Checking Boxes

The post I didn't want to write

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 01:35:00 +0000

We had our court hearing, and ultimately while the news is not positive, there were some good elements.

The tribunal is not able to rule against legislation, and so the decision to remove our names from the register and our file from China remains. It sucks. I don't know what else to say.

I mentioned there were some good elements. The tribunal was awesome. They believe we had a very strong case and said we are a very impressive couple whose passion and commitment were evident, however they are bound by law. They said if there was any way at all they could change the decision that the Dept had made that they would. They were incredibly empathetic towards us, and justifiably interrogative of the Dept. They drilled the Dept. on a number of issues trying to see if there was any way around this at all; sadly there wasn't/isn't.

All along the Dept kept saying, 'Don't worry, when your son turns 1 you can start the process again!' (like it was no big deal to just lose the past four years spent in the process). Now they have advised us that even if we reapply when he turns one (in eight weeks time), they are unlikely to progress our application at all in this financial year as they already have enough couples to deal with. They have also said that they wouldn't accept us for China BECAUSE THE WAIT IS TOO LONG so they are directing couples to other countries. Can anyone else see the irony in this? Sometimes I wish Queensland had private adoption agencies instead of an apparently anti-adoption government department managing these things.

The recommendation for us is to finish having any biological children and then when the youngest of those turns one year of age to apply again, and hopefully by that time they will be accepting couples for China again and able to move us through the process.

And that is that.

Devastated.

Heartbroken.

Frustrated.

Annoyed.

But trusting. Trusting that everything will work out eventually. We will have our blended family. It will not be in the time frame we hoped or planned for, and we have a thousand more boxes to check and hoops to jump, but we will not give up.

Thank you for sharing our journey.

In case you were wondering...

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 10:07:00 +0000

Ah, my lovely blog. So neglected... but for good reason.

Where do I start? For those who know me in person or on FB, this will come as no surprise. For those who have been following our blog for a few years, I have some news.

Early 2009 we looked at the wait times from China and concluded that we were many, many years away from a referral. Some website calculators using referral data predict our referral to be another ten years away. You may be aware that it has always been our intention to have a blended family of biological and adopted children. You know where this is headed right?

We made a decision to pursue pregnancy.

Our beautiful boy was born in December. He is now 8 and a half months old.

In February this year, when our son was two months old, new legislation came into effect in Australia. I guess they figured things weren't difficult enough already for Australian couples trying to adopt. Basically, if you have a child under 12 months of age in your care, you are deemed ineligible and your names must be removed from the register of 'suitable adoptive parents'. Once your child turns a year old, you can recommence the adoption process FROM THE BEGINNING. Yep, there is no allowance for putting a file on hold, you are pulled out completely and required to go through the process again, even though the period of ineligibility is temporary.

This seems ludicrous to us and defies logic. We have been told that it is because we need to be prepared to accept the allocation of a child at any given moment, and if we already have a baby we are not in a position to do so. Of course, the facts don't matter - it is irrelevant that China refers on a chronological basis and that we are never going to get an out-of-the-blue surprise phone call one day. This legislation is generic and covers all adoptions in Australia, including local adoptions and those from all participating countries. There is no allowance for individual country programs (eg. those with exorbitant wait times) or family circumstances.

Anyway, long (loooooong) story short, our file has not been pulled from China. We are in the process of pursuing administrative tribunal as we fight to stay logged-in. We are also working towards having the legislation amended, so we'll see what success we have with that.

So that's our news... hopefully it was worth waiting for!

Here's a pic of our joy:

Dodgy website

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:53:00 +0000

Grrr! I am saddened and angered to learn of a new website and adoption service - Adoption Australia. What a con. For $214 they can provide you with information that is otherwise freely available. They are preying on unsuspecting and vulnerable couples who are new to the process and probably not yet aware that the same information can be found at the Attorney General's website or obtained from their state authority. Likewise, support and advice is available from each state's support group (such as IAFQ in Qld). I hope they don't suck too many people in.

Meeting Xinran

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 11:14:00 +0000

Last month it was a delight to meet Xinran. I have all her books and have been a fan for years. Her latest book, Messages from an Unknown Chinese Mother is a fascinating read. In it she documents stories from a range of Chinese birth mothers. The book is insightful and heart-wrenching. It is a must-read for the Chinese adoption community.

I took the opportunity to have Xinran sign a couple of her books.

Sad state of adoption in Australia

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:22:00 +0000

Australians have the option of adopting internationally from 14 different countries. As I mentioned late last year, the Ethiopia program is currently suspended pending investigation and a decision by the Attorney General. Other programs are now dropping like flies. Philippines have placed a moratorium on adoption of children 24 months and younger. The Fiji program is on hold until a bilateral agreement can be reached.

Some countries have placed small quotas on the number of files it will accept from Australia this year (for example, Lithuania will only accept TWO files from each central authority for adoption of children under age 6), and other countries have obscene waiting times (for example, China is nearly up to four years from the time they receive your file, and all indicators suggest it is going to get much worse before it gets better.)

Local adoption is so scarce it is almost non-existent.

None of this is great news for those hoping to build their family through adoption.

Adopting a hard line

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 01:19:00 +0000

*sigh*
Article in today's The Australian newspaper reflecting the sad state of Australian inter-country adoption.
Adopting a Hard Line on Parents

Deborra-Lee Furness discusses Australia's 'Adoption Crisis' on Sunrise

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:24:00 +0000

Interim suspension of Aus/Ethiopia program

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:44:00 +0000

I am numb. This news is so heartbreaking for my many friends currently in the Ethiopia program. The 'unknownness' of the future of the program is the hardest part. I've shed a lot of tears today. Hoping and praying that after the review there is a positive outcome for the program's viability. I've bolded the paragraph of most interest...

http://www.ag.gov.au/www/agd/agd.nsf/Page/Intercountry_AdoptionWhats_New#Interim

The Attorney-General, the Hon Robert McClelland MP, has decided that the Ethiopia–Australia program should be suspended because of concerns that Australia can no longer conduct intercountry adoptions in Ethiopia in a manner consistent with its obligations under the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in respect of Intercountry Adoption.

Australia is committed to ensuring that all our intercountry adoption programs comply with the principles of the Hague Convention. This is the case whether or not the partner country is a signatory to the Convention.

Adoptive families should note that the Attorney-General’s Department is not aware of any allegations of child trafficking in the Ethiopia–Australia program. There is no suggestion of illegal practices in relation to any adoptions previously finalised between Ethiopia and Australia.

The program will be suspended pending the finalisation of a formal review which is expected to be completed by the end of 2009. The review will assess the viability of the program and its compliance with the principles of the Hague Convention. A decision about the future of the program will then be made.

Activity during the interim suspension will be restricted to those children already referred to the Australia program. This will ensure that no children will be disadvantaged by the arrangements. The following cases will be progressed:

* cases where prospective adoptive parents have already been allocated a child from Ethiopia, and
* cases where a child has already been referred to the program and the child can be matched with a family approved to adopt from Ethiopia. Children who have already been referred to the program will be matched in the usual way with the most appropriate adoptive family in accordance with the Matching Guidelines. In these cases, it is likely to be a number of months before applicants are advised whether they are allocated such a child.

No new children will be accepted by the program during the suspension. Applicant files currently waiting in Ethiopia to be allocated will remain there until a decision about the future of the program is made.

A key reason for the suspension is a new requirement of the Ethiopian Government that the program enter into a formal agreement to provide community development assistance. The Australian program has previously been exempt from the requirement to provide financial/material assistance because of its unique Government-to-Government arrangement. We have recently been advised that this exemption can no longer continue. The review is considering whether implementation of the new arrangements is consistent with Australia’s obligations under the Hague Convention.

The Attorney-General considers it is not possible for the program to continue accepting new referrals of children into the program until a full review of the program is completed.

Australia values its bilateral relationship with Ethiopia and looks forward to working closely with the Ethiopian Government during the review to ensure that the best interests of children are met.

We understand that many families who are waiting to adopt a child from Ethiopia will be distressed by the decision to suspend the program. However, it is important that we have confidence that children are in need of an overseas family and that no improper financial gains arise from the process.

Further information and updates about the program will be made available in due course.

Fly Away Children

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 21:35:00 +0000

I watched the report 'Ethiopia - Fly Away Children' last night on Foreign Correspondent. Again, it raised critical issues around child harvesting and trafficking for international adoption. I encourage you to take half an hour out to watch it (the video is online as well as the story).

I am disgusted at the footage of the worker from adoption agency Christian World Adoption going into villages and asking parents who among them might like to hand their children over to live in America.

I struggle with removing children from a country when they have a known parent there. There is a difference between relinquishment due to poverty and abandonment. The problem is, some agencies feed lies to adoptive parents, who truly believe they are adopting an orphan.

These are tough issues for many prospective adoptive parents to deal with, but they must be addressed. We cannot pretend these issues do not exist. We need ethics in all areas of adoption, and as horrible as the program was to watch last night, I commend the ABC for broadcasting it and raising awareness.

ONE YEAR LOGGED IN!

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 20:17:00 +0000

It's our first year LIDverasry today. Let's look how far we've come in the past year.

When we were logged in, there were 948 days worth of log-ins in front of us.

There are now 899 days.

That makes it a grand total of 49 days referred in the past twelve months.

The most recent referrals were logged in for over 41 months.

Working on an average of 3.1 days of referrals a month, we are due to receive our baby some time in January 2019. (See the calculations)

Ha!

Even if things speed up 10x (what are the chances?) and CCAA starts referring month for month, it will still be 30 months more of waiting, or February 2012 before our referral.

I'm still optimistic that things will speed up after we get through the May 2007 files (when the rules changed). When people ask I tell them we expect it to be another three or four years wait. Surely it won't be ten.

So very young

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:34:00 +0000

The latest referrals to come to Australia included two very young babies; one born April 2 and one born April 17 - THIS YEAR! That makes them less than five months old each. This is the youngest age of referral I have heard of.

I actually thought Chinese orphanages had to advertise the finding ad for each child for six months, but I've gone back and checked some facts and it is actually only 60 days. If no-one comes forward within that time to claim the abandoned infant, then the orphanage can pursue the adoption route with that child.

It's difficult for waiting families to know what to prepare for. Recent referrals have included toddler girls, toddler boys, lots of infant boys, and now extremely young infant girls! Once upon a time, most referrals were infant girls, age approx 8-14 months age. Now it seems there is no pattern.

Congratulations to all the families who received the glorious news of a referral this month.

International Adoption Day 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 07:53:00 +0000

Today was IAFQ's annual International Adoption Day. Did you see it on Channel 9 news? Hurrah for positive press! I don't know the final figures yet, but I think there were about 900 or 1000 attendees. See pics and read about the 2007 one and 2008 one if you like.

I spent much of the day on the IAFQ table, providing info to members and prospective members, selling t-shirts, loaning library books to members and so on. I managed to take off for an hour in the afternoon to sit in on a film festival by adult adoptees. They shared a series of short films dealing with adoption issues, and I was so impressed. I'm relieved that our children will have a strong community of other adoptees to journey with and learn from. I'm also grateful that as prospective adoptive parents we can learn from the mouths of adoptees as they share their experiences.

One thing took me by surprise and I've been thinking about it since. Some teen and adult adoptees sat on a panel to answer questions, and when one of the panel members was answering a question she said she would definitely adopt if she couldn't have kids. Why is adoption only seen as an option when all other means to create a family have been exhausted? When will adoption be seen as a legitimate way to build a family regardless of reproductive ability? I wonder how the general public will begin to change their perception on this issue when people within the adoption community still haven't.

I'm still here!

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sun, 24 May 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I missed posting about our 7th and 8th month LIDversaries. Life has been busy and fun and hectic. I am now Vice President of IAFQ and enjoying that very much. We are starting up coffee afternoons for parents-in-waiting. Apart from that, when it comes to the adoption all we can say is 'still waiting!'. Things have stalled a bit in China due to the swine flu, like they needed any assistance slowing down!

More to come...

6 months logged in (and a droopy eye)

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 22:02:00 +0000

It's the eighth of the month, which means we are celebrating six months logged in! I feel that the time is flying by. Not sure I'll still be saying that over the years to come when we are still waiting!

Today is also International Womens' Day, celebrating the economic, social and political achievements of women past, present and future. IWD is a holiday in China.

I'm celebrating both by going to the doctor. My eye was pink and sore yesterday, and I woke up today and things are worse. It's all puffy and swollen, and my eye-lid is droopy. It's super-attractive. Hopefully it can be treated quickly as I have a lot I need to achieve this coming week.

All images licensed under Creative Commons. 1. keyboard 6, 2. Six is a Crowd, 3. 6

Batch 9 Referrals

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 09:57:00 +0000

OHMYGOODNESS! Qld Batch #9 have received their referrals!

T and P were referred a BOY! See his gorgeous face at China Moon.

After a long, dry spell of no referrals for Queensland, this is joyous news worth celebrating! Can't wait to hear about others in the batch.

Stolen and Sold

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 07:54:00 +0000

Imagine finding out your adopted child had been stolen and sold to an orphanage, and was not willingly relinquished by his/her birthparents.

I recently blogged about Love Our Way, the story of an Australian family who found themselves in this heartbreaking situation. The situation is devastating, but thankfully the outcome for this family and the birthmother has been positive.

Last week, ABC's Foreign Correspondent program ran a documentary about this family's story. Please take the time to watch it (27 mins). We need these issues to be exposed. We need increased awareness. We cannot afford to be naïve when it comes to adoption ethics.

China has had its fair share of child trafficking issues. If you've been around China adoption for a while, you'll remember the Hunan scandal in 2005. It's a conundrum; many orphanages pay a 'finders fee' when abandoned children are handed over. This encourages trafficking and kidnapping. In a developing nation where child abandonment is not uncommon, without an incentive program such as finders fees there is little hope for genuinely abandoned babies.

5 months logged in, pending referrals and another hat to wear

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:00:00 +0000

Eek! I missed our five month LIDversary on Sunday, but that's okay - we were out with our China adoption support group for a belated CNY lunch, so we celebrated in style!

Queensland is *this close* to referrals for new babies from China. We had NONE in 2008, so everyone in the support group and China adoption community here is hanging out for good news. I know some of the couples in the batch about to be referred, and it was so disappointing last month that they missed out by one measly log-in day. At least we know they will definitely be next.

In other news, the President of our state support group IAFQ (International Adoptive Families of Qld) contacted me last night. He is going to nominate me as Vice President at the AGM next week. OMG what have I got myself in for. I am already over-committed and time-poor. I will need to work hard at doing justice to the position.

Oh, one more thing - OziMum is in China (finally!)

Happy Australia Day! Happy Chinese New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 00:08:00 +0000

Australia Day and Chinese New Year day fall on the same day this year. Funny thing, that lunar calendar.

I'm being completely un-Australian and doing some work today; I have to apply for my own job, as it was a tap-on-the-shoulder thing and policy requires that you can only act in a position like that for a certain period of time in Government, and then the job has to be advertised and appointed properly. Or something. All I know is I have some serious selection criteria to respond to.

So, it's no BBQ for me, no Triple J Hottest 100, no beach cricket. Just a computer, a headache and a whole lot of corporate jargon.

We headed into Brisbane's Chinatown to celebrate CNY on Friday night. Aaron and I are both in green and on the left in the first pic, and that's me trying not to get mowed down by a lion dance in the second pic.

4 months logged in

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 12:02:00 +0000

It's the eighth of the month, which means we are celebrating four months logged in!

Love Our Way

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 13:43:00 +0000

Today I read Love Our Way, a recent Australian book outlining the story of a large adoptive family who learned that their youngest two children from India were not willingly relinquished for adoption, rather stolen from their mother and sold.

Ugh. I can't even begin to fathom the birth mother's anguish and pain... nor the emotions of anyone else involved in the saga. As I read the story I couldn't help but be relieved that these children were adopted into this particular family, where the parents were bold enough to confront the issue and wise enough to take the steps they did. In a strange series of events it seems that the birth mother's life has been saved through the reunion and she has a hope and a future.

We need stories like this to be told. There is/has been corruption in international adoption in a number of countries, and unless people are aware then there can be little done towards ensuring ethical practices are employed globally. I am pro-adoption, but as I have said before on this blog, I believe international adoption should be a last resort, and then only for children whose only other option is to be raised in an institution without a permanent loving family. I've read too many stories from adult adoptees to believe that transnational adoption is always the fairytale ending it's often made out to be.

Julia Rollings, the author of Love Our Way, has a blog - Towards a New Ending. It was nice to finish the book and then read the following installments and see current pictures in her blog. I was excited to learn also that the television show Foreign Correspondent will be sharing some of this story when it recommences screening in February.

If you're interested in buying the book, I picked mine up at an airport Newslink store. You can also use the link above.

Christmas wishes

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 23:27:00 +0000

Happy Christmas! We are off to tropical far north Queensland for a week where we will celebrate Christmas with my parents. Wishing all our friends, family and blog readers a very special Christmas and holiday season!

Child bride

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 20:11:00 +0000

Happy Anniversary to us! Twelve years ago today I walked up the aisle into the arms of the man I love (okay, he was just a boy back then).

On being an ancient mamma

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:56:00 +0000

Wow, and I sometimes worry about being a 'late-starter' and not beginning my family until my thirties. A 70 year old Indian woman has just given birth to a baby! Rajo and her husband had been married 50 years and felt there was a social stigma that they never had children. Eeek!

"We longed for a child all these years and now we are very happy to have one in the twilight years of our life."

Full article here.

3 months logged in

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:31:00 +0000

It's the eighth of the month, which means we are celebrating three months logged in!

All images licensed under Creative Commons. 1. Spot the difference!, 2. Pewter Number 3, 3. Dancing Kids

'All I Really Want for Christmas' music video

noreply@blogger.com (Emma) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 21:38:00 +0000

I watched this and was so glad to be reminded that I have the best gift of all, a family. This video suggests there are 50 million orphans who don't.

'All I Really Want for Christmas', Steven Curtis Chapman