Chazonator's Blog

Naked Truth:The Whole Story: Was My Brother Murdered

2014-12-19T09:15:00.001-08:00

I feel like I've really reached the end of the road in my quest for the truth about what really happened to my sweet brother William. I believe I have turned every stone that I had the power to turn.

All my life, I've been made fun of. As an awkward child, trying to find myself, others found me out first and threw stones. It took three decades for me to figure out that those were the real freaks.

I am bold. I am strong. I am shameless, and I am not afraid to bare my mind, body or soul to anyone mature enough to examine and learn from the experience. Words bounce off of me. Faggot! Yum! I'm not like the other gays. I'll give you Faggot and make you like it!

People have been trying to silence me for years. I was kicked off of local radio for speaking my mind. Gay media has shunned me. They don't "get a bitch"! Fuck the gay mafia, ie. media, ie. Advocate and Out magazines. They are filled with fluff and corporate sponsors who would continue the myth that we all become trolls the moment out body fat index increases or we turn 25. I'm too sexy! You haven't seen anything yet! My former classmates in Eminence Kentucky have all had the opportunity to view photos of me, fully nude and fully erect. I have absolutely nothing to hide. Perhaps it's the person looking at my images who has the problem? I know the difference between porn and art. Do you? Some people don't. They say that my video series, documenting my investigation into William's death is graphic, sexual and perverted. They say that I have dishonored my brother by posting nude photos of him online and in my video. They are specifically disgusted by this picture below:

This photo was taken by a Vogue photographer, who was flown from NY to LA especially for this shoot. The set cost thousands to create, all just for this shoot. My brother was paid thousands for his modelling. The local media in Louisville and Indianapolis have indicated that my story is too graphic for them to consider covering. Gee, I don't remember asking them to play my video on the air. I asked them to perform their own investigative reports on a serious local story that affects everyone. Yes, my brother William was a porn star. Does that somehow make his death less worthy of investigating? I think not. If the media, or anyone else, thinks I'm going to candy coat who William was, in order to make them more comfortable, they can fuck themselves. I call it the Naked Truth because that's exactly what it is. It's not Nicki Minaj, phat-azz true. It's not a Cyrus Twerk! It's not a greasy Kardashian Ass going viral for no fucking reason, and getting coverage on every news channel in America. No! It's the story of one man, ME, stripping emperors, exposing their corruption, and holding them publicly accountable, in society, for what they do. I have grown accustomed to being that little boy, at the parade, yelling, "The Emperor is naked!" while ass kissing, political whores deny the truth all around me, to their own detriment. I am that boy, and I will be heard, even if I have to strip myself down to the bare bones to get you to pay attention to the truth. I am the living light of the Naked Truth shining down upon you. Step into the light friends. If I don't know the truth, I'll tell you. Nobody knows everything, but I know what I know. The media have not only refused to tell my story, they've refused to allow me to post it on their facebook pages, in some cases.

Below are a couple of screen shots a friend shared with me. She was trying to post my video on the local news page, and a moderator responded to her with hostility. He practically accused me of peddling porn. What a fucking idiot! Like he hasn't allowed booty pics on the page, or even posted them in the form of fluff stories they cover. And as for my claims being "alleged". Well, I've seen every media outlet in the country report stories of "alleged" sexual abuse by Bill Cosby. Let's face it, there is not a shred of physical evidence against Cosby, and yet the media keeps replaying the story for ratings anyway. And if my story is "alleged", then it would behoove any real journalist to investigate the allegations, rather than censor a bitch on facebook like a fucking coward!

WRTV Channel;6 facebook page moderator response to my friend posting an episode of Naked Truth

The media has been all over a story about a young, black man who appears to have been killed and hanged from a swing set.

I am deeply saddened by this young man's death. Perhaps more than most, I can relate to his family's grief. Not knowing who killed your loved one, and being told it was a suicide, without any evidence to support it is tragic. I've suffered with this pain for 14 years. There are differences in the cases of this young man and my brother William, but the main story is the same. Young man found hanging dead. Evidence goes missing. Coroner rules death a suicide. Family lives with injustice. Only in this young man's case, the FBI and the NAACP are investigating his death now. Will they find out the truth? I am praying they do, and I will be watching this story as it progresses to find out what unfolds. In William's case, I've reached the end of the road. I can't imagine there is anything else I can possibly do, on my own, to uncover the truth about how he really ended up dead that night. One thing is for sure. The media has refused to cover William's death, while running this story on a loop. Where's the equality?

I've posted a lot about this on facebook, and my true friends have been kind enough to share my posts. To catch everyone up on exactly what happened, what I've done to find the truth, and who I have encountered along the way. I've had the truth withheld from me for 14 years. I've just discovered that there was never enough evidence to rule William's death a suicide. That's an injustice that will never be addressed by the law.

My friend David Elijah wrote a story for the National section of the South Florida Gay News about what I've been through. He is the only journalist who had the guts to investigate this story. He called the people who were withholding documents from me, and their responses were incredibly suspicious. I have to credit David for uncovering the fact that the death scene photos actually existed and were at the police station in Salem Indiana. Amazingly, shortly after his phone call to the prosecutor's office, the photos turned up at the police station, and the coroner was informing me via e mail. Talk about connected! It's like the three stooges finally got their shit together for five minutes. Then they refused to send me the photos anyway. Here's David's story below:

Click here to read: Death Of A Gay Porn Star

Now, if you missed any episode of my three part series entitled:

Naked Truth: Was My Brother Murdered

Here they are, in sequence, for you to see. I've worked very hard on this series. I've had to relive the pain over and over again through photos I share in the project, and the behind the scenes investigation into my brother's death. This has been the hardest experience of my life. I lost twenty pounds. I'm skin and bones from the stress, as you will see in part 3, The Final Word. I felt it necessary to address my adversaries, personally. I don't want anyone to accuse me of hiding behind my project, narrating from a distance. No! This is up close and personal. My last word on this subject is a direct message to those who have contributed to my suffering. Did you really think I would just let them off without pointing them out to their neighbors? And before you click play on any video I have ever created, know this. I am not famous. I do not claim to be famous. I am not a celebrity. I am a song writer who wrote and recorded a song called Celebrity, but that's art, not reality. That said, I am a wizard when it comes to locating and captivating a local audience. And I'd like everyone to know that when I view the analytic data for my videos, the views overwhelmingly come from Southern Indiana, where I have intended them to be viewed. So don't be fooled by a low view count. It's reaching precisely the demographic it was intended for, Salem Indiana and the neighbors of everyone featured in it.

Click here to here "Celebrity" by Chazonator

Naked Truth

Was My Brother Murdered Pt 1

Naked Truth

Was My Brother Murdered Pt 2

Naked Truth

Was My Brother Murdered Pt 3

#justiceforwilliam UPDATE: Open letter to a Murder Conspirator

2014-10-29T07:05:00.004-07:00

My brother William was murdered, and the truth has been kept from me for 14 years. The man currently withholding the death scene photos and audio recording is Salem, Indiana Police Chief Troy Merry.

In my video series, "Naked Truth: Was My Brother Murdered" I asked the question to my audience, as the answer became clearer to me. All the evidence I have proves that he was murdered, and none of the evidence proves he strangled himself. The fact that the very evidence itself has been "lost", or tampered with, and refused to me only strengthens the evidence that William was not only murdered, but that Troy Merry is covering it up, in a conspiratorial fashion. Yes, I am alleging Merry, and others who have gone out of their way to conceal the evidence that could put my brothers murderer away. This makes them all Murder Conspirators. I've forwarded my allegations to the FBI, and my hope is that justice is served sooner than later in this case.

Allegation 1: Destroying, tampering with, or mishandling "criminal evidence" is, in and of itself a crime. And I'm not one who originally implicated the police in this clear violation of the law. The county coroner told me all about it in his e mails. He openly admits the police had trouble locating the photos and could not locate the audio recording. Furthermore, I have evidence that Coroner Marlon Robertson, who handled the case initially, remembers the recording and the mentioning of a Valium overdose, as well as officer Joey Wheeler who was in charge of the investigation does. They both know the recording said overdose on Valium and no significant Valium was found in his blood. If they lost the tape, it because they wanted it to be lost. They're denying me records they have probably tampered with and destroyed. That's just cause for my allegations.

Allegation 2: Murder Conspiracy: Murder has no statute of limitations. Whether a murder was committed 14 years ago or 14 minutes ago, it should still be fully investigated. When the very people responsible for investigating a murder go out of their way to hide it and cover it up, it's a Murder Conspiracy.

I have to trust my common sense more than these fools who have no medical training whatsoever. They have demonstrated their stupidity repeatedly by ignoring crucial protocol, mandated by state and Federal laws and guidelines. No medical exam, no death scene photos, no evidence to show, no forensic tests whatsoever. They allowed the main suspect to repeatedly run around the crime scene like buffoons. So, how exactly am I supposed to believe a word any of these idiots say when the documents I did manage to get clearly show the opposite of suicide. Gee, should I trust the facts and common sense, or a bunch of blubbering incompetent murder conspirators?

Troy Merry, I know you're stalking me. I would be if I were you. So this message is for you. I will be a thorn in your ass for the rest of your life. The only way you are going to possibly scrape this dog shit off of your shoe is to present evidence that contradicts my allegations. You have failed to do so thus far. And I don't give a shit what the death certificate says, or what the police reports show, my brother did not kill himself, and I won't believe he did until you assholes actually do your jobs and prove it. Until then, suicide is just one of many uneducated guesses you're making. Guess what, I'm not going away and this is going to get a lot uglier before its all said and done. I won't stop until you are formally charged with the crimes you're committing which continue to bring harm to me and the memory of my brother.

You can sue me, if you believe you can prove my allegations are unfounded, but I think we both know you cannot. The very fact that you continue to deny me access to the evidence is, in and of itself, more evidence of your own guilt. And I can't imagine a jury anywhere siding with a corrupt cop who refuses public documents to a grieving brother. You understand the concept of "just cause" better than many, I'm sure. And just because you think the law can't touch you, it doesn't mean society won't shun you like the social pariah you are. You will be held accountable, and your great grand kids can read this blog. You don't have my permission to deal me injustice. This is social warfare and you lose! So either prove the allegations wrong or expect a lot more dirty looks from people in your community as they all learn the truth about what you are doing to me. And I'm just getting warmed up. I will absolutely, verbally rip your Peter Griffin, closet case ass apart in my next video if I don't have those photos. I refuse to tolerate fools a second longer without calling you ALL out!

, #justiceforwilliam Update: October 18, 2014

2014-10-18T06:56:00.002-07:00

In my last update I told you about how the death scene photos have been found, according to coroner Rondale Brishaber. Not only did Brishaber inform me, more than once, over the course of several days, that the photos have been located, but he also informed David Elijah, a reporter with the South Florida Gay News. And so I have it in writing, an admission from the Washington County coroner's office stating fault with regards to the records related to my brothers death. It's an admission, not an explanation. I'm still waiting for the photos, recordings, and ALL other evidence I've requested that could prove how William really died. But I may not have to wait much longer.

I've filed a formal complaint against the Washington County Coroner with the Indiana PAC (Public Access Counselor). I've sent the counselor scanned copies of the fax I sent to the coroner on September 17, requesting this documentation. I'm officially accusing the Washington County Coroner's office of violating the Access to Public Records Act. I've received confirmation that my formal complaint has been accepted and Brishaber has been notified by the counselor. The PAC will give an official opinion on the matter, in documentation, in about a month. This documentation will be indisputable evidence of the injustice that continues to take my breath away when I think about it for too long. I'm so grateful for the Public Access Counselor and any efforts the office puts into getting me what I need to find some sense of closure.

I called the Salem police department Thursday morning (10-16-14). A woman answered and asked what my call was in regards to, so I told her I needed to talk to whoever can send me my brothers death scene photos. She put me on hold and then told me that I needed to talk to the Salem City Attorney Drew Wright.

Why would the local police department, who the coroner says, in writing, have my brothers death scene photos, refer me to the City Attorney? What's he got to do with the price of milk in China? As far as I know, this man has no connection to William's case whatsoever. I can only speculate as to why I was referred to him. I left a message with his office right after the police referred me to him, and he has yet to respond to me. He has no e mail address that I can find online either. For a public official, he sure isn't very accessible in my opinion. However, he was brought into this scenario by the police, so I'd love a public statement from him regarding why he thinks that may be the case. Could this man be the one telling everyone not to talk to me or send me the files? He's been in office for a very long time. Makes me wonder if he's friends with Gary Hobbs too?

And what's the deal with police Chief Troy Merry?

What kind of police chief dodges a phone call from someone who is publicly reporting a possible murder in his town? Why won't Troy Merry take my call? What is he hiding? What is he scared of? Who the hell does he think he is? He looks like Peter, from Family Guy, and he loves the Golden Girls. That's about the most I can glean from his facebook page. If I am man enough to call him, he should have the balls to take my call and explain to me why I don't have those photos and his complete assurance that the recording is being located. If Merry arrested me, and he questioned me about the whereabouts of (hypothetical) evidence, I am sure he would want me to speak directly to him, and not through an attorney. Salem residents should remember this the next time he gets a "confession" from a local suspect without an attorney. It's pretty obvious at this point that this police department, headed by him, is conspiring to violate the open records act as well. I'll go even further and allege obstruction of justice on their part. If I don't know how my brother died, I have no justice. I have never had any evidence, only the word of people I do not trust.

And let's not forget Washington County Persecutor Dustin Houchin either. The magnitude of incompetence, and/or corruption required for him to completely ignore the indisputable evidence I presented to his office regarding the possible murder of my brother is despicable. This man doesn't know the meaning of family values if he would let this case rest if it were his loved one. It is purely heartless of him not to demand an investigation and keep me abreast of the findings the officials he works with come up with. He pretends he doesn't have the authority to seek justice in my brothers death, while dodging the questions like so many of his Republican counterparts. The omission of truth makes him a cowardly liar. His right wing wife is a cross between Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter. Their extreme, right wing views are bigoted. It's getting clearer and clearer that if my brother William had been just about any other heterosexual citizen of Salem, and if I had not been openly gay and seeking the answers, justice would have been done in 2000, when he died. I've lived with discrimination against my sexual orientation my whole life. I'm not blind to the obvious signs of a man with the power to bring justice denying it because he doesn't approve of my lifestyle or my marriage to another man.

Doing what's right for Washington County

My Big Gay Ass!

All of you men need to grow some balls and get me the truth NOW. I will turn that town upside down (figuratively) to get to it and if you're not helping, you're just cock blocking justice! Now google yourselves in a week or two and read this truth on the front page, like your great grandchildren will. You can run, and you can hide, but the truth will always find you!

#justiceforwilliam UPDATE: Photos found amid Ignorance, Bullshit and Deflection

2014-10-13T11:30:00.003-07:00

Update: The death scene photos have been found!

My frustration hasn't gone away with the news that the death scene photos of my brother have been found. After 14 years of waiting for them, I am unable to allow myself to get my hopes up that they really could still exist and be sent to me. These photos are key evidence in my brother William's death. They may hold the strongest clues, of any evidence, as to how he really died. To date, I have only the word of the people who have held them from me for 14 years to go on. People who have no compassion, and absolutely no apparent instinct or understanding of the procedures they were bound by state law and guidelines to have performed. The news that the photos have now been located by the Salem Police department came from Coroner Rondale Brishaber, who was elected in 2009. In his e mail responses to me Brishaber clearly states:

1) The Coroner’s Office at that time did not take pictures at death scenes, the police did.

Indeed, the police did take the death scene photos, specifically, former detective Doug Hoskins. And while state guidelines, in 2000 and currently in 2014, clearly state that the coroner can hire a photographer or even have the police take the photos, they are the property of the Coroners office, and should be retained on file permanently. Furthermore, every coroner, police officer or investigator who touches any item of evidence has to log it on the chain of custody log.

2) They have found the pictures and they are looking for the audio recording.

My most recent request to his office, and the police, took place on September 17, 2014. 17 days and two videos about it later, I get word from him that, not only have the pictures been located, but the recording is missing and they are looking for it. Clearly this verifies the fact that the evidence has been compromised. And where is the chain of custody for any of this evidence I've been asking for since 2000? And how ironic could it be that all this evidence and answers all surfaced within two hours of their response to a reporter for South Florida Gay News who is covering the story?

3) The Coroner’s Office didn’t take the pictures, so that evidence stays with the city police. There were no pictures in his case file.

I haven't begun to investigate the record keeping protocol of the police. I've been too consumed with the fact that they've ignored my report of strong evidence that my brother could have been murdered for too long. The fact remains that this is either a lie or a clear display of ignorance of the guidelines that regulate the county coroner's office. They clearly state the photos are key evidence the coroner should retain permanently! And while it may be convenient for Brishaber to deflect the blame from his office to the police department, I've known the Indiana coroner's guidelines for record keeping since 2000. In fact, I'm quite sure I could perform his job with a lot more proficiency than he has.

4) I believe it is a smear campaign.

If this is the case, then who is smearing whom? The only victims in this scenario are my brother and myself. We have had injustice smeared all over us. If the truth hurts, it's because someone is harboring a lie. It just so happens that nearly all, if not every person who is involved in the conspiracy to withhold the truth about my brother's death from me has run for political office in Washington County, at one time or another. As candidates for public office, they are subject to the same type of scrutiny that any other public figure is. This includes Memes, Parodies, reviews of their personal and public lives for public consumption. I learned all this the hard way when my first gig as a radio DJ plummeted me into fifteen seconds of local fame. I couldn't take a smoke break outside my job without fans driving by screaming "Chazonator" at one point, and it was very unnerving. I've had radio show hosts on the Internet rip me apart for being so outrageous, graphic and sexy! I've been bashed in print all over the Internet by complete strangers. That doesn't get under my skin anymore. It doesn't distract from my true purpose, which is to expose hypocrisy and injustice wherever I encounter it, starting with my own personal life.

5) The laws have changed some since 2000. We take pictures at every scene and keep the pictures with the file

While this may sound reasonable, it's false. I actually printed out the guidelines in 2000 and have kept them in my file, and compared to the guidelines of today, the file retention requirements are the same.

6) I admit that the pictures were not in the file. I know that there was a audio recorder on scene. I would like to listen to the audio if possible. The Salem Police are looking for this audio

He's basically admitting to two things. One, the photos are not in his coroner's case file, and two, neither is the audio recording.

7) All calls at the Salem Police Department are recorded. I will again ask you to request the pictures from the Salem Police Department.

It's like beating my head against a brick wall here. I've got fax receipts from multiple requests sent to the Salem Police Department for this evidence. I've had a liaison trying to get copies of this stuff since September 17, 2014. Clearly they wouldn't be looking for the photos or the recording if they weren't aware of my request. So all this, deflection to the Salem Police department is getting old. The coroner's role is to work with ALL relevant local officials to resolve issues related to a death case.The coroner, the police and the prosecutor see each other nearly every day. Many of them are friends on facebook. I'm sure they have a grand old time at the Moose Lodge on weekends. Exactly when were any of them planning to work together to fulfill my simple request for evidence? You'd think they were on different planets!

For the record, I am not angry at Mr. Brishaber, nor do I hold him responsible for the actions or inaction of his predecessor Marlon Robertson. And while it's apparent that I have yet to receive full cooperation from any parties involved, at this time, Mr. Brishaber is at least attempting to work in conjunction with others to locate the evidence and documentation I need. I have called for no actions on my behalf from anyone in my online audience besides contacting his office with public inquiries. The address I had posted for Mr. Brishaber's office in my video was inaccurate, and an erroneous post made public on an official Indiana government website. I've taken measures to edit that portion of my documentary out, using youtube video editor for post cutting of segments. This is not something I would ordinarily do, as public record was current at the time of production, and the information was legally obtained and shared. However, in light of the fact that the office address is indeed incorrect, I did what I felt was necessary.

In Part 2 of my documentary series entitled "Naked Truth: Was My Brother Murdered", I bring to the attention of my audience, the new Washington County prosecutor Dustin Houchin. I explain how he has the power to crack this case wide open by having the case reopened and investigated by a more competent and trust worthy law agency. I explained how, working in close conjunction with the police and the coroner, Mr. Houchin has the power to insist that they adhere to the law and get me those records. I also explained that his lack of response was triggering me to request my viewers to contact his office for an answer. I am able to report to you now that Mr. Houchin has replied to my e mails to him, finally. Below is his response, followed by my observations of it:

Mr. Szulczynski,

Please allow me to apologize for not receiving your two emails earlier. I have had some problems receiving email through the website this week. I reported the problem to the County IT employee, and he worked on and resolved the issue today. As such, I have just now had the opportunity to view several emails that had not come through to me, including the ones you sent. Again, I apologize for the delay.

Regarding your email requesting documents, I will handle it as a formal public records request. Although I had not received your emails, I, as I'm sure you are aware, have seen the film you produced. In response to the film, my staff conducted a thorough and diligent search for any records pertaining to your brother's death that may be held by this office. We found no records. Thus, my official response to your records request is that my office has no documents or other items of evidence related to your request.

While I certainly cannot speak for the previous prosecutors, it is my typical practice to not retain evidence of investigations that do not result in the filing of criminal charges. Even where charges are filed, evidence is most commonly held by the investigating police agencies. My office, as an entity, does not conduct investigations. As such, I suggest that you contact the relevant police agencies with formal records requests.

Dustin Houchin

Washington County Prosecutor

First of all, let me state, for the record, that I don't believe for a second that Mr. Houchin's e mail was down that long without anyone updating the state's official website with his contact information. Good excuse, but I don't buy it, and here's why. Mr. Houchin's wife Erin Houchin is running for state senate. Unable to contact him via e mail for a written response, I posted my videos on his wife's campaign page, two days before his e mail. Not only did his wife block me from further posting on her campaign page, but she did it to several of my friends who followed suit. Either their marriage isn't as strong as mine is, or someone's bullshitting. If someone posted a video with my husband on its cover, on my fan page, I'd be making sure to watch it and be sure he did too ASAP.

And while I can appreciate the diversion of his office, diligently searching, for the records there, it's not what I asked for. I've never said I believed his office was holding records. I've accused him of withholding records, and he still is, as far as I am concerned. When someone has the power to enforce the law and have records sent to someone legally entitled to them, it is withholding. It certainly isn't cooperation. This was not a Records Request. It's a request to reopen the investigation into my brother's death. This response is not only inadequate or indicative of sheer ignorance, but it's an outright insult to my integrity. Either he has the power to correct this matter or he doesn't. If he doesn't, then he should tell all of his constituents just how powerless he really is. He goes on to insult my integrity by pretending I don't understand his role. No, Mr. Houchin, you're no investigator. If you were, you would do your research on me and discover that your ignorance will not fly and I will get justice, with or without your cooperation. However, know this, your lack of cooperation is considered absolute obstruction of justice, by me, and will be a part of any formal complaints I make to any government agency or human rights group going forward. So thanks for your response, as utterly ignorant of the fact that I reported a possible murder to you as it is.

As of today, October 13, 2014 I still do not have a shred of evidence from any Washington County or Salem official which proves my brother killed himself. A third part of the video series is currently in production. Political corruption, nepotism, cronyism, and favoritism will be put on full display. Names will be mentioned. Public photos will be displayed. Public addresses, listed on government websites will be shared. Make no mistake about my motivation. I'm no longer making requests. I am demanding justice, and anyone who comes between me and justice will be exposed to the entire world! Somebody better prove the truth to me before that entire fucking county falls apart!

I'm not endorsing anybody, but I know who I don't want Indiana Dist. 47 to vote for!

2014-10-07T19:22:00.005-07:00

#justiceforwilliam UPDATE!

2014-10-07T07:39:00.003-07:00

Okay, if you've followed the case this far, you know that I've presented a strong, factual case for why my brother didn't record the suicide tape found in his inner, left pocket the night he died. You know that a clear conspiracy to keep the evidence from me is real. I still don't have the evidence I have been requesting for fourteen years. But I do have something,

There's a new prosecutor in Washington County since the last good ole boy got booted out. His name is Dustin Houchin, and he has the power to crack this case wide open and get to the bottom of it, for once and for all. The question now is, Why doesn't he do just that?

And so, here's Part two in my Naked Truth video series special investigation into William's death for you to view and share. Remember, this could happen to anyone. This video is as shocking as the first one, so be sure to watch all the way through the credits for details you won't hear anywhere else,

I encourage the media to ask these public officials the same question I've been asking for 14 years. Where is the evidence?

And, If you missed the first episode in the series, click play below

I have taken the liberty of forwarding both of these videos to the Indianapolis FBI field office.

Naked Truth: Was My Brother Murdered?

2014-09-29T11:17:00.002-07:00

I can't begin to describe the depth of sorrow and suffering that the tragic loss of my younger brother caused me. The initial shock of losing him hit me so hard I could barely maintain my sanity for a while after. In my grief stricken state, how could I communicate to the world, the injustice that I've suffered for the last 14 years of not knowing how he died? How does one tell the story of tragedy, when one doesn't know the full story himself? How can I answer anyone's questions about how William died, if I never received the answers myself? How can you make someone understand the magnitude of your suffering, if you can't fully comprehend what it is that caused your suffering to begin with?

For fourteen years, I've gone over and over the police reports, the coroners report, and all the notes and documents I've retained that are related to my little brother's death. Try as I might, I cannot locate a single shred of evidence that suggests to me that he actually hung himself. To the contrary. I've found evidence that the suicide tape "found" in his pocket that night had no mention of hanging himself, and completely contradicts the toxicology report, as the video below clearly demonstrates.

Producing, narrating and composing the media for this documentary was the most painstaking experience I've undergone since his death. I've had to relive the memories of the horror of how he was found, hanging, suspiciously, from his favorite tree, next to the pond he dug, with his legs ON THE GROUND. I've had to live with the memories of the police refusing to investigate, when I presented them with clear evidence that contradicted their conclusions. They didn't like my attitude. They didn't HAVE to give me anything. They didn't have to prove my brother hung himself. They only had to convince my family and me that their word was good enough. It might have pacified the rest of my family, but it's not enough for me. It never was, and now, 14 years later, I am setting the record straight,

If the only good thing that comes out of sharing William's story with the world is the public scrutiny and examination of these officials and the truth I'm presenting, it is worth every skipped meal and lost hour of sleep it took me to create. I will find justice in this case, if only in the court of public opinion,

For 14 years, I imagine my adversaries in Washington County Indiana have laughed at me.

"That crazy fag thinks he's smarter than us".

They underestimated me,

"He's a high school graduate. He'll never be intelligent enough to hold us accountable".

They thought time would erase my pain and that I could accept their lies.

"It's been so long, there's nothing he can do about it now,"

They were wrong on all counts.

Perhaps the biggest mistake they made was allowing themselves to believe, for even a second that I am somehow scared of them, I'm not scared of anybody. Let them sue me if anyone feels they have a leg to stand on in court. I have tons of documentation. I was advised from day one by friends with legal experience to keep track of every word spoken by everyone involved, I'd say this video demonstrates my ability to hold on to important documents. If anyone can prove that anything I've said isn't true, then let them post it in a comment below, or make their own video about their own truth. But this is my truth, and I will share it with anyone who cares enough to learn it.

I'm not the same, crying mess they encountered 14 years ago. William's death changed me in ways I am still discovering to this day. I've learned that life is too short to live with a tragic lie weighing me down. William's funeral was the first funeral I had ever been to. Seeing his body in that casket, and not knowing how he really ended up there has caused mental distress, it's true. But it has also given me a stronger appreciation for the truth in general. I live a very honest life. I own every aspect of my self examined life. I'm bisexual. I'm a parent. I'm a husband. I'm a brother. But what kind of brother would I be if I didn't turn every stone I could find on the path to the truth about the tragedy that ended his life? I'm not a rich man. I would never dream of asking anyone for anything. Had I been financially capable, at the time of his death, I would've hired the pathologist I had e mailed after he was buried, and signed the agreement I requested, from the funeral home that buried him, to exhume his body in 2000. I did not have the $6,000 plus it would have cost me. My husband and I had already spent thousands of dollars on his funeral and monument. William was embalmed and his body prepared for the funeral before I could arrive in KY to see his body. I have so many e mails of correspondence I had back and forth with lawyers and medical examiners I sought out online, asking their opinions on the limited evidence I was provided by the authorities. I have letters I wrote to the media, the ACLU and others which went without response. Nobody would listen. Nobody cared. I was just a grief stricken brother with a crazy conspiracy theory, who was living in denial. Nobody takes the time to read anything anymore, Most people who clicked this blog link probably went straight to the pics and video. That's why I chose the cover photo. Sure, some people will be scared to share it, but for every one person who does, many more will actually click play and watch. If I've learned anything in my years of online romping, it's how to push the envelope and suck viewers in with a mysterious headline and a graphic image. This artistic nude, shot of William is irresistible to anyone who loves beauty, mystery and truth. And now that I have your attention......

With everything I've done, every letter I've written, every media outlet I've reached out to with this story, and every document I've mulled over incessantly, I've still felt a sense of inadequacy. I know that people will criticize me for not doing enough, but, real or not, I have lived with that feeling since the moment I learned of his death. There are a million "what ifs", and only one Naked Truth. I don't believe this video is the final stone. My hope is that it will inspire someone, who knows something to come forward and break the chain of silence that has surely weakened over the past 14 years. Who is going to take the rap now that the cat is out of the bag? How will they cover their tracks, now that the real evidence is truly going to be summoned by the public, who hold them accountable? How will they respond? Since none of them were concerned with how my brother died before, who will be the first to re open the case, now that everyone in their community is aware of this deception? Being totally honest, I feel a small sense of justice has already been served. None of the authorities featured in the video have contacted me, nor do I anticipate they will. And while it's very clear that they have never spent a second trying to imagine what it must like to be in my situation, I can't help but smile when I think of the one they've created for themselves. I'm just the delivery boy. The local paper wouldn't carry the story, so I went ahead and presented it to you myself. If the truth makes their home town feel like a prison, in which everyone is looking at them knowingly, then perhaps a tiny bit of the justice that is to come is already shining through, One thing is for sure, Between my blog, my videos and my social networks of tens of thousands of friends and admirers of my Naked Truth video series, all of these officials will have a permanent google problem, Long after I am dead, this video will be a part of my legacy, as a truth seeker, and the kind of big brother I have always aspired to be to William. Like my brothers body, my tattoos will fade, and all physical evidence of my existence will disappear, and yet, my image will live on, eternally, in cyberspace, and so will my voice, telling his truth.

I thank God for the resources I have to bring this video to you and tell my story so clearly. I can honestly say, as with all Naked Truth videos, that William inspired all this. In 2000, shortly after realizing that nobody was going to investigate his death, I wrote a newsletter called Naked Truth. I posted a photo of my own naked ass on the top, and I explained this whole story in it. I printed and distributed the newsletter, by hand to hundreds of residents of Washington County. If I never produce another video in my life, I can honestly say that I've already served my purpose as a producer. It's as if this was my mission and my purpose has been served. But I do not want to go to my grave without knowing how William died and holding everyone responsible for this injustice accountable.

I have faith in God. I have faith in the truth. I have faith in William. So please help me find justice for him by sharing the following video with the hashtag #justiceforwilliam

Are Washington County Indiana officials covering up a murder?

2014-09-19T13:22:00.002-07:00

Dear residents of Washington County Indiana, and all National media outlets reading this, and of course judge Robert Bennett and county coroner Rondale Brishaber, who this blog is really about.

Judge Robert Bennett

Coroner Rondale Brishaber

On April 19, 2000 my younger brother, legally named William Paul Hobbs, of 1205 Jackson St Salem Indiana was found hanging dead from a tree in the back yard of his abusive lover, Gary Hobbs, same address. Police were called and death scene photos were taken. A voice recording found in my brother inside left pocket contained a statement by William, saying that he had taken an overdose of valium and was dying. His death was ruled a suicide, the photos were refused to our family, and Gary Hobbs continues to drive drunk in Salem Indiana every day without getting stopped by the cops, his friends.

Here's what I believe really happened. Gary Hobbs found a suicide tape my brother made in the weeks leading up to his murder. Gary strangled my brother and strung him up in that tree and then called the cops. The coroner, at that time, who admitted to me that he is Gary's personal friend, knew immediately that the marks on my brothers body were not consistent with suicide. He didn't question the fact that my left handed brother wouldn't have placed the tape in his left, inner pocket.Something that would be hard for anyone to do. I have the jacket he died in. It has a right inside pocket, where he would have placed anything he carried. Being an unnatural death, protocol would have required a pathologist's examination, and an autopsy of his body. There was no pathology report. Instead, medical staff only drew blood from his body for a toxicology test. The toxicology results clearly indicated that my brother had not ingested enough valium on the night he died to make him sleep, much less kill him. Also, Phenobarbital was in his system. He wasn't prescribed this drug by any doctor. I raised these concerns with the police and coroner who ignored them. THERE WAS NO AUTOPSY!

For years I've attempted to get the death scene photos from these authorities, and every time I hit a road block. The first coroner refused the photos to me so I called judge Bennett's office and his secretary asked him if he would order the release of the photos to me. She told me that Bennett refused to so do and that he advised I hire an attorney to petition his court for the photos. I contacted an attorney who then informed me that I could pay him hundreds of dollars to petition the court, but clearly Bennett had no intention of releasing the photos to me and hiring an attorney would likely be a waste of money. Judge Bennett is life long friends with Gary Hobbs, closeted homosexual and former owner of Coot's Packaging, a liquor store in Salem. Clearly Judge Bennett didn't want his friend being investigated or even charged or convicted of murder, so it makes sense that he could have put his neck on the line by sealing these photo from me.

Either way, Judge Robert Bennett and Coroner Rondale Brishaber are conspiring, on this very day, to continue this blatant obstruction of justice and have become the cause of unbearable grief that I have suffered for 14 years without knowing the truth about how William really died. For this reason, I now expose them to the public, and am seeking legal counsel in an effort to bring these two elected, public officials to justice for once and for all.

To every local in Salem Indiana reading this, you must know that your own justice system has conspired to obstruct justice in this case, and they probably wouldn't hesitate to do it again. Regardless of what you think you may know about my dead brother, you do not know the truth if I don't. A source, who shall remain unnamed at this point, has revealed to me that at one police officer at the scene of William's death has described his death as a murder. He said that there were ripple marks on my brothers neck, which clearly indicate that he was strangled first, and later strung up in that tree.

Immediately after William's death, I requested copies of all 911 calls he had made to Washington County police dispatch in the year leading up to his death. The person I spoke to there asked how I knew about the 911 calls and I informed her that my brother had told me many times that he had called 911 on Gary Hobbs for threatening to kill him. I'm still waiting for those recordings.

Furthermore, Gary Hobbs moved his ex boyfriend Tony into his house the day after William died. Did his ex lover help him kill William? Perhaps, but I may never know because Judge Robert Bennett and coroner Rondale Brishaber have conspired to conceal any and all evidence that would or could reveal the truth.

To Rondale and Robert, I have this to say. You are both disgraceful public servants who belong in prison. At the very least, I pray that this blog causes every person you encounter in your county for the rest of your life to shun you like the civic plagues you are. I don't know why you are concealing these photos, if not to cover up a murder committed by your friend Gary Hobbs. But I will be certain to forward this blog to any and everyone who can hold you accountable. Get me the photos and I will consider deleting this blog, and not pursuing civil action against you and any other local authority involved in this obstruction of justice, as long as the independent pathologist I plan to have review them concludes it wasn't murder. Coroners are supposed to speak for the dead. Instead, Rondale Brishaber and his predecessors have silenced my brothers last truth, and that is unforgivable. May the real

In loving memory of William Paul Lawrence (Hobbs) born 2-10-1971 died 4-19-2000

A Homophobic Star is exposed!

2014-05-09T08:49:00.001-07:00

With Mother's Day coming up so fast, I'm finding myself feeling more emotional than I ever anticipated. My mother and I just don't talk anymore. I can't really explain why because I don't really know why my mother doesn't call me. I can say that I remember our last conversation quite vividly. I remember crying, and telling her how much I love her. And yet, I had the distinct impression that my mother's mind was occupied with something, anything, other than me, and my emotions. She's heard it all before.We both know there's so much water under our bridge, and that it's flooded the valleys and made getting home an impossible task for me. My home is here, where I live in Northern Illinois with my husband and our sons. And yet, from time to time, I miss my mommy and her big, warm hugs. I feel the loss of parental love as strongly as I give parental love to my own sons. It's an odd combination, but my love for my kids is the kind of love I deserve and always have. I'm a good son. I never stopped loving my mother, and I have forgiven her for everything she's ever done to hurt me.

Over the years I did everything I could to get back home. No matter where I was living, Chicago, Miami, New York, or LA, I would beg, steal, borrow and screw my way back home to my "family". That's how much I missed my brothers and sisters, nephews, nieces and my mom. But in the last twenty two years of living with my husband, watching our boys grow into intelligent, young men, I've learned what family really is. I've lost the two closest biological family members, tragically and far before their time. A big brother isn't supposed to live longer than his little brother. A favorite uncle should never outlive his favorite nephew. And yet, the best friends I ever had, who knew me better than anyone else in the world, who grew up knowing me their entire lives, are gone. And all I have left are the memories and the hope of reuniting with them in another realm, an afterlife. At age sixteen, my nephew attempted suicide. I used all my savings from stripping at a gay bar to put gas in my beat up 1978 Thunderbird, and had to stop ever hour to refill the power steering fluid, but I made the six hour trip to see him in the hospital. He never forgot that. I showed him what family means when I showed up that night. He would spend the rest of his life returning that gift to me. I can honestly say that I have not ever had an argument with my nephew Brian. And while I can reluctantly admit that my husband and I both forgot our 7th anniversary, I never, ever forgot Brian's birthday. It was yesterday, May 8th. He would have been 38 years old. Losing him has had a profound effect on me and how I view the world and people who claim to love me. I know what real, biological, family love is. I had it and now it's gone, but there's a ray of light at the end of this dark tunnel I've seemingly found myself in. Her name is Jamie, and she's Brian's little sister. Jamie and I have been getting closer for a few years now, but we are much closer now that we share the pain of losing Brian. I have had to do some incredibly hard things in my life. I've held my elderly cat and a few dogs in my arms and watched them draw their last breath, as the vet gave them a lethal injection to end their pain and suffering. The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life was to be the one to tell Jamie that her brother had died. I will never be able to escape that memory.

The Funeral

I lost my hotel room deposit when I cancelled my reservation at the last minute. How could I attend Brian's funeral with the swarm of hate that started raining down on me before I could even pack my bag? I had posted on facebook that I supported Brian's wife Diana in all of her decisions, with regards to his funeral arrangements and final resting place. This outraged some of my siblings, especially Brian's mother Starliene, my sister. Star wanted to have Brian's body transported to Shelbyville, KY to be put on display for the public. Brian hated Shelbyville. He had way too many enemies there. I suggested that anyone who didn't think he was worth the drive in death, probably never drove to see him in life, so stay home because he knew how you felt about him. That brought me some unexpected backlash from a brother in law, who called, out of the blue, to insist that if I show up at the funeral I should be willing to hug my sister Star. Why in the hell would I want to console her? Her last words to Brian were so harsh that he called me two weeks before he died, literally sobbing. "My own mother said that 'm her biggest mistake in life and that I am dead to her". He said. Now, suddenly, Star wants to snatch his body from his wife, have it delivered to her desired location, like a pizza, and put on display, so that she can put on her Oscar winning acting performance and put out her "woe is me, donate money to my addiction" monologue. My brother in law was offended and started taking personal jabs at me. "Do you still bite your hand when you get angry?" he said. As a child I learned to bite myself whenever I wanted to hit my little brother. It's a running joke in our family. It reminded me of all the other running jokes in our family, and so I asked him if he got a job, learned to read or stopped pissing on my sister in the bed on occasion. He didn't like that very much. I doubt I'll ever see or hear from him again. And you know what, that's just fine with me. I'll take one real love over a million fake ones any day. But I wasn't going to Brian's funeral and allowing my presence to distract from the celebration of his life that took place that day. I'm not going to second guess the decision either. I did the right thing, although it was a sacrifice, it was made in his honor. He wasn't in that casket. His spirit is free, and he will always live on in my heart. I would trade places with him or my little brother who died, if I could. Life without them will never be the same for me.

Forgiveness

People read my posts on facebook and think I'm crazy. How can I express such deep sorrow and loss, while simultaneously expressing such disgust and contempt for my sister Star? The answer is simple. I'm a multifaceted, three dimensional person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. You may argue that it's not normal for siblings to harbor such feelings of deep seeded hate. That's assuming you know what "normal" is and can define it for the rest of us. Forgiveness must be earned. I can say I forgive Star for letting Brian take the rap on that robbery she involved him in, and allowing him to do hard time. I can say I forgive her for going to his ex wife's attorney and falsely accusing him of horrible acts he never even thought about committing, just to receive joy in his pain of being separated from his only son. But saying it means nothing if I can't show it, and I will never be able to allow her to get within a hundred feet of me, much less express any love to her. She probably doesn't know that I'm aware of all the lies she was telling over the continental breakfast, at the hotel, the morning of the funeral. There she was, stuffing her face with biscuits and gravy, slandering me and her own son, who lay in a casket for her final viewing pleasure. When most mothers would be grieving beyond ability to speak, she was running around telling people that Brian was a prostitute and I was his pimp, and that I raped him. Not a word of any of that is true at all. I have never harmed a child in my life and neither did Brian. I have never pimped anybody out in my life, and Brian was completely heterosexual, as his loving wife can testify. So no! I can't forgive Starliene for any of these things. But don't allow yourself to feel sorry for me. I'm not carrying her hate around with me. I have an incredible life. The love my husband and kids give me makes up for all the love I never really had in my biological family. After hearing about the lies she told then, and continues to spread now, I can only laugh at my sister Star now. She's an absolute joke. I've heard that she's still taking up donations to pay for Brian's funeral. His funeral was paid for before he died. He had a life insurance policy. Anyone who gives her a cent is a fool. As for me, well I don't entertain thoughts of her often, but when I do, I don't get all worked up or angry. Like Glenda, the good witch said to the wicked witch of the West. "You have no power here! Be gone before somebody drops a house on you too!" Nobody ever suggested that Glenda had no right to put that witch in her place.

And so, as I promised my friends on facebook, here's the recording of my sister Star, calling me, at home, saying horrific things about me and my nephew, days after his death. Tell me, is this the voice of a grieving mother? Does this sound like someone who just lost her only son, or an evil bitch who made her only son's life miserable? I think her own words speak volumes about the kind of person she is. She was recently investigated for child abuse after putting her 17 year old granddaughters head through a wall. The woman is a nut! She's also stupid enough to knowingly leave a recorded voice message that she can't take back. I own this recording.

Sharing is caring, so share my shit!

2014-05-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a very busy week around my home. I've been recording, editing and producing my new web series "Chaz On" for youtube. I think I will be posting two videos a week, on average, as long as I don't run out of topics to cover or people to listen.

The shows are getting better and I'm getting paid by youtube!

If you watch this week's episodes, note the sound quality improvement. This is due to my new microphone. I finally invested $99 and got myself a great mic for all my audio recording needs. It's called the Nessie and its worth every penny. I've also invested in some new Sony Vegas video editing software to give me the best tools I know how to use for video editing, creation and special effects. I opted to get the $79 version of Vegas software, instead of Vegas Pro, which is upwards of $599. I'm not crazy and this is a hobby. I don't expect to make any profit from my new yotube partnership status at all. Only one of my videos could be considered remotely "viral", and it's How to broil a lobster tail. I've neglected my youtube account for too many years to expect to rekindle my fan base from 2010, when I was getting the most views and ended up being kicked off of youtube and censored. Those days are gone and I can forgive Google, as long as they're willing to split the profits my media generates for them, with me. But this partner thing isn't what people think it is. It's actually real work if anyone really wants to expand their audience online, and so I've been doing my research on how to get my videos ranked in google and youtube and how to get the most views for your videos. Believe it or not, the secret is simple. It's all in the key words and descriptions and titles of the videos themselves. People are looking for my videos. I just had to tweek my key words "tags" and descriptions and titles to get Google to place my videos in front of the people searching for them. I've always had a knack for creative writing. This is like getting spelling words and turning them all into a story. It's basically the secret to how my lobster tail video got 150,000 views. If you google How to broil lobster tail my video is number 3 in the search. That's the first page, of tens of thousands of pages related to the subject. Why me? It's all in the words. I have a reason to have my videos viewed as much as possible now. But the money is not much at all. In fact, it's been about a week since I accepted the youtube partnership offer and I've earned a whopping $2.23 LOL! So trust me folks, this ain't no get rich quick scheme. It's a process, and one that comes with goals that must be set and achieved, like anything else. Anyone who follows me knows that I have only one goal, in all of my online endeavors, and that is equality for all. It's priceless and yet it's free. That's what motivates me.

Chaz On is a 5 minute or less opinion segment. It's like Naked Truth Gay News In Review, one scene at a time. It's geared toward the ADHD audience of today who don't have time to watch a full, twenty minute newscast. My first goal for the show is to simply cover a topic that isn't LGBT related. I've done four episodes so far and they're all about gays adopting, hating on each other and bisexuals and trannies etc. You should hear what I think about the GOP and the religious right wing, illegal immigration, corporate slavery and conspiracy theorists. And you will, soon, because my motor mouth won't shut up! But I'm not going to lie. I wouldn't be blogging right now if it wasn't for the LGBT followers who have stayed with me for years, following me as I jumped from FM radio, to Radio Gay International Nework, to youtube, then to Blip tv and now back to youtube again. God knows this blog is one of the best places to receive updates from me, as it's been here the longest, and I love posting here whenever I can. And I have powers of perception called analytic data, which I receive from Google, that tells me a lot about who is reading my blog and watching my videos. My audience fluctuates slightly, but it averages 50% male and 50% female. Most of you are between the ages of 25 and 55. You actually watch my videos to the end, mostly. Armed with this knowledge, and an understanding of why my most popular videos are being noticed, I'm prepared to give you more of what it is you're expecting from me, but kick it up to a whole new level. Expect more comedic spoofs, more shockingly easy, but intimidating recipes, more opinions on more topics, and more original music. There's nothing I love more than sharing my talents with the world, and celebrating those shared with me. In fact, I'll share you too. Post your own youtube video sending me a shout out. I'll download it from there and put a clip of you in my own video. I'd love to show you off if you're really digging what I do. And if you make youtube videos too, let me know. I have so many friends that I can't keep up. You really have to message them to me on youtube to let me know what you're doing so I can share it as well. There's no reason we can't promote each other.

For now, in case you missed either episode of this weeks show, Here they are. Please share with your friends if you find my opinions relevant. If my language is too offensive, then simply share my message with others in your own words.

And click here to watch Chaz On Gay Parenting

Lastly, I leave you all with a question, and I'd really like an answer. You can post in a comment below this blog link in my social networks, or directly under the blog. What topic would you like to hear my brutally honest opinions about next?

I'm back on my old blog again, and I've got a lot to say!

2014-04-28T16:02:00.003-07:00

I'm very excited to be back on my old blog again. I've been away for a long time because I went mobile, and there's no app for all the shit I've got to say. So I'm back on a computer again, and this time with a vengeance. I've got a lot to catch up on with politics, religion and so many social issues to address. I tried writing a couple blogs on a new account, but it just wasn't the same. Here, you can go back through my archives and read all about my sordid life, and the many scandals I've been sucked into. You can also be one of the first to know when I upload a new video. There will be many more to come. Just in the past week alone, I've created three new videos. The most recent is the third in my cooking series on youtube called "Cooking With Chaz". I'm teaching everyone how to make delicious meatballs, easily, in just 1 hour and ten minutes, tops!

If you like that video, you'll love the others in the series, linked below it on youtube.

I've created a brand new series as well. It's similar to my Naked Truth Gay News series, but it's shorter and, instead of multiple segments on various topics, I basically give one single topic a total tongue fucking and put it all into perspective for your consumption. It's called "Chaz On" and as the title suggests, I will be on every topic. So check back often to hear what I have to say next. If you know me at all, you know I hold nothing back.

So what brings Chazonator out of his long hiatus? It could be the election year and the consequences of a possible Republican controlled government that will gridlock our economy and set us back into the stone ages socially. It could be that my kids are all grow'd up and no longer need as much of my undivided attention. It could be that my husband is driving me crazy, in retirement, with too many long hours of movies and TV shows. It could be that I got so excited from the 150,000 views my how to broil a lobster tail video received that I simply couldn't keep my fans hungry for more Chazonator, LOL. Whatever the reason, or combination thereof, I'm back! And I's married now. I say I's married now, ya hear? In case you're not on my facebook friends list yet, I am no longer Carl Shepherd aka Chazonator. I am now Carl Szulczynski, aka Chazonator. On October 11, 2014, I married my partner of 21 years in little park in Iowa. It was a very small ceremony, officiated over by a wonderful friend Pastor Winchester. I'm planning to revamp the wedding video soon, but there's a lower quality version on my youtube channel for now.

I'm Here

2012-02-26T13:51:00.000-08:00

I wrote this poem when I was 25 years old. Oddly enough, it still applies to my life after all these years.

Write me a letter
Drop me a line
Dial my number any time
Cause I'm here

It doesn't matter
What we've said
Or what kind of lives we've led
I'm still here

I can't be held responsible
For what my daddy did
He was an abuser and I was just a kid
But I'm here

I was a victim
As much as you
I was abused by my daddy too
And I'm here

I've tried to erase the pain
I've looked to death and hoped to gain
An end to all the misery
But even death avoided me
I'm still here

Many sisters and brothers
Nieces nephews and others
Many not knowing me anymore
Not knowing what I'm living for
But I'm here

Once I lived for all of you
I tried to be who you wanted me to
What good is being in a family
If I can't be who I want to be
So I'm here

I'll always be a phone call away
But I no longer wait to hear you say
How much you love me or how much you care
Why wait for something that was never there

I'm here

Will the world end in 2012?

2012-01-30T15:28:00.000-08:00

I recently had a strange dream that led me on an investigative path to discover truth in our world. In the dream, it was the 4th of July, and I walked out into my back yard to see fireworks bursting in the NorthWestern sky above our home in Illinois. What I witnessed, in my dream, was a UFO, flying among the fireworks. It was round, and it was spinning, and it was lit up like a Christmas tree. This dream inspired me to seek out the TV series "Ancient Aliens" and revisit what I'd learned watching it last year. I was delighted to find a second season of the series on Netflix, and I watched all 10 new shows. It's truly fascinating. The theory the series presents is that there is a strong connection between the pyramids of Egypt and Mexico, and in landscape designs in Peru etc., and the rapidly increasing UFO reports and videos going viral on the web. There is very compelling evidence that this connection is real. For example, the ancient Mayans made many predictions in their famous calendar and hieroglyphs that came true. The Mayans predicted, to the exact date, when white, bearded Gods would arrive on sea vessels and create destruction and chaos. What they called Gods were the Spaniards who attacked them and drastically reduced their numbers during the famed Spanish Inquisition. The Mayans, who are as famous for their prehistoric pottery, could not have possibly built their pyramids with the technology they had on Earth. The question is, who helped them? Many believe they were helped and warned by extraterrestrials. Like modern man, not all Mayans believed in the prophesy, but those who saw destruction coming saved their race and moved on into the new world, preserving their ancient culture when and wherever possible. In recent years, the Mayan code has been unlocked, and the secrets they shared are shocking. The Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. The translations detail a knowledge of astronomy that wasn't discovered by the white man until recently, in historic terms. How did the Mayans know that the Earth would align with other planets and the sun? How did they know that black holes existed, when our own science has just discovered the first real black hole in the past decade? We cannot ignore these facts, and they are very well documented and indisputable.

After hundreds of hours of researching each phenomena, such as Stone henge and most recently, the Georgia Guide Stones, and the New World Order conspiracy theories, I'm coming to a conclusion that I didn't expect to find. Yes, our governments are keeping secrets. That's never been a secret. You can't get close to area 51, it's true, but guess what, you can't get close to any military installation. It is and always has been a matter of National Security. Imagine if the press had access to nuclear weapons. Now that's scary. And so, this secrecy is not shocking. If a New World Order is defined by government control, we are already there friends, and have been for all our lives. Stupid laws put good people in jail every day. Smoke some weed, go to jail. Refuse to pay taxes because your equality isn't guaranteed, and go to jail. Healthcare and food are for the rich, not the poor. Outside the bubble of Capitalism, death from starvation and preventable illness kills millions. Somehow, we are okay with that, as long as its not in our own back yard. Just ask the Mayans today how this new world is working out for them. Not very well. Without a credit card or a corporation telling you when to clock in and where, most Americans are screwed. Isn't credit the real mark of the beast? Doesn't the police brutality during the "Occupy" protests and MidEast uprisings just reek of a world-wide police state? Aren't we already living under a corporately controlled New World Order that we contribute to daily with every gallon of gas we buy, or the plastic bottle of water we fill the land and oceans with? By the way, that bottle of water costs more per gallon than the gas in the USA, so switch to the tap and save some cash. If someone is going to poison your water, it'll be a hell of a lot easier to do in an bottle. And are we not leaving carbon footprints behind for our grandchildren to clean up after? Of course we are. Humanity is a cancer to planet Earth, and here I was thinking I coined the phrase, only to discover it inscribed on the Georgia Guide Stones. I was curious to see what they actually said, after hearing about them in so many shows and YouTube videos, but never being told precisely what they outline. Below are the 10 points made on these stones. Some call them commandments, but that is an inaccurate description. Nothing is commanded, but simply guidelines that, in the opinion of those who erected this monument, are in the best interest of the planet and the continuation of our species. Below each guideline, you will find my opinion.

Georgia Guide Stones

1) Maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature.

My opinion: This says to maintain under 500 million, it says nothing about killing off 90% of the world population. While it is easy for conspiracy theorists to find evidence of a Bilderberg, illuminati, New World Order conspiracy to "cull" the population, this monument makes no mention of such a thing. Is it not conceivable that this monument was erected in the same fashion as the famous Stone Henge in England because it is a continuation of the ancient prophesy that Stone Henge implies, the end of days in a celestial event that we can watch for, using the very markers that stand, aligned with the stars? Could the message really be another warning that something from the sky will destroy the planet, and a New World is coming, and cannot be prevented? Even the bible implies that the Earth will be destroyed by fire. Could this be a warning, in conjunction with the Mayan prediction that our planetary alignment, the position of the black hole, and the solar activity peek we are now finding ourselves entering is imminent? This makes more sense to me than a mass depopulation of 90% of the planet by rich people who want the world for themselves. Have you ever tried to get rid of cockroaches or mice? Good luck with that. I fail to believe that a bunch of entitled, stuck up hogs are capable of controlling anything but their own bank accounts. Secret societies, sure, but their ability and willingness to kill mankind, not so much. This isn't ancient scripture, it's recent, man made text from 1979. The language is clear. Maintain doesn't mean destroy. Modern Christianity wouldn't accept these guidelines, and so it makes sense they would refer to them as anti Christ. Being a gay man with no intention of reproducing, I believe I have less reason to trust mainstream Christianity than I do, R C Christian, the anonymous person who contracted the construction of these stones. One thing is indisputable, there is definitely an imbalance of nature when there are more people to eat the creatures that naturally occur in nature. As my bow hunting nephew says, "If people had to live off the land, all the game animals would be gone fast! And he's absolutely right. We've been breeding and genetically modifying livestock and produce for far too long, and it's stripping the land of its natural bounty. Ask yourself is this really what our creator intended? Is this harmony? I think not.

2) guide reproduction wisely improving fitness and diversity.

My opinion: Isn't it funny how we don't take to the streets to protest the long standing laws in China that dictate how many children a family can have? As long as it doesn't affect us here, why should we care right? Most of us don't agree with these laws, but neither can we imagine the consequence of not having them in place for so long. 7 billion people, sucking up oil and water and digging up the earth for cultivation and building are bound to have an adverse affect on nature. The average American doesn't bother to plant trees or flowers, but they sure don't mind popping out 2.5 clones they can't take care of, much less raise with any amount of social responsibility. In 2000, I wrote a song called Decade of Gay. The lyrics describe how just one decade without procreation could resolve many of the worlds worst problems like homelessness and starvation and chaos. That's not going to happen. If you think the same God who created humans approves of the planetary devastation we commit, the you're not worshipping a God that loves all creation at all, are you? and what's wrong with fitness and diversity? Isn't the goal of every species to ensure its survival through passing on the best genes?

3) unite humanity with a living new language

My opinion: Good news friends, no more pressing 1 for English! If your frustration is that you don't understand your neighbor, you won't have to worry about it again.

4) rule passion, faith, tradition, and all things with tempered reason

My opinion: Passion is a double edged sword. Ever heard of passion killing? Feeling passionately about faith can lead one to violate the very faith they believe in. I've witnessed this first hand through judgmental Christians, violating their own bible to tell me I'm going to hell. Judge not, lest ye be judged, right. There's no tempered reason behind the so called Christians in Uganda trying to create laws that kill gays who do not give birth to the many AIDS babies starving in their 3rd world country. Imagine what these heathens could accomplish if they focussed their hatred and resources for the betterment of their society, rather than killing innocent gay people who harm nobody. There's a big difference between being passionate and compassionate.

5) protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts

My opinion: It's easy for those of us living in the land of the World Police to believe that we are in a real democracy, but we never have been. If this were a democracy, everyone would have equal opportunity, and that is clearly not the case. 1% of our country's population controls 40% of our wealth. If that's Capitalism, you can keep it. When 1% use their wealth and power to control our laws and keep us working like dogs without paying a living wage, while affordable healthcare isn't accessible, it's a shame, not a democracy. When people with money can literally get away with murder, while the poorest people spend years behind bars for smoking or selling weed, it's not equality. Alcohol is legal, and accessible and making big corporations richer. They like dumbing us down, and they will do anything to prevent the mind opening experience and medical benefits that marijuana provides. You can get as high as you want on prescription drugs, and lots of people do, but heaven forbid you should smoke a joint in America! And let's not forget the sodomy laws that ignored Hetero-oral and anal sex. Only gay men were targeted by them. Anal sex doesn't lead to unwanted children.

6) let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court

My opinion: This doesn't sound like a doomsday apocalypse that will be expected to kill everyone on the planet to me. How will they weed us out and pick and choose who survives? They can't, but they can anticipate the events, predicted by the ancients, and assume that people of many nations will survive. A world order is just that, order in a chaotic world. That's not as scary as a solar flare forcing us all into holes in the ground, is it. The World court deals with inter-national crimes. We already have the United Nations. Just imagine them actually doing their jobs. George Bush would have been put out of our misery the moment he committed his first war crime, in violation of the Geneva Convention.

7) avoid petty laws and useless officials

My opinion: See all my previous opinions. The UN the Supreme Court in the USA, and indeed, the Geneva Convention itself are useless and worthless in protecting the best interests of humanity.

8) balance personal rights with social duties

When your right to free speech violates my right to live freely, there's a hole in our system. Three words, God Hates Fags. I can defend free speech, but I refuse to defend hate speech. The distinction is clear to those of us with a conscience. We have a social duty to respect each other. This is no different from the biblical guideline which says, "Do unto others as you'd have done unto you". It's unfortunate that so many Christians defend Leviticus more than they do this golden rule.

9) Prize truth, beauty, love, seeking harmony with the infinite

My opinion: The truth is the most important thing that anyone can find for themselves. All thinking creatures seek the truth. Where is the food? Who is God? Why are we here? Where did we come from? The most intelligent people I know are not the ones who sit back and take any words out of ANY book, apply blind faith and call it truth. Never take yes for an answer friends, unless you've confirmed it for yourselves. Don't take my word for that, unless it makes absolute sense to you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or is it? Natural beauty is all around us. Tourists flock to beaches by the billions. Poetry is written about mountain tops and flowers and lakes and trees. I find beauty in every human being, even it requires me to picture a bitchy adult as an innocent child. We have all been beautiful, at one time or another. Isn't it a shame that our beauty isn't nurtured by the love we all long for and deserve? Love is universal. It is the opposite of hate. If this monument was erected by devil worshipers, then where is the word hate? Sure, my satanist friends will chime in and say they don't hate, but your monster music says something different. It's like listening to the cookie monster on crack singing the praises of demons. That's not love, and hate is not prescribed or implied anywhere on this granite document.

10) be not a cancer on the earth, leave room for nature, leave room for nature

There's that word again, cancer. Who is a cancer on the earth? Corporations! They dig up oil and reroute our natural waterways, only to pollute the planet for the greed of wealth. I am a cancer on the planet right now too, and so are you. Every gallon of fuel we burn, every piece of plastic we dispose of, and every tree that is cut down to build our home effects nature, and creates an ecological imbalance. The unchecked audacity of our species to claim self superiority over every other biological and botanical life form is really destructive and unsustainable. The bible says be fruitful. It doesn't say anything about ripping out the Rainforest lungs of the planet, or forcing other species into extinction. The creator "himself" can surely not be satisfied with the collective weapon of mass destruction that humanity has become. News flash. Billions of people are starving around the planet. On a global scale, we US citizens are the 1% hoarding the food, water and energy resources while the rest starve and suffer. We should really all be living off the grid, but we are addicted to our own culture of fast food and media distraction. We are the Old World Order, and that has to change before we end up eating ourselves. Why shouldn't we leave room for nature? What has nature ever done to harm us? Be good to nature, and nature will be good to you. Anyone who has ever planted a garden can tell you that.

In closing, no, I'm not convinced that aliens have been or will return to the Earth. I'm at as much of a loss as anybody to explain these ancient structures. I do, however, believe in solar flares, and the scientific discovery that our Earth's magnetosphere has a gaping hole that leaves our planet vulnerable to solar radiation. Yes, wealthy people are building underground condos, but they can't control the sun, or where its radiation settles, or can they? Perhaps the HAARP program is being used for the purpose of controlling the impending radiation more than it is to control the weather. HAARP is a series of 72 ft talk antennas which can direct electromagnetic waves that can create and move cloud formations. Since radiation could, hypothetically, be moved electromagnetically as well, I'm more inclined to believe that it's what HAARP is for. Does that mean these antennas are any less vulnerable to a direct hit from the sun, no. Does the government know what's coming, of course they do. Is there a conspiracy to hide the truth? Of course there is. If every news anchor went on the air and told the world that a catastrophic event was coming, and when, you would witness social unrest and chaos that would put everybody on the planet at risk. I'm inclined to believe that solar flares could come in stages, and many will see them coming and try to prepare. For some, that means collecting canned food, living off the grid, and/or seeking shelter underground. For others, it would mean, "These are my last days and God isn't going to help me, so I'm going to rob you and live my last day like a king". Personally, I see no reason why anyone wouldn't want to have a gun handy, just in case. We can't trust our governments to protect us now, what would make anyone think we can trust them in the future. Hurricane Katrina was just a preview of what we can expect. Of course FEMA has built a bunch of prisons and stockpiled coffins. It's called catastrophe preparedness, and I do believe they know a lot that we do not about what could be coming our way. With every stage of the cataclysmic solar flare events we could experience, there will be social unrest and a need to imprison looters and thieves. There would be a need for caskets, in order to humanely bury the massive numbers of dead that this destruction could bring. If they were planning on just dumping our bodies into a landfill, like the Nazis, they wouldn't need caskets. The so called FEMA camps would be a necessary safe place for families to go, in order to escape chaos and homelessness. Why wouldn't they be designed to keep people from coming and going. It's security. I'm not advising anyone to sign up for a trailer. I'm just saying that things could get so bad that you might wish you had a reservation at one of these camps by the time it's all over. Is December 21, 2012 the end of the world? I don't think so. However, I can't ignore the ancient Mayan predictions, or their accuracy to date any more than I can explain them, and so it just makes sense to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. One thing is for certain, New World Order conspiracy, natural catastrophe or anything else of such a grand scale cannot be avoided by mere mortals like you or me. So don't lose sleep over something you cannot control. If you have faith in a God, then put your trust in your creator and pray for yourselves and your families. If you believe in an afterlife, you have nothing to worry about at all. Put it in God's hands.

I do not hate Ted Haggard

2012-01-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

Those who follow me can imagine that this past week has been very stressful for me. I made the decision to share private details about my connection to Ted Haggard, and it stirred up quite a stink. I've continued to avoid the media, for now, as I don't see how it would benefit anybody for me to give a detailed interview before Ted is questioned by them first and has his opportunity to respond with the truth. He was my friend, and I loved him. I still care about Ted and his family, which is why this was so hard to do. I had to weigh the pros and cons, and I determined that my tens of thousands of gay friends and fans deserve the truth. I've been in touch with Ted via Facebook and we have literally written a novel between us, that details my concerns and his inability to comprehend them. While Ted and I do not see eye to eye on same sex marriage or what he perceives as "God's best plan" for me. I've tried very hard to stay his friend, hoping that his thinking would evolve and that I could eventually help him understand that separate is never equal. His statements are damaging, and create a second class citizenship within his church. He says he's evolving. I'm not willing to write him off just yet. There are a lot of good things about this man. He has helped impoverished and addicted people, and that's more than most do. He doesn't want to be put into anybody's box, and he doesn't describe himself as bisexual. That's his prerogative, but his same sex attraction continues, regardless of the words used to describe it. There is no shame in same sex attraction. The shame comes from denying it, allowing his wife to claim that he's been healed of it, and judging my same sex attraction as less than what God wants for us. He is willing to help Gary Busey marry his girlfriend, but he wouldn't consider officiating my civil union ceremony. If I'm not equal to him, in his own mind, then I cannot continue to support his efforts to "resurrect" himself.

I am a bisexual Christian. I was born with same sex attraction, and it showed at a very early age. Ted and I share a childhood trauma. We were both victims of child molestation. While Ted apparently spent his life thinking his molester made him this way, I see it differently. The man who molested me when i was 12 years old, specifically picked me to molest because he knew I had a secret, and to keep my secret, I had to keep his. It's taken years of living an open life for me to understand this. I can forgive Ted for catching up at his own pace. It's a process. I didn't even realize I had been molested until I was 16. I spent 4 years of my life blaming myself for what an adult did to me. Ted says that he never claimed to be healed of anything other than his childhood trauma. I'd say that's a miraculous healing, considering the decades of damage molestation caused me. I spent much of my adult life thinking I was only worth what people would pay me for sex. The gifts the molester gave me to keep quiet, introduced me to prostitution, and it made sexual intimacy and love two separate things in my mind for so long, ruining my relationships before they started.

Ted and Gayle's relationship is real. They do love each other and support each other. They've been together for 33 years, and have raised a beautiful family together. I'm not trying to wreck anybody's home. I don't think that's possible here. My blog was as much a confessional as an exposé. I did wrong. I am in a monogamous relationship, and for me to lust after Ted, and share in sex talk on the phone was a violation of my own principals. My spouse and I have been together almost 20 years, and he deserves better from me than that.

I've been an equality activist and a citizen journalist since 2007. I've been friends with Ted Haggard for almost 2 years. Let me be very clear about this, it wasn't until November, 2011 that Ted shared with me how my partnership would not be accepted in his church. That's the reason I'm doing this. As my friend, he cannot treat me, or anyone like me, less than equal. I have too much love for myself to allow that. As with all my reporting, if it's affecting me, it's probably affecting others, and should be shared. This doesn't mean that I want to read nasty, unfounded comments about Ted. Unlike the other two men who had sexual experiences with Ted, Mike Jones and Grant Haas, I have nothing to gain, financially or otherwise by telling my truth. I'm not writing a book, doing a one man show, accepting any pay off or going on TV to discuss this matter. I'm just getting it all off of my chest right here, and a clear conscience is all I want.

As I stated in my previous blog, I anticipate backlash, from the gay and Christian communities. I can handle it. I have thick skin. What I won't tolerate are lying idiots like child sex offender Nelson Garcia talking smack about me online. Garcia was convicted in 2003 for attempting to lure a young boy, under age 16, into sex. This creep shouldn't be allowed on the Internet, much less the freedom to blog. He claimed to be my biggest fan until I discovered what a perv he was and told him to f--k off for good. Child molesters are not a part of the LGBT community, and we gays are as disgusted by them as anyone. I'm not going to increase his page views by providing a link to his lies. Instead, I'm sharing this link to his sex offender page with his photo and address. I've reported him to google for violating my photo copyright, and his blogging days are numbered. That's not a physical threat. I wouldn't touch him with a 12 foot pole. I'm just saying that I'll file a restraining order against him if I have to, but I'm not going to let this child molesting piece of crap keep lying about me. He's not a gay activist. He is a predator.

http://evil-unveiled.com/Nelson_Garcia

Click here to see his sex offender page

The Naked Truth About Ted Haggard

2011-12-31T09:40:00.000-08:00

The Naked Truth About Ted Haggard

Now that Wife Swap is about to air, and my old friend Ted Haggard is sharing his life with the world, he is, no doubt, expecting newfound fame and fortune, to replace the old ones he lost in 2006. For those who haven't followed the story, Pastor Ted was the founder of New Life Church in Colorado Springs. He was caught lying to reporters in 2006 about a sexual encounter he had with a male prostitute , and using crystal meth. Once the truth was exposed, Ted and his family were basically kicked out of Colorado and the church, and Ted signed an agreement that prohibited him from talking about the incident and the church for years. I had covered his story from the beginning in my various avenues of reporting in the capacity of a citizen journalist. I talked about Ted on the radio, here in Lake County, IL. I covered his story for Radio Gay International Network, and Canada's Indie Talent Network. I blogged about it and detailed the scandal repeatedly in my Gay News videos. I wanted the real truth about Ted Haggard. I never imagined I'd actually get it, but eventually, I did.

I found Ted on Facebook back in Feb of 2010. I had just uploaded a slew of racy promo photos for my gay news web series, and they were definitely attention grabbers. I was shocked when Ted replied to a message I sent him, with a friend request. He was very kind and sweet. I admit that my initial motivation for contacting Ted was not even clear to me at this point. A part of me still hated him for his anti homosexual agenda, which I had been informed of repeatedly in the news. That same video of him, over and over again taking about how the bible tells us what we should think about homosexuality etc. Ted seemed desperate to justify himself to me, a gay man. He insisted that the video clip was taken out of context and that he is not a homophobe. He insisted that the media had exaggerated and lied about the depth of his relationship with Mike Jones, the male escort. Ted told me that he didn't have an intimate relationship with this man and there was no love. There was no intimacy, just Mike Jones masturbating Ted to climax. Ted did not consider himself to be gay or a drug addict. Sensing his distrust in me, I understood that if I wanted to get to the truth about Ted Haggard, I would have to become his friend, but how? Making friends has never been a problem for someone like me. I'm very outgoing. I know how to use my appeal to draw someone in and keep their attention. Ted would prove to be a bit of a challenge. I had to meet him face to face. Only then could I really know if there was enough chemistry to captivate him. I got that chance a month later when he and his wife Gayle gave a presentation at a church in Kenosha Wisconsin. I put on my butchest jeans and shirt and went to church. I was finally going to meet Ted Haggard. The object of my journalistic curiosity, in the flesh.

Here's where it gets racy, so if you're under 18, you may want to just head to Disney.com about now. Meeting Ted was a turn on. His teeth are perfect and his hair is so pretty. He clearly takes good care of himself, and why not? He is a public person. He recognized me immediately after the service, as I headed towards the exit, and he hugged me, not one, not two, but three times before I left the building. His lips touched my ear as he whispered to me, "Chaz, God loves you." my knees went weak and I almost hit the floor. I squeezed him tightly, to keep standing up, and the awkwardness of the moment found us chest to chest, inhaling each others breath. I don't know if anybody else picked up on it, but there was certainly chemistry there. It wasn't long before Ted and I were on the phone, and I made a promise to him to maintain total secrecy about anything he shared. What I've since learned is that a promise is only as good as the person who you make it to.

In the years since Teds scandal broke, he has made numerous news and network appearances to proclaim his "healing" by God. He has publicly claimed that he no longer has homosexual thoughts or tendencies. This is completely false. Ted has displayed homosexual tendencies to me within the past two years, and it's a secret I am no longer willing to keep. We have had lengthy e mail correspondence with Ted. We have had phone conversations, all verifiable. On one particular date while Ted was being hosted in the home of a family in St Louis, MO, we practically had phone sex,as he changed to get ready to go to 24 hour fitness, a gym he frequents regularly, at all hours. My phone statement of that date shows the multiple calls that Ted made to me that day, as he seemed restless and rambunctious. We discussed his real sexual interests. He told me about his party formula of porno, poppers, meth and Viagra and how he is into light sexual contact. I sent him a pic of me nude, to his phone, and he couldn't stop telling me how much I turn him on. He told me about some gay porn site he had a paid membership to. None of this was news to me. The only thing new was that he hadn't been cured of these desires. I realized that Ted was struggling. I've never doubted his love for his wife, because I've been there. I was once married and in the closet. I sat on this secret for a long time. I kept his secret because I felt sorry for Ted and his family, and I thought he sincerely cared about me. I didn't judge his sexuality. As I'm nearing the two year mark of my "friendship" with Ted, I'm starting to see a pattern re emerging with him. His fan base has grown large and yet he has never used his platform to speak out against bullying, much less how it relates to LGBT people. He has stated, publicly, that gays are welcome in his church, but privately, he has told me something different, and that's where I draw the line. Gay couples are not recognized within the walls of his new church St James. My "friend" would not accept my relationship in his church. This forced me to look back over the course of our friendship and find other inconsistencies and instances in which I was used by Ted to make himself look better, all the while, he publicly denied me credit for any of it. While I have felt so sorry for Ted and his family, and defended him to the LGBT community, I now sense that he saw me as nothing more than one of many pawns in his game of reinvention. That was a mistake. I will not allow anybody to use me to make himself look better than he is, especially if that somebody is under the misconception that he is morally superior to me. Ted Haggard is not healed of his sexual desires. He never will be, because there is no cure for being born the way he is. It feels wrong to cover for him at this stage. When Ted can accept this, we can resume our friendship in reality, and not on the down low. If I attended his church with my family, it would make me a hypocrite, and that's not me. Ted has specifically told me that my civil union would not be accepted at St James church. My family is just as valid in God's eyes as the Haggard family is, and God welcomes us as we are. I will not bear false witness.

Now I know all the negative attention I'm gonna get from this blog. People will call me a lying fame whore. I admit the timing is perfect for all this to come to light. Wife Swap is about to expose Ted to a world of new fans. Its precisely the title of the show that makes this necessary. If marriage itself is truly a religious institution, as is so often claimed, then surely wife swapping, under any circumstance, is a violation of that sacredness. While its true there's no sex being swapped, the time, energy and caring that families receive from mothers is also sacred. So my civil union wouldn't be accepted in Ted's church, but it's perfectly fine for the preacher to share his wife for fame and fortune? For all the conversations I've shared with Ted, his wife Gayle has never spoken to me once. I'm quite sure she's well aware of the truth about her husband. Just look at the money they're about to make together.

Prediction:

Ted will most likely deny this and do everything he can t suppress the truth. He will probably blow up my phone as soon as he reads this. He may threaten t sue me, and he's welcome to try. If there's anything I've learned, as an investigative reporter, it is how to cover my ass and document the facts. I have a long history of being honest, even when it's not in my own best interest, and I'll gladly submit to a lie detector test.

Every 5 hours, a gay person commits suicide. I have weighed the pros and cons of publishing this blog in my mind a million times. On one hand, there's Ted, his secret, my promise and his family. His family have been victimized enough. On the other hand, there are countless LBGT youth seeking God's love and guidance, who are being rejected, if only subtly by the church. For me to enter a new year keeping a secret that enables a preacher to be seen as healed of his homosexuality, when I know differently, would be wrong. Let the cards fall where they may. The truth shall set us all free.

Judge John David Myles of Simpsonville, KY, you're corruption is coming to an end

2011-08-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

Corrupt Judge John David Myles

I am furious about this incompetent, idiotic, corrupt judge named John David Myles. How a pasty old homo wannabe like him ever got elected in Shelby County Kentucky to reign in family court is beyond my comprehension. He doesn't even have any kids of his own. What the hell qualifies him to make a decision about anybody else' kids? He has dragged out a custody battle in my family for years, ripping my niece and her kids apart, and that is going to stop. This blog is not solely intended for the purpose of humiliating him, if that happens, it's just a cool side affect. The reality is that he is biased, and unethical, and as soon as I finish this blog, he's being reported to the Judicial Conduct Commission in Kentucky to face charges for his ridiculous, hateful behaviour. Once the charges are filed, I'll be forwarding this blog and all other evidence against him, to his local newspapers and TV stations, as well as to any National media outlet that takes an interest. When a judge goes rogue, there are really only two avenues one can take to correct the matter, 1) report him to his higher authority, and 2) expose him in the press. I fully intend to pursue both options to the fullest extent of the law. This man deserves twice the stress that he causes, and if he has a conscience or sense of justice at all, he will be stressed to high hell by the time I'm done. For the record, I am not, nor will I ever, or ever have I made any illegal threats against this man, but I'll be damned if I don't take every available opportunity to put him in his place and shed a light on his corrupt ways.

First off, allow me to offer my personal observations of this apparent closet case. There is an entire youtube channel dedicated to his corruption, and it couldn't be clearer that he shouldn't be working at Burger King, much less be sitting behind his bench. He's rude and bitchy and more effeminate than most transsexual women I know. Secondly, it's clear that he hates his job, as he persistently whines and bitches about having to do it, as seen on publicly documented video of him calling a man who represented himself a fool. Only a fool would say that after taking an oath to uphold court ethics. He allowed one drug addicted mother to retain custody of her kids, after clear, video evidence was presented to him that she was neglecting them. That video shows her kids, in her basement, catching a ramp on fire and skateboarding on it. Myle's response was to refuse to look at that video, and to say, "How she chooses to heat her home in the Winter is not my concern." Either he's incredibly stupid, and that's rare for a judge, or he's taken the wrong side of the custody case and couldn't really care less about the children in question. Personally, I think it's a whole lot of both! He refuses to allow children who want to return to their parent/s any say in court, violating their right to do so. He may do a song and dance around that, but not without being called out publicly, and repeatedly. It is my mission to have him removed from the bench, and if the commission refuses to do so, I'll contribute to the campaign of whoever runs against him in the next election, and he will not retain his position. Shelby County tax payers deserve justice for their contributions to his salary, and all they are getting is a rogue idiot with a chip on his shoulder.He hasn't earned the respect of his constituents, much less the salary he receives from their hard earned paychecks.

His partner in crime, the county attorney, a Mr. Hart Megibben, is equally corrupt. My sister-stalker Starliene Waits is always causing trouble, filing false police reports on family members when she's angry at them, stealing the identity of her grandchildren to get cell phones without paying the bill, doctor shopping for percocet, and selling them to anyone with 10 dollars and a promise not to tell, etc.. This prosecutor refuses to prosecute Starliene, and I know why. He once represented her in a custody case, and that's a clear conflict of interest. He should step aside and allow someone competent to do his job as well. The Shelbyville police chief, Mr. Robert Schutte, refuses to enforce any law against Starliene. In fact, he's just a tool, of revenge that is, to Starliene. She calls her friend at dispatch, she calls the police chief, and he sends cops to anybody's house, for any reason Starliene gives him, to harrass whoever she calls him on. He's just a glorified pitt bull from hell, and he needs to be fired! I don't know what it is that my sister is holding over their heads, dealing to them, or doing with these men, but clearly, in their eyes, she can do no wrong, even when real evidence of her criminal activity is put right in front of their butt ugly faces! What I do know is that by the time I'm finished exposing their hypocrisy and ethical violations of the law they're sworn to uphold, they won't be able to show their faces in public without being seen as the completely corrupt assholes they really are! Strong language? Sure, but at least it's honest, and that's more than I can say for any of these bozos!

Hart Megibben

Robert Schutte

Judge Myles, girlfriend, you picked the wrong side of a custody battle, and it's far reaching affects have reached me. I have the dates and times of your misconduct, such as when you agreed to be judge and counsel, in favor of my sister Starliene in her ongoing custody battle with her daughter. You will be held accountable, and your little butt buddies too. All 3 of you manbitches can google yourselves, for the rest of your lives and find this blog on the first page/ That's what happens when you become a public figure and are exposed for corruption, so deal with it! You'll all be lucky if you don't have my producer friend from 20/20 crawling up your asses with a National investigative piece that will tell the world of your disgusting behavior. None of you clowns is above the law, and you will be held accountable for the shit you've done. I'll be forwarding the link to this blog to the mayor of Shelbyville, and to every resident with a publicly accessible e mail account within a 20 mile radius of your workplace, and since it contains pure facts, and my protected free speech opinion, you can't do anything about it but read it and weep, unless of course, you'd like to actually do your job and put Starliene Waits behind bars where she belongs, for once and for all!

Watch actual court video of Judge John David Myles, refusing to review evidence, demonstrating clear bias, insulting those who stand before him, denying a child the right to speak in court, and just being the asshole he really is at the following youtube channel, designed specifically, by someone whose family was ripped apart by this corrupt judge at the link below:

Click here to see real video of Judge Myles violating his oath, repeatedly

Here's a topix link with 28 ineresting comments on Judge Myles

http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lawrenceburg-ky/TAIU6B0LDDPPK61J4

County Clerk takes the Civil out of my Union

2011-08-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

My civil union was not quite as civil as I had hoped. It turns out, nobody at the Lake County courthouse, here in Illinois, had any clue about how to advise me of my right to spousal name change. In fact, I was flat out wrongly advised, repeatedly, and told that I have to file for a legal, adult change of name. It costs $250 to file, not to mention any attorney fees. It takes weeks to months to complete because it requires me to change the name on my birth certificate. I don't have that kind of time or patience. No other married partner in IL has to file a legal name change. It's not equality if you have to pay for it. And so, I began my quest for the truth. It didn't take long to discover the website for LAMBDA legal, and follow the link to their Civil Union informational page. According to their page, all I have to do is go to the local DMV, take my civil union certificate and pay $5 for a name change. Then, I go to Social Security and the passport agency and basically do the same. It's so simple! I called the DMV to be sure it is true and a nice lady confirmed that it is. I'd like to say that everything at the courthouse was just a misunderstanding and that I believe the officials, in the Lake County Clerk's office, are well meaning. However, the call I made this afternoon to their office leads me to think otherwise. The woman who answered the phone was rude and misinformed and trying to misinform me, once again, unapologetically.

I had called to find out why it's taking so long to receive my certificate and she said, after keeping me on hold for quite a while, that these things take time. I asked if she was aware of the mix up last week regarding civil union partners and spousal name change. She immediately responded by telling me it has to be done in the courts. I told her that's not true. She insisted that it was true and specifically stated that it was because civil unions do not entitle partners to all the same rights as married couples. I must admit that it felt good to inform her that I absolutely do have every single right that any other married spouse in Illinois has, and that she can call the DMV and ask Tania herself. That seemed to silence her, momentarily, and then she said, "I'll share this information with everybody in the office. The governor's office sent us nothing about this.".

Wouldn't it be better if the Lake County Clerk's office actually took the time to review the laws they are sworn, under oath, to uphold and apply equally? Would it be too much to ask for someone to admit that they don't know the answer, rather than send me on a wild goose chase, based on their own personal assumption that I am not equal under the law?

I thought I'd get a different answer from the woman who sat at at the civil union information desk. We gave her our $10 and asked about how I can change my name. She became almost hostile, in defense of her obvious ignorance. I wasn't trying to sound accusatory, I simply wanted the correct info. She informed me that she is not a lawyer, civil unions are not marriages and that she doesn't give information, she just accepts payments. That's when I pointed to the arrow, pointing at her, that said INFO. I told her that I didn't see why I'd need an attorney, when no other married couple brings one to their courthouse wedding. I said, consider me pro se. Here's a print out of the law, here's how it's interpreted by the IL Bar association website, as printed yesterday. Either you know or you don't. If you don't, then, I'll take whatever steps are necessary to inform you, when I find out.

What keeps repeating in my head is the notion, by any of these people, that I am not a spouse and that I'm not subject to the same legal rights and responsibilities. I believe that my situation will be a recurring one if County Clerks across the state are not bothering to inform themselves of the law and the common processes that marriage and civil unions share. I believe that if the county clerk had put as much energy and manpower into learning the law they oversee, as they did into vehemently disagreeing with me, in front of everyone there that day, this might not happen to another couple, on their special day.

The Story of a deceptive thief named Starliene

2011-07-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

The following blog is not slanderous or fictional. It is a very detailed timeline of the criminal activity of one Mrs. Starliene Waits of Pleasureville, Kentucky. Public record will verify that it is correct and accurate information.

The reason I bring you this information is because my reputation is being attacked by this person. She is my older sister, and she has taken advantage of me all of my life. That ends today. Starliene Waits wrote an e mail message to my minor son today, in which she falsely accuses me of child molestation, implies that I've molested my own son. She then proceeded to invoke the name of our deceased, gay brother William, to insist that he told her nasty things about me that are simply not true. In this blog, I will demonstrate to you that not only is Starliene Waits a pathological criminal, and liar, but she's also a con artist an a guilty of child endangerment. I wouldn't go to these lengths to expose the hypocrisy of just anybody. It was her decision to involve my child, and her desire to continue to spread lies about me that have led to this reaction. I know she's reading this, so, Star, This is your fucking life!

It's easy to see how her conniving smirk could be mistaken for a grandmotherly smile. She's just that deceptive, but here's what you probably don't know.

Timeline

1992 - Starliene tricked our mother into co signing on a loan for a vehicle. When Starliene missed payments on the vehicle, she, and our mother, were sued. Starliene was ordered to pay over $1300

1993 - A finance company sues Starliene and her husband and wins $2800 plus.

1994 - William, our now deceased sibling, asks Starliene to care for his small dog. He receives information that Star has been subjecting the dog to living outdoors, in extreme temperatures, and the animal was infested with fleas to the point of infected sores, located throughout it's little body. Upon receiving a call from one of Starliene's children, William rescued the dog from Starlienes home, with the aide of our youngest sister, Chrissy. Starliene's reaction was to threaten her youngest brother William and her youngest sister Chrissy with a shotgun. In July of 1994, both William and Chrissy filed orders of protection against Starliene. Video taped evidence of this dogs condition, after living with Star does exist, and can be posted online. For Starliene to invoke William's name, may he rest in peace, in an attempt to bring mental harm to my child is unforgivable. Especially when you consider that in this life, he had absolutely no trust in Starliene Waits, whatsoever. In fact, he couldnt' stand her, and I have him saying such, in more colorful language, on home video, as well.

1994- continued with Starliene being convicted of theft by deception for writing a bad check to a hair salon. She paid over $82 in restitution and was sentenced to 10 days in jail. She went on to get sued by a finance company who successfully won oer $2100.

1997 - Starliene, the woman who has been continuously granted custody over her grandchildren, was convicted of speeding with kids in her vehicle. If that's not alarming enough, she was also convicted of driving with a child without proper restraint. Even Brittany Spears didn't get away with that. That is considered child endangerment. How could she get custody of her grandkids with a rap sheet like this?

1998 - Starliene was convicted on two separate incidents for theft by deception for writing bad checks, costing her nearly $300 in restitution and fines.

1999 - Starliene is convicted of theft by deception for yet another bad check, this time, at Dairy Mart. She's ordered to pay &85 plus, in restitution, $25 fine and sentenced to 10 days in jail.

2008 - Starliene Waits is charged with failure to produce an auto insurance card when pulled over by a cop. Starliene purchased insurance on the same day she was pulled over, and presented her new insurance card to Judge Heron, who dismissed the case without catching the date Starliene purchased insurance. Not only did Starliene perjure herself, but she made a fool of the judge and got away with it. The Shelby County courthouse can find this information in their own records anytime they want, but it doesn't seem they've bothered to.

2009 - Starliene and her her husband are successfully sued by a Mark D. for restitution and sentenced to pay $750 plus court costs.

2011 - The brother of Starliene's husband attempts to file a domestic violence report against Starliene and her husband. The same judge who has been keeping Starliene's grandchildren in her custody, Judge John David Myles, denied this order of protection against Starliene by her brother in law. The judge cited his denial reason as being due to "insufficient relationship". Apparently, unless Starliene's blood is in your veins, you can't get an order of protection against her with Judge Myles. You also can't get your kids back from her.

Currently, Starliene Waits is facing eviction from an old country house. Last Winter, Starliene forced her grandchildren to endure frigid temperatures, in a home that is not equipped with any heating source at all. The entire family was left no choice but to bundle up together in one room with a space heater, while Starliene and her husband attempted to warm the house with a gas cooking stove, which is extremely dangerous. Star doesn't have any children. The 3 she gave birth to are all adults now, and her youngest daughter is now 30 years old. Starliene has custody of her two, teen daughters, thanks to Judge Myles. By comparison, Starliene's daughter doesn't have much of a criminal history at all. In fact, if you were to examine her record, you'd find that the only charges brought against her were by her own mother Starliene. Starliene once sent her daughter to jail for 9 days after her daughter failed to pay child support. Starliene knew that her daughter couldn't afford the usual &700 child support payment that month. She had just accompanied her daughter to the hospital for major surgery, which had put her daughter out of work, causing the late payment. That's the kind of mother she is, and there's absolutely no reason for anyone, especially a judge, to believe that she could make a good caregiver for an animal, much less a child.

So Starliene, If you've read this far, and you're actually literate enough to understand the words I've said..... Understand this! You are busted!

Willow Palin Faggot... Oh My!!!!

2010-11-17T12:37:00.000-08:00

Willow Palin

(Mommy taught me how to hate fatties and fags)

Willow Palin has been caught calling a kid a faggot and making fun of another kid for being overweight on facebook.
Sarah Palin is a shitty parent! I’ve been saying it all along. I thought that maybe she gained some maternal instincts when she decided to quit her job as Governor of Alaska, but nope, she was just grubbing more money from a book deal that made her richer and more neglectful of her satanic spawn. Somebody needs to tell Sarah that her little girl Willow is a spoiled little homophobic, fattie hatin’, bigoted bully from hell! And who the fuck names their kid after a tree that looks like it stays stoned anyway? Willow? WTF, did they name her after the tree she was conceived under when Todd picked his nose and fingered Sarah that fateful fucking day? Pa-leeeeeeeeeeze! This little apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and apparently, she landed on her head. This is the perfect example of what happens when idiotic, bullies grow up and give birth to more idiotic bullies. It’s time for the Palin’s to break the cycle. It’s time to stop raising their children like cattle, and actually feed their social awareness. Willow heard that shit from her mama and daddy, and she repeated it with the same hate they’ve shown her. That’s how bullying works. Someone needs to educate this child. As for her mother, well, I believe it’s been said, time and time again, you can’t teach an old bitch new tricks.

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for EVIL!!!!!

2010-10-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Will disenchanted LGBT Democrats sway this election? You bet your sweet ass we will! I’ve been bitched out by whiny, pussy-fied gays on facebook for saying it, but I have a right to my opinion, as much as anybody else. Not voting is the new vote! Now, you can do whatever the hell you want with your vote, but I’m writing myself in! Why? It’s because I have lost faith in our system, entirely. Sure, I’ll vote for my local and state representatives, but I am not going to cast a vote for a Democrat, and I damn sure will not vote for a Republican, on a Federal level, because they’re all full of shit! They’re all corporate whores. You want me to jump into the Republican snake pit? Because the Democratic corporate whores sure haven't earned my trust!

Obama has lied to us. He cares more about baiting us into voting for Democrats next month than he does about ending Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Don’t believe me? Consider the following.

DADT was overturned by Federal Judge Virginia Phillips. A day after the military decided to allow gays to openly join, the Obama administration’s Department of Justice appealed, successfully for a stay on the judge’s decision, and put DADT back into effect. Why? Obama said it was because DADT was passed by the Congress, and that Congress should be the ones to overturn it. Clearly, Obama was just using DADT as an election wedge issue, to get gays to vote for a Democratic Congress. He had no intention of getting it overturned in his first term. On his watch? Yeah, he says that it will be overturned “On his watch”. For weeks, predictions and polls have been indicating that the Senate is turning Republican, and the Dems are lagging behind in almost every key state. Obama is not stupid enough to tell us the truth. The truth is that a majority Republican Senate is not going to allow him to pass any equality issue for gays. If I know this, then so does he. He’s trying to extend his “watch” by 4 more years, and I’m not falling for his stick and carrot bullshit. His watch is already over, as far as I am concerned. He’s lied to us, and he’s lied to all American people. Just look around you. Whereas, I was one of his biggest supporters, in 2008, like a lot of others, I won’t be fooled twice in 2012. He can’t keep saying he inherited this war or this economy, when he’s already half way through his term. This is Obama’s war. This is Obama’s economy, and these are his lies. Here’s a list of broken promises.

1) He promised Hispanic voters that he would begin immigration reform in the first year. He hasn’t even started it.

2) He promised to invest in green technology and put Americans to work re-building America’s infrastructure. Our roads and bridges are still falling apart, and electric cars are twice the price of regular ones, the same size, and where are the re charge stations for them, and the ethanol “flex” vehicles? More bullshit!

3) Unemployment has not been significantly reduced. It’s actually increased because the figures don’t take into consideration how many people have collected all they’re going to receive from the benefits, and still can’t find work. It also doesn’t include those who are underemployed, such as part time workers, or those who have had to accept less than half their former salaries. This is his unemployment crisis now friends.

4) Home foreclosures? September saw the highest number of home foreclosures in any month since 30 years ago, while bank CEO’s continue to collect million dollar bonuses, on Obama’s watch. He is the foreclosure king!

Now, before you insult my integrity, with another “Rome wasn’t built in a day” analogy, understand this. Rome wasn’t torn down the day after it was built either. DADT is Rome, and a judge built the end of it, and this asshole tore it down the next day. So that won’t fly here. You can’t keep saying that he hasn’t had time. He’s had 2 years to keep his promises, and all he has done is lie. He should have been presidenting, instead of campaigning, but he only cares about 4 more years of fame. He’s a useless, pathetic fame whore!

So, what are we, the gay democrats who have witnessed his lies, for political gain, supposed to do? Vote Republican? Do you really think we’re stupid enough to vote for their evil, just because it now appears to be the lesser of two evils? Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil, so what’s the fucking point? It’s like jumping into a snake pit because you have a “civic duty” do to so. Fuck that. I’ll write my own name in. At least I know the person I’m voting for can be trusted. I don’t trust any of these corporate whores anymore. When I say that America is no longer a democracy, I mean it. Democracy may mean that the majority rules, but it doesn’t mean the majority has a right to vote against my equality. It also doesn’t mean that the majority should be suckered into voting for the candidate with the most corporate funding, who has more ads that tell his bullshit stories either. Our US Supreme Court was auctioned off to the highest bidder when they decided to allow corporate interests to have the same right to buy candidates as the average citizen. These entities are influencing the masses, who don’t have time to get the truth, and believe the bullshit propaganda they are fed in these attack ads. Our vote doesn’t mean shit anymore friends. So I no longer believe that anyone who doesn’t vote doesn’t have a right to complain. Everyone with an ounce of common sense should have started complaining a long time ago, before our country was hijacked by the same people who fired you, or overcharged you, or worked slave laborers to death so you could afford to shop at Walmart, or those who denied you health insurance, or made you pay more than you would have if you lived in a country that actually gave more of a shit about the health of it’s citizens than it does the profits of its HMO’s. It’s time for everybody to wake up and smell the hypocrisy! Not voting is the new vote. It tells those in power that we see how naked their imperialistic asses really are, and we stand on the principal that voting for the lesser of two evils is just an idiotic, fucking evil thing to do! That’s my opinion, and I stand behind it. If you don’t like it, then you can run away with your tail between your legs, thinking that your vote hold some kind of magical power. It doesn’t!

Naked Truth Gay News In Review - Anderson Cooper! Come Out! Come Out!!!

2010-10-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

Check out the video below. If you haven't watched my online series before, feel free to go to my official website at http://www.chazonator.com/ where the player always has the latest video, and plays everything I've uploaded 24/7.

Suicide in Norman Oklahoma - Letter to town council

2010-10-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

R.I.P Zach Harrington

I am disgusted by the latest suicide, of a 19 year old, gay, youth named Zach Harrington, after he was berated at a town counsil meeting in Norman Oklahoma recently. I've just sent the following e mail to them, and I hope they all read it and take it to heart. I encourage anyone else who wants to write to them, and give them a piece of your mind do so, at the e mail address listed at the bottom of this blog. This has to stop! We have to stop it!

I'd like to congratulate your city council, and the bigoted citizens who drove 19 year old Zach Harrington to suicide. Your town is now on the map, as being one of the most intolerant, hypocritical, shameful towns in this so called democracy we call America.

For the record, Zach wasn't asking for "special rights". He wasn't trying to expose anyone to anything that might have occurred in "his bedroom". He was asking for equality, which, to define it for you, means, the same rights that every other tax paying citizen there has. Instead, what he got was a group of hateful hypocrites, posing as Christians, doing and saying exactly the opposite of what Christ himself would have said and done.
I am a gay man with a large online following. I have a same sex partner that I've been with for 18 years. How many of you can say that you've been married that long, to the same person? We have two adopted children. How many of you have adopted, rather than show the world what takes place, "in your bedroom" by popping out little, baby, look a likes, in an overpopulated world? How many of you have sacrificed anything, for anybody, in the name of unconditional love? Clearly not enough!

I saw the video on www.Queerty.com in which an over the hill, overweight hick stood there and condemned my "lifestyle", along with a misguided bi racial, overweight woman, who refused to acknowledge the fact that her own forefathers had to be enslaved, hanged and beaten in order for her to be able to stand there and brag about her degree. Their combined ignorance of equality is only surpassed by their ignorance of the very bible they spew, selective quotes from. You know the bible, the book that says that gluttony and judging others is sinful. They forget that the constitution also protects Jews, Muslims and atheists’ right to equality. They refuse to understand why those of us who actually are producing quality citizens, out of the children rejected by heterosexuals who also claimed to be Christian, are seeking the same legal protection as everyone else. They could show a little compassion, or at the very least, a bit of common sense.

If there is a Christian God, and he is capable of damning, then your city council will be on that list of the damned. The blood of this young, gay man is on the hands of those who cast him away from Christ, and every last one of those idiots will pay for it in hell! You are on a slippery slope, and you’re sliding right into the hell you‘ve condemned us to!

For the record, it's not a “lifestyle“, it's called a life, and it's not the right to have sex that any of us are asking for. We can do that anytime we want. We want the same legal protections for ourselves, which our tax dollars finance, for you to enjoy and take for granted. We will get them, even if we are forced to publicly humiliate every crappy, little town in this country to get there! You are the abomination!

Sincerely, Carl Shepherd

chazonator.com

Write your own letter to these bigots at:

Action.Center@NormanOK.gov

The Fake Celebrities on Larry King Live on Bullying

2010-10-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

On Larry King Live last night, the guests included prominent, openly gay entertainers, and then there was Kathy Griffin. Kathy Griffin calls herself a D list celebrity, and she dresses like a tacky drag queen, so she assumes the right to speak for gays and lesbians. That assumption is incorrect, on her part, and here’s why. When Larry asked her what can be done to stop bullying, her answer was: “Come to my show”. Come on Kathy Griffin, is that the best you can do? Come to your fucking show? Like that’s going to end anything. Sure, we can throw money at Kathy Griffin and hope that it makes it to a worthy cause, that actually combats bullying, but that only serves to make her more famous and put more money into her fake, greedy hands. If you’ve read my past few blogs, you’ll know that I don’t trust any organized charity to do the right thing, especially if it’s being pimped out by fake celebrities who spend more money on make up than they do the causes they claim to support. This puts Kathy Griffin down on the Z list in my book!

Chely Wright Claims to be the first openly gay country artist. Lies! That would be K D Lang. Wright took the opportunity on Larry King, last night, to promote herself and toot her own horn so much, that I wondered when she was going to offer a solution, rather than a self promotion. She looks like a porn star, not an activist. She just came out of the closet recently, so, in essence, like her Latino one hit wonder, counterpart Ricky Martin, she’s a day late and a dollar short! I didn’t even know who the hell she was until last night. How the hell are we supposed to look up to these former closet cases who made millions and only came out when it was cool to be gay in Hollywood? We can’t. If you’ve been hating yourself for your entire, public career, and are just coming out of the closet and jumping onto the latest news trend to get more publicity, don’t act like you’re any kind of role model, because you’re part of the problem, not the solution.

And then, there’s Sir Elton John, and his little bit part in the “Give A Damn” video series. Sir Elton says, “Every time I hear about a hate crime, I am shocked and saddened.” Bitch must stay in shock and in a state of constant depression, considering that, here in the real world, there’s a hate crime committed every hour! He can’t spew that shit and go unchecked by me, since he was one of the very people who made me feel like a big whore! I was hired by his assistant to give him a massage, and he asked for a hand job, and paid for it. I didn’t mind stroking his tiny penis to a climax, even though he was cheating on his man when I did, but I wasn’t too happy to see that I was paid only $350 for driving 2 ½ hours to get to his back stage dressing room, and had to wait over 2 hours for him to show up with his entourage. This “give a damn video” appearance is just another way for him to show off his new wig, which looks like a bird’s nest, sticking out of a tree trunk! The man is faker than fake, and I’ve got the back stage passes, and unused concert tickets, and knowledge of his pacemaker and tattoo to prove I’ve experienced his fakeness first hand. If Sir Eltie really “gives a damn” he’ll shell out a million of his own cash to the cause, and put his money where his mouth is. Until then, he should shut his self serving, self promoting, geriatric, old pie hole! Legend my ass!

Wanda Sykes is truly an honest person, from everything I’ve seen from or about her. She’s the real deal. She wasn’t plugging any book, or concert tour, or comedy special last night. This wasn’t about her. It was about ending bullying. Neil Patrick Harris is the same, from what I can tell. Tim Gunn and Nate Berkus appeared on the show with their own positive messages as well, without pimping out themselves for publicity. Margaret Cho was on “Dancing With The Stars”, doing her part to spread the word, because she really cares.

Lance Bass, on the other hand, needs to give it up. Once again, the former N Synch back up singer, wants us to think he gives a damn, when the only thing he’s trying to do is revive his career. While I admit that I was never a fan, I’m even less of a fan of anyone who makes millions, pretending to be straight. Here’s my tip for Lance Bass. Please, go to the moon, and stay there. It’s because of people like my friends and myself who have lived openly, our entire adult lives, that fakers like Bass and Martin, Elton John and Wright can use their homosexuality to get on TV today. We took the brunt of the bullying, when we were vulnerable teens, while they joined the A list for their 15 minutes of fake fame, and gave nothing back to anyone.

Hollywood is a joke friends. Most of the entertainers don’t know when to stop reading a script and really care. My advice to anyone who wants to stop bullying is to open your mouth and speak out against it. More people are likely to believe the average citizen, who has nothing gain by speaking up, than they will any actor who is just playing another role to serve his or her own best interests. Suicide prevention takes real people with real emotion and sincerity. The hotlines are wonderful, and I’m not saying we shouldn’t donate to keep them operational, we should. At the same time, we are all human, and most of us have teenaged people in our lives who can benefit from our experience and our advice. Never underestimate your role in any child’s life. It is far more valuable and affective than anything they can see or hear on T.V.

Here's the video clip of the last part of the show that pissed me off the most. Listen to these self serving celebs pretending they care while pimping themselves out to the masses.

Here's the link to a video, on a youtube page, by someone who must be well connected to the Corrupt News Network, since they're allowed to post all CNN content and get hundreds of thousands of views.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4MDiQMn79A

LGBT leadership as much to blame for teen suicide as the bullies. Here's why.

2010-10-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

The more we hear about gay, teen suicide, in the news, the more we are hearing from LGBT leadership about the issue. What concerns me the most is that the most prominent leaders of the equality movement only seem to jump on trending issues that will give them more publicity, after the damage is done. What ever happened to being at the forefront of the movement, and actually addressing issues before they become the focus of National news? A few months ago, before the recent rash of suicides making the news, Cindi Lauper and Lady GaGa were on daytime TV pimping out the We Give A Damn foundation, and I got behind it. I reported on the story and gave Cindi Lauper exactly what she wanted…. More free publicity. What I’ve learned since is shocking. I encouraged everyone I know to go to wegiveadamn.org and donate their time or money to the cause. What I’ve discovered since then is that my friends who donated haven’t even received confirmation of their donations. In fact, the website is so impossible to navigate that it’s more like a T shirt shop than a charity organization. My niece had to buy a T shirt just to give money to the cause. Not only does she not have a T shirt yet, but she didn’t even get a thank you e mail, or any response, whatsoever, acknowledging that her money has even been received. That’s not giving a damn! That’s a sick joke, and it makes both Lauper and GaGa look like a couple of typical fame whores, willing to ride on the back of a good cause to gain fans. All you little monsters can get pissed off at me all you want, but you’re a special kinda stupid of you think this is okay, cause it’s not! The only way I see GaGa feeding homeless kids, anytime soon, is if she defrosts that freakish meat dress of hers and grills it up for them! I’ve repeatedly e mailed both of Cindi Lauper’s foundations and have not received a single response. That’s not giving a damn! That’s damning those who give! And for a project that received so much media attention, why in the hell does this foundation have less members than I have on my myspace friends list? I haven’t been on National TV since 2008!

Truth Wins out is a website that claims to counter the ex gay myth and right wing hate. The false mentality that gays can be cured causes so many gays to kill themselves, when they realize that it is a myth. Had the founder of Truth Wins Out not been bashing a gay man on a Christian site, and making fun of his mental health issues, they might have actually done their job and countered the hate. Instead, Wayne Besen, the founder, was actually contributing to it. You can’t claim to counter right wing hate, when you’re joining members of the right wing to hate on a fellow gay man. They’re not the solution, they are the fucking cause!

And if I get one more posted video of Ellen Degeneres and her pre-recorded message on bullying, I’m gonna puke in my own pie hole! She abandoned the gay movement the day she got her talk show and sold us all out to do celeb interviews. When Ellen cares enough to actually address this issue on her talk show, rather than trying to go viral with a video she’s directing to her LGBT fan base, I’ll give her credit for caring. Until then, she’s preaching to the choir, and that’s not going to end this National epidemic, now is it?

Perez Hilton appeared on CNN in a freeze frame skype interview to claim that he’s re-evaluating the way he operates his celebrity hate site. Yeah right Perez! When you grow the balls to start using your own Hispanic name, I’ll stop thinking that you’re just another self hating homo who cares about more than getting your pugged nose featured on any network that will have you!

Back to Truth Wins Out, and their hateful blogs and postings, in which founder Wayne Besen verbally bashes a fellow gay man. If this gay man commits suicide because of something Besen said online, it would make him no better than the students who exposed the Rutgers student on a webcast, and pushed him to jump off a bridge. This isn’t activism. This is gay on gay hate, and we don’t have to support it, yet, you’d be amazed at the organizations that are accepting it. GLAAD, the Stonewall Society, and several members of the gay media have been informed of this situation. Do you think they have bothered to address the issue? If you answered yes, you’d be wrong. They all, apparently condone this behavior, or are afraid to get involved because of the negative publicity it could bring to our movement. This spineless approach by gay leaders and organizations makes me GLAAD I haven’t donated a penny to any of them, and I never will. If you want to help a gay teen, throw money or food or shelter at them yourself, but don’t hand it over to any of these assholes who do nothing for anybody but themselves. Until we get rid of the fake activists who are raking in our gay dollars while giving nothing back to those of who need them the most, we’re only making the problem worse. It’s time to kick them all to the curb and start all over. A leader’s power is only as strong as his number of followers. If you’re a follower of any of the afore mentioned leaders, you’re a part of the problem, not the solution.

Bishop Eddie Long - The hypocrisy of hypocrisy!

2010-09-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

Bishop Eddie Long, who operates a tax exempt, mega church, with 25,000 members, has been busted! Yeah, you can say he’s innocent until proven guilty, but if you didn’t say that about Michael Jackson, it makes you as big a hypocrite as Long himself. You can’t have it both ways. Either you take the side of the victims, or the culprit. In this case, without his day in civil court, it’s clear that Eddie Long has a history of hypocrisy, which cannot be denied, or overlooked.

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I say that Eddie Long is a money grubbing, celebrity wannabe, who feels entitled to luxuries that his congregants aren’t getting, but yet, they pay for, every time they tithe, (put money into his tin can). Whereas, any legit church would use that money to help those in need, and to maintain operations of the building, etc…, Eddie Long has used it to give himself a lavish lifestyle, that most of us can only dream of. He flies around in his own private jet. He drives around in his pimped out Bentley, and he takes young boys on exotic vacations, yet can only afford one bed for them to sleep in together. You’d have to be Helen Keller on crack not to believe that he isn’t the dirty old man these young victims say he is.

And if all this doesn’t demonstrate the magnitude of hypocrisy of this overblown, steroidal turd, how about his position on homosexuality? He’s literally bashed gays, and stomped all over any hope that any young, gay boys listening to him have of getting to heaven. He claims that homosexuality is “spiritual abortion”. I think it’s time for his congregation to abort his tired, old ass, and fast! I also believe that the IRS needs to revoke his tax exempt status. Anyone preaching that kind of hatred toward gays, or any other minority, should not be funded by tax dollars, paid by gays, or any other minority. We paid for the jet this pig flies in. If there’s any kind of vengeful God, like the one he’s promoting, that jet will crash and burn with his nasty, rusty old ass in it! And if you’ve read all this, and you still think there’s a chance that he’s an innocent man, I’ve got a bridge to sell you in Alaska, where his future beard lives.