Charlie Schroeder

The Lebowski Fest

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:54:02 PDT

I report on the Lebowski Fest, a two-day celebration of all things Big Lebowski. Originally aired on Only a Game, July 11th, 2009.

GC Waldrep on Performance Today

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:49:27 PDT

I recently produced this piece about the post-modern poet, G.C. Waldrep. It aired on Performance Today. Hosted by the lovely and talented Fred Child.

My Last Story on Weekend America

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:23:55 PST

Boo-hoo.

It was a nice run and I'm glad to have been a part of it. Here now, I bring you the last piece I produced. It's about my in-laws first visit to America.

Thanks Weekend America.

The Last Weekend America

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:53:35 PST

This Saturday is Weekend America's last broadcast. This makes me very upset for a number of reasons, but mostly because many bright, talented producers and editors will be forced to live on the street in St. Paul, Minnesota, where it's currently 1 degree F. The cold, barren Twin Cities are no place for good, honest radio people to live, so if you've got an extra room and you see what looks to be a snowman wearing headphones and a shotgun mic roaming through your town, open your door and invite them in. I guarantee he or she will be a great conversationalist.

While I'm on the subject of barren public radio things, I need to say this. If you subscribe to the This American Life podcast, and you have some coin, send it to Ira Glass and company. According to Glass, 400,000 people download TAL every week and that costs WBEZ around $150k a year in bandwidth alone. Apparently only 20,000 people contribute directly to TAL, which is pretty sad when all he's asking for is a dollar.

I know, I know, you contribute to your local radio station (or do you?) and you don't feel as though you need to give any more money to TAL, because they have a TV show on Showtime. But that's lame and you know it. Last week I coughed up $20 and, you know what, I feel richer for it, not poorer. Unless of course I get fired from my job, in which case I'll want at least $3 back.

At a time when more and more longform mass media is vanishing, it's our responsibility as concerned citizens to help them survive this, um, clusterfuck.

Inauguration Flub

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 11:24:12 PST

Those of us who aren't familiar with the oath, thought Mr. Obama flubbed his oath earlier today, a brief crack in his otherwise flawless character. But upon further review it was Chief Justice Roberts who slipped up with his misplaced "faithfully." Note Obama's inquisitive look, like "did I just hear what I thought I heard?"

What West Coast Golden Globe Viewers Missed

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 10:12:56 PST

During last night's Golden Globe awards, TV's on the West Coast were temporarily "darkened" during Mickey Rourke's Best Actor acceptance speech. I haven't seen that since I was in China and the government censored the Hong Kong news (with a short clip of Chinese flag-waving propaganda--a must see, really). What could Randy "the Ram" possibly have said? See below:

Book Cart Drill Team Story a "Best Of"

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:37:51 PST

Breaking news today out of Boston. Only a Game selected my Book Cart Drill Team story as one of their Best Stories of 2008.

Sex sells kids.

Listen here:

Watch here:

In 2008, I drove like my doppelganger...

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:06:35 PST

Senor Jeff Gordon.

Watch here:

Listen here:

In 2008, I...

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:08:39 PST

sang r&b on the radio.

Listen here:

In 2008, I officially became...

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 13:19:21 PST

...the World's Greatest Athlete.

Listen here:

Watch here:

One Billion Friends at Christmas

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 21:13:29 PST

My newest podcast is a short, humorous essay about my one billion friends.

Back Magic Plaster

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:58:29 PST

I stuck one of these "external analgesics" on my back, right on top of where I pinched a nerve, and now I can move freely for the first time in six days.

Praise Jah.

(My acupuncturist gave me a box a few days ago and I used up all the pads within 24 hours. Today my wife went out and bought some more. 69 cents for a box of 5! Now that's affordable health care!)

If you're suffering from back pain I highly recommend them.

Today I told my boss that I go to an acupuncturist and he just waved me off and said that they and chiropractors were "quacks." So what if my acupuncturist told me she was a dog and a king (among others) in her past lives and can communicate with people telepathically? She cured my bum hand after three sessions and has relieved a heaping amount of ouchy from my neck.

That's not quackery, friends, that's progress.

My Western doctor told me to alternate ice and heat on my hand and nothing happened at all. Then he told me to take some drugs. Which did nothing for my either. I'm starting to think that whole system is some sort of profit scheme.

RIP Weekend America

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:48:20 PST

I've been sidelined the past six days with a debilitating slipped disk (I don't recommend it) and just found out today (three days after the announcement was made) that Weekend America has been canceled. This bums me out to no end. I've contributed to the show since its inception and have come to think of the staff members as one big public radio family. Truly clever, smart, talented, compassionate, hard-working. Every one of 'em.

WeAm now joins The Next Big Thing and Day 2 Day as two shows I've contributed to that have bit the dust. This is a major buzzkill.

Yell AFTER You Throw

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 11:34:44 PST

Before I criticize Muntader al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist who flung his shoes at Bush's head, I have to pay him a compliment: dude, you can throw. The Yankess are probably having second thoughts about signing C.C. Sabathia for $161 million after that fast ball. Er, I mean fast shoe.

But here's the thing Muntader, I understand that throwing shoes is a great insult and all, but if you really wanted to bean Bush, you should have saved your insults for after the toss. When you screamed that Bush was a "dog" he had time to prep for the incoming WMD (and really, as much as this kills me, I have to give props to Bush for his Zen-like duck).

Still, nice work. You managed to do something millions have wanted to do for a long time.

Buy Holiday Gifts at Your Independent Bookstore

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 09:35:23 PST

I lifted the following letter by Roy Blount Jr. off James Fallows' blog.

Fearing that the current economic crisis will severely impact independent booksellers, art museums, theaters, etc. my wife and I have been patronizing them more than ever. (Sadly, I've found there's lots of crap art out there, but that's a whole other story.)

Last weekend I presciently followed Blount's advice and bought some gifts at my favorite independent bookstore, Vromans (in Pasadena).

And no, they're not for you. Bah humbug.

Here's Blount's plea:

I've been talking to booksellers lately who report that times are hard. And local booksellers aren't known for vast reserves of capital, so a serious dip in sales can be devastating. Booksellers don't lose enough money, however, to receive congressional attention. A government bailout isn't in the cards.

We don't want bookstores to die. Authors need them, and so do neighborhoods. So let's mount a book-buying splurge. Get your friends together, go to your local bookstore and have a book-buying party. Buy the rest of your Christmas presents, but that's just for starters. Clear out the mysteries, wrap up the histories, beam up the science fiction! Round up the westerns, go crazy for self-help, say yes to the university press books! Get a load of those coffee-table books, fatten up on slim volumes of verse, and take a chance on romance!

There will be birthdays in the next twelve months; books keep well; they're easy to wrap: buy those books now. Buy replacements for any books looking raggedy on your shelves. Stockpile children's books as gifts for friends who look like they may eventually give birth. Hold off on the flat-screen TV and the GPS (they'll be cheaper after Christmas) and buy many, many books. Then tell the grateful booksellers, who by this time will be hanging onto your legs begging you to stay and live with their cat in the stockroom: "Got to move on, folks. Got some books to write now. You see...we're the Authors Guild."

Enjoy the holidays.

Roy Blount Jr.
President
Authors Guild

Credit the Mullet's Resurgence to ME

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:38:44 PST

Yesterday a colleague came into my office and said "Nice mullet."
"Huh?" I replied. Then I looked at my reflection in the framed Clint Eastwood poster that hangs opposite my desk. My hair is admittedly, a little unruly (I haven't gotten it cut since April), but mullet? This guy was seriously asking for trouble. Unfortunately he ran out before I could throw a stapler at his face.

Not being one to argue with this juvenile name-caller I kept my mouth shut and chose to bottle up my seething rage. But as the day went on, his snarky little remark about my overgrown mane started to eat away at me. Not surprisingly I went through all the usual stages of grief:

1. Denial: I DO NOT HAVE A MULLET! THIS GUY HAS A MULLET:

2. Anger: WHY, OH, WHY DID I GO TO MY DERMATOLOGIST AND GET A PRESCRIPTION FOR THE HAIR GROWTH DRUG PROPECIA?

3. Bargaining: WHY DID I ORDER THE GENERIC VERSION OF PROPECIA (FINPECIA) FROM A CANADIAN PHARMACY SO I COULD PAY HALF THE AMOUNT AND TAKE TWICE THE RECOMMENDED DOSAGE OF THIS GLORIOUS DRUG?

4. Depression: I WISH THE BALD SPOT ON TOP OF MY HEAD WOULD HAVE GROWN IN TOO. NOW I WANT TO SLIT MY WRISTS. ALTHOUGH ONE OF THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST MEN (BILL BAILEY) SPORTS A LOOK I MAY ONE DAY HAVE TOO AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BOTHER HIM:

5. Acceptance: OKAY, SO I HAVE A MULLET. SO WHAT? LIKE BELL BOTTOMS AND FRIENDSHIP PINS IT WILL COME BACK INTO STYLE AND I SHALL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS THE MAN WHO BROUGHT IT BACK FROM THE DEAD.

Writers' Rooms

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:16:41 PST

I really enjoyed this audio slideshow on the Beeb's website. The photographer Eamonn McCabe took photos of different writers rooms, from David Hare to V.S. Naipaul. Now they're on display at Madison Contemporary Art in London. I assume a lot of the subjects are British, because I haven't heard of them. Either that or I'm seriously under-read. Probably the latter. Here's what I deduced: most writers read books and most live in better homes than I do.

If my office is some kind of metaphor for my life, then I'm a total schizo. When I'm crunching on a deadline it's a complete pigsty, when I'm not I try to keep it so clean I often throw away things I shouldn't, like bills and checks (well, throwing away bills isn't all that bad).

I don't like to write at a desk, I prefer to write in bed, half asleep. Which makes me wonder how I ever get anything done.

The Battle for the Golden Horseshoe

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:34:14 PST

Tomorrow on Only a Game I report on The Battle for the Golden Horseshoe. Wha? Never heard of it? That's okay nobody else has either.

To sum up: it's an annual football game between Cal Poly (San Luis Obispo) and UC Davis. Both schools have a mustang as their mascot, hence the "horseshoe" in the "Battle of" title. Hey, it beats calling it The Battle for the Golden Shower. (Okay, that was disgusting and inappropriate.)

It's pretty unwieldy that horseshoe. Kinda reminds me of a magnet you'd see in a cartoon. I tried to pick it up and nearly pulled my back out. Then I almost dropped it. Then the horseshoe almost fell off (it ain't secure).

All in all a fine day of reporting, although I don't recommend driving 415 miles in one day to cover a story that involves a wonky horseshoe.

Zack Hample, Baseball Magnet

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 14:44:07 PDT

Be advised I got TWO FACTS WRONG! I'm actually really embarrassed about this. Zack Hample can only ask for a ball in 33 (not 40) different languages and has gotten a ball in 568 (not 565) consecutive games.

My Campaign

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 14:50:09 PDT

Yes, I was a young Republican.

"Sueno" on Only a Game

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:40:47 PDT

This Saturday I profile Jorge "Sueno" Flores on Only a Game. Soccer fans probably know his story, but for those of you who don't, he won the Univision reality show "Sueno: MLS." Sueno is Spanish for "dream" and Flores got just that, a tryout with Chivas USA. He impressed the coaches so much he made the team.

In Sueno's first full game with Chivas he scored a goal, then went on to score goals in his next two games.

Check out his debut last year (it's at :55).

Cramer Knew

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:00:05 PDT

Love him or hate him Jim Cramer knew--a long time ago.

OH MY GOD

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 10:29:07 PDT

At 7:00 Sarah Palin approaches the pulpit and the Kenyan pastor Thomas Muthee and a few other men lay hands on her. Muthee says:

Make a way for Sarah even in the political arena...bring finances her way, even for the campaign in the name of Jesus...Use her to turn this nation another way around...In the name of Jesus every form of witchcraft is what you rebuke in the name of Jesus.

The (Un) Scientific Americans

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:29:18 PDT

In Saturday's Wall Street Journal, Lee Siegel writes about America's cultural divide and claims that the U.S. is a nation of two "cultures":

If hearing the word "culture" makes you think of Rossini, the latest translation of "Anna Karenina," the Guggenheim Museum or "The Wire," then you're probably a liberal -- or, at least, an unreconstructed "cosmopolitan" conservative. But if the word culture means for you forms of courtship, or sexual preference, or the relationship between parents and children, or the set of rituals that revolve around the ownership and use of a gun, or, most passionately of all, ways of living, and believing, and rejoicing, and suffering, and dying that are hallowed by the religion you practice and embodied in the church you belong to...then you are probably celebrating Sarah Palin's ragged, real-seeming life. In that case, you are what might be called either a heartland or a Bloomian conservative.

Siegel's article was well timed, as I had been trying to pinpoint the exact moment when the religious right started to hijack the Republican Party (and God began to permeate much of American, er, "culture"). Fortunately Siegel has an answer for that too. It happened...

...when the Reaganites pronounced government irrelevant...to the improvement of social life, thereby shifting the Republicans' center of operations from politics to culture. In short order, the Reagan revolutionaries invited into their cause the Christian right, who set their self-contained cultural universe against secular cultural values that the liberals had never dreamed would be under explicit siege.

But, as Siegel says, "the Christian perspective had to be...made more inclusive."

Enter Allan Bloom. In 1987, Mr. Bloom published his bestselling "The Closing of the American Mind," an attack on what he perceived as coarse popular culture and a destructive political correctness at the universities. Taking up the Christian right's banner in his cosmopolitan intellectual's hands, Mr. Bloom married the religious right to the mostly secular neo-conservatives. He began the work completed by William Bennett in the latter's sensationally popular "The Book of Virtues." Mr. Bloom redefined culture as "values."

High culture was irretrievably lost to the average person. Culture for Mr. Bloom now meant not literature or art, but the struggle for the American individual's endangered "soul" (a word repeated throughout his book). This secular Armageddon was vividly embodied by Mr. Bloom in his now-notorious image of a solipsistic American teenager masturbating alone in his room while listening to deafening rock and roll. In one stroke, Mr. Bloom submerged politics irrevocably, and fertilely, in culture, and he defined culture in the broadest way as the necessity of living a meaningful life. Values, in other words.

While high culture may be "lost to the average person," (hey, the experimental theater of Richard Foreman is lost on me and I consider myself to be "cultured") I think what the average person (cultured or not) really doesn't understand (or for that matter want to understand) is science.

That's where the U.S.'s cultural divide really becomes a chasm.

Consider the recent article by Alexandra Alter, also from the WSJ, about what the physicists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) are up to these days:

Their primary mission is to find the Higgs, also called "the God particle." If physicists' calculations are correct, the Higgs generates a field that permeates the cosmos, exerting a pull on particles passing through it. Physicists believe the process, called the Higgs force, gives mass to electrons and other particles that should otherwise be massless.

Huh?

Sorry, but the average person (not to mention some pretty above average ones who can't tell the difference between string theory and a string bikini) is just not going to get it. That's why these ten (mostly) monosyllabic words "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth," are believed by so many people for how the universe came about. It's such an easy explanation that a child could understand it.

And that's the point.

Of course the Bible doesn't just explain who created the universe. It also warns its readers that people who don't believe in God will burn in hell.

Now that's a clear, simple story. You've got an explanation for who created all living things, and you've got a very clear punishment if you choose not to believe it. Science, well, that's a bit murkier. It's all experiement and tests and guys in labcoats and academics and well, you know.

Reading these two articles reminded me of a speech I heard Robert Krulwich deliver on a recent RadioLab podcast. Krulwich delivered the commencement address at Caltech this year and urged the grads to communicate their ideas, no matter how complicated they may be or how un-scientific an audience there is. For example Krulwich says...

...somebody, maybe an uncle or a buddy...is going to turn to you and say "so, like what were you doing at CalTech...what were you working on?"

Of course the graduate might have to...

...use certain words like protein or quark or differential...and if you do they're going to listen to you very politely, but upstairs those words are going to mean not a whole lot...because science is not their thing. They can lip sync the words to N'Sync's "Bye, Bye, Bye," but a hypotenuse is hard.

What Krulwich--a master of making complex ideas simple--is saying is that the reason the Bible's explanation for the creation of the universe works so well is its simplicity, its story. He goes on to tell an anecdote about Issac Newton whose Principia Mathematica was so purposefully dense only scholars could understand it.

Do not do what Issac Newton did...I urge you to give it [explaining science to an "average" person] a try. Because talking about science, telling stories to regular folks is not a trivial thing. Scientists need to tell stories to non-scientists because science stories...have to compete with other stories about how the universe works and how the universe came to be.

In The God Delusion, the world's most prominent atheist Richard Dawkins writes that "any creative intelligence...comes into existence only as the end product of an extended process of gradual evolution." That is, there's no such thing as an intelligent creator, but rather creative humans who are the product of evolution.

If we're going to narrow America's "culture gap," scientists must, as Krulwich argues, apparently become more creative humans. They must reach out to the average person and tell him a great story.

Become one with the (Lawn Bowling) Green

chschroed@yahoo.com (Charlie Schroeder) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:31:12 PDT

Hey lawn bowling enthusiasts, this Saturday listen to Only a Game to hear my recap of the Jack Beckley Quinnel Pairs Lawn Bowling Tournament at the Santa Monica Lawn Bowls Club.

Okay, so it's not really a recap, but it does delve into many things lawn bowling.

Not fulfilled by the story? Here are some interesting tidbits that landed on the cutting room floor:

There's a legend that Sir Francis Drake didn't let the encroaching Spanish Armada interrupt his game of bowls. He went on to whoop his opponent and the Spanish fleet.
There's a rumor that bowlers wear white because the folks who run retirement communities thought it looked classy and therefore helped them sell real estate. (I've heard a plethora of reasons for the white attire, but I like this one the best.)
It's a fact that it can take someone about nine months to receive an order of bowls because so few shipments are made from the U.K. Apparently the suppliers wait until there are enough orders to make a cost effective bulk shipment.
After the American Revolution, lawn bowling and the loyalists headed to Canada. Only two greens were left in the U.S. Today there are 120 clubs, mostly in AZ, CA and FL. Still the sport is in danger of "going away" as one woman in the story puts it.
America's oldest green is purported to be in Williamsburg, VA.

Of all the photos I took this one's my favorite. Note the chiropractor sign in the background. Most lawn bowlers are seniors, so it's not a bad idea to have a back cracker across the street.