I decided to give something a go that I wasn’t sure I should or ever would, but when it seemed right, I stepped forward. And it wasn’t meant to be. Bam. Decisively clear. And perfect.

Sometimes the door we knock on opens. Sometimes it doesn’t. Does that mean we were not meant to knock? Not necessarily. Sometimes it is about the process of going through what gets us to the door. And sometimes it’s about timing. Things need to happen that don’t make sense in the moment. They can be minor but irritating delays or inconveniences that put us in a specific place on a specific day or it can be a longer series of events when we can only see the design from much further down the road. Just recently my daughter and I ran into someone I knew from a long time ago on a hiking trail in another state. We knew it wasn’t random. There were many delays that day and we sensed that something was up. Sure enough. Who knows the reason and we don’t have to but it makes you aware that life is not all up to you nor all about you. Things happen at their own time for their own reason.

Looking back on events we can then see that what seemed like wasted time standing in line, sitting at a stop light, working in a job that wasn’t our ideal job, all this was needed to allow things to move into place for what is next. We aren’t stuck. Things aren’t stuck. We just can’t see that what is meant for us is around the corner… we haven’t quite gotten there, but the opportunity, the breakthrough, the job, the person has been there on our path all along. This is only evident from the perspective of the rearview mirror.

What isn’t meant to be for us fades and leaves space for what is.

God help us if we end up with jobs, commitments, people, who aren’t meant for us. They can distract us from the life that we are meant to live. Sometimes we are to persevere and stick in for something and other times we are meant to fold ‘em and walk on without looking back. We may feel loss or we may feel relief, or both. No matter, when we trust and let things fall away and new things come to us in their time, our path becomes more sure under our feet. It is the case so often that we look back and can’t imagine our life if an earlier door had opened to us. We become thankful. What was at first a sense of loss becomes a blessing.

I have learned that many things come together and make me think I know the way it’s supposed to go or the answer that will come out in the end, but I don’t. What I do know is that if I have done my part, it is as it should be. It’s taking me somewhere. The time has simply come when the river diverges and is taking me in a different direction.

Life requires trust. We are meant to live in trust… when one door closes, let it close because there is a different door waiting for you to arrive on the scene. What is truly ours seems to have this way of coming very soon after other things are left behind.

Let go of what isn’t for you, keep your heart open and your course clear even when it twists and turns, and baby hold on, because it’s only getting to the best part.

I heard this song yesterday and it is sexy hot. This woman is an awesome talent. The band is Alabama Shakes. The song, Hold On.

I thought something wasn’t going to happen this week, I didn’t believe. I said to someone, no, this won’t happen. And then it did. Reminder to self: don’t begin to think that you know how things are going to go. Just live as well and as full out as you can and trust for the rest.

Although I’m busier than I’ve been for awhile, it has begun to feel like that flow when you’re right in the zone, when things keep moving even when there are bumps. It is affected by belief, the zone. When I believe, it’s like I bounce right off of the bumps and hitting them actually clarifies and adds momentum. And today, in the midst of the flow, I hear this song. It was the happiest song I’ve heard in a long time. It feels like sunshine. It matched the way I felt.

I had a ways to drive and began to think of all the things that I am grateful for. I felt a gentle reminder to have fun… lots… and to be around people and in situations that make me laugh so hard I cry, to surprise loved ones and strangers with things that make them burst with happiness, to lie in the grass finding shapes in the clouds with a partner in mischief, to savor the taste of a fresh-picked peach warmed by the sun, to take a little or big road trip every year, to stay up all night mesmerized by the aurora borealis, to spend New Years in the Caribbean now and then, to hike in places all over the world that make me silent with wonder, to take chances I would have thought silly ten years ago, and trust that the path my life is on is not all up to me. But what is mine to do, do it, believe it, live it, love it.

Discover me. And I’ll discover you. And we’ll recover and uncover the best and the worst that I didn’t know about me and you didn’t know about you. What is feared is spoken. What is hoped is shared. Truth floats glittering from sky to ground, melding with trust, all becomes sacred beneath our feet.

The unknown falls away while the deep mystery remains. A forever of finding and discovering. Nothing mundane in hand with steadfast comfort. I am your favorite shirt. You are my favorite jeans. A one-of-a-kind fit, only more lovely when all of forever is spent.

Undiscovered by James Morrison

The time right now feels much as it felt in 2010 when I prepared to leave Portland for how long I did not know. Things that have loosely rolled around within me for awhile are asking for commitment, for a choice to be made, for bolder steps to be taken. It is not in one area of my life, but in all. It is time to stop traveling as I have been and focus my energy, which I’m realizing that I have in abundance and there is a purpose for it.

There is a difference between frenetic ‘always busy’ but not really meaningful activity, and embracing interesting, creative things in life that refuel rather than drain energy. I think people are wired to learn new things, to create and contribute creatively to others. For me, some of my things are writing, entrepreneurial business, microcredit, healthy outdoor lifestyle, cooking classes (always, because I’m not a natural, baking is so different from cooking), learning how to garden organically and make organic products for the body and home… on and on, and yes, I will likely always feel a fire around marketing. But too much time spent only in one area makes me feel out of sorts. We all have interests waiting to be discovered. They bring frustration sometimes, but they are meant to be part of our lives. They are part of what connects us to others, part of our gift to others. It is important to find ways to include the things that make us smile and contribute to others at the same time–that is where the magic is.

At times in our life, the wind changes and we realize a window has opened, ‘go time’ has arrived in one or more areas. We can keep on the way we are going or step through into a new and different chapter. We must choose to play our part in the opportunities life offers or the window closes, the pages of the new chapter remain empty and unfilled. There is a momentum and purpose that begins to grow in a person’s life when they learn to see opportunity–fate, forks in the road, God’s invitation, however it arrives for a person–and go all in. Everything on the line. But this is not really that risky. It is a riskier roll of the dice to think that what is offered to us at a certain point in our life will ever be offered again. If we have a nudge to do something, will we be able to later, will it still be there? If the window is open now, are you willing to let it close? There is a reason it is offered to each one of us when it is.

Some would say it takes courage to live a life outside of what is deemed ‘normal’ (what is that anyway?) Maybe. But once you’ve tasted life as it is meant to be lived, creative, challenging, entrepreneurial, risky, frustrating, adventurous, you see that the mess that it seems to be has this purpose to it, an interconnected design. You begin to see it working itself out. It resembles an idea that you had, but as it unfolds it reveals even more. It has likely been fraught with more challenges and obstacles than you thought you could handle, but you did, and it is becoming more meaningful than you had dared hope.

This is the way my life has been… is. I just can’t live life any other way than as a tremendous adventure, come what may. I had a conversation with an inspiring woman from Idaho yesterday, and she echoed this. Once you have tasted life full on the lips, nothing less will satisfy you. You can’t live by someone else’s expectations or fears, or your own. You must take the path that is yours, living both certain and unclear at the same time, and let the miraculous have a chance to happen.

In the past several months, I have traveled across the U.S. to visit family and many of my friends. I have spent a bit of time in the wilderness of my home state of Oregon. I don’t know exactly what my future will bring but I can see looking back over the past few months that my heart was preparing for whatever is coming. It’s funny that way, what is laid on one’s heart. I could feel that changes were coming and felt a pull to make sure I spent some time with the people I love, that I spent time in my home state. I could have ignored this nudge to book the tickets and travel to see everyone, and thought instead to do it later. But later doesn’t always come back to us how and when we think it will. I felt a sense that I wasn’t sure when I would pass that way again. Yet I don’t know where the path that I am on is taking me.

Sometimes it is like that… you get a sense to take some kind of action but you don’t know yet why or what it exactly means. You can ignore it and think it’s nothing, or take the action and trust that it is guiding you. Sometimes you feel that you need to let something be and walk on, but then it returns to your heart when it has found its time. I must admit that acting in trust has not yet led me astray. It eventually makes sense and I come to see how all the steps and occurrences that came before brought me to the place where my life was meant to go. There is a sureness that comes, in the midst of not knowing how things will turn out, that an action must be taken. But there is also an acceptance that whatever will be, will be. The trust grows out of a willingness to accept the guidance outside of oneself that meets a place of resonance at the same time within oneself.

Underneath all of this is a fundamental change that makes the daily decisions a bit easier. It is choosing to respond with a huge YES to life as an adventure. And to take the ride that this will bring. Does this take courage or is it really the only rational response to the pull, nudge, ache, longing, hope, that makes us restless in the night?

And so the end of one chapter draws near. The wind has changed and this next chapter holds many new things. But I’ve already said yes and this means that I will leave everything on the field, no holds barred, no regrets. In return I am certain that life will continue to be an adventure in that way that saying yes to life is. Whatever it brings, I don’t want to miss a thing.

Sometimes we come to know someone, or hope we do, through questions we ask, through time spent. At times I ask many questions of others and get lots of questions from others too. I don’t mind sincere questions. Questions help us learn about each other.

But once in a rare while, or maybe only once in a lifetime, you look into someone’s eyes and discover you see and are seen all the way to the soul; few words could add to the truth you have encountered. Why this happens for some and not for others will perhaps remain a mystery. But perhaps it is not such a mystery. To remain in the presence of a sunrise and allow oneself to be broken, no words to be found, to feel a swelling ache in one’s heart as a fast, clear river runs through one’s fingers, to feel cocooned and at peace lying under the canopy of tall, centuries-old trees, the only sound their voice, humming and crackling as they sway in the clear wind… this ache, this brokenness, this cocooning peace, comes when we allow ourselves to be touched by the heart of Love, the One who created beauty, and without a spoken word we learn about love.

Our natural world has so much to teach us about love; how to be vulnerable yet not weak, at times reminding us of its strength by humbling us and requiring our respect. It offers us all of its beauty and enters us fully if we receive it, yet remains beyond us, untamed, uncontrollable. It allows us to harm it, but we are the ones who suffer most because we do. When confronted by the wounds we have inflicted on our world, we have a choice to change and treat it with care, or do battle with it to take more of what we want from it. Nature will prevail in the end.

And so it is with love. Love calls us to be wholly vulnerable, yet there is strength in this. Love is as nature is, untamed, uncontrollable. We can choose to respect it in ourselves and others. If not, we will surely suffer. Our natural world is calling us to give up what we have been striving for and how we do it—the way we make money, the priorities we think are our right, the ideas and dreams of success—if we mean to allow our world to heal so that it can continue to nurture and sustain us.

And so Love calls us to both endeavor to have a strong, healthy foundation of our true self and purpose, and to give up the seductive idea of mine, me and I. Love calls us beyond ourselves. The answer does not lie within our minds. We cannot search ourselves to find it. We can open our hearts and minds to acknowledge and remove the barriers that keep us from seeing, recognizing and receiving Love. Love is a gift. It comes and offers itself to us. It demands nothing and asks everything. Everything.

And it is when we in turn offer up everything we are, lay down our rights and expectations, our lives as we planned, it is then we find that everything that matters comes finally to rest within us.

You are driving down a road, a road you’ve driven so many times that you scarcely realize that your thoughts are somewhere else, even at the same time that you are utterly present and moved by the heartrending beauty of the nature you are passing through. Though there are others near, the moment is intimate. It comes. Clear and true. Quiet and sure. Clarification. And you suddenly know that you stand at a crossroad.

What you know of your life, your future, the direction you are going, no longer rings true. Your heart longs for something that lies in another direction. You can stay the course and stay with what you know, or take the other mist-shrouded path and follow your heart into the uncertain. You don’t know what it means, what it will ask of you. But you cannot shake it from your mind, or your heart; the possibility of being and having what stirs your heart. At once you experience the mysterious paradox of being part of something more than yourself, a sense of destiny, and yet with freedom to choose.

That fire that has been growing stronger within you burns away the unimportant and leaves you standing before the truth. You do not want to be ordinary for the sake of feeling safe. You do not want to turn away and feel a coward. You do not want to live a life of the expected, laden with a false certainty that becomes boredom and monotony, just to feel logical and sensible, to fit others’ expectations. The Amazing has touched you, given you sight where once you were blind, and didn’t know you were… until the moment when the mist lifted and you caught a glimpse of what you truly long for.

What you see in your vision, you cannot un-see. What calls to your heart, you cannot un-hear. What burns in your soul, you cannot extinguish, though you have tried; it seemed too improbable to come true, best to forget. ‘It will never happen’ loomed so large. Better a bird in the hand… yet your heart stirred restless. What if it will be as beautiful as you imagined it could be, yet even more? What would it mean instead to bear each of those days, those years, knowing you had turned away from the opportunity, the choice, to take hold of fate’s lovely hand, to enter into the realm of the Amazing? What does life become if the clarification, the vision, given to you was truly meant to be yours, but you let it slip away?

The faces and stories of the regretful brokenhearted tell us the answer… it is an answer that their witness assures is terrible to bear.

It seems certain that the human heart, once having been offered the hand of the Amazing, is not the same. It is not the same life to return to once the clarification has come, the choice must be made. Not saying yes is saying no. It is a choice all the same. You will be changed either way. Your heart and life will bear the mark of the decision.

Take hold of the hand of the Amazing. Go where it wants to take you. Honor the hope and the fire that burns with purpose within your heart. Say yes.

Years/Cleo’s Song by JBM

Even if you fall short, there is something gorgeous and life-changing in the going for it. Yes, you may splat on the side of a mountain, never have all of what you envision, of what moves your heart and your feet to do and go where others fear to tread, to go into the territory of the amazing, the place where it all doesn’t make sense but yet makes the most sense of anything you’ve ever known. If you go for it, you will know what many wish they did. You will know the answer to the question, ‘what if’ and there is a tremendous peace in this. I seldom hear someone say, ‘I wish I’d never tried,’ but I have heard a fair share of ‘I wonder what would have been different if I had…….’

I know from painful outcomes that things don’t always turn out like I would hope, but it is pain all the same when I endure the aftermath of refusing to try. Timing is important, yes, and things are not always in place to pursue that which rustles around within us in our quiet moments… a business idea, a job change, a relationship with someone. But I think it is also true that it is far too easy to let opportunities slip away and let our life slip away without realizing it, until something wakes us up and we see that the amazing could have been ours. Someone else acted on the business idea that we thought about but never put into play. Someone else chose to love the one to whom we did not open our hearts. Opportunity knocks but it doesn’t wait out on the porch forever. It will find a door that will open somewhere else.

I have both missed opportunities and have been open to something or someone when it/they weren’t open to me, and later came back to say that they felt that they had made a mistake. It is not that I do not understand, but it seems a rare and elusive thing to sync up from there. Although it is possible, it is not always meant to be again what it might have been once. Time passes, hearts that might have set out in the same direction are at different places, out of step, the ship that once was full of promise has sailed.

You never know what might have been, but if you have done your part, if you have tried and put yourself in as fully as you could, it is okay that it passed you by. There will be another opportunity, another time, another someone. The broken road may seem to be an endurance course but if we give ourselves to opportunities, risk and invest in business, work, love, people, ideas that call us and challenge us to grow, we will at times surely lose. At least we will lose the idea of how we thought it should go, but endeavoring to answer ‘what if’ promises that we will view this question as a creative question rather than a question of regret. It will be a question to be met head on, facing forward, not a question laden with grief and loss. It is a question that will place us square in the territory of the amazing and of great loss at the same time. But that is where a great life is created.

Our lives, each of our lives, are meant to be creative. We are meant to create not sometimes but all the time… relationships, love, babies, families, homes, meals, community, beautiful things to look at, eat, experience. We are not meant for stagnation, for coasting, for neglecting beauty and creativity. We are meant to live life in a beautiful world, to be beautiful in our hearts and souls. To create a world where each person can wake up and know beauty also, no matter where they are or where they come from.

It is not humble to play small. It is a loss to ourselves and others. There will be, is, a space where each of us is to be. It is an empty side of a bed that is yours to fill. It is an invention that is swirling in your thoughts; an invention that will allow suffering communities to heal and thrive. It is a work of art that you have yet to complete that will change how someone sees the world, the meaning of their life, their own contribution. That idea, that hope, that love stirring in your heart, and the return of love and sense of purpose you hope for… it is not random or meaningless. It is yours for a reason. Answer the question, ‘what if’ not in the rearview mirror, but facing forward with curiosity each day. What if… live in the beautiful, creative mess of the answer.

‘The first rule of survival: to believe that anything is possible.’ ~Laurence Gonzales

I have been reading a book lent to me by someone I recently met, Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales. It’s about those characteristics within a person that contribute to one person living and another dying; the art and science of survival against odds and what are some of the causes. He looks at countless stories and data and retells the irrational actions some people take, such as divers who die with plenty of air in their tanks and no technical malfunctions. They become gripped with the need to breathe through their mouth and pull off their breathing apparatus.

Gonzales is quick to point out that the characteristics of survival apply to how we live daily life. What he writes resonates as I have heard similar things in interviews and discussions with people who have overcome great odds. I have experienced some of these things myself as I attempt to live my life as more of the adventure it is meant to be and have shared similar thoughts in my workshops.

We sometimes look at things people do and think, ‘that was stupid,’ but Gonzales demonstrates that anyone can behave ‘stupidly’ under the right conditions. What about those who make it in spite of impossible odds? According to Gonzales, there are critical elements that separate those few who survive from the many who don’t.

1. Perceive, believe, then act. They believe what the environment is telling them. They plan, and adapt the plan when the environment changes. They move through denial and anger rapidly and face the facts. They are neither unduly optimistic or pessimistic, but are realistic.
2. Stay calm. They harness their emotions rather than acting irrationally in the grip of fear. They use humor to keep a sharp edge, fueled by fear and anger.
3. Think, analyze, plan. They avoid impulsive behavior and understand that taking a risk is not the same as making a bad or uninformed decision in the grip of fear, overconfidence or some other feeling. They organize quickly and often hear two inner voices; one of fear and the other of rational thought in support of hope. They push away thoughts that the situation is hopeless. They choose to listen to the voice of hope.
4. They take decisive, clear action moment by moment, breaking large tasks into small, manageable ones. Next, and then next.
5. They feel elation and a sense of celebration at achieving each small task.
6. They count their blessings, looking at what they do have, not what they don’t.
7. They play. The more they have experienced the arts, for example poetry and music, the more resources they can recall when needed. They think deeply and search for meaning in what they encounter, allowing this to help move them forward.
8. They are deeply aware of the wonders of the world surrounding them and are in awe of its beauty.
9. Survivors focus themselves on excellence and believe they will prevail if they are careful and do their best. They get the information and ask questions of more experienced people to avoid being caught out. They are humbled when facing their journey and act with carefulness and boldness, coupled together.
10. They don’t passively expect to be rescued and instead do whatever it takes to survive, also believing in the impossible as they act. Yet they are pragmatic and know their abilities.
11. They never give up but they do know when to call it and come back at it another time so they don’t end up in terrible situations if they can help it. They don’t allow their spirits to be broken. They take setbacks in stride and begin again.

Gonzales and his sources point to simple necessities of living a life of risk and adventure and this applies to the more ‘mundane’ or ordinary parts of life, as well as climbing mountains or flying fighter jets: Plan, use caution, train and learn. Apply what you know. Anyone can throw their life away, demonstrate poor impulse control, be unprepared, overestimate their abilities or underestimate the challenges. But as elite athletes demonstrate in their training regimens, it is essential to practice and train in living life well. Life is no less a risk in our ‘safe’ lives but choosing not to discipline our fearful and negative emotions and actions keeps us from a full life. We will encounter challenges anyway. We will one day die no matter what we do. There is no avoiding risk. There is no place to hide away.

I agree with Gonzales when he talks about how we are not just our own. We affect other people with our actions and inactions, our thoughtlessness or careful preparation. We must manage our impulses and discipline ourselves so that we may play out our life and our contribution as excellent as may be done, aware of what it means in the interconnected world in which we live. Life is the most perilous, risky and amazing adventure we will ever know. We can be thrown about by our impulses, blinded by unrealistic perceptions, feel like victims instead of undertaking the transformation into hopeful adventurers, or we can meet life full on with all of ourselves applied to the many challenges it will send our way.

Every day we can choose to harness our fear and anger, connect our emotions to our reason, practice facing small fears, choose to act in thoughtful boldness, break our dreams down into manageable steps and take them, create our plan and adapt as we go, engaging the changing environment’s opportunities and challenges. Each of us can be one who makes it, who leaves a legacy that outlives money, assets or career accomplishments. Be the one who says at the end, ‘I lived life full out. I loved full out. I went for it and did my best to run the race well.’

Alexi Murdoch, one of my favorite artists in the past year, It’s Only Fear.

It is true that I hold a conviction that forms my thinking, my orientation toward life, my passion, my work; one that is not agreeable with all… and it is that every person has a purpose on this earth, not to simply do or make or create, but to be. To be in relationship… with God, with their true selves, with other people, animals, nature.

At peace without detached passivity. Engaged.

Full, not emptied, of humanity. Transformed and renewed more by our stillness that we so evade than by the comfort of our frenetic activity.

Imperfect and aware. Understanding the difference between a plank and a speck… clear and humbling.

Within the conviction that the essential purpose of life is to be in relationship, I also hold that each of us has vast freedom to believe, disbelieve, try, give up, go forward, turn back, say yes, say no, choose love or apathy, clutch fear and stubbornness, or let go and open up to new possibilities. We also are blessed with consequences and resulting emotions that are often labeled as negative. Instead of accepting the wise guidance these emotions offer, we so often try to get rid of them before they have done their good work in us.

When we do harm, intentionally or unintentionally, remorse comes to help repair wounds we cause to ourselves and to others, but it can dig too deep, staying far too long if we fail to be truly accountable for our actions. It morphs into something else, a seething regret and even self-pity that deviously take away our present moments and our hope for the future. We can choose to face the hurt and anger we cause, understand the impact and bear the consequences honorably. This allows remorse to do its job and is our only way through to freedom and peace, and it is the only way of love.

It is dangerous to our souls to numb the remorse and assuage our blessed guilt. Guilt in itself is not our enemy; it is the natural feeling that comes when we have not done as we should, or have done something we shouldn’t. We must then act promptly to repent with no looking back—to turn away and not repeat what we have done—or guilt begins to twist and deform within us and we become like Gollum in the cave. Then we wonder how we got to be so far from the path. When guilt is faced properly, it chastens us, humbles us, gives birth to empathy and compassion.

It is not what happens to us, what is done to us, that takes our life and our beauty from us. We may not have been loved or raised to be strong. We may have learned to be fearful and even cowardly. We may have been taught to be stingy and greedy or have lost much and feel entitled to what remains, to be self-righteous and right. But for most of us, these lessons and teachers are behind us and have no power now but what we give them.

We can re-learn how to live well. Our choices will lead us in our re-learning and new feelings will follow. We can choose to be courageous and some day we may actually feel courageous or at least less fearful. We can choose to listen, to envision a world where differences aren’t a threat, and by doing so create a world that is more loving and less threatening.

We can choose to be generous and we may one day desire to take less from ourselves and others. When we give of what we have to offer, we get so much more. We lose this gift to ourselves when we withhold what is ours to give. It reveals that essential truth that when we forget ourselves, the beauty of who we truly are is discovered.

A reader suggested that I write an update from my April 2010 post when I started off (formally) on this journey and I thought that was a great answer to the question ‘what will I blog today?’

I left Portland two years ago this month and had been in Dublin, Ireland a few days when the Iceland volcano erupted, stranding people in the largest airline grounding in history. Ferries were overbooked, hostels and hotels were full. People who had no plans to stay longer had exhausted their budgets and were busking on the streets for money to afford food and a bed for the night. They were losing money by not being at their jobs and then having to spend money to stay in a foreign country. People were in crisis.

And so it was that I quickly learned how unpredictable and uncontrollable this journey would be and, at the same time, was certain of God’s presence on this path. I knew that I didn’t have to understand it all, only that it was important to really listen and lean into the sense of direction that was unfolding. Deeper relationships were forged with people during this time and some remain close today. One of my friends has often said that what seemed to be a catastrophe became a blessing. And that is how it can be when we come to accept that what is happening is a part of our life story. It just is and fighting it doesn’t change it.

This was more than a journey to experience other cultures and to spend time writing. It was/is a journey of letting go and discovering the gorgeous beauty that awaits us within our one authentic life, hidden, yet in plain sight, the intersection of will and choice and divine purpose. It was/is learning to let go of barriers and the energy spent controlling and managing aspects of life and instead live in greater faith, a faith that asks much, but gives much too. It is about taking risks for dreams and love, to be more vulnerable and less protected, to laugh more, to feel all the joys and pain of life in vivid color, to allow my heart to be broken by the view of the setting sun glinting off a still loch, to feel continuity with those who have gone before as I write in a thousand-year-old people-carved cave dwelling, to lie among rugged Mediterranean rocks utterly alone save for God and the goats and find that there is where my heart has decided to reveal its truths to my mind and I become more whole even as I feel fractured. But what was really breaking were the walls within myself.

So the travel. I have gone to places that are relatively easy for a solo American woman to travel freely. I chose these places out of what interested me and what made sense from a writing and budget perspective, staying at artist’s residences in France and Italy. It was easy to move between European countries on a passport and a tight budget so that gave me a geographical limit to my travels. The Greek islands were on my bucket list, specifically Santorini. I had also always wanted to go to Ireland. I thought I should go to Scotland too, because it’s easy to get to from Ireland, and there’s a bit of heritage there for me.

I wrote a post about arriving in Edinburgh for the first time ‘Could It Be Love at First Sight?’ because something I had never experienced before, ever, happened to me. I had a strange sense of having just arrived home. Nothing particular happened that night; I’m not even a city girl. Still I experienced an incredibly strong sense of place, of home, that took me wholeheartedly. I have no explanation for it, but it did not leave me. I feel this way every time I arrive in Scotland. It is truly ironic because it was the one place that I had planned to stay the least amount of time and did not have an intention to return… until that first night. I immediately changed my plane ticket to extend my stay, found a beautiful and affordable city centre flat share for exactly my newly extended time (during festival season… impossible people said; found it in two days) and spent a few weeks exploring and writing. It is interesting because I wasn’t supposed to be in Edinburgh that night or that week but a series of serendipitous occurrences and resulting decisions put me there.

The writing… what a journey. I want to write so many things in the course of my lifetime; many voices encouraged me, cajoled me, insisted, that I write a memoir. So I did. I got the stories down. That has taken a lot of time and effort over the past couple of years and for now, it is tucked away. Only very recently did I come to a sure place with the longings of my own heart about all of this and the direction that I see to go, and am returning to writing the stories of others’ lives, stories of my travels, and partially completed work in the first of a series that I started writing in France but put down to work on the memoir. I have begun to submit travel articles to magazines and short stories to contests to get my feet wet. It is so different writing these things than the business-focused writing that I have done throughout my career. But that’s the great part. I am a beginner again. It’s fun and frustrating, and I learn.

I have a passion for illuminating others’ stories and have focused on this in my professional life in brand and marketing, drawing connection between the food of the farm and the table, between a useful product or service and the experience created by the person purchasing it. Continuing this direction, I am co-authoring a book with a gifted researcher and business school professor that highlights stories of people who are living and leading authentically.

MSNBC got in touch with me again this past fall, having remembered me from an interview with them in 2010. As a result I will have a wee blurb on marketing and authentic storytelling tips in a business entrepreneurship book coming out in October 2012. Not a huge thing, but a nice addition to this path that I’ve taken.

Then there is the evolution of workshops I’ve given at business conferences and ‘open to the public’ settings. I have had a few inquiries about taking groups into longer workshop experiences, specifically in Ireland and the Scottish Highlands. I am working with my new business partner in this direction and anticipate that we will have something ready to launch in the near future.

To ensure I transition reasonably smoothly into other forms of writing and make the most of my abilities, I will be part of a writing cohort in a program in Scotland that is a different animal than other similar opportunities; this one no doubt will both kick my arse and be one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

In the meantime I enjoy facilitating business and marketing creative sessions with business owners, teaching a bit and working with business school students and writing this blog. And the most important… there has to be good amounts of my time available for family, friends, baking, exploring, hiking, cycling, health and fitness.

Yes, I may still do something in baking in my future as well. I make a growing variety of cookies, cakes and treats that children and adults devour without realizing that they’re eating something relatively healthy, many times without flour or refined sugar. I make plenty of decadent creations as well, often featuring really good dark chocolate. This reminds me that I’m under threat to be disowned if I don’t make my Chocolate Peanut Butter Puffs while I’m in Portland.

So from two years ago to now… life is much more exploratory for me. I’m willing to take more risks–lose some, win some–because although I may not like every outcome, that is not the point. We are meant to risk, to choose faith, to persevere, to struggle, and to let go and accept. More often than not, things are more than the best I have imagined. I meet people who teach me about vulnerability, love, being real, the meaning of true success and living full out. I meet people in love, in crisis, in grief, in despair, in giddy happiness. I have amazing experiences I have only read about or seen in my imagination. It’s simple really. This is life—messy, uncontrollable, quiet, loud, sunny, gray. Where it’s going, who knows, but it won’t be boring or predictable. And the thing is, no life is meant to be.

We have all been given a measure of freedom and things to which we may apply ourselves and in which we are meant to one day be excellent. These things fire our creativity and our imagination. May we uncover these abilities that lie within us and give our energy to them, whether they be part of our vocation or an offering alongside it, for it is there that we begin to see the divinity in our creation and the place we were purposed to fill in this world. It is of utmost importance. And so it is that I do this for myself and find ways to apply my passion in helping others do this also.

Freeeedom! (Do you hear a bit of William Wallace there?) I did so I had to include this clip. Still a great speech and actually so relevant to this post. What will you do with your freedom?