Chasing Joy

Round Up: 100 Ways For Singles To Have The Very Best Valentine's Day

2016-02-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day is coming up. As you long time readers know I am single. I have been single for way more Valentine's Days than I have been in a relationship. Actually I think I have only had a Valentine about 2 or 3 times. So, I know that Valentine's day can sometimes suck if you are a single person. But that does not have to be the case. I'll admit that I would rather have a special Mr. Joy Chaser in my life to be all lovey dovey with this weekend but that simply is not the case. However this will not be a sucky weekend for me and it does not have to be a sucky one for you. To help my brothers and sisters in singledome I have done a round up of 100 ways you can not only survive but have have your very best Valentine's day

1. Maybe you feel like you just need to survive the day. Here's how - How To Survive Valentines Day When You're Not in a Relationship

2. - 8. Not all singles are bitter about being alone on Valentine's Day. Here are 7 positive ideas on how to spend Valentine's Day. - 7 Ways For All The Single Ladies To OWN Valentine's Day This Year.

9. If you have a fun and sarcastic wit consider giving friends anti-Valentine's Day gifts - 25 Anti-Valentine's Day Gifts For Your Single Girlfriends

10. - 39. I'll be doing number 4 from this list. I'll be headed out of town to do some blogging business on the road. - 30 Valentine's Day Ideas for Fabulous Singles

40. Instead of Valentine's Day, Celebrate Singles' Awareness Day instead - Great Ideas For Single Awareness Day (S.A.D.) On February 14

41. - 47. Here are 7 ideas from the most popular girls guide, Cosmo. - The Single Girl's Valentine's Day

48. - 51. Single’s Awareness Day might spell out SAD, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Here are 4 ways to get through the day. - The Single Girl’s Guide to Surviving Valentine’s Day

52. How about working on a really simple Valentine's Day Craft. Make our own free Love Joy Book Marks designed by moi, with free printable - Valentine's Day Gift, Free Love Joy Printable Bookmarks

53. - 59. Not all singles are women. Here are 7 Valentine's Day ideas from the guys perspective. - How To Spend Valentine's Day Alone. From Ask Men

60 - Watch movies that celebrate your singleness. Take your pick from these 32 films - 32 Movies To Make You Feel Great About Being Single On Valentine's Day

61. - 69. Here are 9 fun ideas for Valentine's Day, including learning the Single Ladies Dance. - How To Spend Valentine’s Day Single This Year (& Love It!)

70. Make a decadent single serving dessert just for you - 90+ Small Batch Desserts

71. - 80. Here are 10 Valentine's Day ideas for singles that include parents, pets, and strangers who could become future pals. - 10 Ideas for Singles to Have the Happiest Valentines Day Ever

81. - 87. Here are 7 more ideas on how to make Valentine's Day awesome including making a list of why it is awesome to be single. - Even More Valentine’s Day Ideas For The Single Girl

88. Make some Valentine's Day cupcakes to share with friends and family 10 Easy Ideas for Valentine's Day Cupcakes

89. Or if you enjoy your dark side make a bloody heart cake and indulge while watching your favorite horror movies. Bloody Heart Valentine's Day Cake

90. - 98. These ideas includes baking, babysitting, and bookstores - 9 Ways Singles Can Have a Great Valentine's Day

99. How about a Valentine's Day Drinking Game for Singles The Valentine’s Day Drinking Game For Single People

100. Spend sometime reflecting on past bad dates and be happy you are single. Here is one of mine - Dating a CAJT (Crazy Ass Joy Thief)

With all of these ideas I'm sure us single folk can have the very best Valentine's Day. How will you be spending Valentine's Day? If you are not single now what did you do on Valentines Day when you were?

Miscarriage Update, Nothing Joyful About It.

2016-02-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

Oh how I wish every post on Chasing Joy could be a happy one. Unfortunately that is not the case. On Fridays I post Baby Making Updates on my journey to becoming a Single Mother By Choice. Last Fridays Baby Making Update was a sad one. This one is a little sad too. However, Chasing Joy is not about every day being happy. Chasing Joy is about making the decision to pursue happiness and grab on to as much joy as you can even in the midst of heartache. So this Baby Making Update and last week's are just as important as all of the others. This week's video is about the procedure I had to resolve my missed miscarriage. By sharing my experience I know I may be helping a woman who is or will go through something similar.

As always thanks for your support. Keep Chasing Joy, especially during hard times.

Four Reasons You Will Love And Find Joy At Philadelphia Restaurant Week

2016-02-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Restaurant Week!!!! I love Restaurant Week. I even did a video about Restaurant Week when I was participating in VEDA. Restaurant Week just ended here in Philly and I got to go on the last day. This was probably like my 20th time. Philadelphia Restaurant Week happens twice a year. I have gone twice a year for many many many years. Why do I go every single time? Because it brings me Joy. I love it for these four reasons.

Friends - The company you keep makes all the difference. Lucky for me I keep pretty good company. I have girlfriends from college, childhood, work, blogging, zumba, etc... These ladies are all different but the one thing we all have in common is we have full lives. We work, travel, take care of our families, and pursue our passions. That means we all also don't have much time. The fact that we have consistently gotten together for restaurant week is awesome. Sometimes there are as many as eight of us for dinner. Other times there are ony three or four of us. Twice a year for the last ten years we've managed to coordinate schedules for Restaurant Week.

Food - In all of these years I have only hade one bad dinning experience. Honeslty, it was more the service than the food that made that one experience bad. The Restaruants in Center City Philly do not dissapoint. I do not have the most adventurous pallet so I have gone to steak houses and Italian reastaurants more than any other cousine. Ruth's Chris, The Capital Grill, McCormick And Schmicks, Chima, and The Plough & The Stars have given me very fond and tastey Restaurant Week memories. This time I made our reservation at Mixto . Mixto offers Cuban, Latin American and Caribbean cuisine and it did not dissapoint. I tried Chicken and Beef Empanadas, Paella, Plantains, and Chocolate Cake. I also had two very yummy cocktails (Yay, I wasnt driving!!! LOL ). It was all so good. I've never had a bad meal at Reastaurante week.

Atmosphere - I do not live in Center City Philadelphia. So usually if I go out to eat it is to a chain restaurant or a dinner in another part of the city. Dinning out in Center City is just a different vibe. It is a fun vibe. An adult vibe. I like it!!!

Me Time - Like I mentioned above. All of us ladies who meet up for Restaurant Week have very full lives. A lot of our time is spent doing boring responsible stuff like working, exercising, and taking care of loved ones. It is nice to have these few hours a couple times a year to do something fun. We don't bring kids, husbands, boyfriends, or parents. We just take time to enjoy oursleves.

Restaurant Week is awesome and I highly recommend you participate. I know cities other than Philadelphia have restaurante week as well. One year my summer vacation to South Beach happend to be during their Restauant Week. We definitly kicked our vacation dining up a knotch that year. Philadelphia Center City Restaurant Week will probably take place again in the summer. You can book mark the website http://www.centercityphila.org/life/RestaurantWeek.php and follow the @PhilaRestWeek twitter account to know for sure.

South Beach Restaurant Week 2008

Something as simple as my routine of going out for restaurant week is a great source of Joy. It makes me happy to look forward to it, the food is good, I reconnect with friends, and the atmoshpere is great. It is important to make time to do things that bring you joy. It is important to connect with friends who give you joy. Restaurant week allowed me to do both. When was the last time you did something that gave you joy? When was the last time you spent time with friends who give you joy?

Baby Making Update: Am I Pregnant or Not??? IUI #6 Using Donor Sperm Results

2016-01-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

It's time to test! I have to say this was my most emotional experience thus far. Was my 6th IUI THE ONE!!!

Let's find out... Oh, special shout out for all who watch the video to the end. Sorry it's a long one, but like I said lot's of emotional stuff to cover.

Click here > Pregnant or Not Pregnant < if you have trouble viewing the embedded video to watch it from my YouTube channel.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the results in the comments below.

Using Scripture In A Practical Way To Chase Joy

2016-01-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

This year my theme word is surrender as I realize one of the main things that robs me of the joy I'm chasing is worrying about things that I cannot control. I need to surrender those things to God.

As I develop goals through the year I am keeping my word, surrender, in mind. One of the first goals I came up with is a practical way I can shift my thoughts and surrender when worry starts to rear it's ugly head. Before I tell you what the goal is I'll tell you what made me think of it. Bill Cosby! Do you believe that??? LOL

We all know the trouble Bill Cosby is in. Weather you agree or disagree with the rape allegations we can all agree that he engaged in some behaviors that are inconsistent with the clean cut, Dr. Huxtable, image that he projected. Well, every time I would see something in the news about him I would think "what you do in the dark will come to the light". I knew this was from a scripture. When I looked it up it is from Luke 8:17 which says ""For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light." When talking to my mom about Cosby I told her about recalling that message and I thought if only I would think up scriptures whenever I thought about other negative things and then I had my idea for one of my goals for this year.

One of my goals for 2016 is to memorize scripture. I'd like to do one every week but some scriptures take longer than others. We are about four weeks into the new year and I am up to three scriptures so far. I don't have them down 100% yet but I'll keep practicing. My hope is that when I find myself worrying or engaging in other types of negative self talk I can instead recall a scripture that fits the situation.

Here are the three I've been working on so far:

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Philippians 1:6

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Spiritual practice is one of the pillars I use to Chase Joy. This goal of memorizing scripture will help me manage my tendency towards worry and quite my negative thoughts. I hope to have at least 40 memorize by the end of the year. Good goal are SMART Goals: specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time sensitive. My goal of memorizing scriptures is definitely SMART.

Have you set any goals for 2016? Are they SMART? How will your goals help you chase joy Have you ever memorized scripture? How does your spiritual practice help you chase joy?

Why I'm Not Planning My Co-Worker's Wedding Shower

2016-01-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

Normally my blog posts are about things that I am doing, want to do, or have done to have more joy. Today's blog post is different. Instead, I am going to tell you about something I'm not going to do. I am not planning my co-worker's wedding shower.

Here is a little background info. I have a day job where I work in an office environment. It is normal to celebrate people's life events (weddings, baby showers, and retirements) by having a lunch, often in, but sometimes out of the office. A collection is taken to cover the lunch plus a gift for the person of honor. All of this is voluntary.

I have planned one of these lunches (a baby shower) before and it is a lot of work. I did have people helping me but It was still a lot. It involved some time away from my desk and normal duties for decorating and coordinating with other co-workers. It also involved some of my personal time going to the store to buy the decorations. I planned that lunch because at the time we were between supervisors and I was basically the highest ranking person on my team at the time. I felt it was my responsibility for the sake of the team's morale to plan the lunch. I also recently planned our holiday lunch for this same, for the sake of the team's morale, reason.

I am done. I will not be planning my co-workers wedding shower. I know she is getting married in the next few weeks but so does everyone else on my team. Yet no one else has stepped up. We have a supervisor now so this should not be my responsibility.

I have been reading the book The Fringe Hours. I mentioned it a couple weeks ago. In one part of the book it talks about how women take on roles and responsibilities that they don't have to because they feel they should be able to do it all. In the space for adding personal notes in the book I wrote that one of the roles that I take on unnecessarily at work is the role of peacemaker, cheerleader, and morale booster for my team. I have taken on responsibilities that have not been assigned because I want the people on my team to feel good and supported at work. Planning these lunches and ordering supplies are two examples.

Recently I read an article about sexism and racism in the workplace and things employers can do to minimize these biases. One of the things it mentioned was how women are often tasked (or take on) activities that benefit the organization as a whole, things that boost morale or provide administrative support, but don't help them advance in their careers. They take time away from their key tasks and the things they will be evaluated on to perform these other tasks. The recommendation to the companies was to make sure that these types of duties are rotated among all employees, males and females. I saw myself as I read the paragraph. If I were a man would I even be thinking about planning a party when I have work to do???

So, I have given you and myself two very valid reasons why I will not be planning my co-worker's luncheon but the main and most important reason is I simply don't want to do it. It is not part of my job. It is a voluntary activity and I do not have to do it. It has been a long time goal of mine to stop doing things I don't want to do. Life is short and I want mine to be filled with joy not filled with activities that I don't want to do, that do not add value to my life.

Unfortunately even as I write this I feel guilty. I worry that my co-worker will feel slighted if no one else steps up to the plate. I wonder what negative things people will say about our team if we don't plan something for her. But I am sticking to my guns. I have a pretty significant role at my day job. They pay me pretty well to perform my key tasks not to plan parties. I wold be taking time away from activities that could help me shine professionally to hang up streamers and set up food. Most importantly it would not give me any joy but would feel like a burden that I would resent.

I will not be planning my co-worker's wedding shower. What roles have you taken on that you need to let go of? What tasks do you perform in your job out of a self-imposed obligation that do not serve to advance your career? What won't you be doing in the name of Chasing Joy.

Baby Making Update: Live IUI with Frozen Donor Sperm to Become an SMC (Single Mother by Choice)

2016-01-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! I guess school and work have conditioned me to love Fridays. Now they are even more fun because Friday is when I give you guys a baby making update. So here is this week's. This week's update is live video of my IUI. This one was number six so if you've been following my journey you know the deal. This definitely TMI... But informative if you want to know wat sperm insemination is like.

When I watch these videos I can't belive that this is really me talking about and showing such a persaonal and private part of my life. But this is the ultimate example of me Chasing Joy by trying to create the life I want for myself. A life that includes my very own Bundle of Joy.

What are you doing to create the life you want for yourself? How are you Chasing Joy?

I Have A Dream...

2016-01-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Martin Luther King Day. As we all know he had a dream. He had a big dream. A dream for his country, my country, the United States. We know all about his dream because he did everything he could to achieve it. He preached about it, marched for it, protested for it, was jailed for it, gave speeches about it, and died because of it.

Dr. King was an inspiration for many obvious reasons. In addition to those obvious reasons Dr. King is an inspiration to me because he put his all into creating the life he wanted. A life where he and people who looked like him would be seen as equals. The things that he did in pursuit of that life were not easy but they were worth it.

I have a dream too. A lot of dreams actually that all come together to form the Joyful life that I am creating for myself. Am I working as hard on my dreams as Dr. King worked on his? Am I making sacrifices for my dreams, am I talking about my dreams, working towards my dreams, am I really doing all that I can to achieve those dreams? Do I even have clarity on what these dreams are?

You have dreams too. Dreams to create the kind of joyful life for yourself that only you can envision. I ask you the same questions that I am asking myself. Do you have clarity on what your dreams are? Are you putting your all into making those dreams come true?

My Challenge to you is to write “I have a dream” and then write out all of your dreams that make up the joyful life you want. I am going to do the same

The Plan. IUI #6. Trying To Conceive With Frozen Donor Sperm

2016-01-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

It's a new year and a new cycle. This update is about gearing myself up for another try at becoming a mom. This is my 10th cycle and 6th IUI. I cannot believe it has been almost a year since I started trying and over a year since I decided to embark on this Single Mother By Choice Journey. So what's the plan this month? Obviously I'm doing an IUI but I am making a change. Check out the video to see what I'm doing different this cycle.

So what do you guys think? Did you do IUIs or some other type of fertility treatment to get pregnant?

P.S. Don't forget to pray for me. This process can be super hard.

Chasing Joy with Char Power!

2016-01-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

A while ago I used to post Way To Go Wednesday status updates on the Chasing Joy Facebook Page. I have not done an update like that in a while. But today I have an awesome Way To Go Wednesday shout out to Char Power for having a positive attitude in the face of major health hurdles and Chasing Joy whole heartedly.

I first met Char at Women Get Social when The SITS Girls brought the conference to Philadelphia. She had such a positive attitude and zest for life. She was so upbeat and joyful that I had no idea of her health struggles until you mentioned having kidney disease. We became friends on Facebook and I kept up with her through her status updates. It was through a Facebook update that I came across Char's Go Fund Me campaign and learned just how serious her situation was. Char has faced and is facing more than most of us have yet she has an amazing attitude. After learning more about Char's heath struggles I felt compelled to interview her about how she manges to Chase Joy through it all. My emailed questions to Char and her responses are below:

Tell me about your Kidney Disease?

Well, I had a series of medical issues that went on for the better part of a year that my doctor had treated as individual events. By the time they finally realize what was going on my kidneys had already failed. Ironic that Doctor No longer works with the practice anymore. Once my kidneys have failed there was nothing that could be done medically at that point so I had to begin meeting with a nephrologist to discuss my options. I decided that doing dialysis at home is the best option for me because it allowed me to maintain some level of my independence while getting treatment.

Three years into the treatment I started getting sick and by Christmas eve of last year (2014) my body had completely shut down to the point that I couldn't walk or even lift my hands above my head. I spent the better part of six months in the hospital or in rehab and learning how to walk in 2015.

The reason I say kidney disease was a gift and a curse was because if it wasn't for the fact that I was being evaluated for a kidney transplant they would never have discovered the cancer that was brewing in my cervix. I was able to have that surgery and have that completely taken care of in 2013 and can now exclaim that you know that I'm cancer free!

So while I hate having kidney failure and cannot stand going to dialysis I will be forever thankful that I was able to have those test done to discover and a eliminate the cancer out of my body. Kidney failure saved my life!

When we meet at Women Get Social you were so upbeat and positive. How do you stay Joyful given your health struggles? How have others helped you over the last few years?

My faith and friendships are the only thing that have kept me from cracking. I have an amazing team of people that have been in my corner since I was 17 years old. From cooking meals to taking me to and from medical appointments to even sitting with me while I make homemade pretzels they've always been there.

How do you keep going on your bad days, when you are feeling down?

Honestly I sleep, listen to music, read, and eat. Not Always in that order.

What kinds of activities and things give you Joy?

I love learning new techie things so I spend a lot of time on the computer or my iPad app playing around with software. I love watching murder mysteries. And, I totally enjoy cooking and recently baking.

Has Faith been an important factor in your life?

Faith has been an important factor in my life for as long as I can remember. We all need a little faith in something to get through, get by, and get over things.

Has gratitude had an impact on your life since your diagnosis?

When I tell you I am forever grateful for the people that have been placed in my path and those that have decided to stick around it's unbelievable. I know that it is not something that I've done to deserve this kind of support, so yes, gratitude is huge in my book

Do you practice any kind of self-care (manicures, pedicures, favorite foods, etc to keep you feeling good?

I really wish I could say yes but no I haven't been in so long. A friend of mine paid for a manicure for me this summer when I was in a rehab recovering and that was wonderful.

Do you set goals or try new things to keep your mid focused on positive things?

I'm always trying something new. Trying to learn a new skill or figure out what my next plan is. All the littlest things require learning new things and keeping up with things that are going on around you

Why did you create your go fund me campaign?

I created a little over a week ago. A friend of mine asked me about it on Monday two weeks ago and I never consider doing anything like that. I thought about it for a couple of days, wrote the campaign, and submitted it on that Saturday night.

What do you want people to know about you, your illness, or your go fund me campaign?

I felt like in order for people to assist me they need to know about my background. If they have never read one of my blog post or if they're not friends with me on Facebook then they don't know any of the things that have been going on and what I've been going through. So they know that my concerns and my need is legit.

If you are looking for ways to give back or to be philantropic please consider contributing to Char's Go Fund Me Campaign. Every little bit helps. Char's Go Fund Me Account donation amount request is $8,616.00 to cover 6 months of expenses for the following:

Rent $850.00/month x 6 months = $5,100.00
Transportation 136.00/month x 6 months = $816.00
Utilities (Electric, Heat, Water) $300.00/month x 6 months = 1,800.00
Medication $150.00/month x 6 months = $900.00

Find Char's Go Fund Me Campaign here > https://www.gofundme.com/CharPower
Read Char's Blog > http://www.charmaineparrish.com/
Follow her on Twitter > https://twitter.com/charpower
Check out her Pictures on Instagram > https://www.instagram.com/charpower/

We can all look to Char for inspiration on how to get through tough times in life. Let's remember her in our thoughts and prayers and spread the word about her Go Fund Me Campaign.

The Fringe Hours For Self-Love & Self-Care

2016-01-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

This is a sponsored post. I was provided with The Fringe Hours materials at no cost to review for this post. However, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own.

Over the years Chasing Joy has evolved. Initially, it was about focusing on joyful things to help me through a hard time. This is still a technique I rely on during life's rough spots. Now, Chasing Joy is about creating the joyful lives that we all want. There are 8 pillars of Chasing Joy that are all based on the foundation of creating the lives we want. In no particular order they include

Gratitude
Positive Relationships
Faith
Self-Love / Self-Care
Trying new things (Learning)
Accomplishing Goals
Helping others (Feeling Valued)
Healthy Lifestyle

Self-care or self-love is an area in which a lot of us need to make major improvements. If asked to write a list of the most important people in our lives most of us would not even put our names on the list. In reality, our names should be first. As the saying goes, you can not pour from an empty cup. We have to fill ourselves up!!! We have to learn to really love ourselves and love on ourselves via self care. This is why when I had the opportunity to tell you guys about Jessica N. Turner's Fringe Hours materials, I said sign me up. In Jessica's words, "The Fringe Hours is a call for women to recognize that they matter and to make time for themselves". This sounds like self-love (recognize they matter) and self-care (make time for themselves) to me.

If you follow me on Instagram and Facebook than you know I only recently received my Fringe Hours materials. I have not yet finished my books. But, I already like what I have read and am excited to keep going through the books and materials. Here is what I received and my thoughts thus far on the materials.

My favorite thing that came with my Fringe Hours materials is The Fringe Hours To Do List Memo Pad. I love it because on the top of each page is says "The Real Priorities". This resonated with me because so often what ends up on my to do list are things that other people need done, what co-workers, supervisors, family members, etc... need done. I love that this is a place to list MY "real priorities". I started using this immediately.

The Fringe Hours is all about making time for you. This book shows you all the little bits of time you have that you could be using to have a more fulfilled life. Little bits of time you could be using for self care and to Chase Joy. I have not finished the book yet but what I like most about it is that it has a place for you to write down your thoughts on what you are reading. Writing things down helps me put them into action (hence this whole blogging about joy thing). Here are some of the chapters that I am most looking forward to Letting go of Self -Imposed Pressures, Identifying How to Care for Yourself, Embracing Help, and Finding Rest. These are all areas where I can make lots of improvements.

My Fringe Hours is about discovering ways to be more creative and fulfilled. The book covers Nine Principles of Self Care. It is written in a way that allows you to work through it from beginning to end or to jump around. This is great for those who are not linear thinkers.

The Fringe Hours Materials also came with a beautiful The Fringe Hours - Inspirational Journal entitled You Are Never Too Busy to Make Time for What You Love, Encouragement Greeting Cards and Post Cards. I love that the greeting and post cards come with a unique message on every one. Of course the Choose Joy post card is my favorite. I am looking forward to sending these to friends and family throughout the year. I have ended up with several new notebooks this year. I am designating my Fringe, You Are Never Too Busy to Make Time for What You Love, notebook to collect ideas for things that I would love to do or experience to keep in line with the title. There will be no day job or blog to-do lists going in this notebook. Simply a list of things that I love. Things that give me joy.

Lastly the Fringe Hours materials also came with The Fringe Hours Canvas Pouch, a blue and white zippered bag, that is the perfect size to hold my greeting and post cards. This will save me the precious minutes I'd waste looking for them when I'm ready to send them out.

I am excited about and enjoying my Fringe Hours Materials. Self-love and self-care is so important to having a joyful life. I am trying to get better at it and I want you to do the same. You can expect more post from me on how the The Fringe Hours helps me to love myself better as I continue through the materials. The ebook of The Fringe Hours will be on sale this week for only $2.99 so we can read it together!

Do you need to work on self-love and self-care? How do you practice self-love and self-care? Have you read The Fringe Hours or My Fringe Hours? Will you be getting your own copy of The Fringe Hours while it is on sale?

This is a sponsored post. I was provided with The Fringe Hours materials at no cost to review for this post. However, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own.

Reflecting On One Year Trying To Conceive To Become A Single Mother By Choice

2016-01-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

January is a time of reflection. A year has ended another has begun. Am I in the same place this year as I was last year? A better place? A worse Place? Do I need a goal? A New Year's resolution? Should I go with a theme word? These are some of the things we have been thinking and blogging about.

It is really no different when it comes to trying to conceive. Last year this time I had just made the decision to become a Single Mother By Choice. Here I am a year later. So much has changed in the last year but also so much is the same. The video below is my reflections on one year trying to conceive with donor sperm to be a Single Mother By Choice.

How has your life changed or stayed the same over the last year? If you are on a trying to conceive journey how do things compare to a year ago?

Chasing Joy's Word for 2016: Surrender

2016-01-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

It is a new year Joy Chasers, 2016! This is a time of reflection for many of us. I'm no different. I am thinking about this year, how I'd like it to be better than the last couple of years, what growth I'd like to see in the Chasing Joy Brand, what changes I'd like to see in my social life, how I'd like to see my family grow (Baby Please!), etc, etc, etc...

This year I am trying to have a different mindset. I am entering into 2016 without expectation, with openness, and with hope. Basically I am starting 2016 with a spirit of surrender. Surrender! That is my word for this year. Surrender!

What do I mean by surrender? One of the definitions of surrender is to give the control or use of (something) to someone else. That is what I mean by surrender. I am entering this year making every effort to let go of my natural tendencies to to try and control things. I am accepting that much of what I would love to see happen in 2016 is completely out of my hands. If I find love, if I get pregnant on my own, my mom's health, my health, how things go at work, how much you all love Chasing Joy, etc... are all out of my control. I know there are things I can do or not do that make things more or less likely to happen but ultimately there are very few if any sure things in life. So, I surrender. These things are ultimately in God's hands and I have to trust Him to work it out.

Now I am still going to focus on some things this year. I am going to do what I can to be in a position for good things to happen. I am going to be setting some SMART goals this year but I am going to think about them a bit more first. In the mean time, I'm all about not creating expectations, being open to blessings, being optimistic, and surrendering.

My word for 2016 is Surrender.

Do you have a word or theme for this year? If you could sum up your desires or thoughts for 2016 into one word what would it be?

Dear 2016

2016-01-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Dear 2016,

Welcome! I am very happy to have you. I welcome you with open arms and optimism. I am excited for the fresh start that a new year brings.

2016 I don't have a lot of plans for you. I am trying something a little different this year. I am approaching our time together with a bit of a blank slate. With your predecessors 2014 and 2015 I began our relationships with great expectations for love, weight loss, motherhood, financial success, etc and they fell short. They did not live up to my expectations, so for you 2016 I am not entering into our time together with any expectations. Now 2016 that does not mean that I won't have goals or make plans. But those goals and plans will be based upon things other than your arrival and departure, 2016. These goals and plans will be based on other milestones and cover a shorter time period.

2016, I am viewing our time together without any constraints. This means I am open to whatever you have to offer. I am allowing you to write your own position description. I will be open to new ideas, new experience and new people.

2016, my hope is that by welcoming you without expectation and in a spirit of openness, that when our time together has concluded I will be healthier, happier, and more fulfilled due to our time together.

Here's to a wonderful year together 2016!!!

What would you say in a letter to 2016? Are you entering the new year with expectations? Would your letter to 2016 include a list of resolutions?

Dear 2015

2015-12-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

Dear 2015,

I am not even sure what I want to say to you. I had very high expectations for you. Now as we prepare to say goodbye in 48 hours I feel that you let me down. You really dropped the ball right at the end when you were in position to leave me on a high note, to leave me as a winner. 2015 you were supposed to be the real MVP but then you fumbled on the 5 yard line. SMH. Perhaps I am judging you to harshly as the last few weeks, with the exception of Christmas Day have been particularly hard. Let's look back on our time together least I judge you inaccurately.

We started out strong in January with plans to make me a mom this year. A Single Mother By Choice actually. Things started out good with good results on all of my fertility tests in the first quarter of the year. Followed by less than good news on midyear fertility tests where a thyroid issue and pre-diabetes were detected. This news sucked! However 2015, I would be remiss, if I did not thank you for alerting me to this issues before they caused me any ill feelings or side-effects. Back to baby making: several IUI's and 9 months of being focused on becoming a mom and 2015 you are leaving me still very much not-pregnant.

2015, I admit the not being pregnant thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. However, although no life has been created within me our year has not been void of creation. The Chasing Joy Inspirational T-shirt line was created this year. 2015 you get a gold star for this one as this has been the significant milestone in the transition from Chasing Joy personal blog to Chasing Joy happiness and inspirational lifestyle brand.

2015 you did a pretty good job in the memory making department this year. The quality time spent with my mom has been great. Weekend trips to AC, overnight in Baltimore and the Poconos, The PA Ballet, The Nutcracker, the Lion King, birthdays and Christmas were all highlights of our time together.

2015 you taught me a very important lesson on how to be strong in my beliefs and techniques for carving out a joyful life for myself. You showed me the bizarre ways Chasing Joy can cause others to lash out when your pursuit of happiness challenges their views of how you fit into their life. You brought me closer to some people and protected me through distance from others.

My relationship with God has been more at ease this year. Not that it was ever bad or distant, but 2015, you took me to church more frequently than ever in my entire life. Dare I say I am a regular church goer now with many Epic Tales to share. This is a blessing 2015.

I have witnessed several friends struggle this year. It seems that I have not been the only one you have treated harshly at times this year, 2015. But in those moments you have also allowed me to extend my friendship in meaningful ways and for that,2015, I am grateful. On the flip side you have treated other friends quite well. There was a wedding and an adoption was finalized. It especially gave me Joy when my friend's daughter's adoption was finalized as I know the yearning of motherhood and that it does not always come easy.

2015 you did keep things interesting by introducing me to a few new things. Bowling challenged me to stick to something that I was not good at. Church Life Groups taught me how to let something go when it is not a good fit. Acupuncture has taught me how far I am willing to go for my future bundle of joy.

On the business side, you have laid a pretty good foundation for me 2015. At the day job I have played an important role in providing a supportive team structure with a whole new group of people. With Chasing Joy you have given me hope, a business coach, and even a blueprint for turning my passion into real income.

2015, I guess you weren't that bad. I did set the standard pretty high and you did let me down on the motherhood front. But all in all you gave me much to be grateful for like family, friends, faith, optimism about my future, focus related to my blog, and an overall feeling that things will get better.
It has definitely been real 2015. Goodbye.

What would you write in your goodbye letter to 2015? Was this a good year for you or was it challenging?

Funny Quotes: Using Laugther to Chase Joy

2015-12-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas is over. I cannot believe it came and went so fast. I had a nice Christmas. It was a low key day spent with my favorite person, my mom. Santa was good to both of us so clearly our names were nowhere near the naughty list.

In my family we have a saying "not the year of the bad Christmas". It was something my dad would say each year. After a lovely Christmas he would say, "well, it's not the year of the bad Christmas". Maybe he got it from growing up poor and being very aware that Christmas was not always merry. Anyway, this year, like every year of my life was not the year of the bad Christmas. However it was a challenging Christmas. Last week I wrote about feeling in limbo and dealing with feelings of uncertainty related to some medical tests. Luckily the the limbo ended prior to Christmas however the medical tests did not turn out the way I wanted. So the joy I normally feel at Christmas was flanked by a medical procedure on Christmas Eve morning and more tests the day after.

This is life. Often, the times when we want to be the happiest are also the times when we are faced with unplesant news. Then a decision has to be made. Will we give in and let happiness fade away or will we dig in our heals and hold on tight to the joy we've been chasing? I choose to keep chasing joy. One of the ways I do this is through laughter. Laughter does not make our problems go away but it makes us feel lighter and less weighted down. It gives us a smile and a momentary escape from whatever is robbing us of joy.

When I am seeking laughter I will look for funny movies and sitcoms on TV. I will also follow funny memes online or look up some funny quotes. Here are a few funny quotes I found on brainyquote that put a smile on my face.

"It's a well-known fact that tall people are evil." ~ Kevin Hart

"I've always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler." ~ Amy Poehler

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." ~ Rita Rudner

"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?" ~ Robin William

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." ~ George Burns

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." ~ Steven Wright

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

Is there a place you go to find funy qutoes online? What do you do to keep chasing joy in the face of bad news or dissapointment? Is laughter the best medicine for you?

Merry Christmas!!!

2015-12-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!!!!

I wish you all a Happy and Joyful Christmas. May we all remember what Christmas is all about.

The birth of Jesus Christ and His gift of salvation.

Family and Friends.

Generosity.

Food and Fun.

Tradition and Reminiscing.

How are you spending Christmas Day?

P.S. I'll be back with our normal Friday Baby Making updates next year!!!

Chasing Joy's Top 3 Posts on Staying Happy During The Holidays

2015-12-23T00:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas is only a couple of days away!!! I hope you are happy and excited about it. However I know some of you may not be feeling that way. While it is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year that is not always the case. Often the holidays don't live up to our expectations. Some even feel lonely or isolated at this time of year. To help you stay in a joyful and festive mood throughout the holiday season here are Chasing Joy’s Top 3 Posts on staying Happy during the Holidays

I hope you are feeling merry and bright. If not I hope the info in the posts above has helped. Do you have a hard time at the holidays? How do you get through it?

It Aint All Joyful. Talking Myself Through Uncertainty & Limbo

2015-12-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

Uncertainty! Limbo! Ugh!!! These are two things that I hate. I like being in control. I like knowing what is coming my way. I want to prepare. I want to get in the right mind set. I want to be ready. I cannot do any of that when nothing but uncertainty looms before me.

Can you relate? Have you ever felt stuck in limbo or had to deal with uncertainty? Maybe while waiting to find out about a job or professional opportunity, waiting on some medical information, or even waiting to see how a love interest or significant other responds to you. It sucks right???

I most recently experienced uncertainty just last week as I awaited some medical information from my doctor. Nothing life threatening (no need to worry) but possible life altering. I wanted to know the outcome immediately. Bu that is not how it works. The uncertainty left me stressed. Will the info be good or bad? Should I take time off work in case I don't like what the doctor has to say when she calls in the afternoon? I don't like being emotional at the day job. Ugh.. My stomach was in knots. I was extra tired. I was not sleeping well and having unsettling dreams. Clearly, I don't handle uncertainty well. You would think trying to conceive this year would have helped me to manage limbo better. I mean every single two week wait between possible conception and time for a pregnancy test is nothing but limbo and uncertainty. Apparently it didn't. Or maybe it did and I would have been in even worse shape last week.

One particular morning while still trying to figure this health thing out with the doctor I decided to go to work. I did not want to get up. I just wanted to pull the covers up and go to sleep and stay asleep until I could wake up to some definite answers. I did not do that. Instead I started talking myself into getting up. The thought that got me going was "Just focus on the things that you can control right now. What are you going to wear to work? What are you going to have for breakfast? Just focus on what you can control?" Have you ever talked to yourself like that?

A while back I wrote a post on things to focus on when life is out of control. Apparently that same advice works for when you are stuck in limbo and dealing with uncertainly. I guess uncertainty is one of the ways life can feel out of control.

When was the last time you were stuck in limbo and dealing with uncertainty? How did you get through it? Did you focus on things that were within your control or did you find another technique helpful?

How To Keep Going After Disappointment While Trying To Conceive

2015-12-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

This trying to conceive process is not for wimps. It is a hard and even sobering experience. To expect to be a parent your whole life, to spend years trying to avoid it before you are ready, only to have negative test after negative test once you finally decide now is the time to be a mom is heartbreaking. But we have to keep going. Just like any other disappointment in life you have to pick yourself up and keep pressing forward trying to create a joyful life for yourself. Watch my video below to see how I keep going after the repeated negative tests

How do you keep going through disapointments, fertility related or otherwise???

Give Yourself The Gift Of Kindness

2015-12-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas is less than two weeks away! The year is over in less than three weeks! Are you stressing? Are you racing around trying to get that perfect gift for you kid, spouse, parent??? Are you putting in long hours at work to make year end deadlines? Are you reflecting back on your resolutions and goals for this year and feeling disappointed?

I know many of us are doing exactly these things, beating ourselves up and stressing ourselves out in a variety of ways at what is supposed to be a Joyous time of year. I admit to beating myself up for not organizing my time properly these last two weeks, not mailing out a single Christmas card and stressing over not reaching some of my goals for this year. I will be wearing my I Am Chasing Joy Holiday T-shirt a lot over the next few weeks to remind myself Tis The Season To Chase Joy. But I am also going to focus on one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received and be kind to myself.

Wearing my #ChasingJoy Holiday shirt today for holiday lunch with my co-workers. #TisTheSeasonToChasingJoy #ChasingJoyTees

A photo posted by Arlett (@chasingjoy) on Dec 10, 2015 at 6:46am PST

Sadly I do not remember exactly who gave me that bit of advice to credit them. I remember it was said to me by an older white woman right after my dad died and I'd broken up with my boyfriend. It was likely someone from my book club because the only other older white women in my life are from work. I doubt a co-worker would have reached out to me in that way. This person knew what I was going through and she said "Arlett, be kind to yourself".

As I type this I have to admit life is really good and I am blessed. I am so happy that I am not in that dark place that I was at the time the advice was given. However, the advice still fits. Now is not the time to beat ourselves up or stress ourselves out. Now is the time to be kind to ourselves and Chase Joy. Give yourself the gift of kindness these last weeks of the holiday season.

Testing, Testing, Pregnant or Not Pregnant

2015-12-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

Here we are again. The end of the cycle. The monitoring is done and I have survived yet another two week wait. Did it work? Am I expecting my very own Bundle of Joy? Let's watch...

If you have trouble with the embedded video click here < Live Pregnancy Test After IUI with Frozen Donor Sperm > to watch it on my YouTube channel.

So, what do you think?

Joyful Quotes: Words of Wisdom From Notable Muslims

2015-12-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

I am a government employee. I don't talk about it much because I don't blog about work much. But it does impact this blog. Since I work for the Feds I cannot write about whatever I want on this blog. I give up a little of my freedom of speech in exchange for my paycheck. There is this thing called the Hatch Act that prevents me from writing about politics in a way that endorses particular candidates. This really is not a problem because I do not want to write about politics anyway. However, when I heard Donald Trumps remarks about not allowing Muslims in the country I felt sickened and angry. I am not a Muslim. I am a Christian. But I do not believe in condemning a whole group of people because of the actions of a minority of the group. No matter how disgraceful the actions. I also believe Trump's plan is a slippery slope. Who's next Jews, Catholics, etc???

So given my feelings, my constraints, and the theme of this blog I felt the best way use Chasing Joy today was by sharing some joyful quotes, words of wisdom, from Muslims.

"You learn how to take care of people from the women in your life." ~ Mehmet Oz
"A lot of folks believe their best years are behind them. But I want Americans to recognize that's not true." ~ Mehmet Oz
“Make the driving force in your life love.” ~ Mehmet Oz
"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." ~ Muhammad Ali
"I don't have to be what you want me to be." ~ Muhammad Ali
"What keeps me going is goals." ~ Muhammad Ali
"Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars." ~ Casey Kasem
"Always be consistent." ~ Casey Kasem
"Success doesn't happen in a vacuum. You're only as good as the people you work with and the people you work for." ~ Casey Kasem
"We must tell girls their voices are important." ~ Malala Yousafzai
"It is very important to know who you are. To make decisions. To show who you are." ~ Malala Yousafzai
"I think I have a right to live my life the way I like." ~ Malala Yousafzai

Not one faith has a monopoly on words of wisdom. Don't you love a good quote?

Chasing Joy's #JoyOfGiving December Challenge & Giveaway

2015-12-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

I'm still in shock that the year is just about over. I mean we are a full week into December. How did that happen??? SMH.

With only a few weeks left in the year we are all busy. Hanukkah has started. Christmas is around the corner. There are gifts to buy, wrap, and give. There is food to cook. Parties to host and attend. Pictures with Santa to take. Also, lets not forget holiday cards to send out. That is a lot. If you are lucky (or maybe not lucky) you are also taking some time to reflect on this year, how you want to finish it out, and what you want to focus on in 2016. See, we are busy!!!!

Well, I have a challenge for you. To keep you focused on Chasing Joy this season I am hosting a Joy of Giving Challenge. I am challenging you to give back in the form of random (or not so random) acts of kindness. After you perform your act of kindness tell us about it in the Chasing Joy's Joy Chasers Facebook Group by commenting on this >> facebook post <<. At the end of the month I will use random.org to select the winner. This will work very similarly to last months Gratitude Challenge. The winner will receive a Chasing Joy Prize Pack including a $10 coffee shop gift card and a 15% discount at the Chasing Joy Shop.

So what counts as an act of kindness for the Joy of Giving Challenge? Anything that helps or puts a smile on someone else's face that results from you extending yourself above and beyond your normal daily awesomeness. Here are a few examples:

Donating to a charity
Purchasing toys for needy choldren
Dropping a donation in the Salvation Army's Kettle
Making cookies for co-workers or friends
Sending out holiday cards
Paying for someone in line behind you at a toll both or in a coffee shop
Working in a soup kitchen to help prepare a holiday meal
etc, etc, etc.

Giving to others helps us to feel valued and fulfilled. It helps us to feel more joyful while helping the recipient of our genrousity in a concrete way. Let us remember that in addition to this being a season of shopping, sales, and deals it is also a season of joy, merriment, traditions, and a season of giving.

Have you been on the receiving in of a random (or not so random) act of kindness? What was the last act of kindness that you engaged in?

Baby Making Update: The Wait!!!

2015-12-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

Last week I did not share a baby making update because I figured everyone would be too busy eating leftover turkey and cranberry sauce and shopping on black Friday. Now that the holiday has passed let's get back to our normally scheduled programing. The video below is my symptoms and thoughts during the dreaded two week wait. Click here > One Week Post IUI With Frozen Donor Sperm < to go to my YouTube Channel if you have trouble viewing the embedded video.

The two week wait is tough. Have you been through it?