Chapter Two

Make 'em pay?

2006-07-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

Can someone please explain to me why the hell it is that every other country is getting their citizens out of Lebanon without making them pay but our citizens are being charged? I can understand the time/distance problem in getting them out. I mean a ship can only move so fast to get there and I don't think evacuating US citizens into Syria is a good idea. But making them pay for it? Re-goddamn-diculous.

An Unlikely Baseball Fan

2006-07-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

By some strange twist of fate I've gone from never having attended a baseball game to having a game to go to every week in the month of July. Never would have thought it would be something I would enjoy but damned if I'm not having a ball! No pun intended. I've seen the Bats, I've seen the Cincinnati Reds, now if I could just get out to Boston and see the Red Sox....that would be awesome.

Kim Jong Mentally-Il Fires Test Missile

2006-07-04T14:09:00.000-07:00

CNN Breaking News

Hey Kingpin, any room left in that cave of yours?

My last demon has finally been put to rest.

2006-07-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

In a strange series of occurences this past week which included a suicide, many long hours of work, a Red's game, a lobster boil and a trip across three states in a period of less than 12 hours my final demon has been put to rest. I have been forgiven, in person, for the one thing in my life that has been holding me back. I couldn't be happier. I finally feel like a whole human being with the potential for forward progress. Woohoo!

Let's Play A Game.

2006-06-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

I've noticed recently that after about three weeks of inactivity the hits on my blog increased exponentially over a period of about three days. Interesting....obviously someone is reading it. So with that in mind I've decided that it's time to play a little game I haven't played in almost a year. Here's how it works....

Anonymous comments are turned on my dear voyeurs. You may post any anonymous comment you like. The good, the bad and the ugly. Post away!!

Oh shit!

2006-06-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

The NORAD lobsters got stuck on a tarmac in Atlanta. Thanks a lot Delta!

We're all gonna die.

2006-06-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt much like writing anything since my Duds is gone. My heart's just not in it. However, I do have a small concern from work today....

If you've been following the news at all you know that Kim Jong Mentally-Il has been threatening to send a test missile in our general direction. I have mixed feelings on this, basically my concern is whether or not to be concerned. However, after receiving an order from NORAD headquarters(We ship to the military all the time, but never an order from NORAD.) today I've decided I might as well bend over, grab my ankles and kiss my ass good-bye. I figure they know something we don't and have decided lobster would be a nice last meal. Joy.

2006-06-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

I have nothing happy to say today. So instead I'll leave you all with the results of one of those silly little quizes. I haven't done one in quite a while so why not?

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.
You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.
Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.
Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).

Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.
And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.
You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.
Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.

Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Rainbow Bridge

2006-06-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

At 1:00 this afternoon Dudley crossed the Rainbow Bridge. The vet assured me after one look at him that it was the right thing to do. That still doesn't quell the pain.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

2006-06-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

I really want to finish my angry rant about Whole Foods but I just can't do it right now. Dudley is not doing better. Worse if anything. The time has come to do what over a week of nursing has only put off. He can't get up off his side if I put him on the couch to get some exercise. The Dramamine that the doc suggested isn't working. My vet isn't in the office until tomorrow and I don't want to do this without her. She's been my vet for all my animals for the past five years. I don't want that awful vet that I took Piggy to to do this. Now faced with this choice it seems all I can do is cry. I mentioned in an earlier post something about being okay by myself and preferring it. There are times like this that the whole solitary living thing is not so great. Like right now when all I want is someone to hold me and tell me I'm doing the right thing. AA tells me to pray and ask God to help me do the next right thing. The answer has been a resounding feeling that this is the next right thing. That doesn't make it hurt any less though. I know it's completely selfish of me to even think these things. They're not doing Dudley any good. I don't know what else to say. However, just getting these things out has made me feel better. The waterworks have dried up for the time being.

D-Day Has Arrived.

2006-06-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

Whole Foods Drops Live Lobster Sales

Some of you will remember that about three weeks ago I was upset because of something that happened at work. Said event was Whole Foods dropping live lobster sales. I have quite a bit to say about this but I'm at work right now and don't have time. I will write more later. Also check out the much more pleasant Reuters article on the situation.

Nicer Reuters article.

Interconnectivity and Coal Mining

2006-06-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

I purchased the album Sing Loud, Sing Proud! by Dropkick Murphys a few weeks ago but I'm only now getting around to actually listening to it. There's a song on it called Which Side Are You On. The theme of the song is coal mining unions. I kept listening to it over and over and for the life of me it sounded like they were saying Harlan County but I couldn't be sure. After all these were Boston boys, why would they be singing about my "Beloved Commontwealth"? I let it go because I've been busy with work and studying other subjects that have been on my mind lately. Hey, at least my Latin has been getting better.

Tonight I went out for dinner by myself at City Cafe. It was quite nice, I got to eat in peace and read The LEO without interruption. If I might digress for a moment I have to say I never understood people who can't go to a restaurant by themselves. What are they afraid of? Perhaps I feel this way because I'm an only child and therefore used to being by myself. In fact I rather prefer it. No outside hassles. However, I didn't start this entry to babble about people who can't seem to spend any time by themselves, I'll get back on topic now. So, I'm flipping through The LEO and come across an article about Erik Reece, who is the author of a book called "Lost Mountain." The book is about mountain top removal mining in Eastern Kentucky and how it affects the people that live there. Mountain top removal is a subject which has disturbed me for many years. I honestly only read the first few paragraphs of the article (Journalists take note! Just another example of why it is important to get the most important information into the first few lines of a story!) but that was enough to motivate me to hurry up my dining experience and proceed post haste to the bookstore. I've already plowed through the first few chapters of the book only breaking to choke back the few tears that have come to my eyes due to the eloquence of the author in conveying the horror that is wraught upon this beautiful land by the act of mountain top removal mining. Dan Brown might suck but my hours lost reading his shit are more than made up for by reading Mr. Reece's work.

Alright, I titled this INTERCONNECTIVITY and Coal Mining so let me now bring this entry full circle. Upon starting this book Which Side Are You On came to mind. I played the song and realized that it likely was not an original Dropkick Murphys song. I tried the call the old time music guru, my mother, to pick her brain about the origins of this song, unfortunately for some reason she's MIA tonight. However, before the ansering machine picked up at home I already had the answer to my question. No, it's certainly not an original and the funny thing is that the article that I happened to find about its origins names some of the very people that are mentioned in Lost Mountain.

I'm not sure if it's just increased awareness of things pertaining to the topic that I'm studying at any given time but it always seems to me that whenever I start in on something a bunch more things always seem to pop up that are connected to said subject. Does that make sense? I mean how coincedental is that in the course of this evening I've connected a punk band to a political anthem and a book by a local author? Six degrees of everything?

2006-06-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

There was a crooked man
Who walked a crooked mile.
He found a crooked sixpence
Against a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat
Which caught a crooked mouse,
And they all lived together
In a crooked little house.

I've got a big decision to make tomorrow. My crooked little bunny isn't getting any better. I'm calling the vet first thing in the morning to figure out what the best decision will be. Sigh....

My suck list

2006-06-14T07:13:00.000-07:00

First, I wanted to write a post about how Harrah's has so generously (insert eye roll here) donated $1000 to the Senior Games in Indiana. Unfortunately, I was unable to find net documentation of this, even though I've heard it three times on NPR. Regardless, Harrah's makes my suck list for A) Turning Caesar's into a Horseshoe B)Letting the original Horseshoe in Las Vegas, now known as Binion's, fall into a state of disgrace for their own personal gain (They had the best Eggs Benedict ever!) C) Because I think Harrah's sucks.

Second, I wanted to write about how pissed I am that FEMA issued debits cards for Katrina victims were used to buy porn and expensive champagne. However, it seems that every time I bitch about something of this nature I get lambasted by someone telling me it's none of my business and that I'm heartless and cruel. Whatever. So misappropriators of Katrina relief money, you make my suck list today as well.

Third, my bunny rabbit is still not doing well. Not worse, but not well. I'm afraid that I'm just prolonging the inevitable. I'm supposed to get the test results back from encephalitis test this week but the lab is taking it's sweet time. The results of this test will be the deciding factor as to what to do next. So, slow ass laboratories who could be possibly making my bun's life harder, you make my suck list today too!

They tell me in AA that whenever I feel like the world just sucks balls to make a gratitude list. I've done enough bitching for today so I guess I better look at the positive.

Things for which I am grateful:

-Summer time!
-Knowledge
-The quiet moments I've been able to spend at home lately
-My education
-The fact that I love my job
-Sober mornings
-Time with my furkids

That's a pretty good start. I feel better already!

Dan Brown, you are a disgrace to writers everywhere.

2006-06-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

In order to give my mind a rest from Holy Blood, Holy Grail last night, I decided to start reading Angels and Demons. It's 700+ pages and I'm already half way through it. Not because it's that riveting mind you, but because it's the SAME FUCKING BOOK AS THE DAVINCI CODE!!! For those who haven't read either book, stop reading this blog now. Spoiler ahead.

Let's synopsize every work that I've read by Dan Brown so far.....First, old crotchity symbologist is brought in because of symbolic markings on a dead body. Second, old crotchity symbologist meets beautiful daughter, grandaughter, sister, aunt, what the fuck ever you want her to be to dead body and falls in love. Said female and old crotchity symbologist are thwarted by evil authority figure, Swiss Guard, Policeman, whatever. Someone finds out that they're related. Symbologist and female figure out the key to saving the world. The world lives happily ever after. The fucking end! That's all you need to know. If I didn't think Dan Brown was a crappy writer before I am now completely convinced of the fact.

Not only is this man a crappy writer he doesn't have an orginal thought in his head. Between copying his own plot line to Angels and Demons to write The DaVinci Code and being sued by the writers of Holy Blood, Holy Grail I have to wonder if Brown is even human and not some robot who digests information and spits it back up onto a page almost identical to it's original form.

So, you might ask, why did I even go out and buy this book? Well, I suppose it's kind of like spoiled milk. You can smell it and be pretty sure that it's spoiled but unless you actually taste it you are never completely sure. Dan Brown you truly are spoiled milk in my book! Blech!

A long weekend of nothing...

2006-06-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't think reading and sleeping intermittantly for a whole weekend could leave you exhausted. When you're caring for a sick critter it does. I'm so frustrated because there is nothing more that I can do for the little guy other than just be a good nurse and furkid mom. It's so sad. I wish I could take away his uncomfortableness and be sick for him. I've had vertigo and inner ear infections before. I know how to deal with them. He doesn't have a clue what's going on other than that he doesn't feel good. Sigh....

I did get a chance to go out for a little while yesterday and hit the bookstore. I picked up a copy of Holy Blood, Holy Grail and Angels and Demons. Holy Blood, Holy Grail has been interesting if not a bit convoluted. Not to mention the fact that most of it is based on the Dossiers Secrets which was a total sham. Or was it? Who knows. The whole Priory of Sion concept as it is presented in Holy Blood, Holy Grail was a hell of a lot of work just for some jackass to connect himself to the Merovingians and the blood line of Jesus Christ. Seems to me that there's some truth to this somewhere buried in the sands of time. Perhaps The Priory was a cover up? I'm just amazed at all the research that had to be done to pull off such a sham. I picked up Angels and Demons as well. I really just wanted to see if it is as crappy as The DaVinci Code. Once I wade through Holy Blood, Holy Grail I'll start it.

I've got to go give the bun some more meds and do some hand feeding. Hope everyone had a much better weekend than me.

A weekend with the bun.

2006-06-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

$250, an hour and a half at the vet and a whole bag of medicine later I'm sitting here in the living room with Dudley in a carrier on the table where I've been hand feeding him and giving him his meds every few hours around the clock. He's a pretty sick little bunny man and I have no idea what's wrong with him. Neither does the vet. She ran a couple of tests but won't get them back for a while. It's breaking my heart. I can't stand to let him out of the carrier because all he can do is roll and I know that's not comfortable for him. He seems to really want out of the cage this morning but if I let him out and he rolls into something he'll hurt himself. I can't just sit here like this all day. It's going to depress me too much. I think I'm going to go out and find a new book and some lunch, maybe go to a couple of AA meetings just so I can get away for short periods of time without compromising Dud's health. At least those things are relatively low cost since I'm now broke. Blah.

Pray for my Dudley

2006-06-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning and one of my buns, Dudley, appears to have head tilt. We'll be visiting the vet this morning at 11:00. I'll keep you posted as to what happens. I'm awful worried about the little guy.

Tids and Bits...

2006-06-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

Watched Spooked: Waverly Hills last nite. I didn't know you could stretch such a small amount of crap out into a two hour "documentary." It was awful. Sorry Christopher Saint Booth and Phillip Booth, if this documentary is any indicator of the quality of your movie "Death Tunnel" I won't be watching it. For those of you who don't know Waverly Hills is a Louisville landmark. It was formerly a TB hospital and is reputed to be "The Scariest Place on Earth." Anyhow, Spooked: Waverly Hills is nothing more than a hill of crap.

In other news, if you know anything about what is going on in the world you will be interested to know that al-Zarqawi has been killed. Honestly, I'm not sure exactly how I feel about this. Sure it's great that a cold blooded murderer has been eliminated but I always fear for the lives of my friends over there as a backlash is likely imminent. Not to mention the fact that just because we killed one figure head doesn't mean the whole um, regime (not even sure what to call the driving force over there) will crumble. We shall see what happens....

Another year older...

2006-06-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

And deeper in debt. Well I survived the birthday. It was rather uneventful. I went to a meeting and then a friend baked me a cake. I'm going out this Friday with a group of friends to The Bristol on Bardstown Rd. at 8:00. If anyone would like to attend please leave me a comment so that accomodations can be made.

Things are looking up. Thanks to everyone who has expressed concern over my well being. I just really needed to get my head out of my ass and figure out what was going on in my life.

In other news I just finished The DaVinci Code. Interesting. While it's not well written and it's obviously fiction it did bring up some concepts which piqued my interest and prompted me to do some research on my own. The whole concept of the Hieros Gamos and the sacred feminine are fascinating. After doing some of my own research I've found that a lot of Christian doctrine is blown all to hell when put into historical context. I plan on doing some more research and writing an actual entry about it in the future.

Anyhow, I'm off to bed so that I can go to Lobster Land all bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning! Nite!

Happy Birthday, have a migraine.

2006-06-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday. My head feels like it's in a vise. What a great birthday present. Joy.

Recovery

2006-06-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

I went to my first AA meeting in a month and a half. It's good to be back. I've been acting like a selfish little twit for the past month and a half. I drank quite a bit in the past month and a half. I drank very wrecklessly, knowing damn good and well that I was destroying myself and all the while not giving a shit. I seriously said to a close friend, "Yeah, I know I'm an addict and you know what? I don't care. I just want to be normal." Wow! What kind of fucked up logic is that? They talk about the insanity of addiction quite frequently in AA. I seriously understand exactly what that means. It's truly illogical and insane. The events of the past five days, while they were completely insane, brought it all back to me about how powerful this disease is and how powerless I am over it without the help of a Higher Power. This weekend was a cruel and painful wake up call physically, emotionally and spiritually. Then again I'd been behaving quite egotistically, selfishly and had pretty much put my God on the backburner. This weekend was likely exactly what it was going to take for me to get my head out of my ass. Now I just need to make sure I continue to go to meetings, I really need to get a sponsor and I just have to take things one day at a time. It's harder to go back this time than it was to go the first time but I have to do it in order to keep myself alive. I am looking forward to hangover free mornings and self loathing free days. One day at a time....

A Prayer to My God

2006-06-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

King Without a Crown by Matisyahu

You're all that I have,
And you're all that I need.
Each and every day I pray to get to know you please.
Want to be close to you,
Yes I'm so hungry.
You're like water for my soul,
When it gets thirsty.
Without you, there's no me,
You're the air that I breath.
Sometimes the world is dark,
And I just can't see.
With these demons surround all around,
To bring me down too negative.
But I believe yes I believe,
I'll say that I believe.
I'll stand on my own two feet,
Won't be brought down on one knee.
I'll fight with all of my might,
To get these demons to flee.
Hashem's rays, fire blaze,
Burn bright and I believe.
Hashem's rays, fire blaze,
Burn bright and I believe.
Out of darkness comes light,
Twilight unto the heights.
Crown Heights burning up,
All through the twilight.
Say thank you to my God,
Now I finally got it right.
And I'll fight with all of my heart,
And all of my soul,
And all of my might.

[Chorus]
What's this feeling,
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling.
I give myself to you.
From the essence of my being
And I sing to my God,
Songs of love and healing.
I want Moshiach now,
So it's time we start revealing.

What's this feeling,
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling.
I give myself to you,
From the essence of my being.
And I sing to my God,
Songs of love and healing.
I want Moshiach now.

Strip away the layers,
And reveal your soul.
You got to give yourself up,
And then you become whole.
You're a slave to yourself,
And you don't even know.
You wanted to live the fast life,
But your brain moves slow.
You're trying to stay high,
Bound to stay low.
You want God,
But you can't deflate your ego.
You're already there,
Then there's nowhere to go.
Your cup's already full,
Then it's bound to overflow.
If you're drowning in the water,
And you can't stay afloat.
Ask Hashem for mercy,
He'll throw you a rope.
You're looking for help from God,
Say he couldn't be found.
Searching up to the sky,
Looking beneath the ground.
Like a king without his crown,
You keep falling down.
You really want to live,
But couldn't get rid of your frown.
You tried to reach unto the heights,
And wound down bound on the ground.
Giving up your fright,
Then you heard a sound.
Out of Light comes day,
Out of day comes light.
Nullify to the one,
Like sunlight in a ray.
Making room for his love,
Then a fire gone blaze.
Make room for his love,
And a fire gone blaze.

[Chorus]
What's this feeling,
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling.
I give myself to you,
From the essence of my being.
And I sing to my God,
Songs of love and healing.
I want Moshiach now,
Time it starts revealing.

What's this feeling,
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling.
I give myself to you,
From the essence of my being.
And I sing to my God,
Songs of love and healing.
I want Moshiach now.

So lift up mine eyes,
Where my help come from.
And I seen it circling around,
From the mountain.
Thunder, you feel it in your chest,
You keep my mind at ease,
And my soul at rest,
You're not vexed.

Look to the sky,
Where my help come from.
Seen it circling around,
From the mountain.
Thunder, you feel it in your chest,
You keep my mind at ease,
And my soul at rest,
You're not vexed.

Never again....

2006-06-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

I swear that I will make a concerted effort to keep these things in check.

I shall never again let myself get too cocky,
Let my own ego control my life,
Let said ego attempt to kill me,
Put myself through this kind of hell and pain,
Convince myself that I can do it on my own.

When I let go and just made the decision to do the next right thing, my life was fabulous. When I got cocky and convinced myself that I could control my life, I fell. Hard. I have to accept the fact that no matter what, I will never be normal. It's not easy and it's not fun but it's a heck of a lot better than waking up at 4:00 am in pain and spending hours not being able to go back to sleep all the while bargaining with God to just see me through until the morning. I finally managed to modify my prayers from bargaining mode to acceptance and guidance mode at which point I found some peace, no sleep, but peace. I prayed the Our Father, I recited the Serenity Prayer over and over. I went over little bits of wisdom that I've learned. I'm once again at a resolve. I have to do these things or I will be dead. Simple. This disease of addiction that I have truly is cunning, baffling and powerful.

Off to the races....

2006-06-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

Asheville's out. Churchill Downs is in. Chris, Adam and I had a lovely dinner last nite compliments of Nicole. I suppose I am to consider it an early birthday present. Happy birthday to me! Anyhow, I'm off to get ready to go watch horses run in circles.