CheesyMovieNight.com Movies

Castle Freak

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:18:51 -0700

Based off a story by HP Lovecraft (of course, it's Stuart Gordon!), Castle Freak sees a wounded family moving into their inherited castle in Italy for a brief stay while they decide what to do with the place. Unbeknownst to them, a hideous creature awaits in the basement of the castle! One freak who has been disfigured by the previous inhabitant and been locked away for years. Now, he's hungry, pissed, and horny - despite a certain lack of plumbing. John, played by Jeffrey Combs, gets the local police involved when a prostitute he brings home turns up missing, last seen entering the castle. While everyone suspects him of murder, he and his blind daughter both know something else is lurking in the castle. If only he can prove his innocence and redeem himself for killing his son and blinding his daughter - IF ONLY!

7 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Deathbed

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:00:19 -0700

Two lovesick lovebirds decide to get their own little lovenest in the big city of Los LoveAngeles! Hooray! The big flat they find is perfect...ALMOST PERFECT. As a trade off for having a great view of the Hollywood sign and managed by Joe Estevez, they have to sleep in a bed that TOTALLY KILLS YOU! Karen slowly becomes more and more obsessed with the super comfy but metal bed, even drawing pictures of it constantly. Meanwhile, Jerry becomes more obsessed with choking/getting choked during their nightly rub-together-while-fully-clothed-a-thons, until one night the ghostly inhabitant of the bed seduces him into an orgy of ghastly proportions! Hey, at least she takes her ghost clothes off when she has sex. Will anyone survive the bed that deaths you in your face? With Joe Estevez around, how can anything go wrong??

3 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Demon, The

Sun, 24 May 2009 00:09:25 -0700

A young lady OCEAN kidnapped screaming from her OCEAN a psychic is called to help find her actor gets killed. The psychic looks for leads LET'S SING SONGS KIDS blink blink bad guy psychic orgasms in woman's room. Two women talk and go on dates OCEAN dad gets killed mom shoots psychic in head!? OCEAN women go on dates OH NO RUN naked naked naked SCISSORS the end. Story? Editing? Who needs it!?

5 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Fallen Angels

Fri, 15 May 2009 11:14:02 -0700

When a bunch of dead kids are unearthed in a prison basement, a team of random people are brought in to try and figure out the mystery so the place can be razed. Unfortunately for the investigators as well as the local town, crazy monsters appear and start throwing them down and ripping out their teeth! The whole ordeal starts to become too familiar to forensic anthropologist Preston, who talks to several people and remembers he was actually in the movie Exorcist: The Beginning. Can he find his way back to his own movie?

2 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Sister Street Fighter

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 01:49:30 -0700

When Tina's brother Lee disappears, it's up to her to find him amongst a hive of villainy, corruption, and drug lords! Standing between her and the truth about her brother is a random assortment of martial arts masters and weapon gurus who will stop at nothing to take her short but feisty butt down for the count. Luckily, some other kick-ass ladies along with Sonny Chiba are willing to help put an end to the violence by killing everyone in sight! Will Tina be able to take Vega, I mean the Drug Lord down and find her brother? Will the movie blatantly rip off Enter the Dragon? Watch and see!

8 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Bodyguard, The

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:26:29 -0700

Sonny Chiba is the ultimate badass. He tells us himself at the very beginning, so we know for sure. Thanks, Sonny! After beating the hell out of everyone on a plane, he goes on TV and lets the whole world know if anyone out there is willing to squeal on the drug lords, he will personally protect them with his deadly fists and back flips! One mysterious and loud lady takes him up on his offer and Sonny's black belt sister is immediately stripped down and crucified on a cross shadow...yeah. She then disappears forever. Sonny protects the lady...poorly, as some dudes cut their way out of a damn COUCH and attack her by dangling her over the tub filled with hot water. Eventually Sonny punches through the door and starts ripping body parts off. Eventually they run into the mob and the lady reveals herself to be more than meets the Chiba! Will anyone survive?

6 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Murder Mansion

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 22:44:10 -0700

A random group of strangers all end up stranded in a strange mansion...filled with MURDER! Two of the strangers have sex and roam around the castle trying to figure what's going on for no reason. Eventually they leave on a motorcycle and the movie ends after somebody shoots somebody for some reason.

2 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Tamara

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 23:05:15 -0700

Tamara is a super nerdy girl. You can tell by her stringy hair and her use of the word "literary." She also has a huge crush on her teacher, Mr. Natolly. She even tries to kiss him! OMFG SQUEAL! When a story written by Tamara about steroid abuse in the school gets published in the school paper, the local douche jocks scheme a plot for revenge. They get Tamara to believe Mr. Natolly has the hots for her and wants her hot young nubile body NOW. Things go awry and Tamara is totally killed. Luckily for her, she inherited being a witch from her mom and comes back as a super hottie and gets a chance to exact revenge on her killers. And by this, I mean she walks around and touches people on the cheek and they freak out. And have gay sex. Anywho the students and Mr. Natolly must find a way to break the spell and end the movie, er, curse, forever.

4 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Leprechaun 3

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:35:40 -0700

Leprechaun's back! Again! For some reason! Killing folks over his stupid gold! A poor pawn shop owner gets an unlucky visit from Lucky, a man with various body parts missing who happens to be carrying a stone statue of our favorite little mischievous monster. When the owner takes off the medallion around its neck...the Leprechaun springs to life and starts his WAVE OF MENACE! Actually, once again he leaves his pot of stupid and takes off. The owner sees the gold and steals it, dropping one coin. Lepredumb takes it back sans the one piece. After this, we get to meet the two dumbest people alive, Scott and Tammy! Scott takes Tammy to work after her car breaks down, and subsequently loses all his money at the casino. He heads to the pawn shop to get some more dough when he finds the gold piece! His magical wish comes true and a series of events leads the Leprechaun all around to try and get his one schilling back, including infecting Scott with his Lepre-blood! Great day in tha mornin'! Will Scott and Tammy survive to continue their great relationship built off five seconds of talking? If Scott looks like that at 18, what will he look like at 30? Stay tuned!

0 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)

Long Pig

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 16:20:29 -0800

A group of cannibals is terrorizing a backwater Texas town. A group of kids gets caught up in the madness. Will any of the dumb, irritating characters survive? More importantly, will you care?

4 out of 10 (Based on 1 reviews)