Cheerful Autopsy

Ice Water

2012-01-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

Inconsiderate User

2011-11-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

NO

2011-10-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

Theft

2011-05-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

Music

2011-04-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

Hairbrain

2011-04-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

Loudmouth

2011-04-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas

2010-12-22T08:23:00.000-08:00

	Four days until Christmas!!!
	Don't you mean "Three days until Christmas" ?
	Nuh-uh. Christmas is on Saturday.
	Yes... and today is Wednesday.
	So... Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Four days!
	No... you don't count the day that you're counting TO. Just the days leading up to it.
	Is that how it works?
	Yes.
	YAY Now we're a day closer to Christmas!!
	You're welcome.

Keychain Installation

2010-11-10T12:27:00.000-08:00

How to be a Jerk in the Office

2010-10-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

Today I thought I would provide some tips for those of you who would like to one day become the biggest jerk in your office. We'll use examples of some injustices that befell me today before lunch.

1. If you're a security guard responsible for checking peoples' bags, don't check their bags. Just glare at them angrily.

2. If someone's coming in the door behind you and both their arms are full, don't hold the door open for them - slam it in their face while making eye contact.

3. If you decide, for some reason, to hold your important meeting RIGHT next to the soda refill machine, it is your God-given right to give people dirty looks while they refill their sodas.

4. If someone almost bumps into you in the hall, then apologizes for it, you should sigh, hold your arms up dramatically, and look inconvenienced as they walk by.

5. Talk loudly outside of someone else's cube

6. In fact, hold a Loud Talkers Convention outside of someone else's cube.

7. Make a request. Ask repeatedly to make sure that it is done immediately, because you're obviously the only one making requests.

Follow these steps and you'll be well on your way to becoming someone I hate I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU

The End! :)

Gummy Bears

2010-10-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

Fishie

2010-09-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

Remove Account

2010-09-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

Forms are Hard

2010-09-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

My Return from Vacation

2010-09-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

Voicemails I'll Never Return

2010-08-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

Voicemail:
"I put in a ticket for this issue last night and I haven't heard from you yet. What is the status?"

How I'd likely respond:
The status is: I HAVEN'T DONE IT YET. That's why you haven't heard from me.

~~~

Voicemail:

"Did you get the email I just sent you?"

How I'd likely respond:
You sent it, didn't you? Obviously I don't have answer for you yet or I would have replied to that email.

~~~

Voicemail:
"YOU NEED TO GET ME ACCESS TO THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!"

How I'd likely respond:
You need to calm the heck down before I'll even THINK about helping you.

~~~

Voicemail:
"call me back."

How I'd likely respond:
With no reference, I have no idea where this should go in my list of priorities, so it automatically goes to the bottom.

~~~

Voicemail:
"I didn't know if I should call you or the Help Desk..."

How I'd likely respond:
CALL THE HELP DESK THAT'S WHY THEY EXIST OMG

What was Your Name Again?

2010-08-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the World

2010-07-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

Today I present a very special illustration to commemorate the birth of Pregzilla's daughter.
Little One, thank you for showing up so that my friend will no longer plague us with her Pregnancy Rage :)

QUESTIONS QUESTIONS

2010-06-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

Ramblings of a T-Rex

2010-06-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

The Adventures of T-Rex, Issue 2

2010-06-18T11:14:00.000-07:00

Pregzilla

2010-06-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

What does 'approval' mean, anyway??

2010-06-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

LETS SEE THIS USER IS TRANSFERRING DEPARTMENTS. HE STILL NEEDS ALL HIS ACCESS, SO I’LL PUT IN THE FORM REQUESTING FOR ALL OF HIS ACCESS TO BE REMOVED.

[form is submitted and transferred to the next department for approval]

Derp derp derp… let’s see… this person still needs his access, and this form has requested for him to NOT have access…. I guess this all seems in order! I’ll send it off to be taken care of! Approved!

[form is approved and sent to Your Humble Narrator for processing]

Oh, a form. Let’s see what’s on here for me to do.

Remove all access for the user? Well, it’s been approved by everyone in its approval path, so I guess that’s what I should do!

[removes all access, as requested]

	OMG WHY YOU DID THAT?!?! NOW HE HAS NO ACCESS!!
	But that’s what you requested!
	OMG YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WHEN I SAY REMOVE ACCESS I MEAN KEEP ACCESS!!!!! THESE FORMS ARE SO HARD TO FILL OUT!!! I GOT CONFUSED!!!!
	:(

Communication

2010-06-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

How Problems get Fixed

2010-06-09T08:01:00.000-07:00