life will be just a little bit more positive.

Let’s face we are all guilty of it at some point or another. The question is how can we avoid falling prey to its deliciously lazy charms and keep productive?

The first thing is to determine if your current bout of procrastination is specific to your current task or job, or if it is more of a long term habit that plagues all tasks you undertake.

If you find that your procrastination is specific to your current task or job then dealing with it is relatively straightforward. Ask yourself what is it that stops you from just getting on with the task or job in hand. The reasons for this can be varied, allow me to give you a few examples…

• The task is too hard
• The task is too boring or easy
• You get no thanks for working hard
• You don’t feel motivated in your job
• There are too many distractions
• You hate your job

All the above issues can be addressed to some extent. For example if your task is too hard and you dread working on it, don’t be afraid to discuss it with your superior. They should be able to give you the help and encouragement you need. The same goes for many of the other examples mentioned above, although perhaps not the last one. If you hate your job, don’t be afraid to see what is available on the job market and move on to something better.

If your procrastination is caused by a current situation, it is important to not let it stress you out. It’s easy to find yourself procrastinating and then feeling worried and stressed as a result. For example, you might be worrying about what the boss will say when he sees that you aren’t getting your work done on time. So long as you recognise what is going on and make an effort to rectify the problems causing your procrastination early on, then things should improve. The longer you leave it, the more stressed out you will become.

However, if your procrastination is habitual then dealing with it is a bit more difficult.

Unlike procrastination caused by current problems, habitual procrastinators don’t get stressed by their lazy attitude to getting things done. If it causes a major problem they just shrug it off and move on. If you find yourself habitually procrastinating, then you need a lesson in self-control.

Such a lesson goes beyond the scope of a single blog post, but there are some strategies and tips I can recommend in order to help you get things done.

Get a diary - Plan everything you need to do, but spread it out over a period of time much longer than what you think you need. You need to include padding either side of your tasks to give you time to engage in some relaxation so that you can ease yourself out of your procrastinating habits.

Block distractions - Procrastination is often caused by being faced with two choices, work and something a bit more pleasurable such as chatting with colleagues or surfing the internet. Removing the more pleasurable choice by either hiding away from it or asking people to leave you alone for a while can help you complete your work.

Get a designated nagger - There is no better way to make sure you get something done than by getting someone to nag you to do it. Preferably this will be someone who is not a procrastinator themselves. Ask a friend, colleague or partner to nag you when a task should be started, they may also be instructed to give your a good firm kick if you refuse. This strategy is surprisingly effective.

Just start the task - For many procrastinators the hardest part is getting a task started. If you throw yourself in to a task head first, you might just find yourself following through and getting it finished.

I hope the above advice proves useful. I might be looking at the topic of procrastination some more in the coming weeks (if I get round to it!). If you have any tips of your own to add, please feel free to add a comment.

But there are so many positive benefits to joining a club and I’m not talking about gentlemens clubs or rich businessmens clubs.

Clubs can give you a chance to indulge a hobby or a passion and to learn new things, something I feel all gentlemen should engage in. There are clubs devoted to all sorts of interests and pastimes, covering everything from amateur radio, through to woodwork and cooking. If you’ve always been meaning to learn a new skill and don’t fancy going to a formal class, then a club is the perfect alternative.

Another benefit of joining a club is the social aspect. All clubs have a social element, so you will get to make new friends and maybe even have a chance to network (if that’s your thing).

Joining a club also adds a bit of extra ’scenery’ to your life. If you’ve settled in the same old weekly routine and aren’t being productive in the evenings when you get home from work, then being in a club is just the ticket to help you enact a change.

Clubs are a great way to do something enjoyable and productive. If you want to break a boring weekly routine or just try something new, then I’d definitely reccomend joining one.