Chat Rats

Cross-Cultural Make-Up Sex

2010-05-18T09:31:00.000-05:00

3:58 PM Him: What's going on?

me: Just chillin? You?

Him: Wife has plans tonight, so I'm just dicking around at home

and tasting gins

me: yummy

what's the gal doin'?

3:59 PM Him: Tonight she's out with a chica friend

tomorrow is work friends

me: cool

good she's making friends

Him: yupyup

I'm not doing as well there as she is

but then, I'm not as social as she is

4:00 PM me: Hmmm... well, you gotta change that, too, then.

Him: Meh

I've got some peeps

Not many, but I never really do

me: Fuck it. One gets so much more done without friends.

Him: I kinda like it that way

I have my peeps I really like

and fuck the rest of em. lol

me: yeah, I'm trying to get rid of a few. :)

Him: lol

4:01 PM You've been a social butterfly as of late, so I'm not surprised

me: Accidentally making enemies, too

Him: Life is more entertaining that way

me: Yeah, but I'm not good at being hated. :-/

Him: You get used to it

4:02 PM Buy your enemies a drink

rotgut whiskey

;-)

me: Good idea

perfect

4:03 PM Him: On another note, this is the first time EVER that I've thought Miss USA was hot. lol

me: She IS!!!

I agree

Damn Muslims

4:04 PM Him: Talk about a way to smooth the religious divide.

Just find more like her and parade them through Jerusalem

me: Nice

Him: Young Israeli men will be clamoring to open the borders

4:05 PM me: Hot damn. I think you're onto something.

4:06 PM Him: Beauty may be skin deep, but hormones are effective.

me: Beauty has done wonders to stop and start wars.

Him: Indeed

Why shoot, when you can tap? ;-)

4:07 PM me: ha

5 minutes

4:13 PM Him: Thousands of years of conflict solved by a whole lot of screwin'.

Elegant solution, if I ever heard one. ;-)

me: Seems the only way to go, of course.

4:14 PM Cross-culture make-up sex.

healing all cultural wounds

4:15 PM Him: Too many endorphins to go find an AK-47.

me: Oh, the things they'd be doing with those AK-47s if they had them.

4:16 PM Him: Hopefully they're unloaded and safetied

me: Exactly!

Him: Because wow.

That seems like it'd hurt

We'd have to air drop lube

4:17 PM me: Yeah, but after so many years of pain, maybe that's just how they roll

Yes, KY donations being accepted at present.

Him: Lube for Libyans!

4:18 PM me: you just made me snort

Him: Astro-Glide for Arags?

Arabs

4:20 PM me: Mandelay for Muslims

Him: Penis for Palestinians!

4:22 PM me: Inti-Mate for Israelis

Him: Jack off for Jordanians?

me: Gaza Gel?

4:23 PM Him: Hot for Hamas. lol

me: ha!

4:24 PM Him: Yoni for Yemen!

4:25 PM me: you're cracking me up

Him: One does what one can

me: thnx

4:28 PM Him: I'm just happy I got to toss out "yoni."

That word cracks me up every time.

me: Yeah, I'm particularly fond of that one as well.

4:29 PM Him: Crazy hippies

me: Hey, they're not the only ones with yonis!

4:30 PM Him: Nope. Just the only ones who call it that. ;-)

me: Thank the gods!

Him: Praise be to Vishnu!

4:31 PM me: Honor thy cooch!

4:32 PM Him: That really belongs in wedding vows

4:33 PM me: yes, yes, of course.

4:34 PM Him: To have and hold, to honor and cherish her cooch

4:36 PM me: That would make for far fewer divorces, I imagine

Well... if people actually honored the vows _ which they don't, of course. Alas

I mean.. stupid people. Not you, of course. :)

4:39 PM Him: This is true

vows aren't taken too seriously these days

What if You Think I'm an Asshole?

2010-05-15T13:42:00.003-05:00

me: I just took 3 bites of your lunch, so there.

Him: fuck
you are going to pay for that

me: Yeah, yeah.

Him: hmmmm what are we going to do with each other?

me: I have IDEAS.

Him: hmmmm... those are dangerous ideas.

me: So we just do THIS forever?
This stupid ridiculous friendship that we have?

Him: why is it stupid ?
i dont think its stupid at all
but yeah it sucks that we have this or at least i have this strong attraction and i can see at some point i am going to loose the control and somethign will happen
it has happened before with other people
but i dont think anything between us is stupid or ridiculous
this is your home here
so when i loose friends it takes me twice if not more time to find people with same value and who i can be myself around these people
its not hard and

me: Why are you talking about losing friends?
I'm not sure what that has to do with me.

Him: cause what if you think i am an asshole
or what if i am actually an asshole
what if what happened to you and the last guy happens with me
then i am out of your life and maybe you will decide now

me: I know all about you by now. And I've tolerated a lot. You truly broke my heart and I'm still here.
The last guy was a rebound.
That should be obvious

Him: i cannot apologize enough about breaking your heart and it goes both way
why do you think i am still single

me: I didn't do it to you.

Him: i know

me:I don't know what to do with you.
I will not sustain on stolen kisses.
I guess I just inject you with a high dose of ketamine and wait for you to die peacefully.

Him: hmmmm it might be better for both of us
but i dont want to die though
i want to live i like suffering

me: I don't!

Him: fine kill me

I Hope You Don't Have Krabby Patties

2010-05-09T21:31:00.000-05:00

Her: i think ur the most sexiest person in the world

Me: u2

Her: im watching spongebob!

Me: Spongebob is sexy too

Her: very hes singing about a krabby patty

Me: i hope you dont have a krabby patties

Her: wat do u mean

Me: nuthin. tell me more about spongebob

Her: hes VERYHOT

Me: you think so? is it the pants?

Her: patricks playing his belly

Me: that's VERYHOT?

Her: oh yea. and squidward is bragging about his clarinet again

Me: clarinets are kinda hot

Her: i know. that's why im a band geek

Me: your hot when you play the trombone

Her: thanks. now they r plankton and the patty stelers rock band

Me: gotta go call my mom or something. i feel dirty.

Her: oh well i still like him. luv u. pleaase dont go.

Tend the Potato Farm

2010-05-09T19:42:00.001-05:00

Him: hey

Me: Hey, stranger. What up?

Him: nothin' much. where are you these days?

Me: Mich still. You?

Him: ID. potato land

Me: Ha. A friend told me ID doesn't really exists

Him: haha

Me: She said people just got Ireland mixed up - mispronounced it

Him: i don't really know anyone who says they're from idaho

Me: Wow. Maybe you don't even exist anymore

Him: it's possible

Me: Don't want to provoke an existential crisis. Let's just pretend you exist. It's easier that way

Him: ok. ill do some pondering on that subject later

Me: Don't waste your time. It doesn't really matter.

Him: true. maybe it's all a dream

Me: So what have you been pretending to do when you're pretending to exist?

Him: when im not tending to the potato farm, i usually just mess around on the interwebs, or go hiking if it's warm enough

Me: Is it warm enough? Seems to be cold everywhere this week

Him: it could be warmer

Me: roast some potatoes and put them under the covers

Him: lol

Me: you can make a mini potato sweat lodge. you can even chant a bit if you feel so inclined

Him: hold on, i found a cord under my bed

Me: umbilical cord?

Him: it says "EXISTENCE" on it. im going to unplug it

Me: uh oh

Him: oh shi-

Me: Hello?

Walking Away

2010-05-09T14:07:00.000-05:00

4:34 PM Her: Sugar cream!

4:35 PM me: Cupcake!

4:36 PM Her: News? How goes that heart?

me: My heart is stoopid. I'm donating it to science.

4:37 PM Her: Do I have to slap your ass, shuggs? Or do I have to kick some boy booty? What ails you, sugarplum? All hearts are stupid. That's why they aren't minds.

4:38 PM me: Don't want it. Won't have it.

4:39 PM Her: Are you going to tell me what's going on? Who's messing with my shuggs?

me: Just me, cupcake. Always me. No one messes with me but me. You know that.

4:40 PM I won't let them.

Her: That's not true at all, but you are your worst enemy, sugar. That much is true.

me: I suck

4:41 PM bitch

cunt

whore

shit

Her: All beautiful, except the shit. Now tell me what he did.

4:42 PM me: Nothing. He did nothing at all.

That's not even a complaint. Nothing to do with him.

Her: Sugar, enough already. Spill the beans. He must have done something. You don't sound like the same woman in love.

4:43 PM me: I am not, cupcake. He did nothing.

4:44 PM Her: Nothing?

4:45 PM me: Nothing.

4:46 PM Everything ends. Sometimes you end first.

4:47 PM I did not end first this time.

Her: I see.

4:48 PM me: I see. It is a shame. A crying shame.

Her: No crying. No shame in love.

me: No love in shame.

Isn't anything worth keeping around?

4:49 PM I'm tired of walking away.

Her: So stay. But I can't now, shuggs. Got to go.

me: Love you, sweetness. You, I'll never leave.

Her: I know. Just don't stop trying. Don't stop loving.

4:50 PM me: Never

It's What I'm Majoring at

2010-05-05T16:19:00.001-05:00

3:46 PM 12-year-old: Hiii!!!!

me: HEY, peanut butter!

12: :):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

3:47 PM me:<3<3<3

12: Do you need 2 leave?

3:49 PM me: Leave? Like now? I'm working, but I can chat a little.

12: :o

:-o

Grandma and mom and I are making

........

.....

3:50 PM A tree house!!!

me: O, nice. I'm envious. I wanted to HELP

That's so exciting

12: i have al ot of energy today

But you can help!!!

me: Yay!

3:51 PM 12: Its not like we are going to be done anytime soon....

;)

Im making the rope railing!!!

me: Ha

That's awesome

12: yeah

3:52 PM its gonna be cool

Its what Im majoring at.

me: heehee

majoring?

you are hysterical

12: yes

3:53 PM :D :-| :D :-| :D

me: Loopy boy! I LOOOOOOOVE YOU!

12: I miis youu

3:54 PM Ill see you aroun cuzx i gotstu finisch houmwoik

me: k, peanut butter

see you soon

12: aim almoust dun thou

me: muuuuua!

12: Love you!

XOXOXOXXOXO

me: XXXXOOOOOXOXOXOXOXOX

3:55 PM Diego:<3

by/

bye

heh

me:<3

I am used to more devotion

2010-05-05T09:48:00.000-05:00

4:51 PM me:What's going on? No call?

Him: You seemed busy

me: Busy?

4:52 PM Not for you.

Him: Who was that guy?

me: Friend

Is that it?

Don't be like that

4:53 PM Him: What should I be like? I never know with you. I get you one day a week. Who gets you the other days?

4:57 PM Nothing?

me: You serioua?

4:58 PM I'm not answering that question.

We said no questions.

Him: I am used to more devotion.

me: Devotion? God, what do you need from me? You want to go to church?

5:00 PM Him: What I need from you is loyalty and time. If you can do that, then we don't need church. I need to know you're mine and no one else. I don't want anyone else inside that pussy.

me: Yours?

5:01 PM That is so severe.

5:03 PM This is about my pussy?

Him:Yes. My pussy. I am devoted to it.

me: You can have the pussy. The rest is mine.

5:06 PM Him: Bring it.

me: Coming

Not You. Definitely not You.

2010-04-30T16:19:00.000-05:00

11:41 AM Her: Hey, sugar puff!

11:42 AM me: WOW! I can't believe it's you, cupcake. I miss you so so so so so much.

Her: Not as much as I miss you, sweetie. How you been?

me: :(

11:43 AM Her: I figured as much. I feel your pain all the way from here. Oh, sugar, it's all going to be ok. You just have to believe that.11:44 AM me: I do. I do. You won't hear any whining from me. But, man, I wish you were here.

11:47 AM Her: I always with you, shuggs. You know I love you. How's your heart?

11:48 AM me: What heart?

11:50 AM Her: You might be able to fool all those fuckers out there, hon, but you can't fool me. I know you have the the biggest heart of all of them. And it feels every ripple in the pond. Poor, baby.

me: I'm just doing my job, cupcake. Absorbing some of the shit, so the world can be a better place. :)

Her: Well, enough of that. You have to get yours too.

me: I get mine.

11:53 AM Her: No, you give and you give. You never take. And sometimes you don't even let us give. You have to let us give. You got someone loving on you, sugar?

11:55 AM me: uh... smiling. Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

11:57 AM Her: Ooo, I like that. More, please.

me: I don't know what to say. I really don't. He's...Oh, he's...He's... He can do no wrong.12:00 PM Her: That sounds very dangerous.Watch your heart, sugar. Don't go giving it all too soon.

me: I know. Man, do I know. I can't really give any of it. Any. It's utter madness.

Her: Love is always madness.

me: Hey! Who said anything about love?

11:53 AM Her: Oh, sugar. You did. You said it all. Remember, you can't fool this little lady.

11:55 AM me: I love YOU. Can't I just love you? Isn't that just good enough? It's all so damn hard. So effen complicated. I can't stand it. Can't I just run and hide? Can't I just...stop it all.

11:57 AM Her: No, shuggs. Not you. Definitely not you.

A Hot Arrogant Fuckstick

2010-04-30T10:38:00.000-05:00

7 minutes

2:37 PM Him: I love you, sexy mama.

me: Aren't I lucky

2:40 PM cut it out

Him:What do ya mean?

2:41 PM me: The crap

Him: Not crap. I mean it.

me: Fuck off!I dont want your love

Him: You want me.

me: Not anymore

Him: I want you.

me: Takes 2

2:42 PM Him: Cmere then.

me: No got better places to be

2:43 PM Him: No place better than on me.

me: That's what you thinkYour an arrogant fuckstickA hot arrogant fuckstick but an arrogant fuckstickAnd a hot arrogant fuckstick is still nothing but a fuckstick
Him: But I love fucking you. I love you, sexy.

me: Thats to badSucks for you

2:44 PM Him: You want me to take you away again?Where you want to go, sexy? I promised you Venice.

me: I dont want your company or your money

Him: Yes you do.I treat you right. Not like those little pricks you go out with.

me: Your the one with the little prick

Him: LowThat little prick makes you scream.

me: Fear

Him: I scare you then?

me: not so much

2:45 PM Him: Cuz you love me too.

me: Yea thats it

Him: I'm going love you forevere

me: As long as I stay on all fours and suck your friends dick while you fuck my ass?

Him: He's my boy.

2:46 PM me: Not mine

Him: But I am.

me: Not anymore

Him: What's the big deal?

me: Not you

Him: Why r you so worked up?

Still a Spark

2010-04-30T10:14:00.000-05:00

6:15 PM me: Hey you! Running late. Meet you guys directly @ dinner. Know where it is?

Her: No problem. See you there.

me: Your socks are being held for ransom...

6:16 PM Her: Not a very sexy gift to leave. Should have opted for the panties instead.

me: Indeed. Difficult to lose them when they stay on the entire time. ;-)

Her: See, I knew there was a good reason for that.

6:17 PM me: Had to be. Guess I'll just make due w socks for now...

Her: I've got terribly cute feet. :-)me: Can't rush some things, ya know?Her: I do.me: And you, beautiful! Nice to know there's still a spark...Her: I'll always have a flint for youme: Have timber. Will travel.Her: I'm holding you to that. I'm holding you.

Are You Relaxed?

2010-04-29T14:28:00.001-05:00

11:40 AM

me: is your dude still not there?Her: nofucker

11:42 AM me: damn, dude... we coulda banged like 5 times by now.

Her: yep

hey, lover...

me: yes

11:43 AM Her: never mind

me: no what?

Her: i was just teasing

me: haha you are a tease.

Her: no, i just liked that somehow.

me: <3

Her: like how it sounds in my head

11:44 AM or looks onscreen

goof

me: i like how you sound in my head.

11:45 AM hah

Her: i like how you sound in real life

especially when you're fucking me

me: do i sound good? haha. i wouldnt know. :)

Her: bullshit

11:46 AM you practice with a recorder and then jack off while you listen to it

obviously

me: haha... good idea.

Her: no one is that good naturally

me: stfu. :)

i do like how you sound, tho.

Her: naw

me: when you're cumming on me.

11:47 AM Her: you haven't heard the best of it yet. my body is weird right now.

ne: thats ok.

Her: no its not

11:48 AM me: it'll get back to normal.

Her: you think? I hope so.

me: i'm pretty confident.

11:49 AM Her: no shit ;)

me: no... in YOU.

Her: I think maybe a roofie would help

11:50 AM me: oh yeah?

Her: yes

me: can you actually cum when roofied, or is it just a different feeling?

Her: i think i can

11:51 AM I'm able to come when drugged up

me: interesting

Her: Takes a little longer at times, but

I do well relaxed

me: do you feel relaxed when you're fucking me yet?

Her: Yes

11:53 AM But something is still off. I think it's just my being sick because I feel very comfortable with you.

me: thats good.

11:54 AM so am i.

Her: You are crazy hot

unexpected

11:55 AM

shutting up now

me: you flatter me too much.

you're the hot one of the pair, tho

fyi

11:56 AM Her: Shut up. it'll totally go to my head.

Your Pussy Is in Safe Hands

2010-04-26T14:52:00.000-05:00

11:12 AM Him: what are u wearing?

11:14 AM me: glasses

11:15 AM Him: pics plz. naked if possible

11:16 AM me: I also have a blue skirt on

Him: ooh.,

me: which I guess I'll take off now.

Him: why?

me: "pics plz. naked if possible"

Him: hahaha...ooh. i didnt think you would. :0

11:17 AM me: kthennotgonna

Him: dammit, stop fucking with my emotions, girl! hahah

or...

my libido

11:18 AM me: but you say things you don't mean.

Him: more accurate

do i?

have i not always come thru on my promises?

me: you ask for pics then say you didn't think i would so clearly you ask though you assume i won't, hence you're not really asking. Mouthful. Tirednowgottago

11:19 AM Him: i'll show you mine if you show me yours.

me: ooh!

deal

Him: good,

anything you want to show

11:20 AM me: what?

11:21 AM Him: just sayin, i love it all. so whatever you like, send.

11:22 AM me: I just took a pic of my pussy. OMG

Him: just sent my contrution. ;0

11:23 AM mmm lemme see the little flower!

me: OMG I don't think I want that out there. :O

11:24 AM Him: tease.

11:25 AM me: OMG

11:26 AM Him: yess?

holy fuck that looks tasty.

me: OMG

11:27 AM Him: hahah what?

11:29 AM me: nothing nothing nothing just toggling back and forth between the two. I thought maybe I could produce a flip book effect of sorts

OMG

11:30 AM Him: mmm you should

11:31 AM me: I'll make you fuck me yet, even if it's just in photoshop!

11:32 AM Him: hahaha. let me know if its any substitute. ill try iy myself

me: Are you forwarding that pic to all your friends. I already posted yours to FB.

11:33 AM Him: hahaha you would, too!

me: No way

Him: haha

me: dont want to share

Him: dont worry your pussy is in safe hands

Soccer or Baseball?

2010-04-18T19:14:00.002-05:00

6:42 PM me: when are you gonna be free?

6:44 PM Her: Not sure. Another hour?

6:45 PM

The exbf wants me to stop by to talk, but I don't think I will.

6:46 PM me: ahhh.

the dude you just "broke up" with?

Her: oh, shit no. The one before.

6:47 PM I don't refer to anyone after that as a bf

6:48 PM me: ahhh. understandable.

Her: But I do want to birth a soccer team with you

6:49 PM me: oooh!

that sounds like fun.

6:50 PM Her: Do you prefer soccer or baseball?

6:51 PM me: hmmm... how big are soccer teams/

Her: I like the idea of an even 11

me: hah

sounds good. sure your little body could handle all that stress?

6:52 PM Her: wow. no idea

but i do have child bearing hips

6:53 PM and i come from a hugely child-bearing family. I think it's in the genes

I don't think my grandmother was ever not pregnant

I think that's enough of that

6:54 PM me: haha. what BC are you on again? sweating :)

Her: lol

did i say i was on BC?

me: go for it. :)

6:56 PM Her: go for it?

wtf

me: i'm fucking with you, sugar.

6:57 PM Her: too bad

me: i'll just fuck you as much as possible, and you do as you wish. :)

6:58 PM Her: don't worry. i'll just quietly slip away.

6:59 PM me: haha. oh, but i'd want to see what amazingly creative and awesome people they become!

Her: i'll send you pics

or you can become a FB friend or something

7:00 PM me: ahhh, k, that works. ;)

Her: Probably time to stop joking about this.

wow. now i'm totally not turned on at all. cool. i can probably work now

my va-JJ is terrified

me: awwww, i finally found a way to turn you off. :)

Her: and my uterus hurts

7:01 PM

me: poor gal.

Her: aw, man. or maybe i just need to be fucked

me: yeah, probs.

To Catch a Predator

2010-04-12T11:00:00.002-05:00

me: hey pervert.

Her: hey fuckface

me: what are you doing, lsoer?

oops... LOSER. excuse me

Her: sending some emails to 11 year old boys. hoping to get a spot on
"to catch a predator."

what are you doing?

me: how's that workin out?

i'm doing the same, only 11 year old girls.

Her: it's not.

me: i'm going to wear my band's t-shirt when i show up so i get some
free promo.

Her: ha

that's a great idea.

then you'll probably get a spot on american idol, too, i bet

me: it kind of is, actually... like...

you know how the dudes always show up with a box of condoms
and some booze...

Her: yeah

me: and then they're like, "I WAS JUST COMING OVER TO TELL
HER NOT TO EVER FUCK OLDER MEN ON THE INTERNET,
I SWEAR!!!" ....

well...

i'll show up with a bag full of cds, and t-shirts, and stickers
and shit, and a book on saving yourself for marrriage.

Her: it'll work perfectly.

you're a genius.

me: i dont see how it couldn't work perfectly.

Howzabout I Show You the Real Thing?

2010-04-11T15:41:00.000-05:00

Him: nsfw - http://xhamster.com/movies/327023/bidingtimeh_i_feel_myself_.html
me: How am I supposed to work now?
Him: sorry, im a bad influence. *bites your lip*
me: Still, hot. Still, you're hotter. Why don't you send me a link to the one of you.
Him: mmmm if i had any id gladly send em, babe. send me yours.
me: howzabout I show you the real thing?
Him: again, i say... any time, any place.
me: Fuck, I just had to rub one out. Quit getting me all worked up. No, don't! Please don't.
Him: we probably came together then, baby. (dont worry, i wont stop.)
me: Is this what you do all day? Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Him: no, you just have a spell over me. there are 20 other things i *should* be doing. now maybe i can concentrate. :)
me: Well, if you lose your concentration again you know where to find me.
Him: mmmm i may lose it again. real soon.

Once I start thinking sexy thoughts...

2010-04-04T00:40:00.000-05:00

9:50 PM Him:You still out?

9:52 PM me: home

showered

naked

wet

9:54 PM

Much better now

Him: Right on. Don't blame you.

me: you?

9:55 PM Him: Just chilling reading some forums... nothing special.

Cleaned and shaved though...

9:56 PM me: nice

9:57 PM Him: Bored.

9:58 PM Should have went with the vic and wine.

Prolly would have been asleep by now though

9:59 PM me: Asleep? Oh, I suppose. Long week and all.

10:07 PM Him: Hate to waste a vic now.

10:09 PM Just want the humming feeling

me: why waste?

just do

Him: Fall asleep too soon to enjoy it

me: fuck that. you'll sleep better, too

Him: True.

10:10 PM No snuggling either though. Best part.

me: true that

14 minutes

10:55 PM me: Now it's me trying to decide whether or not to take vic

10:56 PM Him: Don't waste them!

me: lol

10:57 PM Him: Sleep good. Your right about that.

Gives me crazy dreams.

me: i want good sleep.

Him: Crazy crazy.

me: of course i could open a bottle of wine

10:58 PM

or smoke some dojo

Him: All of my favs!

me: or just sleep

or masturbate and then sleep

Him: Prolly what I'm going to do.

me: :)

Him: No nott feeling it.

10:59 PM Even though I do feel sexy.

me: ah, well, good thing i didn't swing over then

Him: Clean shaven and all.

All clean shaven ha1

11:00 PM me: Really?

Him: Mhm.

me: lol

Him: Figure one us should be at any given time!

me: Low blow

I just shaved

Him: Only teasing.

me: and groomed

11:02 PM

Him: Really?

me: mhm

Him: Pish posh.

me: yeah, yeah

Him: Been turned on for like ten mins now.

Might take option b yet still

me: you just said you weren't feeling it!

11:03 PM Him: I'm still a guy...

me: true true

Him: Doesn't take much.

me: do tell

Him: I think its my imagination.

Once I start thinking sexy thoughts...

Kind of snowballs.

me: go on

11:05 PM Him: Well. You know. Start thinking about warm bodies.

Slow wet kisses.

Clothes coming off

me: Is this what you do with all your extra-curricular chatting. :)

11:06 PM Him: Nope.

Shall I go on?

me: of course

Him: Heart beats and breathing fall into sync...

11:07 PM hands feeling all the delicate smooth senstive areas

More warmth

Breathing and heartbeats intensefies

11:08 PM Naked.

Bodys slither to fit that right spot

11:09 PM The slow penetration... warm and smooth like a piece of silk left in the warm rain

Warmth

11:10 PM Kisses become passionate

Eyes lock

Intense focus

11:11 PM Moving and feeling as one

Breathing becomes labored.

Kisses taste of warm salty sweat

11:12 PM Hands and feet writhe trying keep control

11:13 PM Rushes of warmth rolls over the body

Kisses turn into small bites

11:14 PM A final surge of energy

The release

Breathing slows

Sweat glistens

11:15 PM Bodys go limp into eachothers

11:16 PM The slightest movement brings spats of extacy

Peace

Warmth

Light kisses...

11:17 PM Did I miss anything?

11:19 PM me: that will do

11:20 PM Him: That's real.

The Proverbial Ice-Queen

2010-04-02T18:26:00.001-05:00

Him: What's the good word on next sat, my dear?

me: I'm in if you guys are up for it.

Him: we is in

9:21 AM me: groovy

finally

Him: I'll have the pretty lady send you one of those newfangled invites from the googles

me: O, fancy

9:22 AM Him: Indeed

me: nothing less from you 2, i know

Am I an iceberg?

Him: That's just how we roll

Well, I can't speak to your body temperature

me: LOL. Pretty cold right now actually

Him: but you seem fairly hot-blooded in temperament

me: even funnier.

9:23 AM Him: Or is this a frigidity question in the proverbial ice-queen way?

me: no, not frigidity perse — well, social frigidity perhaps

9:24 AM -per se

Him: Well, you take your time warming up to new people

but I don't really see that as being iceberg like

I'm no different in that regard

me: ok. good.

9:25 AM Look forward to spending some quality time with you guys

Him: It'll be excellent

me: yup

have a great day. I'll await fancy invite

Him: excellent -- booze, weed and soup. :-)

me: yummmmmmm

Gramma Is Here

2010-04-02T11:14:00.000-05:00

3:51 PM Him: Hi! Gramma is here!!

me: What do you mean gramma is here? That's crazy! What the heck is she doing there?

3:52 PM Him: I'm chatting with her

me: Ooh, chatting! I thought she was actually there.

Tell her I love her tons.

3:53 PM Him: You can't chat with her?

Back from the Heat

2010-04-02T11:07:00.000-05:00

3:07 PM me: you back from the heat?

11 minutes

3:19 PM Her: Yup!

3:20 PM me: feeling all sorts of refreshed?

Her: Nah. Just happy to be back.

To all this shit. ;-)

me: You're excited to freeze your nipples off, ain't ya? ;-)

3:21 PM Her: Exactly! Well, not entirely off.

me: well, half-off would look kinda funny

3:22 PM Her: Ish

My Fucking Business

2010-03-31T09:41:00.002-05:00

10:50 AM Him: Do you have anything to say?

10:51 AM me: huh?

about what?

Him: Haven't listened to my voicemail yet eh?

10:52 AM I want you to know that I am incredibly hurt.

me: What?

hold on

Him: No dont

Its mean.

And I was and am angry.

me: ouch

why?

what did i do?

I'm a fucking piece of shit?

What?

very confused here

Him: I'm sure you will send this in too.

But fuck it

me: Oh, lord.

Really? You're mad about chat rats?

It's entirely anon.

10:55 AM Him: Those were personal. Between me and you.

me: That's the whole idea.

That's what makes the damn thing worth reading.

They are in NO WAY even associated with you.

Why such a big deal?

Him: they are my fucking words.

me: Yes, and good ones even

Him: Is nothing sacred to you?

10:57 AM me: Sacred? Really?

Not words. No.

Feelings. Yes.

Him: I'm so hurt and mad I'm shaking

me: I'm so sorry.

Him: Its all gone.

me: It's all gone?

10:58 AM Him: My trust in you.

me: sorry

don't really understand. but i'm sorry

10:59 AM was actually going to ask

not sure why i didn't

didn't think you'd mind as long as there were no names

11:01 AM Him: No. I do mind.

I'm destroyed that you put that out there.

Only back in my life for more material…?

me: Oh, please

That's ridiculous

Him: Is it?

me: yes

Him: Thinking about it last night. After you were in my bed...

11:03 AM me: and?

Him: Just crushed.

me: But.. why?

Him: I've never been so hurt.

me: But... why?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Why is it such a betrayal? I don't understand.

I really don't

11:04 AM Him: That's the name of the game isn't it. Said so in the headline

Well I know how it feels now.

me: Yes, and supposed to be fun.

and funny. And real

not cruel

11:05 AM Him: It isn't. At all.

me: It's a good "random" chat and totally relatable

Him: My fucking business

me: no

not yours

Him: Not the rest of the world.

me: mine

But who cares? No one knows.

Seriously

Him: I knew. And that's all that matters.

11:06 AM me: If we would have done it together would you care?

Would you have said no fucking way?

Or does it just feel like a betrayal because you didn't know?

11:07 AM You want me to have them take it down?

Him: No leave it. The damage has been done.

11:09 AM I don't care about others. But shit between you and me. I would have said no.

me: but why?

Him: Its only for you.

I want to be anon in this world.

Maybe I toook it hard. But please understand

me: Maybe not.

I do. But it was not meant to harm.

Didn't see it as a betrayal, per se.

Him: That's what it did.

me: Ugh. Sorry

11:12 AM ... but... it's good

Him: My trust is so fragile.

me: So... can I publish this now? :)

KIDDING

!!!!!

11:13 AM Him: Ugh.

me: sorry

Him: I just don't know anymore.

11:15 AM me: come on

At least it's real.

real

11:18 AM Sorry

Him: I feel a bit better.. but damn.

me: :(

11:19 AM Really glad I didn't hear your message until you texted

kiss to you

right on your face

11:27 AM Him: Watch out for the egg.

On my face.

me: no egg on your face

none

11:28 AM just kisses

tell me I'm not a fucking piece of shit

come on

Him: Your not.

me: :)

I'm sorry

11:33 AM damn, always hurting on you

Him: Seems that way.

Ill tell you what..

me: ?

Him: Dodged a bullet.

11:34 AM me: ?

Party in My Pants

2010-03-30T18:15:00.000-05:00

Her: my mum's alive!

me: woooO!

you should have a party.

12:18 PM Her: party in my pants right now

12:19 PM me: haha.......i wish.

12:20 PM anything fun happen on the bus?

Her: I slept!

free wifi!

12:21 PM masturbated

no birfday party for mum

she would rather just chill with us

which means getting drunk on wine

me: hah.......well thats cool. :)

Her: yeah it will be fuuun

12:22 PM me: it better be! or i'm holding you responsible.

Her: I am gonna pay for you to ride an orca

for your bday

12:23 PM me: haha!

Her: imagine you on the back of an orca with a little party hat

me: that would be hot. i see XX found you.

Her: yes she did

12:24 PM Her: she sent me a provate message that said she actually likes me better

me: nah ah. no way.

Her: she wants me to have her babies

me: speaking of which, are you really thinking about selling your eggs?

12:25 PM Her: yes

but, still in the thinking stage

what do you think?

do you want me to save them all for you ;)

me: haha. yes, allllllllllll of them! *nom nom nom*

12:26 PM how many do they take?

Her: I have no idea

they are sending me the info packet

I wonder how invasive it is

that would be the deal breaker for me

12:27 PM me: yeah, i've heard it's kind of invasive, but i'm not really sure what that entails.

Her: oh crap

well... I am not sure I could do it

getting stitches almost made me puke

12:29 PM me: hah......you're cute.

12:30 PM i think it's mostly the hormone injections that are invasive.

Her: hormone injections???!

12:31 PM me: hah......yes. ps, i love that i know more about this than you and i have a penis.

12:32 PM Her: errrr....

I will have to read the info... sounds scary

12:33 PM me: heh......yeah, it has risks.

Her: oh crap

me: which is why they pay a lot of $$. :)

Her: oh I see

12:34 PM me: you could probably demand a lot because of your education level.

and your hottness. :)

Her: oh yes, the hotness ... i demand $12000 per egg

me: you could probably get it.

12:35 PM Her: haha

me: srsly, i was reading some story about this chick that negotiated $65k.

12:36 PM Her: Wha?? wow

While using the drugs, you will have frequent medical tests. Removing the eggs from your ovaries involves a minor surgical procedure.

surgery

yuck

I am such a wuss

me: hah. yeahhhh, well it's your body.

12:37 PM Her: I'll read about it

I think it's a nice thing to help someone have a baby

but perhaps too much of a physical commitment

plus, they may not accept me because of my anxiety

me: welllll..........dont tell them! haah

12:38 PM Her: they do psychological tests

me: pshhh.......you're top notch.

Her: well... I am gonna tyr to donate plasma tomorrow

I will start slow

12:39 PM 1. plasma

2. eggs

3. kidney

me: then you can be a surrogate mother.

i would totally sell my sperm if i could.

12:40 PM Her: why can't you???

are they deficient? Fess up now, buddy?

12:41 PM me: hah.......no, they're not deficient... at least they werent a couple years ago. hah......but they want grad students and hot soccer players and shit, i think. they get about a billion applications.

12:42 PM Her: aww... but you are incredible. If they only knew.

that's fine. I keep your sperm for myself

12:43 PM me: haha..mmmkay, that works for me. can i get $200 per deposit?

Her: ha

$100 per facial

12:44 PM $200 inside me

$1000 if you inseminate me

12:45 PM me: haha.......$1000?? wooohooo. totally not jerking off until i see you next.

12:49 PM Her: $2000 if you do it this weekend

then, I can sell the baby

on craigslist

Squeeze Me

2010-03-27T12:12:00.000-05:00

12:53 AM Her: do you not want to come tomorrow?

12:54 AM would it be too awkward?

me: i dont know. i just dont want you to feel bad.

12:55 AM Her: I just wish I didn't have to figure out that you weren't really trying all by myself. I wish you would have told me.

me: i was trying.

12:56 AM and i was putting things together

Her: not really. you said you didn't want to talk to XX. and that you didn't feel you needed to really change

what were you putting together?

12:57 AM me: i was putting things together in my mind... our relationship... how it would work/not work, etc.

12:58 AM Her: well I wish I would have know that. like that you needed time to think or whatever.

me: i thought that's what we were both doing. that's what we talked about

12:59 AM Her: huh? you said you would talk to XX. and then after that you said tonight that you were trying not to think

me: i know. i was trying not to. but i did from time to time.

1:00 AM Her: that still left me with nothing to go on

me: yeah, i guess so. sorry.

1:02 AM Her: i just keep feeling so torn between wanting to be done and wanting to hug as tightly as possible and not let go. that feels so fucked.

1:03 AM me: yeah

i know what u mean

Her: I feel like I failed because I couldn't make you love me.

1:04 AM me: well you shouldn't feel that way

you didn't fail

i did love you. very much.

and i still do, really

1:05 AM Her: you weren't willing to risk changing your relationship with XX.

you weren't willing to put me first

1:06 AM me: i was at one point... but you didn't want me back... so after i stepped back it wasn't quite as clear anymore

1:07 AM Her: wtf? I did. I justed needed you to prove it first.

me: well it didn't seem like you did to me.

1:08 AM Her: how? I was willing to try. You broke my heart. what did you want me to do?

1:09 AM me: i dont know

1:11 AM i cant get into this again right now. i'm sorry. i will call you in the morning. and i will come to your birthday if you want me there.

1:12 AM Her: Could you come over in the morning instead? Like for a 15 minute hug/breakfast/closure?

you can take all or none of those

me: ahh...........yeah, i could probably do that

1:13 AM Her: its ok if you can't.

me: no, i think i can do that

1:14 AM Her: It would just be cool to talk in person before the party. you know?

me: yeah

Her: can I ask a time? and do you want breakfast?

me: probably 10. sure, i'll have something if you are, but nothing special.

1:15 AM Her: ok. It'll be ready at 10. (unless something changes then call)

me: ok

Her: thanks

1:16 AM me: have a good nite

Her: you too. good night.

13 minutes

1:29 AM Her: Hey

me: yeah

1:30 AM Her: are you going to go to bed?

me: yeah

Her: will you close your eyes for a minute and sqeeze me?

me: okay

1:31 AM there, did you feel it

1:34 AM Her: yes.

me: good

I'm Glad You Can Multi-Task

2010-03-26T23:58:00.001-05:00

2:37 PM Her: have you ever heard of some one getting really turned on from weed? Ya know, ecstacy does that sorta thing, but weed...I haven't heard that before...hehe
  it's a new experiment for me :D
2:38 PM can I send you a song?
2:39 PM me: When I was in college, stoned sex B-) was the normal way to do it. It is most definitely an aphrodisiac, or can be with the right person. <3 I'm experimenting with emoticons....
  And yes, by all means, send me a song or anything else.
2:40 PM I presume you're at work now?
Her: yes I'm at work :)
2:41 PM I didn't know that about weed!! hehe I just smoke it and feel this strong sensation in my vagina...all over...it's hard to control myself when it happens

2:43 PM me: I guess I'll have to buy some pot....
Her: I have my own ;)
it's nicknamed Green Crack :D it's fuckin DANK! :D lol
  i'm such a gangster ;)
me: Go gangsta grrrrl...
2:44 PM Her: I'm not helping with your concentration am I :(

  how can I help? do you want to discuss anything about work?

2:45 PM me: Actually, you are helping my concentration. I am now totally focused on your vagina.

2:04 PM Her: I like to masturbate to this song: [Baby Bash video link]

  :D
2:07 PM
hey, if you need to get to work you can ;) just saying...
2:11 PM me: I've been doing emails w/XX and asst. phone calls as I've been chatting with you. But thanks.
2:12 PM "Work them hips. Run, girl. I wanna you drip sweat." That's what I'm going to say when I see you next when you're out jogging.
2:14 PM Her: lol
  do it! :D
  I'm glad you can multi task ;)
2:15 PM me: I just hope I don't screw up and ask XX about masturbating to Baby Bash. Although it wouldn't faze her a bit. She and I talk about everything anyway.

Kisses to You Always

2010-03-26T16:06:00.001-05:00

1:33 AM Him: so how was the bar?

me: fine

Him: you could have stayed in with me insted

me: I do that enough.

Him: Cause sitting bars all the time is any better!

1:34 AM me: Nope, not that easy. Been there.

One thing has nothing to do with the other. But if it pleases you so, then lash.

Him: im not lashing at all

me: Good. It doesn't sound like fun

1:35 AM Him: im telling you what my insecurities

are

and thats what I get is denyed

me: i know that triggers more insecurity and I'm sorry.

1:36 AM I get it, but I also get that whoever I'm with needs to be secure in everything and understand who i am and that I am careful with what i have and, well,, you see

Him: haha

good luck with that

me: I can give reassurance. I can

Yeah, thanks

Him: I would like to meet this person, cause he doesn't exist

me: Fuck that.

1:37 AM Him: bars are for being social, meat markets

me: Love is not a binding thing. It is about knowing that it's there and respecting and understanding that you are both protecting it at all costs.

FUCK BARS

IS THAT WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT?

Him: protecting by taking more of a risk?

pushing the limits

1:38 AM me: I'll not be chained to a wall!
Protecting by protecting. If you don';t get it, then fuck it.

Him: I get it, but im a man, I know what happens

me: It's so fucking simple really.

Whatecr

whatevr

whatever

Him: does it make you feel wanted knowing men are staring at you

wanting you

me: you know nothing

nothing at all

Him: fuck you

me: fuck you

do you realizer what you just said?

DO you have ANY FUCKING IDEA?

1:39 AM Him: I know damn well, telling me I know nothing

who the fuck are you./

me: I don't go to fucking bars to be stared at. If that's what you think, then fuck you, too. But thanks for the kind words.

Him: you dont even have the balls to talk to me honestly

me: Fuck this. I don't want to fight.

1:40 AM Him: im not even fighting with you

me: Enough

Him: not even mad

me: Yes, well I am. And it sucks.

Him: im sorry

that i didnt mean to do

me: Enough. Enough. Enough.

Going.

Him: run then, run away

1:41 AM me: thanks. always kind.

kisses to you always

...no response

2010-03-26T15:43:00.001-05:00

12:35 PM Him: Just in case there's some need for you to know: I had the most intense orgasm of my life early this morning after waking up from a wonderful dream of erotic sex with you - with the ultimate visual of you vividly in my head - I brought myself to the most explosively satisfying orgasm that I can ever remember.

12:54 PM I just thought you may very well have wanted to know about this.

Hope all is well with you and that you'll someday perhaps want or need a distraction which includes me as the man providing privately safe benefits to you at no charge.