tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287319948817731282025-08-08T22:03:32.172-04:00I'm beginning this blog to help in the healing process from my miscarriage. My hope is that I can help by sharing my story and offering support to other women going through similar situations and to bring about awareness about pregnancy loss.Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-86093308846794907652012-02-14T10:15:00.000-05:002012-02-14T10:15:19.338-05:00

I received an email from someone studying pregnancy loss at Drexel University. He has asked me to post some information on the study in case any of my readers/followers would be interested in participating. Below is the email I received from him. ___________________________________________ If you lost a pregnancy (to stillbirth or miscarriage) in the past 6 months to 4 years, we want to hear

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-4459401114722984322012-02-08T00:02:00.000-05:002012-02-08T00:02:57.779-05:00

Here I am, once again, mourning the loss of PJ. All while mourning the loss of another relationship. Looks like my journey to motherhood will be single after all. The second anniversary of PJ's loss is almost here, 2/16. And, I must say I'm having a much more difficult time handling the grief this year than I did last year. I think what makes it that much more difficult is that I feel somehow

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-54744904441454690202010-09-14T13:57:00.001-04:002010-09-14T13:57:54.252-04:00

As the days of September pass one by one I become closer to my due date for P.J. She was due on 9/22/10. It is important to me to commemorate her in some way but I feel lost when trying to determine the best way to accomplish that. My life is so much different now that it would have been had I not lost her. I miss her and still think of her every day and how my life would be better if she were

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-1732331375442343152010-07-23T14:15:00.000-04:002010-07-23T14:15:48.100-04:00

If you've never lived it you might tell someone that their miscarriage is part of God's perfect plan. Perhaps you HAVE lived it and you believe in a perfect plan. I'm facing miscarriage number 2 and I honestly don't see anything perfect about it. I got my BFP earlier this week and went into my RE for bloodwork only to be told that my HCG was only at an 8. That's much too low for a viable

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-34910097641976775472010-05-21T14:45:00.001-04:002010-05-21T14:45:32.914-04:00

It’s been a while since I’ve updated you all. I’ve seen such a drastic improvement in my mood since my doctor switched my medication that I guess I’ve felt good enough to get out and live my life and haven’t really set aside time for blogging! I won’t write as much to this one because now I’ve started a new TTC blog. I’ve considered doing a Vlog since I have a built-in camera on my laptop but I’m

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-71458259942267939642010-05-11T21:04:00.001-04:002010-05-11T21:06:12.592-04:00

Mother's Day was quite difficult for me. Knowing that I would have been over 20 weeks pregnant and would have had an u/s to determine the sex of the baby (though I do believe it was a girl)... it was difficult to realize that Mother's Day was supposed to be this beautiful day for the "mother-to-be" and now it's not. I'm empty. My friends have been saying for years that I'm already a mother

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-24726405074675959472010-05-08T23:52:00.003-04:002010-05-09T00:01:52.100-04:00

Hello my darling daughter. I've wanted to write this letter to you for a long time now. It's difficult to find the words to express my love for you and my feelings about losing you. The day I found out that you had come into my life was one of the happiest days of my life. I kept pinching myself because I thought to myself, surely I am dreaming!! I wasn't. You were here and you were real. The

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-44002116756482804592010-05-05T15:15:00.000-04:002010-05-05T15:15:39.778-04:00

Here I am, CD6 and still bleeding and cramping. Ugh!! I'm actually ready for a change in my attitude though. I'm so tired of waking up in the mornings with the hopeless feeling that I can't get through another day. The feeling that I might as well stay in bed because nothing else matters. Why bother? I've had a "good day" here and there but I always end up right back here in the thick of it. See

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-29143151961667526502010-05-05T10:43:00.003-04:002010-05-05T11:13:53.521-04:00

Today I would have been 20 weeks pregnant. Halfway through my pregnancy with PJ. I so miss being pregnant and miss my sweet little baby. I think about how big she would be now and how big I would be!! It's difficult to fight back the tears on days like today when I think of missed milestones. I do much better now and I'm' able to talk about her without crying but on days like today, I just fall

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-72756345973741332902010-05-02T20:04:00.001-04:002010-05-02T20:04:28.586-04:00

AF has been a big, mean, meanie this time around. The cramping and bleeding have been super heavy and painful. Ugh! Hoping this will let up soon. It's made for a dull weekend with me in bed with my heating pad for the majority of the time. The good news is that emotionally, I'm feeling a bit better today. Not quite so down in the dumps and feeling slightly optimistic. Not sure where it's coming

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-71535340892211765792010-04-30T09:22:00.001-04:002010-04-30T09:24:54.168-04:00

Well... today it begins again. Cycle day 1. AF is here in full force and she brought her buddy "cramps" with her. My cycle this time was 32 days. Before my pregnancy I had a 28 day cycle. Plus I O'd on cd16 and usually it's cd14. Maybe things are still getting back to normal or maybe my cycle has changed for good. I hear pregnancy can do that. Saturday we had a slab leak in the house and my room

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-55889193687663964742010-04-27T17:17:00.003-04:002010-04-27T17:26:34.766-04:00

Still feeling depressed. I know my readers must be tired of reading those words... I sure am tired of typing them! I'm trying to do things to improve my mood. I actually exercised today! It wasn't much but it was something. I went for a two mile bike ride on my mom's exercise bike. I really want to make this work and giving up just can't be an option. So, with that I am announcing my plan to

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-73470917605174215152010-04-23T17:14:00.000-04:002010-04-23T17:14:35.352-04:00

I would like to share with you something that one of my readers shared with me. I found it inspiring and expressive of the way I often feel. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have. A special thank you to June, for sharing these touching words with all of us!! _____________________________________ Just for Today - For Bereaved Parents Just for today I will try to live through the next 24

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-67905890206987141922010-04-20T20:50:00.000-04:002010-04-20T20:50:50.442-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been at a loss for words. My depression is here in full force and I'm not sure what to do with it. All I want to do is sleep and cry. There's not much in my life that seems meaningful. I'm trying each day to put on my positive attitude but it never lasts long. It doesn't feel authentic. What feels real is that my life is a mess and I don't have the

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-72252426262061406132010-04-17T17:08:00.000-04:002010-04-17T17:08:38.129-04:00

Short term goals - go for a 10 minute walk every day - quit smoking (after my m/c I became so depressed I picked up the cigarettes again) - get a new job (I am miserable at my current job and life is too short to spend that much time doing something that makes me so unhappy) - get back into school (beginning the summer semester in May) - begin meditation practices every day - call to inquire

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-24884781164763621702010-04-15T17:41:00.000-04:002010-04-15T17:41:11.033-04:00

Still haven't managed my list of short term and long term goals. I've been feeling quite under the weather and I now know why! I finally got in to see my regular doctor and found out that I have a severe ear infection. My ear has been blocked for over a week now and it hurts quite a bit. Luckily, she has started me on new antibiotics (the stuff I got from the urgent care clinic was no good). So

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-75818121569415718302010-04-14T13:50:00.003-04:002010-04-14T13:50:47.488-04:00

Create a free scrapbook

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-33608856985592678022010-04-13T00:26:00.000-04:002010-04-13T00:26:53.169-04:00

Still feeling pretty yucky with this sinus and ear infection. If I still have no improvement by tomorrow I will be contacting my regular doctor for a follow up appointment. Not that the Solantic doctor wasn't good but I would be more comfortable if my regular doc could take a look in my ear and tell me what's going on. It's hurting a bit now and tomorrow will be day three on the antibiotics. I

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-85691504787321972062010-04-11T17:42:00.000-04:002010-04-11T17:42:08.924-04:00

Recovering from surgery has turned out to be the easy part... recovering from this nasty cold (or whatever it is) has been the hard part. What I thought was just allergies has progressively gotten worse by the day. My throat is still raw and my left ear is completely blocked. I took a trip to Solantic this morning and found out I have pharyngitis, sinusitis, and fluid in my left ear. I started a

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-3807577469511987012010-04-10T14:37:00.000-04:002010-04-10T14:37:02.041-04:00

Surgery yesterday was a huge success. I had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy and Dr. Brown, my RE, said my endometriosis was worse than he expected; stage 2. The great news is that he was able to remove all the endo during surgery. Here I am 24 hours post-op and feeling great. I'm sore but not cramping like usual. I'm also on some heavy pain meds but haven't had to take them as often as I thought.

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-5835572114992888642010-04-08T22:08:00.000-04:002010-04-08T22:08:41.773-04:00

Mentally prepared for my laparoscopy/hysteroscopy tomorrow. I'm ready to get it done and hopefully be able to dump the pain meds. Wish me luck!!! I'll post as soon as I'm feeling up to it after recovery. Charity xoxoxo

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-64544964137504323072010-04-07T23:33:00.002-04:002010-04-07T23:37:59.849-04:00

Back home after a nice visit with my sister and her family for Easter weekend. I have three beautiful nephews that are my heart! I will try to attach photos of them to this post if I can. ** The first photo is one of my sister, Jessica and her first born, Kasen. He will be 7 in June. The second photo is one of my sister and me. The third is a photo of her youngest son, Tyler - 8 months old, and

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-61514513912546707822010-04-04T01:51:00.000-04:002010-04-04T01:51:40.450-04:00

I feel like it's time to have PJ's memorial service but in all honesty my blood pressure goes up and I feel a great deal of anxiety each time I think about it. I have been thinking I would do it in September around the time she would have been born but I've been having this nagging feeling that I should do it sooner.  I still want to do something to honor her around the time of her due date

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-67888175062167021502010-03-31T12:19:00.001-04:002010-03-31T12:20:47.250-04:00

CD2 (Cycle day 2) has not been any better than CD1. The cramping is very intense and the bleeding has been quite heavy. I phoned my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to find out if this is normal but unfortunately he couldn't give me a simple answer. He simply wants me to come in tomorrow so we can talk about it and do a possible exam. That's disappointing since I have to pay a $50 copay just to

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2828731994881773128.post-43412872808324541032010-03-30T00:37:00.001-04:002010-03-30T00:42:12.398-04:00

Day by day, things get a little easier. Depression is still plaguing me but the grief is beginning to lessen a little more each day. I find that the more things I do to honor PJ's life the more I'm able to feel love when I think about her rather than the horrible pain I have experienced as a result of losing her. I met with my psychiatrist and he will be increasing the dosage of my

Charityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13141646684790037182noreply@blogger.com2