I love having things to look forward to. And I love good habits. I also love the detritus of any creative process. And I love peeking behind the scenes. I love a serialized experience, when something happens like clockwork on a given day or at a given time.

I also love the follow-through of a well-set-up expectation. I love art dressed as gifts. I love regional mythologies. And I love it when people use the totality of a questionable [y cold] situation to create something amazing. All of these reasons are why I love Rabbit Rabbit Radio.

Artist Carla Kihlstedt and Matthias Bossi made one of the coolest things on the interwebs, y’all. Carla and Matthias are two totally talented musicians who also happen to be married. To each other. They live with their wee daughter in Cape Cod where it is very cold off-season. Since being on the road is hard, they made a membership site for their fans to sustain them and let them make music. And it is super. And it happens on the first of every month, which is happening. Like super soon. In honor of April 1, perhaps they will say rabbit rabbit backward: tibbar tibbar oidar.

I also love Carla’s voice–and the hand-craftedness and the care that goes into stating an intention and following through. And February’s song HUSH HUSH played loudly when I’m deep in a spiral of email shame does the trick. More on that soon. Here’s a little something about the project from Carla and Matthias. And be sure to watch the video. It’s so well done.

Last night I read Austin Kleon’s STEAL LIKE AN ARTIST. He gives this advice: Find your own genealogy of ideas.  I know vaguely how the family idea tree — for me — might look. And I planned to draw the tree–to make my creative lineage sometime soon, when I could find the time. And the markers. And the headspace. But the time found me because I just can’t sleep.

Number one on my family tree: Adrienne Rich. She died today. Well, yesterday. It’s now the middle of the night.

Adrienne Rich said this thing:

Responsibility to yourself means that you don’t fall for shallow and easy solutions–predigested books and ideas…It means that you refuse to sell your talents and aspirations short…It means that we insist on a life of meaningful work, insist that work be as meaningful as love and friendship in our lives. It means, therefore, the courage to be “different”…The difference between a life lived actively, and a life of passive drifting and dispersal of energies, is an immense difference. Once we begin to feel committed to our lives, responsible to ourselves, we can never again be satisfied with the old, passive way.”
― Adrienne Rich

Norton was her publisher since the mid-1960s. And Norton was where I grew up and took my first step toward living my life actively on my own terms. I was a Traveler there starting in 1997 and left as an Editor in 2004. Adrienne Rich was as adamant about writing for an independent, employee-owned publisher as I was working for one. I’ve never seen myself as part of a creative lineage–there is something safe about always remaining on the outside. Lately, I’ve been an interloper in most of my pursuits. The danger in that is it easy to have a constant dispersal of [energy]“. Consulting work can easily become ‘empty calories’, predigested ideas — if you’re not intentionally building for sustainability. But I digress.

As Austin Kleon says, “The great thing about dead or remote masters is that they can’t refuse you as an apprentice. You can learn whatever you want from them. They left their lesson plans in their work.”

Indeed. And what a terrific body of work. Adrienne Rich, you will be deeply missed, but not forgotten.

A few months ago I got a phone call out of the blue from a private investigator. Her initials were JO. Said private investigator is probably reading this right now, aren’t you? Hi.

Anyway, when she called with her blocked phone number, I didn’t answer my phone. I never do because I only return calls on Thursdays. But for this call, I made an exception. I was intrigued. I wanted to know more. I called her right back.

This private investigator had seen me in a photo–on Facebook–or maybe it was Google Images. She couldn’t remember. In the photo I was smiling. It was casual. I was with ____________   ______________, one of my former students and she wanted to know how I knew him.

I said, “He was my student. And now he is my Facebook friend.” She wanted something juicier. She asked me for his number. Or his email. “When did you last see him?” “Could you get a message to him?” She told me–in explicit detail–why she was calling, what he had allegedly done.

I think she misread the photo. She took our chummy, camped-out queerness for a heterosexual blossoming love interest. Or maybe I misread her intentions. It’s hard to tell. But regardless, she was mistakenly leveraging my student’s apparently strong ties for the purposes of humiliation. It’s terrible. And likely her tactics are extremely effective. Imagine a collection agency or PI contacting your inner social circle. Oh wait, that happens all the time.

This week I read The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg. There is an entire section on Social Habits, essentially how movements happen. Duhigg takes the Montgomery Bus Boycott and analyzes and deconstructs the whys: why Montgomery, Alabama, why Rosa Parks, why December 1, 1955?

Duhigg explains that Rosa Parks wasn’t the first black passenger jailed for breaking segregation laws. But she was the first to turn an individual act of defiance into a significant social movement. She was the first person deeply respected in her community — and embedded in multiple horizontal networks. She was well liked and she knew everybody. She was the secretary of the local NAACP chapter, was part of the Methodist Church, volunteered at the Lutheran Church, spent weekends volunteering at a shelter, knit blankets for a local hospital, and did dress making for wealthy white debutantes. She had membership in dozens of social networks.

Before apathy set in in the community as a whole, Rosa Parks’ weak and strong ties — her friends and friends of friends created movement. And that movement created A Movement with a capital M. It was a social movement created out of social ties and also, in a sense, false perception, which is kind of what social peer pressure is. And what Facebook is all about.

Thinking about multiple social networks and the transparency of them to others, the effects of social peer pressure, the rapidity by which a social group can form new social habits is mind boggling. Because the prism of [false] perception make up so much of our online lies/lives. Right?

Because of the life-span-friend-collection of the apparatus of Facebook, it is by nature helpful in creating networks across horizontal lines: from multiple and heterogeneous parts of our lives. Our behavior on Facebook can mimic strong social networks. We can all create the illusion of a life well-lived, can’t we?

Do we?

Yesterday morning I saw two tweets juxtaposed in my Twitter feed. I found them so jarring I took a picture. One was offering a free e-book. The other, breaking the news (to me) that a US soldier had killed 16 civilians in Afghanistan.

I noticed it. And then I went to my first session of the morning — where the word “war” was used flippantly and out of context — again. It was the third session of seven I had been to in two days that used war: #techwars #storywars or #warstories as a hashtag. Anyway, this storify story is about that. Disclaimer: Amber Case was brilliant. She really did “kill it” but why can’t’ we say she was brilliant?

Charlotte & Wilbur Create the Original Status Update.

I’m excited to announce that I am (MELEA SEWARD is) teaching a brand new class for business owners and artists who are interested in connecting with new customers and fans using the web as a tool. You can’t outsource your authenticity — for very long, anyway — and be successful. I help people find their own meaning and their own voice to build a sustainable community and fan base online and off.

Since 2005, I have been speaking and teaching all over New York City — to fashion students at the Fashion Institute of Technology, to folks at the Levin Institute, to entrepreneurs at In Good Company, to grad students at Fordham and Sarah Lawrence, etc. etc. and through my own classes.

I’m super proud of all of my students.  Here are two highlights: Rich of Dick’s Cottons who has more Facebook fans than Zappos took an assignment to heart and made it his own and Prue Barrett of Agrodolce for Fast Foodies who just incorporated as a B-Corporation, has her product in eleven stores, was featured in Tasting Table out of the gate, just started cranking on this business, and she has a demanding and fancy full-time job. All of my students bring their own successes, which is why the work they do with me is sustainable.

Attention is a new kind of currency. It’s one thing that everybody is after. When social media is used as a marketing tool devoid of meaning and real connection, I don’t think it has staying power for most businesses. You may get eyeballs on your idea or your business, but you won’t get true fans with real trust. Those are the folks who come back again and again and who sing your praises to everyone they know.

Don’t get me wrong, I think social media is a powerful tool, but more and more the ME ME ME in social MEdia is more important than the WE in the social WEb. Finding the WE creates more sustainable engagement and ultimately, better results.

So blah blah blah, what about this class you’re teaching?

Right. The class! There will be two parts to this class: IN-PERSON LECTURE & DISCUSSION and ONLINE ASSIGNMENTS & ENGAGEMENT

IN-PERSON LECTURE & DISCUSSION

Starting March 19 – April 23, we will meet in New York City (below 42nd Street). We will have two venues. I will send you address and details upon registering for the class.

ONLINE ASSIGNMENTS & ENGAGEMENT

Online assignments: You will have an online experience which will take you through a series of exercises using the powerful tool MightyBell. (Go. Check it out.) You will work independently on:

• expanding and fine-tuning your own web presence,
• setting up or expanding on your existing social media sites,
• finding your intended audience
• watch tutorial videos, and
• have a curated experience showing you great real-life examples of successful business and art experiments gone well.

You will get one bite-sized assignment every day. You can go through the exercises and resources at your own pace.

Online Engagement: Using a really fantastic online tool called Coursekit, we will have group homework assignments and you will be able to engage with each other–and me–in between class meetings. We will share resources and have a place for asynchronous and synchronous conversation. You will have a place to experiment and try ideas out on each other.

This will be my last live–long-form class in New York City, so I’m looking forward to giving you a great learning experience and all I’ve got.

IN PERSON AND ONLINE is $429.00.

 

ONLINE ONLY is $149.00.

Attention is a new kind of currency—especially in the constant onslaught of information and social media. Yet in the state of being too busy and overwhelmed, real listening and engagement is among the first things we stop doing. But guess what? Listening and engagement are the cornerstones of real relationships.

Every social network gives you the tools to listen differently to a few people who you select: Facebook uses STARS, Google+ uses CIRCLES, and Twitter uses LISTS. In the overwhelm that can be the internet, organizing the content that you see to have the most meaning and purpose for you, can have a dramatic impact on how you use social media.

Goal: Get more focus and fine-tune the streams of content that you see. You’re designing your social media streams for more serendipity. 

Social Media Exercise: 60 − 90 Minutes of Thoughtfulness and Intention Setting Can Set You Up Well in the New Year 

Step 1—What Kinds of People Would Help You Grow Your Business?

Set a timer for five minutes. Free write and think deeply about the kinds of people you would like to meet. Who could help you grow your business or promote your idea, etc. For example, if you’re a caterer, perhaps meeting more event planners near you would help you grow your business. Write that down. Repeat — for potential clients, partners, vendors, surprising connections, etc.

Step 2—What Individuals Have Helped You Grow Your Business in 2011?

Think about all the individual people who have helped you in 2011, who you have helped in 2011, who you’ve begun building real relationships with, who you would like to get to know better, who you find interesting, who expands your thinking, etc. Write those names down.

Step 3—Design Your Streams of Social Content to Include More Serendipity and Encourage Deeper Relationships.

Now, for the next 30 to 50 minutes, go to each social network you use and when appropriate, change your settings so that your stream of content is connected to your intentions — and the people that you identified in steps 1 and 2 of this exercise.

LinkedIN: Use Advanced Search (the little magnifying glass—top right) to organize the internet by it’s relevance to you. Do an advanced search and in the job title field add variations on who you’d like to meet. Event Planner, for example (if you’re a caterer). Then, when you get your matches, click “SORT BY RELEVANCE” at the top of your search results. And you’ll see your contacts contacts — who are exactly the people you’d like to meet. You just made 95 million people on the internet relevant to you. Your first outreach might be someone you actually already know. Repeat. Keep a spreadsheet and choose the first ten or twenty people who are interesting to you. And use a timer.

Facebook: Your personal Facebook page allows you to choose people who you’d like to see their updates—or even be notified when they post. Go to those people’s pages and click the FRIEND tab and then check CLOSE FRIEND at the top. You’ll see their posts. They will be top of mind and top of your feed. You should probably only choose to do this with ten or so people. Remember—the goal here is real connection and less overwhelm.

Google+: Circles is Google+’s feature that allows you to choose easily the kind of content you’d like to see at a given time. Name a circle: 2012 Relationships and put the people in it who you’d like to focus your attention on this year.

Twitter: Using the Lists feature in Twitter, create either a public or private list of a subset of those you follow on Twitter. Create a stream of content that is connected to your intention. Just pay special attention to that list.

Listen differently: deeper, connect. Engage. Repeat.

One day I walked to my usual train on my usual platform with my obligatory cup of coffee. I stepped on the train and as the train doors ding — dinged and closed behind me, I had a severe and immediate urge to leave… fast. Why?

Because a full-sized tiger sat listlessly in the middle of the train car.

I ‘subway-yelped’ (read: silently, inward) and turned around to leave the closed train car knocking myself and my coffee into the train’s closed subway doors.

Split-second realization: That tiger is a full-sized stuffed animal.

The train was full—not crazy packed, but solidly we-are-all-going-to-work-full of New Yorkers with our earphones, subway-folded newspaper, iScreens, and silent pledges to not make eye contact.

I thought,  “If you see something, say something.” I wondered, “Who’s tiger?” “Why tiger?”  I looked for Charlie Todd and the Improv Everywhere agents. I concluded, “This was no experiment; this was real life.” I settled on the obvious: “Clearly, the tiger was the property of the guy in closest proximity.”  That guy to the left leaning on the pole…this tiger was his. And by virtue of that relationship — that guy — ‘Tiger-Guy’ was clearly more than a little nutty.

For three subway stops — a total of seven minutes — I started imaging a life for the Tiger-Guy. How did it come to this—him carrying his tiger on the train—during rush hour? Breakup, lost job, kid in the hospital, zoo-employee, psych ward, psychology/sociology student, life-affirming experiment? Something else?

But at DeKalb Avenue, Tiger-Guy got off the train and left the tiger with us, “The Stoic Members of the Tiger-Inhabited Car of the Q Train in Denial That There is Anything Strange or Worth Mentioning About The Fact That A Full-Sized Tiger is In the Middle of Our Subway Car En Route to Manhattan.”

There was no Tiger-Guy. That tiger didn’t belong to anyone.

What happened next was interesting. Once we crossed the Manhattan Bridge and got to Canal Street, the platforms were busier. The subway doors would open, and the people on the platform would point and giggle and smile. Unabashedly. And the frivolity would tumble onto our train until “The Stoic Members of the… Q Train” would overpower our newest member’s joy and the new member would, like all of us, pretend nothing was amiss. However, they would also go way out of their way to not step on or touch the tiger. Not even a little. I’ve never seen this degree of courtesy on the train.

For example, while the train was moving and jerking, a guy with a stroller-with-kid put himself and his charge at risk as he picked up his MacLaren and gingerly maneuvered around the tiger’s tail.

My stop came. I was seconds from becoming a former member of “The Stoic Members of the… Q Train” and a new member of the “Holy Shit, There Was a Tiger on My Train” party of one.

The tiger was on my train maybe six months ago — the last time it was cold — and I still think of it often. Sometimes, I google stuff like this: “Tiger on the Q Train NYC”  to find out if anyone else has talked about it. No one has.

Not to be whatever*, but I have a little point.

The stoic members of that Q Train are sometimes like us–as in the royal we: both individual people and organizations. The tigers are like the great stories we ignore and obfuscate in the name of habit and getting things done. We also ignore the best, juiciest, and most interesting, because that’s often where the stakes are highest. It’s the surprising stories just under the surface that create connection, surprise, delight.

If attention is scarce, which I think it is. And if you want to make an impact, which I bet you do, go. Find your tiger on the train. And then tell us.

A few posts ago, I said this: “Your biggest asset is also the easiest thing to lose: Your vision.” To that I would add, “Your most original material is also the easiest to forget: Your story.”

More on this is coming so follow along in the way that suits you: @boardofus, Facebook, RSS, or get on my very infrequent–yet substantive! email list. And if you didn’t hear my TedX talk–which is really my tiger on the train–at least one of ‘em, listen to my 18 minute TedX talk here. 

*Bonus Points to Anyone Who Can Answer This: Where did this expression come from? “Not to be whatever?”

My TedX Talk is below. It’s embedded in a handy little YouTube player. You can sit back and spend the next 18 minutes (that you won’t ever get back) watching it. Be warned: the sound is shitty and the camera angle is a little weird. Frankly, I’m a little bit ‘fat Elvis’ in February, 2011.  But you can hear me and you can (SPOILER ALERT!) almost — almost — see me cry. It’s one of those TedX talks.

I can understand if you’d rather not give it a go. Attention is the new currency. Or maybe it’s creativity. Anyway, 18 minutes is a lot. It’s like four months of non-stop tweeting. Hell, I gave the talk and it has taken me MONTHS to sit down and watch it. But for those of you who have been asking me, ‘What ever happened to that Ted talk you gave? Why can’t I see it anywhere? Where the hell is your newsletter?” here is the talk. And about that newsletter: an email from me is coming this week.

This isn’t the talk I thought I would give. The talk I intended to give is described here: Designing for Serendipity in the Real World. This talk–the one that I gave–was inspired by the moment and the audience and the wonderful talks that came before it from:

• entrepreneur and painter Ric Dragon,
• author Martha Frankel,
• author Marianne Schnall, — she owns http://www.feminist.com – no shit.
• Kevin Callabro, founder of the indy label, the Royal Potato Family,
• creative arts therapist, Blair Glaser, and
• Peter Wallace, founder of the Brooklyn Artists Gym, painter, theater director, minister and so much more.

Anyway, in this talk I do talk about what it takes to design your life so more serendipity happens. And most importantly, I talk about how change is always so so so close at hand. Sometimes all you have to do is find a few things: a wig, a new outfit, and maybe yourself in the process. Enjoy.

Thanks to Megan Leigh of Lalita Healing Collective for putting this together and making me put more of myself into the world.

Stay in touch. Find me on Twitter at @boardofus.