Charlie's Positivity Blog!

My Guardian Angel - 8/19/2012

2012-08-19T11:27:00.000-04:00

A year ago today was the last time I saw my mom. I got home from work around 5am on August 19, 2011 only a few days my mom was told she didn't have long to live after being diagnosed with stage four cancer. After hearing this, day after day she got worse and worse. After going to bed, I woke up around 10am when my sister was taking her kids to do something for school. I told my mom and dad that if they needed anything to call and let me know, I then went back to bed. The day went on, nurses came in to see her and finally hospice came and convinced her to go to their facility so they can make her comfortable she agreed to go and around 10 she left and the condition she was in, I just couldn't bear to see her. At 12:01am on August 20, 2011 my mom passed away. My family fell apart. My mom was our rock, she knew how to do EVERYTHING. She balanced our books, took care of my sick dad, took care of her kids, grandkids and more. So in the following months we all didn't know how to get by and honestly I look back and don't remember the following 6 months after that. I was in such a haze that nothing really stuck.

This kind of brings me to the point of my writing. It's seemed that we've had a new angel somewhere for us. I don't know if there is a God or Heaven. I'm not saying there's not, I just don't know. But I just know that my mom's spirit, or being, or even just the thought of her, is guiding us to amazing things.

I don't know how but we ended up renovating and moving into our new house in December, but we did. I had a 3.8 GPA in my first semester back in school in 3 years (my mom wanted nothing more than me to finish school). I also finally have a full time, good paying job, a second job doing something I love (being a concert promoter) and more.

That, and many other examples, just gives the idea that my mom is my, and my family's guardian angel looking down on us and helping take care of us like she does so well. I love her so much and miss her even more. I can't believe it's been a year already.

That's all I've gotta say today. Good day!

Turning Point - May 11, 2012

2012-05-11T16:49:00.000-04:00

Instead of clogging up people's timelines or twitter feeds I need to vent and/or rant here. The whole "positivity" blog I started back in January was a good idea. The whole idea was, my life isn't perfect but I'm going to take something out of every day and make it amazing and find the good in everyday alive. And I have been. But lately I've been feeling like I've been trudging through mud. I know this all stems from the fact that I should be graduating from college in a week with some kind of diploma. But the fact of the matter is I'm stuck. Making little progress but, in all essence, staying in one spot.

I got back to school in the fall and because I was dedicated to not being one of those people who took time off from school and fell behind. So, I tried as hard as I could and got 3 As and a B+, a 3.8 GPA. This semester that finished yesterday I had 2 As and a B. And still, I am stuck without a degree and any sign of one coming in the near future.

Call it what you want, arrogance or confidence, I know I was meant for great things. But at the same time, I feel like I'm also destined to always have these insurmountable obstacles in my way. And yes, while I still preach and believe my whole 'unstoppable' mantra, it seems to just be getting frustrating that I'm the only one singing along.

I guess I'm just upset because I see all these people that I graduated high school with and entered college with graduating and starting their professional lives meanwhile I'm still stuck at 'GO' even though I am dreaming much, much bigger. Without sounding like a Disney musical, I know that as long as I dream it I can do it... "I believe I can fly...." but it's so frustrating seeing everyone get what they want and go where they're destined and it seems my "destiny" is to wait for a miracle.

XLVII - 2/29 - 3/5

2012-03-05T21:44:00.000-05:00

Hey guys. So I think I might be wrapping up this experiment. Not because I gave up thinking positivity, but because my life is getting too hectic to do it. Which is good. I know some people read it quite often... some even from Russia (?) but I just have been spreading myself too thin. And by too thin I mean I do a lot and don't have time to write about it on the blog. I do want to take time to write about my unstoppable philosophy and, ironically, that may be my final post on this blog. I won't delete it but I just will slow down the posts.

SO this isn't the end. But it is near. Thanks for reading everyone :)

XLVII - Feb 28

2012-02-29T02:05:00.000-05:00

I got home from work at 4 am. I had class at 9:30. Not only was I there ON TIME but I was there early. Don't ask me how, aside from the fact that I am awesome like that. Also! I only went to school because my second class, world religion had a quiz and well, I aced it. So, well worth it. And even though I was exhausted at school and just wanted to sleep and I complained most of the time, I'm proud of myself for doing it. Tomorrow is our "bonus" day as a world. Leap day. Maybe I can do something special. We'll see :)

XLVI - Feb 27

2012-02-29T02:02:00.000-05:00

So. I could tell so many stories about this god forsaken day. But it would take far too long. Maybe I'll start a video blog after this. It'd be easier to update, maybe. Anyway, to sum it up, I worked 20 hours STRAIGHT, standing the whole time. But made a great impression and great money. Who could ask for anything more?

XLV - Feb 26

2012-02-29T02:00:00.001-05:00

So this day was my work day. Daytona 500. Except there was no race because it rained. And rained. But! I got paid for being there and got paid for being there the NEXT day 2 days of work when I originally only had one. I'll take it!

XLVI - Feb 26

2012-02-29T01:59:00.003-05:00

I feel like a bad blogger but my life has been occupying my time, not this blog. This day I got my family ready for their Daytona 500 party the next day, had an amazing dinner. No complaints from me :)

XLIII - Feb 24

2012-02-29T01:57:00.002-05:00

So that day I just hung out with the family. I was gonna maybe go out, maybe have company, ended up with none of the above and it actually didn't bother me :)

XLII - Feb 23

2012-02-23T15:57:00.001-05:00

Today is a great day, my birthday. As much as I dislike facebook in certain ways, I was happy to see all these different people that I've met over my lifetime wish me a happy birthday, it really meant a lot. I also want to note that my mom and my aunt are no longer able to say it; though I know in some say they are looking down and saying it. But I really miss my mom.

Alright well, I'm gonna go enjoy the rest of my day with my family. Take it easy :)

XLI - Feb 22

2012-02-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

Played a show with Rob again. This time with some friends; Lawson from PA and Dave from Florida. Not the best show but I'm not the best. But I did a great job and had a good time and that's all that matters. Oh. and Today (23rd) is my birthday so I'll talk about that in a minute.

XL - Feb 21

2012-02-23T15:43:00.000-05:00

I had class. Did great like usual. I'm sorry for failing this. But I'm going to keep posting in this blog until day 100. That's what's up. Sorry! haha

XXXVIII - Feb 20th

2012-02-23T15:35:00.001-05:00

So. Monday, I don't really remember what happened... I'm sorry I've been neglecting this blog. But I've been keeping busy. But it should be known that by keeping busy and making moves, I am achieving my goal and positivity reign supreme :)

XXXVII - Feb 19th

2012-02-20T20:36:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I watched even more Boy Meets World. That show just makes me happy. Reminds me of a simpler time, I guess. Nonetheless, I spent a simple, stress free day with the family. And yeah, I get lonely but it's ok. I know I'm better than all those other people. Yeah. Haha.

"I'm born to lose but built to win."

I got all the right tools, my friends.

XXXV - Feb 18

2012-02-18T22:42:00.001-05:00

Spent all day watching Boy Meets World. This show is my favorite. But there is a backlash. That I don't have a girl like Topanga and I'm past the place in my life to be awkward and cute with anyone. I only had one girlfriend in high school, so far I'm striking out in college... I dunno. Just frustrating. But. this is a positivity blog.

I did enjoy sharing the Boy Meets World with ALL my nieces and nephews. It made me happy that we all sat down and watched like 12 episodes today. So. Even though I'm bummed by my loneliness right now, all in all I'm ok :)

XXXV - Feb 17

2012-02-18T22:33:00.001-05:00

I finished my student observation hours and found out that I can apply to be a substitute teacher. So I am in that process now. Hoping to land a job. It'll get me in front of a class environment, it will be cash so... lots of positives. I was feeling so good so I got the guts to ask a girl out, which I'm shy and awkward so this is a big deal, and she flat out ignored the question. Ohwells. Like I said in an earlier post. Love me or leave me alone, ya dig?

XXXIV - Feb 16

2012-02-18T22:17:00.000-05:00

Played another open mic with Rob. Hung out with someone from school and her friends too. Had some drinks and talked and had a good time. Who could ask for anything else? Love the people around you :)

XXXIII - Feb 15

2012-02-18T22:14:00.001-05:00

Um... I don't really remember this day. I know I went and played an open mic with Rob, did really well, drank a bit and came home. But I enjoyed playing the show. So we'll leave it at that :)

XXXII - February 14th - Valen-crap Day

2012-02-15T15:45:00.001-05:00

So. Yesterday was as much of a roller coaster as I anticipated. Dad had a lady friend come over, which my family and I weren't comfortable with. Someone else with my dad. No, sir. I know dad needs a companion. And I think my family would be more receptive if she was respectful to our family. Long story short, there was an argument, tears and a general unpleasant feeling in my house. But we got a lot of emotions out yesterday. Emotions that all my family has had repressed. We're not healed. But we're healing.

My family is very tight knit. It's not typical. It's dysfunctional. It's crazy. But it works for us. And I know that as long as we have each other we will make it through every hurdle.

XXXI - Feb 13th - The World Is Yours

2012-02-14T00:10:00.001-05:00

Today was pretty chill. Did some babysitting, hung with the family again. Pretty chill but it was my last day off for like 4 days straight, maybe more if I can swing it. Tomorrow I have 3 classes, then band practice, then coming home for something rather interesting, I'm sure. Wednesday I am playing an open mic in St. Augustine which I may be also auditioning for another gig. Thursday, a gig in Deland, FL and in class. Friday, student teaching. Seriously, I am loving my life right now and all the opportunities that are before me and I intend to thoroughly engage every last one of them. Why? Cause I'm young and I have the world in front of me. It's like one of my favorite movies says, "You be happy with what you got. Me? I want what's coming to me... The world and everything in it."

That's a Scarface quote. While I don't agree with the cocaine cartel aspect; I believe in taking the world for everything it's got. Here I come.

XXX - February 12th

2012-02-13T17:39:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was about as relaxing as a day with my family can get. And I just loved it. I watched some TV, hung out, talked to my family, did a few errands. It was just a great day. It made me realize that, yes, keeping active is important, but taking one day to just relax and plan your next move. That being said, have a great day. I'll post about the 13th soon. :)

XXIX - February 11th

2012-02-13T17:26:00.004-05:00

Well, Saturday got me thinking. I had work training for the Daytona 500, where I will be working in the parking lots. The past few years I've been working various job and it's gotten me very upset about not being able to hold a steady job and while it doesn't help everything with me financially, it made me think. I've seen and I've done so many things that I would never have done if it weren't for these random jobs. Working for the US Census, in a parking garage, etc. Sure, some of these jobs have been so mind-numbing that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. But the thought of what I'd be doing otherwise... really I have no idea. I've put myself in this situation. I was in NJ with my band, I got a call to work at a restuarant in Florida. What if I was home when that happened? I would have taken the job. I would have not traveled the north east with my band, have a bunch of great times, learn a lot.....

Have no regrets people. Your past makes you who you are.

XXVIII - Feb 10th

2012-02-10T23:51:00.000-05:00

Today I job shadowed at the local high school and for the second week in a row it was a great experience. There has been no glaring red flags telling me not to do this profession, which is the important part. I'm almost done with my required observation hours but I feel like afterwards I will want to observe another teacher to compare and contrast experiences.

Also, I want to point out that over the past few weeks I think I have begun to make real, set your roots in, friends. The type of people you can really count on and confide in. I think. I don't want to count my chickens but I have a good feeling about these people. Also, I forgot to mention that I made ammends of a year long quarrel with one of my best friends and I am working to fix that relationship, too. All that being said, I have work training in the morning and I am exhausted (almost typed obnoxious, either would have worked) SO to sleep I go.

Thanks for reading and supporting me, my friends and family. Love you!

XXVII - 2/9

2012-02-10T23:44:00.002-05:00

Thursday started crappy - got a speeding ticket, didn't hand in my homework - but it totally bounced back into a great day. Did great in my classes, talked to friends, did things for my family and the most important thing is I turned the one let down from the night before into gold. I wrote a new song called "Consolation Prize" which is legit my favorite song that I've written thus far. Henry Miller said, "the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature" and I will take it one further. The best way to overcome any let down is to put a creative/artistic spin on it. Don't let your shortcomings be the death of you.

XXVI - 2/8

2012-02-10T23:40:00.000-05:00

The glory of this day was the fact that I went, played shows and hung with friends. You can never have enough of them. Yes. My family and my personal goals are most important in my life. But friends are a great factor as well and I'm so glad to be sharing my experiences with them. And I'm glad they are/they like my band. It's so awesome. That's all to write about Wednesday.

Sorry about the brevity. I need to catch up.

XXV - 2/7

2012-02-09T15:42:00.003-05:00

Good golly miss molly. I am so behind on this thing. Like I always say. Doing things online is cool but when you have things in real life keeping you busy, your online life goes by the way side. I can't remember what happened on Tuesday... So I'll just sum it all up with, keeping busy is important. I think it's a band name or a song title or something but I really like the phrase "I won't die defeated." I'll quote Galaxy Quest when I say "Never give up, never surrender" and I truly believe that. There was a long time when I did not believe that. But I can tell you that I am for real a believer that you must fight for everything you want. Which leads me to my inspirational phrase, "Be unstoppable"

For the past 5 years I've been accepting people telling me I can't do this and things like that. Well, I decided to stop that and pursue the answers I want. It's not always easy but you know, I'm doing it. And, oddly enough, my friend just showed me a great video that has a lot to do with what I was JUST typing. It's about being successful.

I've gone days without sleeping. I only eat when I really have to. I'm getting out on my dreams and making it all happen. Right now I am caught between being a fulltime student, working on becoming a teacher and getting my new band off the ground and you know what, I am loving every minute of it.