Chester Chronicle - And Finally

And Finally... The man who is fluent in Klingon (apparently, with video)

2009-07-06T11:38:09Z

WELSH speakers are more likely to be able to master the difficult Klingon language beloved of all Star Trek fans.

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Computer expert Alex Greene of Wrexham, one of a select group of people who can speak Klingon fluently, believes that's because the creators drew on several languages, including Welsh, for the intergalactic dialect.

The 46-year-old Star Trek fan said: "I do believe that if you can speak Welsh, you have an advantage where Klingon is concerned as some sounds are similar such as 'll' and 'ch'."

]]> Alex began learning the language in 1986 and took a year to master its intricacies.

He added: "Star Trek is one of my hobbies. My other hobby is languages.

"I have always enjoyed foreign languages, listening to them and communicating with them. Up to 1986 it had been French, Japanese and Esperanto.

"Then a trained linguist came up with an actual working grammar for the Klingon language for one of the Star Trek movies.

"It was designed so that actors could easily learn a couple of lines for a script. But later a Klingon dictionary was published. I picked up a copy and learned Klingon as a fun challenge."

Now recognised as one of the world's foremost experts on the language Alex teaches Klingon to others.

"It's a difficult language to learn. It's meant to be spoken by aliens so there are no greetings as such.

"The alphabet is case sensitive and has different sounds in lower or upper case.

"But certainly the Welsh have a natural advantage in learning the language," he said.

Next week S4C viewers can see him teach popular singer Shân Cothi and naturalist Iolo Williams some Klingon words and phrases when Bro visits Wrexham.

Alex added: "Shân had a lot of Klingon potential."

He has been a fan of Star Trek since he was 10, and has been to some conventions.

He has also met Star Trek greats such as James Doohan, the original Scotty, and DeForest Kelley who first portrayed Dr McCoy in the original Star Trek series of the 1960s.

"I remember playing with a Dinky Toy model of the Starship Enterprise when I was young, and also remember one particular Star Trek episode which fascinated me.

"In it, Lee Merriweather played a hologram which rampaged through the Starship Enterprise, killing people. It was definitely a behind the sofa experience!

"I am not one of those Trekkers who dresses up in Star Trek costume but the programme is my idea of something entertaining to pop into the video while eating a pizza," he said.

Other contributors to the Bro programme featuring Wrexham include martial arts expert Pol Wong, street pastors Sue Allan and Huw ap Dewi, artist Rosemary Ralphes and singing duo Kay and Stephen Lee.

And Finally... Chimps escape from zoo and ransack kitchens

2009-07-06T10:40:14Z

Visitors were evacuated from Chester Zoo on Sunday - and hundreds more turned away - when 30 chimpanzees escaped from their enclosure.

The primates broke out of their secure confines into a keepers' area where their food is prepared.

Staff, experiencing one of the busiest days of the year, were forced to shut the 110-acre site as a precaution.

]]> They then attempted to round up the animals, described as very strong and intelligent.

A zoo spokeswoman insisted members of the public were never at risk.

An Irish family visiting Chester was among the visitors in the zoo when the animals escaped at 12.40pm.

They said: "Everybody was told to go because chimpanzees had escaped. We didn't really know what was going on but it was quite scary.

"We were just having lunch and we were told to go into the restaurants and shops, where we stayed for about 45 minutes.

"Luckily we were in there for three hours so we had a good day."

Other visitors were locked in the jaguar enclosure while staff ensured there were no chimps in the public area.

One said: "It was quite calm, people were joking about. No-one was really panicking."

Many zoo visitors queued for refunds following the evacuation.

Staff handed out bottles of water to those stuck in traffic and waiting for buses.

Zoo staff faced a tough challenge to regroup the chimpanzees, considered the most intelligent non-human primate, but managed to have them all back in the enclosure within four hours.

No visitors or staff were injured.

Chester Zoo PR and media manager Rachael Ashton said: "We don't know how they managed to get there and in the time I have been here I have never known it to happen.

"None have got into the public domain but because they are primates we closed the park as a precaution.

"We apologise for any inconvenience this has caused to our visitors and would thank them for their full co-operation and patience."

Around 1.4 million guests will visit the zoo during the course of the year, making it one of the UK's most popular tourist attractions.

And Finally... Grand TV entrance of the day (video)

2009-07-02T13:53:29Z

I've never driven a moped, but I can't imagine it's that difficult? Either way, you'd expect this guy to have a practice first...

And Finally... Pro swimmer flashes her bum after suit splits (pic)

2009-07-02T09:35:15Z

Poor Italian swimmer Flavia Zoccari found herself in a tight spot when her bathing suit split before a showpiece event.

(More images at Mirror.co.uk)

The water babe tried to cover up her cheeky side when the fastening on her wetsuit-like cossie failed - leaving her bottom exposed.

The embarrassing wardrobe malfunction happened just before the start of the 200m race, forcing Zoccari to withdraw because there wasn't time for her to change.

]]> The tearful swimmer was left trying, and failing, to cover her modesty with her hand as she withdrew from the side of the swimming pool.

The costume in question was the 'Jaked' super body, which was approved, then rejected by the Swimming Federation, before finally being approved again.

These performance-boosting suits have prompted controversy because they are totally covered with polyurethane to aid athletes' buoyancy.

All of which goes to show that even the most technologically advanced materials and garments can still, rather embarrassingly, let you down.

And Finally... "One ice cream, a pot of urine and some DNA please"

2009-07-01T10:33:00Z

A police force has been storing samples from suspects and car crash victims alongside ice cream, according to a report.

West Yorkshire Police was subject to a joint inspection by Her Majesty's Inspector of Prisons and Her Majesty's Inspector of Constabulary in October 2008.

The inspectors said the management of the samples needed urgent attention to avoid undermining prosecutions.

]]> The report also said staff at police custody suites had been confused about which sample belonged to which suspect.

Inspectors from the two watchdogs visited police cells and accompanying facilities in Leeds and Bradford.

The watchdogs said they were concerned about how officers were handling DNA, blood and urine samples taken in the custody suites, many of which would be used as evidence in prosecutions.

And Finally... "I know, let's use a toilet to open a bottle of wine!" (video)

2009-07-01T09:32:25Z

I wonder if their party went down the pan after this...

And Finally... X-Factor auditions delayed after teen dislocates knee

2009-07-01T09:11:10Z

Auditions for X-Factor had to be delayed for an hour after an audience member raced in to get a front-row seat - and dislocated his knee.

Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and the other judges waited for an ambulance to come and take the unnamed 16-year-old to hospital to be X-rayed.

A spokesman said: "We wish him a speedy recovery."

One member of the crowd at Birmingham's NEC on Monday said: "They skipped six of the acts as a lad dislocated his knee and had to wait for an ambulance."

And Finally... Police set up "perv patrol" at nudist beach

2009-06-30T08:27:52Z

A popular nudist beach is to get a "perv patrol".

Wardens will police the dunes at Studland Bay - a famous gay haunt in Dorset - to spot sexual misconduct and incidents which threaten to "bring naturism into disrepute".

Sgt Des Connor said: "This new venture will reduce anti-social behaviour."

And Finally... Good news for lovers of wonky veg

2009-06-30T08:12:59Z

Curvy cucumbers and knobbly sprouts will be back on supermarket shelves following an EU U-turn on wonky vegetables.

On Wednesday, Brussels will lift a ban on the sale of misshapen fruit and veg, which could see prices fall 40%.

For 30 years, farmers have been binning up to a fifth of produce which breached size and shape rules.

But now ugly items may be sold as a budget range in shops.

Previously, cucumbers could be sold only if they curved less than 1cm for every 10cm. Cauliflowers had to measure 11cm in diameter and forked carrots were a no-no.

In all, 26 fruits and vegetables, including brussels sprouts, carrots, cherries and plums, were covered by the restrictions.

Sainsbury's, which lobbied for the rule change, said: "It'll reduce waste."

Tesco added: "We look forward to selling curvy cucumbers and knobbly carrots."

Food and Farming Minister Jim Fitzpatrick said: "Some people aren't bothered what shape their five-a-day is."

And Finally... There ain't no party like a Swine Flu party

2009-06-30T08:03:21Z

Parents were warned today not to take their children to "swine flu parties" in the hope they will catch the disease now and build up immunity.

Although no firm evidence has emerged of such events taking place, family website mumsnet.com has witnessed discussions over whether parents should take steps to ensure their children acquire immunity before the main flu season in the winter, when some people expect the virus to be more potent.

For many years, parents have deliberately exposed their children to playmates with chickenpox in order to allow them to have the once-only disease at a convenient time, but British Medical Association expert Dr Richard Jarvis today warned against taking the same approach with swine flu.

His warning came the day after news emerged of the first death of a child with swine flu in the UK.

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A schoolgirl, believed to have been a pupil at the Mayfield specialist school in Birmingham, which caters for children with learning difficulties, died at the city's Children's Hospital within the past few days, health chiefs said.

She is the third person with swine flu to die in the UK since the start of the outbreak, but it is not yet known if the disease contributed to her death.

A spokesman for NHS West Midlands said the child had "other serious underlying health conditions" and tested positive for swine flu following her death.

The West Midlands has been declared a hotspot for the disease, with 2,104 confirmed cases so far, more than a third of the UK's total and more than two-fifths of all the cases in England.

Mumsnet founder Justine Roberts told the BBC Radio 4 Today programme that she had heard rumours of "swine flu parties" taking place.

"There is an awful lot of discussion from people who have come up with a fairly rational conclusion that it might be better to pick this up now, given that we all think it might mutate to a more virulent strain in the winter," she said.

"We have heard of people saying 'Can we come round to your house when you get it?' There's definitely a prevailing view that it might be better to get it now and some people are not despairing if there is a case in their school."

But Dr Jarvis, the chairman of the BMA's public health committee, told Today: "I think parents would want to take into account that the flu - although this particular strain is relatively mild for the most part - is something that will knock people off their feet for a few days and we are seeing appreciable morbidity, severe side-effects and sadly the occasional death.

"My advice to parents would be to take this into account before taking any child along to a flu party."

Dr Jarvis added: "We haven't picked up any good evidence to suggest that it is happening. In fact, we have picked up quite a lot of evidence that the opposite is happening - people are scared, justifiably, and children are being removed from school when there isn't any need to actually do that."

However, he insisted there was no need for parents to panic.

"It certainly isn't something we should be scared about," he said. "There is absolutely no cause for panic. The UK is extremely well prepared for this and the response so far has been extremely good.

"We are now moving from what we term containment - which is pressing very hard on all known cases so we can prevent transmission - to outbreak control and treatment.

"Obviously the numbers are going to increase. This is something which nobody has immunity to, so large proportions of the population are going to get it at some point."

Since Friday, 1,604 swine flu cases have been confirmed in England, taking the country's total to 4,968 and the UK's total so far to 5,937.

Last week health officials said the West Midlands, along with London, which has 1,564 confirmed cases so far, would adopt a policy of outbreak management, with swine flu cases being clinically diagnosed rather than being confirmed by laboratory results.

The new policy means swabbing will take place only for a small number of cases to keep track of the strength of the virus.

Doctors will also use the drug Tamiflu more selectively, targeting only people with symptoms. The drug is unlikely to be handed out to everyone who has come into contact with a swine flu sufferer as a precaution.

And Finally... Woman given £20k to examine ladies' bums

2009-06-29T09:00:29Z

The national lottery has just handed out its cheekiest sum yet - £20,000 to an artist to study women's bottoms.

Sue Williams, of Swansea, is getting the funding to examine different attitudes towards "female buttocks".

She hopes to study its significance to different cultures. She claimed: "It is quite clear the bottom is sacrosanct to the African man and woman."

But Lib Dem MP Adrian Sanders said: "No doubt some people consider this is a good cause, but the majority buying lottery tickets are bound to question this."

And Finally... The world's ugliest dog

2009-06-29T08:44:44Z

They say looks aren't everything - but her jaw-dropping appearance won £600 for Miss Ellie, officially the world's ugliest dog.

The blind, pimple-ridden, 15-year Chinese hairless walked off with the title at Sonoma Marin, California

And Finally... Who moved that chair? (video)

2009-06-26T08:24:52Z

This doesn't really need an introduction, but the female host's reaction is golden...

And Finally... Wallabies on opium cause crop circles (apparently)

2009-06-26T08:10:09Z

UFOs and pranksters have been blamed for them in the UK but it seems that in Tasmania crop circles are being blamed on stoned Wallabies.

The animals are snacking in opium poppy fields are getting "high as a kite" and hopping around creating crop circles.

Tasmania is the world's largest producer of legally-grown opium for the pharmaceutical market.

]]> Tasmania attorney-general Lara Giddings told a budget hearing yesterday that she recently read about the Wallabies in a brief on the state's large poppy industry.

She said: "We have a problem with Wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles.

"Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from Wallabies that are high."

A manager for one of two Tasmanian companies licensed to take medicinal products from poppy straw said wildlife and livestock - including deer and sheep - that eat the poppies are known to "act weird".

Tasmanian Alkaloids field operations manager Rick Rockliff said: "There have been many stories about sheep that have eaten some of the poppies after harvesting and they all walk around in circles."

Tasmania supplies about 50% of the world's raw material for morphine and related opiates. About 500 farmers grow the crop on 49,420 acres of land.

And Finally... Ballgirl gets to play Tommy Haas at Wimbledon (video)

2009-06-25T11:21:18Z

Two ballgirls found themselves the centre of attention on Court One yesterday - for very different reasons.

First, Erin Lorencin felt just how powerful French star Michael Llodra can be when he crashed into her while racing across the grass trying to return a shot.

As Erin, 15, sat somewhat startled on the floor and the Frenchman received treatment for an injury, lucky Chloe Chambers got to play a few rallies with Llodra's opponent Tommy Haas.

]]> Erin, who goes to nearby Gravely school, was shocked but unhurt after being clattered and sandwiched between the 6ft 3in player and the umpire's chair.

She got a huge hug and an apology from Llodra and was well enough to carry on.

Sadly, the 29-year-old player - who knocked out Britain's Josh Goodall in round one - had to retire.

He was 4-3 behind in the first set when he was injured, allowing Haas to advance to the last 32. But Chloe was on hand to keep the 11,500 spectators - and millions of TV viewers - entertained and took to the court with World No 34 Haas.

The 15-year-old - part of Wimbledon's Junior Tennis Initiative - and the German star, 31, rallied for more than five minutes. Which is longer than most Brits managed on day one.