Chicken Pucker

Men have Chicken Pucker Moments too….

beth — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 23:54:20 +0000

I was shopping at Sam’s Club with my wife and kids. They went to grab something to eat. Did you know you can have a great meal for your family for under $20.00- dessert included!! Okay…Okay…yes I know I love the bargins. Anyway, I went to the bathroom while my wife ordered. By the time I got back, which probably seemed like forever, my wife had to say (a little too loudly for my liking), ”What took you so long, your foods getting cold?” Great! Now I have to explain how I ended up with a little drippage on my light orange colored shorts from a bit too aggressive shake. Hey, I was hungry and in a hurry!! So there I was standing in front of the hand dryer for a couple of cycles pretending to dry my hands. The last thing you’d want to do is walk out with a few dark splatter spots right up front, if you know what I mean. Then while I’m standing there a couple of guys walk in, so I had to think quick and pretended to talk on my phone. But heck, who was I kidding. No one could have believed I could hear a thing over the loud humm from the hand dryer!! LOL Nothing like having to explain it all while having a dinner with my family…. at Sam’s Club. Dave, Paw Paw Mi.

Can’t get enough…Underwear?

beth — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:10:29 +0000

You know how every girl absolutely LOVES shopping? Especially with her girlfriends right? Oh, believe me I did. Up until when this happened…ugh…

A week before my freshman year starts. Crossroads mall. Shopping with friends for clothes. About 4 hours in. (Oh yea [= AND we were still kickin it! lol) At that point we had pretty much wiped out the entire mall…haha…but we had one store left that had a HUGE sale going on, we were in desperate need of underwear, and me and my friends all wanted some…Victoria’s Secret.

This is the point where I must tell you how…childish??…my friends were. They couldn’t say the word v-string without turning into a tomato. I was THE ONLY ONE that could say ‘ DANG! This thong’s a MIGHTY bit snug. ‘ without falling over in embarrassment.

SOO, after a little bit of giggle fits, we braved past the ladies at the door, and with me leading the way, headed to the sale bins. I was the first to jump in. Heck, I love their thongs! [= lol It took them a while, but they FINALLY stuck their hands into the pile of granny-panties. ( And yes I SWEAR i tried to convince them to try some thongs…believe me i felt like a failure as a friend.) lol

About 20 minutes later we were set to get in line. Panties in hand. ( Mind you, we each had about 10 each…) We even had the coolest gay guy as our clerk. Sweet Right??

Now here’s the kicker……Remember how my friends are like SHY to the max? Well, Morgan walks up and says, ‘ Lexiiiiii…..If we give you the money do you think you could…ummm….’
OH YEA you guessed it right! THEY wanted ME to go up and BUY THEIR UNDERWEAR FOR THEM………….dear god……….

Now I’m a helpful and kind friend, which pretty much means i am easy to take advantage of…so of course, i gave in.

SOOO there i was….
standing in line with about $120 worth of clearance underwear in my hands……..
YEEPPPP.
THAT was juuuussttt GRAND.
OK so i FINALLY got up to the register….past all the people in the other lines looking at me thinking ‘ And WHERE is that Girls MOTHER…uh!…that is just SO wrong!’
I drop the truck load of panties on the counter………MEANWHILE my friends AREN’T EVEN IN THE STORE!

Gay guy looks at me with that knowing look only a gay guy can give………………

“Honey……” “Abstinence is the best way for a girl your age.”

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DID I HONESTLY JUST HERE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

oooOOOOhhhHHHHH boOOYYYYY!
Well that’s when i went into panic mode and started telling him that i was buying these for my friends too and not just me. NOPE. I’m innocent. I SWEAR!!!
…….he just laughed his head off…..

I was humiliated that day.
I was accused of sleeping around by a gay guy…lol

Oh…and i have a receipt for 45 pairs of underwear.

It’s in a scrapbook. If that isn’t a chicken pucker moment, i don’t know what is.

Lex from Lawrence, Mi

My little princess

beth — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 11:22:52 +0000

I was working as a cashier at a local grocery store when a child about 5 years old came up to me. She was a darling looking thing with her long hair hanging in her face. She handed me a sparkly princess cup, the ones with a straw in it and said, “I was looking at this and it accidentally landed in my mouth.” I am sure it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and could not resist pretending to drink from it. Her mother told her she was not getting it, and to give it to an employee letting us know she put her mouth on it. That is one of the things that can make a monotonous job seem entertaining.

Laura - Lawton, Mi

8 Year Old Hair Cut

beth — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:26:27 +0000

Once when I was in kindergarden and my brother was in 2nd grade, me and him went down in our basement. Well…I had a friend named Cidney and she had really really short hair. Everybody said that we were twins. I wanted to look more like her so I ran back upstairs and grabbed a pair of scissors and ran back downstairs. Then, once I was back downstairs I started cutting my hair. Well, once I was done I went upstairs and showed my parents. My parents were not happy.(That means they yelled at me and spanked me.) When I woke up the next morning I asked my mom for ponytails. My mom said” No huny we can’t because you cut your hair”. Well, I started crying because I couldn’t do it. Well, that is the story of me cutting my hair. Kristin from Paw Paw, Mi.

LOL! Stories from kids always give you a great perspective. We left it as typed with the spelling errors because we knew you’d enjoy it more this way. Have a great day!

You can tell I am not a world traveler!!

beth — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:21:46 +0000

We had some friends over the other night for a game of cards and to hear about their trip to Vegas. While sipping cocktails they shared their vacation with us…the shows they watched, the food they ate, and how they really had a great time. Laughingly, we had to ask if they still had a house to come back to (Vegas~gambling~get it). They said that since they had their teenage son with them, they really didn’t do much gambling. We began to talk about them watching in room movies with their son when it happened. I have to admit it fascinates me, that the local stations in Vegas have different people than our local channels (of course, I know they would but it’s still neat). Anyway, the next thing I know, a thought pops into my head “Hey, with the time change and all, does the 6:00 news come on at 3:00?” LOL. I did stop myself from saying it out loud at first. But since they are such good friends, I said it out loud anyway!! You know some Chicken Pucker moments won’t just stay in your head, you have to share them with others!! Beth, Paw Paw, Mi.

So that’s why boys stand up…

cpstaff — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:44:11 +0000

I will have to write this anonymously, as it pertains to my son, and I wouldn’t want to embarrass him anymore than I already do. So it’s a typical night, and I had just sent the kids up to get ready for bed. I had specifically told my son his feet were filthy and to use a wash cloth. Of course he says, “Oh, I will shower in the morning.” “No way, no how”, I said, “just use a wash cloth and get most of the dirt off for tonight and you can still shower in the morning.” Well, as my husband and I were locking doors and putting stuff away, you know the usual night time routine, we hear our daughter yelling at him. Mind you he’s 11 and she’s 8, so we know nothing good will come of it. My husband quickly went up stairs to sooth things over, and then I heard him yelling at our son! What the? Quickly goes through my mind as I make my way upstairs to see what all the fuss is about. Well what to my wondering eyes appear, but my son wiping up pee in a puddle on the floor and around the base of the toilet. My husband sees me standing there with my mouth open and a slightly shocked look on my face. I’m pretty sure a sign was blinking on my forehead that said “what the…. happened!” My wonderful husband who was now chuckling, had to explain it to me. It would appear that my son for once was trying to multi- task, and was sitting down on the toilet to pee while cleaning his feet with a wash cloth. Unfortunately he didn’t think about ”tucking it down”, and the resulting geyser went everywhere!!

I had to laugh…all these years I have been saying how easy it is for men to pee anywhere. I guess us women have a little advantage, we can do our nails and many other functions while ‘just sitting’ there!! - mom, MI.

Toss me the anchor, Honey!

cpstaff — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:52:13 +0000

My wife and I had spent a wonderful day boating and fishing. As much as I wanted to get in off the lake before the rush, I just couldn’t. The fish were biting and my wife looked too good in her bikini, and did I mention that the fish were biting? Well anyway, after a while we finally found ourselves in line at the access. The line wasn’t too long so everything was going fairly smooth. Have I mentioned that I was a new boater, with my new boat and trailer? I also have to admit that I really hadn’t gotten the hang of the whole truck and the boat together. So what I thought would only take a minute or two began to take a lot longer as things just weren’t lining up right. Soooo… I had my wife get out to line up the boat so I could work the trailer. That’s about when I looked up and noticed about four boats waiting for me to clear out. Soooo, as you can imagine, the pressures on. I started to get a little anxious (this maybe an understatement), so I shut the door on the truck to go help my wife with lining up the boat. After a few more tries was get it lined up and ready to go on the trailer. I give the quick wave to the line of now very impatient boats waiting for us to clear, and head for the truck.

At least the worst was over. Or so I thought. As I pulled on the handle I realized I’d somehow locked the truck. So let’s paint you a picture. I’m standing next to a truck that’s half in and half out of the water (running) with a trailered boat on the back, and there’s at least eight boats lined up waiting for us to get clear. Let’s not forget to mention it’s taken us almost 1/2 an hour to just get this far! Great! (Somehow I was hoping it was my wife’s fault, but no such luck). So with quick thinking and no patience, I grab our boat anchor and break the small window out on the back glass of the truck. Clearly since it’s so small it would have been the cheapest window to break. Well not so much. You guessed it… when I went to get my window repaired, the window guy told me that I had chosen to break the most expensive window on my truck!! What a chicken pucker moment!! LOL Well, at least my wife still looks good in that bathing suit!!- Lance, Galesburg, MI.

Hello, Mabel?

beth — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:58:06 +0000

I was recuperating in bed from a knee injury on a warm early summer night, when the phone rang. The caller hollered, “Mabel?” I replied, “I am sorry, I believe you have the wrong number.” She continues, “This isn’t Mabel?” Again, I say, “I am sorry this isn’t Mabel.” Then she says to me, “Well, that’s OK. Maybe you can help me.” Stunned and holding back my laughter I say,”OK, what’s up?” “How come my furnace didn’t come on today?” , she asks me. Unable to hold back any longer a couple of quiet chuckles slip out as I reply, “Well, I think it may be too hot for it to come on, as it was about 80 degrees outside today.” “Oh, you may be right,” she says, and I stutter out a quick “Thanks”. ”See, you could help me!” the unknown caller says. “Anytime,” I reply.

I thought this dialogue was way to out there and funny to keep to myself! Chicken Pucker isn’t always just about the funny~ it is about service to others!! LOL!

Don’t scooch too far!

beth — Thu, 29 May 2008 01:26:07 +0000

The other day at work I was really ‘in the moment’. As a dental hygienist, I’m always striving to better myself. One of my new things has been watching Eckhart Tolle and his series with Oprah~ on living in the ‘NOW’. Well, that should definitely come with a warning sign…Always be aware of your body and it’s functions!! There I was, totally in the moment cleaning a patients teeth, when I scooched a little too far forward on my stool. Number one, I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that I almost fell on him. Number two was way worse. Almost falling on my patient scared me out of my “NOW” moment and a little toot that I was holding back came squeaking out!! Of course I had to ignore it and pretend that it never happened. What a total chicken pucker moment!!

Portage, Mi.

Honey, you have a hole in your pants!!

beth — Thu, 29 May 2008 01:17:51 +0000

I volunteered to help my son’s baseball team by coaching first base. I have to admit I was a little nervous but thought things were going pretty well until….. My husband decided to yell in front of everyone, “Honey, you have a hole in your pants!” I still had two more innings to go! Thank goodness for an over-sized sweatshirt. A couple of the parents had a quick laugh, but thankfully none of the baseball team heard it. I can only image what a team of 11 to 12 year old boys would have said, not to mention that my son would have been mortified.

Paw Paw, Michigan