“What’s the big friggin deal?” You may ask, “I go to bed at 4 a.m. and half to wake up at 4:21 a.m. Then I have to go out, catch a fish, prepare the fish, and then feed the fish to my eleven children by 5 a.m. YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPLAIN!”

To that I say a few things-

1. Impressive.
2. Who in the “H” are you that you have a routine like that?
3. Can Disney Channel make a Made For TV Musical about you and your wisecracking, full of potential children who are only living off a dream that their mother inspired when she used to rock them to sleep at night–blah blah blah.

Where was I? Oh right! The reason this is such a dilemma for me is now my body has gotten so used to sleeping in and such that I can’t even feel tired until 3 a.m. I’m about to start college soon (yuck). I’m going to have to wake up around 7 a.m. every morning. I can barely do that when I’m getting 10 hours of sleep. It’s so hard for me to wake up! How in the world am I going to do it with my super-screwed body clock?!

The remedy: tonight I’m going to Doc Brown this body clock (Doc Brown being the inventor of the time machine in Back to the Future…I’m only explaining this pop culture reference, you’re on your own for the rest) by not sleeping for a while. I’ll take away what my body wants most (besides a companion…I’m so lonely) and when I finally decided to give it to it, my body will happily take it any time, any place (I swear that could have been worded better).

As I mentioned at the beginning, I’m tired in two ways. The other way is such:

I. Am. Tired. Of. The. Olympics.

I never found myself to be a fan of the competition, and now that all my friends are super fans I find myself on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. The more I hear, the more I hate. The more I see, the more I want Michael Phelps to be eaten by a pool shark (play on FRIGGIN words!!!!). I can’t wait until the derrrn’ thing is over. I can’t wait, indeed.

Now, here’s the premise (or at least the premise for the first episode…I think): A man’s brother finds himself in jail, so the man decides to get himself arrested so he can be in the same jail, so he can break his brother out. Sound kind of cool, right? Well like I said, that’s the first episode, and I’m pretty sure the guy breaks his brother out of the prison (gets him…prison break-ed…prison broked…out…of prison….break) half way through the first season. And now season 3 is coming out on dvd.

As much as I can gather: from half way through season 1 up to season 3 the two brothers have been getting themselves sent to jail again, and then breaking themselves out…again…and again…for 2 and half more seasons. And now season 4 is going to be start soon. Want to guess what’s going to happen?

Also, what does this say about our prison system? How can these two guys keep breaking out of different prisons?!

Lost resumes filming on the 18th of August. I’m sure most of you really don’t care, but I do. LOST (the more I say it, the more I realize how important the show is to me…that’s why I decided to caps lock it from now on) is the greatest show on earth, in my humble (and more right) opinion (than yours).

There’s something about it that has truly affected the way I view television, and writing, and living, and acting. It’s a weird thing. Half the time I watch the show I get that “I could write this!” feeling and suddenly jump to the ol’ typing machine (my laptop). The other half I watch, I want to crawl into a corner and let my “writing fingers” and my creativity to die. “What gives me the write (play on words!!!)?” I guess it’s the same sort of feeling Drew talked about in THIS BLOG…..at least the last part. The part with the guy at the….just read it.

A man walks into one of the Hospital’s private rooms. His name is Brett and he looks very concerned for the man laying in the bed. He’s badly bruised. Stitches line his left cheek, the kind of stitches that will leave cool scars in a month or so. The man lying in the bed goes by Peter.

Brett: What happened?

Peter: I flipped my car.

Brett: Why? How? Was it a lady driver?

Peter: What?

Brett: A lady driver. Some stupid house wife driving 30 in a 50, taking her sweet time while on the phone with her mother-in-law–

Peter: Brett?

Brett: –trying to sort out some sort of family crisis–

Peter: Hey!

Brett: –that will most likely end in a messy divorce between herself and her estranged husband.

Peter: BRETT!

Brett: What?

Peter: Shut up.

Brett: Right.

Brett takes a seat in one of those cheap, uncomfortable chairs by Peter’s bed. There is a brief silence that Brett can’t stand.

Brett: Squirrel?

Peter: No! It wasn’t a squirrel that made me flip.

Brett: Then what? Cars don’t just flip for no good reason. We’ve got laws to prevent that sort of thing.

Peter: What laws?

Brett: Not real laws. Laws of gravity. Science stuff.

Peter: Right.

Brett: Well?

Peter: Well what?

Brett: Why’d you crash?

Peter: I don’t want to tell you, you’ll think I’m stupid.

Brett: No I won’t.

Peter: Trust me.

Brett: Come on!

Peter: No!

Brett: Fall asleep at the wheel?

Peter: No.

Brett: Saw a UFO?

Peter: No.

Brett: Ninjas?

Peter: What? NO!

Brett: Then what?!

Peter: MUSIC!

Brett:…

Peter: You happy now?

Brett: Music?

Peter: Yeah.

Brett: What does that mean?

Peter: (sigh) I was listening to this really good song and I just…felt compelled.

Brett: What was the song about?

Peter: I’m not sure, but the singer sounded really angry.

Brett: Yeah?

Peter: He’s screams “Brian” a whole bunch.

Brett: Really?

Peter: I guess he was mad at Brian, and that made me mad at Brian.

Brett: That’s weird.

Peter: Mad enough at Brian that I sped up my car pulled a hard turn.

Brett: Wow.

Peter: Music is a strange thing.

Brett: If you’re a crazy person, it is.

Peter: What’s that suppose to mean?

Brett: Not everyone gets compelled to wreck their car just because some stranger with a guitar screams another man’s name through their speakers.

Peter: Right.

Brett: Now get some rest.

Peter: Where are you going?

Brett: I’m going to your apartment and burning all your CDs.

1. You hear it at your house.
2. You’re the one saying it.

I haven’t posted in a while if you haven’t noticed. You probably didn’t notice. You’re probably too busy reading REAL blogs written by people who get paid to blog. What kind of job is that, anyway? How does someone even get that job? They were probably already “blogging” before the pay checks started rolling in, so why fix a fine working machine? That upsets me. I want to get paid to put words in a certain semi-humorous order that in long paragraphs spell out a rant [this being a perfect example!].

I’ve been playing a lot of Monopoly lately. The game was invented during the Great Depression by Mr. Money Bags (AKA The Monopoly Guy) to make poor people feel better about themselves by letting them buy streets and property they lived near. Hooray false hope!

Here’s a quote I need to share before you go jumping to conclusions:

“Rock n’ Role is the new pornography.” -Some angry mustached man from the 1950’s.

Funny quote, right? Right. Agree with me. All of you. All of you agree with me so I can start getting paid to do this.

Anyways, some other group of guys and gals liked that quote so much that they named their band The New Pornographers. I really like the New Pornographers.

You see now? If I didn’t give you that quote at the start you would have been jumping to conclusions so quickly that passer-bys would confuse your legs for pogo sticks. “Taylor likes porn!??!!??!”

Go check out the band. Also look up and read the title to this blog if you didn’t before you started. You can’t get funnier than that! (yes you can)

The sound of the soda exploding was much louder in person. Like a friggin gunshot!

There were only two girls at this “party,” and since one of them was dating my best friend that meant there was only one real girl. The two of them noticed I had my MAC with me (what they should have been noticing was the fact that I always have my MAC with me…always). They asked if they could see it and maybe watch some of the videos I had downloaded in iTunes. I pointed them in the direction of several episodes of How I Met Your Mother, a hilarious sitcom.

Now, the phrase “hilarious sitcom” rarely finds its way out of my mouth or fingers (when blogging or communicating with the deaf), but this show seriously is. It looks like like a regular “Two and a Half Men” or “Everybody Loves Raymond” but it isn’t. It’s so much more. It’s a real show.

As they watched a few episodes I split my attention so I could focus on losing at Call of Duty and also hear what’s going on in the episode. Good lord that show is funny. How could have possibly forgotten how funny that show was?

The reason: For the past two and a half weeks I have done nothing but watched the X-Files. If I wasn’t at home or eating I was watching the nine seasons of the hit sci-fi series in order to prepare myself for the movie. I know I’m going to get really side tracked with this X-Files talk, but I need to get it out of my system.

First of all, the show could have ended at it’s seventh season. Everything was answered and we were all happy. From that point on there was hardly any overlying story arc. We knew everything we needed to know about the friggin aliens! This is why LOST is such a great show. People may complain that they’re never answering our questions, or when they do they add a million more questions to the list, but thank God they do. If they didn’t we would know everything way before the ending of the show and we might lose interest. LOST is rocks (podcast reference).

Second of all, the new movie X-Files: I Want to Believe came out this weekend. Naturally, I went to the midnight showing wearing my X-Files t-shirt that I bought just for the occasion. The movie had absolutely nothing to do with aliens, but that’s all right with me. Only a third of the actual TV series did, so that’s alright. The movie worked like a very long and very very well done episode of the show. It was a lot of fun and dealt with God, so that’s always fun.

Right, back to “party” event at my friends house. After a little more Duty Callings (Call of Duty 4) we decided to sit down and watch a movie. Not any movie, mind you, but WARRIORS of the WASTELAND. Sometimes when I hang out with my friends I wonder why we chose to watch terrible movies over watching great movies.

WARRIORS of the WASTELAND is one of those movies you own but never realized it. I’m pretty sure the only way you can buy it is in one of those $5 bundles of 20 sci-fi movies they sell in the bargain section of Target (or at least that’s how I got a hold of it). My dad loves buying those packs. We have at leas ten of them.

The only way you can fully understand how bad this movie is is by watching it, but since you probably never will, let me explain the plot.

PLOT: The apocalypse has occurred. Earth is a wasteland. A gang of gay men who call themselves the Templar roam about on their motor bikes and their future cars and find Christians and women and kill them. Our hero, Scorpion fights the Templar as they attempt to kill a small group of innocent people led by a priest. At one point in the movie (I’m not even joking) the Templar catch Scorpion and tell him they are going to put him through their “initiation.” Which, of course, means the leader of the Templar ties him up and rapes him.

It’s a bizarre movie, let me tell you. Picture Mad Max plus giant anti-gay overtones. The funniest part is that you don’t know that the Templar are gay until the rape scene. You just think they’re evil!

That’s it for me. Tomorrow I get to go see Ron White live, because of someone else’s birthday! WOO!

Why is it that when you walk into a doctor’s office the nurse that greets you starts off the conversation with “how are you today?” An even better question is why is it that we lie when we answer. “I’m fine.” We’re not fine. If we were fine we wouldn’t be at the doctor’s office, would we?!

Why is it that if I were to write a blog review of THE DARK KNIGHT it will sound exactly like what everyone else writes? Because it was so friggin awesome and that’s all everyone has to say.

What Everyone Says:
-Greatest Batman movie.
-Greatest Superhero movie, ever!
-Heath Ledger deserves an oscar because he’s phenomenal.
-The entire cast is amazing.
-How in the world will the third Batman movie come close to topping this?
-Everyone needs to see this.

Why is it that there is always a mole in CTU? (Reference to 24)

Why is it that the X-Files season 9 soundtrack sounds exactly like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?

Him: Jet Lag Gemini–

Me: Yeah, definitely. (Say Relient K! You want to see Relient K!)

Him: Family Force Five, they’ll be there.

Me: I’ve always wanted to see them in concert. Everyone says they’re amazing. (Forget it, don’t talk about Relient K. You’ll look like an idiot)

Him: What else is there?

Me: (Don’t say it. Don’t say it!) I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anyone else.

Him: Relient K will be there,

Me: (I LOVE RELIENT K, AND NOW I LOVE YOU FOR BRINGING THEM UP!!!) Oh really? I didn’t know that.

Him: Yeah, but only losers and christians like them.

Me: (and now I hate your face)

I guess there’s no hiding it any more. Relient K is a great band. On their myspace they list Jellyfish as a huge influence, so Drew, you now like them to (Drew is my brother, and he loves the Jellyfish album “Spilt Milk”….I like the album, too). Have I ever seen them in concert? No. Sure, they were at Warped Tour and I was planning on going to Warped Tour, but I slept in that day.

“But Taylor, couldn’t you have gotten a free ticket and some sort of VIP pass?!”

Yes, I could have, but I thought I still had a week before the friggin show, and so that Saturday I decided to sleep in and then go to IHOP with my parents.

But enough about me, Relient K has a new album out! The Birds and the Bee Sides is their six album (don’t quote me on that) and it’s pretty cool. I bought it yesterday, and I can easily say that if I weren’t using both of my hands to type I’d be giving a huge thumbs up.

Let me just warn you that it’s different. It works a lot like Five Iron Frenzy’s album The Cheeses of Nazareth, but since there are probably nine other people in the world who own that album (and only four remember buying it), that probably means nothing to you.

Basically the album has a bunch of acoustic covers of their older songs, some unreleased/ unfinished songs that are only a minute or two long, and then there’s some tracks that are obviously the band screwing around in the recording studio. It’s a lot of fun to listen to.

The only thing that scares me is that when Five Iron Frenzy put out Cheeses of Nazareth it was when they were one step away from breaking up. That album came out and then the next year their final album came out. It was sad. That was the day ska died.

Could Relient K be close to breaking up? I hope not. Stay together, guys. Stay together for the kids.

Go buy the album, support and awesome band, and listen to some of the best song writing I’ve heard from a christian band in a while.

Best Christian Songwriting:
-David Crowder Band
-Relient K
-Switchfoot

You notice how Casting Crowns isn’t on there? Yeah, that’s because they suck.

Also, just because a band doesn’t say they’re christian every 15 seconds, doesn’t mean they aren’t, so shut up.

Here’s a link to a playlist of most of my “Songs I Listen to Too Much.

CLICK HERE!…you probably want to, because the rest of the post is kind of lame if you haven’t heard the songs.

This Year by The Mountain Goats. This song became an anthem for me my senior year of High School (have you ever noticed that every angsty teen band has a song called “anthem?”). I am going to make it through this year. Thank you Mountain Goats for your inspiration and cool sound. The lead singer’s voice is unique. That’s always good. We live in a time full of Panic at the Disco, All American Rejects, Fall Out Boy and all those other bands that sound the same.

O Valencia! by the Decemberists. Speaking of unique voices! I dare you to try and imitate this guy’s voice. The album Crane Wife, the one this song belongs to, is amazing. I don’t know why. It makes me feel like a frontiersman, and not in a bad way.

My Name is Jonas by Weezer. I don’t know, nor do I want to find out what this song is about. It’s too awesome. I feel like I can fight a bully when I listen to it. Everything about the guitar in this song is perfect (although I think the bass player was asleep when they were recording).

First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes. I’ll know I’ve fallen in love because this song will suddenly make sense. And don’t label Bright Eyes as emo, he’s above that. He’s….Bright Eyes for Pete’s sake!

Where is My Mind by the Pixies. This song is played at the end of Fight Club. I love Fight Club, but when I first saw it I didn’t like the way this song was in there. Later I listened to it outside of the movie and it grew on me. I need to hear more of The Pixies.

The Greatest Man That Ever Lived by Weezer. I can’t describe this song, and I can’t stop listening to it.

Kill the Director by The Wombats. They’re just a couple of chums from Liverpool who decided to form a band (sound familiar?). If you’re wondering what they’re saying in the chorus it’s, “If this is a rom-com, kill the director.” Rom-com is short for romantic comedy. It took me a few weeks to get that.

Dear Prudence by The Beatles. This is the one Beatles song that I love hearing covers of. I decided to just put the original because I’m friends with a bunch of loser “purists” and I don’t feel like dealing with that.

Lithium by Polyphonic Spree. This is the greatest cover ever. The first time I heard this song it was like a headshot to the soul.

Jefferson Aeroplane by Relient K. I used to think this song was so so. I saw an interview with two fans and they said this was their favorite song. I got annoyed. “How could this be their favorite song? Do they not realize they look like complete fools for saying that?!” Now I am the fool.

500 Miles by The Proclaimers. I blame the show How I Met Your Mother for why I like this show. Season 2 episode called “Arrivederci, Fiero.”

The Pretender by Foo Fighters. Why is this song on here? I have no idea. Dave Grouhl snuck it end there for me.