cheerwine & sunshine

Full Circle

2018-03-05T16:00:00.002-08:00

It's official that I'm really, really bad at keeping up with this blog.

Here is a snapshot of what has happened since:
- Our 6th and final IVF cycle was a success
- Grayson was born 10/24/16
- Post-partum hemorrhage 11/16 (Very aggressive D&C procedure, 2+ liters of blood lost, uterine lining damaged)

Unfortunately, I've continued to have complications since the hemorrhage. I was seen throughout 2017 and even had a few ER visits. But, in Jan 2018, my OB performed a surgery to remove the uterine scar tissue and abnormal growths. I felt fantastic for 2 weeks following, then it all came back. The headaches, nausea, back pain, cramps. The symptoms worsened, so they scheduled me for another appointment, which was last Friday, March 2. I was devastated when the scans showed the scar tissue came back in 6 short weeks and was now much worse. My cervix was blocked. There was no usual triangle shape in the ultrasound of my uterus. Just a shadow filled with what looked like spiderwebs. Estrogen therapy in Jan/Feb was unsuccessful in rebuilding my lining and it was irreparable. Because of this, future surgeries like the one I had in January would be pointless.

So, on March 20th, I am having a robotic hysterectomy.

2 weeks.

It's hard for me to even type. After my appointment, I was too upset to drive, so I pulled over at the nearest shopping area. I walked the aisles of Marshalls for almost 2 hours. Basically in shock.

I'm only 32.

I really struggled this weekend with the emotions surrounding this surgery. I couldn't sleep and when I did doze off, my dreams were of me on the operating table. I believe in a God who has carried me through a heart wrenching IVF journey and two life-threatening births. He has written a story for me - so beautiful and so raw.

But, it still hurts.

When I logged in to make this blog post, it hit me how full circle my journey has come. I started this blog when we were brand new to IVF cycles, praying desperately for a baby. We got two. Our road wasn't easy and it was filled with a lot of loss. But, I have two amazing little boys who call me mama. Now, I am writing one of the last entries and it's to describe the procedure that will take away my ability to ever carry another child. God works in such mysterious ways. Grayson was our very last embryo and he came into our world in October 2016. Although we didn't necessarily have plans to go through IVF again, it's the the sting of knowing it will be a completely shut door.

I spoke to a dear friend this weekend and told her I felt like I was in mourning. Emotions that were really unfamiliar to me. Thank God for her presence in my life because she put into words exactly what I'm feeling:

"In a way, that is a death. Death to a dream, a hope, a desire."

Absolutely, yes.

The kindness I've felt over the past several days has carried me when I wanted to fall apart. I did really well until Sunday morning, in one of the last worship songs. When we got to my favorite lines of the song --- "....When I cannot stand, I'll fall on you. Jesus, You're my hope and stay", the ugly crying started. I know God will see us through this. He does over and over again. I am so blessed - no matter my current circumstances. It's so overwhelming when I remember the days that I prayed for what I have now.

Your prayers for March 20th - both for safety and peace - would be so appreciated. The surgery will be at MCR in Loveland, CO. I'll stay there 1-2 nights, if all goes well. I won't be able to lift Grayson for 8 weeks, so keep my boys in your prayers, in case they have a tough time with what's going on. Also, big prayers for Jake as he balances his CF therapies and handling the boys on his own while I have restrictions.

I love you and am so grateful you're in my life.

All my love,
Amy

Please Don't Tell Me

2015-07-20T09:44:00.002-07:00

A blog is a beautiful thing. No one can tell me what to write about, what to feel or how often I post.

See, I've gone in spurts since I started this thing. But, when we started this last cycle, I made a promise to myself and close family to use this as the place to be consistent in posting updates. Social media can be a blessing and a curse. I chose to use it in a positive way to keep our families connected across the miles as we dove head first into trying to grow our family.

3 days have passed since we got the phone call our cycle failed. I was actually napping on the couch when the call came, so the nurse spilled the news to Jake. God really knew what what he was doing when he paired us up. He's the solid, clear-headed realist. I'm the emotional, over-thinking optimist. We balance each other out really well. Times like this make me wish I had more of my husband's qualities though. I wish I was as strong as he is.

This isn't our first rodeo. Out of 5 cycles, only 1 of them has given us a full-term pregnancy. This one hurt more than the rest. Our RE gives restrictions on lifting and exercise during the later part of the cycle. So, when I couldn't lift Gavin, I told him it was because we were trying to get a baby for our family. He has been really interested in babies for the last 6 months or so. He comprehended the news much easier than I expected. His excitement melted my heart. He would kiss my belly morning and night...even a few sporadic ones during the day. He wasn't kissing me. He was kissing the baby, at least the idea of it. I'll admit. I was really, really confident this time around. Not so much that I purchased baby things, but I did have a secret Pinterest board titled "Praying and Dreaming for Baby #2". I've been beating myself up about getting too cocky and really thinking it was going to work. But, then I try to visualize how this cycle would have been if I had not had a positive outlook those 6 weeks. Would I have dreaded every shot, thinking they were a waste of time? Instead, I weirdly looked forward to them. I would turn on a Pretty Little Liars YouTube video. You know, thinking I could also solve the "A" mystery while I'm getting an injection. Talk about an overachiever. Jake has always been awesome at the shots. So, they were a breeze. I didn't have a countdown to the last shot. I was anticipating them, because it meant I was either still on the way to getting pregnant or god willing was on them long enough to mean we were expecting a little one.

I've been very open this time around. I've welcomed any and all questions. With this candor, it also welcomes unwanted comments. With lots of love in my heart, please don't tell me these things....

Please don't tell me --- "Maybe you just weren't ready."

I'm healthy. I eat well & work out. All of my tests checked out fine. We knew CF was the culprit of needing to go the IVF route. We are Christ followers. Jake has a great job. We have a child, even a spoiled rotten dog. We are financially stable. We are ready.

Please don't tell me -- "Just relax."

If you know me at all, I'm about as lax as they come. I'm the anti-planner of the family. I took full advantage of bed rest. I indulged in weekly acupuncture. I'm not against Netflix binges. I know how to relax. I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard this. It would've funded this cycle.

Please don't tell me -- "I went to the Dr thinking I had the flu, but in fact I was pregnant."

Honestly, I have no idea how this could be helpful or uplifting. I'm speechless on this one.

Please don't tell me -- "Kids are expensive. Enjoy just having one while you can."

I have no sympathy for those who complain about the cost of diapers. Our current total is over $50,000 paid out of pocket at the chance to have a baby. Out of that we have our sweet Gavin and I'd pay it all over again to have another one. But, come on -- a $30 box of diapers isn't even in the ball park.

Please don't tell me -- "At least you have each other."

This is true. I couldn't have made it without Jake and Gavin. They keep me smiling and laughing. But, it doesn't take away the hurt in our hearts.

Please don't tell me -- "It just wasn't meant to be."

I believe God's timing is perfect. But, only He knows what that timing is. No one on earth knows what is or isn't meant to be. Each cycle is draining physically, emotionally, financially and to be blunt, spiritually. It is difficult to keep focused on the prize and not get discouraged along the way. If I let the thought that it wasn't meant to be creep into my mind, it would be hard to give another cycle a try.

Please don't tell me -- "You wouldn't have wanted a toddler & newborn to take care of."

Try me. It's all I want. The cycle takes around 60 days, plus each time it fails I have to take a couple months break. So, had this cycle been successful, Gavin would have been rounding the corner to 4 years old when a baby was born. We don't know what the future holds for our family. We don't have a plan for when we'll try again. So, you may be right after all. I may not even get the chance to have a toddler & newborn at the same time.

I know it will get easier as the days pass. It has since Friday. Comments will start not bothering me as much. But, I do know that it's the perfect time for me to evaluate my commitments, cut unnecessary ones and those that cause hurt. I say this after every unsuccessful cycle, but it's time to regroup and focus on me and my family. We have trips in the works and house projects planned.

Despite all of these crazy comments, we've been flooded with love and uplifting messages. You guys have held us up these last few days. "Thank you" doesn't even begin to express our gratitude.

All our love,

Amy, Jake & G-Man

Heartbreak

2015-07-17T11:06:00.002-07:00

Thank you all for your support and prayers during our IVF cycle. Sometimes even when things are perfect on paper, God has a different plan. We found out at noon today the cycle failed and my pregnancy test was negative. My heart is broken. The hardest part will be mustering up the strength to tell Gavin the baby he's been kissing in my belly isn't there. Hugging my sweet boy tighter than ever and counting my blessings, even if I'm one short.

Lining Check

2015-06-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

We went back to Nashville Fertility Center early this morning for a lining check appointment. A major praise was smooth traffic, despite traveling during rush hour! We were early for the first time ever. Yay us!

I made a pit stop at the lab to have a quick blood draw to check my hormone levels. Next, I went for an ultrasound. The sonographer explained ideally they will find a tri-layer uterine lining with a measurement of 8mm +. Thankfully in my scan I have a tri-layer lining measuring 12.5mm. Such great news! To compare, my lining at this point with Gavin was 9.5mm.

So, here's the plan moving forward:

- Continue daily Lupron injections (5 units) until Monday, July 6 --- only one week left!!

- Continue 0.2ml estradiol valerate injections on Tues/Sat. The dose decreases to 0.1ml starting July 4th. I'll stay on this through the pregnancy test and if positive, I'll continue until 10 weeks.

- Add progesterone in oil injections every evening starting Thursday, July 2. 1ml the first day and 2ml from then on. Shots every day until the pregnancy test. If positive, I'll continue until 10-12 weeks.

- Reconfirmed the embryo transfer for next Tuesday, July 7th at 11:30am with our favorite Dr. I'll have an acupuncture session earlier that morning.

- Blood pregnancy test is scheduled for the morning of Friday, July 17

This cycle has flown by. I owe that to G-man for keeping me busy. It's been much easier than I imagined. The biggest prayer at this point is for our embryo to survive the thawing process and remain great quality. We are planning another single embryo transfer, like we did with Gavin. If all goes well, this will leave us with 2 frozen embryos for future cycles.

Feels like Christmas morning is right around the corner. All I can do now is relax until the transfer and pray that 10 days later we'll get news that a sweet little embryo is nestling in for the next 9 months.

We Have a Date

2015-06-17T18:50:00.004-07:00

.....a transfer date, that is.

I went to Nashville this morning for my suppression check appointment. I had the full workup - ultrasound, bloodwork, consultation & physical. The purpose of this visit is to make sure I'm fully suppressed a.k.a. my hormones are shut down. Thankfully, they found no cysts, a very thin uterine lining & an estrogen level of 23.

Starting tomorrow, I'll decrease my Lupron injections to 5 units every morning and add in 0.1 estradiol valerate via intramuscular injection in the hip (2x week). The needles are 1.5" and 22 gauge. Fun times.

I'm officially on the schedule for a July 7th 11:30am transfer with my favorite Dr! We are planning to do another single embryo transfer, like we did with Gavin. In the meantime, I have one more appointment coming up on June 29th to be sure my lining is building as it should. As long as all goes well, the transfer will go as scheduled.

I can't say enough great things about the NFC staff. My nurse chatted with me for over a half hour answering my random questions. This is on top of the fact that she came in on her day off when she saw my name on the schedule. She talked through my 2011 miscarriage and shared her own story of loss. In a world where infertility is so taboo, it was very refreshing that she was so open & honest about her own struggles. It was a great reminder to never be ashamed of your story because it can inspire others in ways you never dreamed.

Will certainly keep you all updated on our progress. Thanks a million for all the prayers!

Life on Lupron

2015-06-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

We are currently in the suppression phase of our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) cycle. My ovaries and the hormones they make are being suppressed so the Dr can take the reins. I'm on day #2 of Lupron injections (10 units every morning). This drug basically puts my ovaries to sleep. It turns off my hormones and puts my body into an artificial state of menopause.

It comes with some pretty nasty side effects: headache, acne, mood swings, hot flashes, itching, weight gain, etc. I spent most of yesterday with an ice pack on my head and I've had a pretty rough headache this afternoon. But, it's nothing I can't easily shake. The silver lining is the shots themselves are easy for me to administer myself, since they are subcutaneous in the lower abdomen.

I like to combat the side effects by staying busy, so I don't think about it as much. We had a really fun weekend with family in town for the Superhero Strides for CF 5K, a race that my husband started to raise funds and awareness for Cystic Fibrosis. Lots of $ raised to get us closer to a cure.

I also started back on weekly acupuncture sessions, which I LOVE. I'll continue these until the morning of the transfer. It keeps me relaxed and in optimal health during the cycle.

My embryo transfer is just one month away. Gavin has become really interested in babies lately. Last week, he pulled his old bouncy chair into his room and filled it with toys for "his baby". As each day passes, our excitement builds in the hope of baby #2 (& #3 for those praying we'll have twins).

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Prayer Group

2015-05-26T07:44:00.004-07:00

Today, I dropped G off as usual at preschool. On the way back though, I decided to take a little detour. I ended up at the Experience Community church, where we have been attending the last two weeks. They have many opportunities during the week to come to the church for prayer, so this morning, I joined them. A little one on one time with God was just what I needed. Just me and Him.

I left feeling so uplifted and free. I'm praying away my worries and am trusting Him to grant the desires of my heart. He knows how much we want to grow our family. His timing is always perfect.

Be blessed today, everyone.

Let's Get It Started

2015-05-24T19:34:00.003-07:00

It's go time! Today is cycle day 2. Never been so excited for 'that time of the month'. Ok, that's probably too much too soon. Wish I could say IVF comes with an exciting or remotely glamorous start to the process. It's simply timed by mother nature. There are dozens of blood draws, a zillion injections & a few not so fun procedures. But, man it is ALL worth it for a shot at adding another little munchkin to our family.

Right now, we're in the easy part of the cycle -- oral medications. I started a 5 day course of doxycycline 2x day. This med is just an antibiotic to prevent bacterial infections. I will start birth control pills tomorrow (CD3). These pills will prevent me from ovulating during the cycle, which would throw of the timing of uterine receptivity. Injections will begin on CD17. I'll update more about those as it gets closer. This should put us with an early July embryo transfer.

I'm still pinching myself that we were able to 100% fund this cycle through the sale of my handmade wire wrapped necklaces. I think it would be really special to have a few collage pages in our scrapbook with photos of folks wearing their necklaces. If you have one you'd like to share, please feel free to post it to my FB page or email me at amy_tilley@yahoo.com.

This weekend has been the perfect way to kick things off. We've enjoyed long naps, yummy food & lots of quality time. God has been so good to us.

Green Means GO

2015-04-27T14:34:00.003-07:00

Well, the supplement + lots of time outdoors did the trick! Just got the lab results and my Vitamin D level went from 19 to 46. They want to see 30 or higher before starting a cycle. Needless to say, the Dr. is very happy and so am I.

We officially have the green light to get started!

Looks like the start date will be around May 22, so we're just under a month to go. My nerves are fading away and excitement is setting in.

Off to love on little Gavin. He's growing so much everyday. Treasuring these times together and praying that soon we'll have another sweet baby to smooch on, too.

Blessings,
Amy

Bring On The Sun

2015-03-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

Remember the blood draw I mentioned last week? They wanted to test my Vitamin D, as one last prerequisite before we can begin our next cycle.

Today, I got an email from our IVF nurse. Turns out she's been trying to call since Fri (Thank you malfunctioning iPhone) to talk to me about the lab results. My vitamin D level is much lower than they'd like to see while attempting pregnancy. Mine is 19 and they consider an acceptable # to be 30 or higher.

They explained there have been studies that show low vitamin D levels lead to lower pregnancy rates and higher miscarriage rates. I suggested she write a prescription for a mandatory beach trip, but I was shot down. I will begin weekly doses of Vitamin D immediately to bring it up to an acceptable level to start our cycle. I'll take a pill each week for 8 weeks, finishing just in time to start a May cycle like we are planning.

A vitamin D deficiency is an easy thing to fix, thankfully. Let's be real...we've not seen the sun for months now. My skin looks very similar to Casper's. Yes, taking an extra pill is annoying. But, for something so minor, you'll hear no complaints from me.

Say it with me...."Bring on the sun!"

Anniversary

2015-02-28T17:15:00.002-08:00

Today we are celebrating the 3 year anniversary of transferring one perfect little embryo, who we all now know & love as Gavin.

Here was our first glimpse of him:

Gavin's first baby picture :)
February 28, 2012

Relaxing after the transfer

This post is short & sweet, but this day is far too special to miss mentioning.

We love you, sweet boy! Here's to bringing you a baby brother or sister this year!

All our love,

Mom & Dad

Q&A Time

2015-02-26T15:38:00.002-08:00

I receive a lot of questions and comments about our journey. Here are my answers to a few of the most common:

Does insurance cover your IVF?

Sadly, even our rock star insurance does not cover IVF. So, we have to pay everything out of pocket.

How much do your IVF cycles cost?

Including both the procedures and medications, our fresh IVF cycles are $15,000 and frozen embryo transfers are $5,000. Typically, the medications run 20-30% of that total cost. CF throws an extra curve ball, so before we could begin our first round, we had the added expense of Jake's testicular biopsy. This procedure was $6,000. We also opted to do ICSI (Intra-cytoplasmic Sperm Injection), where the embryologist selects a single sperm to be injected directly into an egg, which was an add-on to our IVF fees. To date, our costs have been approximately $46,000, with our next frozen cycle pushing us over $50k.

My friend got pregnant when she stopped trying. If you just relax, it will happen.

Oh, how I wish it could. Even though we all know stories of friends who struggle with infertility for a long time and are then able to conceive naturally, for some it's not a possibility. CF brings on a slew of complications, with one being the lack of a vas deferens in males - basically a natural vasectomy. IVF is our only option to get pregnant.

How many cycles did it take for you to get pregnant with Gavin?

Technically, it took 4 cycles - 2 fresh cycles & 2 frozen embryo transfers. The second fresh cycle had to be cancelled before transfer, due to hyperstimulation. He was worth every single injection. This video entry from a Ferring Fertility contest we entered last year is the best snapshot of our road to G-man.

Are you afraid of this cycle failing, especially since you've gone public?

We've had cycles where people knew and ones where we've kept it a secret. I'd much rather let people in. Afraid? No. But, if it's unsuccessful, we'll be sad. We'll be that way whether 10 people know or 100 people know. We're letting the world know how to pray for us - the good, the bad & the ugly.

What do you do to help keep your stress level down during treatments?

Acupuncture, Netflix marathons, sporadic baking & scrapbooking. We're usually on the go, so we make a point to clear our schedules during this time.

I'm an open book. So, please don't hesitate to ask away if you have questions.

We're so grateful for your love.

xoxo

Amy

Cramping & Crepes

2015-02-23T11:05:00.003-08:00

This morning was my sonohysterogram, a test I mentioned in a previous post. My Dr had added it to my list of cycle prerequisites, due to my rocky delivery with Gavin (postpartum hemorrhage requiring a D&C). He had expressed concerns that there may be adhesions (scar tissue), making it difficult for the next embryo to have a nice place to stick. So, we agreed to this test to make sure we were in the clear.

I made a promise to myself to always dress up to the clinic to keep it from feeling so serious and sterile. Here's a glimpse at the exam room:

The glamorous life

The Nurse Practitioner met us right away to get prepped for the test. She first checked me via ultrasound - lining looked great and showed many micro follicles on my ovaries. Next, a catheter was put in place and saline was injected through the tube. She added the ultrasound wand back in to take images of my uterus. The procedure lasted around 15 minutes. I didn't experience nearly as much cramping as the last time I had this done. She stayed pretty quiet through the test, just giving a few notes in medical gibberish to the nurse that joined us in the room. But, right as I got to my breaking point in the suspense, she let me know that everything looks great! No scar tissue, strong muscle wall, no polyps. Praise God!

Because we were already doing a procedure using a catheter, we went ahead and did the Trial Embryo Transfer. The purpose is to determine the length and direction of my uterus. It's basically a road map for our Dr, so there are no difficulties on the actual transfer day. She triple checked and it went in smooth & easy each time. They are actually discussing no cervical stitch needed for this cycle, which will be a first!

All clear!

I ended the appointment with a quick blood draw to check my Vitamin D level. I spoke with the nurse briefly about last week's blood draws (DHEAS & TSH). They both came back normal, which surprised us both! I've had to take dexamethasone every cycle due to a DHEAS imbalance.

Needless to say, I'm really taken back by so many good things in one appointment. Totally a God thing. Lots and lots of prayers from friends, family and complete strangers. I'm a very positive person, but it's easy to second guess things when it comes to IVF, especially with our track record. I'm so thankful for Gavin, but knowing that it took 4 cycles to conceive him makes me anxious. I'll keep praying and trust His timing.

There's no better way to celebrate a great appointment than with a sweet treat. So, we ventured over to Germantown and found a new favorite, Red Bicycle, a coffee and crepe house.

Celebration time!

Now, we're back home basking in this fantastic day and I'm getting cranked up on lots more orders from our IVF fundraiser. As a fundraiser for our upcoming cycle, I'm making two special necklaces - both symbolizing our hope of growing our family. It has far exceeded my wildest dreams! Over 100 orders shipped out since Wednesday and another 100 on the books. I've even had a few orders from the United Kingdom!

If you are interested in purchasing one, please leave your email address and necklace details, so that I may send over a PayPal invoice.

Bird's Nest: $15
Peas in a Pod: $18

Customize with the following options:
Wire colors: Antique Silver, Antique Brass
Chain finishes: Antique Silver, Antique Brass
Chain lengths: 16", 18", 20", 24"
Bead colors: Taupe, Ivory, Pale Pink, Turquoise
Number of Beads (Price includes up to 4 - Additional beads are $2 each)

Thanks to everyone who has purchased, shared or prayed for this fundraiser. You rock!

Ice Ice Baby

2015-02-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

We were prepared for potentially the biggest snow in Nashville history, as told by our area meteorologists. Gavin and I went to bed, dreaming of a winter wonderland. But, instead, we are being pounded with an ice storm. Yuck.

As grumpy as I want to be at the lack of snow, I'm seeing the bigger picture. The sonohysterogram I am having soon is very sensitive to a specific timeframe (must be between cycle day 5-11). When I called in this morning to schedule my appointment, several key members of the clinic staff were out due to weather. I am officially scheduled for 8am next Monday, Feb 23, missing all of this icy mess. Cycle day 9. Perfectly timed.

We have a fantastic sitter that is coming at the crack of dawn that morning, so we can start the trek to Nashville through rush hour traffic. We will know the test results immediately and I'll be sure to update you later that day with the outcome.

In the meantime, we are taking advantage of being stuck inside for a few days and are starting to potty-train G. Wish us luck!

Deja Vu

2015-02-12T12:20:00.002-08:00

I'll admit it. I was a nervous wreck this morning. A mix of excitement and feeling like I was going to vomit. We dropped Gavin off at preschool and were on our way to Nashville for our consultation appointment when the most beautiful thing happened...it started snowing. No forecast predicted it. It just happened. Suddenly, the nerves went away and we drove on through our own little snow globe.

When we arrived at the clinic, it felt like we never left. We walked in and were welcomed by many familiar faces. It speaks to how much time we've spent at Nashville Fertility Center --- five whole years. These folks are family to us.

First, we met with our cycle nurse, Tina. She took a few vitals (BP 100/72, Pulse 84) and reviewed my medical history. Soon after, Dr. Hill came in. He greeted me with a hug and jumped right in to his ideas for this next cycle. But, before we can officially start, he expressed a few concerns stemming from Gavin's delivery.

When Gavin was born, he came via c-section after I labored for 18+ hours. Within a few hours of his birth, I suffered a severe postpartum hemorrhage, which required a blood transfusion of 2 units and an emergency D&C. The dilation and curettage (D&C) was done to manage my excessive bleeding. A possible complication of performing a D&C after pregnancy is intrauterine adhesions. Adhesions (areas of scar tissue) can sometimes form in the uterus after this procedure. In some cases, it can lead to infertility or miscarriage.

See, our only option for pregnancy is through IVF, due to Jake having Cystic Fibrosis. CF has lots of complications, with one being the absence of a vas deferens, aka natural vasectomy. Great for birth control (Sorry Mom!) but not so great when we want to make a baby. To hear that I, too, may have an obstacle affecting my fertility is not the news we were hoping for.

So, when my time of the month rolls around in a few days, I will be immediately scheduled for a sonohysterogram. This is an outpatient procedure designed to help the doctor check my endometrial cavity (the inside part of the uterus) and endometrium (the lining of the endometrial cavity). A saline solution is slowly injected into the uterus to examine through ultrasound. The saline helps distend the uterine cavity and improves the ultrasound image quality, providing a more detailed view. He will look for scarring inside the uterus (adhesions) from the D&C, abnormal growths/masses or an abnormal shape/structure.

If adhesions are extensive, surgery will be planned to remove them. Additional hormone treatment may also begin to help to encourage growth of healthy uterine tissue. But, I'm not going to elaborate on the surgery or hormones. Instead, I'm focusing my energy on praying this is not the case. I pray he will find a clean slate and perfectly lined uterus ready to hold a pregnancy.

Like every appointment, I couldn't leave without a little bit of blood work. They tested my TSH and DHEAS levels, both of which play vital roles in fertility, pregnancy and IVF. Results should be back within the next week.

Despite the whirlwind of this appointment, we left feeling really optimistic. Jake keeps me laughing, so a bad day is nearly impossible. We know God's got this.

I can do hard things.

Here We Go Again

2015-02-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

I'm utterly embarrassed by the length of time that's passed since I last wrote. I was in my second trimester, May 2012, to be exact. Well, it's a good representation of a) how quickly pregnancy flies by & b) how crazy busy life gets with a little one. But, I wouldn't trade this life for anything else in the world.

Here's a recap + an update on our recent happenings:

Gavin Blake was born on November 16, 2012. He shocked the doctors (and us!) measuring 9 lb 6 oz and 21.5 inches long. He quickly earned the nickname, "Tank".

The answer to our prayers

SO much cuteness in that bucket!

Gavin is now 2 years old. We enjoy lots & lots of laughs with this sweet boy. It seems he grows by the minute. He has my smile & chubby cheeks, but most of all, his Daddy's drop dead gorgeous eyes. Somehow, he's also in the 70th percentile for height. So, I'm bracing myself to be the shortest member of the Bachman family in just a few short years.

November 2014
Our little monkey had a Curious George themed party to celebrate turning TWO!

Fall 2014

The holidays are more fun than ever before. It's incredible to see Christmas through the eyes of a child. Birthdays are a Pinterest-explosion of fun. Honestly, we treat most days like special occasions, since lots of them involve cookies "just because".

Christmas 2014

For the past year, we have been praying for God's guidance in the timing of our next IVF cycle. Many times circumstances would arise showing us the time isn't right. We had originally planned to start last Fall. Shortly after this decision, Jake was hospitalized for over two weeks with a very severe virus. Thankfully, he made a full recovery, but we decided take it easy through the end of the year before starting another cycle.

It's now February 2015. We feel ready to get the ball rolling. Gavin adores babies and keeps asking for a "brudder". We will meet with our specialist at Nashville Fertility Center tomorrow morning for an initial consultation for round #5. It's hard to believe we've made it this far. (Fun fact: I was absolutely petrified of needles when we started. 500+ injections later, I'm a Pro!) Our plan is to do as many cycles as we can with the three frozen embryos we have in storage. Gavin was a successful single embryo transfer, which is pretty unheard of. Most clinics transfer at least two. We are prepared this may be suggested to us this time around.

I have tons of questions for the doctor. I'm sure he'll have tons for me. After all, it has been 3 years since we were in his office. There will be tons of testing over the next few months. I'm anticipating a rush of emotions walking back through those doors. So much of our life has happened there. It's where we mourned the loss of our first child. But, it's where we celebrated the success of our 4th cycle -- Gavin.

We are blessed beyond measure, no matter the outcome. Thanks for walking with us through this wild journey. You mean the world to our family.

Fluffing The Nest

2012-05-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

After a sluggish 1st trimester, I've started off the first few weeks of my 2nd trimester with a turbo shot of energy! I put this boost towards an early start in prepping our "nest" for our little one.

As a bit of a back story, we renovated our home last summer with a baby in mind. We transformed our upstairs into 2 bedrooms, a living room and full bathroom. It's the ideal space for family when they visit. Then, we moved our bedroom furniture to the downstairs master with full bath. Just a few feet down the hall from our bedroom is the perfect room that we designated as our future nursery, which by the way has the BEST view of the entire house. Can't wait to rock our little one, as we gaze out at our backyard checking out the trees, flowers, bunnies & birds. Another plus for me is that Hubby's office is across the hall from the nursery, so he's within an earshot if Peanut gets fussy.

For the last few months, the nursery has been a combination hobby room / office. It housed everything from scrapbooking supplies to marketing plans to my digital piano. My mission this week has been to clear out everything, move it to our upstairs storage room and sell all of the room's furniture to make room for baby. Thank goodness for Facebook Yardsale groups. The furniture that I have posted sold the very same day. So, luckily, it has been very easy to get things moved.

By the end of the weekend, the room should be a clean slate for baby. Feels awesome to be ahead of schedule. We'll officially start decorating the nursery in July when we learn Peanut's gender. Until then, I am giving myself a pat on the back and heading to the living room for an afternoon nap!

Enjoy your weekend!

Love Never Fails

2012-04-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe that my last post was in December. But, boy what a difference a few months can make!

Let's rewind a little to bring you up to speed on our happenings....

We kicked off 2012 with another frozen IVF cycle. With this cycle, we began with the usual protocol of Lupron sub-q injections to suppress my system. Then, we transitioned to Progesterone in Oil and Estradiol Valerate intramuscular injections in February. These injections served as "boosters" to the hormones I was already producing. After speaking with our Dr., we decided to transfer a single embryo on February 28, leaving us with 3 more frozen embryos for future cycles. Following the embryo transfer, I was placed on bed rest for 3 days. Hubby hooked me up with Netflix on our bedroom tv, along with picking up all of my favorite snacks. I have to admit that it was quite an oasis.

Two weeks later, we headed to Nashville Fertility Center for our pregnancy test. Our appointment was at 11:30 a.m. and we were told that we would have the results by 4 p.m. To kill time during the agonizing wait, we grabbed lunch at Ted's Montana Grill in West End, where I had the BEST cheeseburger ever. Seriously, I still dream about it. It was that delicious. We spent the rest of the afternoon strolling around Nashville and even stopped in to browse for awhile at Antique Archaeology.

At 4:17 p.m., the phone rang and we got the news we've been praying for....WE'RE PREGNANT! We went in twice more that week for additional blood tests to make sure that my beta levels were rising as they should. Thankfully, they rose perfectly!

Here is the first picture of our little peanut, taken at our 6 week visit to Nashville Fertility Center. During this visit, we heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Words cannot describe how incredible that moment was.

I am now 10 1/2 weeks pregnant with our little miracle baby. We said goodbye to the NFC staff on April 9 and are now officially in the care of an OB. Our first OB appointment was this morning and our little peanut is doing great! He/she wiggled like crazy on the ultrasound and is measuring right on track.

After 3 years of IVF cycles and hundreds upon hundreds of injections, everything has fallen right into place. This was all in his timing, not my own.

So, this is what it feels like to have everything I've ever wanted. Thank you, Lord, for this blessing. I'll say it again...Love never fails.

It's Been Awhile

2011-12-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

So, I kind of flew the coop after my last post. I wanted to step away from the IVF talk for awhile and just unwind.

To bring you up to speed, we ended up canceling my embryo transfer in early November. Unfortunately, I hyperstimulated once again and became very sick. Tremendous amounts of fluid had collected in my abdomen, pelvis and against my lungs, which caused difficulty breathing. Hyperstimulation occurs because of the sharp spike in a woman's estradiol level. This decreased my chances of becoming pregnant and I was also advised that if I did become pregnant the hyperstimulation symptoms would worsen. So, after a lengthy discussion with our Dr, we decided that it would be best to cancel the transfer.

Despite the challenges of this cycle, we are excited to say that we have 5 frozen embryos to use for later cycles! So, all was definitely not lost. I'm feeling back to normal now, after a few crummy months. I'm back to Zumba and have begun training for a 5k that Jake and I will run together in February.

Thanks for all of the calls & emails throughout this cycle. Your encouraging words meant the world to us during such a stressful time. We're blessed to have wonderful family & friends like you.

Hey Sperm, Meet Egg

2011-10-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been c-r-a-z-y in the Bachman house!

Thursday was my egg retrieval. Feeling full and anxious to get this procedure out of the way, I bopped into the surgery center around 9 a.m. Totally determined not to get sick, I came in prepared with acupuncture buttons on both wrists to help combat nausea. The actual procedure went smoothly but I did get super sick afterwards and ended up being rolled out of the restroom on a stretcher. So, they kept me an extra 2 hours for monitoring and pumped me with more IV fluids. A total of 28 eggs were retrieved.

I wanted to share the following website: http://www.advancedfertility.com/aspiration.htm It gives a great explanation of the egg retrieval procedure and even includes a short video clip of what it looks like on ultrasound.

Yesterday, we received a phone call with a fertilization update. Of the 28 retrieved, 22 of them were mature, meaning they were able to attempt fertilization via ICSI. However, only 7 actually fertilized. Initially, it was hard not to be discouraged by these stats but we are reminding ourselves that it only takes one. The growth of the 7 embryos would then be monitored over the next 24 hours to determine whether we will have a day 3 or day 5 embryo transfer. There are higher success rates with a day 5 transfer, since the embryo has developed into a blastocyst at this point.

Let's fast forward 24 hours...bringing us to today! We checked our IVF voicemail box about an hour ago and had a message from the embryologist. We both took a deep breath and pressed play. We were told that all 7 of our embryos are still growing! So, we are scheduled for a Day 5 transfer on Tuesday. Praise God!

One Day Closer

2011-10-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

Another monitoring visit in the books. My estradiol level is 5,217 and am still feeling pretty good. I've met the requirement of having at least 5 follicles that measure 18 mm.

:::Drum roll:::

It's game time!

Tonight, at 11 p.m. I will have 2 injections of hCG (Ovidrel) -- 1 entire syringe and the other just 1/2. This is called the "trigger shot". It is timed precisely to coincide with the final maturation of the follicles. When this shot is given, those follicles release their eggs.

Screen shot of a few of the follicles on my left ovary. Looks like a honeycomb, right?

Then, I get ONE FULL DAY of zero shots. That's right...an entire day of not being poked. During this time, my estradiol level will continue to go up and I'll go back tomorrow morning for another round of bloodwork to check it. So, we're hoping it doesn't go up too high making me sick. My egg retrieval is set for Thursday morning at 10 a.m.. No turning back now.

We can't wait until Thursday! Finally, we will get to find out how many eggs they retrieve, how many are mature and then how many fertilize. Big decisions and big excitement coming over the next week.

Thank you all so much for keeping us in your prayers. It means more than you know.

Please, let this be the cycle that brings us the child that we've prayed so hard for.

Monday, Monday

2011-10-24T16:33:00.000-07:00

We're seriously debating the purchase of a jet to get us back & forth to Nashville in lightning speed. Ok, not really. But, we can dream. Maybe we can borrow Reba's helicopter.

This morning's appointment went well. It was yet another monitoring visit to see how my follicles are developing and to check my estradiol level. Thankfully, my estradiol level is still in the "safe" zone at 3,664 -- tripling since Saturday. We are on day 10 of stimulating medications. It was on this day in our previous fresh cycle that my E2 surged and caused me to become so sick. So, we're counting our blessings that I seem to be in the clear thus far.

I am growing follicles aplenty. Jake was in charge of writing down the sizes of each as they were measured via ultrasound. He ended up using every inch of that piece of paper, as we counted 36. Yes, 3 dozen. The folllicles measured on average between 16-17 mm each.

I have been instructed to tweak my FSH dosage tonight -- reducing back to 75 units of Gonal-F. Still on the 3 injections per day. But, the Dr. wants to decrease my FSH for at least the next 24 hours, making sure that the follicles continue to grow but not too much that they would cause a spike in my estradiol level.

Back again to Nashville in the a.m. for hopefully our last monitoring visit. Tomorrow's findings will determine when the egg retrieval will take place. As of right now, they are looking at Wednesday or Thursday for this procedure.

Just Another Saturday Morning During IVF

2011-10-22T10:47:00.000-07:00

We went in for my 3rd IVF monitoring appointment this morning. Although we were a little grumpy that we didn't get to sleep in, it was nice having very few cars on the road during our quick trip to Nashville. Zoomed in and zoomed out.

Everything continues to look good. My estradiol level has risen to 1296. I have more than 10 eggs on each ovary, measuring over 10 mm. Most are around 12 mm. Still instructed to continue on the same dosage -- 150 units of Gonal-F, 75 units Menopur, 5 units Lupron and 1 mg Dexamethasone -- through Monday morning.

Because of the crazy number of eggs that are developing, I'm becoming more uncomfortable each day. Hubby has noticed my "waddle" walk lately. I'm starting to notice a change in my energy level, due to the surge in hormones. I can't believe I fell asleep at 7 p.m. last night. In between my hibernation, I'm staying busy with craft projects and Lifetime movie marathons.

I'm scheduled for another visit on Monday at 9:30 a.m. We are looking for my estradiol level to increase, but not get too high, while the eggs grow to their mature size of 18 mm. As soon as we have more than 5 eggs reach the 18 mm size, it'll be go time for the egg retrieval! Based on the growth pattern so far, it looks promising that the retrieval will happen on Wednesday.

Here's to making it 'til Wednesday. I feel like I have more eggs than a mama turtle.

Back to the couch for a snooze fest...

2nd IVF Monitoring Appt

2011-10-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

Here's a quick update about today's monitoring appointment...

My lining has increased nicely to 7 mm, almost doubling in thickness since Tuesday. Tons of follicles but none have grown over 10 mm yet, so we are still days away from the egg retrieval. My estradiol level is now 401, showing a steady rise like they hoped for. Overall, a very positive visit!

I'll go back again on Saturday morning for more bloodwork and an ultrasound to check my progress.

1st IVF Monitoring Appt

2011-10-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

This morning, we headed to Nashville for my first monitoring appointment of this IVF cycle. They took me straight back to phlebotomy for my bloodwork to check my estradiol level (E2). This test gives a baseline to track how well I am responding to the follicle-stimulating hormone injections, which are used to stimulate multiple follicle growth during IVF.

As I had mentioned in a previous post, our Dr. has tweaked my medication protocol for this cycle -- combining FSH & HMG, versus FSH only. The goal is that I will not become hyperstimulated this time. After 3 days of follicle-stimulating medications, my estradiol level is 52. This is MUCH lower than our first monitoring appt of our earlier fresh cycle, which was 294. Although it shows that I'm far from being hyperstimulated, they would now like to see this level higher. So, for the next two days, I will increase my Gonal-F dosage to 150 units per day and will remain on 75 units of Menopur. Hoping this does the trick without causing my E2 to skyrocket like before. High estradiol level = Sick Amy. For comparison, a typical morning sickness during pregnancy is caused from an E2 around 2000. In my previous fresh cycle, I topped out at a whopping 10,858. Even the word "food" made me want to hurl.

After bloodwork, I had an ultrasound to measure my lining, as well as to count & measure follicles. My lining is 4.0 mm. Looking at 25 follicles altogether so far. Starting to feel more uncomfortable as each day passes. There's only so much room in there! Doc was happy with these numbers. If he's happy, so are we.

I am scheduled to go back on Thursday morning to see how I am responding to the dosage change. Lots of prayers for a favorable follow-up.