Cherrie-Sized Explorations

No Hot Water, No Heating

2012-01-14T00:24:00.001Z

Bloody hell. 7 days and counting...
And my room has a draught from the slightly broken window I've been complaining about since November.What the hell is with the complacent attitude?

Bristol Food

2011-12-29T13:18:00.001Z

Apart from the lack of hugs and ability to express my crazy thoughts (which are apparently interesting to only a few people), the most annoying thing about Bristol is my lack of access to Asian groceries (distance, availability and expense). This is more irritating than all the weird and not-developed-world shit that goes on in my flat and more annoying than not knowing how to interact with people here at the very superficial level.
I need my seaweed and rice noodles and quality soya sauce that's not shitty Amoy. My Dad has told me that Amoy is a H.K. company, but just to show I'm not Nationalist or racist or whatever, I consider the taste of Amoy Light Soy Sauce disgusting. However, Co-op, Sainsbury's and Waitrose sell it as their main soy sauce. S and W also sell the over-priced Kikkoman (could it be more expensive than some eau du toilette?). I just want Pearl River Bridge or Lee Kum Kee or whatever it was that I used before... and almost any brand/shape rice noodles. The Thai/Vietnamese/Indonesian communities here must be small otherwise we'd have pho coming out of our ears. I must say there are loads of Italian and Indian foods, which I have nothing against taste-wise, but spices and acidic sauces (e.g. tomato) lead to gastric reflux and low lactose tolerance rule out dairy-based dishes, although I would guess that 2-3 dishes per week is fine, but even cereal every morning makes me feel funny.

Can't beat this.

I'm having this rant because I realised that I had been under-feeding myself. I don't like snacks either. Cookies are to sweet, crisps hurt my throat (e.g. prone to laryngitis, etc.).

Which begs the question: why am I not dead yet?

Maybe if I eat more tomato sauces, my body will adjust to the acid and turn down acid production. What do you reckon? I might make that image my wall-paper.

Humidity

2011-11-12T19:40:00.001Z

Is it bad that my nose has been bleeding on and off since I woke up this morning? It's just because I've had a cold (blowing my nose all the time) and the heating+dryness, right? And is the weird semi-disorientating headache I've had due to the nose bleed or is it due to dehydration?

Is it weird to drape a wet flannel over the radiator and leave cups of water open to the air to humidify my room? Does it work?

Meh. I thought my nose-bleeding days were behind me!

Sicko

2011-11-05T00:53:00.000Z

Doodle + shoddy camera work

Sick

I feel like a wet sock. Just one wet sock. Friction. Blisters. Unbalanced.

Equivalent to: Head cold. Friction. To breathing. To thinking. To sleeping.

I'm wondering whether dry mouth/altered taste is actually a symptom of the immune response, a consequence of breathing through your mouth and/or drugs. I think a pat on the head would be nice. But not a hug. Interleukin-1 = anti-social. One of very few "facts" I remember from Immunology 314.

Surprise EEEEEE

One of my flatmates has been really nice to me - asking me how I am, checking whether I could go to badminton (BOO I MISSED IT), suggesting that I shouldn't cook by myself and should ask for help, etc. I'm grateful, but sort of confused by it, because his wife hasn't said anything to me, nor has my other female flatmate. I'm so used to my Mum, Grandmas and Aunts doing the looking after. I'm also a little confused about this guy doing the cooking, working and shopping for his family. I mean, his wife does the washing up and looks after their child, so I suppose they have some sort of happy agreement - but I'm used to the man doing almost nothing and then badgering Mum about how terrible her cooking is. Diversity - it be the spice of life.

Surprise AAARRRRRR

I'm confused by maleness and femaleness. I used to think people were just people, but there are some strong generalised differences I'm almost ready to admit to and I feel like I need some female wisdom. Most of my close friends thus far have been male and I'm sure they're the "nice", more perceptive ones, but they still don't provide the insight I'm lacking at the moment. I don't think it's necessary, but I just realise I haven't had those conversations. I just mean that it means overall I idolise more "male" traits and I tend to not give as much respect to more "female" traits that I am starting to exhibit more and more of (because it didn't really matter so much as a child). I guess what I mean is, how do females develop respect for themselves? I mean, of course, more specifically, I want to know how someone like me develops respect for him- or her-self. I just haven't really talked to many females about this subject, perhaps. Or have we? I can't think right now.

I'm not really sure how to act and what to do with my appearance, either. Apparently, last week this girl I met at badminton mentioned I was pretty to one of my flatmates, which surprised me. It reminded me of one time on a flight from ChCh to AKL, when the woman next to me commented, "Oh, the boys must like you..." to which I replied, "uh, not really, but thanks." I forgot about this because she went on to (this part of the story is only here for amusement and is unrelated to the rest of the paragraph) explain that she wished (she did provide a reasonable segue that didn't make the conversation sound creepy, but I can't remember what it was) her husband would just find "one of those" Filipino or Thai girls because now that she's over 50, she just lies there waiting for him to finish. She asked me how old I was and said, "Oh well, you wouldn't know what I mean, you still want it." To which I nervously chuckled and I think after a few more questions along the same vein, she realised that I was Bambi in headlights right there. Kind lady. She gave her packet of crisps to a rough-looking adolescent boy next to her, because "he needed it more than her", even though it was unclear whether the need was due to his size, gender and/or Polynesian race. I saw her a few months later on TV on the News because something had happened near her small-town dairy. But I am quite proud of the fact that I've met so many interesting people on public transport. Anyway, the original point was that I'm not sure whether I should be making more of an effort on my appearance. I do think that my Mum and my sister think I should and I suppose I would if I believed it made a difference. This reminds me of DB. I think most of the girls have expressed that they think he needs to work on his dress sense. Poor guy.

I wonder if properly-desired girls feel uncertain... well, of course they do, they talk about it all the time - people like LCH, IV, CF, NL, even when clearly the boys go crazy over them (and insist on telling me about it). They must know that, right? Or do they not? Do all girls fear that they're the "ugly chick" in their group of friends? Or does that not exist - has media/the entertainment industry made up the idea of "the fat friend"? Likewise, does the "wingman" exist? God, I haven't socialised properly in such a long time, I have actually no clue what a 20-something social scene looks like. I just had a thought - maybe the boys think I'm really quite steady with my self-image and world-view, such that they think I can handle them talking at length about other girls. Well, I suppose that's generally true, as in I don't give a shit. Hm? Well, I don't think it's actually an issue, because dressing up is sort of fun anyway and I'll do it if I think there's a purpose, like if suddenly that guy who works at the gym suddenly works in the department. Otherwise, I'm definitely still on the hunt for a second pair of track-pants to wear to work, but slightly thinner material so people can't tell whether they are very stylish trousers or track-pants. Win. Clothes here aren't even that cheap, I don't know what people are on about and if the price is actually slightly cheaper, the quality is really bad and my threshold is just HK-street-market, so... Primark - you're cheating bastards.

I was also thinking that men can use the "man-scan" to manipulate women - as in, they let a woman see that they're looking and let the foolish woman to believe in her desirability. This then switches the power dynamic because now the woman relies upon the man to give her his approval and feed her self-worth and power is not restored until she no longer seeks his approval or she possesses something he desires more than the power he has over her. I suppose the same can work the other way. I don't know what the female-equivalent of a man-scan is. I suppose toying with the possibility of sex. I dunno, I don't understand the game. Not even sure I'm in it.

By the way, I don't seriously believe it's all about the appearance, but I don't know what factor "X" is. I suppose it's different for different people. But whatever "mean" factor X I lack, I must make up for factor "scare and intimidate" people. I don't understand how my 5'', 99 lb stature is intimidating... I think I have smaller biceps than a 5 year old... and I'm not even that crazy - maybe it's just a polite way of saying my personality is a bit zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Surprise SAAAAAAN

I don't want to talk about my thesis and what a shit face I am. Period.

End

In the past 2 days I have taken 12 caplets, each containing: 500 mg paracetamol, 25 mg caffeine and 6 mg phenylephrine chloride and half a packet of lozenges. I tell you that to excuse my big, directionless ramble. But I guess you should know that I talk like that anyway.

Light And Dark

2011-10-22T23:28:00.000+01:00

Just

Using

Tones

Trying to use fewer lines, just "blocks" of light and dark, more like what our eyes see. Trying to remove the brain that interprets the light/dark as "objects", while retaining "meaning". Started off O.K. - the shading alluded to the facial features, gave a hint of a smile and definitely recognisable as Mum despite the proportions not being quite right. Then tried to increase "depth" and the end result looks tight and cold, more like my usual stuff. The increased contrast accentuates my bad proportions of course, which got worse in the second sitting obviously because I was observing less and drawing more. Tsk.

Pencil

2011-10-17T00:47:00.001+01:00

Symmetry

I bought a shiny new Staedler 6B pencil about 3 weeks ago and I finally got around to using its squishy goodness, although now I realise why it is cheaper than Staedler Mars Lumograph (what I had in NZ, Mum/Dad's set). I should really just go and buy an expensive pencil and see what it feels like, e.g. Derwent. Wow, it goes up to 9B - how dark is that? Whoooarrrraaaaghhhhhhhuuuhhh.

So Tired

2011-10-14T00:46:00.001+01:00

Frustration

Things are a bit frustrating at the moment. For some reason, I haven't been sleeping very well, so little things stick to me more than they normally do. For example:

dripping shower next to my room
radiator not working
students chatting outside at 2 am
washing machine fades my colourful clothes
food tasting slightly different
far away from Asian noodles
no friends
reserved people at work
language barrier with flatmates
no hugs
new duvet smells like Goose butt and has been further discounted since I bought it
a 6-yr old in the house

on top of two big things

thesis
job obligations

My Thinking

I was thinking about my thinking and I thought that my strong points are probably logic and pattern-recognition, which is why I picked up computer programming relatively quickly and why I appear to understand things. My brain seems to check for logic without my conscious input, such that if something is illogical or inconsistent (relative to my 'understanding' of the world and/or preceding conversation), I feel peculiar and then I have to notice it and drag it into consciousness. Pattern-recognition allows me to 'understand' things quickly by analogy, but does not really aid deep understanding. You might think it's ironic that I don't explain things very logically, but I have to say, that skill is anti-correlated with stress and lack of sleep.

Anyway, from observing my supervisor, I 'conclude' that one of his strong points is integration - understanding parts and how they relate together - and across large scales - local/global, components/systems, system-to-system, past/present/potential - which is why he can look sideways to bring an argument together. Earlier on, I had thought he was being procedural in problem-solving, then I thought sometimes he was just picking things at random (which I thought was a strategy to seed an idea, in a person or group). I almost always saw the logic in another supervisor's suggestions and I always just thought one was logical and one was more lateral. But now I realise lateral is logical when you have stepped back to see the system. It's the square in nth dimensions problem... I'm a square...

I know the learning is incremental, iterative, osmotic... but I wonder if I will get there? I will never be 6.4'', but will I ever think well? I suppose from the train of thought above, I should trust that my supervisor can see more clearly and see what potential I have, but I don't believe him - I wonder if my lack of faith is my Achilles Heel. Surely, my dogged perseverance should count for something, but I fear I'm only repeatedly kicking said heel. Or tendon.

I just wonder whether MBC (and my own suspicions) are right: that I'm not quite cut out to progress in academic research. Yes, I just contradicted myself - I don't know what he thinks. I have realised this problem is not unique to me. n = 2 correlates well (2/2) with 'high-achieving' (school, etc.) females. We be neurotic bitches... and she has a boyfriend, so she possibly doesn't have the added worry that she's an evolutionary dead-end... it's probably a good idea I don't pass these genes on, though. Anxiety genes... but little Asian mixes with mushroom haircuts are so damn cute. And I was so damn giving and open and delightful as a little mushroom haircut Asian...

Sometimes when I am not as tired, I get a little bit excited about the opportunity to try again in a 'new' project with the things I've learned - yes, the hard skills, but mostly the soft skills - trying to practise recognising when to ask for help, when to try something, when to let things go, when to come back to things. Try to ask some questions, solve some problems... but I know I'll be harsh on myself if I make the same mistakes again. How do I stop the internal critic from continuously scolding my inner child?

I'm also curious to inspect other styles of problem-solving in these other new P.I.s. Will I find one that I think I can do/achieve?

Why do I like intangible, slippery things that I can't hold onto? It's so agonising not to have it. Even if I got it, would I just get bored? Why am I so annoying?!

Nice Things

I will remember nice things. This morning I saw bricks on a wall - some were flat and I wondered if over time, the older ones (or ones at the bottom) get flatter - do they? I don't know. I don't think the wall I saw was very old - they probably just made the bricks different sizes for aesthetics. I imagined people laying bricks and mending brick walls by making a shaped and sort of fit and making that slushy stuff to make it fit perfectly with no holes. I'm happy about that.

I walked through Royal Fort gardens and they were mowing grass and it smelled wonderful! It was sunny today and I'm happy about those things, too.

I saw a fresher today with a back-pack. She reminded me of me - she looked like she was 12, a bit scared, but excited and putting on a brave face.

Over the weekend, MRM took me to the circus, which was neat. The acts were cool (still amazed by juggling with mouth), but more importantly just being with people who seem to understand what I'm saying and I understand what they're saying and I think for that moment I can relax my 24/7 guard, although I still don't know them very well of course and I'm not being silly like I usually am at home. It feels like I'm not supposed to be silly now that I'm 25. But I think this isolation is good for me because I always under-value relationships. This will teach me for being a little brat about it.

Diet

2011-09-24T12:01:00.000+01:00

I need to improve my diet, I think.

My New Home For Now

2011-09-17T02:34:00.000+01:00

My new home for now.

Here is a sketch - because there ain't much to do when you can't sleep and there is only so much Mock The Week one can take... and here are photos of St. Mary's Church, which was apparently built inn Gothic-style to try and compete with the Bristol Cathedral... according to our tour guide. Apparently this side of the water were the "poor" and the other, the "rich".

Front

Inside

Rooftop

Rooftop at tower. Tower?

Second Run in Bristol

2011-09-17T01:26:00.003+01:00

Durdham Downs

Yesterday, I ran around "The Downs" for 20 mins more than I intended because I had decided to "just see where this bit goes" and then when I hadn't returned to the origin, I still meandered on trying to find my way out on my own until I couldn't see many park-goers anymore and I exited the park. I ended up asking an old lady where I was and it turned out I was only on a road parallel to the one I wanted to be on, so my sense of direction wasn't too bad, but I didn't guess the distance right - not enough hills/buildings to see. This is better than the other day where I exceeded a return angle by maybe 15 degrees. I keep doing that - wandering without a GPS or phone. I really shouldn't.

The weird thing was that when I had spotted the lady, she was beside her car, rearranging her handbag that was on the front passenger seat. When she saw me approach, she got frightened and immediately backed against the door frame to protect her her bag. I said, "Oh no, I'm lost and asking for help" and she immediately relaxed, but I thought that either (a) I looked horribly threatening with my bulging eyes and flushed face in my thin red Climalite, tiny running shorts and slightly-oversized running shoes OR (b) criminals are often disguised as runners in Bristol. Tiny tiny runners. But TBH, I think it was because I was jogging down Pembrooke, while she was actually parked on Alma and she saw me spot her, double-take, stop, turn and briskly approach her. Maybe that was frightening. Either way, I'm not too fussed - I mean, if I do look slightly frightening, that would work well for me in some cases... but perhaps not in others. *sigh*

Anyway, I had decided to run to the Downs (total ~8.3km) because last week I only managed <5 km down and up St. Michael's Hill and was pretty knackered. I think I'm pretty unfit because I've had that "warning dream" where I can't run away from X... and also because my calves are cramping... and also I fear my buttocks are resting on my jeans rather than holding them up. Tsk. =O

Friends!

Believe it or not I miss talking crap with my friends... and being silly. You know, jokes that you know are silly and low-grade, but you make them anyway because your friends will laugh with you, or repeat jokes that still work after years of wear and also those stupid long conversations that are mainly about venting annoyance over someone or something, then veers off to talking about the opposite sex/human nature, then veers off to something nerdy/scienc-y or topical, then veers back to the annoying thing. Stupid, backless conversations. If you don't have friends around, most of your interactions are just a tad on the Sirius side. Black.

I also miss talking to KF every month even though I felt stupid going to a counsellor and that I was wasting her time.

Where Am I Going?

And I still have many mixed thoughts about the future.

Small Things

2011-09-06T22:32:00.002+01:00

Door...

...locks about two feet above the door handle: have to use knee if arms/hands full...
...knobs sometimes turn towards the locking mechanism to open, which is counter-intuitive...
...frames are tiny for 15th century (or earlier, I am not sure yet) people who were shorter than me...

Me: "Hey! I would have fit in then!"
MC: "I don't think you would have liked it... you've gone a bit soft..."
Me (thinking): "I object!... I've always been soft!"

...locks and keys are old-school, homies!

Experience with doors in Bristol, U.K.

Co-operative Cling Film...

...is too clingy and stretchy, while Glad Wrap is not clingy+stretchy enough.

Air...

... feels more humid, while my skin feels more dry...how does that work?

Blue Soap...

... in the female toilets in Medical Sciences building smells nicer than the pink stuff at UoA

Distance...

...seen from window in South stairwell of Medical Sciences building is FAR and I can physically feel my eyes adjusting and relaxing = sensational!

Day 6 (Part 3)

2011-09-03T03:22:00.000+01:00

Thank god for MC, RA and MC2 - feeling a bit bummed today. I blame alcohol, it often does this in the aftermath.

Day 6 (Part 2)

2011-09-03T03:20:00.000+01:00

Many friends I never noticed I depended on
Now swept from
Into new
Is different, but still blue
Slippery, runs through
Though I look and look
Smell and smell
But time has been too short to tell
Whether it will have me
Or if I can change

Day 6

2011-09-03T03:09:00.000+01:00

Yearned so seasons changed

Now scared and frightened

Days 3 - 5

2011-09-01T23:08:00.000+01:00

The counting of days get a bit screwed up since I gained 11 hrs. However, I did manage to set up a bank account, find some useful shops and get into the Medical Sciences Building on Wed in the morning. Still very excited, though a little worried about expectations and time-management.

Set up internet at home. Met flatmates. Cleaned a bit. Sorted out things I need to buy. Generally high spirits.

First "English pub" experience good, although must remember that at my current weight and food intake, one pint of 5% alc. w/v in one go will get me to ~2x the legal limit for driving or still ~1x legal limit over two hours. [blood volume est. using 78 mL/kg, 1 pint at 578 mL, alcohol distribution at 0.54 L/kg and using 0.08% alc. w/v as the legal limit] Thanks to HD for distribution ratio. I mean, I wasn't behaving in a crazy way, but I was trying very hard to walk straight and to pronounce my words, which I think I should only get to if I know for sure I have a trusted method of getting home, which I did not for this particular evening. Still, thank goodness DL drove me back home. Best to be safe in a new place methinks.

Day 3

2011-08-29T23:02:00.000+01:00

Arrival!!! MC picked me up from airport - very excited.

Although as I sat in the car, the conversation brought me back to reality somewhat and by the time I was sitting by myself in Room 15 of the Washington, I was realising that I had thrown myself into a strange country with no close friends nearby and two full-time obligations to attend to. Luckily I was shattered, so I didn't have a lot of energy to brood over this and I fell asleep quite peacefully with the anticipation of seeing the lab.

Day 2

2011-08-29T22:55:00.000+01:00

Sitting for 11 hours to HK? Fine. Sleep? Fine. Kung Fu Panda 2 - good. The Law of Attraction (HK film) - crap "theme", but nice little stories I suppose. Met a nice elderly couple and conversed with them in Cantonese.

Sitting for 13 hours to Paris? Crap. Back - crap. Sleep? Crap. Feel gross. Met a nice Taiwanese girl and her mother, who were travelling to Europe for the first time. Watched Lost in Translation.

Excited to not be feeling too scared and excited to see MC, RA, MC2, DL, to meet CO and to see the lab.

Probably smell like a man at this point.

Moving to Bristol - Day 1

2011-08-28T22:50:00.000+01:00

I should say that at -14 days, I was already starting to sense that what I was doing was much bigger than I could/was willing to fathom. I met up with KV to say goodbye - we sang and I played the guitar for hours in the Domain - it was a first in many respects and an inspirational and unforgettable moment. Following this, I thought that I had no spent enough time with good friends here - one strong pattern in my life. I successfully pushed down the emotion brewing and welling in my gut. In the lead up to Day 1, many more farewells were had and people seemed genuinely sad that I was leaving - this came as a shock to me, I had not realised this would be so. I was also shocked to find I had become quite attached to the people here and quite comfortable in my surroundings. The heartbreak of the former was successfully pushed down and the latter confirmed my decision to leave.

"Day 1" signalled the end of packing, which Mum and Dad helped with a lot. I donated bags of clothes, some of which I had worn for over 10 years - where did the time go? IV helped bring me and my luggage to the airport, while Mum, Dad and Tiff stayed with me to wait for boarding. It was difficult to fight back tears as I hugged them goodbye - the reality of this decision had crept up on me so suddenly it seemed. I felt all of a sudden that I had not thought this through at all... only to suppress this, take a deep breath and walk through customs. Now or never.

Brooke Fraser - Flags

2010-11-09T11:59:00.003Z

Brooke Fraser's "Flags" has been keeping my mood up over the past couple of weeks.I feel like so many things happen over this short period of time, I hardly have time nor energy to look back and reassure myself that I have come a certain way and to remind myself that it doesn't make it cheap because nobody else knows and/or nobody else values it as much as I do. Here is one song that I find quite striking:

Who Are We Fooling - Brooke Fraser and Aqualung

So we're back here again

Tip-toeing 'round the edge of the end

Wondering who will be last to admit

That we're finally over

Turned twenty one on the day that we met

Terrible shoes and plausible dress

It's funny how sad the funny things get as you grow older

Better or worse

But what else can we do?

And better or worse

I am tethered to you

If it's not either of us

Tell me who are we fooling?

I learned the art of biting my tongue

I got tired of trying to guess what was wrong

Both agreed on where we should go

But not how to get there

We tried and tried to loosen the knots

Thinking once we're untangled we'll be better off

But it's these failures and faults that hold us together

Better or worse

But what else can we do?

And better or worse

I am tethered to you

If it's not either of us

Tell me who are we fooling?

This beautiful tangle that's bruising us blue

It's a beautiful knot that we just can't undo

Together we're one but apart tell me

Who are we fooling?

'Cause real love

Is hard love

It's all we have

It's a break-neck

Train wreck

It's all we have

So we're back here again

Turning away from the edge of the end

Arm in arm

Better or worse

But what else can we do?

And better or worse

I am tethered to you

If it's not either of us

Tell me who are we fooling?

This beautiful tangle that's bruising us blue

It's a beautiful knot we just can't undo

If it's not either of us, tell me who are we fooling?

Together we're one, but apart tell me

Who are we fooling?

And FYI, I'm going to play this one day. :P

Dreamlike - I like it.

2010-10-03T09:45:00.004+01:00

Untitled 2 - Hopes and Fears, Keane (2004)

You chewed me up and you spat me out
The foolish boy that I am
So I chose to wander around and around
And make myself a man

I thought the world could be changed by
A good song and a smile
But it's been this way such a long time
So maybe I'm wrong

So long ago it must be
You're still the one that's troubling me
And still so far, so far away
I sat with a tear in my hand on a day so long ago

Inside I am an ogre
With the simple thoughts of a child
I say what I think and I need to be loved
But I guess that's not your style

So long ago it must be
But you're still the one that's troubling me
And still so far, so far away
I sat with a tear in my hand on a day so long ago

Walnut Tree - Perfect Symmetry, Keane (2008)

Once there was a great storm
Pushed my head beneath the waves, I was gone
Underneath the walnut tree
Where you said you'd wait for me
And I waited a long, long time

I waited a long, long time
I waited a long, long time
I waited a long, long time
I waited a long, long time

Why, why do I come here?
Seeking out the memories I handed
Cause you put your spell on me
Made me live a memory
And I'm frozen in just the wrong time

I waited a long, long time
I waited a long, long time
I waited a long, long time
I waited a long, long time

Mmm.

2010-09-21T11:36:00.006+01:00

Want to get back to this:

Something In The Water - Flags, Brooke Fraser (Oct 12, 2010!!)

Do do do do do do do do do do

I wear a demeanor made of bright pretty things

What she wears, what she wears, what she wears
Birds singing on my shoulder in harmony it seems
How they sing, how they sing, how they sing

Give me nights of solitude, red wine just a glass or two,
Reclined in a hammock on a balmy evening
I’ll pretend that it's nothing that's skipping my heart when I think
Of you thinking of me babe I'm crazy over you

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
There's something in the water, something in the water
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
There's something in the water that makes me love you like...

I got halos made of summer, rhythms made of spring
What she wears, what she wears, what she wears
I got crowds of words I've woven: each one a song to sing
Oh I sing, oh I sing, oh I sing

Give me long days in the sun, preludes to the nights to come
Previews of the mornings laying in all lazy
Give me something fun to do like a life of loving you
Kiss me quick now baby I'm still crazy over you

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
There's something in the water, something in the water
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
There's something in the water that makes me love you like I do

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh x 3

Give me nights of solitude, red wine, just a glass or two
Give me something fun to do...

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
There's something in the water, something in the water
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
There's something in the water that makes me love you like I do

(x 2)

Do do do do do do do do do do

FYI: working on these chords right now...

Try Again

2010-09-12T01:13:00.002+01:00

So I think maybe I've forgotten how to appreciate things for what they are, maybe because I'm trying so hard to improve, there's some sort of resentment or envy at things that don't change and/or I have no control over. Maybe I stopped appreciating things because I didn't feel appreciated.

"Try Again" - Under The Iron Sea, Keane (2006)

I fell asleep on a late night train
I missed my stop and I went round again
Why would I want to see you now?
To fix it up, make it up somehow

Baby I'll try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

What I was isn't what I am
I'd change back but I don't know if I can

Still I'll try, try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

But I was made the way I am
I'm not a stone; I'm just a man
Lay down your arms and I will lay down mine
Rip back the time that we've been wasting

God I wish you could see me now
You'd pick me up and you'd sort me out

Baby I'll try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

Technorati Tags : Cherrieland

Art... Subst. Science

2010-08-27T16:05:00.000+01:00

Black Burning Heart

2010-07-21T12:01:00.003+01:00

Keane. Black Burning Heart. Perfect Symmetry 2008.

I wish that I could be
In the cellars of the sea
And disappear in them
Never to be seen again

Leave this life
Its unrelenting appetite
For feeding off the weak
Who never had their time to speak

The sky will be my shroud
A monument of cloud

If we could turn back
You can paper over the crack
But it will return now
And your heart will burn black

Give me your hand
Cut the skin, let me in
The molecules of us
Bleeding into one again

The sky will be my shroud
A cenotaph of cloud

If we could turn back
You can paper over the crack
But it will return now
And your heart will burn black
Forgotten my way home
Forgotten everything that I know
Every day a false start
And it burns my heart

I know everything you said was right and I suppose
Everything is here forever till it goes
You gave it all away, kept nothing for yourself
Just a picture on the shelf

Je souhaiterai m'immerger dans les profondeurs des mers
Y disparaî tre pour ne plus jamais être vu

Burning up
Now I'm racing down a road I don't recognise
I realise I've forgotten my way home
Forgotten everything that I know
Every day a false start
And it burns my heart

Turn back

----

Also just read this: Dying GP's Plea for Euthanasia [article]

If...

2010-07-17T11:07:00.002+01:00

If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labour.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.

Og Mandino (American Essayist and Psychologist, 1923-1996)
from Shobana

Technorati Tags : Cherrieland