Chasing Me

Unprepared and Willing

2012-02-22T11:39:00.001-08:00

A lot of times we are afraid to commit because we are afraid we will fail. The truth is, it’s only in making the commitment that we receive the energy to overcome. In fact, the best commitments we can make are in areas where we are the weakest. We’re often afraid to go for the things we long for because we think we’re unprepared. We don’t want to charge into action unless we personally feel “ready.” But a lot of times, if we wait until we feel ready, we are missing opportunities.

It’s when we are willing to do things, even though we don’t feel prepared or that we are the best person for the job, that we are revealing the most amount of Light possible into our lives and into the world.

Today, know that when you don’t understand how you are going to overcome – but press on with your commitment anyway – is when the impossible becomes possible. -Kabbalah Daily Tune Up

just breathe

2012-01-18T10:14:00.000-08:00

It was 2006, I was sitting right outside the breakers in the Pacific, gazing in the distance towards the sandy beach full of sun soaking on-lookers. They weren’t watching me of course, they were there watching the semi-pro surfers that graced the San Diego beaches as part of their religion every morning, noon and evening. I admired their dedication to the sport. As a serial spectator, I finally decided this day would be the day I was going to brave the ocean alone, board in tow (this was after a grueling 20 minutes of trying to fit myself into an itty bitty piece of rubber they call a wet suit) I had a deep desire to understand what all the hype of surfing was about. Sure, it looked cool, but to do it every day and live by it seemed intense and yet, intriguing. Plus I was working my way into becoming a bonifide San Diegian and surfing was step 2 on my list (step 1 obviously being the actual move to San Diego).

As busy as the beach was and as busy as the lineup of surfers were that day, I took a few moments out there, rocking on my surfboard in a place that was completely unfamiliar to me, and I closed my eyes. All was silent, calm, the only thing I could hear was the air moving in and out of my lungs. I paid attention to the control I had over making my shallow breaths deeper. I was fully aware in that moment. I opened my eyes and I knew at that time what it felt like to just ‘be’. No thoughts, no worrying, just breathing.

Life is always bigger, better, faster. I know because I hear it, I see it and I feel it myself. I have noticed in my 30 years that the truly, genuinely, happy people are those that breathe… Those that become aware of their surroundings, live in the moment and apply priorities on the intangibles. They seek out the meaning of life, the power of now; stuff aside from being rich, skinny or famous. The moments that matter most to my heart are always met with three similar surroundings, my family, my friends and togetherness. Music comes in at a close fourth, if not a tie for third. I want to always make sure I practice being fully aware, shaking free of any expectations. I want to continue to sink my teeth into the endless dessert that life is serving up every moment of the day, week and years to come.

I want to breathe deep and live richly, with my mind full of blissful memories and my heart full of acceptance, forgiveness, love and a complete sense of happiness and being.

Thank you Jamie, for showing me all of this, without showing me anything at all.

Thank you for bringing the ocean into our home.

I cannot wait to marry you and to share this wild ride of life with our families, our future children and our old wrinkly selves.

we are going to be millionaires

2012-01-09T12:11:00.000-08:00

After much anticipation I finally got to work on my “Less is More” life project over this past weekend (baby steps). I went through 3 of my 4 closets and have managed to start a small bag of clothes that I will hand down to my little sisters to look through, and then Ill let them do the donating of whatever items they deem not suitable (pun master flex) for them to wear in front of their friends... I threw away 4 pairs of shoes (because let’s be honest, who wants used shoes?) and I started to finally get rid of all my half used bottles of shampoo (if any of you are FB friends of mine you may recall the issue I had last year with my semi-hoarding of half used bottles of everything). I did finally figure out how I actually end up with this ridiculous collection though (which was a major breakthrough for me), I figured out that I hate half empty bottles laying around, so I stock them away and bring out the full bottles for viewing and using… Apparently doing this for a year at a time will give you a pretty hefty hoard-like collection of half used bottles. Its weird, I know… I’m working on it (possible 2013 New Year’s resolution: Stop hoarding half empty bottles of everything)

Next on the list is getting rid of our cable! I am actually quite excited about this one… We pay $130 bucks a month for cable and other than my nasty addiction to terrible reality TV, I only use cable for sports and now that ~~the Steelers blew it~~ Football season is over I am completely ok with ridding myself of the cable box (that damn thing only works half the time anyway). With this kick we will save $1560 bucks this year!! Pretty freaking cool if you ask me =)

I am also all about some repurposing and refurbishing! I found this adorable desk online (super cute huh?), but this beauty would break my wallet of a whopping $1,095 buck-a-roos (Its cool to say “buck-a-roos” right?). So instead, I took a different approach. I bought this 1940’s cutie on Craigslist for $17 bucks:

Along with this chair for $5 bucks at the local flea market:

I then turned it into my own little adorable desk:

{process of this refurb soon to be released}

Altogether I made this "knock off" for about $23 buck-a-roos (there I go again, I need to stop that, it sounds ridiculous)!
Sure it’s not set up in a cute pink room and may not look exactly the original one (which was a tad too whitish for me anyways), but what do you expect when you just saved yourself $1072 bucks! Jeesh…

So basically what I am saying here is that I have already saved Jamie & I $2,632 bucks this year(that’s how it works, right?) and it’s only the second week of January! At this rate we should have exactly one million dollars saved up by 2013. That’s my projection and although I am no mathmetician, I am pretty sure that’s a number is 100% accurate.

WOOHOO!!

How are your New Year’s Resolutions coming along?

Its ok if you don’t answer me, it’s really hard to top mine. Unless you are curing cancer or fighting world hunger, in that case, you win.

how NOT to be a bride

2012-01-04T11:52:00.000-08:00

Less is More

2011-12-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

It’s time for…

This Year in Goals 2012 Edition. Since my 2011 Year in Goals went to shit (who knew it would be so difficult to learn to throw ninja stars?). I decided to take a different approach for 2012 (especially since according to the Mayans, ~~there will be a Zombie Apocalypse~~ this will be our last year on earth) Gotta make it count, right!

Aside from the usual “lose weight” and “eat healthier” standard New Years goals, this year is going to be a little different for me; I only have one goal…

*no drumroll needed, but thank you anyways*

My 2012 Goal is to invest in experiences not “things”.
I was standing in ~~our second bedroom~~ my walk in closet the other day and I noticed that I have an insane amount of ~~gorgeous things that I totally need~~ crap, like a whole bunch of crap! I almost started to feel suffocated by it all. I had this sudden urge to get rid of everything I own and start over with just the basics (but that would be a little insane of me, right?). I quickly became ashamed of all of the useless things that I have in my possession. Anyone who knows me knows I have a love for shoes and clothes and bags and jeans and shoes and now, the newest addition, gorgeous watches (none of which even tell the correct time or date). I know many women share this same fondness of “things”, I don’t doubt that I am any different in that department than most of my friends, but it has gotten out of control. I realized I am addicted to the feeling of spending money and having a nice collection of things to look at, wear, touch and feel… It isn’t healthy to feel suffocated by your own stuff, but I do and I have a strong desire to purge, starting immediately. I mean, who needs 35 handbags (other than Carrie Bradshaw)?

So this is going to be the year of experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I will always have a love for nice things and I may even slip and splurge here and there on a nice pair of True Religions, but I will purchase more wisely this year. I am adding one more question to the list of questions you are supposed to ask yourself before every purchase:

A) Do I need this?
{or}
B) Do I want this?
{now adding}
C) Will this give me an experience?

If I answer yes to questions A or C, then I will evaluate the purchase more carefully and choose the purchase wisely. If I only answer yes to question B, without said item adding any value to my life, I will bypass the purchase and add whatever money I do not spend on the wanted item into my “Travel Fund”. My Travel Fund is going to be a big part of my 2012 year, that and my Wedding together will be 2 very sacred pieces of my existence starting in the New Year.

I actually have wanted to be a minimalist much of this last decade, I just chose not to talk about it much or to move forward with purging because, well, it’s so damn hard to get rid of all of my ~~beautiful things~~ useless shit! The older I get, the more I realize, that they are just that… things. stuff of no real value to my life as a whole.

think “Big Picture”

I want to start investing in life experiences. Shoes come and go… soles break and jeans rip, memories last a lifetime.

priorities, right?

This year I want to start ridding myself of things that do not matter as much to me as they once did or more so, ridding myself of things that do not matter to me at all. I want to start focusing on things that matter most to me in the grand scheme of life… I want to start selling stuff that is of no use to me anymore and donating things that are of no real value but can’t be thrown away. It’s a life change and I am finally ready to take the plunge.

This doesn’t mean that overnight I am going to be a bonafide minimalist, but I will take the baby steps necessary to making it happen (all in due time). I want my future with my husband and children to be filled with meaning (not that I was living a meaningless life prior, dont get me wrong, I love my life and I love my current and past experiences, just now I am going to adjust accordingly, focusing more on experiences rather than materialistic things). I want to experience life with travels, food, cultures, good movies and weekend trips. Not shoes, clothes and watches, however beautiful, that dont even tell the correct time (possible user error not important). I will still love those things, but I will choose them more wisely (all in moderation, right?)

Life happens when you are waiting for life to happen and I have decided to change what is most important to me, starting now.

Less is More

Cheers to the New Year!

May we all prosper in wealth, love and success… Whatever meaning those three things have to you!

the year of yes

2011-12-15T07:05:00.000-08:00

don’t “we don’t do”, do “we do”

I’ve never quite understood people who put limitations on themselves when it comes to any type of “adventure” in life. It can be as little as trying ~~smelly ass~~ yummy curry for the first time and as big as moving abroad for a year, marrying a local, tattooing a bird on your face and changing your name to Eagle Eye (we are not here to judge)… I understand that not everyone is going to be able to try everything, but why not leave the option open? I am asking you this for purely selfish reasons because, frankly, Jamie and I are getting tired of having to go through our list of “we don’t” friends until we get to a pair of “we do” friends that are down to hang out with us.

I have noticed, over time, as an individual that there are a lot of things people do not like, want to try or have a desire to experience ... This is completely understandable, we can't all like everything or want to try everything (me included). But over the years I have taken note that entire couples have jumped on this "don't do" bandwagon... It's fine if it's a moral thing, dont get this post wrong, we aren't talking about breaking the law or changing your views on religion... But at what point do you sit down in a relationship with a pen and paper and say "alrighty Jane this is going to be a list of all the things we dont do and will never do no matter what. I dont care if we could possibly like said things or enjoy said things, we just don't do it, understand?"

Examples of said issue:

Couple T&S:
J&L: Hey, you guys want to go to this new club downtown? I hear they have killer music, everything from Hip Hop to Dubstep.
T: Ew, yeah we don’t do clubs
S: and we dont do traveling "into the city", too much traffic and weird people that dress different than us
S: oh and we don’t do Dubstep, too much bass { long condescending pause}

Ok, metal note, T&S don’t do clubs or like stuff thats loud

Couple R&G:
J&L: You guys want to go camping this weekend?
R: What? Camping?
G: Yeah, we don’t do camping.

Ok, mental note R&G hate the outdoors, smores, fires and nature

Couple P&E:
J&L: Hey, you guys want to go to a country bar, they have line dancing and bull riding?
P&E: Sorry, we don’t do country
P: Yeah plaid hurts my eyes

Ok, mental note. P&E don’t do country, also need to take back plaid shirt I bought for P's birthday.

Couple C&A:
J&L: Wanna come over and hang out? It’s going to be a low-key night, just hang out and have a few beers
C&A: Sorry we so don’t do low-key we are lounge people

Ok, mental note C&A don’t do low-key, no sitting at the house drinking beers- only sitting at a bar that has couches like a house, drinking martini's, got it.

Couple F&T:
J&L: Hey, you guys want to get out of the house, maybe go hit up a few bars, there is a band playing down the street, they are supposed to be really good.
F&T: Yeah, we don’t go out… like ever.
T: and we definitely don’t do live music

Ok, mental note we will not be hanging out with F&T , like ever.

Couple W&whoever W is with at the time:
L: Wanna go see this new Hip Hop group perform, they are not mainstream, more underground so to speak.
W: I am going to hate it
J: How do you know you’re going to hate it, you haven’t even heard of them
W: We just don’t do hip hop, or like to listen to anything thats not on Kiss 100.7

Ok, mental note, never take W or his girlfriend to a show “on the bad side of town”.

WTF people, how are we supposed to keep track of all of the things you don’t do? (We do actually, sadly enough) So when you see us in between not doing things and say “Hey, why haven’t we hung out in like FOREVER??” It’s because we are busy doing all the things you don’t do.

I am SO not saying Jamie and I are SO incredibly diverse or anything, or that we are totally busy all the time, because we aren’t, like at all. The difference being, is that we leave options open to do cool shit. We are pretty much down for whatever, if the opportunity arises to do anything that does not involve killing people or animals (mostly animals) count us in… All we ask is the same in return, I am posting this because we love you and we want to hang out with you more ~~and because my head hurts from rolling my eyes so much at all of your limitations and judgments~~.

It could be our fault, Jamie and I are basically walking oxymoron’s when it comes to what we like to do with our free time. One night we are in our PJ’s trying to beat Mario Kart (the original) drinking rum and diets until 2am and the next night we equally enjoy being dressed in our best hitting up a swanky club where we know we are the oldest folks in the place (but don’t care) dancing our faces off. Also, if you called and asked us to come meet you at the local watering ~~shit~~ hole for a game of darts and tall boys on special, we probably wouldn’t answer because we’d already be 3 PBR’s deep and waiting on your slow asses to show up.

So all we I am asking you is to make 2012 the year of yes… Try something new, surprise yourself ~~for fucks sake~~.

PS: We do have a lot of friends that are down for whatever, this post does not apply to you. We love you and the fact that on Friday we are sitting on a ratty blanket with you in the middle of a field drinking from a flask and eating sandwiches from the gas station, while watching some performance of a singer or whom I can’t remember her name, to, on Saturday we are dressed to impress in a fancy ballroom at the Grand Hyatt drinking champagne and eating fancy $13 dollar ~~tiny hamburgers~~ sliders.

PSS: I am aware that after our “don’t do” friends read this post, they may not be our friends anymore.

PSSS: I take full responsibility for the contents of this post, I just add Jamie in here to make me sound more credible (kinda).

a california tribute

2011-11-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

{my San Diego life in pictures}

... because sometimes I just feel like being nostalgic.

this further solidifies my thoughts on yoga

2011-11-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

This guy and I have a lot in common... When it comes to Yoga.

However, I am not a quitter!

{found on craigslist}

Yoga mat for sale. Used once

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2011-09-17, 8:41PM PDT

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.

1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

4:29p
Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.

Quitter.

Original link here

inspired change

2011-11-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

another goodie by Jobs:

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.”

30 by 30

2011-11-10T09:06:00.000-08:00

I actually remember reading this in Glamour Magazine many years ago, which not only ages me, but makes me question how on earth I can remember an entire post that had nothing to do with me at the time, yet I can not remember more than 3 of my teachers names growing up (apparently I set my priorities a long time ago).

Anywho, I was refreshed on this list by a blog I follow, mythirtyspot.com and I wanted to share…

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.

Actually makes me believe, for a moment, that I am excited to be a well aged 30 year old instead of a fun 22 year old immune to hangovers with minimal worries. =)

let me introduce to you Larry & Cowbell

2011-11-01T08:25:00.001-07:00

How could you not want to come get candy from a house with these sassy jack o' lanterns??

31 days 31 nights

2011-11-01T04:37:00.000-07:00

I DID IT I DID IT!!! Happy November 1st everyone!!

I am officially a non-vegan as of Midnight last night… Unfortunately for me, I was asleep at midnight or else I would have been indulging in the Halloween candy left over from the kids that’s never showed up to our house. Maybe rumor circulated that Jamie and I went as an ‘Amber Alert’ last Halloween and apparently that is offensive to most people (where's the humor people!). Either way we were thoroughly disappointed that our first Halloween as real live adults was a total bust(Jamie took it pretty hard (poor guy)). Which is weird that I even care because I was all against handing out candy to begin with, there is just something about giving strange children, that I don’t know food from my house. Actually, if anything they should think its weird that I, someone they don’t know, is trying to hand them things to eat from my house. I guess if I had children of my own this wouldn’t be so weird to me, or maybe I have just watched To Catch a Predator (I threw the "I give free hugs" sign in the trash, probably a good thing) too many times and being around other people’s kids weirds me out.

Anywho, now I get to watch my ass get fat eating the abundance of left over candy.

In other news, I got my wedding dress!!! Vera Wang it is =)

In more other news, please enjoy this clip of my lovely bagpiping father!

Alright, now LETS EAT!!

My dad's a Bagpipin' Rock Star, whats your dad?

free

2011-10-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

These are the things my rockin body (rockin as in humpty dumpty not as in Cameron Diaz) has been free of for the past 26 days…

Free of Caffeine
Free of Meat
Free of Milk
Free of Cheese
Free of Animal Bi-Products of any sort
Free of Facebook
Free of Twitter
Free of Alcohol at least 4-5 days a week (sorry, a girl has limits)

These are the changes I have noticed:

• I have not gained or lost weight, I stayed exactly the same weight for the last month, which is unlike me. Usually I gain and lose around 10lbs every few weeks (I know, that cant be healthy)
• I feel much cleaner overall; as much as I crave all the great foods I have been deprived of, when I think about actually eating them I get a little queasy
• I AM STARVING
• I eat on average 5-6 times a day as a non-vegan, on this diet I catch myself hungry ALL the time, eating on average 6-8 times a day (I know, that cant be healthy)
• I have found a new love/hate relationship with beans… I will spare you the details.
• Surprising being caffeine free, I have had more energy the past month than when I was sucking down my usual 2 Starbucks a day.
• I AM STARVING
• I am so excited to eat a good meaty meal; I have already made reservations at a nice restaurant for the first weekend in November (true story, I.can.not.wait)
• I didn’t get sick as a vegan; maybe I learned my lesson as a vegetarian and remembered to take all of my vitamins but being a vegan had only positive effects on me whereas being a vegetarian for 147 days last year landed me in the hospital on several occasions.
• With that said, being vegan is NOTHING like being vegetarian. I can give up meat (with a gun to my head) but cheese was the real torture
• Which leads me to the realization of exactly how much I love cheese
• Which also leads me to believe that I am lactose intolerant again (yes again, I was as a child) but I just don’t know if I can give up dairy for good… As a matter of fact I know for sure I couldn’t give up dairy for good. Looks like I will be investing in some Lactaid
• Soy milk is way better than regular milk
• STILL STARVING
• I have never wanted the weeks/days/weekends to go by so fast in my life; I can not wait to be off this diet
• With that said, I will still incorporate a lot of the vegan diet habits into my regular diet on a daily basis, again, I can’t express enough how I have never felt so “clean” on any other diet/regimen
• Over processed food sucks
• We spent over double our weekly grocery budget as Vegans, so if you are considering going Vegan for good, I’d consider being rich too
• I am envy free since I have been off the Face; it’s been nice not knowing what every single person is doing at every single second of the day
• On the other hand, I have missed keeping in touch with my friends
• I did not miss Twitter once
• I have budgeted and re-budgeted my checking account like a million times, yeah , THAT was my Facebook substitute, how sad and how incredibly boring
• Which lead me to realize that I definitely do not utilize the World Wide Web to its full capacity
• Also, that I have almost no use for my phone other than to text when I am off all social media

Well, that about wraps up my Veganism-isums! (exciting stuff I know)

Next October I plan on a month of indulgence, this “will power” stuff is for the weak and feeble. I have proved strong and powerful through all of this(wanting to quit every single day is considered strong and powerful, right?).

a great man once said...

2011-10-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

— Steve Jobs, 2005

yet another reason why we shouldnt be allowed to have babies yet

2011-10-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

On Fri, Oct 21, 2011 at 9:09 AM, Koay, Rai wrote:

Good Morning Time!

I've been thinking...

In the next year you are going to have to get a job with crazy good benefits, seriously. If you ever want babies, that’s what you'll have to do, b/c Lord knows I will be in the hospital every other day. It doesn’t have to be forever just until the baby is like 1 or 2 and we don’t have to ever take it to the doctor again (right?).

From: Jamie V.
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:31 AM
To: Koay, Rai
Subject: Re: Good Morn Fair Maiden

Dont worry, I will have a very nice benefits when it's time to start pumpin out the little rugrats. I was thinking this morning on the drive in to work that we can use our baby as a prop in movies and skits. I've already thought of a couple it's gonna be awesome. I'll give you a preview:

Skit one: Baby Genius

Plot: We teach our baby how to do complex things like math equations and physics and sh!t. We go through a montage of us teaching him/her really hard stuff. After all this we then ask him/her a question and all he/she does is poop and giggle and fall over. THEN we show an infomericial for our "Baby Genius" program. Where we go through all the teaching an stuff, but in the parts where we ask him/her questions we are blatantly putting the babies hands on the right answers (making it look like the program works).

Skit two: Baby Diva/A-hole

Plot: Our baby is an actor/actress. He/she has his/her own dressing room and we come in and tell him/her it's time for a scene and then he/she throws an empty liquor bottle at us (off camera of course so the baby is just sitting there in front of a mirror with the bottle and a glass then it cuts back to us and we're ducking the flying bottle) and we get upset, but we grovel to him/her and act like he/she is so important.

That's all I got right now. It's gonna be youtube goal and our baby will be a cash cow for us. That's actually what we should name him/her... cash cow. It's got a nice ring to it.

From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:53 AM
To: 'Jamie V. '
Subject:

Sounds like a great idea for our baby! We have enough freeloaders at our house with the cat and the dog. This baby needs to earn its keep.

how to tell if your fiancé really loves you...

2011-10-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

Me: “Babe, will you watch Kims Fairy Tale Wedding with me tonight? Think of it as wedding research”

Jamie: “I guess”

2 hours later

Jamie: “Im getting tired, is this almost over?”

Me: “ Ummm, yes, this one is but the actual wedding is in part 2, will you watch part 2 with me? Think of it as wedding research”

Jamie: “WHAT? Its still the FIRST part? What the hell?!”

4 hours later

Jamie: “I cant believe I just watched that for 4 hours”

Me: “You are the most amazing fiancé ever and I swear I won’t tell a soul about this”
;)

Day 11

2011-10-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

So the biggest difference I have noticed being vegan has been the ever growing hole in my bank account. It’s the most expensive “diet” I have ever been on. Eating shitty (aka uber healthy) food is expensive! I have also noticed that I eat twice as much as usual (yeah, I didnt think that was possible either), I am not sure if it’s due to lower caloric intake or that everything tastes like something I would feed the dog therefore I find myself dying to find a cheeseburger substitute, so I just eat everything stamped vegan and pray for some flavor. No cheese burger substitute yet but I have found a few faves that I will share incase any of you decide to do something as ridiculous as go vegan for a month!

Breakfast:
Soy-rizo & potato scramble
Fry up some potatoes with onion and peppers
Put potatos to the side and then fry up the fake chorizo
Once browned, add potatoes and mix over low heat
Warm vegan friendly tortillas and add mix with avocado and hot salsa (or mild salsa for those of you that can’t handle the heat)

Lunch:
Fake Chicken & Hummus Wrap
Fry your fake chicken in a pan with whatever spices you want
Warm your vegan friendly tortillas and add the chicken, lettuce, jalapeños and hummus of your choice
I also like to add a side of spicy black bean soup

Dinner:
Vegetable Marsala Burger
I usually top with hummus and avocado on vegan friendly bread, or you guessed it, a vegan friendly tortilla
I also add a side of either black bean soup or a baked potato with vegan chili on top

Hungry now aren't ya?

Well that's been my life for the past 11 days and will continue to be my life for the next 20 days. I just want to go into a wine coma (an organic vegan wine coma of course) and wake up in November. I would be lying if I said this was easy, it’s not, hell being vegetarian at this point is way cooler than being vegan. The only thing way cooler than being a vegetarian is being a meatatarian where you do things like normal people do.

How do I get myself into these situations?! I mean, who really needs to test their will power for no reason other than to make sure you still have some? I guess I do.

Next October I am going to give up giving up stuff.

Potential Halloween Costume?

i knew it was true

2011-10-07T10:04:00.001-07:00

I have to credit Daily Sparkles for this fact. I do apologize though, I can not credit whomever she stole it from, that's on her ;)

when did it become this way?

2011-10-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

It was like one day I was in my bikini, in the bay, in an inter tube made for an 8 year old, with a beer in my hand, worrying about not spilling my beer and worrying about whether or not we were going to die from getting tangled in the ropes and drowning.

Then I woke up one day and I was in my sweats, in the living room, in rubber gloves made for an 80 year old, with a sponge in my hand trying to scrub our radiators in preparation for winter, worrying about if they were coated in lead based paint and worrying about whether or not we were going to die from breathing in heated lead based paint.

When did it become this way?

Where were the tell tell signs that would show me that things were evolving and that I was getting old and “responsible”. Why didn’t my bank call me when they noticed my debit card went from being used for 30 packs of quantity over quality cans to being used for 6 packs of quality over quantity bottles? Where was the call when I stopped buying $200 boots and started buying $200 worth of cleaning supplies and linens or when I stopped buying microwaveable dinners to buying actual ingredients to make things “from scratch”? Don’t banks pride themselves on detecting when something is “out of the ordinary” on your account?? You know, someone in Spain stole my identity once and drained my bank account, they called me then- and I’m not even remotely as upset about my identity being stolen as I am about being a real responsible adult. At least then my identity was worth stealing. I think the guy from Spain keeps calling me from an unknown number, trying to give me my identity back. He doesn’t even want it anymore (he probably got a look at my student loan bill).

Why haven’t my friends called me to say “Hey Rai, you haven’t partied on a Wednesday in a while, what’s up with that? Are you ill?” Oh right, that’s because they are busy buying houses, building sheds and raising small humans.

Seriously, when did it become this way?

I started a real savings account, not a “saving for Mardi Gras” savings account, an actual savings account, one that has no meaning until “an emergency occurs” (btw, needing a Gucci bag because mine is “so last season” is surprisingly not considered an emergency (so says Jamie)).

I started thinking about my future and making decisions that count beyond “what’s for dinner?” (which is a legitimate future decision if you ask me, it’s tough to know what to eat for dinner, I mean, it depends, am I craving something? Am I PMSing? How long has it been since I’ve had wings? Do I feel like fast food? a sit down dinner? a fast sit down dinner?)

Anyways, I guess it became this way the day I decided to settle down and marry the love of my life or the day I realized I cared more about the quality of our thread count than the quality of my rain boots (other things like handbags, jeans and winter coats are a work in progress) I guess it became this way the day I got a puppy and could no longer leave from work and go straight to Happy Hour on Wednesdays. Either way, I am not necessarily saying I am happy about all these "sudden" changes, but I will say that I wouldn’t have had my life become any other way, but this way...

… Unless I were to accidentally win the lottery, like this woman did. Lucky bitch.

someone should feed me

2011-10-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

I decided since I am going to be Facebook free, shopping free, animal and animal bi-product free this month, I am going to have A LOT of time on my hands. I tend to do all 3 of those things pretty often (I will save myself the embarrassment and not break down into percentages how much each of those 3 things make up in my day to day life). Aside from working smarter (different from harder (when are people going to learn that?)) in hopes of climbing a notch higher on the Corporate America ladder, and aside from working out (in hopes to get abs of steel and an ass like Beyonce), I am going to invent a program that will tap into everyone’s WebMD history.

Can you imagine…

Man, this is just too genius to not do.

is eating your own placenta vegan?

2011-10-03T11:44:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, you are probably so sick of hearing this question. Well, rest assured, I have found the answer! So feel free to pass it on the next time you're at the water cooler and you hear your bosses secretary ask you AGAIN "If I ate my own placenta, would it be considered vegan?"

My Google search bar has been getting it’s workout on… I have replaced my usual “how do you spell [insert any word with over 3 letters in it here]?” and “what does [insert any word that you do not learn the meaning of organically by age 10 here] mean?” and “When will Kim Kardashian’s Wedding FINALLY be televised?” to “Is [insert any word that is consumable here] vegan?” Everything I see has become questionable to me, the gum on my desk, the peaches in the cafeteria, the dirt I found in my beans the other night… Can I not bite my nails now? I can’t imagine nail biting being vegan. Hmm, I am going to have to Google that one.

Ok, I regret that. When Googling “is biting your nails vegan” the first thing to surface was a picture of a woman’s placenta with an article attached and in that article they asked whether eating your own placenta is considered Vegan, they came to this conclusion:
“At first thought eating placenta might be an affront to veganism considering the fact that placenta is an animal bi-product. But I think we decided that eating your own placenta did not foster a cruel exploitation of yourself and is, therefore, vegan.”

So, what I gather from this is this: it is ok to eat your own fingernails, but possibly not ok to eat someone else’s fingernails, UNLESS said person has given you permission to eat their fingernails, and in doing so no one becomes victim to cruel exploitation. I also gather that it is NOT vegan to eat your dogs fingernails (since they obviously can not give you written or verbal permission to eat their fingernails). *damn opposable thumbs*

Side note: Thanks to Google I learned it was "opposable thumbs" not "disposable thumbs" and I also learned how to spell "opposable", so thanks Google!

You would think that with all this finger nail talk (BTW I do not bite my (or anybody else’s)fingernails, I was curious for informational purposes only) and seeing placenta recipes online, my appetite would be curbed, but I regret to inform myself that it is still very much there. I was craving mayonnaise in my sleep last night. Although it’s very typical for me to crave food all hours of the night, I usually do not crave condiments alone. Plus I am a Miracle Whip kinda gal, so this veganism stuff is clearly just plain messing with my head.

Gone Vegan...

2011-10-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

I am going to back track to yesterday, my preparation to go Vegan. First off, I had to drive across the city for 35 mins just to get to a store that sold Vegan groceries (this is where I miss CA a lot, you can buy vegan on every corner there). Anywho, so I slipped on my sheep skin and wool Uggs, grabbed my leather bag and started my journey across town to become a bonafide vegan! I had done all of my due-diligence, I emailed myself A) Directions to and from the store (it’s seriously hard to navigate in this city) B) 3 vegan recipes for the week and C) anything else we would need to go complete vegan without a hitch!

Of course, I left my phone in my room, so this was of no help to me what so ever. I got lost going there AND coming back and without a grocery list, I spent hours reading every ingredient on every possible thing in the store. UNTIL I realized that at Trader Joes they put a Vegan stamp on all things Vegan! (awesome) (yet another reason I love TJ’s so freaking much!!) So I just threw every single thing in my cart stamped Vegan and called it a success! Whew!!

Ok, so now it’s day one of my Veganism (word?) and so far so good… I have only had breakfast, so I am not speaking from much experience (yet). I will share my eatings today but I will save everyone the boring details on my everyday eatings going forward (I tried that last year as a vegetarian and I started boring myself of my own blog posts.)
So far- Breakfast:
Vegan Berry Oat Bran Muffin w/vegan substitute spread NOT cream cheese (that’s literally what its called on the package: vegan substitute spread NOT cream cheese)
Enriched Farina Hot Wheat Cereal w/chopped bananas
Pumpkin Coffee with Vanilla Soy Milk

I came to this conclusion, that in the end, it all just tasted like peanut butter without the sweet or without the peanut and actually without the butter part too. It had the consistency of peanut butter, but tasted more like a smacking sound rather than an actual taste, so I washed it all down with several cups of coffee and some water (and I hate water in the mornings) and that was that!

All in all, I am full, so I guess it got the job done.

*sigh*

Only 30 more days, only 30 more days…

planning a wedding is a breeze

2011-09-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

I could do it in my sleep…
If I had $100,000 to spend on it and an extra $30,000 to hire a wedding planner to take care of it all while I caught up on my beauty rest.

I took this wedding as a challenge (I admit for some selfish reasons) See, I have always prided myself on being able to throw a pretty damn good party (caution: mild horn tooting). Example, I threw a party in 2009 that over 2,000 people showed up to. The police even called my place of employment to threaten me with fines if I didn’t call it off (btw the party went on and in the end no one died and I was not fined). Anyways, so when we decided to try to plan a hell of a party for our wedding here in the states, I took the challenge knowing I had this in the bag!

I didn’t, I didn’t have it in the bag… I had a bag and I had a bunch of books and I had a lot of ideas and vision boards and magazines and I watched Bridezilla and My Fair Wedding and spent countless hours on every wedding blog known to man, but my execution was to shit.

We had a year and a half engagement, then we had a year and then out of no where we had 6 months... Still, I thought, I got this! I so got this... I watched several friends have quickie engagements and their weddings went off without a hitch, I figured if someone can throw something together in 3 months, so can I.

So time passed…

And passed…

And boy was I wrong; I so did not “got this”.

Then with some wedding soul searching we realized the real reason behind all of my procrastination (besides my passion for procrastination) is that I didn’t want a traditional wedding. The moment Jamie and I became engaged we had many talks about a dream destination wedding; it’s what we truly whole heartedly wanted from day one. I don’t know why we fought it so hard, well I kinda know why, because we wanted everyone we ever knew and loved to be able to come to our day and celebrate and we knew if we went away somewhere on an island our guestlist would be limited. So we tried, I tried, I really thought I had it in the bag.

Well, we gave up on the bag, and opted for a carryon instead… So now I can say “I got this! I got it in the carryon”! and we could not be more ecstatic to be going through with our dream destination wedding and although we will miss those that will not be able to make it, we know we will have something very special to share with everyone when we get back as husband and wife.

I gotta go start packing my carryon now, because trust me, it will take me 6 months to get it all to fit.

our wedding site

#holycrapimgettinhitched

2011-09-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

So we decided on a venue (FINALLY)... As much as we would have loved a Charlotte wedding, we just could not let go of our dream destination wedding. So we decided to make it happen (and oh its happening!). So on April 1, 2012 we will become husband and wife on this fine white sandy beach:

Excellence Playa Mujeres

Sanity and sleep go hand in hand, which explains a lot actually

2011-09-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows about my intense battle with insomnia and by intense, I mean, I pretty much haven’t slept since elementary school and even then I remember lying awake countless nights sneaking to watch M.A.S.H and The Insomniac show with Dave Attell after my parents have gone to bed. I have no idea why I can't sleep; My parents sleep, I have a sister that’s basically narcoleptic and a fiancé that can take a 20 min power nap in his car during a lunch break. I actually get upset with people who can sleep; as a matter of fact it’s probably been an issue in past relationships: “Why did you guys break up?” me: “The jerk sleeps so peacefully at night, can you believe the nerve?”… Sounds completely logical right? Well, I have decided to grow up on that front and realize that it is probably not normal to be angry at people who do a very natural and normal thing.

side note: (I’ve KINDA realized this; it’s a work in progress)

I’ve tried everything. I mean everything… from counting sheep (seriously), to herbal remedies (melatonin, valerian root, Chamomile), to Tylenol PM, Advil PM, Motrin PM, to Ambien, Sleepy time tea, Benadryl, a glass of wine, a bottle of wine, a mixture of all of the above, etc… The list goes on. It’s astounding how desperate you get for some R & R.

So as of late I have tried this short term remedy: no caffeine after noon and then I take 2 OTC sleeping pills at 9:30pm to keep me asleep (and not to mention makes me EXTREMELY groggy in the AM) but unfortunately does not put me to sleep, so therefore I also take 1 OTC sleeping pill to put me to sleep (but doesn’t not keep me asleep (ugh, it’s a vicious cycle really)) immediately at 10:30pm.
This combo has proven to give me about 2-2.5 hours of sleep a night…. Which is surprisingly long hours for me, one who is used to absolutely no sleep to roughly 15-20 minutes of awkward dreaming/night tremors a night, sans being heavily sedated.

But the newest thing to throw a kink in my already questionable sleep patterns has been that Jamie has adapted a new nighttime routine where he starts petting my face and hair randomly in the middle of the night. (yeah, it’s ok, go a head, picture it) Now, this probably sounds romantic and sweet to some and possibly creepy to others, and I understand that all too well, but it scares the shit out of me in the middle of the night and it’s REALLY hard to yell at someone for doing such a nice/sweet/weird/romantic gesture. Sleeping medicine does weird things to you and I am no exception and neither is Jamie (sometimes he will take OTC sleepy time meds just to make me feel semi normal- what a gentleman huh?) Anyways, he always has some great excuse as to why he is doing it. Last night went like this:

3:01am
Me: (waking up to Jamie’s hands in my hair and then my face slowly poking me in the eyes)“Jamie, WHAT are you doing?? This is the second time tonight you have woken me up by petting my face, this seriously needs to stop!”

*silence*

3:03am
Me: “Seriously, whats your deal?? Are you even awake right now? Are you punishing me for something, because its working!”

Jamie: “Huh what? Oh yeah, I just knew that was important to you?”

Me: at a lost for words

Me: “What was important to me?? What are you talking about? You’re asleep huh, you little shit- I hate you sometimes”

Jamie: “Its for you”

Me: “Whats for me?”

*silence*

3:05am
Me: “Ugh, great now the dog needs to go out”

Jamie: “Oh yeah, that’s what’s important to you, the dog needs to go out”

Me: “You can’t be serious”

3:09am
Jamie sleeps soundly while I am up… for the REST of the night.

Surprisingly this wasn’t the first night this has happened, and I have a feeling it wont be the last.

I haven’t slept for 30 years and I am freaking exhausted. If any one has any solution that they have found to actually help, please by all means, share! This doesn’t count for those of you that have had trouble falling asleep “that one night” so you drank warm milk and then conked out like a baby. I am talking to those of you that have literally cried tears in the middle of the night asking God what you did wrong in a past life for him to grant you a lifetime of sleepless nights. Do you know how much thinking a woman can accomplish in an entire 8 hour span of laying in bed in silence? A scary amount. You think a long day at work is tough? Try having a long day at work that carries into the night where you get to lay in bed for 8 hours thinking about your long day at work only to turn around and have another long day at work the next morning having had ZERO sleep in between to maintain your sanity. Sanity and sleep go hand in hand I've heard, which explains a lot actually.

So needless to say, if you are ever up in the wee hours of the night and you have nothing better to do just BBM me, cause I’m probably just laying there thinking about alien abductions and their correlation with crop circles, whether or not there is good profit in owning a coffee shop and what color I would paint the walls, or I will be wondering how many people from America’s Most Wanted have been found from watching the show and if I watched the show would I even know if I came face to face with one of the most wanted or would I fail America at turning this person in because “I know I’ve seen him somewhere, just not sure, work maybe?” and whether or not the rug in the living room is centered enough to give the space enough dimension and depth without looking cluttered-- all while I’m trying to figure the words out to the song stuck in my head that I know I know, but I don’t know.

Exhausting huh?