Cheese's Vidyagame 'View Vplace

A REALIZATION

2010-10-24T00:38:00.000-07:00

>Plays the Donkey Kong Country trilogy remakes

>see these minigames

>Wonder how we didn't see Nuts & Bolts coming

PROFESSOR LAYTON VS PHOENIX WRIGHT (REITON KYOJU VS GYAKUTEN SAIBAN)

2010-10-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

- Capcom and Level-5 collaboration
- Shu Takumi is writing the scenario
- Fully animated movie sequences
- Puzzle + Trial Adventure
- Takes place in some mysterious witch trial setting

MY FUCKING FACE

TALKIN' BOUT MINECRAAAAAFT

2010-10-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

I HAVE DECIDED THAT AFTER THE HALLOWEEN UPDATE NOTCH HAS PLANNED FOR MINECRAFT, I WILL DO A PLAY THROUGH OF SORTS.

UNTIL THEN, KEEP GIVING ME REQUESTS FOR GAMES THAT AREN'T FUCKING SHAQ FU OR HORSE CIRCLE JERK 7

MORE LIKE HURRDURRLANDS: a borderlands review

2010-10-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

HEY DUDE

YEAH YOU

YOU WANT TO AFFORD ALL OF THE fine wines, cruises, and fancy jewelry YOU WANT? THEN HEAD ON DOWN TO PLANET PANDORA FOR A CHANCE TO FIND THE VAULT!

YES, THE VAULT! THE FABLED ALIEN TREASURE TROVE, FILLED WITH LOST ALIEN TECHNOLOGY AND UNLIMITED WEALTH, SAID TO ONLY OPEN EVERY 200 YEARS! Sure, you'd have to worry about carnivorous Skags, psychotic prisoners set astray, gigantic, bird-like Rakks and some things I don't even wanna speak quietly about, BUT DANGER IS THE PRICE TO PAY FOR UNLIMITED WEALTH !

BORING PLOT STUFF:

Set somewhen in the distant future, on the planet Pandora, you or up to three other people can search through the vast wastelands of the desert-filled planet cooperatively in search of the aforementioned Vault. The game starts with four characters on a bus, run by local weapons dealer Marcus Kincaid, on its way to the "town" of Fyrestone. Then, you're introduced to the four mysterious characters:

MORDECAI
as "The Hunter"
Mordecai is a long range specialist, using sniper rifles and revolvers and his natural marksmanship to hit the where they hurt, all at a safe distance.
Taken from the Borderlands instruction booklet:
"At the age of 17, Mordecai won an Interplanetary Sharpshooting competition with a revolver. The other competitors, who were using sniper rifles, accused him of cheating and eventually got him banned from the competition for "unsportsmanlike conduct," although many witnesses noted that he didn't display any unsportsmanlike behaviors until after the accusations began. He now travels from planet to planet with his trusty companion Bloodwing, searching for "everything this freaking universe owes me," which Mordecai has defined as a better gun and unlimited cash"
His "Bloodwing" is his pet, which seems to be a mix of a bat and a hawk, is used by Mordecai to attack enemies from around cover and retrieve dropped loot, money or health restoring vials.

LILITH
as "The Siren"
Lilith is one of six women gifted with incredible powers, which are called "Sirens". These powers make her gifted in using weapons with certain elemental powers embedded in them, like Electricity, Fire and Acid. She does fairly with every weapon, but is best suited for SMGs. She has a special ability, dubbed "Phasewalk" where she renders herself invisible, invulnerable, and gives her a boost of speed for a short time. Upon leaving Phasewalk, she emits a shockwave that surrounds her, whose element can be changed with certain artifacts.

ROLAND
as "The Soldier"
Roland, being a former soldier of the Crimson Lance, a highly trained private military of a weapons manufacturer, the Atlas Corporation, is proficient in all types of weapons, but specializes in shotguns and combat rifles. He has a special portable sentry called a Scorpio Turret, which not only locks on and attacks enemies automatically, but it produces a shield for artificial cover. It can be upgraded to release ammo, heal nearby allies, including yourself, or shoot an occasional missile. Its bullets can also be imbued with elemental powers.

BRICK
as Himself
Brick likes to punch things and likes to use explosive stuff, like Rocket Launchers and guns with explosive ammo. His special ability is to go berserk, which increases his melee attack, gives him resistance bonuses and regenerates his health. That's pretty much all there is to it.

GAMEPLAY STUFF:
The game plays like your typical FPS, but with an RPG system put on it. You've got your pistols, your shotguns, your sniper rifles, revolvers, combat rifles, rocket launchers and SMGs. You've got some grenades, too, but who gives a dick. You also have a shield, which regenerates when either not taking damage, with the use of special items that give you stat bonuses, called Mods, or with special skills you can learn. The thing about this game that makes it special is that there are various variants of guns, like what part they're made of, like a shotgun with a sniper rifle, what stat bonuses they have, like some have higher fire rates than others, despite being pretty much the same gun made by the same people, and some, as was mentioned above, have elemental powers. Fire, which is good for unshielded flesh, can give enemies constant burn damage. Electricity can stun enemies and do massive damage to their shields. Acidic, or corrosive, damage works well on enemies with natural armor, like Skags, and can spread onto other enemies. Explosive bullets have a chance of doing extra damage with each bullet, which can damage other enemies nearby.

With each level up after Level 5, your character gains a skill point, which can be used to upgrade a character's health, attack damage, elemental resistance, shield regeneration, and much more. It can also give their special skill new quirks, like missiles and ammo packs on Roland's Turret. Each character has three "trees" to put skill points into:

Mordecai has a Sniper Skill Tree, which obviously improves his ability with sniper rifles, a Rogue Skill Tree, which gives your Bloodwing boosts in strength and makes anything it kills drop more loot, and a Gunslinger Skill Tree, which improves his ability with pistols and revolvers.

Lilith has an Assassin Skill Tree, which boosts her attacks, mostly when it has anything to do with melee or Phasewalking, a Controller Skill Tree, which makes attacks confuse or daze enemies, and an Elemental Skill Tree, which, as the name implies, increases the chance of elemental effects and her resistance to elemental attacks.

Roland has an Infantry Skill Tree, which boosts the performance of his weapons and his Scorpio Turret, a Support Skill Tree, which gives support bonuses to his teammates, like regenerating ammo, and a Medic Skill Tree, which helps heal his teammates and gives them regenerative bonuses.

Brick has a Brawler Skill Tree, which gives him benefits when Berserking or meleeing in general, a Tank Skill Tree, which increases his damage resistance and gives him boosts when his shields are depleted or he gets revived from being incapacitated.

The game revolves around doing multiple missions, at first to gain the trust of the locals, who will help you find the Vault in their own way, like giving you access to vehicles (make sure to get Auto Insurance, since the controls are a bit disorienting, since you steer using the mouse on the PC) or different areas or giving you new guns, Mods, more space in your inventory, or just cold hard cash. These mission vary, from killing certain enemies, or certain amounts of enemies, to shooting gunk off of a turbine or sewer pipe, to finding parts to a gun scattered around the land, which you get to keep once put back together. While exploring the dingy desolate deserts and trash heaps, you'll come across red and silver "Treasure Chests", which can hold many goodies, like rare guns and Mods. What you get is completely random, by the way.

MUSIC/SOUND STUFF:
The music didn't really stick out for me. Besides Ain't No Rest For The Wicked, but that don't count. The music wasn't annoying or anything, but there was anything to write home about. I do like the sound effects, like the sound you get when you get a boost from killing something and the sound of melting Psychos.

GRAPHICS STUFF:
Apparently, this game wasn't always going to be all celshaded and whatnot, but some sort of gritty realistic dealie. All I can say is THANK GOD they changed it, if that's true. Though some of the effects, like newspaper in water and the mountains of trash look sorta eeeeeeeeeh, I love the character models.

I RAN OUT OF SHIT I WANNA TALK ABOUT, SO SYNOPSIS TIME

STORY: ONE THUMB UP, ONE THUMB SLANTED UPWARDS
Meh, it was nothing special, but hey, the dialogue and stuff was funny.

GAMEPLAY: TWO THUMBS UP
Pretty darn addictive, what with the leveling up system, the multiplayer and the thought of when you're gonna get your next, awesome weapon or Mod can motivate people to play through multiple playthroughs.

MUSIC/SOUND: ONE THUMB UP, ONE SIDEWAYS
Already said what I wanted in MUSIC/SOUND STUFF.

GRAPHIX: ONE THUMB UP, ONE SLANTED UPWARDS
See above, yadda yadda yadda

OVERALL: YEP YEP

HEY DUDE FACES

2010-10-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

IF YOU WANT ME TO REVIEW A VIDEO GAME OF YOUR CHOOSING, ASK ME AND I JUST MIGHT PLAY/REVIEW IT

FINISHED REVIEWS: BORDERLANDS

FUCK YOU: PETZ HORSEZ 2

Home Rising 2: Lost in Fortune City

2010-10-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

A loving tale of a man, a daughter and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(SPOILERS)

Cheese's Classics Corner: Wario Land 3

2010-10-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

One would think that after two of his own adventures, Wario would have enough treasure to afford all the fine wines, cruises, vacations, fancy jewelry, watches, fancy cars and sport utility vehicles, high-priced video games and gaming systems, mobiles phones, and cheap airline tickets a man would want, right?

WRONG!

Plot Stuff:
Fueled by his neverending greed (and garlic), Wario sets off on another adventure, this time, by way of biplane, as seen in the beginning cutscene, when you first boot up the game. Things seem to be going swimmingly, until the biplane's engine suddenly explodes, sending Wario careening down to the forest below. You are then shown the starting screen, composed of the logo, the New Game option, and the background shows smoke off in the distance, from the wreckage, formally known as Wario's plane.

Upon starting a new game, a cutscene starts, showing Wario falling into the aforementioned forest, relatively unharmed. Wario then assesses his surrounding and finds a nearby cave. Inside the cave lies a music box, pictured above on the cover art. Wario looks deeply into the music box, seeing if it could be worth something. But just as soon as he touches it, the music box starts to emanate a bright light and float up slowly. Wario, dumbfounded, then starts to glow himself, and is then turned into a ball of light and absorbed into the music box.

Seconds later, we see Wario unconscious on the floor of what appears to be a stage. A loud rumble awakens Wario, who is greeted with a mysterious, big-lipped figure in the background. The figure explains to Wario that he is the god of this music box and that a wicked being has sealed away his power and took over his world. To restore his power, he needs Wario to retrieve 5 special Music Boxes spread around the world to break the seal, and in exchange, he will let Wario be free from this world.

Gameplay Stuff:
Being a traditional Wario Land game, this is a 2D sidescrolling platformer. Your basic controls are the D-Pad for movement, A to jump and B for a Shoulder Ram, Wario's signature move, which propels him foreword, damaging enemies and destroying certain block in your way.

Stages consist of getting one of 4 colored keys, Gray, Green, Red and Blue, and finding its respective treasure chest, to find items that can either make certain stages appear, give Wario new moves or upgrade previous ones, make certain parts of stages accessible, or just look pretty.

Wario is completely invincible in this game, but along the way, Wario will come across multiple enemies whose attacks can make Wario's body change into weird forms. For example, a robot that can spray fire will make Wario run around uncontrollably with his butt on fire, then be completely engulfed in flames, before slowly being put out. Wario can put these changes to his advantage, however, by using them to break blocks that can only be broken by the element or item displayed on the block itself (like a Snowball Block can only be broken when Wario is covered in snow and is rolling down a hill)

Boss fights in this game are spread throughout the levels themselves, instead of in their own stages, like other games. These boss fights require you to either attack the boss directly with your Shoulder Ram or other moves, throw something the boss drops or one of its allies right back at the boss, or attack something of importance to the boss to weaken it or outright defeat it.

Graphics Stuff:
oh god who honestly cares about this stuff on a Game Boy Color game. I'll at least say this: It isn't an eyesore, and that's the only thing that matters.

Sound/Music Stuff:
It's a GBC game, so the sounds will be all beep boops, but that doesn't mean they aren't good and don't work.

I guess you'll want some sort of final score here or something, so I'll just give a thumbs up or down on this stuff:

Story: THUMBS SIDEWAYS
It's a platformer game, who gives a crap

Gameplay: THUMBS UP
Fun, somewhat challenging platforming + Wario's different modes, like Snowball Wario and Fire Wario + Quirky bosses = YES

Graphics: THUMBS UP
They work, and that's what counts

Sound/Music: THUMBS UP
See above

OVERALL: YES

「En-Gee-Neer」 - 소녀시대/SNSD feat. Gabe Newell

2010-10-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Team Fortress 2

Hello and welcome to some sort of video game re/preview place

2010-10-14T02:56:00.001-07:00

I'm gonna talk about dumb stuff, like the latest video game news, demos, and other nerd shizzzzzzzzzz whenever I feel like it